#yOu cOuSiN fUcKeR yOU FUCKED MY COUSIN YOU COUSIN FUCKER

[butmakeitgayblog]

Can you Tell us the story about how you met your wife and got together? I know It was somehow Clexa related, pretty please ;)

Oh Sam's not actually my wife 😅 we're not married and probably will never get married. Between us both being the products of divorce (and unhappy marriages prior to that involving parents who stayed together way too long), plus with my whole health issues thing and maybe ending up needing to be on disability down the road, we just decided to shelve that whole notion for the foreseeable future, possibly forever. But in spirit she is, a piece of paper isn't needed. I mean she buys me rotisserie chickens 🥹

Anyway yeah!

So shortly before the pandemic hit I was going out to dinner with a group of friends and one of them asked if she could bring her cousin along. She said her cousin had recently moved down into the area for work and didn't really know anybody else and so, ya know, it'll give her a chance to socialize. We all met up and it was nice and I'm thinking hmm she's cute but also pretty quiet and kinda stoic and probably straight so it was like meh whatever she's alright I guess 🥴. But then during dinner I was eating something that everyone knew would make me feel icky and I said something along the lines of like, "Eh fuck it, victory stands on the back of sacrifice, right?" Fully thinking no one would pick up on it because I knew no one else there had ever watched the show.

But then miss thang's head shot up like 😳

Nobody else having caught this reference, we spend the next several seconds having a silent

moment across the table 🥴

She said I turned both white as a sheet and then fire engine fuckin red😅😅😅 (I have a very real blushing problem. It's the cross I bear that comes with the chubby cheeks, r.i.p.)

After that she started joining in the convo more and actually coming out of her shell. We started kind of having our own side convo just between us and when the check came everyone else decided to call it a night but we stayed behind and had another drink at the bar. We ended up staying till right about closing, and then exchanged numbers and decided to ~hang out~ the next day ~just us~.

For the conversation, obviously.

And that was kind of that. We saw each other pretty much every day after that and text constantly and called each other every night before bed if we weren't staying over together. At first Iiiiiii had a *moment* of panic of not really knowing what we were because it just went from not knowing she existed to having her be kind of the focal point of my life, but she was kind enough to just be like "🙄+😏+🤦‍♀️ we're dating, Andi. We've been dating. That's what we are. Don't hurt yourself there, champ."

So kudos to her for that...

It was tough during the beginning stages of the pandemic because she has family that is very high risk and so do I, both of which if they got it they'd probably die, so quarantine and social distancing was rough but necessary, but we worked through it and both feel more solid for it. And now we live together and she helps me take care of my mother and myself and I do my best to be her support and help her and be her best cheerleader whenever I can 🥹

Downside tho is I'll forever be labeled "Cousin Fucker" in my friend's phone contacts 😒

#anon #when we first got together my friend went wild with it 🙄 #yOu cOuSiN fUcKeR yOU FUCKED MY COUSIN YOU COUSIN FUCKER #she wasn't actually mad #just got way too much mileage out of saying that in public places #i did and do fuck her cousin tho so... I guess that's fair

[just-null-cult]

I just discorvered your blog and whilst I am primarily a choso enjoyer I do think noritoshi is also a really cool character, and I really hope he and choso get a chance for a proper interaction at some point! I'd love to know what your opinion is of choso and how you think he would interact with noritoshi :) also your art is really pretty

I also want to see them interact... strap in fam, bc I never shut the fuck up

I may describe Choso as a bit OOC since I don't know much of the manga, but I do know bits and pieces!! also what the wiki told me, heh.

[Choso thoughts]

Choso feels like that big brother who's stricter when training/teaching, but lenient when doing literally anything else involving his younger sibs. Although he's wearing a bored expression the entire time, he's actually super happy when around them.

I really like big brother characters so he might climb up my favorites when I see him in action. from that one popular screenshot of him giving Jogo a goofy smirk, I can tell he's got this tiny side of playfulness to him. He can be annoying if he wants to, and he sometimes does that with his brothers. 10/10 guy!

I've seen fanart and some headcanons of Choso, and I can firmly say that he's a green flag. He's the guy who would fix you without trying. HE'S NOT DOING ANYTHING, YOU JUST FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE TO CHANGE FOR THE BETTER FOR HIM.. OR SO I HEAR

[more details under the cut!]

[Choso + Noritoshi interaction thoughts/headcanons?]

Choso and Noritoshi are like super distant cousins/uncle/nephew right?? They came from the same jujutsu hitler, so Noritoshi is like Choso’s many greats cousin/nephew. Be fr though, if there's someone younger than Choso and is related to him in some way, that's an instant lil sibling of his. WHICH IS WHY, their relationship has two sides to it. (imo)

First up is the teacher/student aspect. 

It's no secret that Noritoshi is weaker compared to Choso, therefore, he'd want to train under him. Choso is a strict teacher, he wants his lil bros to be able to protect themselves if he's unable to be there for them, which is perfect since that's Noritoshi's comfort zone. He wants to hone his abilities to reach or even surpass Choso, so he needs someone who'd nitpick him. 

I can see them sparring, and Noritoshi having an awe struck face every time he gets taken down with a new move Choso has yet to teach him. "How did you do that? You must teach me that next, sensei!"

Choso would probably chortle and lightly nudge Noritoshi with his foot, but internally, he's screaming. Imagine your little brother saw you do something cool, and he's shouting at you to show him how to do it. That's the same feeling Choso would get. Of course, he'd show him eventually, but Noritoshi needs to get the hang of the moves he's tasked with right now before adding more to his plate.

They're both beaming with joy when Noritoshi shows progress. Well- as much as two guys who barely emote can beam. Noritoshi is proud of himself for constantly improving and Choso proud of his lil bro for getting stronger!!!!!!

I imagine they bicker often but when they're in teacher/student mode, they rarely cross each other. Noritoshi knows he's training under a teacher and Choso is teaching his lil bro how to beat ass.

The second half of their relationship is the.. older brother/older(?) brother aspect.

whereas Noritoshi is getting little brother treatment from Choso but doesn't want it and Choso annoys/coddles Noritoshi like the best big brother he is... also my favorite aspect, as shown

Noritoshi is independent. He likes his space and prefers to do things on his own. Because of this he involuntarily became the big brother of Kyoto Tech. People go to him for advice, criticism, help with assignments, and when needing to make a responsible decision, they think, "What would Noritoshi do?" You can say he got comfortable with the role of "big brother." 

So when this new guy comes along who's revealed to be family, Noritoshi deems him as a higher authority. Noritoshi's quick to go back to his old ways of respecting his superiors and it's not that difficult. Choso is older, stronger, experienced, and generally a lot more capable than Noritoshi. However, the downside is that Noritoshi would never grow a close bond with Choso if he kept this up. You can't tell your boss your worries, that's not proper! Choso, knowing this, told Noritoshi to knock off the formalities pretty early on.

I imagine this is the first time they'd ever bicker. Choso tries to get Noritoshi to loosen up a little because they're family, but Noritoshi protests that it's because they're family that he should show extra respect!

Choso probably told Noritoshi to call him brother/uncle or something so they can grow comfortable around each other. Let's be honest, Noritoshi calls his mom "mother," you won't catch him dead calling someone who he currently sees as a superior "brother." They compromise by just using each other’s name without honorifics.

Now that the introductions were out of the way, Noritoshi was now stuck with Choso coddling him. Sure it was nice at first, someone in his family who doesn't yell at him for every mistake he makes and genuinely cares for him, but.. Noritoshi feels… annoyed. Choso reminds Noritoshi of a more tolerable Todo, but he feels like Choso still treats him like Noritoshi needs him. He doesn't need Choso around, but he keeps seeing him everywhere! 

It'd be entertaining to see their dynamic. Noritoshi, the younger brother who doesn't wanna be the younger one and Choso, using that to his advantage to grow close to Noritoshi, by being the annoying older brother. He never takes it too far. just far enough that Noritoshi is saying stuff like “Preposterous!” or “This is slanderous!!” I imagine Noritoshi takes it as a personal defeat when Choso brings him food or treats him to an outing. He allowed himself to get little bro’ed..

Noritoshi would try to take the leadership role again and "big brother" Choso back in a respectful way. Maybe suggesting things he should do. Choso probably lets out breathy laughs and pats Noritoshi's head when he tries this. Then promptly goes back to doing whatever he was doing. Choso sees this as "my little brother scolding me for something." Another defeat for Noritoshi..

I can see these two bickering about the smallest things. And by bickering, I mean Choso annoying Noritoshi because he wants to take care of his little bro!!! and Noritoshi getting upset because he's not!!! little!!! he can do it himself!!!

I feel like Choso and Noritoshi would get comfortable with this though...

Choso would get a side of Noritoshi he doesn't often give to most people. They have a special bond that unites them both. Whether it be their cursed techniques or their similar childhoods or some other third option, they stick by each other. The same is true for Noritoshi, he finally has someone that cares about him and not his status. While yes, Choso can be annoying at times, Noritoshi is growing used to having him around. It would seem too quiet if Choso wasn't making him annoyed in some way.. 

of course, they'd have their calm moments. Having siblings is both a hurricane and shallow waters.

These two are stoic fucks, so I can see them communicating wordlessly. The full fucking package like nodding, shoulder shrugs, huffs, BLINKS, you fucking name it and they just had an entire conversation. They say they make it obvious on their faces, but literally, no one can tell. Some people (Arata) think they speak telepathically..........

I hinted at it in the little doodle above, but Choso would probably help Noritoshi with calligraphy. Choso is OLD so he's got to have seen some old old Japanese cursive... He'd use his knowledge to help Noritoshi improve!!!

The whole thing with Choso cooking for Noritoshi.. Its what older siblings do to coax their younger sibs out of their shell. Who doesn't like free food? Choso learns pretty quick from what i've seen and with coffee being Noritoshi’s favorite drink, he's using that.

Choso: there’s a coffee shop downtown. Noritoshi: what Choso: we’re going together Noritoshi: I never agreed to this Choso: don’t forget your jacket, it could get cold. And then they go.

Noritoshi enjoys company if it doesn't bother him. So if Choso walked into his room and sat down to do something quietly, Noritoshi wouldn't bat an eye. and That's how they hang out sometimes, just in the same room and they both have a blast.

this one is just me fucking around but I can see Choso asking for advice on how to approach Noritoshi like a father asking how to approach his teen kid. Noritoshi is similar, but he's asking why this guy is doting on him and being annoying. They ask around because I doubt either of them know how to use a phone. Noritoshi is old-fashioned while Choso is just old.

hmm... I can't decide whether Choso would use Noritoshi's name more often to attach the name to a better person or give Noritoshi a nickname to avoid using it....... I want to lean into the former but hmm......

that's all I got! This could be so ooc but fuck it! I like it. Sorry if this was all over the place, i was throwing spaghetti at the wall!!!!

[my ranting, its not important skip this. theres also slight spoilers]

im sitting here analyzing your wording. youre implying they HAVENT met properly?????? ITS BEEN A FUCKING WHILE. LET THEM MEET AGAIN WHAT THE FUCK IM PUNCHING THE WALL. WASNT THERE AN ENTIRE REVEAL THAT YUJI WAS HIS SUPER DISTANT LIL BRO implying that he also has some relation so to noritoshi too which is super cute now that i think about it.. stoic bitch with a sunshine guy who wont shut the fuck up... wait i love that sm..... but regardless WHAT THE FUCK??? LITTLE BROTHER MY ASS.GEGE YOU HAD NORITOSHI RIGHT THERE. FYM NEW LITTLE BRO YUJI. NORITOSHI IS GOING THROUGH IT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE BUT THIS GUY IS ALONE... I JUST WANT HIM TO HAVE SOME FAMILY BRO. GEGE WHAT THE FUCK. AND CHOSO HAVING THOSE DREAMS AND FANTASIES OF HIS BROTHERS TOGETHER. PUT NORITOSHI IN THERE. BRING NORITOSHI BACK YOU ONE EYED CAT FUCK..... I WONT FORGET THIS GEGE, WHEN I CATCH YOU GEGE WHEN I CATCH YOU GEGE WHEN I CATCH YOU GEGE.....

#kamo noritoshi #noritoshi kamo #noritoshi #choso #jjk choso #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #THIS IS SECRETLY A SHORT HAIR NORITOSHI APPRECIATION POST #i know a lot of you mother fuckers are choso enjoyers so heres a treat #a treat for me too bc i love seeing noritoshi annoyed and sibling relationships and choso being happy #and tysm for the compliment! im happy my art is pleasing to you!! #this is the most doodles ive ever done for one post #heh. lil bro nori #i tried not putting too much effort into these since there were so many and i didnt want my hand to fall off but i couldnt help myself.. #kamo boys are so good i had to push forward a little #choso i like you too but i like your super distant cousin a lot #ARHGHHGH THE CHIBIS OF CHOSO MESSING W HIM ARE SO CUTE #I ATE W THAT #FUCK YEAH #woah #someone in my style who isnt noritoshi..... crazy............ #ive noticed drawing noritoshi is so simple... choso emotes a bit more than him so making facial expressions like his were fun #noritoshi i gotta work your mouth more....... #PAUSE #FUCK THAT SOUNDED SO WRONGNAHGRHAHAHA #BUT IM RIGHT REGARDLESS #forgive me for not giving choso different clothes. i dont know what this guy wears and i really liked his og outfit #its cute!!

[vaguely-concerned]

the discrepancy between the depiction of ganks in most of legends canon vs. in the edge of the empire rpg will never stop being hilarious to me

they are all the most feared mercenaries and killers in the galaxy and exactly the same amount of cool

#listen. I am but a humble zero fucker I know in my heart what he looks like and mr to the left is Not it fhsdkjafh #I feel like the ones to the right lack a certain something in terms of obvious alienness too but y'know. mask sexy. what can we do #it's at least closer that's for sure #star wars #ganks #agent zero #is this a squad of gank killers and their cringefail cousin they love even tho he's a dork so he gets to go on missions with them. #new sw canon dropped exclusively on this blog today folks you're welcome #I've given up doing any substantial research at this point most of the info is either suuuper outdated or extremely vague #and the stuff it does say (like ganks being surprisingly short but very solidly built) doesn't jive with campaign star wars canon #(zero is notably like 1.90 m tall or something he's the reason blue seems tiny despite being a beanpole lol) #(the mystique of what they actually look like is very cool in concept very annoying when you're trying to figure stuff out) #but you know what that means. I get to make up whatever the fuck I want hell yeeeeaaaah #the fanfic writer's lament and triumphal march lol

[trans-girl-uchiha-itachi]

i dont know if this is "in" "character" and i dont care because its funny BUT

in the eyeball swap polycule au karin is a BNF in the akatsuki RPF community. she has a brutally defended timeslot of 2 hours a night where she completely ignores all her other responsibilities and either blasts out a bunch of overwrought, aggressively mediocre fic or just absolutely rips someone else on the akatsuki RPF mailing list to shreds. (orochimaru dies during the chuunin exams arc in this fic and karin becomes the nidaime otokage, but she's been writing fic for a few years before that happens. also, hinata, karin, and kabuto are Unhinged Childhood Friends in the hinataverse, btw, but karin & kabuto haven't heard anything from hinata from when she escapes otogakure until after orochimaru dies.)

now, karin is not a sasori girl (sasori being the most popular guy in the akatsuki rpf fandom) because sasori tried to make kabuto a sleeper agent and now kabuto is uno-reverse-card spying on HIM and it just feels too weird, quite frankly, but the second-most-popular blorbo in the akatsuki rpf fandom is itachi and, well, thirteen-year-old karin thought when she was picking a blorbo, she doesn't have ANY weird personal relationships with ITACHI, nor is she likely to form any, right? like, if she ever meets uchiha goddamn itachi irl he's probably going to kill her instantly, at which point the fanfiction is no longer going to be a concern.

fast forward several years. hinata isn't dead after all! cool, karin says, can you beta my itachi/kakashi slash? since you know them irl, and all.

hinata: HORRIBLE. NO THANK YOU, I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT TAICHOU'S SEX LIFE

hinata:

hinata: fine. give it here.

(several minutes pass)

hinata: he would not fucking say that.

karin: which one?

hinata: EITHER OF THEM!! also, i'm banning you from using the phrase "crimson orbs". say ANYTHING else

karin: fine, but i need to get this in the mail by tonight. i need to win an argument with xXx_uchihafucker69_xXx.

#i just think karin should get to be a fujoshi i think she'll have a lot of fun #hinata: 'uchiha fucker sixty nine?' buddy they won't even let ME fuck the uchiha #my fic #the trashcan speaks #intricate and toxic polycule: you. your former best friend who betrayed the village. and his dead cousin who was previously your teammate #akatsuki rpf #text/hinata #text/karin

[bunnyb34r]

Well hopefully once I'm fully back on my meds I'll feel better bc oof

#little ball of anxiety ass fucker #marquilla #hopefully itll help my depression too bc it's a antidepressant i think? idr anyway maybe that will help but i know part of my depression #rn is grief & anger but the anger is at my cousins being horrible HORRIBLE little bastards ab us all grieving #and they'll say that they feel for those of us grieving but then will shit talk AID to hell and back including saying shes in hell #and like idk man i honestly think shes in limbo lmao but im not saying that outloud bc i have class but um enjoy being a 30 year old 10 year #old or whatever you disturbing little freaks ✌️ like even the literal sociopath/murderer (im not exaggerating i wish i was) is showing #more emotion genuine or not than you 4 combined but sure you're normal mhm) #anyway just got one shift this week lmao so sayonara you weeaboo shits ✌️ leaving newlady and NetflixCoworker together for a week sgdgdgdhdh #not my problem yall can both get fucked idc

[peapod20001]

Cracks me tf up how Ozzie is literally. He looks exactly how he did when I first drew him

#random post #the only *real* differences are cus. I draw differently now than I did early 2021 😭 #overall his colors and shapes are p much the same lol like the others? very noticeably different #he was just always cool ig lmao #yknow what? they all at least. you can tell who is who #hand their colors have been relatively consistent (ignoring that first drawing with August I literally didn’t know wtf I was doing lol) #THE FRUIT DADS ARE. 2 YEARS OLD NOW??? #WHAT!!! THE FUCK MAN!!!! 😭 #and they still have their signatures (by that I mean they still have their like. shticks) #(like Max was always the big dark creepy cool fucker. Ozzie was mad for no apparent reason) #(Blondee was chill and tired. August was always kinda silly/weird with a NEED to be with people) #(goose was always sweet and clueless and gangly) #but they’ve definitely changed a lot too! especially August lmao like he used to be the token straight guy but then I gave him 8 boyfriends #to compensate for my crimes </3 #and I definitely made them more like the ages they are (40’s) both looks wise and how they act (I try to at least lol) #I definitely made their personalities better. sorry but they weren’t. exaggerated and cool enough back then </3 #and I made August and Goose cousins and August and Blondee ex’s (I am ignoring that one post with August friend flirting goose. I don’t see) #overall they’re more fleshed out (both character wise and. they’re thicker now GAGGABAGAH) #and it’s p easy for me to write dialogue with em now! I know how they go about talking and their mannerisms and more or less how they feel #about certain topics/people/things. woof. they’ve come a long way I really need to draw a really good group shot of them... #ok I kinda got sidetracked and forgot what point I was trying to make lmao but!! love the fruit dads!! love the fruit daughters!! sometimes #it just takes a year to get things situated!! 😭

[undescribed1mage]

How people feel turning platonic relationships in medias !!

#tommy talks!! #i hate people #rant ish #fuck you all /directed #let me have my girl have FRIENDS #let her have a brother !! #let her have her CANON cousin !! #You fuckers !!

[thisisaname-whatahappyname]

i fucking hate my cousins why is it that whenever you guys vent to me im expected to be all therapist to you guys but whenever i vent u guys just dismiss my problems like. fuck you asshols go comfort yourselves. fucking users.

#WHY AM I YOUR DESIGNATED THERAPIST #yes im good at comforting people but like #AT LEAST TRY TO ACTUALLY CARE? #one of them was all like 'i tell you everything why do you not to the same with me' like idk bitchass maybe because the last time i tried #you dismissed me so bad i ended up fucking spiraling and breaking down for three hours? #i already elaborated on the other bitchass cousin on my previous vent but God Damn THE AUDACITY on these FUCKERS #vent #why do i always feel the need to help u guys when you fucks are suffering but when its my turn id be better off healing myself #like Who The Fuck reacts to someone saying 'ah yes my father told me to kill myself' with #'you have it easiest your father throws tantrums my father thinks im dead to him unless i go to amerika and our others cousin dad cheated' #MF GUESS WHOS DAD ALSO CHEATED #FUCK YOU #WHY DO I HELP YOU AND CARE ABOUT YOU SO MUCH #WHEN YOURE LIKE THIS WHEN I ACTUALLY NEED YOU #fuck this im doing what it takes to stay civil in family reunions and in friendgroup meetings but like i am adding a solid 50 meters of #distance from those fuckheads #plastic platican tayo ngayon sa mga mangagamut pre

[theology101]

Oisin: “Liked my Ping Pong ball trap? Figured you all wouldn’t be clever enough-“

Riz: “I’m gonna eat your fucking family, dude”

Oisin: “What?”

Riz: “I killed and ate your grandma’s boyfriend, I just killed your grandma and like six of your aunts and uncles and cousins, im going to eat them all and you. You got siblings at the Middle School?”

Oisin:

Riz: Gugkak family tradition, fucker

#fantasy high #dimension 20 #fantasy high junior year #fhjy #riz gukgak #riz fantasy high #oisin hakinvar #oisin fantasy high #the ball #kalvaxus #Riz eats dragons. Its what he does #Mary Ann and Oisin are next

[galariangengar]

💭

#my stupid ass cousin on my mom’s side really fucking blocked me on Instagram right now??? #all cuz that bitch is butthurt that I haven’t spoken to her since I found out all that shit she did last month #also it’s been about 2 and a half weeks since she texted me her new number but I haven’t and don’t want to talk to her still #this bitch is fucking insane!!! she’s fucking delusional and self victimizing like her shitty deadbeat abusive negligent ass mother #why the fuck would I talk to you like normal when you fucking lied and kept BIG secrets for over a year and a half from everyone?!?!? #you lied about this ugly ass white guy that you’ve been secretly seeing/dating this whole time!!! #you lied and quit your job and got a new one that’s closer to your ugly ass boyfriend #you lied and weren’t gonna say shit until the last minute about moving in with that ugly fucker and getting an apartment with him!!! #you lied and didn’t say SHIT to anyone/not even our fucking abuelita that practically raised you AND your 2 younger brothers #I don’t need this shit/I don’t need a shitty person like you in my life who won’t learn their fucking lesson #I’m not the one who was willing to risk losing everything and risk losing what little family they have/that’s on you bitch #I don’t need this! I don’t deserve this! I don’t deserve to be put through this shit! I’m not the fucking ‘bad guy’ here!! #I’m gonna tell my mom tomorrow just to like update her on this shit with my stupid ass cousin #I can’t help but feel SUPER anxious now cuz of this/ still hate this bitch and won’t talk to her #but like… wow… this bitch keeps digging herself a deeper grave… #jazz uses curse! 💜

[zenyye]

#an update in case anyone wanted one I have a hickey 😐 #that mf marked my neck THE WEEK OF THANKSGIVINF #G #I AM GOING HOME TOMORROW #FUCK HIM FR #(pun not intended) #i slept over tho #it was after I found out about my cousin so being held was really nice #like really really nice #and Yknow we talked until 5 am which I’ve literally never done with anyone #he was saying shit you’d see on ao3 so calmly I was over there panicking #‘cmon say it!! i know it’s embarrassing that #s why I’m not letting you get away with avoiding it 😏’ #FUCKER. GAAAAAAAH #i was being annoying bc of the hickey and he goes ‘sorry my b lol’ #i was like wow that’s the most insincere apology I’ve ever heard #and he goes glad you picked up on that #WHAT. WHAT????? #😭😭😭 #hate hate hate I refuse to be this fast in catching any sort of feelings hate hate hate #zenny rants

[wannabeschyulersister]

in a world of boys he’s a gentleman

Despite only dating for six months, it often felt like you and Carmy were on the same wavelength. There were times where you both could communicate what you were thinking with a simple look. He often could tell what you were feeling just by your body language. 99% of the time he was right.

Which is how he knew as soon as you walked through the back door of the Bear that something was wrong.

“Hey, what’s the matter?” He asked you as you started taking your coat off.

“Nothing.”

Carmen grabbed your hands to stop you, “(Y/n), what’s wrong?”

You huffed, “Nothing is wrong, Carmen.”

Carmen. Not Carmy or Bear. Not Babe.

Carmen.

It definitely set off his inner alarm.

“I’m not lettin’ you into that kitchen without you telling me what happened.” He stood his ground. You knew he was being serious.

“There’s this construction worker at the new bakery down the street that tried to catcall me nearby. He’s just an idiot and wouldn’t shut the fuck up.”

“Did he touch you?”

“No, nothing like that. He just didn’t catch the hint that I’m not interested and then called me a “bitch” because I ignored him.”

In that moment, you could see the fury ignite in Camry’s eyes.

“I’ll be right back.” Before you could grab his arm to stop him, he brushed past you and out the back door.

“Richie!” You shouted as you put your coat back on.

It was only a matter of seconds before Richie rushed to you, “What’s goin’ on?”

“Your cousin is about to do something very stupid.” You answered him.

“If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard that fuckin’ sentence.” He said before leaving out the door with you right on his heels. You could see Carmy was already ahead of you both at the end of the alleyway. He turned to his left and made his way down to the new bakery.

“Carmen!” You shouted as you hurried to try and catch up to him. You knew he wouldn’t stop.

“Yo! Cousin!” Richie ran faster than you did and was closer to Carmy but you hurried as quickly as you could.

As you turned left, you could see that Camry was at the bakery. The construction worker that hit on you was standing outside. He was taller than Carmen but lankier. Thankfully, he was alone.

“Are you the fucker that called my girl a “bitch”?” You heard Carmy ask the man as you caught up to them.

“And if I did?” The guy dropped his clipboard on the ground and stepped up to Carmen.

Richie quickly stood between Carmy and the asshole that started all of this mess. Camry tried to shove Richie away.

In that moment, a million different scenarios ran through your mind. The majority of them didn’t look good. You didn’t want Carmen to get hurt by some dumb idiot that didn’t know how to respect women.

You placed your hand around Carmen’s bicep and tried to pull him towards you, “Carmen, this guy isn’t worth it! Let’s go back to the restaurant.”

Carmen was practically seething at this point. He wished he could’ve had a few minutes alone with the creep to teach him a lesson. He was partially mad at himself because he normally walked with you to work but he needed to be at the restaurant earlier than you that morning.

He was positive that creep wouldn’t have said shit if he’d walked with you.

“Call my girl out of her name again and I’ll fuckin’ smash your head on this cement!”

By now, a couple of the creep’s coworkers came out of the store. They grabbed him and started pulling him back inside. You heard one of them tell him that he was already on his second strike with their boss.

“Cousin! It’s time to go. You better be glad that I was here because that dude would’ve whooped your ass.” Richie tried to joke to made light of the situation.

“Fuck off.” Carmen told him before he grabbed your hand, “Are you okay?”

“You shouldn’t have done that, Carmen.” You mumbled as Richie walked ahead of the two of you. You just wanted to get back to the restaurant and forget about what just happened.

“I wasn’t going to let some idiot disrespect the woman that I love.” Carmen explained to you.

You didn’t say anything else on the short walk to the Bear. Richie was already inside telling everyone what happened. You were positive that you were going to hear about it all day.

“Hey, c’mere.” Carmy grabbed your hand again and led you to the small office. He closed the door after you stepped inside, “Are you mad at me?”

You shook your head, “No, of course not. I just don’t think it was a wise idea for you to confront that guy.”

Carmy walked towards you and cupped your cheek lightly with his right hand, “I don’t care if it wasn’t wise. I’m not going to let any dumb fuck ever call you out of your name.”

You leaned into his touch and he brought his other hand and placed it gently on the back of your head. You rested against his chest. “Thank you, Carmy. My protector.

He felt a little better that you were calling him by his nickname again. Carmy kissed the top of your head, “Anytime, (Y/n).”

You both took a moment to bask in the silence while still embracing. The rest of the day was sure to be filled with the loud noise of the kitchen but the moment between the two of you put you both at ease.

After sharing a few soft and meaningful kisses, you pulled back and sighed a little, “We probably should get out there. I’m sure everyone is wondering what we are doing.”

Carmy reluctantly let you go, “Yeah, let’s go and get the day started.”

You took off your jacket again and set it on the coat hook, “You should get Richie a nice gift.”

“What? Why would I do that?” Carmy asked confused.

“Because that guy would’ve beat the shit out of you.” You joked.

Carmy cracked a smile as he gave you a tap on your behind, “Is that so?”

You nodded playfully, “Absolutely. I probably should be thanking Richie right now instead of you. Actually, I think I’ll go do that now.”

Carmen quickly grabbed you by the waist and drew you closer to him again as you laughed, “Well aren’t you hilarious.”

#carmen berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto #carmen berzatto imagine #carmen berzatto x (y/n) #carmen berzatto x you #the bear x reader #the bear imagine #carmy x reader #carmy berzatto

[strangestcase]

man Im so glad classic literary characters don't have Tumblr could you imagine. What the fuck would Frankenstein post about…

0 notes

⚡️ transfem-prometheus Follow

She Cornelius on my Agrippa till I perform the Great Work

📓 miltonreader Follow

I just killed your cousin btw

⚡️ transfem-prometheus Follow

Make your own post????

18k notes

🪳 saamsa

I hate my dad

#gregor rambles

1 note

🐶 wardogz Follow

THINGS MY ROOMMATE KNOWS ABOUT:

-identifying tobacco brands by the ash

-disarming men in close combat

-creating cyphers

-the complete history of English crime

-forensic chemistry

THINTS MY ROOMMATE DOESNT KNOW ABOUT:

-heliocentrism

35k notes

🐈‍⬛ vanishing-cat Follow

Cats are the opposite of dogs. Cats are autistic. Therefore, dogs are neurotypical.

🌼 curiouslittlegirl Follow

You might be onto something here

♥️ croquetfreak Follow

Who painted my roses red ⁉️

62 notes

🔪 choirboy Follow

Im so running this island call me Usain Bolt

3 notes

🎩 hydeinside Follow

Putting gummy worms in blue rum to create a cocktail called “the pussy fucker” . Complete with pickle juice. Forflavour

🧪 dualityofjekyll Follow

UPDATE: don’t do this

#laboratory logs #ooooh fuck my stomach

7k notes

👰🏽‍♀️ brideintheattic Follow

Crawling

👰🏽‍♀️ brideintheattic Follow

Crawling

👰🏽‍♀️ brideintheattic Follow

My stupid cunt husband is remarrying I’m burning his fucking shit down

👰🏽‍♀️ brideintheattic Follow

Crawling again

24 notes

⚔️ caballer0s0 Follow

im gonna fight these giants

🫏 eeeeescudero Follow

They’re fucking windmills

⚔️ caballer0s0 Follow

Im gonna fight them

79k notes

🫅🏼doubtful-prince

#fakeposting #fake posts #unreality

[hunterbunter3000]

Thinking about a fake dating scenario like say Sweets family is always bothering her about not dating anyone and she lies and says “actually I am seeing someone!” But then they ask to meet the person so now she has to find someone ti be her fake date. I would imagine the boys would be fighting each other for a chance to do that.

I know this is super random haha I’m just talking to talk at this point.

YES! AND RANDOM IS GOOD 👏👏 talk the talk and walk the walk babes! Any ideas you have SPEAK ON IT!!! 💓

But omg you're right, they would

Sweetheart walked in the living room, where the team was sitting on the couch drinking beers. She was talking on the phone as she walked past them to the kitchen, not even noticing the boys.

And she's talking to her mom about her love life. Saying "Yes ma! I will bring him this time!" And "You can tell Danni to shut the hell up cause he is real". And then she says love you and hangs up the phone.

Sweetheart, looking at everybody:

The boys looking at her:

Sweetheart: Okay who wants to be my boyfriend for the day

then they all say M E

And all hell breaks loose 💀💀

Soap: What tae FUCK do y'mean 'mE', Ghost?

Ghost: the fuck do YOU mean 'mEaH', Mactavish?

Soap: I SAID ME

Ghost: nah see-- you did it again. 'MeAh'. It's two letters.

Soap: AH WULL PUMPIN' BREAK YE YAH BRITISH CRUMPET

Sweetheart: uhm, guys?

Gaz: Bitch don't even try

Horangi: And why should I listen to you?

Gaz: You get a nose bleed everytime Sweets hugs you.

Horangi: WHAT?? HOW DO-- HOW CAN YOU EVEN SEE THAT I WEAR A MASK

Gaz: it drips under it, bruv. And I don't think her parents want to witness an extremely touched starved man get an aneurysm everytime their daughter touches him.

Sweetheart: GOOD LORD GAZ--

Horangi: OH YOU THINK YOU'RE SO MUCH BETTER? YOU CRY EVERYTIME SWEETHEART TELLS YOU A GOOD JOB

Gaz: YO I DO NOT-

Ghost: He cries when Capitan says it too.

Horangi: THAT TOO

Gaz: GHOST STAY THE FUCK OUT OF THIS

Price: You cry when I tell you good job?

Sweetheart, kinda touched but concerned: And you cry when I say it too?

Gaz: UHM- SIR I-- WELL SWEETS YOU-- FUCK

Krueger: Ignoring the emotionally unstable man--

Gaz: HEY

Krueger: You should take me, Kleine Göttin.

König: Don't, Sweets. You'll never return if you do

Krueger: König what the fuck

Krueger: You can't even talk your way into getting gas at a gas station, you think her parents want to see you freeze like a tortoise having sex when they talk to you?

König: AT LEAST I DONT SNIFF ANY SEATS SWEETHEART WAS IN

Krueger: THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS

König: IT HAS E V E R Y T H I N G TO DO WITH THIS

Sweetheart: Krueger-- YOU DO WHAT

Ghost: He also sniffs your hair

Sweetheart: You do that too, Ghost

Ghost, stares at Krueger: Not while you're sleeping.

Sweetheart: KRUEGER????

Krueger: GHOST SHUT THE FUCK U P

Alejandro: Please don't take Krueger, mama. He would end up in prison

Krueger: (angry German words)

Alejandro: You can take me! They'll love my charm.

Price: What, so you can flirt your way out of personal questions they'll most definitely ask you?

Ghost: Especially with that five-palm forehead you got

Alejandro: CÁLLATE LA BOCA DECORACIÓN DE HALLOWEEN

Rudy: Price, you have no say in this matter. You can practically be her father's golfing buddy.

Sweetheart: uhm, my dad doesn't golf--

Price: I'm 37 you fucking Muppet

Sweetheart: nevermind.

Rudy, surprised: Really?? Damn I didn't know that! You just looked like one of Super Mario's long lost cousins to me because of the janitor mustache you have on your old body

Price: Mother fucker--

Ghost: I don't think you would do well either when you look like a human gopher

Rudy: GHOST WHERE DO YOU KEEP COMING FROM

Alex: ROACH OW STOP HITTING MY FACE

Roach on Alex's shoulders:😠 pap-pap-pap-pap-pap-pap (like a fucking cat)

Sweetheart, rubbing her temples: Oh my fucking GOD- I'LL JUST CHOOSE MYSELF THIS IS TAKING TOO LONG AND GAZ LOOKS LIKE HES ABOUT TO CRY

Gaz, tearing up: I AM NOT

Soap: Me!

Horangi: It's me!

Graves, picking his nails:

Graves: It's probably not me.

Keegan: Uh... If it's no trouble, you can take me. I have to give your brother his game boy back anyway

Everyone looking at Keegan:

Soap: w u t

She takes Keegan.

(He honestly had a good time! Yes, he did start a fire with her siblings accidentally but other than that her parents loved him. Sweetheart sent pictures to everyone and omg they were so SALTY SAD AND JEALOUS. Ghost kinda smiled at a picture with Sweetheart and Keegan together, Keegan's face without the mask and grease paint wearing a nervous but kind smile. He looks happy. The others don't but they'll get over it someday💀💀)

#this was fun 💀💀 #i have like-- five more asks in my drafts to answer and then ill be able to move onto the ask box 🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️ #LOL #task force 141 headcanons #task force 141 x reader #ghost mw2 #ghost incorrect quotes #soap x reader #rodolfo rudy parra x reader #alejandro cod #alejandro mw2 #alex keller x reader #cod incorrect quotes #modern warefare ii #mw2 incorrect quotes #mw2 imagine #cod imagine #price x reader #black fem reader #black reader #call of duty keegan #cod keegan #keegan x reader #cod one shot #cod oc #cod x y/n #black!reader #141 sweetheart #hunter's ask lounge ☕️

[frxxxncx]

wet shirt - y. jeonghan

»boyfriend!¡yoon jeonghan x fem!¡reader.

»Summary: you were just playing with the cold water, but jeonghan was getting hotter and hotter.

»Tags: smut (MDNI), pet names, establish relationship, comedy?(I tried), exhibitionistm, dirty talk, suggestive (I didn’t write a full sex scene, sorry😭), sex in public, fingering, unprotected sex, creampie, jeonghan and reader are two broke collage students, there’s no a/c in the middle of the summer, jeonghan is down bad for readers waist, mingyu’s cousin is car washing with her cheerleaders friends, dom!jeonghan, sub!reader.

»Words: 2,5k

note: I’m struggling to survive during the heatwaves in my country.

note 2: Any typo or incoherence that you might find was completely intentional, it’s for the sake of learning about my mistakes.

An extremely hot day of September, Jeonghan and you were about to die because of the heat, with the a/c broken and without any money to get it fixed, the only thing that was left for both of you to do was endure it.

You were laying on the cold living room floor, feeling briefly fresh, well, only your backs felt cool, but that was better than nothing at all. You wanted to cry so bad, maybe if your boyfriend and you have gotten an smaller apartment or if you had gotten another part-time job all your problems would be solved, but that was the closest apartment to the campus and both of you were in a moment in your carriers were only one job was starting to crash with you studies.

Jeonghan let out a loud sigh and approached you sliding slowly through the floor, a long arm wrapped you tightly, body’s melting together, he hugged your pretty waist, and your face hid in his chest while he smelt the scent of your shampoo.

“Jeonghan, get away from me, we are in the middle of a heatwave with no a/c and the last thing I want is sweat” you said trying to loosen his grip, you only managed to get even more impossibly close to him.

“Your waist is very pretty, did you know?” He stated, letting you go, but now he was outlining your figure, specifically the big curvature of your waist while you were lying on your side.

“It’s not that pretty” a shiver ran through your body at the soft feeling of his hot hands over your covered skin.

“It is, and I like it a lot” he left a cute little peck on your lips, before getting up to go to the kitchen.

You giggled like a high schooler whose boyfriend just kissed her for the first time, and kicked the air once you were laying over your back again. You found the ceiling very interesting for a moment, thoughts ramming in your head, and then one of your top 10 most humbling moments of all time popped up. Well the floor was an incredible place to think about shit from the past.

Trying to forget by closing your eyes tightly you didn’t notice when your boyfriend came running from the kitchen with his phone in his hand, jumping like a child whom just was rewarded with candies.

“¡Baby!” He called you many times jumping beside you, but when you didn’t answer at the fifth call he got genuinely annoyed for a moment.

“Fucking bitch, get up, we are going to earn some quick money” he declared upset, putting one of his feet’s on you stomach.

“Ouch, take your feet away from me and my tummy” you said while grabbing his ankle trying to move him away.

You sat up stretching your back that cracked very loud making you win a weird look from Jeonghan, that was a nice crack though.

“Babe, my tummy” your voice came in a childish tone making you cringe.

“Tummy my ass, get up, we are going to work” he said at the same time he offered you his hand.

“Work?, wher-, no, how? Don’t tell me, did you sell one of my kidneys?” The fake fear in your voice made Jeonghan crack a smile while helping you get up.

“But you can live with only one” he played along, and you gave him a weak punch in his arm “Come on, I would never sell your organs in the black market, they are for me in case I get sick” he said boasting

“You little fucker” you whined in a very high pitched tone while he laugh loudly “Now, for real, where are we going to work in a Sunday afternoon?” You asked, getting close to your boyfriend so you could steal a soft kiss from him.

“We are going to wash some cars with Mingyu’s cousin and her cheerleaders friends” you looked at him in disbelief, where you were going to wash the cars?, Mingyu lived in a New York size apartment with no parking lot “you know the gas station where he works?” You nod and he smiled, an “ooh” left your mouth.

Jeonghan kissed you again, but this time, instead of giving you just a cute peck, you felt his tongue caress your lower lips and with a weak moan you give the wet muscle permission to enter you mouth, his hot tongue stroked your own, a whimper escaped from the kiss and Jeonghan stopped but not without biting onto your lower lips, you were just so cute and desirable.

“Let’s go?” He said licking his pinky and glossy lips.

“Yeah” you felt pathetic from the way your voice came out in a thread. Shit.

[🍭]

The sun was in a burning heat, attacking mercilessly everyone, you were squeezing the sponges, feeling drops of sweat dance in your forehead when you saw how the cheerleaders along with Mingyu's cousin were playing with the water, wetting themselves while soaping the cars.

Both of you were damp in sweat and your hands hurt because of the rough texture of the sponge, but you and your boyfriend were firm, both determined to get the money to fix their portal to heaven. The air conditioner.

Mingyu finished his turn a few hours ago, leaving you and Jeonghan alone, with a bunch of “pretty” teenage girls that were rubbing themselves in the windows of the cars. You noticed how this man who seemed quite old and looked… somehow weird got into the space given from the gas station for the car washing, the car was shining like it was brand new, even the wheels were sparkling.

“Disgusting” you mumbled, but as the time passed by, you didn’t even care to look again if the cars were clean or not, more money for the a/c.

Yet the sun was affecting you, tiny tears were starting to build in your eyes.

“Hannie, my eyes hurt” you said, pounding to just sit next to your boyfriend -whom was cleaning the rims- and hug his side, resting your face in his arm.

“Baby, we’ll be lucky if we just get out of here with our eyes hurting and not with a sunburn,” he said, kissing the top of your head.

“Can’t wait to have the apartment as cold as the north pole” you whimpered with a high pitch tone.

“Me neither”

[🍭]

You guys didn’t have any idea of how the things turned out this way, the girls were having a wet shirt contest and maybe it was the fact that the school shirts were so soaked they looked translucent and that some of them didn’t have bra, but the clients were giving money like crazy, the tips jar was about to burst, and that indeed made you both so happy.

But your happiness was about to be doomed, you saw how JiWon -Mingyu’s cousin- was getting closer with the old green hose in her hands, with determination in her eyes.

Jeonghan and you ran like a soul who is hunted by the devil, the much younger girl was faster, relentless and with no mercy, the first one to get drenched With the extremely cold water was Jeonghan.

His grey shirt attached to his chest like a second skin, Jeonghan thought that the feeling was going to be excruciating, but the only thing that he felt was satisfaction, making his muscles relax.

“Jiwon!, me too, me too!” You beg when you saw how your boyfriend enjoyed the bath of cold water.

Your cousin’s friend did as requested, soaking you more than your lover who was laughing soundly, he was going to crack a joke when he finally caught more than a glimpse of you, mouth agape at the sight.

The thin fabric of your blouse outlined your delicate figure, accentuating your small waist and the curvature of your breast, black underwear, noticeable under the cloth, your hair looked darker, droplets of water travelled over your neck, disappearing at the collar of the shirt.

Jeonghan was certain, he needed more than just a little splash of water, he was getting hotter and hotter, and if the water wasn’t going to cool him down, only your arousal could.

You gave him a bright smile, his heart melted because you were just too adorable. He wanted to eat you whole.

A smirk was painted in Jeonghan’s pretty face, walking towards you while feeling his hardening cock rub against the fabric of his shorts.

He grabbed you by the waist, body’s so close your face was pressed to his chest, and you couldn’t help but joggle at the hard touch of his dick on your belly.

Jeonghan’s face got close to your ear, biting down your earlobe; he felt you trembling at the action.

“You know, pretty doll?” His hoarse whisper in your ear was ecstasy for you “In this wet shirt’s contest, you are the winner” his grip on your waist tightened taking your breath.

“Han-hannie” you said in a pathetic cry of his name, his hot chest against your was to much,

he was holding you firmly, making you that you could feel his dick poking your belly “We’re at the gas station, Hannie” you tried to move away from him, only managing to make him let go of your waist, but now he was fondling your breast over your shirt in a public space.

“Mmh, you’re right, but I think everyone is focused on the girls, so maybe, it would be better…”his face approached to yours, so close his lips stroked yours faintly “It would be better if we get into the car”he said with his honeyed voice, abiding into your ears“I’m going to fuck you so good, doll” his hot tongue licked you lips and you wanted to cry so bad, because of how much you craved his touch.

Your boyfriend grabbed your hand, interlocking your fingers and guided you towards the old -old- jeep, that was parked behind the gas station.

Once you were beside the car, Jeonghan parted away from you, this time groping the curvature of your ass, making you yelp.

With some struggle he opened the back door of the truck and manhandled you into the back seats, getting inside after you, closing the door with a slam.

He hovered over you, dragging with his hands your oversized shorts, smoothing your cute and puffy thighs, feeling the wet and slightly cold skin.

“Jeonghan, I don’t think this is a good idea” you stuttered, containing a loud and scandalous whine because of the flaring touch of your lover getting closer to your crotch.

“It is a bad idea, in fact it is an incredibly bad idea, but that doesn’t mean we are not going to do it anyway” he whispered with mockery splattered all over his voice, his soft lips grazing over you neck, making you shiver.

Jeonghan hands descended completely to your crotch, touching just lightly over your clothed cunt to then grab your waist tightly once again.

His fingers soothed your flesh over the shirt, they stroked your back, meeting with the hem of your shorts and sneaking inside your underwear.

The skin from your ass was smooth and warm, he massaged up and down, squeezing and spreading your asscheeks shamelessly while you drowned your whimpers in his mouth.

His fingers groped your tight and sticky core, caressing carefully, enjoying how you tried to silence your moans biting your knuckles.

He got his hands out of your shorts, unbuttoning them with expertise, pulling them out in a quick swing, skin reddening at the friction.

Your cheeks were bright red, embarrassed because of the situation you were in, naked from the waist down, with the strong and obscene gaze from your boyfriend over your body. Your forearm rested over your eyes, feeling overly exposed. It's not the first time Jeonghan sees you like this, but you still have the entitlement to feel a little bit of shame because of how vulnerable you are right now.

“You’re perfect” he said, grabbing your arm and pinning them over your head with one hand. “You’re perfect and only mine.” He howled and kissed you passionately, sucking, biting your lips, enjoying the sugary taste of your mouth, and swallowing your moans delightedly.

With his free hand, he lifted your soaked shirt, now contemplating your soft and milky skin, his eyes now fixated over your breasts, his free hand moved your bra, tits now spilling over your chest, perky buttons saying “hi” to Jeonghan in neediness.

He licked his lips with lewdness in his eyes, his hot breath made your perky buttons even more sensitive -if that was even possible-, his lips left an open mouthed kiss, gifting you a hickey just above the bud of nerves, to then proceed and bite and suck your nipple, your boyfriend couldn’t help but feel thrilled by the cry’s that slipped from your mouth.

“Ha- nnie” you said in a pathetic mewl, you felt feverish when his teeth bit into the sensitive flesh, just like you were about to pass out from the sensation.

Jeonghan pressed his fingers in your mouth, making you lick and suck them. Once they were covered in your spit, his hand went once again to your cunt, pressing his fingers into your soaked core.

Two of his fingers entered into your inviting pussy without a warning, digits curling and hitting deliciously every good spot inside of you, Jeonghan savored how your face was showered in ecstasy, knowing that only him could make you feel this good.

You rolled your eyes and your mouth fell agape, gutural moans coming from you, your damp hair sticking to your soft skin and your cunt drooling exited, velvety walls pulsating and sucking his fingers, making him grunt because sooner than later it would be his cock fucking you to the hilt.

“Y/n l/n, hear your name now, pretty, because I’m going to fuck you so hard you’re going to forget it”.

[🍭]

Fast forward to now, Jeonghan was doing the roll of a crutch so you could walk properly towards the younger girls. The mess spilling from your cunt into your underwear making you feel embarrassed, and the burn in your gummy walls, only made you more expectant for what was coming at home.

“Jeonghan, I can assure you that you fucked something inside of me” you whispered not feeling your legs at all, they were asleep because of the cramped place you just had sex in.

“I did more than that,” he said nonchalantly, tightening the grip on your waist.

“Shut up!” you said in a funny cry.

Once you were close to the group of girls, they excitedly gave you an envelope full of money as they thanked you for the help.

Jeonghan got so excited that he let you go, making you lose your balance. You felt a sharp pain in your knees, a loud howl slipped from your mouth, and when your boyfriend looked at you, he felt his dick twitch in his shorts at the view, you were giving him such a mean glare.

“Don’t look at me like that, I might fuck you again”

#I swear the jokes were funnier in my head 🥲 #this is a fever dream so it doesn’t have to make sense #I hate car washing manually 🫠 #seventeen #svt #svt fanfic #svt x reader #seventeen x reader #svt smut #svthub #jeonghan #svt jeonghan #seventeen jeonghan #yoon jeonghan #hannie #jeonghan smut #seventeen smut #seventeen fanfic

[catsteeth]

The Caged Bird and The Leashed Dog

Sandor Clegane x reader

+:✿ Chapter - 4 ✿:+ Candle Flames

Chapters: 1, 2, 3, -, 5

Summary: You are the daughter of Jon Arryn, you and your father travel to King's Landing with the intention of arranging a marriage for you. You catch a glimpse of The Hound during your first night in Kings Landing and it creates a mutual fascination even if he won't admit it. 

CW: SMUT, MINORS DNI, afab reader, thigh fucking, slow burn, angst, emotional unavailability, emotional vulnerability, The Hound being abrasive, alcohol consumption, mention of death, mention of arranged marriage, LOTS OF VIOLENCE, blood, implied threat of non-con, 

Word Count: 4738

After you’d spoken to Loras, you’d felt even more alone than before. The talk offered no comfort other than the fact he didn’t want you dead. Sansa was fine company but she was something you felt the strong urge to protect. You put yourself in harm's way constantly just to prevent her from facing any pain.

Specifically one incident when you and her were walking with the Royal Party after watching the Princess sail away to Dorne to be wed off. It was hard to watch the crying girl sail away, especially when you’d been in her very place. 

It was easy to keep your eyes averted to such a sight when The Hound was there to accompany Joffrey. You kept your head low but your eyes stayed on him. You’d still had so many questions about the night you both shared, but now was not the time to ask. 

Later making your way back through the capital city you were sickened by the sights you saw. The Lannisters and Baretheons were supposed to be the wealthiest and most powerful houses. And yet the people of their cities sit in filth and starve. Starving over a war they did not want nor started. 

You couldn’t bring yourself to be even the least bit angry when the crowd began to shout vile things. However you found yourself slightly confused once you heard the words ‘bastard’, ‘incest monster’, and ‘brother-fucker’ being sworn towards the royal party.

However your confusion only occupied your mind for a brief moment before someone within the crowd hurled cow manure at the King's face. You felt a brief sense of enjoyment when you saw it hit his face, but it was soon replaced by fear when the King ordered for the execution of the entire crowd,

“Find the man who did that and bring him to me! Kill them, Kill them all!” The King shouted.

Foolish it was, he’d only a few gold cloaks, some kingsguard, and even less knights. Outnumbered by the hundreds of rioting starving people.

Sandor grabbed hold of Joffrey protecting him.

“What are you doing? I want these people executed!” Joffrey whined loudly

“And they want the same for you!” He shouted back

The city watch was quickly overpowered. And the High Septon that you and the royal party was traveling with was pulled into the crowd. You were horrified to witness him being pulled limb from limb, never seen such a thing in your life.

“Move, Move!” Tyrion shouted at you

As the Kingsgaurd were able to eventually carve somewhat of a path towards the entrance of the Red Keep, Joffrey, Cersei, and Tyrion were all rushed inside quickly. 

Before you could make your way inside you noticed your cousin Sansa being derailed and separated from the rest. 

You grabbed ahold of her quickly and pushed her into a Kingsguard who brought her inside. However once she was in, without seeing you they closed the doors. 

Alone.

✧ ‧˚₊ ❆

Inside the keep 

“You blind bloody fool!” Tyrion scolded Joffrey’s moronic behavior by hitting and cursing at him. “We’ve had vicious kings, we’ve had idiot kings, but I don’t know if we’ve ever had an idiot king!”

“You’re talking to a King!” Joffrey shouted back like an embarrassed child.

Tyrion raised his hand and slapped him “And now I’ve struck a King, did my hand fall from my wrist?” He shouted back, he turned around and noticed you were not there, “Where is the Arryn girl?” He shouted at the men. 

“Let them have her!” Joffrey retorted 

“If she dies her relatives in the North won't forget it! She’s cared for in the vale and might I remind you she shares blood with the Starks! You need her alive!” He shouted back before frantically calling upon all the king's men to return to save you. 

“Gather your men and find her!” He shouted to Ser Meryn 

“I only take orders from my king, imp.” Meryn responded coldy. 

✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ 

Meanwhile as you attempted to hide in a dark hall, winding up in some kind of stable. You thought for a moment you’d made it there unnoticed and alone. However four men soon walked in behind you as you backed yourself against a wall. Your hand found his way around the handle of a small sharp shovel of some kind. The blade of it was sharp and flat. 

You’d not said a word, you knew if you shouted for them to get back or to fuck off it would be of no use. 

“Look at this little bird's eyes, she’s furious.” One of the men with short hair was mocked. 

“I’ve no gold, no silver, no bread.” You said in a low tone, firm voice. 

“Aye, but you’ve got something.” The taller man said with a crooked grin.

As that man began to take a step towards you, you grasped the handle of the shovel firmly and stabbed it into him. Between his neck and his collarbone. 

As the other men began to shuffle towards you, you pulled the shovel back out and pointed it at them as their friend fell to the ground holding his bleeding wound. 

The man with short hair managed to grab ahold of you whilst his other friend grabbed ahold of your wrist, yanking the shovel out of your hand. The man with short hair placed his hand over your mouth, in response you bit down onto his fingers so hard you were afraid your teeth would shatter. You could taste the blood rush into your mouth. 

In response to your bite, with his other hand he hit you creating a cut over your eyebrow. It threw you off just enough to make you fall back and into the other man's arms. 

The three men began to pin you down shouting vulgar remarks, as they did you kicking at them and scratching at them. Just as the one with short hair began to undo his pants, he was stopped. 

Picked up by the back of his neck like a puppy, practically lifted off of the ground. His guts were cut out of him. As his body fell to the ground you saw him, it wasn’t Sandor, it was The Hound. This is what everyone spoke of. 

The men who held your wrists were next. He cut with precision. His swords swung and took off the man's head. The next he grabbed before he could escape. Slamming his fist into his head, and shoving his blade deep into his stomach. Once he was done he put away his sword. He turned back towards you, and it was him again, Sandor. 

He bent his knee to you and spoke softly “You’re alright now, little bird, you're alright.” He said as he picked you up in both arms and carried you back to safety. 

✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧

As the two of you entered the keep Tyrion was shocked. 

Once Sandor placed you down gently, a few ladies including Sansa rushed to your side pawing at your bloody face. 

“My Lady are you hurt?” Tyrion asked as he tried to assess whether the blood on your mouth and hands were yours or not. 

“Little birds hurt, get her back to her cage. See that cut on her head.” Sandor commanded the women as he walked away, 

as he did Tyrion shouted back to him. “Well done, Clegane.”

To which Sandor responded, 

“I didn’t do it for you.” 

Tyrion, confused by his words, went back to your side and asked again before your ladies could take you away. “My lady, are you hurt? There’s blood- your hands and-“ he said reaching his to touch your chin where the blood from your mouth dropped. 

“I bit one.” You said plainly, exhaustion in your eyes, unwilling to attempt that you’d murdered a man. 

✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚

As you laid in your bed that night, you looked at the one candle you had burning beside your bed. Contemplating whether or not to blow it out. Watching the flame kept your mind away from the memories you’d made today. You’d never seen such horrid things before, and much less partook in them. You’d killed a man. And yet, felt no remorse, which made you feel terrible, but maybe that alone counted for something. But soon even that left as your memories shifted to the feeling of being in Sandor's arms. 

Before you could blow it out, 

you began to hear the sounds of metal clanking up the hall. Sandor thought you’d never notice, but he often walked up and down your halls more than he was meant to. Simply to make sure you were alright. 

Every time you heard the metal clanking pass you’d smile to yourself. Only this time it stopped, in front of your door. You sat up slightly on your elbows and peered towards the door. Without knocking, he came inside your chamber. 

“What’re you doing here?” You asked in a whisper. 

He didn’t respond, but made his way to that same golden pitcher in the corner of your room. 

“It’s water, remember?” You said. He huffed and put it back down without taking a swig of it. 

“What are you-” You began before he spoke in a low deep husky voice. 

“You could’ve been killed.” He said without looking at you. 

“But I didn’t.” You said in a sweet whisper.

He began to walk towards your bed. “The fucking cunts would ‘ave taken you bloody every which way, that pretty throat would’ve been slit open. You’d been left for the fucking rats.” 

You took his hand and pulled him onto the bed, his metal scrapping the delicate sheets as he sat on it. 

“You saved me, you’re the bravest man I’ve ever seen.” You said with a strange kind of adornment, one he’d never heard before. 

“Brave?” He dryly scoffed, “Dogs don't need courage to chase rats.” 

“You’re no dog.” You say with that same sweet whisper, it’s as if you’d realized you’d began to fall deeper into whatever emotional trap you two had created here. 

“You killed that man?” He asked in a low whisper. 

“I did.”

“How’d that feel.” 

“Necessary.” 

He stared at you for a moment, not in judgment or disgust but in understanding and some other emotion you couldn’t quite understand just yet. 

“You can’t do that again.” 

“Kill?” 

“No.” His eyebrows furrowed, he couldn’t give less of a shit who you killed or why, “You risked your life for that Stark girl.” 

“You saw that?” 

“She kept yapping about it.” His tone husky 

“I needed her safe first.”

“Too bad.” He said not giving you any room to argue as his thumb ran over the cut on your eyebrow, you winced slightly. “I’d kill those cock sucking rats a million times again if I could. Died too quickly. I should have cut their arms off, their hands, taken their eyes for even looking at you.” 

Your hand came to his jaw, pulling yourself to his lips but he pulled away. with a sigh he came close again. He rested his forehead on yours. 

“I don’t know how to- do this- gently.” He let out a small rumble, “fuck” he hissed “i want to do this gently. I want to be gentle with you.”

He was like a dog given a bone that he so badly wanted to preserve. 

His hand came to your lap, and fisted the fabric of your nightgown. You placed your hands on top of his, you smoothed out his hand to lay flat on your lap. 

“Like this..” you whispered as you guided his hand up, making the fabric ride up. As your thighs became more and more visible he stopped and backed away, 

“No, no this isn’t right.” He grumbled as he walked over towards a large chair in the corner of your room. His face was illuminated by that single candle light. You could see his frustration and desperation in a battle with one another. 

You stood, and walked towards him. He slumped forwards. Resting his forearms against his strong thighs. 

“I can’t be what you wan- what you need.” He corrected. His voice was low and deep. 

You pushed him back by his shoulders, making him lean against the back of the chair. His deep scowl was ever present but it didn’t stop you from running your fingers through his coarse hair. 

“I shouldn’t have come back here. Should’ve stayed the fuck away. Left you be,” 

“I don’t think either of us have much a choice.” You said as you moved yourself between his large thighs. Standing in front of him still running your hands through his hair. “Do you think of that night?” You asked in a whisper. 

“Fuck do you think-“ He barked back before you stopped him, 

“Gentle.” You corrected him 

“Aye.” He conceded painfully, his hands coming to your sides holding you by your waist. His large hands engulfed your ribs. 

“What part of it do you think of?” You whispered sweetly as you began to move on top of him. Your thighs spread across his as you straddled him. His eyes never leave yours. 

He grumbled something low, you couldn’t make it out, but it sounded like “Your eyes.” 

You didn’t want to push him, to make him repeat it. 

Your hand cupped his chin, as you slowly pressed your lips against his. You pecked at his lips for a moment. Then pulling away, looking into his eyes waiting for his response. His eyes filled with shame, he looked away. 

You pressed a kiss into the scarred tissue on his cheek, he flinched at the feelings and his eyes darted back to you, 

“My face, why did you-“ He rasped suddenly 

“Don’t you want me?” 

“Course’ I do but I-“ he cut himself off as his lips hit yours once again, he sucked on your lips as hardly audible groans escaped his throat. 

You pressed your thinly clothed cunt against his hardening bulge. However as soon as he felt it he grabbed you by your hips and lifted you up. You whined, and his forehead slumped forward and rested on your chest. “Fuck-“ he said breathlessly, “Can’t do that shit to me.” he panted. 

“Why?” you whined a little too loudly, his grip on you tightened. 

“Told you, stubborn fucking girl.” He finally caught his breathe, “Ye poke at me too much and i’ll fuck you bloody.” His eyes leaving yours in what looked like guilt.

“That’s what I want-“ 

“Don’t matter.” He snipped back quickly, his eyes snapping back to yours. “Once you're wed that imp will stick his cock in ya’ and know you’re not his.” He said, his words harsh, sharp and cold 

“I’m not.” you said, his eyes went a little wide, with what? adornment? 

You slowly lowered your hips onto his once again. Waiting for his push back but were met with none. You let out a small gasp as the bulge separated your lips through the thin fabric that covered your cunt. Another moan left your lips once you felt the hardened mound poke at your entrance. You grinded against it, your cunt began to clench around nothing. 

“At’s it” He groaned into your neck, “Grin’ yerself on my cock.” He grumbled low and deep. 

His face contorted, his muscles tensed, and his groans became more and more primal. His grip on your hips began to sting a little how tightly he held you. Your cheeks began to heat up, and that knot in your stomach tightened. 

He picked you up abruptly, kissing your neck. 

“On your back, now.” He commanded as he placed you onto the fur rug on your bed chambers floor. 

He untied his breeches that clearly had a wet spot on it, unclear if it was your doing or his. He was still fully covered in his armor, as he pulled out his cock. Harder than you’d seen it before. 

You rode up your night gown to your hips and slipped out of the thin underclothes you’d had on. 

He was on his knees before you, you on your back, legs bent and spread, ready and inviting. 

He stared at you, admiring you. 

He placed his heavy aching member between your folds. Rubbing up and down, his tip hitting your clit in the most perfect way. 

He pressed your thighs together, and he let out a long drawn out groan. 

“Fuck!” He hissed as he began to buck himself against your cunt. “So fuckin’ wet” He growled as his bucking continued in a more erratic pace. 

You arched your back and squeezed your thighs together as his fat tip kept hitting your clit

“Don’t- Don’t stop.” You whimpered looking up at his hair falling into his face, his eyes trailing all over you, from your wet thighs to your breasts that bounced with every thrust to your pouting lips all the way back to your eyes. 

“Not fuckin’ stopping.” He said through gritted teeth. “But,” He was stopped by a deep guttural moan, “Don’t look at me like that.” He said panting, “You’ll make me finish too quickly.” He said once more through gritted teeth. 

You took it as a challenge, stubborn as you were. You gave him a smile, and a giggle. 

“Fuckin' stubborn girl.” He said through gritted teeth, then picking you up and turning you around. Your back flesh with his armored chest. 

He pressed your thighs together again, and pushed his cock back in between them, but slightly missing and catching your entrance. Even though he graced it only slightly you moaned so beautifully it almost made him cum right then. That's when you realized how truly lovely it would feel to have him inside of you. 

“I want it inside” You moaned as one of your arms reached over and behind you to wrap around his broad shoulders. While your other hand held his large forearm that draped over your stomach holding you in place. 

“Can’t do that to you.” He said breathlessly, as his other hand removed the straps of your gown. As it fell to your waist, he cupped your breasts, his large hand completely engulfing it. 

You whined again. You didn’t care if you were ruined, you wanted to be. But you couldn’t force him. 

His tongue and teeth danced along your neck, you begged in your mind that he’d bite down or suck on your skin but no, never. Never to burden you with evidence that this ever happened. 

You felt that heat rise and the knot in your belly begin to snap. He could feel you clenching and it produced a vulgar moan from him, 

“That’s alright, you can cum,” He grunted, as he said that you moved your head back and faced him. “MH-” He gave you a sloppy and passionate kiss to mute your moan as you came over his cock. As your high was ridden out, he continued to thrust, he separated the kiss and looked deeply into your now exhausted and satisfied eyes, “Sandor” You whispered, sweetly, “Sandor,” 

He didn’t break your eye contact, his teeth gritted as he tried to hold back his moans as he began to spill out and over your thighs, “(Y/N)” He growled with a final deep and long thrust. 

As you laid there, on the fur rug of your room catching your breath. He laid with you. 

You peered over to him, “I meant what I said.” He peered over to you, raising one eyebrow. “I’m not his.” You said softly. 

“Aye.” He looked away, “But for your sake he’d better think you are.” He said in a low husky voice. 

You raised your hand to his scarred cheek, you began to run your fingers over it when he pulled away. 

“I don’t mind it, really,” You whispered. 

“Every one fucking minds it.” He hissed 

“I don’t.” You said back defiantly 

He huffed, and laid there in silence, he looked over at you, feelings somewhat bad he’d snapped at you. ‘Gentle’ he remembered. 

“When I was a boy, my brother caught me with one of his toys. Thought I stole it. I didn’t, just playing with it. Pressed my head to the fire. All like Baelish told you.” He let out another sigh, “But the worst part was that it was my brother who did it. And my father who protected him. Told everyone my bedding caught fire.” 

You moved closer to him and rested your head on his chest. You tried to listen to his heart beating through the armor, only making out a few muffled thumps. Your eyes heavy, closed soon enough. 

When you woke in the middle of the night you were in your alone bed, your legs were cleaned and you were dressed. 

And 

Your candle was out.

✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚

Every Morning since the riots you were awoken by a handmaiden, sometimes two. They’d dress you in red or gold. Braiding your hair, being sure to put lots of intricate, and no doubt expensive hair pins in it. You were beginning to feel more like the ornate decor that was scattered around kings landing than you felt like an actual woman anymore. 

As you walked the halls your handmaidens were like guards, guards of a prisoner. 

You passed a mirror as you walked and caught a glimpse of yourself, hardly recognizable. “As high as honour” what a joke you thought. Look at you now, looking more and more like a Lannister with each passing day. The red and gold you were forced to wear was a stark contrast from the blues and silvers you’d grown to love. But now you’d really had no home. You didn’t align yourself with the rest of your house anymore either. Lysa and Robin felt like intruders in your home, and they treated you the same. And now, Baelish was a true intruder in it. Being allowed in by your stepmother who’d no right to allow him entrance. Entrance to your home and now your titles. Rightfully yours. 

To gain your titles the Lannister's were your only hope now, so for now you’d be Cersei’s doll and Tyrion's wife. For now, you’d play along. 

But where did that leave Sandor?

You knew that first night he was angry, not at you. He was angry you were the one thing he couldn’t protect. You were his master's thing and couldn’t stop them from toying with you. He was angry you were the only thing he’d ever wanted, and just like everything he couldn’t have. He was angry he couldn’t tell you how much he wanted you. 

And the second night, he was scared, and vulnerable. 

You’d stopped eating since the riot. Normally, that would have gone unnoticed. However your now doting husband has made sure to keep eyes on you at all times. Your handmaidens are unwilling to engage in an argument with you knowing you aren’t the person to pick a fight with, told Tyrion. 

As your ladies ceaselessly brought you trays of food whilst you attempted to lounge on your balcony while you read you simply waved your hand at each tray, now not even bothering with a “No, thank you.” As it didn’t seem to stop them. 

Tyrion stepped onto the balcony, your eyes went towards him but snapped back onto your book as soon as you knew who was joining your handmaidens in disturbing your peace. 

“Lord Tyrion.” You said in greeting, hardly exerting any energy into it. You would have felt badly about discarding your virtue once more for another man if he’d hadn’t made you feel even more like a prisoner. 

“Lady (Y/N)” He said back, sitting across from you, “What are you reading?”

“Something of little consequence,” You said, closing the book and looking over your shoulder at the women who surrounded you “May we be left alone?” You asked, the women didn’t budge but looked to Tyrion who nodded at them, once at his command they left. 

“They don’t listen to me.” You said with harsh eyes. 

“I told them not to.” He said with a huff as he repositioned himself in his seat and putting on a half hearted smile. 

“Did you tell them to dress me like this too?” You said tossing the closed book to the side table next to you. 

“I asked them to help you fit in,” He said, leaning closer to you, his eyes filled with some kind of concern. “Joffrey has a tendency to single you out I wanted to see if I could correct that... Aesthetically.. Cersei had some dresses made for you and-”

“If you wish for me to continue to view you favorably, you are failing.” You said stoically, "Was I inadequate before?"

"No- no I-" He stopped himself, “I just want to do all I can to ensure your safety.” He conceded. You did appreciate it, but your need for freedom overweighed that appreciation heavily.

You sighed and looked away, off towards the near distant ocean of blue. You fidgeted with your new golden rings on your fingers. “And, you’re not eating.” He said in a lower tone, 

“And, you’re spying on me?” You said now focusing back on him. 

“Your ladies told me-” 

“Your ladies.” You corrected. 

“I am concerned. Ever since the riots you’ve not eaten a meal.” He huffed, “You need to eat. Name any food you want and I wish to have it made.” 

“I don’t want to eat.” You responded bluntly.  

“I am your husband to be, It is my duty-”

“Your duty? Your duty to imprison me in this place, in this engagement?” Your angry scowl dropped soon as you realized how cutting your words were. To him he was keeping you from further harm, and you knew that. You sighed and looked back to the sea, “It is hard for me to eat, it is hard for me to sleep.”

“Tell me how to help and I will.” He said almost pleading as he leaned forward and held his hands out palms up. "I’d do anything for my lady wife.” The words ‘lady wife’ made you want to vomit, especially after the previous night. 

“I want to go home. I want to claim my titles.” 

“You and I both.” He said with a dry chuckle. “I have wanted to claim my own birthrights long enough to know the feeling.”

“Were they stolen from under your grieving feet by Petyr Baelish?” 

“No-”

“Mine were. And I am powerless to stop it, because I sit here in this castle in these red gowns and Lannister gold. I am presenting myself as indifferent to my own birthright being stolen from me.” You sighed, “I understand what you are trying to do. I do, I may be angry but I do understand. But you need to understand this, in doing what you feel is protecting me, whether it is or is not, you have taken whatever independence I had left.”

“I understand.” He said sitting back into his seat, “And I will do all I can to help you proclaim your titles. But, it would seem Stannis aims to attack this city.” 

“Stannis Baretheon?” You asked in some confusion, no one ever told you anything.

“It seems we are not the only ones who wish to claim titles.” He said in an attempt to jest, “So we're not the men to fight for you yet, however we aim to win this war. Once it is, I will see to it that your titles are restored.” 

You smiled, “Thank you, Tyrion.” Although not in the slightest comforted by the idea of war approaching your doorstep

✧ ‧˚₊ ❆

As you walked down the halls of the castle you were hit with a brick wall, Sandor. 

“you’re not eating.” Sandor said in a hushed but deep and husky tone

“How’d you-” You began before he interrupted you. 

“All those fucking handmaidens tell the royals.” He said in annoyance

“I eat when I'm hungry. haven’t been in a while.” 

“you don’t eat, you’ll starve.” His voice was like he was warning you.

“unlikely. That takes time. Stannis aims to attack the city. I'm sure I'll be dead then.” You responded stoically.

“You won’t die.” He said as if it were fact,

“How can you be certain?” You retorted defiantly 

“Cause I fucking said so.” He said stomping off, his cape flowing behind him.

NOTE: Hey all you cool cats and kittens I hope you like this one!!! The next two are going to be a wittle cwazy just a warning... ALSO yall I wrote the smut part during jury duty LMAO... anyways

Also the last few chapters have gotten so much love and I am so very grateful thank you!!! <3

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