#well pan but gay | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

roseofdarkness0 · 1 year

Text

Marriage/Poly AU explained here and this specific post focuses on exploring Cali and Gov crushes on Florida, Louisiana, New York, Texas and DC. Gov and DC are separate people and I've explained it in the linked post.

Anyway, for obvious reasons the actual thing will be under the read more. There will be some sexual themes written in this so I out it under read more but there is sfw chapter at the end which you be able to read on ao3 as well!

Also also, throughout working on this beast (for me at least) it went through many forms I lost count. Huge thank you to people on the discord server for giving me ideas by answering my questions and sharing their own headcanon! I put a ๑ next to them when they are referred! I have plans for doing separate stuff for other headcanon as they didn't exactly fit in here but at this point this is it's own beast sooooo

Without further ado, enjoy the headcanon and kind of a whole one shot at the end!

~•~

Anyway, headcanon time bc they are easiest to start with.

•Cali and Gov are switches bc yes. One would assume that either California or Gov are in charge of the other but they switch usually

•I'm still sub California camp bc just gives me that vibe of a brat who only subs for the right person he trust. Otherwise he can easily charm someone to let him top like a one night stand type of deal. When he tops he likes to praise his lover and worship them but he also likes to gag and blind them and watch them fall apart under his hands.

•Gov on the other hand is a bit more top adjacent only bc I imagine it be hard for him to give up any kind control outside or inside the bedroom. Largely out of habit but when he subs he turns into very vocal lover. Likes to be tied up as well it gives him that edge but also the pressure helps him relax further into blissful state. He also has degradation kink-(๑)- which works both ways, like to degrade people but when someone degrades him he has buffering moment followed by blue screen.

•Their first time with each other was filled with awkward chuckles and talking as they tried to work out what the other might like. They ended up getting each other off with their hands after mutual agreement to talk more in the morning and ended up eating ice cream and watching movies.

•California is more experienced then Gov but doesn't mind teaching Gov and encouraging him to go for different stuff. Gov doesn't say it but he appreciates it a lot. They try out new stuff whenever something sparks their interest be it a new position or kink they wish to explore. California got Gov to do few challenges and scenes from stuff he reads to see if they would work out IRL. Gov pretends to be annoyed by them but they end up having great fun anyway even if it sometimes ends up with them having giggling fits.

•I hate this song with burning passion but tying back to them trying different challenges. California got Gov to try c-bat rhythm and both hated it. Cali made whole rant he nearly send to state group chat but thankfully he only send it to his governon who didn't have time to check his text before Gov appeared like a demon and broke his phone before leaving. He may have avoided work for few days after that.

•California found out about Gov crushing on Florida, Louisiana and DC in three different occasions and only put it together recently. Yes he gave Gov lots of shit for not going after them first time he realised he had hots for them and Gov just pouted about it and tried to defend himself but it just ended up with Gov not being able to walk the next morning after California proved a point.

•The First time California noticed it was when the states collectively decided to go to the beach. California and Florida were surfing and Cali spotted Gov ogling Florida from under the parasol he hid to avoid getting sunburned. Even after that day he kept noticing a light blush dusting Gov cheeks anytime Florida mentioned surfing or was showing off his strength by wrestling the alligators.

•Later that night when the two were cuddling, Cal asked Gov directly if he had crush on Florida which Gov of course denied. The deny was quickly cut off when Cali started talking dirty, purring into Gov ear about being helplessly trapped and pinned under Florida or tying Florida to the bed and testing those new toys on him whilst watching Hun squirm and moa-he got smothered with pillows. Some would say that's spous-okay fine he will go to sleep but they will talk more in the morning. (They didn't)

•Louisiana was harder to spot but it was during one of the cookouts the South hosted. They ran out of drinks or something-he can't remember exactly what-but Loui and Gov were gone for a good while before they returned with gov looking a bit pink on the face and Louisiana looking a bit smug if cheeky as he teased Gov about something.

•Later Gov told him about how someone mistaken them for a couple and wasn't listening and kept spewing bullshit even when Gov was trying to correct them. After a while Gov was ready to do some "government overreach" when the person got a bit more aggressive, getting up to their faces and looking like they were about to pull something out to attack them with, but Louisiana acted faster, pinning the person to a nearby wall by their neck.

Gov isn't sure what was exactly said but the person looked paler and stumbled towards security who came over to check on the situation. Louisiana bullshitted that the two were a couple who was harassed and they were mostly let go (Loui might have picked gov, their groceries and ran) and California really should stop looking at him like he is idiotic. He isn't he swears and it was just one time thing anyway!

Cali did call him stupid and an idiot and proceed to try and smother him with pillows for not taking the opportunity to carry the couple joke long enough to get at least one date.

•When it comes to DC, Cali only witnessed the end bit when he was dropping some paperwork in Gov office and saw DC speed walking from there looking flustered if a bit pale and Gov bashing his head on his desk. There was also a breeze from the newly broken window scattering the papers around the office.

•Apparently-Gov started, wrinkling his nose as California sat on his laps and cleaned the wound on his forehead-he and couple other politicians had a meeting that was going nowhere. The meeting was interrupted by DC who had documents Gov requested as they were needed for the next state meeting. One of the politicians snarled something about states being useless which set something off in DC as he proceeded to verbally murder the politicians. Gov isn't sure what was exactly said as he was too busy staring-simping, California provided with a grin-at DC and the way his eyes shone and how he suddenly had command of the room, the anger and everything find words to describe this bullshit

When Gov finally butted in and dismissed the politicians but told DC to stay. DC was getting defensive even before Gov had a chance to speak which unfortunately led to FBI being thrown out of window by frustrated DC. How even gov doesn't know. All he knows is that he said something that made DC look all red and walk out and he been just banging his head on the desk....he so wanna smash tho

~~~

To summarise:

Gov, pointing to DC: I want this this twink obliterated

Gov internal monologue next to Loui: Daddy? Sorry, Daddy? Sorry, Da-

Gov, to himself after witnessing Florida wrestle down a particular agresive gator: wish that was me being manhandled like that

Utah:

Utah: being held back from dumping entire bucket of holy water on to oblivious gov by confused Nevada, Wash and Oregon whilst New Mexico and Arizona cheer Utah on

California: simps to avoid responsibility

~•~

Which speaking of Cali!

•Started simping after Texas without realising he was simping for years. Like pretty much since they knew each other California been drawn to Texas and he never was able to work out why exactly. Until south hosted 4th of July cookout and Texas somehow managed to get mechanical bull set up. Gov still laughs about the nosebleed he got when it was Texas turn.

•In his defense. he didn't knew Texas would look so... so hot whilst doing that! Just even thinking back on it makes his cheeks warm. And those jeans ah..... Gov has no business staring at him knowingly like that! So what if they are in the meeting? At least he isn't eye fucking Florida across the table!

•The main point is, Cali only started to acknowledge his feelings after that night. It did spiral into avoiding Texas for good couple weeks which made other states confused as to why the two aren't fighting. Hell even Texas tried to ask him what was wrong but of course he avoided that. Gov grew a bit tired of his moping and staged an "intervention" which was Cali being spread on Gov desk and fucked thoroughly only getting to cum when he finally told Gov what was up. Gov made sure to give Cali plenty of cuddles later and to tease the hell out of him.

Cali did apologise for his behaviour in his way which just involved him buying everyone expensive consoles or items they were chatting about when they thought he wouldn't hear. He even made pecan pie (it was rough day for the kitchen. North East and South still cry about the abomination the first pie ended up as) which Texas accepted with a grin. Cali might have nearly shoved the whole pie in Texas face because of how flustered he suddenly got but it was worth it.

•New York crush spiraled out of control during New Year eve party. The states were invited to fancy party hosted by politicians thus pretty dresses and suits all around. Gov was wearing one of his tailored pieces and looking way more serious then most states usually see him. Even Florida and Louisiana were convinced to wear suits! .... well Lousianna was wearing a suit, Florida was wearing top half of a three piece suit over a flowing ball gown with front cut off to show off the fuzzy socks and fancy crocks he was wearing. Cali still remembers the horrified faces of some of the guests foundly.

He himself was wearing quite nice piece of floor length gown with diamonds and sequins making it sparkle and shimmer as if it was water or fire. But he also was getting sick of some of the people, thus his near successful attempt at leaving unnoticed. Just as he was about to press the button to take him to the rooftop, another person joined him in and he blinked owlishly at New York before blushing and looking away when NY glared at him.

New York looked so pretty too. The suit was hugging all the right places and the dark blue colour of the suit just helped to bring out the blue of his eyes out. He even had his hair slicked back although few strands of hair still seemed to have mind of their own as they fell from the hairstyle, framing New York face just right.

He didn't even notice when they arrived to the roof but once out there they both went to the ledge and shared a cigarette together. When he started to shake from the cold New York promptly took off his suit jacket and put it on him, not meeting his eyes as he did but it still made California blush and smile. They shared cigarette for a good while and kept stealing glances at each other.

But before ether of them could say anything, there was ping as the elevator doors opened up again and Florida came barreling out, shouting something about fashion and chaos as he tackle hugged New York, Cali noted that he was wearing Loui suit jacket as well, as he quickly grabbed the two smaller states before they went over the rooftop.

There was a laugh as Louisiana came out from the elevator next, grinning at New York and winking at him which made New York grumble as he held Florida and gave up on his lecture as to why you dont tackle people on the rooftops deciding that going back to the party would be better ides as he dragged Florida towards safety of the elevators.

When they returned back to the party downstairs, Gov shot him concern look which he dismissed with a wave of his hand, still feeling warm from the interaction on the roof as they all slowly got ready for the countdown to the new years.

---

To summarise:

Cali: placing another picture on a wall full of pictures of Texas I hate texas

Cali: enormous eyes at new york you share cigarette with Cali? You give jacket? Oh crush for new York! Crush for one thousand years!

~•~

". . ."

"???"

"Can i-"

"Why didn't you tell us you were married?" New York narrowed his eyes as he stormed into the room and took a seat in front of the desk.

Texas at least had decency to close the door before sitting down.

"Hello to you two, why yes I am doing fine thank you for asking-"

"Cut the bullcrap and answer the question"

"What even bought this on?"

"Well you see, Nevada shared... somethin' on that server you and Washington had everyone join like a month back? And Utah supported it with few evidence pieces and well here we are"

Gov wondered if its not too late to take FBI approach and escape through the window.

"Well I haven't seen it so I can neither confirm nor deny-"

"Here" New York threw placed his phone on the desk which Gov took cautiously and looked through the screenshots in the gallery. He raised an eyebrow at the name on top being #Blackmail-sharing as he didn't remember such channel existing in the server. Not wasting anymore time. he carefully read through it"

Texas only watched with small amusement as Gov eyebrows climbed higher and higher on his forehead, snorting quietly when the fed went pale, guessing that he managed to read through the 'evidence'-as Utah and Nevada insisted calling the stolen footage from cameras around the house as. If it wasn't serious he would have laughed at Gov outright.

"So?"

"So nothing"

"The fuck you mean 'so nothing'?! It's a simple question! Are you married or not?!" New York looked ready to blow a gasket which yeah no, he can't afford another window repair so close from the last time.

"Why is it bothering you two so much whatever me and Cali are married or not?"

New York looked like a deer caught in a headlights for a moment as he buffered and tried to come out with reasonable excuse but Texas seemingly beat him to it as he looked at Gov like he just revealed the big secret.

"A-ha! so you are married!"

"I'm sorry?-"

"Well you just said "whatever you and cali" are married and we didn't mention anyone by name!"

Gov raised his eyebrow and just pointed back to the screenshots on New York phone. "Maybe you didn't but Utah and Nevada apparently did"

"Alright fair point but still"

"So back to the original question, why does it bother you two so much?"

"Less bother and more like it feels like somethin' others should know and what's not considering-" Texas trailed off, a light blush dusting his cheeks as he cleared his throat and looked at New York for help or distraction.

"Least we expected was to be invited or literary fucking anything instead of being kept in the dark, only to find out Utah and Nevada knew before us" Gov blinked and looked a bit closer at the two, noticing the slight tremors going through New York frame as he kept glaring at Gov with... was that Hurt? And Texas despite his calm demeanour did seem like he wanted to shoot something or someone.

Letting out a sigh he leaned back in his chair and rubbed his temples as he gathered up what he should tell them without Cali potentially getting mad at him for it later.

"-specially if it was recent-"

"Wait hold one when do you think we got married exactly?"

New York blinked and squinted suspiciously at Gov. "Recent I suppose? 10 years or less?"

"Oooh"

"What in tarnation you mean 'ooh'?" Now it was Texas turn to look at Gov with suspicion.

"Well, Cali would be able to give you a more details but I'm pretty sure this year we will have our 200 anniversary? Give or take few years"

Gov didn't knew the two could be that quiet and if anyone asked him about it he could have sworn he heard a paperclip drop from his desk.

". . . what"

"... do you want me to repeat or-" Gov flinched as New York abruptly stood ups the chair he was sitting on clattering loudly to the floor as he stormed out of the room.

Texas just gave him a look of something-he really needs to spend more time distinguishing emotions considering how long he usually stares at them anyway-nodding as he left his office a bit more calmly.

When the door shut he just let out a sigh and banged his head on the desk. He blindly reached over for his phone and opened up messages with Cali, quickly typing out a warning which he hopes Cali would read instead of ignore.

Why did it feel like he just jinxed himself?

---

California frowned and growled in frustration as he coughed yet another trash instead of the fish he needed for the bundle. Honestly sometimes fishing was bullshit!

Before he could open up his cheat menus something-or rather someone-fell on top of his chest. making him grunt and lift his switch into the air as he glared down at the bucket hat and sunglasses.

"Florida, why?"

"Why not?"

California just rolled his eyes and wiggled a not to get more comfortable, letting Florida shuffle and find his own comfy position on top of him. "Whatever just don't interrupt men I nearly had that fish!"

"Sure you did! And I'm blind!"

"Mhm so we won't have to worry about chaos?"

"Oh no, it means even more chaos cause now I get to shoot confetti glue sticks at everyone without getting in trouble!"

Cali just laughed as he went back to his farm and closed the game after saving progress by going to bed. He out the switch on the table next to him, he notice that his phone has one new notification on it.

Before he could check it tho, Florida grabbed his hand and dragged it closer to his face, inspecting something.

"... like, what are you looking for? It's just my hand-"

"When did you get married? Its first time I see you wearing it"

"Not true! You saw me wearing it couple weeks ago when I went out with Gov!" Cal couldn't help but correct Florida, blinking at the sudden chill and blank look on Florida face that quickly shifted into a pout.

"You married Gov few weeks ago and didn't tell us? We so could have helped! I could have brought Peter to officiate it!"

"I think you mis-wait Peter?"

"A priest alligator!"

"....a priest alligator?"

"Yes!"

"As in like priest who's mutant alligator or alligator who is a priest?"

"Yes"

"... fair enough"

"So why didn't you tell us?" For once Florida seemed to be eager to go back to the topic.

Cali rolled his eyes and let out a sigh as he flicked Florida nose, grinning when he scrounged it up adorably.

"As I was like saying, I didn't marry Gov few weeks ago-"

"Sha! You should have said something about dem wedding parry sooner! I could have supplied alcohol"

"Loui!"

"FLORIDA NO-OOMPH" Cali clutched his stomach as he was promptly tramped over by Florida who launched himself into Louisiana arms for a hug.

Louisianan just laughed and spun Florida around, nuzzling their cheeks together in a greeting. From where he was curled up into a ball of pain-florida was heavy damnit-he heard amused huff. He looked up and squinted at DC who just grinned at him.

"Alright there California?"

"Likes totally go fuck yourself"

DC just responded with a laugh as he helped California sit up and checked him over, pausing over the ring. Unlike Florida he seemed more curious rather then interrogative.

"That's quite pretty ring, suits you"

"Thank you"

"Ring, sha?" this time Loui seemed more confused as he held Florida like teddy bear. A teddy best full of cocaine and drugs who kept waving his limbs around but a teddy nonetheless.

"Yup" California proudly showed his ringed hand to Louisiana, entering infodumping mode as he explained how he managed to get the materials for it and the cost that was more then worth it.

Whilst Loui did nod along. Cali could tell he looked a bit troubled which made him pause and frowns as he stared at the three, arms crossed and eyes squinting in suspicion.

"Okay, fess up, like what's with the faces?"

"I think it's a bit hard to imagine you married is all?" DC supplied a but unsure as he fidget with his tie, only to suddenly fall on the couch as Florida launched himself St him and made them fall.

"Yeah! And you didn't even invite us!"

"Okay, first of all, rude, this is like my second marriage I have game you know?" He ignored The shocked expressions less he takes it even more personally then he does now, "And me and Gov married like ageeeees ago"

"and how long would that be exactly?" Before California could reply to DC question a new voice interrupted.

"Two-fuckin'-hundred years apparently!" NY replied, looking like he is about to get out his bat and smash something. Texas trailing after him looking like he is torn between joining NY with his gun or go get wasted.

Deciding that now would be perfect time to check his phone to avoid the half alarmed and half hurt looks shot his way. Turning it on he blinked at several messages from Gov that varied in panicked tone with the most recent one practically begging California to check his phone or to come to his office.

Letting out a sigh he shrugged and gathered his switch and pocketed his phone. "Yep, married 1823 and all, funny how time flies"

"Wait wait didn't you became a state in 1850? How can you have two marriages before existing???"

"Wait a damn second two marriages?!" California ignored Texas outburst as funny as it was to see his face all twisted up from.emotions he clearly doesn't experience everyday.

"Who said I started existing in 1850?" California grinned and shot the group a wink as he quickly made his way toward Gov office, ignoring the shouts and demands to explain himself from the group.

~•~

Entering Gov office was always a 50/50 shot of either finding it organised to the last millimeter or finding it in chaos with later strewn about and fire somehow burning something.

So when he did finally entered he expected chaos and was instead greeted with the lights shut off, shutter blinds down and Gov curled up on the couch California bullied him into putting in there for naps after all night paperwork marathons.

He shut and locked the door to the office and made his way to Gov but before he could do anything, two strong arms circled around his waist and dragged him down to the couch.

Cooing softly Cali nuzzles and kissed Gov cheek as he hugged him back as best as he could murmuring soft reassurances.

For mow comforting his husband was his priority, and after getting Gov to drink some water and eat something, they will brainstorm what the next step should be.

They will make it.

22 notes · View notes