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your-name-is-jim · 9 months

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What a Kirk/Spock shipper sees in a Kirk/Female-Love-Interest story [PART 2/2]

Part 1 <- Please read Part 1 first. Part 2 won't make sense otherwise!

This panel is absolutely AMAZING and you all deserved to see it :D

So, what were we talking about? Oh, yeah, Laura just proposed.

As you can see, Jim is panicking not sure what to answer, so the first thing he does is calling his two best friends. There are so many things going on here; I'll try to mention everything I care about!

"Starfleet is getting a lot better at partners of equal rank working together."

This is an important part of this comic: apparently, in this story Starfleet isn't encouraging relationships between officers with a different rank. I know it's sort of implied in canon too, but it's not always clear if it's actually against regulations or if it's fine when the ranks are close.

As a K/S shipper, this detail just gives me an in-universe reason why Jim and Spock aren't considering dating each other in this story: a commander can't probably have a relationship with a captain. I mean, we already know from canon TOS that Jim avoids relationships with the members of his crew, so this just adds a layer to a potential forbidden love story between them. Yeah, I know this isn't what this comic is trying to do, but what can I say? Fans don't stop shipping something just because they learn it's not allowed in-universe… if anything, they can find it more exciting! :D

"We could teach at the Academy. Mind you, she laughed at that idea."

Oh, wait. Jim actually talked to Laura about their possible future together! It looks like he's thinking about them as teachers at Starfleet Academy. Hmm… this sounds familiar:

2277 — Accepts appointment to Academy faculty, moves into San Francisco apartment

This is from Kirk's biography in Star Trek official website. Between The Motion Picture and The Wrath of Khan, Jim accepts a job at the Academy. We see it at the start of the second movie, after Saavik takes the Kobayashi Maru test.

Wait, who's the other teacher here? :D

Okay, okay, in that era Jim is an admiral and Spock is a captain, so their ranks are still different, but except for that… They both teach at the Academy. And it's literally what Jim proposed to his love interest Laura in the comic! With my Kirk/Spock goggles on, what I read in that panel is "If Laura and I got married, we could both do this thing that I'm totally going to do with Spock in the future." LOL

Did the comic creators notice the parallel? Probably not. However, we K/S shippers have special skills for finding accidental implications about our ship everywhere, so here it is :)

"Your thoughts, please, Mr. Spock."

I said I had a lot to say about that single panel, so of course I can't skip the last line! A human woman has just proposed to Jim, and what does Jim do? He asks for Spock's opinion. This says a lot about Jim and Spock's friendship, and it's very sweet on Jim's part, but it also makes me think about Jim's love life. What about Jim and Laura's romantic feelings for each other? Does Jim want to spend the rest of his life with her? Perhaps the reason they don't talk about it (not even with Bones!) is that it's implied that Jim loves her and she loves him, even if they never say it. However, I still think it's interesting that Jim's discussion on the matter is mostly "logical".

Anyway, I swear I won't post every single panel of this comic, but Spock's reply is an absolute gem you all must see:

"I AM SOMETHING OF AN EXPERT ON THE SUBJECT OF JAMES T. KIRK."

(dkjflsdjlkdjglk brb losing my mind again)

Ahem. Okay, Spock. Noted. Also, wow, nice make up. Did I say that the art in this comic is great? Good.

"I believe someone of equal status would offer you the best possible chance of happiness."

Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but I find interesting his use of "equal status" instead of the more specific "equal rank". Status makes me think less of their official position in Starfleet, and more of how two people actually see each other. It's not just about Laura and Jim being both captains; it's about them seeing each other as equals.

Anyway, Jim jokes about Bones and Spock finally agreeing about something, and the conversation continues.

Jim's best friends are both encouraging him to marry Laura. In this panel, I zoomed in on Bones because his words are especially interesting. Based on everything we've seen so far, it looks like having a romantic partner when you're in Starfleet is a pain in the ass in general in this comic; however, Bones is pointing out that for the first time, Jim has someone who really understands. Of course, that's because she's a Starfleet captain too.

About Spock, I won't share the entire conversation, but I just want to say that as a K/S shipper who likes to think Spock is secretly in love with Jim in this era, I find his dialogue where he's supporting Jim's relationship with Laura totally reasonable. It's important to remember that this comic takes place close to the end of the five-year mission. We know that Spock is going to run away after that, trying to erase all his emotions in Gol. So, in this specific part of his story, I find pretty in character that he'd tell Jim to find happiness with someone else. That's what he'd do, regardless of his own feelings.

So, Jim knows his two best friends think he should say "yes" to Laura. What happens next?

During a mission, Jim meets his ex Carol Marcus. She is surprised to find out that Jim is considering settling down. This is not completely related to this analysis, so I won't post it, but I found interesting that Carol knows about every single woman Jim dated before he became captain (the only one she doesn't name is Ruth), and she even says "And that woman in 1930, what was her name?" Just… how the hell does she know? LMAO

At least Jim hasn't told her about Miramanee and Rayna (well, technically he doesn't even remember the latter), but seriously, Carol does know a lot about Jim's private life, even if it's clear she doesn't want her or their son to be part of it. (Not really related to this plot, but in case you're confused about the timeline: David is a child in this era; however, he doesn't appear in this story.)

Anyway, this is what she eventually tells him:

So, I like to think that Carol is genuinely trying to help Jim here, because the spiteful ex girlfriend is another thing I don't really want to see in 2020. I want to think that the creators meant well; however, what happens in the story is that, despite Jim not seeing himself outside the captain's chair, and despite his best friends telling him to marry the captain that is just like him… Jim keeps thinking about Carol's words.

He knows from Starfleet that he's going to be promoted to admiral the moment he reaches Earth. What is interesting here is that Jim could refuse the promotion and be a captain with Laura. This is definitely a different situation from everything else I've seen before. It's obvious to anyone who has watched TOS movies that Jim is not happy as an admiral. He didn't really want to be one. He doesn't want to be one in this comic series either (you can see it explored in Star Trek: Year Five main story). However, thanks to The Motion Picture, we also know that he will accept promotion at the end of his five-year mission. This isn't a canon divergence story: the writers can't really change any major event, so they have to work with what canon offers.

What I find interesting is that in this 2020 comic, Jim finds himself in the opposite situation he is in Gene Roddenberry's The Motion Picture novelization from 1979. In Roddenberry's novel, it's mentioned briefly that Jim starts a relationship on Earth with a vice-admiral, a woman that was basically asked to use her charm to keep Jim grounded. Jim could refuse promotion, but he finds himself lost, without his ship, without Spock, and eventually without Bones. So he tries to convince himself that a life as an admiral with a perfect woman by his side will be good for him (it will not; Jim himself will realize a year later that his lover was an "Enterprise-surrogate").

Now, I understand trying to write something fresher and more modern in this Valentine's Day special, but I confess that I find a little hard to believe that Jim would accept a promotion as admiral if the alternative was keeping both a starship AND a wife. Also, let's not forget that Spock and Bones are both telling him to choose the married captain life. So, while I totally get from a writer's point of view that if you can't change canon, you have to work with what you have, I'm also not sure that Carol reminding Jim that he's always wanted to challenge himself is enough to make him doubt everything.

I guess I can sort of see that as part of a bigger problem: Jim knows he can't be a captain for life; during his first date with Laura, as we saw in Part 1 of my analysis, he talks about it.

"I've been thinking lately about whether I could ever stop being a Starfleet captain. Whether I could ever want to. A friend of mine talks about 'infinite diversity'. That applies to the Federation, too. But here I am, only built for one thing."

So, Jim knows he has probably avoided the subject for too long. Carol is forcing him to think about it. And, more implicitly, we could say Spock and his IDIC philosophy are also making him think, even if it's not what Spock would have expected. After all, Spock told Jim to marry Laura (in the comic), and he'll tell him that being a starship captain is his "first, best destiny" (in The Wrath of Khan).

Anyway, Jim eventually decides to meet Laura and talk to her about his personal concerns. First of all, we find out that the two of them haven't called each other for six weeks. Laura is still waiting for Jim's answer, and she didn't want to call him. If you ask me, their lack of communication is yet another a big clue that perhaps getting married is not a great idea.

Well, now Jim is at least trying to talk to her.

Aaand that's how she breaks up with him.

I'm not sure how to feel about this. I mean, in a sense, Jim doesn't say "I decided to be an admiral instead of marrying you", but Laura definitely sees it that way. I think he was genuinely looking for help, but that just proves that Laura isn't the right person for him. Why marrying someone you can't communicate with? They are such a great team as captains, but it looks like that doesn't apply to their relationship. I pointed out other clues in the previous parts, and now we got this. It's interesting to see that Jim in this comic can have a normal conversation about his future with Spock, Bones, and even Carol Marcus, but not with the person he's supposed to build a future with. Unless something changes between them, it can't work out.

Anyway, this isn't the end.

A year later, when Jim is an admiral on Earth, there's a sudden emergency. A miniature black hole appears out of the deep structure of the universe (don't blame me for the science, I'm literally quoting the comic LOL) and it's attracted to Earth gravity. Short story: they're all going to die, but fortunately the Drake (Laura's ship) can cause an anti-matter implosion that will shunt the black hole outside their reality. Unfortunately, that also means the Drake will have to go inside the black hole. Laura evacuates her crew and asks Admiral Kirk to give her the order to proceed. Reluctantly, Jim tells her that he knows she'll do it, and he gives the order.

Now, please appreciate The Motion Picture aesthetic:

Okay, I know I could have chosen a panel with Jim and Laura, since this is literally their love story, but I did say this analysis was going to be biased, so here is Laura with her two closest friends instead; they would never let her risk her life alone! <3 They are very obviously meant to be a parallel to what Spock and Bones are to Jim, which is very cute to see. Now, Laura, listen to me: I know the three of you have different ranks, but you may die in a few seconds… And I just think that the few times your friends appear in this comic, you have a lot of chemistry with them, sooo maybe you should forget about Jim and just smooch one of them, or both… just saying :)

Ahem. Anyway, after Laura and her girlfriends disappear into the void, there's another timeskip. This time it's 15 years.

Oh, damn.

I said in the premise of this analysis that one of the reasons I decided to read this comic despite shipping Kirk/Spock is that, in my headcanon, Kirk and Spock get together after The Motion Picture. Until this point, this comic hasn't really gone against my headcanon. I can genuinely believe that Jim had another girlfriend during his five-year mission; it's not a big deal. Unfortunately for me, this comic has its last part taking place around The Final Frontier era. Dammit.

Well, it's just one comic. I read until this point; it'd be illogical not to read until the end, right? Nah, it's not logic. It's human curiosity. I know I won't like it, but I still want to see it.

Also, if there's something that I really don't want to see in modern media anymore, is female characters dying just to make male characters suffer. I can accept that in TOS show because it was made in the 1960s, but even TOS movies got better about it! Characters like Saavik and Gillian can have their own lives without having to die for a man's pain. It's not a coincidence that the writers had to kill Spock to make Jim suffer. Without digressing too much, I just wanted to say that K/S bias aside, I went into this comic hoping to read something different from another dead woman for Jim. I'm very glad that, at least about this, the comic creators didn't disappoint me!

So, in this story, it's been 15 years since Laura's disappearance (actually, it should be more, but I'll try not to nitpick, despite being the trekkies' favorite hobby :D). Anyway, the one with the whales The Voyage Home happened, and Jim is not an admiral anymore. He's happy to have a starship again, but he hasn't stopped questioning his life decisions.

We can also see that, 15 years later, he's reading the book Laura liked.

HOLD IT! WAIT WAIT WAIT! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??? WHAT THE--

*inhales deeply*

(Friendly reminder to myself that what is obvious to me may not be obvious to everyone else, so I need to explain. Fine. I'll try.)

The screenshots I posted are from The Wrath of Khan, right after Spock's funeral. What Jim is doing there is reading the end of the book that Spock gave him for his birthday. He's mourning Spock.

In the comic panel, Jim has a new pair of glasses, because it takes place a little later in the timeline. But, except for that…

It's the same scene.

The same fucking scene.

I mean, come on! I can't even post the "they're the same picture" meme, because it's not funny if they're literally the same picture! Even the bookmark is the same!

The comic creators literally took a canon scene about Jim reading Spock's book after Spock is gone, and they redrew it with Jim reading Laura's book after Laura is gone. In a Valentine's Day special. Where Laura is Jim's love interest. They made a romantic scene with Jim and a woman that was originally about Jim and Spock.

(Brb, I'm going to chew a pillow until I calm down.)

So. Well. If you wondered why I thought there was something about Kirk/Spock in this comic… you have your answer. Perhaps the artist didn't think anything about it. I certainly do.

And I guess someone could say, "But Jim is still reading Laura's book 15 years later! That's true love!" Why yes, he's not reading Spock's book 15 years later, because he didn't stay without Spock for 15 years; he risked everything and lost all the most important things in his life to save Spock's soul.

Anyway, back to the comic. Starfleet receives a signal from the edge of Federation space. It's the Drake. Laura and her friends are alive.

Jim and Laura have a reunion after a long separation. Since they're both captains now, Jim thinks they are given a second chance.

Oh, whoops.

It's her turn now. It looks like being away for 15 years has changed her (as you can expect, honestly), and she's now glad to become an admiral. In this comic, that means Jim can't marry her. So, this is how the story ends:

So. Um.

This isn't a bad ending, but I also wouldn't exactly call it a happy ending. It's certainly not a happily ever after story. I'd call it open, maybe hopeful? Honestly, pretty much what I'd expect from a love story between an original character and Jim, so I can't say the writing is disappointing about that.

On the other hand, I can't personally imagine middle-aged Jim being so eager to start a romance again with someone he hasn't seen in 15 years who broke up with him 16 years ago. Perhaps he felt guilty about Laura's disappearance because if he had married her, they would have been part of a colonization fleet somewhere else and the incident wouldn't have happened the same way? Maybe. Personally, I would have found more believable an ending where Jim asks her to have dinner together or go for a walk, and then something romantic happening as they get to know each other again. But I can see why the creators wanted to bring up the marriage proposal again, just to close the circle. The comic is just 32 pages, so they did what they could.

"Unless there's someone else." "Not so much. I've been really busy."

Busy with what? Oh, right: Spock's death, Spock's body on Genesis, Spock's rebirth on Vulcan, the time travel (okay, that one wasn't 100% Spock-related), Spock's brother… Honestly, just say there's been a lot of Spock in your life, Jim, because that's the truth :)

On a more serious note, I guess that dialogue could mean that Jim has someone, but "he's been too busy" to do anything serious with them. However, as a K/S monoshipper I don't really like the idea of Jim being in an open relationship with Spock, so Jim's character in the entire scene in the end is just a big NOPE for me. Sorry.

That said, I found very interesting that in a few panels they show very clearly the "captain" rank on Jim and Laura's shoulders, to point out that it's the same. They can't be together forever, but they can have fun for a few days as captains. Because of that, I went back to the start of the last timeskip, just to check out something:

Fascinating.

This is a pretty detailed panel, where you can see the ranks on the shoulders of Jim's friends; the colors of their pins are also pretty good, close to the ones in the movies… except for Spock's.

Oh, please. Did you really expect me not to pay attention to this? :)

Captain Kirk and Captain Spock.

And unlike Laura, this is what they are until the end! The end of a very long life! Generations? What's Generations? Spock will eventually become an ambassador, but that's just a different job. How did Spock himself put it earlier in this comic?

"I am something of an expert on the subject of James T. Kirk. And I believe someone of equal status would offer you the best possible chance of happiness."

Did the comic creators just play themselves? I don't know, I'm quoting their own story here! LOL

And what about Jim's words from the same scene? :D

"Starfleet is getting a lot better at partners of equal rank working together."

Partners. Of equal rank. Working together.

That's literally what Kirk and Spock are since the end of The Voyage Home! Without an expiration date!

The comic creators made a big deal in their universe about relationships being better between two captains, and how good Jim and Laura may have been for each other if they had married as captains; and now they can't have their happily ever after because Laura is going to be an admiral… But even if the comic tries to hide it, we know there is a captain in Jim's life. And to make things better, Jim lost his admiral rank to bring him back. Listen, I'm a huge Old Married Kirk/Spock fan, so there's no way anything can make me forget that in the last TOS movies they're both captains. And there's no way I can forget that Jim risked his entire career (and everything else!) for Spock, and that's literally why he's not an admiral anymore.

This is almost ironic in this Valentine's Day comic. If it hadn't been for Spock, Jim would have still been an admiral, and he could have married Laura. Whoops. Too bad.

Speaking of admirals, I didn't notice it at first, but there's also something about this line Laura says in the last panel I posted…

"And don't you dare 'Admiral' me."

Ah, yes, a typical thing you tell someone you're planning to have sex with. Right, Laura? Agreed :)

Honestly, at this point I should just stop checking this comic, because I wonder if I'd just end up finding a Kirk/Spock version of every Kirk/Laura Rhone line LOL

By the way, I have other thoughts to share now that the story is over, but there's one more thing first. Do you remember the last panels of the comic? Middle-aged Jim and Laura kiss; END.

Okay. After that, the comic has a picture of the cover, with Jim and Laura kissing when they're younger.

And then it has this:

dklsfjlskjflskjlksjlkdlkgjdlfgsnfjekniuwanf LISTEN, HOW--

Just how am I even supposed to say anything that makes sense about this…??? I'm just… I can't…

Okay. So. We're talking about a Valentine's Day comic. It makes sense for it to include a cute Valentine card. I also get that Spock's iconic line has become so mainstream that it can be quoted out of context. And you can make parodies.

But… But… A Star Trek TOS fan can't really forget the original context of "I have been and always shall be your friend"? Someone could just not think about it, I guess… But, well, I know that at least I can't forget that this is literally Spock's line to Jim rewritten in a romantic Valentine's Day version. I can't possibly NOT think about it!

And I know it's very possible that the people who worked on the comic story weren't even aware of this extra, but the fact that I'm seeing this after reading about Jim Kirk's romance without happily ever after… Jim kisses a woman he can't stay with forever, and then there's Spock's "I have been and always shall be your Valentine". It's just so fucking funny. I can't. If I was feeling a little down after seeing middle-aged Jim wanting to marry Laura, now I'm laughing again. Thanks, Spock's silly Valentine card. I needed it! :D

Anyway, what did I say about this comic taking things originally created for Kirk and Spock's relationship and making them romantic when they're not about them? I can believe that sometimes it's a coincidence, but this card? Please… In a sense, this is the perfect ending.

---

Conclusions.

I started this comic with a question: in 2020, how do you write a story about TOS Kirk falling in love? I wanted to see this attempt. Overall, I think the creators did what they could. Laura is different from every other woman in Jim's life; they didn't kill her off, and they also didn't force a happy ending. I think they did a good job with the canon limitations they had, especially in 32 pages.

Do I believe that Laura could have been a good match for Jim in different circumstances?

As a temporary girlfriend? Yes.

As a lifelong partner? No.

Of course, I'm aware my answer is biased, but I can try to be a little more "logical" about it.

First of all, I think that the comic itself supports my interpretation: of course, like in every story, different people are going to see different things; however, as I already pointed out, Jim and Laura never say that they love each other, and before the marriage proposal their relationship is pretty casual.

In The Original Series, Jim isn't lucky when it comes to romance because the women he falls in love with can't really understand his nature as a space explorer. Sometimes they can, like in Carol's case, and that's why they break up with him. Laura is the opposite, because she's just like Jim. But here is the thing: I think Laura is too much like him.

What would have happened if Jim had accepted to marry her at the end of the five-year mission? They would have been both captains. On different ships, though. Sure, they could have been part of the same colonization fleet, as Jim says in the comic, and maybe it would have worked for a while. However, would they really have seen each other as much as Jim needs?

I don't know about Laura, but we see multiple times in canon that behind his mask as a starship captain, Jim is definitely more lonely than what someone may think.

First of all, don't get me wrong: in these screenshots from The Naked Time, Jim is single, so of course his attraction to Janice Rand is related to that. It's not the same situation he'd be in if he were married to Laura. Early in the series, he has thoughts about his yeoman exactly because he doesn't have anyone else. Contrary to his fame as a womanizer, TOS Jim in canon always has one woman at a time in his mind, never more.

So, why am I sharing those lines? To show that when Jim is always inside the Enterprise, he does feel lonely. He needs a romantic partner's physical touch. However, we also know that Jim does not want a relationship with one of his subordinates, so Janice Rand and the rest of his crew are off limits.

Laura is good for him because she's part of Starfleet, and not a subordinate. But is that really enough? From what I've seen in the comic, no. At the end of the day, it looks to me that Jim and Laura don't really know how to plan a future together. Perhaps it's because they're so similar, but they don't really think of themselves as a couple, especially Laura. There's Captain James T. Kirk and Captain Laura Rhone; they both love their ships, so they should get married? That's not how it works.

Their relationship is casual. Jim doesn't want to define it. Are they friends with benefits? Are they in an open relationship? Either way, when Laura decides to marry him, she asks around if Jim has someone else, and only after that she asks him. Jim, on the other hand, doesn't talk to her for six weeks after her proposal. He talks to Spock and Bones immediately, but not to her. He even talks to Carol first.

Then, when Jim finally tries to talk to her about his problems, she doesn't listen. Their lack of communication is the cause of their break up.

16 years later, what we see is even worse. It's obvious that Laura has just different priorities. Maybe it's because of what happened to her lost in space, but I'm not sure. If they had married at the end of the five-year mission, would have Laura always refused a promotion to admiral? Would she have tried to get a promotion with Jim? Based on what we see in this comic, it doesn't look likely to me.

Now, as I said, different people are going to see different things, so I'm sure that someone really invested in this romance can imagine that Jim and Laura are really meant to be, and they can get their happy ending after their retirement, or in other ways. However, I admit that Jim and Laura's huge communication issues make hard to me to picture a long happy relationship between them. They should both try to get better, but in those 32 pages there was no hint towards that direction.

There's another thing that makes really hard to find any love interest for Jim as a plausible "happily ever after" option: the stakes. I know that it's just a single comic, so the creators had to focus on a few things; however, I couldn't help but notice that Jim and Laura never really save each other from dangerous situations. They work together as a team, and Jim watches Laura disappearing into the void, but does he do anything about it? Does he try to reach her inside her ship before she disappears into the black hole? Does he try to bring her back from the void? No, he doesn't.

In TOS show and movies, Jim Kirk risks so much for his crew and his ship that a Star Trek fan can't believe that a new woman is the love of his life, unless Jim is willing to do for her everything he does for his friends. And honestly, after The Search for Spock… how can he even come close to do that?

And it's not just about Jim's actions. There's his language too. At the start of the third movie, Jim refers to Spock as "the noblest part of myself". What could he say about a love interest that is as deep as this?

Let's be honest here: the reason it's so hard to write a story about Jim Kirk's true love is that the real love story for him has already been written. You may not see it romantically, but Kirk and Spock's story is absolutely a love story. And when a character has someone he loves so deeply, it's not easy to convince the audience that he could have someone new to love as deeply. In Jim's case, the combination of his personality and his canon life makes it almost impossible.

Anyway, before I end up not so accidentally turning this analysis into a complete Kirk/Spock ship manifesto, I'm just going to mention one silly thing about the Valentine's Day comic. Please, don't take it too seriously, I'm half-joking :)

So, there are two kiss scenes in the story: one when Jim and Laura start to spend a lot of free time together, and one in the last panel. Well, I can't believe Jim isn't holding Laura's shoulders when he kisses her! That's just the basis of the way Jim kisses women! D:

Different Star Trek characters kiss in different ways; it fits their personalities. And because the rest of my TOS posts are probably too gay for these gifs, I'm dropping them as references here:

Sorry, but if Jim Kirk doesn't grab someone's shoulders before a kiss, it just kills my immersion! :P

Okay, a little more seriously: Jim doesn't always kiss women the same way; however, his "shoulder grab" is common enough that you definitely notice it if you pay attention. Because of that, I think it would have been nice to include it in the Valentine's Day comic.

After reading this comic, what kind of person would I consider perfect for Jim?

Well, my answer is obvious. However, I'll try to elaborate.

First of all, this story definitely convinced me even more that Jim can only be really happy with another Starfleet officer (or at least someone who's been deeply involved with Starfleet). He also needs someone who understands him as a space explorer, without trying to keep him grounded. And someone very smart, of course. These are all traits Laura has. But they're just the basis.

I don't think Jim needs someone in command of their own ship as a lifelong partner. As I said before, I can't really imagine it working out. Another starship captain would have their own goals and their own ambitions; that doesn't mean Jim shouldn't marry someone with specific plans for their own career, but I think these plans should keep the two of them close, not on different ships. Jim needs his partner physically at his side; if he could be happy in a long-distance relationship, I believe we would have seen at least one working out in canon. But it's never the case. Working on different starships from the same fleet would be a little better, but in my opinion not enough, unless it's for a short period of time.

And there's also the matter of his partner's personality. Jim is a natural leader; that's why he's so good at his job. I don't think he needs a similar kind of leader as romantic partner. This is just my personal opinion, but I believe they would just fight about everything they disagree about. I think he needs someone calmer in his life, not someone who'd encourage emotional outbursts.

More importantly, he absolutely needs someone he can communicate with. If he can't talk to his partner about everything important, they're not the right person for him. That doesn't mean they can't have disagreements or miscommunication issues, of course, but they shouldn't happen all the time, and Jim and his partner should be able to talk about them and make up.

In conclusion: someone at his side on his ship, smart, calm, trustworthy :)

Now, I know what some of you are thinking about: what about the "no relationships with subordinates" personal rule Jim has? How can Jim be in a relationship with Spock (or anyone else on the Enterprise) if he's everyone's superior officer? Well, first of all, I already said that after The Voyage Home, Jim and Spock are both captains. And before that… I think that Spock in the comic phrased it the right way. Jim can find his happiness with someone of "equal status". I think it's pretty clear, in my opinion, that Janice Rand and Spock aren't the same kind of subordinates to Jim. Just think about it: which members of the Enterprise call their captain "Jim"? Bones, Spock and (occasionally) Scotty. These are the three people I believe are "equals" in private to Jim, no matter their ranks when they're on duty. Because of that, a relationship between Jim and Spock could work pretty well.

By the way, another thing the Valentine's Day comic made me think about is that in TOS movies, Jim sort of does with Spock pretty much everything he does with Laura in this story. Not the same way, of course, but does it matter? Spock is his own person, he's not Jim's copy. That doesn't mean he can't indulge Jim, have fun himself… and try to stop Jim from doing dangerous things "for fun", as an old spouse would :)

Okay, perhaps throwing each other into the water doesn't count as dancing, but it's so much better :D

In conclusion, this is the way I can read the Valentine's Day comic as a Kirk/Spock shipper:

Jim mentions Spock on his first date with a woman.

Jim questions his life choices as he thinks about Spock and IDIC philosophy.

Jim does with Laura everything we see him doing in TOS show, except for playing chess (just the thing he does with Spock).

Jim says Laura and him are a good team in Starfleet because they had a lot of sex (is that true about other people he works well with??)

There haven't been many ladies or gentlemen in Jim's life because he's busy (not because he's not into men, apparently).

"Starfleet is getting a lot better at partners of equal rank working together." Good for your future with Spock, Jim!

If Jim and Laura got married, they could both teach at Starfleet Academy, something Jim is totally going to do with Spock someday.

Mister "I am something of an expert on the subject of James T. Kirk" Spock.

Also, Mister "I believe someone of equal status would offer you the best possible chance of happiness" Spock, which is actual foreshadowing of his own future status with Jim.

Hey, look at Jim reading a book that reminds him of his lost love! I wonder where I've seen LITERALLY THE SAME PICTURE???

"Don't 'Admiral' me". This is totally not similar to what Jim tells Spock in The Voyage Home, of course.

Hey, we're both captains now! Just for a few days, but isn't that great? I wonder if anyone else is a captain now, and forever? :D

"I have been and always shall be your Valentine". Totally not a Kirk/Spock line, I don't know what you're talking about! :)

Okay, okay, that's all.

As a Kirk/Spock shipper, I won't deny that I'm a little jealous of this Valentine's Day special comic, because I wish we could get something with amazing art like this where Jim is in love with Spock. On the other hand, Star Trek: Year Five comic series has a few scenes about Jim & Spock's friendship that I really liked. Platonic, sure, but good enough for my K/S goggles!

Thank you so much for reading this post until the end! I hope you enjoyed my analysis! Live long and prosper!

#star trek analysis #star trek: year five #star trek: year five valentine's day special #star trek comics #james t. kirk #laura rhone #spirk #star trek tos #star trek the original series #k/s #kirk x spock #space husbands #my gifs

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peri · 1 year

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Peridot and Unlearning (Internalized & Externalized) Homophobia

i.e., here's why peridot's redemption arc is partially (a metaphor?) about unlearning homophobia

the title sounds crazy but bear with me here.

let's start off with saying NO, fusion does not = romantic love. that's an age old discourse and it can be so easily solved by stating there are many different forms of love, and sometimes fusion is just for power (which is a form of love in-of itself, albeit fucked; the love for power or toxic love) HOWEVER, in many cases, such as Garnet's, it most certainly is about romantic love. so to keep it as brief as possible, thats what we have in mind in this post. it's gay love okay.

now, let's talk about the scene i just captioned. this is from the episode "too far," which is an episode about developing a crush and accidentally hurting them in the process of trying to impress them. (however you want to look at it, but thats how i interpret it) the fact it starts off with casual homophobia is important, coz it shows peridot still has a lot of prejudices despite recently becoming part of the team, which is full of gay people, undeniably.

peridot's redemption arc is partially about coming to terms with your sexuality, retraining your mind from internalized homophobia after being raised in such a homophobic society/household, and becoming proud of your sexuality / identity.

OBSERVE:

"you dont understand! im protecting a planet i was once trying to destroy! i used to follow every order - every rule!"

"now im a traitor! a rebel!"

"A CRYSTAL QUEEEEEER"

sorry i had that joke stored for this analysis since 2019. anyways

i'm going to try to keep this short, but more under the cut.

IM SO BAD at organizing my words so this post is rly hard to make so im gonna do it like this.

MORE EVIDENCE THAT PERIDOT'S REDEMPTION ARC IS COMING TO TERMS WITH BEING GAY / UNLEARNING HOMOPHOBIA:

being frustrated about joining a lesbian/gay gang

coming from a society where homosexuality is forbidden

telling off your mom by saying youre joining some rebel lesbians/gays to fight her oppressive society

wearing pride flags (stars) everywhere after coming out

looking up to experienced lesbians (Garnet)

the scissoring joke (from "too far." if you know you know)

furthermore, i thought it'd be fair to include peridot learning how to respect how people identify in other ways, such as names / how they prefer to be addressed. this, most of the time, goes hand-in-hand with homophobia.

peridot, narrating: "he also said he wanted me to stop calling him "the" steven." steven: "its just, steven!" peridot: "i told him i'd call him whatever i want!" [hiss] peridot: "he told me that was rude."

(from the episode "log date 7 15 2")

peridot learns how to respect how people identify. lgbt win

i should add she also eventually learns how to respect Garnet's whole deal in the same episode (log date 7 15 2) which was also a huge moment in her unlearning homophobia. which, btw if you dont know or dont remember, Garnet does by comparing herself to peridot's (assuming) gay ship between Percy and Pierre from Camp Pining Hearts, saying she was the optimized version of herself (the reason peridot "ships" them; theyre the best team logically according to her analysis ship chart)

anyways, now the biggest most obvious point is the fact that peridot actually is gay. i've referred to this episode a few times now, but thats becoz it really is a huge point in proving my 'thesis';

in the episode "too far," peridot is shown to get obsessed with impressing amethyst. peridot experiences something they havent yet up until this point: a crush. i mean, you can interpret it as you wish, but thats how i saw it. the butterflies, the obsession with making someone laugh, the fact peridot states amethyst is objectively the best gem of the crystal gems and emphasizes "damaging her standing with the best gem here" with their apology to amethyst after hurting her feelings.

and um, this.

🌈yeag

sorry im losing any professionalism i started this post with. also this is focusing on early-season / redemption arc peridot which is why its kind of short and is missing stuff from later seasons. i hope this was at least somewhat concise and easy to understand, and i hope yall see my point of view here! feel free to add on (theres SO MUCH its easy for it to skip my mind) if you have any other points youd like to make to support my cause and uprising. love you

#peridot #su #steven universe #q slur #idc abt the discourse w tagging it as that im doing it for a friend. love and light #im so sorry for the bad formatting im off my meds #peridot analysis #tagging that for personal ref ok bye

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rutellingmeashrimpfriedthisrice · 6 months

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MCYT Yuri Week Day One!

Prompt: Dance/Break

Ship: Gem(GeminiTay)/Pearl(Pearlescentmoon)

Series: Empires SMP (season 1)

Word Count: 806

@mcyt-yuri-week

Gem watched from afar the way Pearl swayed to the upbeat music around them, watching the other girl laugh while Sausage twirled until she was sure the brunette's cheeks would be sore. She took a deep breath, shoulders tensing as she stepped onto the dance floor for the first time since setting it up hours ago for the Rivendell Festival.

"Gem!" Pearl grinned, pausing to face her as she glanced down slightly at the shorter girl who's cheeks dusted pink at the sound of her own name. "Come dance with me." She said, not a request but also without force. An offer she was counting on Gem to accept.

So she did.

With a timid smile, Gem nodded and let Pearl grab hold of her hand, stumbling as she was suddenly tugged into the rhythm of the quick-paced tune coming from the jukebox not far away. Her nerves faded faster than expected, soon moving freely around as Pearl occasionally touched her hand or her shoulder to guide her into another dance move.

The wizard had been having so much fun she hadn't noticed the change of song until her eyes landed on the sunflower-clad girl before her, holding out a hand with a goofy smile that made Gem want to giggle and melt at the same time.

"You got one more dance in you?" Pearl asked quietly to not disturb the other couples already swaying. Gem glanced around nervously, noticing the closeness of Scott and Jimmy and the smitten look shared between Joel and Lizzie. She blushed, taking a deep, steadying breath before smiling back at Pearl and slowly placing her hand over the other girl's.

"For you? Of course." She answered, heart fluttering as Pearl blushed this time. She stepped closer, hovering her free hand nervously over her waist before gently resting it just as Pearl's hand moved to her shoulder.

It took a minute that felt like years before Gem felt relaxed enough to drop her tense shoulders and let out a breath she'd forgotten to release. Her gaze wandered up from where she'd been watching her feet to notice Pearl already looking her way, smiling sheepishly once she was caught.

"Having fun?" Pearl asked in a whisper, barely audible over the music for only Gem to hear.

Gem nodded. "Yeah." She said, a bit breathless from how pretty Pearl's eyes looked from up close. "You?"

Pearl smiled and shrugged. "Yeah, tonight's been great." She said.

"I'm sensing a but in there?"

"But it'd be better if it were just us two."

Gem's eyes widened just a fraction at that, and Pearl's cheeks turned scarlet when the redhead didn't say anything in response.

"I mean, what I mean is-" Pearl faked a cough and Gem couldn't stop the grin growing on her face. "I like having you around. You're good company, a good friend."

Gem let her eyes flit around the other leader's face before taking a half step to bring them close enough to touch, watching as the shadow from her hat blocked Pearl's face from the light. "I like being around you." She said softly, hoping with all her heart that she wasn't misreading the situation.

Pearl blinked a few times before grinning even wider than before. "You do?" She asked, earning a nod.

"I... I like you, Pearl." She finally said, voicing those thoughts she'd held for weeks, maybe months.

"I like you too." Pearl answered, holding Gem's hand just a bit tighter in her own.

"Erm," another voice broke the two out of their moment. "Having a good time, are we?" Scott smirked from over Jimmy's shoulder as the girls noticed everyone had stopped to look at them.

"Don't ruin this for me, elf boy." Gem retorted, the group sharing a laugh while Scott rolled his eyes. She looked back to Pearl and stretched onto her toes to finally kiss the girl she'd been thinking about for so long.

She pulled away, smiling from ear to ear at the way Pearl's eyes lit up from her kiss. She faintly registered some of her friends cheering or cooing in approval, but the only thing she could focus on was Pearl's dazzling smile and the new look in her eyes that she could already tell would never cease to make her heart race.

Pearl blinked from her daze to look around once again, still grinning wider than possible. "What are you lot standing around for? This is a party!" She cheered, nodding to Sausage who switched out the music disc for something upbeat again as Gem was happily pulled into another dance.

As Pearl spun her around for the sixth time, Gem found she was sure of two things:

This would always be the best night of her life, and she would definitely fall over if Pearl spun her one more time.

#mcytyuriweek2023 #pearlgem #gempearl #harvestmoon #moonstone

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pickastitch · 3 months

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i lied i do have a fic for @mcyt-yuri-week

day 3 qpr/aromance. hc s9 gempearl

words: 670

“Gem, what does romantic attraction feel like?” Pearl questioned in the middle of them building up their megabases. They have spoken about them both being aromatic before, and the other found out that Gem was frayromatic while Pearl was completely loveless when it came to aromanticism.

Gem took a minute to think before saying, “It's having the desire to kiss someone, the ability to spend an infinite amount of time and never get tired of them, the wanting to be a life partner, in my experience at least.” Pearl just hummed in response as they continued on working on Gem’s base but couldn't shake the feeling that she had some of those wants for her closest friend without it being explicitly romantic.

After a little bit, they went inside for a water break. Pearl was sitting on top of the dining table while Gem sat in a chair next to her, drinking from a simple glass. She felt herself observing her and took note of all the small details of her, opening her mouth to comment on one, specifically Gem's lips, but quickly closed it, realizing how awkward it would sound.

Gem must have noticed cause she looked over and gave a questioning eyebrow lift. Pearl was caught, so she sighed and answered, “This is going to sound weird, but I was just looking, as one does, and noticed how nice your lips look.”

In response, Gem just laughed, “Wh- wha? Thanks?” It wasn't judgemental or anything she was just caught very off guard. “Your lips.. look good.. too?”

“Okay this is going to sound worse, but-”

“Pearl, I think we've passed that point. That awkward ship has sailed.”

“I suppose. I don't know, just the concept of platonic kissing- is that a thing?”

“I mean, I suppose so,” thinking for a moment, “I guess that is how I would describe some of my older feelings for you”

Now Pearl was curious, “When?” Gem had confessed her romantic feelings when she initially had them and took the rejection fairly well, but they never really talked about it after.

“Well when I start befriending someone I have a crush on, my attraction just goes into this limbo for a bit between romantic and platonic. I've thought of that but never had exact wording for it.”

“Well why don't we try it now?” Pearl suggests as she guides Gem out of her seat and places her in between her legs. Gem stood just a bit taller compared to Pearl sitting, so Gem took her opportunity to hold her face and lead her lips to her own with a light experimental kiss. That only led to both of them wanting more as Pearl tilted her head a little and kissed her back even more intensely.

After they finally pulled apart from one another, “Woah,” was all Gem had to say. Pearl, out of breath, did her best to laugh at the reaction as she pulled her up on the table. “You should've brought this up earlier. That was amazing,” Gem muttered, laying her head down onto Pearl's shoulder.

“Thought it would ruin our friendship”, she admitted as she wrapped her arm around Gem, pulling her even closer.

“No point in friends if you can't kiss them every once in a while,” she joked.

Pearl took notice of the word friend, “Are we friends?” Not in a hurt way, but more so in a curious way.

“Well since I want to kiss you more than every once in a while, we could arrange something.”

Pearl couldn't help herself with an, “Oh?” alongside joking suggestive eyebrow wiggles.

Completely disregarding her usual antics, Gem moved on, “Like something between a friendship and actual romantic relationship?” she suggested.

“Well what would you call me, girlfriend, best friend?"

“I think I'll stick with Pearl. You're my Pearlo.”

Unraveling her body from Gem, she commented, “Alrighty, nice break, we gotta get back to base building,” Pearl said as she poked at Gem, “That means you gotta get up.”

“Mmm, maybe for another kiss?”

#fics #gempearl #mcytyuriweekvalentines #hermitshipping #hermitcraft #<- technically because i wrote it with gem's s9 dining room in mind but didn't specifically state it because i wasn't important #also totally not projecting with the frayromanticism

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razorblade180 · 6 months

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Underwater Adventure

Furina:Aether have you seen Freminet, the diver boy by any chance?

Aether:Nope. Haven’t seen the twins either. Though knowing my luck I’ll find them again before my own twin.

Furina:Wow. Didn’t know you could be passive aggressive.

Aether:I’m just blowing off a little steam. Anyways, why do you need Freminet? Lose something in the water?

Furina:No. I figured he was likely to know the location of Fontaine’s most dazzling underwater locations.

Aether:Why wouldn’t y- oh. Oh! It never really crossed my mind but if you only got your vision recently then you’ve probably never experienced Fontaine below the surface.

Furina:Don’t be silly! It’s not as of I’m completely unaware. There’s been tons of pictures, videos, and textbooks spanning the centuries. Though you’d be correct in saying I’ve never actually experienced it all with my own eyes.

Aether:If that’s the case, want me to fill in? I’m no expert diver but I think I’ve seen some pretty remarkable sights.

Furina:Oh I wouldn’t want to take up your time or anything of your busy- you’ve already grabbed my hand.

Aether:Want me to let go?

Furina: *sighs* Not really…

xxxx

The beauty of Fontaine is there really isn’t a bad place to start when it comes to experiencing the water. Any vision holder can simply dive right in. Even so, Furina was a little hesitant, only going waist deep with Aether as he slowly walked backwards deeper in while holding her hands.

Furina:So you can literally breathe like normal? No fancy trick!?

Aether:If it scares you then you can take a deep breath first and watch me be perfectly fine. You can even talk underwater!

Furina:No but I’ll do it.

Aether:Three…two…dive!

She dove towards him as he sunk into the water, still holding one hand to keep her close. Aether didn’t think he’d ever play travel guide, nor did he expect to catch a glimpse of what had to have been the same look on his face when he first entered the waters. Apprehension and fear vanished in an instant as Furina’s eyes grew wide with awe.

So many years of learning, studying, and even fearing her nation’s waters could not compare to the breathtaking sight it imposed. The lush sea grass under schools of fish. The way the sunlight broke apart through rippling waves like dazzling gems. Even the melodic hum of the currents around her all served to make Furina take her first breath without even realizing.

Furina:Wow…

Aether:Right? I can easily say I hadn’t seen anything like this until I got here.

Furina:There’s just so much color. The coral, fish, and crabs! Is that a pod of seals!? Aw they’re like a giant family!

Aether:Have you realized you’re talking yet?

Furina:Huh? Oh! Hey, I’m fine! Not that I thought you were lying or anything. It’s just…wow.

Aether:So, anything you may have wanted to see particularly?

Furina:Show me everything you can!

Aether:Ha, say no more.

xxxxx

Hard to believe the girl who nearly sent him to court was now playing with otters under the sea. From spotting sunken ships to petting seahorses, the girl held a gentle wonder in her eyes. Even after accidentally getting stuck in a current. Aether watched her swim down to the sea floor and sit crisscross so he went to join her.

Aether:Having fun?

Furina:Boatloads! I said it before but it should be repeated, pictures and videos doesn’t do this sight justice. I know I’m human and by all means I’ve lived my entire life on land, yet something about being down here feels so…natural.

Aether:I’m sure Freminet would have similar feelings.

Furina:I’ll admit though, swimming for so long is indeed a workout I wasn’t completely prepared for. You’re probably feeling it more; I did seem to interrupt your day.

Aether:My commissions weren’t that hard. Plus I gathered some stuff I needed while we’re down here.

Furina:If that’s the case then shall we finally go back up for proper air?

Aether:Actually…would you like to see a super scenic spot underwater that’s also under the water?

Furina:Oh so like a sea cave?

Aether:Even better. Hehe, follow me.

A spark of energy flared in his voice as he swam off. Furina couldn’t say her interest wasn’t piqued. It took awhile to reach but when they did, Furina was shocked to found the water had ended and they were suddenly walking on solid ground into old ruins. Once again her sense of wonder reached new heights as the ruins opened up to what looked like a long forgotten kingdom with a still towering castle that was wrapped in the embrace of a silhouetted Oceanid.

Furina:This place looks like it’s right out of the tales and records of Narzissenkreuz.

Aether:Funny you should say that…

Furina:….

Furina:Is this the place!?

Aether:Y’know I’m kinda amazed just how vast your knowledge goes; and I really don’t mean to sound rude when I say that. I guess it only makes sense for you to know a bit of everything when you have informants for centuries. Still…you must’ve read a dozen libraries worth.

Furina:Try a cities worth. I’m not always on the stage or drinking tea you know? I was very diligent about finding any means to prevent the prophecy. It’s only natural I learned an array of topics as a consequence. It’s actually a little silly. Sometimes I feel like if my life was normal from the start, I may have ended up somewhere like the foundation of the research institute. I really did enjoy learning the things in those dusty books.

Aether:What do you think your field would’ve been?

Furina:Not the biggest fan of machinery myself, all things considered. I’m leaning more towards marine biology.

Aether:Somehow picturing you majoring in a science is really out of left field.

Furina:*pouts* Hey! I’m being honest here. What’s with all the jabs all of a sudden? Don’t tell me you take me for someone who hasn’t read a book in their life?

Aether:Not at all. I just get this feeling that somehow no matter the reason, you would’ve ended up on stage and dazzling the crowd. Not because of who you are now; I don’t know. It’s almost like I think you’re born to perform.

Furina:*red*Well…..haha! I mean I can’t argue with that. I do have a natural knack for acting and with my beauty I’m sure it was only a matter of time before a genius would want to put me front and center when the curtain came time to open. *nods* Yes, that sounds about right.

Aether:*smiles* Was what I said really that embarrassing?

Furina:I have no idea what you’re talking about!

Aether:If you say so. Ready to go deeper in? The spot isn’t that far now.

Furina:Yep. Let’s this undersea adventure continue! *points onward*

xxxxx

Ancient architecture, damp air, and peculiar ruins. They weren’t the first thing that Furina thought of when it came to when she thought of a good time but she found it hard not to be enamored by it all. It a very broad way, it felt as if she was connecting with her roots. Aether must’ve noticed this because Furina couldn’t help but notice the slower pace he took ever since they got here. She was thankful for it. Despite his way of challenging her whenever possible, he also found the most interesting ways to spoil her without saying.

They eventually made their way to what looked like an old library that was segmented into near identical rooms. Furina feared she might’ve gotten lost if it wasn’t for Aether immediately turning her around to reveal a hidden path. Just how do people come up with these things!? Her inspection of her surroundings came to an end when Aether causally got behind her and covered her eyes.

Furina:Umm what’s happening?

Aether:The spot is just around the corner. Don’t worry. Just keep walking. I got you.

Furina:This is starting to feel like an elaborate birthday surprise of some sort. Too bad it’s not actually my birthday.

Aether:I’m afraid when that day comes it might be something way more relaxed.

Furina:As long as there’s good cake and company then you will have succeeded in my eyes. Be warned however, I’m a stickler for desserts.

Aether:I’ll keep that in mind.

Furina:How much longer?

Aether:Relax~ Just…feel it.

Without further ado, Aether removed his hands right as Furina stepped into what felt like pure warmth. Her eyes quickly adjusted and became vibrant as they took in what could only be described as a wonderland. A sweet little cottage in a humble forest clearing stood quietly in view under gentle, muted rays of sunlight that only seemed to feel cozy instead of burning. The faint smell of spring tickled her nose as sunflowers swayed from an inviting breeze while the trickling sound of a creek whispered in her ears.

Furina was absolutely speechless, the view stirring her heart until it immediately turned calmer than an undisturbed puddle after a downpour. This place brought a sense of ease that her mind had long since forgotten and heart never dreamed off. It was so overwhelming yet still. It took Furina awhile to realize her eyes had welled up. She wiped the brief tears away and turned to Aether to see the young adventurer standing beside her with his eyes closed, welcoming the breeze. He didn’t say a word once he opened his eyes. Aether simply walked towards the creek before taking the opportunity to lay down in a patch of flowers.

Furina continued to walk with her feelings, coming a across a small doghouse before spotting a humble table outside with enough space to hold tea with friends. Furina felt temptation to enter the cottage but resisted. Instead she finally made her way towards Aether and sat beside him while he rested his eyes.

Aether:Nice place, isn’t it?

Furina:Hats off too you. I knew there were many places I had yet to see. Still, never in my time could I have imagined a place like this. The air itself even feels lighter. Where’s the owner?

Aether:Moving forward with their friends. I don’t know when they’ll be back, but I imagine it’ll be quite some time. I’m sure if they ever return, it’ll be to rest their heads before setting off again.

Furina:Is that so? You know…I don’t think I’d ever say I had a yearning to feel more connected to “mirror-me” in the grand scheme of things. But between my vision, the water, and even this, I feel like a part of me satisfied and at rest. Maybe I’m just imagining things.

Aether:I wouldn’t say that. I know many friends who would say that even the faintest connections never truly disappear. Some last across lifetimes. Speaking of which, one of these days I’ll have to show you another wonderful spot.

Furina:If it’s half as beautiful as this then I’ll be floored. Is it far?

Aether:Not really. There’s a certain desert oasis I think you should see alongside with a few friends of mine. Perfect place for a tea party.

Furina:Sounds interesting. I’ll be sure to keep my schedule flexible. Hmm today really has been a wonderful day. Thank you, seriously.

Aether:Anytime. It was fun playing travel guide. If you ever need a spot to get away from your worries and clear your mind, now you have a perfect place.

Furina:Well…I’m unsure if I’d go that far. Coming here later might not feel as peaceful.

Aether:That’s an odd thing to say. Are your trying to say it wouldn’t be same without me or something?

He said that half in jest, focused on the sun’s warmth. It was only when that warmth spread to his lips gently did his heart jump. As the warmth faded, Aether opened his eyes to see Furina focused on the creek; her ears bright red and face moved just out of view.

Furina:The mood felt right…

Aether:….

She could hear him moving, slowly getting closer to her. Furina was prepared for Aether to get right up in her face teasingly, but it never happened. Instead her lap became heavy with his head. Furina looked down at the boy to see his attention was also focused towards the water while the sight of flushed skin spread to ears as well. Furina couldn’t help but smile softly as she began playing with his hair. What a wonderland this truly was.

#genshin impact #gi aether #gi furina #furina x aether

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pinkandpurple360 · 5 months

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im not even a huge fizzarozzie stan, but why are you so obsessed with warping the ship into being this huge dumpsterfire of toxicity that fizz needs to leave in order to reunite with his “soulmate” blitzo?

“Ozzie doesn’t understand him” bruh Ozzie is literally the only person who understands him he said so himself. And even the person who you’re closest toowill be kinda perplexed if the guy you hated for 10+ years suddenly becomes your bestie.

“They’ll be taking some time apart and might take a look at this codependency issue.” - lol no way viv’s doing that lol shes going all in on them being a duo. Like dont get me wrong I think they’re a bit too uwu joined at the hip for me but it’s not this horrible ship where fizz is kept in a gilded birdcage forever.

“I think karma will hit him and he’ll get his own version of what he put Moxxie through. Specifically Asmodeus, Fizz to a lesser extent.” in a perfect world I’d actually hope this would happen but considering Viv portrayed all of Hell as fangirls for them, this is 1000% Not Happening.

”Fizz definitely isn’t his first ever love, if the demonology is anything to go by. The story of Sarah in the Book of Tobit is Asmodeus’ most famous story so to exclude that would be a disservice to the character.” Viv spoils her plot points through Twitter likes, she confirmed Tobit/all demonology stories aren’t canon to Helluva unless directly stated :/ and she’s liked many versions of tweets basically saying Ozzie has never had romantic feelings ever until Fizz and never will again after he dies.

and Blitzø is his own brand of fucked up, even more so than Fizz and Ozzie combined. No way in hell those two would work out without some SERIOUS therapy on Blitzø’s end.

I think you actually clearly are a big fizzarozzie fan? you’re blowing the one time someone criticises the ship out of proportion, getting defensive, and using dramatic words like “obsessed” “warping” and “soulmate” I’m literally the 1% here. There are lots of shipping spaces you can go instead. The way the fandom treats this ship like a fragile gem shows it could do with some looking at. When people refuse to let you critique something that’s how you know it’s hiding some problems.

Who is warping anything by just noticing the events that happen and interpreting them in a way you don’t agree with?

Oz misunderstands him more than he understands. They bicker, they miscommunicate, and in the end they try again. and it isn’t all about blitz, because Oz never understood why he needed to compete in the contest at the start of Oops, he doesn’t notice fizz hiding things from him, he doesn’t listen to fizz when he worries that eyes are around, and confesses his love without Fizz fully agreeing to it. Sure Fizz hugs him or laughs it off but can’t they have some agreement on when it’s a secret and when it isn’t? He doesn’t understand Fizzs identity crisis, his need for approval from mammon, his past, any of it.

Viv also likes Crimson x Chaz fanart, art of ValAngel and Vox being a couple, art of Fizz dying, art of him being immortal, art of characters dating ocs. Art of her own self inserts, art of Blitz shape shifting into a dragon, art of Blitz and Fizz having reciprocated love, art of Alessio being Moxxies stepdad, Etc etc. That’s not enough to go on.

“The first and last time he’ll ever experience love” that is just plain weird. And obsessive. Not to mention bad writing. I’ve never heard anyone talk like that. He’s way too possessive of Fizz. He has to live his entire life with Asmodeus and die in his arms in his tower where’s he’s all alone? I hope not. That’s almost worse than him being made an immortal imp.

“She’s going all in on them being a duo” what are you talking about. Like what does this mean. She also said a main character might die and some of them don’t get happy endings.

What do you mean it’s 1000% not happening? Denial much? It already did in S2E6, with the article, the way the staff negatively react, the fact mammon said he’ll regret revealing it? The people at the show are literally Fizzarolli’s fandom, safe to say they aren’t everyone.

All demonology is not canon is just a straight up not factual statement, she makes constant references to demonology. His design is inspired by it, his apparent disapproval of monogamy is inspired by it, why would his biggest story not be referenced whatsoever? Isn’t it possible that Ozzie had his heart broken before and that’s why he’s afraid? Dang. Chill out.

As for your last paragraph, I think you just hate Blitz, ignore the fact that he’s going through development, and need to chill out. Pump the breaks a lil. Soulmates don’t exist.

#helluva boss critical #fizzarozzie critical

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deathbxnny · 1 year

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☆《The hidden Gem.(Yanqing x Edel Raid!Reader)》☆

-----♡

A/N: So, this is brought to you by the Yanqing Anon! They wanted a nice one-shot inspired by this post, so here it is! A special thanks to the great Anon in question!<33

Summary: You've been in a relationship with Yanqing for a while now, yet never mentioned yourself being of the Edel Raid race. One day, however, this unexpectedly changes, as you were forced to reveal yourself in order to protect your lover.

Content: mentions of injury and battle, angst, fluff, established relationship

Reader has she/her pronouns!

((Not fully proofread!))

-----♡

You felt worry and fear strike your heart, once you heard the news of a very bad Mara-struck attack somewhere on the ship. You weren't afraid of the enemies themselves necessarily, but rather for your boyfriend, who was most likely sent out to deal with them too.

And whilst you knew, that he could handle himself just fine, you still had this odd feeling, that something had gone wrong. That something happened to him.

You pushed your way through the thick crowd of guards and workers, your eyes squinting to see where your general Jing Yuan was. The panic was clear in everyone's faces, as they tried getting everything under control. And admidst the chaos, stood the ever so calm general you and Yanqing called your master and caretaker. You moved faster towards the man now, his name leaving your lips in slight panic.

He looked up from where he was standing, his eyes narrowing in confusion, when you finally reached him panting. "(Y/N)? What are you doing here? You should be in a safe zone right now." The man said sternly, obviously not amused by your appearance here. And you didn't necessarily blame him either, considering that you were no warrior here, despite the abilities you were hiding.

You didn't mean to keep them a secret either, as you did trust Jing Yuan and Yanqing with your life... yet your past experiences made you hide them away from everyone. The last thing you wanted was for someone to use you and see you only as a tool, a weapon.

"I know, I'm sorry Master Jing Yuan. But I'm worried about Yanqing. Something happened to him, I know it did." You said loudly over the buzzing of the chaotic crowd. Yet he still didn't seem convinced. "Have some trust in his abilities. You know what he's capable of." "I'm not underestimating him, I'd never dare it. But I still would like to know where he is at the moment." You pleaded, as you chased after the man, who now began heading for his office. You stumbled to catch up to him, until your hand grabbed onto his sleeve. "(Y/N), I won't repeat myself. It's too dangerous for you out here." The man said, giving you a stern, yet soft gaze.

He understood how much you loved and cared for Yanqing, but he knew the young boy wouldn't be happy seeing you out here either. Before you could retaliate however, a guard suddenly came up to you both, bleeding and panting.

"General Jing Yuan! I come from the North, our forces have been completely destroyed by powerful enemies. We beg for back up. Lieutenant Yanqing has been heavily injured as well..." The man trailed off, as he collapsed, a couple healers quickly coming in to help the guard.

Your body moved faster than your mind did, as you turned to run in the direction the guard came from. But an arm on your shoulder stopped you in your tracks roughly. "(Y/N)-!" Jing Yuan could barely get your name out, before you just spun out of his hold and continued sprinting out of the building.

You knew you'd get in trouble for that later on, but you had worse things to worry about. And that was getting to you boyfriend, before it was too late.

---

You panted, as you ran through the endless paths and roads, up and down stairs, over bridges. You had to find him, you just had to. From some injured guards on your way there, you were able to roughly pin point Yanqing's location. The more it took you to get to him, the more dread began filling you.

But then you finally saw him. He was laying on the ground against a container, his hand gripping his side painfully, as he bled. He was panting heavily, his eyes closed to stabilise his breathing, when he opened them weakly at your warm hands pressing down on his wound as well.

"(Y/N)... you shouldn't... be here. Get away, before they... come back." He coughed, blood falling from his lips, as his other hand weakly fell on yours. You frowned and shook your head, tears brimming in your eyes at the horrible state he was in. You've never seen him like this before and you never wanted to either.

"No, I can't leave you here. I've come here to save you." "You can't, you... don't know how to fight." He simply said, his hand tightening around yours with a stern look in his lidded eyes. He was fighting so hard to stay awake for you, but it was obvious that he was losing way too much. You thought for a moment about what to do next, when you heard the sound of enemies approaching you.

It had to be done. There was no other choice.

"You're right... I can't fight. But you can... do you trust me Yanqing?" "With my life." As the words weakly left his lips, a bright flash went off, surrounding and engulfing you both in warm light. He closed his eyes in surprise, before realising that he was rushing with power and strength once more.

When he opened his eyes again, he noticed that you were gone and that he was holding onto a long, beautiful sword. "(Y/N)...?" "Be careful. They're coming. You'll get your answers later." Your voice softly said in his mind, which made him act quickly and trust your words.

He felt powerful and strong, as he wielded the weapon with ease, striking down enemy after enemy with unbelievable ease. He was always a very skilled and strong warrior, but this was on another level. He was confused on what was going on, his mind trying to piece all of this together, until he concluded that the weapon somehow was you. He didn't know how you did it, but he definitely wanted to find out.

By the time he destroyed all the enemies, Jing Yuan and his backup finally showed up. Yanqing didn't feel fatigued or weak at all anymore, as he just stood there lightly panting. "Yanqing! Where is (Y/N)?-" He once more could barely get your name out, when you transformed right back to normal. Yanqing blinked in surprise, as the blade morphed back into your form.

You stumbled for a moment, not being used to turning anymore, before quickly hiding yourself a little behind Yanqing from the angry, yet baffled look on the generals face. The older man quickly waved the guards off to help the injured and civilians who still might be left, before approaching you two with a small frown.

"Care to explain what is going on here?" The general asked sternly, crossing his arms over his chest as he looked down at you. Yanqing stood infront you protectively with worry, though he was also very curious about what just happened earlier. You hesitated for a moment, before finally speaking up.

"I... belong to a rare race called the "Edel Raid". We are able to turn into weapons and merge with humans we call "Pledgers". I'm sorry for keeping this from you. I didn't want to, but I was scared and worried..." You trailed off quietly, as Yanqing turned to you with a furrow in his brows. His hands reached for your shoulders, obvious confusion radiating off of him. "Why? Do you not trust us?"

"No, no, that's not it! I do trust you! It's just that... our kind is usually treated as nothing more than tools for battle... and our humanity gets disregarded." You said and watched as a flicker of anger ran through Yanqing's eyes, his hand wrapping around you to pull you into his strong embrace. "I see... don't worry. I won't let anyone hurt you. The general won't let anything happen either!" Yanqing said, as the older man hummed and nodded in agreement.

Once you calmed down, you three began walking back to the safe zone, your hand tightly holding onto Yanqing's. "You spoke of merging with humans earlier... is that what you did with Yanqing?" Jing Yuan enquired curiously, making you look up at him and nod. "Yeah, that's exactly what I did. We can only react with one human at a time, so Yanqing is the only one who can wield me now." You hummed, as the boy gave you a warm smile of pride.

He felt honoured, that you chose him of all people to react with. He silently swore, that he'd train much harder from now on so that he can control and wield you even better. It's the least he could do for you, after you practically saved his life.

"I see... and where do you gain your power from?" The older general asked curiously, obviously interested in your abilities. You stopped walking, to pull back your hair, revealing a beautiful gem on the back of your neck. "All of my power is stored in this gem right here." You explained, making Yanqing lightly trace it in awe. You were truly beautiful to him.

"I swear I'll train harder to become stronger for you, my crane... you could join me as well in some sessions!" Yanqing said with new found motivation, but was stopped by the general shaking his head with a frown on his lips.

"You'll have to wait for a month on that one I'm afraid." He said, making both of you look at him in confusion. "Why so, Master Jing Yuan?" "You are grounded for an entire month for disobeying my orders and leaving the safe zones." Jing Yuan said, as he simply kept on walking, ignoring your whines and pleas for him to take it back.

But at the end of the day, you two were finally glad to be back in eachothers embrace, safe and sound. And that's all that's all that mattered.

-----♡

A/N: Alright! I hope this was good enough! Thank you Yanqing Anon again for this phenomenal idea!<33

#honkai star rail fanfic #honkai star rail x reader #honkai star rail x you #honkai star rail #hsr x reader #hsr yanqing #hsr Yanqing x reader

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zhongrin · 7 months

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ー and that's a wrap!!!

note: this is a thank-you post and i’ll be posting an ‘explanation’ post after this, just give me some time to compile all the information <3

so. obviously i just have to do this because man. that was a whole ride hahahah thank you so so so so so SO MUCH to people who participated actively in the ebg???? i am????? not worthy??????? lsjdkfjskldf

special mentions to: (ps. please check them out; these are all wonderful, talented writers. be sure to read their rules first, though!!!)

@kurikurikurisu / @risustravelogue thank you for putting up with my insanity throughout this event…. and for being the first to bring in their hubby to sneak around the teahouse! lol smart move!! i’m guessing you’ll bring your other hubby next time for the fun of it and i am. looking forward to it already hahahah also that morse code → vigenere cipher will haunt my nightmares now thanks- /silly

@crystalflygeo you precious precious gem. i am still wheezing at that meme you sent me. here’s to hoping the next time crys visits the teahouse it doesn’t smell like sea salt and frost anymore heh ;)) also fontaine tea time double date when? <3

@floraldresvi thank you for being the source of romance this ebg lol tartarin is a sinking ship so everyone better hop in to covivi!! all jokes aside, i love writing your interactions with coviello so much (and based on the comments everyone else seems to enjoy it too hahahah) i 🚢!!!!!

@silentmoths MOTH!!! YOUR WINGS 😭 will drinking tea make it grow back??? i offer the finest silk for you to munch on after this hsdlfjskdf anyway, be it the last ebg or this one, i love seeing the little moth flying about in the teahouse hehe <3

@ainescribe / @lychniis i hate (read: love) you. why did you have to bring back the nightmarish cipher into this smh /j anyway…. another event to be recorded in the record keeper’s books, eh? i hope you enjoyed this ebg too <3

@queen-belial you madlad /pos. the way you write ousldjflshdjflksd i feel a little bad i can only respond with small snippets because man. those are. yummy yummy meals you were dishing out there!!! capitano is coming for childe’s ass atp that ginger better watch out lmaoooo

@abyssmal-skies tysm for granting me the opportunities to up the creepy factor lol i’m glad you managed to piece together what happened!! looking forward if you ever decide on joining an ebg next time :3

@the-travelling-witch HOLLYYYYYY. thank you for letting me 'borrow' your husband and allowing me to make him a little... uhh... #deranged lol. honestly you’re one of the reasons why i went “ok so…. only my blog needs to simp for childe. i don’t…. time to make someone else ‘run’ the blog…. >:)” because for lord’s sake i am very much not attracted to him and i just. can’t. do. it. #chilly4ever #chillyno1

@leftdestiny-posts / @intothegenshinworld that letter almost took me out ngl i am. i am still crying and sobbing over it hsldfjskldjflksdf PLEASE. also shiro protection squad <;3 *silently wipes bloodied hand on a tea towel*

@kopidense / @ask-court-genshin heyyyy fellow murder accomplice (for legal reasons, disclaimer: this does not involve any real human bodies whatsoever) 🙌🏻 thanks for dropping by!! also pls tell your two friends i said hi winkwink #truezhonglimainsstickstogether /silly

@navxry actually yk what no. no thanks for you, you gremlin /silly but thanks for the trauma i guess- /j

@i23kazu YING!!! thank you so so so so much for hosting this ebg! it has been super fun and i (and i’m sure everyone else thinks the same) really appreciate your effort in putting things together!!

and of course all of the other people who sent in asks, be in anon or non-anon, be it a silly ask or a sabotage attempt or a rp attempt — please know that i really really really appreciate each and every single one of you!!!

your participation means a lot and it’s the literal driving force behind my passion in constantly drawing and writing stuff whenever i have time these past 7 days. i haven’t written or drawn any content whatsoever in weeks. do you see the power you hold over us writers by sending in fics & silly stuff now?? i hope you do.

also, even if you didn’t participate at all, i appreciate you for still sticking with me despite having to deal with my silliness for past week 😌

sending you all my kithes /p and hugs and a cup of your preferred tea! <3

#rin plays ebg #a psa from rin

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mysticarts · 2 months

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Hello! I know it's late- But I wanna do some infodump or really just rambling instead.

Firstly remember when I said Lucio and Wick are enemies to lovers kinda thing? They are however is not very toxic.. More like few bickering there and that, it's going to be a slow burn it'll take time for them to admit their feeling each other. They respect eachother a little though.

Did they admit? Nope they both deny it in several reasons which I already have explained later older posts. Wick falls first, then Lucio falls harder (More than how Rocky fell down into the stairs poor Rocky my boi-)

While Lucio dislikes Wick and often gets too blunt at him there's time he actually show kindness although he doesn't want to admit that. No he does not want Wick to see that, his unaware the other thinks the same too.

'Funny' enough he was supposed to get rid of Wick because his boss assigned, to prevent Wick being presuade funding the Lackadaisy which failed.. So after few interrogating, the result became unexpected, it happened when Wick treated him kindness.. Not fake kindness but genuine something he no longer had.

Cause how would Wick love a guy working for a crime boss and had done messed up things to a result of destroying through his childhood? As much he wants to never go near to the posh cat it's nearly impossible because every time Wick appears to the more he grew to slowly fell for him..

Wick is a law abiding man. Lucio? Nothing but a huge disgrace.

Wick at first sees Lucio as a company after having no choice but to atleast helped each other (My Au.) Later on he gain feelings to Lucio also and became confuse and questioning his own Sexuality or attraction.

Until months later the two became close friends no longer 'Aqquaintance' the bickering decrease.. The bond grew close where at the point they started hanging out private places talking their interests, hobbies, many more. Laughing like old times like they were good 'friends.' This is when Lucio ditched supposed mission. Wick continued to be nice to him with added helping Lucio like carrying stuffs, trying his best to heal Lucio wound as possible, giving a friendly gift and etc. So is Lucio doing favors/errands/giving 'friendly gifts' for Wick.

Lucio jokingly calls Wick princy then after months of their 'Aqquaintanceship' started calling him 'Hiyas' (Meaning gem cause Wick likes rocks so why not?.) He had accidentally call Wick 'irog' which means love luckily the other doesn't know Tagalog, it proceeded to stirr Lucio more falling into deep pit of so called 'love'.

Wick slowly he soon saw Lucio's true self not the walking snark and sass self but slowly nice self.. This lead him having a denial to out of fear not how will the public think if the info was exposed, how will it effect his image as a businessman think but everyone he cares including Lucio too.

Imagine Wick knew what Lucio's assigned misson earlier when they meet first. Now after few months Wick started to love him dearly. he didn't react negatively to it instead tells Lucio to do it so he won't have to suffer the consequences, shocking Lucio and left two options either kill Wick or leave.. He picked second option realizing coming in a conclusion.

He LOVE Wick.

•••••••••••

End. The angst is beyond levels (Both but mainly effect Wick.)

Sorry I like this trope so much in some angles. Btw you don't really have to like this ship that's fine by me. Feel free to comment what you think about this! ^^

CEANIWEFLN

I would watch a MOVIE on these to fr

Like, whenever Carmen sees Wick and Lucio together, she just starts rambling in Greek language in excitement. No one really knows what Carmen is saying, but who cares? She looks happy!

Buy yea, never be afraid to show me this ship because I live for the angst.

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uhbasicallyjustmilex · 16 days

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Sorry I tried leaving this as comments on your reply to my ask but there was just too much waffle and it was all jumbled so I’m putting it here😂😂

Sorry it took me a MARATHON of time to reply to, I can’t explain how pleased it makes me that this comment made your day bc honestly every time you update it always seems to be during a v tough week and it’s just this ultimate stress relief and enjoyment that I so so love🥹

Just to quickly waffle about what you said, I’m so appreciative of how you fret over the characters sounding real bc it pays off SO MUCH and though I’m still of the mind that you’ve been given this unique ability to read their minds, I can recognise it must take so much studying of their characters and the words you choose and to have such a phenomenal skill <3333

And honestly I LOVE watching him have all these realisations through Suzy bc it’s so real and so satisfying and I’m so excited (but also terrified bc poor woman how do you compete with soul mates) to see how everything unfolds between them all.

And the LITTLE DETAILS that you should honestly trademark bc you do them so well 😭 but I literally have this growing list in my mind that I need to write down cause they make my heart flutter they’re so intimate and careful :’) I could literally waffle about them all day.

You’re so right, they have SUCH a special dynamic, and often I find it frustrating with real life ships bc it’s not like with films where though characters can be deep they have a specific kind of basis to them which fits a role. Real people are so complex and so it’s not 24/7 that someone gets them so right that you feel like you’re watching a segment of their lives (milex writers in general do tend to have an uncanny ability to write them brilliantly) but with you it feels like everything you write can just be added on to their actual interactions and it’s perfection.

I’m so so pleased that my ramblings had an impact on getting your confidence back to heights it should be at because I rlly can’t explain how brilliant you and your writing are so thank you thank you for all the work you put into it. I’m SO EXCITED for the next chapter 🥰🥰🥰🥰 and one day I’m gonna go into the absolute insane perfection that is the sex scene in chapter 8 bc the realism, build up, and EMOTIONS as well as pure sexyism (almost put sexism there which wasn’t quite right 😂) is just one of the best and sauciest things I’ve ever read.

💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗

Also trying to add a cute lil milex hug gif to this is impossible bc they’re all far too sexually charged or emotionally unstable 😂

hiii lovely!! 💝 oh my goddddddd i swear your asks just leave me a blushing, giddy mess every single time 😭😭

i'm so glad to hear that my updates always seem to manage to coincide with a time where they're able to provide you with a little bit of comfort and escapism 🥺

honestly i've always just found other people fascinating, and have found myself imagining what the world might be like through their eyes for as long as i can remember! it's been so much fun to get to really delve deep into that in this fic, so i really love that you notice and appreciate that side of it 🥰🥰 aghhhhhh. it truly just means so much to hear that you feel i capture something real about alex and miles and their dynamic in this fic, thank you 🥺

also STOP your flailing about the smut scene is too sweet 😭 i am SO glad you felt all the build up and emotions worked, and honestly any time you feel like going into it, please don't hold back - i am more than happy to hear your thoughts! it was hands down one of my favourite bits of the whole fic to write, actually 🥰

once again your utterly lovely words have lifted my spirits so much, thank you for your kindness and generosity in taking the time to share your experience of reading four walls with me 💖 you're an absolute gem and i cannot WAIT for your to read chapter nine! (which will be posted tomorrow... 😉)

(god you were not wrong about the milex hug gifs, were you?! aghhh they're both so ridiculous 😭😭 anyway here, have them being their silly, playful selves having the best time together! sending you all the best vibes for your weekend 💜🌟)

#asks #four walls #so sorry it took me a little while to reply to this!#life has been a bit manic #also i promise i haven't forgotten your other ask either #in fact i'm very much looking forward to posting my answer 😂

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fanfoolishness · 2 years

Text

after the storm, the stars (Steven Universe Future)

Set immediately after the events of I Am My Monster. Steven and Connie head for home, and Steven begins to realize it's okay to be the one who needs help. 2700 words.

(Steven angst, family feels, Connverse cuteness, Connie is a BAMF. Just had to do it, folks.)

Steven ached all over. He’d never been this tired in his life.

He clung to Connie, his arms wrapped around her waist, his blanket slipping off of his shoulder as Lion walked them home across the ocean. The waves rippled under Lion’s vast pink paws, water rolling in, and out. Like the way Steven’s chest rose and fell, rose, and fell. He breathed deeply, the ocean air crisp and clean and light. The storm clouds that had gathered late in the afternoon were finally gone, and evening sunlight dappled the waves.

Steven rested his head against Connie’s shoulder, tears and snot smudging against her shirt. “I’m making a mess,” he mumbled. “Snot everywhere.”

She glanced back at him, giving him a watery smile. “Steven. You really think I care about that right now?”

He tried to take her question seriously; he opened his mouth to answer. But his head swam, everything inside it fuzzy mush and confusing half-memory --

He’s vast, as vast as everything hurting him, and finally he can’t hide anymore -- they’ll all see what he really is, the horrible thing he is underneath all the fake smiles --

He thrashes in the water, his rage and pain boiling the seas, his throat raw as he wails --

His family’s looks of fear and horror -- but then their arms tight around him -- their love, their tears, their comfort --

“Steven?”

“Huh?” He groaned, rubbing his head. They were nearly home. Except his home’s roof was in pieces and the Diamonds’ massive ship had toppled over in the sand beside it. Cracked trees littered the hillside accusingly. His gut twisted. “I did all that,” he whispered. “Didn’t I?”

Lion carried them across the sand, up the steps to the front door.

Connie slid off Lion, holding a hand up to help Steven down. She nodded, her eyes too bright. “Yeah. You must have been hurting so badly.”

I was.

I am.

But that was too hard to say. The broken sobs on the ocean waves still lurked just beneath the surface, ready to spill out again if he said the wrong thing, if he said too much. He blinked back fresh tears, trying to find something else to focus on.

He took her hand, carefully sliding down Lion’s side, clutching the blanket’s corners tightly in his other hand. “Uh -- where’d this come from, anyway?” he asked as he landed on the porch, twitching the blanket a little closer. It was an easier topic of conversation than… everything else.

“Pearl had it, stored in her gem,” Connie said simply. “When you -- came back to being you -- I guess your clothes didn’t make it. Which is fine!” She blushed, averting her eyes. “I mean, I -- I didn’t see everything.”

He blinked at her. Then, somehow, he giggled. Just a little. The sound was rusty in his throat, but it felt good. “You know I used to run around Beach City completely naked, back in the day?” He had no idea why the memory had come back to him now, but it had, and giggling was better than wallowing.

“What?” Connie squawked, squeezing his hand hard in her scandalization. “Steven! Like, when you were little?”

He pulled at his lower lip with his teeth. “Uh… when I was like ten or eleven? That’s little, right?”

“Steven, oh my gosh, you’re such a nudist.” She tapped him playfully on the arm and he blushed, ducking his head.

“Aw, come on, Connie, that was forever ago.”

But the light moment vanished, replaced by his own shrill voice echoing in his head. I’m not that kid anymore! He shivered in his blanket, and Connie’s face shifted immediately from silly to worried again.

“Come on, let’s get you inside and find some real clothes. Just, um, watch your step.” An understatement, given what he’d done to the house.

Steven nodded, turning and patting Lion on the cheek. Lion’s breath was a warm whuff against his hand. “You’re the best, Lion,” he whispered.

Lion rumbled, a bassy, gravelly sound that made Steven’s chest vibrate, the closest thing Lion could manage for a purr. Steven smiled tearfully at him. Lion had always been comforting before -- when Steven could get him to sit still, that was -- but the way he’d let Steven hold him as he cried… Steven didn’t have words for it. “You deserve all the Lion Lickers in the world,” he managed, and Lion licked his face, then took his leave.

Connie and Steven watched him leap down to the sand, then portal away. On the beach, the Diamonds had brought the others back from the Cluster’s hand. They all stood in a group talking to each other, the Diamonds sitting down to make it easier to speak with the Gems and Greg. Though Steven couldn’t see his dad or the Crystal Gems clearly, he could see the Diamonds’ giant faces, wearing mingled exhaustion and relief.

“Everyone’s going to want to talk to me, aren't they,” he said softly. “Do you think I’m in trouble?”

Connie opened the front door, which immediately fell off its hinges. She shrugged as if the door was a problem for another day, and led him inside with her hand still firmly clasping his. “Not trouble. Just… they feel terrible for not helping you way sooner. And for hurting you in the first place.” A flash of anger crossed her face. “And if you ask me, they should feel bad. They were supposed to be the grownups, you know? Not you. Not me, either.” She sighed.

He followed her up the stairs, his damp feet sticking to the wood with a schlop, schlop sound. He carefully avoided looking at the gaping hole in the roof, though what he could see out of the corner of his eye made his heart race.

He turned his attention back to what Connie had said. Her words rattled him. He’d taken responsibility for so much, for so long, that it was genuinely bizarre to think of the fact that technically, he was still a teenager. And teenagers weren’t supposed to be in charge.

“Huh. I -- that makes sense, I guess. Never thought of it like that.” He finally let go of her hand to collapse on his bed, swaddled in the blue blanket, shivering more than ever. He closed his eyes, the exhaustion catching up to him again.

“How do you feel now?” Connie asked. He could hear her rummaging around in his dresser, drawers creaking.

“Sore everywhere,” he admitted. “Like, bones, skin, gem, everything. And my head hurts, and my eyes feel all puffy, and my nose is stuffed up. From all the crying, I guess. But… I… I think I needed it. The crying, I mean.” He scrubbed at his face with the back of his hand. “That sounds so weird.”

“Not to me.” Connie sat down on the edge of the bed and he opened his eyes. She had his pajamas in her lap, and she was grinning crookedly at him. “I’m a teenage girl. If you think I don’t know how important a good cry can be, you have another thing coming, mister. Sure, stupid hormones are probably to blame sometimes, but like, I get it.” She gazed at him. “It’s just, you… you have so much to cry about. Do you remember the Sky Arena?”

A long beat. He’d almost gotten Stevonnie -- Connie -- killed, all because of his own stupid feelings that he couldn’t bear to face. “Of course,” he said carefully.

“It was so hard for you then, too,” said Connie, looking away, her hands fidgeting in her lap. “You hadn’t even told me about what happened with Bismuth. Or with Eyeball. You thought you had to just pretend it didn’t happen. Like if you pretended you were fine, you really would be.”

He nodded, his hand half over his face, his eyes burning again. “I guess that’s my specialty,” he tried to joke, but the words hung between them, too true to be funny.

“I think it’s time to find a new Steven specialty,” said Connie, leaning over and kissing him on the forehead. “Like, a Steven self-care power. You can do it! It’s just gonna take practice, like all your other powers.”

She dropped the pajamas in his lap, letting out a long breath. “Come on, you should probably get out of that wet blanket. I’ll meet you downstairs?”

“Sure,” he said. There was so much more he wanted to say, apologies and explanations and worried questions like do you still love me and are we really jam buds forever, but he forced himself to sit up instead. He watched her head downstairs, wondering if he was really safe to leave alone.

He stared down at his pajamas. He got to his feet creakily and tried kissing the back of his hand, hoping his healing powers would take care of his exhaustion and the bone-deep ache. But his body felt just the same after the kiss, and he sighed. Figures. Healing powers didn’t work on emotional injury. He let the blanket fall and carefully got into his pajamas, wincing when he moved wrong.

More trauma. How much cortisol did I use this time?

He tied the drawstring on his pajama pants, his fingers fumbling. Maybe he could ask Connie to talk with her mom again. He remembered the concern in Dr. Maheswaran’s eyes, the weight of her firm but supportive hand on his shoulder. Maybe she would know what to do.

He turned to head down the stairs, but a flash of movement caught his eye. He turned, startled, but it was just himself in the mirror.

Steven reached out, touching the mirror’s cool glass. His reflection reached towards him, looking mostly like a normal human teenager. Except that there were big circles under his eyes, puffy red ones; his dark hair had tangled curls twisting in every direction; and his face looked both like a scared little kid’s and a weary old man’s.

But there were no pink diamond pupils staring back at him. No pink glow humming in his bulging hands. No monstrous claws ripping their way out of his flesh. And that was something, wasn’t it?

“I’m Steven,” he whispered. “Just Steven.”

I’m a mons--

“No, no --”

He wrapped his arms around himself, willing himself to stay small, to stay Steven, to stay human. He panted with the effort, his shoulders shaking as he squeezed his eyes shut.

How am I supposed to live if I always feel like I’m about to die?

He tore himself away from the mirror, practically tripping over himself to get down the stairs. Don’t be alone, don’t be alone. Though it wasn’t like that had helped him before, had it --

He drew himself up at the bottom of the staircase, still breathing hard.

Connie and Greg and the Gems were waiting for him, just like before, when he’d -- exploded -- but the air itself felt different. His breathing slowed as he registered the difference, the fear receding with each breath he took. He blinked in surprise, trying to figure out what it was.

The charge that had laid heavy in the house for weeks was gone; he hadn’t realized how thick fear, and anger, and shame could feel. There was just a clean breeze blowing in through the hole in the roof and the broken front door, the soft sound of distant waves, and the tiredness in his bones looked like it had found a home on everyone else’s shoulders.

He sagged against the wall, swallowing, lifting one hand. “Hey, guys.”

His dad broke away from Connie and the Gems, giving Steven a warm smile despite his red-rimmed eyes. “Hey, Schtu-ball.” Greg wrapped him in a fierce and crushing hug, and Steven leaned into it, resting his head on his dad’s shoulder. “How are you feeling?”

Steven tried to speak past the sudden lump in his throat. “Tired, mostly. Um, a little embarrassed. Mostly really, really sorry.”

“Steven…” The hug tightened even more. “You don’t have to be sorry.”

“But Dad, I scared everyone -- I could have hurt someone -- more than I already have --” He choked, and then he was crying again: not the heaving, heartbroken sobs from before, but something quieter, an echo of the pain he’d felt then. He sniffed, trying to stop himself.

Greg didn’t seem to mind. “I love you, Steven.” The tears kept coming, but his dad kept talking, his voice soft and gentle and safe. “We all love you. We love you when you’re happy, or mad, or sad -- even when you make mistakes. The same way you’ve always loved us through our mistakes,” Greg murmured into his ear. “We love you, no matter what.”

The tears slowed. Even when you make mistakes. He’d told them all of it, finally. His hatred for White. What he’d done to Jasper. Asking Connie to marry him. It was all out in the open. He trembled.

“What -- what do we do now?” he asked thickly.

“We help you, kiddo,” said Greg, and this time his voice cracked, too. Steven pulled back to see tears shining in Greg’s eyes. “Like we should have been doing all along.” He cupped Steven’s face with his hand, wiping away Steven’s tears with his thumb while ignoring his own. “The Gems and I, we messed up, and we hurt you. And we’re so sorry. We should have protected you.”

Steven nodded, not trusting himself to speak again without more tears. But there was something new blooming in his chest, something fragile beneath the exhaustion and the sadness. It almost felt like relief.

Greg leaned his forehead in to touch Steven’s. “But we’re gonna find a way through this, as a family. I called Dr. Maheswaran while Lion was bringing you home. We have some options to get you started with a therapist, and we’re gonna do everything we can to help you. All of us.” He raised his voice slightly. “Right, guys?”

Steven looked past Greg, catching the eyes of the Gems. Garnet smiled gently at him, raising her hands and forming them into a heart. Pearl laid a hand over her chest, her eyes kind as she held his gaze. Amethyst gave him a teary but determined thumbs up.

And beside them was Connie, her face shining. She was still here, his best friend, even after all the ways he’d messed up. She grinned hopefully at him. “I talked to my folks. They said I can spend the night -- I mean, on the couch, of course.” She winked at him, and he managed to grin back, the feeling of relief now dizzying.

They really do still love me.

Steven glanced up, catching sight of the hole in the roof. This time he didn’t look away, even though shame roiled in his belly, even though his heart rate sped up. But as he looked, he realized that through the destruction, through the pain, he could see the first evening stars beginning to rise. It’d been weeks, maybe months since he’d really appreciated the stars. Ages since he’d noticed the simple beauty of them seen from Earth. Ages since he’d remembered the beauty of the stars seen from the human point of view.

Steven grabbed the throw blanket from the sofa, spreading it down on the floor beneath the hole in the roof. “You know, you can get a pretty good view of the stars from here,” he said. “Do… you guys wanna watch them with me?”

“Of course,” said Garnet.

They all got down on the floor, a pile of humans and Gems huddled close together. Steven and Connie held hands while Pearl pointed out star systems. Garnet predicted every shooting star. Greg brought up song ideas, and Amethyst made up fake constellations, each ruder than the last.

If sometimes Steven got teary again, the others didn’t mind. Sometimes they talked about it, with soothing voices and questions they didn’t push him to answer; sometimes Steven just felt a hand on his shoulder, or a gentle pat of his cheek, and that was enough to help him quiet down again. He was with his family, which was all that really mattered.

And the night air flowing through the house was crisp, and clear, and light.

#steven universe future #suf #steven universe #steven universe fanfiction #i am my monster #fanfoolishness steven universe fic #connie maheswaran #connverse

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