#waking up on a saturday to a two hour dan and phil video is just 👌

[morganaspendragonss]

oh boy i can’t wait to sit down and watch the full length feature film that is dan and phil play poppy playtime chapter three

#dan and phil #waking up on a saturday to a two hour dan and phil video is just 👌 #shut up holly

[dvp95]

can’t breathe when you touch my sleeve - chapter 9

pairing: dan howell/phil lester

rating: e

warnings: none

tags: alternate universe, slow burn, fluff & humour, tiny bit of inner turmoil wrt sexuality but trust me it’s not that deep, deeper than anticipated but still not that deep y'all this is primarily silly, eventual smut, idiots in love

word count: 6,538 for this chapter (41,509 total)

summary: Dan keeps making a fool of himself in interviews, to the point where it’s basically a meme. Now he’s got to sit down for the better part of an hour and sell his show to the YouTuber he’d had a massive crush on when he was a teenager.

read from the beginning on ao3 or on tumblr!

read this chapter on ao3 or here!

Dan wakes up alone. He's stretched out on Phil's sheets, mostly on his stomach, and he buries his face in a pillow to hide from the afternoon sunlight streaming through Phil's small windows. He listens carefully, but he can't hear Phil shuffling around the room or anything.

He's not overly worried, really. This is Phil's place. It would be next level weird for him to cut and run.

Sure enough, when Dan blinks away the spots in his vision and looks around the flat, he sees a sticky note on Phil's headboard. Had to go to work! Won't say your name on the radio lol, it says, and Dan feels a surge of fondness and embarrassment.

He rolls onto his back and rubs at his face, trying to wipe the stupid grin off even though nobody's here to see it. He grins wider when he remembers that someone else is here, actually.

"Thor," he calls out, not bothering to sit up. "C'mere, buddy!"

The jangling of Thor's collar and the rapid taps of his claws on the hardwood floor let him know that the dog is approaching.

Dan looks over and sees Thor sitting at the side of the bed, head cocked and ears perked. He might actually start to cry; he is obsessed with this dog.

"Hey there," he coos, patting the bed next to him in invitation. Thor just keeps looking at him. If Dan were to assign a human emotion to Thor's vibe right now, he'd say the dog looked dubious. "C'mon up, little guy, I won't bite."

Thor jumps up with his stumpy legs and Dan laughs delightedly at the height he can manage when he's got a running start. He snuffles into Dan's borrowed shirt and gives him a bunch of sloppy kisses.

Truly, there is no better way to wake up. Dan is in heaven right now.

He gives Thor a bunch of pats and coos nonsense at him for a little while. He's not really in a hurry to go anywhere. In fact, he wouldn't get out of bed at all if it weren't for his bladder starting to get angry with him. Dan sighs and gives Thor a kiss on his tiny forehead.

"I gotta get up," he laments. He blinks at Thor.

Thor blinks back.

"You need to get up, too," he informs the dog very solemnly.

Thor puts his front paws down like he's getting ready to play and lolls his tongue out, smiling at Dan.

Dan clutches at his chest dramatically and fumbles around for his phone. He needs to capture this moment. He notices that he's got missed texts, missed calls, but he shoves the spike of anxiety to the side in order to focus on getting cute photos and videos of Thor. He takes a bunch of the corgi alone, giggling to himself the whole time, and then pulls Thor close to him to take a few selfies as well.

After brushing his teeth and taking a quick piss, Dan lies back down and looks through the camera roll. He's smiling at his phone and petting one of Thor's soft ears. They're all super cute pictures, good enough to post if they weren't so laden in implications.

Two photos - one of them grinning wide at the camera and a follow-up where Dan's face is scrunched in laughter as Thor gives him a surprise kiss to his nose - get messaged to Phil instead of posted.

It's almost as good, really. After a beat, he sends the photos to Jaime and Patrick as well. He's already talked to them about everything, more or less, and he just wants to share the joy he's feeling right now to people who get it. His thumb hesitates. After a moment of consideration, he sends just the silly picture to Adrian.

Adrian responds with a knife emoji, followed by a heart eyes emoji.

They're never going to be like Phil and his brother, working together and razzing each other over dinner, but that's okay. Dan feels a little bit of softness in his chest, easing some of that decades-old guilt. Maybe they can, at least, be more than the strangers they are now.

Spurred on by something as simple as his brother replying immediately, Dan holds his breath and opens the text chain with his mum.

Blimey dear that must be a load off after all this time! Of course I still want to see you on Saturday... I love you with my whole heart and always will xx.

Fuck. He's not going to cry. He won't cry. Not here. Dan inhales lungfuls of air in gasps, trying not to let them turn into raspy sobs. Thor makes an inquisitive noise and noses at Dan's hand.

"I'm okay," he whispers, even if he isn't quite sure that's true. He makes a bunch of typos as he replies to her, just a short love you too that takes him an entire minute to get right. He doesn't want to make a big deal over this, even though it is a big deal, so he just adds a heart emoji and buries his face in Thor's soft fur.

His phone buzzes a few times, but Dan ignores it for a little while. He feels safe in Phil's bed, Thor in his arms, and he doesn't want to face the world again until he feels a bit less fragile. Eventually, though, Thor wiggles out of his grasp and bounds off the bed in search of a toy.

Jaime and Patrick have both responded to the dog selfies, Jaime with a string of barely-comprehensible emotional texts and Patrick with a single exclamation point iMessage reaction.

Phil has sent him a selfie in return, wearing radio headphones and a pout. Hate that I'm at work!!!!!!!!, he captions it. Dan hates that, too. He sends a quick shot of Thor on the other side of the flat with the caption, abandoned by both of u.

By the time he circles back to his mum, he isn't really sure what to expect. She isn't the type to wax poetic about her feelings, none of them are, so he doesn't anticipate another round of affection and love and pride right this second. Maybe in her goodbye text when he heads to the continent. Not right away.

Sure enough, she's said, Why don't you & I grab lunch in the city on Saturday? I've been meaning to try this new sushi bar... xx. Dan's heart sinks.

It's okay, he reminds himself. His mum loves him. Adrian loves him. They both said so.

His mum not wanting him to come to the house anymore speaks volumes to Dan. He expected this, anyway - his dad barely wanted to see him before this, Dan's always been nothing but a physical reminder of his wasted youth, and it isn't shocking that he doesn't want to see Dan now.

Dan lies back down and covers his head with Phil's duvet. He'll let himself be sad, just for a minute, for the loss. This is the first relationship he has to cut off if he wants to live authentically, move forward as a gay man who doesn't hate himself, and it hits hard. Maybe he'll let himself be angry, after this. Then, he'll get out of bed and start living the authentic, quietly proud life that he's only ever dreamed of.

It's okay. But, right now, it stings a bit.

--

By the time Thor's ears perk up and he runs to the door, a clear indication that Phil is home, Dan has well and truly gone through some stages of grief and landed on repression. He's been playing Guild Wars and idly tidying Phil's flat throughout the day, lazy with the impromptu day off as he is. Thor follows him around and Dan plies him with more treats than he thinks Phil would approve of.

Dan feels a little sheepish when Phil comes in and he's just lounging on the sofa with his laptop and a pair of Phil's ridiculous slippers on his feet. The flat looks better than it had last night, but Dan has done fuck all with himself. He could have at least showered, he supposes.

"Hey," he says, tugging an earphone out and giving Phil a quick glance. "Sorry, I'm raiding, I'll give you attention in a second."

"Hi, Dan, my day was good," Phil says dryly. "Thanks for asking."

"You signed up for this," Dan informs him, not taking his eyes off the screen again. He can hear Phil enthusiastically greeting Thor, which makes him smile. "I did make dinner, 's in the oven."

"You cook?" Phil sounds far too surprised, in Dan's opinion.

Dan's character gets murked, and he shuts his laptop with a little huff of a noise. Normally he'd wait out the respawn and keep playing, but he's got more important things to focus on. "No, not really. I know how to throw a bunch of stuff in a pot or dish until it's food."

He gets a proper look at Phil while he peeks in the oven and feels even more like maybe he should have gotten dressed.

It's not like he's dressed up nicely or anything - he's wearing the corgi jumper that he interviewed Dan in and a pair of Vans that are surely on their last legs - but the fact that he is dressed gives him a head start on Dan. He looks a little tired, and Dan wonders if it's comfort or a distinct lack of it that has Phil's shoulders hunched forward more than usual.

"It smells good," Phil informs him, smiling a bit. "You didn't have to do that, y'know."

"Shut up, I wanted to," says Dan.

"I don't think I've come home to food cooking since I lived with my parents," Phil says, his hands inside out in his jean pockets. "I, uh, better not get used to it, huh?"

That definitely is a problem. The elephant in the room, that Dan can't just stay here forever. Dan sighs and stands, carefully stepping around the sofa so he doesn't trip on Thor. He comes close to wrap his arms around Phil's shoulders, smiling when Phil immediately takes hold of his waist like they're dancing.

"Hi, Phil," Dan mocks softly. "Good to see you, how was your day?"

Phil laughs. "Alright. Better now."

"Good," says Dan, and then he kisses Phil. It hasn't even been a full day since he did it last, but he hums and arches into it like it's been months.

They're making up for preemptive lost time. Dan is distracted, though, even when Phil licks into his mouth and pulls him closer. He can't stop thinking about the call he'd made to Amy earlier, the things his agent had said to him.

Netflix announces renewals and cancellations whenever it pleases, not on any sort of set schedule, so Dan will have to live in limbo for a little while. Amy doesn't know how long, exactly, but she promised him to at least find him a British film or series to do in the space between seasons. She called him an idiot, but she agreed to it.

Dan is wondering if he should tell Phil about that conversation. He spends half a minute tossing the possibilities around in his head while Phil sucks on his tongue, his lip.

This is so stupid. Dan pulls back from the kiss. He laughs a bit and puts a palm on Phil's chest to stop him from coming back for more. It warms Dan, knowing that Phil doesn't want to stop kissing him.

"Down, boy," he jokes, and Phil rolls his eyes.

"I don't like this habit you have of interrupting us," says Phil. His cool hands slip under Dan's borrowed Friends shirt. His thumbs trace mirroring shapes just under Dan's ribcage. Now that is distracting. "You could just let me keep kissing you."

"I could," Dan agrees. "But I've got shit to say, y'know?"

Phil grins at him, exasperated in a way that Dan thinks he could get used to. "I've noticed, Dan, that you always have shit to say. And I'd love to listen. Any other time."

"Rude," says Dan. There's no real heat to it, since Phil is right. "It's just that I almost didn't tell you something important because I didn't want to get your hopes up or sound like a freak, and then I remembered the disaster that not talking became last time, so, fuck it."

Even though he's already had experience with watching Phil's eyes go neutral and guarded, it's still a bit of a weird thing to watch happen up close.

It's not even that Phil is a particularly good actor, it's just that he's clearly so practiced in hiding his reactions to things that he can switch it on in an instant. Dan huffs a bit and pokes at Phil's cheek.

"None of that," he scolds.

"None of what?" Phil asks. He's smiling now, though. "What's so important?"

"I talked to my agent," says Dan. "Things are up in the air until we know if we're getting a fourth season, but. I'm thinking about moving to London if we aren't."

Phil's smile goes absolutely blinding, but he sounds suspicious when he says, "Really? That's something you want?"

"I always wanted to live here," Dan says with a little shrug. "Just got lucky in America and ended up staying. Nothing specific was really drawing me back here, I just knew London was always a 'someday' thing. Every time I come back for Christmas I remember how much I like it here." Dan pauses, then jokes, "It's not all about you, y'know."

It kind of is. The timing of it, at least, but Phil doesn't have to know that.

"Yeah, alright," Phil says, outright beaming at Dan now. "Makes sense to me, it's a way better place to live than Atlanta."

Dan laughs. "Atlanta is fine, you jealous bitch."

"I guess," says Phil. He presses a couple of soft kisses to Dan's jaw. Dan is ready to get carried away again before he adds, "It must be hard being so far from your family, as well. You'll get to see them more."

He knows that Phil is only trying to motivate him into staying without actively using himself as a reason, but Dan still grimaces.

"I'll probably see them about the same amount, honestly," he says. "Except my grandma, I'm sure I'll have tea with her every once in a while."

"Don't be silly, I'm sure they'd be excited," says Phil.

That's a very easy thing for Phil to say. Dan can't help the face he pulls at the idea of his family being excited that he's nearby. "They really won't. My parents aren't like yours, Phil, and my brother definitely isn't."

Phil cocks his head and blinks. Dan almost laughs at how eerily similar the action looks to Thor's confusion.

"Well, I know nobody's family is perfect," Phil says, squeezing Dan's waist. "I just figured you'd like to be closer to them."

"No," Dan says honestly. "I mean, it's not like it's a reason not to live in London. Where I am in relation to my family doesn't really affect my decision either way, TBH."

He kind of expects Phil to keep arguing with him about it. Dan only reached out to his mum about getting together in the first place after Phil got all disapproving about how little Dan sees them. Maybe he just takes Dan's word for it this time, though, because all he says is an easy, "Okay."

That's all it takes, really. Phil's agreement, even if he doesn't understand. Dan has already told this guy more about himself than anyone else he knows, and he can feel the words bubbling uncomfortably in his throat.

"I don't actually want to talk about this," says Dan, "but, like, okay, I came out to my family and only some of them are handling it well."

Actual understanding dawns on Phil's face, and he just nods.

"We won't talk about it, then," he says. Like it's that simple. "Let's eat. I'm gonna take Thor to the park afterwards if you want to come with us."

Dan leans in for a grateful kiss that lingers a bit too long. Phil's hands travel further up his shirt, tracing along Dan's ribs and making him shiver. "Thanks," he murmurs into the barely-there space between their mouths. "I'll come with you guys."

For as long as Dan has known about commitment issues, he's known that he has them. With personal projects, with schoolwork, with his own sense of self. It's hard for him to settle on something, harder still to follow through. He's felt it with the women he's dated, too, but he'd already known there was an underlying issue that made it impossible for him to say, 'yeah, okay, this could be something I do long-term'.

Now he's making out with a man who he's pretty sure is his boyfriend, even if they hadn't actually said that word, talking about sharing dinner and dog walks and clothes, and Dan has never done this before, and he knows that he's committing to something just by being here right now.

He waits for that moment of panic so he can whack it aside with some logic, but. It never comes.

Huh.

--

When they head to bed later that night, it isn't because Phil has almost passed out on the sofa again. They'd been ignoring a film for about an hour to snog, and Phil's perpetually cold hands had started wandering about five minutes into that.

Dan had managed to handle Phil's hands under his shirt, in his hair, on his thighs, even brushing the side of his neck, all without major issues. When Phil had decided to outright grope his ass through his too-tight jeans, though, Dan's brain had short circuited. So he'd dragged Phil across the room and pulled him down in a tangle of limbs and laughter as they accidentally elbowed and kneed at each other.

They're not exactly graceful people, but Dan can't complain much with Phil's hands in his back pockets and Phil's mouth on his jaw.

Dan's breathing already feels too loud in the softly lit room, small windows not letting much background noise through at all, and Phil isn't even doing much of anything to him yet.

The part of Dan's brain that exists only to remind him that he's attracted to men has literally never been so loud. He'd foolishly assumed that admitting it to himself and other people would shut it the fuck up, but instead it is outright screaming at him.

You're so fucking gay! it reminds him, as if it's yodeling from the top of a mountain.

Yeah, Dan thinks, he is, he's aware, he's currently straddling a guy he really likes and mouthing at his neck to try and get his breathing as ragged as Dan's is. He doesn't need the commentary.

Still, it keeps shouting, and it only gets louder when Phil tangles one hand in his hair and tugs him back up for an open-mouthed kiss.

He's kissing you! AmazingPhil is kissing you! that part of his mind is chanting, and in the short break between their lips meeting, Dan can't help but murmur a, "Shut up."

Phil pauses. Dan realises he's said that out loud and promptly wants to die.

"I didn't say anything," says Phil. His voice is low and amused, and Dan feels a renewed spark of heat up his spine.

"Not you," Dan says.

Raising his eyebrows, Phil makes a point to look around the flat as best he can without dislodging Dan from his hips. "Uh huh. Y'know, I always knew this place was haunted. I just figured I'd be the one to make friends with the ghosts."

"You're ridiculous," says Dan, but he can't stop himself from smiling.

"I'm not the one talking to ghosts," says Phil.

"I'm not taking to ghosts, Phil, I'm talking to myself. My brain won't shut off, it's so fucking loud right now."

Phil laughs, but he doesn't seem like he's making fun of Dan. He twirls his finger around one of Dan's curls and grins up at him. "I can help with that," he says. In case there were any doubt about what he means, Phil squeezes Dan's ass. "Bet I could make your brain be quiet."

"Yeah?" Dan grins and noses at Phil's jaw. "Yeah, alright, do your worst."

"What do you want?" Phil asks, using his light grip on Dan's hair to make Dan look at him. Dan personally thinks he could tug harder, but they can talk about that when Dan has to pull up a PowerPoint presentation on his kinks.

That's not an easy question. Dan wants everything, whatever Phil's got on offer. He shrugs.

"Honestly," says Dan, "I'm even easier about sex than I am about food."

"This has not been easy," Phil grumbles, good-natured about it. Dan cackles in response. Not a very attractive sound, but Phil doesn't seem to mind. He just smiles.

"Okay, yeah, fair enough," says Dan. "You know what I mean. You can make that call, I believe in you. Although, for you to make an informed decision, you should know I haven't showered since..." He trails off, frowning.

"Not a good sign that you can't remember," Phil laughs. He doesn't seem anxious the way he has when Dan pushes him in the past, but maybe he's just feeling the same loose vulnerability that's making Dan go mad with it. Phil hums and toys with Dan's hair. "Uh, alright, you wanna maybe fuck me?"

The suggestion being somehow both unsure and totally blunt makes Dan laugh, and then Phil is ducking giggles into Dan's collarbone, too.

"How is that a question?" Dan grins. "Sure I do."

Phil is grinning back at him, bright and beautiful, and Dan has to lean in and connect their lips again for a long moment. "Mm, you wanna grab the stuff from the loo, then? And put Thor in there while you're at it."

"Why do I have to?"

"You're on top of me."

"I don't have to be. You go put the dog away."

"No, you should - okay," Phil cuts himself off with a laugh and takes his hand off Dan's ass to hold it up between them in a fist. "Rock, paper, scissors you for it?"

As Dan proceeds to lose two of three - and then three of five, and then five of seven when he keeps complaining about not being in the Zone - it occurs to him that this whole thing feels ridiculous.

It's not a bad thing. Dan hasn't had silly sex in a very, very long time. He's certainly never had sex with someone he trusts quite as much as he trusts Phil. He's trying not to think about that too hard when he lures Thor into the bathroom with treats and his favourite toy, because he doesn't want to accidentally activate his own fight or flight reflex.

Phil is propped up on his elbows in bed, watching Dan with an absent smile on his face, and Dan remembers seeing him like this when they were drunk together. He'd been sprawled out over Dan's sheets and smirking up at him and Dan hadn't done anything about it.

"God, I'm stupid," Dan breathes, and Phil laughs.

"Yeah," he agrees, even though he can't possibly know what Dan is thinking about. "You just gonna stand there?"

With a rude gesture, Dan tosses the bottle of lube at Phil, who yelps as it almost hits him in the face. Dan finds himself cackling again as he fights to get his ultra-skinny jeans off his legs while he's still standing. He'd put them on to go to the dog park - stayed in the Friends shirt, though, it's very comfortable - but he's regretting that now. Phil's cotton shorts would be way less awkward to shimmy out of.

"Must you watch me do this?" Dan huffs, hopping on one foot as he tries to yank his jeans down over his other ankle. "It's not exactly sexy."

"It's very funny, though," says Phil.

Dan manages to get his jeans and socks off without injury, and then he flops back into bed to help Phil with his own tight jeans.

"We need to rethink our fashion," Dan laughs. Phil is giggling, too, and lifting his hips for Dan, and this is all so fun. Dan had actually forgotten that sex could be fun. His jeans come off easier than Dan's, thank god, and Dan runs his hands over Phil's thighs with a little hum. "Damn, you're pale."

Phil makes an amused, choked-off noise and kicks out at Dan without actually trying to hit him. "Hey, fuck you, you're supposed to say nice stuff to me."

"I'm so sorry, Phil, the beauty of your alabaster legs just drive me crazy," Dan simpers, exaggeratedly batting his eyelashes. He's being a dick about it, but the sentiment behind the words are true enough. Phil's got nice legs, nice thighs, a nice semi in his nice boxers. Dan brushes his fingers in a way that's probably ticklish and laughs when Phil kicks his shin for real. "Fucking ow, do you want me to tell you how hot you are or not?"

"You're so annoying," Phil informs him, and then he's sitting up to take his shirt off and Dan's mouth goes dry for real.

"Oh," he says, shifting further up the bed so he can flick his thumb over the metal bar in Phil's left nipple. He hadn't really expected that from Phil. Dan blinks, trying to get his brain back online. "Why didn't you get both?'

Whatever Phil was expecting him to say, it wasn't that. He sits there for a moment, stumped, the pads of Dan's fingers curiously poking at his nipple. It doesn't seem like it's very sensitive. Dan wonders if that's from the piercing or if Phil just doesn't have sensitive nipples. He wonders how long this piercing has been here - it hadn't been, back when he was an avid AmazingPhil subscriber, and Phil hasn't taken his shirt off for YouTube in years.

Then, Phil shrugs. "You only get one pierced, don't you?"

"I think most people get both," Dan says, but he's talking on autopilot right now. He shakes his head, tries to clear it. "Fucking symmetry or whatever, yeah?"

"I guess," Phil says. He doesn't shrug again, but his broad, bare shoulders twitch like they want to. He's got freckles and beauty marks on his shoulders and arms and torso, and Dan wants to get his mouth on every single one.

"No offense," says Dan, "but I really didn't peg you as the piercing type."

Phil smirks a bit. "Wow, the MySpace boy I was trying so hard to be is crying right now. Yeah, I dunno, it was one of the really impulsive things I did a couple years ago. Getting Thor was one of those, I think I told you about that."

He had. Dan remembers it, vaguely, remembers wondering if Phil was hiding a tattoo under his clothes.

"Did it hurt?"

"Not as much as I expected," says Phil. "And definitely not as much as my other ones did."

Dan narrows his eyes and looks Phil over, dubious. Phil isn't wearing anything but a pair of boxer briefs with sushi print on them, and Dan can't see any more metal or healing holes on him. Phil's little smirk only grows while Dan looks him over carefully. "Stop fucking with me, you don't have more piercings."

Phil raises an eyebrow and his hips in a synchronicity that Dan didn't know his body possessed. Dan swallows, hard, can hear his heart pounding as it rushes all the blood in his brain south and makes him a little dizzy.

The room is quiet and still and too hot for a long beat. Then, Dan pulls his borrowed shirt off and chucks it somewhere over his shoulder so that the cool air of the basement can stop him from overheating. He slides his fingers under the hem of Phil's boxers and pulls them down his long legs, unable to stop himself from dropping a kiss to one of Phil's very pale thighs as he does.

"Fuck," Dan breathes. He nips at Phil's thigh a bit, making the muscles there jerk. "Alright, so I can see how that would hurt more."

Phil's cock is pretty and thick, which Dan suspected but had no way of knowing, and it's also got two piercings in it. Dan knows the name of the one, a Prince Albert ring right at the tip of Phil's dick, but he has no idea what the other is called.

He has to touch them, of course. He wraps his hand around Phil's cock and rubs his thumb back and forth over the ring, watching Phil's face carefully as he does.

"Dan," is all Phil says, but his voice has gone low and his eyes have gone dark, so Dan figures he's doing something right.

"What the hell is this?" Dan has to ask, trailing his fingers down Phil's cock to nudge at the bar through the bottom of it, right above his balls. "Like, what is it called? Also, why did you do this? Also, also, I want to suck your dick now."

Phil laughs, throaty and dark, and that doesn't help Dan's situation at all.

"You only grabbed one condom," he points out, waving the wrapper in Dan's face. "So you can either fuck me or suck me off, your call."

"I don't need a condom to suck your dick," says Dan.

Somehow, even with Dan's hand idly stroking him and playing with the piercings, Phil manages to roll his eyes. "You do. I'm not giving you a safe sex lecture, Dan, either make up your mind or go get another condom."

Dan sulks, but he doesn't bother arguing. He hasn't actually heard Phil be so strongly opinionated about something before. There's not a hint of hesitation or anxiety in telling Dan what he wants, and Dan likes that too much to bicker over something as miniscule as a condom.

"Fine," he sighs, sitting up between Phil's legs and letting go of his dick.

"Aw, Dan," Phil lightly mocks. He reaches out and pets Dan's hair, which Dan is only a little embarrassed to lean into. "It's like you don't even know that getting tested together can be third base for gay people."

"Well, I don't know," Dan huffs. He's a little prickly and defensive about the teasing, but Phil smiles at him so softly that he melts all over again. "It's been a while, okay? And it's not like any of us were the smartest bulbs about this shit in uni."

With a sympathetic little hum of a noise, Phil pulls Dan up by the hair to kiss him. It's slow and lingering and Dan's body is pressed against Phil's with the angle, only his thin Calvins in the way of them sliding together. When Phil pulls back, Dan is the one who gets stopped from leaning in for more.

"Sorry," Phil says, quiet and sincere and still smiling. "I really will talk about why it's important to me later, but right now I just really need you to put your stupidly big hands to work."

Another request, no hesitation. Dan is only too happy to oblige.

Dan has never fingered another guy before. The rare times, back in the day, that he hadn't been craving something inside him to ease that constant tension he carried around with him, Dan's sexual partners had just done the task themselves.

Still, it's not rocket science. He's had his fingers in women and in himself before, how different could it be?

Too much lube and a wrist cramp later, Dan is getting the hang of things. He's using his right hand on Phil so his left wrist can take a break, pushing and prodding deep with his longest fingers to coax drawn-out noises from Phil's pretty lips. Dan kisses him, rocks against his hip, murmurs absolute nonsense into his ear that he'll feel embarrassed about when he isn't so fucking turned on. He hasn't managed to consistently hit Phil's prostate or anything but Phil doesn't seem to mind. He's grinding into Dan's hand, biting his lip hard, murmuring, "That's it, you've got it, c'mon, give me another."

"Yeah, alright," Dan breathes, carefully pressing another finger into him and shuddering at the way Phil's back arches into it.

This is easily the hottest thing he's ever done, and that might be pathetic if it wasn't so obvious that nothing else could even come close to this. Phil doesn't bother telling Dan when he's ready, he just shoves the condom into Dan's free palm and wraps a hand around himself.

"Not getting any younger, here," Phil says on a little pant, and Dan realises that he's just been staring.

"Right, fuck, okay."

Dan's fingers shake a bit, but he manages to get his boxers off and his cock ready without any incidents - aside from another mean twinge in his left wrist. He waits and just looks at Phil again, spread legs and long neck and all gorgeous man, and Phil's eyelashes flutter as he tugs lightly on one of his piercings, fuck.

"C'mon," Phil urges again, hooking a lanky leg over Dan's hip to pull him closer.

"It's gonna be like that, is it?" Dan laughs breathlessly. He hoists Phils body up by his thighs for a better angle and keeps a hand on Phil's ass to hold him there. "Fucking pillow princess, I should have guessed."

"Whatever, Dan," says Phil. He seems very distracted by Dan lining his cock up and slowly, so slowly, pressing inside of him. Phil groans then, the loudest noise he's made yet, and rocks his hips to take more of Dan's cock than Dan is giving him. "Not gonna fucking break, c'mon."

"Jesus, Phil," Dan half-laughs, half-moans. "So demanding. Feel so good, though, shit, I can't stay in Atlanta, I can't not have this all the - fuck - all the time."

It just kind of slips out, the way everything Dan babbles during sex slips out, but Phil is nodding along anyway, wrapping his arms around Dan's shoulders to pull him down into a messy kiss.

The wet noises where they're joined should be comical, maybe, all squelching lube and skin slapping against skin as Dan starts to fuck into Phil properly, but Dan is too focused on the breathy noises escaping from their kiss to care. This is just what sex sounds like - this is what sex with Phil sounds like, and Dan could really get used to that.

Phil's heel digs into the small of Dan's back to urge him on until, presumably, his leg gets tired or cramped and he wraps them both around Dan's hips instead. They gasp into each other's mouths at the slight change in angle, and Dan's hips snap forward.

If Phil weren't sucking on his tongue right now, Dan would be prattling on and moaning loud and generally making an idiot of himself. He feels the telltale sensation of heat in his gut that means there's an orgasm at the finish line, he just needs to get there.

Dan plants a hand on the bed and lifts Phil's lower body a bit more with the other, moaning absolute nonsense into Phil's mouth as he thrusts a little harder and faster to try and get Phil where he is.

A whine reverberates through Dan's body as Phil makes the noise with his teeth on Dan's lower lip, and then Dan can feel the rhythmic nudges of Phil's knuckles against his stomach as he jacks himself off, fast, because he's close too and Dan can tell. Dan wants to wait it out, he does, but Phil feels too good around his cock for him to hold out any longer. His orgasm hits and he groans like he’s been punched in the stomach, burying his face into Phil’s neck as he does.

He hears Phil say, "Fuck, okay, just stay there," and stays deep inside of him, pressing wet kisses to his neck and grinding his hips in little circles until Phil gets his, too, toes curling against the backs of Dan's thighs with a quiet groan and one hand gripping his hair so tight that Dan sees stars.

Dan presses a soft kiss to Phil's jaw and carefully pulls out of him to flop onto his back, trying to get his breathing back to a regular rate. He's seriously unfit when he isn't filming, his personal trainer would be so furious about all the Domino's he's been eating. He laughs at the thought of his trainer's angry face and then he's just giggling, throwing an arm over his face to hide from Phil's curious eyes.

"I think you fucked me stupid," Dan tells him through the giggles, and Phil responds with a low chuckle.

Arms are wrapped around Dan's waist and a line of kisses are dropped along his collarbone. "Hey, now," says Phil, his voice low and fucked out, "I can't take credit for that. You were stupid when you got here."

"Oi," Dan laughs, shoving at him. If they had more energy, they'd probably roll around until all the mocking words are just breathless laughter, but as it is they just manage to elbow each other a few times and then curl closer. It's quiet for a few minutes, just holding each other close and letting their hands brush softly over each other's skin.

Then, Phil yawns.

"Okay," he says, like he's psyching himself up. "Contacts out. Dog out. Pants on."

"That last one seems optional," Dan says, waggling his eyebrows. Phil laughs and swats at his chest.

"You," says Phil, swatting the same spot again for good measure, "condom off, pants on."

"What is this pants agenda you're pushing on me?" Dan hums into Phil's hair. It smells sweet, like some kind of berry. "I'm not sure I'm interested in these pants you speak of."

Phil laughs and pulls away to stretch all his long limbs out. Dan takes the opportunity to shamelessly check him out again, admiring the glints of metal that the majority of the world doesn't get to see. "You will be. Thor's going to want to cuddle after we locked him up."

He watches Phil as he searches his room for clean boxers, wolf-whistling when he bends down and laughing at the finger he gets in return.

"Yeah, okay," says Dan. He feels a smile spread across his face before he even thinks about it. Yeah. This is what he wants. This is what, for some godforsaken reason, he's been allowed to have.

#dnp fic #phanfic #phanfiction #can't breathe when you touch my sleeve #words words words

[thomasvol6]

Do you remember? // Phanfiction

Word count: 2.7k

Warnings: slight swearing, fluff, very light smut

Summary: Dan and Phil have been married for 16 years and one night in bed they decide to re-live their favourite moments together

“Can you sleep?”

“Not really”

“Same”

Phil rolled over to face his husband. They had been married for 16 years now but his heart still did that ‘flippy-over thing’ every time he looked in Dan’s eyes, just like it did the first time they kissed, back in 2009 on the Manchester Eye.

“Do you remember our first kiss?” Phil asked softly, still staring fondly at his husband’s eyes

“Oh so that’s where we’re going?” Dan replied chuckling at Phil’s cheesiness. He sometimes had these moments where he just started being incredibly cheesy and romantic, he had always had them and Dan surely couldn’t complain because he loved them.

“I was just thinking at how far we’ve come…I mean, 20 years ago we were lying on our bed, nervous as hell to publish PINOF 10, and now we are married and we have a 15 years old son and a 5 years old daughter together…time flies” Phil said as he started playing with a curl from Dan’s hair.

“Shit we’re going to die like tomorrow”

“Oh c’mon don’t kill the atmosphere with your sad thoughts”

“You’re right, sorry…by the way yes, I do remember our first kiss as well as our last one”

“Our last o-“ Phil didn’t manage to end his question because Dan had moved slightly forward to give him a quick kiss and rest his head on Phil’s shoulder

“We had been walking around Manchester for hours and decided to go for one ride on the wheel and then go home. You payed for both our tickets even though I had insisted that I wanted to pay and the man at the ticket booth pulled the most annoyed face ever because I wouldn’t stop insisting, so you took my hand and dragged me in our cabin. It was cabin number 22 and we were the only people around as it was a monday evening. You kept staring at me and I was like ‘fuck it’ so I leaned in like I was going to rest my head on your shoulder, but then I kissed you and you seemed so shocked that I was afraid I’d hurt you. You re-arranged my fringe and put your hand on mine and we just stayed like that for the rest of the ride, smiling at each other. Wait- are you crying? Oh baby I’m sorry!” said Dan whilst passing his thumb of Phil’s cheeks to dry his tears.

“I…I just got a little emotional, you made me travel back in time there, you know?” said Phil almost apologising.

“Why don’t you make me travel a bit now?”

“Sure, where do you want to go?”

“Mmh…maybe our first time? Too much?”

“No, not at all. Close your eyes though, okay? So…it was a couple months since our first kiss and you were coming to stay at my house for a whole week! I couldn’t wait to spend all that time with you and I remember our last skype call, the night before you came here, where you were so happy you couldn’t calm down so you ended up not managing to sleep a minute that night, and when you arrived here you were really tired. My mom, bless her, had prepared the guests room for you, even though I had told her that we were together. I’m pretty sure she was just fine with it and it was my dad to be over-protective about the whole thing so he asked mom to set up the guests room, but anyways…Where was I? Oh yes, you were knackered so I asked you if you wanted to just lay on the sofa and watch a movie together. Being geniuses, we watched Wall-e, like the saddest movie ever, and ended up crying like two babies by the end of it. At that point it was about 4pm and we agreed that if we had a nap we would never be able to sleep during the night, so we decided to go grocery shopping and cook dinner, since my parents had gone to visit my aunt up in Scotland for the week. We went out without our coats and regretted it immediately but we were both too lazy to go back up to get them, so we decided to freeze our way to the store. I think we had seen this recipe on TV earlier and for some reason decided to bake a chicken and aubergines pie, so we bought what we needed and practically ran back home as it was really really cold outside, you know, december…

As soon as we arrived home we were so cold that we decided to snuggle on my bed for a while before cooking and so we did, but then you started to tease me putting your hand on my thigh and kissing me. When I realised what you were doing, I started to do the same. I started stroking your thigh going everytime a little bit higher and closer to your crotch, until you started complaining about the teasing. You were the one who had started!”

Dan let out a chuckle at the memory but didn’t open his eyes, he was in full immersion.

“So…the rest you know” Phil stopped himself from telling the whole story because he knew it would have gotten both him and Dan horny and it would have been a mood killer.

“Yeah I do. Did you like it?” said Dan still keeping his eyes closed but smiling from ear to ear

“Of course I did, you dingo! It wasn’t as nice as it is now, maybe, because neither of us were experienced almost at all and especially not with each other, but it was a great first time. I mean, I had only been with a girl before you and let me just say it’s definitely not the same thing!”

“I hadn’t been with anyone before you, actually” said Dan, only at this point opening his eyes to look at his husband’s reaction

“Yeah I know babe, it was so obvious that you lied about not being a virgin!” answered Phil surprising Dan

“What?? You knew? Oh that’s embarrassing!”

“It’s not embarrassing at all! I actually like the idea that I’m the only one who ever fucked you”

“Philip Michael Lester Howell, first of all, did you just say ‘fuck’? And second of all, we’re 50 years old. I think ‘fucked you’ isn’t the best of ways to describe our love making”

“I’ll tell you what, Daniel James Howell Lester, I say whatever the fluff I want!” said Phil not managing to keep a straight face and bursting in laughter. They both cuckled for a while until Phil said “Hey, I want to travel more! Tell me about our wedding pleeeease”

He closed his eyes waiting for Dan to start telling the story but he was surprised by a quick soft kiss, and his blood started to go to his shoulder again as his husband had moved his head onto his own pillow.

“Sooo, let’s go back to 2022, shall we? I remember being so nervous I actually threw up a couple of times the night before and I wanted to call you so bad but I decided to be strong and ended up suffering alone, until my brother came to look for me in the bathroom. He knocked and came in without waiting for any reply and as soon as he saw the mess I was he sat next to me on the floor and put his hand on my knee, like a silent ‘I’m here’. After a couple minutes of silence I said something like ‘I really love him’ or ‘I love him so much’ and Adrian hugged me saying ‘I know you do’. I didn’t sleep a minute that night and was about to text you a million times but I actually only did it once, to say goodnight to you. You replied IMMEDIATELY and I remember thinking that maybe you were in my same situation” Dan stopped to check if Phil was still awake

“I was in the exact same situation, just without the throwing up part, you know my stomach is made of iron!” Phil said keeping his eyes shut.

“Yeah, I know. Anyways, when my mom came to wake me up in the morning she was really excited to see that I was already up and getting prepared. She said she had made pancakes for me downstairs and that my suit had been ironed and was waiting for me in the laundry room. I ate my pancakes and put on the suit, then went to check if Adrian was ready. He was still in his pj’s but the ring boxes were ready and his suit had been ironed too so it was no big deal. As soon as I saw you walking towards me in the wedding garden I completely forgot of any worryings or preoccupations and my heart was filled in with just love. I can’t even remember what the guy who married us was saying because all I could think of was how could you possibly look even more beautiful than usual in that suit. Yet, you did. I still remember, though, my votes. ‘Phil, I promise I’ll always be by your side: when you decide to dress up as punks, when you want to have 3-hour-breakfasts and when you want to live the rest of our lives together. I promise I will do the laundry every saturday as we decided 10 years ago, that I will tell you when I finish the milk and that I’ll take Nuki out for walkies more often. I love you Phil, I’ve loved you since when, back in 2008, I would watch your videos to relax, I loved you when you asked me to move in your flat and I loved you even more when you told me that there was powerful wifi- I mean…when you said that you loved me too’ Jesus, I think I will remember that forever” Dan said with a smile on his face

“That was a wonderful speech, I can imagine you remember that I couldn’t contain my tears, too” replied Phil, him smiling too.

“Your turn again! I want…mmh…the day we finally took Noah home please” said Dan closing his eyes again and settling down

“Okay, soooo 2023. It was the 31st march when they called us from the hospital saying that Noah was arriving. I remember literally grabbing our wallets and keys and RUNNING downstairs like the building was on fire. You almost got killed by a taxi whilst trying to get him to stop, which ended up working, but still! Anyways, we got to the hospital in 10 minutes and ran through the corridors trying to find the room. When we finally found it, room 209, and walked in, we were immediately attacked by the nurses who quickly gave us gloves and and masks and went back to the bed where Lauren was. She seemed really happy to see us but also kind of terrified. Mmmh...I guess it's because a baby was about to exit her ladydoor"

“I cAN'T BELIEVE YOU SAID THAT” screamed Dan pushing himself up with his elbows. He didn't scare Phil, though. He was expecting a similar reaction.

“Shhhhh you're gonna wake Emily!” said Phil, now on his elbows too

“From here it's much easier to wake Noah, Emily is three rooms away!”

“Earlier, when I went to the loo, I checked if the kids were alright and Emily had crawled in Noah’s bed. She’s probably had another nightmare”

“Oh bless her. By the way, our 15 and 5 years old kids sleep together every now and then?? You realise that's parenting goals, yeah?”

“Well my brother and I used to do that every now and then too, but I guess it's because he's only a year and a half older than me"

“Exactly. Plus, 15 is a critical age! You know, he's starting to seriously grow and that kinda scares me"

“First of all, we’re freakishly tall so I don't think he's ever going to be taller than us. Second of all, he's only like 5’5. Third, I'm really scared too. What if he's going to meet someone on the internet and run away with them??”

“Oh you mean like I did? Yeah I hope that doesn't happen”

“You were 19, Dan”

“No, I was kidding” said Dan playing with his husband’s face “Now, can you resume the story telling?”

“Oh yeah right, so Lauren was screaming a lot and I don't know about you but she was holding my hand really tight, I thought it was going to explode!”

“Same"

“But finally, after about 5 minutes, Noah came out, screaming a lot too, and the nurses washed him before giving him to Lauren to breastfeed him. He was perfect, about 3.5 kilos and 50cm long. His big brown eyes stared at us for a bit before closing and then he slept for like 10 hours.

When, three days later, we finally brought him at home, we were both really emotional but his room was so cute! Do you remember it? We had put a tiny little wooden bed and painted the walls of pastel light blue. The floor was a very light green moquette and we had bought those huge Ikea plastic leaves so the whole room looked like a forest.

Being right next to our room, we could (and still can) hear everything he did so for the first couple of months it was really difficult for us to sleep, but then we got used to it and now I don't even notice it anymore to be honest. We were so happy when he arrived home and every free minute we would talk and sing to him our favourite songs, but the only song that managed to make him fall asleep was Interrupted By Fireworks. Do you remember how many times we played it at the stereo? I think probably more than ten thousand times...anyways, I think Noah’s love for books comes from the fact that we used to read to him constantly so hey, that's some good parenting right there!”

“It sure is!” said Dan “My turn, I'm telling Emily’s story.

We had decided, this time, to adopt, so after contacting the agency and signing all those papers and various meetings with various people, we only got to see a photo of Emily in june 2033! She was a week old, so it was the 27th, and she was sooo cute! She had very light blue eyes and very thin,almost white hair. I remember the nurse who was taking care of her telling us to make sure we thought her some Swedish so that she could learn about her origins. I think she knows it pretty well by now, doesn't she?”

“Definitely, plus both her and her brother love Knäckebröd so I think we've done a good job with that too” said Dan, satisfied.

“Yeah...Dan?”

Dan turned on his side to face Phil, as a silent ‘Yes?’

“I love our life. Thank you for giving me all this” said Phil, getting teary again

“Oh baby I love it too. I love our kids, I love our dog, I love our home and I love you, so much”

Phil kissed his husband then went back on his pillow

“Now I'm gonna go make us tea and check the kids, could you go lock the door please?” said Dan getting out of bed

“Sure” replied Phil, him also putting his feet on the floor and slowly standing up to not get dizzy

“I really needed this tea, you know?” said Phil stroking Dan's hand with his

“I think at this point I'm pretty good at reading your mind. Let's see...mmmh...right now you're thinking that you'd like to fuck me" said Dan moving his fingers on his head like he was actually reading Phil's mind

“Hey! You told me off like an hour ago for saying that!”

Dan chuckled and pulled the duvet to his chin, pulling a fake innocent face

“But you're right actually, you are pretty good at reading my mind"

#dan and phil #phan #phanfiction #phandom #dan howell #danisnotonfire #phil lester #amazingphil #phan fluff #phan fiction

[nebulaedaniel]

16.6.2018 - matinee experience

I met dan and phil and here’s how my whole day went

I woke up at 5:30 AM on Saturday morning. It would take me about 2 and a half hours to get to Stockholm, so i had to wake up early. My dad and i got in our car at 6:20 AM and started driving to the city nearby to be able to get on the train. I was really nervous so i didnt sleep in the car, even though i usually do.

We arrive in the city, eventually get on the train, and we’re officially on our way.

I was still really nervous so i decided to watch the video that they uploaded that previous day. I watched it and couldnt believe that i was going to meet them in just a few hours.

My dad and i arrived at around 9, and the venue was right outside the train station, so my dad wanted us to go there right away.

I thought we’d be the first ones there, but we werent! There was one more person there, and they had blue hair so ofc i was too intimidated to talk to them.

So we’re standing there, im furiously texting all my friends to tell them that im Actually freaking out. More people showed up and suddenly we were six people there.

Cabs are coming and going, and suddenly the people sitting on benches are reacting to one of the cars, but i didnt pay it any mind. But then everyone is lowkey screaming and panicking and i have no idea what’s happening, but then the blue haired person made eye contact with me and pointed behind me, so i turn around, and there they were? I didnt see them walk out of the car, but they were walking in and i. Started. Shaking. It was bad. I was writing to annie (@nuclear-clusterhug) and the gc i was in for ii, just yelling at all of them that i saw them!!

Just in case you were curious, they’re even gorgeous from the back.

So im standing there, i can barely speak and im pretty sure my dad was judging me but i really didnt care.

Eventually one of the people from the gc made it to the venue, and i finally had someone to freak out with.

I have no idea how long we stood there, maybe half an hour, the two other people showed up aswell, and now we were a little group just huddled together and waiting to be let inside.

Eventually they opened. We walked in. We got wristbands and i got the number 38, not that it mattered, but it did to me.

We went in, my friend and i were both freaking out. Eventually we went upstairs, we stood in line, and every minute felt like days. Their manager eventually explained what was going to happen, and then, a few minutes later, they arrived. They went up the stairs and dan looked so excited, i didnt hear a word what they said, but i filmed it and i have it.

They went back behind the screen and the first person goes in. We wait in line for maybe 20 minutes, although it felt like 5, and then. Its. Our. Turn.

My friend goes first and i film for her. We turn the corner and there they are. I see phil first and my god is he beautiful. My friend goes to hug them and i stand off to the side to film them and just look at them for 30 whole seconds. I have it all filmed and i cant believe it.

Then. Its my turn. And. I. Freeze. I dont say ANYTHING im so freaked out. I go to hug phil first and i just remember it being soft, then i hug dan and he was even softer like fuck his jumper was so soft.

Phil asks if i want anything signed, i hand over my book and they have it signed in 5 seconds.

But this. This moment is what will stick with me forever. I had written in my book “what’s your favorite thing about sweden” and dan wrote (it was dan, i watched the video of me meeting them like 20 times and dan. Wrote. It.) “you!”

You!

He wrote. “you!”

Im not. Okay.

Okay. So. Yes. That happend. Its in my book forever.

Phil then asked if i wanted a selfie.

Can i just say that phils voice is the softest thing ever when meeting fans, remember when phil was talking to the corgi in the dog video? And he said “do you like your hoodie?”? That kind of soft.

Anyway, so we took the selfie, phil was just like hiding behind me?? Cute

Dan did two poses and i was so overwhelmed i saw his dimples just a few decimeters away from me?? Unreal

I then left, almost forgot my book so that was fun.

We got our tote bags and then we left the venue

We sat outside for maybe 40 minutes, just internalizing that it happened. We had met them.

I eventually went to eat, then i got messages from natalie (@fanpurple) and she asked me where i was, so i hurried off to go to her

I got in line, and suddenly i was inside again.

Then, i met natalie. She was the smallest little person and she was so cute! She seemed so excited and that made me even more excited because oh my god! I met dnp and now i met my amazing friend?? I was so happy

We went to the official waiting area and got in line for the merch, and while we were waiting she was asking me all about how it was to meet them and i was more than happy to tell her EVERYTHING.

I got my stuff (poster, cap, hoodie) and we walked off to sit down, i showed natalie everything that i had gotten in the tote bag, and she went through my tabinof. While she was reading i was just sitting there, so happy that everything was going so well. It was the first time since… I dont know when, that i didnt have a single bad thought on my mind, you have no idea how amazing that felt.

Im not going to talk too much about the show, since this is already so long, but i do want to say that i was on the first row and phil kept walking and he was just a few meters away from me.

I must also say that videos do not do them justice, they’re 100 times more handsome in real life. i might have actually died from how fucking hoT phil is

The show goes on, im laughing im screaming im clapping, and i was just having a gooood timeeee.

One thing that i HAVE to mention tho, is the truth bombs thing.

One of the questions was “what would a documentary about their lives be called?” and as i was watching them i was just thinking like hmm i wonder what i wrote for that thing?

They start putting up things on screen.

“how my stalker became my best friend”

“why are we even doing this?” (or smt similar to that)

Then. The last one. Was. Mine.

“two dudes sittin on a sofa”

WHAT??? DID THAT HAPPENED?? yes. Yes it did. They didnt choose mine but i really dont fucking care because mine was up there. Phil said my name.

Natalie got to answer the question about what was in the box, she said butterfly, so adorable

There’s alot more. Like alot more. Ive written down everything on a document in my phone. But that were the highlights from the show.

i got home at 11pm, and the next day i was so sore from walking around and wearing my heavy backpack for a whole day, but that really doesnt matter, im too happy, im still too happy its been three days and im still soooo happyyy

thanks for reading, if anyone did

#ii spoilers #ii #My show #ii stockholm #Interactive Introverts #remember.it

[flowerpotphil]

Sunday Morning

Summary: While everyone knows about Daniel Howell and his depression, it doesn’t stop the way it creeps up on him overnight. Waking up in an episode, Dan can only hope that things don’t spiral. And that Phil doesn’t wake up before he’s home. 

On a Saturday night a normal bachelor is most likely partying the night away, hoping to get drunk enough to hook up with some woman and that would be their night made.

But not Dan or Phil.

Their ideal Saturday night was filming a gaming video to be edited the next morning, drinking Ribena, ordering a pizza and watching either a TV show or some anime, and it was usual bliss for them. The gaming was fun, it was something that they both throughly enjoyed and a time they could let loose on camera (it was also an excuse to play games, but they didn’t say that), and they genuinely enjoyed each other’s company.

That Saturday night, one in the summer when the sun was just setting at 9pm, Dan could feel himself slipping through his restlessness. He told Phil he wasn’t feeling well enough to film a video for their gaming channel but never told Phil what he actually meant. After knowing Dan for years Phil let it go but kept an eye on him - if Dan was going to spiral again, he would know.

Instead of forcing it out of Dan, Phil set up their couch with masses of blankets and ordered in some pizza - meat feast as usual - as a way to keep Dan comforted. He knew that Dan would work things out, but it wouldn’t hurt to keep him in some comfort and away from the clutches of the dark pit he’d sometimes fall in. They were half an hour into a new episode of American Horror Story when Phil noticed Dan hadn’t touched the pizza at all. “Have a slice of pizza, it’s really good.” Phil’s voice trailed at the end, he really didn’t know what to say to get Dan to eat some. “I’m really not hungry, I ate a lot earlier.” Dan sighed and leaned into Phil more so his head was on his shoulder. Phil knew Dan was lying, saying it only to get him off his case. “Eat a small slice at least.” Phil leaned forwards, slightly jolting Dan, and took the smallest slice. The cheese oozed off of the crust and he struggled to not drop it as he brought it closer to Dan. “Here, just have this.” With a shake of his head, Dan tried to dismiss Phil. “Dan, please. Just a bite.” Phil pressed, the pizza really did smell appealing to Dan. He opened his mouth and took a bite, barbecue sauce, meat and cheese filling his mouth.

It sure did taste nice. But as soon as the satisfaction came, it went, and Dan’s mouth was full of cardboard. He swallowed and shook his head, grimacing at the thought of filling his mouth with the bland taste again.

Phil felt his eyes getting heavy as they moved onto the next episode, he didn’t necessarily mean to but he soon succumbed to sleep with his arm around Dan. It was midnight when Dan checked his phone for the time, he figured he should try and sleep. It’d be a welcome escape from the feeling of nothing that was coming.

2 hours and exactly 23 minutes later Dan woke up. He was aching all over and his body felt ridiculously heavy.  Phil was still asleep beside him, there was a small smile on his lips that was most likely from the dream he was having. Just the sight of Phil smiling gave Dan some kind of comfort, but it was the saddening kink. Dan’s mind went straight to him thinking about how he wished he could be like Phil in the sense that an overwhelming depression wouldn’t constantly be lurking behind him. Phil was happy, Dan was not. And that was what made Dan comforted, he loved that Phil was happy, at that moment Phil was all that mattered.

Being careful to not wake Phil from his slumber, Dan got up and stretched, feeling his bones crack in a satisfying way. He sighed and picked up his phone. 02:25. He threw it back down on the couch, he didn’t want anyone to contact him while he was out.

The apartment door clicked shut and Dan walked down the stairs to get out, he couldn’t quite grasp where he wanted to go or what he was doing.

The streets of London were mysteriously quiet, there were no cars or drunks wandering about aimlessly. The cool air was a welcoming thing for Dan, the summer sun had been bothering him for days on end, to be cold was rather nice. But as Dan walked down the street, he couldn’t shake the feeling of something dawning so close behind him. It wasn’t anything physical, not that he would care if it was, but moreso a set of thoughts that he couldn’t break from. His memories of years he’d merely survived; wasted years where he wallowed in his own sadness. It was pathetic to him.

YouTube’s own Daniel Howell. Many adults scoffed when they heard it, the thought of YouTubers making videos for a job was ridiculous to them. He knew. They’d email him. Unlike Phil, Dan didn’t have a degree to support him. He had nothing. If, when, YouTube flopped, he was sure Phil would swan off and abandoned him. Dan was huge of statement fashion, spending over £100 on a jumper alone. His bank account could support him for a while if he stopped splashing out on consoles and games and clothes, just buying necessities. But then what? He couldn’t go back to retail, he wouldn’t cope. People knew his face from posters about their tours, books in stores, YouTube, and other various events, he’d never get a normal life. He could go abroad, but people knew his name. There was one option he didn’t want to think about.

The sun would rise early, but Dan liked the silence of the change over from night to morning, it gave him time to think and feel. Phil would be sleeping, mouth slack as he entered a deeper stage of sleep

No stars lit up the sky and it was bitter cold, Dan was only wearing a thin t-shirt and it was beginning to hurt his fingers. The only thing he could do was shove them in the pockets of his jeans and occupy his mind with other matters; other matters that would make him glad of the biting cold.

Time seemed to halt as Dan got to the end of the street, he rubbed his eyes and looked to make sure what he was seeing was real. It wasn’t, obviously, unless he and Phil were cloned and on their way to their apartment for the very first time. Dan had been in a depressive episode then, but the prospect of a brand new start had alleviated it just for the day. Phil was carrying his backpack and Dan was holding bags of grocery that they’d need until they’d settled in. That entire day was a dream come true, they’d waited for their moment for so long, barely scraping through with their income, and finally things began to look up for the two of them.

“I’m just tired…” Dan said to himself, he was staring at nothing as his mind conjured up the image of him and Phil. It was probably a good job no one was around. People asked what was wrong and Dan couldn’t be dealing with that right now, he just needed to escape his head. And fast.

The whirling in his head turned into a headache and he hadn’t a clue how much time had passed since he left Phil alone. Big Ben wasn’t making a sound anymore so there was no telling how long there was left for Dan to be alone in the streets. He wondered what he’d do if a fan saw him, maybe asking him why he was out, and figured he’d probably break down in tears. He didn’t want to be reminded that he was so much of a mess that he was out early morning trying to clean up his own mind.

“Dan? Dan!” Someone was shouting him and he panicked. Shoulders hunching and holding his breath, he willed for the ground to swallow him whole. Someone knew him and they’d tell everyone. The voice was too far and distorted by both Dan’s panic and the slight breeze for him to put a name to it. His hands went to his face again. No, no, no, this wasn’t suppose to be happening.

“Hey, Dan, calm down. It’s me. It’s Phil. You’re safe.” He relaxed slightly, he knew Phil would’ve thrown himself at Dan to make sure he didn’t walk away before he got here, he could feel the warmth of Phil from him running to Dan. “Phil…” “No, Dan. It’s okay.” He rocked gently and kept Dan encased in his arms. “It’s not, it’s really not.” “Well then, we’ll just have to wait it out. Won’t we?”

A horrible pain spread through Dan’s head, making him feel rather nauseous and dizzy. “I don’t feel good…” He half whimpered, he just wanted to go home and sleep, he felt like such an idiot. “Let’s go home and get you settled down, I’ll make an exception to the rules today and let you sleep in.” Something about that made him giggle, the sound felt weird in the silence but he couldn’t stop. “What’s so funny?” Phil asked, smiling and keeping Dan to his chest. “We’ve had those rules for so long, I’m just thinking about how long they’ve been in place.” And it really had been so long, since the time Dan moved in with Phil, it had been an instinct for Phil to help Dan with the way he felt and that birthed the rules. At first, Dan would never stick to them and would end up with a look of desperate disappointment from Phil, but after trying to stick to them for a month, he’d felt something change. Not much, only one tiny thing, and that was what made him stay on track. Through it all Phil had stuck by Dan and he was never going anywhere else - despite what Dan’s mind led him to believe sometimes.

With Dan leaning on him, Phil made the walk back to their apartment. The sun was just rising behind them and a pinkish glow was set about everywhere. It was the time where Phil felt most alive, and Dan felt most restless. But that was the way they were. Dan and Phil were opposites in quite a lot of ways, but anything they did complimented the other. They could be whatever they wanted to be, and when they said the world would split in two without them both together, they knew it was true.

Dan’s depression always took him down the wrong thought path, making him sure that Phil was going to leave and that he was no good for Phil, but it was all wrong. Phil loved Dan wholly, in every way people thought and more. He wouldn’t change him, he simply wouldn’t be Dan if he was anything different.

When they got into their apartment, Dan was too tired to even attempt to go to bed, he unwound himself from Phil and instantly fell asleep on their couch. “Sleepy Danny…” Phil muttered to himself, smiling fondly at him. The sadness he felt when Dan was going through rough times wouldn’t help them in the slightest, so he supported him whenever he could. He shuffled around in silence to gather up pillows and blankets. It was summer but Dan had been out in the cold for too long and he was still shivering slightly. Phil lay the blankets over Dan and watched as he snuggled into them, pulling at them like a child. “I’m so proud of you.” And with that, Phil made sure to lock the door and move both their keys into his room so that Dan wouldn’t go out without him knowing, then it was time for an overdue sleep.

#dan and phil #phan #phanfiction #dnp #dan and phil fanfiction #phan fluff #phan angst #dan howell fanfiction #dan howell fluff #dan howell angst #daniel howell fanfiction #dan howell #phil lester #phil lester fanfiction #phil lester fluff #phil lester angst #phandom #katwrites

[aligalloo]

“Babe”

Pairing: Dan Howell x reader (sorta) Word count: 1,307 Warnings: Swears I guess Requested: Noo, but I was watching Louise’s new video and Dan says babe in it.  I thought it was really cute and this sort of emerged from it?  Idk Requests: Open (Sidemen, Dan and/or Phil, Buttercream Boys etc.)

“Babe,” Dan calls from the kitchen, “Can you come here for a second?”

“What do you want?” I shout grumpily from my spot on the bed, “I’m comfy and you woke me up.”

“Pleeeease,” he whines, although I can hear in his voice that he’s smirking to himself.

“Fine.” I grumble my way off the bed and wander into the kitchen.

“Surprise!” Dan yells, jumping out from behind the counter.

“Jesus Christ, you dick,” I yelp, jumping backwards and nearly smashing into the glass door.

“I made cookies,” he says proudly, holding out the plate to me, “And I wanted to see my best friend.”

“Oh my god, are they burnt? Are they edible?” I ask incredulously.

“Why don’t you try one and see?” He pouts and holds one out to me.

I open my mouth and gesture for him to feed the cookie to me.  My eyes open wide as I realise, “You made pumpkin spice pumpkin coo–  Where’s Phil?” I look around suspiciously, just as Phil jumps around the corner into the kitchen wearing the creepy mask the boys always whack out at Halloween.

“You were going to scare the crap out of me weren’t you?” I ask, looking from one to the other. “I’m going to go back to sleep, call me when you decide to be mature, responsible adults,” I grin at them and head back towards Dan’s bedroom.  

“No, please stay Y/N,” Phil begs, grabbing my hand as I walk out the room.  “We’re sorry for trying to scare you, we just wanted to see you.  All you ever do when you come over here nowadays is go to Dan’s room and sleep.”

I sigh, and walk back into the kitchen. “Yeah, sorry about that, guys.  I know that you miss me.  I’m just swamped with uni at the moment and all I want to do is sleep.”

Dan walks over and wraps me up in a hug.  “Sorry to hear that, Y/N.  Can we do anything to help?”

I close my eyes and breathe deeply, drawing strength from him to look up and answer his question. “Not unless you can make more hours in the day for me to practice and write my papers.”

“Yeah, sorry, no can do.” He replies, looking at me tenderly.  

Phil clears his throat behind us, “Wanna play Mario Cart?  It might take your mind off everything for a bit.”

I turn around, still touching Dan but not in his arms any more. “Yes please!  I haven’t played in forever.”

We play Mario Cart for a bit and when the boys get up to grab food, I reflect on my life as it stands.  Here I am, best friends with the famous Dan and Phil, sitting in their London apartment, the envy of millions of fans around the world.  I am studying music performance at university and so don’t have much time to see them any more, but when I do, it’s like nothing has changed.  We go back to our old banter and the comfort I feel around them never fades with time.  

They come back and I’m jolted out of my thoughts as Dan hands me a glass of Ribena and Phil puts popcorn down on the coffee table.  “Can we watch a movie?” I ask them, “I’m too tired for more Mario tonight.”

“Yeah, ok.” They reply in unison.  “What about a horror movie since its nearly Halloween?” Dan suggests with a grin, as he knows how much I hate horror movies.

“Do we have to?” I groan, looking up at him.  

“Yes!” Phil replies, winking at Dan over my head. “It’s two against one, Y/N, you’re outvoted.”

“Fine,” I grumble, but secretly I don’t mind, because as long as I have my boys on either side, nothing can hurt me.

Phil hops up and puts on Scream while I draw a blanket over myself and get comfortable.  We watch the movie, and I’m suitably scared at all the right places.  Soon enough though, I can feel my head start to nod, and I rest it on Dan’s shoulder, “just for a second,” I mumble, as I fall asleep.  

A few minutes later I hear Dan and Phil whispering, through my half-awake state.  The next thing I know, Dan hoists me in his arms and carries me through to him bedroom, where he lays me gently on the bed.  He pulls the covers over me and tucks me in, before leaning over to kiss my forehead.

“Goodnight Y/N,” he whispers as he backs away slowly.  

“G’night,” I slur slowly before giving in and letting sleep overtake me.

A couple of hours later, I wake up slightly as Dan gets into the bed beside me.  I move so that I’m half on top of him, with my head on his chest, and his arms wrapped around me.  He sighs and relaxes, pulling me closer.  This is the last thing I remember before I slip into a deep sleep.  

-The next morning-

I wake up to sun streaming through the curtains and no Dan in sight.  I groan and pull the covers over my head, before bolting upright. “Shit!” I exclaim, “I’m late!”

“Hey, it’s ok,” Dan says, popping his head through the doorway, “It’s Saturday, go back to sleep.”

I flop back down on the bed. “Cuddles?” I ask innocently.

“Ahh I’m already up Y/N,” Dan replies, but one look at the puppy dog eyes I’m giving him convinces him and he comes back over to the bed, hopping in beside me and drawing me closer to him once more.  

I sigh happily and drift back off to sleep, not waking up until I hear Phil calling our names.

“Dan! Y/N! I’m bored, can we do something?”

“Ughh I’m so tired,” I groan, burrowing deeper into a still sleeping Dan’s neck.

Phil comes over and tears the covers off us.  “Come on!  It’s 1 o’clock already, the day’s almost over.”

“Alright,” I reply, getting out of bed and grabbing my things to go and have a shower. “What do you want to do?”

“How about some Pokemon hunting?” Dan, who’s apparently awake now, suggests sleepily.

“Ok,” Phil and I both agree, before I head into the bathroom to have a shower.

We leave the house within an hour and catch the tube into central London, as that is where all the good Pokemon are normally.  We wander around for a bit, and in the meantime meet some of Dan and Phil’s viewers.

“Hey, can I get a picture with you guys?” A teenage girl asks.

“Yeah of course!” Dan replies, “Y/N, can you take it?”

“Yep, give me your phone,” I smile, and the girl hands me her phone.

I take a few pictures of them and go to hand the girl her phone back.  “Actually,” she says tentatively, “Can I have a picture with you too?”

“Uh, yeah?” I say tentatively, looking at Dan and Phil, who smile encouragingly.

“I’ll take it,” Phil says, stepping up to me and taking the girl’s phone from me.

I go over and stand beside her, and Phil snaps a couple of photos of us.  We chat for a few more minutes before waving goodbye and heading off to search for Pokemon again.

- A few hours later -

“Well, that was successful!” Dan says, as we arrive back at the house.  

“Yeah it was,” I reply, hugging them both, “I should really get home and do some work now.”

“Aww but we’ll miss you,” Phil says mournfully, giving me an extra squeeze.

“Come and visit us soon, yeah?” Dan says, kissing my forehead before letting me go.

“Yeah, I’ll try and come sooner next time - just gotta get my shit together first,” I sigh, and wave at them as I walk out the door to head home.

“See you soon!”

A/N: Does anybody want more of this?  I can keep going... I’m sure it can take me lots of fantastical places lol.  Let me know if you want more, and what direction to take it in.  

Also, set in the old house bc we don’t know enough about the new one for me to be accurate.  

#danisnotonfire #amazingphil #danisnotonfire imagine #daniel howell imagine #amazingphil imagine #phil lester imagine #Dan and Phil #sidemen imagine #aleena's imagines

[philanddanxreader]

Happier

Hello, Love bugs!

Phil X Reader

Warnings- break up, sad.

A few people wanted me to do a Phil version of when I was your man.

You had been laying in bed wide awake cuddled into Phil for the last couple of hours. Last night right before bed Phil had brought up something that made it nearly impossible to find sleep. “How much longer will we stay together like this?” It seemed to fall so naturally from his lips. As if he was asking what kind of mug you wanted out of the cupboard. Not if the two of you should be a couple.

Phil and yourself had been dating for nearly two years so when he asked if the two of you should be together you were shocked, to say the least. It wasn’t like you fought constantly. You had fights sure, but never ones so bad you couldn’t take back what you said. Thoughts of why he would bring this up danced around in your head all night. Maybe he hasn’t attracted to you anymore. He could have found someone new who was better and prettier. Or he could just be sick of you and he was regretting asking you to move in with him a year ago.

You rolled over to face the clock to see it was four in the morning. Your eyes felt heavy with sleep but your mind wasn’t about to let you fall asleep beside someone who may have just confessed he doesn’t feel the same things you feel for him. You decided to go to the lounge to maybe watch some tv or even maybe sleep there. At this point, anything was better than laying here. Getting up slowly you grabbed your phone and headed to the lounge in the dark. Dan was just across the way sleeping so you didn’t dare turn on a light to find your way easier. You ran your hand along the hall until you found the doorway to the lounge. Once inside you closed the door behind you and turned on the soft light on the end table. Looking out you could see the skyline of London along with the tiniest specks of the sunrise in the morning sky. Finding your spot on the couch you couldn’t help but let your thoughts run fully ramped.

What if Phil doesn’t see the relationship going further into the future? You always pictured your future with Phil. It didn’t matter if that included kids, no kids, or just a ton of animals. When you thought of future plans Phil was always there. How could you even start over again? You had moved in with the boys to grow your relationship closer with Phil. You had almost nothing to your name anymore. Selling all of your furniture seemed like a good plan for when you were moving into an already furnished place. Realistically all that was yours in this apartment was your clothing and the dresser you had to bring to fit all of your things in Phil’s room. Other than a few things here and there this wasn’t your home. It was Dan and Phil’s. You just happen to be an extra tag along.

Grabbing the blanket off of the back of the couch you snuggled up letting the news play on mute in the background. You finally felt a yawn come along making you think you may just get a few hours of sleep before Phil and yourself had to have the talk in the morning. The last thing you remembered what the newsman talking about something Donald Trump did before letting your heavy eyes take over.

Three and a half hours later you woke to the sun shining in your eye from the windows. You grabbed your phone to note that the time was around seven thirty. Trying to stretch you noticed that you felt terrible. The pit in your stomach was what was making you feel so overwhelmingly sick. You had hoped it was all just a terrible nightmare and not reality. But waking up alone on a lumpy couch happens to be the dead give away that you were indeed living in the moment. The moment where you were going to get your ass dumped today. Pulling the blanket over your head you let out an audible groan before Dan walked into the room with a bowl of cereal.

“Oh, Y/N. I wasn’t expecting you to be on the couch. I actually figured you were still sleeping with Phil in bed.” Dan moved to sit in the chair across the room from you as he dug into his breakfast. It seemed kind of silly but you felt a few tears threaten to spill from your eyes. Watching Dan eat his breakfast made you realise that this wouldn’t be your life anymore. Spending weekends with Dan and Phil was the usual. If you guys weren’t hanging out doing as little as possible you were going around London doing touristy things or seeing friends. It was a perfect life. Work was going well and from what you thought home life was exactly what you wanted. It just didn’t make sense as to why Phil brought this out of left field. Looking up at Dan you couldn’t help but ask something. Really anything.

“Dan? Has Phil seemed off to you lately? Like has he mentioned anything about big changes or not being happy?” This took Dan by surprise. The look he was giving you didn’t exactly reassure you of your worries being silly.

“Umm. No, he hasn’t mentioned anything. He may just be stressed or something.” Dan took his phone out of his pocket and started to play on it as if nothing was out of the ordinary. You decided that there was no way you were going to get any more sleep and that maybe a shower would do you a world of good. Unfortunately, your towel and all of your clothing were in the room with a sleeping Phil. So much for a good plan. Another audible groan escaped your lips before getting off the couch and letting your legs lead you to the room. Peeking your head into the room you found Phil laying in bed playing on his phone in the dark room. You were about to back out of the door until you were spotted by Phil trying to leave the door.

“Y/N, Morning. You can come in. I have been awake for a few minutes. You were up early this morning.” You wanted to do nothing but reach over to Phil’s side of the bed and hit him repeatedly with a pillow. Who in their right mind would act like everything is normal and good when hours before he was suggesting that he wasn’t happy in this relationship.

“I guess I couldn’t sleep. I just came to get a change of clothes and a towel for a shower. I will leave you be.” Phil sat up in bed as he watched you practically run over to the closet to find a shirt.

“What’s the rush? It’s a Saturday and I think I am in the mood for a cuddle. Come here so I can give you some lovin.” Phil’s giant blue eyes seemed to still shine in the darkness of the room. If looks could kill his would. Literally. You slowly made your way to your side of the bed. Well, your side for now. As you stood beside the edge Phil motioned for you to crawl in with him. “Something wrong? I promise I am wearing socks so my feet won’t freeze you out.” As you stood there the tears instantly spilt. How could someone you love so much still treat you so wonderfully when he wants to send a relationship? Phil was taken aback by the tears as he kneeled up in bed to go over to your side so he could pull you into a hug. You took a quick step back before Phil had a chance to touch you. “What’s gotten into you? Come over here.” You couldn’t do anything but shake your head no. It hurt too much to look for comfort in Phil.

“I think I am going to go over to a friends place for a couple of days. I just can’t be here.” With that, you didn’t grab a single thing on your way out of the door. Before you even realised what you just did you were already in the lift on your way down to the main floor with nothing but your PJ’s and your dying cell phone. Storming out of a place is harder than expected. You found a chair in the lobby area that had a box of tissues beside it. This seemed like the best place to choose for now. It’s not like you knew where you could actually go. Sitting down you wanted to cry, or scream, really anything. But nothing was coming. You just felt silly for storming out like a little kid. You were about to call your little tantrum off when you saw Phil exiting the lift attempting to put on a jacket while quickly walking through the lobby. Now you felt like a grade A ass.

“Phil.” Phil turned to see you in the chair looking pathetic with red cheeks and eyes from all the tears. Phil went over to you kneeling in front of you.

“Jesus, Y/N. What were you thinking?” Phil looked to you expecting some sort of answer. All you could do was finally find your tears again as you wrapped your arms around his neck. Phil pulled you in close as he got you to stand up with him. You weren’t sure how but your legs carried you to not only the lift but also back to his apartment. There Phil leads you back to his room where he sat you down on the bed to try and make a scene of the situation.

“I’m sorry. If you didn’t want to be with me before you surely don’t want to be with someone who storms out.” You said soaking your tears up with the tissue you still had from downstairs.

“Don’t want to be with you? What are you on about?” Phil had raised his voice which took you by surprise as he was only ever loud when playing video games.

“You said so yourself last night. You asked if I thought we should still be together.” Phil took a few deep breaths as he remembered the one-sided conversation from last night.

“No. what did you think I was saying last night? I didn’t even think you were still awake.” You looked down at your lap as Phil stood up from the bed beside you to start digging in his drawers.

“You asked how much longer we will stay together. Just because you thought I was asleep doesn’t change anything, Phil! What are you even doing?” Phil stopped looking among his things before pulling out a purple box.

“You weren’t supposed to hear any of that. It was more of a question to myself. I wasn’t wondering how much longer I want to be with you. I have been trying to think of a way to ask you to agree to marry me.” Phil moved to open the box as he sat beside you again. ”I suppose I shouldn’t think out loud so much anymore. I was trying to figure out how to ask you to marry me.” Covering your mouth with your hands you hadn’t felt this stupid in a long time.

“You didn’t want to dump me.”

“opposite really. So, would you do me a favour and accept this is my proposal? I was trying to plan something different but all that matters to me is that you say yes.” You smiled at Phil before pulling him into a kiss. You two are the only the couple in the world who mistake Phil’s awkwardness for a breakup.

#amazingphil #amazingphil imagine #amazingphil x reader #phil lester #phil lester x reader #phil lester imagine

[gguktastic]

He Tasted Like Love // D. H. X READER

NOTE : I didn't exactly understand the 'doesn't want kids' part, so I'm just gonna see it as 'is not ready for a relationship'. I'm so sorry for disappointing :( Warnings - swear words, vague mention of sex, very very boring and shit. ALSO YA'LL I HATE MYSELF I HAD THIS WRITTEN AND THEN I FORGOT ABOUT THIS I AM SORRY TO WHOEVER LOOK FORWARD TO IT LETS GO ON TO THE FANFIC SHALL WE // "DAN! PHIL! IN THE KITCHEN, THIS FUCKING INSTANT!" It was a rainy and miserable Saturday, and all I wanted were some mini Easter eggs to snack on, seeing as my room mates had bought them for a YouTube video on their very famous channel, but hadn't used them in the end. However, when I slouched to the kitchen to have some, well, you can guess what I discovered. Dan and Phil both grumpily walked into the kitchen. "[Y/N], it's fucking ten AM, you'd better have a good reason to wake us up at such an early hour," said Dan. Cue eye roll. "Who ate the mini Easter eggs?" I asked, cutting straight to the point. Both the boys straightened up, their cheeks painted in a light blush. "I'm sorry for eating a quarter of it, [Y/N]," said Dan, evidently guilty. "Ugh, whatever." "I'm sorry for eating the mini Easter eggs, [Y/N]!" Said Phil. I smiled at him. "It's okay, Phil. Just don't do that next time." Dan flared up. "What?!" He said, his voice high pitched. "So I'm dismissed rudely for eating, like, just a quarter of the pack, and Phil here is given a smile for eating the rest of it? This isn't fair!" He yelled, like a toddler. I laughed. "Dan! You're not a five year old anymore. Deal with it." Saying so, I simply walked out of the kitchen after pouring myself a bowlful of Dan's cereal. Right after me, Dan stomped out, and Phil stayed behind to give me a high-five (which completely flopped). Hello there. My name is [Y/N], and I'm a [INSERT DREAM CAREER HERE]. Three years ago, I found an advertisement in the newspaper by some Dan and Phil, who were apparently looking for a room mate. Since my current room mate threw wild parties at the apartment every other day and made me help her clean up, which basically meant she would sleep off her hangover, and I would end up cleaning the whole thing. On top of that, I'd been paying her monthly rent for around two years. Since I couldn't really afford to pay two people's rent or rent out an apartment of my own, I decided to ring the guys, whom I met the next day as I looked at their apartment after a coffee with them. I found out they were actually big-time YouTubers, so I pointed out that giving off their address and phone number like that could get them some serious stalkers. They said they had thought about it, and had decided to use a different phone number for calling, and to actually meet the person before taking them to their apartment to show them around. Still, dangerous. I, to this day, still didn't know why they were looking for a room mate, but I longer really cared. All that mattered was that none of them had tried to get in my pants. I was a sister to them, and to me, they were like brothers. However, I'm not going to deny that I have had a crush on Dan ever since I moved in, three years ago. I mean, could you blame me? Tall, dark hair, chocolate brown eyes, and those dimples? Irresistible. I shook my head, and proceeded to drown my feelings out with cereal. // Two days later, I waved goodbye to them as they got into a cab, on their way to the airport to leave for Singapore, and then, Australia, for a YouTube event. I sighed as the cab sped off. 'It's getting bored for a week now, great.' A day later, I was sitting in the lounge, re watching old episodes of Attack On Titan, wincing at all the gore and blood, when all of a sudden my phone began to explode with notifications. When I say 'explode with notifications', my phone literally fell of the table because it was vibrating that much. Twitter. Tumblr. Instagram. What on Earth even happened? I opened tumblr first, that's what mattered. All I saw on my dashboard was a picture of Dan, standing in front of the Merlion statue, mouth open, and in such a position that it looked like the water spouting out of the Merlion's mouth seemed like it was going directly into Dan's mouth. The caption? 'Yes quench my thirst Merlion dad.' I face palmed. Typical Dan. I scrolled a bit, and came across a picture of Phil, attempting the same thing Dan did and completely missing. I laughed, shaking my head. Those two, I swear. Again, two hours later, my phone exploded with notifications, thankfully not falling off the table this time (mostly because I was sensible enough to keep it away from the edge of the table.) I opened my Twitter this time. All I saw were the words 'Dan' and 'ripped jeans'. I finally found a picture. God damn. I'm not going to lie at all, but Dan look hot in ripped jeans, and my eyes bugged out looking at the picture of him. Oh lord, I need to stop. I got some more of Dan's cereal, to drown my feelings out: again. // A few days later, I woke up to the same thing happening. What did Dan do this time? I chose to go for Dan's Instagram this time. I felt my heart stop for a second. It was Dan, sat on a stool, wearing ripped jeans, and a long, feminine-cut flannel shirt. There was a smirk on his face, as he sat, legs apart. My breathing felt laboured. Oh, fuck. I immediately took a screenshot of the picture, and opened up the Messages app, just to shoot a quick text to Dan. [Y/N] - What is up with that fuckboi selfie? I sent the screenshot. A minute later, I got a reply. Danyul - Lmao I thought I was looking good wait I am looking good rite ;)) I laughed and replied. [Y/N] - you looked good but kinda like a fuck boy, js Danyul - ugh I want to kms now [Y/N] - nO you look like a good fuckboi Danyul - omfg what is wrong with u what is a good fuckboi [Y/N] - ugh whatever, I'll Skype you guys after your show, text me when ur done Danyul - lmao okay fine then ttyl enjoy the silence at home [Y/N] - I will dw, you enjoy australia Dan and Phil's meet and greet had probably started, that could be why he didn't reply, but just read the text. // "What the hell were you thinking, Dan?" I was skyping with the boys, and as soon as they picked up my Skype call, I called out Dan for the mirror selfie he'd posted a few hours earlier. "So I wasn't looking good?" He asked, a smirk on his face. Phil laughed as I sighed and rolled my eyes. "Yes, Danny boi, you looked good, kind of like a fuckboi - a good looking one at that - and you probably made the hearts of around a million girls from around the world stop and cause their 'deaths', as far as I saw on tumblr. Also, Phil, if you ever take a fuckboi selfie like that, apparently people are going to 'float out of their body and transcend into nine different dimensions," I said, making Dan laugh like a hyena and Phil stick out his tongue in the adorable way he does when he laughs. "You can tell them all, that is not happening any time soon," Phil said, and I laughed in reply. "Well I'm going to change out of these clothes now because my sweatpants are calling my name, I'll be right back," said Dan, disappearing into the bathroom with a pair of sweatpants and a tee. "[Y/N], spill." Demanded Phil, as soon as he thought Dan was out of earshot. I was taken aback, confused. "Spill? About what?" "Um? About the fact that you really, really 'like' like Dan?" I blushed visibly. "I - but - just that, I'm not ready for a relationship yet," I say, my voice getting quieter by the second. Phil's face softened and looked almost sad. "Todd?" "Todd." Todd was my ex-boyfriend, whom I broke up with only a few months ago after I found out that his 'helpful' colleague had been way too 'helpful' to him. It just made me not trust anyone else at all for a while and mainly just stop thinking about being in a relationship. I jumped back to the present as I heard Dan shut the bathroom door behind him and enter the frame. Phil and I put our happy faces back on as we talked till the sun came up, the dim light seeping through my partially open curtains. // "[Y/N], I'm hurt! Why wouldn't you come to pick us up from the airport?" Dan yelled, as soon as him and Phil entered through the front door of our apartment. I ran down the stairs to the actual door to the apartment. "Well, Dan and Phil, you'll find out when you go get changed and come into the kitchen!" I said, panting after the exercise. They looked at me, then each other, then shrugged. "[Y/N], it'd better be good, I'm still a bit offended." Said Dan, making Phil and I laugh as he nudged my shoulder while going up the stairs. In reply, Phil obviously raised his eyebrows at me and I bit my lip, slightly shrugging. Phil smiled and patted my shoulder as he climbed up the stairs and walked past me to get to his room. As soon as they were both in their rooms, I got my 'surprise' - successfully green velvet cupcakes after their fail at making them green once before- out of the oven, a sweet smell spreading around the kitchen. I then 'silently' ran to my room, grabbing a bunch of pillows. Phil was the first one to get out of his room, dressed in his classic, old gengar shirt and a pair of Star Wars pyjamas. I gently threw a pillow at him, Phil struggling to catch it. We had a mental conversation. 'Pillow fight?' 'Pillow fight.' 'Attack Dan when he gets out of the room?' 'Attack Dan when he gets out of the room.' We nodded, and put our backs to the walls on either side of the door, clutching our pillows tightly. We had to keep ourselves from bursting into giggles, but after a few minutes of waiting, we finally heard the doorknob turning. I looked up at Phil, and we grinned. 3... 2... 1... The door opened fully and I yelled out a war cry, slamming my pillow onto Dan's face, and then so did Phil. I threw the third and last pillow towards Dan, and Phil and I ran. It must've taken a moment for Dan to realise what was happening, because I was almost to the lounge when I heard Dan's footsteps on the floor. I stopped for a breath in front of the lounge, but Dan caught up. He was only a few steps behind me when I made the stupid decision of running into the lounge, which Dan then rushed into, closing the door behind him so I had no escape. He grinned evilly, and I resorted to darting to different sides of the room to avoid his pillow, but then I felt his arms around my waist, and I squealed. I felt myself rise up a few centimetres from the floor. "Dan! Let me go!" I said, giggling. I heard Dan laugh as he set me down on the floor again. I decided to run while I could, but me being me, I stubbed my toe on the edge of a couch. I fell to the floor, groaning in pain. Dan sat down beside me. "You're the only person I can trust to do something like that," he said, chuckling. I pouted, lightly hitting him on the shoulder. "Daaaaan," I whined. "It huuuuurts." I pouted some more. To make it feel better, Dan stomped his heel on the toe I had stubbed. I sharply gasped, and Dan burst out in his hyena laugh. All of a sudden, I felt him draw me closer to him, his arms around my waist, his head resting in the crook of my neck, bodies close together. After a second of not realising what was happening, I finally clasped my hands behind his neck, hugging him back. He smelt of vanilla and coffee; he felt like a summer day after months of winter. His breath against my cold neck, hot. "Hey, [Y/N], I know it's a really hard time for you after Tony, and you're really, really brave to be dealing with it like this, sometimes I forget that something so shit has happened to someone as beautiful as you; it shouldn't have, ever." His chapped lips forming the words against the bare skin of my neck sent shivers down my spine: the good kind. I let the first of the tears fall, wetting his shirt. When Dan hugged me tighter, pulling us together so close that I could feel his heartbeat, I let go. "[Y/N]. I know you won't like this, but I just have to say that I really, really like you. I overheard you talking to Phil about me the other day, and since then, I've been thinking, and I really, really, really like you. You can say no, I would understand." I pulled away from the hug, eyes wide, and hesitantly pulled him in for a kiss. He tasted like mint chocolate; his lips were softer sandpaper against my completely smooth lips. His hand was warm as it cupped my cheek, the other hand behind my back, pulling me closer to him. He tasted like love.

[secretlybasictrash]

Phandy

So I was wondering what it would look like if Dan and Phil adopted a kid and so I wrote this little thing but just a warning it made me really emotional so I wouldn’t suggest reading

Don’t imagine them moving all of Dan’s stuff into Phil’s room and redecorating Dan’s room with pinks and purples and a little sized bed and flowery lace curtains and building all the furniture together

 Don’t imagine them both laying awake all night, nervously staring at the ceiling but not saying anything because they think the other is asleep and then jumping out of bed and driving for three hours and pulling up in front of a sprawling building and then sitting there in the car for a couple seconds with their hearts pounding and then they get out with smiles and too nervous/excited to speak and they get in and even though it’s a crowd of kids they see her and they just know

 Don’t imagine her with sloppy bangs and short black braids and when she first meets them she’s scared by these two tall men and hides behind the lady’s legs but DON’T imagine Dan crouching down and smiling and talking to her and showing her a picture book they got for her because they heard she likes pretty colors and so she reaches out and grabs it and sits down to read it

 Don’t imagine Phil asking her questions and getting her to laugh and finding out she has the exact same sense of humor at them and she thinks that Phil is the funniest person ever

 Don’t imagine them giving her a tour and leading her by the hand and she loves their house and her room and all the pretty colors on the walls and they stand back while she looks through the drawers and drawers of clothes and toys and books

 DO NOT imagine them spoiling her and getting her every single thing that she wants and Dan being absolutely wrapped around her finger and doing whatever she wants even when Phil tells him not to

 DON’T IMAGIne Phil sleeping in on a Saturday morning and waking up and going into the tv room to see Dan braiding her hair while she watches cartoons

Don’t imagine dan reading a bedtime and sitting next to her in bed and she has her head propped up on her hands reading along

 DON’T imagine them going on walks around London but only because she begged to go see the city lights but they went too far and her legs got tired and phil gives her a piggyback ride on the way back home

 DON’T imagine even a year later standing in the doorway of her room as they say goodnight and looking back on how much their lives have changed to orbit completely around their daughter and they’re struggling to realize that they have a daughter and she’s so cute and beautiful and wonderful and they feel that inexplicable overwhelming feeling in their chest and they look at each other so proud and teary eyed and they don’t have to say anything they just know

 Do nOT EVEN IMAGine Dan digging up all his old tapes and dvds of Winnie the pooh and watching them with her for the first time in decades and her vocabulary slowly changing just like his did

Don’t imagine dan staying up late to research a good preschool to make sure she doesn’t get hurt and bullied like he did and talking to her about bullying and what to do when other kids are mean and trying to teach her to be nice back but at the same time not take any shit

DO NT imagine Phil realizing that Dan hasn’t cursed once in her presence and smiling to himself but never once mentioning it

 DON’T imagine them dropping her off at preschool and they’re crying more than she is

D O  N O T imagine phil taking her to the playground and pushing her on the swing and helping her on the monkey bars and making friends with other moms and organizing playdates

 DO NOT IMAGIne dan teaching her to play piano and learning duets together and phil being their audience for their recitals and d o n t imagine how big Dan will be smiling do not do it just dont

 DON’T imagine them teaching her to play Mario kart and all their favorite video games and her getting so good she beats them every time

DON’T imagine her finding out that she loves being on stage and Dan helping her and giving her tips and pulling out some of his old scripts to show her and dnp sitting in the audience being proud dads watching her perform

 D O N T imagine all of the family traditions they’ll have, like Saturday movie nights and Christmas ornament making and competitions and playing video games and making cookies every Sunday and playing board games when its raining

 DON’T imagine Phil hearing about a child being kidnapped nearby and teaching her to punch and kick and giving her pepper spray and using that deathly serious tone that he almost never uses but when he does she knows to shut up and listen and looking into his eyes she knows it’s serious even though she doesn’t completely understand the reasons behind it all and so she never once went outside without that can in her pocket

 DON’T IMagine her being their valentine on valentines day and them showering her in flowers and presents and all her favorite candy

 DON’T imagine them having a favorite movie and watching it a hundred times and practically having it all memorized and randomly reciting/reenacting their favorite scenes together

 DON’T imagine her begging and begging for a pet dog and they finally give in even though it means they have to move to a different apartment that allows dogs but they do it anyway and they let her pick out a puppy and the smile on her face as she carries him to the car makes it all worth it

Don’t imagine all the inside jokes they’ll have as a family, like pretending they’re a gang and talking about their motorcycles in super deep voices or calling her “the queen”

 DO NOT imagine her getting older and thinking about life and existence and Dan noticing and asking her about it and so he brings Phil in and they sit around and stay up super late sharing their thoughts and experiences

 Don’t imagine all the puns she and Phil will say just to see Dan make that face

Don’t imagine them going out on a picnic and Phil packing the basket with her while Dan tries to print directions and them sitting on the grass and eating and talking and her laughing so hard she pees

DON’T imagine Dan being the overprotective dad because she and phil are the only family he has and when she’s out too late or up past her curfew he gets angry

DONT IMAGINE her slowly becoming like both of them and adopting the qualities that they love so much about the other, and she has Phil’s optimism and unquestioning love for everyone and everything and the ability to enjoy everything she tries and she has Dan’s sarcasm and wit and she’s fiercely competitive and is so considerate of others...

And even though she’s not related to them in any way, she’s more like them than if she was (somehow) their biological daughter

AND WHATEVER YOU DO, DON’T imagine them refusing to acknowledge that she’s grown up even when she goes off to college and gets a job and even when she buys her own house, and its only when they see her up there in a white dress that it hits them that she’s not their little girl anymore but that’s not what makes them cry, they cry because they look back at the past 26 years that they spent with her and remember her as that shy and timid little girl and then they look at her as the confident and trustworthy and caring and mature woman that she is now and that is why they cry

#im sorry #its just too much #im way too invested in this #wow i just realized how long this is #dan and phil #phil lester #dan howell #imagine #dont imagine #phandy #amazing phil #dan is not on fire