Just wanted to say thanks for your 'queer as in i love you' tag. I always like seeing it. It's a good reminder that not everything about being queer is a struggle or adversarial even if the news/current events usually make it feel that way.
This was so lovely to hear, thank you so much for taking the time to let me know that.
This year has been the first where I've been able to make a conscious effort to recover from the Being Essential Experience, and I have been thinking a lot about identity and what brings me joy and realized how much I missed the happiness and beauty of my queerness. Not that I became less queer during the past three years, but - being stripped down to a task or a role left so little space for personhood altogether. I am fortunate to be at a point in my life where I love my queerness so much and I'm grateful that it's a part of who I am. I love love love posts about other people nurturing their own queerness as I revive mine. Like a houseplant left unwatered on a radiator for too long, it's bouncing back.
And I think more than ever it's so important to incorporate both. Unfortunately one of the tasks of our community is resistance right now, and anger at injustice, naming injustice, is an important part of that. But another critical task is solidarity and community building. If our siblings are being harmed where do they heal, where do they find safety and care and affirmation and love. How do we stand with them so that they have the energy to resist again. How do we make sure that we are not divided, because a divided community is easier to harm than a whole one.
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Andreils peaceful violence
In my other post I mentioned how Andrew and Neil are never afraid to point out each others flaws because they know the intention is never to actively hurt the other.
I wanted to expand on that.
Andrew and Neil both have violent tendencies. It’s a result of their life and circumstances. Life never showed them kindness, so they never learned it. They don’t know how to be gentle, they don’t know how to be kind, how would they? The world never was kind to them. Being raised with brutality, seeing the worst of human life doesn’t make room for much softness.
So they leash out. Andrew with his knives. Neil with his mouth. If someone does them wrong, they aren’t afraid to snap. Their temper is hard to control, life was too unfair to them to teach restrictions in their behavior.
Yet. They learn to show kindness, in their own way.
Nicky once asked who humanizes who in this relationship and the answer is both.
Their kindness is in their trust to say what’s on their mind and knowing the place it comes from. Both aren’t afraid to address each others flaws but for once in their life they learn not to leash out, not to snap as an answer. Why? Bc they know it’s what needs to be said and that’s the only reason why it’s being said at all. It’s not to hurt and it’s not to break the other. And they trust in that. Their bad sides aren’t overwritten, they don’t pretend like the other is flawless, they aren’t afraid to address sore spots, instead they take it in. And learn. It’s a peaceful violence. Pretending like their wrongs don’t exist would be brutality. It shaped too much of their characteristics to be overlooked or talked down. They would never learn to grow out of their tendencies if they wouldn’t hold the other accountable for it, so they do it and they know the kindness that comes from it. I want you to be better. We are better than this. We deserve more than this.
Their violence isn’t an answer, their violence became a question. You want to be like that? They say. It’s peaceful.
little extra;
Andrew and Neil are kind. They don’t let the other stay the way the are. They force each other to learn, to be better, to not give in. I see you and I won’t let you become what you think you are. Your future doesn't need to be as dark as you make it out to be. Lets become something together.
Andrew and Neil are gentle. I will listen but I hear the lie. I will point out that lie and wait till you hear it to. They aren’t nothing, they are everything and eventually they know it too.
Andrew and Neil are soft. I will kiss you rough while exploring every inch of you, feel every angle bc i want to know you. Your hand is rough and tender and all I can think about is how it’s your hand and how that makes all the difference.
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I see people talk about fanfiction and novels being different mediums a lot, and while I don’t necessarily disagree, I don’t feel like I understand either. In your opinion, what makes them different mediums from each other? What decides that two things are separate mediums like in general? It’s totally cool if you don’t wanna answer this btw, I know it’s kind of a lot
No worries I think that's an interesting question! With any categories, the boundaries on this are going to be fuzzy, but the reason I believe they're different mediums is that fundamentally, on a metatextual level, the languages are different. What do I mean by this? Let's use film as an example, a medium that I'd argue is very obviously a different medium than novels, even if we may not be able to articulate all the reasons why.
What are some attributes of film that differentiate it from novels (another storytelling medium) or paintings (another visual medium)? Films and novels are both storytelling mediums, but films have visual and auditory components. They also mainly consist of storytelling through visual cues and dialogue. Exposition is given visually or in media res by characters speaking. In a novel, your omniscient narrator giving you a few paragraphs of background on your main characters is common, and so expected it probably flies over the reader's head. In a film, a narrator doing the exact same thing for all the main characters often comes off clumsy. It takes you out of the story in a film, where it doesn't in a novel.
Film is also a time-based medium. A film unfolds over time, and you cannot experience the entire film in one moment or glance. That's not true of a painting (at least traditionally). With a painting, you can view the whole painting in one look. Now, you can sit with a painting, pick out details, analyze the craft or ponder it for a long time and watch as new aspects jump out at you. Fundamentally, however, if you wanted to view a whole painting in one look, you can, and it would still make sense. You cannot do that with a film. On the other hand, a painting is typically not an auditory experience. To do so would be an experimental use of the form. In modern film-making, the exact opposite is true. Music, dialogue, and environmental sound, all of these things are essential to how a film tells a story. To not use them would be considered experimental or odd.
These are three different mediums with three different "languages" in how they interact with their audience. They may share parts of their languages, like I said above, but they don't speak the same language. What works well for one medium can come off clumsy or strange in another.
I believe fanfic and novels have sufficiently different languages that they should be considered different mediums. Both of them are short or long form written mediums telling some sort of story. But fanfic's relationship to its source material is such an inherent trait that novels do not have. The relationship doesn't have to be positive (it's often, in fact, argumentative or strained or dismissive), but the relationship exists. Even in AU fanfiction. Even in fics full of OCs.
In canon compliant and even canon divergent fics, this relationship is more obvious. These fics are both conversations with the source material as much as they are stories. They're playing in the author's sandbox, or they're wrecking their sandcastle and building something else. They're saying "I like/dislike what you did with this specific story, and I'm going to show you that by rewriting or expanding it." They take large aspects of the author's story whole cloth: the characters, the setting, the magic system, the tech, etc.
These fanfics often have little exposition at the top because they presume a familiarity with the characters, the world, or both. This alone makes them really different from novels. Creatively and seamlessly integrating exposition, immersing your audience in a new world and convincing them to stay, is a really important aspect of a novel that these fics don't have to contend with. This alone fundamentally changes how you'd structure a story.
For AU fics, both fics in AU settings and AU fics full of OCs, the above still applies. These fics are still a conversation with the source material. Something about the source material compelled an author to flip it and remix it and change it around. That conversation might be "in the source material, these characters suffered, and I don't want them to suffer any longer" or it could be "I felt the story had a vacancy that this OC fills" or it could be "if these characters had the time/awareness/ability to grow closer, they would've fallen in love." These are all direct commentaries on the original work.
An exercise that I believe illustrates this point the best is to try and adapt an AU fanfic to an original work. Try to file the serial numbers off. I've done this with some of my fic, and it just doesn't work. You don't realize how much you presume the audience knows until you have to cater to an audience who knows nothing of the source material. That hilarious joke you wrote? Turns out it's only funny because it's a nod to this character's original characterization. This awesome climatic plot point that ties the whole story together? Turns out in relies on a specific bit of lore, a quirk of the magic system, or an aspect of the character's past history or personality. Now that this is a novel, you have to back-fill all of that exposition. And you can try to do that, but watch how your story gets clunky and bloated. You will have to start viciously killing your darlings, as you realize that your favorite scene is beautiful in a fic, but sounds awkward and out of place in a novel. Soon, you're basically just rewriting the whole thing to fit a different medium.
Many fanfic writers are extremely talented. And much of that talent, that wit, that perfect line that you can't get out of your head, is integrally informed by your knowledge of the source material. The irony falls flat without having read the source books. The relationships suddenly feel shallow when you don't have seasons of backstory to deepen them. You do not realize how much of fanfic writing consists of this back and forth until you go looking for it.
And here's the thing: if your fanfic has a totally AU setting and it consists of completely original characters, I'd argue that's just a novel posted to AO3. If all you need to do is change the names to make it work, that's a novel. This is why Clueless is inspired by Jane Austen's Emma and not an AU fanfic of it. If you've never read Emma, if you went into Clueless not knowing that Emma was the inspiration for it, you'd perfectly understand the movie.
In fanfic, the source material is always present. It can be obviously present with canon compliant fic. It can be antagonistically present with canon divergent or AU fic. And it is still present, floating in the background, with totally AU fic. Ultimately, the changes a fanfic author makes to the source material are, themselves, as integral to the fanfic as the words on the page. It is a dialogue with the source material: what it did well, what it could've done better, what this author believes is the essence of the story, or the world pushed to its limit, that even though we're in space or in a coffee shop or 1920s New York, we're still, on some level talking about the source material.
This is an aspect of fanfic I love that novels do not have. Novels have a lot of other great stuff! I love novels! But while novels are often engaged in a dialogue with their present society or their predecessors in a genre, that conversation is much more nebulous than it is with fanfic. You can read Slaughterhouse-Five or Gravity's Rainbow, and while knowing their contexts helps you understand them on a deeper level, that is unnecessary to their enjoyment. They are fundamentally more standalone works than fanfic will ever be.
This is ultimately why I think comparing fanfic and novels is comparing apples to oranges. They're different mediums. They use different languages. They require different skills and they fill different artistic niches. You might as well be comparing a film to a painting just because they're both visual art.
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