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fearfulachilles · 3 months

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9. wunderkind.

chapter nine to buop (nanami kento x reader jjk medical au.) .

full contents here.

summary: working with dr. geto proves to be more difficult than you thought, but you have an enjoyable lunch break.

tw: american healthcare.

Satoru Gojo was a wunderkind. He graduated high school early, finished pre-med in half as much of time than normal, and aced his way through med school at an incredibly young age. He was a medicine prodigy. He was sought out by many hospitals for his neurosurgery fellowship, but decided to accept a fellowship at Jujutsu Metropolitan Hospital.

During his fellowship, he created and developed a new technique that is still used by nearly all neurosurgeons across the country, even years later. Up until a year ago, it had been known as the Gojo technique.

During and after Satoru's fellowship, he quickly noticed that he hated how the hospital was managing things. The owners of the hospital were old men who didn't work with patients anymore, instead they worked closely with insurance companies to milk money out of patients looking for care.

Satoru had to constantly turn away sick patients in need of surgery, and even the ones who needed simpler treatments such as medication and routine examinations, all because the patients couldn't afford to pay for it, and pro-bono services were forbidden. Patients waited months for post-operative visits and some had to hold off on returning after surgery completely, all due to money. He saw how the staff around him, nurses and scrub techs, were always shorthanded and overworked because the higher ups refused to hire more people, just to save themselves money.

Eventually, it all came crumbling down on the members of the hospital board. Patients were seeking care elsewhere, strung out employees were quitting, and the Jujutsu Hospital reputation was going to shit. Money doesn't last forever, but they were in need of it. That's when an anonymous buyer came in with a generous offer, in exchange for the board to be changed immediately, of course.

It didn't take long for senior hospital board member, Dr. Yoshinobu Gakuganji, to trace the money back to the one and only, medicine prodigy, Satoru Gojo. He wished he never did find out where the buy-out offer came from, because he had no choice but to take the offer. So, now he stood in an office room located in one of the higher floors of the hospital building with the young white haired physician.

“I'll accept the buy-out under one exception,” Gakuganji started, wrinkling fingers tapping against one another.

Satoru only scoffed, his arms crossed on his chest. His voice is smug, laced with his usual know-it-all attitude, “you have no room to bargain, you're out of options. No one wants you bail you out of your shitty hospital but me.”

“For this, it's worth the risk. No surgery for four years.”

How evil. Brain surgery was Satoru's passion. He worked hard, studied long nights, developed his own technique for his surgeries. His eyes widened and he bared his teeth, slamming his hand down on the old man's desk.

“Fuck no, you can't do that!” Satoru had always been out of line as a subordinate, but he was well aware that his brain and talent were too prestigious to reprimand or hold accountable so he got away with a lot, much to Gakuganji's disliking. It explained why Gakuganji was always looking for reasons to get rid of him.

“I can have the hospital’s lawyer on retainer add it into the contract. You want to turn this hospital around? Time to make some sacrifices, Gojo.”

Satoru grunts, chewing on the inside of his cheek, his fingertips digging into the palm of his hand in a shaking fist. Gakuganji can't be serious.

“One more thing...”

“You’ve asked for enough.” Satoru rolls his eyes.

“The Gojo technique, it's brilliant. Forfeit your name to it.”

Gakuganji was going for the jugular. The Gojo technique was pretty much flawless and it had never failed to save a life in surgery. It was Satoru's creation, his baby. He had traveled the country to teach this technique to other neurosurgeons, articles were published about it, it was his.

“To what, your name? The Gakuganji technique is a mouth full and an eye sore.” Satoru spat. Though surgery was his life, he was willing to step down for a short amount of time, if it was for his vision of this hospital he had, then four years wasn't too long.

“Preferably, but as long as it's out of your name, I'll be satisfied. Make a public announcement about forfeiting the ownership of your technique, and we can move forward this deal.” Gakuganji said, stroking his thin-haired beard, it always creeped Satoru out.

Satoru glared daggers at the old man. He was wrinkly, fragilely thin, shaking like a leaf in the cold air conditioning of the the office. He could croak at any time and Satoru wished it'd happen now more than ever.

“You're acting like a man with nothing to lose.” Satoru’s eyes sized up the shrinking old man.

“I don't anymore.”

The deal closed the day after Satoru made a public announcement, giving titleship and credit to Dr. Geto for his the technique.

He walked into work like nothing had happened, as if he hadn't just become the owner of Jujutsu Hospital, as if he hadn't just agreed to sacrifice the next four years. He struck a deal with Dr. Geto to take over his surgical cases from now because he'll be “too busy with paperwork” for a while.

He hires back the old chief of surgery, Dr. Masamichi Yaga, who had been forced to retire by the old hospital board members, despite them hitting critical ages themselves. He confides in his old mentor that he has no clue what he's doing with this hospital he had just bought, but he may know where to start.

“I'm sick and tired of insurances denying everything. I'm the doctor, I know what my patients needs, not them.” Satoru complains, resting his cheek on his palm.

“It is a pain dealing with them.” Dr. Yaga agreed.

They sat in Satoru's new office, a place he was told to get used to; he'll be spending most of his time in there, rather than the operating room.

The young physician had a vision for the future of medicine: no red tape from insurance companies, no gouged up prices for medicine that patients need, fair wages and generous personal time off for employees.

Satoru sighed, blowing the air out of pursed lips. His eyes fall on to a pile of rejected proposals by the last hospital head. He finds an old one he had proposed—the free clinic. He had brought this idea up during his fellowship, the idea of offering free medical care for post-op patients, and once established, expand to offer free care for all patients.

His long fingers flip through his old proposal, a smile creeping on his lips as he comes to realization that he can approve this with a simple sign of his signature.

“I've got four years of free time, anyways.” Satoru tells himself.

More than half the employees who quit due to an unfair working environment had been rehired the first month of Satoru taking over, and new employees were hired to share the workload. He opened the hospital for med school students to come there for their clinical rotations and for residents to come work for their residency, and he found room in the budget for medical scribes to be hired.

_________

Your first day working with Dr. Geto couldn't have gone worse.

Dr. Geto requested to start work in the clinic two hours earlier than when it usually opens, so you have to show up two hours earlier than normal.

You wake up with exactly 10 minutes left before you have to leave. You rush through brushing your hair and tying it back, brushing your teeth, and you change into a pair of scrubs. Then you spill your homemade coffee on yourself by accident. Changing again makes you five minutes late to the clinic, and your gas tank is nearly on empty, so you'll have to pump more after work.

Dr. Geto is already standing and waiting at the nurse station when you walk in. You run to grab a scribing laptop from the supply closet at the back of the clinic, frantically opening it and logging into the electronic health system the clinic and hospital use.

You finally catch your breath as you wait near Dr. Geto for the first patient to be ready for him. You lose your breath again when Dr. Geto addresses you directly.

“Satoru told me you're interested in neurosurgery.” His voice is silk smooth, almost hypnotizing. He's prettier than the images you saw of him when you Googled the surgeon. His hair is so dark and shiny, it's long enough to go down his back, and he has half of it tied up. He takes care of it, you can tell.

You can't seem to find your voice, so you just nod. You're not necessarily interested in neurosurgery solely, but you're really open to it. You're not going to tell that to Dr. Geto, a neurosurgeon, though.

Dr. Geto works differently than Satoru or Kento. He likes to move quickly, even wasting less time than Kento does. He moves so swiftly, almost like he's gliding across the floor. You're barely able to keep up with his pace, once he's done with one patient, he moves on to the next room. He doesn't look back, he doesn't ask if you have any questions, he doesn't check your notes, you have no idea how he prefers them. You try stopping him, but it does no good.

“Dr. Geto, if I can just ask—” Your words don't reach him, he's already stepped into the next available exam room and began exanimating his patient.

You take your lunch break earlier than everyone else, since Dr. Geto had you start work earlier today.

“Goddamn it,” you curse to yourself as you realize you've gotten lost on the way to the hospital cafeteria again. You don't think you'll ever learn where it is. The hallways are so identical, other than different variations of some CPR posters pinned up in certain hallways.

“Need help?” You hear in a very familiar deep tone.

You turn your head to the direction of the voice and see Kento walking towards you. He looks handsome in the scrub cap he's wearing. He still lacks the white doctor coat so his muscular forearms are out for all to see, like usual. You can't help but stare at them, tracing each vein you see with your eyes. You remember how he held you with those arms as he fucked you four times.

Your gurgling stomach brings your focus back to him. “Uh, yeah, I always get lost on my way to the cafeteria.”

Kento chuckles, he thinks that's cute. “I was just heading there myself. I can show you.”

He really tries to continue a conversation with you, but it's awkward at first. You feel nervous, like you want to throw up, but despite not feeling any bile come up, the fluttering sensation stays in your stomach.

Kento opens each door at the end of the hallways for you like it's natural instinct. You tried opening one for him, but he gently replaced your hand on the steel doorknob with his own. His hands are so much bigger than yours, he can almost engulf your hand in just his palm alone.

He asks you how your day is going, and you respond by automatically pouting and dropping your head down. He laughs briefly as he watches your sulking. He opens one of the double doors that finally belongs to the cafeteria entrance, placing his large hand on the small of your back and guiding you inside as you continue pouting with your head down.

You pick up your head, and whine. “It's going horrible! I can't keep up with Dr. Geto, he's impossible to stop once he's started, it's like he can't hear me, I have no idea how he likes his notes, it's like he expects to know how he wants it—”

Kento nods, he's aware of how... difficult Suguru can be to work with. He expects everyone to be on his level from the get-go; he wants his scrub techs to know what instruments he's going to ask for during surgery before he needs to ask for it, he likes his nurses to write their supervision notes in a particular format so he can learn the most information without needing to ask the patient more questions himself. He has high expectations from everyone he works with, with little remorse or thought to new employees around him.

“—I like working with you way more.” You say quietly, finishing your rant.

The corners of Kento's lips turn up slightly, a small smile appearing at your confession. He notes how your cheeks turn pink, so he decides to not respond to it. You're thankful, thinking he hadn't heard you.

The hospital cafeteria is almost nearly empty, a few family members of patients eat, but there weren't many staff members there, most likely because you're taking an earlier lunch than normal. You and Kento grab food and he pays for your portion without exchanging words and without a second thought. You want to hate how he does that because you can take care of yourself, but you can't.

“About my parking ticket—” you begin, both of you moving to an empty table in a private corner of the cafeteria. He carries his food, a chicken sandwich with wheat bread, in one hand and pulls out a chair for you with his other.

“Already paid.” Kento replies, quickly shutting you down on it. He's smiling, smugly if you squint hard enough to see.

“You didn't have to do that.” You insisted. You take a seat in the chair he's pulled out for you, and he sits beside you.

“I know.” His voice is kind, traced with unwavering certainty. How odd. You're not used to that: someone doing something like that for you because they wanted to. It sends a chill down your spine, ringing an alarm in your head. Kento causes it, but he also helps dull out the noise of it.

You didn't think you'd really talk to Kento again after having dirty, hot sex at his home—other than having to talk to him during work. But you're not working with him today and you're here talking to him. It feels like it did in the bar, now that you've gotten over the one-sided awkwardness you were feeling.

Kento had your full attention and you had his. Your legs brush against one another's underneath the table and it makes you aware of how close he was. You remember how you brushed shoulders at the bar and how your bodies felt pressed together in his bed. You have to bring yourself back to reality.

Your lunch break breezes by a lot faster than you'd like it to. You have to return to Dr. Geto's service and the thought of it makes you dread it. Kento chuckles to himself as you pout and drag yourself up from the table you both shared and then joins you in doing so. He has a couple more surgeries to do before he's done for the day, some routine procedures that won't take long.

Kento had enjoyed spending his break with you. He didn't want to return to wondering when he'd be able to talk to you again or wait until his days in the clinic to see you. As you both walk out of the cafeteria with brushing shoulders, he finds it in himself to ask you for your numbers.

“I was wondering if I could have your phone number,” Kento's cringing at himself, he sounds old and out of sync with this hook-up dating culture that people your age are doing. “So it'd be easier to...”

To what? Bootycall you? He almost wants to say never mind, and go back to bland coffee and tasteless foods. No, he knows that's not enough for him anymore. He wants more of your touch, your body, you.

Thankfully, you don't make him say it. “Sure, yeah.” You sound cool, nearly aloof, but you're anything but that. Kento hands you his phone for you to input your number. Just as you finish saving the contact, you realize the time at the top of his screen—you're gonna be late at returning from your lunch break.

“Shit, I gotta go.” You push his phone back to him and quickly leave, fast on your feet as you walk away.

“Talk to you later.” Kento says, though you're gone already. He stares at his phone screen.

_________

The second portion of the day goes by a lot slower than you would have preferred. You feel like you can finally catch your breath after keeping up with Dr. Geto the whole day. You close your work laptop slowly, sighing out tiredly.

“Good job today.” You hear Dr. Geto's smooth voice day to you. You perk up and look at him. If you were a dog, your tail would be wagging.

“Oh—thank you!” You reply brightly. “I really enjoyed working with you.”

That's a lie. Dr. Geto didn't slow down for a second after lunch, if anything, he had started working faster. He also didn't take time to go the extra mile to talk or teach you about neurosurgery, like Satoru and Kento had. He wasn't required to, but it would have been appreciated on your part. Still, there's no denying Dr. Geto was a genius at what he does for a living. He had a lot more complex post-operative patients today, so you still had the opportunity to learn about his surgical cases and their treatment plans by being in the room and listening as you scribed.

Dr. Geto isn't much of a talker if he doesn't need to be, so he nods at your words in acknowledgement before leaving for the day.

You take a look around as you come from down that people-pleasing high you just experienced and see Yuji grimly working with Dr. Ieiri, the surgical oncologist, in one part of the clinic. You spot Nobara's eye twitching with near annoyance as she works with Dr. Haibara, the OBGYN, in the other part of the clinic. They would be better suited if they switched physicians.

Your roommates still have some time left in their workday, while you were able to go home now since you had started earlier today. You wave at them, Yuji brightly smiles at you and waves back, Nobara scrunches her nose in friendly envy that you're able to leave now, but waves back too.

You make it home after leaving work and stopping at a gas station for your car. Your phone had been more silent the entire time despite turning on your ringer for the first time in a long time—you always preferred your phone on vibrate. Not a peep from an unknown number you were hoping to hear from.

What's gotten into you? Looking forward to Kento hitting you up? Get a grip.

You shower when you get home and change into some loungewear. You finally feel your body relaxing as you lay in bed freshly showered and in clean clothes. You try to scroll mindlessly on your phone, but you feel your eyes getting heavier and tired until you finally give into the sinking feeling. You've sunk too deep into a quiet nap when your phone finally does ring.

xxx-xxx-xxxx

This is Kento. I hope your day improved.

sticky note:

i didn't want to specify where this au takes place or what specific ages the characters are because i wanted to give readers free reign on that, if that makes sense. though, since i am from america then most of my writing may be american-based (like the insurance part of this fic lol), but i'm am trying to stay unspecific in those areas. but even tho an age gap is intentional, i may never specify what ages everyone is because that way anyone reading can imagine an age gap they're comfortable with, if that makes sense too.

ps. when i worked as a scribe i saw an insurance company deny cancer treatment for a patient with prostate cancer bc the insurance company believed “it was not necessary” :O

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purplesurveys · 7 months

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1752

Who’s the last person you were angry with? My brother for not doing shit around the house.

What was the last video game that you beat? I've never beaten a video game before; I've always been terrible at them haha. I remember taking a shot at a Resident Evil game, but even though my gameplay was set to the easiest available level I still struggled to get past the tutorial stage. I still love video games though and for the most part I enjoy watching walkthroughs – it's just I can never actually play them.

When was the last time you ate Pop Tarts? No idea. It most probably would've been pre-pandemic years.

Have you ever hyperventilated? Yes. Terrible experience.

Have you ever had lice? Yeah when I was like 10. Fortunately it never became a recurring thing because I know other kids had it much worse.

Colored or black-and-white photo? Colored. Never was a big fan of the black and white effect; to me it takes the life out of what the photo could've said.

Do you believe in astrology? Not in the least.

Who did you last give a piggyback ride to? I don't think I've ever given anyone a piggyback ride. It's always been the other way around as I'm quite petite.

Do you like Lady Gaga or does she try too hard? I have never thought of Lady Gaga as a try-hard, even in her earlier years. I always saw her as daring and experimental which I really admired. I especially enjoyed how much she pissed off conservatives and I LOVED seeing the news of all the Christian groups protesting when she came to Manila 13 years to hold a concert haha.

What’s the ugliest trend you’ve ever seen? I think most dance challenges are cringey so there's that. As a whole I think I'm just not the target audience for TikTok, lol.

Would you ever keep your favorite animal as a pet? I already have two of them. :))

What would you do if you were stuck on a boat in the middle of the ocean? Do my best to attract attention, but otherwise be also accepting of my fate. The ocean is a ruthless place so I wouldn't at all be surprised if I don't end up making it.

When was the last time you played Guitar Hero? More than a decade ago.

Where did you last wear a bathing suit? I think it had been in Zambales last December when my family went out for a quick beach trip.

Who did your last notification come from? My sister.

Do you feel more comfortable with a male or female doctor/nurse? Tbh I don't mind either way. In my experience, both have been kind and gentle and it's actually female staff who have tended to be frank and judgmental on occasion, so I keep a neutral stance altogether.

Ever cried so much you threw up? A few times, yeah.

Are you completely over your last relationship? I'll feel resentful from time to time but otherwise it barely crosses my mind anymore as I have long moved past it.

Have you ever gone to a beach? Yes.

Have you ever suspected anyone of cheating on you? No.

What do you usually order on a pizza? I always get either the four-cheese or barbecue option. I never get anything else.

Have you ever done volunteer work just because you wanted to? I haven't yet but it's something I frequently think about. I just never have the time to do so. I'd love to volunteer at an NGO for strays.

The last time you washed your hair, did you use conditioner? Yes, I have to. I can bathe without shampoo, but I can never not use conditioner. It's the one thing keeping my hair from being a stiff nest.

Would you ever visit a psychic? Never. Ick.

Have you ever had a stick insect as a pet? Nope. I don't think I've ever even seen one before.

Has anyone ever called you stuck-up? I don't think so; at least not to my face.

Had sex at school? Within campus grounds, sure.

[TW: ABUSE] Abusive relationship: leave him/her or keep it a secret? Leave is the ideal option of course, but it's never as easy as it sounds.

What recently happened that made you proud of yourself? Drove by myself in a completely unfamiliar route to a completely unfamiliar city. I stick to my usual highways as much as possible but my destination last Wednesday deemed that routine virtually impossible, so I was terrified all morning. But I made it in one piece!

[TW: DRUG OD] Ever have a drug overdose? What did you OD on exactly? I have never OD'd on anything before and the thought horrifies me. I hope it's something I never experience.

Are both of your blood parents still in your life? Yes.

Have you ever made out on a couch? Sure.

Someone asked you what you wanted, what would you say? I would love to be in the position where it's like, I get an offer for a new job but it doesn't start til like 3-4 months from now, so I get that long a break to just rest in the meantime.

When’s the next time you’ll be drinking? Mid-October at Kaye's birthday party which I'm apparently invited to. She didn't even give me a heads-up haha, she just immediately added me to a groupchat with all the other invitees. Not that I'm complaining about it – the idea sounds very exciting and I'm looking forward to mingle with new faces.

What are you doing on Halloween? No clue.

Have you ever been drunk at school or work? There was one time in college where I was, yeah – but at that time, I only drank once I was done with my classes. It's just that I had an org meeting later that day, and it was that meeting I attended partially buzzed. I'd never attend actual classes or a workday drunk.

Do you own any Sims games? Which ones? I'm pretty sure we have one of The Sims games on the PS4 (I may have even been the one who bought it lol I just can't remember??), but I haven't touched it in years.

What are you listening to at the moment? There's faint music playing in the parking lot where I'm currently staying in.

First letter of the names of everyone you have kissed? G.

If you could take back saying anything to anyone, what would it be? Genuinely don't think there's anything. If there's one thing I'm most careful about, it's the words I say. I know what it's like to have cruel words stick to me, so I always filter no matter how pissed I am.

Do you do anything regularly that could damage your body? I've been obsessed with food with considerable fat in it (pork belly, bangus belly, etc) so that worries me a bit. Also, vaping. And having only one meal a day.

When were you the saddest in your life? Directly after my previous relationship ended. I had been in a very rough shape for a few months when that happened, but then I found BTS along the way and they helped me find my footing again.

If you have siblings, have they moved out or do they still live with you? We all still live together.

Have you been outside today? Yes. I'm at Feliz right now because I volunteered to drive my sister to her Bumble meetup lol – partially as a protective sister, partially as an excuse to be outdoors. I was at Starbucks earlier but felt bored after an hour or so, so I'm now in my car at the parking lot for some quiet time.

Did you know you wanted to be in a relationship with the person you are now when you first met him/her? I'm not with anyone.

Would you rather live in Alaska or New Zealand? New Zealand.

Is there anyone in your life that knows right away something’s wrong with you? Sure.

What would you do if you walked into your house only to find your boyfriend and your mother making out? I don't have a boyfriend but I imagine this would horrify and piss anyone off? How else am I supposed to feel hahahaha.

What if you found out your partner had a previous sex change? I don't have a partner but if this ever happened, I'd allow myself the time to absorb the shock, and I'd like to think I'll simply have a talk with my partner and be accepting of the update.

Have you ever dated someone in the military? Nope. But I am currently waiting on three men who are currently in service :') :') :')

When’s the next time you’ll have to buy a gift for someone? Pretty soon as it'll be Christmas in three months.

List the last ten people that texted you. That sounds so exhausting. I don't feel like checking my phone now lol sorry.

What color is your favorite eye shadow? I don't like makeup.

What’s your favorite hairstyle on a guy? Whatever it is you call Namjoon's hair at the moment. Buzzcut is it? It looks so neat.

Who was the last person to call you beautiful? No idea, I haven't heard that word in a while.

Who was the last person of the opposite sex to Facebook message you? JM.

Do you know how to make origami? No. I've always been terrible at origami.

Who is your hero? I don't really think of anyone in these terms. I find inspiration from certain people, but that's it.

How would you like to be proposed to one day? Never really given that much thought.

When was the last time you saw your brother? Last night.

Is your ex a complete loser? No; badmouthing her, now that's such a loser thing to do tbh. I don't see the point. The relationship ended forever ago and even though I allow myself to harbor resentment every now and then, I don't, like, actively think ill of the person.

What does the shirt you’re wearing look like? It's a white sleeveless top that has a cute polka dot-ish design.

Do you like to cuddle? Sure.

Is the last person of the opposite sex you texted single? Nope.

Would your parents disown you if you got pregnant? At this point I don't think they will, but if it happened before marriage I would imagine they would feel majorly disappointed. They wouldn't disown me though.

Any baby names you think you might name your future kids? I have a few favorites but I don't think children are ever going to happen for me.

Think back to your most important relationship, was it all your fault it’s over? No.

Has anyone seen you naked in the last 6 months? Nope.

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computerpeople · 10 months

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tw child abuse i didnt realize how fucked up this actually was until i wrote it all out LOL anyways sorry this is long. absolutely no requirement for anyone to read, but lms if you do since its long

a situation ive had really stuck in my head with this whole dad situation is the time that i had a minor seizure and instead of being worried that i came home from a date with my (at time physically abusive) ex, where we went to a baseball game with his dad and his dads gf for his birthay with massive blown out pupils, they screamed at me for hours about how im a useless waste of space and an evil child and how i clearly was going out and doing drugs with my boyfriend and lying to them about where ive been, and you know, im unaware of it but at the time i had just had a minor seizure and was freaking the fuck out because nothing was making sense and they were flashing flashlights into my eyes andf screaming at me and i couldn't make out anything they were saying until i started screaming at them to take me to the hospital and have me pee tested because i knew that i hadn't taken anything and if i WAS drugged (which i couldn't tell anymore because i was, again, post seizure and extremely freaked out) it wasnt of my own accord and that i would have BEEN drugged by someone else if i was

went to the hospital where i got screamed at in the car the entire time, and then screamed at in the waiting room. i just cried, man, i cried and cried and cried the entire time and kept screaming at them that i was innocent and that i hadn't taken anything because fucking obviously i hadn't taken anything. i was like 15 and severely heavily medicated and my boyfriend was a 14 year old theatre kid danganronpa fan, of course we werent taking hard fucking drugs. they eventually calmed down ocne the nurses started being around and started being overly nice to me, offering to get me star bucks and snacks from the drink places downstairs, mean while im like in shock and shaking violently and can't think coherently. and they explain to the nurses that im severely mentally unwell/struggle w some pretty severe ptsd so if im not able to communicate right thats why.

the nurse took me to the bathroom to pee in a cup and while we were walking to the bathroom she was like. "hey.... be honest with me, did you take anything?" and i shook my head and said no, that i told them to take me here to prove that i didn't. and she nodded and said "i knew you didnt" before letting me into the bathroom. i dont really remember the rest of that night bc it was mostly calm because obviously i peed clean and i was exhausted but i ended up getting home at 5am when the sun was already up, and they expected me to go to school after (got in trouble for going to bed and staying home). they never apologized though, they just kept insisting that trhey did all of this because they were terrified i had got drugged by someone at the ball game. they still haven't apologized.

#txt #ive been thinking about it because thats one of the things i recounted to my dad as 'proof' he was abusing me #for months afterwards id go in the bathroom and check my eyes. for a long time my pupils had an issue of being overly dialated #it had to be the meds i was on or something but i asked my psyche and none of them i was on caused that #but i was also lied to about what i was on (was told they were antidepressants and wasnt allowed to google them) when they were #strong antispcyhotics. so i dont know #its just so messed up #fuck mmy parents #cps got called shortly after i think? i think that was one of the times cps got called

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epikulupu · 2 years

Note

also ignore any non phosials if it happened to post as well. if its grouped with the phosials cus i. put a bunch of phosials along with terms i wanted to coin myself KSJFJSJDJDJDJD

i wrote squid octo and gore phosial like 3 times. oh also probably more stuff that is repeated. ignore tha sorry

pt 2

phosgreyial (morally grey)

phostentaclial (tentacle)

phoselial (lace)

phoslapial (rabbit)

phospudding (pudding)

phosgoodial (being good. as opposed to being an evil mfer. dedicated to my lame alter /j, t)

phosimpostial (imposter. haha amongus. i have no idea why i wrote this. maybe i was watchinf the mandela catalogue)

phosbittersweetial (bittersweet)

delicate/fragile phosial? idk how to write i forgot.

phosial thats gentle / phosgentleal ?

phosial persocom (persocom is a android species from chobits :P)

medphosial / medical light

kenophosial / a light thats inherently kenochoric?

sillyphosial / lit by being a silly little creature..

horrorcosmophosial / cosmic horror light

teethphosial / lit by teeth

pawphosial / lit by pawpads/paws

phonephosial / phone screen ?????

frillphosial / lit by frills

bellphosial / lit by bells

phosairplanial / lit by airplanes

phoshospitial / lit by hosptisl

phoscrossial / lit by crosses

phosairportial / lit by airports

phoshallwayal / lit by hallways

phoschoolial / school

phoscafeal / cafe

phosial gender lit by. tv signal? bars? idk

lovingphosial / lit by. love? a loving light.

carephosial / lit by a caring light

protectiphosial / lit by a protective light. shoutout to my protector alters btw

horrorphosial / horror

queerphosial / being queer

orientatiphosial / orientationgenders but phosial

velauriphosial / being velaurian or in a velaurian light, think orientationgenders but phosial

straightphosial / i have transhet bigender swag

gayphosial, turiphosial/veldiphosial (turian/veldian), veldigirlphosial, lesboyphosial, etc

phobiphosial / lit by a phobia

fairy type phosial

psychic type phosial

ghost type phosial

dark type phosial

ickyphosial / a light thats icky

creepyphosial a light thats creepy

horrorphosial lit by . horror

slasherphosial lit by slashers

hornphosial lit by horns

dicloniphosial / lit by diclonius ( species from elfen lied ALSO TW GORE if u look that up. )

canni(balism)phosial / lit by. cannibalism sorry im fucked up wnd evil /j but also /autism /specialvinterest . sorry

anthrophagiphosial / lit from anthrophagia. which is the consumption of human flesh. like in general not necessarily by humans

a phosiap gender lit by a nonhuman light? worded rly badly but wjatever

dollphosial / lit from dolls. lit... by dolls ? idk . also shoutout to tumvlrnuser dollomine

wirephosial / light from wire

circuitphosial / light from circuits

angriphosial <- ok nvm somehow i have predicted ur event . i am psychic . pog

honkai impact 3rd universial...

lit by herrschers from honkai impact.... aaaa

alienphosial / light from aliens

animorphs universe phosial

phosial gender / light from uhhh gold. like. the material not color.

a light thats delicate

a light thats elegent

ufophosial / light from ufos

light from the 'the good place' universe

phosial light from 'the fake good place'

phosial light from weapons

phosial light from guns

phosial light from knives

a light thats melting

phosial light from inklings from splatoon

phosial light from inklings' ink from splatoon

phosial light from sanitized octolings from splatoon

phosial light from sanitized octolings' ink from splatoon

(my special interest is splatoon oops sorry)

phosial light from hospitals

phosial light from syringes

phosial light from hospital rooms

phosial light from clinic rooms

phosial light from doctors offices

phosial light from nurses offices

(sorry i really like. hospital s and stuff.)

madokauniversiphosial / fuckin . i swewr i sent this before but madoka universe phosial?? idk ignore any repeqts OOPS

grotesque phosial / in a grotesque light.....

neurophosial / define this howrver u want my brain broke and i stopped adding definitions at some. point. i 4got wtf this was gonna be. pain

phosinfinial / infinite light

idk i hrhsrhhejd filler... / splatoon universe

phosial / nier automata universe

lit by being dizzy??? dizziness?? *is dizzy* wow thwts gender!!

(not phosial ->)

spinnic genders for:

medical aesthetic / breakcore / electronic music / an1morphs (replace 1 with i, just dont want it in teh tags...) / splat00n (oo) / marine life spinnjf / draken1er (i) / cybersecurity / canniblism/anthrophagia..... if u Want ehehehe (eats ur flags) (revvs up my autism)

a gender related to being an 'irl' of herrscher of the void / sirin ? ( honkai impact )

(IGNORE THIS^ IF U WANT THO *dies and explodes* uufhrhrjenwnrnrbrrrhhrrn dont get burnt out.. unburns ur toast)

- 🍮

i didnt proof read this bye 8m going to bed

all done! finally , that's all the phosial requests i had from april :0 tysm for your patience friend, it is much appreciated :]

#⭘ request #🍮 anon

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senatushq · 2 years

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NAME. Francesca “Frankie” Zarate AGE & BIRTH DATE. 29 & May 21st, 1993 GENDER & PRONOUNS. Female & She/Her SPECIES. Human AFFILIATION. The Eye OCCUPATION. ER Nurse FACE CLAIM. Priscilla Quintana

BIOGRAPHY.

( tw: abandonment, neglect, death ) Emptiness. It was the state of her household most days of her childhood. Somehow the fridge and cabinet were stocked with the bare minimum, but beyond that there was nothing more of a parental presence than knowing she had something to eat, a roof over her head, and empty bottles of beer scattered around the house. Francesca knew life solely by her observant and curious ways. Her mother constantly lived in and out of the house, bringing new bodies to fill the void of emptiness that consumed her soul. Yet, with each new child born the light in her mother’s eyes only got darker and darker. By the time she was ten, Frankie was making sure her half-siblings were fed and bathed, made it to school on time, and remained naive to the harsh realities of their world. It was imperative that they never noticed the constant murmurs of disgust and shame and the looks of contempt that met them in every corner of their small town.

It was on her way home after working a double to help keep the lights on that she noticed the police car and firefighters loitering outside her family’s apartment. Her mother had fallen asleep, leaving the stove on, sending their property into an ablaze. The woman died on the way to the hospital, her three half-siblings were stripped away from her, and because she was sixteen, Frankie had the right to file for emancipation. Anger and frustration coursed through her veins for months. Each day she worked harder and fought back the gossip and the glares that came her way. She was the broken child that had no chance in this life.

A regular at the diner she worked at named Alaric was the only person who saw potential in her. Following the aftermath, he took Frankie under his wing like a daughter, teaching her how to navigate this life. There was a fight that he admired and soon enough, she was being trained in the ways of self-defense and challenged in the ways of both street and book smarts. Unaware of what was occurring, he was preparing her for entry into the world that was surrounding her. One which she never realized would be the escape that she had been seeking for. When she was eighteen, she finally went back to the place where her life started as the new owners found possessions of her mother. It was then that she saw the root cause of destruction in her life. It may not have been the perfect life, but this darkness ripped her family apart and took her siblings away.

Frankie’s desire for justice lit the trail that she’s blazed over the past ten years. With Alaric’s help, knowledge, and expertise, it led her to the streets and alleyways of Rome. Never in a million years did she think she’d be in this position. It was somewhat of an out-of-body experience. Being propelled from the small town where they marked her as incapable of anything beyond being a replica of her mother, Frankie was succeeding in life. Completing college, finding the joy of life that was stripped from her in her youth, and gaining the attention of The Eye. Frankie was an exquisite archer who’s accuracy with striking targets from miles away was impeccable. Still in the pursuit to avenge her family, in the interim, Frankie is happy to aid in the mission of The Eye to protect humanity from the darkness that looms all around them. No one deserves what she’s been through and she’s committed to doing her damn best from keeping that evil from callously destroying the lives of others.

PERSONALITY.

+ dauntless, adaptable, charming - headstrong, impulsive, cynical

PLAYED BY MISSA. Est. She/Her

#skeleton rp #original rp #supernatural rp #literate rp #city rp

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careshub · 1 year

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𝑽𝑨𝑴𝑷𝑰𝑹𝑬 𝑯𝑼𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑹

look like the flower, but be the serpent under’t’.

basics.

timeline: season one divergent

tws: mentions of murder, blood, gore (p much anything vampire-y)

when bill and liz decided to get a divorce, caroline didn’t think twice before announcing she wanted to live with her dad. she’d always been a daddy’s girl and her relationship with her mother had been on freefall ever since she’d told her daughter that she would be divorcing her dad. so caroline packed her bags and left mystic falls. being away from her friends was hard, but it also gave her the chance to finally get out of elena’s shadow. she and her dad moved out to atlanta, georgia, settling in a

life was good. caroline had new friends, all fitting into the popular crowd at school, which helped her own reputation. she’d joined the cheer team and quickly became captain. she attended parties and planned events. she truly it had it all. until one night, when she was on her way home from a party in the woods and something hit her car. it was dark and she couldn’t see very well, but she was sure the shape she’d seen briefly was not of an animal. caroline climbed out of her car in a panic, trying to call the police but never managing to speak a word to the person on the line before her phone was snatched out of her grip and she was attacked.

as the life drained out of her, she heard the sound of screeching tires and soon the creature who was sucking the blood out of her body was letting go of her and falling to its knees in agony. caroline soon followed, and from her spot in the cold, moist cement, she was able to see it — her father driving a stake into the creature’s heart. caroline passed out mere seconds later.

she woke up two days later in the hospital, with her dad sleeping on a very uncomfortable chair next to her. flashes of what had happened flooded her mind and sent her into a spiral, but thankfully her dad was able to calm her down before a nurse could come in while she screamed about being attacked by a vampire. explaining to your daughter that vampires were very much real and it was their duty to protect humans from those evil creatures was not easy, especially when said daughter used to have a crush on edward cullen, but bill forbes manages to... eventually. once caroline is discharged from the hospital, they go back to their house and bill officially begins his daughter’s training.

she thinks about quitting countless times, but something stops her. maybe it’s not wanting to feel powerless ever again, or maybe it’s simply to spite the other members of her dad’s group, who constantly whispered about how she was too girly to be a good hunter. but caroline powers through her training, despite sore muscles and constant frustrations. she kills her first vampire about three months after her training begins and doesn’t stop until she learns about elena’s accident and her parents’ death.

extra.

she went back to mystic falls after hearing about elena’s accident but wasn’t planning to stay until people started to get attacked by animals and she grew suspicious of it

she told her dad she’d be moving back permanently until the problem was ‘dealt with’. in reality, she wanted to prove to him that she was just as good as hunting down vampires as he was

caroline's bubbly and shallow personality is mostly a facade. though she can be both things, she kicks it up a notch because she knows it’ll be good for her. no one suspects the dumb blonde, right?

she is never seen without her heart-shaped necklace. it was a gift from her dad and she makes sure to keep it stuffed with vervain oil to keep vamps out of her mind

#verses.#vampire hunter.

0 notes

subtletruamadumping · 2 years

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[Legal, Dead, Family] -By [blank]

_____________________________________________________________ A short form work reflecting on my own identity as a nonbinary person.

Date Written: December 8, 2021

TW: Vague allusions to abuse

_____________________________________________________________

There are several different versions of the story of how I got [my name]. My mom tells me she named me after the nurse. Apparently, this random stranger was so good at their job that my mom wanted me to be named after her. However, the nurse got the name wrong and instead wrote down the gender-neutral version of the name. My mother didn’t care enough to get it changed. When my first brother was born, the name she had picked out for months beforehand didn’t seem right anymore. So, days after leaving the hospital, she went back and demanded it be changed.

Another story my mom tells is that she tried to name me after an evil witch. She claims that [my name] was supposed to have an extra letter in it that would harken back to an evil enchantress in an old book she read. She said I always seemed like the villainous type. The bad kid. She could tell from the day I was born that I wasn’t like the others. My younger sister had her name picked out from the moment they knew mom was pregnant. A saint's name.

My aunt says that while they were on the way to the hospital, they saw a sign for a plumbing company. The name of the company is also [my legal name] and my aunt posits that my mom couldn’t think of anything better for me. My grandma says it’s the English translation of a German name that she’s always wanted a grandchild to be called. My older sister claims that she picked it out of thin air for me.

I’ve never liked it.

I’ve never wanted to go by it.

When referring to it, I refuse to say it. I call it my [legal name]; my [extra dead name]; the name [I hate]… the name my [dad calls me].

The [name that triggers] memories of a house, a time, a man I had to escape. When the insurance person over the phone uses it in her sing-song customer service voice all I can hear is my dad shouting across the house, shaking the walls. My heart skips a beat, but I have to remind myself where I am, when I am. I’m safe in my own apartment, away from that part of my life. I swallow down the fear and mimic the same fake smile in my voice to answer her.

I complained about [my name] all the time but in second grade I refused to use it in school. I signed my homework and tests with any other name but [my own]. Luke Skywalker, I was for a week. Ash Ketchum was next when I was told Luke wouldn’t cut it. Harry Potter, Fang, Alliousisous, anything to distance myself from that reminder in the back of my head of what had happened behind closed doors of bathrooms or forced open doors of bedrooms.

My mom asked why I wanted to change it. I lied. Or, really, told a half truth. The story I go with is that I didn’t like how another boy in my class had the same [name] as me. How am I supposed to explain the feeling of being so lost in myself, the confusion of who I am supposed to be paired with the pain [my birth name] caused me? I said I wanted to be different, to be my own person and just left it at that. Her side of the story was that I thought [the name] was too masuline. She suggested I start going by [my middle name].

That was her name after all, so it must be perfect. She didn’t seem to care about me trying to be my own person in the world, just like when she told me at age 22 that I couldn’t know my own sexuality better than she could. Claiming that my coming out at Thanksgiving was for attention because “she knew me”. Her name, [the same name] that she [dead names] me with. Recycled from her own birth certificate to mine because she couldn’t think of anything better. Because she expected me to follow in her footsteps.

But… I went with it. Anything to get me away from [my first name]. [My middle name] is hyper feminine. Full of those curvy vowels that signify that you are more delicate, more pure. I used it everywhere, stamping out any trace of [my old name] to the point where it was confusing for people who didn’t care to try to change. Older family members would “forget” and use [the wrong name] no matter how many times I bit back in agitation. I told my mom the story of how my grandpa had finally had enough of me correcting him and said he was just going to call me [Disagreeable], [Annoying], [Bitch]. She told me to stop correcting him.

Employers refused to call me by [my then preferred name]. The “wait… what’s your [name]? No, your real name?” was a sentence I heard before I even knew I was trans. I was told condescendingly that they can’t use “nicknames” or put [my middle name] on my name tag instead of the one that was used to traumatize me. I was forced to have my trigger pinned to my chest. I was exposed for the world to see and they didn’t even realize it. Customers smiled at me with their own mouths, but my dad’s voice came out when they called for me. I was a yo-yo at work. Back and forth from [my middle name] with coworkers who were nice enough to care what I wanted and [my blood-curdling name] with managers and people who didn’t know any better. The daily swing from minding my own business, maybe even enjoying the work to induced panic, sweating, roaring in my ears, head spinning. I got written up for not wearing my nametag. I quit two jobs because I couldn’t stand hearing [that name]. The story was, I was disagreeable, hard to work with, a bitch.

It was years and years of being asked for my [name] and feeling the twinge in my stomach. I didn’t want to answer. Either name, [my legal] or [middle], wasn’t me. They weren’t right. The fear of [my first name] and the disappointment in [my mother’s name]. I never lived up to her expectations. Even before I moved out of the house I was trying to change [my name] again. Ace? Al? Katie? Dylan? Connor? I couldn’t stand being compared to who I was before or who I was supposed to be. I wanted it to just be me. For my name to be me. I wanted my own story. My mom told me I already had my chance to change my [name] and no one was going to take me seriously. I should just give up and use her name. Afterall, she knew what I wanted more than I did, right?

All I wanted was to get away; to be anywhere else but that house. To be any other person, to be called by any other name than [legal, dead, family]. My mom was allowed to change her last name. She got remarried, shaking off the connection to the man who had hurt her, my little sister, me. I wasn’t allowed to. It would be too confusing for my teachers, the story went, the school would have to do too much paperwork. I came into this world with the ball and chain of a monster dragging at the end of my [name]. She has the audacity to say that I don’t know what abuse is. She says my story isn’t worth sharing.

Then, I get to write my own story.

I didn’t let my mom have any part of it. I moved away. I got out from under her thumb and the disconnect between the [names] she gave me in the hospital was so wide I didn’t even turn around when people called me by them. They echoed through the air, no one claiming them. They were both [dead] to me. I still haven’t found one to replace them. I want nothing more than to stand tall in front of someone and say “Hello, my name is [name] and my pronouns are they/them.” I want the confidence that only a gender affirming name can give me. I want the euphoria of people reading or hearing my name and not knowing what my gender is. I’ve circled back to the beginning. Taking advice from [my legal, birth, first name] trying on gender neutral [names] like I try on dysphoria hoodies.

Does [this name] hide all the parts of me that make me feel sick, feel worthless, feel like I will never be good enough? Does [this name] hint to other trans people that I’m one of them subtly enough that we can give each other a knowing nod but not alert the cis people around us? How abstract with a name can I be before I’m just another nonbinary stereotype? Spencer? Parker? Ivy? Onyx? Moss? Moth? Mist? Do they feel right or am I just feeling the euphoria in [a name] that will make me feel the safe safety from gender as my oversized clothes do?

I try them on, but I don’t wear them out in public. I don’t know how people will react. I don’t know if they’ll take me seriously or laugh at me. I tried once. A brand new job, someone asked me my [name]. I panic, brian short-circuiting and words tripping over each other to try and keep from being thrown out of my mouth. I said I didn’t know. The odd looks forced me to explain further. I was in the middle of picking a new name and I didn’t know which I liked. They were clearly surprised but wanting to play along. The men I worked with wanted to hear them all. They could judge better than I could which name would be right for me. Tell us the [names] you’re choosing between, they demanded. I tried to change the subject, but I had sparked their curiosity. Tell us, tell us!

Tell us!

T e l l

u s,

n o w !

My head is spinning. I’m so far away from my body at this point that it feels like they’re coming out of someone else’s mouth, tumbling one after the other through the air on display for everyone to see. [My legal name], the [name my dad still calls me]. [My middle name], the new [dead name that feels like a crushing weight of never living up to my mom’s expectations]. And… [Spencer]. A safe option, but one I actually chose for myself. A gender neutral [name] that doesn’t scream “I’m trans'' to a room full of conservative men. A [name] I’m not 100% on board with but I’ve been trying out for myself for a few months.

Manly man #1 doesn’t even blink. He likes [my second name] the best because it “looks more like me”. Manly man #2 agrees that he like [the more feminie name] because “I might confuse people with how short I cut my hair.” Manly man #3 throws a curve ball and says he likes [the first one] because [the second] reminds him of a pop song he hates. They continue to discuss the [names] between themselves while my eyes glaze over and my body goes numb in the background. No one likes the third option. Not even me, really.

But how am I supposed to come up with a name that is me, unequivocally and completely me, when I don't even know who that is yet? I shuffle through names like phases of the moon. They start bright and shining, yeah, maybe this one will work. This might be what’s right for me! As I use them, grow with them, and discover more about myself, they wane away, the connection I felt with them slowly fading into nothing. I guess I just don’t completely know myself yet. I’m still trying to shake off the past story that was forced upon me. It’s my turn now. I’ll write my future, making myself the hero of my own story. The character I will create will hide from their trauma, will not be compared to or talked down to by their mother. They will not be a bitch or annoying, they will simply refuse to be walked over and stand firm in their beliefs.

This story might take me years or weeks to write. I’m constantly researching and scribbling down ideas in the back of my mind, preparing for the day when it all just… comes together. I can feel this character, this hero, that I will grow into slowly forming in the background. Every gender-affirming haircut, every time I speak my mind instead of sitting idly, every time I look in the mirror and don’t hate myself, the mystery of who I am is slowly coming out of the mist. When I finally figure them out, finally get to see the real me in broad daylight, I hope they will look me in the eyes, and say “Hello, my name is [blank], I use they/them pronouns. Ready to share our story?”

#writing #my writing #poetry #writers on tumblr #trans pride #non bianry #deadname #spilled thoughts

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aylinaliens · 2 years

Text

gooseras asian drama rec/masterlist:

a somewhat concise master-list of all the dramas I have watched over the years. ranked in no particular order but the latest dramas that I finish will be at the very top. mostly korean + chinese but there are a little bit of japanese/thai dramas thrown in too.

last updated: 7/08/22

previous rec list:

asian wlw short films/dramas

underrated asian dramas

chinese drama recs

currently watching: extraordinary attorney woo, jinxed at first, father is strange

Key: bold = favorite ** = rewatched Korea (K), China (C), Japan (J), Thailand (TH), Taiwan (TW)

Jinxed at First (K)

A Business Proposal (K)**

Suiyobi 22-ji dake no kare (J)

Youth of May (K)

Adult Trainee (K)

All of Us Are Dead (K)

Brother’s Friend (J)

The Boy Next Door (K)

Her Private Life (K)

Kieta Hatsukoi (J)**

D.P. (K)

Squid Game (K)

Happiness (K)**

Onzoshi Boys (J)

Our Secret (C)**

Koi Wa Tsuzuku yo Doko Made mo (J)**

Live On (K)

Nevertheless (K)

Light on Me (K)**

Make a Wish (C)**

So Not Worth It (K)

Mad for Each Other (K)

So I Married an Anti-Fan (K)

Toshi no Sakon (J)

Playful Kiss (K)

Marry Me (J)**

She is the One (C)

Moment at Eighteen (K)

School 2017 (K)

Tomorrow with You (K)**

Move to Heaven (K)

Meteor Garden (C)

A Love So Beautiful (K)

The School Nurse Files (K)

Tale of the Nine-Tailed (K)

Love Alarm 1 (K)

Love Alarm 2 (K)

Girl from Nowhere 1 (TH)

Girl from Nowhere 2 (TH)

What’s Wrong with Secretary Kim (K)

Hwarang (K)

Remember My Boy (C)

Princess! You Have Five Husbands (C)

I Don’t Want to Be Friends With You (C)**

Positive Physique (K)

Legend of Yuan Qian (C)

Flower Boy Next Door (K)

Takane to Hana (J)

Hello, Me! (K)

The Uncanny Counter (K)**

My Girlfriend is a Gumiho (K)**

My Little Happiness (C)**

Gen Y (TH)

Dear Uranus (TW)

SF8: Joan's Galaxy (K)**

You Make Me Dance (K)

Chicago Typewriter (K)

Mr. Queen (K)

True Beauty (K)

The Hymn of Death (K)

Ingredients (TH)

Descendants of the Sun (K)

We Best Love (TW)

Someday or One Day (TW)**

Color Rush (K)

Until We Meet Again (TH)**

The World of My 17 (TH)

To My Star (K)**

Shanai Marriage Honey (J)**

Run On (K)**

Coffee Prince (K)**

The King: Eternal Monarch (K)

It’s Okay to Not Be Okay (K)

While You Were Sleeping (K)

Mute (K)

Meet Me Outside (P)

Cherry Magic! Thirty Years of Virginity Can Make You a Wizard?! (J)**

Lovely Us (C)**

Wish You (K)

Sweet Home (K)

100 Days My Prince (K)

Birthcare Center (K)

Imawa no Kuni no Alice (Alice in Borderland) (K)

The Smile Has Left Your Eyes (K)

Craving You (TW)

Yuri Dano Kan Dano (J)

The Ghost Bride (TW)

Start-Up (K)

Moon Lovers: Scarlet Heart Ryeo (K)**

Flower of Evil (K)

Tharntype (TH)

The Untamed (C)**

Ossan’s Love (J)

Diary of Tootsies (TH)

Do Do Sol Sol La La Sol (K)

He She It (TH)

Like in the Movies (P)

Single & Ready to Mingle (K)**

Perfect & Casual (C)

Fight My Way (K)

Erased (J)

Go Go Squid! (C)

Into the Ring (K)**

Sweet Revenge (K)

Something About 1% (K)

Queen of the Ring (K)

Come & Hug Me (K)

Strangers from Hell (K)

Was It Love? (K)

Dramaworld (K)

Touch Your Heart (K)**

En of Love: This is Love Story (TH)

Age of Youth (K)

Wait, My Youth (C)

Extracurricular (K)

Cheese in the Trap (K)

Mystic Pop-Up Bar (K)**

Love Sick (TH)

Why R U? (TH)

Girl Next Room: Midnight Fantasy (TH)

Girl Next Room. Richy Rich (TH)

Mr. Heart (K)**

History 2: Crossing the Line (TH)

Gameboys (PINOY)

The Sound of Your Heart (K)

Persona (K)

Eulachacha Waikiki (Laughter in Waikiki) (K)**

YYY (TH)**

Long Time No See (K)

Go Ahead (C)**

Switched (J)

How to Buy a Friend (K)

When the Camellia Blooms (K)

Life: Senjou no Bokura (J)

History 2: Right or Wrong (TH)

History 3: Make Our Days Count (TH)**

Hello Stranger (PINOY)

Reply 1997 (K)

Lily Fever (K)

Secret Seven (TH)

Peanut Butter Sandwich (J)

The Shipper (TH)

Boy for Rent (TH)

Coffee & Vanilla (J)

Best Mistake (K)

Because of You (TW)

The Romance of Tiger and Rose (C)**

Dark Blue and Midnight (TW)

3 Will Be Free (TH)

Sotus (TH)

Sotus S (TH)

Great Men Academy (TH)**

History 1: Obsessed (TW)

History 1: Stay Away from Me (TW)

History 1: My Hero (TW)

The Best of You in My Mind (C)

Where Tour Eyes Lingers (K)**

En of Love: Tossara (TH)

En of Love: Love Mechanics (TH)

Dark Blue Kiss (TH)

He’s Coming to Me (TH)**

2gether (TH)**

2 Moons

2 Moons 2

My Engineer (TH)**

Senior Secret Love: Puppy Honey (TH)

Senior Secret Love: Puppy Honey 2 (TH)

Theory of Love (TH)**

Love by Chance (TH)**

I Hate You Juliet (K)

Crash Landing on You (K)**

A Little Thing Called First Love (C)

All I Want for Love is You (C)

Oh My Venus (K)

Extraordinary You (K)**

Put Your Head on My Shoulder (C)

Cinderella and the Four Knights (K)

Triad Princsss (TW)

Sassy Go Go (K)

Shopping King Louie (K)**

History 3: Trapped (TW)**

One and Another (C)

Oh My Ghost (K)

Goblin (K)

Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo (K)

Itazura na Kiss: Love in Tokyo (J)**

Itazura na Kiss: Love in Tokyo 2 (J)**

A Love So Beautiful (C)

Strong Woman Do Bong Soon (K)**

Accidentally in Love

#drama masterlist #kdrama #cdrama #jdrama #thdrama #twdrama

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cinnamonest · 3 years

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Makoto Naegi (DR) - Yandere Profile

Me? Producing non-genshin profiles? Releasing two profiles in one day? It’s more likely than you think!

I’ll probably do my boi Hajime eventually too. I got several dangan requests so I’m gonna start with this one and do those gradually too.

Makoto is the perfect classic, traditional yandere. He fits every trope and aspect of the archetype so well, so I just had to make him a delusional, split persona type. It's a bit ooc of course but I just see him being that type to really snap and have a whole new persona underneath. Bless him. I love soft sweet boys and turning them into nasty lil obsessive gremlins. Also I couldn't decide on a setting/version of him, so I talk mostly about a normal Makoto in normal school life, but also what he'd be like during the killing game as well as a side of Mastermind Makoto bc I'm a sucker for mastermind AUs. Note, he's 18 or older in all of these, of course.

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Tws: stalking, obsessive behaviors, manipulation, nsfw mentions, mentions of permanent mutilation, voyeurism Tws: (below cut) - voyeurism mention, noncon, Makoto being awful Additional warnings: very minor spoilers for Danganronpa 1

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What are they generally like? Lucid, aware? Obsessive? How do they behave?

Bounces between lucidity and delusion. DR1 Makoto is probably largely influenced by the stress of, you know, threat of imminent death, but even outside of such a situation, he'd be a very well hidden yandere. He's just so sweet! So gentle! You can't really seem him as threatening at all, so a lot of subtle things might go unnoticed, like how touchy he can be, how his stares linger, how people seem to avoid you when he's around. However, while the yandere side isn't obvious, the crush certainly is. He's a blushing boy, will get flustered the moment you speak to him, is constantly stumbling over his words, nervously scratching the back of his head, looking all over everywhere except at you, eyes darting away.

Obsessive. It defines his yandere side. Everything is about the obsession, the worship, it's overwhelming. The desire to kidnap you is partially protective, sure, but really? He also just wants you close, he wants you all to himself, he could just be happy looking at you forever. Stalker for sure. He's a classic style stalker, one to take lots and lots of pictures. His phone is handy for the ones that need more of a... secretive approach, but for the ones that he can take safely, from a distance, or the ones of you sleeping, they look best in polaroids.

He would definitely be one to steal things, particularly clothes. Wait until you go to do your laundry, and when you're there he'll do something like pull the fire alarm, cause something to fall over, and wait for everyone else to leave or investigate before slipping in - surely you won't notice just a few pieces of clothes missing, right? Just some gym clothes you worked out in, they smell so much like you, and some underwear you won't miss. They're just cute is all. Not for any perverted purposes, nope. He'd have a shrine, too. He'd steal creepy shit like soda cans you threw away, pens you held. He'd use his phone or one of those cameras from the mono machine to get as many photos as possible, running over them late at night, going through each one and rubbing one out to every photo he can get of your soft, innocent expression.

Deceptively intelligent. It's his number one trick. He comes off as a very... average person in pretty much every way, it's literally his character trope at first, but as we know, he's actually particularly intelligent and perceptive. Most people don't realize this, though, and it gives him an advantage. He is aware that he's perceived as a bit of an innocent, naive airhead, and will utilize that perception, which allows him to get away with quite a bit by feigning ignorance or innocence.

A split personality bouncer. Classic yandere style. Sweet, innocent, happy, but if you just keep fucking pushing the limits he'll - no, forget that, it's ok, he understands :) ....THAT kind of yandere. He spends the majority of the time on the sweet side, but, especially as time goes on, can easily snap to a much meaner, darker persona, but it's not how he is the majority of the time. It's only brought out by excess stress from all of the... complication of things involving you.

Speaking of how he has all the makings of a classic yandere, delusional regarding love as well. Highly convinced that you'll love him eventually, convinced that everyone is out to take you away from him, and convinced that he knows what's best for you. Perhaps a bit surprisingly, he falls into this delusion pretty easily and quickly. He's likely got a bit of an inferiority complex given, you know, being the "normal" person among some of the best people in their fields. He likes the idea of anything that can give him a sense of importance, of value, of being needed, and he chooses to project that into your protection.

How likely are they to kidnap their darling? How quickly will they do so?

Normal schoolboy Makoto, well, he'd have to find a way. He wants to, really, the moment he meets you, but how can he do that? He lives in a dorm. If you went missing, surely they'd investigate the dorms right? He'd ultimately probably end up running away with you, finding some way to get by while he keeps you safely locked up in some tiny apartment somewhere.

As for the how, he would take a very traditional method. Ask you to meet him at a certain place and time behind the school, and you'll never see it coming, be it chloroform or a blunt object or whatever he chooses. You wouldn't suspect someone as sweet as him to ever be planning anything of the sort. He feels bad for hurting you, but it's for a greater purpose. Within minutes he'll have you stuffed in a sports bag or instrument case or something of the like, carrying you off, and no one will no where you could have gone.

Will definitely be that one that gets interviewed by the news on TV, the best friend of the poor girl that went missing, and he's all sniffly and teary while talking about how much he misses you, how he's so worried about you. He's actually a very good actor when he really, really needs to be. It's also his way of atonement, in a sense. If he can show how much he cares about you, even if it's in a situation where he's lying, it makes him feel better.

DR1 Makoto, well, he'll be virtually immediate. Don't you understand the gravity of the situation? You could DIE! He can't let that happen. You may be insistent that it's ok, that you want to all try and work together, but in his mind, you just don't understand how serious this all is. You're just too naive. The only solution is immediate action. He'll be gentle about it, probably lacing your tea or coffee with something he found laying around in the nurse's office to make you just a little bit sleepy, so dazed you won't even realize he's guiding you back to a room that isn't yours, won't even hear yourself being tied up.

If the others ask what happened to you, well, he'll say he has no idea. They'll likely assume you're simply dead. After all, if a body isn't discovered, how would there be a trial? They search and search but no one ever finds a body. How strange.

He might simply tell them you're paranoid and holed up in your room. It's ok, though, you trust him to bring you food, so they don't need to worry about you. As for the trials, well, you can't participate in those if you're unconscious, now can you?

As for MM! Makoto, well... Who's to say this isn't his way of kidnapping you? You're separated from that awful awful outside world. That's The whole point of it all, all of this was for you. To isolate you, and the game is simply to strike some fear in you, make you understand how evil and traitorous humans are. You'll never want to leave. And of course, he intends to play until there are two students left. Unfortunately for the others, the winners have already been... predetermined.

How difficult is it to escape from them? How do they keep you restrained? How do they deal with attempted escape?

Unfortunately for you, Makoto is one of those yans that is perfectly ok with your life consisting of being tied, 24/7, in one place. He'd keep you restrained at all times, with something soft of course! He doesn't want to hurt you, but it's for your own safety.

DR1 Makoto would constantly be coming back to the room to check on you, make sure you haven't left, make sure you're ok. He'd neglect all of his free time opportunities to talk to others and opt to come be with you instead.

Normal Makoto would invest in some special security measures, namely, a very special shock collar that he bought off of some sketchy site. It's made for humans! It has a lock with a code and everything. You honestly wonder why there's even a market for such a thing. It's not just light shocks, no, it has settings. It syncs to his phone, with a built in remote app, one he can push and it'll give you a nice shock of whatever level he sets it at.

However, the collar is also synched to a field of range that it will detect your location in. It's set perfectly to the boundaries of your little home. If you were to step outside the door or the window... Well, it's not going to kill you, but you'll be out cold, and he'll get a notification telling him you tried to leave. The first time, maybe, you can calm him down and convince him it was an accident, you tripped and crashed against the door and it just ever so lightly pushed you over the boundary. He'll believe it... Once.

Unfortunately, he's also one of the ones who sees no issue in permanent bodily modifications to deter you from leaving. He's not like some of the previous yans I've discussed, though, because it's not out of sadism or a lack of care for your feelings, it's a delusion thing. He'll be so sweet about it, reassure you that it's ok, it's for your own good, you're too precious and innocent and the outside world will hurt you, but this way you're safe from yourself and your own naivete. He'll be so, so careful and take such good care of you, he'll give you something strong so that you don't feel any pain at all.

He's also perfectly fine with you living in a constant drugged state, out of your mind, drowsy and completely unaware of anything in the world except him. And things are better that way - really, you can't say you're not happy, you seem so content like this. You don't complain, you don't get angry, you just giggle and smile and loll your head back and forth. You don't fight him. You just smile.

In other words, regarding escape, you might as well give up. Your only real chance is being rescued by someone else, someone who might just notice his increasingly odd behaviors, but if they believe you're dead, which he will go to great lengths to ensure you do, it's unlikely to happen. Any attempts will just be met with a sweet smile, a little laugh at how dumb you are to think that would really work, and quickly taking you back, where his demeanor might get significantly angrier once he can really let loose.

MM! Makoto is an equally unrealistic chance, the worst of all, really. It's just not happening. He'll also likely convince you, much like as the DR1 and V3 did, that the world outside is nearly destroyed, or somehow unlivable, that you're lucky to be here, and that this is the only place where you're safe.

If you try, he'll crack down on however the hell you managed to escape because... how would you even go about that? I mean, the whole environment was designed to be inescapable, and if a whole class of students couldn't find a way out, it's unlikely you will either. Any attempts will likely be dumb and unsuccessful enough that he can't even get mad, it's just amusing.

How easy are they to trick, deceive, or manipulate?

Oh, easy. We see in Chapter one of DR1 just how easily he will bend to the will of a girl he likes and nearly end up getting himself falsely accused of murder and all, so safe to say he's pretty easily manipulatable and if you're looking to survive, you can use that to your advantage. However, really, you're better off manipulating him into being a meatshield - he'll guard you 24/7 and be more than willing to die. Poor baby.

However, if he catches onto manipulation once, and it doesn't involve your safety, he'll learn pretty quick. Deep down he's a highly intelligent young man, and you may find the tables turning pretty quickly - he can easily manipulate your paranoia and mortal fear, convincing you that if you just stay with him, you'll be safe, convincing you that everyone else is out to get you, convincing you that this or that person is plotting to kill you. He's so sweet and innocent looking, you'll believe every word.

Bonus: If he were the mastermind, he'd be so deceitful and do it so well, you'd never know. An excellent actor through and through. In a way, it's not acting at all - he loves you and wants you to be safe. This is all so that you'll just understand that you need to be kept away from the outside world - you're actually perfectly safe, he's taken measures to ensure that, but you'd have no way of knowing. Even if you feel like those cameras in the rooms at night almost seem like they're staring right at you.

How lenient are they? What privileges can you have, and what will you be denied?

Very few. He'll baby you and prevent you from doing most things for yourself. He'll be one to try and keep you entertained, though, most likely get you some kind of tablet or laptop you can use to write, let you play all of his games, let you watch anything, and get you any kind of materials for any hobbies you have, provided he's deemed it non-dangerous. So, given all of that, you don't need to do anything else, right? He'll see anything more as just you pushing your limits, because you're trying to be difficult again. Complaints go in one ear and out the other.

DR1 would be the worst Makoto to have, because he can't provide you with much, and can't lock you in from the outside... so, his primary go-to is gonna be keeping you completely restrained all the time. Don't worry, though, he assures you that once you guys get out of here, he'll take you away to a much nicer place with much more to do! But for now, you'll be getting very acquainted with his ceiling, left with nothing to do but stare up at it. He'll try to be around as much as he can though, and won't leave you for too long, only leaving when necessary. And for the trials you'll just... have a little nap, so it'll feel like no time really passed at all.

Ironically, MM! Makoto gives you the most leniency. He'll make sure anything dangerous is taken away, but then, he'll let you roam the abandoned, hollow shell of the school, whenever he has to work on something, which isn't too often. Of course, this is partially because he's got an eye on you via cameras every waking moment, so really, you feel his presence even when he isn't there.

What kind of rules do they have? What kind of punishment would they use?

For a normal Makoto, he'd be one to give you a "schedule" to help you adjust. He doesn't want you getting depressed and laying in bed all day, it's bad for your health! He wants you happy and lively and that way you can have more fun together! He'll give you a list of very simple tasks to complete throughout the day. If you don't do them, that's ok, you can do them together when he comes back, but they will get done. Other than that, of course, no running away, no attacking him, and you know, just try to be a bit grateful and nice.

If you make him mad enough, he needs time to cool down, and he presumes you do, too. He's one to pull psychological things -- locking you in a dark, dark room with no light or sound for a long enough time, all alone, ignoring your cries and whimpers until he knows you've learned. But once you have, and if he sees the results have turned out as expected, he'll be sweet and affectionate when he takes you out, and tell you he's glad you see things his way now.

How do they deal with rivals, or perceived rivals? Will they get rid of them? Will they kill them themselves, or find another way?

Normal Makoto, once again, we have a very classic yandere trope. He's delusional and in love and anyone who gets in the way will suffer. He's, again, very deceptively intelligent, and he can easily commit a murder, even a string of murders, that no one would ever be able to put together, and certainly that no one would ever suspect someone like him of committing. You could say it's like a talent of his. He has no guilt or remorse, either, and no value for the lives of people who are his enemies.

DR1 Makoto, He's limited to two people, unfortunately. If he had it his way, he would kill them all. But still, that's enough to win. He'll bide his time, setting things up so that hopefully, the more intelligent students get eliminated early. He has masterful ways of pulling strings here and there, planting ideas in people's heads, off handed comments that might just inspire a killing. Once there's only idiots left, well, once two of them go missing, in the most elaborate, confusing murders in the game thus far, they'll never figure it out.

Of course, he'll certainly find a way around the rules. He'll force the mastermind to have no choice but to let you both live. Injured students can't participate in trials if they're out cold, no? So if you have some minor bone breakage, get drugged conveniently before a trial begins, you can't participate. And if you didn't participate, it would really be upsetting to everyone watching if Monokuma killed off a student who couldn't even partake in the trial. After all, they might have been able to turn it around! So really, the mastermind has to let you both live.

Or maybe, he'll convince you to do it with him. Force the weapon into your hand, force it down on the poor poor victim, holding your hand in his. Monokuma can't prove you weren't putting some exertion into it, that it was all his force. Therefore, really, you both killed them. Therefore, the trial is against you both. Therefore... He can get rid of everyone in the way, all at once, with only one left to go - the person behind that bear. And he will find a way - you'd be foolish to underestimate his capabilities. After all, you always thought he was just a lil empty headed guy, shy and flustered, and look how wrong that was.

How easy is it to make them mad? What does their anger look like?

In the "developing stages" of obsession, not so much. He's generally a sweet, easy-going guy, even a little bit of a doormat if we're being honest.

Normally, he gets pouty-mad, not violent-mad. Almost what some might call a girl-sort-of-mad, the kind where he huffs and pouts and pretends to ignore you. It's either kinda cute or infuriating, depending on your mood or how you view it. In that state, all you have to do is give him what he wants, of summon a quick apology, and he'll bounce back to normal and loving and affectionate nearly immediately. It's part of an immature streak he has.

He has his snap moments, and will snarl and growl at you with the most furious expression for just a mere moment -- but he snaps back to sweet and soft as quickly as he changed the first time. It's a little bit of mental whiplash for you, really. You almost feel like you imagined it. In those moments, though, he may just for those few instants get a little violent.

If he's truly furious, he gets quiet. It's a little terrifying, really, you know something is coming, and it's not pleasant. He'll likely just grab you and slowly, tortuously drag you to whatever he has planned. He'll give you a very grim, cold expression, and coldly tell you this is what you deserve, and if that's locking you up, he'll tell you you can come back out when you're ready to behave.

So they see you as above them, beneath them, or equal to them?

Above. He's a worshipper. He can't even believe he gets to be in your presence, even look at you, he's unworthy and it's all so overwhelming.

It... Gets annoying pretty quickly, actually. He's not gonna sit around and degrade himself all that much unlike SOME certain lucky students cough cough, but he'll constantly grovel and remind you how perfect you are. He's not good enough for you, he doesn't deserve you... a bit ironic to hear, since that certainly didn't seem to stop him from taking you away against your will, but there's a lot of hypocrisies that don't really line up with Makoto.

How determined are they for you to love them? How hard will they try to make it happen? Or are they content just having you?

Highly so, but also deluded into thinking you do pretty easily. Even if you're screaming and yelling, he just thinks you're having a bad day, throwing a tantrum. He thinks you do love him, if you're in the later stages of things. Anything that conflicts with this delusion is explainable otherwise, usually the default being that, as usual, you're just being difficult, but that's ok -- he really loves you anyway.

Bonus: Is there anything that makes them unique, in comparison to other yanderes?

Ironically, what makes him unique compared to my other yanderes is that he's more fitting for the traditional yandere type - a very cute-faced, psycho sweetheart type. He's highly prone to the classic yandere tropes and attitudes, as well as the mental and emotional instability traditionally associated with yanderes - smiling no matter what, even as he does awful things, but also snapping to a dark, angry state over the smallest things.

Guilt tripping. It's his specialty. He's so cute, so sweet, you wouldn't want to make him cry and make him sad... Would you? You're not that cruel, are you? You wouldn't throw away everything he's done for you and leave him all alone with no one... Right? He'll easily manipulate you this way, it's his specialty.

General perverseness: how sexual of a person are they? What’s their drive like? How touchy do they get? Do they have any reservations about sexuality?

The thing about those soft sweet boys that are just so innocent? Half the time they're the nastiest, horniest little pervs there are. He's sweet, he'll help you with everything you need! You're struggling to reach that shelf so he'll just put his hands on your hips and squeeze you and lift you up! But he'll stumble a bit, and when you come down you'll kinda land on him just a bit, chest pressed up against his face, and you'll be the one embarrassed - but it's ok. He says he knows you didn't mean to. And he's so sheepish and embarrassed about it himself, clearly it must have been unintentional.

And he's so innocent and kind, you know he doesn't mean to be so touchy, doesn't mean to cling to you so much, so you can brush it off. After all, he's just so nice, you wouldn't want to offend him.

Will jerk off on every single thing he has of you. Every little polaroid, every article of clothing he's stolen, every little thing. It's gross. He's gross. By the time you're kidnapped you might even find some of your clothes that went missing, and they're hard as a rock. Ew.

Like a lot of yans, will get significantly bolder once he has you all to himself. Much more touchy, much more suggestive, boldly, openly horny and just, constantly begging you to just fuck already, whining and even rutting into you if you're still in denial.

MM! Makoto will also 100% watch you get undressed through the cameras every night. Save the video feed and just watch it over and over again, taking in every little detail. Cum all over each little video, watching it drip down the screen. He can almost pretend it's actually dripping down your face, and not just the image of it.

How forceful are they? Do they care about your willingness?

I... within the first hour of your confinement you're gonna know what this boy's dick feels like. He has no restraint. He just loves you so much! Hell, you might even wake up to him just, grinding into you, jerking off to you. You're just so pretty. You can't expect him to be too restrained, you know? He's so overcome by love for you that he can't help it.

High-level delusional. Will make up every reason in the world as to why you might be rejecting. You're nervous, it's ok, he'll help you get over it. You're insecure, and he'll help you get around that too. Ultimately, in the end, you're not getting out of it, nor putting it off at all really. It'll be the first thing you do to start off your new little lifestyle.

What sort of kinks or fetishes do they have, or would they fill?

D/S dynamic

Except... in a really weird way. It's the sub without the dom. Or not really submissive at all. It's a very bizarre dynamic you'll have going on - the way he talks to you is so submissive, so sweet, constantly asking you if you feel good, constantly whimpering and making the cutest little noises, constantly worshipping you, you'd almost forget he has you tied up and is forcing you through it. He acts submissive in his own way, and yet he's completely controlling you. In fact, you're pretty certain he wouldn't actually let you top him in any way, and any attempts to do so will be met with him denying you, telling you to just let him do what he wants take care of you. His attitude and words are submissive, yet he insists on controlling you completely. It's, again, bizarre in its own way, but what isn’t bizarre with this man.

Oral fixation

A guilty one for him, with his whole service attitude and all, because he really likes to be on the receiving end of it. Cumming down your throat is fine and all, but really he's one to pull out and cum all over your face. Bonus points if you wear lip gloss to smear all over his dick, wear glasses he can get cum on, or anything that makes it feel special.

In his rare angry, more dominant moments, he can get kind of rough with it. If he's really mad at you, hearing you choke is a rather satisfying feeling.

Paizuri/Thigh fucking/outercourse

The boy's seen too much porn. Just, pleeeeeeease let him cum on your tits. Please. He begs for it over and over, doesn't matter if you tell him yours are too big or too small, he just really wants to cum on them. He just wants to feel your smooth skin on his dick you know? Maybe he can get the tip in your mouth while you do it too!

And while you're at it... Let him fuck your thighs. Please? Just hold your legs together, not hard right? There's just something about actually seeing his dick against you that makes it so nice, and so temptingly close to your holes. But if you've agreed to it as a way of preventing actual sex, it might just... accidentally go in anyway. It was just too slippery... but now, he's already fucking you so... might as well keep doing that instead.

Cockwarming/activity-sex

Our boy likes his vidya. And you know all those jokes and references to, you know, getting sucked off under the table while he plays games....? He just... really, really would like that. It's a big fantasy for him. He's probably the type of guy to be way too into league of legends dammit and he just, would love to have to try to be quiet, try to get off down your throat while trying not to alert anyone that can hear through his mic. Or just sit on his dick, it's heavenly, he'll gradually just lost control and start losing his game, before eventually cutting it off and exiting altogether in favor of rutting up into you. He likes it, but he doesn't have a whole lot of self-control to actually do it for long before giving up and just fucking you.

How do they feel about pregnancy or babies? Do they want them?

He's one of the ones that really wants it, he thinks it would be so cute, so precious, and of course the benefit of it tying you to him. He might be one to get a bit jealous, though. He likes your attention, and can be a little bit immature about it. Unfortunately, though, he's not actually aware of his own immaturity, so this can present a problem.

What kind of (nsfw) punishments would they use?

(Insert "iiiiits punishment time!" joke here)

If he's in this mode, an angry mood, his demeanor for sex changes significantly. The weird pseudo sub attitude isn't really there, it's more of a quiet neutrality, a frustrated, but calculated anger that brings out the worst in him. It's honestly frightening for you in and of itself because it's such a dark expression and rough voice and so unfamiliar that it would freak you out just to see him like that.

The go-to is impact pain. In this rare-ish mood, he can actually change pretty significantly -- normally, he'd never dream of hurting you, would feel awful if he did, and would not enjoy it in any way, but now? He kinda... feels like you deserve it, and he'll undeniably get off to it a bit. Something about watching you cry and squirm really helps alleviate the anger. He'll be soft about it later, wipe away your tears and softly murmur nice things... but he won't apologize. You deserved it. If it's that bad, then you'll just have to not do it again.

What body parts of their darling do they like the most?

A thigh boy. Let him use your lap as a pillow, and he'll be a very happy boy indeed. He likes feeling them wrapped around his hips, or his head, likes squeezing the flesh in his hands, likes running his hands up and down.

#yandere x reader #yandere danganronpa #yandere makoto #yandere naegi #tw: noncon #tw: dark content

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translations-by-aiimee · 3 years

Text

Mistakenly Saving the Villain - Chapter 1

Original Title: 论救错反派的下场

Genres: Drama, Romance, Xianxia, Yaoi

TW for this chapter: Mentions of suicide

I wanted to provide some ~variety~ so I'm doing another novel. I'll give a warning that the first few chapters are kind of intense and I'll keep the TWs updated as they come and put a TL;DR at the end if there's anything too graphic.

This translation is based on multiple MTLs and my own limited knowledge of Chinese characters. If I have made any egregious mistakes, please let me know.

Chapter 1 - The Beauty in Red

Song Qingshi is dead.

After his death, he came to in a strange space, and in the space, there was a sphere randomly flashing red.

The sphere said that he is a book-transmigrating system from a high-dimensional world. There was a xiania novel called "The Exceptional Furnace", which was about to be plagued by readers' resentment due to the tragic fate of the protagonist, causing problems in that world. It needed to find someone who is familiar with the tropes of these novels and someone with the power to change and repair the body and mind of the protagonist, and fulfill the readers' wishes - change the fate of the protagonist, dote on him, and let him live the happiest and most fulfilling life □□ □□□□□

The information in the system came intermittently, and in the □□ there were incomprehensible, alien-like characters.

Song Qingshi suffered from Lou Gehrig's Disease during his lifetime and devoted himself to studying medicine to try and save himself. He was a medical student who studied and experimented frantically every day and never wasted time reading novels.

In terms of emotions, he is even more obtuse. Although he is very handsome and has an attractive and obedient personality, due to his physical problems, even the school bully treated him like a precious thing. With all the excessive loving care and sympathy, not only did he never have a crush, but he also suffered from a slight fear of talking to strangers.

This was the worst soul for this task.

Song Qingshi didn't know how he was picked up by the system. He had read Marxist philosophy novels in vain. But from his messy information and analysis from the system's explanation, as long as he accepts the task, the system will send him to the virtual book world, give him a healthy body, and he will come back to life.

After Song Qingshi realized this, he was ecstatic. A healthy body is was his biggest desire. Not to mention the fact that the system only asked that he take care of someone. Even if the system had asked him to swim through seas of fire, he would have accepted still.

Because of this, he ignored his conscience, structured his response, and lied for the first time in his life: "I have read tens of thousands of books that I have memorized. I have extensive medical and nursing knowledge, have taken a psychology course as an elective, and I could solve all the physical and mental sufferings of the protagonist. And love. . . I have lots of experience with love, I know how to communicate, absolutely, I. . . can definitely accomplish these tasks!"

If there was any blood that could exist in a soul, he would definitely be flushed.

The system didn't notice his lies. It registered the identity of the task performer, and sent a series of garbled commands, mixed with all kinds of chaotic and disorderly information into Song Qingshi's mind, sending waves of discomfort through his soul.

Suddenly, the system let out a sharp alarm and the data transmission was cut off. Song Qingshi's vision went black, and his soul drifted away towards a bright white light. . .

. . .

When Song Qingshi woke up, he found himself lying in the woods, surrounded by the faint fragrance of various herbs. He squinted his eyes and looked towards the dazzling blue sky. There was a gorgeous golden luan bird dragging its long tail feathers, letting out a loud caw as it flew past, with countless immortal birds following it.

Was this the world from the novel?

It seemed too real. . .

A soft breeze blew across the forest, shaking off the dew on the trees. The dew fell onto his pale fingertips, bringing a slightly cool feeling. Then, all the memories of the original body flooded into his mind like a tidal wave, trying to merge with his own soul - this body was also called Song Qingshi, the master of the Medicine King's Valley, and the most talented medical immortal and pharmaceutical expert in the immortal world. His medical skills could heal the dead and revive bones, and the spirit pills he cultivates were considered treasures by every cultivator.

However, the original body's temperament was extremely troubling. He rarely left Medicine King's Valley at all, never made friends, and had no interest in matters other than medicine and alchemy. When a patient sought him out, he only looks at their temperament and never asked their identity. When he was in a good mood, he treated mortal beggars. When he was in a bad mood, regardless of the identity of the visitor, he would turn them into flower fertilizer for his garden. He often used living people to test medicines. Cruel, but because of his Nascent Soul cultivation base and various skills with poisons, the immortal sects didn't dare provoke him easily, only secretly calling him troubling behind his back.

Cultivators in the immortal world had long life spans, and the knowledge and memory of this original body had for its hundreds of years of cultivation had not arrived yet. Various data fragments of the system rushed in frantically, with countless garbled codes, tearing the original body's memory into a mess, leaving Song Qingshi at a loss. It took a long time before he managed to figure out his current situation.

This was Golden Phoenix Mountain Manor, the most luxurious place in the immortal world, where there are rare and exotic animals and countless immortals and beautiful concubines.

The owner, Jin FeiRen, was also a great Nascent cultivator. He was a true romantic, an excessive spender, and had friends from both the immortal and demonic cultivation world. He was a well-known figure.

The original body had always been cold, obsessed with his work, and never touched either men and women. Today's arrival was accidental. The Manor Lord Jin wanted to give him Ten Thousand Year Snow Ginseng to exchange a batch of medicinal pills for him. The original body had recently been lacking Snow Ginseng to make his medicines, so he agreed to the deal.

Since Snow Ginseng grows in the secret realm of the snow mountains of the Jin family. If you wanted to get the ones with the best medicinal properties, you needed to pick them at night and preserve it with a special refining method. Therefore, the original body came here to pick it personally, and Song Qingshi somehow ended up here.

Then, Song Qingshi was sent here by the system. . .

Where was the protagonist? What does he look like?

Song Qingshi wanted to ask the system to ask for more information, but the system seemed to disappear. The materials it sent not only contained no plot points from the novel, but also very little character information. There were garbled characters everywhere, even though the protagonist hadn't been introduced yet. Song Qingshi got dizzy going through all this information before he found some descriptions in the copywriting introduction: the best physique, unmatched beauty shou X□□□□□ gong, procured by trickery, sadomasochistic, □□, □□, □□ There were only three texts that could be read clearly: Banquet of Bea□□□.

. . .

If this were someone who often read these types of novels, they would immediately recognize that this situation was problematic.

Song Qingshi, however, didn't recognize any of this as problematic. He believed that this was a test given by the system to assess his reasoning skills and ability to do things. Song Qingshi was very accustomed to being assessed like this. Usually, when he and his teacher started developing a new drug, he often didn't have any prior results in his hand. It required some experimentation and to experience many errors and difficulties in order to reach the final result. Most of the time, that result was not what they were hoping for.

Many pharmaceutical companies invest billions or even tens of billions in drug research. Scholars have spent decades trying, right until their hair turned grey, only to fail during their clinical trials.

Therefore, every drug researcher is a strong man who has experienced many battles, repeated defeats and never-ending setbacks.

These questions from Teacher System were not difficult!

Scholar-Tryant Song expressed no fear! He will definitely find the correct answer and live up to the teacher's expectations of him!

Song Qingshi thought about the information he was given, determined the goal of the protagonist, and then quickly understood the key points of the novel: the protagonist will appear at the Banquet of Beauties, it will be a male, homosexual, unmatched beauty, superb body; a pitiful character with a tragic fate. He needs to save the protagonist, give him the greatest care, heal his physical and mental health, and then help him find happiness and joy!

During Song Qingshi's time, respect for sexual orientation was written into the law, and same-sex couples could get married.

He once found a novel lost by a rotten girl classmate, titled "His Evil Majesty's Spoiled Husband". On the cover was a handsome and domineering man in a period costume holding a beautiful woman with long hair with a super flat chest. He didn't understand it, and returned the book. When he asked curiously, his classmates told him what Danmei was, and told him that the beauty on the cover was actually male. The beautiful male was the "shou", and the domineering one was the "gong". So Song Qingshi is confident that he would easily distinguish between the gong and the shou in the novel. He would never mistake the gong as the protagonist.

He had thought it through and the direction of problem-solving has been determined. All that was left was to wait for the Banquet of Beauties to start the exam.

Song Qingshi's spiritual sea gradually became clear. The soul and body were merged and became flexible. He sat up with his hands cautiously, took off his shoes, raised his feet, and tried to stretch the toes that had been stiff for many years. The white and round toes curled happily. Song Qingshi stood up shakily, briefly walking forward a few steps with hands and feet before finally remembered the walking posture of a normal person, and his movements gradually changed from jerky to steady. . .

Under his feet was soft green grass and moist soil.

Outside the forest was a calm river. Song Qingshi stepped into the water and took a handful of cold river water to wash his face, confirming that he was not in a dream.

Tears fell out of extreme joy, and the big tears fell onto his palms. His hands couldn't stop no matter how much he tried. The river calmed down from the slight disturbance, and the reflection of the boy's figure appeared.

Song Qingshi was surprised to find that the body given to him by the system was very similar to his high school appearance; he was not very tall and significantly thinner. He wore a Daoist cultivator outfit made of many layers of snow-coloured cloud brocade, wrapped tightly around his body. At first glance, all the layers of clothing gave the illusion of a frail man.

His thin hair was simply tied up with some loose hair dangling freely. His appearance may be related to immortal cultivation. He is a bit more refined than his original body, with a cold, pale complexion and clear eyes. Because he often blocks out the world and focuses on his study, he feels a bit dull and extremely gullible, leading many unlucky ghosts to think that the original was harmless and would become the fertilizer or poison tester.

. . .

After Song Qingshi vented his emotions and saw the red-rimmed eyes in the reflection, he was a little embarrassed. He hurriedly lowered his head and fetched water, trying to wash away the tears on his face, but behind him came the sound of fine bells and ridicule.

"It's useless to commit suicide. It will only cause you needless pain. If you are still not reconciled, you can try and sink slowly to see if you can succeed."

Surprised, Song Qingshi turned around and saw the most beautiful thing he'd seen in his life.

There were trees full of peach blossoms, and under the tree was a beautiful young boy in red. Who knows how long he was watching Song Qingshi stupidly crying. The young man's appearance was blooming, like a scroll of rich colours and ink, painted with all the romantic colours of the world. The warm jade-like skin, the most beautiful thing about him were the dark golden phoenix eyes under the crow-feather-like eyelashes. He resembled a noble and dignified phoenix in the sky, but there was an extremely gorgeous red tear-shared mole under the corner of his left eye, desecrating his nobleness. The dignity of his appearance was crushed, and the phoenix rejoined the mortal world, turning into a creature stained with flattery and seductiveness which made people feel unbearable tempted.

His long hair was untied and hung casually around his waist. The ends of his hair were slightly curled, his feet were bare, and he was only wearing a red dress made of shark silk. The shark silk was as smooth as water, clinging to his body, covering all the desirables underneath.

Song Qingshi did not think anything blasphemous, but because he was caught crying, his social anxiety became more intense. After a long pause of building courage, he stumbled and said: "I, I just..."

His hesitation became reluctant approval in the eyes of the beauty in red.

There are dangerous monsters and birds everywhere in the immortal world. Cultivators were equipped with spiritual auras and keen senses, and can easily detect the wind and grass around them. Even the minor cultivators in the time they were establishing their cultivation base would not miss the sound of mortal footsteps with bells, let alone the Nascent Soul cultivators. If they release their spiritual thoughts, the smallest creatures on the mountain would not escape their attention. Except for Song Qingshi, a newly-born soul who had just arrived in this world, and was still very unused to spiritual power and these world conditions. . .

The beauty in red had completely misunderstood, thinking that Song Qingshi was also a mortal. There was only one use for such a beautiful mortal in Golden Phoenix Manor. He clarified: "A new slave?"

Song Qingshi looked up in amazement. He wanted to ask questions, but his eyes fell on the beauty of the red dress. There seemed to be some strange bruises on his neck as if it had been bitten by a mosquito, but it seemed that it might be something else. He took a few more secretive glances, trying to determine what they were.

The beauty in red noticed his curious glances and his heart grew upset. With growing malicious intent, a very gentle smile appeared on his face, and he said in a sincerely blessed tone: "Don't stare, you will have them soon, too."

Song Qingshi was very sheltered before transmigrating. He had never encountered malice and did not understand the mystery behind these words. Although he thought this blessing was a bit strange, he still answered politely: "Thank you."

The beauty in red choked hearing this answer. He was stunned for a moment. He looked at Song Qingshi up and down like a fool, and found that the person in front of him was clean and his skin was free of any injuries. He had never experienced the ravages of hell in his eyes. He was pure.

This discovery made him feel pity for the heart that had been tempered by suffering. He retracted his sharp malice and said softly, "After tonight, you will know that death is a luxury." He turned slightly to his side, looking at the river's flow. He warned, "When I first came here, I tried to commit suicide many times, but it was useless. We are slaves who are branded with the Acacia Seal. Our spirits belong to our master. So long as the master doesn't allow it, we cannot die, even by our own hands. . .

The beauty in red was silent for a long time. He slowly stretched out his hand and stroked Song Qing's hair that was soft as the fur of a small animal.

Song Qingshi saw several red rope marks on his pale wrists. He realized that this was pain that the beauty wouldn't want to be questioned about, so he pushed down his curiosity.

The fingertips of the red-dressed beauty slipped from his hair to Song Qingshi's delicate face, watching his innocent expression. He held his hand there for a moment before putting it down, conflicted. He didn't want to say any more. Since he didn't know those nightmarish experiences, it was useless to say anything more. Being able to preserve this kind of innocence, it was one more moment of happiness for him. Finally, he sighed, "You look good, but unfortunately the more your looks improve as you grow, the longer it will be until you're freed. . ."

Song Qingshi was puzzled: "What do you mean by 'freed'?"

"You'll know soon." The beauty in red's expression suddenly relaxed. He glanced around carefully, then stretched out his index finger and tapped his lips lightly. With a voice so light that he could barely hear it, he said ambiguously, "Tonight I will be freed. . ."

The beauty in red turned around with a smile and, with a crisp ring of the bells, turned to leave. His steps were a bit unstable, and each step was strenuous, like a mermaid walking on the tip of a knife in pain.

A pair of exquisite gold shackles were exposed on the beauty's ankles under the red clothes. Each of the shackles was decorated with an exquisite bell. The middle was connected by a slender golden chain. When walking, the bell shook slightly and made a clear and sweet sound, just like a tethered bird.

The golden chain dragged across the grass, and a few drops of blood dropped onto the green leaves.

Song Qingshi mustered up the courage to overcome his social anxiety, and shouted to the beauty who was about to leave: "Are you. . .injured? I, I know medical skills. . . Do you need me to treat you?"

The beauty in red turned back, looked at him for a few seconds, and he couldn't help but smile. This time the smile finally reached his eyes, like a ray of golden sunlight breaking through the clouds, dazzlingly beautiful. He shook his head towards Song Qingshi, and gave himself a sincere blessing: "I hope you have better luck tonight."

He turned his head, and the sunlight in his eyes disappeared in a flash, as if it had never existed, only the dark clouds that would not retreat.

Having endured these nightmares for years, he has long learned not to remember the kindness of others, and not to care about being offered charity from others.

He walked alone in this prison without stopping, step after step, wearing those painful shackles.

#mistakenly saving the villain #chinese bl #english translation #论救错反派的下场 #song qingshi #chinese novel #mistakenly saving the villain translation

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svefs · 1 year

Text

To everyone but you (PT.2)

TW!: Congrats your not single anymore loser, Cycle Iruma, Iruma this isn't you 😪😭, mention of drugs,emo phase iruma, Iruma being possessive 😰😰 and ofc fem!reader

Summary: Waking up from your sleep feels really bad, yk what else feels bad? The second-hand-embarrassment I get from this fic so you'll probably get it too

----------------------------

Waking up in the nurse's office isn't too bad. If only it wasn't after school hours. You woke up a groggy but your still a gorgeous mf. Now slowly realizing that you're in the nurse's office after school hours, you remembered Iruma.Blue-haired kind,sweet and soft boy that turned into a emo hottie. GODDAMN was he hot asf. Oh but you still need to get home and catch up with the work you missed.

The next day you went to school again, like usual cause we all love school/hj. You were of course nervous to encounter a wild, raging, emo Iruma again but it was all good.

It was not good. You would avoid anything to do with Iruma the whole day. Whenever you heard his name, see a look alike, his friends, his teachers, even he himself. Maybe you felt bad but like you got cornered to a wall by him and he basically made you pass out so-

On the other hand, Iruma was suffering on the inside and playing it cool on the outside( or practically tryna act fine while he's thinking about how he probably scared you off ). Least to say, he definitely scared you off 😪👍.

It wasn't until after school you finally got the courage to approach the demon/human smurf(get it? Cause his hair is blue? Nvm). God were you sweating but you just blamed the weather.

"Y/N?,so you're finally willing to talk to me,"

"BROIMSOSORRYFORIGNORINGYOUFORLIKEWHATTHEWHOLEDAYIJUSTNEEDEDSOMETIMETOMYSELFTOTHINKABOUTWHATHAPPENEDYESTERDAYANDDAMNSIRTHEREALIZATIONJUSTHITMETHATYOUMAYALSOLIKEMESOLIKEWANNAFUCK?????ORSUMLIKE-"you rambled.

[Bro I'm so sorry for ignoring you for like the whole day I just needed some time to myself to think about what happened yesterday and damn sir the realization just hit me that you may also like me so like wanna fuck?or sum like-(that took less time to type than I expected ngl)]

"W-wait what?" Iruma suddenly stopped your rambling of course making you hella confused.

"You wanna fuck???"

"Fuck."

In the end you guys starting going out but decided to keep it low not even telling close friends only family. Of course he apologized to you profusely when his evil cycle ended. I think Opera and Sullivan likes you 👍. Asmodeus was a raging snake after hearing the news

Note:

I'm sorry this was late and rushed but ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

#welcome to demon school iruma kun #iruma x reader #evil cycle iruma #m!ik iruma #m!ik x reader #rushed

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redava6 · 3 years

Text

!!! About blog !!!

;;RUS;;ENG;; <- languages <

ask my oc or creepypasta characters / art request !!!open!!! <

Who i draw / open ask [in style my au + fanon] <

I try drawing other. well, I hope you gonna like it ^^"

this blog TW: blood 16+, weapon, psychology, paranoia, alcohol, smoking, 12+, horror art.

please remember that this is my au and my opinions so please don't judge me or hate on me.

This blog is dedicated to the Creepypasta fandom and contains ready-made art or sketches. Sometimes all sorts of drawings from other fandoms will appear.

I didn't take any art classes or schools, I'm self taught heh. so let's learn to draw with Rev :з

Boy's:

Jeff the killer

Will Grossman

Graffiti

Red Angel

Nathan the nobody

Cat hunter

Offenderman

Bloody painter

Eyeless Jack

Trenderman

Evil

Kagekao

Puppeteer

The doll maker

Sam Williams

Slenderman

Candy pop

Hoodie Brian

Tim Masky

Ticci Toby

Zalgo

Laughing Jack

Ben drowned

Splendorman

Nick Vanill

Jason toy market

Homicidal Liu

Hobo heart

Girl's:

Stripes

Sadiya

Jana the killer

Lucy Jone

Chris

Alice Liddel

Laughing Jill

Nemesis

Rouge

Ani the wight

Judge angel

Zero

Clockwork

Killing Kate

Sadie suicide

Nurse Ann

Kate proxy

Lazary

Korbyn the seer

Scarecrow

Jane the killer

Jane Richardson

Mary Vaughn

Lily Kennett

Lulu

Nina the killer

Sally Older

Pet's:

Smile dog

Seed eater

Ship's who I don't draw / open ask:

Sally or Ben with other 18+ age creepy person's ._.

And:

Asks ✓

LGBT+ ✓

characters × other clothes ✓

Emo ✓

Genderblender ✓

Do not repost my art without credit: Redava6 ✓

Thanks for fanart's ^^

Bye ✨

⦻ ⦻ ⦻

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tropes-and-tales-archives · 2 years

Text

Common Courtesy, Chapter Three

Word Count: 2740

TW: Two idiots in love. Slow burn. Mutual pining.

AN: Part of a series. The series masterlist here.

You sat at the darkest corner seat at the bar in Forlini’s, nursing a drink. All told, the trial was the best you could have expected. Now it was Friday night, and you had the whole weekend to drink away the past few months.

You had found the common link between all the raped women – the cleaning service. It hadn’t registered at first, because each location – the low-cost clinic, the bank, the middle school – all had different employees who cleaned for the company, but the owner was the same. Or, specifically, the owner’s son. Max Lucas.

Once you found the link, SVU was able to build a prosecutable case for Barba. And the ADA did his best, as always: he laid out the case for the jury, bringing in experts to help bolster the scant physical evidence. The problem was that a lot of the evidence was circumstantial. Max was good – too good. And his lawyers were able to explain away a lot of the physical evidence. The fibers, the hair. It could all be explained because of the cleaning company that he helped with sometimes.

And he was charming. He was a good looking man, clean-cut and well-spoken. People always wanted to imagine the monsters as other from them. But Barba had brought out Max’s ugly side during cross, luckily.

Max was found guilty on half the charges – the ones against the teacher and bank executive and student. Not guilty on the sex workers and addict. Typical. You had grown up knowing that some lives just didn’t matter, but the constant reminder in your adult life didn’t help.

You finished your drink and tapped on the bar for another. As the bartender mixed it, you scanned the room. And saw a familiar face walking towards you.

“Counselor,” you greeted him as he settled into the stool besides yours. “Good job today.” You nodded at the bartender as he slid your fresh drink in front of you. “Thanks for all your help,” you told Barba, half-tipping the drink in a salute in his direction. “For finding justice and stuff.” You took a deep swallow of your drink, feeling the pleasant burn as it went down your throat and settled into the low burn in your belly. “Liv’s not here, if you’re looking for her,” you added. “It’s just me.”

*****

Barba ordered a drink and turned to face you. “Just you, huh? At least it’s not Amaro.” He watched you shake your head and smile. You took another sip and turned to face him.

“What is it with you and Nick?” you asked. “Is it a Cuban thing? Are Cubans like Highlanders?”

Barba crinkled his brow in confusion. “Highlanders?”

“You know,” you replied. You pulled the decorative plastic sword from your drink and brandished it at him. “There can be only one? Chop off the head and steal their power?” You watched him, then shrugged. “Before your time, I guess.”

He smothered the urge to laugh because you seemed so serious. He knew you were hurting; he saw you every day during the two-week trial, and he had watched the dark circles deepen under your eyes and noticed your fingernails gnawed to the quick. After the verdict, he had watched you flee the courthouse and had a guess about where you went. When he found you hunched over in the dark corner of the bar, he knew he was right.

“Before my time?” he asked lightly. “I have a good couple of decades on you, I think.”

You shrugged again. “A couple of decades? I’m not that young. You don’t know how old I am. Maybe I’m an immortal.” You lifted your glass, paused. “Doomed to wander the earth, fighting the futile fight against evil.” He watched you finish your drink. “Anyway, if you and Nick are gonna fight all the time, you might as well make it worthwhile. Pop off your shirts and wrestle, give the ladies something to watch.” You made a face, then popped the lime slice garnish in your mouth, wincing against the sourness, and signaled for another drink.

Barba raised his eyebrow at your stream of consciousness monologue. He took a sip of his own drink. The two of you watched the bartender mix your drink and place it in front of you. “Never took you as one to drink girl-drinks.”

You held your daquiri in front of you, squinting at it. Despite looking exhausted, Barba thought you were beautiful. Your eyes were bleary but still bright, and your hair fell around your face. And, it was shaping up, you were an adorable drunk.

“A daquiri is not a girl-drink,” you admonished him. “It’s literally rum and juice. And sugar.” You paused. When you continued, you sounded more aggravated. “Besides, what’s wrong with girl stuff? Just because I’m a hard-boiled detective, I’m supposed to drink something brown and corrosive?” You pointed at his single-malt scotch. “Gross.”

Barba held his glass up the light, letting it filter through the amber liquid. “This is the nectar of the gods,” he teased you. “Macallan, 12-year double cask.” He took a sip, letting it roll over his tongue. “You have to have a refined palate to truly appreciate it though.”

“Gross,” you said again. You adopted a fake-snobby accent. “I’m detecting notes of peat moss and smoke and an undertone of pretentious bullshit.”

Barba choked on his scotch, coughing violently. His eyes blurred with tears as he hacked and coughed, his throat burning. He felt you reach out and thump him companionably on the back.

“Pretentious?” he wheezed. He placed his hand over his heart. “That hurts me, Detective.”

You shrugged, but he caught the corner of your mouth quirk into a smile. “We didn’t all get to go to Harvard, Counselor. We didn’t all get to major in law and the flavor profiles of liquor.”

He leaned closer to you, smirking at the unexpected sass that rum apparently brought out in you. “And which degree-mill did you party your way through, hmm?” He looked into your eyes and held your gaze. He knew that much about you, from his casual questions to Liv. “Oh yeah, you went to that clown college, MIT. Full scholarship too, right?” He watched the surprised smile spread across your face. Then he watched it fade. You took a deep swallow of your drink.

“It didn’t matter, all those stupid degrees.” You finished your drink and sat the glass down with a thunk. “I can’t save anybody. I’m like a doctor, running into a disaster zone, slapping band-aids on bullet holes.” You signaled for another drink, then hung your head.

Barba made eye contact with the bartender and waved off your refill. He pulled his wallet out and slid his card across the bar, gesturing that he’d cover both tabs. He signed the slip, and hesitated before placing his hand on your arm. You raised you head, and your eyes were swimming with tears that threatened to fall.

“I know you’re upset about the verdict today,” he said softly. You started to shake your head, but he squeezed your arm to pull your attention back to him. “The system isn’t perfect. It doesn’t mean that it doesn’t work sometimes.” A single tear spilled out over your lashes, and he fought to urge to wipe it away with his thumb.

“But - ” you started, but he cut you off.

“Have a little faith in people,” he chided you. “Sentencing is next week. I am going to line up victim impact testimony that will put him away for a long time, even if he was only convicted on half the charges. For every sympathetic grandma the defense digs up, I’m going to put up five victims or family or friends.”

You nodded once, and he released your arm reluctantly. You took a deep breath, shaky, and then another. “Thanks,” you said. You gave a bitter laugh. “Sorry. I guess I’m a maudlin drunk tonight.”

“Don’t apologize.” He pulled your coat from the stool beside you and held it out for you. He couldn’t hold back the grin as you struggled to line up your arms to slide it on. Once on, he placed your bag over your shoulder and turned you to face him. “Let’s get you home. I’ll call my car.”

Standing, the alcohol hit you harder. You wobbled as he led you out of the bar and onto the sidewalk as you waited for the car service. You shivered and swayed a little, so Barba put an arm around you, pulling him to his side. He rubbed your arm briskly in a gesture of warming you up. You turned your head against his shoulder and sighed, and he watched as you closed your eyes. He supported your weight, holding you tight. Relishing the way you felt against him.

When the car pulled up, he jostled you gently and led you into the backseat. Once he settled in beside you, you curled up against him, your face pressed into his arm with another sigh. It made him smile: you were so professional at work, but drunk-you seemed to be an innocent cuddler. He wished it was him that made you that way and not just the rum.

“What’s your address?” he asked as the driver sat, waiting for instructions. Barba shook you gently again, but you only mumbled something unintelligible. He thought about rifling through your bag to get to your driver’s license, but you had a death-grip on his arm that was entirely too pleasant.

So he gave the driver his address.

Once the car pulled up in front of his building, Barba shook you awake and navigated you out of the car. “We’re here,” he whispered.

You looked around, confused. “Where’s here?”

Barba cleared his throat, suddenly nervous. “My place. I…I wasn’t sure where you lived. Sorry.”

You looked at his building, then looked at him. “S’okay.” You shrugged and reached for his arm again.

He got you into the building and up the elevator and into his apartment. He steered you to his couch, where you plopped down. He knelt in front of you and pulled your boots off. Then he stood up. “Stay here a minute,” he ordered. You gave him half of a salute and leaned back against the couch and shut your eyes.

When he returned to the living room, you were fast asleep. He hated to wake you – you seemed so peaceful after such a tough month, and he knew you needed the sleep. He knelt back down in front of you and shook you awake gently. You groaned, then opened your eyes.

“How much did you drink tonight?” he asked.

You scrunched your eyes closed in thought. “’About twelve limes, probably,” you answered seriously.

He chuckled and murmured your name to get your wandering attention. “Limes aren’t the problem. The alcohol is.”

You opened your eyes and stared at him. “You called me by my first name.”

He chuckled again. “I’ll call you any name you want if you drink this glass of water and take these aspirin for me.” He handed you the glass and shook two tablets into your palm. He watched you take your medicine, and he nodded in satisfaction when you finished your water.

“Now,” he said, repeating your first name and drawing it out teasingly. “Go to the bathroom and change into these. I laid out a towel and washcloth if you want to wash up too.” He handed you a Harvard Law t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants, and helped you stand up from the couch. He pointed to the bathroom and watched you reel your way there.

You exited the bathroom a long moment later, swimming in his too-large clothes, your own clothes bundled in your arms. Your hair was damp around the edges and your face was scrubbed clean of makeup. Barba placed his hand on your back and gently steered you into his bedroom, where he’d already turned down the bed for you. You hesitated by the bed, and turned to look at him. Your eyes were bleary with alcohol. Confused.

“Barba, I….” you started to say. You bit your lip and dropped your gaze, a flush creeping up your neck.

“You sleep here tonight,” he said. He took your bundle of clothes from you and placed them on top of his dresser. He pushed you down gently until you were sitting on the edge of the bed. “If you need anything, I’ll be out on the couch.” He watched the emotions that flitted across your face. Visible relief. But also, maybe, disappointment.

Once you nestled under the covers, he crept out of the room and turned off the light. He changed out of his suit and settled on the couch with a blanket and pillow. As exhausted as he was, he had trouble falling asleep. The trial had been rough on him too – there was so much prep work, writing out all the questions and counter-questions and every possible answer. It had been a tough case to prove, and while he always worked hard to win every case, he had given this case the extra 110 percent, since he knew how much it meant to you.

You were the first detective in his career to treat him like a person. Romantic feelings aside, he could never say how much he appreciated the way you treated him. Everyone else – even Liv – charged into his office, demanding warrants with no cause or legal miracles on flimsy evidence. They expected him to find loopholes in decades-old laws, and even when he did, they never thanked him. Until you came along.

You always made a point to greet him, ask him about his evening or weekend. You always thanked him when he came through, and you never blamed him when he failed. When he lost a case, you were always there with an encouraging word. Having you in his corner, literally in the courtroom, cheering his victories and commiserating his losses….it meant a lot to him.

And then, there were the other feelings, the irritating ones that distracted him more and more. He had given up on romance and love and having a significant other a long time ago. First Yelina, then a series of other women who left him broken hearted. It was just easier to focus on work and put all that behind him.

But your politeness and courtesy aside…there was your care of the victims, your zealous pursuit of justice. And tonight, with your walls down, he got to see more of you. A playful side, then a sorrowful side. And one that apparently trusted him to take care of you when you needed it. The fact that you were curled up in his bed right now said as much.

He rolled onto his side and groaned. He tried to push the image of you in his clothes, you sitting on the edge of his bed and looking up at him with your wide eyes. He imagined an evening like the one you’d just spent together, but with fewer drinks and more…well, more touching. He thought about how you nestled against him in the car, your head against his shoulder. You always seemed so careful around him, but apparently, he thought with a chuckle, it only took about twelve limes and an indeterminate amount of rum to change that.

Barba wondered if he could get you to open up around him without the help of drinks. Your face had lit up when he called you by your first name. Maybe, he thought, if he dropped his own walls a bit, you might reciprocate.

He sighed and rolled onto his back. He replayed the evening again and again, relishing the parts where you leaned against him or held his arm or drunkenly teased him with that glint in your eye. He thought of you in his bed; he thought about crawling in beside you. He felt a familiar tension below the belt and thought about indulging it – then thought better of it. The last thing he needed was you, stumbling out looking for the bathroom or a glass of water, to find him furiously masturbating on the couch.

He rolled onto his side again and punched the pillow into shape. Sleep was a long time coming, but right before he fell asleep, his last thought was of you.

#rafael barba #rafael barba imagine #rafael barba x reader #rafael barba x you #law and order svu #law and order svu fanfiction #tropes-and-tales

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onebigsimp · 3 years

Note

could you do one where lorraine has an aneurysm or a heart attack as a result of one of her visions and slips into a coma or else dies something like that that would be so sad

Owie nonny this one is gonna be super sad.

Also I know zilch about hospitals in the 70s and don't have the energy to do research at this moment so apologies for inaccuracies. I usually do research on fics if I need to but I'm just, tired pfft.

TW: Light gore

A/N: This one HURT.

Two Broken Hearts

Lorraine's head throbbed with pain. "Ah!' she squeezed her eyes shut as she felt a vision coming on. She could very faintly feel Ed leading her to sit down somewhere as she swayed, and him squeezing her hand. The visions had never been quite this painful before. Life had been strenuous lately so perhaps that was why.

The vision came slowly, and was confusing. Everything was dark, which was a common theme, but there were screams all around. But these were screams Lorraine recognized. These screams came from her husband and daughter. "Mommy!" "Lorraine!" "HELP!" "HELP ME MOMMY I'M SCARED!"

And then the blackness cleared.

And there was a malicious, powerful thing standing.. No, hovering, over Ed and Judy. Lorraine screamed for them. She screamed in hopes that the evil spirit would look at her and her husband and child could run.

The spirit did look at her.

And its eyes bored into Lorraine's being. The spirit extended a long scythe. As if it were Death itself. And without breaking eye contact with Lorraine, it sliced through Ed and Judy in one swoop. Their bloody bodies fell to the floor in pieces.

Lorraine screamed. She screamed so forcefully, she couldn't even hear Ed screaming for her to wake up and stop, as his hand gripped hers tighter, even if she knew that's what he was saying. She couldn't hear him.

Then suddenly, her heart lurched.

And stopped.

Ed was terrified. His wife had just gripped her chest and gone limp suddenly and wouldn't move. This had never happened before. This was all new. Ed shook her "Lorraine! LORRAINE! LORRAINE COME BACK TO ME!" but Lorraine shook like a rag doll in his firm hands. She wouldn't wake.

Ed checked her pulse and found it was missing.

His whole world went fuzzy.

Judy came in and found her mother limp, lying back in an unnatural way on the couch. And her father, eyes glazed, his hand gripping Lorraine's wrist, so hard it might break.

"Dad?" her voice broke. "Call 911, Judy. Tell them your mother went into cardiac arrest and her heart stopped." Judy's jaw went slack and tears fell down her cheeks. "What?! Is Mom gonna be ok, Dad?" Judy's voice was fragile with terror. "I don't know, go call 911 Judy she needs to get to a hospital!"

The ambulance came quickly. Not quickly enough for Ed, every moment was painful. Lorraine's pulse had yet to return, and Ed was slowly losing his mind. He couldn't lose Lorraine, she was his everything. The love of his life, his soulmate, the mother of their darling Judy. Judy couldn't lose her mother either.

They loaded Lorraine into the back of the ambulance, Ed still gripping her hand. Judy screamed as an EMT pulled her away "You won't fit honey. I'm so sorry." the EMT seemed truly sorry. They'd seen many things in their career, but separating a child from a mother was never easy.

The drive was quick, but felt agonizingly slow to Ed. An EMT had to pry his hand off Lorraine's wrist so they could care for her. They shocked her and her heart started again. Ed sobbed in relief.

They entered the hospital quickly and Lorraine was moved to a room. Ed was there the whole time, shadowing nurses and doctors.

A doctor pulled Ed aside and explained that there was a chance Lorraine wouldn't wake up. Her heart had been dead for quite some time. All they could do was wait now.

So Ed did.

He waited days for her to wake. Days turned into a week. Then two.

And finally. Finally.

"Hey honey." Lorraine's weak voice broke through his haze. His wife was awake at last. Ed wept and held her face and kissed her, Lorraine crying now. Ed touched his forehead to Lorraine's "Never leave me again, Lorraine. Please." Ed's voice was raw and broken. After weeks of praying and hoping Lorraine had come back. "I promise I won't, Ed." Lorraine said through her tears.

Ed would never let go of her again

Alternate ending.

Ed waited.

Two weeks turned into four.

Then one month turned into five.

And Lorraine didn't wake up.

Ed held her hand each day. Hoping she would squeeze it. He prayed. He watched her blue eyes. Her mesmerizing blue eyes, hoping they would open and twinkle at him in that beautiful way.

5 months turned into a year.

Judy struggled in school. The school understood of course. But Judy was lost. Her mother had loved her so much and Judy hadn't been able to hear "I love you" from her in a year.

Ed hadn't been able to sing for his wife in a year. He hadn't felt her kiss his cheek. He hadn't danced with her.

He had nothing left of her.

She was a shell. She was gone.

#the conjuring #ed and lorraine warren #owie #rons writes #anon #ask answered #did i cry writing this?#yes #judy warren #the conjuring fic

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timextoxhajima · 3 years

Text

GEN Z SERIES, HYUNJAE: The Third Eye

"Will you choose to believe what you see or what you feel?”

Member: Hyunjae

Genre: Fantasy / Slice of Life / Supernatural / Angst / TW

Trigger Warnings: Rape, Self-Harm

Word Count: 5.8k

Taglist: @yn-am-pm @fleurseoul @sunwoowuvbot

The first time I knew I saw something that wasn't there, I was scared. How was an eight-year-old supposed to treat an elderly man who looked closer to a skeleton than a human being standing in the corner of the room... of an elderly's home?

I remember my mother combing my grandmother's hair while my father was helping me pick up my crayons off the floor when I saw him. Nurses were walking down the corridors in a hurry. I remember nobody noticed -- or at least, unlike the conventional way of death that has been portrayed in movies and books by the very cliché usage of the flatlining on the monitor. He had a good amount of hair for an old man in his nineties.

Then again, it might've been his deteriorating health that made him look older than he actually was when he died. Time seemed to pass a lot slower when they let me see them. Unlike the way his skin seemed to sink in between his ribs and wrap around the bones of his arms, his eyes were full of light. The kind that I recognised when I was at school. I didn't know then, because I was just a child he realised could see his soul. But I will never forget the blessing he placed on the top of my head. Every single word etched into my mind like carved into stone.

I told my grandmother about the man I saw earlier that day when my parents went to talk to the nurses of the elderly home. She was scared at first, when she realised her grandchild had abilities that not many had. Yet, she never told my parents, because she knew they would convince themselves that they could do something about it -- as if one could really remove the powers of a third eye all so easily.

Angels are not beings with wings or halos but instead, a bright orb of gold and white. The old man waved so dearly to me, after giving his children and grandchildren a kiss atop their heads though they couldn't feel it. He was 88, auspicious numbers in many cultures. Then when the orb of light drifted in through the window, I remember I could almost hear the sounds of kittens and puppies. But just as it neared him, I heard the familiar sounds of laughter from his children and grandchildren, then static sounds of radio and music I didn't recognise. I will later find out that the music belonged in the 40s.

The orb presents you with everything you've loved and enjoyed and held close to your heart in your life, and should you be content with what the orb has to offer you, then it must be time for you to go.

But where there is light, there is darkness. Where there are orbs of smiles and flowers, there are daggers of blood and evil lurking in the shadows. I was 13 when I saw evil in one of its many forms. I had a headache the entire day, a sign to tell me that my third eye is in close proximity with something that did not align with my believes and morals.

I had expected something to jump out at me through the reflection off the mirror, or a hand to burst through the ground and grab me by the ankle. But no, evil in one of its many forms does not need it to be horrifying and scary.

Her hair was long, and her face was covered in what looked like burn marks.

Does Hell burn through you so quickly?

She looks human, but her fingers were split down the middle, thorns sticking out every finger, in which on each hand she has ten.

As she graced the corridors of school, she sheds these thorns that drop like nails to the floor, waiting for someone to step on those facing upwards. Have you ever gotten a sharp ache or pinch in the soles of your feet when you're walking sometimes?

If you have, then you would've probably stepped on a Hell's Thorn, or at least, that's what I called it. I never found out if she could see me, but when I realised I could touch the thorns and kick them out of sight, they'd roll off into some corner before dissolving into red ash.

Over a decade of being stuck between two worlds. I've done enough reading to understand the dangers of prancing along this line, not being able to shut one side off completely. So, when the ghosts, demons and spirits hide in the shadows of my room, or stare at me point-blank in the middle of the day like a normal human being would, it becomes normal.

They are everywhere, even when you cannot feel them. It gets confusing, when they look more human than some human beings.

Just how much longer... or how much more can I stay like this?

"I don't know where your diary is. If you're telling me it's here, then I'm telling you it's gone."

You are standing right smack in the middle of the school field, afternoon sun beaming down onto your hair. Squinting your eyes, you look around the large space of artificial grass and beyond that, the tracks, where students were finding some fun in running laps in the summer heat.

"But..."

"Lee Eun," Your heart breaks, more than necessary, because this is not the first time you've done it. "What you're looking for isn't here. The building your locker was in was torn down 20 years ago and if it was there, it's gone now. Or at least..." She watches you turn around and stare at the ground beneath your feet. "It's not here anymore."

Lee Eun was a student from your school that graduated in 2000. But she lost her life the day she graduated, only because she hadn't seen the brick falling from the nearby construction site where the school building you attended now was being built.

The silence becomes unbearable so you look up, but you only see the two male students jogging along the track and nobody else in sight. The orb did not come to collect Lee Eun's soul; this is not over.

The sweat has stuck your uniform to your back when you return to class, and it becomes apparent to you that a particular shadow has not shifted an inch since you've stepped into the classroom. You weren't in pain, so this entity is not a demon. Yet, you cannot identify its gender. It had no face, no hair, just... a volume of shadow and darkness and if the girls sitting before it knew it was there, they'd probably scream their head off.

You know its staring at you with every intention in its spirit, though you cannot see its eyes. And it stays when the teacher enters the classroom with a new student trailing behind him. For a moment, your attention is diverted to Jang Jun Hyuk, hair brown and skin fair. The girls in the class were already ogling over him, it's not a surprise anymore. But the shadow turns to look at him, then at you, and the darkness dissolves into the beige wall behind it, vanishing as Jang Jun Hyuk bows and introduces himself.

Then the king of the class speaks at a volume you know you weren't supposed to hear, but consider it a special talent now that you've honed the skills of your third eye.

"Strange vibes," Lee Hyunjae was probably talking to Younghoon. "Don't you think there's something off about him?"

"Are you sure you're not just threatened that there's someone who rivals our popularity?"

Jang Jun Hyuk bows to the class, then is instructed by the teacher to take a seat diagonally behind you, right in front of Lee Hyunjae.

"Hey, new kid."

A frown gently presses itself into your forehead when you can hear Younghoon give Hyunjae a gentle whack on his shoulder.

"Where did you move from?"

"Ah, I moved from another city. My father was transferred."

The shadow was now standing by the door of the classroom, watching the teacher scribble on the whiteboard.

"Cool," Hyunjae offers a friendly laugh. That's more like him. "Join us at lunch, provided you don't have a crowd to hang out with yet."

“Uh, sure.”

The shadow turns to look at you -- even without eyes, you know it’s watching you.

By the time you have been dragged to the cafeteria by your friends (though most people tend to think you’re weird for talking to yourself sometimes), Hyunjae has doubled over on some bench cracking up at a joke Jun Hyuk made.

Your friends can’t help but to draw your attention to the new addition to the group of popular males.

“Man fits right in, doesn’t he?”

“At least he looks like one of them.”

“y/n,” One of the two call out to you. “What happened to... what was her name?”

“Lee Eun.”

“Right, the ghost from twenty years ago. How is she?”

The two look at you with wide, glistening eyes. Most people aren’t as accommodating to your abilities, so it’s a blessing to have them by your side.

“I haven’t seen her since earlier today. She said she had a diary in school but she never found it.”

“Well, maybe it is still in school somewhere, locked up in some lost and found box or lost in some locker. Why else would she still be here and can’t... you know, move on?”

You shrug. I wish I knew.

The library was always comforting. The silence, the sound of pages being flipped and the occasional clicking of someone’s keyboard. And strangely enough, the library’s never really a hotspot for other beings except humans.

The peace was, unfortunately, disrupted though, when Jun Hyuk shows up with his backpack and tie neat around his collar. You greet him subtly before returning to your notes, but he sits down opposite you and renders your desire to be alone useless.

“Hyunjae and Younghoon told me you would be here.”

The pen in your grip gets lowered into the ivory sheets, gaze travelling up to look at him through your lashes. “Lee Hyunjae and Kim Younghoon? Why would they tell you where I am?”

Jun Hyuk offers a shy smile, diverting his brown irises away from you for a second. “Because I asked.”

The cold air stings your nose when you suck in a deep breath. “Why, do you need help with work? Because I’m literally the worst person to ask--”

“No, I just needed to know where I could find you so I could spend time with you.”

Your heart begins to thump madly, because it’s not everyday that a guy is so straightforward with his intentions to someone he just met.

“Uh--” You purse your lips in a bid to form a coherent sentence. “That’s really... honest of you.”

Jun Hyuk grins sweetly, eyes halving into crescents and creasing his skin around his lids. He has a dimple in his left cheek, a detail that you wouldn’t have noticed if he wasn’t sitting directly opposite you.

“So, can I?”

Confusion strikes you, only because assumption is a dangerous thing we like to do.

“Can you... what?”

“Hang out with you.”

The whir of the air-conditioner in the library becomes a little louder alongside the thumping that was now difficult to ignore in your head.

The blood rushes up to your cheeks and you can feel your face catching fire, so Jun Hyuk eases it by restarting a conversation.

“Anyway, have you done the work from today?”

“I--” You look down at the worksheet he was taking out from his bag. It’s barely filled. “I’ve been staring at it for awhile now--”

“Not good at Math?”

“I’m better at...” Jun Hyuk takes the worksheet and gets up, scooting over to the seat next to you. A gulp finds a way down your throat. “...English and Literature...”

“Well, it’s your lucky day because I’m great at Math.”

Up close, Jin Hyuk smells like fresh linen.

Not a great sign. He knows what makes a girl tick.

Jun Hyuk spends the rest of the afternoon helping you with the worksheet, and the glimmer in his eyes...

“Are you listening?”

Your jaw slacks in surprise, blinking your attention away from staring at him. A chuckle sounds from Jun Hyuk, who looks away with the slightest hint of pride.

Jun Hyuk makes you feel like you are prancing on clouds for the next few weeks. The little notes he passed in class that earned the attention of his new friends, Younghoon and Hyunjae. The sweets and treats that he’d leave on your desk before school and the after-school study sessions were your favourite part of the day.

He’d expected you to be calm and collected when he took the initiative to hold your hand under the table, but he could read how nervous and anxious you got, so he thinks it’s a good idea to ease that anxiety with a kiss on your cheek.

Lee Eun was no longer around to ask you for her diary, but the faceless shadow was still tailing you when you were in the classroom. It’s never interfered with your daily routine though, thus you choose to leave it be and enjoy being a normal teenager for once.

Three months after you met Jun Hyuk though, you could tell Hyunjae was deliberately steering away from him, dragging Younghoon along with him. You can’t help but wonder if it was because you and Jun Hyuk were now romantically involved and that Hyunjae had probably caught wind of the fact that you could see things that weren’t there, leading him to ostracise Jun Hyuk.

Not that it had that much effect anyway, Jun Hyuk was a charming boy on his own; he didn’t need Hyunjae’s help to ‘make it’ in school.

The day carries on as per usual with Jun Hyuk staying in school to study with you. Hands busy scribbling away and eyes darting across worksheets, you’ve always admired how focussed he gets when he does his work.

In attempt to pull him out of his stress-bubble, you cap on your pen and lean into him, resting your head on his shoulder after making sure there was nobody else left in the library.

“Do you want to take a break? You’ve been going at it for quite some time now.”

“I’m just about there, just hold on a minute, would you?”

A pout surfaces on your lips. “I know. I just... do you ever feel bad that Hyunjae and Younghoon aren’t as close to you as before?”

Jun Hyuk finishes the line he’s writing and looks up at you. “Why would I?”

“I don’t know, I just... you must’ve heard the rumor that I can see ghosts. Aren’t you upset that they might be leaving you out because of that?”

“You can see ghosts?” He scoffs. His attitude feels strange today, though he hasn’t said anything wrong. “That’s just stupid. And no, I don’t really care.”

“Oh,” A pause halts you, so you can think of an appropriate response. “You don’t... believe in ghosts or spirits?”

“No, that stuff is for kids.”

The thought of Jun Hyuk not believing in something you were known to be able to see was strangely more discomforting than not.

“Why’d you ask about Hyunjae and Younghoon? I thought you weren’t close with those guys?” He’s placing his pens into his pencil case and keeping his worksheets in his file. You start doing the same.

“I-- I’m not, I’m just asking for your sake.”

“My sake?” He clears the table of his items and leans back in his seat. “Why would it bother me? Is it because you don’t get to talk to them anymore?”

“What? Why would that matter to me?”

“I don’t know, you were pretty smitten with Hyunjae just a few weeks ago.”

“Since when?”

“You think I didn’t notice when you were smiling at him when he was making those jokes-- they weren’t even that funny?”

A frown has finally cemented itself between your brows. “I’m sorry, where is this jealousy even coming from? Why didn’t you just tell me when you saw it?”

Jun Hyuk goes silent, and you can tell he’s upset just by thinking about it. Sighing, you rest your head on his shoulder again in a bid to appease his anger.

“Alright, I’m sorry, okay? I was just concerned that you might feel left out or anything. And rest assured, I wasn’t flirting with Hyunjae.”

Jun Hyuk hums in response, reaching your chin to pull you closer. Your heart starts to pound in your ear when he doesn’t hesitate to press his lips against yours, the sudden intimacy catching you off-guard and sending chills down your spine.

Something doesn’t feel right.

“Jun--” You manage to cough out, just as he starts to bury his nose and lips into your neck. “Jun Hyuk, not here.”

“Come on, there’s nobody here. Isn’t it exciting?” He smirks into your skin but it makes you feel dirty.

“Jun, we really shouldn’t. I’m tired today so...” Gently pushing him off, his eyes are now filled with the ache of rejection. Somewhere inside you, you hope that he understands. But you also hope he knows he’s being an asshole.

“I... I think I’m going to go,” Backing away, you can hear your heart in your ears as you reverse, returning to the table to clear your stationery. His footsteps come dangerously close behind you before you are yanked around violently, each of your elbows coming into tight restraint in his palms.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“I’m going home,” When your eyes meet his, they are dark under the lighting. And even then, it seems like the man you trusted had turned to dust and blown away in the wind. “Please, let me go.”

“But don’t you trust me? Didn’t you say that you didn’t know what you’d do without me?” It’s horrifying when his nose comes dangerously closely to yours, his lips that were once part of a daydream now slowly being torn to shreds, forming an idea of a nightmare in your mind.

If you could feel darkness, you were sure you could hurl out nothing but black masses, when he aggressively pastes his lips to yours. There’s a stark difference being in love and being trustworthy... and being this person who was cutting off the blood supply from your face to your mouth now.

“Let me go, please!” Your strength is rendered useless in his tight grip around your wrists, and now he decides to shift his tongue to your neck, harshly sucking on the skin and flesh and making you want to hurl and sob instead. The struggle you offered was of no use to Jun Hyuk, not when he is able to shove you backwards and plaster your back to the study desk with all your pens and pencils under your back.

“Do you know what you’re getting yourself into?!”

“You should’ve thought about that before you kissed me first in the garden the other day, no?”

The tears finally stream when the betrayal sets in. Not even prayers would work anymore, would they?

Using his upper body weight to hold you to the table, the metal clinking of his belt comes like a warning when you can feel the tears wetting the strands of your hair.

“Jun Hyuk, please...”

“Shut up,” Ice cold fingers run up the length of your thighs and around your hips under your skirt, scratching your skin as he removes your underwear. “Isn’t this how much you trust me?”

Sobs run through gritted teeth as your chin tilts to the ceiling, his body absorbing every ounce of struggle and force you were exerting on him. But, it was so easily drained into him that you were gradually turning limp and lifeless. Hearing him undo his zipper while he wets and marks your skin with his tongue and teeth shuts off all your senses. Your eyes flutter shut with resignation, the shivering and trembling seeping away with your need to escape.

Help me.

Something fuses loudly. The lights go off.

“Who’s there?! Motherfucker!”

The zip goes back up, and the weight on you shifts away.

“I’m going to kill you!”

His voice wears away, getting softer with his footsteps.

Still crying, you pull up your underwear that was dangling at your ankles and push yourself off the surface of the table. Everything on the desk gets swept into your back before you stumble out of the secluded study area, the light of the late sunset greeting your tear stained face.

Reaching home feels like reaching the end point in a marathon, just that instead of feeling pride and glory, you were feeling nothing but worthlessness.

The lukewarm water feels like a gentle hug around your body when you sink into the cold marble, knees propped up and surfaced with your feet flat against the base of the bathtub.

Swollen eyes from crying but too tired to cry somemore, and you find difficulty in even remembering why you even fell for Jun Hyuk in the first place.

It was my fault for bringing it up. I shouldn’t have brought it up.

Maybe if I didn’t have this gift then I didn’t need to ask or worry about Jun Hyuk being ostracised. Maybe it shouldn’t be called a gift after all.

This pain is temporary, right? This small blade can do more than ease the pain. This blood that colors the water can do more than dry the tears from my eyes.

I wish I wasn’t born with this gift.

You close your eyes and let yourself sink into the tub, under the surface of the water. The water starts to feel thicker, and before you can count to five, it starts going up your nose.

But then it feels like you’ve been sucked into another dimension and thrown back onto your bed when you gasp, sitting up and choking out what feels like water in your throat.

Your hands fumble around yourself, and you wince when you look down at your wrists. The vertical cut looked more like a scar that’s already healed, rather than an injury you had chosen to inflict on yourself just hours before.

The clock strikes 3.33am, and while you would usually be kind of freaked out because 3 is not an auspicious number, you can’t help but to feel some kind of relief when you realised you were still alive.

The next few days you spend in the shadows. Jun Hyuk tries to apologise to you on more than one occasion, but when you glitch and nearly break down when he gets anywhere near you, your friends start to understand that something had happened.

Why would you want to take your life all of a sudden?

Mr. Shadowman doesn’t leave you alone though. Instead, it starts following you more aggressively, showing up in the strangest of places and in the most horrendous positions. You had seen it standing with its feet planted to the ceiling of the cafeteria, then again standing perfectly still behind the classroom door when the teacher closed it.

Then it finally follows you into the bathroom after school. You’ve changed your studying location to your classroom, so you wouldn’t need to worry about being alone.

But no matter how many times you see this shadow, seeing it curled up under the sink in the female’s toilet makes you yelp and jump backwards, not even enticing a reaction from it.

“You...” Gripping the edge of the sink, you squat and stare at it. “What do you need from me?”

“I wouldn’t go anywhere nearer to it if I were you.” Your eyes dart up into the broken glass above the sink. Seeing Hyunjae staring at you through the reflection, with the pillar hiding the rest of his body was surprising.

It dawns on you that whatever you were seeing, Hyunjae could see it too.

The shadow remained still under the sink, crouched into a mass like someone holding its knees to its chest. The water dripping from under the sink slips through the mass like it wasn’t there. Hyunjae spares you a few seconds to stare at it some more until he grabs your arm and pulls you out of the toilet.

“What the-- don’t touch me--” Yanking your wrist out of his hands, you jerk away from him. The impact pulls your sleeves upwards, revealing the bruises that Jun Hyuk had left on you just a few days ago -- and the scar of the cut down your forearm.

His attention is stolen by the marks, cuing you to nervously pull your sleeves back down as you steal a glance at Hyunjae’s face.

“Don’t interact with that thing,” He advises after a few moments of silence. “It’s been following you.”

Looking up with a harsh frown on your face, confusion and anger starts to seep through your bones.

“You mean to tell me you could see these things all this while?”

Hyunjae’s eyes fill with a tiny pinch of guilt, but he doesn’t look away.

“That thing is harmless,” Your thumb brushes across the area where the bruise was hidden under the material of your sleeve. “It saved me.”

“If it’s harmless or any bit human then why doesn’t it have a face? Or eyes or hair or a mouth?”

“So, you can’t see what it is either. Have you seen others? Ghosts, the angel orbs, demons--”

“Get this clear in your head, I am not here to discuss what you can see,” Hyunjae takes a step closer and looks at you with an expression you can’t read. Was he angry? Frustrated? Worried? Concerned?

“But do not engage with whatever that is. They only stick around if you entertain it, and right now, you are just short of becoming friends with it.”

“You make it sound like you know everything about that other world.”

“And you make it sound like you haven’t seen a demon and that there are no dangers of it.”

The proximity starts to make you anxious; his build is similar to Jun Hyuk’s and the physical confrontation starts to knock on your skull is all the ways possible. Hyunjae retreats when he notices your eyes are unable to meet his now, and he walks away with his fists clenched.

That night, you are unable to fall asleep. Not with the new revelation that Hyunjae can see the same things you do. Or was it just the shadow that he can see?

Has he seen the orbs or angels or demons?

You sit up in your bed, eyes adjusting to the darkness when a thud wakes you up. The crickets outside are loud in the silent night, but it takes you just a split second to recognise the shadow standing in the corner where the door meets the corner of the room.

Keeping your eyes peeled, you fumble around at your nightstand, searching for the button of the lamp. It doesn’t disappear though, when the amber light illuminates the cream-pink room.

“What do you need?” The query comes out more like a whisper, because most spirits you meet are ghosts who need your help or are willing to talk to you -- most of them have faces and eyes and have some resemblance to being human at some point of time in their life.

The shadow pulls itself off the wall, and turns from a flat, regular shadow into a mass of darkness; the same way it was in the classroom when you first saw it, then later under the sink in the bathroom.

This is the first time this has happened -- a shadow that was very obviously a being and yet you cannot decide if it was something harmful or something that once walked the Earth.

By now, the shadow is just about two metres away from your bed, yet you find yourself inching backwards because you cannot predict what it would (or could) do to you.

Then it lifts an arm that reaches out to you, darkness flowing like steam off its limbs as it gets closer to you. But just before it can touch you, a flash of brightness interrupts your interaction.

“Stop.”

Your room is brightly lit up for a split second, blinding you from seeing the shadow. So when your eyes come back into focus, your eyes are about to fall out of your skull when you recognise the back of someone you know.

Hyunjae was standing right next to your bed, between you and the shadow, now visibly a physical blob of darkness.

“You have no business here with her. You don’t even need to be here.”

Silence.

Hyunjae looks at the shadow intently. He is listening to it talk to him, but you hear nothing but the crickets chirping outside.

“Jang Jun Hyuk will be mine to deal with, not yours. You do not need to be here.”

Lee Hyunjae... just what are you?

“Seer but is she a...”

“What did you just say?” You blurt out when the strange croak gets to your head. Hyunjae flinches and turns around to look at you, eyes flickering with worry before turning back to the shadow.

Now, you can see blue orbs for eyes and skin pulled and stretched like it had been worn out through hundreds of years. It was neither a ghost nor human.

It didn’t look like Lee Eun or the elderly man you saw when you were 8, nor did it look like the female demon you saw at 13.

“Leave, you do not belong here.”

“To deserves she know.”

“Know what?” Impatience and fear was getting the better of you, and if Hyunjae was more than human, he would know. “...That I can see you?”

“No, she cannot know!” Hyunjae tries to block you from the ghoul. “That is not your place to tell her!”

The ghoul proves more powerful than Hyunjae and reaches right through him, creating a bright outline of his limb through Hyunjae’s chest.

“No!”

That was the last thing you hear just as the shadow touches your forehead, snapping your neck backwards and sending your memory into a dimension you cannot recognise.

“You will be blessed with eternal protection.”

That was the blessing the elderly man offered you when you were eight. Little did you know that he was merely reading a blessing pinned to your existence on its own.

"The son of Saint Michael had fallen in love with the fairy of the mortals. Saint Michael hadn’t offered the tiniest bit of worry or concern over his son becoming star-crossed lovers. Angels were meant to be with angels and fairies with fairies... Granted that even if you did know about his son’s feelings, you would eventually realise that it was against the laws of the world, for you were a gateway for the Good to seep into the mortal world. But what Saint Michael did not know was that the fairy his son had fallen in love with had stored the same amount of love he had for her in his heart.”

“The Heavens forbid star-crossed lovers between the two breeds of beings. Saint Michael himself couldn’t believe it when his son caved into his feelings right after you did. Fairies were fickle-minded; the only beings of the world of immortals that once walked the Earth as human beings. It was expected that you would provide the same love to the Archangel’s son -- but when he decided to embrace you in his all-gold halo of light... Saint Michael knew he could not afford losing the bearings of his son. He had decided that mortalising you would be a smart decision; keeping you close by letting you protect your ability to connect with this world but restraining you from ever returning to Hyunjae’s side.”

“Yet, like mortals, even immortal beings are unable to fight the strength of love. Hyunjae had decided descend to the world of the Humans and Mortals... to protect you by your side in your second life, allowing you to see him, touch him.”

The day you were reborn was the day Hyunjae had decided to humanise himself, albeit the process was draining and set him on a ticking clock from returning to the other world.

The ghoul looks at you, his blue eyes now revealing himself as a fairy who had disguised himself, in a bid to warn you before you had sold your heart to Hyunjae, something you cannot be with.

“You are paying the price for a fault that was his, do you not bear any resentment?”

The memories return. Flashes of Hyunjae smiling at you because he knew you could see him. The kisses that stained his skin because you were a mere mortal with abilities, and he was a being that was meant for more.

“How is this his fault?”

The fairy is silent, thinking of the words to say.

“Had he lived up to the responsibilities of being the son of Saint Michael, he wouldn’t have caved in.”

Your hair feels light around your shoulders, watching the fairy slowly morph into something less ambiguous.

“What would have happened if we didn’t fall in love in my first life?”

The fairy had grown wings that looks like glass, reflecting light into seven colors into the abyss beyond you. He looks at you, blue eyes never faltering.

“You would’ve become an Undine Fairy, and Hyunjae would’ve had to return to the world of the Skies--”

“And I would never see him again.”

He can see that you’ve had a glimpse into your past life; the forbidden love you had for Hyunjae now buried deep inside you. It feels like someone had just stuck a shovel 6 feet into your heart and dug out every remnant he could find.

“Would you have let him go, had he been true to his existence and you had become an Undine?”

“There’s no way I can answer that, can I?”

The fairy blinks and starts walking backwards. “The rules between the two Worlds are forged in stone, but everybody knows that the matters of the spirit and soul cannot be bound by tangible logic. Your choice depends on what you believe: will you choose to believe what you see or what you feel?”

The question echoes inside your head, and the world around you flashes brightly like you had just died and walked into heaven.

Your consciousness returns to current time, eyes fluttering open as your alarm clock rings you awake. Sitting opposite you, eyes closed as you watch him snoozing lightly despite sitting in a chair, you feel a pinch in your chest.

It’s not his fault, and never will be.

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