#whatever bc it’s making me think abt how maybe how i treat my mom / react to her emotionally neglecting me (and even PERCEIVE it as neglect) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

parkjmini · 6 years

Text

Outlier | the end

poly!au: park jimin x reader x kim jennie while your lovers said they needed you, you wondered if they knew how much you needed them. word count: 3988 genre: angst warnings: explicit language

[an]: nothing is medically accurate lmao im so sorry i researched like 70 percent and then i implied everything else so dont trust me idk what im talking abt. but a BIG thank you to everyone who sent me so so so much support and feedback for this entire series bc i wouldn’t have had the motivation to finish. getting those messages after posting a chapter made me giddy for my own story and i know what happens. I truly love interacting with my readers and going into plot/character analysis, i just love hearing everyone’s thoughts and thinking processes bc we all interpret things differently, again, thank you everyone who enjoyed reading this story (:

prologue . 01 . 02 . 03 . 04 . 05 . 06 . 07 . 08 . the end

After confirmation of the surgery, it became prepping sessions. Your doctor slowly took you off the chemo and gave you medication to ease any discomfort. You were given less visiting hours because you needed to rest.

But your troubles stirred when you were alone. The moment replayed in your mind when Jennie told you that they were broken up. There was nothing you could say, nothing for you to fix. Jennie and Jimin were respectfully dating you, aware of your decision for still wanting to be with the both of them. It didn’t feel the same though, it didn’t feel secure or safe.

There was no way you could date them separately. Jimin lacked what Jennie brought to the relationship and vise versa. It wasn’t complete without the both of them. Your nurses didn’t let you worry about that, brushing away Jimin and Jennie during your resting hours.

Jungkook visited you once after you added him back onto your list. He also brought you a vase of your favorite flowers. There was part of you where you didn’t want to make things awkward, but the other part didn’t allow for that. Instead, you blurted out that you knew about his crush on you. Then, he left quickly after you rejected his offer to be with him.

Hoseok respected your time and didn’t visit when he wasn’t allowed to. You were aware of how he had other important events in his life, but you really wished he tried to see you more. You’d hate to admit it, but Hoseok seemed to be the only person you could turn to for any non-biased advice. Since he stopped coming around often, you had to turn to your nurses.

The two weeks were absolutely the dullest moment in your life. You thought that living in your small town with your mom was bad, this was worse. You were stuck in a huge hospital with no friends majority of your stay. Your nurses were only with you for max ten minutes before they needed to go. You had the television, sleep, and your own nervousness.

Surgery was a big decision, so big that you even called your mom about it. You didn’t have the best relationship with your mom, so calling her was a surprise to even her. She totally didn’t bother to follow up on your life, so she never called first. But, you couldn’t go into surgery with the possibility of death and not tell her about it.

She offered to fly over and you insisted that she didn’t. So when she arrived to see you, you didn’t hesitate to give her a piece of your mind.

“What are you doing here? I told you that you didn’t need to come. Where did you find which hospital I was staying at?” You groaned into your pillow.

Your mom set her things down and crossed her legs while she took a seat across from you. “I asked the school. I’m your mother, for fucks sakes.”

“Yeah, well you didn’t think that when I was growing up, so now that I’m dying, you decide you should start caring.” You rolled your eyes at her gasp.

“How dare you say that to me? I raised you when your dad walked out on us.”

“If you think being drunk and picking me up from my after school programs means raising me, then yeah. You did great mom.” Your sarcasm came out in train wrecks when it came to your mom; she drew the worse out of you.

“(Y/N), you have cancer and you decide to let me know when you’ve already decided for surgery is not exactly the most responsible daughter thing you pride yourself to be.” She shot back.

Your nurse came in to cue that she only had 15 minutes left before she needed to leave. “It honestly didn’t cross my mind that I needed to tell you since you’ve never cared enough to call me these past years except to invite me to your stupid wedding. Might I also add that you didn’t tell me about until the day before, so that makes two of us.”

“I didn’t raise you for you to treat me like this.”

“You didn’t raise me at all, what are you saying? But how about we talk about something else, since that’s all we ever talk about. News flash, mom, I have fucking pancreatic cancer and I’m going into surgery tomorrow. I’ve been going to chemo these past three months and I have almost to no hair. My body is bruised from being poked by needles. I am dying! Thanks for even having the audacity to come see me before my maybe death tomorrow. Don’t let the door hit you in the face.” You shouted as loud as your lungs let you go.

Your door opened and you both stopped your argument to see Jennie and Jimin standing under the frame. They looked stunned and confused to see the lady who you resembled. “Did we come at a bad time?” Jimin asked.

“No, since this is your visiting time.” You crossed your arms, glaring at your mom.

“Who are you two?” She asked, rudely.

“Mom, that’s my boyfriend, Jimin and that’s my girlfriend, Jennie. Welcome to the modern society of polyamorous relationships where I love two people at once.” Jennie and Jimin have never heard such sarcasm run out of your mouth. You were always just subtle, but this side of you was new.

“Hi, it’s nice to finally meet you.” Jennie stepped forward and your mom got up.

“Well, I can see that you have a whole double life I know nothing about. I guess you don’t need me anymore. Good luck on your surgery and whatever you call a relationship.” She grabbed her things and walked past Jennie and Jimin.

“She was pleasant.” Jimin said sarcastically and you rolled over on your side.

“This is why I never brought you home with me for the holidays.” Jennie hurried to cuddle up to your side.

“At least we avoided an awkward argument over Christmas dinner.” She chuckled and kissed your ear.

Jimin sat on your opposite side. “Are you ready for tomorrow?”

Sitting up in Jennie’s arms, you buried your face in your hands. “No. I’m so scared.”

“You’re going to be fine. Jennie, Hoseok and I are going to be right outside of your door. We’re going to be with you when you’re recovering. We’re with you every step of the way, we already packed our go-bags.” Jimin tried to comfort you, but you sobbed into your hands. You couldn’t help but cry so much nowadays. Staying strong was hard when you were so vulnerable.

“And if something happens? Will you be there with me?” It was a rhetorical question that caused them to both fall silent.

“Nothing will happen. They’re highly trained professionals and I made sure you had the best surgeon in this hospital.” Jennie bragged proudly and Jimin laughed.

“Yeah, seeing her demand it was very terrifying. But, she did it. You’re in good hands, baby.” Jimin smiled and kissed the top of your head.

“Can you two just lay with me for the last couple of minutes before my nurse comes and kicks you out?” You sniffed and moved over for Jimin to join the sandwich fest.

“(Y/N), I love you so much.” Jennie and Jimin said in unison, and the unsettling feeling set back into your system.

A group of nurses and surgeons rolled you into a double door room. It was dim, except for the big spotlight that shined above you. Squinting, you saw the surgical masks that blinked back at you.

“Ready?” Your doctor was smiling behind her mask.

“No.” Your voice trembled from your nerves; your palms slick with sweat. “I want to be okay.”

“And you will be, (Y/N). We’re going to start with the anesthetics and we’ll get everything going. Relax, I’m right here.” She held onto your shaking hand and you stared back up at the bright light.

You felt the drugs enter your system, slowly stripping away your consciousness. You’ve already cried out all night your worries and said a few important goodbyes before the day arrived. The jittery feeling caused your body to shake uncontrollably and you were so terrified. This could mean recovery or death.

And while you hoped for survival, you knew the chances were split between the two options. Death was unavoidable, but to die so early shook your bones. Your dreams have just been memories of past events in your life, reminding you of the life you lived. The life you might soon leave. It was harder to ignore death than it was to wish for recovery.

Once your eyelids fell over your eyes, you’ve never felt more alone in your entire life.

“Would you stop pacing? You’ve been walking back and forth for the past two hours.” Jennie complained.

Jimin stopped in his tracks and narrowed his eyes at her, “I’m nervous.”

“What happened to ‘it’s going to be fine’ and ‘you don’t need to worry’?” Jennie laughed and Jimin rolled his eyes.

“I can’t help that my body reacts the way it does when I’m the slightest worried. How are you so calm about this? They’re literally cutting her open in that room.” Jimin gestured to the closed doors.

“By not thinking about it like that. I’m thinking about the lovely time I get to spend with my girlfriend when she’s done.” Jennie muttered.

Jimin walked up to her and pointed to his chest, “you mean my girlfriend?”

Hoseok pushed the two apart. “She’s both of your’s. Are you two done making a scene in a hospital?”

Jimin went over to sit next to Hoseok’s other side, making him stuck in the middle of a not-so-friendly feud. Even though they showed up together for visits, they were incredibly hostile to one another when they were alone.

They slept in separate beds, Jimin taking over your room and Jennie in her’s. They ate dinner with their own friends and didn’t bother to tell each other about their whereabouts. They mostly spoke to each other in scoffs or groans.

Suddenly, the hallway doors were slammed open and nurses were rushing in a big machine --- a defibrillator.

The three of them stood up, seeing how rushed and hurried the nurses looked. The surgery door opened and a surgeon walked out with sweat dripping down the side of his head. The sound of a flat line heartbeat caught the attention of Jennie.

“Her heart isn’t beating, is it?” She was afraid to hear the answer to her question, her chest rising and falling violently.

Your doctor held the door open for the other nurses and defibrillator. “Her pulse went out, but we’re doing our best. But prepare for the worse.”

Jennie collapsed onto the floor, bawling. “Holy fuck, we’re going to lose her!” She shouted with heavy tears running down her face. It was like her words pulled Jennie’s heart down to the pit of her stomach. Her whole mind and body were shutting down at the news.

“You have to stay calm, Jen.. we’re in a hospital.” Jimin tried to get her up, but she kept slipping his grasp.

“I don’t care! That’s our girl in there and her heart isn’t beating!” She exclaimed and Hoseok helped with holding her up.

Jimin’s head was in shambles, utterly speechless at what was happening. Hoseok was numb to the news, unaware to how to react. They wanted to stay optimistic, that the defibrillator will work. It had to work.

“Why don’t you two go outside and get some air? I’ll stay here for any further news. Please... it’s not a suggestion. Go.” Hoseok needed to clear them out before they both stressed him out more than he already was.

Jimin walked Jennie outside. The light breeze clearing their heavy, crazy minds. Jennie was choked up by her tears, constantly wiping at her wet cheeks. Jimin stared at the ground, listening to her sorrows. His heart too heavy to express.

“Aft-er -- everything.. --Jimin --- I’m.. really, truly sorry...--” Jennie had trouble speaking with the endless waterfalls from her eyes.

“--Jen..” Jimin barely got out.

“No.. listen to me first. I’ve felt really guilty about all the rumors. We should’ve never gotten together in the first place, especially with someone like me. I’m known as the campus hoe, right? I can’t hold onto a stable relationship even if I wanted to and now my --- girlfriend --- is-- she’s -- dying.” Jennie cried harder, holding her face in her hands as she slid against the wall and onto the ground.

“I didn’t do anything with Jisoo ever. I don’t know how many more times I need to tell you, but I would never hurt you or (Y/N) like that, especially coming from a place where that has happened to me multiple times. Maybe you’ve always secretly doubted our relationship, considering how we got together through an accidental one night stand.”

“Through our three months together, I fell head over heels for you, Jimin. I’ll admit it. I liked (Y/N) first, but you had a piece of me I didn’t think I could give to anyone after Taehyung. You’re so open, so understanding, so kind. I’ve never fully gotten the chance to explain myself because you keep shutting me down and every time, I believed that my explanation doesn’t matter. I’ve been devalued my entire life by my partners and sadly, I made myself feel that way with you when you ignored my pleads. But I think now is the best opportunity to tell you because we honestly don’t have anyone else who understands us the way we do. We’re both suffering because our girlfriend is in there not breathing. Our girlfriend, Jimin. I love you and through everything, you’re the one of the only people in this world who knows my struggles.” Jennie held him by the shoulders, so he could look her in the eyes as she gripped onto the only hope left in her life.

Jimin invited her into his arms, holding her tight. He had forgotten why he was upset before. He just wanted to be with his girls. He wished, hoped, prayed that things were back to how they were before the misfortune.

“I’m sorry for making you feel invalid. I’m sorry for hurting you the way I did.” He admitted and Jennie sobbed harder into his chest.

“It’s okay... -- we’ll --- be...”

“--- Okay?” Jimin finished off and she nodded.

You couldn’t breathe or move. Your lungs collapsed into your chest and you struggled to supply oxygen to your body. You screamed, but no noise came out and your arms were glued to your side. It was like you were trapped in a motionless body.

Everything was turning fuzzy and a white light blurred your vision. This was it. You were dying. You weren’t sure what realization hit you. Maybe it was the lost of breath and your heart rate slowly declining. Maybe it was the blinding light that caught your attention ahead.

Your memories started flashing before you. Jennie and Jimin flooding your mind. Your eyes scanned for anyone else, but them. However, you were left with scenes of your once perfect relationship.

Your first date night. It was the day you officially joined your partners. Jennie hurried you down to meet Jimin. He was cleaned up nicely, standing all cool against his sleek car. He peered up to see Jennie with the biggest smile on her small face, hand holding yours.

She told Jimin the news and he was overjoyed, ready to hold you in his arms. He rushed you into the car and it didn’t feel much different than it was when all three of you hung out. The only difference was that you’ve never been more intimate with your best friends.

Your first kiss. You anxiously sat next to Jimin on the couch during a lazy movie fest you were having with them. He had his arm wrapped around you, twirling the ends of your fingers with his. Your heart beating so fast, being not use to the touching from either of them.

He picked up your chin, knowing that you were distracted. It was an instant spark once your eyes connected and soon, your lips did as well.

Your first ‘I love you’. This moment was one of your favorites. It was Jennie’s birthday and you three were excited for the day ahead. However, a huge storm was rolling in and you were almost home. Jimin insisted in stopping to buy more snacks before rushing back.

Once you all stepped out from the convenience store, it was showering, pouring heavy amounts of rain. Jennie, you and Jimin were drenched within seconds of going outside. Your plastic bags filled up an inch with collected water. Jimin’s leather seats in his car pooled with rain. All three of you laughed with glee as you marveled the escape from the wet mess.

And you suddenly stopped to admire the way Jimin’s eyes disappeared cutely and how Jennie’s nose scrunched up, her adorable snort catching your attention. In the midst of their happiness, you blurted out, “I love you two.”

The news of your mother’s wedding. An invitation was addressed to you. It had pretty cursive handwriting and a beautiful design. It was a wedding for your mom and her boyfriend, inviting you to join them for an evening of unity. You weren’t aware of them even being engaged, let alone a marriage.

Jennie and Jimin never mentioned your mom, knowing you didn’t like pressing on too much about her. Their initial reaction was for you to go, until you explained that you didn’t even know she was getting married. You had crumpled up the invitation and threw it away in the trash.

Jennie consoled you, reassuring you that it was perfectly fine that you don’t attend. While you sulked in the living room, they approached you with the idea of still giving your mom a gift to congratulate her. It showed that you were the bigger person and that you acknowledge her efforts. They made you a better you.

Throughout every flashback, and every memory, your heart was searching for something beyond them, an image that wasn’t them. You laid there, dying, and all you saw was your girlfriend and your boyfriend. There had to be more than that and your heart was looking, waiting, for any other memories to surface.

But nothing. It was only them and you couldn’t help, but feel a little disappointed. For the last few years of your life, you’ve revolved your entire world around these two people. You’re alone, not because you’re not social, but because you chose to focus all of your efforts into your relationship. And as you slowly lost sense of your consciousness, you became regretful about how you lived.

You heard distant voices, “1, 2, 3!” and you slowly opened your eyes. There was a rush of air that filled your lungs. Your vision adjusted to the bright spotlight and the many surgical masks above you.

“She’s awake! We got her pulse!” They cheered and one of the nurses pulled down his mask.

“You’re going to be okay, Ms. (Y/N). The surgery was a success.” He smiled and you nodded, reaching for his hand to hold to make sure it was your reality.

“We’re going to move you to your recovery room now, but you did really well.” The young nurse cheered with so much excitement, there were tears in his eyes. He was a complete stranger that just saved your life, yet he was even crying for you.

“T-Than-k yo-u.” You barely made out and he patted your shoulder. You shut your eyes again and felt the bed move and the voice of Hoseok calling after you as natural light hit your eyelids.

Several hours after the surgery and going over the post-surgery care, you carefully sat up in bed. Hoseok had to leave, but the two stayed. Jennie held onto you tighly, and Jimin blinked at you with stars in his eyes. But the thought you had while you were close to death never left your mind.

“There is something I need to talk to you about.” You began, and Jimin and Jennie shared glances. “There was a lot to think about when I went under, my heart stopped for a few minutes and I was so close to my death. All I saw were our memories. I saw you two, but... something inside of me longed for something else, something more.”

“If it’s not the three of us, then I don’t want to be in an individual relationship with either of you. That would mean making me choose and I don’t love one more than the other. It’s either both of you or neither. I will always love you two with all that my heart has to offer, but my life is so valuable and I need someone who is going to recognize that. I realized that the best for us is that there simply is no us. I love you both so much, I really do, but right now is not the right time. I’ll never forget us. ”

“Jennie, you were the first girl I love. Jimin, you were the first boy I love. But throughout it all, I won’t try to remember us. Maybe we’ll realize each other’s worth once we’re ready for it and we’ll be new people when we meet again.”

Jennie didn’t let go of your hand, instead, she nodded to every single word that you poured from your heart. “If that’s what you think is the best option for us, then I’ll accept your decision.” She agreed and no longer shed any more tears. She knew it was for the better, even if it did break her heart.

With a turn of events, Jimin was actually the one crying this time. Jimin’s tears spilled down his plump, supple cheeks. It was difficult for him to talk.. it was difficult for him to express how he felt in general. “I felt so regretful because I thought I was going to lose you forever when I was ready to trade my life for your’s. I’m just happy you’re alive and breathing. I respect your decision and I think that you’ll always know what’s best for us three.”

Your heart was healing, bit by bit. The shock of almost death woke you up and you no longer wanted to be trapped in something that didn’t seem to work out well anymore. It was time for an end. It was time for change and you were more than thankful to have Jennie and Jimin, who loved you so much, they were willing to let you go and live life with no more regrets.

Jennie smiled before gently kissing your hand, “I’m unsure how long me and Jimin would’ve lasted without you, but we were two people who fell out of love for each other, but back in love through you. I want you to know that even though you felt like you didn’t belong in our relationship, you were actually the connection between us. You were the reason there was an us.”

It was an epiphany ---- you were not the outlier in the relationship. You were the core center. Jennie and Jimin were more than thankful to have you in their lives, who loved them so much, that you were willing to look past their differences and to fight through every trial.

“You were the reason there was an us.” That single line replayed in your thoughts, in a constant loop. And you smiled at Jimin and Jennie, the monitor beeping being the only noise in the room.

“I love you both, don’t you ever forget that.”

477 notes · View notes