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rubykgrant · 2 years

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WHY WOULD YOU CURSE ME WITH THIS

haha no, seriously, thank you, this'll be fun~

The Reds are in the Roman Camp, the Blues are in the Greek Camp

Sarge is a older child of Mars. What ELSE could he possibly be? Declares himself the leader of every Quest he goes on (even if it was assigned to somebody else), and is in charge of training the newbies. His Blessing from Mars allows him to pick up any weapon or tool, and it LITERALLY transforms into a shotgun. Like, he can be holding a butter knife or a shovel, but as soon as he wants to fight, they become shotguns (they retain relative size of the original object, and are made of the same material, so this creates some funny looking shotguns). He can switch between coming up with clever strategies and just being plain chaotic on the battlefield. After defeating a large boar monster and keeping it’s pelt, he used it to cover the seats of his favorite vehicle... which he predictably named the Warthog

Simmons’ family are aware of being generational half-bloods on both sides, but haven’t had any special talents or abilities for a long time... his parents hoped combining their families would kick-start something for their child. He grew up knowing all about demigods and monsters, while being pressured to somehow become an impressive hero. He showed no promise for a long time, despite being pushed into training by his parents. After his teammate Grif got injured, Simmons called out for ANY kind of help to save him, and the only god who wasn’t busy answered; Vulcan did a little bit of a “swap”, giving Grif some organic material from Simmons, and Simmons got got a “godly up-grade”, now having cybernetic prosthetic limbs built by the god of forgers and blacksmiths (Vulcan isn’t his relative, but acts as his patron god, and helps Simmons hold his own in a fight by using tech and mythological weapons. his actual generational parentage comes from Minerva and Mercury, it is just so far back, almost no abilities from them show up)

Grif; Both he and his sister are generational demigods, and weren’t entirely sure who their godly ancestors were, but with various mythological abilities they knew SOMETHING was up. It wasn’t until after Grif was at camp for a while (and nearly died a couple of times) did he finally discover on his mom’s side he was related to Dionysus, and later found out he’s got Neptune on his dad’s side. He mostly just lucks-out regarding food, because spoiled stuff becomes fresh when he eats it, and something that was burned/under-cooked becomes perfectly done. He doesn’t have many water-themed powers, but his lazy attitude and moments of strength are similar to the ebb and flow of the tide; once he gets going, it is like trying to fight a wave in a storm (Simmons doesn’t know it, but Vulcan explained to Grif that the two of them are “linked” now; they can get horribly injured or sick, but one can’t be killed without the other. they either have to die together from the same situation, or from old-age)

Donut is directly a child of Venus, but somewhere back there he is a generational child of Jupiter (so in addition to having a natural flare for being FABULOUS, he also attracts dangerous prophecies like a MAGNET. he seems to have an interesting ability of being a “monkey wrench” in the plans of Fate when it comes to the destinies of other people; Donut can alter events that are “meant to happen” without totally destroying reality. also, thanks to Venus, he sweats glitter like a Twilight vampire). Donut has the OPPOSITE of charm-speak; he says the weirdest things at the worst times, but he can also command attention easily, and is a great distraction. He’s got impressive arm muscles, arguably similar to Jupiter throwing a lightning bolt

Lopez; An automaton of unknown origins that Sarge found, and has been working on for several years. It seems that Sarge has been using parts from old demigod projects, and as a result, Lopez has different properties from several different gods (powers of electricity from work by a Jupiter child, high intelligence from work by a Minerva child, etc). Sarge also adds in mortal-made tech, including a speech unit... which seems to be stuck on Spanish. Lopez isn’t technically a demigod, being a robot and all, but is recognized as a member of many different groups. He’s smart enough to see all the nonsensical errors of the humans and gods around him, but does anybody listen? NOOO... also, he’s able to use the internet and cell phones without alerting monsters

Doc; A generational child of Hermes and other unknown ancestors... he aspires to be a good healer, and somebody who works well with agriculture. He definitely has a lot of talent and motivation, but he gets some of his facts confused and gets in over his head. He tries to remain impartial in the feud between the Roman and Greek camps, which is hard when he keeps getting pulled into their petty fights. After one especially difficult event, Doc wound up temporarily having an angry ghost haunting him (which had a mysterious connection to Church and Tex). Even when that was over, he continued to hear a disgruntled voice, which started to speak up more and more. Doc finally realized this is O’Malley, who isn’t some “other” ghost at all, but part of him (Doc discovers he is also a descendant of Eris, so he has some CHAOTIC abilities as well. when he figures out how to make them work, he can sort of “aim” bad luck at enemies so they mess up. O’Malley very much enjoys this)

Church; He’s got memory-loss (as usual), and also has no interest in getting involved with Quests, so he’s just That One Dude Who Lives At Camp (and generally makes lots of smart-mouth comments). He winds up getting attached to a new guy named Tucker, and later another newbie named Caboose. By spending time with them, Church discovers he has an interesting power of... not dying? Or rather, getting killed, and then coming back (so, he still gets hurt. bad. then does it all over again). Occasionally there is a bit of a “lag”, in which he hangs around as a ghost before his physical body re-forms (and most mortals can’t see him like that). The others start guessing he might be a child of Hades, but so far nothing is confirmed. Although he still has gaps in his memories, he randomly seems to “know” things about events he shouldn’t be aware of, but evidently does (while his godly parent remains a mystery, it seems he was already dead previously, and literally released by Persephone for some “important task”. as a result, she acts as his patron, and he gets an occasional power-boost for certain situations)

Tucker; A new guy who never got claimed, but because of his ability to see through Mist, he was clearly a demigod. Eventually, he gets himself a big important Quest, with Church and Caboose coming along for the ride. For a while, things go great! He even gets an awesome magical sword made from some of Zeus’ lightning! Ah, but then Prophecy Stuff happens, and now Tucker is important in a more life-threatening way (and he’s a lover, not a fighter!). His godly parent is kinda up in the air for a while, good guesses being Apollo or Aphrodite... it is eventually revealed that he’s a generational descendant of the muse Calliope (so being EPIC comes naturally). Once this become clear, he is given Blessings from the other muses that help him in certain situations... he just needs to put in the effort of honing these skills (some people assume his flaw would be ego, but it is actually fear; both the fear of not being good enough, and the fear of losing people he cares about. when he avoids doing something difficult, fearing he might fail if he tries, this can lead to people getting hurt, and then he feels guilty). He really is good with the sword, and picks up new techniques for weapons and fighting quickly, so when he sorts out his inner struggles, Tucker is an impressive hero. After an incident where an enemy stole a drop of his blood and added it to a new monster being formed, it seemed like there was going to be a new threat- a monster with demigod powers! However, Tucker simply kept the baby as his own, and Junior is happy to be with his daddy~

Caboose; Although Church often claims otherwise, Caboose knows they are BEST FRIENDS. He seems to be better at finding monsters more than attracting them like other demigods, and half the time just befriends them... which is cool and all, but WEIRD. He also always finds the DANGEROUS THING that nobody should touch and TOUCHES IT. Despite being accident prone, he wins just about every fight against an enemy if they don’t back off. It is eventually revealed that he’s a child of Atlas (during one of the titan’s previous escapes, he took the time to make some babies). Although this means Caboose is VERY strong, his real strength is the intuitive way he seems to understand certain things about fate and his devotion to his friends. He even solves difficult puzzles and problems for Athena, who becomes a patron for him as thanks

Tex; Somebody who doesn’t really fit into either camp, but also seems to share a connection with Church... Tex tends to do her own thing most of the time, occasionally showing up and helping other demigods on their quests as long as there’s something in it for her (though, she won’t just let somebody die). She’s a tough cookie, and likes to be mysterious on purpose. Despite her demeanor, she winds up spending lots of time rescuing a few specific demigods, which shows she really does care... and she also cares a lot about Church, even though they argue all the time (although Church knows who she is, he doesn’t understand WHY or what it means; he actually rescued her from the underworld at some point. another person was summoning ghosts in an attempt to bring back a loved one, and Tex got lost in Tartarus in the process. Tex has already repaid this debt, but still wants to make sure he’s OK). She’s pretty dang strong in general, and it turns out she is a generational descendant of both Bellona and Eleos, making her a combination of harsh and kind

Kai; Like her bro, she’s a double-generational kid, but seemed to get some of the more “Greek” aspects from their godly ancestors. She especially inherited the Dionysus ability to create a PARTY wherever she goes (Kai can make any sound system start playing whatever music she wants). It isn’t very strong, but she’s a bit of a charmspeaker, and can get people to give her discounts on stuff she wants (so she enjoys a shopping-spree from time to time). She doesn’t get involved with battles much, but is very agile and adaptable (not unlike water itself, thanks to Poseidon). Kai can’t really see any colors, and while this makes certain situations tricky, it also comes in handy when an enemy tries to dazzle/hypnotize heroes with magical colors. It just doesn’t work on her!

Wash; A young man from a mysterious “school for demigods” that isn’t part of any of the camps... it seems to be a place where unclaimed generational kids are gathered so they can learn about their history and abilities. Which seems alright at first, but the people in charge have some insidious motives. Some of the demigods in their group are sent out to spy on the camps, and this was a mission for Wash. He’s a descendant of Apollo, and is a natural with archery (though, he used to struggle a lot in combat training). For a while, he pretended to be friends with Tucker and Caboose... but eventually, it happened for real. Now he has a real chance to just be himself (he also discovers some of his other talents with healing and music)

Carolina; She was part of the same strange program as Wash, with an even deeper connection to what was going on. Some of the people running the school wanted to try and “transfer” abilities between different demigods, potentially allowing somebody to have powers from nearly all the Olympians. When Carolina realized how much this was hurting people, she began her own quest for revenge... but ultimately, this brought her closer to this weird little group of heroes. It turns out that she does not actually have ANY godly ancestor, and most of her abilities are a result of the experiment. Still, she’s strong, fast, smart, and an expert with most weapons. Basically, she’s a one-girl army. Even after most of her mythical powers fade, she still manages to save the goddess of the moon, and Artemis repays her with a Blessing (this doesn’t make Carolina an actual Hunter of Artemis, but she is welcome to be part of their hunts, and has enhanced physical abilities, as well as her own silver bow and arrows. she isn’t ageless, however). Some of the other gods also repay Carolina for heroic deeds, and although not a proper demigod, she now has her own special abilities and magical items (a bit of a “Pandora”, with many gifts)

#red vs blue #rvb #percy jackson and the olympians

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houseisekai · 2 years

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House Isekai: A Realm Reborn - Part 10, Fragments In One Direction (1 of 2)

Act 2 Masterlist

—

Aqua and Darkness lead the newcomers to save their friends trapped in the Zanado Tower, but find themselves joining forces with an unlikely ally.

—

[Red Team Warthog Theme (The Other One) - Red vs Blue OST]

Red Team's Warthog drove through the snow with ease, as Darkness and Aqua held on for dear life as it flew over a hill.

(Sarge) "YEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAW!"

As soon as it landed, Aqua almost fell off before Darkness grabbed her with one arm, seemingly unbothered.

Tucker's Mongoose tagged closely behind as Forte and Lest held onto the seat tightly.

(Sarge) "Ah, now THIS is the life! Driving through without a care in the world!"

(Grif) "Great, good for you. Can I turn this radio off now? It's been almost an hour!"

(Sarge) "Son, I either get to listen to my music or your whining the entire trip! I know my choice."

(Simmons) "Sir, could we get a chance to listen to my-"

(Grif, Sarge) "No!"

(Darkness) "Personally, I do not mind. The music reminds me of fond memories with father on trips."

(Aqua) "WHERE THE HECK'S THE SEATBELTS ON THIS THING?!"

(Tucker) "Now that you mention it, WHY are there no seatbelts for these things?"

(Lest) "What's a seatbelt? I-I mean, I can kind of infer but-"

(Forte) "Not that it would help us any at the moment...

(Aqua) "Well, beats horseback on speed I guess..."

(Grif) "By the way, how long's it gonna take to get to Zanado?"

(Sarge) "Uh..."

(Simmons) "According to the map and how fast we're driving...About a week."

(Tucker) "The fuck?! A week, the people we're trying to save might be dead by then!"

(Sarge) "That Rean fella told me they'd been missing for about four days, going on the fifth now."

(Darkness) "If anything could give the Persona Users trouble...heheh...!"

(Grif) "Of all the people from your group, how is it we got stuck with you guys?"

(Aqua) "Hey, you better be thankful you have a goddess accompanying you!"

(Forte) "If I may ask, what are you the Goddess of?"

(Aqua) "It's in my name!"

(Lest) "Hah, g-good point.."

(Simmons) "Speaking of your group, who exactly are we coming to save?"

(Darkness) "Elliot, Fie, and Laura of Class VII, and Mitsuru, Naoto, Ryuji, and Ann of the Persona Users, dear friends of ours. They were among our strongest fighters, so the fact we haven't heard anything is concerning..."

(Grif) "They better than you two?"

(Aqua) "Better than you lot! Actually now that I think about it, who the hell are you guys anyway?"

(Sarge) "Little lady, we're the Red Team! Super-Colonel Sarge is who I am, these two numbskulls are Grif and Simmons!"

(Aqua) "Well yeah, you told me what your names are and that crap, I meant what are you doing here? We've never met you once!"

(Lest) "Well, we have met before, just not for long. We saw you guys as you teleported through our worlds. But as to why we're here, it's because of Byleth."

Aqua and Darkness looked surprised.

Sarge looked at them then turned off the radio.

[Song End]

(Grif) "Oh thank god."

(Aqua) "You...guys met Byleth?"

Lest nodded excitedly.

(Lest) "Yeah, he and his students came to our world for a year and lived in our town! It was nice having them there for a while."

(Tucker) "As for us, well we actually came to Fodlan. Both Red and Blue Team. Stayed here for about I wanna say...two years? We missed five technically but we put an end to a civil war and went home. We thought it was the end of that until that whole crap with the towers began."

Aqua and Darkness looked at each other.

(Darkness) "How many years had passed since you met them?"

(Grif) "Iunno, two years?"

(Aqua) "We...never heard of any of you. Not once. I don't think even Lahabrea even made a mention of you guys."

(Sarge) "Laha-what'sitnow? Sitri only told us current events, not what happened before we got here."

Grif suddenly applied the brakes and the group came to a screeching halt driving, the snow shooting upwards and to their front.

(Sarge) "GRIF! What in sam hill are you-"

Grif was reaching for his head.

(Grif) "Holy fuck, what the hell's happening?!"

Simmons, Sarge, Tucker, Lest, and Forte reached for their heads as well, leaving Aqua and Darkness confused.

(Aqua) "H-Hey, are you guys okay?!"

(Darkness) "What's happening to them?"

(Aqua) "I-I don't know! Here we have to-...."

Aqua and Darkness's voices faded out as everyone's vision blurred into white.

[Tears in the Rain - Final Fantasy XIV Shadowbringers OST]

===

(Byleth) “We may be with the church, but like HELL I AM LETTING YOU THREATEN MY FAMILY LIKE THAT." ...

(Sitri) “I…I…What?! Who are you people?!” (Kazuma) "I'm Kazuma, that's Megumin, Darkness, and Aqua." ...

(Sothis?) “I told you they wouldn’t remember us. They never do.” (Lahabrea?) sigh "...I know, Sothis. I know." ...

(Yuki) “And for this case…we all have each other. Lahabrea may have called our meeting a mistake, Byleth an accident, and that we don’t remember everything, but I don’t care! Even if these feelings I have aren’t real, they’re real to me! I don’t care if our meeting was a mistake, you’re all still my friends.” ...

(Lahabrea) “…Remember us. Remember, that we once lived…” ...

Byleth smiled one last time before his body faded away and shattered into pieces, the light blue particles dispersing in the air.

===

The series of visions ended for the group as they all shook their heads, trying to make sense of what they just saw.

(Lest) "Were those memories?"

(Aqua) "Hey, you guys okay?"

(Sarge) "Ugh, feels like my head got smacked upside down by a sack of potatoes!"

(Simmons) "Did...did we just see your memories?"

(Grif) "Why the fuck were there 2 Byleths, and why did he just...die like that...?"

(Tucker) "For either of them that's...no way to go."

(Forte) "How did we even do that?"

(Aqua) "Wait you saw...Does that mean you saw everything?"

(Simmons) "It felt like it happened all at once but I...I think we got a better understanding of what happened."

(Grif) "More importantly, did either of you do that shit?"

(Darkness) "N-No! One second you were talking the next you all reached for your heads."

(Lest) "How long...?"

Everyone turned to Lest.

(Lest) "I'm pretty sure we saw some...memories before the rest of your group got here, when you were by yourselves, I think. If every group was like us before we all came together, how long has this been going on?"

No one knew how to respond, the more they thought on it, the worse it got.

Nobody appeared to have any memories of meeting each other until the Towers appeared in their worlds, but if their meeting of Byleth was similar to where it was only them at first, how many years had actually passed?

Aqua and Darkness's expressions darkened.

Lahabrea and Sothis said that even they didn't remember everything prior to their group showing up first, which meant those loops could have been happening even longer than anyone knew.

(Darkness) "..."

(Aqua) "..."

(Sarge) "Grif, Tucker. Let's get going."

(Tucker) "Got it."

(Grif) "Yeah."

Both of them moved to step on their gas pedal before realizing it wasn't budging.

(Grif) "Oh you've gotta be shitting me."

(Tucker) "What now?"

...

From the hill above, "C" was watching them get out of their vehicles to examine it.

After watching the group see the memories of Aqua and Darkness, he was unsure how to approach them.

Hell, even without that interruption he wasn't sure how to approach them to begin with.

("C") How do we even talk to a group like that?

(Young Boy's voice) "Who is this 'we'?"

"C" sighed upon hearing his familiar companion's voice.

("C") You know the longer I don't mention you, the worse it's going to get. I was barely able to keep Sothis from noticing you.

"C"'s companion appeared next to him, shaking his head.

(Arval) "If you had just stuck with my plan originally, I could've done better hiding. Besides, what do you care what Sothis thinks, Iros?"

(Iros) If we stuck with your plan, we would've brought the attention of the Separatists AND Those Who Slither on top of us. And I told you to use my-

(Arval) "I refuse to call you that. What kind of name is "C" anyway?! ...Wait a second, did you just steal that name from the memories we watched of that Rean guy?!"

(Iros) T-That's not relevant. And I don't care what she thinks, I care if they even bother to listen to us and don't send House Isekai to kill us on sight!

(Arval) "Alright, fine fine, fair point. I guess if I have to introduce myself I will, but if this blows up in your face don't say I didn't warn you!"

(Iros) Well hopefully Sitri and Kazuma told them about us so we don't immediately start off on the wrong foot."

(Arval) "Go get 'em champ. I'll come out to say hi AFTER we establish we're not going to get shot."

Iros rolled his eyes and prepared to jump down.

...

[End Song]

(Sarge) "What's our damage?"

(Grif) "Shit, I don't know. It just won't start all of a sudden."

(Tucker) "Aw crap, you think all the dimension jumping is wearing our crap down?"

Darkness and Forte heard something behind them and both drew their swords at the source of the noise.

(Darkness) "THOSE WHO SLITHER!"

(Sarge) "What the- BATTLE STATIONS!"

Everyone drew their weapons as Iros hopped down and landed, looking up.

(Iros) "Aqua, Darkness. And the others must be-"

(Sarge) "RED TEAM, THE DEATH OF THE AGARTHANS! BLAST 'EM BOYS!"

Simmons turned the turret of the Warthog on Iros while Grif, Simmons, and Tucker opened fire with their guns.

Iros jumped behind the rock and took cover as bullets hailed on his position.

(Simmons) "YEAH, GET SOME!"

(Grif) "GO BACK TO HELL YOU MOLE-MAN!"

(Sarge) "RED TEAM'S KICKED YOUR ASS BEFORE, AND WE'LL DO IT AGAIN!"

(Tucker) "SUUUUCK MY DIIIIIIICK!"

Aqua laughed at Iros while Darkness, Forte, and Lest watched.

(Lest) "G-GUYS, I THINK THAT WAS THE FRIENDLY AGARTHAN SITRI MENTIONED!"

The bullets continued to rain.

(Forte) "I don't think they can hear us."

(Darkness) "But a moment."

Darkness walked over to the trunk of the Warthog before slamming her fist into it, sending the Warthog rocketing upwards as it spun around.

(Simmons) "GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"

The bullets and laughter stopped when they saw the Warthog crash back to the ground, somehow landing on the wheels.

Simmons landed on the Warthog and bounced off.

(Simmons) "OOOUAGH!"

(Darkness) "Mister Lest?"

(Lest) "...U-Uh, I think that's "C" Sitri told us about."

(Iros) "...Alright fine, I'll do away with the pretense if that's how it's going to go."

Iros dusted himself off and sighed.

He knew anything involving Kazuma's group would not go smoothly.

(Iros) "I am "C". My fellow Agarthans, including myself, want to help House Isekai."

Aqua stepped forth.

(Aqua) "Why should we believe you, they've been trying to kill us since we got here!"

(Iros) "Because we are not with Those Who Slither. Not any longer."

(Lest) "Then I assume you know what we plan to do right now?"

Iros nodded.

(Iros) "Save your friends trapped in the Zanado Tower. But they are not there, not any longer."

(Darkness) "What?"

(Iros) "Do you recall the earthquake that happened yesterday? That was caused by the Towers, disabling some kind of limitation on travelling, which is how I assume you got here to begin with. Your friends got trapped in that Earthquake and went to a different world from Fodlan."

(Tucker) "How the heck do you know this?"

(Arval) "For the love of- If you can stop asking questions and just LISTEN!"

Arval appeared next to Iros, startling everyone.

(Arval) "We know we're pretty suspicious, but if we wanted to attack we'd have done so by now! We know your friends teleported because we've kept track of who's going in and out of Fodlan!"

Iros shot Arval a sharp glare.

(Arval) "...And I'm Arval, by the way."

(Aqua) "Why am I getting the same feeling I get from Sothis...?"

(Arval) "Oh...Ooooh, crap. Forgot you're a goddess."

(Tucker) "Wait, she isn't making that shit up? Why's she so bitchy?"

(Aqua) "Shut up! And you, Arval! Elaborate!"

(Arval) "Well, sometimes you don't act like a-"

(Iros) "That's not what she meant."

(Arval) "I know."

(Iros) "Arval. You are not helping me."

Arval rolled his eyes and sighed.

(Arval) "It's probably easier to show than tell you everything. Let's take you to our home."

(Simmons) "Ow...T-This could be a trap!"

(Sarge) "Simmons is right, this could be some elaborate scheme! Getting us into the belly of the beast then to eat us like some sort of little bunny rabbit!"

(Iros) "...What?!"

(Grif) "Why the fuck should we go into your creepy ass underground mole-man base? We've been there once and it was all glowy and shit!"

(Forte) "As much as I hate their phrasing, I'm inclined to agree."

(Lest) "If you know this group, then you know why we don't trust you entirely.."

(Iros) "Fair enough. But your vehicles are breaking down, and the snow is about to get worse. You can either come with us and go save your friends now, or you deal with the snow of Faerghus."

Everyone looked at each other, weighing their options.

(Darkness) "...I shall go."

(Aqua) "What?!"

(Darkness) "If it means saving our friends, then I see what little options we have."

(Arval) "Finally, someone's starting to make sense-"

Darkness turned to Iros and Arval with a lustful look in her eyes, scaring them.

(Darkness) "And if they have sinister tricks up their sleeves, then I can be the one to endure them!"

(Iros) "...We do not. Especially not the kind you're thinking."

(Arval) "W-Why is she looking at us like that?"

(Aqua) "You get used to it."

(Arval) "I don't want to get used to it."

(Sarge) "So, what's this base of yours?"

Iros nodded and turned to Arval.

Arval raised one hand and opened a portal made of a dark black aura.

(Grif) "Considering the last place looked like the goddamn Death Star, my bet's on-"

Through the portal, they could see the base of these Agarthans plain as day, and everyone was taken aback.

(Arval) "Yeah, we decided to go away with the 'Living in a hole' motif we're so fond of these days. Let's just say we were nostalgic."

(Iros) "Who's this 'we'? I distinctly you remember napping the entire time as we-"

(Arval) "Shut up. And you lot, why are you waiting? Get in, this takes a lot of power!"

Everyone looked at each other before stepping through the portal.

Darkness grabbed both the hood of the Mongoose and side of the Warthog before dragging it with her effortlessly.

They all shot the two a glance before stepping through, with the exception of Sarge.

(Sarge) "Try anything buddy, and I'll introduce ya personally to my shotgun court martial!"

(Simmons) "SIR!"

Sarge mumbled something under his breath as he walked through.

(Arval) "Ugh, I can't believe we traded going directly to Sitri and Sothis for these idiots."

(Iros) "You're the one who didn't want to talk to Sothis to begin with, so this is your fault."

(Arval) "Hmph. And by the way, told you so."

(Iros) "Shut up."

Iros walked in as Arval tagged closely behind with a smug grin.

[TO BE CONTINUED]

#House Isekai #House Isekai ARR #fanfic #crossover

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shotgundammit · 10 months

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((I got one like this is enough to fuel me. Also we’re fucking with canon so we’re back on Chorus with unspecified timeframe just roll with me))

It was too close. Wash was back in the surgery room, Caboose and Tucker taken aside to give reports on what they’d seen. It’s not the first time Grey had to work on the Freelancer- but God, does everyone hope it’s the last.

Red Team waits out the way. Simmons and Sarge had bundled Wash into the Warthog to rush him back to safety, and they were all pointedly not talking about it.

It’s Donut who breaks the quiet. “I mean. At least this time Doctor Grey knows what she’s working with, right? That’s good, he’s got a good chance”.

“As opposed to?” Grif says, where he’s sat slumped, arms folded. Sarge’s helmet turns in his direction, but Donut’s the one who answers. “Well, you know. When we were separated. Wash and I got hurt pretty bad-” “You didn’t mention that”, Simmons says, with concern in his voice.

Donut just shrugs. “Sarge handled it pretty well, considering he wasn’t exactly in the best shape either”.

Grif scoffs. “Considering he survived a bullet to the head via mouth to mouth, I don’t think Sarge is in a place to be talking”.

“Did you know”, Sarge says suddenly, “that in yer dogtags, there’s a USB?”

Simmons puts a hand over his chest. “...No?”

“It’s standard issue. It holds yer medical files. If you get it into a computer, it’ll spit out anything a doctor needs to know to save your life”. He looks Grif dead in the eye. “...Yer commanding officer also gets a copy. I had Donut’s memorized. I have all yer files memorized”.

Grif stares back. “Surprised you put in the effort, asshole, considering how often you put me up for canon fodder!” “I also took the liberty after the whole Freelancer buisness to snag what files Flowers- Florida- whatever- had on the dirty Blues. Was gonna use it to get an advantage, but the whole war was fake, so I just held onto ‘em- but I know enough”, Sarge says, and Simmons goes to say something, but is shushed by Donut.

“What’s your fucking point, old man?” Grif asks.

“My point”, Sarge says, “is that I could tell a medic that Simmons there is allergic to shellfish. That Caboose is missing a toe. That you have a sister waiting for you to come home, and if God forbid you didn’t make it, I’d be able to tell them what to put on the memorial they’d put out, commendations and all”.

Donut whispers to Simmons. “I don’t know what’s happening”.

Grif just throws his hands up. “And??”

“...You don’t even know my name, Dexter. I could be lying in that surgery room, and if I didn’t make it, you wouldn’t have two sentences to say about it”. Sarge stands. “I ain’t a good CO, but I sure as hell could do more than that for you”. And then he walks out. The silence returns. “...Sarge has a name?” Donut says quietly.

“Apparently”, Simmons admits. “...We barely know anything- he was ODST. He’s afraid of heights... that’s... it?” Grif doesn’t say anything. Simmons looks at him, and sighs. “Well. Fuck”.

#;headcannon #;yellow bellied [ooc]#(this isn't as good as I wanted but I just. Red team knows nothing about red dad and it hurts me)

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cinaed · 3 years

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Red vs Blue: Zero Eps 1-2

Going to be posting my thoughts on the newest season of RvB! Doing the first two in one post because I didn't get a chance to watch until now, but will put the ep 2 reaction behind a cut to avoid spoiling non-FIRST members!

Red vs Blue: Zero Ep 1: Viper

Really enjoying the music already just for the introduction.

Re: Agent Washington, "they fixed that a long time ago using robotics and old kitchen appliances," I'm not sure how I feel about Wash's injuries being completely fixed, but also great shoutout to Grif and Simmons cyborg fun and Sarge being saved by CPR. But also I really wonder where this is in the RvB timeline. Has it been a couple months? Years? Maybe we'll find out.

I was joking with some friends that the other Reds and Blues are on vacation (Grif, Simmons, and Kai are visiting Hawaii, Sarge took Lopez home to meet his mom, Doc and Donut are doing a galactic road trip, and Tucker and Caboose are visiting Junior) but this is Wash and Carolina's idea of vacation, a supposedly low-key security mission. That's my story and I'm sticking to it until otherwise contradicted by canon.

I really like the fight scenes so far! They feel very fluid and easy to follow, at least for me.

Also I am kind of obsessed with the female villain's weapon. A knife that can like teleport you??? That is so cool. (Imagine if Tucker could do that with his sword. Or Simmons got a hold of one.) It's just a neat concept, and I cannot wait to see more fight scenes with it included.

CAROLINA! I love her so much. "A fan? Do you want an autograph or something?" Love her and Wash working as a unit.

Villain: "Don't get distracted." No, get distracted, love that the female villain is a fangirl of Carolina because who wouldn't be.

I really like the introduction to the new characters. They're called the Shatter Squad? It gave us their personalities right off the bad, with a rookie and a race. Looking forward to learning more about them! Love One versus East's rivalry, Axel's long-suffering attitude because he knows One is going to get too competitive, and the poor newbie (Raymond, I think?) puking in his helmet.

I will admit, I am not sure about Wash in peril yet again. I love Wash, but I am a bit tired of him being constantly hurt or in danger, you know? But I am willing to see where it goes, and I do like the concept of Carolina raising hell to get him back from these guys.

"Where's the temple?" "He knows that the alien artifacts are keys to the temples that hold the ultimate power!" Hm, so is this like Forerunner stuff or whatever, like the stuff they found on Chorus? Or stuff like Tucker and Locus' swords? Will be interesting to see where they're going with this, because Chorus' temples did have some very powerful stuff going on.

Red vs Blue: Zero Ep 2: Recovery

Carolina just instantly going into fight mode upon waking up is so good but also hurts a little! I just want her and Wash to have a less fraught time. Also the giant over-sized cast is an amazing visual gag, I approve.

Carolina immediately going into leader mode is SO GOOD. Very great callback to her during her Freelancer days as well as being with the Reds and Blues. God, the Reds and Blues totally helped prepare her for the Shatter Squad, huh. Also her putting her feet up on her desk is definitely someone like Grif rubbing off on her, because she wouldn't have done that in her Freelancer days.

Axel: a dad and a Boy Scout. West is the father figure -- and East's actual father? Carolina might've said "A bit on the nose," but also like...she must have some feelings about a father and daughter working together. That is definitely interesting. I mean, I would also have daddy issues if my dad was in charge of my squad, just saying. But it does explain a little of her determination to be better than One, who is headstrong and needs to learn how to be a team player. Raymond compared to Guy Fieri is fun, and I'm intrigued how they'll all work together as a squad.

I LOVE Tiny. I want to see more of her. Enormous genius mechanic who likes to high-five and is super cheerful? She's great. Also I see that remark about Warthogs being ancient. I see it.

Okay, if any of the crew dies, it's going to be Axel. A dad who just wants to retire and is obsessed with his lawnmower?

Carolina being a mentor to One is giving me a lot of feelings. Carolina has done the whole loner thing! She knows you need a team! She knows One needs a team! I am here for this relationship.

Hmm, so East had some sort of illness as a kid, and West gave her up for some genetic alteration or testing? I don't know Halo really well, but I'm sure stuff like that was happening during the war. But whatever it did saved her but has some side effects? Interesting.

One's family being a long line of soldiers KIA really works as a backstory for me. And also that means we've got TWO father-daughter relationships on this squad which is both amazing and makes me worried. I am really loving Axel though. He saw One, went "Is anyone going to adopt her?" and didn't wait for an answer.

I am again really liking the fight scenes. It's a nice juxtaposition of seeing the bad guys working together like a well-oiled machine while Shatter Squad is still, well, a little scattered.

This really was supposed to be low key, a medium risk assignment for Wash and Carolina. :( Oops.

Oh god, One calling Carolina grandma and Carolina IMMEDIATELY wiping the floor with her is great. Love it. And then of course ending with her about to kick One and East's asses because she's Carolina.

I am excited for the rest of the season, though I hope we get some mention of the Reds and Blues, even if it's just Carolina saying someone in Shatter Squad would get along with one of them.

#rvb zero #rvb zero spoilers #Red vs Blue

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jokerfan99 · 4 years

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Icebreaking (RWBY/RVB) by Necroceph

*RVB Opening Theme*

Grif: Ugh... Simmons: Grif. Grif? GRIF! Grif: Wha- Mom? Simmons: Nope it's your old pal, Simmons. Grif: Oh man, I had the weirdest dream. There was this blonde chick who emerged from this crashed ship. She was hot as hell, you could've seen her! But then all the sudden she started sabotaging everything just to cover her tracks because she claimed that Command kidnapped her because they chose her to be a new host for O'Malley. Yang: Who's O'Malley?

That was no dream!

Grif: O-oh fuck... me.

He faints again.

Ruby: Not again! That's the third time he fainted. Next one might end up a coma. Sarge: Dagnabbit. Lopez, get a bucket of hydrofluoric acid. Water won't work this time. Lopez: Sí señor. Ruby: Wait won't that kill him? Donut: Nah I think he'll be alright. Probably with just a few bald spots. Ruby: Okay... By the way, Yang, what is Omega? Yang: Hey don't ask me, I only heard it from the guards. But from the way your team reacted, it looks like they know what it is. Ruby: Do you? Sarge: Of course we know him. He's our greatest nemesis. A crazed computer program that tried to kill all of us with his rockets and his laughs. Ah, those were the good old day. Simmons: No it wasn't! He made me call, Sarge a cocksucker!

WHACK!

Simmons: OW! Sarge: Still haven't forgive you for that. Donut: He tried to kill us with a robot army. Lopez: Incluso me secuestró y me convirtió en su asistente personal del mal. Ruby and Yang:... Huuuuuh? Simmons: Christ, let me tell you in detail. Long story short, he's an angry unstable megalomaniac AI used by a mercenary the Blues hired years ago. He went loose and started trying to kill every last one of us while possessing the body of conscientious objector with a rocket launcher. He was destroyed when he went into a Pelican with a bomb rigged inside it. Do you get the jist? Ruby:... Yang:... Ruby: I got lost when you said 'conscientious objector with a rocket launcher'. Simmons: Ugh... you know, forget what I said! Donut: C'mon, Simmons. You'll have to try harder. Give a story a little... 'pizzazz'. Ruby: I don't know what they're talking about, but I really wanna be in their world for five minutes. Yang: Totally. It must've been very fun here before you came. Simmons: Sigh, I don't understand. How did Command get their hands on him? Didn't the Pelican blew up with him and Tex inside? Sarge: Of course it did. I made sure he stayed dead by adding more payload inside the ship, strong enough to obliterate everything in a fifteen mile radius into space dusts. That explosion was a huge sight to behold! Lopez: Realmente no era tan grande. Simmons: And did you remove the ship's radio before that?

Both stared at each other for a moment.

Sarge:... Ah fiddlesticks. Simmons: HOW COULD YOU FORGET ABOUT THE RADIO?! Caboose: Hello! Weiss: Quiet!

Someone's calling from outside.

Yang: Who's that? Simmons: The Blues. Sarge: Captain Ahab's Barnacles, they must be here to salvage the ship for themselves. Damn vultures! Donut, Rose, go handle them. Donut: Wha- what about you guys? Sarge: One: Me and Lopez are trying to wake Grif up with EXTRA pain. And Two: Simmons' is needed here to find where O'Malley is being held at. The black box might contain information where did was being headed. Simmons: I would love to do that, Sir. IF YANG DIDN'T DESTROY THE COMM'S ROOM! Yang: I said I was sorry! Ruby: Why not call, Vic? Maybe he can ask you. Simmons: Oh please. He isn't that dumb enough to give us, O'Malley's exact location... unless... Sarge, permission to rip out the Warthog's radio. I have an idea. Sarge: Now wait a minute, you can't just rip out a piece of the Warthog! That's a penalty of- Simmons: I can do extra shifts. Sarge: Deal! Yang: Hey what about me? I can also fight those guys too. I really need to stretch this punching muscles of mine. Sarge: Punching muscles, hmm? I see why not. Permission granted. Alright, Lopez. Ready to pour that acid on him. Ruby: Yes! It's good to have you fight by my side. Yang: Hey, you're not going to let me miss out the fun. So, Donut. How many out there? Donut: Two. Yang: Two?! I expected more than fifty. Donut: Nah just two. There was suppose to be three more but I'm not sure why they didn't come along. Ruby: Hmm... maybe it's a Blue tactic. The two waiting outside are acting as a distraction while the other three are prepared to ambush us. Yang: That means we'll be surrounded. But that ain't a problem for me once I kick their asses. Donut: You against five of them? Wow, you're a bigger badass than I thought. Ruby: Trust me, she is. Back at basic, she destroyed an entire team all by herself without needing any help. It was awesome. Yang: Thank you. So what do you know about those two? Donut: Well there's Caboose on the tank and then there's Weiss. Yang: A tank, huh? That'll be easy once I throw my homemade... who was the other person?

Outside

Weiss: This is the Blue team! Come out with your hands up or be destroyed. There's no point in fighting 'cause we have a tank that outguns your pathetic little Warthog. But if do you seek battle, that's fine by me. That is all.

She turns off the megaphone and turns to Caboose, sitting inside the tank.

Weiss: Alright, Michael. We're just here to talk about the ship, no need to go all guns blazing. Caboose: If we're here to talk with the Red, why did we bring, Sheila here? Weiss: Just for precaution. Plus, I intend to see a shell liquifying both Ruby's legs. Caboose: Okay. Hi, Donut!

Donut appeared on the roof alone. Where is the rest of the Reds?, Weiss thought. Something's up and good thing she brought the tank.

Donut: Hi, guys! Hey where's everybody else? Weiss: Busy scrubbing the floors with their toothbrushes. That's what happens when you don't report anything important to your leader. (whisper) Keep an eye out for, Ruby. We're here to talk about the ship. Do you know what happened to it and where it came from? Donut: Didn't you guy's hear the crash yesterday? Caboose: Weiss didn't hear it because she was singing in the bathroom when it happened. Donut: Ooh can she sing Mordern Major General? Weiss: No. Donut: Sorry, guys. But there's nothing left to trade with you except ash and stuff. And it wasn't carrying anything too. Weiss: We're not here to trade. We got enough SMGs in the armory. How can you be sure it wasn't carrying anything? Donut: Yang told us. Weiss: I-I-I'm sorry, can you repeat what you said? Donut: I said... Yang: (offscreen) Shh! Not now. Donut: I should go back inside. We're quite busy today. Grif fainted not too long ago. Sarge and Lopez are trying to wake him up. Simmons' working on a pet project on communication and I was sewing silk for the winter. Weiss: Silk?! You don't use silk for the winter, you idiot! And winter isn't coming in another six months. Donut: I mean- Sangheili silk. It's a very nice alternative to wool... kinda Weiss: Really? And tel me, what is Rose doing? Donut: Making runs around the base. Weiss: Oh you mean... HER?

Weiss sticks out her foot slightly up in the air. Then a flash of red accident trips on the leg and crashes on the tank, head first. Ouch, that did not go as plan.

Ruby: Ow...! Weiss: Ah, poor old, Rose. Always forget that I've read every move she makes back at Beacon. Alright, Donut, enough games...

HISSSSS

The sound of hissing caught her attention. It came from next to her and... oh no. A plasma grenade is stuck onto the turret!

Caboose: Why do hear a snake hissing? Weiss: MICHAEL, GET OUT OFF THERE!

Caboose quicky jumps out from the tank. They both ran away until the grenade explodes, blowing the tank into pieces. Bye bye, Sheila (or her body), you will not be missed.

BOOOM!

Caboose: SHEILA, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

At Blue Base.

Church and Tucker could see the mushroom cloud erupted on the field. Must be one hell of a fight out there.

Tucker: Man I'm glad we're here cleaning up the base. Hey, Church can I burrow your toothbrush? Church: No.

Back at Red Base.

Weiss: KUFF KUFF... Michael, are you alright? Caboose: Yes, I'm fine. But Sheila... sniff... is dead. Weiss: What the hell was that? There's no way a plasma grenade can create an explosion that big! Yang: Unless it was made by me, YOU WHITE HAIRED BITCH!

That voice, that tone. No it couldn't be. She turned to the direction of the voice and sees a Red soldier carrying the same weapon that almost split her head into a bloody mess. And the only one carrying it is...

Weiss: Oh no...

Yang Xiao Long.

Yang: Hello, Weiss. Long time no see. Caboose: Weiss, is that the angry friend you talked about? Weiss: Yes. Yes she is... RUUUUN!

Weiss grabs Caboose's hand and run away from Yang. However they were stopped when three more plasma grenades land in front of them and exploded, creating two large craters roughly about 12 meters in diameter, six meters in depth.

Weiss: Oh crap! This is Weiss Schnee to Blue base, we require reinforcements, NOW! Yang: NO ONE'S COMING TO SAVE YOUR FIRST CLASS ASS, SCHNEE! Just you, me and these two babies, Mr. and Mrs Fisty.

Yang cracks her knuckles as she approaches towards them, with raging red eyes focused on the one and only teammate who ran away.

Weiss: AAAAAH! MICHAEL, KEEP THAT PSYCHOPATH AWAY FROM ME!

Weiss quickly hides behind Caboose, cowering herself away from that golden monster that tried to kill her. Yang stopped as her path is block by Caboose who stood calmly between her and Weiss.

Caboose: Hello... big scary lady... with big boobs. My name is, Caboose. You must be,... Yang. Yang:... Caboose:... Yang:... Uhm...hi? Do I know you? Caboose: Yeah, Weiss told me that t you are the angry friend. She also told me that you and Ruby are sisters and were part of a team in the letters R, W, B and Y. Ruby: Actually it's pronounced... ow my nose!... 'Ruby', with a 'W'. Caboose: Oooh! Wait if it's pronounce Ruby, shouldn't 'W' be a 'U'? Yang: (whisper) Who is this guy? Ruby: That's Caboose. Dumbest member in the Blue team here. Yang: A mentally retarded guy serving in the Blue army, huh? I'll deal with you later.

Yang glares at Weiss.

Yang: So, Weiss. This is where you've been. Stationed in a desolate box canyon with nothing but sand and rocks. I thought you'd be in the Atlesian army by now. Weiss: GULP! Yang: What's the matter, still afraid to face me after all these years? Hmph, how pathetic. To even call yourself a soldier is just embarrasing. Caboose: Hey you can't talk, Weiss like that! She's my best friend. Yang: You... her friend? Caboose: Yeah she may be a little noisy. Weiss: Gee, Michael. Thanks. Yang: SHUT UP! Weiss: EEK! Yang: So you know who I am, that's something. But do you know what she did before she came here? Caboose: Yeah she told me that she was in a base with you during an exam. But it got attack by space pirates who want to steal things, arrrgh. She was then given orders by her teacher to escape because she had to bring back important dates before the pirates steal it. You know I like the Egyptian ones. They're very chewy like gum. Ruby: Don't you mean 'data'? Caboose: Yeah that too. Yang: And what else did she tell you about us? Caboose: Well I know is that Ruby disobeyed her orders to save everybody, leaving the pirates to take over the base. And you kicked a guy's balls because he ordered you to tell everyone to fight back despite the pirates winning. And... Weiss, what did Blake do...? Yang: TO HELL WITH ORDERS! Caboose: Mommy!

Caboose stepped back away from Yang's explosive wrath.

Yang: Those soldiers back couldn't stand a chance against them! I don't give a damn what our superiors ordered us to do, but me and Ruby won't stand idly to see them get slaughtered. And Weiss over there, just left us and those people to die, just for what? A PLACE IN ATLAS' MILITARY! Is that something you would consider her a 'friend'? Caboose:... Yep. Yang: Good... wait, what? Caboose: Uhm... because, no matter what your friends did, he'll always be your friend. Yang: That... is the most stupidest quote I've ever heared. IT MATTERS WHAT SHE DID... TO US! Now move aside so I can pummel her bitchy face! Caboose: Nope. Yang: Sigh... then you left me no choice. EAT THIS!

Yang raises her fist and strikes Caboose, only for him to catch it mid air. His quick reflexes surprised everyone. Yang's tries to yank off her fist from his tight grasps...

CRUNCH

... followed by the sound of a metallic crunch. Caboose finally lets go of her hand. Yang looks at her right hand and was shocked to see her hand has been crushed.

Yang: WHAT AND HOW?! Caboose: Sorry! I squeezed it too tight. Weiss: Holy... shit. Ruby: Is... that normal? Yang: No. This was supposed to be made out of titanium and he crushed it... as if it was paper. That's so... metal... RETREAT!!! Ruby: RUNAWAY!!!

Yang and Ruby, run like hell from Caboose. Oh the sweet irony.

Donut: (from afar) Hey, guys. Why are you running, aren't you supposed to fight them? Yang: We're not running. This is the Xiao Long secret technique! Ruby, you didn't tell me he was that strong! Ruby: I didn't know, just keep running!

Weiss emerged from the safety of Caboose's back. She can't believe, they're gone.

Weiss: My God, Michael. How did you do that? Caboose: Oh it was nothing. I don't like bullies harming my best friends. And I like catching hands. Weiss: Nothing? I've never seen Yang run away from fight before. That's was... AWESOME. Since when did you do workout? Caboose: I just drank a lot of milk till my muscles grow strong. That's what they said in the commercials. Weiss: Milk makes your bones stronger, not muscles you beautiful dope. Now then, let's get the hell out of here before Yang come's back!

In the caves.

TZZT

Vic: Hello, Project Freelancer Operational Command Center. This is your friendly neighborhood, Virtual Intelligence Computer, calling from Blood Gulch. ???: This is Command. What seems to be the problem? Vic: Finally, been calling for ten minutes. Hey listen, your drunk driver called me last night and asked if he can parked right next to the Red base. I allowed and now the ship's here, burnt up to a crisp and sitting there like it's nobody's business. ???: Copy that, V.I.C. Is it the ship, Sanctuary? Vic: That's the one. ???: And what is the status of the subject? Vic: She is hot as hell. Where did you guys pick her up, the Red Light Outpost? ???: Ahem. Vic: Sorry. The good news is, she's a-ok. The bad news, she told the Reds what happened. They're willing to hide that fine body to stroll around their territory, tsk tsk. Send in those Recovery people to pick her up. Also get aclean up crew for this mess. Seeing that ship here is an eyesore. ???: Acknowledge. We'll send in a Recovery squad. And one more thing. How's the Alpha? Vic: Still a hot head as always. Why do you ask? ???: Nothing. We just want to know its current status, that's all. Hehehe... nyehehehehehehe... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! YOU FOOLS! THE DARKNESS WILL CONSUME YOU ALL! NYEHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!... Command, out.

TZZT

Vic: Hmm, must've said somethin' funny. Ah, oh well I'm sure it's nothing serious!

A/N: Sorry the is so rushed. My degree started and I've been busy lately

Deviantart: https://www.deviantart.com/necroceph

#weiss schnee #yang xiao long #michael j caboose #Red vs Blue #rwby #Rooster Teeth #monty oum

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stareiiez · 4 years

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Mephistophelian Summer

Chapter 1.

𝕎𝕠𝕣𝕕 ℂ𝕠𝕦𝕟𝕥: 𝟚.𝟡𝕜

𝔸/ℕ: Hello, Hello! <3 Tonight at 1:11 am I bring you the first chapter of my horror au! There’s no horror going on right now, it’s just setting up the basis for the reason why and where the horror of this fic takes place.

Warnings: Cursing and Foul words, that’s about it!

𝑀𝑒𝑝𝘩𝑖𝑠𝑡𝑜𝑝𝘩𝑒𝑙𝑖𝑎𝑛: adj: showing the cunning or ingenuity or wickedness typical of a devil; also see: devilish; diabolic; diabolical; mephistophelean; evil.

The ticking of the bell that hit 11:30 am, it seemed the clock's noise rang in Tucker's mind louder than the students' chatter and laughter that rang in his classroom. His head was propped up on both of the palms of his hands as his dark brown eyes narrowed in on the white clock's face. It seemed like the large and small hand of the clock seemed to move slower than normal, just because it was prolonging the students of Vallahala High. Summer would begin right when the clock would strike noon, and the early release would grant sweet sweet freedom for the next three months of blissful vacation. Tucker couldn't help but grin at the plan that was forming in his head-on just how he would spend his summertime. Unlike most of his peers would get summer jobs to save up money, Tucker would be wasting his time with his group of friends doing everything and going anywhere he wanted without a care in his world.

A smooth grin spread over his lips as his eyes got a little hazy from his daydreams. It wasn't until his summer daydreams were ruined by the vibrating phone in his jeans back pocket. The bright cellphone screen lit up with multiple messages from the group chat him and his friends had created a few years back. In this chat, conversations ranged from absolute chaotic mindnumbing interactions to the dissecting every little thing about their lives and beyond their home planet. Usually, Grif would insinuate these conversations when he would smoke two or three joints and spam the group chat with his otherworldly conversations.

His phone screen lit up from already ten or more messages from the said group chat. Without care, Tucker settled back into his seat and unlocked his phone. The teacher didn't care, it was the last day of school and they too might be counting down the minutes for summer vacation. Until next week when they would go back to teaching some poor sorry sap of students that didn't manage to pass both fall and spring semester with the best grades in the world. Thank god his future goal major wasn't education.

Fellow Delinquiants, and Dick and Carolina.

11:37 am Dickhead 1: So what's this about some big summer plans?

11:37 am David: Summer plans? I was applying for that summer job you know-

11:39 am Stoner McGee: Work? During freedom? You make me tired.

11: 39 am David: Well... Carolina is getting a summer job with me too-

11:40 am Tucker: BOOOOO you both suck ass

11: 40 am Tucker: Listen assholes, there's no work this summer; because we are going camping.

11:41 am Redhead: We are doing what?

11:43 am Tucker: Relax, I'll let you all in on my plan when we get out of this hellhole.

11:46 am Dick: The outdoors seems fun!

11:48 am Sis: Camping? Are you on crack Tucker?

11:49 am Donut: If we're camping I vote on bringing food!

Well, at least some people were on board with the idea. Before he could read any more group text messages Tucker slipped his phone back into his pocket and sighed contently. This summer was going to be the best thing to happen to him in a while. Ever since he concluded that he was for sure graduating next year, and a few of his friends had already planned their future that didn't seem to involve him, it was starting to sound shitty. Call him a pussy, or bully him but he had abandonment issues. He hated being alone or being left behind, that's why most of his time was at least spent with at least his group of friends or at least one of his friends. He needed to feel secure and safe, and by god did they make him feel like he had a second family. This summer was the last summer he could spend normally without the stress of college looming over his shoulder, or friends coming and going. He wanted to have fun and take charge of the rest of his youth before it was forever locked away in the state of some four-year hell of education so he can get a job.

Once the clock finally hit 12, Tucker had sprung up from his seat like something struck him. His backpack was slung over his right shoulder and he all but ran out of the classroom along with the other excited students. Papers were flung in the air, and screams and chatter filled the air. Notebooks were flung, textbooks were thrown in the trash and homework filled binders were torn apart. The papers scattered and fluttered through the air in a victorious motion. Tucker jogged through the halls, his body weaving through bodies and moving fluidly with the masses of people who were making their escape through the school's front doors.

The large wooden doors were flung open and the ruckus filled the open air, classmates ran all over. Some made their ways to their cars, some stuck around to say goodbye to their friends, or others sprinted into the aligned school buses that awaited to take them home for the last time in the school year. The bright sunny, noon air shined upon Tucker as he inhaled his first noseful of fresh air. 'Ah freedom, so that's what it smells like.'

A content sigh slipped past his lips while he leaned back against the school statue of its mascot. One large puma that has it's back arched and teeth bare. They just changed to the Pumas after some big back and forth argument in the school district of Blood Gulch High should accept and appreciate their mascot if it was a warthog. The school cringed as well as the student body when they first found out that their school teams were about to be known as the Blood Gulch Warthogs. They wanted to be feared and at least have some kind of ring to it, so the school board decided on naming Blood Gulch, The Blood Gulch Pumas. It was pretty stupid to argue over some type of animal that resembles their school if it was up to Tucker. This highschool reminded him of chihuahuas. All talk and not enough bite.

"Hey man." A male voice spoke up before Tucker could bask in his summer freedom for a little longer. The male tilted his head to greet the new presence, and couldn't help but grin.

David 'Washington.' stood before him. All dark brown hair, with the blonde dye that was accenting the tips of his spiky hair. The blonde dyed tips were part of a half tipsy dare at the beginning of the junior year and Carolina had managed to do a decent job in dying his hair correctly. Wash, at first nearly died at the sight of his new hair. Then slowly for a week he slowly accepted the blonde accenting the dark brown of his natural hair color. Even his parents thought it looked nice and even joked that he should go full blonde, something that Wash had somewhat considered but never went through with it yet. He casually slipped the second strap of his backpack over his left shoulder, and his large palms grasped the two straps contently.

"Where's the rest of the guys?" Tucker asked once he reciprocated his greeting to one of his best friends.

"Carolina is dragging Church here since I'm sure Allison is trying to shove her tongue down his throat by now. Grif is going to drive his little sister home and then meet up with us with Simmons, Donut, and Frank."

"Why exclude Sis? She's always the life of the party." Tucker frowned.

A small scoff as a shy grin slipped over David's lips, "Please? Her? She's that and a whole ass hurricane."

"Exactly why she's invited with us to these summer plans of mine." Tucker grinned, a little more cooly than needed.

"Right, what kind of plans are we-"

"Hey! I said I'm going goddamnit!" Another voice cut in, this one pitched up higher in distress as a few grunts left his lips.

Both males tore their attention away from each other to watch a fiery redheaded girl grab a dark-haired male by the back of his shirt towards the two. The dark-haired male's arms were flailing about as he fought to keep up with the long-legged strides that the redheaded female took to meet the two boys.

"I can walk on my own, you know?! You're embarrassing me." The male hissed as the female finally unhanded him, her long pale arms crossed over her chest as her nose lifted slightly in the air with a huff.

"Really? Seems like you couldn't walk straight after you seemed to be having your soul sucked out of you by the blonde bitch." The girl growled back, anger set in her bright green eyes.

"Told you," Wash whispered to Tucker, making the other snort with amusement. It was cut short when the green-eyed gaze was sliced over to the two instead, silencing any ore commentary about her little brother.

"Just because you're only 30 minutes older than me, does not mean you can just drag me anywhere." The dark-haired male huffed more, he stood up straight and fixed the black-framed glasses on his nose. His duller green eyes were narrowed in a glare at his sibling.

"Church always glad to see you," Tucker commented, his eyes swept over the pasty-skinned male. A shit-eating smile took over his features as he caught the smear of dark red covering his entire mouth and one place on his neck. 'My man.' Tucker thought slimly.

"Hey, Leonard you got a little.." Wash spoke up, his finger pointing to his mouth. A small blush adorned his freckle splattered cheekbones and nose, his eyes quickly averting when realization dawned on the other's face.

The smear of the lipstick only colored the redhead's face in a little more irritation than necessary. The tension hung over the four heads, and with Carolina nearly on verge of bringing all hell loose to her little brother and his girlfriend. Wash cleared his throat and shot Tucker a look, one that had Tucker shoving his hand in his back pocket and fishing his car keys out

“Let's get some lunch fuckers." He said, returning Wash's look, and lead the three to his car.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Slim's Pickens, a dinner that has better food than its cursed name, had the best food in probably the whole town. The radio station lulled in the background of the diner. Chatter, silverware clinking against plates was comforting in a way, this one diner had the aura of 'Welcome Home.' and that was one of the reasons why it was the group's favorite spot to hang out at. Tucker had his feet propped up on the chair next to him as he scrolled on his phone, his eyes scouring through a few text messages he sent to Grif. He had been pestering and frankly pissing off his friend, to get the rest of his friend group to the diner. He was too impatient to lay down his big summer plan. With a groan, Tucker shut his phone screen off and tossed his head back over the chair's back.

"What is it with you today? You're so jumpy and you practically shoved us into your car." Wash commented, his gaze was on Tucker for a while now. He was watching the impatience grow more and more on Tucker's features, and it only made him snort in amusement.

"You nearly hit seven cars on your way here, and nearly ran through two red lights," Carolina added, her head was propped up on her hand and a single eyebrow rose in judgment.

"You will know when the other idiots are here." Tucker huffed, his eyes roamed over to Carolina. The once pissed off look on her face from her little brother was far gone, thanks to her practically forcing him to clean off the marks and lipstick stains Tex had left on his face.

"Well if you're going to play the waiting game, I am going to order something to eat." Carolina hummed, before picking up the menu and leaned over the table to David. Their chatter over what sounded better to eat, or certain prices.

20 minutes later, a clean Church, and plates of fries and other items of food that was placed before the four; Grif, Sister, Simmons, Donut, and Frank Dufrense had joined them. Finally.

"Alright, asshole tell me why you nearly made me get in a car crash from all your stupid texts," Grif said as he plopped down in the chair in front of Tucker. He didn't hesitate to steal a curly fry from Wash's plate and shove it in his mouth. His dark eyebrow rose as he chewed.

Tucker frowned before answering. "I already figured out what we are going to do this summer."

"If you're bringing up that camping trip-"

"Yes I am bringing it up, come on! It'll be so fucking great. Us, a private lake, privacy, alcohol. All the works!"

"Woo! Par-tay! Let's get it!" Sis cheered, her hands flinging up in the air as an excited grin split across her lips. Her eyes sparkled at the thought of getting shit-faced and puking her guts out in the crystal clear lake; then go skinny dipping in the waters at the dead of night.

"Oh no, the hell you aren't! No parties! You're three years younger and so underage." Grif bit out, his gaze fixed on his sibling that was sitting at the far end of the table right in front of Carolina. His voice ruining the enthusiastic expression on Sister's face.

"You're not my mom! Don't tell me what to do!"

"I'll kick your ass like our mom, I'll break my lazy rule of not doing shit just for you."

"Where exactly are we going to go do this if we agree?" Simmons pipped up from beside Grif.

"A place I always camped at with my Dad during the summer. It's called Tahoe Wood but I call it paradise."

"Tahoe Wood? You mean as in that endless fucking woods that most people get lost in Tahoe Wood?" Church commented, his voice sounding not too pleased in the slightest.

"You have me as a guide, come on I know that place like the back of my hand." Tucker scoffed.

"I am just brimming with confidence that nothing shitty will happen to us."

"Hey! Fuck you man!"

"Tucker, how long are we going to stay there?" Frank "Doc" cut in before Tucker or Church could further curse each other out in the diner.

It's happened at least once or twice, and each time the two were escorted outside by the waiters and left outside to cool off. They were allowed back inside once they at least said sorry to each other. They were treated like little kids for being in high school, but it came from a place of fondness. The employees all came to know the friend group well since they used the diner to hang out and eat almost once or twice every week.

"One week tops, think of it as a 'fuck you school' getaway." Tucker shrugged, his eyes watched as Grif stole a few more fries from Wash's plate. How the dyed blonde male didn't scold the other from stealing his food away more than once was a shock. "When are you and Carolina getting those summer jobs?" Tucker asked Wash.

"Sometime in the second week of June." Wash glanced at Carolina for confirmation.

"Since it is the last week of May, let's do this shit! Come on! Start the summer with a fucking bang!" Tucker pleaded, the palms of his hands smacking the table in the emphasis of his words. Plates clanged and silverware rattled from the vibrations, the noise drew several eyes of customers that were contently eating to glance over at the group.

"If we agree to this stupid trip will you shut up?" Church hissed, his eyes darting to the customers in the diner then back to Tucker. His pale green eyes were sharp and slightly cold as a wave of annoyance washed over his features.

Only when Church was pissed, annoyed, or just slightly miffed he looked like Carolina. He was the spitting image of their father, just like Carolina was a spitting image of their mother. Except Carolina had dyed her naturally blonde hair a fire engine red when she turned 16 and kept it red from since then on.

"Yes," Tucker said, rather smugly.

"Then yes! Now shut up."

"Hey! You don't speak for the rest of us. Camping sounds boring, and tiring work." Grif complained.

"Grif, shut up! I'm not going to hear Tucker complain for another hour about this trip. You go, or my sister is kicking your ass to Tahoe Wood and back!" Church hissed under his breath.

Well at least Tucker was satisfied, he would simply grin to himself as Grif bickered with Church. The two were bent over Carolina and Simmons that were sitting next to them. Donut and "Doc" were frankly content on conversating and adding in friendly banter to the swelling argument between the two males. It didn't help that both Grif and Church would yell at Donut or Doc to 'shut up and butt the fuck out' before going back to their argument.

This is going to be the best vacation ever.

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calliecat93 · 4 years

Text

Top 5 Things I Disliked About Red vs Blue: Season 2

When I decided to do this series, I knew it was gonna be hard to do lists for Blood Gulch. Not because I can’t think of anything I like or dislike specifically, but as I said before, BGC is mainly comedic driven. The worst I can say is ‘this isn’t funny’ and critique the earlier production standards. Which that’s kinda mean since they were working with what they had and trying to learn to do the show. As such, I have to reach on Dislikes for these and S2 was a tough one in that regard. I managed to come up with five, but GOD I had to stretch haaaard on it.

But still, I did it. Just remember, take this with a grain of salt. So here we go, Top 5 Things I Disliked About RvB S2.

#5. Doc

If you asked me which of the BGC to write out and never bring back… I’d probably have to pick Doc. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate him, but I’ve also never loved him. He comes off more whiny than funny, and most of the time he’s only funny due to the back and forth with O’Malley. Otherwise, usually… he’s just there. Even here in S2, while having a pacifist medic in a cast where several are trigger happy could lead to some funny stuff, Doc was just an annoyance. The situations he got into were funny, like getting knocked into the Warthog when the Blues unknowingly made it go rogue, but he was literally just there for the ride. Something IDT later season really improved aside form 16 and 17, which tbh I think is stretching it.

IDK, I just find Doc whiny and kinda boring. Even if he’s meant to be the annoying, disrespected nice guy, doesn't Donut kinda fit that slot already? Heck, they both even have the recurring ‘disappear for seasons and then suddenly comes back’ joke. The only times that I feel invested in Doc is when he has O’Malley, which is how he re-entered the plot here. I’m gonna save more about that in the S3 posts, but on his own? Doc just… doesn’t really work and I didn’t really miss him in between the Reds dumping him and him reappearing when O’Malley infected him. It’s also a flaw IDT recent seasons have really fixed, though they are trying. Plus I don’t hate Doc and some jokes with him do work (the gag of his naming made me giggle), I'm just… indifferent. But that’s why he’s at the top of the list since the most I can say is I find him whiny and not as funny,

#4. The Cyborg Subplot

So due to losing Lopez and because he’s Sarge, Sarge decides to turn one of the Reds into a cyborg to do all the stuff that Lopez did. He settles on Simmons. Now in and of itself, the subplot is fine. It leads to a good few jokes, like Grif trying to ruin Simmons’ parts after the surgery or a few gags like Simmons shooting his own foot and of course, faxass. While IDT the season would have been hurt without it, it has plenty of funny bits. Sow hat’s the problem. Well… like I said, cutting it wouldn’t have hurt anything. It kinda is just there to give the Reds something to do during the O’Malley and Tex stuff since otherwise, they’d just be standing around and taking… well, more than normal. Otherwise, it’s only significance plot-wise is Tucker tuning into their frequency, which is important in the finale when he picks up Vic and Sarge’s conversation.

So yeah, the subplot isn’t all that important. But it is still funny, so I don't mind it being there. But nowadays… how much so we see this come up? I mean Grif got mutilated by a tank and got another guy’s body/organs haphazardly stitched on. Simmons, while he possibly gave up those parts to Grif willingly, was otherwise forcibly converted into a cyborg. This… hasn’t really come up again. I mean the only time I think Simmons mentioned it in-show was as a brief joke in S11. Nine seasons later. I don’t think Grif’s side of it has come up at all ever again. Though… considering you can only get so many jokes out of this setup since everyone is always in armor, I do understand why. Though I feel with Simmons’ side at least, they could play with it some more, both comedically and maybe even storywise. But that may be my need for Simmons content talking…

So yeah, the subplot was okay. It’s at Number Four since I don’t hate it and it was funny. I just feel like nothing would be lost without it, especially since it pretty much never comes up again. Maybe one day though, who knows? At least the fanfic writers keep it alive XD

#3. The Caboose Forgetting Church Thing

Okay this is brief, but it does annoy me. During the whole trip into Caboose’s mind, Caboose’s memory of Church gets shot. As such, Caboose forgets who Church is. Makes sense, O’Malley killed the personification of Church in Caboose’s mind, so his mind would forget it. It also explains why Caboose got, well… for lack of a better way to put it, intellectually challenged later on due to having three AI’s in his brain and all the chaos that broke out. But Caboose forgetting Church lasts like… one episode? Maybe two? Anyways, Burnie explained on the commentary that it was just too hard to write out so they did one joke with it, and then just dropped it. Probably for the best... but then we have to figure out how this works in-continuity... damn it.

Really this is only on here because it forces me to try to figure out how this is possible in a show sense. Which yeah I probably don’t need to, but I am a continuity loser who tries to piece together these things. If I had to guess, maybe the memory of Church fixed itself somehow or Caboose was able to recall after being around Church for a little while. But I honestly really don’t know, and trying to think it through hurts my brain. It also did little to nothing either story-wise or comedy-wise, at least we got a few jokes out of the cyborg subplot. IDK, I feel like they gave up on it too soon. But then again this is the saga where they’ll break/ignore continuity for the sake of a joke and that’s just how these seasons worked. Hence why I put it smack-dab in the middle.

#2. Some Holdover S1 Issues

You can tell that there was a mass improvement in terms of production for Season Two. Pacing felt stronger, more was going on, characterizations began to settle in, and they even began to form more of a plot. They clearly had a much better idea of what they were doing now that they got through Season One and I think things like Matt becoming more involved in writing and production as well as Gus moving back to work on the show really helped as well. That being said, not everything got resolved. Most did, but there are still a few holdouts.

Audio mixing is a LOT better, especially when it comes to effects. The filter is still a little distracting, though better compared to S1. Not all the characterizations really set in. Grif and Donut are about 75% there and Simmons and Tucker are probably the least set in stone. The traits are there, like Simmons clinginess to Sarge and Tucker actually showing some competence when forced to, but nothing set in stone. Donut’s also on the right path with his hobbies and tendency to babble into TMI territory, but the voice is still off and his personality isn’t quite there yet. There’s some other, but I’ll touch on it in the Likes list. Some jokes could also still drag, like the whole switch joke where some of Church and Tucker’s back and forth went on a little too long.

We’re clearly making progress, but the mark hasn’t quite been hit. It’s still an improvement over S1 though, the pacing especially. This is nitpicky, but still it’s there. But hey it’s progress, and that is never a bad thing. So yeah, RvB is still evolving here, but the progress bar is loading steadily and trust me, by S3 I think we’ll be settled in… well, for the most part.

#1. Some Outdated Humor

The BGC was made from 2003 to 2007. Obviously, there’s gonna be some stuff that is outdated. Take the graphics themselves for example. Halo has evolved, so the game can look a little outdated, especially when you compare the original footage to the remastered footage. Let's put it this way, VIC is uncanny in the remaster… and is utterly horrifying in the original version. Thank God that the DVD is the remaster and I was spared of looking at that monstrosity. Visuals aren’t the only thing though, some pop culture references can also come off as outdated, like Creed joke in the RL vs Internet PSA. So can some of the humor that shows how stupid we were back only two decades ago.

There are… some jokes that are uncomfortable to listen to. For example, there’s the Grif shaming himself joked by saying he’s a girl and likes ribbons in his hair. It’s not the worst joke and clearly, it isn’t made to offend… but nowadays I think it could look offensive to certain individuals. It didn’t necessarily offend me, but it did kinda make me feel uncomfortable when I first watched it, but it could be me thinking it over too hard. There’s also the casual usage of the R word. Last season it came up a bit, but I noticed it came up more frequently here. Not excessively, but there were quite a few instances where it was treated as a casual curse word. Obviously back in 2004 we didn’t realize this was an offensive term, and I think they’ve even said that they regret the casual usage of it during the early years. You certainly would probably not hear that word used unless maybe to emphasize how terrible a character is, but even then I think they’d be more careful.

Now obviously RvB uses a lot of adult and offensive humor, especially in this era. I guess you can kinda call it the web version of South Park, only RvB has never really resorted to shock humor. It puts it above many, /many/ animated adult comedies in that regard. Still, when you run for this long, you’re gonna have some outdated elements. It’s not necessarily their fault, it just shows that times has changed. Still, it does make some stuff hard to look back on without cringing, and I imagine that the Founders would agree. So yeah… there’s just some stuff that wasn't fun to look back over and S2 isn’t the only offender, but this was where it stood out to me and took me out of the moment. As such, it is Number One.

(Top 5 Likes)

#rvb #rvb reviews #top likes/dislikes

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secretlystephaniebrown · 5 years

Text

Back to Prison: 5/5

Summary: The Tartarus makes good things hard to hang onto. So when a couple of mercenaries offer Wash his freedom, he can’t help but think it’s worth whatever price they might ask. Even if it brings him into direct conflict with the Reds and Blues once again.

Mercenary Wash AU.

And here we are, at the end of things! Thank you SO MUCH to everyone who's read, commented, left a kudos, or reblogged or liked on Tumblr! This has been a very fun journey, and I hope you all had nearly as much fun as I did!

One last special thanks to @jomeimei421 for drawing the art that started it all, and @sroloc--elbisivni for being a brilliant beta!

Also on Ao3

“Your turn, Wash,” Felix says, after he comes out of the true warrior test. Something about Felix is jittery, more manic than usual, after that. Locus is silent, pensive, and preoccupied, far too busy talking to Chrissie about setting up the trap to pay attention to them.

“Not a chance,” Wash says. He’s seen the men come out, terrified out of their minds, having lived their worst nightmares.

Wash’s nightmares are a lot worse than any of theirs.

Felix laughs, and Wash’s skin crawls. He reaches for his knives on instinct, and barely manages to stop himself from doing something truly, dangerously stupid.

“I wasn’t asking.”

There’s the thing about Felix that Wash understands. Felix doesn’t respect people, at least not in the way that people normally mean. Everyone, everything, is disposable to him. The closest thing to respect is whatever Locus has.

Wash is a tool, a pawn in Felix’s games.

And, ever since Tucker’s escape…

Wash feels like he’s become just slightly more disposable of one.

But being shoved, head first, into the bright, alien light, is still unexpected.

He’s standing in the snow, looking down at a body wearing his armor.

Someone grabs his elbow and he looks down, into the helmet of Lavernius Tucker, the man who he barely knows, but who has, for reasons that Wash can’t begin to understand, decided to save him.

“Focus,” Private Tucker hisses. He’s not that tall, being shorter than Wash, shorter than Caboose, shorter than Epsilon’s body had been. But he somehow manages to radiate fierceness. “Don’t you fuck this up, okay?”

“Okay,” Wash says, trying to stay upright even though the edges of his vision are beginning to blur with pain. His ribs are probably broken. Blood loss has made his head too light, and Doc hasn’t had much time to help him, not while they’d been busing getting the armor switched.

They make it through the inspection, they make it into the Warthogs, and they leave Epsilon’s body behind in the snow, for the soldier’s to deal with, and Wash tries not to collapse the second he gets into the back of the warthog.

Tucker takes off his helmet, turning around to face Wash. His features are handsome, his skin dark, his hair long, and his mouth a thin, dangerous line.

“Don’t make me regret this, okay?”

“I won’t,” Wash promises, one part earnestness, one part desperation, and one part something that Wash can’t even begin to name. “You won’t regret this.”

“I better not,” Tucker says, putting his helmet back on and turning his attention back to the road.

He doesn’t say what will happen if Tucker does regret this, but Wash can fill in the blanks well enough. Prison, a bullet in the back of the head, or even just killing him in his sleep…

Wash has earned that, he realizes with a horrible shudder. He doesn’t know much about Tucker, and the man doubtlessly knows little about him, but Tucker, the leader of Blue Team, owes him nothing. He has given Wash this second chance as a favor to Caboose. He captured Simmons, he held Doc hostage, and he shot—the pink one.

He doesn’t even know the pink one’s name. He thinks Simmons might have said it, but he can’t remember.

Wash’s fate rests solely in Lavernius Tucker’s hands.

For days, Wash is paralyzed by fear, trying to stay out of Tucker’s way, trying to be useful. He almost misses the Leaderboard, because at least then he had been given concrete evidence of his use, his worth, rather than trying to read a man he barely knows, who wears armor all the time.

The Reds fear him, dislike him, and resent him in turn. They’ve closed ranks, glaring out at the Blues with unconcealed hostility and rancor, and Wash hunches his shoulders and tries to make himself invisible as Tucker argues with the Reds over the radio about something specific that Wash can’t understand.

“I’m sorry,” Wash tells Tucker.

“Does it look like I care?” Tucker snaps. “Just… look, Caboose likes you. I’m not about to make him cry again.”

And don’t you go making him cry either, Tucker doesn’t say.

Slowly, things change. Tucker wakes him up after a nightmare, and blocks the knife that Wash tries to bury in his shoulder without so much as a wince.

“Dude, calm the fuck down, it’s me.”

For a moment, Wash doesn’t know him, thinks that the teal helmet is someone else, and he nearly calls out Carolina’s name, before he catches himself, and freezes.

“Tucker—” he gasps, staring at the hand wrapped around his wrist, keeping his knife trapped. “I didn’t—”

Tucker releases him. “Dude, it’s fine. Do you think you’re the only one who gets nightmares?”

He’s not. Tucker has them too—screaming ones, ones that lead to him making horrifically sexual comments all the next day, and spilling anything he holds because his hands are shaking so hard. Caboose has ones that lead to him crying, soft, shuddering gasps, whispering a litany of names—his sisters, Wash learns—and not stopping until he manages to get them all right.

“Tex had ones like yours,” Tucker admits, one night. His face is streaked with sweat, and his hands are trembling as he tries to wrap his fingers around his mug of hot cocoa. “She taught me to grab the wrist. She used a gun, not a knife, but she made me do it over and over again, until I was fast enough. I had to wake her up, because if Church did it, it was… bad. And if we let her sleep, it was worse.”

“Couldn’t you have… taken her gun?”

Tucker gave him a look. “It was Tex. She had guns all over Blue Base. I found one in Caboose’s cereal once.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” Tucker says, and smiles at him—wide and brilliant, despite Tucker’s exhaustion. “She was an asshole like that.”

“You miss her,” Wash says, surprised.

“She was my friend,” Tucker says. He passes Wash his own mug of cocoa.

They sit in silence for a few moments, before Tucker looks up at him.

“You know you are too, right?”

“What?”

“My friend.”

“… oh.”

Carolina comes back, after that. Carolina, scarred and green eyed, her hair still dyed bright red, and her entire body coiled so tightly with tension that Wash thinks that, one day, she’s going to lash out and bring down everything with her.

It’s just like Freelancer.

She hasn’t changed a bit in any way, except now, her devotion towards the Director, has turned around on its head.

“Revenge, Wash,” she promises him, her hand extended. “For both of us.”

Wash reaches out and takes her hand.

The Reds and the Blues tag along, into a series of wild twists and turns, until it brings them to a room, large and strange, with Epsilon’s hologram hovering over them all…

And Carolina raises a gun against Tucker’s head.

“Well, what about now?”

“Carolina!” Wash says, but he doesn’t move. “That isn’t necessary!”

“We found the Director! We can make him pay! This is what we wanted!” Epsilon says. “Tucker, c’mon! He screwed you guys too!”

“Really? That’s what you guys want?” Tucker demands. He’s wearing his helmet, but Wash knows that he’s staring right at him. “Revenge? That’s the only thing that matters?”

“You don’t understand, Tucker,” Wash says, slowly, carefully, keeping half an eye on Carolina and the gun.

“I don’t want to understand!” Tucker yells, striding forward despite the gun that’s still aimed at the back of his skull. “Fuck, Wash, I thought you were—I thought you were better! But you’re not, are you? You’re still that selfish fuck who shot Donut and got Church killed and—” He reaches out, as if to grab Wash—in a hug, or a strangle hold, or something else entirely.

Wash raises his own gun, and Tucker falls silent.

“Carolina,” Wash says, staring down the barrel of his gun at Tucker’s helmet, familiar and teal. He doesn’t want to shoot, but he will, if Tucker moves. He doesn’t want to, but it’s just a fact, and Tucker knows it too, from the way he’s staring at Wash, but keeps staying absolutely still. “We don’t need them. Let’s just go.”

“Right,” Carolina says, holstering her own pistol, still radiating fury.

The two of them walk away, with Epsilon.

“Fuck you, Washington,” Tucker whispers, at his back.

“So… they were right, not to trust you,” a voice, booming and alien, fills the world, and—

Wash is standing in a blank, empty room, driven to his knees by the intense pressure of that voice.

“What—what was that?”

“A different world… a world you wonder about. You wonder, what would have happened, had Lavernius Tucker chosen differently. I showed you what would have happened. I showed you that he was right, to leave you there. You are, and always will be… this.”

“No,” Wash says. “You’re wrong about me.”

“Am I?”

Wash grits his teeth, his hands clenched into fists by his side. “You are. I’m—I’m not like that.”

“I see no evidence of that.”

“You don’t know me.”

“I do. You saw it for yourself. You were offered everything you say you desired… and you threw it away, to seek satisfaction from the man who wronged you. As you throw away an entire world in the name of vengeance. You are NOT WORTHY.”

Wash falls backwards, out of the portal, gasping for air, and he stares down at his own hands.

What does that… thing know about him? He thinks, ignoring Felix’s laughter in the distance. There’s no way it could do what it says it can, reaching across worlds, and pulling that out.

Lavernius Tucker…

“You killed Church! You tried to kill Donut! What, was I supposed to fucking drag you along just because Caboose liked you?”

“It’s clear bringing you along would have been a fucking terrible idea.”

“Bet you would have thrown the rest of us under a bus the first chance you’d have gotten. If you hadn’t killed us all in our sleep in a fit of Freelancer paranoia first, at least.”

… had he been right?

There’s an ambush, today. An entire army, being led into a kill box. An army, that, according to everyone that Wash has ever talked to, includes teenagers.

And Wash is party to that. He’s been party to a lot, in his life, but this…

“So shove the broody righteous hero attitude, cuz guess what? You’re the goddamn bad guy here.”

Lavernius Tucker had been right about him, all along.

But that…

That doesn’t mean that whatever was in that portal was.

He can… there’s still time.

He can still change things.

Wash moves away from the portal and follows the rest of the pirates. He’s supposed to stay back, to prepare for a raid on Armonia.

That will be a good place to start, Wash decides.

He’s still trying to figure out how he’s going to manage to sabotage a mission that he’s leading without making himself a too obvious target for his own men, when Chrissie makes the call.

A tower that kills a planet… and a key that lets them do it.

Well.

It looks like Wash’s defection might have to be a little more obvious than he’d hoped.

The Temple of the Key is a craggy, strange building on a snow-covered mountain, and Wash immediately hates it when he gets there. There are cliffs, which are already awful, but there’s also snow, and the air outside is so cold that Wash can almost imagine he can feel it through his environmentally controlled armor.

“Any sign of them?” He asks one of the pirates, trying to ignore the prickles of memory poking around the edge of his mind.

“No sir,” Ross, one of the men who was here before the Tartarus, replies. “But the Temple is fucking with our equipment, so we can’t be sure.”

“Fan out and secure the perimeter,” Wash says, switching out his pistol for his rifle. “Radio me if you spot them.”

“Yessir.”

The interior of the Temple is huge, in a way that Wash… isn’t used to. Interiors of buildings and ships are always… small. Even the Tartarus’s center, open for floors upon floors, had always felt claustrophobic. But here, the ceiling is a high arch, curved in such a way that every slightest sound is audible, and the sleek, steel ramps curve around the walls, hinting at a never-ending maze of rooms. The light is a strange greyish blue and… alien.

And there, in the center of the room, is the handle of a sword just like Tucker’s.

“Do you truly think you are worthy?”

Wash turns around, and gapes.

An alien being, made entirely of dark red light, stands in front of him, gazing down on him with contempt.

An artificial intelligence. An alien artificial intelligence.

Wash really hates his life.

“It doesn’t matter if I’m worthy or not.” Wash turns his back to the A.I. and strides across the room to the sword.

“You don’t believe it matters?”

“No. What matters… is what I do next.” He crouches down, beside the hilt, which sits, like it has sat for probably hundreds if not thousands of years, before picking it up.

It feels… different, from Tucker’s sword. It’s still heavy, but the weight of it is different, and there is no feeling of wrongness spreading outwards from his hand. Instead, he thinks he can feel the pattern of the grip changing in his hand, shifting itself to suit him, and when he raises it, it bursts to life in front of him, forming the familiar lines of a Sanghelli Blade.

He looks up, and the alien is gone.

Wash almost wonders if he’d imagined it, but he knows that it really doesn’t matter.

The sword is bound to him until he dies.

“You really think the Chairman'll let you go?”

A sword, which, in Felix or Locus’s hands, could easily spell the end to this entire planet.

“Tell that to the sixteen year olds running around wearing armor.”

Teenagers in an army, fighting a war… a war that Wash can’t even begin to comprehend.

“You’re also willing to kill an entire goddamn planet just so you end up okay? Your freedom is worth that much, huh?”

Wash is in this war, on the wrong side. He can’t deny that. Felix and Locus would do anything to get their hands on this key. They will do anything to kill off this planet and collect their paycheck.

But it’s not in their hands.

It’s in his.

Wash lowers his hand, and the blade flickers out.

He knows what he has to do next.

His radio pings, letting him know that Felix is trying to establish a connection. He’s on his way to join Wash, and he’s probably excited about getting his hands on the sword. He doesn’t know Wash already has it.

He doesn’t know what Wash is planning on doing next.

Wash takes a deep breath inside of his helmet, trying to appreciate the safety, the security, of his armor. Because, soon, he won’t have that.

He’s going back to prison after all.

He’s survived… everything, and in the end, it’s all for nothing.

He shakes his head, because if he dwells on that, he might change his mind. And he knows he can’t. He has to follow this through, has to face the consequences of his actions.

Lavernius Tucker might be irritating, but he was right about at least one thing.

Wash isn’t the good guy in this story.

He keeps walking through the Temple, out into the wide open, snow spotted mountaintop. He clips the sword to his side, like he’s seen Lavernius Tucker do, and it clicks into place, proving once and for all that ancient alien technology is a strange, indecipherable thing, that can somehow interact with modern human armor systems.

In the distance, he sees a Federal Army of Chorus pelican circling, and he breathes a sigh of relief.

Felix’s radio pings his again, but Wash still doesn’t open the channel. If he’s about to turn traitor, he doesn’t have to listen to Felix’s voice anymore, and he’s going to take full advantage of that.

Wash turns around, and there’s a sword at his throat.

“Washington,” Tucker says.

“Tucker.” Slowly, Wash raises his hands in the air, dropping his rifle.

Tucker stares at him, slowly, incredulously.

“I surrender,” Wash says, just to make sure he’s getting the point across.

“You expect me to believe that?” Tucker demands.

“Felix and Locus will kill everyone on this planet if they get this sword.” He watches as Tucker’s helmet twitches slightly, probably having only just noticed the sword clipped to Wash’s leg.

“And since when do you have a problem with that?” Tucker lowers his own sword. “Whatever happened to “We’re fighting an army, not a planet,” huh?”

“Are you really going to argue with me about surrendering?” Wash demands, feeling a headache beginning to build.

For a moment, Wash thinks Tucker’s about to follow through on his earlier declarations, and just kill him right on the spot.

But then Carolina emerges over Tucker’s shoulder, keeping her gun trained right on him. Wash feels his heart speed up in his chest, and he does his best to not allow it to affect his stance, with his hands still held up in the air.

“He surrendered,” Tucker says. “Anyone got any handcuffs that aren’t pink and fuzzy?”

“You expect me to believe you don’t?” Carolina’s voice is tinged with affection in a way that completely throws Wash off. But her gun doesn’t waver from Wash’s helmet, aimed in such a way that Wash knows that one shot could put him down for good.

In his mind, Carolina has always been like she was during the project; stressed, competitive, and on the verge of collapse, just like the rest of them.

But, standing next to Tucker, the two of them unfathomably comfortable, Wash realizes, with a lurch, that she’s changed.

The vision the alien A.I. had provided had gotten it wrong, at least about Carolina. Carolina, standing here, is different from Freelancer. She’s grown. She’s changed. She’s happy.

Envy sweeps through Wash, strong enough to choke him.

“Did you not just hear me say that mine are pink and fuzzy?” Tucker says. “Donut swapped them all out because he says that metal ones are a hazard in the bedroom.”

“What makes you think he didn’t get mine?”

“Because you’d have switched them back.”

Carolina lets out a soft laugh that freezes Wash in place. “Cover me.”

Tucker switches out his sword for his gun, and Wash is shoved against the side of the mountain, cuffed, and relieved of his weapons. Wash grits his teeth so tightly that they hurt as the cuffs close around his wrists, keeping them trapped behind his back, but he doesn’t protest.

Carolina attaches the sword to her own leg but leaves the rest of his weapons there in the snow, and Wash doesn’t say anything, even though he wants to.

“Move,” she says. “Epsilon’s jamming your radio, so don’t even try to call for help.”

But the shove against his back isn’t as harsh as Wash might have expected.

The two of them lead him into a tunnel, dark and damp and cramp.

Wash struggles to keep his breathing even. It’s not prison. He’d never been in his armor in prison. He’s not there… he’s not injured, he’s not at the crash site. He’s… he’s fine.

This is fine.

“Why did you do it?” Tucker demands, suddenly.

Wash can’t help but turn around to look at him, even though it means that Carolina’s rifle digs into his shoulder.

“Do what?” Wash asks, so focused on how close the ceiling of the cave feels that he doesn’t realize the obvious answer as to what Tucker’s talking about.

“What do you think, dude? You let me go. Why?”

Wash should say something poignant, something clever; maybe even try to convince them that he’d always planned on betraying Felix and Locus, and that was him trying to prove it to them, use it to try to help his own situation.

But he’s exhausted and trying to stave off the claustrophobia, so he just tells the truth.

“Felix was going to kill you.”

“… and you care?”

“Tucker,” Carolina says quietly. “Later.”

“No! Not later.” Tucker steps forward, and shoves Wash backwards. Wash stumbles, but manages to stay upright, his boots sinking further into the snow. “I want to know why the fuck you’re changing your mind! You wanted to kill me, so why the fuck does it matter if Felix did it?”

“Because…” Wash’s breath is stuttering in his chest, and he feels like the ceiling above them is about to give, or maybe that’s just because he’s shaking so hard inside of his armor that absolutely nothing is standing still.

Nothing except the two figures in aqua armor in front of him, who aren’t even aiming their weapons at him anymore, just watching him.

“Wash, focus!” Carolina demands, her voice cutting through the haze in his head.

The world stops spinning, and Wash realizes he’s leaning against the wall of the tunnel, having a fucking panic attack.

“Why?” Tucker demands again.

“Tucker,” Carolina growls in warning, but Wash looks over her shoulder, right at Tucker.

“You were right,” Wash whispers, his throat dry. “I was just… following orders.”

“And that makes it okay?”

“No.” Wash tries to stand up straight, and stumbles. Carolina catches him by the elbow, more gently than she has to.

More gently than Wash deserves, that’s for sure.

“You want a choice again,” Carolina says, softly. He can’t see her expression, but her grip on his arm is supporting, not gripping.

“Yes,” Wash says. “I’m… you were right. What Charon is doing is wrong, and I was helping them, and I… I just wanted to not go back to prison.” He swallows. “I’m a soldier. Not a killer. Or at least… I’m supposed to be.”

Carolina and Tucker look at each other. And, in a flash of light, Epsilon pops into view.

“Well, what do you think?” Carolina says.

“Eh, good enough for me,” Epsilon says, his avatar shrugging.

“Kimball’s not going to like this,” Carolina says, sounding amused.

“Oh, and you think Doyle will?” Tucker snickers.

“Eh, it’ll be good for them to agree on something,” Epsilon disappears and reappears closer to Tucker.

“That’s true! And we can probably sell Kimball on probation!” Tucker nods, enthusiastically.

“What?” Wash asks, not sure if he’s at all following.

Carolina turns away from him. “Grif, prep the Pelican, we’re going right for the Communication Tower.”

“What? You got it! Holy shit, you’ve got a sword now?”

“Noooot exactly,” Epsilon says, sounding way too amused about all of this.

“I don’t understand,” Wash says, still dizzy with adrenaline and confusion, as Tucker takes a step towards him.

The handcuffs fall into the snow, and vanish, too heavy to stay above the surface.

“Man, you Freelancers are kind of dumb sometimes, aren’t you?” Tucker says. “Welcome to Blue Team, Washington. If you fuck this up, Kimball will probably kill you before I can, but hey.”

“What? Why? After… after everything I did? You’re just… letting me go?”

“No, we’re letting you join the team! Dude, don’t you pay attention?”

“That makes no sense!”

“Look dude. You’ve got an alien sword that’s almost as cool as mine, we’re super outnumbered, you’ve decided to be less of a dick, and I already apparently owe you my goddamn life.”

“A second chance, Wash,” Carolina says, turning to face him. “Don’t… question if you deserve it or not too hard.”

“You can’t possibly be okay with this,” Wash says, staring at Tucker.

Tucker suddenly looks serious.

“Look, I’m not saying we’re buddies or best friends or anything like that dude, don’t get the wrong idea. But hey, you kiiiiind of only went to prison cuz we bailed on you, and I mean, Felix probably would’ve fucking killed you if you’d said no to helping him out, and you didn’t hand over the weapon that’d let them kill an entire planet.” He shrugs. “That counts for like, something.”

“Come on,” Carolina says. “The others are waiting for us.”

“Bet Caboose is going to love this,” Tucker says. “C’mon, Washington.”

He turns away from Wash, and keeps walking, out of the tunnel, leaving his back completely exposed.

Wash stares after him a moment, completely thrown off balance by all of this.

But, tentatively, he puts one foot in front of the other, and moves out of the tunnel, following Tucker and Carolina into the harsh, blinding light of day.

#Agent Washington #Lavernius Tucker #Agent Carolina #Merc Wash AU #Steph Writes #Red vs Blue

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a-taller-tale · 5 years

Text

Mad World

Summary: Simmons gets a mysterious message in the present. Meanwhile in the past, Grif has to explain how birthdays don't matter to an alien spark plug. No matter how time travel works, Back to the Future III will always be relevant. Notes: A @redvsbluesecretsanta gift for @creatrixanimi, who was amazingly patient when life blew up and I needed a few extra days. Also thanks to the RvB Secret Santa mods for organizing such a fun event again this year!

Also on Ao3

The Present

Nobody really celebrated things in Blood Gulch, especially not birthdays. Simmons could admit now that it was a miserable, boring, hot, pointless box canyon in the desert with nothing to do except run drills, do paperwork, patrol Red Base, and—on especially boring days–-try to see what the guys at the Blue Base were doing.

Then the rookies showed up, one Red, one Blue, and everything got a lot weirder. Besides Donut messing up Simmons’ chance at a promotion by somehow wheedling his way into Sarge’s good graces, both rookies were kind of young when they joined up, and very stupid. Neither of them seemed to understand the basic concept of being at war. And suddenly everything was a reason to celebrate.

Donut’s Daily Wine and Cheese Hour started first. Then there was Church’s Best Friend Celebration Spectacular, which Grif and Simmons had attended so they could get the food Donut made for it, and watch Church’s torment.

Sarge decided he wanted in on the action and started making up random holidays when he was bored. And then it was basically non-stop. Interventions, War-iversaries, Armistice Day (for Red and Blue movie nights), and when they couldn’t think of anything else, eventually even birthdays were a thing.

They weren’t as large an occasion as National Hot Dog Day, but they’d be as nice to the birthday guy as possible (which they usually gave up on five minutes in and dragged him more than usual). Then there’d usually be a presentation of old warthog parts wrapped up like presents so they'd have something to unwrap.

Donut always made cake, and Sarge allowed it after Donut swore up and down he wouldn’t make another one to jump out of because he didn’t want the joke to go stale.

Simmons got a party after he told everyone when his birthday was and planted hints all over the Valhalla base that no one could escape. He’d timed it perfectly too, starting a week in advance to account for how long his teammates would hold out to avoid giving him positive attention before they cracked.

“Okay! The surprise party is tomorrow!” Grif yelled. “Please no more texts about how your dad never came to your birthdays! I can’t take it anymore!”

Freckles had a birthday at Crash Site Bravo. Simmons didn’t remember a lot of it because of the blinding terror of being held hostage by a Mantis-class military assault droid and Caboose, who wasn’t famous for his leadership skills or track record of most accidental kills.

They didn’t always celebrate everyone’s birthdays every year, except for when they were on Iris. A lot of times throughout the years, they were busy with life threatening crap. There were accidents, and conspiracies, and missions to take out corrupt old white guys who were sometimes someone’s dad.

But as Simmons stares at the alert that just pinged his HUD, he has no idea how he hadn’t realized they’ve never done a birthday for Grif.

Sure, Sarge likes to joke about him being an unnatural abomination. But they had to have had one birthday thing.

After the Shizno incident was over, they came back to Iris with some pizza-to-go so they could try to have some time off again. Grif didn’t seem that happy to be back, but then again “retirement moon” had been Blood Gulch level of vacation, what with the never ending robot vs. dinosaur wars. And they had to chase some nesting dinosaur squatters out of the base before they could settle in again too.

In a moment that was still crystal clear to Simmons--despite the months of time traveling with Sarge, and then being stuck in a Blood Gulch time bubble--Grif had said he thought everyone hated him. He'd been certain of it, and weirdly calm. Not apathetic though. Resigned.

Simmons thinks it should be obvious by now that the ribbing is just the way that they talk to each other, and he'sthe one with anxiety. Even Sarge makes sure Grif is always with them now. Has been extra eagle-eyed since they got separated.

To use another manly metaphor, Grif's one of the supporting beams on Red Team. Without him they'll fall apart and Sarge would probably go crazy and try to sell everyone out to a serial killer so he could be a movie star. ...Again.

But when Simmons tried to tell Grif that, he only downgraded his importance to “hate glue.”

Simmons frowns at a cobweb clinging to the wall that he must have missed when he tricked everyone into celebrating Spring Cleaning, and realizes with his stomach slowly flipping that they never showed Grif he was important. And Grif noticed, even though he pretended not to care.

Grif thought they all hated him, could still think that, and they never gave him a reason not to. They’d been stuck together for fifteen years, had a drinking night dedicated to the anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic last week, and they never threw a party for Grif.

Simmons pulls up their personnel files. He's filled out forms for Grif, of course. Comes with the territory of carrying Red Team through bureaucracy and making sure they get their pay and also file their taxes right. So how had this date never really registered before?

May the Fourth.

Grif's right. It always comes back to Star Wars.

The Past

Huggins loved talking, and she loved people watching, and watching human movies. Like Die Hard. She and Grif got along super well really fast for her being a lens flare with knowledge supposedly beyond human comprehension.

They’d finally broken down to camp for the night after another day of walking across a country.

What Grif wouldn’t give for some methshrooms now, but he’d used up the last of his stash during the last big battle and hadn’t had the chance to restock before they walked right into more shenanigans without even a pizza break.

And now he was hiking. Something Huggins had totally tricked him into by mentioning his sister. He’d pulled a Sarge move and unloaded his gun at her, because that was dirty pool and she deserved it. But if this were a TV show, she was way better sidekick material than that reporter lady. Plus, he probably should check on his sister now that he knew she wasn't dead and buried in Blood Gulch, and just lost in time like him instead. Nothing better to do in a world without pizza.

“What are birthdays like?” Huggins chirped, interrupting his thoughts.

Grif blinked at the wood he had been kicking into a pile. Oh right, he was trying to build a fire. Not that he needed it with armor on that he was going to sleep in rather than sleeping on the ground, but when you were camping, fires were always necessary for atmosphere. And roasting marshmallows.

“Uh… I dunno,” he said. “Usually the same bullshit happens as any other day.”

“I don’t get the appeal of most other human traditions, but isn’t there cake and singing and celebration and presents? I thought that was important, since you humans don’t live so long.”

“Okay, one: Cake is always important. And B: Yeah, birthdays are a big thing, but only when you’re a kid. When you’re an adult, typically no one gives a fuck.”

Huggins flew in an anxious little circle around Grif’s head, settling into a hover in front of his visor. She had no face that he could see, but he got the impression that there were concerned eyes on him anyway. “But your friends—”

“Have their own shit going on right now, if you haven’t noticed the epic quest you’re leading me on. I’ll be happy if I can just get a slice of pizza after all this is over.”

Huggins clucked her non-existent tongue. Sentient light beings didn’t have tongues, so what made that noise? Unless she had a more alien humanoid type body and he just couldn’t see it with human eyes. Or she was extra-dimensional and the big spark was all that came through. Or—

“After I complete my mission and we defeat the Shizno, we will get pizza,” she said.

Grif cracked a smile, and he was covered by a helmet, but she always seemed to know when she got him to smile and ran with it.

“Ten pizzas!” She declared, zooming up and down dizzyingly, her light brightening. “And an Oreo cake!”

Grif scoffed, but he couldn’t hide the smile from his voice. “Make that an ice cream Oreo cake and you have yourself a deal.”

“Deal!” she yelled instantly. “I can’t wait to go to a human birthday party!”

“Hey, no one said anything about it being a birthday party.”

“It’s going to be your birthday party. And it will not be bull shit.”

“Hey, if you say so. It can be my birthday, if there’s Oreo ice cream cake on the line. And I’m getting the hint that spark plugs—”

“Sentient light beings.”

“—don’t have birthdays, huh? I guess you can share mine as long as you pay for the pizza and cake and beer. I might even let you have some of the cake.”

“Hey, I never said anything about beer. And human food is gross! You can keep it.”

Grif snickered.

The Future

Unfortunately, Huggins never got to follow through on her threat to throw Grif a birthday party.

They fixed almost everything, and came back to Iris, and they even got pizza on the way. But they couldn't save Huggins.

He’s been sleeping and bingeing TV for a few days. Almost no one's bothered him, though Kai's come in to visit and poke him a few times.

It's fine. Okay, not really fine, but it's normal. You win some, you lose some. Just like every other stupid adventure. And he's getting used to losing by now.

Grif stares at the light on the bedroom ceiling. Wonders if Huggins went out like a lightbulb, all burnt and cracked and blackened. He hopes there's an afterlife for little spotlights that talk way too much exposition.

“Hey Grif!”

How the hell does Sarge always sound like he has a megaphone when Grif knows for a fact he doesn’t know how to work the amplifier in his armor?

“What?!” Grif screams through the wall, not moving an inch from his bed. “I’m busy!”

“Get your lazy ass out here, Grif!” comes Simmons’ voice next. He's also good at projecting. If Grif didn't know better, he'd say he was a closet theater kid.

“Fuck off, Simmons!”

“Pretty please.” Grif jumps. Caboose’s voice is at a normal volume, and soft and coaxing, but right outside the door.

Goddammit, of course they sent Caboose. Cheaters.

“Ugh, fine. I’m coming.” Grif rolls out of his blanket nest, ruffling up his hair, and throwing on a semi-clean shirt he’s only worn once from the laundry pile on the floor.

The instant he opens the door, he's greeted not by Caboose, but by the smell of something extremely burnt coming from the kitchen. “Donut better not have set the base on fire again,” Grif complains as he trudges into the common area the Reds and Blues share.

“That better not have been a crack about my cooking,” Carolina says, her arms folded across her chest. Carolina's less scary now that they're kinda friends and he's seen her super baked.

Actually, nah, she's still the same amount of scary when she wants to be, but her mouth is twitching up in the corner. Joking.

“Just stating facts—“ Grif freezes mid-step as he registers the rest of the room.

There's a messy banner that was obviously half-painted by Donut in pastel shades of red, and the other half also obviously by Caboose because it says “Happy Birthday, Girff.”

“Who’s Girff?” he says automatically to cover for his shock. There are streamers, and music playing from a comically antique boom box, and a poster of Blade taped over the sink?

It's also a full house with Wash and Carolina, and also Doctor Grey and Kimball, and the mockumentary film crack team of Dylan Andrews and the guy that filmed for her. Sarge is standing with a twitchy nervous Simmons near the front, and the lieutenants are setting up board games and pizza and appetizers on the table, while Bitters leans back against the wall casually.

“Girff is you, stupid!” Kaikaina says, ambushing him from the side with a bear hug. “Happy birthday, bro!”

Donut swings in from the back where the kitchen is, twirling on one heel, holding a cake decorated with delicate swirls of peach icing and orange flowers. “I just whipped this one up quickly!”

“You made a back-up cake,” Carolina says flatly, turning a real glare on Donut.

“Of course! ” he says breezily. “Nothing can be left to chance on such an important occasion! Always use protection!”

It's really hard for Grif to act cool about this. Everything about the dumb party shows how much they know him, down to the Battlestar Galactica special edition of Clue.

Especially when Simmons shows him the message he got. It was a text alert from a post office on a remote colony that had been holding onto a parchment letter for 1000 years to give to a Dick Simmons on an exact date at an exact hour. The post office wanted some ridiculous fees for the hard copy to be delivered, but luckily they sent Simmons the transcription.

It was a note to save the date for today, and make Grif’s next birthday the party of the century.

Fucking time travel.

Grif had always wanted some ancient clever letter from a time traveler delivered to him with an auspicious warning, or a hundred billion dollars. But he's really glad he knows Huggins liked Back to the Future III now. They hadn’t gotten to those movies in their pop culture conversations yet.

Donut put sparklers in the cake, and when he lights them, the sparks shoot up and down and dance and fly around excitedly.

Surrounded by his family and friends, Grif blows out the candles.

Children waiting for the day they feel good Happy birthday Happy birthday Made to feel the way that every child should Sit and listen Sit and listen

And I find it kinda funny I find it kinda sad The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had I find it hard to tell you I find it hard to take When people run in circles It's a very very Mad world Mad world

#rvb #rvb fic #rvb secret santa #dexter grif #huggins #gen #fluff and angst #found family #my writing

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phantomwarrior12 · 5 years

Text

Shenanigans (Part 10)

Prompt: Isaac gets roped into Red Team shenanigans

Word Count: 2,093

Summary: Life with the Reds and Blues isn’t easy, but a day with the Reds is enough to drive anyone insane.

Warnings: Canon-style swearing, shenanigans, salty mercenaries

A/N: Hey folks!

Here it is! The second to last chapter of Saudade! Huge shoutout to the fabulous @antsyserpentine for giving me the ideas for this prompt!

Customary shoutout to @epsiloneridani07 and @frequentlydistressed for the mention of their OC, Liz.

Quick PSA, the final has been written and will be posted this weekend!

As always, please leave a like/comment and let me know your thoughts!

Enjoy!

~ Phantom

Saudade Masterlist

Finally Home (End)

--------------

"Sam, please."

Sam glances up from his data pad, reading the telltale signs of desperation in his partner's eyes, "What?"

"Don't make me deal with them alone."

"You wanted to try and connect with the Reds and Blues, this is the best course of action."

"But we both know I have a temper and I could snap anytime." Isaac protests, sinking into his cot across from Sam.

""Fel--Isaac," Sam leans forward, catching himself before he can call him by his codename, "the Reds and Blues are a group of unique individuals, but, they have their moments. They're a good starting point."

Isaac's shoulders sag, he knows Sam is right and there's no way out of this one. So, when Grif pounds on the door, he shuffles across the room and opens it with nothing short of a dread-filled look.

"Felix," the orange member of Red Team greets.

"Grif."

"Ready?"

Isaac casts one last pleading glance over his shoulder towards Sam. His partner doesn't look up from his data pad and waves him off.

His shoulders slouch and he turns to face Grif, "Fine. Let's go."

-----------------

"Felix! Less chit chat, more work!"

Isaac's fingers curl around the side of the warthog a little tighter, "Maybe your robot should be the one hoisting a three ton car!"

"Don't be ridiculous! Who will fix the warthog then?"

"I don't know, me?!" Isaac's snaps back, digging his foot into the dusty ground, "Marines had to fix their warthogs in field, you know!"

"You? Fix a warthog? I like your sense of humor, son!" Sarge laughs, slapping Isaac on the back before strolling off.

"Él es un idiota." Lopez apologizes, tightening a bolt on the underside of the warthog.

"You read my mind." Isaac grits back, dropping his shoulder to brace himself.

"Tú puedes entenderme?"

"Wait. You can understand Lopez?" Grif asks, features contorted in confusion.

"Yeah, can't you?"

"Grif can, the rest of us don't know what he says. Sarge just makes up conversations in his head." Simmons provides, his leaner frame slipping under the weight of the large combat vehicle.

"Where'd you learn to speak Spanish?" Grif queries, slackening his force on the vehicle.

"I'll tell you if you start pushing again!" Isaac's down to one knee, straining to keep the frame off the Red Team's robot.

"Oh, shit!" Grif steps back in, shouldering some of the weight.

"Thank you." Isaac huffs, pushing back up to his feet, "Sam speaks it, sometimes he'd slip up when we were kids and I'd have to try and figure out what he was saying. l managed to pick it up fairly quickly."

"You've known Locus that long?"

Isaac glances from the warthog to the largest member of Red Team, "Yeah. Couple of orphans abandoned on some backwater planet--we really didn't have much of a choice in the matter."

"Didn't you have any siblings?"

Isaac hesitates. Something inside twinges and he can almost see her face. Something inside stirs and a sad smile spreads across his lips. Something inside pleads and he almost listens.

And then he remembers. At first, they're fragments, pieces of a lifetime ago. And then they're clear, a history he won't soon forget.

Something inside reminds him to be silent, but everything else screams, begging him to utter her name once more. His eyes flicker between the members of Red Team and he realizes that this is one of the only ways he can open up to them. It's personal and it's going to hurt, but he has to do this--for Liz.

The ache in his eyes, the pain in his smile fades when he finally finds the words, "I did, once."

By now, Lopez has finished repairs and slides out from underneath the vehicle and the others can finally let it drop.

"Well, don't leave us in suspense! Tell us the dirty details!" Donut insists, hoisting himself up onto the hood of the warthog.

Isaac smirks and leans against the platform for the gunner, "I had a twin sister, Liz. We grew up on Earth, but when we were ten, we were separated after our parents got divorced. Long story short, my mom took the easy way out and I was left to survive on my own. That's when I met Sam. He saved my life day one, and I guess," the smirk fades to a reminiscent upward twitch of the lips, "he never stopped saving it. Even all these years later, he's still looking out for me like we're still kids."

"Kind of like Grif and Simmons! They've always kept an eye on each other's behinds!"

"No, we don't!" Simmons protests vehemently, struggling to cover the squeak of his voice.

Isaac casts a long, questioning glance towards the sim trooper on the warthog. He wants to question the word choice, but thinks better of it. "Not exactly, but--"

"Always on each other's backs?"

"That's even worse."

"Oh! I get it! You two are always within arms length!"

"Oh God, no! Seriously, how the hell does everything that comes out of your mouth have a sexual undertone?!" Isaac's features are contorted in disgust and a level of discomfort that he's not sure he'll ever surpass again.

"That's just Donut for you," Grif supplies with a deadpan expression.

"Hey, at least I enjoy the finer things in life!" Donut protests, sliding off the hood of the vehicle.

"The finer things don't include--"

"--I'm going to go ahead and stop you right there," Isaac interjects forcefully, "I really don't need anymore nightmares."

"You're confusing nightmares with fantasies, silly." Donut corrects with a grin.

"No, I'm not. I'm really not." Isaac returns, all hope draining from his eyes when he notices Sarge returning over Donut's shoulder. "Salty Sarge inbound."

Grif snorts, but starts to shuffle off towards the barracks. His progress is halted only by Sarge yelling, "Private Grif! Did I give you permission to scamper off with your tail between your legs?"

"First of all, I don't have a tail. Second of all, you're not in charge! We're not fighting a war anymore!"

"Is that any way to talk to your commanding officer?" Sarge cocks his shotgun and aims it at Grif.

"Do it, please, do it." Grif holds his arms out, almost as if embracing the possibility of death.

Isaac steps between them, "Sarge, put the gun away and Grif," hazel flickers to Grif's amused smile, "are you okay?"

"He's fine, he's just been hanging out with Lopez too much. Apparently, he makes a lot of kill me now jokes." Simmons supplies, shaking his head.

"Es la verdad." Lopez adds with a nod, "Yo quiero morir."

"You're not allowed to die, Lopez. Neither are you, Grif."

"I can arrange your death, dirtbag." Sarge offers, raising his shotgun.

"The fuck is wrong with you people?" Isaac glances around Red team incredulously.

"A lot of things, but they mostly stem from that nutcase," Grif nods towards Sarge, ducking behind Isaac when the Colonel levels the barrel on him.

Isaac's had enough, he shoves Grif's hands off of his shoulders before promptly disarming Sarge with jab to the inside of his elbow and a light shove.

"That's insubordination, soldier!"

Isaac empties the cartridge and tosses the empty weapon back to the leader of Red Team, "Point it at me again and we're going to have a problem."

There's something unidentifiable in the mercenary's eyes and Sarge gives a short nod. The glint fades when he notices Sam approaching, and he doesn't think he's ever been so happy to see his brother than he is right now.

He strides past Simmons and Donut to greet him, catching his forearm, "Please, get me out of here. I'm very close to shooting Sarge and gutting Donut."

Sam arches an eyebrow, an amused smile tugging at the corner of his mouth, "Welcome to my world."

"How the hell did you tolerate these idiots for a year by yourself?"

"They're an acquired taste, Gates, you get used to them."

"I don't think I want to get used to them."

Sam snorts indelicately, but continues towards the group, Isaac trailing reluctantly behind him.

"This is why I prefer Blue Team, Sam." Isaac grumbles.

"Calm down."

"Locus! You need to get your soldier under control! He touched my shotgun!"

"Maybe if you didn't aim it at your own team, I wouldn't have to." Isaac snaps, folding his arms across his chest.

"Why you--if you were one of my soldiers, I'd shoot you right now!"

"If I were one of your soldiers, I'd shoot myself."

"That's enough." Sam interjects pointedly.

Isaac shrugs, "Told you this was a bad idea."

"Gates--"

Isaac doesn't wait to hear his partner's response, already starting away from Red Base.

"Where you going?" Grif steps past Simmons.

"Somewhere he's not!"

---------------

"Lift the warthog. Poison Grif's next meal. Carry around this canister of confetti for no goddamn reason other than I'm a senile old man who doesn't know shit about leading a team." Isaac grumbles, skipping rocks across the creek. It's one of the more reclusive corners of the valley, far enough away from both bases for peace and quiet.

"Wow, you sound just like him."

Hazel shifts to his left, Washington leaning against a tree with an amused expression etched into his features.

Isaac shrugs, dusting his hands off on his jeans, "He's an easy man to imitate. Senile, cranky, a fucking dick." He starts to stand, only for Wash to gesture him to remain seated, sinking down onto the grass beside him.

"I know how you feel. When I first met him, it took a lot of convincing for him to believe I wasn't a 'dirty blue'." Wash's voice drops, gruff and sharp like the Red Team leader himself.

Isaac chuckles lightly, "I would have paid to see that."

"My point is, Felix, that he takes some getting used to. Everyone else might be fine, but Sarge has always been a little slow on the ally uptake. He doesn't show it, but he cares about those guys more than anyone I've ever seen."

"Then why the hell does he treat them like that? Grif's life is threatened every other day."

"Couldn't tell ya, guy's more emotionally constipated than Carolina. All I know is he wouldn't hesitate to lay down his life for any of them, including Grif, despite what he claims." Washington offers a gentle smile, picking up a small stone and rolling it between his fingers.

"Guy could use some therapy."

"You're right on that one," the stone skips across water, both eyes watching it glide, "Red Team tends to follow his example, so don't toss him aside so easily." Wash stands, dusting off the back of his jeans, "you never know when a trigger happy, senile, old man will come in handy."

He pats Isaac's shoulder before starting back up the bank.

"Hey, Wash?"

He pauses, turning to glance back at the mercenary lost to the current of the creek.

"Thanks."

"Don't mention it."

-------------

He's dragging his feet over the hill, shoulders slouched and every ounce of his being wants to be anywhere but back at Red Base. It doesn't stop him from approaching the group, Sam humoring Donut's idle attempts at translating his conversation with Lopez until he catches a glimpse of Isaac.

He offers a short nod of greeting before nodding towards Sarge, who's still fussing over the Warthog.

"Sarge," Isaac greets, shoving aggravation aside when Red Team's leader stands.

"The hell you want, dirtbag?"

"I," his jaw flexes and it takes everything he has to meet Sarge's gaze, "wanted to apologize. You've been running this team a long time, I was wrong to step in." He can hear Sam's quiet snort behind him, well aware of how painful it is for the lean mercenary to admit when he's wrong.

"Apology accepted, it seems you villains can learn a thing or two from us after all." He claps Isaac on the shoulder.

"Lucky us." It's a lifeless agreement, fighting back frustration and exasperation as his eyes turn to Sam's approving smirk.

"Now, with your insubordination resolved, how about you give me a hand with this warthog?"

"I'm not picking it up again."

"Lucky for you, Lopez has volunteered to lift it. Locus mentioned something about you being good with an engine, let's find out if he's right." Sarge holds out the wrench towards Isaac and the mercenary casts a glance towards his partner, shooting him an appreciative smile before accepting the tool.

"Let's get to work."

----------------

Chapter 11 (End)

Tagging:

RVB Forevers: @mamma-dragon @loveliestoflunchboxes @heaven-hell-imagines

Mercs: @antsyserpentine

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correctrvbquotes · 4 months

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Simmons: Hey, Doc, although I'm sure Sarge enjoys having his spine pulverized into dust, maybe you should go ahead and back up the Warthog.

Doc: Oh, right. Sorry. (accidentally drives the Warthog forward into Sarge again)

Sarge: Oh, hot buttered lug nuts!

Doc: Ooo, geez, I'm really sorry. I-I just was in the wrong gear, let me just... (accidentally rams Sarge again)

Sarge: Yoh, geez! There goes mah last kidney! I was saving that one for a special occasion.

Doc: Third time's a charm?

Simmons: I don't think so, Poindexter. Outta the jeep now!

Doc: I'm really sorry guys. I was only trying to help. Really!

Grif: Oh, is that all? I for one was totally confused. I thought you were savagely trying to kill our sergeant by ramming him over and over with a six thousand pound steel death machine. Now that we know that you're just trying to help, by all means, please continue.

Doc: ... ...Really?

Grif and Simmons: Get out!

#s2 #s2e25 #doc #grif #simmons #sarge #red ensemble

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trawpius · 6 years

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Red vs Blue Seasons Ranking

Season 6/Reconstruction - I would die for this season. And I WILL.

Season 3 - Prime Blood Gulch. Church’s time antics will always be so fun.

Season 7/Recreation - Top notch, again. Simmons emotional breakdown antics! Also, the scene where Sarge, Grif and Caboose drive directly into the water knocked me out.

Season 11 - Contact fuckin’ SLAPS. Good/cute character development? Simmons emotional breakdown antics! Freckles, shake! No animated fight scenes, though.

Season 4 - “Simmons is a Blue” arc was Peak Comedy. Negative points for being the season where Tucker’s character becomes completely unlikable. Also fuck that one scene between Andy and Tex. Roosterteeth owes me big for forgiving them.

Season 13 - Decent comedy. Great plot! Doyle scene was weirdly heart-wrenching. Love Kimball! Return of decent animated fight scenes. Could rewatch the Carolina/Wash vs Felix/Locus fight on loop. Ending had me in tears.

Season 10 - Present day plot was mediocre. Ending was cool. Freelancer plots was incredibly interesting, though. Connie did everything right. Tex also did everything right.

Season 5/Season 2 - Solid Blood Gulch. Iconique! Nothing more to say.

Season 8/Revelation - Introduction to the good, good Monty fight scenes! Kind of overly seriously. Final Showdown against The Meta was Good.

Season 1 - Pilot problems. Lacked a distinctive plot, lacked character voices. But, again, iconique!

Season 9 - Comedy was actually pretty weak. Not even “Simmons emotional breakdown antics” could save it... BUT! The Freelancer plot was interesting. And had some of my favorite Freelancer scenes. [Carolina voice] Aaaah put the pussy in a sarcophagus!

Season 12 - Fight scenes were ugly as hell. Too many new characters. Season end was good.

Season 15 - Absolutely zero good fight scenes. Everything is back to looking stilted. The beginning was slow, took multiple episodes to reach moderately interesting characters. But the overall plot had some interesting concepts. It was just poorly executed. The only part that really emotionally resonated was the scene with Wash being delusional and getting shot.

Season 14 - Not story relevant. Arcs were split into parts. Nothing after the Immersion episode is really... worth a damn, to be honest.

The Triplets/The “Mission” - If I could, I’d rank these two episodes between Season 4 and Season 13. Bring them back! Bring them back! Shannon McCormick is a lesbian ally.

Red vs Blue: The Musical - The musical numbers were actually really good. I really liked Church’s? Also the disco number/vocaloid dance knocked me on my fucking ass.

Red vs Blue vs Roosterteeth - Joel reading the entirety of Fountainhead to Caboose.

Room Zero - 2D Animation is actually really fun! Decently funny.

Immersion: The Warthog Flip - I like Immersion! I Like Science!

The Meta vs Carolina - A few good goofs. The fight was lackluster, probably because a) not by Monty, and b) I had no emotional investment in it. Bogged down by recap.

Fight the Good Fight - Decently funny.

Caboose’s Guide to Making Friends - Cute and sad!

Mr. Red vs Mr. Blue - Funny, mostly because Sister rules. “End women’s suffrage! We have suffered enough!!”

The #1 Movie in the Galaxy: 3 - Not particularly funny, but the fake trailer was cool.

Club/Call/Consequences - Neat choice in style change. Not even slightly funny. Kinda misses what makes Locus and Felix interesting and compelling characters.

Head Cannon - Decent idea, mediocre execution.

Get Bent - Misogyny is funny! LOL! The “girl” Donut is, much like regular Donut, an offensive gay joke. But honestly? Big worm. From

Stumbled Beginning/Fifty Shades of Red/Why They’re Here - The Sarge goof was hilarious. The rest was not. Age of consent joke and prostitute killing joke just... unforgivably bad. Just watch the Sarge scene, tbqh.

The Brick Gulch Chronicles - This is just The Lego Movie

Orange is the New Red/Invaders from Another Mother - Unwatchably uninteresting.

Grey vs Gray - Disappointed this wasn’t about Dr. Grey. Unwatchable.

RvB Throwdown - I blacked out from how much I didn’t care.

POWER GAP!!!

Season 16 - I cannot even BEGIN to explain how completely unlikable this season is. I am perfectly content in pretending that the series ended after Season 13 or 15. The only interesting thing is Wash’s brain trauma, but like. God, this season is too garbage otherwise. What a crying shame.

#Arbitrary code execution #rvblb

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wonderingwhereileftreality · 7 years

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Me watching Red vs Blue 4

Me: *after S15E10* so this is how i think the day will be saved:

Church: *probably trapped by Temple, but somehow magically escapes and ends up at the team’s retirement island* Grif, everyone’s in trouble!

Grif: don’t care, i quit.

Church: but SIMMONS is in danger!

Grif:...I’ll get the Warthog.

Church: they’re actually underwater.

Grif: the Warthog can float.

#*me being a dork*#rvb15 #rvb15 spoilers #rvb #red vs blue #random thought #grif #Dexter Grif #church #people are in danger #but grif only cares about simmons #because grimmons is beautiful #my post #pre-latter half of season 15

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beewaggle · 7 years

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Hook. Line. Sinker.

Series: Demon AU. Pairings: Not sure yet. Gen right now maybe leaning towards some Tuckington and other pairings (I’m such a multishipper) Characters: Felix, Tucker, Jensen (mentioned), Agent Washington (flashback) Summary: It’s all about the lure. Previous: Demons Inspired by: @shou-rvb Demon Felix and Locus

“That’s crazy dude!”

Felix quirked an eyebrow. He was with Tucker wandering the New Republic’s base. Early on he decided Tucker was the key. He was the weak link. Simmons would over think things, Grif was unmotivated, Caboose was…Caboose. It would be Tucker, and when Tucker fell all of them would.

“I mean… we’ve met demons. You do NOT make a deal with demons and now you’re telling me everyone does?!”

Felix lets a pout play on his face as if Tucker’s words actually affected him.

“Baseless and slanderous stereotyping.”

“It—” Tucker crossed his arms self-consciously. “We’ve seen what they—what you can do. First hand.”

“Ahhh,” Felix leaned back against the wall in understanding, “You mean Project Freelancer’s soul fragments, right?”

Tucker nodded, “Yeah. Those things are just fragments and they fuck people up. An actual full one of you guys…”

Felix waved his hand as if Tucker were being silly. “You have it backwards Tucker. Think about it. A soul fragment is broken. Even the most powerful ones. Their deals are … all or nothing. My deals however? Much more subtle.”

“How is taking someone’s soul, subtle?”

Felix rolled his eyes, “It doesn’t have to be a soul. Listen, you just only found yourself in this little war here, so let me explain a few things.”

“…I’m listening…”

Hook line and sinker.

Felix gestured around, “These rebels, they aren’t equipped to handle the might of an evil empire, right? What they need are advantages. Just little ones. Something small that might make the difference in a fight. Look at Jensen.”

Tucker did. “Alright, what about her. You’re saying she made a deal with you?”

Jensen and her friends were working on one of the old Warthogs. She sneezed loudly, groaning about allergies. Tucker didn’t seem convinced.

“Uhuh. Of course she has. Everyone in this army has at least once.”

Tucker was obviously distinctively uncomfortable. He let his eyes fall back on Felix.

“It was a good trade,” Felix reassured him. He tried to keep the bite out of his smile. “Ability to drive for the ability to fix military grade engines.”

“What… you…”

“I know, it doesn’t seem like an equal trade, but she already DID have talent for it,” Felix shrugged, “So I gave her a good deal. She could have learned it herself, but the thing about war is that you don’t have a lot of time to learn things with your buddies being shot at. She was more than happy with it. Just ask her.”

Tucker shuffled. Watched as Jensen called Palomo over to hand her a cloth to wipe out the inside of her helmet.

“It doesn’t have to be…the soul?”

“Well,” Felix tilted his hand back and forth, “I mean. It’s just a little tiny piece. It’s not like you need your whole soul anyway. I’m surprised your Freelancer friend never told you about it. Wash seemed pretty informed when we spoke.”

“You spoke to Wash about it?” Tucker perked up. Felix wished he could dance right now. It was so easy to pull at this guy’s strings. Tucker so badly wanted anything he could get when it came to Agent Washington. It’s as if he thought the Freelancer would be able to fix everything if only he was there. Like Washington could fix an entire war. Pretty naïve for one of ‘Chorus’ greatest hopes.’

“Yeah, he was very aware of our small trade barter system. You guys seem like such good friends. He really never mentioned it? We even discussed getting you guys home.”

“I could get you and your men home Agent Washington,” Felix said innocently. “I mean my deal right now is getting you to the New Republic in one piece, but I would be willing to—”

“At what cost? Don’t—Don’t answer that. I don’t want to know. Anything is too much. We are not doing this. We are not helping you. This is not happening.”

“If not you then maybe your friends would be interested?”

Washington tensed. He had a distinctly unhinged look.

“If you try this with them I’ll end you. Take anything from them and I will swear it will be my mission to take everything from you. Do you understand?!”

“You have a lot of prejudice Agent Washington.”

“I have a lot of experience with people like you.”

Felix gazed at Tucker. He wasn’t about to tell him that little part of the conversation.

“Wash would never make a deal,” Tucker said with authority, but he was wavering.

“I said discuss. Freelancer paranoia doesn’t make for an open mind. I thought you Reds and Blue were… free thinkers though. I guess you guys don’t get up to much without your Freelancers.”

Felix pulled back a little. He didn’t want to overplay things after all. The Reds and Blues would be easy, but making it obvious would be in poor taste. He’d dance Lavernius Tucker right into a corner.

“Anyway, just don’t be so judgy about it, man. These people have lost a lot. They need help and right now, the only one that’s been helping them is me. Some people might demand money or equipment they don’t have or can’t spare. I ask for things they can lose. A signature here, a favourite colour there, a few happy memories, a few bad one, talent at marbles. In exchange they might get the advantages they need to win their lives back. I have never offered a trade for a whole soul and trust me, these people have asked. They think their one sacrifice could save everyone. It’s sad… it’s sort of like Wash. When he closed off the caves sacrificing himself. Seems like the right thing to do, but the people that get left behind?” He glances at Tucker, “Not so great.”

“…Kimball was saying that you know Locus,” Tucker hedged.

“Oh yeah, very familiar,” Felix grinned this time letting just a little nastiness creep out, but Tucker would think it was meant for Locus. “He’s particular. A connoisseur. He takes the entire soul if he can help it. The more interesting the better. I shudder to think what the Feds have promised him.”

Felix began walking away. He counted down in his mind slowly. One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi…

“How much would it be for—just like… knowing where they are? Wash and the others I mean?”

Felix licked his lips, eyes brightening before he turned around. At the last moment he let his face fall into a concerned frown. “Now Tucker I don’t want to encourage you to do something you’re not comfortable with. You still have your deal with Vanessa. Help her and she’ll help you.”

But it would be the hard way.

“Just--!! I just wanna know the price, dude. Just the price. Current location. Nothing more than that.”

“Hmm… well if you just want an estimate…”

Hook. Line. Sinker.

#tucker rvb #felix rvb #demon au #demon!felix #agent washington mentioned #blue's fics #mine

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