#ugh i need to write my papers

[tardis--dreams]

I left the house around 1 pm and returned around 3 pm, took a nice little nap and went to fill up my water bottle around 7 pm where unfortunately some girl walked past me and said hello, which i, unfortunately, met with "morning :)"

#normal behavior #anyway i gotta check out some parks for running #i feel my body going insane from the lack of more intense exercise #doing what i can on my yoga mat (which Does perfectly fit between my bed and desk) but my range of motion is. limited #so plan for tomorrow is to take a few hours and check out seoul forest which is pretty close to here #i also still haven't bought a tmoney card (: maybe add that to the list of things to do- gotta interact with people for that though #but what can you do #i need it #then maybe I'll take the subway on sunday #just for fun #to see some other parts (or parks) of the city #ugh i need to write my papers #kill me #void screams

[tarantula-hawk-wasp]

i need to be working so much harder than i am today

#i have made one single slide for my important presentation tomorrow that also needs to be a 15 page paper by thursday #the problem is i used all my focus yesterday barely managing to write a 4 page draft of a 5 page paper #I also need to clean my apartment ugh

[skitskatdacat63]

I will read the most inane and useless stuff for hours just for my own interest/enjoyment, but reading academic papers is like pulling a tooth 😭😭 like I genuinely think I'd find the info interesting but the fact that ik it's in pursuit of doing an assignment somehow manages to kills my motivation 100%

#step 1. you pick a research topic you find genuinely interesting #step 2. you have to research and read papers abour this topic. hey dont you remember you find this interesting?? #i just remember going on deep dives learning about random historical figures #but absolutely god forbid i read anything in the pursuit of actual schoolwork #i think its mostly that i feel constantly under duresss when im reading it yknow? #all i can think is: im going to have to write something about this #lol just need someone i can blab to about politics and maybe it would actually work out for me #but ugh yeah theres just such a palpable difference btwn reading smth for enjoyment and reading something 'for work' #here is an example! #in my one class i think my prof put The Prince as a reading #i didnt even look cause im liek yeah i aint reading all of that #fast forward a year later: oh my god! i wanna read machiavelli so bad! i wanna feel intellectual 🥰🥰 #literally bought myself a copy of it ..... #i think im too self aware. id like to remove all sense of context from my brain #literally spent hours today watching documentaries that are actually pretty relevant to my one course #<- but note. they werent FOR my course. i was just doing ir for fun! i wanted to learn!! #but if i got assigned a hour and a half docu for class....that shit would not be getting done #ugh yeah anyways i have two research papers this sem #and its so fucking annoying bcs its so open to my choices. like here. you can pick smth you find genuinely interesting #and you guys literally witness me constantly learn info and want to apply it #but the thought of having to write a paper for school(god forbid) literally keeps me awake at night #its just yeah. wish i could remove that particular barrier from my brain #bcs some of the things i do for fandom are literally borderline research papers #like. read and research a bunch. write about it to other people. apply the info(in fic/drawing/meta) #and really the topics are not so different from my actual coursework #but when i contemplate having to research and write for school it just flatlines my brain #need to start forcing people to watch me borderline seminar so that it feels more fun and in-line w what i do on here #the fernando card post???? practically a research paper. god. my brain is so bad #catie.rambling.txt

[studentbyday]

I knew it!! Iiiiiiii knew it!! AMA cites in order of appearance which means I need to reorder my references bc for SOME REASON zotero orders them alphabetically instead!!! (And i added more to a previous section bc i felt it made it more "complete" but now i have another citation, which disrupts ALL MY SUBSEQUENT CITATIONS, why thank you for punishing me for doing my research this way, stupid citation styling!!)

😾😾😾

ok to be fair, AMA and Vancouver citations and others like it are my favorite from a USER's perspective. it's terrible to have to write using it.

#words thrown at the wall #watch me rant about my biochem paper #i am *THIS CLOSE* to be being done #but i am second guessing the entire thing!! #it's time for a reluctant break #i tried doing the other school stuff i need to do ideally by end of day today #but my stupid brain keeps circling back to the biochem paper #so i canNOT concentrate on anything else atm #ugh #a short break #it has to help #academic writing #studyblr #premedblr #bioblr #medblr #academic research

[moonlightpirate]

I swear I'm glad this semester is over this professor was the worst I've ever had

#told me my paper was so awful #i deserved a 0 out of 250 #but he felt bad #he didnt want me to fail #so he gave me 95 out of the 250 #said i didnt deserve the barely a C #im ending the class with #said my writing is so bad i need to see a tutor #be honest with me guys #is my writing that bad #ugh

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#yet again i fail to convince my counselor i have executive function problems. mostly its bc i dont think well in the moment but also i just #feel kinda weird rn so i was having trouble making my thoughts connect. but i swear to christ i do have problems making my executives #function. i think the issue is im a grad student so i do well in school. not that it matters bc i kno loads of grad students with pretty #god awful adhd. one of my former lab mates was like. Adderall barely made her normal. and yet she was still a phd student #so like. its possible to have executive function issues as a grad student. the problem with me is the obsessive thoughts and self #destructive behavior so to her it sounds like im telling myself that i cant get my brain to work unless i put myself under extreme pressure #rather than i cant get my brain to work so to cope im putting myself under extreme pressure bc if i dont nothing gets done #but like fucking if i try to relax i dont do things. i cant clean my kitchen or my room or take out the trash or do my laundry #and im not like not doing it bc i dont wanna. these things r causing me active distress but i cant flip the switch that makes them happen #ive gotta write a grant proposal. read a paper. and find a paper to discuss by tomorrow morning. i had time to do all of this before but i #didnt do it. y didnt i do it? fucking i dont kno. ugh. whatever. i got refered to a psychiatrist so well see what happens there #i did accidentally set the meeting to when i meet with my advisor tho. oops. also my counselor said it sounds like im a rat running on a #wheel. which is accurate but also a really fucking funny thing to have said abt u. ur r a scrawny neglected lil rat. boohoo. #idk what type of medication she thinks i should b on. like what symptom r we trying to exhaust? the 0cd or the mood issues? #i dont even kno what the issue is. not that i guess it matters. idk. i need to read and write. fucking hell #unrelated

[that-was-anticlimactic]

no one asked bUT imma go off (affectionate) anyways. ahem:

edse (practicum): portfolio is completed, did portfolio presentation this morning, blog is updated, have all the rubrics... DONE

347: major identity essay? done. final “essay”? done. just gotta go to class tomorrow so we can meet for the final exam time slot and we are going to. talk about books. no more assignments, yay!

395: edtpa? DONE. reflection? DONE. self-evaluation for edtpa? DONE. now, all i have to do is edit edtpa and then submit it for like Official grading and not class grading

405: presentation? made and presented. revision portfolio and reflection? DONE (finished it like fifteen minutes ago lol)

444: giant research paper? DONE. reflection? done. presentation? DONE. just gotta go to the final exam period thursday to watch the rest of the presentations, but no more work for meeeeeeee

and then finally... 305... the only final i actually have left...

#y'all i worked SO HARD #i am so so so ready for a break even tho it's p short #i stayed at college for thanksgiving break so i could do homework and i got SO MUCH DONE and i spent the last two weeks like hardcore #working on finals and homework and i did SO MUCH and i'm so relieved and so proud of myself holy trash that was so much #and my 405 prof is suggesting that i submit the fiction piece i wrote somewhere iugfcgvhujijuhygfc idk where but i'm kind of 👀 #like i'm a wuss and submitting scares me a bit ngl but like. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH he thinks that i just need to make slight like wording #revisions and then it's ready to go out iuyfgdxghuijohugfcghijo imma miss that class haha #anyways just like. in a Wow state of mind right now #like... it's all finally ending and then i student teach next semester and i freaking finally am about to have a break and like... i did it? #now all i have to do is do well on my 347 papers which aren't graded yet (i: am scared/nervous haha have an a but still ahhhhhhh) #and then write my 305 and get that back... and then edit and submit edtpa and then the worst of it: WAIT AND HOPE THAT I PASS EDTPA UGH #pls pray for me to pass <3 #or send good thoughts <3 #anyways sorry for rambling i just wanted to be proud of myself okijuhygfdxfgyhujioiuhygf

[rosesradio]

ts crit & the battle of the allegations that all crit is bullying, written and narrated by: a person that is sometimes a little hater, but is now legitimately concerned.

(a post discussing the nature & sources of crit & fan concerns, not contributing to crit)

friendly reminder that, with all the stuff happening in the sanders sides fandom with updates and crit and everything, it is perfectly okay to post ts crit. no one is being a mean, big bad wolf for doing so. the two types of crit i’ve seen are actually very reasonable and important:

1.) crit of the lack of honesty regarding when the next ep will be coming out (though this has since been announced, at least within a bracket). not the time it’s taking--although there have been jokes--but the lack of honesty. crit of thomas’s defensive reaction to when fans asked for a tss update. crit of other weird & bad social media & business practices (i.e. the patreon from ex-patreons, more “adult” posts that are seen by the (assumed) pre-teens in his audience, etc.)

2.) crit of the creators thomas & team continue to endorse, such as jkr and butch hartman. a lack of addressing any of the controversy and continuing to put things like hp in his brand makes fans (like myself) uncomfortable. it’s perfectly reasonable to want a statement of some kind on it, especially considering his lgbtq+-friendly brand.

if you don’t want to see crit against a creator you really like, that’s fine. no one’s making you look at it. but to pretend that all crit is bullying is lumping legitimate fan concerns with essentially hate mail.

to say “thomas is an asshole and the show sucks” would be mean and uncalled for (and also untrue).

to say “thomas should be more clear on what age range of audience he wants, so that way kids aren’t seeing things they shouldn’t” or “thomas should address somewhere on his sorting video that he doesn’t support jkr’s views & maybe donate to a trans charity with some of the ad revenue” is legitimate criticism and not at all bullying. if you think that it is bullying, you probably need to get off the internet and form any kind of relationship and, i dunno, grow as a person.

#i'm not going to tag crit bc i'm explaining crit not contributing to it (like i usually do) but lmk if i need to #this felt like writing a college paper lmao why did i have to edit so much and it's still not concise #anyways if you try to disagree and say i'm being a bully you are literally proving my point right #thomas sanders #sanders sides #fandom discourse #ugh can't believe i tagged that #tw harry potter #okay i think that's it

[compacflt]

Hi there! If you don't mind me asking, how many writing projects are you currently working on?

I've been interested to get an insight on how other people prefer to write. For me, I don't think I can handle multiple projects at a time. But you seem to have a lot of WIPs that are different. So I'm really curious!

Thanks in advance!

i am currently working on 3 wips right now: fem!mav AU, assorted extras for the edts series, & non-top gun related war novel that is my honors senior research thesis on military literature

i write sporadically when i get an idea. I very rarely have ideas which is why i almost never write fanfiction. 90% of what you guys have read of mine is not written in any conceivable order, and i mean literal sentence-to-sentence level construction that is sometimes written months apart because i couldn’t figure out how to end a sentence in march but did figure out how to end it in may. i am kind of running out of wips to show you guys on wednesdays because so many of my paragraphs are straight unfinished lol. this system really works for me because i can write whatever i want whenever I want, meaning if i have a eureka “i should add such-and-such symbol!!!” moment (see the pens in the slider one-shot, a very last-minute addition) then i can just go back & add it because everything, every scene and every paragraph and every word, is a work-in-progress till literally the minute i post it… i don’t count drafts except for huge marked changes because im always constantly editing & tweaking

#i refuse to write in apps that don’t have a mobile function #i draft everything on my laptop because i type much faster on a keyboard #but edit everything on my phone… while walking to class. on the subway. between moments at work. etc etc #looooooove google docs. yes it slows down once you hit 75k words but… ugh the mobile function is so good. #being able to constantly reread what ive written is such a huge boon in terms of writing #i can kind of understand how people can’t do more than one wip at a time? but for me if i don’t multitask i don’t get anything done. #i also have adhd so don’t like…. idk don’t worry about it #again my priority isn’t really to have fun it’s to get all my ideas down on paper somewhere so they stop taking up space in my head #top gun gave me lots of ideas. need to get them out of my head. not fun. how do i make it stop. #writing advice #not top gun

[airenyah]

well. time to filter last twilight until i'm done with today's paper writing goal

#i don't wannaaaaaaaa #write the paper that is #ugh #SO close to being done tho #i'm working on my last sub chapter and then i just need to write the introduction and conclusion with my friend #(the paper is a pair work) #and then ofc proofreading and formatting #the formatting is the part i actually LIKE lol #that's my inner graphic designer showing #airenyah plappert #last twilight #adrm

[isfjmel-phleg]

(

#random personal stuff #whining ahead feel free to ignore #going to bed earlier was supposed to fix this #eating lunch was supposed to fix this #still a mess and why isn't this working #the grammar roundtable presentation that I got roped into has been accepted #and the professor heading it up just sent an email about everything we need to do for it #implying that I may need to write a paper #and continuing with the delusion that I both know and care about this topic #I have no ideas for this panel #I don't know where to even start with research #I don't want to do this at all #the very thought of it sends me into panic #but it's my fault for agreeing to this in the first place and I can't get out of it without letting everyone down and destroying the panel #(and my coworker just started blasting a news video on a deeply unpleasant topic so loud I can hear it through my headphones ugh) #anyway this day is awful and it's the anniversary of my grandfather's death and all I want to do is go home and cry #it will be fine but I feel terrible right now

[savnofilter]

might have a lil sero fic out today. 😗

#ugh i hate proof reading so much #doesnt help that my writing style is just immediately putting everything down on paper thus needing heavy editing afterwards. 😭 #chile lemme get this done smh #fico updato #d dabbles

[vermillioncrown]

i know i normally answer ao3 comments right before an update, but i'm not updating - just wanted to do some 'cleaning' in any capacity

#redglyphs #the heuristics are very strong for the verm machine i know #maybe i'll update bil tomorrow and then move to writing dbd again #this model i'm trying to code up is giving me a lot of trouble + it cut into my paper writing time #and i still have to juggle updating my thesis document +revamping my presentation + hunting down my committee again #<-but it means i need to have updated documents #but code is necessary as critical path for the rest of the study ugh

[cocolacola]

i will draw sertegra soon or so help me

#im intentionally setting up my class schedule so that i dont nap through the day #so hopefully that leads to more art productivity down the line #i also write fic as paper warmup sometimes (awful i know) so that might happen #also this isnt a 'i need to create content for the followers!!' mentality #it's just a 'if i dont make special interest content soon i will explode' thing #because nobody else is doing it #and that's okay it's no one's responsibility i just need to spice it up in here #i need new things NOW!!! #ugh anyways😵😵😵

[mondscheinprinzessin]

.

#just need to vent this feel free to ignore #my exam is on monday and while I did feel prepared just last week now I'm feeling so nauseous just thinking about it #that I want to ignore it away #I know the only solution is to keep studying but just looking at the papers makes me so anxious #god my therapist needs to give me the best peptalk of the world tomorrow so I can do this #I will not sleep at all on Sunday I know it #and I know this has been my biggest stress point the last few years #so just going to uni to write this exam would be a huge accomplishment for me but it's affecting me so badly #this morning I looked at my arm because I had the memory of hurting myself but there was nothing? and I stared at it- #-until I remembered I had just dreamed it last night #but it was so vivid and it happened exactly the same as I always did it in the past that it scared me so much #that my brain just wants that again ugh #so I have to tell that to my therapist too and it feels like such a step backwards and I don't want to try in ther office and-- #I need to scream into a pillow #*cry in her office #anyways #this day can only get better I hope

[enigmasandepiphanies]

I miss my mum

#adulting is lonely #why do i have to have an elaborate bedtime routine why can't my tired ass just sleep #why prep for tomorrow why oil your hair why clean your bowls and plates why take your meds and apply moisturizer #why does it take so much effort to keep yourself alive and healthy #why do backs hurt and why cant sleep be enough #and why cant research papers write itself on days when you can't read #why can't you read stuff fast #why is unproductivity so attached to sadness #burnt outs are hard #every day is too much living #when did home become a place when time stilled so you could breathe without effort #why is it so lonely #this is not making me even sad I am just like pensive #hence i shall go to bed at a very holy time and wake up early to live too much again #ps people should stop perceiving me and idk what am i doing with my life with myself with my wants needs all that maslow hierarchy crap #i just wanna sleep and wake up anytime i want #it became a luxury #now #ugh i am so fucking whiney and petty