#urself who are sick. and all u can see in the future is a future of grief & pain. a grief that stretches and has existed and continues to be
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vent post
tw: queerphobia, religion, depression, offing
pls help me and dw im not depressed or officidal anymore
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grace culture is being tired of constantly having to hide lgbt stuff (especially this tumblr) from your parents bc theu will lecture you abt how I should hide this stuff
their only reasoning is bc you dont see straight ppl do it
UGH I wish they would actually listen to why! I told my dad and he dismissed it and my mom, i dont remember. I love them sm and im sick of this strain. im done with constantly having to hide in fear of them
like they literally cried when i tried getting a chest binder after they said no (this was literally the most dysphoric point of my life ever and I told them tht and they were just like "well u need to love urself more").
I love being a teen but I srsly cant wait till I get out so I can actually do these things and live how I want to. I have good morals and a good heart so ill be fine.
Mom thinks I'm getting too lost in society, yet thtis same society wants me dead and in hell. Like what???? I told her abt the antimtrans kaws being all over the us and stuff and she said "well what does tht have to do with you?"
IM TRANS, SOME MY FRIENDS ARE TRANS.
Not only tht but human rights should NEVER be repealed! And then she went on and on abt how she helped this person and how she sees herself in me.
Since this is how you are treating an extremely marginalized community, I dont want you in me. I love you and dad so much but I just cant do this anymore. I'm tired of lying and hsving to sit through your speeches abt how I should keep lgbt stuff private bc they would like me to do tht and society may hate it in the future (it already does). I'm tired of lying abt how I agree with you when I completely dont. I'm tired of you saying tht "well God loves everyone" when you really arent acting like tht, actually live your life and truly show His love to everyone you meet.
My dad is the same way execept he's not Christisn (he's Muslim but he doesnt go to mosque) and he looks down on gay/trans ppl bc so much of us have bad mental health. hmm I wonder why?? Its the same thing with Black ppl and other POCs so what are you talking abt?? We're Black so we should know how the other feels! And you're a doctor so you should stop this prejudiced nonsense, please.
I want to actually be able to talk to my parents abt anything and everything and be able to be me. I wish tht I didnt just have God and my friends, but my parents too! I wish tht they actually supported me with this stuff bc all theyre doing is hurting me! They say they love me but when I asked my mom to please use she/they (this was when i was thinking tht i was a demigirl and used she/they), she said "uhh no" and ignored it. only my friends helped. When I told my mom tht I wanted a chest binder, she said "what if its too dangerous and hurts your boobs?". I did research and proved her wrong but she still said no!
srry for the long vent but im just so tired of this. Last night, my mom looked at an image I sent to my brother and friends
this one ^
and she lectured me abt the gay emo pride thing. WHY DOES SHE CARE SM?
For someone who's like "well nobody cares tht youre gay", you care quite a bit. Stop trying to convince me into liking or dating guys and stop trying to force me to not speak abt smth im passionate abt.
"well you havent rlly developed an attraction to guys"
duh obviously, bc I DONT WANNA DATE THEM! Guys are cool as heck and I'd be their best friend but not their gf!
You and dad think im doing this for attention but my entire life, I didnt care abt tht. Even when I was a toddler, I didnt care and made sure you knew! Dont you know me better? You pride me in being your first and being your daughter and you love me alot but if you truly love me, please stop doing this. I wanted to off myself and I was depressed bc of this. You're lucky tht I have a strong relationship with God bc He was the reason I didnt. He gave me wonderful friends and He comforted me through His word.
At the same time, Im afraid to even tell mom and dad this bc I know they'll be absolutely heartbroken and will cry a LOT bc of this. I dont wanna see them cry again bc when I did, I felt like it was all my fault and yeah. I have no clue what to do other than keep this a secret from them until the day I die. And after tht I dont want them to go to hell bc queerphobia goes against all God stands for.
pls help
srry for the long post but ive been holding this back forever. This has gone on for 2 years
#vent post#tw queerphobia#tw queerphobes#lgbt discrimination#queer kids#help please#this is a cry for help#mogai#queer#queer issues#black lgbt#black nonbinary#black xenogender#poc mogai#liom#mogai safe#tumblr
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140 questions😋
Pick a question and I'll answer🤗
Then I'll pick and you'll answer
#till we're tired#😋
1.scars?
2.crush?
3.fears?
4.someone you would die for?
5. someone you hate?
6.someone you can tell anything to?
7. have you ever smoked?
8. have you ever drunk alcohol?
9. have you ever done 'bad' drugs?
10. last time you cried?
11.bestfriends?
12.favourite colour?
13. lucky number?
14. birthday?
15. bi/straight/gay?
16. eye colour?
17. hair colour?
18. best body part?
19. obsession?
20. if you had 3 wishes, what would they be?
21. male or female?
22. kiss or hug?
23. nicknames people call you?
24. favourite song?
25. favourite thing?
26. worst thing that ever happened too you?
27. best thing that ever happened too you?
28. something you would change about yourself?
29. full name?
30. worst mistake?
31. something your proud of?
32. your dream?
33. watch the movie or read the book?
34. ever tried to kill yourself?
35. favourite TV show?
36. ever self harmed?
37. ever caught a virus, disease or sickness?
38. special talents?
39. do you ever wish you could start over?
40. ever been abused?
41. abused anyone?
42. ever had a near death experience?
43. someone you can't tell anything too?
44. Virgin?
45. Any tattoos?
46. Are u single or taken?
47. someone who knows all your secrets?
48. someone who's secrets you know?
49.single or taken?
50.middle name?
51.last kiss?
52girl bestfriend?
53boy bestfriend?
54favourite song?
55 ever cheated on ur bae /boo b4
56 u wish to fuck me someday?
57 first kiss?
58 play any sports?
59 one secret?
60 who do you hate?
61 longest relationship?
62 who do you like?
63 what do you like in a boy?
64 what do you like in a girl ?
65 what's favourite number/colour?
66 what area do you live?
67 age?
68 Hobbies?
69 one thing you can't live without?
70 ever had sex?
71 Are you naughty?
72 Ever exchanged nudes?
73 Favorite body part of your opposite gender?
74 ever maked out?
75 Wanna explore me?
76 Wanna kiss me?
77 Wanna date me?.
78 your bra size
79 do u wear bra
80 can u let me touch u
81 hug me
82 favorite sex position
83 have a guy have kissed u
84 hav some1 evr seen ur boobs or dick
85 favorite cloth
86 ever feel like hvn sex
87 will u like to sex me
88 best hubby
89 can u let me suck u
90 favorite annual
91 What do you wish to do now if I were there?
92 What are u wearing now?
93. What's ur plan for the day?
94. When last did you play naughty with a guy in real life and flirt?
95 What do u think of when u masturbate OR touche urself sexually?
96 Show me outline of ur boobs/dick thru ur cloth
97 What do u like doing during romance?
98 Dine annal before?
99 see us together in nearest future or whiling away time?
100 When last did you have sex
101 what do you love the most on ur body
102 Glad we are friends or feel like punching mt face most times?
103 What you enjoy most during sex
104 How many are you in your family?
105 What comes to ur mind when you think of me or hear my name mentioned?
106 What's the colour of ur pantie and bra Now, and what type are u wearing?
107 Do you believe in God?
108 Like ur natch shaven or hairy?
109 How u like your man/woman to dress
110 What you like and love most abt me?
111 Would you go to swimming with me?
112 Your worst regret about me?
113 Your most erotic and naughty thoughts about us, in the past or now.
114 Would you love a massage by my own hands?
115 Can you suck me?
116 What's your biggest fear about me?
117 Who do you love most in your life?
118 Will you like to be mine if given the opportunity?
119 What's your best meal?
120 What would you do if we are cuddled at night and I am getting aroused, and rain is falling?
121 Do you love me?
121 what your best fruit?
122 Any great plan for the future?
123 Your best ally in decision taking
124 Your first kiss, where and with whom?
125 What am I to you?
126 Who am I to you?
127 What type of movie do u like watching?
128 Who made you smile most today?
129 What lead to your break up in your last relationship, and do you have any person in mind under consideration?
130 When last did you pray?
131. Who is your worst enemy in life?
132 What do you hate most about me?
133. Who am I to you?
134. What's the colour of ur pantie/boxershorts now?
135. Can you kiss me if I were with u alone now?
136 . What's ur plan in life?
137. Can you marry me if I am ready now?
138. When last did u speak with your mother or father?
139. Do u have a serious relationship or lover?
140. Do you love me? 🤗😘😍💯
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so, so glad ur outta the hospital and home again. now stop getting sick, my love. please take care of urself…
how many times have i told u that you shouldn’t be watching the señorita video when ur missing me too much? 🤨 and there’s absolutely no reason to be jealous because i’m urs now; u have my only heart, babe, and the only one who gets to place hands and lips on my body. 😋
how are things with dad? any better?
and i’m so sorry sweetheart, i know i’ve been gone a lot longer this time than i usually am, but i will hopefully be home soon, and i’ll be excited to try out the sturdiness of our new bed frame. 😉
been thinking about our future…
Hello my love. Thank you for getting back to me finally. I've been waiting all day to talk to you. Things with dad are okay again. Sometimes he's just kinda mean. You know how things can get with people you love. Things are said and feelings are hurt you know? He just said some things that i think were meant to be helpful or maybe as a concern but instead just made me upset.
Baby i wish i could stop getting sick but this kicks my ass sometimes. Oh baby i love you. I love that video because you look HOT AF seriously babe you out did yourself.
i know there's no reason to be jealous i'm sorry mi amor. I love you so much and you look sexy as fuck in that video. Our bed frame is pretty sturdy. God i love you. I've been missing you so much baby. We made a last minute trip to Niagara but mom and dad wouldn't take me to Toronto to see you. We're leaving tomorrow to go home. Why are you gone for so long this time love? I can't wait to kiss you again babe. It's literally the only thing keeping me going lately. I have two days of tests next week to see if i need stomach surgery. Do you think you can come with me? Maybe you can be with me during my surgery if i need it. I know i would recover faster if you were by my side. I love you babe and I promise not to be jealous anymore. I just love you so much.
If i have surgery i'll let you know my love.
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ive never anticipated a story so enthusiastically than u releasing the part 4 and after going thru 11k words (which is the most amount of words ive ever read in this entire month), im literally raging rn.
if im gonna be honest, for ur past yandere stories, ive mostly focused and favoured the smut part more but for yamqn, esp with the latest update, for once, ive never felt so invested in reading a story before, the way u convey their feelings without having to write long paragraphs abt unnecessary details... yeah ur my top favorite writer rn.
first and foremost, fuck beomgyu.
beomgyu literally dehumanized her ━ striped her of her basic human rights, chased away her suitors, manipulated her into thinking yn wasn't pretty enough, then use that to his advantage and make yn sell her body to him. although you did put warnings for the nc part, i will admit that part made me wanna throw beomgyu into the deepest depths of hell.
with all his red flags waving high and proud right in my face, if i had to pick the worst one, it would be the fact that he didn't actually care about her at all. he saw her as an object ━ something to be claimed and possessed, something that he expected to obey to his every order. and the fact that he roped his entire family into this just it even sicker, like his parents and sister agreed and encouraged their sickening son's immoral behavior? the apple really doesnt fall far from the tree.
my heart literally broke into pieces when lord taehyun failed his plan like i was abt to throw my pc into the wall when beomgyu mentioned that he would send maids to guard yn's room while he was gone OH speaking of maids.... what they did to yn was equally sick. i understand that they're under his control, but to accept to participate in such a cruel act? do they not have any sense of decency left in them? (just gonna let this slide and close an eye cuz i dont know what went on behind the scenes)
can everyone just please give a pat on the back to lord taehyun cuz DAMN is he committed. honestly if i could i would've just gave him a hug and treat him to the finest things and give him the happiness he deserves. unlike beomgyu, he was SERIOUS about yn like he actually sees her as a human, sees her as a person who he can build a future with and a potential romantic partner. its like the realization that she finally had an opportunity to escape the hellish life she had within the castle beomgyu held her 'captive' in. but then again, the risk of leaving her former life behind, leaving her (ex?) lover behind for a new life that she might get adjusted to with a stranger she knows very little abt (im sorry taehyun) is too much for her to take, so i understood why she hesitated when taehyun asked if she wanted to run away.
anyways i could go on and on but its 1am and i gotta sleep but again, i absolutely loved ur new update!!!! and i look up to u a lot!!!!! im not sure if theres gonna be a part 5... but i hope so! plz dont stress urself out and have a great day ahead mort!!!! (also quite random but can i be 🤓 anon? if it isnt taken?) cheers!!!!
i know this story is already so big without the chapters being 11k 😭
i totally get it. i also mostly focus on the smut when i read stories but when the story grabs my attention. it makes the smut sooooo much better
i don't agree that beomgyu doesn't care for her or that he necessarily thinks of her as an object. I feel like in his own way, he really does love her, but he loves himself more. he'd do anything for her except let her leave him, and he really thinks that he is the best thing for her. she wants someone to provide for her? who better to do it than a prince? who would love her more than he loves her? her family that sold her to him isn't to be trusted to find her a good husband. no other man is good enough for her, especially not taehyun who he believes is cruel and sadistic. he doesn't think of her as an object but he also doesn't trust her to make her own decisions. he thinks that as the man he should be the one protecting and providing for her and he feels he's been doing that all his life and yet she still won't be with him. it's all very selfish but that is beomgyu's core personality trait :')
beomgyu's family share differing sentiments on oc. the father's stance is clear, he thinks she's just a whore for beomgyu. the mother just wants to please her beloved son and doesn't care about oc. wonyoung likes her but her loyalty lies with her brother and she won't go against him to help her
as for the maids, they really have no choice. you think a maid can say no to a prince? they could lose their lives 😂
taehyun has been the perfect knight in shining armor. we've definitely not seen the last of him. but what will he make of oc not being a virgin anymore? will he still want her?
there definitely will be part 5. there are about 4 chapters left in the series
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txt scenarios — txt comforting an overwhelmed s/o ‹𝟹
prompt, :00 txt + comforting a vv stressed s/o who hasnt eaten in a while because they were busy with school?? thank u sm ^^
## angst % gn!reader % wc: 1426 [ cursing, anxiety, depression, mental health discussion, ]
yeonjun will be worried the whole week before he comes by with a SHITTON of snacks because u deserve them??? ur still hunched over ur laptop and he goes to u and ur eyes are bloodshot .. hes like baby this won’t do .. 🧍 yeonjun will take over proof-reading for u while u get something to eat n go freshen up!!! he tells u to get into those jammies and he will be waiting for u to come back so he can finish up with u laying down next to him :((( he’ll prolly give u little pats on the head while he clicks away at keys to finish it up, if u can’t sleep then junnie will want u to talk to him about good things 🥺 he’ll listen to u talk about ur day and talk about what u r gonna do, then he’ll give u a gentle reminder that he loves u and that he wants u to take better care of urself!! yeonjun doesn’t want u to be hurting urself and neglecting urself because of school, he’ll be snuggling into u and tells u that he’ll be up to make u breakfast in the morning .. this boy is a saint!!! he will do anything and everything to make u feel good & keep u happy, he wants to see u and hear u always be lively 🥺 yeonjun does not mind picking up the slack around ur place, he just wants u to be healthy rly that’s all
soobin will ask u like .. can we go on a date?? later?? :] baby hasn’t seen u for the past week so he rllyyy wants to see u, but ofc he receives a no bc ur too busy?? so he’s like oh ok, i can just come over??? and ur like, no i’m busy i don’t want anyone over rn so soobin won’t accept that and ur room is dark asf, as well as the fact the house is a literal mess and not clean at all?? ur skimming thru ur books quickly, as if ur life depended on it which he presumed u thought that .. he’ll talk softly to u, hand on ur shoulder and presses a kiss to ur head :( ‘dont u think u should relax bub? 🥺 cmere’ ur kinda upset but u rllyyyy missed soobin and u just didn’t want to work anymore, so u supposed u could just take a moment to be with him?? ‘this is why u couldn’t come out with me?’ and u just nod softly ughh his heart would just hurt so bad 😭 rly it would, but to just hear u say u haven’t done like anything?? these past few days, cleaning, eating, laundry, or just going outside — this is not okay with him!!! he’ll order something for u & let u go take a shower/bath while he puts some of ur things in the laundry,, soobin wants u to relax and when u finish eating and close ur eyes to sleep,, he will begin on cleaning the place up 😣 he wants to take rly good care of u, the thought of u unhappy or sick and whatnot it literally hurts him to think of that, especially bc of school??? soobin hates school more than ever now
beomgyu will be coming over for his twice a week meet-up and he’s used to ur half clean half dirty place, but ur apartment is spotless?? there’s nothing in the sink, no food wrappers nada, no stray clothes on the ground so he’s like 🤨 something is wrong. then he remembers it’s time for exams and such + the added on school work and extra time spent studying??? like wtf??? beomgyu will find u on the bed, ur eyes are so tired and he can’t act like he hasn’t seen u like this before .. he’s seen this a few times - u disappear and u hole urself at ur place, beomgyu needing to talk u down and get u to come and rest. it pains him to see u so upset over being the perfect student, he could not care if u were as dumb as dirt (he appreciate the smarts too) but he thinks ur a pretty great student!!! gyu will pull u away from the screen and give u the tightest hug, which will probably lead to tears on ur part and he’ll pull u back on the bed. he already presumed u hadn’t ate or done anything for the week, so he already came prepared??? duh?? beomgyu know he can’t feel what you’re feeling or like help u thru all the rough patches, but u bet ur ass he will try his hardest to help u feel better or at least get u out of bed!!! he’ll talk for awhile, listen for the most part, and then gyu puts away everything so he can lay down on the bed without the stray papers and books poking him 🧍
taehyun is kinda used to it, he just seems like he wants to hear allll about u, the good and the bad and he is always checking up on you. he’ll know before hand about school and after a few days (he doesn’t wanna bother u he knows u like ur space sometimes and the last thing he would wanna do is interrupt ur zen mode during school cause he’d hate it if someone did that to him too) taehyun knows it’s time for him to go over to your house. u live in dorms with a friend, but it’s pretty empty most of the time and the house is cluttered but it’s usually like that,, however ur room is just .. a mess. he has to stop himself from thinking like wow this is bad, taehyun would never want to think bad of you — just sometimes he ponders on these small thoughts. he doesn’t interrupt u, he gives ur head a few pats before sitting on ur bed and watching u. he gets the feeling u haven’t been taking care of urself whatsoever, so he heads off to the kitchen for a water and an apple, very simple which taehyun doesn’t think you would refuse. when he deems its time to rest only five minutes later, there’s the whines because u don’t want to but taehyun insists. u can always finish tomorrow, or in a few hours if u be quiet .. u might cry or just stay silent, whatever it is — he’ll lay there quietly with you and he’ll just toy with your baby hairs before his hand rests on ur cheek, giving you a kiss that makes really anything feel better .. it’s all temporary because taehyun knows there definitely will be more tests and stress in the future, but he always has time in order to help u out.
huening kai 😭 well for starters, idk i feel like he’d be just a smidge sad that u didn’t tell him about these things .. but nonetheless he is over in a heart beat upon your phone call!! well he actually stays on the line the whole time for u, mostly because hyuka knows how nervous u are and he just wants u to not be alone :(( he has been there for a few anxiety attacks + he knows the feelings of stress from school all too well, so he wants to go out of his way to do these things for you. he’ll be so quick to come to u inside, asking silenty if u want to be touched or just left alone :( at that point ur heaving and huening kai is kind of petrified to leave u alone, so he just gets water and turns on the fan before coming back and sits there before easing into a hug, he can quite literally feeling ur heart nearly beating out of ur chest, but ur arms weakly wrap around him and huening kai is just like 🥺 because yes u r very cute but he feels awful for u!!! he’ll share a few words, mumbling to u and rubbing ur back because obviously u won’t go bounce back immediately but he treats u like u hung the moon!!!!!!! as for the fact he knows u haven’t done anything, the first evidence being yes your oily hair, hyuka is more comfortable with staying there until u fall asleep & then he’ll sneak off to make u something in the kitchen to make u something and then come to wake u up, it might be very simple like ramen 😭 but he puts all the effort and knowledge he has to make u happy
#maycie writes#txt#txt imagines#txt reactions#txt scenarios#txt angst#txt fluff#txt x reader#yeonjun#soobin#beomgyu#taehyun#huening kai#yeonjun fic#soobin fic#beomgyu fic#taehyun fic#huening kai fic#yeonjun x reader#soobin x reader#beomgyu x reader#taehyun x reader#huening kai x reader
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another reason to limit the amount of white people associated w amigops/otv and friends is the stuff that’s come out about ash recently :/ like yeah people can learn and grow etc but if you’re still dropping slurs in your late 20s and casually racist even tho so many of your cc friends are poc... girl
ok im about to GO OFF im fucking pissed about little miss cigarette tray,,,, ok i’ve gotten a ???? vibe about her before a :/ vibe n it’s all the way back in rust group forming when i thought she was being a lil manipulative. n the shit she did caused so much annoying shit that literally could’ve been avoided
okay so rae corpse ash n sykkuno bump into toast n jack’s group, right? and they were all like we should all be together in one big group!!!! but then they were like wait what’s the group limit what if we don’t have enough space,,, and then they start experimenting n adding each other i guess? n it turned out they had space for everyone but one person (iirc?????) and ash suddenly was like oh it’s okay i’ll leave!!!! u can all be grouped together i don’t need to be in the group!!! n other stuff that was like v self destructive sounding n like oh no it’s ok no one wants me here anyway etc and syk was like ???? because literally no one had any plans to leave ANYONE out they were literally just trying to figure things out n suggesting ideas and she was over there tryna be the self sacrificial hero i guess?????
and then. people in chat got really mad and toxic hating on rae and sykkuno in their chats yelling about how ash was being forcefully left out or whatever which wasn’t the case at all n wouldn’t have been if she didn’t give that impression??? and then RAE thought that ash was GENUINELY getting excluded which made her ACTUALLY mad at her friends?????? who did nothing wrong???????? and then like weeks later when they talked about this ash was like “oh actually i was super upset about getting left out :/ but it’s all good now!!!” like GOD. NO ONE WAS TRYING TO LEAVE YOU OUT. U LITERALLY IMMEDIATELY STARTED ACTING LIKE SOME SELFLESS VICTIM N REMOVED URSELF WHEN NO ONE TOLD YOU TO LEAVE?? anyway at the time i gave her the benefit of doubt that she wasn’t doing it on purpose since i thought she was ‘nice’ but u know what? it’s a fucking ugly look that a white woman got a bunch of streamers of color hate for “bullying” her and “excluding” her when she was literally the one who chose to walk away n act selfless WHEN NO ONE ASKED HER TO DO THAT
anyway now that i’ve got that off my chest let’s talk about her racist ass comments in her community discord. she essentially made a bunch of anti-asian remarks, specifically many anti-chinese ones (1. i had Chinese food earlier maybe that’s why I feel sick lol 2. making fun of Chinese people for supposedly eating bats 3. calling corona the bat soup virus 4. continuing to be grossed out by what Chinese/Asian people supposedly eat and being all ‘oh maybe i’m just weird w food tho :/‘ n letting people get away w responding to her saying ‘Asians eat a lot of weird stuff no no u r fine!!’ + ‘Chinese people n their food bruh’ which. just. i am very disgusted 5. ‘guys my cup was made in China am I corona infected’ + some other stuff i’m too tired to recap here look at this twitter link)
she also talked about how the BLM protests were.... stupid..... and called people idiots for protesting......... said there was ‘a right and wrong way to protest and this is wrong’ and ‘it’s not like we just can’t have police officers’ ,,,,,, so yeah. and she also said the r word and she called someone the f slur on stream once and uh..... yeah she sucks!
honestly the shit cherry on top of this shit sundae is that she literally profits off asian aesthetics w her anime bitch ass v tuber thing n other stuff on her stream n her twitter handle is literally SUGOI_ASH??? also like otv n friends is a mostly Asian friend group who propelled her lily white ass to success???? she mooched off the success of streamers of color only to say racist ass shit like this???
anyway. she “apologized” by saying “I GUESS i’m sorry for being ignorant n I’m sorry IF YOU WERE OFFENDED. ANYWAY–“ and moved the fuck on and like just. fuck off w that shit. it pains me that she managed to get a larger following from all this in the few months she’s hung out w otv n friends and sydney a black bi streamer literally has less followers on twitch? like what the fuck is up with that make it make sense??? anyway i hope everyone unfollows ash tray n follows Sydeon on twitch instead :-)
also idk how many people in otv + friends know about this. i highly doubt there will be a dramatic kick out of ash from their friend group if it becomes a thing they all know about. i think ever since they kicked out f*dmyster they’re a little traumatized about having to publicly remove anyone from their circle in general? because many other streamers n content creators will jump on it and comment on it very heavily and make them all very vulnerable n i def don’t want that or expect that either. i hope they play w ash less from now on tho? some people commented that in the corpse lobby yesterday it seemed like people weren’t interacting w ash as much? idk if that’s really the case but i will respect whatever they choose to do if they even know what happened,, i guess if i see her show up in future lobbies i’ll just like ignore her lol
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Itaru Chigasaki character analysis:
Warnings: angst, probably ooc, in general v sad (I’ll probably do a fic about this later so stay tuned)
ok so a ton of ppl write Itaru as this like “now u can have both!!!!! Pretty boy aND gamer rat!!!” And well yes that is kinda sick tbh I feel like sometimes ppl forget about the fact that he’s lowkey got insane angst potential.
like I remember in alex him and masumi were talking about how u can’t lie forever because it eats away at you and leaves u feeling empty and masumi was like “uh hypocrite isnt that what you do every day-“ and Itaru was just like “listen bro I fucqed up point is be urself and people will love you fr isn’t that what you want?” Wait I found the lines off of yaycupcake.com here are some:
“Even if she comes to like the facade that you've put up, you know you can't continue like that forever, right? Can you keep that up 24 hours a day, 365 days a year? You'll break someday.”
“Ahh.....Well, when I was right about your age, a lot of things happened.”
Which gives me the impression that Itaru was a lot more comfortable with being a gamer outwardly until something happened when he was a teenager, and he then felt the need to put up a facade to be successful and loved. Maybe he was made fun of in school, or maybe his parents put too much pressure on him to “grow up” and start thinking about his future. I feel like all that pressure to be successful made him have to repress who he really is into the true gamer Itaru we see in the troupe. This is super sad because he might’ve developed this feeling that everything he likes (games and stuff) is worthless and he has to have money and be conventionally successful rather than happy to achieve something. He doesn’t have anything he cares about other than gaming, so he spends his money on that only. It seems to be (before mankai era) the only thing that was giving him something to look forward to.
Even though Itaru joined the troupe originally because of free room and board, I think once he realized that he could express his unconventional interests and be supported and loved regardless he wanted to stay. When Izumi walked in on him gaming, that must have really freaked him out, like “oh no now they’re going to judge and disown me too.”
“Unlike Sakuya or Tsuzuru, I can't open up to them and do my best. I'm not good at socializing with people. I don't really like communal life. That's why it's impossible for me to put my entire heart and spirit into theatre like everyone.”
“I can't go on like this, obviously. I'll just be a bother to everyone.”
“But I think I'll only cause trouble later on.”
Itaru doesn’t want to leave because of his games, but because he’s worried he can’t express himself and will drag the rest of the troupe down. He cares about them and doesn’t want their performance to suffer because of him, so he wants to leave to give them the opportunity to find someone better. Again, he thinks what he likes, gaming, only makes things worse, so instead of trying to integrate it and be honest he just attempts to run away. And instead of letting this happen like everyone did when he was a teenager, Izumi and the rest of mankai accept him and want him to stay. This helped him find something other than gaming to care about, and the new sense of belonging and family must have been a huge positive change for him.
Why does he like gaming so much, though? Out of all things, whyd he pick that? From how I see it, probably escapism. In the gaming world, everyone sees Itaru as someone successful, except it’s through him doing something he loves. He feels as though he can’t have this in the real world. Itaru in reality is a really hard worker, foregoing sleep and sometimes eating to achieve what he wants in his games. The reason why he doesn’t go the extra mile in his day job is because he doesn’t love it. (On another angst note I feel like Itaru might have some serious self worth and life success determining issues from whatever happened when he was a teen, making him feel like he needs external validation to succeed. Games give him that but in combination with letting him express himself and be happy. Homie needs some self love tho. Like when he thinks of things ppl like about him it’s always he’s a pretty boy or in his games he’s top 1%, not that he’s a caring/hardworking/good person, etc.)
In conclusion mankai was absolutely amazing for Itaru because it gave him an environment he could express himself in and be accepted for, and another passion. He’s not lazy or shallow, but is actually extremely empathetic (as shown in why he originally wanted to leave mankai) and hardworking (games). He would make an amazing so because once he found a person he cared about as much as his games and stuff, he’d work just as hard to make you happy and care about you too. His partner would need to make sure he still takes care of and loves himself too, though. If anyone says that all there is to Itaru is a shallow stinky gamer rat/pretty boy fanservice combo I’ll personally break their kneecaps. Is he both? Yes. But also infinitely more.
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madch madch <3 hello love!
how are you my love :D YAY I'M SO HAPPY YOUR COLD IS GONE OMG!! Do you feel properly better now? the sleep nose cloggs is the worst, i'm super glad it's gone for you.
YES for a whole month - like it makes me miss summer holidays when i was a kid and you could take the time off like that. do you ever feel like you didn't appreciate that stuff like when you were a kid? like being able to have long sleeps and stuff or just running about the mall with no consequence? we really do have the same situation going on! i just want to be able to buy my mum a better house and a better car and nicer holidays and stuff? like that small stuff which sounds a bit boring but like, idk that means more to me than the overly flashy stuff? like i'd love to be a mum one day but seeing how much my mum does sometimes i'm like... IDK if I could hack it you know?
ah wow ok! my school i really get what you say about catholic guilt as it's super similar from my cultural influences as well? YES like, it's bad to think too well of yourself, or just that you shouldn't do it? or you're gonna end up inviting bad things if you do think too much of yourself? i get really confused about it sometimes. like - almost like there's a difference between self love and thinking too well of yourself? and i can appreciate myself without ever thinking i'm too good at something etc? does that make sense? idk i'm worried about self love it if means it makes my ego bad and over arrogant and all that stuff? I GET YOU tho - it is that line between contentment and like feeling yourself to the point it's ... ick? it's hard isn't it?
THAT FACT STEALING TOILET PAPER WAS YOU USING BAD LANGUAGE omg do you see what i mean you are just so so so so pure of heart and sweet and thank you for being so kind <3 are you looking forward to going back to uni in some ways? or is it all general *internal screaming*? remember you're mega and amazing <3
omg we literally had a HUGE HEARTWAVE to the point where I have so many bites everywhere - i'm glad you've had a bunch of sun but YAY TINY TINY SQUAD!!!!!!! I AM 5'1" so yay to us being tiny together <3 I am always the tiny one too! i used to hate it but i like my height more now - and like the fact i can fit into kids stuff on sale? or like shoe sizes not being a problem? but then sometimes the sizing is a bit weird like you said before! YOU GET IT WITH THE BF JEANS. It is a neverending quest RN. I've figured out the size I can really get for them but so few stores make it :/ we will see how this saga unfolds. do you lampshade a lot with clothes? i find i always end up doing that even if i don't mean to haha XD
OKAY SO JO MALONE I like the smell of pomegrante noir but IDK if I'd wear it but the lime and basil is another fave of mine. I just really really don't like musky smells I'm with you with the citrus! like, stuff that reminds me of summer and fresh stuff? musk makes me feel like i'm walking into like a noughties teen clothing store i just can't hasjdakshd. like i hate lynx smells? WHY DO BOYS WEAR IT?
AHHHH OMG ok mutual blue moon love YES HELLO <3 <3 <3 I ADORE lofi jazz garage I honestly die/simp for that sound. like they dabbled a bit more with those vibes in OOAK and that's why I loved the new album so much I guess? just so so so beautiful. i just wanna drown in like the sounds of moonlight and suggestions of other things by candlelight or long city drives? does that make sense? ugh LOVE IT. getting up in my feels here hahahajsdkhasda
YAY HI TO YOUR MOM <3 I hope she's having a beautiful beautiful day too and that's getting rest as well! never worry about getting back to me late, I know you're so busy and that's always okay, love you lots and lots <3 <3 <3
-💥xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
MY BEST PAL <33 hello my sweet, how have u been doing these days? i know i must sound like a record on repeat, but i miss you all the days that i don't hear from you, i'm always thinking about how you are doing ;____;
but YES after like ,,,,,,2 and a half weeks of being sick with the cold i am FINALLY over it :') it's not so much the stuffy nose during the daytime that annoys me it was the freaking clogged nose at night for the love of GOD i hate breathing with my mouth open it's so gross ;___; and sore throats ......... honestly i wouldn't wish a sore throat on my worst enemy lol like i'd rather have the flu for 2 days than a sore throat for a whole week ldkfjsdkf i'm such a baby <3
about being on holiday as a kid LOL IT WAS !!!!! the absolute best time !!! i know at some point we need to be functioning human beings in society lol but honestly at the age of like 13 where ur too young to work but u can't drive yourself anywhere ?? it's the best time (besides the driving part lol) bc you literally do not have one ounce of responsibility it's so great ;____; it's good to work and help ppl but i miss that too ....... and about our experiences with our single moms !!! pls this is all i want for her lol ; like u said nothing overly flashy but once i'm established i would like for her to live comfortably without being at the hands of someone else so i wouldn't mind like buying her a nice apartment ;____; when she was younger she traveled all the time and once i was born she coudn't do that with me bc she simply didn't have the money so she's always telling me after i graduate we should take a little trip to europe or go out west :( i think that would be so great :(((
OH GOOD OLD CATHOLIC GUILT LOL listen ..... there are a lot of things that the catholic church has done in the past that i don't agree with at all and stuff but ;____; i'm still grateful in some aspects bc my moral compass is like . a super big part of my life and it guides me to lead me away from decisions that aren't the best for me lol and i'm really grateful again for my mom for sending me to catholic school all these years :') and i think it's good to have this sense of humbleness (i hate ppl that are so boastful about themselves like truly no one cares sdjfslkf) but i do agree that catholic guilt can sometimes be a hinderance like i keep on saying i wish i had at least one ounce of self dignity SDLKFJ idk like u said it's a fine line between being humble and having no self worth :') i guess at the end of the day u need ppl surrounding u who make u feel like u are worth something and that it's okay to think positively about urself <3
honestly babe no ,,,,,, i'm not looking forward to going back to my final year of uni at all ;____; i don't know when i got like this but nursing school has literally scarred me to the point where i'm so anxious to even finish this year :( the ICU, my preceptorship, exams, finding and landing a job successfully before i graduate ???? i want it to all be over with so quickly but i'm so nervous for the future ahead of me ;____; will i get to where i am meant to be ???? i'm going to sOB IM NOT READY FSKDJFDS .............................
YAY TINY SQUAD LOL SOMEONE UNDERSTANDS !!!!!!! everyone on here is like boo hoo i'm 5'3 and im like ?????? ur inching near normal height shut up ?? SDKFJ :') truly shopping is so hard literally u can kill pants every fitting u perfectly unless u hem them and omg ??? pls explain to me what lampshading is LOL I HAVE NEVER HEARD THAT TERM BEFORE ?? :o !!!!!!!!! but also yes almost all of my sneakers are kids shoes LOL JOKES ON TALL PPL WE CAN GET THEM FOR CHEAPER <3
and about jo malone !!!!!!!!!!! the lime and basil one i've had my eye on it omg !!!!!!! bc i love love the smell of basil :) i'm actually visiting my grandparents this weekend and we are going to the mall so i'm going to finally pick up a new scent !!! i've literally had the one i told u about for 2 years LOL but i also agree everyone loves musky scents for some reason but i don't lsdkfjs i feel like those heavy scents "weigh me down" ????? do u feel that way too? it's hard to explain :')
ALSO OMG OKAY you are my blue moon ride or die now <3 have never met a mbb yet who loves blue moon as much as i do LOL it's just *mwah* perfection ........... absolute perfection like it fits all moods its fresh its lowkey it's perfect and YES YES i felt heaven kinda had the same vibe ??? not so much the dark garage jazz sound but more of the light and airy garage jazz sound LKDFJS i know that sounds dumb but it's lighter and happier but has that same lofi sound i'm obsessed with <3
okay bubbie but YEAH mom and i are healthy now we are in good spirits and we are hanging in there !! again i'm sorry for getting back so late hun really i always want to respond right away but like i always say quality over any short answer hhhh <3 i hope u have a lovely rest of the week if i don't hear from u soon okay? always sending love and hugs xxxxxxxxx !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3
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Some updates
2019 is going to end soon so, I want to gives you guys some news about me and my blog
Big surprise (ithink)
I really wanted to wait for the results but seems like I have to wait until February to know them so I JUST GONNA SAY IT NOW SKDJFK—
I'm majoring in art not wooo *toot toot* uwu)
After lots and lots of pondering and talking with my momma about what I wanted to do with mah life, I decided to join a college that was just opening in my city. It's part of the only art college here in my country so I know it's good. I used to know a musician that studies there and she told me that it was amazing so right now I'm waiting for the results and hoping to get there. I'm pretty nervous cuz I really liked it but I got sick and couldn't go to some classes and they told us that it'd affect our entrance and I'm just like AAAAA NOOOO WHY—
BUT-- If I get there I can get better with my art and I'm really excited about it cuz we're gonna learn lots of stuff and I really like my classmates and I'M JUST _UHHH_
... wish me luck--
About my blog, comic and commissions
Regarding my blog! Well now you know why I haven't posting that much lately. I was preeeeetty busy so I couldn't really do much, BUT, I told myself that I would finish the first chapter of my comic before this year ends so get urself ready cuz I'M GONNA DO IT I PROMISE O_Ó
But in order to do so, I have to take my time so, If you commission me in this month, you'll have to wait until January to get it. Please keep this in mind!! PLEASE KEEP THIS IN MIND PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE--
Patreon thingy
Okay this quite an important notice and it has to do with my Patreon. I spent this whole year making it and now it's finally done. However I want to talk about this in another individual post but I still wanted to let you guys know. Why? because I'll also take my time to make some content to it! I'll probably give you guys the link in January.
Future thingies and my comic
Okay this will be kinda long-
Well I think I told you guys that I have already done all of my kiddos and I'm working on my comic. I honestly have thought that, might I be late with this? You know, the fandom is quite "dead" and while the AUs and the main thing is popular, the shipchildren fandom is the one who's dying. But you know what? I don't really care about that. I know that I might not have the same reach I used to have a few years ago but I appreciate all of you. Even if I only get two or three likes, I'll still love it and I'll still keep doing my things. I also do this for myself, but I kinda like to make you guys happy, you know? I wash I wasn't as busy and I wish I wasn't as... troubled as I'm right now. But even with all of my problems, I want to keep going and keep posting my things. I will end chapter one and it's a promise. I don't like making promises I know I can't keep but, sometimes compromising to do something kinda gives you the strength to make it huhuh--
I also stopped with it for a while to think about the story and the setting. My idea isn't too much original, but I gave it a twist to make it my own. There might be other people with the same concept this AU have, but I know for sure that this one is mine. And I know that my friends, the ones who know about it because we roleplay that AU a lot(?), know that too. I also managed to merge to stories I wanted to make in one so, it's a win-win for me I guess!
I dunno my thoughts are over the place but I just wanted to share this with you guys. I like to talk with you and I like that my blog is a safe place for me to say these things. I mean, I really really really don't know why I don't post my kiddos on twitter. I get scared every time I try to do it!
Also, another thing regarding my kids... WHY DO YOU GUYS LIKE RADIER SO MUCH OMG HE'S EVEN MORE POPULAR THAN BLUEPRINT WHAT--
I want to solve this. I'll make a poll to see which one is more popular. You ju s t w a i t
Final thoughts?
You'll see another long-ass post soon. This one will be personal, talking about this shitty year and how it made me want to be killed by a giant rock(?)
Also I kinda want you to show you guys one of my kiddos. I just fell in love with him and he's oh god he's so precious u3u my pure baby. He's also gonna be recurrent character in my comic so u will see a lot of him u3u) he's a GDream kiddo and he's on the doodle picture I posted in Radier's birthday
now that'll be all for now. I luv you my dears UwU
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my contributions to @lovelikeyoursfest for the first prompt, “the start of something new”. these are technically both excerpts from longer in-progress fics featuring my apprentice, laurel, but they happened to fit the theme so well i thought at least part of them deserved to see the light of day. consider this a teaser for my future works if u find urself interested~
chronologically, nadia comes first, julian can be found under the cut
Nadia & Laurel
January, 5 years ago
The whole of Vesuvia thrums with the energy of the masquerade, like one large body set to motion at last after a long winter. The lights, the reeling crowds, they pulse and pump as they make their way along the arterial canals, upwards, always upwards, to the highest reach of the city -- to the beating heart of it all -- the palace. Laurel catches Asra’s hand in her own, dragging him along, or he her, or perhaps they simply get swept away together by the throng, laughter bubbling on her lips for what feels like the first time in months.
Try as one might, it is easy to get separated once the party truly takes hold of the palace. The hoi polloi of Vesuvia clamor towards the offered food and drink, while the elite swan about and entertain themselves with chatter and gossip. It is not with intent that she loses track of Asra somewhere past the room full of enchanted, talking statuary. One moment he is there, and the next he is not, the space he once occupied at her side now taken up by three bustling women in matching silver gowns and masks done up like swans, all vying for entry into the room. It matters little to Laurel. Asra will find her eventually, when he cares to be found himself. He always does, somehow, whether she cares for him to or not.
There is little intent to where she wanders, keen to let herself be drawn wherever the whims of the party may take her. She knows there is something surrounding her -- a pall of grief, though it seems too melodramatic a sentiment. It is a palpable, invisible thing about her nonetheless. People walk around her, unsure of why, rowdy drunkards don't dare to jostle or bump her. Her own personal never-mind-me spell, cast without intent simply by virtue of existing. Their disinterest rankles, but she shoves the ill-feeling down deep. It's not them she's here for, anyway. A tall glass of fizzing wine makes its way into her hand, plucked deftly from a passing servant’s platter, and she carries it along in her gloved hand, sipping occasionally, leaving a smear of bright red along the rim of the glass from her painted lips.
The heavy press of the party lessens as she finds herself on the veranda, the roar in her ears fading, carried away on the cool evening breeze. It chills her overheated skin, bare beneath only a few thin layers of chiffon and satin, and she relishes the prickle of gooseflesh it leaves in its wake like a kiss. She takes her glass and drains the last of the golden wine too quickly, and trades it for another -- something pink and dangerously sugared this time. This too she finishes in a few deep gulps, setting the empty glass back onto the bemused servant's tray and taking another before they have time to even move away. Alone, save for the alcohol that burns in her too empty stomach, she wanders the less crowded gardens, full of others who have little interest in being found. She hums along to a familiar tune as she passes through a faint cloud of sound, drifting over the tops of the immaculately trimmed hedge walls.
She feels sweet with wine and song, the lightest she has felt all year. Here, the sounds and smells, the anonymous, whirling multitude of bodies-- they keep out what Laurel would rather forget. Here there is no responsibility, no pitying glances from familiar patrons, none of Asra's well-intentioned saccharine condolences. No one knows her here, not behind the gilt painted mask. She is hardly herself, if she wants not to be, and oh how desperately she craves the chance to not be herself, if only for just a little while. That is the true magic of the Count’s masquerade, something far more powerful than what she could throw together in a mortar at home and call such. She is only the swell of the music. It lifts her slippered feet, carrying her in some semblance of dance as she walks the cobbled path, eyes closed in what would feel almost like joy, if she could remember the feeling.
There is no one on the path with her, no one to see her dizzy, stumbling attempt at a coranto, so when her body meets something else -- someone else, the slide of a silk gown against her bare arms -- her eyes snap open, and she stumbles backward with an embarrassed curse.
"Shit! Sorry, so sorry."
Laurel lifts her gaze, expecting to see the heated glare of whomever she'd been unlucky enough to plow into. What she does not expect is the countess -- The Countess -- blinking back at her with equal amounts of surprise.
With a choked sort of squeak, Laurel drops immediately into her best, lowest curtsy, knees creaking and head bowed so low her mask threatens to slip straight off her nose.
"O-oh, My Lady Countess, forgive me! Please forgive me!"
Her heart hammers in her chest. The Countess! Of all people to drunkenly stumble into! The count would likely have her head for daring lay a hand, however accidental, on his beloved wife. Or perhaps the countess herself would ask him to cut off her wicked, clumsy feet instead as a mercy.
Less likely was the countess's voice -- rich and deep and rolling over her like sweet molasses -- saying softly, "It’s quite alright. Please stand."
Laurel blinks, straightening her spine in fractions, giving ample time should the countess deign to change her mind and command her to sprawl, prostrate in the dirt, at her feet instead. She doesn't. Eventually, Laurel is able to lift her chin and look the -- only slightly -- taller woman in the eye for the first time.
She had known the countess was beautiful, much in the way that people knew the sky was blue, the grass grew green, and the south was a frigid waste, an immutable fact. People spoke often of her features in the market, lauding the beauty of her violet hair, her striking, crimson eyes, her high, royal brow. More so, she knew it to be true by the simple truth that vain Count Lucio would never settle for less. What few memories she has -- a parade, swirling streamers in the air; the profile of a distant woman, nestled like an idol on a float of white roses and purple hyacinth -- are clouded by time and distance. She had pieced her together that first year, vague impressions and gossip and distant glances in the town square where she deigned to appear. Vesuvia's very own princess had crossed her mind very little after that.
This close, close enough to smell her sweet jasmine of her perfume, to count the faint few freckles on her bare shoulders, Countess Nadia is more lovely than Laurel could have ever imagined.
Laurel's gaping leaves her uncharacteristically silent, but the countess seems to recover first. Likely she's used to filling stunned silence.
"How is that you found me here?" she asks, a faint tinge of pink across her nose, though whether it is from embarrassment or anger Laurel cannot gauge.
Laurel glances around, taking in the tall topiaries that surround them. “I-- where is here, exactly?”
Julian & Laurel
Late September, 5 years ago
1.
The first time she arrives at his clinic, Julian doesn’t yet know that he should turn the woman he would come to know as Laurel Lobban away. She comes to his clinic like most regular patients, in a hurried flurry of skirts, eyes bright — not red, thankfully, the sclera a clear, healthy white with irises of sky blue — sharp with an edge of desperation. Perhaps a family member was sick, a spouse, or sister. It wouldn’t be the first time someone had dragged him from his clinic in the misty, early hours of pre-dawn with their pleas.
He lets the woman in — his first mistake — and leads her to the small table in the corner where he offers her a perfunctory cup of poorly brewed coffee or tea, though she doesn’t look to be in any particular need of it. There is a tension to her body, ratcheted tight as a halyard line. If plucked she might sing, high and sweet like the E string of his vielle, but that could also be his third cup of coffee before sunrise talking. From over her nose and mouth, she pulls down her paisley patterned scarf to reveal full but drawn lips, chewed raw and near bleeding. She stretches and bunches the fabric in her hands, twisting it into knots.
“You’re the doctor, then, yes?” she asks, squinting up at him. “Doctor Devorak? The one everyone talks about?”
A grin, black and bitter as the lingering taste of coffee in his throat, spreads his lips thin at that. “Well, now, that depends. What do the people say?”
The woman watches him, eyes canny as a hawk, flitting between his features, sizing him up. “They say you help people, that you don’t overcharge like the hacks in the heart district do.” She sniffs with derision then, nose crinkling up, though whether at the thought of his colleagues uptown or the smell of something in the room, he cannot tell. Astringent probably, he had just cleaned his tools for the day. Often he forgets how strong the smell can be to those far less nose blind than he. She coughs delicately, like she’s trying to suppress a gag. “They say you’re a good man.”
Ah, well, hm. Julian can’t say he’s heard that one before. ‘Foul, beaked harbinger of misery’ yes, ‘heartless bastard’ sure, ‘utter fool’ sometimes, but good man? Compliments were not something many of his patients or their families had on their minds once he was around. Her words settle like a heavy stone in his near empty stomach. This close, with her looking at him just so, her eyes are less so the color of summer. Darker, near navy, paling into a grey to match his own with a flash of almost-barely-there yellow at the center, like a brewing sky at sea -- one set to storm and tear him to pieces any moment, the look of them setting his sailor’s intuition on edge. He ignores them, words and eyes both.
“And are you in need of my help then?” he asks, stepping away to rifle through his curio cabinet, stuffed to bursting with jars of tinctures and salves. “You don’t look beplagued, perhaps some other malady? Allergies? A fungus?”
A loud, nearly surprised, scoff. “I don’t have a fungus,” she asserts with umbrage.
He feels his cheeks heat, grateful that his head is buried in the cabinet and not on view of her no doubt scrutinizing gaze. “Of course not, of course not, so sorry. I didn’t intend any offense miss-- ah, I don’t believe I got your name?”
“Laurel, Laurel Lobban.”
She’s right behind him again. He jumps, knocking the shelves with a wayward elbow as he turns. Her hand is held out to shake, and he takes it with mild surprise. Her grip is firm, no nonsense, but she squeezes a little too hard just before she lets go in a way that lets him know how intentional, how controlled those reads he took of her were. He would see nothing of her that she didn’t want him to, that much he could tell.
“Laurel Lobban,” he repeats, rolling the matching consonants on his tongue. “Laurel, laurus nobilis, lauraceae, like the plant,” he rambles, finishing rather dumbly. She snorts.
“Yes... like the plant. Are you all right, doctor?”
Was he all right? Maybe that third coffee had been a bad idea. “Fine, fine. Though I would be more fine if I knew what I could help you with, Miss Lobban. Hard to diagnose if I don’t know what ails you.”
“I don’t — ” she sighs, frustration warring across her features. “I’m not sick. I’m not here for some tincture. I — I want to work with you.”
He laughs. It was the wrong thing to do, by the telling darkening of her expression, the subtle shift in her jaw as she clearly clenches her teeth. He can’t help it though. It trails off, nervously, his stance shifting from one leg to the other. Whatever you do next, proceed with caution, Ilya.
“Work? Work here?” Nailed it.
“Do you work elsewhere?”
“I — no. This is it,” he replies, gesturing weakly at the single, cramped room, with it’s tiny storage closet and its rickety loft where he keeps his private office which is little more than a second closet. Why would anyone want to work here? With him?
“Then yes, here. With you.”
That he didn’t like.
“And do you ah — do you have any medical expertise then?”
She frowns. There’s a knot of lines between her brows that would be cute, almost endearing, in any other situation than this. Her cheeks flush pink. “Well, no. I mean I’ve read a few books, but… I had hoped you would take me on as an apprentice.”
His mouth falls open, spluttering. He weaves around her so that he��s no longer pinned, like a bug to a board, between her expectant gaze and the cabinet. “Unfortunately Miss Lobban, I’m not equipped to take on apprentices at this time. You see, I’m — well, the fact of the matter is — ”
Stop it. Stop talking.
“There are plenty of other doctors who would take you on, I’m certain.” Who? It doesn’t matter. Doctors who aren’t me. Why would anyone want to learn from a failure who couldn’t even cure his patients, anyway? What could he possibly have to offer an apprentice?
“I don’t want those doctors. They say you’re the best in the city, I want to work with the best.”
The best. Julian bites back another fit of laughter. Grinning — baring his teeth really — instead. “Now now, flattery won’t change my mind.”
She’s followed him again, standing as close behind him as she dares while he flits about the room, restless with nervous energy.
“If I was flattering you, doctor, you would know.”
Had he been this insistent when he’d come to Nazali the first time? Almost certainly, if the stories he’d heard oft repeated are true. How had they put up with him, and not thrown him out on his ear? The simple answer is that they are a much better doctor, a better person, than he. Nazali had discovered the plague, had made the greatest strides in its classification, its treatment, yet. And what had he done with their teachings? Squandered it all. Sat by and watched as patient after patient came to him for help, had plied them with false comforts, and in the end had done nothing, save for ease them into their inevitable deaths. He should tell her that. Should count out his many failures for her like he does for himself every night in place of sheep. Certainly that would frighten her away.
What he says instead is this: “Have you ever watched someone die?”
Her mouth goes slack, obviously taken aback by his question. For a moment he sees the fear flash across her eyes, but quick as it came it's replaced by something else. Something harder. She licks her lips and smiles, lips wobbling at the edges. "Do you ask all the girls that, or am I just special?"
He keeps his gaze hard, until the slight upturn of her lips collapses into a frown.
“Surely that can’t be a prerequisite for the job.”
“On the contrary,” Julian replies, nerves solidifying. “Humor me.”
Laurel’s eyes slide sideways. “No,” she says carefully, chewing over her words. “Though death and I are no strangers.”
Julian takes a deep breath, a brief flare of pain in his chest for having been the cause of the dark shadows that crossed over her features at that admission. He rakes a hand through his curls, shoving them away from his face, where they stay for a moment, before flopping back into his eyes.
“So you have lost someone?” he asks, though it is less question and more statement of fact.
Her gaze flicks back to him, sharp and pointed as the tip of a blade. “Hasn’t everyone in Vesuvia by now?” she asks him cooly.
Julian at least has the grace to look chagrined, feeling the heat of one of his telltale flushes burning under his collar. “I suppose you have a point there.”
“I don’t relish the thought of death, Doctor Devorak, if that’s your concern.” Laurel grips the strap of her bag tightly, staring up at him, imploring. “And I’ve no agenda, I assure you. I simply want to find some way to help.”
It is that moment that the door of the clinic swings open, the sharp RANG-CLANG-CLANG of the bell startling the both of them. A barrel-chested man heaves in the doorway, face shining, slick with sweat as he gasps, hands on his knees.
“Doctor! Doctor please, my husband he — “
Immediately, something shifts in Julian. One moment he is himself, good old Ilya Devorak. The next he is simply Doctor, parts within himself shuttering closed as others open, the whole of him changing as instinct takes over, just as it had every instant before a battle when the quiet set in and he and Nazali knew the first wave of bodies would soon hit; the calm before the storm, captured entirely within himself like a model ship trapped in a bottle.
“On it!” he barks, grabbing his overcoat and mask from their hooks with practiced ease, already making long strides towards the door before Laurel’s voice cuts through the quiet roar of his thoughts.
“Doctor please!” she all but hisses, chasing after him with stubborn steps. “I need — let me do something, anything!”
With a sigh, Julian reaches out and fixes the scarf about her neck back over her nose and mouth before placing his own mask over his face. Safe behind red glass, he cannot see the piercing blue of her eyes anymore, no longer at risk of being swept away by the violent current of her.
He takes her by the arm, and gently but firmly leads her to the door, past the panicked man who dumbly, silently, follows them out onto the street at Julian’s other hand. The rosy tendrils of pre-dawn light are barely making their way across the sky, the cobbles beneath their feet still heavy with morning fog yet to be burned away by the heat of the day. With a deft flick of his wrist, Julian switches the crude sign on the door front from ‘IN’ to ‘OUT’. When he turns back, Laurel still lingers under the halo of lantern light, hem of her skirts dancing around her ankles as she shifts anxiously from foot to foot.
“I — ”
“Go home, Miss Lobban,” he says, voice half muffled, mouth filling with the cloying scents of camphor and dried roses. “Truly, the best you can do for anyone is to not find yourself here again.”
With that Julian turns and follows the snuffling man where he leads, leaving Laurel behind him, disappearing into the pre-dawn gloom.
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✰ — — — EVEN MORE POPULAR TEXT POSTS STARTERS
‘ let me just make one thing clear... i have no clue what’s going on, ever, at any moment, at any point in time. who knows what’s going on? not me. not ever. ’
‘ i would just like to publicly announce that i have no idea what i am doing ’
‘ we came from the same star and we will come together again in the end ’
‘ i have a ‘why am i like this’ moment at least five times a day ’
‘ did i need it? no. did i buy it? yes. ’
‘ the most dangerous game is resting your eyes after you turned off the alarm clock in the morning ’
‘ petition for stars in the day time please??? ’
‘ i love it when i wake up and stretch and something cracks. makes me feel like a glo-stick ’
‘ drop whatever you’re doing right now and climb a tree ’
‘ the most fucked up part of adult life is how you can just decide to do things ’
‘ i’m a person who wants to do lots of things trapped inside a body that wants to SLEEP at all times ’
‘ i’m so tired but i’ll probably be awake until 3 am for no reason ’
‘ time to kick my own ass. bitch had it coming for too long ’
‘ honestly ‘thanks i hate it’ is one of the funniest phrases in the english language ’
‘ do you ever wonder how many people have loved you and never told you? ’
‘ the internets one true talent is making me sick of things i’ve never seen or read or heard ’
‘ i’m permanently emotionally damaged but it’s chill, i’m chill ’
‘ all cracker barrels are dimensionally linked. you could walk into a cracker barrel in georgia and walk out of one in arkansas and feel nothing ’
‘ ‘you look different with makeup’????? you think i’m buying shit for hundreds of dollars to just keep looking like my ugly self ... ok ’
‘ why did the fray go off so hard in ‘how to save a life’? ’
‘ anyone else bummed they have 2 sleep alone tonight and uh not in some1s arms ’
‘ not to be too controversial but i like it when people are nice ’
‘ the sun has no business tapping out at the tender hour of 5pm bitch i have depression ’
‘ i forgot how fucking weird november is theres no afternoon its just night after 2pm ’
‘ what time do you need me? i am unavailable whenever that time is ’
‘ look i may have made a few typos and committed a few murders but nobody’s perfect okay ’
‘ i guess at this point i should just consider dating myself ’
‘ i’m aiming for the “she’s a badass and cute as hell but i wouldn’t touch her without asking” look ’
‘ haha if you’re bored you could kiss me idk just sayin ’
‘ i see you’re paying attention to someone who is not me. why is that. ’
‘ 80s music wont solve all my life’s problems but it certainly distracts me from them ’
‘ i cant believe what walkie talkies are called ’
‘ some people think life is like a rollercoaster but my life is more like one of those rides that spin really fast so you’re pinned to the wall and can’t do anything about it ’
‘ hey girl do you want to make a fragile human connection in the vast and unfeeling infinity of a chaotic universe ’
‘ all these fuckboys but who is the fuckfather ’
‘ i love drunk me but i don’t trust her ’
‘ do you have those people that you’d go anywhere with unconditionally, like they could say “lets go check out that dumpster” and you’d be like “im in” ’
‘ nah sorry i cant go out tonight, i have plans to spiral into uncontrollable anxiety starting in the early evening and ending at roughly 3 am ’
‘ me: queen of having had enough ’
‘ she needs a hug (i’m she) ’
‘ is it acceptable to start an essay with “listen here you little shit”? ’
‘ 90% of my day is me being nervous ’
‘ cons: i’m an asshole. pros: i’m your asshole. ’
‘ give me 10 reasons why i shouldn’t just turn into a slug right now ’
‘ are we gonna fuckn hold hands tonight or what bitch ’
‘ dear soulmate, where the fuck are you ’
‘ i’m so easily revitalized by small, loving gestures ’
‘ i dont know what im feeling but there is a lot of it ’
‘ let’s be friends with benefits. the benefits? you get to be friends with me ’
‘ you ever just sit back and think like... yo... i really don’t care ’
‘ im surprised no one has ever punched me in the face ’
‘ what if mike was short for micycle ’
‘ hey fellow regular kids what’s up ’
‘ if u ever called me pretty i love you. ur pretty too ’
‘ do you ever just ‘there’s probably something medically wrong with me but i’m just gonna ignore it and hope i don’t die’? ’
‘ why did we stop building castles? i feel like humanity might live to regret that ’
‘ i’ll never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace ’
‘ i am so glad you exist, even if you exist so far away from me ’
‘ i can hold a wet bar of soap better than a conversation ’
‘ she is beauty, she is grace, she got her feelings hurt 42 times today ’
‘ 13 years of school and im still not sure if its ‘grey’ or ‘gray’ ’
‘ hope u like bad girls because i’m bad at everything ’
‘ got a problem with me? kiss me on the lips dude ’
‘ too many songs about love. not enough songs about sword fights ’
‘ don’t talk to me or my 78 insecurities ever again ’
‘ i just did a tarot reading... it said ur a bitch ’
‘ a good substitute for love and fulfillment? a crunchwrap supreme from taco bell ’
‘ i fucked up? idk what you’re referring to but probably ’
‘ *in a high-pitched mocking voice* "are you okay?" what the fuck. ’
‘ how do u just..... not believe in aliens ’
‘ a coffee pot can be a coffee mug if you just don’t fucking care ’
‘ “you’re up early!” jokes on you i didn’t sleep at all and am in between energized and dying ’
‘ dont wanna sound like a slut but i really need a hug right now ’
‘ casual fan? no sorry i only know how to invest my whole livelihood into something and spend every waking moment thinking about said thing ’
‘ i have a dozen hearts swirling around my head irl like that isnt a filter its permanent ’
‘ i worry about you even when you say you’re fine ’
‘ i will never hurt you. i will always stick by your side. i will always try to make you smile ’
‘ true love: having to hold back your adorable, violent girlfriend to keep her from straight up murdering a dude ’
‘ cute date idea: be nice to me ’
‘ im so jealous of people who know what they want to do with their future i dont even know what t.v show to watch next ’
‘ me? clingy? yes please don’t leave me ’
‘ hey….,.,.. no offense but,,. i want someone to love and cherish me ’
‘ i need someone to lay in bed with me for hours ’
‘ dark hannah montana..... show me the worst of both worlds ’
‘ someone has to say it: come on eileen is a fucking banger like that shit snaps,, a bop for the century ’
‘ roses are red, i’m going to bed ’
‘ bless netflix for creating the skip intro button honestly ’
‘ they call me… 7 Knives. because that’s how many knives it takes me to cook things because i keep puttin em in the fuckin sink without thinking about it ’
‘ i wanna burry my face in someone’s chest right now til i fall asleep and wake up 4 hours later just to find i’m still in their arms ’
‘ the internet has ruined me honestly i’m numb to everything. it could be the end of the world and i’d be like “tag urself i’m the acid rain” ’
‘ lately i have been…….dying to be in love…,..and that’s the mood sadly ’
‘ not to be ns fw but i’d cry if someone kissed me on the cheek ’
‘ sexting? nah. i’m into spexting. spooky texting. ever seen a ghost? hmu. ’
‘ not to sound cocky as shit but i’m a fucking good person with a big heart and i deserve a lot more than the shitty hand life has dealt me this far ’
‘ i say i love you a lot because i do ’
‘ i’m sorry. i can’t come to the phone right now? why? oh. cause i hate talking on the phone please text me instead. ’
‘ low on self esteem, so u run on mac & cheese ’
‘ who’s gonna come lay with me in bed and let me wrap my legs and arms around u like a small bear ’
‘ youre a coward if youre not on the way to my house right now to give me a kiss ’
‘ my personality is like 90% the song i’m currently listening to ’
‘ the first step to any murder is to have fun and be yourself ’
‘ no offense @ life but can i have a breath.. a break... some slack... ’
‘ the best kind of alcohol is a lot ’
‘ 911 i hate to be “that guy” but i glued myself to the ceiling again ’
‘ having “feelings” is ruining my reputation of being a heartless bitch ’
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january 20, 2021
so much for finally “moving on” because i was really bitter the night before. i was feeling lonely and i came to the worst possible person to approach. my ex. i had temptations to reach out to people who may or may not care for me in that way, so he was really the only option in mind. i mean, what could possibly go wrong?
WRONGGG. my dumb-ass got bitter over the fact that he’s around people i absolutely hate. like i was in a relationship again, which was pretty shit. i didn't like the feeling. but it was my fault. i asked eh. sana di nalang pala HAHAHA, apakabobo ko talaga. but anyways i want to say na it's fine.
he-sort of- cared naman, it was just me. the anger i had. the loneliness. did i mention na this happened, along with the possibly unrelated fact, that i’m on my period? so yeah. no need to go bawling my eyes over regret.
I did learn something tho. me and my ex cannot be friends. maybe a call away, but really, there's no space for this person. not that i hate that he's doing better, but because i dont really see the point in having him in my future.
i'm just lonely. that's all.
i shouldn't really worry about being lonely. i'm not really lonely, just bored. find something to do. i'll be fine. when i get sad (why would i b in the first place), i should just talk to my ate before anything starts to turn into shit.
i cried to her last night nga eh. told her about everything-except dun sa part na "ex" ko yung kausap ko hahahahaha. unnecessary deets. it could've been anyone naman kasi, i'd still be as sad. it has nothing to do with my ex.
anyways, yeah. self, i admire you.
you're so strong. you can sacrifice the only thing that made you sane back then, knowing to urself na you're gonna have to do this alone, knowing na mag-isa ka, na magiging lonely ka, dropping almost EVERYTHING just to get your life together. not everyone can do that.
i'm proud of you. and so what if you're lonely???
you're working out. you're doing great. you're eating well. sleeping better. losing weight. going to school. everything you've ever dreamt about is here. now. u may not be seeing a lot of ppl but, that doesn't really matter, does it?
because you did this on purpose. and you're gonna meet the right people for you. you have to be patient. that is all.
You can do this babe ❤️✨
hay. that felt greaaat. those words. all i wanted to hear, masarap man marinig yan sa ibang tao, pero okay nadin pala kahit sakin lang manggaling HAHAHAHA.
i checked my weight a while agooo. like 30 mins ago, maybe? im 73kg but 72.5kg when i was sick. im kinda pretty happy about it. :) atleast, "namaintain" HAHAHAHAHAH WHOO LETS GET IT! FUCK PEOPLE. ILL FIND MY TRIBE SOON. JUST KEEP DOING YOU BABESSS I LOVE U ❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥
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Conversation
Texting || Beckles
J: Hey
A: Hello
J: How are u feeling?
A: Better now that I'm out of that damn hospital.
J: Yeah the doctor called me to let me know u were being discharged. Ur with Jeff?
A: Why would he call you? Hasn't he ever heard of doctor patient confidentiality? Yes I'm with Jeff. Where else would I be?
J: I told u when I was there I'm ur next of kin and emergency contact. I gotta be notified. U could be at home with ur husband and son. JJ wants to see u with her own eyes to make sure ur ok
A: Stop it okay? I'm not married. I'm not a mom!
J: I miss u
A: You were just here. How can you miss me?
J: I always miss u when ur not next to me
A: You're so weird
J: I wish I could turn back time...stop our fight before u left. It's my fault u were in the accident cuz it's my fault u were with Jeff in the first place. I would change so many things that happened recently.
A: What the hell are you talking about? What fight?
J: We've been fighting for a little while about the furture of our marriage.
A: What future? We're not married!
J: *sends picture of marriage certificate*
A: That's...how'd you get my signature?
J: U signed it. When we got married.
A: No! We didn't get married!!!
J: Yes, we did.
A: STOP SAYING THAT!
J: Whether I say it or not it's still true. Legally u and I are married.
A: SHUT UP! I'M NOT MARRIED!!
J: Calm down baby
A: DON'T CALL ME BABY! I'M NOT YOUR BABY!!
J: Why don't u wanna believe ur married to me? Why is it the end of the world to u?
A: Because you're like my brother. And I'm with Jeff, and you're still with Katie, right? How can we be married? It doesn't make any sense.
J: Yeah...she's kinda what the fighting's been about.
A: What are you talking about?
J: I'm gonna be upfront with u now like I should have been 2 months ago. I broke up with Katie cuz she acted like she wasn't interested and when we broke up I lost a friend so when she came back around, when we started talking I thought I was getting my friend back. Then I found out she was scared of what I was offering her and she didn't know how to handle it so she didn't say anything when I dumped her. Those feelings are still there and we acted on them...and u walked in on us. I'm so in love with u, Ash, I wouldn't give u up for anything but I feel the exact same way about Katie. I know it ain't right or normal but I can't help how I feel. I should've talked to u before I slept with Katie. I should have explained everything to u, explain how Katie wants to be with both of us, not just me. I hurt u, I know I did. I hurt u and u took Brady to see Jeff cuz u needed to get away from me. Ur my wife and Katie's my girlfriend but she wants to be ur girlfriend too. And honestly, I'd give her up right now if it meant u'd get ur memory back and remembered how much we love each other.
A: This is a joke right? So now not only did we get married, but you cheated on me? This isn't funny anymore. Why are you telling me all this? You aren't a cheater.
J: Stop asking if I'm joking the answer is always gonna be no. It's never been funny. This is our life, Ashley. For better or worse, in sickness and in health. I messed up. I'm human. And before I married Danneel I used to cheat on girlfriends all the time. It's not something I'm proud of.
A: I...I gotta go.
J: Don't do that. Don't push me away. Please
A: Then please stop with all this. I can't handle all this.
J: What do u want me to do here, Ash? Just let my wife go be with another man? I see the hypocrisy in that sentence but ur my wife! It took me too long to get u and I can't lose u. I wouldn't make it if I did.
A: I can't handle this, Jensen. I can't...
J: Do u want me to leave u alone?
A: Yes...no...I don't know. IF you want to be my friend, great. But I don't need you trying t tell me we're married and all that shit.
J: I can't not treat u like my wife when I've been doing that for 1 1/2 - 2 years.
A: You need to try, Jensen. I'm not your wife.
J: There's a whole group of people who saw us get married
A: Please stop
J: Fine. But one day ur gonna remember what I mean to u
A: Thank you
J: And one day ur gonna hate urself for missing out on raising ur son.
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imagine park woojin as your classmate
project partners to dating partners :’)
(( AS REQUESTED // omg since ure a woojin stan can i get a request where y/n and woojin study in the same course after his wanna one activities (before he debuts in brand new music) and got closer after a project andddd you can write whatever after that LMAO :^) THANK YOU ))
okay so ure a fan of wanna one
who isnt tbh
and lucky u bc it turns out tht ure going to college w the one and only park woojin!!!!!!! (srsly tho what r the chances)
u forgot tht woojins age is kinda similar to urs bc he always acts like a tough guy on stage or a little kid off stage and u forget that hes a student like u
anyways
its a little weird to get used to seeing him in person after all the pictures n videos uve seen of him online
like?? hes a Real Person??? what a wild idea
and even tho ure both in the same college course, u try to keep ur distance
as much as ud like to befriend him, hes still an idol (even tho he hasnt debuted w brand new yet) and its rlly hard for u to start up a conversation w someone famous
also ure lowkey worried tht its going to ruin how much u admire him, and that actually talking to him will destroy how highly u view him
little do u kno hes seen u around campus before n thinks ure pretty cute
;))
okay but anyways
u make sure to stay out of his way bc the last thing u want is to bother him by asking for a signature or picture or smthn
u try and keep a minimum of like 10 yds between u at all times
(bc itd be even more embarrassing if u tripped right in front of him and that was the first thing he noticed abt u)
but lucky for u, life doesnt care what u have planned
bc its only a month into the semester and u already have a huge project assigned
of course, it’s a partner project
it might be okay if u were able to choose ur partners, but ur teacher insisted on trying to help everyone “bond w their classmates” so its all completely random
unfortunately for u, u get sick the day that ur teacher assigns partners
so u have no idea who ure paired up with
ure stuck asking some of ur classmates, but none of them rlly remember
everyone was a bit busy stressing out over their own partners tbh
and u keep asking around a bit, but u only know so many ppl in the class so eventually u kinda give up and hope ur partner isnt too bad
u settle on focusing on ur other classes, studying for future exams and reviewing ur notes in the library
even tho ure not sick anymore, u still feel a bit drowsy from all of the different medications u took and all of the work u were trying to catch up on
so. all excuses aside u fall asleep
prob not the best plan esp since some of ur things are balancing on the edge of ur desk
but the heart wants what the heart wants, and it rlly wants to sleep
ure having a rlly weird dream abt pirate monkeys when ure jolted awake by someone bumping into ur side
u look up to see someone sprinting away from u and like okay. thts a little weird
u try not to think abt it too much bc ure still kinda sleepy
so u settle on gathering ur things so u can head back to ur dorm and decide whether or not u want to study, sleep more, or find something to eat
as u collect everything, u notice a little post it note that hadnt been there before
in messy handwriting, it says “i didnt want to wake u but im ur partner for the partner project. im woojin and u can text me at [xxx-xxx-xxxx] whenever u want to meet up i hope u sleep well”
u realize that ur partner is prob the one u saw sprinting away from u earlier after he accidentally bumped into u lol
somehow u momentarily forget that ur partner is THE park woojin and ure like aw cool this woojin guy seems nice
then ure like WAIT A SECOND
ure highkey in shock and keep pinching urself to make sure its real
so u end up taking the rest of ur stuff back to ur room and wondering how u should text him
eventually u decide on a simple greeting and ur name, and u ask him when hes free
u have to send the text and then throw ur phone onto the floor bc U JUST TEXTED PARK WOOJIN ABT MEETING IN PERSON. GOD BLESS
ure suddenly super grateful abt every decision tht led u to this moment
anyways
ur phone buzzes on the floor so u scramble to pick it up
only to realize tht its a text from ur mom asking how ure doing
u text her back and tell her not to worry, then attempt to clean ur room a little instead of waiting for woojin to text u back
u just finish reorganizing ur closet when he texts u
its a quick text, smthn along the lines of “im free tmrw afternoon, do u want to meet by the cafeteria” so u agree quickly and hope u dont seem too desperate
and u KNOW its not a date
u guys havent even spoken to each other before so???
but ure still rlly nervous bc its WOOJIN and u want to impress him, even if ure just going to spend most of ur time talking abt boring coursework
u both settle on a time to meet and u pretend not to freak out
anyways skip to the next afternoon
u get there a bit early but ?? hes there already ??? ldsjks
and he looks Really Cute like hes wearing a sweater and ripped jeans and looking like complete boyfriend material wow ure p sure u can feel ur heart stop in ur chest
hes a bit awkward but uve heard abt how shy he is so u try not to take it personally
as soon as he sees u he blurts out tht u look nice and that is not helping the way tht this feels like a date
u guys end up moving to a bench in the shade bc its rlly nice out and this way ure able to talk freely without worrying abt being too loud
he explains the project a little, and u guys go back and forth offering up ideas
he always nods super enthusiastically whenever u suggest smthn and its honestly the cutest thing uve ever seen
its so weird for u to remember that this is the same guy uve seen videos of online bc what the heck
anyways
neither of u are extreme geniuses in the class, but ure both still pretty smart
ure pleased to find tht u guys complement each other well, w different areas of interest inside the same field
it helps ur project run a lot smoother than u thought it would, so u guys split up the work and agree to do as much as u can before u meet up again
ur conversations are still a bit stilted bc ure both still shy w each other, but overall u seem to get along well so ure happy
u text each other every once in awhile to talk abt the project or ask questions
u meet up a few more times in the next couple weeks but its all work and no business
still, over time u find urselves joking around with each other a little more, teasing each other and talking abt urselves instead of the project
of course, all things must come to an end
so all too soon, the day u submit the final project arrives
and ure a little worried tht woojin is going to disappear from ur life again
bc maybe he’s only been this nice to u bc hes just a sweet guy, but as soon as the project ends he wont care abt talking to u anymore
after all, its not like u guys meet up for meals or to hang out that often - even when ure just relaxing w each other, theres always some part of ur convo tht centers around the class
so as ure freaking out over this
he texts u asking if u want to come over to his dorm while he submits it
and mb u guys can just hang out afterwards?
obviously u agree and u cant stop smiling
when u show up at his dorm, hes wearing sweatpants and a tshirt and he looks adorable as heck when he invites u in
u guys sit on his bed as he loads all the stuff on his laptop and u try not to be hyperaware of the space between u two
woojins also screaming internally but somehow u dont notice the way he keeps staring at u out of the corner of his eye
u click the “submit” button together and HIS HANDS ARE SO GENTLE also theyre shaking a little???? huh
u assume its just bc hes Extra Nervous for the project but honestly? no hes just never been this close to u and hes freaking out
but anyways
u decide to go out to eat off campus afterwards to celebrate being done
a lot of the places have long waits or are too expensive so u just eat at a chikfila
its rlly casual but its fun and u guys argue abt whether chicken nuggets or chicken sandwiches r better and u cant help but think abt how much fun ure having w hiim
u end up blurting it out to him on accident and ure v v embarrassed
but he laughs and admits tht he rlly likes spending time w u too
so u promise each other to keep hanging out afterwards
it gets to the point where weeks later, ure still texting each other to complain abt classes or ask abt the other persons day
it still feels like a dream tbh
but u guys enjoy each others company whenever u can
most of the time u end up meeting each other at the cafeteria or studying together in the library, but u both just rlly like spending time w the other person
this routine continues for awhile and its prob the best part of ur life
but at one point ure trying to sneak up on woojin and surprise him when u see him talking to himself
as u creep forward, u realize tht hes actually on the phone, and he looks kinda stressed
it feels a bit invasive so ure looking around trying to find a place to go while he finishes up his phone call
but then u hear him say ur name so. consider u INTERESTED
and he keeps getting flustered and shutting down anything tht the other person says which is weird bc hes p shy, but hes never usually tht adamant and blushy abt something
eventually he tucks his phone away and lets out a Huge sigh so ure like,, hey u good
and he laughs it off but u can tell hes a little antsy, so u decide to tell him tht u overheard a little bit of him on the phone, and u ask him what it was about
he literally turns into a tomato its so funny u wish u had recorded it
but hes like “HOW MUCH DID U HEAR”
even tho u tell him u didnt hear much, he refuses to believe u and he spends the next few minutes pouting
u keep trying to get him to talk to u normally, but he refuses
finally he ends up grumbling smthn and ure like ???
and after a few half hearted efforts to repeat himself hes like “just tell me u dont like me back”
and. WHAT.
he pouts again and its so sos sosososoos o so cute u think ure going to combust honestly
“i kno u heard me tell him tht i like u!!!! just tell me u dont feel the same and leave me alone to cry”
and u have to reassure him tht u definitely didnt hear that BUT ALSO what???
n hes literally mortified when he realizes ure serious
but he has this rlly cute determined expression like “ok well now u kno i like u!!!!! y/n, please go out w me???”
n its like OF COURSE and u tell him tht u like him too and he keeps smiling and acting shy
honestly u both just make each other super happy
when u start dating, its not too diff from when u were friends, except now ure more affectionate w each other
both physically and with ur words
he loves hyping u up, and u feel the same
esp when he starts practicing more to debut w the rest of the bnm boys
u support the heck out of each other and can always count on the other person to be there for u when u need it the most
honestly its super soft and ure totally proud to be a lowkey campus couple even tho u have to keep ur relationship on the down low bc of dispatch
still u both care for each other a lot and u wouldnt trade what u have for the world
#requested#wanna one#woojin#wanna one imagine#wanna one imagines#wanna one scenarios#wanna one scenario#park woojin#park woojin scenarios#park woojin imagine#woojin scenarios#woojin imagine#woojin imagines#fluff
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Feel like getting into Hotshot?
Here’s a list of things to help you! I really really do recommend that you give them a shot (haHa) because they’re so incredibly talented, and not to mention the members are super extra and funny and sweet and cute and etc. They’re just really great and you won’t regret stanning them I promise!
First off, an intro to Hotshot - this is going to be long so brace urself ok
MEMBERS:
Leader Junhyuk! He’s tall, handsome and has the voice of an absolute angel.
Rapper Yoonsan! Used to be an underground rapper, spits absolute fire, a little awkward, pokerface 90% of the time.
Dancer Timoteo! He’s tall, amazing at dancing and you probably have heard of him because he’s friends with a lot of idols. (Jimin thanks to: Timo hyung).
Krump monster + dancer + rapper(?) Kid Monster! You might know him as Taehyun, he’s a super tiny lil thing and he was a participant in PD101 and was in the most popular dance crew in SK - Monster Woo Fam.
Main vocal Sungwoon! You might know him from Produce 101 - he’s now a member of Wanna One (still a member of Hotshot though!) He has the most amazing voice I have ever heard. Sorry I just had to use this gif he’s so fackin cute SUhfojwngrowijg.
Maknae Hojeong! This kid is G O R G E O U S ! He has a super unique voice, and super hot body, a super cutie. Golden honey skin~~
Okay so those are the members. Let’s move onto some music!
MUSIC VIDEOS + SONGS:
Take A Shot: Their debut MV / song. The person who edited this went a little “edit crazy” and…just watch it for yourself, you’ll know what I’m talking about!
I’m A Hotshot: Green hair Sungwoon, you’ve probably seen clips of this MV on PD101! Kid Monster rapping 8)
Watch Out: Personally this is my fav MV. The dance + and the song are both great and really showcase their talent.
Midnight Sun: I think we all generally like to pretend this video doesn’t exist….it’s pretty low budget, but the song itself is good and it’s pretty different to anything they’ve done.
Rain On Me (Not an MV): My favourite song of theirs. This one is also different to the rest!
Step by Step: One of their Japanese songs! Kid Monster looks great in this video (hehe i’m biased sorry) and his vocals are showcased well here.
One More Try (Not an MV): This song is a song that I feel like people forget exists? It’s one of their Japanese songs!
Watch Out (大叔你老了): They debuted in China with a a Chinese version of of “Watch Out” - unfortunately the only audio I can find is this really shitty one wrgjaiowgwra
And that’s that for music. I know, they don’t have many songs but the songs they have released are realllly good!
UPDATE: THEY HAD A COMEBAAAAAAAACK!
Jelly: ??? UM?? What can I even say?! This is their first song after a two year hiatus and it’s SOOO good! Choreo by the one and only Roh Taehyun! Also...San is in a cage...? + this comeback (and a few more to come(?) will be without Sungwoon since he’s currently a Wanna One member!) HERE is the Jelly fanchant and it makes everyone super emo because it has NEVER been that loud before !!!!
OTHER VIDEOS THAT YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY WATCH:
This one is a video where they have to try and guess kpop songs. They can only hum (and dance?) and the other members have to guess what the song is. They’re split into two teams and it’s just funny to watch. “Musta Gusta Fu”.
This one is where they do the same thing but with english pop songs. They seem to be able to guess these better? Most people who watch this and aren’t into Hotshot yet tend to look into them after this.
This one is where they try to guess peoples ethnicities. They’re TERRIBLE at this but it’s my favourite video to watch, I probably watch it at least 3 times a week….(Comment on the video that made me scream: Kid Monster is so loveable)
Here and here they /attempt/ to do peoples makeup and…..well watch and see for yourself.
Here they imitate famous Latin singers...? This is the cringiest thing I have ever seen and I forgot to include it bc I LITERALLY FORGOT IT EXISTED WIURGHORIWJGv “Yo soy Enrique Iglesias...yeah!”
They did all these videos in one day, it seems like they had a really fun day!!
Hello Korea 1 2 3 4. I honestly do not know the hell kind of show this even is but it’s fun to watch, they’re so cute sigh. P.s Sungwoon and Yoonsan trying to eat the cookies !! SO.CUTE.
HOTSHOT Vol 8 where they have some free time and they’re just playing and being precious af.
Hotshot Dorm Life here they take you around their dorm (when they used to live together) poor Kimon is sick T_T
Must Eat 20 a food show hosted by Jinwoon of 2AM! Taehyun + Donghan from JBJ ate so much food I don’t know how they survived, it’s super fun to watch!
Some interviews to watch (some aren’t subbed I’m sorry :*((()
Arirang (Kpopulous1) | KCON | The Show | Kpopulous
Arirang 2 | Next Kpop Star | 腾讯巅峰对决(?)
I’m kind of blanking on what else to link BUT to be fair there’s not that much content for them right now :( HOPEFULLY when they have a comeback (WHICH IS SUPER SOON !!), there will be more interviews and MV’s and all that fun stuff.
UPDATE 2: PD 101! Here are some iconic / important PD 101 performances that Taehyun and Sungwoon were in!
Shape Of You: Choreo by Taehyun! He won first place for dance with this performance, what a KING.
Shape Of You (Taehyun Focus): Same performance but focused on Kimon!
Showtime: Honestly what an absolute DREAM team! This was my personal fav team by far! Taehyun, Sungwoon, Woodam, Samuel, Woojin, Sanggyun, Jisung~ they slayed this stage, it’s so much fun to watch, you can also buy the song on itunes!
Downpour: The performance that made everyone emo as fuck. Sungwoon’s voice honestly blows me away every single time I hear it, his voice is such a blessing omg??
UPDATE 3: JBJ!
JBJ (Just Be Joyful) was originally a fan made group consisting of Roh Taehyun (obviously), Kwon Hyunbin, Kim Donghan, Takada Kenta, Kim Yongguk, Kim Sanggyun and Kim Taedong! BUT SURPRISE SuRPRISE! JBJ WILL BE DEBUTING ON THE 10TH OF SEPTEMBER, 2017. MARK IT IN YOUR CALENDARS!
I hope this helped you a little bit! You can check out my /tagged/hotshot if you want some gifs (they’re super weird brace yourself) music, photos etc.
Thank you for taking the time out to read this and I hope you’ll support Hotshot in the future ! Please don’t hesitate to ask me any questions about them or if you wanna like, scream about them w me that’s cool too~!
#awk dweeb#errr#errrr errr#ha sungwoon#hot shot#hotshot#hotshotnet#kid mon#kid monster#kidmon#kimon#muscle pig#noh taehyun#pd 101#pd101#produce 101#produce101#roh taehyun#saved#sungwoon#taehyun#timo#timoteo#yoon san#yoonsan#giraffe
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for the ship thing um Ezra x night king please
˜”*°•. &. ye olde ship meme || Accepting
→ @therealricksanchezpleasestandup
I’M SCREAMING ERGKF
who hogs the duvet
Probably Ez since I’m pretty sure his frozenness neither needs sleep nor blankets. BUNDLE HER UP IN FUR AND BLANKETS AND LET HER CURL UP ON HIM AND SNOOZE AS THEY RIDE AROUND ON HIS DEAD HORSE.
who texts/rings to check how their day is going
There is nothing I love more than the imagine of the night king holding a cellphone up to his ear and just staring blankly and ez babbles away about westeros politics probably. “HUN YOU’LL NEVER BELIEVE THIS BITCH.” She’d probably do some sort of spiritual check up with him tho in place of that.
who’s the most creative when it comes to gifts
I mean the Night King has the power of the undead and ice or whatever I think he could get pretty creative??? ice flowers? UNDEAD ice flowers? He could do a picasso and give her an ear (either his own or one of his many dead lackies)
who gets up first in the morning
Death doesn’t sleep so probably the Night King.
who suggests new things in bed
As stated above, I’m sure he’s pretty creative with all that ice and necromancy at his disposal. Ez is also pretty creative so maybe it’s a tie.
who cries at movies
I’m living for all the NightSpirit domesticity ohm ygof. This isn’t applicable but Ez always cries.
who gives unprompted massages
Maybe both of them? For some reason I’m picturing that scene from the first season where after dany is poisoned, drogo pops up and cups her face to ask if she’s alright. PICTURE THAT WITHOUT THE VERBAL COMMUNICATION. Also like I said above, ez just casually checking in like ‘it good?’
who fusses over the other when they’re sick
Popsicle boy is undead so I don’t think he gets sick, unless its a.....COLD. HOHOHO. No but that’s hard to say, ‘cause on one hand see the night king being stoked about killing her (b/c death loves to take life, that’s it’s job and they love that job) but also “worrying” for her health. LIKE NO I’M GONNA STAB U, UR NOT GONNA COUGH URSELF TO DEATH. you know?
who gets jealous easiest
Ez really doesn’t have anything to be jealous of for obvious reasons so I’m gonna say the night king. I mean she’s already makin’ the eyez @ a certain snow boy so ----------
who has the most embarrassing taste in music
Neither. Night King likes the sound of a dying nation and Ez likes harps and flutes and shit. Neither of which are embarrassing. (i did see a video of him singing along to drake while in the makeup chair tho so theres that)
who collects something unusual
Do dead bodies count as unusual???? Ez collects lil bits and bobs she finds finds laying around in the snow on their way south probably. Shiny rocks and frozen flowers ect ect. Night King has an ever-growing collection of undead.
who takes the longest to get ready
They are always ready to party.
who is the most tidy and organized
Ez doesn’t have much in her ASOIAF verse so I’d say she is? Night King lacks formation his troops are pretty messy and could use help tbh.
who gets most excited about the holidays
Ez is constantly excited about everything.
who is the big spoon/little spoon
Usually I’d say Ez is the big spoon but not in this situation. He doesn’t need to be coddled b/c Death so she fully and readily accept the little spoon position.
who gets most competitive when playing games and/or sports
NIGHT KING STRAIGHT UP OLYMPIC THREW THAT JAVELIN OKAY. HE’S PLAYIN’ FOR KEEPS AND IS NOT FUCKING AROUND. Ez is a mere spectator in this game of thrones............
who starts the most arguments
Probably Ez. Night King just stares at her and does whatever he wants anyway.
who suggests that they buy a pet
ez could just mention in passing once that she likes something and it would probably show up undead in her lap at some point in the future. -LOOKS @ THE DRAGON-
what couple traditions they have
HONESTLY I HAVE NO IDEA SO I’M GONNA PASS ON THIS ONE.
what tv shows they watch together
The Great British Baking Show
what other couple they hang out with
They are a solitary couple
how they spend time together as a couple
They’re currently roadtripping............
who made the first move
Night King went Dat Mine and Ez was like Okay.
who brings flowers home
Ez finds nice living flowers were are promptly killed and frozen but she still likes them anyway.
who is the best cook
Probably ez since I don’t think anything anyone else in that crew needs to eat or can even cook anything that isn’t nasty tbh.
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