#we handle all sorts

[ryllen]

jade who got heartstruck by someone who listens, and trey who generally takes interest on really listening to what people have to say, about things he doesn't know yet

#referring to outdoor wear trey's lines who said-- #People get to research whatever they want in the Science Club which means I get to hear about all sorts of fascinating stuff #Rook lectured me on proper hiking technique before we left. His tips have been pretty helpful—I haven't taken a spill yet #he listens #twisted wonderland #twst #treyjade #trey clover #jade leech #cater diamond #floyd leech #and also i just watched jade's outdoor wear vignette who mentored cater who wanted to run away already fshdshd #trey might do things minimally #but he seems to be packful of information about handling any possible situation or encounter against random things #that he obviously ; doesn't show #unless for desperate measure

[adhbabey]

i think like. so much would be solved if we normalized the fact that some people do experience delusions and hallucinations. like yes, its something that those people need help with/need more accommodations for, but we could use being more understanding of people with psychotic symptoms in general.

like, i can tell you that at least one person raving about conspiracy theories is someone who experiences delusions, and if we understood that, we wouldn't have such a hard time getting them back to a more grounded perspective.

i am someone who experiences delusions and I do get incredibly triggered by all the unreality bullshit, the simulation theories, all that unreal bullshit, and it is actively negatively impacting people like me.

we could really use a better understanding of those with these symptoms, because acting like having hallucinations/delusions makes you a killer is a take that makes zero sense. Like, genuinely, you have no idea what you're talking about if that's where you immediately go. I can point out a bunch of shit discussing the darkness of humanity and that logic applies to anyone, regardless of mental illness. Delusions and hallucinations don't mean you'll act on anything, it just means that your brain is creating false images or thoughts, and that can get really fucking confusing.

We could use a little more empathy or compassion towards those with these symptoms, because obviously this shit isn't going away for us, just like other disabled people dealing with their disabilities. We are not idiots or monsters, our brain just gives us random false shit sometimes and it really fucking sucks. Be more understanding or I'll telepathically insert false shit into your brain one day, y'all should see the nightmare that some of us have to deal with.

#babey posts #actually delusional #delusions #hallucinations #schizo spectrum #actually psychotic #psychosis #paranoia #hypervigilance #honestly if i wasnt aware of my paranoia. id probably believe a lot of the conspiracy theories out there because of it #like that shit is so strong it makes me feel like everyone's out to get me #and i know they're not! my delusions are just delusions #but for some people. they struggle to tell about that sort of thing and i dont fucking blame them #and we should be more accommodating of people who experience symptoms like this in general #i can handle unreality to an extent. but there's some people who can't handle it at all. #be more respectful and understanding and dont trigger people for fun

[stardustdiiving]

How evil is arlecchino and what is she cooking

As of 4.2, I’m really curious what they’re planning with Arlecchino as a character, especially as a villain/antagonist/morally dubious character, and how far/which direction they may go with that

Intuitively my impression is we’ll see her do something way more “villainous” than she presents herself as being for majority of Fontaine’s AQ in front of us right—(which isn’t a surprise given that, you know, Arlecchino nor the House of Hearth have never been presented as 110% ethical LOL) but I find myself not being in complete agreement with most analysis or speculation threads I see about Arlecchino’s morality and the like, level of sinister people seem to ascribe to her.

Idk how to put it, especially in regards to her children I do agree they are not a wholesome found family, that Arlecchino is not above pulling strings or using them for her own ulterior motives, but I kind of hesitate on the idea she only cares about the Hearth children as a means to the end/things she can control and there’s nothing else going on with her characterization wise there. I’m not saying that impression seems remotely unreasonable or unfounded, but just that it feels there’s something intentionally missing in how we are supposed to conceptualize her as a person

My main reasoning for this hunch is the fact they have not elaborated on Arlecchino and the previous Knave—who Arlecchino is stated to have taken over the position from by force. The extra tidbits I think about are that 1) Arlecchino was previously an orphan in the Hearth 2) the previous Knave is described as way, way crueler to the children of than Heart than Arlecchino was from when she took control of the House

Often, people’s major indicators that the House of the Hearth is kind of super fucked up are the NPCs we meet in world quests who are part of it and clearly suffering. But one thing I haven’t ever seen people mention w this that i think is a very interesting detail is, in The Very Special Fortune Slip Inazuma worldquest, where we stop this House of Hearth guy (Efim Snezhevich) from manufacturing tension between Watasumi/the Shogunate to restart the war with his other Hearth subordinates, at the end of the quest we get this dialogue that reveals he had been acting under the previous Knave’s directives:

It’s also mentioned he’s employing this plan in an attempt to “rebuild the prestige of the Knave” following Signora’s death, iirc? Now, see, the dialogue itself says that this is “assuming our captive is telling the truth” so who knows what’s really going on, but I find this a really odd/interesting thing to highlight. I’m a bit fuzzy on other world quests with Hearth members, and am not saying none of them were acting and subsequently being treated poorly by our Arlecchino, but like, this gives me a lot of questions especially when paired with implications this previous Knave seemed to be way worse

Like, what drove Arlecchino to take over? How unexpected and controversial was this within the House? Assuming the above information is all true it definitely says something this guy went rogue and acted on what the previous Knave would want and didn’t think our Arlecchino would greenlight it, which does feel consistent with the previous Knave being described as basically worse & crueler than our Arlecchino. It also makes me question how much house of hearth things we’ve seen outside the main story are the work of our Arlecchino or if there’s a bigger divide of loyalty. Heck, I could be wrong but it doesn’t even seem like we know if the previous Knave is dead or not

This isn’t me saying Arlecchino couldn’t possibly be treating hearth children worse than she wants us to know, especially ones who aren’t her “favorites” the way the fontaine trio seem to be, but I really don’t feel sure about making a solid conclusion of her exact level of malice the way ppl r generally understanding it rn when it feels there’s going to be more about her. Just the idea of she, as a Hearth child, clashed with the previous leader who was known for being cruel, overtook their position and took on less harsh methods of leading that made at least some members with more power/possible closer proximity to the previous Knave go rogue and try to commit atrocities in the previous Knave’s name…I feel this leaves a lot of room to suggest there’s more going on with how Arlecchino is as a person

I don’t mind if she’s just very evil and deceptive bc if she totally had me fall for thinking she was less evil than she actually was that’s fun tbh. But I feel people suggest that’s all her character could be with no degree of like, “sympatheticness” or deep grey morality and that if her character did go there it would be automatically poor writing and genshin walking back on making a truly evil woman when IDK. I feel you can claim at this point they have left it open ended and it’s never been completely confirmed she’s pure evil. Also sometimes I just get a hunch and feel cautiously confident in Genshin executing certain characters well. Not all characters, just certain ones. Especially given Fontaine’s character writing being very good and a character like Lyney feeling very solid to me when any development with Arlecchino would likely involve him and his siblings as well, I honestly feel open to the idea of Arlecchino being satisfyingly written to be both villainous/morally dubious but “sympathetic/likable as a person” in ways outside of just her ruthlessness if that makes sense

If I’m wrong/they drop the ball with it more than I anticipate I’ll eat my hat but I am pretty excited about her character and which way they decide to go with it. I will say the only potential impression I have of where they’ll go with her has been wondering if it will go in a “cycles of abuse” direction—I’d be surprised if they ever elaborated on Arlecchino’s character especially in how she feels about things and her also growing up as an exploited child of the hearth wasn’t relevant

#arlecchino #see my track record with said hunch with when I feel I should let genshin cook has been #for months truthing my vision of xiao’s speififc brand of internalized dehumanization induced suicidal ideation #and how genshin will one day he will get another quest of sorts thst develops his character towards #the idea he’s allowed to live and enjoy people’s company and this will likely #also come with following through on yaksha lore and when they do this they will do him SO well and it will be peak genshin quest #all of this Months before the existence of perilous trails was even rumored #and then I was soo stubborn xiao would show up in 2023 lantern rite w more character introspection to follow up PT #and also from the first fontsine teaser I was in the trenches for furina bc I felt so confident #the main storyline would handle her very well & if genshin went anywhere near the direction of her #not being a ‘true archon’ & ppl were Wrong if they thought genshin woudlnt take her seriously #and HAHA. WWOOWOOWOWOEOEOOEOEE #I have also been sent into hysteria multiple times bc genshin keeps canonizing my exact ideas of my favorite character dynamics #and often exceeding my expectations that I thought were jsut wishful thinking #yes I predicted exactly how xiao would interact w Venti & zhongli on screen yes I predicted #the exact nature of hat radish friendship no I was wiped out on the floor #by nahida enrolling wanderer in college & calling him hat guy & zhongli saving xiao’s life #& xiao having hardcore social anxiety from zhongven flirting with each other st the dinner table #this sounds so conceited. see I often don’t know What genshin is cooking but k feel sure in knowing when soemthing is going to be #a shitshow or mediocre or when we need to let them cook. even if it takes 6+ months #TRUST ME <— guy who has been waiting on genshin to cook for several characters for multiple years and is still sure I will get my food #am I crazy. yes. am I also often right when I have hunches on when genshin is going to suck and when it’s going to be good esp character #writing wise. often yes #one day I will annihilate genshined impact with my bare hands #genshin #fern.txt #fandomferns

[wolves-in-the-world]

thinking about how the one time eliot masterminds something, it's because the circumstances are dire and we don't actually see it happen; how he says he plays chess and nate believes him but we don't ever see it or hear about it again; how we don't even see his most basic fighting skills until they're needed and he has to drop the cerebral and nonthreatening grift he was using in front of the team. and I don't know what to think except that in some ways he's just as secretive as parker is, we just don't see it because on top of that he's this very believable gruff-but-sorta-amiable person who meets up with his vet buddies and goes on dates and cooks for his team.

#not heading anywhere particular with this just. #with parker we see the warehouse and the multiple addresses and it's all shown to us in a way to draw attention to her caution #and how much she trusts the team regardless by letting sophie figure out the combination #and we have to assume that eliot has safehouses too but the show never even flirts with the idea of showing us. #he's secretive in a way the story allows and glosses over. #the difference between him and parker is that he pretends hard to be normal and she either can't or doesn't. #once again reminded of the ship dynamic 'there is something wrong with you that is also wrong with me.' #like. I sort of love that we don't see eliot's discussion of the kidnapping. what he figured out and how they'll handle it etc. #because just like in the pilot it's including the viewers in his grift #and this time it's the grift he resorts to most around people who know his job #the one that says he's violent and simple and not especially bright. the one that leads people to underestimate him. #power negativity applied in the best way for a hitter's career. #it's a grift we see multiple times and we're only barely shown the edges of it. #I would still kind of love to see more. because once again #it is fascinating to me that you can watch the entire damn show and still believe the grift of it. #eliot #leverage #hi I've been ignoring tumblr to get writing done and I keep having thoughts. it's terrible.

[burnthatbridge]

illicit affairs

buddie | E | chapter 5 of 10 | 12k (of 35k and counting) | just a boy helping his boy bestie figure out gay sex, with a side of infidelity Eddie doesn’t believe in jinxes. But if he did, he would sure think he’d jinxed himself with what he said, and didn’t say, in his therapy session.

Chapter 5: so you leave no trace behind, like you don't even exist

“How are you, Eddie?” Frank asks.

They’re more than halfway through Eddie’s hour-long appointment. Frank has been patient with him, he always is. He’s been Eddie’s therapist for long enough to know when to let Eddie talk about something unrelated as a means of settling in, to know when it’s, in fact, an avoidance technique and he should be pushed.

Their appointments are less frequent than in the immediate aftermath of Eddie’s breakdown. Officially, they meet every two weeks. Oftentimes, with Eddie’s schedule, that’s just not possible. He and Frank occasionally do a phone call, if it’s hard to fit in a face-to-face appointment, but Frank prefers to meet in person. Eddie joked once it’s because over the phone Frank can’t see the fear in his patients’ eyes. Frank hadn’t laughed, but he’d smiled in a way that made Eddie think what he’d said was closer to the truth than is comfortable for said patients, Eddie included.

Eddie has spent the last forty minutes giving Frank an update on Chris’ dating life, his concerns and woes over it. And while that is legitimately something he should be allowed to talk about in therapy, it’s less pressing than a couple of months back when he had just found out about the two-timing — try five-timing — about the Shannon of it all. Now, he probably is using it to delay talking about himself, at least a little bit. And he’s come a long way that he can admit that to himself.

He shifts in his seat, pokes a hand back to prod at the cushion behind him. But he doesn’t need to. As much as everything else about therapy is uncomfortable, the seating in Frank’s office is anything but. And Eddie has been in here often enough to know this is the best cushion for him, works well for when he’s seated ramrod straight or when he’s slumped down. Across the room, Frank waits for Eddie to reply, ever patient.

“I’m good,” Eddie answers, truthfully. He is. Things are, generally, going well. As mentioned, Chris is doing better — he’s more secure and he currently seems to be talking to only one girl in a romantic capacity. Work is going as smoothly as it can for a first responder: Bobby back at the helm, Hen and Chim besties once more, Ravi freed from B-shift, so their core team is stable again. Eddie’s getting on well with his family, his dad consistently trying. He knows there are still sore spots there, and more so with his mom, but it’s the effort that matters to him. He summarizes as much to Frank, who knows all this already.

Frank nods, flips his pen over in his fingers. “And how are things with Marisol?”

read chapter 5 on ao3 or start at chapter 1

#yes this chapter is a week late #yes it's nearly twice the length of the previous one #yes i'd like to say these two facts are related #but actually this is late because canon bi buck was simply too much for me to handle and threw me all out of sorts #anyway we return to your regularly scheduled eddie is useless when it comes to his own heart programming #infidelity fic #buddie #buddie fic #911 #911 abc #911 fic #buddie fanfic #911 fanfic #myfic

[gynandromorph]

i'll be homnest with you, after the 4th person who got the shit beat out of them by this rogue student (SV) i think it would have been better to just seal off the exit to the tunnel and let him starve rather than continuing to send in every fucking teacher available to also have the shit beat out of them. and probably one at a time was not the best idea

#nofna shitposting #although we see him in prime handle many people at once #no they didn't ALL lay there #several people left before they sort of flopped over and stayed in the burrow #there was absolutely a lot of points where they could have sealed off the exit

[currentlyonstandbi]

until capcom proves me otherwise, this is my interpretation of leon throughout the entire film

#dont get me wrong okay i loved the movie #and i could watch these guys get up to hijinx and shenanigans for another 10 films #BUT it being marketed as a sequel to vendetta really had me believing they would follow up on Leon's state of mind in that film #and what is clearly a massive struggle with alcoholism and depression #especially considering he seemed to be fine in this film from what we saw in trailers #so at least some sort of reference or indication as to how he seemed to be doing so much better all of a sudden #but there was none of that #other than Dylan's offhand comment in his speech about Leon being 'all burnt out' from the endless missions he's being dragged into #so i am now choosing to believe he is simply not okay #and that maybe he's managed to get a handle on the drinking but this man is still deep in the throes of major passive depression #and that's that on that ! #@ me about it capcom u cowards #resident evil #resident evil death island #re death island #re #death island spoilers #leon kennedy

[astranauticus]

ok i like rushed through the whole orv webtoon way too fast so now i have thoughts going in like 5 different directions but ep121-123 drive me so fucking insane actually. every time i think about those two conversations i have to sit down

#orv #orv liveblog #like i feel like depictions of childhood abuse in fiction tend to depiction the relationship as some version of #'the one evil violent parent and the one good parent trying their best (it wasnt good enough)' #see: the twins parents from lc s2 is the obvious one but also like #going back to my roots lol but enji and rei todoroki? or hell even fire lord ozai and ursa #yknow theres this idea of like theres the one who was trying! and the one who fucked it all up #well yeah rei's the one who scarred her sons face but thats so obviously framed as like a trauma response outside of her control #like its not something youre reeaally meant to blame her for yknow #the WHOLE idea with kim dokja's conversation with yoo sangah is whether he's supposed to blame/forgive lee sookyung #wait ok those conversations drive me so insane like im feeling the alevel literature urge to fuckin close read quotes #that one line where he thinks like this is the vilest form of violence he can use against sangah goes by SO fast but it hit me SO hard #the idea of asking her to put herself in this nightmare situation she has no frame of reference for understanding or empathising with #and then asking her as someone who she rly cares about! to be the judge in this situation she cannot possibly fully grasp #and all of that being framed as an act of violence towards her. like asking her to do this knowing she cant possibly do it #but also 'did you want me to seem pleased to see you' 'a little (lie)' and 'do you think of me as a mother' 'a little (lie)' #like the pretense of a normal relationship over the yeah we know our relationships fucked over the #unfortunately we still talk and think in the same way and we understand each other way too well #ok wait but circling back to the original point. i saw this fucking incredible fanart on twitter that sort of goes into the like #how do you?? handle?? not knowing if youre supposed to blame your parent for something that they did that hurt you #like its this little animation thing thats all in kdj's internal monologue except for one line where its him saying #'im terrible. i deserved what she did to me' #and its like. yeah that would be easier huh. like the self loathing is easier to handle than the confusion and cognitive dissonance #full disclosure i saw that fanart literally a year ago before i knew jack shit about orv and the sentiment hit me SO HARD i just #havent been able to stop thinking about it for a whole year. like as soon as i finished 123 i immediately went to look for it in my archive #i checked the artist has a tumblr but that art is not on it and it bugs me so much i want them to know that they somehow like #managed to make art so painful it defeated both my non-orv reading self and my lifelong severe memory problems #i mean in comparison that line (that also went by alarmingly fast) about how without twsa back then like kdj would not be here today #like not so much to dig into just. Yikes #and him telling ysa all of this with that fucking smile on his face like thats the part that really gets to me just his *fucking expression

[thereareeyesinsidethetrees]

question

how do i figure out if someone directly coming to me for help with donations here is being genuine or not

#what we have here is a moral dilemma #do i prioritize trusting a stranger on the internet #or do i prioritize being absolutely sure that i’m not accidentally leading anyone into a scam #at risk of potentially denying someone who actually was being genuine the donations they need #am i a prick just for feeling like i need to ask that?? #i’m not at all properly equipped to handle this sort of thing

[ectonurites]

almost 4am can't stop thinking about the meaning of the idiom 'to have blood on [someone's] hands'—to be responsible for a person's death—combined with the fact that Zach is the one we are specifically shown with Daryl's actual blood on his hands (once for real and once in a dream)... Not Josh who had been holding the sword Daryl fell onto, but Zach who took the sword out.

#super dark times #+ part of it that's insane to me is: Josh COULD have easily ALSO gotten (literal) blood on his hands—we see him go to check for a pulse #after Zach did... but we don't see his hands during that—they're left out of the shot! we just see his face. and when we see his hands next #there's no visible blood on them (if any got on he theoretically wiped 'em off ig? similarly Zach's hands when seen AFTER the shot of him #touching Daryl ALSO don't rlly show blood anymore—we see his hands in the leaves tho so it prob went there) BUT SO there was a CHOICE made #to give us a close up shot of ZACH pulling his hand away from the wound with blood on it... but to NOT do the same/smthn similar with Josh. #and yet ZACH is the one who CAN'T ACCEPT THE ROLE HE PLAYED IN ANY OF ITTTTT!!!!!!! GAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! #this post brought to you by me rewatching the Zach + Charlie on the phone scene and needing to just. stop and scream at Zach being #like 'Josh‚ or fucking somebody else‚ they went up there and if they found Daryl alive—' LIKE BRO. YOU *KNOW* HE WAS DEAD. #YOU KNOW. YOU KNOOOOW. YOU WERE THERE. YOU KNOW HE WAS ALREADY DEAD. the denial. the trying to find any fucking way that #there could be even a sliver of a possibility that it WASN'T even PARTIALLY his fault.... shifting the blame entirely onto Josh... #[plus like. the 'somebody else' only added in after Charlie was giving him shit for trying to complicate this more—at first he was #straight up saying Josh was the one that fucked with the body]... aghghghsfd he makes me INSANE #also fwiw. i'm forever a 'Josh didn't harm anyone on purpose until AFTER his fight with Zach at Zach's house' truther. that provides #at least SOME sort of motivation to push him over an edge into... the shit that happens. anything before that just fuckin' doesn't make #sense. To Me. ive already written a lot on my thoughts about all of that though [uhhh in the tags of my gifset of the fight at Zach's house #anyways. im also NOT trying to say 'ah so we should Just Blame Zach' because nah nah this whole thing was a fucked up accident. they're all #to blame. plus Josh did horrible shit at the end On His Own there's no way of getting around that—but the messiness of how Zach handled the #initial incident and how that ripples out across the whole movie is simply soooooooo... ghghGHGhghGHGhghghgh. To Me. #in conclusion: im soooooooo normal about the characters in this movie (<- lying)

[penelopwgarcia]

the fact abuse usually lead to the victim believe their abuser is way bigger than actually is and that they'll eventually win and so it makes the victim to not press charges and naturalize all that and trying to invalidate their trauma so it's not a real thing is not a big deal they won't deal with it but will continually to believe they're inhuman and not worthy i-

#and yes i am talking about tyler galpin how'd you guessed #listen #LISTEN #he is the saddest little meow meow i ever watched and i want the writing to handle him better #we all know they're leading to some sorts of redemption #but i dont want him to be redeemed of something HE DIDNT DO #i want him to find piece #i want him safe #and well #goddammit #tyler galpin #wednesday addams #wednesday 2022

[robotsafari]

was trying to see if i could outclass a triple-a unreal engine game in the whimsy department (i think i did.)

#beep boop you want fries with that #kingdom hearts #ansem #i dont even know what the original scene is and i dont care. #i know theyre not handling ansem well. #you didnt even try to recreate his fuckass smile smh #if this shows up in the tag idgaf i use it for easy sorting . get real. #i didnt want to sound pretentious im just mad. #fucking. im gonna miss you ansem. fuck off. he never went anywhere. #what if we all blew up. they did nothing interesting with ansem post-com. you dont do anything new with him. #you never bothered to ask the questions no one wanted to ask about this character #maybe im just insane but. maybe if riku got ansem to talk about literally anything else #[SQUARE-ENID UNLEASHES FIRING SQUAD UPON ME] #not even gonna bother correcting that typo #anyway im gonna go back to working on that ansem essay #huh what who said that

[saixpuppy]

oops i should be crossposting stuff from twitter

#nix iidx #iidx #.art #god we haven't really drawn in SO LONG #our skills totally atrophied and it's frustrating that i can't draw better because like #i KNOW i can draw better than what i'm doing #this is the first thing i've been sort of okay with #ive dumped more on twitter but i think this is all i'll post for now #people have been so SO sweet on twitter #i'm handling it uh. normally. yeah #anyway. hatless nix be upon ye #doing our homestuck heritage a disservice by not drawing the hat lmfao #i have to reteach that to myself

[maedaeme]

brother moved in with me due to an Abrupt Life Change, brought 2 old cats, which I understand is going to take adjusting but I am SO stressed because it is my cat that is being the problem

#Its been. almost 2 weeks #and theyre still stuck in his room when shes not sleeping in mine because even when they are separated by a gate she just #cant handle it #she stopped hissing finally but she JUMPED the gate out of nowhere and started stalking it was Scary #i love her but she has got me all out of sorts man #peach was literally just like. hi new cats. Im in this house. oh ur nervous. thats cool im just sitting #like he was so chill. not a problem at all. this is the cat they told us was too mean to be inside when we first got him #and who is now just a giant snuggle baby #but MY CAT #cant rly afford feliway but im gonna buy some next week anyway #lays on the FLOOR #i love her i dont want her to bully the grandmas!!!!! #granted she has only visually seen them like TWICE bc we are keeping them separated but #thats bc both times she reacted BADLY #pointless post

[torchickentacos]

woooo ok well time to stop looking at furthering education options for right now. It's just overwhelming. I have genuinely zero direction right now so I can't narrow down the most useful degree when I don't even know what I'd be putting it towards. 4-year is very much expected of me, so I need to find SOMETHING, but I'm really coming up empty right now. Sigh. Just kind of complaining. I know this is THE MOST NORMAL FEELING EVER for being my age, but that doesn't make it any easier.

#long tags. i'm just talkin' and spiralin'. as you do over these things. #like. ok I took cultural geography and ADORED it #I love the sociology aspect of it #but a sociology degree wouldn't be good for me because I couldn't work in that field #I love the demographic/statistical/methodological aspect of it #but that requires math which is the number one thing I CAN'T do #the other side is the more social work based things that are like. ok how and why does xyz problem form in xyz communities or locations #and how can we fix it #everything gets to me and i'd get REALLY fucking sad really quickly in a social work sort of setting #and like i've BEEN the kid with 5 social workers and it's not an environment I would ever go back into. even on the other side of it #so i can't do the logical aspect of it and i can't do the more human based aspect of it #I know an english degree would be something I could do. my aunt and grandmother have one #and it's a wide enough net that I can use it for a lot of career paths. it leaves options wide open #and there's cultural studies within that that would connect to the sociological things I like studying #minus the more math prominent aspects of it #and once I DO find a job i need to make sure it's one i can physically do with my EDS POTS MCAS bullshittery #which is a WHOLE ASS OTHER THING #but i don't need this all figured out on a random monday evening #this is without me worrying about housing and employment during school and being able to handle it all with the adhd demons #bc sometimes two courses online is too much for me bc ADHD and pots brain fog. bc tldr i never have enough oxygeon or blood in my brain #which makes thinking difficult #and just. AUGH i do not need to figure it out right now!!!!!!!!!!!!1 #this has STOPPED BEING USEFUL #only posting this bc i know other people feel the same sort of 'lost' otherwise i'd save it for my therapist #but this is tumblr so like i can just say shit here. if you think it's annoying you can leave ily but this is my house