#was it a little passive-negative (i don't even care if that's not a word)? yes

[dragonbugsuperior]

Adrien's Manipulation and How He Manipulates

As you can see, I have spoken about the things the ml writers have done and attempted to get away with however I never dug deep into how manipulative Adrien is and how he has manipulated people. I have provided real transcripts from the episodes. You can look it up yourself they're there for everyone to see.

In Malediktator (season 2, episode 24) Chloe threatens to leave Paris, Mr. Bourgeois gets akumatized into Maledikator; invested with absolute power, he wants to make his daughter's dreams come true so that she stays with him. In the episode, Chloe announces that she's leaving Paris to the entire school and the students are thrilled. They were celebrating the fact that their school bully was leaving Paris. Including Marinette, who was also relieved to know her bully/tormentor was leaving Paris. The same girl who's been bullying Marinette for years.

Here's some real transcripts from the actual episodes

Chloé: (from the helicopter, through megaphone) Hey there, losers! I'm headed to New York with my mom. (throws flyers) I'm leaving you all behind in your pathetic little school and your pathetic little city. Adieu!

(Marinette picks up a flyer showing Chloé in front of the Statue of Liberty.)

Nino: Chloé's leaving?

Nathaniel: Forever?

Marinette: Looks like it.

Alya: Yeah.

(Everyone jumps in the air out of happiness; confetti appears out of thin air and there are fireworks for no reason at all. Everyone, including Mr. Damocles, dances and parties.)

Marinette: Without Chloé around, Paris will be filled with a lot less negative emotion!

Tikki: And less akumatizations.

(Adrien walks up to Marinette from behind.)

Adrien: Hey, what’s going on here? What are we celebrating?

Marinette: Chloé’s gone! She’s moving to New York!

Adrien: Chloé left…? For good?

Marinette: (still excited, not realizing that Adrien is not sharing everyone else’s enthusiasm) Yeah! Isn’t it great?

Adrien: Uh… no. I think it’s terrible! How can you celebrate a thing like that?

There

There's the manipulation. Adrien guilts Marinette for being happy that her tormentor is gone. He guilts her for being relieved to know that her school bully is leaving Paris. Not only did he make Marinette feel guilty for feeling the way that she did. But the episode also deems Marinette as if she's selfish for feeling glad that Chloe is gone. While Adrien completely invalidates Marinette's feelings, and does not take into consideration that Chloe has bullied and made Marinette's life a living hell for years. Adrien knows Chloe has been bullying Marinette for years and instead of letting her feel happy that her bully is gone he guilts her and shames her saying that she shouldn't be celebrating something like that. Not contemplating the fact that Marinette has been bullied, shamed, taunted, and tormented for years. All because Chloe's his childhood friend and she was his only friend. He continues to support Chloe, and guit-trips Marinette for being happy that her life-long bully is finally leaving, because he doesn’t care about how Chloe torments everyone in the class or how she’s literally abusing Sabrina, all he cares about is how her leaving affects him.

In Glaciator Chat Noir imposes a date with Ladybug.

Transcript

Cat Noir: So, uh, Ladybug? What would you say if you and I met up tonight for a little dinner? Rooftop style?

Ladybug: For dinner? As superheroes?

Cat Noir: Well, uh, yeah. That's right. We're only together when we're saving Paris. I mean, wouldn't you actually like to get to know one another?

Ladybug: I... That's so thoughtful of you, but I can't. I have to, uh, I already have plans with some friends.

Bus driver: (steps out of the bus and shakes hands with Cat Noir) Thank you. (shakes Ladybug's hand) Thank you, Ladybug.

Cat Noir: Well, if your plans end early, come and join me.

Ladybug: We'll see.

Cat Noir: I'll be waiting, my lady.

(Ladybug uses her yo-yo and leaves. Cat Noir smiles at her for a moment before he leaves too)

Ladybug tells Chat Noir that she has plans with friends, Chat Noir still insists that she comes if her plans end early. Ladybug never says yes to him nor does she confirm she will show up while he says he'll be waiting.

Alya, Nino, Marinette, and Adrien were planning on having a date together, Adrien lies to his friends and tells them that his father said he couldn't go. Actively upsetting them and ruining their date, because 'Oh! Poor Adrien couldn't make it!. The thing is-

Adrien could have made it.

He himself, chose not to.

He didn't even inform his father about going out with friends.

Adrien never mentions going out with friends to Gabriel. He never tells Nathalie nor the Gorilla anything just so he could prepare a date with Ladybug, who also never confirmed she was going on the date.

[Next transcript is very important to read]

(Adrien sighs before he takes out his phone to text Nino. He then checks the time)

Nathalie: There's no point in waiting for your father, Adrien. He'll be eating in his office.

Adrien: (stands up from his chair, quietly angry) Then what's the point of keeping me here if he's never gonna show up, Nathalie? (walks away to go to his room)

Nathalie: Don't forget to practice your piano before you go to bed.

He doesn't tell Nathalie or Gabriel. He tells Nino that he won't be able to make it because his father wouldn't allow him to, yet Adrien didn't even see Gabriel because he was in his office the entire time.

Scene: Adrien's room.

Plagg: You could've at least grabbed the piece of Camembert on that platter!

Adrien: (tosses a piece of Camembert to Plagg and he catches it) Fuel up, Plagg. (He turns on some piano music from his phone. He then places the phone on top of the real piano) Adrien may not be allowed out of the house, but Cat Noir is!

Adrien's off to his date with Ladybug, which she never agreed that she would come, lying to his friends and telling them that his father wouldn't let him go out with them.

Plagg: You seem in a hurry to get stood up.

Adrien: She didn't say she wasn't coming.

Plagg: But she didn't say she was either!

This is also important to take in mind, it doesn't matter if she didn't say wasn't coming, she also didn't say she was coming like Plagg said. She told him she had plans with her friends.

Scene: Trocadéro. Marinette meets up with her friends

Marinette: Hey, Alya!

Alya: Hey, Marinette! (Both she and Marinette kisses each other's cheeks)

Marinette: Where's Adrien?

Alya: Don't get upset, okay? But Nino just got a text. Adrien's dad isn't letting him go out.

Again, Adrien tells Nino his dad won't let him go out. Lying and upsetting his friends, which automatically makes them feel bad because they're poor friend can't come out with them.

Marinette: Once again...

Nino: Yo, Marinette!

Ivan: What's up, M?

Mylène: How are you, Marinette?

Marinette: I'm fine. Thanks. Hehe. So, do you know where André is today?

Later in the episode, they have patrol

And this is what Chat Noir says to Ladybug

Ladybug: Hello, Kitty. Did the bad guys leave you cold?

Cat Noir: (harsh and enraged) How was your amazing evening with your "friends"?

(Ladybug looks confused at Cat Noir, shocked by her partner's harsh words. But she gasps when she hears Glaciator's voice.)

He gets passive aggressive and sarcastic with her. He's angry because she didn't show up to a date she never agreed to going on.

[Transcript]

Ladybug: Are you mad at me because I didn't show up?

Cat Noir: (furious) What do you think?

Ladybug: I didn't mean to hurt you.

(Glaciator jumps over them and continues walking. Ladybug and Cat Noir take shelter behind a car)

Cat Noir: And I also had a surprise for you, too!

Ladybug: I really am sorry.

Cat Noir: No... I'm the one who's sorry. Maybe another time.

Ladybug feels bad for not showing up. Ladybug shouldn't have to apologize for not showing up. She never agreed to going on the date and Chat Noir knows that. He knows she had plans with her friends and guilts her because apparently she didn't show up to a date she never intended on going on. While he was the one who gave her the cold shoulder the entire time they were fighting off Glaciator and acted like a 5 year old child.

The blatant manipulation

Chat Noir guilts Ladybug because she didn't show up to a date she never agreed that she would go on. Resulting in her feeling bad and apologizing to him as if she said she'll go. She never confirms she'll make it. She tells him she has plans with friends and they'll see. That doesn't equate to yes. Adrien lies to his friends and tells them he won't be able to make it because his father wouldn't let him go out, meanwhile Adrien never tells Gabriel anything about going out with friends.

In Syren

Adrien gets tired of all the secrets Ladybug had to keep from him and threatens to quit. Blackmailing Plagg threatening to quit as a superhero if Plagg doesn't tell him what secret Ladybug's been hiding from him.

[Transcript]

Adrien: (imitating Ladybug) Hey, Cat Noir, do you trust me? (as himself) Sure, Ladybug; do you trust me, too? (as Ladybug) Are you kidding? I will never trust you! Ha ha ha ha! (normally, to Plagg) You must know what Ladybug's hiding from me, Plagg.

Plagg: I'm just a kwami, Adrien, and we kwamis have a right to remain silent.

Adrien: Pity. (gets out his phone) Just when I was about to order you some very tasty cheese. Have you ever sampled La Trappe d'Échourgnac? It says here it tastes like walnuts.

Plagg: (swallows some Camembert) I can't be swayed, sorry.

He bribes Plagg with cheese to get information out of him about Ladybug

Cat Noir: Wait! Where're you going?

Ladybug: (hesitantly) I can't.

Cat Noir: (disappointedly) Say anything. Yeah, I know. But we are a team, aren't we? (turns away from Ladybug) I'm tired of all these secrets.

Ladybug: I'm sorry. It's not exactly easy for me either, trust me. (she leaps away while Cat Noir turns to see her leaving him)

(Cat Noir sits down on the roof to wait for Ladybug to return.)

He himself admits that he knows she can't tell him anything. He knows she's under restrictions and he pulls this.

Cat Noir: This is so dumb! (stands up) Claws in. (detransforms)

Plagg: (groans) What's taking her so long? (Adrien holds up his hands to Plagg, and starts to pull off his ring a little bit) Whoa, easy! W-What are you doing?!

Adrien: (grimly) If you don't tell me what Ladybug is hiding from me, I'm done!

Plagg: You can't do that!

Adrien: (bitterly) Why not? No one'll know if I quit. No one'll care!

Plagg: I will!

He blackmails Plagg, and threatens to let millions of people drown just because he wants to know a secret he isn't worthy of knowing.

[Transcript for Frozer]

In Frozer he gets rejected for the hundredth time

Ladyice: Cat Noir. We need to set up a trap for whoever turned the city into a giant ice rink. (throws yo-yo)

Icecat: (bitterly) My feline instincts prefer to track and observe before I attack. You go your way, I'll go mine.

Ladyice: Please don't tell me you're mad at me about the rose.

Icecat: There may be a certain chill now between us.

Ladyice: I get it, but we should really focus on saving Paris

Icecat: We don't always have to do everything together, after all. It's not like we're a couple. (skates away)

Ladyice: Cat Noir, don't get all pouty on me! (groans and takes off on her yo-yo)

(Ladyice and Icecat separately search for Frozer)

Icecat: (notices Frozer's skate marks on the ice) This way.

Ladyice: I need to set a trap, but what could I use as bait? (while Ladyice thinks, Frozer prepares to sneak up behind her, but Icecat spots him attempting to do so and pulls Ladyice out of harm's way)

Ladyice: Thanks, Kitty.

(Icecat winks)

Once again, he makes her feel guilty for turning him down for the millionth time in a row as if he doesn't know she's in love with someone else. Acting like an asshole the entire time they fight off Frozer.

In Copyat, Chat Noir arrives at a ceremony.

Scene: The Place des Vosges. The ceremony has just ended.

Cat Noir: These statues are amazing. One thing's slightly off though— I'm actually taller than Ladybug.

Théo: Ladybug didn't show up. I just wanted to express my adoration for her. Let her know that everything I had went into her statue. I'm sure if she took a little time to get to know me, she would see how much we have in common. Our devotion to the things we love.

Cat Noir: Hey, don't mean to burst your bubble, but you know, Ladybug and me, we're a thing, you know?

Théo: Really?

Cat Noir: Yeah, we're like this. (crosses his fingers)

Théo: (growls; walks away angrily) What does Ladybug see in him?

He lies to Theo about the relationship he has with Ladybug leaving Theo angry causing him to become akumatized.

Cat Noir: Better help the fellow out. His crush just got crushed. (under his breath, as he leaves) That makes two of us.

Théo: Ugh... What am I doing here? Ladybug?

Ladybug: I'm sorry I couldn't make it this morning, Théo.

Théo: Can you autograph it for me?

Ladybug: Of course I can! You've got some real artistry here. You've really captured my essence.

Théo: Thank you, Ladybug. And don't worry. I know about you and Cat Noir. It's okay.

Ladybug: Huh?

Ladybug is left to apologize to Theo and deal with the rest. Theo tells her not to worry, he knows about her and Chat Noir to which she reacts with utter confusion. Chat Noir lied to Theo, causing his akumatization not even facing consequences at the end nor apologizing to Theo, instead Marinette does all the work while being left confused.

Adrien is a lying, manipulative, and conniving person. He has manipulated his friends, Plagg, and Marinette. This is not okay

And the writers portray it to be while making Marinette look bad

#marinette dupain cheng #miraculous ladybug #adrien agreste #marinette deserves better #miraculous plagg #stop defending him #manipulators #adrien salt #cancelmiraculous #canceladrienagreste #predatory cis straight white boy billionaire

[wings-of-a-storm]

Same anon with another general thought here, but I don't think enough people are talking about how crushed Benji must be to know that not only is he not allowed in Victor's home because of Isabelle, but that also Isabelle was right off the bat so accepting of and friendly towards Rahim. Not even Victor seemed to give it much thought, and I get that he was happy that his mom was "doing better", but he really should have considered Benji's feelings on the matter more and noticed how hurt he was.

Hello again! Another wonderful general thought to ponder. A very complicated one though, as it turns out, as this particular situation is full of nuance and mental health minefields…

When you’re that overwhelmed by external stress (and it intermingles with your mental health), you can’t think or behave on a level you would normally have the energy and clear-thinking to be able to do. And Victor’s situation with his mother is impacting on both boys. Both are distracted by their own stress and trying to stay above water in their own ways, which makes some of their reactions very self-focused.

Victor’s stress is pretty evident because we have his point of view and are living in that pain with him.

Benji’s is more subtle but the clues are there to piece together.

For me, it is pretty clear that Benji has had to compromise a lot of himself in their relationship so far due to the more dire nature of the stressful situation Victor is currently going through. Normally, that level of compromise could possibly be maintained in the short-term for someone who is at a healthy-enough headspace in their own life, but I don’t think Benji is there yet. Not just because he is a recovering addict, but because of the root cause of that addiction -- his own journey of coming to peace with his identity.

Events happened in Benji’s life -- like his violent car crash -- that reshaped him into someone who survives internalised hatred about himself through mule-headed determination and idealism. Like, Benji is very idealistic about living an authentic life and expecting others to be better in society. And most of the time it is well-meaning, if not misguided, idealism, such as telling Victor he shouldn’t compromise with the basketball change room because he should only ever hang around people who accept him for who he is.

And so much of that attitude has probably come from the trauma of that car crash -- it would have affected his tolerance level in life. He realised he almost died before ever getting to freely be who he is and the horror of that realisation completely shifted his priorities in life. He isn’t going to let anyone or anything get in the way of him living as his authentic self.

Derek’s influence would have only re-enforced that perspective, as Derek is also someone who is very much in the mindset of ‘I’m going to be exactly who I am and screw heteronormative bs.’

For over a year, Benji was able to live his own freedom and solidify his identity. It was really important to him to be able to do so. But then along came Victor who isn’t at that stage yet and that created a big imbalance in their relationship, through no one’s fault.

When Benji and Victor first got together, we saw Benji intuitive enough to display that concern -- that it might be tough to date Victor since he is so new to accepting his sexuality and hadn’t even said the words out loud yet, whereas Benji would have to relive being stuck in the closet. But even worse this time, because he had already had his car accident epiphany and would feel extra suffocation. But Benji decided Victor was worth all of that and he’d be there with him every step of the way through his coming out process.

For several months, Benji had to compromise who he was, relive a shame that literally took a drunken car accident to break through (more or less), and watch the person he really cares for feel rejected by his mama over and over again. Living that sort of cycle, even within a perfect summer bubble, takes its toll over time. It slowly erodes your patience and strength, exacerbates old wounds, makes you feel helpless… And for someone with such incredibly strong ideals as Benji, it is even tougher to sit on the sidelines and be unable to change anything. Benji has no control over that situation at all, when normally a sense of control helps manage anxiety (especially for a recovering alcoholic).

But Benji is dedicated to Victor and willing to (temporarily) compromise a lot of the steps he made to get to where he is today so that he can be Victor’s support. Where S2 starts, we see Benji still trying to stay strong in himself and be as patient and supportive as he can be for Victor. Cracks are there though because he has his own baggage that he’s constantly having to push aside.

Victor absolutely deserves that support and his situation takes precedence, but it would be a little unfair of us not to acknowledge the toll it does take on a partner. Both parties’ mental health matters.

And then, through all that compromise and unspoken toll on Benji’s end, Benji gets to hear how another gay teen is treated almost flawlessly by his boyfriend’s mother. It really is a lot of salt in the wound -- this other teen got to just show up at the Salazar house and be treated courteously, whereas Benji put so much effort into giving Isabel space and time and tried so darn hard to bond with her, only to be rejected at every attempt.

It would start to feel like the problem is with him; that’s he’s not good enough as a person (and feeling good enough as a person is clearly an insecurity Benji is still fighting through because we saw how much it meant to Benji in 1x05 when Victor told him he thought that who he was as a person was pretty darn good).

Rationally Benji might be able to acknowledge that it will always be easier for a mother to accept a gay friend than a gay boyfriend, but with the baggage of internalised hatred Benji already had growing up, rationality is so easily subsumed by negative thought patterns. So his control slipped and he couldn’t hide his hurt and bitterness when Victor told him about Rahim’s success. I really can’t blame Benji for having that initial reaction…

On Victor’s end, he is going through a lot himself. So so much. And when you’re in that amount of stress, it can be hard to look up out of that maelstrom and notice someone else’s stress. There’s just so little reserve left of your own to offer someone else when you’re depleted and trying to keep your own head above water. So for Victor, surviving that stress and pain meant focusing solely on his own situation. That, I also absolutely get.

It’s just really unfortunate that they’re both so exhausted that neither could spare extra energy to give the kind of support each other needed in that phone call. Victor needed to hear acknowledgement of how well his mother was doing, which Benji didn’t give at all. And Benji needed acknowledgement from Victor that it hurts that Rahim gets a free pass while Benji has to walk through fire for the same thing (except so far it has just been a lot of fire and no headway).

And to make things even worse, when Benji pushed through that hurt to apologise for his negative reaction, Victor had no intention of returning the sentiment for his own lack of support. He somehow didn’t see why Benji would be upset even after Benji pointed out the double standards with Rahim’s treatment. So we have uneven needs being met… Which is why Benji stumbled again so soon in the same encounter and couldn’t contain his bitterness once more. If Victor had recognised he also needed to apologise, Benji would have felt more seen and acknowledged and regained some positive energy to give back to Victor. But alas….bad cycles.

So yeah wow, I guess in summary to your ask, both boys played a part in each other’s hurt, both boys could have handled themselves better, and yes, I think in an ideal world Victor should have been able to take a moment to look up and really see where Benji’s own mental health is at. Because it was obvious that Benji was struggling with something -- if Victor was able to take a break from his own pain and have the reprieve of a clearer head, he would see the correlation between an increase of passive aggression from Benji and him suffering from something he isn’t voicing out loud to Victor. But both boys’ mental health isn’t that great at the moment and they are only human so monumental stuff ups are going to happen on both sides… :(

#LV ask #Love Victor #LV S2 analysis #Venji

[sk-lumen]

Need serious advice about setting boundaries or communicating when dealing with a person who:

Is a parent

Has unhealthy communication methods -- it takes very little for them to start full-blown screaming, shouting out all your 'negative' things/mistakes/past, can continue to scream-criticise you even after you've gone silent, for WHOLE MINUTES even if you've shut up, will not accept anything that even hints at them making a mistake

You can't trust since childhood coz u made the mistake of confiding in them with a serious issue as a young teen --- mental related --- and they belittled and invalidated you, and since then pretended you never confided in them and have NO IDEA how you've been coping without them or ANYone else for years... Yeah thanks, parent, what u said back then made me think I was the one at fault and so I stopped trusting even friends coz yeah, when ur own parent doesn't give a damn, why would anyone else?

Is a master at silent treatments without explaining what EXACTLY they're punishing you for, then when theyre in the mood, will start talking to you as if they hadn't ignored you for days. Lol I'd rather be water boarded I think. Especially for all the damage this caused when I was a child

Won't openly talk about what they want, yet expects ALL FHE TIME others (in the family) to know what they want, then will complain/scream/angry for AGES about how no one cares, no one gives a damn... And when someone asks them what they want, they either say: nothing, or "you should know! Can't u see?"

Upon asking them to please talk normally, will blow a fuse, and lose it --- happened multiple times today

Literally will use me as a scape goat to unleash their frustrations upon. Even when I leave the room, I can hear them b*tch about how much of a failure I am etc. The trigger being anything that bothers them, from a phone call to something other siblings did, bla bla. I limit my time with them... But it's like, it feels impossible to have them treat me normally, without ridiculing or criticising me. I'm already a very low self esteem person... This doesn't help AT ALL

In short, refuse to tell/ask/discuss important stuff, and getting mad randomly that no one read their mind, bcoz everyone's 'old enough to have enough sense' to know what they 'should' do... Eg will not pikc up the phone when we call them from the store to ask when what the needed isn't available, so what other alternative can we get... And then when we get home, will instead blame us for being fussy and not getting the alternative, completelt skirting around the issue they didn't deign to pick up the phone... I mean, I don't get it. In the past I HAVE in fact asked them to just openly tell me what they want/expect from me to make them happy... Got passive aggressive answers like "don't you know? Are you dumb?" Bla bla

Passive aggressive to the max when they've lost it

Expect me to drop anything I'm doing and immediately cater to them, and expect me to help them in their hobbies (while simultaneously, as I learned many years ago to much heartache, not being interested or even pretending to be interested in my hobbies. The disinterest taught me very quickly how much what I wanted meant, leading to years of self-invalidation. Luckily I've learned it really is them, not me. My hobbies are valid)

Will not talk about why they're feeling angry, what causes it. Instead will blame me, who's like the golden scapegoat in our amazing family, by saying :YOU made me negative. They've said it many times now... It hurts a lot, when I'm also struggling with my own issues which I ofc can't confide in them about :)

Today I manned up -- the outburst of hatred happened again! Over a simple thing. It was NIGHTMARE and made me angry/sad/frustrated/triggered---, and so I told them to stop talking like that... Boy was that the wrong thing to say... I don't think I can accurately tell u what happened afterwards...

Usually children learn communication skills from the parents... I at least learned to recognize the unhealthy ones, and what NOT to communicate like lol. Like, other parent is even worse, believe it or not. But that's another complex situation

I'm not bashing on the parent. Lord knows I even have that much of a right huh? I hate myself eveb more when they invalidate me if I try to show how MUCH THEY HURT me after a 'communication session'. As in, heaven forbid me if I BE SILENT afterwards and DON'T wanna listen to their retardation. Nope. Even then they provoke me, rage at me, you know how sometimes enraged people hiss vitriol thru gritted teeth? Yeah, that's what they did today after I stayed silent and tried to ignore them an hour later after the 'session' when they wabted something. It's like they don't even need me to say a word and will carry on and on for minutes 🤢

I feel alone, helpless and at a loss what to do

I want to move out. Due to severe mental issues I can't even move out rn coz it scares me even more. But this has to stop. Things are only okay if I'm absolutely passive, say yes to whatever they want, kill my wants and needs, and become a perfect robot bred to cater to them (parent)

I hope you can help me out, dear

Hi darling,

It sounds like you’re in a considerably toxic environment. I'm sorry you're going through this. Know that this is not normal, nor is it how a parent/child relationship should be. In case there's any doubt, let me start by saying you deserve to be supported, respected, listened to, to have your needs met. You deserve to live in an environment that offers you all of these things.

With that being said, from the many scenarios you’ve mentioned you’ve already tried reasoning and setting boundaries, to no avail. There is only so much you can do on your own, if the other person in the equation is not meeting halfway or at all. After all, a healthy conversation involves two people, not just one.

Here's my advice, in this order:

Calmly and maturely asking the respective parent to have a serious discussion with you and to listen to what you have to say. Share how their actions and behaviour is making you feel, let them know you care, and make sure to mention several solutions for the issue as well. If this doesn’t work…

Bring up the subject of needing help from outside, such as the assistance of a specialist/therapist. Family counselling can shed a lot of light on toxic behaviours that are ingrained from childhood (both in their case and yours), on fears your parent may have, stress from their work, whatever is causing their outbursts and anger - because there is always a reason. Behind anger is sadness, and behind sadness is some need not being met, or an underlying fear, trauma, etc. This is not a justification for their behaviour, they are responsible for it; this is simply the fact of how energy dynamics work. People bottle up their frustrations, fears, etc, and let them out on those closest to them, to whom they feel superior. It’s not fair, and it’s not healthy, but it is frequently how this pattern works. If this solution doesn’t work either…

Then unfortunately, all you can do is focus on yourself. If they refuse to meet you anywhere along the road, you have to pack up your things and go your own way. Literally or metaphorically. They may be your parent and you may love them even in spite of their behaviour, but you cannot hold yourself responsible for anything they say or do; that is on them. In those cases, you have to prioritize your own mental health and wellbeing, and focus on moving out. If your (home) environment is toxic, you have to focus on first changing it. That’s vital. Only afterwards can you start healing, refinding yourself, reclaiming your self-esteem and confidence, your sense of worth. As long as you stay stuck in a toxic environment, you cannot really heal; if there is abuse of any kind (physical, mental, emotional), the causes are still there, leading to re-traumatizing.

If for whatever reason moving out is not (yet) an option, I would emphasize seeking some sort of counselling for yourself, if nothing else. You need an anchor, some sort of support that will help you along your path until you do get out.

Now, I don’t know how old you are. I am going to assume you are over 18 and of age, so only mind my advice if that is the case. (As disclaimer, I don't provide advice to minors as it's not the scope of my blog nor am I specialized/focused on that area.)

I understand moving out seems scary because it is unknown, but with that line of thought you may wait another 10 years in the same situation. Wouldn’t you wake up 10 years later already having done the hard work on moving out, finding your independence, claiming your sense of individuality and moving on from this sort of environment, this phase in your life?

Sooner is better than later, but do so with mindfulness and care over your mental health, of course. I know it’s scary. But being an adult requires some difficult decisions at times, and setting boundaries begins with choosing your wellbeing and doing what needs to be done, even if it is something uncomfortable short-term, but highly rewarding and beneficial long-term.

Hope this helps... and wishing you much luck, clarity, gentle guidance and comfort.✨

PS: Lately I've been receiving longer and longer letters in my inbox. As solution, I was thinking of having longer asks/letters redirected to my blog where there isn't any length limit, and readers can more comfortably browse both my tumblr and blog - and those requesting advice can share and receive a more in-depth response.

-Lumen

#mental health #toxic relationship #toxic environment #boundaries #parenthood #ask #tw? not sure what to tag just in case #tw: swearing #tw: mental health #tw: anxiety

[shamaste]

Trauma: how to deal with that.

Such as PTSD. Yes, it feels like shit. At least for me as a man.

It makes you feel insecure, - as if you can't trust anyone no more, - it seems like everyone is waltzing over, steps on your feelings, hurting you, - it seems like you're on your own, which isn't really the case. - You like to do things but you don't dare to do it anymore. - You see problems everywhere and everything seems to only evoke more fears. And you would like it to be different, turned around ....! Do you recognize this?

Youre in a need for an desperate change? Then it is time for your next step in your life! I've been in situations myself, more then once, either through: discrimination, bullying, allmost fatal accidents, suicide of a loved one and fighting for my own life and more. And look! No matter how dark or heavy it was, I made it. Like a real survivor. I've conquered it!

My self-destructed self-confidence has largely recovered from those dark heavy periods. But sometimes, you fall back

That's necessary. It is called: Reorientation time. You can also see how it realigns your energy. Also to remind yourself what you are now and where you've been. To be able, allowing, willing to see your blessings in the 'now'. No longer assuming the role of being a victim, but as a survivor of harddhip and dark, difficult times. This way you can enjoy those little things more and more, that from your heart, which others may have trouble with or can't see. Like me and with my Orchids. For me, every flower that opens is a victory. So, is every flower that now opeens stands for: Victory!

This is partly due to the love I put in it. The attention of my positive, loving energy. And of course: the healing symbol that i possess.

So!

That's how you deal with your traumas: by emphasizing that, despite of all the pain, that you can grow / bloom, now. The fungus he feeds and live on, is like your past, and now is that the power. Your power as a vertalizer which the orchid lives on and blooms l. Just like the Lotus: it also grows from the mud. It is always, the choise, how you want to see it and what you want to hold on to.

How I did it ...? With sports and music. Those were my friends in dark, unhappy times. Now that I can exercise again, - because of the covid crisis for 8 months not been able to go to the gym-, I notice this, that despite of all the pain, especially afterwards, those exercise is linked to my self-esteem and that it will makes you feel good about yourself. If you feel good about yourself, you automatically become more positive about yourself. If you have a blockade in your body, sports helps to break these blockages, and then.... let them go.

I said today..: I thought something positive about myself, it felt like catching myself grabbing a piece of chocolate from the plate. And chocolate stands for own-love itself. That's why I only like pure dark chocolate! No dicrimination in these. The purer, the better i like it.

I looked in the mirror in the gym today and I thought, "Man o Man, you're almost 56 years old, in a month. Look at your flat stomach and look around you. "Then the next thought .. "Ow, yes, it is so ..!" I had that reference-frame for 8 months not around me! So I started to see myself in another not so 'positive way'. Not in a positive sense i should normaly do.

Partly because I could not exercise, and that is what belongs to me and suits me. So those old traumas that I had well under control resurfaced because of this loss of control and that manifested itself as depleting energy, in all areas. Oops ...!

You feel somehow drifting somewhere you dont want to go, but it cant be stopped, or could you? Yes! And you can't stop it unless ...? GladIy, happy i am, that the gym reopened. But also with considerable resistance, I still went. The trauma and fear was my guide in this. Lots of people together in one space and I know how it goes. Bears on the road, Dutch saying: If you only see troubles on your way? Or the real things? Which also turned out to be the case. - the thought of: you could be infected, only from that one person? And then? Then I am nicely between 6 boards. A coffin. Whats the Advantage of that? And gone, are mine problems, gone those traumas. LOL. I don't have to worry about that anymore. Free at last, haha.

Anyway; For me it was negative resistance to ... (I keep to myself)! No kidding. People, more and more they trigger me in a negative way. Even disliking them more... Because of the way they act, do! Not because of...! You know what i mean.

You have little or no control over that. It grows the longer it takes. We have all been able to see how it works. Egocentrical way of living, its me, me, me. And the rest? They dont seems to care any longer.

In other, my words: A trauma, it always remains part, whether or not latent, so it is always part of someone's life. Only how and in what way ... we determine that for ourselves. Not other people. We all decide for ourselves.

Often is this the case: they hide it, or by suppressing because of fear and the anger, what is dangerous for your own well-being, because if it does break out, which will eventually happen, it is often with a lot of violence. That is very harmful to you and the rest, your environment. See for yourself in this moment, around the world.

Thats why this is an important fact: To coop and handle it correctly. Whether it is something, from your childhood, as a young adult, or later in life, it does not matter. It will and must be channeled in the right way, from a renewed, especially with a positive point of view in which old feelings have not a important place anymore in youre life. As an expert by experience, I am 100% sure.

I have learned: stop fighting it, or it will get worse. Learn to handle it in a healthy way.

Make it your strength. Think of it as something that motivates you, as renewed energy that has a constructive effect. And do it for yourself and with that also for others. Be the example yourself how it can be done. People who dare not to change or let go, for whatever reason there may be, often create an unlivable destructive world for themselves and others. Addictions lurk. People live in a self-created bubble of misery. They become exactly what they hated most. A living trauma for others. There are many examples of how you should't do it.

On the bike, on my way home from the gym, I got this insight to share.

My vision about what you can do, to start your own life from a passive negative to an active positive point of view about your trauma and life. That's a choice you can make every day. Step-by-step. Take your first step and an achievable goal. Do it ... now!

Towards a better, healthier positive future.

That is everyone's right. Yours too.

Good day.

#health #healthy #health & fitness #heart #life coaching #real life #life quotes #lifestyle #life #my life #consiousliving #awareness #becoming aware #spiritualism #spirituality #spiritguides #spiritualjourney #spiritualawakening #spiritually #spiritualgrowth

[unbefuckinglieveable]

Ro and Lo's Feud ts ss theory(??)

TW: Deceit, and swearing, mentions of manipulation?

I would like to remake the point, the power Roman has in the video making process is stronger than almost any other side. In this episode ( SvS). Character!Thomas is faced with a moral dilemma, to be solved in court.

Which is framed as a direct insult to Logan Who gives Ro this look at (11:05):

Then follows it with:

"You guys are doing a courtroom scenario without me? Unacceptable."

Taking a step back to LNTAO 15:14-15:18

" Please, it has become quite clear to me cosigning all of your ridiculous antics is just a formality..."

Where Logan does learn that there are alternative means of learning he basically had to concede to Roman that there are some creative liberties Roman should be allowed. And well.

He started to care a little less, the video immediately after that had a major influence from Roman and Virgil there was an influence from Logan yes, however, the focus was on the end card, Virgil angst( might write that theory fuck I have the material for a novel), and the costumes. Any input Logan had was met with a negative response for instance 5:17- 5:22:

"... Have you forgotten about the graph I illustrated on the- "

Patton(Excitedly), Virgil(unenthusiastically), and Thomas( I know this already): "Yerks-Dodson curve."

Roman: "Mmmmhm." (Followed by this look):

Now, one could only be so patient, Logan was done listening at the beginning of LNTAO, he gave it on more shot when he concedes to the others. Only to continue to be treated the same way. He is done caring.

Back to the present video..

Roman probably handed him a script and Logan approved it without a glance because what the hell does it matter for. It is the same thing he always does. He could easily analyze the situation and ad lib the words he has to say. All he has to do is pretend to be oblivious to modern slang, take things too literally, and say things no one cares about that is relevant to the situation. Fuck it.

Now imagine the shock, of expecting to be pulled up into the next video, in the living room, to instead be put on the witness stand except... We don't have to imagine (11:01)

"Ahhhhhhhffffidavid.". [Don't forget, Logan isn't admitting he has been afraid before anymore (5:04-5:15 in EP:IC)]

And surely the others know that Logan's role was limited this episode, they might have even thought lo was okay with it because he APPROVES THE EPISODES.

" Wellll Maybe you shouldn't have been impersonated!" Logan has no control over being impersonated Roman knows that. But there is another phrase we can imagine Ro saying as an in your face to Logan that actually makes sense:

" Well maybe you should have read my script." ( Not actual quote)

And Roman used that fact and the confusion to throw Logan off. Logan is basically supposed to call out falsehoods(deceit) so he does yell " dECEIT!" and then Roman makes Logan look stupid for doing what he typically does in this scenario. And what is the best way to say 'fuck you' in response? Do the exact opposite of what Roman would have wanted him to do.

Logan was adamantly against Deceit in CLBG, so why agree with him now? Because It will throw Roman off the rest of the video ( Or until Roman and Deceit bench him).

Deceit is actually a really well-designed character he can smell a lie from miles away and he knows exactly how to riff off of them.

This is Romans mistake.

He unleashed a side of Thomas that has an unmitigated imagination for lying and the wit and basic logic to make it seem seamless and realistic all while maintaining his Joker-esque facade. So let's look at what is established.

Roman and Logan are pissed at each other but Logan doesn't have the desire to fight back. Just look at 20:23-20:34, Roman just Screams at Logan for explaining something to Patton( note no one corrects Roman). With no one on his side Logan shuts up.

What does Deceit do? Stroke Romans low self-esteem giving him a boost while making him laugh by making jabs at the others ( A habit Roman was trying to stop) and subtly placate Logan by acknowledging his worth and trying to help him confirm his self assigned identity of not having feelings.

Logan: 12:30-12:46; 13:53-14:06

Roman: 17:16 :17:24 ; 20:34 -20:44(ish)

In all honesty, Logan was the mastermind this episode. Right out of the gate, he recognizes Deceit is playing them, playing with the group. (11:37)

Do you recognize that grey note book? You should because is the same one as this from EP:IC ( 2:19)

Roman: You wrote all that down?

Logan:

So we can assume after his testimony and he is sent to the back he jots down his testimony and the rest of the scenario with his pinpoint recollection displayed at (15:25)

He provided himself a roll in the scenario, and it is perfect for him: Court stenographer ( Court reporter) - a person whose occupation is to transfer spoken or recorded speech into the written form using written short-hand, machine shorthand, or voice recording equipment to create an accurate transcript of courtroom proceedings.

This fits Logan so perfectly, because it places him in a position were he can process everything he has learned. And use all the resources of his Receipt book. I bet it is getting full.

Yet, Logan doesn't use what he learned, he stayed passive, to watch the situation fall apart further. Roman didn't just support this liar, he let Deceit see the weaknesses to the solidarity of the group. Which I can promise he will use against them later. Weaknesses like Roman being so insecure, Virgil's secret, Logan's disowning his emotions, and Patton's inability to be the protective father figure.

Once again, Roman was a played like a guitar solo and when things got too far? It left the door wide open for Logan to step in and correct the situation before Deceit tried to instill a negative behavior into Thomas one that would throw Logan out the proverbial window.

" It is easier to play the game if your not playing by the rules. "

Or

"It is easier to get things done by breaking the rules instead of working at doing it right.

Logan was so fed up with Roman's shit He literally almost let Deceit destroy Thomas' regard for rules, something Logan holds dearly.

TLDR; Roman is an asshole who basically said, " I am not letting you help this episode. " and Logan basically put on a robe picked up a spoon, a jar of crofters, and his book before saying. " I'll be in the rafters above reading in silence. Good luck."

(( So... As you can tell. I got bored. And excited about the new Sanders sides video So have another theory, If you want, read my old one here: http://unbefuckinglieveable.tumblr.com/post/180577262429/the-video-the-behind-the-scenes-video-thomas

At any rate I hope you enjoy, maybe I got some points, maybe a I don't be hey I had fun :) totally worth an all nighter. Coffee works wonders

-Pandora Fallen

#sanders sides #logan sanders #logan angst #roman angst #roman sanders #thomas sanders #ts spoilers #pandorasleep #pandamntheories #sleep #deceit sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders

[witchysleepingbeauty]

Hi princess! So imagine this lady who's always ALWAYS being negative abt her kids, never a kind word and only belittling, every other day, like "what did I do wrong really? What kind of kids have I raised? They're bla bla bla" with venom. And worst who doesnt acknowledge how negative + painful she is

When i try to talk to her nd ask her exactly whats the issue with 'me' or how can I help her to ease her burden as she keeps complaining how we're ungrateful or keeps comparing to other 'more acceptable in her eyes" children, she gets defensive nd won't answer properly. She says "ohhh, why don't U know that? arent u old enough to know?' and then starts ranting. when time after time ive begged her to clearly tell me, no passiv agressiveness please! it doesn't work nd i end up wondering why i even bother when im only the villain... Yes this ig is my role in her story that ive writen? confusing 😅

when I can, sometimes i try to help her even tho shes the sort who likes to stay busy so she'll find smth else to do lol, nd inside hope for her to be at least a little NOT negative today.... she either ignores or gets angrier nd goes all "hey, I didn't ask U to do that! How dare u act like u did me a favor! U think ur perfect while im just ur servant right?" when i never even intend that? i effing HATE negative reinforcement nd i feel so damn bad for her, nd shes taught me how negative reinforcement is the worst thing to use, cuz it never teaches anything only builds resentment!!

this is smth i realised that she cant be pleased, she wants to get attention what I mean is, whenever we spend time together, she is perfectly fine when we're talking abt her hobbies nd interests which tbh im NOT that interested in personally but since she likes them i like to discuss them with her nd help her out with projects. not to say "ohhh im so cool i help out with her projects look at me so kind of me! lol" its just it hurts when ur own mother doesn't even rpetend to care abt ur interests. i suspect deep down i carried this feeling of unworthiness ie if even my own mother doesn't care abt my hobbies/projects, no one will . which is why i feel so uncomfortable sharing anything personal to my rl friends cuz im so afraid theyll reject me too :(

By not caring i dont mean I expect her to listen nonstop to me. she has her own life but i mean she purposely zones out, rolls her eyes which HURT SM when i was a child, or even worst she says "im not interested" nd shuts the convo. again, at this point, idec anymore as ive learned slowly to value nd cherish my own value nd hobbies etc which is an important lesson anyway

the only thing i want is to stop her being so painfully negative LOUDLY. Yk I suspect becuz of her dwelling on whats wrong in her life, shes gotten severe numbness nd swelling in one arm? and even the doctors cant detect whats wrong! nd its hella painful nd she can't even lift it up sometimes!!!! THIS GOES ON TO SHOW HOW INNER CONSTANT NEGATIVITY CAN BE REFLECTED IN THE OUTER AKA OUR BODY!! To anyone else who cant help have negative thoughts ONLY, u gotta try to change them! Please! Bcuz my mother's pain in her arm is sometimes crazily too much! Nd this in turn, esp on days where all i hear is her gripe, its worse at night!

Anyway I was compeled to write this as a while ago i went to the kitchen for water nd from her room i heard her loudly complain nd mutter abt how her kids are "socially unacceptable" nd "dear god i pray please please don't let me rely on them in old age, i made a mistake raising them!" She's the sort whos got so many limiting beliefs that initially led to my deep unhappiness w/o knowng it was these beliefs at play eg if you dont become a certain career, youll have no security, or recently she keeps nd keeps lamenting abt not havjng 'enoufh money' (we r having kinda financial crisis due to some rlly terrible decisions by my other parent) or 'oh Im STUCK with this [bad word] family!" when she saw a movie abt someone who went on a trip nd began comparing her own life to it. She's so talented we all ask her to start an online business but she backs away nd says 'how will i ever get capital? im doomed to never have what i want' nd I myself have a bit empty wallet temporarily so i cant help her. Nyway, while im trying to fix my own beliefs, seeing her rage nd let negativity completly take over her is alarming nd worrying to me. it makes me feel negative emotions too. im not entirely confident in mastering my mind ywt. i was that overly sensitive kid at school nd i absorv her energy a lot. Those who u love the most, hurt u the most. nd i agree bcoz while im hurt by her (not that shes intentionally hurting me. THRU her im hurt), i do love her. Nd now thanks to the law ik by changing my beliefs abt things, i can change the world

My reason is i cant change her bcuz she gets hella maddened if i suggest a less negative thought. Nd she instead starts blaming me for my 'decisions in Life' which SHE would NEVERRR make oh no... -_- Nd im not saying i try to be obnoxious abt it hell no! im talking abt getting frustrated at the table talking abt smth abt a random topic, then suddenly listening to her start complaining abt e g. Some kid whos "richer" than i am heatedly! nd if i steer the convo away, nope, she keeps fuming a bit

so since i can only change myself, how the hell do i change my assumptions of her? i affirm having a great mother, happy nd open with her thriving business etc. i affirm this but i cant focus cuz doing so inevitbly makes me sad lol cuz i rmmbr how happy nd liveky she used to be before some unfortunate things in our family that started yrs ago. Which affected us all. Any advice, please? im on a mental diet hwoever the earlier incident of her complaining abt us again caused smth in me to snap. im distancing myself from her but the short times im with her there's only a strong air of disapproval, pain nd misery around her. Tbh i was like that pre-law, not knowing how destructiv my thoughts were, while she was the happy optimistic grateful one. Nd now? Im only slightly more self aware than before ie im NOT saying im able to rise in consiousness SOo much that im 'untouchable' nd buddha-like! Nor is my mom wrong bcuz she's me pushed out! its only her lvl of conciousness nd thats it. its just I don't want to cause or feel more pain or hav any excuse to curse her ,when ego sometimes takes over, anymore. im having some personal issues to take care of too, which is why this is affecting me too much. Sort of like having a weak immune system already?

I want my happy intelligent mom back. ik i got to change me... but the doing is way harder than the saying

🫀anon

Okay first of all imma say it cause I don’t think nobody else will…. Your mom is shitty…. There, I said it. She is abusive and selfish and a bad mom. No parent should ever treat their children that way and make them think they need to fix them.

Other than that yes it’s true she is your manifestation but I think it’s important to let emotions out. Be mad at her for once, stop rationalizing her bad behavior. You have the right to feel mad, angry, sad. YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID.

I know it seems impossible to keep a mental diet when you see the negative behavior you wish to change every day. I assume you live in the same house. My suggestion is to stick to your mental diet and try to interact as little with her as possible. Go out more often or stay a bit more in your room. Every time you see a behavior from her that you don’t like, and you feel like affirming doesn’t help, close your eyes and see her hugging you and telling you all sorts of beautiful, loving things you’d like to hear from her.

You should also work on your self concept. Parental issues often manifest from poor self concept. Affirmations like “I am worthy, I am loved, I am enough, I am respected, I am cherished” work amazing.