#what if i don't have gender dysphoria what if i just hate my body cause im fat

[curls-cat]

havin some imposter syndrome abt my gender

#what if im actually cis and I've just talked myself into thinking im nonbinary #what if i don't have gender dysphoria what if i just hate my body cause im fat #two of my siblings are also nb and i know. i KNOW. that there's no wrong way to be nb. but they just seem so much more nb than me #(is that bc they're skinny? maybe) #like. im not a girl but what if i secretly am and ive just deluded myself

[paperlunamoth]

The fully sane to fully insane TRA progression:

"I'm a man, but I don't feel comfortable actively conforming to traditionally masculine gender roles."

Nothing wrong with that! Gender is bullshit anyways.

"I'm a man, but I feel more comfortable actively conforming to traditionally feminine gender roles."

Cool. You do you.

"I'm a man, but I have a mental disorder that makes me deeply uncomfortable with being male. In addition to presenting and acting in a traditionally feminine manner, I would like to be recognized socially as a woman and addressed as 'she/her' in order to more easily manage the distress that results from my condition."

Okay. That's fine I guess.

"I'm a woman who was incorrectly identified as male at birth. I am not meaningfully distinct from biological women and therefore am entitled to exist in single sex, female only spaces, and to speak on behalf of women as a group. Women as a class should change the language they use to discuss their bodies and their oppression in order to make me more comfortable even though many of such discussions necessarily do not involve me. Women are to blame if I am the victim of male violence, especially women who are concerned about the issue of male violence. If I don't have access to a lifetime supply of medically unnecessary hormones and receive multiple invasive cosmetic surgeries in order to make my body appear more female, I will become suicidal, but also I am not mentally ill. Calling my condition, which causes me daily psychological distress, a mental illness is hate speech."

Um...

"What even is a woman, anyways? I know I'm a woman, because I identify as a woman, and that's what it means to be female. Gender isn't real and doesn't exist. But also transgender identities are real and valid and trans women are discriminated against because their gender is female. Sex is an arbitrary nonbinary social construct just like gender, also sex has nothing to do with gender. But also I would like my penis to become a vagina in order to alleviate my gender dysphoria. Sex based oppression isn't real, only gender based oppression is, and it is a totally random coincidence that the concept of gender happens to benefit the penis people at the expense of the vagina people 99% of the time. The existence of intersex birth defects demonstrates that humans are not a gonochoric species. No one is born male or female. A clitoris is just a very tiny penis, and a penis is just the outie version of a vagina, and sex organs don't determine whether someone is male or female. I still really want a vagina specifically though because I am female and females have vaginas. Homosexuality has nothing to do with sex and being exclusively same sex attracted is morally wrong. I think minors should be allowed to take cross sex hormones and receive cosmetic surgery but also no one is saying that shut up stop lying. I don't have a mental illness, that would be bad and gross, I'm perfectly normal and dysphoria is perfectly healthy, and you must literally want me to die if you think otherwise, how dare you be so hateful towards mentally ill people. Not giving in to my every demand and actively catering to my desires is literally partipating in genocide. Choke on my cock and die you misogynist!"

...

#radical feminism #radfem #radblr #feminism #tras #tra logic #gender critical #guys I used to be on board until things got to stage four

[detransdamnation]

hey, i'm a transgender person who came across your blog while looking through some tags. i don't necessarily agree with much of your views (i'm very much not a gender critical), but your posts have given me a new perspective on detransitioners. i didn't hold any animosity towards them before (or much of an opinion at all really), but my understanding of them didn't have much depth. i just wanted to say that i feel a great amount of empathy for you. transitioning might have not been the answer for you, but i hope someday your dysphoria dissipates and you're able to find peace. you aren't a freak for pursuing a path that didn't end up being right for you, you simply tried to alleviate your dysphoria in the only way you knew how to. i'm sorry it didn't work out. and i'm sorry so many of my peers treat detransitioners with vitriol when we really should be extending our support to them. i apologize if this came off as me pitying your situation. i'm not good at conveying words through text, but i just want you to know that my sentiments are genuine. i'm sure this is kind of a weird thing to get in your inbox (probably even weirder coming from a transgender person, sorry). i suppose we're at odds with each other, but i hope you are able to find happiness and someone who will love you for you.

Thank you so much for this message, sweet. One of the driving forces in my decision to publish my mostly unfiltered turmoil in relation to my dysphoria (beyond the fact that I just need a place where I can drop it and forget about it) was/is the wish for people to gain this very perspective through my blog. I find that a not-insignificant portion of the gender-critical community consists of people who (self-admittedly) do not actually experience long-term dysphoria to the degree that I and many other transgender people experience (meaning they're just parroting talking points without a personal, in-depth understanding of what it is actually like to hate yourself and your body to such a degree and be so fucking desperate to just make it stop), while the wider detransitioned community (contrary to somewhat popular belief) do not actually criticize gender identity as a concept, and in fact, often continue to find comfort in upholding it post-detransition. I also find that the ways in which dysphoria is approached and talked about in both communities can be a bit... shall I say... missing-the-forest-for-the-trees in that there is so much emphasis on "curing" dysphoria (whether through the means of transition, therapy, or simply "growing out of" it) riddled into the ideologies that when they come across someone like me—someone who has continued to have severe, persistent dysphoria through transition, detransition, and pretty much everything under the sun—they, very often, have no idea what to do or say because I exist outside of the plane of generalizations they have based their beliefs off of. I believe, if you want to have an honest conversation about mental health, you have to acknowledge that you can do everything "right" and still suffer—I am living, breathing, walking proof of that shitty fact. I choose to be pragmatic about it, to show that both "solutions" to this internal nemesis have caused me pain in different ways, because I think it's way too easy for people—including myself—to forget that real people's stories are often much more nuanced and complicated than mere theories would have you assume. Maybe that's cliché, dramatic, pessimistic or self-defeatist of me. But it's messages like yours that show my decision has made the intended impact.

You have nothing to apologize for. I don't read your message as your pitying my situation (and even if I did, I'd totally understand, considering the content of some of my posts lmao). I'm so glad to know that you have found some value in what I have shared here, even more so that you read through my blog and came to a place of compassion instead of defense. I'd go out on a whim and say we're not so at odds with each other, seeing as how I do still live my offline life as a transgender person currently, although I understand how many would disagree with me on that considering my perspective. Especially in this past year, it can be very hard for me to not look at this clusterfuck of an issue and want to throw back all of the anger and hatred that the trans community has shown me in the past, I'll honestly admit that—but through it all, I try to hold out hope that we will move past this weird timeline of extremism (on both sides) and we will all be able to come to a place of mutual understanding that will benefit all dysphoric people who precede us.

#genuine fanmail #detrans #submission #text #my post

[possibilistfanfiction]

ooo wdym when u say u hate the concept of gender euphoria? (of course u don’t have to answer this)

i've just found for me personally, as someone who doesn't really care about gender, that gender 'euphoria' feels like a lot of pressure to feel deep joy in something i feel deep apathy toward. it's also touted a lot by cis ppl as like well either ur gender dysphoric or gender euphoric. i think the same concepts happen a lot of recovery in eating disorders -- either you hate eating or you love eating.

& for me, most shit is neutral! neutrality is so fucking sustaining. like i love to go about my day even keel. i'm a double taurus so i want my comfy linen & cotton that makes me feel peaceful, & i want my little home decorated in sage green & quiet. i want my adventures w charli to be beautiful but incident free.

lucie fielding talks abt gender peace as something she strives for instead of gender euphoria, & it's been a great framework for me. i've had top surgery, which made me feel so so peaceful abt that part of my body. i don't feel joy around it? it's just a part of who i am that no longer causes me anxiety. & w my body in general, i'm v proud of what it can do, & v much accepting of its limits at this point. i still feel dysphoric! but i don't have to achieve like Gender Nirvana or something to eat a yummy meal or enjoy sex w my wife or buy a pair of pants that fit me well.

i think we live in such a binary world that rly negates the breath that neutrality & peace bring into day to day living. i love being a dyke & just listening to what makes me feel calm & seen by those who i've chosen to have as part of my life. gender euphoria as the only alternative to dysphoria is stupid & shitty & i have very little interest in trying to make myself feel joyful about something that has never brought me joy. not thinking abt gender, or feeling calm about gender, is always the goal for me, in whatever decisions i make. especially aesthetically, it's helped me so much feel less paralyzed by semi-permanent & permanent choices. i know what makes me feel calm, & that's enough :)

#gender euphoria is so stupid sorry !!! #same thing w pronouns like whew .... being gender expansive for me is just trying to find what's the most chill #& go from there #not once in my life have i ever felt happy abt or in a gender so #what's the least conflicting choice .... i will choose that

[imparoferre]

I M P A R O F E R R E

What is Imparoferre? Imparoferre is a term coined to represent atypical and non-linear dysphoria, this encoumpases anything outside of typical gender! This can include, but is not limited to: species, physical features, and voice!

Impar = odd Ferre = to bear or to carry Imparoferre roughly means an odd thing to carry, which is what the distress caused by dysphoria often feels like!

Why would someone use this term? Atypical dysphoria can occur for many reasons, here are a few examples. Imparorace: someone might feel dysphoric for not being born a certain race due to the culture/people they grew up around, this is more commonly seen in those who are adopted by parents of a different race, or children who were taken overseas because of adoption. Imparoage: this dysphoria could be due to someone being mentally stunted, or undertaking trauma during a developmental period, causing them feel 'stuck' at another age- on the opposite end, someone who was forced to mature fast as a child might feel as if they should be physically older to match that! These can also be affected by DID/OSDD where alters feel dysphoric that their body does not match the appearance they have internally.

An important aspect about Imparoferre, and atypical dysphoria in general, is that it is NOT a choice nor aesthetic based identity. Atypical dysphoria is recognized in both the medical and psychological fields, and some people undergo treatment because of it!

READ : Anyone can use this term regardless of their, or my, stances. I am coining this purley for my own comfort, but I do ask if you do not have genuine dysphoria about aspects of yourself that you use an alternative term to describe your experiences ✮⋆˙

Imparoferre is not radqueer, or radqueer adjacent in nature, if you identity with the term then I'm super happy for you please use it, just please don't conflate Imparoferre with being TransID- and please do not send me any hate

This is a safe term for anyone and everyone to use, I do not want any discourse

my tags are for reach, they do not equate to

my views or supports, please respect this!

໒꒰ྀིっ˕ -｡꒱ྀི১

#arissomei #arissodic #atypical dysphoria #gender dysphoria #trans id #exterdic #arizzomei #arizzodic #radqueer #arrisorace #pro para #paraphile safe #Imparoferre

[shadowen]

I've been thinking a lot about the intersections between gender envy, gender dysphoria, and body dysmorphia and feeling very stuck.

I'm non-binary and AFAB. I use the term genderqueer, because my internal sense of gender is very much shrug emoji. As far as specific terms, the closest is probably genderfluid or agender. In a perfect magical world, I'd be able to change my shape or temporarily swap out body parts at will. We don't live in a perfect magical world, obviously. I wear a binder sometimes, but I don't feel like it makes much of a difference. (Yes I have a good quality binder. Yes it's correctly fitted. I have large breasts and mostly wear sports bras, so there's just not a noticeable change.) I feel a lot of the "but am I non-binary enough?" impostor syndrome, for a lot of reasons.

This is all personal stuff, not meant to comment or reflect on the experience of anyone other than myself, and is probably WAY more information about me than you ever want to know. Just thought writing it out might help organize my thoughts. Maybe it did?

I'm fat. That's not meant to be disparaging, just a statement of fact. There's been some variation in my size over my adult life, but I've always been fat. There was a time when I could say I was hot AND fat, but that's long past. The only times I've ever lost a significant amount of weight, I was (a) still fat and (b) living in a way that was deeply unhealthy (replacing meals with coffee and cigarettes, walking so much I was in pain, not sleeping, etc.). I've tried medications and diets. I'm not unhealthy. I'm just fat, and I'm always going to be fat.

I feel like the entire front of my body is just in the way. My breasts and stomach are just this big lump of flesh that keeps me from ever being comfortable. Sitting, standing, moving, walking, sleeping, everything is harder because of this mass that feels like it's pasted onto my body. Clothes that otherwise fit fine don't fit right on my breasts or don't sit right on my waist or just won't go over my stomach. This has always been a problem, no matter what size I am. I used to say that I love my tits, but I don't. The only good thing I can say about them is that they're big enough to occasionally balance out my lower belly, so I at least sort of look like a shape instead of just a blob. One big fear I have with getting rid of them is that I will just look like a blob.

My physical appearance causes me severe psychological distress, but I genuinely have no idea what the underlying cause is. I feel so alienated from my physical self. I hate my body. It feels like a trap that I'm stuck in. I want to cut myself out of it, and I know that's not healthy. The big question is: Do I hate my body because it's fat or because it has breasts? Both? Neither? A secret other thing? This feels like an academic distinction, but gender dysphoria and body dysmorphia are separate medical diagnoses with dramatically different approaches to treatment. In the most simplistic terms, gender dysphoria says, "Your appearance doesn't reflect who you are, and there's things you can do to change that." Body dysmorphia says, "You're convinced there's something wrong with your appearance, and you need therapy to convince yourself there's not."

Neither of them is exactly right. Getting misgendered is irritating, but it doesn't stop me from doing things. What stops me from doing things is feeling like I look ugly and ridiculous no matter what I do. Body dysmorphia is mostly focused on minor imperfections, not literally the entire body, and hinges on the assumption that the feeling is irrational. Is what I'm feeling irrational? I don't know. Is it tied to my sense of self? Yes, definitely. Is it tied to my gender specifically? Fuck if I know.

The thing is, I do know that my gender presentation doesn't match my gender identity. (It doesn't have to, obviously. Non-binary people don't have to look non-binary, but I, personally, want to.) If I wear a dress, I look like a girl in a dress. If I wear a suit, I look like a girl in a suit. At least in a dress, I can look reasonably attractive. In masculine clothes, I just look like an ugly butch. (Butches in general are beautiful. I, in particular, am ugly.) Is there, theoretically, some combination of shapewear, clothing, make-up, etc. that could achieve the appearance I want? Yeah, maybe. Can I go through that routine every time I leave the house? Hell no. It takes most of my morning energy just to brush my teeth and put on a bra.

I know my body is not the right shape. (I think? Could be irrational. Who knows.) So what is the right shape? This is what I've been thinking about lately and why I've been thinking about the concept of gender envy.

Even after 20 years in fandom, I still feel self-conscious talking about things like this in terms of fictional characters, but characters, like gender, are artificial constructs that can have a material impact on our lives. So here we are.

Gender envy is one of those things that I've always understood in theory but never really related to. Recently, though, I encountered a character (as one does) who pinged my brain in a way I couldn't immediately figure out. Not necessarily attraction or identification, and not even really wanting to be like them, but wanting to give off the same vibe, the same impression, the same sense of existence. I didn't really think about what exactly I was feeling until I suddenly remembered that gender envy was, in fact, a thing. And... Yeah. That. So I'm looking at this character and thinking that this is what I want, and I'm looking at myself and wondering if it's possible. And I don't know. Because my body is the wrong shape, and I don't know if I can change it in a way that will make me feel... right.

(This is not about the owlbear. Yes, I generally want to be a beautiful, genderless, monster, but I'd still rather be human-shaped. I've genuinely put a lot of thought into whether I might be a furry and come to the conclusion that I really am just a monster fucker.)

I don't know. The best thing for me to do is probably talk to a therapist, but it's hard enough finding one in general, much less one who knows enough about all the intersecting issues to offer meaningful guidance. I have one non-binary friend who's also fat, but I think they struggle with a lot of the same questions I do. And of course, that imposter syndrome is constantly in the back of my head asking if I'm really non-binary or just sort of non-binary.

#gender is weird

[butch-reidentified]

Your lack of self awareness about your own "dysphoria" is causing you to justify an extremely antifeminist industry and those profiting from selling marginalized women self-destruction. You have all the expected comorbidities (OCD/anorexia/body dysmorphia plus unresolved trauma from extreme homophobia) of someone in your position, shared with most female people who seek this surgery, and not someone with an implausible, never validated neurological disorder that coincidentally happens to map precisely onto misogynistic and homophobic ideas of the female body. Your "resolution" of symptoms is dependent on defending your decision and not the actual reality of the results. Your comorbid issues (especially OCD, which your wife is enabling) are obviously still raging through your life no matter what you say. It is a direct insult to every woman who feels violated by what happened to them to claim that not only are you one of the only people on the planet to truly need this surgery but that you read their stories of profoundly woman-hating trauma to convince yourself that you were a uniquely informed and more authentic candidate. P.S. I would "pull up" but I have a job instead of whatever grift you run. Good luck and hope you figure this out before too many other women see you as a role model.

LMAO this is so so amazing thank you. when I tell you this reads like TRA arguments... straight up making things up, projecting, absurdity, and ad hominem bs. delightful!

long post incoming but I am gonna break this down on a micro level bc I haven't talked about these topics in a minute + I'm high and it seems like fun, like a satisfying puzzle, kind of, to break this down into individual parts and address each part. Plus, asks like this provide opportunities to really dive into nuance and detail on several of one's ideas, experiences, and worldviews all in one place, which I've always enjoyed.

I am gonna preface by saying several parts of this are blatantly bad faith, and I am answering more for others to read than for anon. In particular, the claim that I said I am one of the few people who "truly NEED" this surgery. Given you clearly read at least some of my posts on dysphoria, certainly you saw that I repeatedly emphasized that I never have or will view this as a "need." It's also worth noting that most of my posts on this were written quite some time ago, and I don't remember everything I ever wrote on the topic off the top of my head, but I 150% do know myself and what thoughts and feelings I've had and which I've not had on the matter.

ok so first off, I have literally not ever ever even once encouraged anyone to pursue a single elective surgery & have very consistently done the opposite. just because I feel chill about my surgery personally does not mean that I support that industry, actually. in fact, if i knew everything i know about that industry now, I would not get the surgery... but that's a matter of choosing to boycott the industry, not a matter of how i feel personally about my individual experience. how I feel has literally nothing to do with my opinions/beliefs/values. I dont choose how I feel, but I fully choose my moral code.

in fact, my honesty about my story is not supporting that industry in a single way - it simply is not lying. people like you would have me lie to further a narrative rather than be genuine and candid, which puts us on the level with TRAs since that is precisely what they do. it comes down to this: you are asking me to either be silent about (lie by omission) or knowingly misrepresent (outright lie) my experiences because you lack the capacity for nuance to fit them into your narrative without harming the integrity of said narrative. But I don't under any circumstances do that, regardless of whether or not I agree with said narrative (and in this case, I very much do agree). If you cannot work the nuances of my lived experiences into your narrative about gender ideology and transition without it threatening the narrative that's on you; it's entirely possible to do. I'm not going to lie or censor myself just because you're limited in that way.

to be clear, my theory about neurological sex dysphoria is not "implausible;" it is also not something I'm insisting definitely is correct, or I would not call it a theory. And do you even have the qualifications to rule it such, knowing that I am a published neuro/neuropsych researcher (though now retired from that field because I recently found my truest passion)? However, it is not based on absolutely nothing. This answer is already waaay too long, bad habit of mine, but my #ntsd tag includes some posts that elaborate on this. The only thing I am going to specifically say on this matter is that having a processing disconnect (which has literally been visialized on fMRI) that caused my breasts to physically feel like a prosthetic attachment... is not "coincidentally mapping precisely onto misogynistic and homophobic ideas of the female body." This assertion doesn't even make sense in the context of everything I've said previously. I have never believed in the "body mapping" theory of dysphoria that you clearly are referring to by "mapping... onto the female body."

Additionally, I am not sure how you see logic in making this claim when misogynistic ideas of the female body are not known for being devoid of breasts. As I've said in practically every single post on this topic that I've made, I never went through a period of actually wanting to reject womanhood, be perceived socially as not-a-woman, or believing that womanhood and femininity were synonymous. That simply was not my motivation, and as I've said before, pain from chronic cysts was a large part of my decision. Lots of women on here have spoken about how they never went through those period either, yet I'm the only one I've seen get shit for it & get accused of thinking I'm better than other women for it. I never claimed or remotely implied that, and it has never in my life so much as occurred to me as even a hypothetical concept to feel superior about something like that. The only difference between me and most of the women on here who never went through those periods is that I had an elective mastectomy - but I did so while still entirely secure and at peace in my womanhood. Whether you find my truthful experience to be inconvenient or hurtful is entirely on you, not my responsibility to bury my own feelings and my own story for your comfort.

My lack of regret is not remotely "dependent on defending my decision." This is another statement that you would never make in a million years if you'd ever had one single irl conversation with me. I have no hesitation about admitting when I'm wrong. I do it /all/ the time. I don't have a pride issue, so "defending my decisions" is not something that matters to me. Again, you are projecting and you are assigning qualities to me without even the most basic knowledge of me as a person. I have not to date had a single human being on here miss quite this hard in an attempt to come at me. There's a lot about me, like anyone, that's ripe for completely justifiable criticism, and you've somehow managed to select some of the least applicable few assertions about me that you could find. Fact of the matter is I'm not prone to regret in the first place, and even factoring the dysphoria thing out of the conversation entirely, I genuinely like not having the inconvenience of large breasts and not having the pain of constant cysts, which i would still have if I'd gotten a reduction rather than mastectomy.

furthermore, you are making wildly unfounded claims. "lack of self awareness" lmfao this is pure gold. the people that hate me most in the entire world would laugh out loud if you tried to say that about me in front of them. I have plenty of flaws, plenty of areas I need to improve, but self-awareness is not one of those, not something I have ever in my entire life before this ask had a single soul give me constructive feedback about. so that was kinda trippy actually!

I literally do not have a single one of the mental health issues you're claiming I do, nor do I have any unhealed trauma at all (and have not in a long time), as I've spoken about in-depth more than once, especially since my first ever Neuropsych research publication was on PTSD and I previously worked as a trauma therapist for patients with comorbid substance use disorders. I have a number of genetic physical health conditions, but my mental health is honestly excellent. Not to say I've just been totally cheerful my entire life, but at this point in my life, I have been healed long enough that it's almost surreal to look back on a time when I wasn't, and I am deeply happy with my career, my marriage, my relationships with my family and friends, my home and my pets, my hobbies... all of it. And I'm incredibly excited for the plans my wife and I have for our future.

The body dysmorphia claim is especially funny to me because one literally cannot possibly be any more neutral and at ease in their relationship with their body than this. I have said it several times on here, but I place as much value on my appearance now as I did when I was 4. Pretty much the only time I consider my appearance at all is to make sure I look professional and sharp for something like a business meeting. I talk about true body neutrality being attainable fairly often specifically because I've experienced it firsthand, so I know it can be done. I have a strict rule against speaking on shit I don't actually know.

but if you think that by reading my tumblr blog, you know my mind better than I do and better than medical professionals, that's just blatantly delusional and peak chronically online behavior. ESPECIALLY as someone who does not know me in any capacity. the audacity to make claims about not only me but also my WIFE, who you know nearly nothing about and does not even use this site.... it's genuinely mind-boggling for you to be running your mouth about some "lack of self awareness" shit given the content and tone of this ask.

same thing with you deciding you are able to speak for "every woman who feels violated by what happened to them." that is lack of self awareness and it is projection. your assertion that I read those women's painful stories of woman-hating trauma before having my surgery "to convince myself that I was a uniquely informed and more authentic candidate" is SUCH bullshit even you have to know you're lying. that comment is so bad faith it's a bit impressive, but mostly just disgusting on your part. I read detrans stories freely shared by both sexes on public platforms, with the specific intention of canceling my planned surgery the second I encountered one single thing I might have in common with those stories in terms of motivation to get the surgery. There is such a massive difference between trying to learn from others' mistakes and using others' trauma to validate your choices. You are lying if you try to act like I wasn't very clear about which one I did. I waited 5 or 6 years from when I learned that this surgery was even a thing to move forward. I waited until my prefrontal cortex was "done cooking" as the internet likes to say. I pursued multiple other treatment options, not one of which was "gender affirming" bc I did not buy into gender ideology back then, either. And I educated myself on the experiences of those who regretted it with the purpose of minimizing my risk of regret by NOT moving forward if I found that I related to any of the motivations that led them to pursue surgery and ultimately regret it. I was not blindly stubbornly committed to surgery; I was always very much open to canceling if it felt right. Yes, having chosen that process of literally informing myself DID make me uniquely informed... that doesn't mean i'm better than anyone else, though. it's just the reality of putting a half decade of work and analysis and thought into a decision that absolutely nobody pressured me into, compared to the pretty common experience of being misled by trans ideology and/or rushing into this surgery. I am very much aware that I'm not special or superior just because I am flat out lucky enough to have not had anyone trying to manipulate, mislead, rush, or pressure me to get surgery, and insanely lucky to have not had pain or complications from it. And yes, despite my unconventional path to surgery, I also know I am very lucky to not regret it. All the more reasons I don't promote it.

you have constructed an image of me, my wife, and my daily life in your mind based on reading my blog and absolutely nothing more than that. even if you are engaging negatively with that image, criticizing it/me, etc., this is a parasocial engagement by definition.

The above is exactly what you have done. Parasocial interactions don't have to be positive. You are deluding yourself if you truly, genuinely believe you have the remotest understanding of who I am or how I live.

out of curiosity, did you intentionally fail to mention that I had medical reasons for my mastectomy in addition to dysphoria? or did you just conveniently forget about that despite how frequently I've talked about it?

as an afterthought: the implication that unlike you, I don't have a job is fucking golden given that you've clearly been reading a LOT of my posts and I don't believe for one second that you simply missed all the posts where I've talked about the fact that we bought our own home at 24, the fact that my wife and I own our own business, and the extra shit I do just because. but if you like, we can compare our records of how much time per day and week spent on social media 💀

thank you for this ❤️❤️❤️

#mine #ask #anon ask #anon #parasocial relationships #sex dysphoria

[molthethratrenerd]

my gender

This is gonna be a long rant abt my gender so you do have to read it. I just need to say it.

Ok so ive been question my gender/sexuality for like 3-4 years now and i this was kinda it

Oh i'm a bi girl -> im pan girl -> lesbian -> pan she/they still a girl but queerer

Then like i was more worried about trying to figure out my sexuality right cause like i wanted to be kissed before my 16th (that didn't happen) 

Then like maybe mid 2022 i started thinking about gender and i knew 2 trans people but i was kinda like no that can't be me flashforward to march 2023 i got in to will wood and i was like ‘no way i'm in anyway trans but if i could be him i would’ and i like said to myself that i just thought he was attractive?? Then the same thing happened with the character jesse st james from glee which was even weird because there was no way i would want to date him, so thats when she/they pronouns came in i put it in my bio. Then kids from my class found out and made fun of it so i changed em back to she/her. 

Then since like september last year it feels like minimum weekly i’d either not be able to stop thinking abt gender or take way too many ‘what's my gender quizzes’ 

And like i feel its alway been in the day of my head, but its becoming more prevalent since then ive been like could i be non binary, genderfluid pintrest boards. At the beginning of the year i cut my hair again, which felt so good,.

So now somedays im having thoughts like ‘oh my fucking god why cant i drink something and be a guy’ ‘please for fucks sake’ though im nor sure id like to be a man im not 100% sure im a girl (im moving further from that). But like if there was like a magical thing i could drink do idk that would turn every inch into like robert smith between 1983-2004 id do it so quickly omg. 

And like it kinda hurts that i'm not idk (and ive never felt this for any girl celebrities)

And i kinda think they are also there those thoughts but some days theyre less i thinks thats just cus im distracting myself though i dont know i could be fluid. 

But i dont want to be any guy like the men in my family most of them are big i cant think of a better word then buffheads more so my dad but i could just not want to be like them i dont have a good relationship 

I dont think i HATE being a girl- i don't love it i like some parts but i dont think its things exclusive to girls say cause gender norms n stuff. 

I dont know if i have dysphoria because that fluctuates but im vision impaired so if i dont try and look at my body i forget some of it exists i really dont like my boobs or how clothes sit on my body think i like okay with having a cups (that i could easly hide if i wanted to  i dont but that cause also be cause by the pain they cause me.

My waist i like but only because that's the part of my body thats skinnest like my body was less shapely but that skinny id be elated.

But especially o the days i think abt it more but also all the time i do wish for more masc features eg adams apple more angular face bigger hands etc etc.Voices of weird one because my voice is in mezzo soprano range my speaking voice however in chest voice is kinda low  but I was self-conscious about it growing up because it made me stand out in different even though really it wasn't I think I just thought people were staring at me for no reason.  I think I only like my voice when I'm singing when I'm acting because I can imagine myself playing characters who aren't me but idk but if it was lower like high baritone or tenor id be like so fucking happy.

And like i Kind of want to try dressing differently but I can't because a I don't want my family to know certain pieces of clothing would be mens Not that they have a problem with it I'm assuming they could though but they probably just want to talk about it and I would not but also like  I remember one time I was at the shop called Factorie  and I wanted to get the Black Parade t-shirt but it was a mens shirt  and my god the amount of anxiety I had and the amount of people that I felt were staring at me I almost had a panic attack. 

And like I feel like if I ever did do anything about gender irl  I'd run away from everyone I know and cut of connections again not because I feel like they'd be bad about it but just I've built this thing around myself so long and I don't think I could even my queer friends like i dont know  my parents I'd feel like I'd be letting them down, and like 

But also so much for my childhood makes sense

Like when I was about 8 I got eczema for the first time and my first thought was ‘oh im turning into a boy… shit what am I gonna tell my parents’  which I don't even know why my brain made that jump but i hated my boobs sometimes more then others Once they got past a certain size,  when I had a pixie cut and a couple people in the street would mistake me for a boy felt exposed ‘like shh don't tell’ 

But I was also such a girly todder/ child  from like ages four Tube8 I would pride myself on being the girlest girl never wearing pants  because I kind of think it was trying to win that competition but I don't know         

I don't think anybody read this whole thing but if you did help me out or don't I don't care but I just needed to vent this 

m

#gender questioning

[butchviking]

could you elaborate on your idea of treating dysphoria with therapy. i guess you don't have it figured out yet because if you did you would've already therapied the dysphoria out of yourself. but like. what are your ideas? where do you think dysphoria comes from? how could one fix it with therapy? conversion therapy gets a bad rep, how different or similar is your idea of fixing dysphoria with therapy from the spooky idea people have of conversion therapy? anything else you want add

oh i sure the fuck don't have it figured out. i have no kind of education or training or qualifications in anything like that i am just another dysphoric dyke on the internet. i just wish anyone who IS in that field seemed 2 b listening lol

so im not aware of any standardised therapy to target dysphoria in any way, but ive known & heard from soooo many detrans/desisted/reidentified/etc women that therapy has either hugely helped w their dysphoria or in some cases they've been able to eliminate it entirely. a lot of the time ppl talk like dysphoria is smthn that is just ingrained into you as a person, something you're born with and something that - unless u transition - u will eventually die with. but that's not true! there are often very real causes that can be found out and dealt with. fr example a lot of women have identified the main cause of their dysphoria to be childhood trauma, often abuse and very often sexual abuse (it doesn't take a genius to figure out why this would lead to someone hating/resenting/feeling wrong in/being disgusted by their body. doesn't take a genius to figure out why they'd want to be male instead.) and i mean. listen talking with a group of women anyway there's usually a lot of trauma. but talking with a group of transmascs is like. jesus fucking christ there is so often so much awful shit that has happened to them. (in fact this def applies to transwomen too tbh, ive known a looot of transwomen w a history of sexual abuse. not as many as transmen but definitely higher than the general male population). physical abuse (or witnessing the physical abuse of a mother) can be another cause; that feeling of never wanting to be a scared helpless little girl again and wanting to be strong and able to defend yourself - things that are usually associated w men. these thoughts aren't usually conscious, its not like u think "i want to be a man bc i blame my body for what was done to me and i feel like if i could get out of my skin and be something more powerful i'd be safe and happy" - but thats what ppl often find out in therapy, and after coming 2 terms w that they find they don't have to take it out on themselves anymore and they manage to make peace with their body.

for a lot of women their dysphoria was caused by simple social restriction - ive no doubt in my mind that a huge reason for mine is not being able to be topless in public or have my shirt unbuttoned or jesus christ even just. just fucking EXIST without them having to be an ISSUE. i weaned myself off binding years ago and for a long time i managed 2 get to a place where i didnt even think abt my chest that much. and then some guy makes one comment abt how i never wear bras and its like. oh god i had tried to forget that you people can SEE them. and that sent me into a lil spiral for like a month lol 👍 pair that w going to mcr nj and forgetting to wear a bra the first night and finding my movement severely restricted due to not wanting my tits flying everywhere and i came back from that trip like. can someone just fuciing cut them off. (mcr PLEASE stop transing my gender im not strong enough...) (actually i was going to say that after that trip i wore a binder for the first time in years but i think im getting my timeline mixed up. i think that was before the show actually. bc i distinctly remember that i packed it for the trip 'just in case' and that was after i'd already worn it once around the house & once to a wedding) and obviously idk what the solution is for me there but i think a combination of therapy & lifestyle changes could help me get at least somewhere. i know that for other women lifestyle changes have been a huge factor - living & being around only women has been so healing fr a lot of detrans/dysphoric ladies & ive read some really moving things abt the impact going to womyns land has had fr some. misogyny in general can really wear down how u feel abt ur body over time, without u ever necessarily attributing your feelings to that. and when i say 'misogyny' im also including the simple existence of gender in that! to be born and to be separated into a category based on your body and to have that be something thats supposed to dictate how you live your entire life - you have a vagina so you have to wear this and act like this and people will have these expectations of u and you're limited by these restrictions and if you step out of line, if u dont do femininity or dont do it well enough, you will be punished. by god of course u grow to hate your body and your role in the world. of course u wish u could be a man and just fucking. live and breathe and exist without all these stupid fucking made-up rules & requirements! for a lot of ppl, recognising that & recognising that the problem doesn't lie with them, but with a society that made them feel that way, is huge. & after that realisation they can begin a process of forgiving their body. turning the blame out from where they've internalised it. & this is definitely why so many detrans/desisted/reidentified women get so hard into feminism. that's what brought me to radblr in the first place & started my own process of reidentification!

now obv i can't cover every possible cause of dysphoria here bc its as many & varied as ppl are. and listen im on mobile so i cant see how long this is but jesus christ i know it must be fucking long. and its still going to get much longer! so there is one last obvious cause of dysphoria that no-one likes to talk abt, but which is probably THE most concretely linked: being gay! for at LEAST hundreds of years (im sure there are some ladies around here who could attest to older sources tbh, it could be millenia for all i know) lesbians have written about feeling like they're a man's soul in a woman's body. sexual inversion theory was the default belief for how and why people were homosexual for a long, long time. and that theory is so completely alive and well. im not even going to say any more on this one. it's obvious and i think almost every single butch lesbian (& plenty of non-butch lesbians) feels this at SOME point. the proportion of homosexuals in the transgender population is definitely higher than in the general population. however even if ur het that can induce dysphoria too, cause u get ppl who say they don't want to date men as a woman, they want to do it as a man - which a lot of ppl put down to gay fetishisation but i don't think its all about that. i think its abt wanting to be on equal footing. so no-one is safe really!

ok. so what is the difference between this and conversion therapy. conversion therapy in my mind is smthn that seeks to 'correct' your behaviour/identity, rather than smthn with the goal of alleviating distress. like i don't think any of the stuff ive talked abt should b done w the goal of making someone not identify as trans anymore - idk identify how u want i guess. the identity isn't really the thing that matters. u don't even need to identify as trans in the first place for any of that stuff to b helpful - it's all abt lessening the distress u feel w ur own body. and the main thing 'trans conversion therapy' means 2 me is trying to force gender conformity on someone. like trying to get them to accept their assigned gender role. to get a gnc female who identifies as transmasc to ditch not only the identity but the gnc behaviours & presentation and accept their 'place' in the world as a woman. and gender (a word which to me is synonymous with the phrase 'gender roles' like they dont exist separately that is literally what gender is. its roles.) is my greatest enemy in the world FUCK gender and i don't ever ever think anyone should b forced to abide by it. i think it is the greatest evil on this planet. to me, the comparison of therapeutic dysphoria treatment to conversion therapy is like. say if someone was gay, and was severely distressed by being gay. they couldn't accept it and they hated it and they were depressed about it. this person would definitely benefit from therapy to help them ACCEPT the fact that they're gay and to help them feel comfortable with themselves about it. which is very very different from a 'therapy' which aims to make them not gay anymore. u know?

now im not going to pretend i know or even believe that everyone's dysphoria can be alleviated or erased with therapy. i have no idea how many ppl this would work for. maybe it would help 5% of ppl, maybe it would help 50%, or 95%. honest to god i have no idea. and sometimes figuring out the root causes of your dysphoria doesn't really do jack shit. there's a lot of things in my life i could point to that explain mine. but the trouble is that knowing that doesn't make it go away. it's a mental illness & it's as complicated & often stubborn as any other. chances are that therapy would help some ppl and not help others. and if u try it out & it doesn't help & u still think transition is the right path, then cool! if that's an informed choice and a medical risk/commitment you're willing to take then honestly i believe in giving ppl that right. but like i said the other day, the big thing is that without the OPTION of psychological treatment, there's really only the option of transition. well that's not tru actually, because some people do choose to simply live w their dysphoria, much as one might live w many other mental illnesses. i feel like that's also not an option spoken about often. u can actually just live with it. learn to manage it rather than try to cure it, let it ebb & flow. a lot of the time that will suck, but what mental illness doesn't? for many ppl, learning ways to manage & live w their dysphoria is a more sensible choice for their lifestyle than transition, which basically makes u a lifelong medical patient. for some ppl it's better than taking the health risks. sometimes u just gotta power thru.

anything else i want to add - yes, of course there is. there's a million things i could probably add. i could talk abt this for hours. actually i probably have bc i kept coming back 2 this on breaks at work so im sure ive put a couple of hrs into it by now. i didn't even mention eating disorders and how commonly comorbid they are w dysphoria; how it's all just different forms of body dysmorphia (but as many ppl have said, when an anorexic tells a doctor their body is wrong the doctor tell them no, your mind is wrong, and you need psychological treatment. not so with dysphoria.) the transwomen ive seen basically turn into plastic surgery addicts always seeking more and more changes bc they don't reach the end-point they'd imagined, where they're happy w their body now, bc the discomfort always came from inside their head and their body was never really the problem. the transmen who plan on just taking hormones but not getting top surgery, or vice versa, and then end up doing both AND getting phallo and often still finding themselves unsatisfied at the end. the unrealistic expectations people often have in the first place when starting transition, and the doctors who, instead of being realistic and helping patients to manage their expectations, promise the absolute world - leaving ppl completely mentally unprepared if things don’t go so well, where perhaps some therapy beforehand could have helped them accept what they’re getting into. the studies showing that although ppl REPORT being happier after transition, their life satisfaction scores on assessments aren't actually any higher than before. but i just got home and got to my computer and it turns out this reply is already. my god. over 2,000 words long. and holy shit even viewing it on desktop it’s enormous. so u gotta know when to quit i guess.

thank u so much for asking this. y’all know how much i love to talk abt this topic. i know everything is split into ‘sides’ on this sometimes, like it’s just some discourse, but it’s real people’s real lives and it’s so so important to me for everyone to see that. i want trans & dysphoric ppl to have more options, and to know about the options that they do have. there may not be any standardised dysphoria therapy but as i say, many women HAVE had life-changing results with other kinds of therapy, and there are many professionals out there who will absolutely work with you to the best of their ability if you want to get to the bottom of your dysphoria and come up with ways to lessen it or manage it. unfortunately, there are also many who will run for the hills because they don’t want to endanger their licence or reputation by being branded as conversion therapists. and i want feminists who see this as a solely political issue to see the humanity here and to recognise that dysphoria is a very real and often very debilitating mental illness that can’t always be cured by just explaining to someone that gender is made-up and bad. and no-one is a traitor to the female sex or an inherent misogynist for the choices they make to deal with that mental illness and live their happiest life.

and im. so sorry for all of ur dashboards. but hey, if u can scroll past 79 images per day of my chemical romance, then im sure u can scroll past this too if it’s of no interest to u. i hope not tho. if u read this all then god bless i am so thankful. everyone have a wonderful day <3 i am going to go have a nice big glass of mead bc it’s been a long night & all this thinking make hal head hurt. peace ✌️

#ask #anonymous #that's 2500 words. thats literally an entire essay. thats insane. llisten.. i just hve a lot of feelings ok :( #and. a lot of opinions. #trans #← tag just so i can find this in future. i spent so long on it i feel like i shouldnt let it just get lost in the archive lol

[incarnation-issues]

are you trans-detrans solidarity stances biased in one direction or another? I imagnie most anyone that brands themself as that title will understandably prioritize pro-transition stances. so I am skeptical someone would actually take on a neutral position that benefits any kind of detransitioner.

Hi, anon. Thank you for your concern. If this post doesn't engage with your question on the axes you were trying to ask about, please re-send a clearer question. I obviously can't tell if my stances are biased, so I'll summarize some of them here and give you some backstory.

I actually am kind of a detransitioner. I'm an AFAB/natal female who used to have a masculine nonbinary identity and stopped, and I still have some unwanted physical effects from having been on testosterone. I just also have a social circle full of trans people, really dislike cishumanism, and am perpetually frustrated with radfems, which is why I put stuff like "highly masculine right-brain systems thinker disconnected from Nature" in my tumblr bio.

(I never took exogenous testosterone, my body was like "hey, want to have a neckbeard and chest hair and horrible acne and a teenage-boy-tier sex drive and a face that people sometimes gender as male if paired with a t-shirt and short hair? no need to go to a doctor, I've got that covered". Now I take spironolactone, which I would recommend with caveats. I spent some time in detransition-oriented social groups, but got frustrated with them for what I saw as denying the realities of biomedical transition and having a cruel attitude towards some transgender women I was and am friends with. Discussing dysphoria with transgender women led me to start antiandrogens, which have done infinitely more for my mental health than any radfem has.)

Some policies I think benefit both groups include:

Not making a big deal about people having nonstandard presentations. If we want to avoid people feeling excess time pressure to transition, and be nice to people who temporarily took hormones they didn't want, we need to fuss less over lasting signs of nonstandard hormones, like breast development and hair pattern changes. Furthermore, if we want youth exploring their gender identities to not feel pressure to take hormones/bind/etc, we need to avoid making fun of youth who want to change their names and pronouns without significant physical changes.

Stop requiring people to give pronouns. Trans people mostly seem to not like it and detrans people seem to mostly not like it. It seems to be by and for DEI teams or something.

Doing more research into long-term health outcomes for people who take or have taken cross-sex hormones. Though this is still IIRC better studied than long-term puberty blocker usage! It is genuinely plausible to me that if a child or teenager wants medication for transition stuff, it's safer for them to be on cross-sex HRT than it is for them to be on puberty blockers.

Make checking sex hormone levels a standard diagnostic for miserable teenagers who hate their appearances. Sometimes these are screwy in ways which cause non-transgender dysphoria. At least in the case of AFABs, spending a month trying spiro probably won't set back their goals if they later turn out to benefit from exogenous androgens.

Policies which are less specific to the case of transgender people and detransitioners below the cut.

In general try to reduce child abuse, especially gendered child abuse, and try to avoid making kids do unpleasant unnecessary stuff, especially if it's gendered. Also, don't judge parents for having gender non-conforming kids.

Build more housing to lower housing costs so it's easier for adults to avoid living with their parents. Bad parents can be a huge stressor.

Full transhumanism now:

Look into synthesizing gametes from regular cells. Sometimes people care about being able to have biokids. If you've had your ovaries removed right now, that's a huge pain.

Solve artificial uteri. The root of sex-based oppression is, well, biological sex, which is rooted in disparate parental investment strategies. Artificial uteri are a step in making it more possible to equalize the costs child production puts on parents.

In general making it easy to change one's body reversibly. Right now that's a pain.

Blah blah full biological immortality and uploading and cognitive enhancements and stuff. Because those are nice things.

#detrans #detransition #politics cw

[system-of-a-feather]

I'm sure I've said this before but just day 458 of me being really tired of how much gender dysphoria / trans help and advice / trans therapy / passing discussion centers around "what other people think" and the internalized idea of what a (insert gender) is and dismantling it or whatever cause like fair that fits a lot of people's issues and helps them but literally so little of my dysphoria comes from wanting to match some image of a man or a nonbinary or literally anything. I don't want to be like anything and quite frankly I don't care if other people don't see it - I just want to fucking be an honest version of myself and this fucking garbage body (I'm redirecting shit to aggression, don't correct me on this) just is a chronic fucking lie and I hate it. Like I'm just so tired of this shit and I'm on burn out break for most aspects of this other than my responsibility to never bend on our needs which is easy enough considering I'm still plagued with this shit and bending on it would just make shit worse

But I'm so fucking tired of working on this shit. It's been number one - maybe two at certain points in time - on my list of goals and priorities to work on and break down for three years and the bodys and brain have been at war about this for like 5 years and I'm tired and just so fucking tired.

I'm glad we are making great progress and I'll grit my teeth and keep biting my way to where we need to be and Riku will make their tortoise yet productive crawl carrying my ass on a wagon when I'm just sitting here biting at anything that gets in our way - but god its exhausting.

We got the hysterectomy and thats honestly great, but I think our brain said thats one source of dysphoria taken off the list, time to make room for *checks list* Other Dysphoria We Havent Had In 3 Years and Actaully Until Now Were Confidently Proud of Being OK With and now we have to consider top surgery which with the history of complications we had when considering it before means a lot more system talking and navigating if this is dysmorphia, OCD, or dysphoria before taking a direction and then all the fucking medical crap and work crap and relationship crap

And Riku and Ray have said and set them to divide the two out so I can get a break from the fucking headache all this has been, but 1) it doesn't keep me from looking and seeing how fucking exhausting everything ahead of me is because I can see it and 2) from still trying to plan and plot my way around all my issues because I do it withoout thinking due to how I - as a part was raised - and I can't really turn it off so I can't really properly take a break until I'm satisfied that I did my due diligence.

As a part I'm garbage at accepting help or letting anyone give me a break or anything and while I'm A LOT better with it in general with Riku and some parts of the system, often when I get like this I get a lot worse which is the catch 22 of hell cause the more I need support and need a break, the less likely I'll accept either so

Great moods and great feeling

Lowkey maybe I should drive to Florida and do shit I can't say cause it'd be a good distraction and relief and be possibly a little productive (JOKING)

But god am I tired.

Anyways I'm gonna go get shit to help Riku and Ray make progress on their ends cause I really can't sit by and not be actively involved in solving my issues, even if "I" am.

-XIV

#alter: xiv #trans #trans vent #dysphoria #gender dysphoria #vent #vent tw #transmasc #transmasculine #transgender

[mayceez]

Really long Vent post. Cuz I just gotta say something into the void.

I've had a really difficult time. It feels like I live one crisis to another sometime and now a new one.

I can't go into full detail as I don't have the energy but I lost my job and now effectively both me and Hazel are unemployed.

It all happened so fast. I was being praised for doing an amazing job. And suddenly everything changes. It's all so hard to process. I genuinely gave it my all and then some. Coming in early and skipping my lunches. Working at home off duty because I knew work would pile up and cause problems for everyone. And like a fool, I didn't collect over time cuz I didn't want to cause problems. I figured it was for my own piece of mind. I never realized till now how much of a workaholic I became. It was no wonder why I always had little energy and drive. (I withdrew and I was hardly around with any friends. I couldn't do it. Drawing and other hobbies just.. I couldn't do them anymore )

I wasn't in trouble because of that. I got in trouble because I stood up to director in another branch who became increasingly hostile in emails and harassing. Even came up to me in person to chew me out in front of me training someone. I couldn't take it anymore so I pulled my boss who got her boss (my agency director) and we had a sit down..and the director just had nothing but venom and disappointment to me.

I took it upon myself to learn extra things and the initiative to implement because I could do it faster than out sourcing. (running insurance verification, networking directly with other agencies, Office safety corrections like Fire safety ect) but according to the director, that was all "standard" in other agencies. Lest we forget I took these ELECTIVLY and unprompted. It wasn't in my job description or list of duties. But I being automatically compared to other agencies who supposedly do that by default. That..hardly seems fair.

I took a couple days off suddenly because I realized work stress was getting to me. My direct boss approved and agreed. Yet this director thought I was a liability. This director stated I wasn't a 'team player ' cuz I stood up for myself. But that's just causing trouble.

So I was given an ultimatum. Resign or be terminated. Either way, immediately. I was pressured to resign under the guise ' It'll be better for your resume' . Now I'm finding out Unemployment financial assistance is hard to get If you willingly leave. Willingly resign. I got played out and left hang to dry. I'm still going to push for it and gods be granting I'll be accepted. I hope.

But that's termination of health benefits and insurance. I'm trying to push COBRA and I hope that works out too.. but either way, my Gender surgeries have AGAIN grinded to a halt.

Time after time, I get close to bottom surgery. Top surgery. So close to having my own damn boobs. Getting rid of what's between my legs. But again SOMETHING happens. That's 3 times now? I can't keep doing this. I'm 34 now and I still can't catch a break. I still can't get my body corrected one way or another.

So I'm fighting a really bad spiral. My dysphoria is an all time sky rocket high alongside my dysmorphia. I'm trying to figure finances with Hazel and work out a plan. I need COBRA to go through because I don't want a lapse in my HRT..the list just goes on.

I'm tired and exhausted and I had to scream into the void . I guess I feel a bit better after writing it out. I just really need peace of mind and my body not to be this ugly wrong filth. I don't even got fur or cute paws, at least make my physical 'gender' the right thing Universe. I hate living like this. I can't stand it anymore.

At least I have some tournament winnings. I can keep going for awhile for fun.

#vent #personal life

[peachie-kittie]

So.

I have thoughts.

Sex and gender and transphobia.

Cw for talks of like- biological sex, in case that would cause dysphoria for anybody. The practice of shaving. Transphobia. TERF talk. Keep yourselves safe. 💕 also jsyk I will be speaking from a western, cis standpoint. PLEASE don't take my word anywhere near the final say.

Also, I'm not sure if this is quite a debate post - I don't doubt it may cause discourse if it blows up. Just me sharing thoughts on shit.

God I don't know where to start??? I guess the easiest part would be giving a brief overview of the goal of terf ideology for anyone who doesn't know like- the basic basics.

The simplest terms I can define it as is the belief that gender is totally made up (understandable) and the current patriarchal uses gender standards to uphold harmful standards (specifically for women) and it should be totally dismantled, along with the systems that support it, so men and women are on equal playing fields.

Neat take. Don't hate it. Dare I say it - sounds progressive.

Something to note before continuing on - terfs say they do not "see" gender. Since they believe gender is completely made up, they choose to see things strictly in regards to sex.

I'm not stating this is a good or bad thing yet - just making note of it. The reason why, I feel, a lot of the arguments go nowhere is because terfs and non-terfs usually have this crucial divide in thinking where one see themselves as gender-blind while the other acknowledges it. Like- terfs will acknowledge gender the same way you might acknowledge a bird flying overhead. Ranging from mild (if not uninterested) amusement, to apathy, or even disgust if you hate birds (or in terfs case, gender as a concept). Sorry if that's a weird comparison it's the first one that came to mind

Okay. That aside.

With this, we can start to understand their viewpoint. Since terfs only "see" sex, and there in society, there are two main sexes considered - male and female - one is the oppressor class of the patriarchy (male) and one is the oppressed class, the victims (female).

Another aside here - this is more a theory than anything, but I believe most terfs see misogyny as strictly hating women. A lot of people I know personally, however, would define it more as the hatred of "feminine" actions/things/labels. Since the female body is feminized (WHICH I DON'T THINK IS A GOOD THING, I'D LIKE TO CLARIFY), anyone with female anatomy falls under that in current society.

Okay, before continuing on any further, I wanna define some things - like. A common right-wing argument in general is "how can gender both be intrinsic and a social influence at the same time??"

So here. My personal understanding of these things.

Gender: Someone's natural lean towards what may be considered fem, masc, and/or androgynous labels/actions/presentation in modern society. In this specific definition, I'm leaning towards labels as gender expression is labeled two paragraphs down. Fluidity in identity varies from person-to-person, and SOME peoples' identities MAY be influenced by outside sources, although it seems uncommon. (Often relating to xenogenders, which is not the primary focus here).

Biological sex: The biological traits you are born with - most frequently, these traits are vulva, breasts, and a uterus + ovaries for AFAB bodies and testes + a penis for AMAB bodies. In my opinion, sex should be COMPLETELY NEUTRAL. Being of one sex doesn't make you inherently more feminine/masculine than someone else.

Gender expression/presentation: This is a tricky subject. The easiest way to describe it is someone's external presentation of their "gender" - whether it "contradicts" the label they've chosen or goes with it! It is not a requirement for someone to dress/act the way their gender's lean is "supposed too" (HEAVY QUOTES THERE) for them to be valid!

Gender/sex roles: The (often harmful) expectations set upon us as people by higher society - and admittedly, the patriarchy quite frequently - to act in the way our sex determines we do to be a "successful man/woman". I gave two parts here as I believe there is good in separating the two.

Sex roles - Any stereotype that can be attributed to reproduction, sexual habits, libido, and "roles" during the act.

Gender roles - Anything that isn't those things, for the most part. Of course, there is some overlap - "boys will be boys" can be used both in the context of boys being called "natural roughhousers" when getting into a fight in elementary school and when a teenage guy sexually harrasses a peer - but it isn't always one in the same.

Another thing I wanna make clear now is how I feel about gender and gender labels and just- things being considered feminine and masculine and androgynous.

I do not believe that it is inherently bad for certain things to be labeled certain ways. With the exception of the human sexes, because those are just bodies we were born into, I do not think it is inherently harmful for certain products or words to have a gendered leaning.

With that said, since gender and gender expression vary widely, we should allow room for multiple interpretations of the word. For example, what I would consider a generally satisfactory description of the word woman below:

"A term most frequently used by those who prefer/don't mind feminine gender expression, although it doesn't exclude those who prefer gnc or masculine expressions"

And vice versa for the word "man".

And for non-binary identities, it would be something alone the lines of "a label used by those who prefer either a mix of multiple gender expressions or wish to totally disconnect; this varies widely, and some may present traditionally masc/fem for a plethora of reasons"

Also, to any terfs who may be happen to be reading this post: surprised you're all the way down here - if it isn't obvious I don't believe that woman = female. Leaving it at that.

Anyway.

So. What was- all of that??? Why did I type all that bullshit out???

So, let's just start with the idea that started this whole fucking post:

A post that essentially said terf ideology boils down to terfs think they know you better than you do.

And like- I can't really disagree but there is some fucked up nuance there. Like, yknow when someone you don't usually like makes a good point?? That's what terf beliefs can feel like - especially if you don't have the mind to really pick apart what's being said.

In the comments of the post I mentioned I saw a lot of things from terfs that essentially said:

"Not really lol we just want people to critically examine their thoughts and the structures around them"

And therein lies the interesting, progressive part. I won't lie - it is crucial that we do encourage meta-cognition (I believe that's the term, anyhow). Analyzing the reason why we believe things, why we want certain things, and why we are the way we are is DEEPLY important, especially in a society where values are often shallow and/or patriarchal in nature.

Hell, dare I say, I believe it's important that people introspect upon their feelings regarding things like femininity, masculinity, and androgynous expressions as there are tight standards to them that deserve to be broken out of. Moreover. those who abide by traditional roles willingly should be cautious as to not accidentally shame others who may differ from said expression.

But then the issue is, how much introspection is necessary?? What is the goalpost??

Speaking from the perspective of someone with OCD - sometimes things or people just...are. There isn't always some secret underlying disease, motive, or influence. Like, literally, gonna be real, you know how with intrusive thoughts they're just Fucking Thoughts™? I think some aspects of identity are Like That™. We don't need to nail every reason we have for doing or feeling a certain way.

And even if there is, that doesn't inherently make the person bad or like- invalid. Like, example: people who prefer women without a lot body hair may have gotten that preference from society, sure, but if they are actively fighting against natural beauty-standards and don't shame women for NOT shaving, then it's not a fucking issue.

Let me say that again

An individual having a preference that was influenced and/or that happens to line up with societal expectations (whether or not it has the potential to cause harm) does not matter if-

They are AWARE that said preference may have been instilled in them/CAN be harmful, not WILL BE.

If said preference has been harmful, they are careful not to push it on others and (preferrably) are actively fighting AGAINST THE NORMALIZATION OF SAID HARM. Like, going back to the shaving thing - shaving itself isn't fun per se, and ofc it can cause the occasional nick or ingrown hair. But other than that, the act of shaving isn't the issue - it's the glamorization/idealization of the hairless female body. But I feel like, in an alternate world where the female body wasn't sexualized, the preference wouldn't be an issue or talking point at all. Of course theoreticals can only go so far, but still - individuals having a preference isn't harmful in itself unless they are PUSHING IT ON OTHERS.

And that, if in a relationship with someone, they will not try to manipulate or be shitty towards the person if they don't shave. And if they do shave, good foe both of 'em!

I remember this one kind of late too but like- I think about another post I saw where a terf went on a whole rant about how like, everytime a woman shaves and another woman sees, it's essentially that woman contributing to The Patriarchy™ and turning against women to hurt them, which??? Like I understand there is a lot of nuance but the general takeaway is woahhhhh you're saying that women who shave can't wear short clothes or the endorsing the patriarchy. Kinda sounds shitty if I'm being real - like, I get that individuals contribute and all but there's only so much you CANT contribute to such stereotypes in the west. There are so fucking many.

Point is that a lot of terf arguments, while progressive in theory, often do kind of have this "I know you better than you do yourself" air to them and they hide it well underneath the disguise of "meta-cognitive thinking".

How this relates to trans individuals should be obvious - it's essentially the belief of "I actually know what labels you ARE/ehat you PREFER you're just acting otherwise for x/y/z reasons"

For trans masc people, it often boils down to "you want the power of your oppressors". Which...oh boy. Like, again, understand the logic - but I don't think other people who have lived the percieved-woman-experience (esp. if they're transitioned in late teens/adult years, when they've probably had years of BS under their belt) would want to do actively hurt women. And that's not to mention the idea that it strips autonomy away from trans masc folk about their own minds. Of course, with younger trans masc folk, I do believe it is important that we do take some precaution - I'm not saying we misgender or deadname if they have chosen a new name/pronouns-

DO NOT DO THAT. IT WON'T DO ANYTHING EXCEPT STRIP AWAY THEIR AUTONOMY WHICH WE'VE ESTABLISHED IS NOT FUCKING GOOD FOR THEM.

But just discuss why they feel the way they do. It's a very fine balancing act and one that deserves a conversation, but not one that I feel super qualified to talk much about in-depth. I just know that misgendering snd desdnaming a young teen (no matter if they turn out cis or trans) is not. cool.

And as for trans fem folk?? Oh boy. The rhetoric is "entitled men want access to female spaces to harm them".

So lemme say this-

Do we earnestly believe in a society like this, where the Patriarchy™ (that thing terfs love to talk about) is super strict about the pigeonholes men have to be in to fulfill the role of being a True Man™ would allow for trans women to safely be in a male space? In a society that encourages blithely ignorant harassment at best and excuses (sometimes exual) violence at worst, do you earnestly believe a trans woman (unless they are still in the closet socially/dressed in abmasculine way that makes them look cis) could enter and exit a male restroom or locker room with guaranteed safety??

I'll give you a hint; the answer is no. And before someone leaves a remark about explaining they may just be cross-dressing or doing drag, don't forget that those practices are also being criminalized.

Not to mention the very real argument of "woman's spaces" not exactly like - fucking guarded. Unless it's a prison, psych ward, or shelter, but then those require more conversation!! Bathrooms arguably would be better guarded if they could be bigger with sinks in each stall! And the thing is-

No matter the sex or gender of somebody, you can always take them to court if they assault you. And before I hear some shit about "male privelege", I want to remind you that trans people are, in general, subject to higher rates of violence than cis people. I think to trans woman to court would not only work out in the cis woman's favor, but also end up becoming a big hit that ends up in another terf list of the shitty people who happened to be trans women.

I have so much more I wanna say but this is already a million years long. I might make a few more posts bc I've been ruminating (OCD's a cunt but at least I get times to think things through, like the terfs like) on this shit. And yknow what??

Trans rights babey!!!

Have a good day - and to my trans siblings, friends, and my lover if you happen to read all this shit-

Stay safe. You deserve to be happy. 💕🪷🏳️‍⚧️

#important #trans pride #transgender #trans rights #trans safety #tw transphobia #tw transandrophobia #tw transmisogyny #tw sex mention #tw dysphoria #hsbsbsbs i hope this was good!! #tw terfs #love yall 💕

[bumblee-stumblee]

I just got sent your post by a friend. Through the rambling, I picked out a few things that confused me and made me realize why people push out TERFs.

1. Sexual attraction is based on the body, not chromosomes, so if a sexual partner is sexually attracted to the body presented to them and consents, what is the problem? Linked to this, why wouldn't sexual partners communicate about their wants and needs? You don't consent to gametes, that's just fucking weird.

2. Stop painting trans people as predators and groomers. That's recycled Don't Say Gay rhetoric and you know it. You're just feeding into the far right and giving them more ammunition against the LGBTQ community. Mermaids and others providing support to kids being kicked out by their families and gaslit by their doctors is a positive thing.

3. The lesbian community has driven off so many lesbians (biological females, to use your incel phrasing), because you're unwelcoming. 44% of lesbians have endured physical/sexual violence at he hands of an intimate partner (same-sex). I was abused by two female partners before meeting my now male partner who has been loving, kind and patient as I work through the trauma of being abused by those women, and I have never felt more valuable and loved for being me, not just because I have a vagina. Don't even get me started on your "gold star" lesbian rubbish. The power you ascribe to a male penis to "ruin" a woman while saying you think men are inferior is hilarious.

4. Kids aren't your property. They have the right to see their GP and access medical care without parental consent. They aren't stupid. They aren't brainless. By telling them they can't consent and don't know what they're talking about, you are alienating them from your cause and making them hate you more.

5. No one tells GNC people they are trans. That's not how being trans works. Sometimes a GNC person might want to shed pronouns or use different words, and that's fine. Why are you equating that with gender dysphoria? They're completely separate. Butch lesbians aren't vanishing, there are still plenty of them accessible to you.

6. People have the right to do with their bodies what they want. The most telling experience I ever had was with my lesbians friends: I told them I wanted a mastectomy, they made a massive deal out of it, because they felt entitled to my breasts and it was "ruining" my body (what the fuck? How does not having breasts ruin a body?). It was disgusting and invasive. I got a hysterectomy for comfort. Again, they made it into "denying my womanhood". Thanks for boiling my womanhood down to my womb, real progressive of you.

The biggest reason people hate radfems is because of their entitlement to other people's bodies and experiences. If you spent less time telling people how to behave and feel about themselves, and telling them they were brainwashed and you know The One True Way, you might stop driving people in the opposite direction. You're your own worst enemy and I am really glad I realised I'm bisexual, otherwise I would be voluntary celibate rather than go back to lesbian spaces. They are choked by toxic radfems.

1. Just like sex based oppression, same sex attraction is real. Transwomen will never be women. Transbians will never be lesbians.

I enjoy honesty in my relationships, i disclose anything important or anything that may be considered a deal breaker early on as to not string others along. Transpeople need to disclose that they are trans 1- to be safe and not get murdered by homophobic men and 2- so their partners can make an informed decision.

2. There are predators and groomers in your community tho. That's just factual.

Mermaids huh?

3. The Lesbian community has driven off lesbians? I never said there wasn't domestic violence within same-sex relationships? Um okay good for you? This is coming out of nowhere, are you sure you've got the right blog lmao

4.)Never said kids are my property, i said kids cannot give informed consent and lack the emotional and cognitive maturity to give consent. Kids that are suffering through gender disphoria to such a degree that they are claiming to be suicidal should not be able to consent to medical procedures while their mental health is obviously compromised.

Kids aren't stupid but they can be groomed and coached to say things that would not be beneficial to their well-being. Suck a lemon. I don't care if kids hate me.

5. Yes they are. Especially within younger groups, where this social contagion is more likely to be rampant. Especially within religious groups that see homosexuality as sinful and would rather transition their kid rather deal with their kid being gay. Why are you mentioning butch lesbians? Are you under the impression that GNC women would only be lesbians or something?

6. IDC what you do to your body if you're an adult. I only care when you try to convince children that they're born with the wrong body and need to take puberty blockers that makes me speak out against it. Y'all are teach kids to hate their bodies and you don't even see it.

Ah but calling women uterus havers and pregnant/bleeding people isn't reducing you down to your womb or genitals when it's done for the inclusion of transwomen i see i see. Coddle men and what not.

You don't know shit about radfems and i wish you'd stop pretending you do. I'm embarrassed for you.

#radblr #radfem #feminist #radfems #feminism #radfems please interact #trans #gender critical #transgender #radical feminist

[areallystupidleaf]

My wonderful analysis of why Sharpener by Cavetown is relatable af

Tw: sh lmao I mean that's the theme of the song but like more in detail not like gorey details but yeah

Sharpener's callin' me again

Okay so already yeah, it literally CALLS to me, and I can't stop thinking about it also I literally use a sharpener so-

Tryin' to turn it into some

Thing I can draw into my skin

Make it a picture that I'll love

Instead of something that I wish

I could get in the bath and scrub right off

Oh yes. I actually used a combo of stick n poke and my blade to make a little picture, and it made me feel less hateful about it

Why am I ashamed to look the way I do?

With amix of gender dysphoria, body image issues, and the battlefield on my thighs, yeah

All 'cause an escape to me was just a sharpener to you

And they don't understand because how would they?

Big old pill to inch around

There's no copping out this time

Tried my best to get it down (get, get, get, get it down)

I don't take meds, but trying to make yourself get better feels like this

Sometimes seems like I'm still young

lookin' at the boy across the sink

Thinking, "What the hell have you just done?"

(What the hell have you just done?)

That's how I felt the first few times. It wasn't a nice feeling

Why am I ashamed to look the way I do?

All 'cause an escape to me was just a sharpener to you

Why am I afraid of things I let inside my room?

It scares me sometimes, but I am doing this to myself, I'm letting it in, so i shouldn't be afraid

Just wanted some company, broke the sharpener in two

You say, why am I like this?

You mean, why am I stupid?

Guess you know you're not tryin' to fix it

This is more my own brain. "You're so stupid, you're not even trying to get better, you're ridiculous, stop being like this stop being stupid just get better"

You mean, why am I like this?

You say, why am I selfish?

Guess you know, honey, you can't help it

Again. My brain. "Why are you being so selfish you have no right when others have it worse." This also relates to when I've thought about death. But it's not like I can help being so selfish, yk? It just happens

Anyways, thank you for coming to my TedTalk.

#cavetown #sharpener #self h@rm #lyric musings #lyrics #am i mentally ill? #probably #anways #triggering stuff #i may need help #i think im okay #for now #cyrus says shit #tw self h@rm #tw blade #well mention of them

[tfp-enthusiast]

hello! first time requesting a matchup, hope i did this alright. either faction is fine.

i’m short, in my early 20s, (ftm) trans, autistic, have a bad case of baby face and i dress comfortably (sweatpants/tshirts/light jackets or flannels to make up for the discomfort of my binder). i haven’t medically transitioned yet (sadly) but i plan to when i can afford it. i have shoulder length dyed hair, one side is white and the other black. i’m usually at home (because of dysphoria/anxiety) doing self assigned chores or writing but i have a few friends that i hang out with sometimes. i’m definitely not a conversationalist, and i unintentionally give one word answers to everything. i have three geckos, all selfish little bastards i love. i cling to any rule i can, i hate to waste someone’s time by being a bother. i play a lot of video games (animal crossing, botw/totk, smash bros) and practice german (still learning) when i’m bored. i have drawing, painting and writing as hobbies. i get overwhelmed really easily in loud or busy spaces and i just get very quiet. i listen to a lot of 80s music to cope with anxiety.

i hope that this is enough to match me up with somebot special. thank you! -💫

[This is my first request for a Match-up so sorry if it's a little underwhelming or something.]

]Btw. i know no one asked but I actually speak german! It's funny to me because I learned that a lot of blogs I follow learn/are german. idk why I said it but anyways-]

Match-up: Breakdown

You would probably meet while he's on a mission or in a fight because he tends to forget that he should keep a low profile.

No matter how you meet, he would take because he wouldn't know what to do now that you saw him and the Autobots did the same- why can't he do the same? (yes, he thinks the bot's just picked their humans up)

When he brings you the ship he would try to keep you secret, the vehicons and Soundwave know about you but don't care, and he will ask you thousands of questions when alone.

He will call you cute because of the way your face looks, if you don't like it he would still do it but it just slips out of him sometimes, and then tell you that you have the coolest hair he ever saw. Like he knows that humans die their hair but he never saw two colored hair before.

He doesn't really understand that you have dysphoria and what that really is but he understands that it may be a touchy subject for you so he doesn't ask. But he looks a little into it is a little offended when he finds out jow much money you need so that you can be comfortable in your body, like, wtf, why do humans do that??? for cybertronians a procedure like changing your gender isn't really that much of a big thing but then again there isn't much to change on cybertronians.

Tries to hug you but if you don't like that he will focus on telling you how he thinks that you are beautiful and nothing could change the way he thinks about you etc.

If you don't like physical contact he can also switch to verbal affection, he's not picky about it.

He also get's a little frustrated about your one word answers and likes to tease you about it. He will do that no matter if in a relationship or not but when you are in a relationship he will say that he needs a hug and/or a kiss as a make up for you not talking to him much.

He also likes the way you dress because you look relaxed to him that way and he somehow would think that people that wear more thighter clothes are stressed or serious, you know what I mean? (cause I don't tbh)

When he learns he can't just keep you and let's you go to your home, you get around 6 hours for yourself bc he can get clingy once he likes someone, he will probably complain a little that you don't leave your home unless he's there but if you explain him why he doesn't anymore. (he can relate a bit but also thinks he shouldn't talk about such topics)

Introduce him to video games he will lose his shit. He quickly learns to love Nintendo games, almost everything they ever dropped, and wants to play at least 3 hours a day with you.

He thinks your geckos are cute but he doesn't really care aoubt them that much, he still loves to watch you care about them and laughs with you when they do something silly or don't move even though you lay their food right in front of them. (fun fact: I had 2 geckos and they where just so lazy that they never moved and sometimes they waited for a grasshopper to jump in front of them so they wouldn't have to move XD)

He is really confused when he sees/hears you practice german. He knows that there are many different languages on earth but he's surprised that they sound so wierd. He would after some time probably ask you if you can teach him what you know about it because he finds different languages so fascinating.

He thinks the music you listen to is a little wierd but he finds comfort in it and finds himself listening to it even though he is alone.

#tfp x reader #tfp #tfp breakdown x reader #💫-anon #tfp decepticons x reader #match up