#lol and lawl and lel i suppose. the absolute hopelessness of it. she is never going to understand or change. there are the most basic things

[pepprs]

in my despera (despair era)

#purrs #talked to her about everything and uhhh. i think she simply cannot compute that being a mom is about more than feeding your kid and bringing #them stuff when they need it (not that that isn’t important or real or anything ofc) or that she has hurt me in ways that run to the deepest #parts of myself. i think i did a good job keeping things civil and not being inflammatory like i usually am but everything i brought up she #refuted by pointing out something that i did wrong which i would then address / explain and apologize for and own up to and then when i woul #would point out stuff she did wrong she would just deflect w my own wrongdoings or change the topic or whatever. lol! and i told her she #night love me but i don’t think she likes me (hashtag ladybird) and she said that that was hurtful to hear but i explained why i felt that w #way and then she did nothing but continue to exhibit the same behaviors that make me feel disliked and quite frankly unloved by her so um. #lol and lawl and lel i suppose. the absolute hopelessness of it. she is never going to understand or change. there are the most basic things #in the world that i need from her which are also the hardest things in the world to ask your own mother ofr and i couldn’t even bring up the #favoritism thing bc everyone was around LOL but um. wow! she does not understand how she is hurting me and nothing i do or say will get #through to her. this will continue and worsen ♥️ i do not feel better i feel worse ♥️ every day brings a new reminder that she is emotionall #unavailable and unwilling to even try to be nurturing in ways that will impact me for the rest of my life ♥️ #delete later #the energy it took not to start crying during that and now im too tired. what a fucked up day it’s been #like it’s as if i didn’t even say anything. she is like i pretend i do not see it <3 #also she was like i had these same kinds of fights w my father but i realized what counted was that he was always there for me and i eas #like you’re not wrong but also… maybe that at least partially explains why you are an emotionally unavailable parent! lol!