#what the fuck whst the fuck what the fuck im so

[youaremysunshine-court]

Big anxiety tonight about really vague things idk wtf my brain is doin

#my heart is beating so fast over like... something thats a month away #but i thought it was two months away #and forgot time #and its just alll #closing in #idk #i hate it #i hate losing time like this i was meant to be getting my life together and suddenly its the end of may what the fuck #what the fuck whst the fuck what the fuck im so #god i hate this #i wish i was doing somethign worthwhile #i want to contribute something and the days just keep slipping away and before you know it its all gone

[crows-murder]

how on earth did my ass managed to get a bad cough in fucking JUNE???? its so hot I have to open my window every day and im coughing???? killing myself, this is so unfair

#genuinely considering that i stressed myself out to the point of getting sick #I DONT KNOW WHAT ELSE TO SAY #ITS BEEN SUNNY EVERY DAY FOR THE LAST WEEK AND A HALF #ajfkgklglh whst the fuck #im going home in a week please ive hurt so much already 😭 #ghost post

[charlesemersonwinchesteriii]

Gabriel/Beelzebub is not going canon before A/C does. I am not seeing this. It is not happening.

#HELLO CAN ANYONE HEAR ME DOES ANYONE KNOW WHST IS HAPPENING #good omens spoilers #good omens season 2 #good omens #good omens tv #starky liveblogs good omens season 2 #im going to lose and die so fucking badly. half an hour left and for what.

[sotogalmo]

3:37 am

Not having a good time. Fucking crying. What the fuck.

Tailor of Enbizaka is fucking emotionally killing me. I'm killing people in my head. What the fuck

#time diary(?) #audrey/kellie's time diary #tailor of enbizaka #evillious chronicles #“feathers across the seasons” IS NOT MAKING ME BETTER. FUCKKKKIINNNN #GGGGAHHHHH. IT MAKESNME ILL. WHST THE FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK #I HATE IT SOSOSOSO MUCH. PELASEEEE ... (not rlly love the song soso most. i love the series. but my fuck its making me #emotional and i htae it. i hate how it just makes me think of how human i am. im going to die one day. but its not me that #is making me emotional. its about my lover. i dont want him to die. i dont want him to meet his end. i dont want that #i just don't. its just not right. and i. fuck i dunno how to explain it at all. but i dont want it. honestly ?? not again #i don't want it to happen again. im too used to death yes. but god fuck i dont want it to happen to anyone who i have shared so much with #i haven't even shared what i shared to him to my own family and friends. and if hes going to die due to a illness #that HAS and DOES HAVE a cure. oh bet your asses ill do whatever i can do fucking get that cure so rhat he can live #i just dont want to go thru it again .... i don't like it

[steampoweredskeleton]

My physio wants me to go outside and walk every day. I feel like I should have warned her that the likelihood of me having that kind of energy is incredibly small, and even if it's there, that energy needs to go towards shit like cooking before trips outside

#delete later #it makes me feel lazy sometimes that i hsve so little energy but at thr same time i know that its not my fault #trying to keep a good level of functioning in terms of self care like eating and washing and chores is already really difficult #whilst working full time. i may have the energy for every other day after the flat inspection. tonight i need to reserve energy for #tidying and shit before that. im so tired i legitimately had to fitce myself not to lie down earlier bc i knew I wouldn't be getting back u #idk what the fuck is wrong with me but this is how ive been since i was like 11/ #12 and had to lie down after school #i also keep teetering on the edge of a real freak out. ive been switched to probrct management again so im doing a bunch #of emailing abd communicating and checking. most of which doesnt have concrete answers and relies on understanding #whst ppl are trying to say in their survey responses. which i rly rly struggle with. and on top of that several things #have changed this week at work ahd its impacted my workload sbd responsibilities a lot so im trying to breathe theough it #but im incredibly frustrated and stressed and overwhelmed and having to spend at least a couple hours under weighted blanket each day #most ofbthe tine i dont require the weighted blanket its just nice. i require it right now. frustrating

[trainerdawn]

first college class on campus tomorrow has me wondering “how does this work am i supposed to like… go into the classroom?”

#(shaking myself) WHST DO YOU FUCKING THINK #im overthinking this sooo hard like is it weird if i bring a backpack to class. what if everyone hates me because i brought a backpack #and then everyone knows me as the backpack girl and i get tripped in the hallways and shoved into lockers for it #they donteven have lockers there #but they might get lockers at the school specifically to shove me into because they hate me so much for wearing a backpack

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#hhhhh 🫠 gotta love when instead of doing literally anything im stuck anxiously vibrating for hours #like if u just did things. things would get done! thats how this works! wtf r u doing??? #2 manuscripts that r supposed to be done now and 2 applications left to complete #my mum thinks i should let my boss kno thst my brain is collapsing in on itself and like yea i prob should bc i should apologize for being #all weird and disorganized. my brain feels so weird. like it takes so so much processing power for me to remember wtf i was doing and what #i have to do next but like if i tell her it wont really change anything bc its like i have to meet these deadlines either way #also i have to b careful bc i dont wanna say yea i got horrifically burned out taking measurements but like im sure itll be fine that i #have to go back to taking measurements in January. like no prob. weve only been building up to it all year #and i kno if i say im burned out she'll be like u gotta relax more! i told u to relax so we wouldnt b here! #and then i have to be like no u dont fucking understand that i cant relax. i never relax. my life is a series of tasks and thinking abt #tasks and worrying forever. if u tell me to relax i will agony spiral for hours not relaxing and not being productive 🙃 #i just need my brain to allow me to focus long enough to get these fucking manuscripts done #but no my brain is like if u wanna do thing u gotta find the perfect audio but also i cant focus as well with audio but also i cant even #find the right thing to listen to anyway. and my brain is like u need one device playing media and 1 playing music #and like no stop. just fucking focus and stop falling apart #time time time not enough and far too much #its so weird bc i think im pretty level headed and self aware despite how my brain is sometimes. but it keeps doing this thing where #like everything gets so distorted and im like jesus its a good thing otherwise pretty grounded #blah tomorrow well see whst comes outta my mouth when i tslk to my boss #ugh im so tired whyyyyyyyyy #i cant even make proper time to draw #unrelated

[bigothteddies]

btw, the guy that dm’d me accusations about me changing his code/breaking the project in our term project completely changed his tune after I refuted every one of his accusations. I’m still pissed off about it and a little disappointed that he didn’t have the backbone to even try.

#unimportant thoughts #like if youre going to be stupid #at least keep digging the hole #dont just did a shallow trench on my property then immediately fill it back in while apologizing when i catch you #i was so fucking prepared and I’m so fucking pissed off about it #im the only person the properly commented their code for readability #im clarified exactly what i changed in the code and why in comments #i clarified what i changed and why IN THE CHANGE LOG #and he had the nerve to accuse me of doing things that ARE THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT I WROTE IN THE CHANGE LOG #i despised this guy already for other reasons but this really took the cherry on top for me #such such bullshit #and the fact that he so clearly misunderstood my changes and made wild assumptions about what i did #and then just gives me a polite apology after accussing meeee #like come ON i was ready to give you a full dressdown of all the changes i made and why they do the exact opposite of whst youre saying #UGHHHH #fuck that guy #all my homies hate that guy

[tenndo]

WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WAHT THE FUCK WHATR THE FUCJ

#THAT NEW CHAPTER OF ONE PUNCH MAN WHAT THE FUCK YWTAH THE FUCK WHSTS THEJG FJJCJ #HTLGNENNBD NKKDOWKOOO #HE CAN'T DIE NO NO NO NO NO IM SHAKING THERES NO WAY #I VMA HNJJI #i. ll probably reblog spoilers soon so block opm or something if u dont want to see them im. so unwell. unstable

[diomedrian]

It's so strange

#my heart feels so bothered and indifferent at the same time. do i need to be his friend. do i want to be his friend. what if all the spark #was his what if none of it was really mine. what if i push him out of my life so far and not recognise myself anymore. what if i only want #him to care and want to stop caring about him myself. what if its another six years before i kiss someone whst if its another ten before i #let my guard down. what if he's done more damage to me than good. what if he's done more damage while never giving a flying fuck #do i have to be nice. i want him dead. i want his visa to never go through. i want him to be stuck in his hometown. #i know i know that's mean and angry and i am bitter and i promised i wouldn't be angry but i have been doing everything with so much #sadness. its surprising how heavy the body the air the task is when its tinged with sadness let alone drowning in it. #im so upset that he's so unaffected while every day i wake up and struggle to keep myself together and god. #24 is too old for hurt like this. 24 is too old to hold your heart every day in your hands and try bringing it back to life. #what have you done (you should not have) #personal

[skyburger]

Do not hit me up bro this azran legacy shit gets serious

#ihave to say rewatching the last two hours of the game or so. i love it dearly but man they use the sad song like. a ridiculous amount 😭 #the song called ​warmth & kindness if memory serves? #and im realizing now that perhaps these games will not hit everyone as hard as it hit me #specifically because i love the voice acting it really works for me like. theyre cartoonish thats part of the charm #but i think some people would listen to it and not actually find it that sad. descole is quite over the top and i love him to death #but revealling his tragic past and still talking like hes the phantom of the fucking opera #is a little funny. Scene still sends a pang through my heart though #anyway i know the transition from 2d sprites to 3d was weird but they made the animations totally work in their favor #like the characters can do a lot more really small things and i like that its fun #i dontrmemeber how much they did that in miracle mask tho #muffin mumbles #Anyway whst if i died right now. what if the world blew up. this series fucked me up dude 🥲🥲 AURORAAAAAAA 😭😭😭🙏🙏🙏🫡🫡🫡

[narutomaki]

really hoping that the new meds don't fuck me up and also that they will let me Get Out Of Bed And Draw

or do anything before it becomes an emergency really

#emergency is used very loosely here #i can do dishes and clean up after the pets and then im DOWN #and i have been for almost like. 2 months. bro 😭 whst the fuck #ive been having migraines and recovering from migraines for way too long.... usually its not this bad. #well last year it wasnt but i suppose last year around this time i also wasnt able to do much of anything at all bcus i wasnt on vyvanse yet #so. well. ill take what i get tbh #ill just complain about it the whole time

[candyskiez]

so do you spiral into rage whenever you realize the person who got you seconds away from killing yourself is moving on with their life when somedays you still feel like you're stuck in that moment that fucking traumatized you and how unfair it is that they get to move on when you almost ended it all over them or do you not have a deep seated fear that you jave no effect on the people aroujd you

#suicide tw #cw suicide #tw suicide #suicide cw #candyskiez vent #i know its irrational. i know #but fuck its. a part of me is almost mad at them for moving on. even though earlier i was fucked up because whst if i hurt them what if im #terrible person. i keep fucking flipflopping. ive never once wanted them back but ive missed them so bad and ive hated them and i still #fucking love them and god. i almost killed myself. i almost KILLED myself and they get to just??? be upset that i didnt want them in my lif #they can just go on about how it was so hard for THEM to lose all their friends when they were the one who cut us out. and everyone feels #bad for them. but fuck. i almost fucking killed myself. i almost killed myself because of this situation. i thought id never be happy again #i was wrong. im finally healing from it. but sometimes i can't help but hate them. because how DARE you ever act like the two things are #even remoteoy equivalent. you lost SOME of your friends because you made a stupid ass life decision you had EVERY way of knowing would blow #up. we were in hell. we were in fucking hell. the friend group almost fucking fell apart becase of your stupid ass. i almost killed myself. #i thought id never be happy again. i almost killed myself without leaving a note so i wouldbt have to feel yhe pain YOU caused me. YOU. and #you think you have the RIGHT to be sad? you arent the fucking victim. you have NEVER been the victim of this situation. you will never be. #and logically i know i know they can feel however they feel and thats valid and yeah they cared. but it feels insulting fucking INSULTING #because how dare you be sorry when i could never forgive you for what you did. how dare you do something so STUPID and get surprised when #people got hurt. you are a fucking awful friend. you dont deserve forgiveness. i dont give a shit youre sorry. why should i care. why is it #MY job to care that youre a fucking idiot. you hurt me. why is it my job to understand why? i almost killed myself. #later on im probably going to feel bad for them again. i know they aren't a monster but god it is so fucking hard to care. ive never gotten #that close to suicide. and they very nearly pushed me over that edge. i was so fucking close to writing a note. i was debating if i should #send the note to my online friends. i was on the fucking brink. i will never fucking forgive them. i almost killed myself. #and their name wouldve been on the note.

[imakle]

so hard to fight the "my friends all say they love me but they're lying. they secretly hate me so so much" thoughts when it has been proven true on 2 seperate occasions. but god I am trying and I will continue to try

#is it something about me #i literally asked them and i dont even think they know #one of them changed their mind after telling me and was like #huh yeah its kinda weird how i suddenly just disliked you as person so much and kept it secret. gone now rhat ive talked about it aha #<- after a year of ghosting me #like cool ig. what am i supposed to do now #most ppl would take this as a sign to change themselves but what do i fucking change. they dont even know whst they dislike #i want to just confidently be like huh that was fucked up of them! means nothing about me personally. but man thats hard! #thank god for my bestie fr. i have no faith in any of the relationships in my life except hers. #even then ofc im like. what if she secretly hates me. but i can believe in us enough to fight that thought yk #love my wife <3 #started out this post so depressed and now im like <33333 peace and love on earth my bestie is everything to me #rambles

[ventus-selphus]

he doesn't even think about you, isn't it time to move on

man its almost like i cant move on because everyone is fucking watching me and bringing up more of the past. why the FUCK are you even here?? why are any of you WATCHING ME. how the fuck am i supposed to heal let alone like myself knowing probably hundreds of people hate my guts. im out of your lives, what more do you fucking want from me?

#leave me alone #leave me the fuck alone #i cant fucking do this #what do you gain from this #whst so you gain from talking to me #you dont know what im fucking going through #what do you want

[imblocking-you]

Gonna watch Business Proposal bc I need serotonin

#cinematography and editing so pretty #i havent read the webtoon yet but i feel like the drama did it justice #ANG GWAPO NUNG SECRETARYY #ANG GANDA NI SEJEONGG #AHH ANG GANDA NI YEONGSEOOO #chaebol friends 💀 #sejeong is such a great actress she's not minding the camera at all T.T #AND SHES SO PRETTY HER OUTFITS HER HAIRR #imagine how tiring filming is #constantly adjusting hair makeup outfits mics line delivery #and they don't let it show?? #i find that fucking amazing actually #im never criticizing an actor agaim when idm whst happens behind that camera 💀 #like and what if you don't get along with ur crew?? #if i was rich i'd buy them a food truck tbh #THAT DRESSUP SEQUENCE WAS PERFECT #also do they not offer pictures or profiles for this blind date TT #ah well it does have blind in the word and i suppose not just anyone can get the news or into a prestigious restaurant #this is perfect i'm adding it to the list right next to strong woman #it's not the same level still but man it deserves a place of its own #he sajd im marrying the first girl on the chairman's list if she's crazy we turn a blind eye #he really wants to make it work lmfao #idk if he can tell she's just not in it to win it or he's just like this normally #got that lwj syndrome or wtv doing something youd definitely won't expect from him #or he just doesnt have that much experience 💀 #dating experience* #i wanna know what he's thinking so bad #who set this up this is so funny lmfao #also if ml existed irl and he acted like this i'd think he's an asshole not endearing lololol #ep 1 business proposal