#when we first got together my friend went wild with it 🙄

[butmakeitgayblog]

Can you Tell us the story about how you met your wife and got together? I know It was somehow Clexa related, pretty please ;)

Oh Sam's not actually my wife 😅 we're not married and probably will never get married. Between us both being the products of divorce (and unhappy marriages prior to that involving parents who stayed together way too long), plus with my whole health issues thing and maybe ending up needing to be on disability down the road, we just decided to shelve that whole notion for the foreseeable future, possibly forever. But in spirit she is, a piece of paper isn't needed. I mean she buys me rotisserie chickens 🥹

Anyway yeah!

So shortly before the pandemic hit I was going out to dinner with a group of friends and one of them asked if she could bring her cousin along. She said her cousin had recently moved down into the area for work and didn't really know anybody else and so, ya know, it'll give her a chance to socialize. We all met up and it was nice and I'm thinking hmm she's cute but also pretty quiet and kinda stoic and probably straight so it was like meh whatever she's alright I guess 🥴. But then during dinner I was eating something that everyone knew would make me feel icky and I said something along the lines of like, "Eh fuck it, victory stands on the back of sacrifice, right?" Fully thinking no one would pick up on it because I knew no one else there had ever watched the show.

But then miss thang's head shot up like 😳

Nobody else having caught this reference, we spend the next several seconds having a silent

moment across the table 🥴

She said I turned both white as a sheet and then fire engine fuckin red😅😅😅 (I have a very real blushing problem. It's the cross I bear that comes with the chubby cheeks, r.i.p.)

After that she started joining in the convo more and actually coming out of her shell. We started kind of having our own side convo just between us and when the check came everyone else decided to call it a night but we stayed behind and had another drink at the bar. We ended up staying till right about closing, and then exchanged numbers and decided to ~hang out~ the next day ~just us~.

For the conversation, obviously.

And that was kind of that. We saw each other pretty much every day after that and text constantly and called each other every night before bed if we weren't staying over together. At first Iiiiiii had a *moment* of panic of not really knowing what we were because it just went from not knowing she existed to having her be kind of the focal point of my life, but she was kind enough to just be like "🙄+😏+🤦‍♀️ we're dating, Andi. We've been dating. That's what we are. Don't hurt yourself there, champ."

So kudos to her for that...

It was tough during the beginning stages of the pandemic because she has family that is very high risk and so do I, both of which if they got it they'd probably die, so quarantine and social distancing was rough but necessary, but we worked through it and both feel more solid for it. And now we live together and she helps me take care of my mother and myself and I do my best to be her support and help her and be her best cheerleader whenever I can 🥹

Downside tho is I'll forever be labeled "Cousin Fucker" in my friend's phone contacts 😒

#anon #when we first got together my friend went wild with it 🙄 #yOu cOuSiN fUcKeR yOU FUCKED MY COUSIN YOU COUSIN FUCKER #she wasn't actually mad #just got way too much mileage out of saying that in public places #i did and do fuck her cousin tho so... I guess that's fair

[mattslolita]

update bout the boy!

okay today was wild and i cant remember literally anythin but WHATEVERRR!

so we had science again and we had another experiment we had to do 🙌🥲 and i got the goofy ass goggles😊 for me him and 2 of our mates (lazy bitches🤫). then we were like lighting the fire thingy (no idea) and i took his goggles off him and went to the back of the room cuz i thought i was funny (i am) and then he ran after me and cuz im short asf when i held my arm up he could obviously reach it! then i turned round and he like hugged me and tried to get it from me and he managed to. 😔 this MF tried TICKLING me!! like get OFFFFFF!!!!! i hate being tickled like bitch go do smth productive. 🙄

then when we were back i was watching his friend do the fire stuff and he came from behind me (sounds crazy asf 😭) and put his chin ON my head ERMMM😊 ?? then he put his arms around my neck and tried to strangle me 😐 LMFAOOOOOOO! my friend said "u guys r gonna die tgthr" and he was like "maybeeeee" CRYINGGG

then at lunch his friend was tellin me how he likes me (who wouldnt????🤣) and that he spoke abt me 24/7, HOW CUTE?! and he asked if i liked him back and i went "isnt it obvious u idiot" and he jus laughed 😎

ALSO I HAD A HAIR TIE ON MY WRIST, AND HE ASKED FOR IT? FIRST HE WAS PLAYIN W IT THEN HE JUS DINT GIV IT BACK 😍😍😍😍😍 he was wearing it for the rest of the day😊 and my friend was like "so basically hes saying he wants you" and then his friend said "your so right" (REAL) LMAO 😉

ive also neverrr been in a relationship. not cuz i wasnt interested at all but bc i jus dint like anyone LOL! SOOOO i dont want to rush into anything and his friend said he seems like hes the same, except he has one ex, she was a BITCHHHH tho!! 😭😭

OH EM GEEEEEE HE LIKES YOU HE LIKS YOU HE LIKES YOU !!!!!!! HELLOOOOOO HES SO ADORABLE W THE BRACELET AND HUGGING YOU FROM BEHIND OMFGGGGGGG

& yes, deffo DO NOT rush into anything !! you guys should get to know each other more & spend more time together and also so you can be sure that you really like him. ALSO WAIT FOR HIM TO MAKE THE FIRST MOVE😏😉 !!

good luck baeeee, lmk what else happens !!!🤭

#lilly's love letter💌 #answered 💌 #mattslolita 💌

[just-some-random-blogger]

What Does It Mean?

SF9 Kim Inseong x Reader + Lee Jaeyoon x Reader Summary: You were the shining example of oblivious. Perhaps, it was more accurately, insecure, ever since your confidence got spat on by your ex. Regardless, you were mostly just blind to the advances of the two cutest guys in the world. Word Count: 2k+ Warnings: University AU, fluff, angst, reader dumb af, pining, jealousy, love triangle, typos, etc.

A/N: I REALIZED ACTUALLY I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE REQUEST I HAVE IS AND LITERALLY AGREED JUST COS IT WAS FOR JAEYOON AND INSEONG HAHAHAH LOL anyway wtf is a platonic significant other ??? you guys be wilding huh HAHHAA. Anyway anon, I hope you enjoy the way i spun your request hekhek

ALSO i currently have no energy to proof read atm this im sorry for my typos

It doesn't actually matter what I feel.

What mattered was I know that they could not feel that way about me.

These last few days were crazy. Our dorm went on lockdown due to a spike of cases in our area and we were going through an impending decision of whether or not on-campus activities would be continued since the term was ending anyway.

Feelings toward this decision was split because our area had just gotten back to being somewhat normal. I personally didn't mind whatever decision was going to happen because I trusted whatever decision would be made was going to do be for the best, though I was going to miss the benefits that came with being able to go outside again.

And by the way, I meant I knew that neither Inseong nor Jaeyoon felt anything remotely similar to what my friends said they felt towards me.

I mean, why would they when they were popular on campus for being top tier attractive even though half of them have never even seen their faces in person.

What's more they were absolute sweethearts beyond their outward beauty.

And besides, my relationship with them was very superficial, as in I only ever talk to them about school, since I was classmates with Inseong, and dorm life, since it happened Jaeyoon and I shared the same dorm.

I place my hands on my nape and roll my head. I sigh and stretch, proceeding to take a sip of my water and pushing my hair out of my face.

I turn to my clock and find that it's already 1pm. I sigh and stare blankly at my LED screen where my assignment rested.

You know what I could use? Sugar.

I curl up on my desk and grab my phone, skimming through my notifications, debating on ordering some food.

Just then, there is a popup on my phone and it begins to vibrate. There is a video call request and the caller name reads Kim Inseong. I release a breath and answer, "sup?"

Inseong is lied down on his bed, clutching a pillow, "I'm dying."

I snort, "same."

"I was finishing some activates but felt the urge to jump out of the window, so I decided to call you."

I place my head in my hand and purse my lips, "well, I'm very glad you didn't jump out of the window."

He clicks his tongue, "it's an expensive decision."

I chuckle.

"Am I bothering you?" Inseong asks, shifting in his place.

I shake my head, "no. I'm kind of in a slump right now with my own work."

He sighs, "I wish I could help you, but I have no idea how the heck your courses work."

I chuckle, "it's fine. Thanks anyway."

For a moment, we don't speak. It's not awkward though. I set my phone down and turn back to my laptop and attempt to continue with my work.

Just as Inseong speaks, I hear a text notification.

I turn to my phone and find it's from Jaeyoon.

From LEE JAEYOON: 😩😩😩 can i hangout in your dorm

From LEE JAEYOON: im going to die of boredom and loneliness 😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩

I chuckle and shake my head.

To LEE JAEYOON: 🙄 as if i could stop you if i tried ✋

To LEE JAEYOON: im busy though so

"Who was that?" Inseong asks me as set my phone back down.

"Dormmate," I answer quickly, "errr, I mean... he lives in the floor below my apartment and we go to school together sometimes."

Inseong lingers on the 'he' part of the sentence. I at first don't realize he doesn't reply, cause I'm caught up in the work I was doing. Then in the silence, it occurred to me perhaps he ended the call.

I look over to my screen and see Inseong was no longer lying down and was sat up, running his hands through his hair.

I think nothing of it and turn back to my work. I decide to ask, "what subject are you working on?"

When he doesn't reply, I turn back to my phone and see that he was walking around.

I speak louder, "Inseong?"

He hums, "yeah?"

"What subject are you working on?"

He raises the phone to his face and knits his brows, "what?"

I repeat with a sigh, "are you working on your economics homework, or..."

"Ah, no, no. It's a project for a major subject."

"Ahhh," I nod, "that must suck."

"It does."

I don't get to reply because there is a knock on my door. I look over my shoulder then turn back to my phone screen, "hold on."

I then stand and go to my door, knowingly letting in Jaeyoon that came over, although I didn't say he could. He was wearing a mask and a blanket over his shoulders.

"Annyeong," he says, holding a bag of chips and his own laptop.

I shake my head at the sight of it, "I'm doing my assignment, Jaeyoon."

"I know, I know," he replies stepping in, removing his shoes, "I'll just be here watching a film on my laptop," he responds, all giddy, taking his mask off.

I reply to him as I make it back to my desk, "literally, what's the difference of you watching a film in your dorm and here?" I sit back down and find Inseong looking into the camera as Jaeyoon replies, "uh, you, duh. Your company? Tsk, you're not very smart."

I whip my head to him and glare. Jaeyoon ignores this and chuckles, "you know you love me too."

I reply exasperatedly, "I really don't, Jaengjji."

"There's someone in your apartment?" Inseong asks through the phone.

I hum, "the dormmate I was talking to you about."

Inseong hums and nods, pursing his lips the way he always did. I look at him for a moment but shake my head and go back to work

Jaeyoon overhears this as he sets up on my bed, "is that a classmate?" Without waiting for my response, he screams, "HI CLASSMATE!"

I turn to him and growl, "zip it, you moron."

He turns to me with his toothy smile and nods his head in what he believes to be a cute manner, "sorry." He proceeds to lie on my bed chest down and opens his chips.

"If you make a mess-"

"I won't make a mess!"

I roll my eyes and turn back around.

"Ya," Inseong calls, "do you remember your umbrella?"

"What?" I ask, turning to my phone.

"The one you left the last time you were here?"

I remember and nod, "ah, yeah."

"I should come over and give it back to you."

I knit my brows but continue to type away on my keyboard, "what? Why would you do that?"

Inseong lets out a breath, "well, because I might not get another chance if they tighten the lockdown protocols."

I chuckle, "weirdo," I turn to the camera, "it's just an umbrella. You don't have to come over just for that."

"No," he says, "didn't you say you really liked this umbrella? Your grandma bought it for you."

"Yeah, but it's okay if you keep it till next time. I have, like, two other backup umbrellas here. Plus the one Jaeyoon gave me."

Upon hearing his name, Jaeyoon turns to me and screams, "THAT'S ME! I'M JAEYOON."

I roll my eyes and rub my ears in annoyance.

"Sorry," Jaeyoon mutters.

Inseong clenches his jaw and I knit my brows at his expression, "ya... it's really not a big deal."

"Well, it is to me," he sighs.

I begin to feel bad because of his reaction. For a moment, I think he'll get over it. He can get pretty petty. As the minutes pass though with him remaining still and silent on the other line, I can't help but sigh. I wipe my face and nod, "you know, if you really want to... you can give me my umbrella back. It's really not a big deal though. Don't you live across campus?"

Inseong perks up and raises his hand, shaking it, "no. It's not a big deal if I go there. I need the exercise anyway, and I don't want you to lose your cute umbrella."

I chuckle at his use of use.

"I'll be right over then," he says.

I nod and hum, "okay. Bye."

"Bye."

Once I end the call, Jaeyoon comes up next to me and brings up his bag of chips as an offering. As he crunches on some, he casually asks, "classmate?"

I turn to him and nod, taking some chips and stuffing it in my mouth.

"Have I met her before?"

I shake my head and brush off some crumbs off my fingers.

Jaeyoon nods and continues his questions, "are you two the same major?"

"No, we have the same gen-ed classes," I say turning back to my laptop, "his name, by the way, is Kim Inseong."

Jaeyoon stills and buffers, mid eating. He chews on his food and quickly swallows, clearing his throat, "you're friends with a guy?"

I knit my brows at that and don't turn to him, "what? Like you're special?"

Jaeyoon deflates and sits down on the floor next to me, "well, yeah... I think I'm pretty special."

I can't help but chuckle at him. I look down at him and smile, patting his head, "don't worry, you can still be cute even though you're not special."

Jaeyoon knits his brows and gets on his knees, moving closer to me, "so, he's not special either, right?"

I roll my eyes, "haven't we established that I don't think anyone can be special to me since my ex treated me like shit."

Jaeyoon scowls, crushing some of the chips in the bag. He rips off the blanket off his shoulders and throws his blanket to the bed, "I'm going to beat that jerk up if I ever see him."

I nod, "please do."

Jaeyoon sighs then goes back to his movie; I go back to my work.

There is a comfortable silence between us for a while, but it is broken by a knock on the door.

Even with his earphones on, Jaeyoon is extremely sensitive to sound. He, in fact, notices it though I don't. He pauses his movie and pulls one earphone out. He asks, "did you order anything."

"What?" I turn to him in confusion.

"There's someone at the door," he says, pulling the other earphone and standing. He grunts and heads to the door. I watch him as he walks off and sequentially opens the door.

Jaeyoon's demeanor quickly shifts when he is faced with someone equally as tall and seemingly as old as him. He closes the door slightly and knits his brows, "can I help you?"

Inseong does not take kindly to his stiff tone and mimics his expression, placing his hands, which was gripping an umbrella, behind his back. It was pretty obvious, even though Inseong was masked, that he was clenching his jaw before he answered, "yeah. Can I talk to the person who lives here?"

Jaeyoon does not take kindly to his stiff tone either, "why?"

I knit my brows, wondering what was taking Jaeyoon so long, up until I dawns on me it was probably Inseong out there. I stand and jog over to the door, coming up behind the tall man blocking my view and peeping outside from under his arm, which I had to lift up to do so.

Jaeyoon flutters at this, smiling softly. Inseong knits his brows in annoyance

I smile at the sight of the other tall outside and call, "Brainseong, you're here."

Jaeyoon hates how this 'Brainseong' person melts at that.

Inseong turns to me and shows me my red umbrella.

I smile and shove Jaeyoon away using my hips, "thank you," I say taking my umbrella from him, "do you want to come in?"

Inseong doesn't miss a beat, "yeah, actually, I'm a little thirsty."

I nod at this and open the door for him, pointing to my shoe rack, "put your shoes here. I'll get you a glass of water."

Jaeyoon watches every move Inseong makes as he takes his shoes off. I catch his grim expression.

I give him a look and slap his chest. Jaeyoon turns to me, suddenly looking like a lost, wounded puppy. I shake my head and turn away, "by the way, Inseong, this is Lee Jaeyoon, the dormmate I told you about."

Jaeyoon puffs his chest at the idea he was mentioned before, then crosses his arms.

"Jaeyoon, this is the classmate I told you about: Kim Inseong."

Inseong looks to Jaeyoon and feels smug about the idea he was talked about before.

Jaeyoon catches Inseong's expression and notes, "how could I forget, you just told me about him a few minutes ago."

I knit my brows at that, not understanding why he felt the need to say it.

Inseong clears his throat, "me too."

I turn to Inseong as he continues, "you didn't have to tell me about him since you just talked about him on our most recent face time a while ago."

Inseong and Jaeyoon look at each other.

I look between them and purse my lips, "okay then... I'm going to get you a glass of water."

The two follow after me. I had Inseong a cup. He drinks it and puts his mask up right after. Jaeyoon, who say a glimpse of his face, thinks he's not even good looking.

"You can take your mask off, if you want," I say.

Inseong shakes his head, "no, no. I'm not staying-"

Jaeyoon smirks to himself.

"-we're going to facetime until midnight anyway."

Jaeyoon's face drops. He grips his hands.

I make a face at Inseong, "I swear if you just jinxed me--"

Inseong raises his hands and chuckles, quickly stealing a look from Jaeyoon, "what? You always fall asleep halfway anyway."

Jaeyoon chuffs and buts in, "ya."

I turn to Jaeyoon and raise my brows.

"I'm going to order some food. What would you like?"

I break into a smile, "are you treating me?"

"I should, since you've been working so hard."

I break into a grin and squeal, running up to Jaeyoon and gripping his arm, "wahhhhh, thank you, Jaeeeeeeyoooooonnn."

Jaeyoon smiles blissfully. Inseong rolls his eyes, "I'll go now."

I halt my actions and turn to Inseong, letting go of Jaeyoon and jogging up to him. I walk him to the door and grip his arm, "thanks again for giving me back my umbrella, Inseong."

He turns to me and pats my head, "anything for my favorite partner."

I snort at that.

He quickly puts his shoes on and I was about to say one more goodbye, but Jaeyoon calls for me, "garlic chicken and cheese, right?"

I turn over my shoulder and call back, "yes, please, thank you."

"And plain fries?"

I break into a wide grin and call back, "well if you insist."

Jaeyoon walks over to me and smirks with a phone to his ear, "how could I ever deprive you of your favorite?"

I shake my head at his teasing and decide not to reply.

Inseong clears his throat from outside and raises his hand, "I'll get going now."

Jaeyoon watches Inseong smugly from inside the apartment. Inseong looks at him then looks at me as I say, "thanks again for all the trouble you went through for my umbrella."

"No worries. It's not a big deal."

I shake my head, "no, it is to me."

Inseong smiles behind his mask.

Jaeyoon snorts and turns away.

Before I can close the door, Inseong calls, "ah."

"Hmm?" I open the door as I was closing it.

Jaeyoon knits his brows and turns back to Inseong.

"Are we still on for Saturday?" Inseong says a little louder than needed.

I pull my head back, "yeah, why wouldn't we be?"

Inseong nods his head, "ah, nothing. Just making sure."

Jaeyoon makes a face upon hearing that.

With that, Inseong gives one last wave and walks back.

#sf9 #sf9 fanfic #jaeyoon sf9 #jaeyoon fanfic #lee jaeyoon #lee jaeyoon fanfic #inseong #inseong fanfic #jaeyoon fluff #jaeyoon x reader #inseong x reader #kim inseong #kim inseong fanfic #sf9 fluff #kim inseong x reader #lee jaeyoon x reader #sf9 ansgt #sf9 au #sf9 x reader #sf9 smut #sf9 imagines #sf9 scenarious #sf9 request #request #kpop request

[the-lavender-creator]

warning: euphoria spoilers, tw alcohol, drugs, sex, vague mention of suicide, abortion and sorry if i forgot any of the other common trigger tags

during there grad or dance or whatever they went to the bathroom together and they were in the stall and jules told rue i want you to want to kiss me so bad that you don't even ask and that lines lives rent free in my head 😭😭😭 rue didn't kiss her tho bc she's a shy little bottom smh 🙄 so they went back out to the dance floor or i think they went outside to sit and talk and long story short rue suggested they just run away to new york and jules said yes so they went back to rue's house for her to grab her stuff and then they went to the chain station where rue chickened out and jules kissed her on her hand and told her goodbye and that's pretty much where the season ended well after rue walked back home crying in the rain and then there was the notorious all for us dance part. i really relate to rue bc she has anxiety she was diagnosed with anxiety, ocd and i believe bipolar disorder all of them like between early childhood and her teens and like she also does really chaotic spur of the moment stuff like suggesting they run away but then she chickens out and i relate to tht a lot in terms of anxiety bc well same and also i feel like most characters with anxiety are portrayed as shy and and like anxiety is there whole personality whereas rue's portrayal seemed more realistic at least in terms of my own xp. like once she had a panic attack the first day back at school when she had to talk about her summer in front of the class, she also had a panic attack at a party but we also see her like being that wild and chaotic teenager and i think it's very important that they portrayed that those things are not mutually exclusive

rue says drugs are kind of cool - ik there's a lot of criticism that the show glorifies drugs but i think it just shows an accurate representation of the life of a drug addict like she admits that she knows it's bad to say. her addiction stemmed from her taking care of her very ill father and she had to give him pills and one day she took one or two i think and yeah and that's understandable bc she was really close to her father his death hurt her a lot and like the stress of taking care of him and just the whole situation ofc wld've emotionally impacted her negatively and one day she tries a pill and suddenly everything feels better so she wld obvi continue and ofc it got out of hand. there's also a really popular quote abt the 2 seconds of nothingness of smth like tht i cant remember it off hand

fav jules x nate - jules and nate had a very toxic and complicated relationship and i do not support it in any way but uhhhhthtpartwaskindahotsorry. anyways nate is typical school bully and jules is the new girl but plot twist nate who pretends to be the definition of straight is a jock has a gf etc likes or had a thing for ig mtf and jules and him formed a close relationship on some dating app and then she met him and yeah disappointment the clip is from the meeting she didn't actually stay she pushed him away and went back to rue's and rue hugged her to sleep and it was very sweet

another iconic rue quote - this was at the party i mentioned earlier where rue got a panic attack and jules' behaviour she was acting distant lately kind of contributed but jules had a lot going on with nate blackmailing her and her mom wanting to see her and then i think the night of the party she found out her mom was back in hospital so she was going thru a lot and not communicating with rue and rue felt like things were slipping and she had become sort of co dependent on jules and she was the reason she was staying clean sort of and all tht so rue took the change in behaviour hard ofc and yeah the quote was relatable

another quote from the party after her panic attack - her best friend from childhood lexi hugged her and reassured her she wasnt a burden and it ws very sweet again i love the duality of the crazy unhinged rue and the vulnerable rue it's chef's kiss

enby icon - rue usually dresses very casually and for the aforementioned dance thing she wore a suit she looked so good and jules did her makeup and she commented tht she was scared she messed with rue's gender presentation of smth like tht which is like all i need to confirm that rue is non binary UwU

chris mckay x cassie howard - kind of toxic relationship also kind of real he was older than her and the post is what he said when nate asked if they were dating there were a lot of weird stuff tht happened between them in the end she got pregnant and had an abortion and they broke up and she swore off dating for a while lol also cassie is lexi's big sister but my half a brain cell self watched the whole of season one thinking lexi was actually older and it was only when watching a fan edit on youtube i realized akjdf;ajdf;ka

rue being relatable again talking abt anxiety and why alcohol and drugs help - from personal xp and my friends' xp with anxiety like ppl can criticize the show for drug glorification but she's not lying and i believe anyone with anxiety who has a similar xp can testify to that however it's a slippery slope bc then ppl with anxiety and other mental illnesses may be inclined to also try drugs and alcohol but at the same time i think the show also portrays why you shldnt do tht so yh

rue special edition commentary - i nvr related to rue more than the things she said in this episode it was just her sitting down talking to ali her mentor and like she was spitting some real hard facts about being mentally ill and how it changes your perception of life and sometimes even when you're not in the worst spot anymore you still dont really care to live no matter how many people love you etc n felt

i live watched jules' special episode

some thoughts on rue being an unreliable narrator which she really is someone commented smth on this post tht changed my opinion of what i wrote abt not trusting her but i cant remember wht it was rn

rue manic rep - she was trying to figure out what was up with jules being distant and omg in this scene she also poured coffee into the coffee maker to make more coffee i believe smth like that but it was iconic lol but she did figure out nate was blackmailing jules and lexi was helping her

uhhhh i dont relate much to jules but these are the ways i do :(

jules' trans xp - so in her special episode speaking with her therapist she talked about performing feminity in a way to like please the male gaze and she realized she doesn't want to do tht anymore and tht like that isnt what being a girl is abt yk and the best thing abt this is usually she dresses very feminine and she wore a short skirt n crop tops on the first day of school in season 1 but for season 2's trailer she's wearing just sweats and a tee

hahahahha you might enjoy this post :)

ok this is long welp sorry

I wish you could put a read more line in an ask

#virgil rambles #tw long post #long post tw #long post #euphoria #euphoria spoilers #tw emoji #tw alchohol mention #tw suicide #just tw everything