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re-diesirae · 3 years

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6. Claire

She was running through the chaotic streets of Raccoon City. The hordes of undead tailing right behind her with their horrid growls and that putrid smell of the dead. She had run out of ammo, which meant that if she got cornered, she was in trouble.

She had gotten separated from Leon, and she did not even know if the young man was still alive at all.

Claire took a turn and found herself cornered; it was a dead-end, and she had no bullets. The horrid cannibal monsters were moving slowly to her.

It was it; this was her end.

Claire woke up, startled, and she felt the sun rays coming through the holes in the ceiling, hit her on her face. Her breathing was agitated, and she took some seconds to recover.

She hated those nightmares. They were a recurrent thing, but it had been a while since she dreamt of Raccoon. The city where everything began vanished. With the years, the memories from the place had gotten buried under fresher incidents. Her nightmares were often about nonsense or about places she had visited more recently.

Claire looked around her, remembering where she was. It was morning already, and Leon did not wake her for the shift.

She was slightly annoyed, but at the same time, she was grateful. She knew Leon had done it to let her recover.

She stretched and grabbed her head. The pain was still there, but it was significantly lesser, and her vision was back to normal, too, which meant the effects of the hit were starting to pass.

"Hey, good morning, sleeping beauty," Leon greeted her, and she rolled her eyes.

Claire had forgotten how much of a charmer Leon was when it came to dealing with ladies. Their interactions were on the friendly side, and he had long stopped using his flirty tones on her, so it was the first time in years that she heard him use that tone with her.

"Good morning, cheater," she answered, "I thought we agreed you would wake me up for a guard shift."

Leon snorted.

"I tried, but you just fell asleep again."

"I...I did?" Claire answered in shock.

"Yeah, after saying you wanted ten more minutes," Leon smirked, "Besides, you looked to be enjoying yourself. When was the last time you had a good night of sleep?"

When was it? Claire tried to remember when was the last time she had slept more than three hours without interruptions, but she couldn't remember. Between nightmares and work, she had skipped a lot of sleeping hours in the last few months. Naturally, Claire would not tell him about that.

"What is that supposed to mean?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I am just asking," he replied, shaking his head. "You just looked like you had not slept well in a while."

"Well, I hardly think that sleeping in a dilapidated cottage surrounded by mutant monsters can be considered a good sleep."

Leon snorted.

"Anywhere is a good place when you are exhausted," he reasoned.

Claire was not going to argue that. She had to admit that even though it had not been the best sleeping in her existence, she had rested nicely that night. She was not in her best shape, but at least she would not be as useless now.

"I am not discussing my sleep patterns with you, Leon," Claire sighed. "We should head out and try to find a way out of here."

"Yeah, but first, let me see your head."

Claire did not argue, and she allowed the agent to check her. After some minutes, he stood and helped Claire on her feet. The auburn headed accepted his hand and pushed herself up. She tested her stability and was rejoiced to see that she wasn't dizzy anymore. However, her head still hurt, and if she made the wrong move, she was sure she would stumble.

"How is your head?" Leon asked.

"Stingy, but alright. I am ready to go."

"Are you sure? I think we can afford some minutes if you need them."

"No, I'm ok. Let's move."

"Ok. I tried to contact Hunnigan several times yesterday. My signal still has interference, but I think I managed to connect. She might be able to track our location, and I am sure your dear brother will be here soon."

"Yeah, with the big guns, I supposed."

"I just hope he won't use them against me."

"Nah, not even Chris is that unreasonable, and if it makes you feel better, I can talk on your behalf," Claire chuckled, "he usually listens to me."

"I bet he does."

"Alright, then. We must try to stay in one piece until then," Claire reasoned, "We can try to gather supplies as we go, but I don't think our captors have left ammo lying around for us."

"One never knows," Leon said, checking his gun, "So, just like old times?"

"Yeah, I guess you don't get the pleasure of going solo this time, superagent," Claire smirked, picking her rifle and walking out.

"I have no complaints about my partner," she heard Leon mutter behind her.

The place looked a lot different in daylight. Compared to other places she had been, Claire was pleased to see a change of scenery. The sight of trees, grasslands, and the fresh air was a nice change from the acrid air of tunnels and underground facilities.

"Oh, that's right," Claire said, "The locals here..."

"Yeah, they are infected by an improved strain of Plagas."

"An improved strain of Plagas?" Claire said.

"Hum, yeah. I had the pleasure of dealing with it some years ago, during a mission in the East Slav Republic. Aim at their heads, but be careful since some of them can mutate after being destroyed."

"I guess that makes sense. I thought the symptoms looked familiar, but I couldn't quite connect them to anything I knew," Claire nodded, "I guess you've been busy, Leon."

"I could say the same about you."

Claire chuckled. They all had been busy. Chris and the BSAA were always fighting in the frontlines when an attack came, while Leon and the DSO worked diligently tracking terrorists, as well. Claire wondered if she would ever get to spend a day with her family and friends like any other person.

"What can I say? Work is a demanding boyfriend," Claire shrugged.

"Well, you sure have a singular taste for your boyfriends. Have you not thought of getting a real one for a change?"

Claire snorted at the suggestion. Getting a real boyfriend was something she had long given up. Her work demands rarely gave her free time, and what was the point of having a relationship when she had no time to dedicate to it?

"I am fine. I never had a real one when I was young, and the Racoon City mess just put an end to any attempts. It doesn't matter."

"You didn't have a boyfriend before this began? Somehow I find that hard to believe."

"Really? Why?"

"When I met you, you looked like the kind of girl that any guy would chase around."

"Oh, well. I suppose there were guys interested, but if Chris didn't chase them away, it was my personality who spooked them."

"Chris scared off your potential guys?"

"Yeah, something like that, but it wasn't all his fault. I played my part, scaring some, too. "

"I can't see how you would do that."

Claire snorted.

"Please, Leon. Honestly, I am surprised you were not scared the first time we met. What guy feels comfortable with a tomboyish girl who handles guns and fights as I did?"

"I think that was what I liked most from you..." Leon answered sincerely. "You were not of those girls who waited for someone to save her."

"Well, I guess you have a weird taste, as well," Claire laughed, "Besides, my luck with men sucks. Either they get killed, or they turn out to be traitors..."

Claire sighed. Why was she telling him this? Leon had no interest in that, but surprisingly, she found that telling him these things was easy.

"What do you mean with that?" Leon asked curiously, "Any ex-boyfriend that I haven't heard of?"

Claire stopped in her tracks and turned to look at him skeptically.

"Leon, you can't be talking seriously."

"Why not? I'm trying to catch up. It's been ages since we had a casual conversation," Leon said, "When was the last time we talked about something that was not related to a mission?"

He was right. Even their friendly calls ended up being about their missions and their jobs. They rarely talked about anything outside of that. They had crossed paths in one or two of the BSAA meetings, but they had never stopped to chat about things outside their work.

"So, ex-boyfriends?"

"None," Claire sighed, "I met a couple of nice guys once, but they got killed in an outbreak. Then years later, I met this colleague at TerraSave. I thought he was a decent guy, but it turned out he was selling us as guinea pigs to Alex Wesker in exchange for a sample of Ouroboros. As I said, my luck with men sucks."

Leon didn't answer. He continued to listen to her as she spoke.

"Looking at the bright side, Chris gets to brag about being the only man in my life."

"That's a lie," Leon said, "You have other men in your life."

"I suppose I might, but I have morals, Leon. I can't call someone taken as my man," Claire chuckled, "What about charmer?"

"What about me? I guess I am the same as you. My job is a demanding girlfriend."

"Really? There I thought you would have made some progress with Ada."

"Sorry to disappoint you, but Ada and I have a different kind of relationship."

"Yeah, right. That's what you call it."

Claire chuckled in amusement at Leon's look. She knew those two had something between them. That was the main reason why Claire had given up the idea of getting together with Leon in the first place. Even if she had a crush on him back then, Leon's thoughts were always about Ada, and she could not compete against that.

"Oh, Leon..." Claire said, looking ahead.

Leon looked as well and gave her a silent nod. The two jumped into some bushes and stayed low as a group of infected locals walked past them. To their relief, none of the infected noticed them, and so far, there had been no signs from the mutant creatures that Claire had met the night before.

"I think the wisest move now is to avoid conflict unless it is necessary," Leon said.

"I am with you with that. You'll want to save your bullets for the big ones," Claire nodded, looking at him.

"Big ones?" Leon asked with a frown.

"Yeah, nasty things. They took me by surprise yesterday, and I blew up the town in panic. The explosion was a little bigger than I thought, but well, I was desperate, and I wasn't thinking clearly."

"I didn't meet any last night," Leon said, "but I trust your word, any idea of what it is?"

"Nope. I've never seen anything like it. I dare say it might be a new strain. I guess we get the privilege to test them."

"What an honor," Leon said sarcastically. "Alright, so plan. We need to figure out the terrain, so I think we should try to find a good vantage point to look at what we are facing. There's a rocky cliff in that direction, do you see it?"

"Yup, I do."

"I hope you are in the mood for hiking."

"Leon, if you know me the way you say you do, you'll know I'll never be in the mood for hiking."

Leon smirked.

"But I'll do what I've got to do."

"That's the spirit," he said, "Don't worry. I can carry you if you get tired."

"Excuse you. I might dislike hikes, but I don't need anyone to carry me."

"Of course. It's nice to see that good old Claire is still there."

"The old Claire has always been here," she said, winking at him. "Just improved..."

And broken, too.

Claire followed Leon as he led her through the forest. She was not usually the kind to follow the lead quietly, but she did not feel the energy to act on her own now. There was some comfort in Leon's company that gave her a sense of reassurance. It was a similar feeling to what she felt when Chris was nearby.

The thought was naive and perhaps a little silly, but something about having them close always made Claire feel like nothing could ever harm her. Realistically speaking, it was nonsense, but psychologically, it was something different.

"Strange..."

Leon's whisper pulled Claire out of her thoughts. The woman looked at the agent, who was standing protectively by her side.

"I expected more hostiles, but we've barely encountered some Plagas infected. Don't you find it odd?"

Claire pondered the question. He had a point. Things were unusually calm compared to the hell she had faced the night before. It was almost as if daylight had brought them some peace.

"Well, it is a very different scenario from last night," Claire agreed, "Perhaps they are more active at night."

It was a wild guess, but it was the only excuse she could come up with to explain it.

"That's not a common trait when it comes to Plagas, but you might be right," Leon reasoned, "Well, then maybe we should restrict our moves to daytime. It might slow us down, but between speed and safety, I vouch for the latter. Especially if there's limited ammo in the equation."

Claire nodded. Moving in the daylight had its other benefits too. They had better visibility so they could avoid hostiles with more ease, and if the lack of the nasty monsters was a hint, then maybe they were indeed safer during the day.

"Yeah, that might be the best," she sighed.

"Don't worry. We'll make it out of this one."

"Yeah, I know," she nodded, "Leon..."

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

That caught Leon by surprise. The blonde turned to look at her quizzically, and she smiled at him weakly.

"What for?"

"Eh, well. I don't know. For being here now, I mean," Claire said shyly, "I suppose it was hard to reach me, and you didn't have to, yet...you are here."

Leon looked at her and smiled, shaking her head.

"Don't be silly," he said, "You don't need to thank me for that. If it hadn't been me, it would have been your brother, but neither of us would let them take you away so easily."

Claire smiled. He was right. Chris would never stand doing nothing while she was getting kidnapped.

"Yeah, you might be right."

Leon put his hand on her shoulder, and she found the touch comforting.

"I wanted to ask you," he said as they began to walk again, "Do you have any idea of what they would want to kidnap you?"

That was a good question. Claire wasn't sure herself.

"Your guess is as good as mine," she sighed. "I receive a lot of hate mail, so maybe it is someone who holds a grudge against me. I don't know. It could be someone targeting Chris, too. Both of us have rubbed some people the wrong way for a while."

Leon didn't reply. He walked lost in his thoughts, and for a moment, Claire wondered about what he was thinking.

That's none of your business, Claire.

Claire shook her head and kept on walking behind him, pushing the thoughts away.

NOTE: if you guys want to come and chat about the fic, or just about CLEON in general. Feel free to drop by the discord and say hi! http://discord.gg/wr48UmENbx

#Cleon #claire redfield #claire x leon #leon x claire #leon s kennedy #fanfic #my fanfiction #my fanfic writing #Resident Evil

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godidfk · 4 years

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I Don’t Need A Hero (Part Two)

Summary: You don’t like heroes. They were a sham. But when your quirk disappears you are shocked to find you need them more than you thought. One in particular more than others.

Pairing: Eijirou Kirishima x Reader

Warnings: Angst but like? Not really?

Word Count: ~ 3.3K

A/N: okay listen im sorry this took seven years to come out lol. Life is life. I know there’s some confusion on what the readers quirk is but like I promise there will be a more in depth explanation soon. My asks are always open if you have questions!! I hope y’all like this.

I’m gonna tag everyone who asked for part two on the last post! Just in case y’all forgot <3 (if that’s not okay lemme know I’ll untag you)

@lady-bakuhoe @shania-chua @raekah @onegaisobaniite @red-riot-girl642

Part One

“So what happened with Chargebolt?” Once you were both back to your car, you finally felt comfortable enough to ask Molly about what had happened at the meet and greet.

“Oh y/n! Oh, it was absolutely amazing! I kept peeking around the girl in front of me when I got up close, and he totally caught me looking. I was so embarrassed, he just kind of stared at me and I felt like I was on fire. He smiled at me and then he winked and I felt like I would pass out on the spot.” Glancing over, you saw Molly was absolutely glowing. Her hands were flying everywhere to emphasize how excited she was. You chuckled looking at her. “That’s not even the best part though y/n! When I finally got my turn to go up to him, he asked my name and told me I was really cute and asked if I’d stay after so I could talk to him more!” Your jaw dropped as Molly went on. You knew your best friend was drop-dead gorgeous, and the best person in the world. But who would’ve ever guessed her all-time favorite pro would be immediately taken with her?

“Molly! That’s amazing! But... it didn’t take you long to come out and find me after..” realizing what your friend must’ve done you felt a wave of shame and guilt wash over you. “Molly please tell me you waited for him. Please don’t say you left to come find me instead.” The guilty look she threw you made your stomach sink.

“It’s not like that y/n. I did wait. I figured since I sent Red Riot after you that you’d be alright waiting a little longer. I knew you’d kill me if I didn’t wait for him. So I did! But I definitely left quicker than he would’ve liked… BUT guess what!” Before you could get a word out she interrupted you. “Kaminari and I are getting together tomorrow after his patrol! As long as you’re alright that is.” She looked over at you and you could briefly see that worry back there.

“Kaminari huh? Looks like you two got close real fast. I told you he’d love you! And Molly… I’ll be okay. It’s just going to take some time right?” That’s what you were hoping. That your quirk would be back in the morning. Or that you’d figure out what had happened.

“Y/n, you never told me exactly what happened back there. Why can’t you hear anything anymore?”

“It was weird Mol. You know how I hate being deep in the city like that. Around so many people. Their thoughts were so loud. It was starting to become too much. I pushed through though. For a bit. I was determined to be with you when you met him. Although it turns out you didn’t really need my help did you?” Throwing a quick glance over your shoulder you saw her blush. “Anyway, when we got into that line and Chargebolt came out it got so loud. I was about to excuse myself for a moment when… I don’t know. Everything was too much and then I saw him looking at me and all of a sudden… nothing. I totally freaked Mol. The silence was so loud. I felt like I was drowning in it. So I went outside. And then that stupid hero tried to come to my rescue. Who does he think he is anyway? He doesn’t know me. What could he possibly do to help?”

“Wait back up, are you telling me when you looked at Red Riot it all went silent?” Molly was staring at you with her eyebrow quirked.

“Yes. That is exactly what I’m telling you. What’s your point?”

“Well, that seems… sort of like something you would read in a romance novel doesn’t it? Young pretty girl looks at hot young man and all the voices in her head go silent? Sounds kind of dreamy to me.” Glancing over at her, you noticed she was wiggling her eyebrows at you.

“Molly this is serious! My quirk is straight-up gone and all you can think about is some dumb fantasy? Even if it was some weird ‘hey this guy is your soulmate’ kind of thing you know me better than that. Never a hero. Never. But that’s beside the point! Molly, it’s gone and I can’t hear what anybody is thinking now. As nice as it is to get some peace for once in my life my spatial awareness is so fucked up. Normally I can tell when people are close to me without seeing them. Some asshole back there slammed into me and knocked me down and I didn’t even know he was there until I was on the ground. I have no idea what’s wrong with me and I’m scared, Molly.” She had gone silent beside you. The drive back to your house felt like it was taking years instead of an hour.

“I’m sorry y/n. You’re right. I should be taking this seriously. We’ll figure this out. Do you want to go see a doctor? Maybe they’ll be able to find something wrong?”

“Molly if I went to a doctor I’d be a guinea pig. Have you ever heard of someone’s quirk disappearing? Because I haven’t. I’ll figure this out. I’ll be okay. I couldn’t control my quirk very well anyway, right? Who needs it.” But the truth was you were terrified. You felt wrong. Empty. The quiet was so loud.

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It had been a week since then. As much as you were hoping your quirk would be there when you woke up. It wasn’t. Everything was still quiet. If you were being honest though, after the first few days of being absolutely terrified and feeling helpless and empty, you were starting to enjoy the quiet. It was nice to hear the birds all of the time instead of only when you were 100% alone. Getting used to having to pay attention to your surroundings had been a challenge. And your job performance was taking a severe hit. Having to wait for people to actually tell you their order before you could start making it made things take a bit longer than you’d like. You were about to start getting ready for work when your phone rang. Walking over to pick it up from the counter you saw Molly’s contact picture and answered.

“Y/n! Are you busy right now?”

“Actually yeah. I was just about to get ready for my shift at the cafe, why?”

“Oh dangit. Kaminari is coming over today and I was hoping you would come meet him.” Molly had been talking to the pro hero every day since meeting him. She practically saw him every day too. You knew it was only a matter of time before she wanted to introduce you two. You were thankful to have work as an excuse to put it off. As much as you loved her, you weren’t ready to try and befriend a pro hero.

“I’m sorry Mol. We’ll meet eventually I’m sure. I have to go get ready now but have fun! Don’t get zapped.” You heard her start laughing as you hung up.

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A few hours into your shift things started to slow down. You relished the time when the cafe was empty. It gave you a chance to catch up but also admire the view outside. The little cafe you worked at was on the outskirts of the city. Right across from a nature park that was empty more often than not. You loved to look out at the trees and flowers when you got the chance. It’s where you spent your lunch breaks too. Which you decided to do right now. Telling your coworker to man the front, you grabbed your lunch and crossed the street. Laying under your favorite tree you decided to try and figure out what had made your quirk disappear. This had become a daily thing. Taking about 30 minutes to try and piece it together and then pretending it didn’t exist the rest of the time. It had become the best way for you to manage it. Unfortunately, you weren’t any closer to an answer as you were when it happened. You were running out of theories.

Thirty minutes passed by and you slammed shut your notebook and headed back to the cafe frustrated. You didn’t particularly notice the customers who were in the shop as you went into the back and put your things away.

“Hey! I’m back from lunch if you want to go take your break!” Your coworker was smiling at you just a little too widely for your liking and you cursed your quirk for disappearing. “Why are you looking at me like that? Is there something on my face?”

“No there’s nothing on your face. You didn’t tell me you knew Red Riot!” You felt heat rush to your cheeks. How did your coworker even know you had met Red Riot?

“What are you even talking about? I met him last week and promptly told him to leave me alone. I don’t really consider that knowing someone. How did you even know about that?”

“Well if that’s the case, it looks like someone doesn’t know how to listen. I’m gonna go on my break but I expect all the details when I get back!” She wiggled her eyebrows at you as she pushed past you into the back room. Why did what she said make your stomach do a flip? Peeking around the corner into the shop you caught a glimpse of someone sitting right at the counter. He was drinking coffee and looking at his phone, occasionally looking around. His red hair was spiked up the same way it had been when you had met. But he wasn’t wearing his hero costume. Just a normal t-shirt. He looked surprisingly more human this way. Why the hell was her here though? No pros came to this shop. Favoring the fancier shops in the city. You weren’t complaining about that though. You preferred the quiet nature of this place. Taking a deep breath you walked out to the counter. He looked up as you walked out and his face lit up. His smile was bright. It reminded you of the sun. Shaking your head you tried to rid your mind of any thoughts about him other than what he was doing here.

“So what, pro heroes are stalkers now?” You cringed internally at how rash that had sounded. He may be a hero but he didn’t deserve immediate cruelty. His smile dropped off his face for a moment before turning into a smaller smirk.

“Denki told me the coffee here was really good, and that you made it the best. So here I am.” His smile grew a little wider as he spoke. You noticed his teeth were pointed and looked razor-sharp. Like a shark.

“Well, that’s amusing considering I’ve never met him and he most certainly hasn’t been here while I was working.” He furrowed his eyebrows at that. Before he could think too much on it you had a realization and interrupted him.

“How did he tell you? Was it in person?” He looked up at you, clearly confused.

“No, he texted me an hour ago, why?”

“Molly… that asshole. She’s been with him all day. I’d be willing to bet it was her not him. She isn’t particularly happy with me for the way I treated you last week.” You looked at him apologetically.

“Well, that’s okay. You were obviously going through something. Even if it wasn’t Denki, the coffee here is definitely worth it. Why isn’t this place more popular?” You chuckled at that.

“You think that coffee is good? Molly wasn’t lying. We do it pretty well here, but I make it best. What’s your order, I’ll make you another.” He smiled at you and told you his order. You quickly went about making it. Catching him smiling as he watched you from the other side of the counter. You were going to kill Molly later. But for the moment you completely forgot he was a hero. Just enjoying that bright smile. You placed his coffee in front of him and watched as he tipped it back. He closed his eyes for a moment before he spoke.

“That is on a whole different level than the one the other girl gave me. How did you do that?” He was staring at you with wide eyes. You laughed at the face he was making.

“I guess I’m just that good. I’ve been doing this for a while, you tend to pick up on little things after time.” You smiled as he took another, longer drink. He looked happy. He looked up at you and caught you smiling.

“That looks good on you you know. You have a really nice smile. I’m glad I finally got to see it.” Heat rushed to your cheeks as he looked to you. Thankfully at that moment a customer came in and walked up to the counter. You cleared your throat and internally begged your face to cool down.

“Hi! What can I get for you?” You recognized the customer, but you didn’t remember his name.

“You have to ask? Thought you had everyone’s orders memorized by now. You usually start on it right as I walk in. Are you alright?” You felt guilty for having to lie to him. He wasn’t the first customer to ask though. So you automatically launched into the story you had made up to tell them all.

“I’m sorry! I was in an accident last week and I’ve been having some memory issues ever since. I’m sure I’ll get back into it quickly! Just have to relearn everyone’s order.” You saw Red Riot look up at you and furrow his brow when you said that. You silently prayed he wouldn’t ask you about it.

“I’m sorry! I’m sure you’ll get back into it in a jiffy. You’re everyone’s favorite barista for a reason!” Your heart warmed a little at the praise. You gave a small smile to the customer.

“So what can I get for you? And this is super embarrassing after all of that praise, but I’m afraid the memory loss may have also caused me to forget your name.” The customer quirked an eyebrow at that. You had never really had to remember anything about your customers. Whenever they came in they were always thinking about their orders, so you heard them fresh every day. You had always heard their names before they said them too. Why would you take the time to remember it when the information was always immediately available to you? You missed this aspect of your quirk. Not being able to hear what everyone was thinking all of the time had its downfalls.

“The name is Everett. I’ll have a double espresso please.” You immediately started making his drink as quickly as possible, hoping to make up for your lack of quirk. Behind you, you heard a very audible gasp.

“Are you Red Riot? The pro hero?” Hearing the redhead chuckle you felt your heart drop. You had let yourself forget for a moment that he was a hero. All of the nice things he had said to you began to feel like a dagger in your chest. You would never allow yourself to befriend a hero. Finishing Everetts drink you turned and went to hand it to him and saw he was now deep in conversation with the pro. You weren’t listening to the conversation. You didn’t care to hear about the nonsense heroes and their fans talk about.

“Here you go Everett. Hope it makes up for all of my issues.” You smiled at him and went to turn around to clean the counter when you heard him say your name.

“Doesn’t y/n make the best coffee? I’m not surprised that a pro finally made their way to this place. It’s amazing it has stayed as quiet as it has this long.” Red Riot smiled and looked up at you.

“The coffee is absolutely amazing. It’s like a dream. I have a feeling I’ll be here pretty often.” Your heart sank even further and you frowned. Turning to clean up your station, determined not to turn back around unless you absolutely had to. You heard the bell at the door and glanced over to see Everett leaving.

“What happened to you last week?” You closed your eyes and sighed.

“That’s none of your business Red Riot.” You said it harshly. More harshly than you meant to. But you were hurt. Why would the world bless a hero with a smile as bright as that?

“Please call me Kirishima. Everyone else calls me by my hero name. It’d be nice if you didn’t. And look I know last week is obviously a sensitive subject, but if it was bad enough that you’re having memory issues you should’ve let me help you. What if I could’ve prevented it?” Your entire body immediately felt like it had been lit on fire as the anger flooded your veins. You turned and gave him a look that could kill. A look filled with cold, seething rage.

“I do not need some hero to help me. My life is none of your business. Leave.” He looked taken aback by your words.

“Why do you say it like that? Like it’s a bad thing? It’s okay to need help y/n. Everyone does.” You hated the way that your heart melted when he said your name. But much bigger than that you hated that he was a hero. You hated every word he said. You felt your body getting hotter when you heard the bell ring and heard Molly’s laughter coming in. She looked at you and it immediately halted. She ran behind the counter and looked from you to Red Riot. She pushed her way in front of you and grabbed your face.

“Y/n. Y/n go home. Now. I’ve got the counter. Go.” Looking at her, she seemed to be the only real thing for a moment. Her words sank into your mind and you turned and left the shop without a word.

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Molly sighed as she watched you walk out. Thanking God she had convinced Denki to come to the shop. He was standing by the door still looking incredibly confused. Kirishima was staring out the door too.

“I should have known better than to tell you to come here Kirishima. I’m sorry.” Molly put her head in her hands. Denki walked up to the counter quickly.

“You alright babe? What the hell just happened? She looked ready to kill someone. What did you say to piss her off Kiri?” Denki was looking from Molly to Kirishima.

“I didn’t really say anything. She told a customer she was in an accident last week and that she was having memory problems. When he left I asked why she wouldn’t let me help her last week. And she just. She got so mad.” Kirishima looked back at the door. Molly sighed again.

“Listen. It’s not my story to tell. Short and simple of it, y/n doesn’t like heroes. She hates the whole premise of you guys. Something major happened at the event. Don’t ask me about it. It’s really not up to me to tell you. I’ve only seen her with that look one time before though… I’m just glad I got here when I did.” Molly had flashbacks to that night. Seeing your face then, seeing it now. It was too close. Way too close. Denki cleared his throat.

“Do you even know how to make coffee?” Molly looked up at him confused. Realization set in and she laughed.

“Denki I started here at the same time y/n did. We bought this place together. Even if it is just hers now. I’ve got the counter handled.” Both men looked up at you.

“Wait you guys own this shop?” Kirishima looked around the place again as she continued to laugh.

“It was always y/n’s dream to own her own cafe. Let’s just say dear old dad would do anything to keep me quiet about certain things. So I got her this place! It’s a long story. But when your dad’s a rich asshole there’s really only one benefit.” Denki raised an eyebrow at her.

“Babe you’re so hot.”

“Oh my god, Denki. Not here.” Molly was laughing again. But she saw the way Kirishima was looking down at his cup. She pitied him. If only he hadn’t been a hero.

#kirishima eijiro x reader #kirishima x reader #kirishima x y/n #kirishima x you #eijirou kirishima #mha #my hero academia #bnha fanficiton #bnha x reader #boku no hero academia #bnha kirishima #mha kirishima #mha x reader #kirishima is best boy #idnah

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dust-broken-berry · 3 years

Text

2nd post for Part 4-

Also keep in mind that my dumb butt still doesn't get the reply to reply thing, so sorry if I don't answer questions.

“Oh ha,ha Nightmare.”

“No pun was intended.”

“Ya ok, anyways...Berry”

“Y-Yes Dust?..”

Blue said, wiping the tears from his eyes. Dust continued-

“I need to know if you saw something...well more someone before I died. Someone that looks like Nightmare when he’s covered in tar.”

“If you did...then it’s gonna help me make a decision..”

Nightmare said, sulking a bit afterwards. Blue thought and said-

“Well it’s hazy. But it’s like I was in my head looking through my eyes as if they were two giant windows. I didn’t know why I was there but it gave me an uneasy feeling.”

“Ok good then what…”

Dust asked now appearing worried, Blue kept talking-

“I heard a voice…”

-Flash back to earlier that day-

“Hello there Blue…”

“Huh? Who’s there!”

Something chuckled a bit then saying-

“Hahaha… No need to be scared Blue, I’m only here to help you.”

“Then show yourself!”

“Oh before that dear Blue...I just want to tell you, that I want to make...a deal with you.”

“Then come out!”

“Be patient, or do you not want to hear what I have to say?”

Blue was hesitant but said-

“...Fine...what kind of deal do you want to make?”

If he wants me to ask then I will if it makes him come out faster.

Blue thought to himself as this guy began to say something-

“I want to make a deal that’ll make it so you would have the power to get revenge on Ink for killing your Dust.”

“What do you mea-”

“Look at him Blue, look at him suffer because of Ink. Don’t you want to get revenge on the one who did Dust oh so wrong, that now he will die?”

“...”

“Come on Blue admit it, you want revenge.”

“I…”

“Blue turn around”

Blue did as he was told and turned around, he was met by a goopy monster that resembled Nightmare, except he had a different blue tint to him.

“Look at me Blue and tell me you want revenge.”

“...I...do… I hate how Ink has made Dust suffer and there is nothing I can do about it.”

“Oh but there can be if you just…”

The monster's hand was then engulfed with a blue magic fire.

“...Make a deal, and shake. my. hand.”

Blue couldn’t even think, he was blinded by his anger and thoughts of revenge so much that he just said-

“...Fine…”

-Flash forward to now-

Blue said-

“I didn’t know what to do...I was just so mad at Ink...and me...that I thought that if I could somehow do something, anything to help you guys…I would.”

“That’s understandable...you were mad that someone killed the monster you love…”

Nightmare said, followed by Blue saying once more-

“I was...and I couldn’t do anything…”

“It’s fine Berry you didn’t know what you were saying yes to.”

Dust said trying to reassure Blue, but it only led Blue to ask-

“How about you tell me what I agreed to…”

“Well...um…”

“Dust he deserves to know”

Nightmare said, making Dust sigh.

“...I guess you’re right… Blue the monster you saw is somebody I met a few years ago… and I wish I hadn’t…”

-Flash back a few years ago-

Dust was hiding in the one of the many towns throughout some AU scouting for Dream when someone said something.

“Hey Dust I need to talk to you.”

Dust turned around and saw a monster, who he thought was Nightmare, so he responded-

“Uh hey boss, what’s it you want to talk about?”

“Hm boss, what a formal way to greet a new friend.”

“Hehe...ya new friend, funny joke boss.”

It smiled and nodded

“Yes a joke…”

“Ya ok…”

Dust said as he continued to scout for Dream. So It continued-

“Anyways Dust, I was just wondering if you wanted to...strike a deal of sorts with you…”

“Well ok, what kinda deal?”

“Let’s just say I want to make a deal that will give you more power than the others, enough power to easily defeat any enemy you may have.”

“Then what would be in it for you? There are always two sides of a deal, especially ones like this.”

“There you would be correct, you see I‘m more testing this new form of power. In the sense that I can give as much as I promise. Because if I can then I’m going to try and give, more, and more, until I just can’t anymore. Do you understand?”

“Ya I guess… How much do you think you can give?”

“If I’m lucky then I can give you a lot more power then you have now. But...I would only be able to gift this kind of power if someone is going through some form of pain.”

“Why would they need to be going through pain?”

“Dust, Dust, Dust….Dust, even one instant of pain could power a lifetime of unimaginable power.”

“...Well uh...ok, just one more thing. Why me? Why not any of the others?”

“Because Dust, I knew I could trust you to handle this kind of power and handle it well. Or am I wrong? Can you not handle the power I want to gift you?”

Dust was still unsure about this, but the thought of having more power, of being stronger, of being trusted, blinded his better judgment.

“No boss, you can trust me?”

“Then let’s make a deal Dust.”

Again blue fire engulfed It’s hand.

“Shake my hand and it will be final.”

As Dust shook It’s hand he felt terrible pain like he had never felt before, and when it was over he fell as It just disappeared.

-Flash forward to now-

Nightmare said-

“Later on we realised that Dust was just stuffed with more magic. It’s sort of like what happened with me, but just worse.”

Blue didn’t really understand what was going on still. Was this really a bad thing? How they said it made it seem like it but...it didn’t sound that bad. He was confused so he asked-

“S-So...that’s what happened with m-me?..”

“That’s what we thought at first. But when you were still sleeping me and Dust talked about what happened with him and when he made the deal with It.”

“Ok...a-and?..”

“When I made that deal with It, he told me that I was a test to see if he could give as much power as he thought he could, and if he could...then he would try to give more to someone-”

“To someone that’s going through some kind of pain…”

“Sadly yes that would be right.”

Nightmare said, followed by Blue-

“C-Can I ask a few questions?..”

“Ya Berry you can, what is it?”

Dust said, trying to sound calm as to not make Blue more nervous.

“So if he gave me magic...and it happened because of pain. Then w-would more pain make it so I get more magic?”

“Yes it would, any amount of pain or suffering will give you magic, cause most of the source is pain.”

It was in the house. Nightmare went into his tar form and put a sharp bone to the mysterious monster's neck. Blue was scared, and Dust couldn’t use magic cause he’s a ghost. It chuckled and said-

“Oh please, if you kill me now another will just take my place.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

Nightmare asked angrily, It said-

“Kill me and you’ll find out.”

Nightmare looked nervous, still not knowing what It meant. It just rolled his eyes and said-

“How about this, put that bone away and I’ll answer a few of your questions.”

Nightmare put the bone down slowly, but was still alert of what It was doing. Dust already had a few questions so he was the first one to ask-

“So what are you, and why did you go after Berry!?”

“Ah so that’s the pet name you gave him-”

Dust was angry and tried to do something but couldn’t. Then three sharp bones with a faint blue tine flu at It. After that Blue was scared again. It grinned then saying-

“Hm interesting...you’re adapting quickly. Hehe I guess you don’t like me calling that a pet name.”

“N-No, frankly I don’t…”

It chuckled quietly, then began to answer Dust’s questions.

“So anyways for what I am. I am many things or how do I put it… ah I know. Let’s say that all I am is a bunch of copies of Nightmare. But the difference is around… Eh Six of me are different, and can be more powerful than the other. All one to about six of my forms can and I think do get more powerful. But for now I think that’s all I’ll say about that.”

“Wait, what do you mean that's-”

“And for why I choose Blue.”

It said, cutting off Nightmare. He continued-

“Well it’s because of two things. One he was and I guess still is...close to Dust, my little guinea pig in this whole thing. Then two, sense Blue was gonna get more power then I had originally given Dust, and along with the super charge you were getting from your pain. I was able to give you even more “magic” because when Dust died Blue was physically close to Dust. So along with the fact that before this you were still close to Dust, I was easily able to to transfer my gift to Dust to Blue. So to put it simply, Blue is now a super charged magic powered freak of a monster, and I picked him because everything was set at the right time and moment for what I wanted to happen. Easy to understand?”

Blue’s eyes went empty, he realised that the only reason that this happened to him was because it was just perfect timing to make him...so freak of a creature. He said quietly-

“You. . .Bastard. . .”

“Hm what was that?”

“I SAID YOU FUCKING BASTARD!”

Blue screamed as magic pooled out of both Blue’s eyes and they were teleported to some empty blackness. They were all confused, except It. Nightmare asked-

“What the fuck is this?”

“Oh yes, there’s one more reason I picked you. But I can’t tell you the full truth now.”

“Why not!?”

Blue screamed at It angrily. It answered-

“If I tell you now it could eh...make you...let’s just say reset.”

“Huh? Reset?”

“Ima just say this, who else do you know that can go to an empty space?”

“What!?”

Blue yelled angrily as It disappeared. Nightmare, Blue, and Dust were then back in the house. Nightmare looked over at Blue confused and asked-

“Blue do you know what that was?”

Nightmare said, as he went back to normal. Blue said-

“No not really…”

Blue just stood there, again looking nervous. Nightmare was going to keep asking about what happened but decided against it. He looked and saw that Dust was still there, so he asked something else.

“Another thing I want to know is why is Dust still here? He shouldn’t be able to stay here this long.”

“Now that you bring it up… It is a bit weird that I’m still here.”

Dust said, a bit confused, followed by Blue saying-

“Well I’m happy you’re still here.”

“Me to Berry”

Nightmare thought and had an idea about how Dust was still there-

“Dust...try walking away from Blue.”

“What, why?”

“Just do it”

“Ok?”

Dust said, still a bit confused as he began to walk away from Blue, as he did he began to fade away.

“Oh shit!”

Dust yelled, as he went back over near Blue. Nightmare said-

“It looks like you can stay because of Blue’s magic.”

“What does that mean?”

Blue asked, excitedly

“It means that without doing anything you can keep him here.”

“Wait really?”

Dust asked, happily surprised

“Yes...it appears that uh...Blue’s magic ora can keep you here without draining him of any of his energy.”

“Thank god I really don’t want you to go yet… I almost lost you.”

“Ya I know, but it’s ok now.”

Dust said, reassuring Blue. Nightmare realised that he should probably leave so he said-

“Ok, I should probably get going.”

“Huh why?”

Blue asked followed by Nightmare saying-

“You guys probably want some personal time.”

“O-Oh well uh ya, th-thanks then.”

“Ya thanks Nightmare”

“Your welcome, and Blue I’m gonna need to see you tomorrow for training.”

Blue was a bit confused so he asked-

“Training? But I already know how to use my magic, I don’t need training.”

“I know that Blue, and I’m not training you to be a leader…”

Nightmare said, almost with some shame in his voice as he did. Blue was very, very, very, confused to say the least, saying-

“Wait what!? Why would you have me, do that? Why not you just become leader again, I don’t get it!”

“Blue...throughout the past year, maybe a bit more of Dust being leader instead of me… You and probably others have realised their slow yet still noticeable loss of respect towards me. They now realise that I am powerful...but not the strongest...your whole display earlier made that even more clear and worse…”

“Oh sorry…”

“You shouldn’t be sorry, you won’t get to be sorry… You want to know why?.. I realised this a very, very long time ago about the monsters I found. They respect smarts, cunningness, manipulation...but they worship power, and if setting aside my pride has to be the thing I must do to make them once more fight with life and death on the line then so be it.”

“But Nightmare do you really think I can...with them? I mean I’ve barely even been away from Ink and-”

“That’s part of the reason why they will respect you.”

“Huh?”

“You left some on with power, with strength when you were weak...trust me that takes a lot of courage that they will soon respect.”

Blue was still unsure, nervous, and confused like he was most of today. Nightmare sighed and said-

“I wouldn’t be making this offer and fighting for it if I thought it was a bad idea. But in the end it is your choice.”

“...If...I do this...you’re gonna help me?..”

“Like I did with Dust”

“Fine...but I really think there is more to this-”

“Oh there is, you're just gonna have to get to know your team better to find that out.”

“Ok…”

Nightmare was just about to leave when he said one more thing.

“Oh and I would take a look at that gash on your head.”

“Wait the wh-”

Nightmare left before the chaos began. Dust looked down at Blue said-

“Ok, now that he’s gone lets go to the-”

“Is there a gash on my face?”

“Ya a little one, don’t worry about it, instead~ How about we-”

“Hold on there, I still want to go see what tiny gash he was talking about...ok?”

“Uh ya sure, then upstairs~”

Blue blushed, rolling his eyes as he went into the bathroom. Then a few seconds later-

“GAH DUST!”

“WHAT IS IT, IS IT BACK!”

“NO BUT WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME ABOUT THE GIANT GASH ON MY HEAD!”

“Ok! I don’t know but we should stop screaming before we wake up BluePrint!.. Again!”

Blue took a few deep breaths and relaxed a bit.

“Ok, but why didn’t you tell me about it?”

“Look I’m sorry but it’s just a few scratches.”

“Two giant scratches that went through my skull…”

Blue obviously didn’t like that Dust didn’t say anything. But he also hated how the scratches looked. Dust smiled and gave Blue a pec on the head saying-

“It’s fine Blue they don’t look bad, you're still my perfect, cute Berry.”

Blue blushed

“Geez Dust stop it.”

“Well it’s true”

Blue was still a bit upset but sighed and smiled.

“How did I get so lucky, that my amazing boyfriend won’t stop calling me cute even though he’s a ghost.”

“I don’t know but I got lucky enough for you to still want your ghost boyfriend.”

They both laugh a bit, then Blue grinned and said-

“Well part of the reason may be that he can still touch me...and I can touch him~”

Dust blushed, and said-

“That’s it, ghost or no ghost or whatever! You’re coming with me!”

Dust quickly picked Blue up and started going up the stairs with him.

“Era, Dust!?”

“What? Come on just be happy.”

“I am but why are you carrying me!”

“So you would do this.”

Blue blushed even more but laughed, making Dust laugh a bit too, as they went upstairs. With Blue being flustered and a bit upset. (But not really)

#undertale #fanfic #dustberry #sanscest

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gophergal · 4 years

Note

🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻!!! You don't have to answer 5 if you don't want to. Also, my guinea pigs says hi. :3

YOU UNDERESTIMATE MY ABILITY TO RAMBLE BRO

1. I feel really bad for not having written for a few months, but I also know that writing when I don't feel inspired to is like pulling teeth. I just really want to get a few ideas on the page and out of my head. Specifically, I have a long form Normal Michael AU in mind that I love dearly, but can't bring myself to start. I guess I just don't want to quit anymore fic projects. Like, I had one from when I was in the Hetalia Fandom that was a fallout 3 au and I've gone back and read it. It's actually not that bad, I'm just sad I'll never finish it. I want to, but I'm really not the same person who started it, so I don't think I could do anything with it.

2. Speaking of writing, I have so many projects in mind, but here's another one I can't bring myself to write and abandon! So, I've spoken before about a gay little surreal fantasy story I wrote in freshman year. Well, I've really wanted to rewrite it!! But!! It's so much effort!!!! I can tell you a little about it:

so, a boy (I imagined him to be like 17 or something) has become the man of the house due to his father passing of an illness during the previous autumn. It is late winter and his mother and sisters desperately need him to bring home game to eat. All hope is nearly lost- then he finds a glorious, shining white stag in the woods. The majestic creature does not move, nor even react as it stares at the boy, his bow pointed at it. Ultimately, he decides it would be a great loss for the world should he kill it, and spares it. The rest of the hunt is smooth and full of luck, and he takes home enough for his family to last well into spring. A few years after that desperate winter, a newcomer moves to the village: a smith with pure, silvery hair.

3. I know that all I've posted here for y'all to read has just been VERY straight forward smut with feelings, but I love surreal stories. Horror, fantasy, drama? I don't care, I love surrealism. There's just something both comfortable and unnerving about it. I guess it's just because it reminds me of my own dreams, which are truly a mixed bag of scary and sad. A while back, as in a year or so, I had a dream that my mom faked her death and came home. I cried really hard when I woke up and just had a piss poor day after. A few months ago I had a very disturbing and graphic dream about twin Nicholas Cage farmers brutalising eachother. That one actually shook me to my core upon waking. I was scared and confused at first, but it faded within my first hour of consciousness. Then there are just the really weird Lewd Dreams which, idk man, I completely disagree with the guys who say that we dream only of things we wish to have.

4. I've noticed that a big part of why I haven't really done any big projects lately is because I get worried that if I don't post actual art very often, the three to five people that actually follow me because they like what I do will forget all about me. Being forgotten, even online, is a huge fear of mine. Like, that's what I fear about death and aging, not the pain of the nothingness, the being forgotten after. That's one of the reasons that the amnesia tropes make me so sad! Like, example being botw, cause I'm a bit obsessed again. Link doesn't remember anything at first, and then it's implied that his memory is patchy afterward. Is he the same person? Zelda is heavily implied to be in love with him, but imagine being in that situation. The person you once loved no longer remembers you. They're far different now and don't have the same qualities you cherished... Would you still love them, or just the ghost that exists in your mind every time you look at them?

5. OK SORRY THAT'S BEEN REALLY SAD. UHHHH, HAPPY THOUGHT NOW-

I love that I've been basically adopted as a mom/big sister friend to some of my friends. I have a friend IRL who goes to my school that's still 14 so she calls me Art Mom. It's so funny to me, I'm one of the least motherly/nurturing people I know! I guess it's also fun that I've been adopted as daughter/little sister friend too. They're both a bit funny since they're so different. That's the neat thing about human interaction I suppose! No matter what, your relationship to two different people will never be the same! My dynamic with my bff irl is very different to my bff online. For example, IRL bff and I are so close that people have genuinely confused for sisters or girlfriends depending on the situation. When we have sleepovers, we cuddle every time. It's great. She's been there for me for years and I'm so grateful for her every day. Online BFF and I have our entire dynamic based on respecting boundaries. We both are checking in with the other frequently to be sure that we're both comfortable. That's very different from many other friendships I've had. Like, believe it or not, I'm very reserved and quiet irl! Usually, the first boundary that gets stepped over is my Bad Social days where speaking is really difficult for me. Online BFF just needs to see me say "hey sorry, it's a bad social day and I'm having trouble talking" and they get it. They're so patient with me, even when I don't feel deserving and - UGH I HAVE GREAT FRIENDS GODDAMN IT WHY ARE Y'ALL SO NICE?????

#gooher rambles #TELL YOUR GUINEA PIGS I SAID HI BACK #I ALWAYS WANTED A GUINEA PIG AS A KID BRO #BUT WE COULDN'T HAVE ANY CAUSE OF MY CATS

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surveys-at-your-service · 7 years

Text

Survey #47

“and our scars remind us that the past is real.”

which dinosaur is your favorite? spinosaurous! have you ever been fishing? i live in north carolina. guess, lol. have you ever broken the law? if yes, what did you do? yeah, like illegal downloading and drinking underage. what is your favorite candy to receive in your trick-or-treat bag? reese's! would you ever play with a ouija board? no. idk if i believe in ouija boards, but i do enough to not fuck with them. what is your favorite foreign cuisine? italian, i guess. have you ever wondered if deep down you’re evil? i have. considering there's one person whom i'd kill if i didn't have the guilt factor, i've wondered it. i know without a doubt i'd beat the shit out of her if i saw her, and that should say enough about me. ugh. i just lose all self-control when i merely THINK about her. who do you still need closure from? jason how did you find out what sex was? how did you think it worked before? i actually learned in the 5th grade from sex ed. before that, i had no theories, i didn't know it was a thing. when did you last see an attractive member of your preferred sex? did you speak to them? do you think you’ll see them again? i saw this SUPER cute guy on christianmingle, but i didn't talk to him (you can't talk to people on there 'less you have a subscription, which i don't have yet). who knows if i ever will. what exactly did you eat for your last meal? have you any idea what you’ll be eating your next meal? i had honey nut cheerios. my next meal will be at 12:00, but because we have no bread, i'll probably just like have a cookie. we barely have anything right now. have you ever tasted baby food? how about pet food? no. pet food, i did have a guinea pig treat once lol. if you found out that your ex was having a child with someone else, how would you feel about that? fucking NO find 5 people on your facebook friends list, whose name begins with k. who are these people, and how did you meet them? kelly: met in art class in high school. she is now a mother to a daughter named jasey. katherine: we met via youtube, i think? she just lost her dad. :( katelynn: jacob's ex. very sweet lady. kathleen: high school friend. she moved away after school. kenesa: my hair stylist. if you wear glasses, are they dirty right now? eh, kinda. are you good at wrapping presents? nope. do you put your hair up when you cook? i don't really cook, but i never have in the cases where i have. do you prefer mountain dew or sprite? mountain dew. i don't like sprite. funny how it was my fave soda as a kid. what is your favorite unisex name? hm, not sure. have you ever deleted anyone from your facebook friends list? if so, why? yes, either because we don't talk, i have no interest in keeping up with you anymore, or you've done something to piss me off. time for a random question about the person you love/like. what’s his/her favorite food? probably pizza, but i'm not sure, actually. do you regret any of your past relationships? no. what is your best friend’s middle name? colleen. she goes by her middle name. have you ever liked someone that your friends didn’t like, or considered to be unattractive? if your friends have an opinion on someone you like, or are in a relationship with, do you take that into account? juan didn't like jason because jason once dated rachel, whom juan liked. i'm pretty sure one of my friends called jason weird-looking before, too?? and no, i don't care what my friends think of those i like much, honestly. it's my business, no theirs. do you plan on having children in the future? i think so, yeah. at the same time though, i'm VERY scared of having another life to watch after besides my own. i can barely take care of myself, for heaven's sake. i don't want a child if i can't appropriately take care of them. do you believe that the world will actually end? it's biblical, yes. if you could choose to be any mythical character, which would you choose? dragon!! what is your favorite animal and why? meerkats!! they're the second-most social animal in the world and would give their lives for their families. do you find yourself on youtube a lot? i always have it open. are you satisfied with your gender? yep. do you know any strippers? not to my knowledge. would it intimidate you if your crush was smarter than you? maybe a slight bit, maybe. who’s the biggest whore you know? rachel what do you want to get for your first tattoo? if you already have tattoos, what was your first one? my first tattoo was a butterfly with a semi-colon body. it represents the butterfly and semicolon projects. ever had a feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right? yep. i "knew" jason was going to break up with me like less than a week before he did. when was the last time you cried? last night. when was the last time you walked more than five miles? how come you did it? holy shit dude, i couldn't tell ya. what was the last flavor of ice-cream you had? french vanilla have you ever gone to any ridiculous extremes to lose (or gain) weight? i haven't, but i'm like five seconds from starving myself to lose weight. have you ever witnessed a birth? only by animals. do you think age matters in relationships? yes. as a general rule, an adult should not be with a minor. i personally draw the line for adults around a 10-year age difference. you should just... be in similar stages of your life, y'know? do you ever actually drink milk alone? yeah, milk is my go-to drink. have you ever been in your kitchen naked? no. the kitchen is at the other end of the house, and i'm very uncomfortable naked. do you like the smell of coconuts? eh... i'm neutral. can you play pool? yeah. we used to have one of those leveled gaming things where you could change the top of the thing to create a different game, ex. air hockey to pool. do you think that christians (and other religions) can believe in evolution? i mean... i guess?? but as a christian, it wouldn't make much sense. do you wear socks to sleep? hell no, that's just uncomfortable. have you ever kissed just a friend? no, and i wouldn't do that, because i wouldn't lead someone on like that?? would you rather own a snake or a rabbit? snake ugh i want one so badly!!!! what does your town's name begin with? n are you a seafood fan? not generally do you like pickles? hell yeah! do you have a class ring? no... i wanted one, tho. we just didn't have the money. do you prefer gold or silver jewelry? gold. i can't wear silver, i'm allergic. have you ever shaved your arms? nope. what about your stomach? i shave the dark hairs were you a nancy drew reader when you were younger? nah. would you marry someone if they were unable to have sex? of course i would. sex is just such a minute part of relationships. what's the last piercing you got? hmmm. i think my anti-tragus. have you seen your best friends naked? just about. she is totally not self-conscious about doing whatever in public; i mean consider it. the woman's had surgery on her breast, had a surgery for endometriosis, she's married, her sister like barges in on her when she takes a shower. i WISH i was like that. there was one time she needed me to zipper clothes for her, so we were in the dressing room together. i have so much respect for her. what's the last wedding you've been to? i was the fat bridesmaid for ashley and nick. do you wear colored contacts? i wish. one word to describe the last person you kissed? perfect. are you counting down for anything? my birthday!! does your hair have layers? yeah. ugh they gotta be trimmed. does anyone call you babe or baby? on the VERY rare occasion juan and i talk, he calls me that sometimes. do you have or want your bellybutton pierced? i WANT it pierced, but only after i lose weight. i don't think plus-sized people look good with it pierced, honestly. how skilled are you at photoshop? not at all.  how well can you handle vulgar things (i.e. gore, disturbing images, etc)?  general gore, no problem. that's an aesthetic of mine. disturbing images, like, say, a bone jutting out of someone's arm, fuck that. what part of your body would you like to change? number one thing? i want my stomach to be smaller. has anyone ever tried to ruin your relationship? yeah, rachel. too bad i ruined it myself, bitch. fess up, who was the last person you thought about kissing? ugh. jason. ever sang to the person you liked? no. after three and half years, i was too shy to sing in front of him, except for ONCE at church. are there some songs you can't listen to because they remind you of someone? yes. "stairway to heaven," "all or nothing," "easy to love you," and i'm on the verge with "have faith in me." i have a hard time listening to ANY bvb or motionless in white, but i do anyway. do you believe that there's good in everybody? nope. do you still speak to any of your classmates from elementary school? ummm i don't think so. what if you/the last person you were seeing found out you/they were pregnant tomorrow? i'd be impossible because it's been over a year since i've seen him? if you knew you couldn't get caught, would you rob a bank? no. couldn't live with the guilt. if you could discover one medical cure, what would it be for? alzheimer's have you ever dated someone in the military? no, and i honestly don't think i would unless i just so happened to really like him. i could NOT live happily and contentedly knowing my boyfriend/spouse was always on the verge of being killed. what are you listening to? "scars" by papa roach. lol i'm having an emo streak. do you like to go out in the rain? NO. i hate being wet. do you think you'll ACTUALLY live a happy life with somebody? lmao no. this is why i cried last night. how many people have the ability to hurt you emotionally? literally everybody. have you ever kissed someone who smokes? nope, and i never will. do you have any brothers? a half-brother. who did you go to the movies with last? colleen and chelsea (: would you kill someone you hate for a billion dollars? no, because i don't fancy prison. have you changed this year? i'm more of a calloused bitch. have you ever been in a real moshpit? nope. i know it's a big part of metal culture, but i don't think i ever will. i just... i'd get so scared being pushed and stuff. taco bell or olive garden? og. no competition. has your best friend ever seen you naked? no. way too shy to let that happen. how old do you think you will be when you finally have kids? late 20s have you ever snuggled with someone you weren't dating? no. would you prefer a baby boy or girl? a beautiful little girl named alessandra quinn. are looks in a boy/girl important? you know what, i don't entirely know anymore. so if you read my last survey, you know i joined christian mingle a few days back. well, thinking about it, i didn't really look into people's pages that weren't at least what i call "neutrally attractive," which is like, not really attractive, but not unattractive. maybe i was wrong to say all these years that they don't matter. but then again, if i befriended an unattractive guy irl and developed feelings for him, i wouldn't deny them, so i wouldn't say they're very important. you go home with a hickey, what does your mother say? i'm 20, she can't really say much, but i'm sure she'd be a bit concerned. i'm not in a relationship, so to randomly have a hickey? yeah, she wouldn't like it. do your parents know EVERYTHING about you? mom thinks she does, but sorry to inform her that she doesn't. would you consider painting your bedroom purple? hm. dark purple, i suppose. do your parents approve of the music you listen to? most of it. some of the heavier stuff or things that sing about highly negative things, notably arch enemy and otep, mom doesn't like, but of course lets me listen to it. do you keep in touch with your cousins? no. have you ever had a best friend that moved away? she wasn't really a BEST friend, but she meant a lot to me. do you wish you had an older, protective brother? i guess not. after all, when i imagine said figure, i can't imagine he'd let jason have slept with me. i'd'a pitched a fit. name some things you would never tolerate in a relationship? any kind of abuse. any illicit drug use. smoking. obsessive drinking. i know there's more, but i'm not gonna dwell on this question forever 'til i remember. is it easy for you to accept loss? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH- what's in your underwear drawer? underwear, bras, bathing suit, fingerless gloves kiss with eyes open or closed? who on earth kisses with their eyes open? freaky.

#survey #quiz #questions #asks #answered

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nonsenseandfairytales · 7 years

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i wrote this like a month ago on google docs while cramming for my exam, and i needed to get rid of it. but i don’t know, i didn’t want to delete it. i’m pretty bad at permanently getting rid of stuff. i guess i’ll just leave it here.

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“I need immediate help”, I thought to myself, as I looked down at the fresh imprints in my skin, an image which has been absent for so long. The stark reminder that everything was not okay. That someone needed to help me. I felt the decline, the darkness, surrounding me slowly. What was I to do? It would be weeks before my next appointment. I couldn’t ask to see her, it simply wouldn’t be okay. There’s no way I could talk to Fiona about this. Not after everything I’d already put her through today.

A stinging sensation forced me to look downwards, towards the cuts. They’d set in now, turned white, a harsh reminder of what was happening to me. I opened messenger. “Are you okay?”, I asked her. “Yeah, why?”, she replied quickly. How? I felt that disgusting feeling rising in my stomach. How could anyone be okay with what was happening here? Is it even human? The twisting, black, sickly sensation in my stomach rose to my chest, making it hard for me to breathe. I think for a brief moment about the black figure that haunts me when I feel this way. Turn, to make sure he isn’t there. He never is, of course. Sitting outside of my field of view, only choosing to make an appearance when everything has really gone to shit. That’s how I know it’s bad. Not the cutting, not the suicidal thoughts, him. When I really can’t escape what’s happening in my own head, that’s when it’s bad.

I close messenger, and look down towards my notebook. I’ve been on the same topic for hours, unable to make any headway. I don’t know why this had to happen now, right in the middle of exams. It’s made my usual dissatisfaction towards study hundreds of times worse. Despite starting much earlier than normal, I’m still not finished. Time’s running out. I can’t think right now though. I catch myself glancing at my arm again. I feel guilty, but glad. I don’t know why. As much as I resent myself for what I did, I can’t help but feel it’s normal. There’s that part of me that know’s it isn’t, but right now he’s nowhere to be found. Maybe that’s my problem. I don’t know how to reconnect with the positive part of myself. Then again, I don’t think anyone would be able to if they were in my shoes.

I think back to earlier today, and flinch. Maybe I don’t need to go there right now. Maybe that’s something that I should leave alone. But I need to think about it. I need to reflect. People say that’s supposed to make you feel better, but it just makes me sad. I can’t leave it alone either though, because if I do that, it will come back when I really don’t want it to and that could very well be the thing that does me in. I pause for a second. Catch my fingernails in my mouth, and pull them out. I take a deep breath and sit back, preparing myself to face the emotions. The dog that I’d decided I’d take care of in order to try and distract myself from this mess had killed both of my sister’s guinea pigs. I’d taken full responsibility, and everything had gone downhill. My parents told me that they were disappointed in me. My sister said she hated me. My friend said I was an idiot. I felt guilty, disgusted, shocked, angry. Scared. I’d returned the dog to my granddad, not saying a word about what had happened, and I’d gone to sit in the car. I’d seen the bus coming down the road, and I’d opened the door, and-

Okay, maybe it didn’t go that far. At all. That’s how it played out, at least. I wondered if anyone could possibly understand what went through my head, how all the thoughts I had were twisted and reshaped into whatever the worst was. In reality, Fina had calmed me down, and I’d returned home, where, much to my surprise, my sister sounded like she couldn’t care less, and my parents had been completely understanding. Much too understanding. It was jarring. Hopeful, even. It was then I’d wondered how things had gone from being positive to now being… disgusting. I look down at my arm, now with a sense of regret. I still don’t know how to feel though. Empty. I turn back to my computer, and resume reading through the lectures.

“Great”, I think to myself. The topic for this hour is Death, Dying, and Bereavement. Somehow everything’s been bad, from the timing of the events, to me being required to study things that I’m just not in the headspace to study. It’s just more lists, of course. I flick back to messenger, and stare at her reply. I don’t know if I’ll ever understand why this happened. How can someone just throw away seven years of their life? But then again, I suppose I want to throw away twenty years of mine. That makes us even, right? My stomach lurches as I think about Saturday. She’ll be dropping off my things. That makes it over, for real. I don’t know how long I’ll leave her stuff on the wall. I don’t know if I could bring myself to put all the stuff away. That makes it over, for real.

Ding. She’s messaging. “You seem good”, I say.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m still declining, but you make me feel like I should try harder.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Don’t worry about it, I’m just being weird. I don’t think I should keep coming to you about all this stuff. It’ll make you worry, and I don’t want that.”

“But I want to know.”

“Besides, we aren’t supposed to be getting involved with each other as much.”

“Oh. Okay.”

That one stung a little. I guess I should stop just trying to get her to ask after me right? But it feels so good to feel wanted.

“I really want to talk to you but I have to do this for you, right?”

“Talk to me about what?”

How I’m really not coping with this and I desperately need you, I need you with me here, to hold me and tell me it will be okay. Yeah, I wish.

“Everything.”

“???”

“It’s okay.”

“:((“

I feel like this is pretty much all of our conversations now. Me trying to get as much emotional feeling I can out of them, and her, doing what I feel is like pretending to care about me. I don’t really know how she feels about me anymore. She says she loves me, but if there’s one thing I don’t get, it’s that. I really need to finish off these lectures, but now that I have her attention, I don’t want to lose it. Any time the conversation dies, I put effort into starting it up again. Asking her about anything I can remember. I feel so desperate. So depraved, like a dog begging for food. But every time I get a response, my heart races for a second. It’s this feeling that I’m craving. This feeling I can’t seem to get from anybody else. Is it happiness? Couldn’t be. How could I ever get that feeling back.

I close the messenger and then get back to work, with the occasional stinging setting in as I write. Stupid. I’m almost regretting what I did, and as I look down at my arm, I’m glad that the knife wasn’t particularly sharp. Maybe the scars won’t show for too long. After all, I’ve got to maintain some semblance of sanity. I look down at my slides with a deep sigh, unhappy with my progress. At least the stress is starting to keep me distracted from what’s happening. Keeping my mind off of the sadness. The despair. The longing. I look to my right, and notice a puddle on my bed. Crap. Upon inspection, I determine that the puddle is most certainly cat piss, and that I probably need to stop keeping a candle lit, given I didn’t smell it less than a metre to my right. I get to cleaning, and decide that I’m probably done with study for the night, so I shut off my computer. After giving it a thorough clean, I grab my blankets and head to the couch. I don’t sleep much. I think.

The next day, I get to cleaning my sheets and starting to cram. Less than 24 hours to my exam, and I’ve yet to cover all of the content. I suppose this is how it alway is with me though. The stress sets in, and I forget pretty much everything else except my exam. It feels good, almost. At the very least, I’m completely distracted from what’s happening to me. There’s no twisting feeling in my stomach, no overbearing feeling of distress, misery, depression. Just stress.

Two days pass. I sit my exam, and feel pretty good about it. Then the emotions set in. The exam had been a pretty good distraction from what was happening to me, and now it was gone. And the misery was back. Almost straight after I walk out of the room, my stomach lurches. Who will I tell? Who do I talk to? The loneliness is the hardest part. Most people don’t know what it’s like, but having someone to message about whatever you want, pretty much whenever you want, is a pretty good feeling. Knowing that someone, somewhere, cares about what you have to say. What you have to think. Now all that is over. I walk over to my motorbike and start it up. I don’t have a plan for the rest of the day. In theory, I get home, nap, and don’t wake up. Preferably ever. But of course, we can’t just snuff out like that. I head back to my house, and decide to bake the lasagne I’d bought. Lasagne always makes you feel better, right? Recently it’d been hard to feel good about anything though, even pasta. I grumble at the long cooking time and resign myself to my room after setting it into the oven. I hop onto the VoIP server, and am greeted by a couple of friends in the middle of a game. “How was the exam?”

“As good as I could expect, after last night’s cramming session.”

Talking to these people doesn’t feel satisfying. Not like it does talking to her

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