#unless there’s enough pushback for one

[bipanicoverthegravessiblings]

Can we have Andrew and Reader transforming into half demon?

You can do it with Ashley together with Reader (separately) if you want.

Reader would have been with the Graves family since episode 1, as she was an exchange student but ended up being abandoned along with her Graves siblings.

She would be a cold, relaxed, indifferent person, a little sociopathic, a little temperamental but kind when they meet.

Reader would have been injured in the Hitman confrontation when she went to save Andrew (let's be honest, this kid would never be able to shoot the Hitman the first time with him being all nervous).

So to treat her injuries correctly they decided to use the demon to heal her, the demon doesn't like the idea of healing someone but he decides to heal her but still angry with this 'disrespect' the demon turns her into a half demon (similar to Jennifer Body the film).

That if she wants to stay alive she has to eat human flesh or drink blood.

If I had a nickel for every time I was requested to write a reader who’s an exchange student staying with the Graves Family- I’d have 4 nickels. Which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that it’s happened 4 times already

Andrew Graves x Half Demon!Reader

Andrew’s head was pounding

His eyes were wide with terror as he stared down at you in his arms

The events kept playing in his head, over and over like a broken record

He had found the hitman in Ashley’s spontaneously stupid game of hide-and-seek

Although, what was she expecting?

It was an amateur with a gun against a skilled killer with a knife

Of course he wasn’t going to do well!

So, you did the only thing you could think of to save him

Save the boy who you’ve lived alongside since high school

Who’s been nothing but kind and patient to you..

Push him away as the hitman lunged

So, here you lay..

Barely breathing in his arms

While the hitman laid dead nearby

Andrew, in a blind rage finally fired the gun. Draining it dry of any bullets in there in hopes of killing him

And, he achieved his goal

The hitman was dead

And it didn’t look like long til you’d be you…

“Well- you’ve successfully wasted all of our ammo.” Ashley grumbled, picking up her discarded gun. She wiped off any grass blades or dirt that stuck to the pristine silver of it.

If Andrew wasn’t still in shock, he would yell at her. Yell at her for having the audacity to worry more about her gun’s ammo than their dead friend! Yell at her for foolishly trusting him to kill the hitman and then running off! If you hadn’t jumped in, he would be dead…

He should be dead.

Andrew furrowed his brow, tears forming much to his dismay. As he shut his eyes, they fell in twin streams. His hands shook, gripping on to your body as it slowly lost its warmth. He quietly sobbed, trying his best to not make them too loud or pathetic. If he had been better with the gun…if he didn’t hesitate…you would still be…

“Andy!” He felt something cold tap the back of his head, breaking him from his mellow dramatic moment. Ashley stared down at him with frustration, “Come on! Let’s ditch the bodies, someone was bound to hear your bitch crying by now..”

“Are you serious?!” Andrew stood up, still holding you in his arms. He thrusted his arms forward, pushing Ashley back with your dead weight, “Look at her! She’s dying!” He was emotional. Erratic. But he didn’t care.

“I can see that!” His sister pushed his arms back, and Andrew held you close to his chest, “Now put her down before anyone comes by!”

“…no.”

He wasn’t yelling anymore, just staring down at you. Ashley’s eyes widened, before her face became a scowl.

“No?”

“No!”

Ashley, pinched the bridge of her nose, “Okay- yeah- ssuuurreeee! Let’s just carry a dead body around! Want me to stick my hand up her ass and sit her on my lap like a puppet so you can pretend you’re talking with her?” She roughly poked Andrew’s forehead, “Are you out of your fucking mind?!”

“Well I’m not leaving her!” Andrew snapped back, making Ashley flinch ever so slightly. He didn’t seem to care though as he turned his attention back down to you.

Both were quiet for a while, probably longer than they should have because people would be coming by soon to see the commotion. Ashley could see the thoughts running behind her brother’s eyes, clearly thinking of something to fix this…to fix you.

She didn’t understand what the fuss was about though. You were just dead weight before, and now you are literally. Plus, she never liked the looks her brother gave you. You were better off dead in her eyes, and if anyone was going to kick the bucket, it would’ve been you…

But Andrew didn’t want to leave you behind. Sentimental bastard. What was he expecting? You to just- snap out of being dead? It wasn’t that easy!

….or….was it?

Ashley’s hand drifted over the front pocket of her shorts, the imprint of the demon trinket visible. Andrew saw her subconscious motions out of the corner of his eye and perked up. Where hope formed on his face, Ashley scowled.

“No!”

“Give it here!”

Andrew set your body down, lunging for his sister for the trinket. The pair fell to the ground, wrestling one another for the trinket.

“Let! Go!”

“No! It’s mine!”

In the end, Ashley didn’t win. Andrew, for as gangly as he is, was still stronger than her and managed to get the trinket away. He cupped it in his hands, standing up and observing it quizzically. There was an ominous aura to this dream catch esc thing, but he didn’t care.

“The demon..”

“Andrew, no!”

“Let’s take Y/N to the cultists lair—“

“Andrew!”

“Summon the demon—“

“You asshole- are you even listening?!”

“And get her back!”

Andrew grinned from ear to ear, his arms held out at the genius of his plan.

So- this is what it felt like to be Andrew, Ashley lamented. She got why he was such a stick in the mud all the time now.

Before she could object, Andrew was already picking up your body.

“Come on! Let’s go! Everyone should be gone by now!”

Despite Ashley’s insistence that it wouldn’t work and they should cut their losses, Andrew persisted

Eventually the two snuck you into the cultists’ meeting room

Shockingly, everything was still set up from when Andrew had previously visited.

It made for a quick and easy ritual

Ashley’s demon friend was less than happy to be bothered though….

“tAr SoUl….wHaT iS tHiS?”

The dark, red eyed blob stared angrily up at Ashley- who gestured to your dead corpse like a game show assistant would show off a car.

“A body?…”

“I rEqUiRe FrEsH sOuLs..” the demon skittered around the body, prodding it with its tendrils, “tHiS iS aLrEaDy DeAd!”

“I know but-“ Ashley groaned, pointing to Andrew with her thumb, “My dumbass brother draws the line at necrophilia and wants her back.”

“I’m sorry- WHAT?!”

Andrew objected, completely disregarding the fact that they were in the presence of a demon, “Do you REALLY think the only reason I want to bring her back is so I can have sex with her?!”

“Well?” Ashley looked at him blankly, “Isn’t it?”

“…..” Andrew adverted his eyes to the ground, “It’s…partly true…”

“I fucking knew it.” Ashley sighed, completely exasperated by her brother’s idiocy, “I can’t believe you’re using MY demon connections so you can get your dick wet without feeling like a bad person! News flash Annnddyyyyy~” she gave him that shit eating grin she knew he despised, “You’ve done much worse.”

“Shut your whore mouth!”

“Make me pussy!”

“EnOuGh!”

The siblings stopped their bickering, Andrew pausing as he had grabbed the collar of Ashley’s shirt. They stared at the demon, looking more like their parent just scolded them than a demon yelling at them to stop their bickering.

The demon floated very close to Andrew’s face, causing him to release his sister and step back, “yOu WiSh To UsE mY pOwErS tO rEvIvE tHe MoRtAl?”

Andrew nodded.

“tHeN wHaT iS iT yOu OfFeR?..”

Andrew’s face contorted as he tried to think, “Uhhhh…”

Ashley stood behind the demon, smugly smiling at her cornered brother, “Haha! Bet ya didn’t think this far, didya?”

“Shut up woman!—“

Andrew immediately regretted raising his voice, as the demon’s red eyes glowed menacingly- almost staring holes into his retinas. He gulped, wishing he could tell Ashley to call off her guard demon- but that would only make things worse for him. Here he was, with no souls to offer a demon- and the demon already didn’t like him for his foolish request and yelling at his ‘tar soul’.

“wElL?…” the demon broke the silence that wafted through the air.

Andrew’s eyes widened, “O-Okay! Ummm..” he searched his brain for anything, any idea on how to revive you when he blurted out the first thing he landed on, “Souls! I can get you two souls for bringing back Y/N’s!”

“aNd WhErE aRe ThEsE sOuLs?”

“Well, I don’t have them now-“ The demon growled and Andrew tensed, “But! But! I can get them to you very soon! Yeah! How’s that sound?”

The red eyed blob stared at Andrew for a few moments, clearly considering his deal before it turned around and made its way to your corpse, “VeRy WeLl…BuT yOuR fAiLuRe FoR pAyMeNt UpFrOnT wIlL cOmE wItH cOnSeQuEnCeS..”

With those words, the room went pitch black. By the time the fluorescent lights returned, the demon was gone. Andrew lunged for your body, kneeling down beside you.

“Y/N?…” he shook you a little, “Y/N?”

His face faltered for a moment, fear coursing through him before he felt your body move. Your breathing was slow…but you were breathing! He cupped your face in his hands, waiting anxiously for you to open your eyes.

And you did.

And then you spoke.

“..A-….Andrew?”

And like that- you were back!

Sore, with some blood gone

But back nonetheless!

You felt….strange though

Upon coming down from his high of overwhelming joy, Andrew noticed just how cold you were

You didn’t feel chilly at all

But you felt cold to the touch

Along with that, you couldn’t get the taste of blood out of your mouth

It was hard to decipher which was the result of having been a corpse for half an hour…

…or what was from being brought back by a demon

But, Andrew had a debt to pay

So that can be worked out later

Returning to the motel parking lot, the hitman’s car was still there

And no one was around yet

So you took that and set off

You slept most of the ride

It was a rough night of…ya know

Dying

So you deserved to sleep

Though your dreams were…strange

Images of red

Blood spewing as you bit into the neck of a screaming person

You didn’t get a good look at them until their body was a mangled mess of torn limbs with bits of flesh taken out of them

Your face stained with blood

The delicious sensation filling your mouth

At first you chalked this up to a guilt dream

You feeling bad for eating that cultist a while back

But…no

This wasn’t a guilt dream

You never feasted on that man like an animal

You never went back for seconds, depraved of the taste

And in those dreams you never felt what you were feeling in that moment

…desire for more

Your concerning dream was interrupted by a sudden sensation of pain as a projectile was thrown at your head.

“Ow!” You sat up, your hand shooting to the assaulted spot on your head, “What the?..”

“I told you to wake her!” Andrew hissed.

“I did!” Ashley objected, “My shoe woke her up!”

“You little..”

Andrew’s grumbling trailed off, turning to look at you from the driver’s seat. You gave him a reassuring nod to let him know you were okay. He sighed in slight relief. How that the- initial pain in your head was gone, you looked out the window to see just where you three were. The backseat passenger window showed you a parking with cars lining the spots as far as you could see.

“Where…are we?” You asked, turning back to look at the siblings, “And what are we doing here?”

“Cheapskate here says it’s free parking.” Ashley replied bluntly, not even giving Andrew’s annoyed look a glance.

You looked between them, “Don’t we- need to pay that demon back? How’s free parking going to get us two souls?”

“Go on Annnndddd—“ Ashley paused as Andrew gave her a look, “…drew. Andrew. Tell Y/N your brilliant plan!”

Andrew sighed, resting his hands on the wheel as he tried to explain the plan, “Alright, so…we need two souls for that demon. We- are also running low on money. So…we’re going to kill two birds with one stone.”

You nodded, though his and Ashley’s drastically different expressions told you there was more. So- you prodded.

“And those birds arreee?”

“…our parents.”

The rational thing was to claim that they couldn’t do such a thing! Their parents took you in after all!

…although you’d be lying

Mrs Graves really only agreed because she’d get a cut of the exchange student program funds

Other than provide you a roof, she ignored you like she did her other children

Same goes for her husband, who didn’t do much of anything beside give you awkward hellos before he went to work

So you weren’t really against robbing and killing them

The events played as normal, pretending the fire that “killed everyone” was sensational news coverage and you all were fine!

You’re “politely” told to go to bed early, bunking with Ashley in the basement while Andrew took the couch.

Though, being honest…

You didn’t trust yourself around Ashley alone

Ever since you’ve been alive you’d had this…animalistic urge to tear into someone like a carnivorous animal

To hold them to the ground and watch the light leave their fear filled eyes as you tore out their throat

And Ashley was defenseless

Sleeping just inches from you in the spare bed

Her gun was empty, you knew this

So she wouldn’t shoot you

So you did the both of you a favor, and got out of there

Your eyes lingered on the basement stairs, the bed and Ashley’s sleeping form still very in much in your view. You had to tear your eyes away to avoid running back down there and giving in to the voice in your head telling- no, demanding you devour her.

Your relationship with her was complicated enough, and you knew with enough convincing you would. She was always cold with you, trying to tear a wedge between you and Andrew as you both got closer. But she also was the closest thing you had to a sister or any actual familial connection. You don’t think you could bear that guilt.

You drew your eyes to the couch, Andrew fast asleep on it. You could trust yourself around him, you know you could. The voice had nothing against Andrew. So you crossed over to the couch, kneeling down beside it.

Andrew’s unconscious state was fragile, stirring almost immediately as he felt a presence join him. His eyes opened with some strain, his voice littered with tiredness.

“Y/N?…” he sat up, rubbing his eyes, “Did Ashley kick you out?..”

“No.” You responded. You debated telling him why you were here if Ashley hadn’t kicked you out, but what could you tell him? ‘Hey I wanted to eat your sister’? You couldn’t do that. So instead you asked, “Can I sleep with you tonight?”

A small blush painted Andrew’s cheeks, as he nodded slightly. He pulled the covers aside, scooting closer to the back of the couch so you’d have room. You climbed onto the couch with him, your arms wrapping around his torso. You felt him shiver from the closeness, almost forgetting how cold you were. You didn’t care though. You craved the closeness more than you craved tearing into Andrew’s flesh and eating his heart in front of him.

You furrowed your brow, pushing those thoughts down as Andrew slowly covered you two up.

“You…alright?” Andrew tentatively asked. Obviously you weren’t alright, by this time last night you were dead.

You racked your mind about what to say, nuzzling into his sweater for comfort as you spoke, “I’m- fine….just ever since I….”

“Died?”

“Yeah, that….I’ve had….urges.”

“Like- what?”

“…like devouring someone like an animal.”

He went quiet after that. You can’t exactly say what you expected reaction wise. Disgust? Fear? Silence felt appropriate to be fair. You weren’t anticipating his next words when he processed the information…

“…three birds with one stone then.”

The plan went as the siblings had- semi planned.

Scaring the parents with an unloaded gun into the basement

Removing the limit from Mrs Graves credit card so they’d have some cash

Handing their souls to the demon

And Andrew leaving you to enjoy your meal

You felt like an animal. A hungry, ravenous animal.

Your breath was shaky, eyes wide with horror at what you’d done. You and the basement were bloodied mess, and your host parents were mangled beyond recognition.

It didn’t help that you were on your hands and knees, chin drenched with blood as what you had done replayed in your mind. The sounds of the basement stairs creaking broke you out of your trance. You cowered momentarily before realizing it was Andrew.

“Wow- you..” he paused, covering his mouth as he gagged from the smell of blood, “Really did a number on them..”

Hot tears welled in your eyes as you stared up at him. You trembled, falling further to the ground than you already were. Your forehead met the basement floor as you sobbed.

“I’m sorry!” You wailed, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry—“

It was all you could say. What else could you? You shook and sobbed like the wounded animal you were as Andrew slowly approached you. He fell to his knees in front of you, and pulled you into a hug. His parents’ blood stained his sweater, but he didn’t care. He’ll wash it later.

You trembled in his arms as he rubbed gentle circles into your back, soft shushes filling your ears as he comforted you. You buried your face into his shoulder, shaking and crying from what you’d done. This was different than when you ate the cultist back at the apartment, then you didn’t feel so….dehumanized.

He was prepared like a dish. Not bitten into like a wolf delivering the killing blow to a deer. He was eaten for survival. They were eaten to satiate this desire you had.

Though to Andrew, this downside was worth it, so long as he could hold you again.

#yeah this is long enough I’m not making an Ashley version #unless there’s enough pushback for one #the coffin of andy and leyley #andrew graves #andrew graves x reader #x reader

[nina-renmen]

I really like your Yandere team 141. Would it be too much to ask for headcannons of what type of Yandere Simon, Price, Soap and Alejandro would be? (separate) And how they would react to the reader reciprocating their feelings?

That’s not too much at all! I hope this is what you’re looking for.

The Stalker:

•Ghost likes to lay low when it comes to these types of things.

•You definitely wouldn’t see it coming, especially if you don’t pick up signals easily.

•Ghost is the type of Yandere to rummage through your belongings while you’re out and about. He wants to get to know you without directly asking.

•If you were to subtly flirt with him or show any kind of interest in him your chances of getting kidnapped have drastically decreased.

•If ghost was drunk enough he would confess. That being said, I think he has a high tolerance for alcohol. It’ll take him a while to actually get drunk enough to tell you.

•On the event that he does somehow confess his feelings, don’t expect it to be a big thing. He might just look at you and say something along the lines of “Let me take you out to dinner.”

•If you agree to be his without any pushback then great! You now have an overprotective guard dog that will scare off any man that tries to approach you. •Ghost dosn’t like to share, he’ll keep tabs on you with the help of soap or implanting trackers on your phone. He tells himself it’s for your safety but in reality he wants to know where you are at all times.

The clingy/touchy one:

•Soap likes to have his hands on you at all times.

•It dosn’t necessarily have to be sexual. Sometimes he’ll wrap an arm around you or place his hand on the small of your back. •He’s the type to get annoyed if you don’t pay him any attention. He’ll hide your phone from you so you have to come to him for help. •If you reject his advances towards you he’ll disappear for a while and make you drop your guard. When you’re finally settled his appear in the middle of the night and forcefully take you away. •But that scenario is for another time.

•Johnny is the type to buy you flowers, a stuffed animal (that has a camera in it) and chocolates before he asks you out. He’s visibly nervous when he hands you the ‘offerings’ and confesses his feelings to you. •If you accept his shoulder visibly loosen. A stupid grin will cross his face and for the rest of that night he’ll subtly touch you. Maybe he brushes past you and places his hands on your hips to get by. Or he’ll place a hand on your shoulder or thigh.

•Soap is a little more lenient than ghost when it comes to you going out without him. He won’t involve Ghost unless you’ve run away. He’ll probably install a tracker on your phone and send you on your way.

The gift giver:

•This one isn’t as sweet as it sounds

•Price likes to woo you with little gifts and trinkets. He’s the type to implant trackers and cameras into gifts like stuff animals or jewelry. He’ll even get you a phone that he secretly has access to.

•Price can be a bit manipulative at times. Especially if you have daddy issues. •Before he confessed to you Price was the first person to tell you that your new boy toy isn’t good for you. Price will dig up dirt on your recent date and completely trash your perception on them. Afterwards he’ll give you a gift to ‘make you feel better.’

•It you reciprocate his feelings Price is a bit taken by surprise. He had all of the necessities to kidnap you in his car. He was ready to take you by force, and he was expecting to. •With price, he’s the type to give you items that symbolize that you’re taken. For example a necklace that has a locket with his initials on it. Or a ring.

•Price wants you taken care of. Literally and figuratively. Do you want to go shopping? No worries he’ll give you his card. Are you sad that your friends ditched you? No worries, the next day their faces are in the news as ‘missing’. Are you hungry and don’t have the energy to cook? Lay down, he’ll run you a bath and order take out.

•It’s an absolute dream to be with price willingly and be naive to what he’s doing around you. But if you find out about his doings and don’t respond in the way he likes he’ll just have to resort back to plan A.

The manipulator:

• Alejandro can be sneaky sometimes

•He’s usually somewhat similar to price. Whatever you want he’ll buy for you.

•But on the off chance one of your friends notices the way he’s unhealthily protective of you or making you miss out on friendly gatherings this man will gaslight you

• If you go up to him complaining about his over protectiveness he’ll just blow you off

•”You know I’m doing this for you right?”

•After an argument that may or may not leave you in tears he’ll always say ‘I love you’. Not as a gesture to show how much he really love you. But as a manipulation tactic.

•If your gullible or naive you might have a tough time getting away from him

•Especially since he has his men stalk look after you when he can’t be there.

•If you reciprocate his feelings it’ll still be a toxic relationship

•He has more control over you now. He’ll slowly make you disconnect with family and friends so your life only revolves around your relationship with him

•If you notice early on you might be able to get out of it with the help of someone from the 141 team. But that’ll just land you in their arms instead

#x reader #fem reader #yandere #yandere x reader #black reader #x black reader #cod x reader #john price cod #captain john price #john soap mactavish #john price #yandere John Price #yandere soap #yandere soap mactavish #john soap mctavish x reader #soap cod #yandere ghost #Yandere ghost x reader #Yandere cod #yandere 141 #Price x reader #ghost x reader #soap x reader #alejandro vargas #Alejandro x reader #yandere Alejandro x reader #Yandere Alejandro #Yandere price #Yandere John soap mactavish #John soap mactavish

[floralcyanide]

𝐢'𝐥𝐥 𝐬𝐞𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞 - 𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧!𝐨𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐫

cillian murphy!oppenheimer x reader

DISCLAIMER: this is fanfiction. it isn’t real. Oppenheimer is a real person, however Cillian!Oppenheimer is not. he is a character. if you have something bad to say just keep it in the drafts (:

“let's all go play Nagasaki, we can all get vaporized. hold my hand, let's turn to ash. I'll see you on the other side.” - 137 by Brand New

warnings: spoilers for Oppenheimer, descriptions of nuclear bomb/ explosion, fear

word count: 1316

author's note: I love Cillian so much, and he did so good in Oppy!! I just had to write about it. please keep in mind there are spoilers in this, don't read if you haven't seen the movie. also, there's only like, one other fic on here for Cillian!Oppy which is sad but I'm sure there'll be more soon. (:

masterlist | add yourself to the taglist here

ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ᴄᴏᴘʏ, ʀᴇᴘʀᴏᴅᴜᴄᴇ, ᴏʀ ᴄʟᴀɪᴍ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋ ᴀs ʏᴏᴜʀs ᴏɴ ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ, ᴀᴏ3, ᴡᴀᴛᴛᴘᴀᴅ, ᴏʀ ᴀɴʏ ᴡᴇʙsɪᴛᴇ. ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴘᴇʀᴍɪssɪᴏɴ ᴛᴏ ᴜsᴇ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋs ɪɴ ᴀɪ ɢᴇɴᴇʀᴀᴛᴏʀs ᴏʀ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴅᴏ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴀʀᴛɪғɪᴄɪᴀʟ ɪɴᴛᴇʟʟɪɢᴇɴᴄᴇ. ʏᴏᴜ ᴍᴀʏ ɴᴏᴛ ᴜsᴇ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋs ᴛᴏ sᴇʟʟ ғᴏʀ ᴀs ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴏᴡɴ ᴄʀᴇᴀᴛɪᴏɴ

For the last few nights, Robert has woken up abruptly from his sleep. He’ll sit upright and pant, trying his best to catch his breath. It alarms you every time he does this despite him acting like it didn’t happen. But you know he doesn’t go back to sleep after because you feel him toss and turn until morning. Test day is tomorrow, and you can feel Robert’s nervous energy radiating off him. This was it- this was the epitome of his life’s work, and if it failed, he would be lost. And you’re torn between wanting it not to work for humanity’s sake and wanting it to work for Robert’s. 

You have worked alongside your husband for many years despite the pushback from society. But he knows your intelligence and insisted you be involved in the Project. He refused to have anything to do with it unless you assisted him. Lieutenant Groves reluctantly agreed, but he still knew just how capable you were to help with the Project. 

You’re very much a housewife outside of work, though. Despite being a knowledgeable person, you still have duties at home. You’re busy folding laundry when Robert exits the bedroom after getting ready for a meeting. It was the last one before tomorrow’s events. Robert doesn’t say much to you before bidding his farewell and heading out. It wasn’t abnormal for him to mumble a goodbye before putting his hat on and leaving without anything else said. He was reserved unless it was necessary to say something. That’s one thing you admired about Robert; he could be cynical and sarcastic yet humble and a man of few words. 

You would attend a later meeting that evening, so it’s possible you may not see Robert until bedtime. You aren’t worried about him not kissing your son goodnight or missing dinner. You mostly worry he won’t sleep enough.

Later in bed, you and Robert both lay on your backs, staring at the ceiling wordlessly. 

“How are you feeling?” you suddenly ask, breaking the eerie silence.

Robert opens his mouth before shutting it again, shrugging.

You sigh, turning on your side to face him, “I can feel you have nightmares, you know.”

Robert cuts his eyes toward you before giving in and rolling over to face you as well, “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” you furrow your brow, “There’s nothing to be sorry for. What we’re- what you’re doing is incredibly stressful and world-changing. It’s normal to be anxious over it.”

“That’s exactly why I’m anxious.”

“Which part?”

“The world-changing part.”

You’re quiet for a moment before answering, “What do you dream about?”

Robert’s eyes study yours closely, searching for any instance of potential recoil from what he’s about to tell you. He searches even though he knows he won’t find it because Robert knows that you’d never leave him no matter what. Even if his nightmares were incomparable to even the most descriptive horror stories. What’s worse is that Robert knows no one has ever seen the results of a bomb the magnitude of the one he’s created. So it’s up to his imagination. And his imagination is one of grotesque imagery that he hopes won’t come to fruition.

“Death,” Robert says plainly, with a cold look, “Destruction. Everything in my dreams is obliterated by fire and disintegrates into ash, and even the ash turns into nothingness.”

You purse your lips, gently reaching your hand up to touch Robert’s cheek, running your thumb over his cheekbone.

“I don’t fear for me or for us. I fear for our children,” Robert gives a watery laugh, “And the world they’ll have to grow up in knowing that such weaponry exists.”

You tuck Robert’s head into your chest, “You are merely the creator, darling. You have no control over how they use your creation. And I know that worries you, but you cannot do much about it.”

“I know. You’re right. But the fact I’m the one responsible for such a destructive device,” Robert trails off.

“Your creation is for science exploration and nothing more,” you say, “Remember that tomorrow.”

When you awake at two in the morning to prepare for the test, Robert has already gotten up from bed. You figure he didn’t sleep and has already made his way down the street to prepare. You hurriedly get dressed, grab your son, and walk out the front door. You let your neighbor, one of the wives of another scientist, watch over your son while you and Robert are away. A vehicle has been sent to your home, probably by Robert, to retrieve you. The ride is quiet and bumpy. You figure they would take you to the main hall, but they keep driving into the desert. Everyone must already be at Trinity. 

Trinity is alight, with people who worked on the project scurrying around to find the perfect spot to watch the explosion. You climb off the vehicle and run to the tent where Robert resides with the others. A relieved smile grows on his face when he sees you walk in.

“I didn’t want to see this without you,” he says, pulling you in for a tight hug.

“Did you sleep at all?” you mutter into his shoulder.

“Unfortunately, no. But sleep can come later,” Robert says, returning to the detonation station. 

You cross your arms and walk around aimlessly, watching the scientists scramble to take their places and put sun shades on.

“Ninety minutes,” Robert says from behind you.

You turn around to look at him, a half smile growing on your face, “I’m proud of you.”

“And I’m proud of you, too. Without your suggestions, we may not be here,” Robert plays with a loose strand of your hair.

“I doubt that,” you chuckle, “Your brainpower alone has done the job.”

“I’ll see you on the other side,” Robert says.

After a little under an hour and a half of checking that everything was perfect and prepared, everyone took their places where they wanted to view the test. You’re next to Robert, with goggles on your face that match his. Both of you have ports to get a fantastic view. The countdown begins.

Everyone becomes dead silent as the bomb is detonated. The flash causes you to gasp, your eyes adjusting to the sudden brightness despite the goggles. When the light subsides, you see a mushroom cloud of nothing but fire beginning to rise to the atmosphere. Beside you, Robert grabs hold of your hand and grasps it tightly. 

“Now I am become Death, the Destroyer of Worlds,” Robert says with a haunting tone.

You remove your goggles along with everyone else as you squint against the harsh brightness. Before you is the most terrifying, breathtaking thing you’ve ever seen. A firestorm that is capable of mass destruction. A scientific miracle. But before anyone can relax, the sound of air rumbling and rushing toward the tent is heard. The sound of the explosion hits the viewing base violently. The blast wave smacks everyone as they brace themselves against the high wind. Once the hot gust of air subsides and the explosion tapers down, everyone begins to cheer and clap.

“We did it,” Robert says in disbelief before he looks up at you, “We actually did it.”

You nod, smiling at him proudly before engulfing him in a hug.

“I have destroyed the world,” Robert whispers in your ear, and you pull away to see an odd flash of emotion cross his face.

“You haven’t,” you whisper back, as people begin to approach your husband, “But you’ve changed it forever.”

As colleagues surround Robert and move him outside, you remain in the tent for a moment. You replay the mushroom-looking explosion in your head. You begin to ponder what the Manhattan Project’s creation will do for the world. And whether it’s good or bad.

Either way, everyone has been forever changed.

#cillian murphy #j robert oppenheimer #oppenheimer #j robert oppenheimer x reader #j robert oppenheimer x you #cillian murphy x reader #cillian murphy x you #oppenheimer fanfiction #oppenheimer fic #oppenheimer fanfic #cillian murphy fic #cillian murphy fanfic #cillian murphy fanfiction #spoilers #oppenheimer spoilers #oppenheimer 2023 #floralcyanide writes

[amuseoffyre]

I was reading the interview with Jes Tom about the trans allegory of Ed dropping his leathers overboard and my brain latched onto it and started gnawing :D

It got me thinking that this definitely vibes with feelings I had back in 1x10 with Izzy keeping this emotionally vulnerable version of Blackbeard safely hidden from public view ("you will not speak of what you see on pain of death"), Lucius encouraging Ed to express himself and the whole "this… whatever it is that you have become" scene.

Ed says it there himself "I am still Blackbeard" and Izzy flat-out tells him he's not unless he presents himself a specific way, dresses and acts a specific way ('this is Blackbeard'.) Simply being "Edward" and expressing himself and his emotions means that Ed faces hostility, derision, implicit threat and "I should have let the English kill you".

Ed pulls on his leathers again again because he's been threatened by someone close to him, but this time it's different - the intent is different. No more "I am still Blackbeard" because apparently his version of Blackbeard isn't enough (and this is already on the back of Stede saying "you can't be Blackbeard without your black beard"). Now it's "the kraken" or "the fucking devil".

More importantly, when he puts the clothes back on, he does it based on one of the propaganda pictures distributed by the English. This isn't his choice of presentation anymore. I find it fascinating that his look at the beginning of S2 is some kind of hybrid of the Mad Devile Pyrate Blackbeard and the image that Izzy shoved in his face in 1x10. (Also love the detail that Izzy's image has elements that appear in Black Pete's fantasy of Blackbeard, to confirm that this image isn't accurate either)

It's a defensive pushback, escalating to the 'viking vampire clown' aesthetic, because if he's being threatened by someone he trusted and he's had past experience of people being nice to him then turning on him ('it's a fickle crowd'), he'll have to go to another extreme to make sure no one will get close enough to hurt him or threaten him again.

The clothing is only a surface element. It's part of an armour to protect himself with his presentation. Stede's line in 1x03 explains it in a nutshell - "It's a power move - make people feel underdressed and suddenly, you're the one in charge". People don't know him/aren't afraid of him when they see him without it (the party ship - "do you know who I am?") and this carries over into S2 as well (the people at the fish shack).

It only hit me now that every scene where he expresses his emotions when he's in his leathers includes some kind of hiding - his hair loose around his face, hiding under a robe in Stede's bath tub, standing at the back of the ship where no one can see his face, closing himself away to cry in an empty room, hiding under a blanket at Mary and Anne's. He's been forced to hide his vulnerabilities when he's in his armour for decades.

Even when he's talking to Stede (and others), he doesn't express his real intentions. It's all skirting around what he actual wants and feels. The "run me through", the "next adventure" - Ed doesn't feel he can express what he wants directly, because he always has to keep his guard up.

The beginning of 2x07 is Ed wanting to shed the need for that surface armour, that visible shield for Edward. He drops them overboard and immediately goes and talks to Stede about his emotions and his feelings for the first time.

The fact that Izzy saw the leather-drop and this time says "maybe you should listen to it" instead of tearing him down shows how far they've come. Ed feels safe with Stede and wants to just be himself, but when faced with the idea of staying in the world where that armour - that presentation and the expectations that come with it - is necessary again, he panics and runs.

Then their entire world is burning and as far as he knows, Stede is injured or dead.

Once again, the leathers come back, but this time, Ed is the one who chooses to put them on. He's taking this piece of himself that he has hated for years and turns it back into the armour that has protected him for this long to get back to Stede. Him having that choice, making that choice, is key.

I think the biggest thing is him realising he can be Blackbeard and Ed and whoever he wants to be without cutting off pieces of himself. So much of the Blackbeard presentation has been code-switching and hiding his real self. This time, he doesn't hide. He finds a letter and has a cry over it and the instant he's back at Stede's side, he drops his weapon and, for the first time, kisses Stede out in the open in front of people and tells him he loves him.

Ed is no longer afraid to be seen and expressing himself. He's letting himself - all aspects of himself - be seen. The clothes aren't him. They just happen to be there while he is himself.

My expectation is that S3 will see him finally being able to leave that armour behind for good and I can't wait for it.

#ofmd #ofmd meta #ofmd thinkie thoughts

[wingedjellyfishflight]

Hogtied: Part 3

You stay busy for another week, finishing up exams and redacting most of König's file for him. Just in time, it seems, as you catch one of your nurses looking through it with a frown. The dressing down she receives is more than enough to deter others, but the cleaning rotation she gets for the next month ensures it won't happen again.

When the C140 lands again, it is complete madness, just as you were worried it would be. König has multiple large lacerations, Ghost has a through and through on the meaty part of his thigh, Gaz has a laceration on his head that won't stop bleeding and Soap, poor Soap. A broken leg, lacerations on his arm, and clear signs of torture.

You triage the men, passing Gaz off for stitches, sending Ghost to a nurse who previously worked in an ER and directing a set of nurses to tag team the lacerations on König, but only what he will allow. Any pushback means stop. You don't want to lose the trust you have built up in the short time he has worked with you. Turning to Soap, you work to stabilize him. Immobilizing his leg, you quickly stitch the worst of his wounds to stop the bleeding. With the help of a few nurses, you get good x-rays. Luckily, it is not a complex break, and you are able to set it with ease. He will need a hard cast once the swelling goes down.

The aftermath of torture is a harder thing to solve. You bandage his hands, slather burns in ointment, and inject an antibiotic. Gaz pulls you aside and tells you that he was also subject to waterboarding for a very short window of time before they rescued him. You nod, angry, but trying not to show it. You turn back and review all of Soap's injuries now that he is more stable, ensuring that you didn't miss anything. There doesn't appear to be anything else wrong with him, and you have him moved to a recovery room.

You make rounds, checking on the others as they rest. When you reach König's room, you note blood on his pillow and check over his chart. "Herzblatt, do you have an injury under your mask?" He turns to look at you.

"Ja, mein Kopf tut weh."

(Yes, my head hurts.)

"Let me grab a kit, and we will get it fixed up then." You do so, shutting the door on your way back to the bed. He slips off his mask, and you gasp, seeing the large cut across his face. "You should have mentioned this."

"I wanted you to fix, Schatz."

"Yes, Herzblatt, but I would have come to fix it sooner. Now hold still. I will have to numb you to stitch it. You may grip my shoulder if you need to." He hesitates, but as he sees you move closer with the needle, he wraps his fingers tight where you indicated. The way he grips it, you know you will have bruises later, but he doesn't flinch away. "Once it is numb, I will stitch inside to bring those layers together, then I will stitch the outside. You will tell me if you feel pain, yes? There is no reason to tough it out."

"Ja, already proved my mettle." You chuckle and lay out your supplies.

"Jetzt haben wir den Salat."

He chokes back a laugh at that. While his body is becoming numb, you check the rest of his lacerations and ensure the stitches look good. Returning to his face, you check to ensure he is ready, then work to stitch him up. It goes quickly, though you have to make a conscious effort not to look in his eyes.

(Now we have the salad, aka shit went sideways, and now we have a mess)

Just as you set down the needle and thread on your table, the door bursts open. Unthinking, you jump forward and use your body to cover König's face. "Unless someone is dying, get out!"

"Sorry, you've been in here a long time, and we were worried. Is everything alright?"

"I said, get the fuck out! You know the rules here, Lieutenant!" The door slams shut and you cautiously pull back, checking to make sure none of the stitches popped. König's face looks red as a tomato as he looks at you. "Let me finish bandaging this and you can put the mask back on, alright?" He stares at you saying nothing. "Uhh... sorry for that. I should have locked the door. And sorry for mashing your face with my... torso." You quickly place the bandages and hand him his mask.

"I'd prefer if you had a clean mask, but I don't have one handy. If you drop one by later, I can keep it on hand for you. Ghost keeps some here, the delicate princess. He refuses to wear hospital grubs if he can't wear the clothes he came in with."

"So, he is not... dating you?"

"Hmm... no. No, he and I are not dating. I'm half sure he is more interested in Soap than me, but I've been wrong before. Any roads, enough talk about our co-workers. Push the button here if you need assistance. I am going off the clock, but I will return if needed. Try to get some rest. I'm sure debriefing will be hell."

When you return the next morning, only Soap remains in recovery. The other men have left to debrief. You schedule an appointment for him with the therapist he doesn't hate and listen to him flirt with a nurse while you update files in your office. He quickly grows bored and insists that you sit and entertain him.

You acquiesce, deciding that a break is in order now that you've finished about half of your paperwork. He is chatting away about things he's done mostly. You usually try to deflect questions about yourself, but he is not deterred, sipping at his coffee while you enjoy your cuppa.

"Didja always wannae be a doc?" You shake your head.

"Got it twisted, mate. I never wanted to be a doctor. T'was my parents dream, not mine. I picked here to spite 'em."

He laughs hard. "You're a rebel. What didja wannae then?"

You stand suddenly, too flustered by his question. "Tea times over, fella. I've gottae get back to work." You pause in the doorway, leaning back in and looking into his eyes as you debate with yourself. "I wanted a job like yours." He looks stunned, then a bit sad.

"Ye woulda been a belter, lass." You smile sadly and walk back to your office. It takes forever for you to get any work done. You make sure to sign off on his release so Soap can leave when he is ready.

You look up at a knock on your door some time later. "Enter"

"Doc, you're still here? I was just checking in here since the light was on. It's already after 2100."

"Oh, shit. I completely lost track of time. Just have to finish this, and I will head out."

"Alright, see you tomorrow then."

It's after 2200 when you do head out, and you quickly realize that you are starving, not having had much more than snacks since breakfast. The mess is closed this late, so you head to the kitchen. Digging through the fridge, you hear a noise behind you, but don't see anything when you look around the darkened room. Shrugging it off, you dig some more before grabbing leftovers with Ghost's name on them. You're disappointed to see that they've gone off and toss them in the bin before looking again.

You finally find some leftovers that aren't bad with Captain Price written in capital letters with an underline on the box. It's butter chicken over rice, and you've honestly never been so excited for it. Waiting for it to heat, you hear the sound again. You turn and realize that there are two men across the room watching you. Through squinted eyes, you see that it is Captain Price and Gaz having tea together. Whipping back around nervously, your fingers tap on the counter, waiting forever, it seems for the microwave to ding.

Just before it does, you hear, "Butter chicken. My favorite," in your ear, and you nearly jump out of your skin.

"S-sorry, Captain. I missed lunch and dinner. I'll order some fresh tomorrow to make up for it. Please."

"I'm just teasin ya, doll. Eat up. You know we never remember to eat our leftovers." He winks and walks off, catching up to Gaz.

#konig x reader #könig x reader #call of duty #ghost cod #john soap mactavish #kyle gaz garrick #simon ghost riley #captain john price

[almightyrayzilla]

I promise you, this is the only time I will ever willingly post AI generated imagery on any of my pages...but G-Fest is DEAD to me. I first attended in 2006, then again in 2009. I got my start doing artist alley tables at this show in 2010, then branched out to other shows. I even did the promo art for the 2019 show. I cannot tell you how much of my life was shaped from meeting the folks I have met because of this convention.

I'm not even mad. I'm sitting here along with my fellow artists, laughing our asses off. Not because it's funny, but because NONE of us are deeply surprised.

Let's go back a bit.

In 2018, the artist alley (AA) was moved to the lower floor of the hotel. Now I let this slide - the Crowne Plaza had just replaced the area that was used previously with the Caddyshack restaurant. Duh, we couldn't use that area anymore. There was some pushback, that maybe something else could be moved downstairs, but there was refusal to budge. Whatever, us artists actually did pretty good that year, despite a rather sequestered and tight space.

Then for 2019 - we were told a Toho rep was coming, and we were hit with a 30% limitation, which essentially meant that for every ten pieces of art we had, only three of them were allowed to be Toho related. Gamera, Ultraman, Kamen Rider - fair game. I mean, let's put aside that no one could enforce that (and no one tried) - the person in question wasn't even tied to Toho. And even if they were...they'd be more concerned about, say, bootleg DVDs and such.

Personally speaking, my sales were even better, so even with the limitation, people still did alright. Gee, it's almost as if AA is a big attraction at a convention, especially one as niche as this.

Then 2020, when our good friend COVID-19 came about. Someone decided it'd be a good idea to spread misinformation about the pandemic with G-Fest's Twitter page. Among those who spoke up were the artists who regularly attended through its artist alley. A Facebook page that was specifically set up for AA members to share info and whatnot was then told to no longer associate with G-Fest.

And for the record, G-Fest didn't happen that year because of a statewide mandate. No no, the con wasn't canceled it because they recognized the severity of things, it's because Illinois shut everything down.

Well, here comes prep for 2021 (which ultimately became the 2022 show, since it was pushed back again). That's when G-Fest hit us with the AA contract. It forbade artists from selling prints of Toho fan art (originals/commissions were okay, but not reproductions), unless we held a license to sell prints of that work. We could not sell Godzilla fan art prints at this Godzilla convention. We tried to speak with them, to see if there could be some compromise...which there wasn't. They kept saying that the reason for it was to stay on good terms with Toho, even citing a big C&D sweep Toho was doing (they were after bootleggers, not fan artists). Heck, even one of my good friends actually did get a C&D (prior to said sweep), and they have legal word that they were allowed to sell prints of Godzilla art. But apparently, that wasn't good enough for G-Fest. HMMMMM...

I was actually willing to abide by these tighter rules, even planning on trolling them with a few pieces of Jirahs and Gomess (though Jirahs without the frill might have been a bit too risky, lol). We were trying to talk with the head of the vendor room, who was not exactly being clear and timely with responses. Well, someone went to the head of the show to ask if they were being compliant with the rules - I guess they gave a different answer, because that's when the showrunners started bickering about not seeing eye-to-eye on some things, ultimately telling the artist it's best they not come.

That's when I backed out. A few of us had paid for our table/badge for the 2020 show, which was rolled over; with the option available, I asked for the refund. The head of the vendor room said the request was put in. Almost two weeks go by. I go to the showrunner, and within 20 minutes, I get the refund. Look, I know G-Fest isn't a big corporate show, and I try not to be a snob, but I expect SOME professionalism. that's why I've backed out and refuse to ever attend G-Fest ever again. But that's not where things stopped.

During the 2022 show, I was told an artist said screw it and put Godzilla prints out on their table to sell. I laughed and said, "Yeah, and how much of that was playing favorites?" I mean, G-Fest kicking this person out? That would be glorious. But someone like me? I'm pretty sure they'd have banned me on the spot. And I'm not even going to get into the vendor who was selling bootleg DVDs, so...yeah. And from what I hear, the 2023 show forbade ALL fan art prints, not just Toho IPs. I can't imagine how hard they're gritting their teeth trying not tell artists to get lost outright.

*deep breath* And that brings us to today's nonsense. After all that, they pull this. And of course they've turned off comments on the Facebook posts for these...pictures. I mean, after my turn in 2019, we had the idea of giving each AA artist a shot to do the promo art each year before all this crap reared its ugly head.

Like I said, I'm not even mad, I'm actually having a good laugh over all this. If I'm shocked by anything, it's how quickly this convention pulled its 180. The point of this post is to just be informative of what has been going on the past couple years, and why the artists who usually go haven't come back.

But most of all, if/when people ask if I'm going to G-Fest next year, here's the TL;DR version: NO.

#g-fest

[wyrddogs]

Listened to the FDC podcast episode with Dr Danika Bannasch on chondrodystrophy (CDDY). It was not dachshund-specific; since she breeds tollers she mostly focused on them. Here are my notes:

IVDD (intervertebral disc disease) is not the same thing as IVDH (intervertebral disc herniation). Dr Bannasch considers CDDY and IVDD to be interchangeable.

CDDY variant: Abnormal intervertebral discs. Can have bouts of back pain. Can have disc herniation. All discs are "diseased".

Not all dogs with disc herniation show clinical signs.

All CDDY dogs (in her study on tollers) have signs of diseased discs, but not all had clinical signs that the owners noticed. So not all CDDY dogs are brought in for medical care.

She emphasized that CDDY causes short legs, not long backs. So CDDY shows up in a lot of breeds that you wouldn't expect-- tollers, Portuguese water dogs, beagles, Chesapeake bay retrievers, etc. because the phenotype is shorter legs, not longer backs.

She feels that IVDH is the most painful disease in veterinary medicine.

The CDDY mutation is dominant. It is a "gain of function" mutation. There is no "normal" gene; it is an insertion of an entire gene on a chromosome where it does not belong.

There is a difference in calcification risk between dogs with one versus two copies of the CDDY mutation, but there is no difference in herniation risk with one or two copies.

All beagles are homozygous for CDDY. You cannot "fix" this unless you do an outcross. In breeds where the allele frequency is lower, you can select against it. But be careful-- if the frequency of the allele is high enough, there can be consequences if you remove all CDDY dogs from the gene pool.

Usual recommendations-- keep dogs lean and fit, avoid landing hard if possible, stairs seem to help. Pay attention to subtle signs of pain, eg. refusing to do things they like.

CDDY prematurely degenerates the discs. So a younger dog has "older" discs. All discs degenerate as dogs age, but a dog with CDDY degenerates faster.

What does CDDY do? It makes the legs a little shorter and the skull a little wider. Dr Bannasch believes it rounds the ear tips. This is a desirable phenotype (it seems to win in the show ring), so breeders selected for it before we knew it was bad.

Chondrodysplasia (CDPA) is not associated with IVDD but also produces short legs. Some breeds only have CDDY, some only have CDPA, and some have both. [Note: Dachshunds have both, but CDDY is more common.]

In a breed where there are a lot of homozygotes, it will take a long time to remove CDDY. First you will have to produce heterozygotes, then you will have to produce homozygotes of CDPA.

Chondrodysplasia (CDPA) may be associated with valgus (deformed/bowed legs) and elbow issues. So its not totally innocuous.

As a breeder, she worries about producing a dog that would experience back pain, or have a herniation event, or sell a dog to someone who cannot afford the $12,000 surgery.

X-rays are not great at detecting calcification. CT scans are a bit better, but much more expensive. They've been screening in Europe for a while, and have not seen much improvement. She has not seen much evidence that the amount of calcification correlates with the possibility of a disc herniation event. MRIs look at hydration status, and still aren't great at predicting herniation events, and are super fucking expensive. There are no good screening tests for predicting disc herniation.

Dr Bannasch has dealt with a lot of anger and pushback from breeders for her work on CDDY. Whenever she feels down about it, she goes into the neuro ward to look at the surgery patients for disc herniation events. Then she is rejuvinated to continue her research.

#ivdd #intervertebral disc disease #long post #canine health #there is some FDC nonsense that I'm like. what. at #but most of the episode is very informative

[rain-coat-killer]

Well, that's just how every piece of media I personally have liked has been going lately.

It's good as it goes, but once it gets to the end it's kinda...yeah.

P.S This is just my personal thoughts on this manga at the moment. So you guys don't have to read if you would rather not.

Unless Afo's vestige shows up, there's going to be a lot of holes in the narrative. Not exactly plot holes persay, but a decent amount of things that are just going to be up in the air.

It'll be unsatisfying, is what I'm saying.

Bakugo coming back just to keep Afo from meeting Izuku and then immediately passing back out was just...bad.

It felt from a writer standpoint, someone trying to hastily fix a mistake they couldn't anymore. Or they just suddenly got an idea they, at the time, thought was really good. So they came up with a bunch of crap to justify it.

It felt very rushed and sloppy basically, and that's all I have to say about it.

Then we have the fact that Izuku and Shigaraki's fight has been out of the picture for so long. There's this feeling of disconnect. I find I don't exactly care?

Like Izuku and Tomura as characters feel too distant at the moment. That's not great for the supposed main character and his villain.

As well the reason we were looking away from them for so long was Afo, and Afo's whole journey here proved pointless because he failed. So, in turn, it kinda just feels like we were being patted out for a whole year for nothing.

Storywise, it feels like nothing has happened for such a long time, now that Afo has failed. A complete waste of time.

There could be an argument that it shows everyone's contributions brought this. But honestly, it still doesn't feel earned.

Hori didn't show enough pushback. Afo started the war disabled, then died, then he activated rewind and was on the clock. He didn't kill a single person. Apart from maybe Stain. But I doubt it.

This whole war has felt very one-sided. So his death almost feels like a beaten dog finally getting kicked to death.

Now I am left wondering why the nomu have never hurt Izuku, why that winged nomu grabbed him specifically.

Why was Ujiko Izuku's childhood doctor? Would he have recognized him if they met?

What Afo had planned in the first place for Izuku, since he had apparently spent his entire time in prison thinking about him. That comment, while chilling at the time has led to absolutely nothing.

As well, I do not know how this manga is going to finish in a satisfying way. As I said, Tomura and Izuku's characters feel so distant now. Any conversations they have or change of heart Tomura has is going to feel fake to me.

And that's how it's going to end, right?

Tomura being redeemed. It's either that or he dies. Or worse gets redeemed just to die.

But yeah, these were just all the thoughts running through my head at the moment, so that's probably why they sound disjointed. 😂

Overall, I still love this series, and it will always hold a special place in my heart. But yeah. Crappy ending so far. 😑

#just talking to a wall dont mind me #bnha spoilers #bnha 410 #all for one #izuku midoriya #tomura shigaraki

[veronicathegoddess]

Why don't you support the trans community? It's pride month and you haven't posted anything

when have i said that i don't support the trans community? i am a strong ally of the trans community not only because i am queer and genderfluid but also because i believe that everyone deserves to live their truth and be who they truly are inside.

i don't really post about politics etc because i am not american which i am tired of saying so i don't know much about what's going on past what i see on twitter etc and i don't want to spread misinformation or end up platforming someone problematic. as an ally and a member of the lgbt community, i fully support all my trans brothers and sisters but i just don't think i know enough about what's happening in the us to talk about it.

so my focus is trying to enact change in my country because it's even worse where i live. queer and trans persons have no rights at all. trans persons here have no options at all for transition, hormonal or physical. we can't get married. up until a few years ago, it was still illegal for two men to engage in sex with each other.

so while i do care about the problems facing the community in the us, i care more about the fact that i'm not allowed to exist where i'm from. that if i go to a pride rally, i could literally end up unemployed. queer people in the us aren't the only ones who are at risk. in fact, despite the pushback, they have more rights that queer persons in dozens of countries. more rights than i will probably ever have unless i leave where i'm from.

the message for this pride month should be that this is a collective struggle, queer communities worldwide are at risk of losing rights or enacting even stricter laws and punishments for us being who we are. and even though someone doesn't speak out about your struggle, it doesn't mean that they don't care or don't support you. i will always be an ally and a member but i just have to focus on trying to create change where it's possible for me to do so

#ask answered

[rozaceous]

so you wanna know more abt mariko's family

behold, some background and meta abt mariko's family. doesn't really fit into the fic proper (much to my chagrin) but should give some helpful context both to mariko, and the events of ch 18. it's also just a bunch of behind-the-scenes world building, bc i find that fun.

copying from some of my chats w verm:

mariko's family moved to konoha AFTER the kyuubi thing bc they were hoping to avail themselves of the hospital (her mom's health stuff), which is why kaya gets pushed into becoming a medic/ninja. mariko is also encouraged but she would've done it anyway, so she genuinely felt no pressure abt that one lol

but this means there's a lot happening in terms of her family not knowing abt naruto and the kyuubi

so they're like 'rough around the edges but sweet kid who needs food' and they get backlash

that NO ONE can explain

lots of passive-aggressive pushback from the village, but it's literally illegal to tell them anything

and as far as they know uzumaki clan is respectable? like, tragic or whatever, but a big name, so this looks extra baffling to them

her parents actually contemplate leaving konoha a couple times (they're from the capital), but decide to stick it out long enough for the kids to finish academy/become established medics

mariko's family is ordinary, no secret bloodlines or political ties or anything, they just go to konoha bc konoha's hospital is supposed to be the best, can work literal miracles. so this is maybe a year post-kyuubi? i feel like konoha would be eager for some new blood at that pt still; they no doubt took a huge blow to their population, even besides the infrastructure and losing the yondaime, so mariko's family probably isn't the only one to do something similar.

kaya is at the perfect age to start academy, and they absolutely steer both their kids into becoming medics. there might even be weird politics abt providing chakra healing to non-ninja in situations that aren't life-threatening.

i think kanako and kenta would see them pushing their kids into medicine as smart. gathering from the context of canon and elaborating: w civilians, you're pretty limited to whatever the family business/trade is, and i think that ninja villages/being a ninja is actually a lot more egalitarian/meritocratic and free with this. let's maybe also include that they have daughters, and wouldn't be able to totally rely on passing down any business/trade unless they had someone marrying in. so giving their daughters a means of supporting themselves/earning personal prestige is smart.

but so kaya and mariko would be ninja--and thus valuable to the village--but not of a designation that puts them in any particular danger. i also think that being a medic from konoha is the sort of ninja profile that would carry a lot of social currency even with civilians. (this is why mariko's mom makes that comment abt her working in the palace. this also fits in w all the pts abt medicine and politics that we see in haku's chs.)

and yeah, i view the situation w mariko's family as a huge culture clash between--not just civilians and shinobi--but non-konoha civilians and the civilians that were raised in the village. even after over a decade of living there, they're outsiders, and made to feel like it because they had what they saw as basic decency towards their daughter's classmate and then had the audacity to be stubborn about it.

so yes, kenta and kanako were going to leave and move back to the capital once both of their daughters were graduated and working in the hospital. other fics have used as a device abt becoming a shinobi and receiving your hitai-ate as a marker of being a legal adult, and i'm running w that. as far as they're concerned, their daughters would then be adults with stable and respectable work and capable of sustaining themselves, and they could visit each other. i don't think this is irresponsible parenting.

ofc mariko getting assigned to team7 is a wrench in the works. like, a FIELD MEDIC?? （⊙_⊙）

but ok, ok, maybe it's not the worst? she's got a pretty capable sensei (forget that he's popularly nicknamed 'friend-killer kakashi') and naruto is a good boy. not...too sure abt that uchiha kid (they were around for the massacre and were this close to leaving for good bc of it) but it seems like it'll work out?

kaya would have a MUCH more realistic view of the situation than her parents, esp since she's dating a branch member of the hyuuga. but kaya's view is something along the lines of "let's just get mom and dad out of here asap" and then she and mariko can deal with their own problems. (i...really need to give kaya her own outtake...)

but yeah, everything is a disaster and it's delicious

#tcba #tcba meta #i have sooooooo many thoughts abt the culture and society of the naruto verse someone pls prompt me to spill more lol

[idwtransformers-vibe]

This is my airline human-cybertronian airline idea. I hope yall enjoy!

Feel free to add any ideas!

Soul-Spark Airways:

This is a commercial airline, technically. It was created in Ireland. They had gotten the idea of letting bots stay in their country after finding some trying to get around unnoticed. So they decided to implement bots into their population, and of course, they needed jobs, so this airline was created for both humans and bots to work together.

Because of the bots, the company became very versatile in terms of travel. As bots with an aircraft alt-mode can fly through space, but only for cargo transportation, and only one or two humans come along. The humans are called C-R (Cargo-Runners), The bots are called S-R (Space-Runners). The overall job for both bot and human is called S-T (Space-Transportation). This job is actually proven to be very dangerous as it, of course, travels to Cybertron or Canimus to deliver or pick up cargo, so it is likely to run into some hostility along the way. But they also do cargo runs on Earth between nation to nation.

Cargo-Runners:

C-R's are humans responsible for keeping track of the cargo and its security. Since they are small enough to walk around inside and sleep in the bots alt-mode, this job is, of course, mostly for humans. Unfortunately, during travels through space, they are targeted quite often, so having combat training is a must. It is also required of them to know maintenance and logistics. Sometimes, their bot companion will need repairs when there aren't any Medi-maintenance around, and they handle their own logistics.

Space-Runners:

S-R's are MASSIVE bots who transform into the alt-mode of a commercial aircraft. Except their engine systems are 10x's stronger than regular aircrafts, especially since they have the engine power to fly through space. They do not carry regular passengers, not humans, at least because they aren't normal aircrafts. Occasionally, they'll transport one or two bots. But for the most part, they travel with their C-R, and that's it. Passengers must board a regular aircraft that is part of the company.

These guys are given the right of way on ramp and the runaway because, again, they have extremely powerful engines, so all the normal aircrafts must wait before doing pushback from their gates. Unless they want to be responsible for a tragic accident.

S-R's have a built-in oxygen system in their alt-mod, as well as gravity. This is so the C-R can breathe normally and do their job without issues. In case the system so happens to malfunction, there are oxygen masks, and C-R's are required to wear magnetic boots.

On a added note: S-R's are very protective of their C-R's. So don't mess with their C-R's

Medi-Maintenance:

M-M's are basically medics for any bot who works for the airline. The M-M could be bot or human. They all do maintenance on S-R's for the most part, especially heavy maintenance of it is needed. Due to mechanical knowledge of the M-M's, they do maintenance on company vehicles just to keep things flowing without a hitch.

Logistics Attendants:

L-A's handle supply. So if a bot or an aircraft needs a part, L-A's are the people M-M's go to. They order parts and issue them out to specific bots and aircrafts. They can also send out unservicable parts to the airline repair stations or process engine removals for the M-M's. These guys also have several different levels in their jobs, as certain L-A's have access to parts where a regular one doesn't. They can also go out on ramp and deliver parts to a flight or pick up parts from a flight.

Humans stationed on Cybertron/Canimus:

C-R's have to go through heavy security. They have to have a certain badge to have access to be in Cybertron. Their access is different from political figures' access. This is because C-R's could be transporting extremely important or dangerous cargo.

But security is a little easier to get through if they're already stationed on Cybertron. They are already assigned quaters/housing. They tend to remain their usual small size as it is easier to do maintenance on their bot companion that way. So, it is not uncommon to see a tiny company truck driving around with a human inside it going about their business, some bots think it's cute seeing them honk their horn letting them know they're about to pass or come around the corner.

Unfortunately, some bots do not like the fact that there are humans stationed on their planet. So the S-R's are always on high alert when they see their human buddy interacting with other bots. When they see one is being slightly rude towards the human, they intervene immediately.

- Families

Some humans, of course, have children. So the airport on Cybertron they're stationed at already has a school system and daycare in place. These kids sometimes develop Cybertronian slag when interacting with sparklings. It's quite interesting to witness.

Also! These kids end up becoming fluent in the Cybertronian language, as well as their parents. This makes them the maps for new arrival humans 😂

And human children born on Cybertron use the term carrier and sire! Those who were moved to Cybertron still use mom and dad.

Bots stationed on Earth:

Depending on the country, bots are allowed to live amongst humans. Although different countries can give them a difficult time when trying to travel, as some countries are not comfortable with the thought of giant robots, but they'll put up with the process for the most part if it means getting cargo faster.

A lot of humans MUST steer clear when driving around them or just being around them in general. These bots do not always see the humans, so while they try to be vigilant of their surroundings, humans must do their part to be vigilant as well.

- Families

Like humans, bots have their own kids as well. Bots sometimes actually shrink themselves and their sparklings down a lot. Like human children on Cybertron, sparklings get a school system and daycare set up.

Depending on the country, sparklings actually develop certain accents, slangs, and speak the dominant language of the country they're stationed in with their creator! Shockingly enough, these sparklings actually use the term mom and dad of they are born on Earth. Those who were moved to Earth still use carrier and sire.

Protocols (there's more, but I am just going to list the main ones):

Emergency S-R 481 & 559:

Code: Blue

This emergency is when a wounded S-R arrives, emergency. M-M's respond to the emergency while L-A's prep all the parts necessary that the C-R communicated before landing.

This also goes for non S-R bots if in need of medical assistance.

Emergency 278:

Code: Purple

This emergency is for injured humans. It is the other coworkers job to do their best to help them until an ambulance arrives. Such as keeping them still, holding them a specific way, or CPR if they are trained.

Emergency 117:

Code: Red

This emergency is specifically for S-R's and C-R's. If they are traveling through space and so happen to be attacked, C-R will communicate to either bots on Earth or Cybertron/Canimus. Whichever one they are closest to. This normally happens if this a fight S-R can't take without risking the C-R's life to a certain degree. Typically, the S-R are able to defend themselves.

Department numbers:

Space-Transportation: 117

Medi-Maintenance: 481

Logistics-Attendant: 559

Medical Emergency response: 278

#transformers #transformers idw #transformers idw headcanons #my personal headcanons #I'll probably add more later

[shuttershocky]

Yknow I really want to think that folks at Hypergryph want to make Good Viddygame in addition to making mad cash off of it but as time goes on its kinda getting harder and harder.

My dude, every damn game developer wants to make a good video game. With all the unnecessary bullshit in the industry you don't really work here unless you really, truly love it and are willing to take much lower pay and horrendous work hours vs jobs with similar skillset needs. No artist dreams of making bad art.

However, as long as the endgoal is increasing company profits, making a good video game free of bullshit also becomes increasingly difficult.

If you're an older gamer who has seen how the industry's changed over the years, you would know that capitalism has ruined so much of what video games once were. Unfinished games releasing with a whole roadmap of DLC planned out and armies of developers crunched to their deaths to keep up with a ridiculous annual release schedule so the flow of money never stops, all of this was unthinkable years ago, and yet was inevitable given the path the industry set out on.

As video games went from niche nerd hobby to a real industry, all the moneymen spotted a goldmine and set up shop. It's not enough that a company turns a profit, it has to turn a profit larger than last year's to show that it's still growing. That's why nobody ever sells a complete, medium budget, single-player package fully polished from start to finish anymore (barring the odd surprise like Hi-Fi Rush), because that only makes money once, while a live service game with paid battlepasses and DLC will keep the money rolling in for years.

Back to Arknights, you can see for yourself just how much this pressure to keep growing profits has affected the game. There used to be no limited units at all, a breath of fresh air in the mobage space, until Nian came to much pushback. HG tried to compromise, made this whole system of a free roll every day and a free ten roll ticket to make the idea of limiteds suck less, but they already broke the dam. Limited units went from once every 6 months to once every 3. Then in the next year they introduced Operator Alters, because every gacha game knows you can sell harder by making a different version of an already popular unit rather than convince people to like a new one. Even the very nature of Alters made an attempt to go from "An alternate take on your favorite characters" to the extremely familiar "Its this character but in a bikini" type of cashgrab. Skin prices also went from 18 prime to 21 once Live2D skins entered the picture, and the originium prime store introduced a one time refresh of the first time purchase bonus, just to try to convince people who have never bought prime before to take advantage of the first bonus.

This is the sad reality all online games must face one way or the other. A company can't just be sustainable, it has to keep growing, and that means constantly looking for the cheapest way to squeeze out more money.

It's only going to get worse for many games unless major changes are made, the industry goes through another disastrous crash, or both.

[itwasthisorthemilitary]

March 11, 2024

A Hit to Morale in Los Mortales

Days in the city man...yikes.

We started our day with "if you get sexually assaulted don't shower because we will want to do forensic testing". Obviously we all understand the necessity of such sessions but goddamn, 9 am on a Monday morning. A necessary evil because we have to know our resources.

Immediately after we got another vaccine, did we not get enough during medical clearance? I have no idea what they're sticking me with.

Then we come back from lunch and I had an ~ unfortunate ~ meeting with our security manager. She wants me to move houses and I truly do not want to. This meeting felt like I was being talked at, not talked to. I was quite a stick in the mud about how I think moving houses will put me in a more uncomfortable position than the one I am in now. Glad I advocated for myself and didn't give in when I got pushback. Unfortunately this whole scenario has essentially convinced me that unless I feel like I am in immediate danger, I won't be reporting anything to the office because of how I disagree with how they are handling my situation. In my opinion, navigating one relationship with someone I don't like is a million times more manageable than trying to integrate into a new family halfway through PST. The other volunteers in my neighborhood and the other adults are all aware of the person I don't like being around and I feel so supported. So that meeting sucked!

Then on our way home, Ahmet told us that he is terminating service in two weeks. A crushing blow. Since day 1 Ahmet has been someone I really connected to, and him and Audrey living next to me has been such a source of comfort and companionship. This one was devastating. Audrey and Ahmet are serving as a couple and while she has flourished here, he is unhappy. He deferred entrance into grad school to come here, and he will be heading back to the states to do the grad program. I'm so happy for him, and so impressed with Audrey for knowing that this is what she wants. They both agree that he should terminate before he swears in. Admittedly, this news was the straw that broke the camels back. I knew the tears were in there somewhere and this really unlocked it. We've been jokingly placing bets on who would terminate first and I never considered it would be him. How beautiful is it that I feel so affected by the departure of a volunteer who I've known for less than a month?

My take today? Doom and gloom. But my silver lining is that none of this makes me want to terminate. Actually quite the opposite, it only makes me want to prove more that I can do this. At no point before departing did I think this was going to be easy. The circumstances are unfortunate, but the people make it worth it.

Didn't like today's post? Well, I didn't like today.

Tomorrow we have a lesson on worms and we get to go see the other half of our cohort in San Sebastian. It's a real treat getting to see them two days in a row.

[lastleggysee]

Last Legacy M3 Western AU

Sage is the rough-around-the edges bounty hunter with a heart of gold.

He spends most of his time drinking and wandering from town to town, just looking to make enough money to pay his tabs and send something back to Tulsi. He had a horse at one point but he's taken to borrowing horses as he needs them and then setting them free when he no longer has any use for them, but he genuinely cares about the creatures and treats them well while he's working with them. Presently he's a solo act, but he previously ran with a group of similar bounty hunters. They were a rough group of men, most of whom having some sort of criminal record, but they dedicated their manpower to keeping the areas neglected by any sheriff's forces safe. Sage left the group under mysterious circumstances after the group's leader, Lucan, mysteriously vanished following a string of murders taking place around town. Sage has a lucky gun he keeps close at all times (even while asleep) and is slow to trust strangers, outsiders, or anyone really since Lucan vanished. Now, he spends most of his nights in odd inns and bars, hoping to find Lucan and finally get some answers and looking for his next target.

Anisa is a sheriff's deputy who showed up to town with an impressive skill set under suspicious circumstances.

She's the first female deputy in the town, and despite the initial pushback she got for this she's well-respected and admired around town. She mostly keeps to herself, partially as a survival tactic, but always keeps treats and snacks in a satchel for children around town. Strangely, she's one of the only deputies left in the state that still carries a sword along with her gun, keeping it strapped to the other side of her belt and praying she never has to use it. Despite being widely regarded as friendly and approachable, those in town can't help but to remark that they know shockingly little of her past or lineage. She has a horse that she cares for exceptionally well, despite her coworker's somewhat rude remarks towards her about this, spending at least an hour every day dutifully brushing and caring for the creature. Each week she visits the post office and sends a letter to her mother, casually brushing off remarks from the clerk about how she should really address something to her father every now and then. Despite her best efforts, she can't contain the way her face drains of color every time her father is mentioned.

Felix is the town's disgraced undertaker.

He attended one of the most prestigious colleges in the nation, but left abruptly under mysterious circumstances. He's a hot topic around town, with new rumors about him floating around almost weekly. Some rumors say that he was the top student in the medical program but was kicked out for performing vivisection and other strange rituals with dead bodies. Others say he's a witch (or at least, has ties to the occult) and that he shouldn't be trusted under any circumstances, with his large books and chilling gaze. It doesn't help that he taxidermies in his free time, and that his shop appears to constantly have a cold draft leaking in from somewhere despite the heat. Despite his business being widely regarded as the second choice in the town, he never appears to have a shortage of funds available at his disposal, and the shop has never shut its doors, even on holidays. Mostly keeping to himself, he rarely ventures into the market for food and supplies unless absolutely necessary, and even then he'd much rather pay someone to go for him and return with the goods than to do it himself.

#last legacy #fictif last legacy #sage lesath #felix iskandar escellun #anisa anka #last legacy au

[nokingsonlyfooles]

Oh, the Lure of Emily

I've been withdrawing.

Not for all that long, I don't think, but social media goes so fast, so that means letting a lot of opportunities to be "social" disappear into the ether. I shouldn't. I need to practice connecting with people and it used to be so much easier for me to do that on the internet, but I really hate just about everything about it now. It's hard to put what I mean into words fast enough, and it seems like that's hard for a lot of people, but we're doing it anyway. That's a lot of what I don't like interacting IRL, and it's here now. I haven't found a place that's not like that.

I entered into this level of interaction at the behest of a soulless corporation that doesn't care about any of us (clearly) and I'm being asked to pay more than I wanted to give (ex. curate an ever-lengthening feed of more people who want to be seen, help train AIs who'll render me and others invisible, accept a certain amount of increasingly heinous ideas with no pushback to be polite/for my own mental health/to keep my interaction from being nothing but that stuff), in return for much less than what I wanted to get. Mainly, it's so strangers can click a button that says they "like" something I did, and never interact with me, or any other aspect of me, ever again.

It's like that on my site, too, except I disabled the "like" and comment functions out of frustration. The interface became unsustainable and It's mainly bots using it. I've improved my ratio of "recorded clicks that were probably a human being" vs. "probably a webcrawler or spambot" for the privilege of seeing how few people are interested.

And social media isn't helping. I mean, why would it? It's getting all it wants out of me on spec, and it does not have to deliver visibility. It never did. That was always something I needed to "earn." It just seemed to be easier to do that in Web 1.0. I had a message board, once. It survived a move from one dying host to another (which, I think, is also dead now - everyone's on Discord) and I picked up enough people to write and have fun, with very few jerks I needed to ban, and no bots. Wow. If someone was being a total bastard, they were made of meat and I could yell at them and register an objection like a person. Does anyone out there remember that?

A big part of me wants to be a postmodern Emily Dickenson. You can have my work after I'm dead, if you want it. I'll "publish" by printing it out and putting it in a box. Even the fanfic stuff. Interacting with fandoms hardly seems worth it for me, they've got their own issues. And, as for social, you may have one garden party a year, and maybe I'll exchange emails with one guy who says "this stuff is good". We live small enough, and we're doing well enough, that I could probably hide and keep making art uncompensated. Unless something happened, and then I'd probably wind up on the street or in an institution of some kind. Not the nice kind.

And, as much as you [as in, anyone who trips over this] would protest the loss of me to my face - out of some feeling of human solidarity or philosophical devotion - were I to vanish, it wouldn't matter where. You'd get used to not seeing me. You'd read something else. Maybe I'd be happier, maybe I wouldn't, but that wouldn't involve you, so you'd move on.

That big, dumb jerk Nietzsche (who was, at least, made of meat) posited that Sisyphus must be happy, because he knows he's doing what he's supposed to and what's going to happen next, forever. But, really, the only thing you'd have to do is say to him, "Every time you put one iota of effort into pushing this rock, there's a small chance it'll take off and fly. If you're really doing your job, it will, it's just a matter of time!" And then it doesn't. Not just for his whole life, for eternity.

I'm not being punished for cheating death. I'm being punished for cheating corporations - not even cheating them all that much, I don't think, but it's enough. I don't look profitable, because that wasn't why I started pushing this rock. I wanted to make a difference. I'd like enough money to live and keep creating, and to pay some people to help me, but all that's just some boxes to tick on the way to making a difference. And I can't tick those boxes for a corporation or for myself.

The only thing that's gotten me attention is when someone bigger than me gives me a namecheck. I could just keep begging creators I love to do that, but a lot of people do that, and I don't think creators like it. They didn't ask for that responsibility. They don't have time to vet every person and see if their work is actually good or just AI generated garbage. Or delusional garbage from someone who thinks they can create, but can't, really. I'm losing the confidence to keep begging people to understand that I'm not delusional. Maybe I am, ya know? That would explain my situation too.

At least, if I kept it all to myself, I'd be dead when someone found my boxes and boxes of papers and chose an excerpt for their treatise on hypergraphia in freaky recluses.

Thoreau got it twisted. People make pretty baskets so someone will use them. If it has no use, it's neither a basket nor an art object. Someone has to pick it up and use it for it to be either of those things, and hopefully both. I use my baskets. I think other people could, but I know I use them. It would be a lot easier for me to do that if I didn't keep leaving them outside when I've finished weaving and hoping someone will pick them up.

But, I typed this into a window on Tumblr, so it's going outside with the rest. As will the others, for the time being. My words will probably be used to train an AI, and already have been. Yours too. Self-determination is reserved for the Emilies. I do want it, but...

Not enough to give up this painful hope that a rock might fly.

[stealth-liberal]

Just saw yet another post featuring kpop idols and their "proportions". Let me be real clear here, an adult human being fitting their entire body through a clothes hanger or being able to wear a headband as a comfortable belt is not the great thing that you think it is. It's a massive, blinking, electric sign the size of something on the Las Vegas strip screaming about eating disordered behavior. Most likely anorexia nervosa or anorexia nervosa mixed with bulimia.

Let me again remind everybody of some very sobering facts:

1. Anorexia Nervosa has the highest body count of any mental disorder

2. Only 35% of anorexics ever actually recover.

3. 1/3 of all bulimics do permanent damage to either their esophagus, their large intestine and colon or all three. This damage negatively impacts their health and quality of life for the rest of their lives

Male or female, it doesn't matter, famous or obscure, it doesn't matter. Eating disorders can and will kill you. Eating disorders can and will give you lifelong health complications. The kpop industry is LITTERED with individuals who are so obviously suffering from various eating disorders that it is mind boggling that the fans don't storm the Bastille, so to speak, about it.

So here's some pushback on things people have said to me when I have posted/spoken about this topic:

1. "It isn't eating disorders, it's just that South Korean beauty and weight standards are so strict!"

Um... how in the almighty fuckity fuck do you think these people are adhering to those standards? With enforced eating disorders, that's how! There is no way to maintain these devastatingly small body weights in a healthy manner, it is not humanly possible. It may be company and culturally enforced, but it's still eating disordered behavior.

2. "My male kpop fave can't have an eating disorder because men don't have eating disorders! Only women have eating disorders!"

Nope, you're wrong. While the greater amount of people afflicted with eating disorders are female, males can and do make up a large minority of eating disordered sufferers. That amount is rising in all countries where the phenomenon is studied. Also, East Asian beauty standards are different than Western ones, this is very demonstrated in standards of male desirability. The "ideal" male body figure tends to be more slender in East Asia than in the West.

People will chase society's shitty standards, even when it hurts them. It happens ALL THE TIME in the West, the East is not immune, so it happens there too.

3. "What the hell do you know about eating disorders?!"

Years ago, my son died in my arms. I was not in a place where I could properly process that grief, so it turned inward. I stopped eating and what little I ate, I used laxatives to get rid of. I am 5'10" tall, and I got down to 99lbs. I would have died if it hadn't been for my loved ones intervening.

I recovered, I am one of the very lucky 35%. Unless you have also gone on the toxic merry go round that is an eating disorder, I know more than you can possibly imagine.

So I guess I only have one more thing to say: When will we stop pretending? When will we call this exactly what it is? When will we say enough is enough?

#sl speaks #eating disorders #anorexia #bulimia #kpop #bts #monsta x #blackpink #red velvet #itzy #txt #stray kids #seventeen #twice #gfriend