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illfoandillfie · 4 years

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5 Simple Rules for a Successful Fake Relationship: The Proposal

Pairing: Ben Hardy x Reader

Summery: Your's and Ben's agents approach you about pretending to date in order to boost interest in your new movie.

Warnings: Nothing for this chapter other than some swearing maybe? Things may get a little spicy in later chapters though.

Words: 5843

AN: This fic was written for El @laedymoon for her 1K celebration! I took the trope 'fake dating' and this was the result! Honestly fake dating is one my my fave tropes and I've been wanting to try my hand at it for a while so this was so much fun to write! Originally it was meant to be a one shot but when have I ever been good at sticking to plans lmao? Instead it'll probably end up as a three or four part series, maybe with an epilogue as well, who knows.

I’d also like to point out I started writing this months before we got those photos of Ben and Olivia so this was in no way inspired by anyone’s theories about whether or not their relationship is a PR stunt and I’m not particularly interested in that kind of talk.

Taglist: @laedymoon @dtfrogertaylor @ezmina98 @vee-ndetta @atomic-watermelon @kellypenac @labessieisallama @deakyclicks @jennyggggrrr @drowseoftaylor @hannafuckingsucks @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming @queenmylovely @supersonicfreddie

You’d known fake celebrity relationships were a thing that happened, you just never expected to be approached about one. But, here you were, sat next to Ben in an office usually reserved for producers meetings, a slight frown on his face as he listened to your agents explain how beneficial it would be if the public believed you were a couple. “It’ll be good for the movie,” your agent, Mary, said matter-of-factly, “Studies show that if people – particularly women ages 15 – 45, the exact demographic we’re targeting – believe a real romance sprouted during the course of filming a movie, they are 78% more likely to see the movie. Plus, your names in the tabloids mean more exposure for both of you which means more offers in future, no matter how well this movie does in the box office. It’s all about being seen, people knowing your names.” “Are you serious?” Ben asked slowly, glancing to you, as if trying to determine your reaction. “Look, Ben, obviously we can’t force you or Y/N to do this,” his agent, Peter, introduced to you moments before, said, “the movie has already started filming and everyone appreciates your opinions, so saying no isn’t going to affect your jobs. But,” he paused, making sure the words were getting through to you both, “we strongly recommend you consider it. There are enough pros to make it worthwhile and it would only have to last until a week or two after the premiere. We can give you the rest of the day to think it over and make your decisions, but we will require an answer by tomorrow morning. If you agree, we can discuss terms and get everything in order to run the first story early next week.”

You and Ben left, tempted to laugh at the strangeness of your morning. “Think I need a coffee after that. You wanna come over to my trailer for a cup?” “Yeah, okay, sounds good,” you followed him quietly for a moment, thinking over the conversation you’d just been part of, “What do you think?” “About what? Coffee? You know I love it,” “Not coffee, the whole pretending to date thing,” “Oh that,” you could almost hear his eyes roll. “You don’t think it’s worth it?” He paused. “Saying no won’t hurt my feelings,” you nudged his shoulder, hoping to ease his obvious discomfort, “it is a weird situation.” “Weird is an understatement. And weren’t you with that Luke guy, what would he say about it?” “He’ll say nothing since we’re not seeing each other anymore,” “Wait, what?” “Yeah that lasted like three dates and went nowhere, I haven’t seen him in weeks.” “Oh, sorry.” You shrugged, “What’s there to be sorry for, he was boring. Anyway, we were talking about you and me.” “Right, that.” Ben opened the door to his trailer and waved you inside, following you over the threshold, “What do you think about it?” “I’m not opposed to it. We already spend a lot of our time pretending to date anyway.” Ben chuckled as he flicked the small kettle on, grabbing your two mugs and the instant coffee. “Plus it would be good to get our names out there a bit more. And we're friends, right?” After the weeks of pre-production costume fittings and script read-throughs you certainly thought you were friends and hoped Ben did too. “Of course we’re friends doofus,” “Thanks dweeb. But that means it'll be fun getting to hang out and stuff.” “So, wait, you think it’s a good idea?” “Well it can’t hurt, can it?” Ben frowned, forehead creased, “Don’t you think it’s all a bit, well, daft? As if us dating, real or not, would really have an impact on the movie, I think that’s bullshit. Plus, y’know, the work we’d have to put in to making it seem real or whatever. That’s just inviting extra stress into our lives and extra work which it doesn’t sound like we’d be getting paid for. Acting’s fun but I don’t want to spend every waking moment doing it.” “Well it wouldn’t be every waking moment would it? Just the ones when they had photographers around. They’ll get a few photos of us leaving set holding hands or out having dinner together and spin it into a big romantic story and all we’d have to do is hold hands and have dinner. And you can’t call bullshit when they had actual statistics to back them up.” “It sounds like you’re trying to convince me.” “No, if you don’t want to I don’t mind, but I also don’t see anything wrong with it. And I think you should actually think about it instead of writing it off instantly.” “So if I said I was into it, you’d want to?” You shrugged, “Yeah. I want this movie to do well, I want this job to go somewhere. And if I have to date you to make that happen I will. That sounded better in my head. I just mean that I’m happy to pretend to date you, even if I wouldn’t in real life, no offence.” “I’m a little offended,” he chuckled, “but really can’t argue with that can I?” “If you’re not comfortable with it, say so and we’ll tell them no,” Ben paused, staring at you as he considered what you’d said, quiet for so long you were sure he was going to say he wasn’t interested. You were about to put him out of his misery and tell him you didn’t want to anymore when he spoke up. “They did say it would be good for the movie and out careers,” “Someone’s coming around,” you sing-songed, taking the mug he offered you. “Alright, I admit, maybe not as awful an idea as I first thought. There are…some pros anyway. And I guess we can hear the terms and then make up our minds properly.” “Aww, looks like I got myself a boyfriend,”

The next morning you found out what you were in for if you did agree to it. Once again both of your agents were waiting in the office but this time a third person was with them when you arrived. “Y/N, Ben, take a seat. This is Barry, he’s a representative from Paramount Pictures.” Barry, with his salt and pepper hair and well cut suit, leaned forward in his seat to shake Ben’s hand and then yours with a pleasant greeting. “Well,” Mary spoke up, “have you made a decision?” Ben looked to you before he spoke, “It’s a tentative yes from both of us. We’d like to hear a bit more about it before we fully agree but, so far, it sounds okay.” “Glad to have you on board,” Barry said, reaching into his bag and pulling out a manila folder full of paper. “In that case, the terms,” Peter said, glancing around to make sure everyone was ready, “If you do agree, we’ll need you to sign some paperwork stating you understand your obligations and all that, so take a copy of these,” he took two small stapled documents from Barry, handing you each one, before passing another to Mary, “just so everyone has all the info at hand.” “Are these the terms?” “Yes. Don’t worry, we’ll explain, but it’s all laid out in there if you need clarification.” “There’s more pages than I was expecting,” Ben said, already sounding like it was becoming too much work to worry about. “You don’t have to worry about the last few pages, it’s mostly just legalese. Essentially, you’ll be required to act like a couple in public. That’s really all there is to it, though contractually it’s a little more complex.” “What does that mean?” “We just need you both to agree to perform specific relationship type moments that we can sell. For instance, Y/N, we will need you to be spotted by paparazzi leaving Ben’s apartment a couple of times. Or vice versa. It is the 21st century afterall.” “You mean like a walk of shame?” you asked, glancing at the paper in your hand. “That’s not the official term on the contract but it’s more or less correct. You’ll need to change clothes, make it look like you stayed the night even if you didn’t really.” “Wouldn’t it be more traditional to wear the previous day’s gear?” “Perhaps but if you’re in the same clothes as the day before the paparazzi can’t sell the photos as easily because they can’t prove they were taken on different days. We want to make these photos easy to sell and easy to circulate. To that end, some paparazzi and gossip blogs will be tipped off by the studio and hopefully word will spread as the buzz around you gets stronger.” “There will also be required dates, of course. At least one of them needs to take place at the French restaurant Boucher because they have a partnership with the studio. There is also a clause about an argument, provided people become interested in your relationship and we keep it going all the way to the premiere.” “Wait, an argument?” Ben flipped through his papers, trying to find the right section. “You just have to be caught arguing, or at least looking like you’re angry and about to fight, just so we can sell the whole trouble in paradise storyline.” “People like conflict,” Mary shrugged, “Otherwise all we need is the two of you to act like a couple in public, maybe a few social media posts, from now until a week after the theatre release. After that you’re free to ‘break up’, though you will also need to sign a non-disclosure agreement which will stop you from talking about it for a few years. We’ll organise a few magazines and gossip sites to run stories about the split and, depending on how the public react to your story, may later run some Ben and Y/N, back together question mark type pieces, entirely fabricated of course.” “You will attend the premiere together and, obviously, do press together. We will tell reporters not to ask about your personal lives, so no one suspects the relationship to be fake, though a few questions may slip through. Though we don’t expect this movie to earn any award nominations since it’s not being marketing for any there may be some later down the track. In that case we may ask you to extend your relationship long enough to attend the ceremonies together, provided you aren’t working on other projects at the time.” “The only other requirements are that, a few times a week you allow yourselves to be seen in public. Hand holding, kissing, really sell the whole fallen in love thing. That’s it really.” “And we can’t even tell our families?” “One leak is all it would take to have this revealed. You tell your mum who accidentally lets slip to the neighbour who sells it to a magazine. And if it’s revealed it could be harmful when it comes to box office numbers, which is the exact opposite of what we want. But enough of these have been done so that we know how to manage them, and all you have to do is keep quiet about it and act like you’re in love. Easy. Are you both on board?” Barry, who’d been quiet throughout the meeting, leaned forward expectantly. You already knew what to say, "I’m in if Ben is,” Ben chewed his lip as he skimmed over the paper in his hands again. He sighed and raised his eyes to where Barry sat, waiting. “I don’t know I-” You’d seen it coming, his answer. Really it wasn’t much of a surprise. Ben didn’t strike you as the sort of person to go in for schemes like this and he’d been hesitant from the second it was suggested. You heard him sigh again as his gaze landed on you and you wondered if he thought less of you for wanting to be part of it. “Okay. I’m in.” You were a little stunned by his change of heart but you were the only one. Everyone else in the room seemed relieved and a little frantic, Barry reaching back into his bag, Mary and Peter talking over each other to assure you both that you’d made the right choice. “Glad to hear that, Ben,” Barry was saying as he pulled out another folder of documents, “Now, we’ll need you to both to sign here.”

After shooting was done for the day you accompanied Ben to a small pub for a drink. Mary and Peter had left the meeting on their phones making hurried calls to get photos of the two of you leaving the set together. You’d jumped a little as Ben grabbed your hand before realising why his fingers were linked through your own. It was warm and he didn’t let you go until you reached the pub, the snap of cameras audible as you walked down the street. You found a booth while Ben headed to the bar, returning a little later with a drink in each hand. “One G and T for my girlfriend,” he laughed as he put the drink in front of you and slid into the seat opposite. “Y’know if you told me last week that I’d have had a boyfriend before we finished filming and that it was you, I would have laughed.” “God me too. Our jobs are so bizarre. Literally what other profession would encourage you to pretend to date?” You laughed and pulled out the papers you’d been given that morning, “And who’d have thought there’d be so many contractual requirements.” “We should add our own set of rules. Like just so we’re clear about what we’d be uncomfortable doing or whatever.” “Safewords?” “Get your mind out of the gutter. Christ, you fake ask a girl out and suddenly all she can think about is sex.” “My mind was in the gutter long before we were set up.” He let out a huff of laughter and shook his head, reaching for his glass. “I know what you mean though. We should definitely define some things,” you grabbed your bag and began digging through it for a pen. When you found it, you turned the papers over giving you a blank canvas to work on, “Firstly sex.” “Should have known,” “May as well start with the big one. Rule 1: No Sex. Completely off the table.” you took a sip of your drink as you began jotting it down. “Your wank game strong?” The conversation was interrupted as you choked on your drink, finally recovering enough to splutter, “excuse me?” “Well it sounds like we might be together for a while. Can’t go on any tinder dates or anything since that would look like cheating. You sure you can last that long? “100 per cent.” “Alright, if you’re sure. Rule one, no sex.” You finished writing it down, rolling your eyes, “What about PDAs? We have to do some but is there anything you’d be uncomfortable with?” “I’m not really one for like public make out sessions,” “Thank god, me neither.” “Okay, good. What about cuddling and that kind of thing. Man this is weird to talk about,” “Yeah, is a bit. I can do some cuddling in public but y'know, nothing too much. Hugs are fine, an arm around my shoulders is fine. Holding hands is obviously okay.” “What about an arm around the waist?” “Hmmm….maybe. Yeah, I think I’d be okay with that. But your hand never goes below my lower back. I will have no arse grabs or pinches or hands in my back pocket.” “Wasn’t planning on that but good to know. Does cuddling include lap sitting?” “Absolutely not.” “Okay, strong boundaries, I respect that. You going to write all that down?” “Rule 2: PDAs kept respectable and to a minimum. And rule 3: hands above the belt at all times. What about our families and friends?” you asked as you made notes on acceptable PDAs, “chances are we’re going to have to deal with them at some point since they’re going to think it’s real.” “Okay, um, how about…no meeting anyone unless there’s a reason like a family gathering you’d be expected to bring a partner to. And if that does come up we can work out a game plan then.” “Make sense. Rule 4: No families unless no escape.”

By the time you left the pub, your list of rules tucked into your bag, it was quite late. “Hey, you wanna crash at mine tonight?” Ben asked, “we can text Peter and Mary, let them know so they can organise paparazzi for the morning.” “Tonight? I don’t have a toothbrush or a change of clothes or anything.” “We’ll pop into a shop and buy you a new toothbrush, should probably get you one for my place anyway since apparently you’ll be staying over more than once. And I’m sure I’ve got something you can sleep in.” “And tomorrow? Can’t wear this again in case we get photographed.” “I’ll give you something and then I’ll drop you home in the morning,” he shrugged. “I guess that would work,” “C’mon, it’ll be like a sleepover. Stay up late and talk about boys, have things devolve into a sexy pillow fight, sleepover stuff.” “And you say my mind lives in the gutter.” “That’s not a no,” “Alright, I’ll crash at yours. Closer to here than mine is anyway.” “Awesome,” he grinned at you, “c’mon, this way….babe?” “Didn’t sound so convincing there, Ben,” you snorted. “You should have used a pet name then, instead of my actual one. And I was just testing the waters, what’d you think?” “Babe’s okay. As long as we don’t get into weirdly cutesie things like turtle dove or snookums.” “You don’t want me to call you snookums? How about cuddle bunny? Pumpkin pie?” “Oh fuck off,” “Think you mean fuck off honey bear.” “Rule 5: Standard pet names only!”

As much as he clearly enjoyed teasing you, Ben made sure you had a good time with him. He took your hand again but it was only so he could pull you into the warmth of a small Chinese restaurant. It was one he seemed to regularly visit judging by the way the man at the counter knew Ben’s order straight away. He seemed a little surprised when Ben asked to add extra dishes, eyes darting to your entwined hands, and then back to Ben’s face, but he said nothing, just cheerily gave Ben the new price. “What was that about?” you asked as you walked the last block to Ben’s door, each of you carrying a bag, his full of food and yours supplies from the grocery store, “the look he gave you when he saw me?” “Oh, that’s nothing. I used to go to that place a lot with my ex and then we broke up and I kept going on my own cause it’s close and it’s fucking good food. But, um, they know me pretty well and I guess it’s been a while since I took a girl there.” “Well I’m flattered that you chose me to be part of this touching moment,” you laughed and followed Ben to his front door, taking the second bag from him so he could pull his keys from his pocket and let you in. You’d never been inside Ben’s place before so you let him lead you down the hallway towards the kitchen, taking charge of pulling everything from the bags as Ben got out plates and cutlery. “Oh shit, hang on gotta text Mary and Peter,” You took over dividing up the food as Ben dug his phone out of his pocket. A few seconds after he’d sent the message and put his phone down a ding made him snatch it back up again. “Peter says there’ll be someone here to snap us while we leave. They want us to kiss if possible. Guess it’s really started then,” “Guess so. Can I ask one thing?” “Sure,” he said it slowly, almost nervously. “Why’d you change your mind about this? I thought for sure you’d say no.” “Oh, that. I don’t know, I guess I figured it wouldn’t hurt, especially if it was going to benefit the movie. C’mon, don’t want this to go cold,” You weren't sure you believed him but you let him shrug off the question as you picked up your plate and followed him into the living room. The next couple of hours were spent eating and watching trashy reality tv shows, making jokes at their expense. You and Ben kept talking long after the show ended, until he realised how late it was getting. “Better turn in otherwise I won’t get up in the morning,” he laughed. “Yeah, probably a good plan,” you stretched out on the couch, placing a cushion under your head. “C’mon, I’ll show you to your room.” “You mean I’m not sleeping on the couch?” “Oh my god you’re a dork,” he threw another cushion at you, “I have a spare room you can use.” “Well I didn’t know that,” you laughed as you pushed yourself to your feet, following him back down the hallway towards a closed door you hadn’t noticed before. “Nah, you’re all good. It’s honestly mostly used by my friend Joe when he’s travelling over this way. There’re clean sheets in the linen press in the bathroom which is the next door on the right, and extra blankets in the cupboard just there. Also watch the blinds if you try to close them, they can be a little stiff. If there’s anything else you need let me know, my bedroom is at the end of the hall, near the living room.” “Some PJs would be good, if it’s no trouble.” “Oh right, yeah of course, give me a second.” You dropped your bag in a corner of the room and then popped into the bathroom to grab some sheets. Ben came back with an old t-shirt and some flannel pants. “These are mine so they’ll probably be a bit big but they’ll be fine for the night. And they’ll look good for the camera in the morning.” “Thanks,” “That everything?” “Think so, night Ben,” “Night, snookums.” “Rule five mister,” Ben just laughed, pulling your door shut behind him.

Waking up in Ben’s spare room was mildly confusing. The bed faced a different direction than yours did, the blinds blocked out too much of the morning light, and the sheets felt different. But the previous night came back to you and then the reason you were staying at Ben’s did too. It made you too nervous to go back to sleep, too restless to stay there, so you got up and stumbled to the door, opening it just in time to see Ben leaving the bathroom. “Morning,” he groaned with half shut eyes and sleep mussed hair, “you want a coffee?” “Please. Thanks.” He yawned, acknowledging your answer with a nod and left the bathroom to you. When you were done you found him in the kitchen with a steaming mug of coffee in his hands and a second on the bench in front of him. You took it gratefully, letting the warm caffeine wake you up.” “Breakfast? I can offer you toast or cereal unless you wanna wait for pancakes to cook.” You shook your head, “Don’t normally eat breakfast,” Ben looked aghast, “You know breakfast’s important, right?” “Shhh, lemme wake up before you start lecturing me,” Ben smiled into his own mug, falling silent until you’d downed half your drink, “You good now? Alert?” “Close enough. Please don’t tell me about breakfast though.” “I wasn’t going to. There was another text from Peter this morning.” “What’d it say?” “Well, a photographer will be here around nine-ish ready for us, but they said he’ll stay for as long as we take.” “Okay.” “And, um, he was very careful in how he worded it, but they want us to look like we fucked. Also I told them I’d take you home so there may be someone waiting for us there too, he never got back to me on it.” “Shit, okay. Umm, guess I’ll just wear this then?” you indicated the pyjamas you’d borrowed, “might lose the pants though, help sell it a bit more.” “Yeah, guess so,” Ben cleared his throat and took a sip of coffee, his eyes firmly fixed over your shoulder. “What time is is?” “Uhhhh,” he glanced at the oven, “Twenty past eight.” “God I haven’t been up this early on a weekend in months.” “Not one for farmers markets or anything then?” “Not really. Much prefer lying in bed doing nothing.” “Me too,” “We’re meant for each other,” you laughed, “did you want to have a shower or anything?” “Nah, you can if you want though,” “Might as well wait until I get home. But I am gonna clean my teeth, especially if we have to kiss.” “Maybe mess up your hair too, make it look like you didn’t sleep much.” “Well how could I when you’re such a good lover,” “I know you’re joking but if anyone asks, I’m incredible. You came like three times.” “Did I now?” “Of course.” “Good thing no one’s gonna ask then, don’t think I’m great at lying.” “You’re an actress, Y/N. Besides, it’s not really a lie, I am that good. You just haven’t experienced it personally.” You poked your tongue out at Ben as you stood and headed towards the bathroom again but you did as he’d suggested and messed your hair up as much as you could.

“How do I look?” you ask Ben when you were done. “Gorgeous,” he said, eyes raking over every inch of your appearance from the ruffled hair to the hint of panda eyes you’d manufactured with your eyeshadow to the slightly unbuttoned flannel shirt and missing pants. “But do I look like I’ve been thoroughly fucked?” “Oh, right, umm, yes I think so,” “You do? I feel like theres something missing.” You darted back into the bathroom to look in the mirror again, “Oh! I know. Might be taking it a bit far though.” “What is it?” Ben asked, following you and watching you in the mirror. “What if you gave me a hickey?” “Y/N, I-” “Yeah, I know, that’s a weird thing to ask. Don’t worry, I think we’ll be fine without it.” Ben’s cheeks puffed up with air that he slowly let escape his lips, “no, you’re right, if I’d really slept with you last night I would have marked you up a bit. A hickey will definitely make it look more authentic.” “It’s not totally inappropriate for me to ask?” “No, no, we have to make it look legit, it’s a good suggestion. Here, I’ll uhh,” he stepped in close, one hand tentatively winding around your waist to pull you back against him, the other moving to push your hair aside. His breath was hot as he leaned into your neck. You saw him glance at your reflection, eyebrows slightly furrowed, but then his lips were on your skin, sucking at you until a bruise formed. Your own breath quickened with the contact but you knew it was just because he’d found a particularly sensitive spot and it had been a while since anyone had handled you like that. It was still just Ben and it was still part of your jobs. But all the same you let your eyes slip shut and hummed at how nice it felt. You were almost disappointed when it was over. Ben stood there for a moment, head bent over your neck, long enough to take a deep breath, but then he seemed to collect himself, taking a quick step back. “Will that do?” “It’s great Ben, really ties the whole look together.” Ben returned your smile but it didn’t quite reach his eyes, “Good. Good. Okay then, I’ll umm, what time is it?” “Just after nine,” you said, glancing at your phone, “wonder if the photographer is here yet.” “I think I will jump in for that shower actually, by the time I’m done he definitely will be.” “Okay,” “Make yourself comfortable though, watch some TV or something.” “Alright. Thanks for being so cool about all this. I know you’re a little sceptical about the benefits and everything.” “It’s fine, Y/N, no need for any of that.” He smiled again as you left the bathroom and the door shut behind you, but it still seemed off.

You settled onto the couch to flick TV channels, pausing at a breakfast news show and then at some kids cartoon you didn’t recognise, only stopping when Ben entered the room, clean and dressed. “Hey, I was wondering,” you said, turning towards him, “should I give you a hickey as well?” “No,” You were a little taken aback by how quickly he’d answered. “I mean, I think that’d be overkill. Keep it up our sleeves for next time, yeah?” “Okay, yeah, sure,” “Is he there?” “I think so.” Ben walked towards the window and twitched the curtain aside just enough to peek out, “Yeah, looks like him. Big camera pointing at my front door.” “Okay,” your heart began to beat a little faster, “show time then,” “Show time.” Ben nodded as he turned back to you. “Do we have a plan? I kinda wish I had a script right about now,” Ben laughed a little and you thought he seemed more himself, “I think you should go out first so they can get a good clean shot and then I come out after, maybe with my hand on your back?” “Sounds good,” “Okay, umm, I’ll lock the door and when I turn around you kiss me and then I’ll open the passenger door for you and we’ll drive to your place.” “Don’t bother opening my door. I’m not big into that kind of gesture, plus I think if we were actually being caught by the paparazzi, we’d be getting into the car as quick as possible. Maybe throw a look his way like you aren’t happy about being photographed just so it doesn’t seem too staged.” “Okay, no opening doors, noted.” You shrugged, “I just think it’s a bit old fashioned and unnecessary,” “I’ll keep that in mind for our dates. You ready to do this?” You nodded and stood up, leading the way to the front door. Ben collected his keys and wallet and placed a hand on the lower part of your back, your signal to open the door and step outside. “Kinda wish I had pants on,” you said softly, “It’s a bit brisk,” Ben chuckled as he followed you out, “We’ll put the heating on in the car for you,” he turned to lock the door. You watched him, fingers gripping the key a little tighter than he perhaps normally would, and as soon as he began to turn back around you were moving towards him, one hand thrown around his neck, the other in his hair as your pressed your lips to his. His hand found your back again, pulling you in close as he kissed you back fiercely, as if he were unwilling to let you go after such a good night together, the kiss of a man falling in love. For half a second you forgot it was an act. And then he was gone, his nose brushing yours briefly before there was space between you. You felt a little dazed with Ben looking at you so softly but you took a deep breath and reality came back to you. With another breath your turned and headed towards the car, able to hear the rapid click click click of the camera. You shot a look towards the noise and then got into the car, Ben hopping into the driver’s seat about a second later.

“You’re a good actor,” you said before silence could settle between you, “I already knew that, of course, but the kiss was really good. Almost completely believable.” “As long as it’s believable enough in the photos,” “I’m sure it will be. I think we pulled it off.” Ben nodded, “Yeah. You still chilly?” “Little bit,” He reached over and twisted one of the dials blindly, warm air suddenly washing over your goosebump covered legs, “better?” “So much, thanks.” “I think he might be following us,” “You did tell them we were going to mine, s’pose he’ll be trying to grab a couple of shots of us there.” “Yeah, probably.” “Should we come up with another game plan? Maybe you walk me to my door, we stand there talking for a bit, saying goodbye. I stay and watch you leave before I go inside.” “Perfect. Is another kiss part of the goodbye?” “Careful Ben, you sound almost like you want to kiss me,” you laughed, “but yes, think it needs to be.”

It went completely according to plan. By the time you were getting out of the car the photographer had pulled up outside your house, his camera sticking out the window of his car so he didn’t miss his shot. The camera clicked as Ben took your hand and you led him to your door. “Well, guess that’s it for today. I did have fun with you last night, even if it wasn’t the kind of fun everyone else will think it was.” “Yeah, me too. Happy to have you stay anytime you want to be photographed again. Maybe we’ll get you some PJs that can live at mine though.” “Probably for the best. If this goes well I can see them wanting us to do it again soon.” “Oh definitely. They’ll probably have notes for us so we can get an even better performance next time. You ready to wow them with another kiss?” “Lay it on me, babe,” “Anything you want, snookums,” You groaned but before you could protest too much Ben was kissing you again, softer than before, no longer trying to convince you to stay, just trying to prolong the moment before the goodbye. It left you a little breathless as he cupped your cheek, leaving his hand there when he pulled away. As you opened your eyes you saw him bite his lip and then he leaned in to leave you with a final chaste peck before his fingers slipped from your skin and he was walking away. You let out a long exhale as you watched him go, waving as the car took off. Once you were alone inside, the door firmly shut behind you, you laughed at how ridiculous the whole arrangement was. But at least Ben was a good kisser. Not too firm, not too wet, just the right amount of tongue. Believable enough to give you butterflies.

#my writing #my fics #ben hardy x reader #ben hardy imagine #ahhhh #this was fun #i hope ya'll like it

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bellatrixobsessed1 · 3 years

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The Dragon Egg (Parts 19-25)

Another set of chapters for @secrettunnelatla’s event.

Chapter 19 Leather For Sequin

She should be eating better, should be better hydrated, should bathe more, should exercise more, should be sleeping better. She finds it harder to do these things at all, much less to an optimal degree. Sleeping is especially hard, having favored doing so on her belly. It helps little that the baby seems to be particularly active when she is trying to sleep with its kicks and squirms. She still can’t get used to it, she doesn’t think she will. It leaves her feel queasier than the morning sickness ever had.

Even if she were as physically comfortable as possible she doesn’t think she’d sleep. Her mind is stuck on Seicho and on all of the articles she has scrolled through during the past few days. Articles that drag her name through the mud and articles that praise Blue Talon for things she should be credited for. She lies awake, staring at the ceiling, hands clasped over her belly. She finds the baby’s foot--or maybe it is a hand--and rubs over the spot, a fruitless attempt to get her to settle down. All the while her mind runs in circles over the headline, ‘Fire’s Reign’s Fire Lord Ozai Denounces Pregnant Daughter’. She didn’t think that he would so publicly condemn her. She should have; he does, afterall, have an image to protect. As if he hasn’t already tarnished it with his binge drinking. She imagines that Zuko is probably getting a good kick out of it. She brings her rubbing to a stop and closes her eyes.

She gets little sleep, but enough of it that she has to be woken by Zhao. She doesn’t know why he bothers, it isn’t as though she will make use of the day. But the man is annoyingly persistent, refusing to leave the living room until she declares that she has to get dressed.

She slips into one of Koemi’s dresses. Eventually she is going to have to pester Zhao to help her buy at least one outfit that suits her aesthetic more, his wife’s attire is absolutely gaudy. Today’s disaster is orange with a sunflower print, which might not have been so horrible if the sunflowers weren’t purple and pink in color. She feels more ridiculous than usual when she emerges into the kitchen.

“I have some good news for you.” Zhao smiles.

“You’re going to take me back to that volcano you hated so much and pitch me into it.” She mumbles.

The man looks horror-stricken. If she weren’t so low she certainly would have laughed.

“I managed to get you a record deal under a new label.”

“Please tell me that it isn’t Uncle Iroh’s sketchy basement recording studio.”

“It isn’t. It is another label that I work for.”

“And which one is that?”

“WSLSE.”

Apparently her reaction isn’t satisfactory.

“Wan Shi Tong’s Library Of Sound Entertainment.” He clarifies. “You left a good impression on the man. Raava has also been speaking fondly of you.” He slaps a print out onto the table and pushes it to her. “You have been visiting the wrong websites.”

Her brows crinkle. “You have no right to…”

“Monitor my children’s browsing activity?” He asks. “My children still listen to Happy Hei Bai and my wife doesn’t follow music news. That leaves one person who would search up Blue Talon over and over again.”

She folds her arms. “What of it?”

“You’re making yourself miserable.” He pinches the bridge of his nose. “All of this talent is just...confined to a couch.” He pauses. “Which is why I took it upon myself to get you signed to a new label…”

“With what band, Zhao!”

“You’re a soloist now.”

“A soloist?” She sputters.

“You don’t exactly mesh well with people.”

No doubt he had overheard her screeching at Seicho. “And yet, I can’t seem to do without them.”

He chuckles. “That’s where we disagree. You have a divine voice, to have it buried under wailing guitars and pounding drums is a shame. The idea I pitched is to have you go acapella and truly showcase your voice for everything that it is.”

Azula’s face pales. “In other words, there’s no room for error. Mistakes are easily detectable.”

“You aren’t one for mistakes and error.”

She frowns rather deeply and gestures to her bump. Ever the gentleman Zhao tiptoes his way back a statement or two. “You won’t be alone, you’ll have a team of fantastic producers and a very talented manager.”

Azula inhales through her nose.

“I dropped Blue Talent to focus on this new project…”

“Me.” Somehow she manages to frown more deeply still. “You dropped a band with a perfectly flawless trajectory for me. Since when do you take risks?”

“Since I found someone worth placing a bet on.”

“That’s what I am to you, a bet. A product.”

“A child.” Zhao cuts in. “I’ve known you since you were as young as my own little ones.”

She massages the bridge of her nose. “Zhao, Audio of Agni is a battle of the bands.”

His smile falters. “I am working on that.”

“Spirits, Zhao! What’s the point of putting me back in the studio if--”

“You don’t need Audio of Agni to make it big.” He mutters. “I don’t know what it is with you youths and hinging your entire careers on it. We didn’t have battle of the bands when I got into this industry. The Tui La’s didn’t part-take until the fourth event.”

“Zhao…”

He cuts her off once more, the audacity of the man. “We’re going to make a name for you regardless of Audio of Agni. And we’ll do it on raw talent alone.”

“Acapella artists never do well.”

“Acapella artists seldom do well. Most of them are generic. Their voices don’t stand out without instruments.”

“I’m known for metal music…”

“And you’re capable of ballads and operatics. With this project we’re going to put emphasis on your clean vocals. Once that takes off, we can take more risks--you can try doing acapella with those screaming vocals…”

This time she cuts him off. “What about piercings and tattoos says, ‘acapella and opera artist’?”

“Your vocals don’t have to match your looks. But if you must have it that way, we can swap out some of your piercings for less...bold ones. We can cover the tattoo. Your pregnancy might help with this new image.”

She cringes though she isn’t entirely opposed to a more elegant style of dress; she enjoys the glitz and glimmer every now and again. But, Agni, she can’t pull it off not when she has let herself go like this.

“Your first session will be tomorrow, I’ll send my wife shopping with you, you could use a wardrobe for photoshoots and what not.”

She only agrees so that she won’t have to beg the man to buy her better clothes.

Chapter 20 Dragon Tongue

It is daunting to see one of her monikers in the headlines again. To see it there in a more neutral, speculative light. ‘Blue Talon Vocalist Flies Again as Dragon Tongue’. She wishes that she could feel something other than dread, a growing sense that she is only building up momentum for a mightier, more embarrassing fall than her first one.

The announcement of her new single is daunting. And attempting to record a whole new extended play before Audio of Agni and the birth of her baby is twice that. Hama is adamant that she should be taking it much easier, especially since finding out that her baby might be born with an unusually low weight.

She thinks that she should be taking it slower. And yet she can’t afford anymore slacking. She has already wasted so much time sulking and moping and making a deeper mess of herself.

And so she is in the recording booth again and with new material. Material and lyrics that are so much rawer. So much more painful to sing through. They are confessions of shame and inadequacy. Laments of betrayal. And ballads of loneliness. And she can’t hide any of the pain behind indistinguishable growls or loud guitar shreds. It is all crisp and vivid. Open. Naked. She isn’t sure that she wants to do this anymore. Not when every session brings her closer to tears. Closer to a total meltdown.

Every session reminds her of what she lost. Every session reminds her that what she is doing now is nothing compared to what she could have been doing. Every session reminds her of Mai and TyLee and of Seicho.

And when her mind isn’t ailing, her body is aching. Aching in ways that she hadn’t anticipated. Her feet hurt so bad, they hurt when she is sitting down. Her ankles are swollen--Hama assures her that this is normal. As normal as the persistent ache in her back and the odd nose bleeds and congestion that she gets every now and then. On those congested days, she can’t even work.

On other days she finds herself short of breath. Her growing baby is pushing against her lungs. On those days her voice is so weak and breathy. She records regardless. Perhaps she would have allowed herself a break if Zhao weren’t so adamant that the breathy quality gives her a one of a kind sound. An ethereal sound.

She is inclined to disagree. She just sounds weak and weird. She pushes through, she always pushes through.

She promises herself that, whatever she does, she will not read the critiques of her new work. Her self-esteem is already in tatters. They talk more about her pregnancy and what it is doing to her body than they do her work. In that regard she almost hopes that Dragon Tongue is such a flop that it will eclipse that sort of talk.

It is well into the evening. The studio gets so much quieter in the evening. And in the silence her loneliness is emphasized. She remembers late nights of purposely poor vocals and drinking. Of idle chatter between songs. She remembers the crashing of a drumsets when Chan forgets to watch where he steps. She remembers stupid cover songs when they had time to kill. She remembers laughing. She remembers happiness. She remembers friendship.

Chapter 21 A Phoenix In The Winter

His world is in a perpetual winter. A little is no longer enough. He no longer needs food or love or inspiration. He no longer needs a band. He only needs a white winter and his presents come in pouches and needles.

He is losing his senses; of time, of himself, of everything really. One day is the same as the next and none of them bring him any closer to true stardom. His bursts of artificial energy only result in disjointed lyrics and half-assed ideas.

There is no organization and no real attempt to turn them into full songs. He has missed shows to the point of his tour being cancelled. It is so much money down the drain that even Iroh has turned his head. And when the word ‘rehab’ falls from his lips, Zuko runs. Perhaps not literally, but he hasn’t spoken to his uncle since, snubbing all attempts at conversation.

He is perpetually twitchy and agitated and Iroh makes a mistake. He enters the room, guns blazing, “Zuko, get in the car.” It is firm but not firm enough for him to put the needle down. The man sighs, “alright, nephew…”

The minute his hands take him by the shoulders, he is on the ground and Zuko is standing over him seething. “Don’t tell me what to do! What are you, anyways!? A fat, lazy, washed up rockstar! I don’t need advice from you!” But he does, he needs it more than ever. He yanks Iroh up and drags him to the door. He knows that uncle is holding back. He would be flat on his own ass if he wasn’t.

“Zuko, don’t do this. Let me help you get off of this path.” He hears as the door slams.

He is already too far down this path. His only option is to keep on walking. Walking down his cracked and lonely, frigid path. It is desolate now that drumsets, guitars, and microphones no longer clutter the street. He doesn’t pass many people. It is just he and the snow and it is falling thicker than ever.

Iroh hasn’t dropped him from the label yet, but he isn’t making anything of it and so it comes as no surprise to him when TyLee informs him that she would like to try her hand at the school’s gymnastics squad. He lets her go because she can have something. She can make something of herself.

He is less surprised when Mai declares that she is going to write a few poems or, “maybe just focus on school.”

It is fine with him, he doesn’t want to drag them under with him. And so he sits alone in the dark, huddled in a corner rocking back and forth, enveloped in a drug induced anxiety. A state of panic and paranoia that he can’t seem to stave off.

He is deep into it when his phone rings. “We need to talk.” Says the voice on the other end.

“Not right now, Mai. I can’t talk right now, Mai.”

She exhales long and audibly. “Yeah, that’s just it, Zuko. You never want to talk. You never want to do anything…” she backtracks some. “You only want to do one thing. You’re high right now aren’t you?”

“Yes...no?” He doesn’t remember. He isn’t sure if he is coming down or in the middle of a bad trip. “Mai? Mai, are you there.”

“I was there, Zuko. But I’m not now. Not anymore. I can’t be.” The line goes dead.

Phoenixes aren’t meant for snow. It is no wonder he is dying.

.oOo.

The school has been closed for hours now. The windows are as dark as he feels within. He scales his way up the roof. Up to the place where his hopes were born and discussed. He can practically taste the cigarette smoke, the anticipation, the energy that came with a dream in the making.

In its wake is a stale taste, he will drown it with another. He pops the cap off of his beer and gives it a good chug, music blasts loudly and aggressively through his headphones. He drapes them around his neck so that he may hear the cars below and the wind around him. It rustles his flannel shirt.

It’s a nice night, clear and warm. Spangled by a vast array of stars that he can’t seem to reach no matter how high he climbs, no matter how far he reaches. He lays back, he wishes he could relax but he doesn’t have enough coke in his system for it. He sits up for another good drink and then another until he feels a buzz. He doesn’t have enough bottles to take him any further. He supposes he doesn’t really need the help, he has his own woes and hopelessness to propel him the rest of the way.

He stands up and makes his way to the very edge of the roof. He swings his arms back and forth in preparation. He takes a deep breath, the song drones on. He takes another breath. Swings his arms. He’ll finish the song and that’s it. Then he’ll take flight.

He inhales deeply as the song fades out. His phone buzzes in his pocket. He takes it out, inclined to throw it as hard as he can; at this point, Mai can go fuck herself. But it isn’t Mai’s name that decorates the screen. It isn’t TyLee’s. It isn’t even Iroh’s.

He doesn’t know why, but he picks up the phone. For a moment he only hears breathing, breathing and perhaps sniffling. It takes him a moment to realize what he is hearing, but before he can make anything of it, she speaks, “Zuzu?”

He doesn’t reply.

“Zuzu, I really need someone. I need you.”

Chapter 22 The Dragon & The Phoenix

His chest constricts and he grits his teeth. “I need someone too.” He turns off his music and kicks the empty bottles, they shatter upon the pavement below. “Where are you?” The line goes dead and a text comes through.

By all means, he shouldn’t be driving, but he climbs behind the wheel of Iroh’s car. Spirits, he hopes that he doesn't wreck it. Iroh is already furious.

Truth be told he hadn't known what to expect. Throughout the drive images flashed through his mind, each of them involving a drunkenly enraged Ozai and Azula huddled in the corner. When he reaches the studio he does fine her in the corner. But she is alone.

Alone and very heavily pregnant. He thinks that he remembers reading about that somewhere but, like many other things, it had slipped his mind. For a moment he thinks that he got the wrong address, he doesn’t recognize her with her belly so big and her expression so tired and defeated.

Even if he did have the wrong address, he wouldn’t have left. He couldn’t have. He can’t remember the last time he had sobered up so abruptly. With fumbling fingers he ties his headphones tightly around her arm just above her wrist.

Her other hand comes to squeeze his own wrist. “You don’t have to, it’s not that deep.” She mumbles softly.

“Not that deep!?”

She doesn’t meet his eyes. “I changed my mind. It’s...it’s really not that deep, I just need a bandage.” She gestures vaguely towards the door. “There’s a first aid kit in the lobby.”

He gets up to leave and hesitates, casting a look back at her.

“Go on, Zuzu. I’m not going to do anything else. I...I don’t want to die.”

He wishes that he could say the same. He comes back with the first aid kit and begins bandaging her wrist only to have her slap his hand away with a curt, “I can do it myself.”

He scoffs, “then what the fuck am I here for?”

She flinches. “Nothing, never mind. You can go.”

He rubs his hands over his face. He hasn’t spoken to her in so long, he’d forgotten how she can be. Even when she’s asking for help she can’t swallow her pride. Even when she’s asking for help she’s intolerable. He almost does leave but he thinks that if he does she might just change her mind a second time. He sighs, “why did you ask me to come here if you don’t want my help?”

She holds her silence until he is on the very edge of frustration. “I want you, Zuzu. I don’t have anyone to talk to.”

“So I’m your last resort?”

She nods. At least he can commend her for her honesty.

“I think that I need to talk to you specifically.”

His brows furrow, “why do you think that?”

“Because you would understand.”

He tilts his head.

“What failure is like.” She elaborates.

He feels as though he has been punched in the gut. “Seriously, you called me here to insult me? I don’t need this shit right now, okay!”

She shakes her head vigorously. “I--no, that’s not what I meant.” She rubs her hands over her face. He cringes at the smear of blood she leaves behind. He doesn’t think that she has noticed. If she has, she doesn’t bother to wipe it away.

“What else can you mean?”

She thinks for a moment, “Empathy. I’m empathizing?”

He has to laugh. He face falls. It is his turn to clarify, “we’re a pathetic duo, aren’t we?”

She nods, “very.” She wipes the remaining tears from her eyes. “I suppose that it’s the rockstar lifestyle. The parts they don’t talk about…”

“Or it’s the father that raised us.” He grumbles. For once she doesn’t protest this. He wonders just what the man did to her. “What happened? You were doing so good.”

“So were you.” And with a shake of her head she adds, “no I wasn’t.”

“Neither was I…” He trails off.

“What happened…” she repeats the question back to him and then she rubs her good hand over her baby bump.

“Right. Yeah. That’ll do it.” He frowns. “Chan’s?”

“How’d you know?”

“He’s a total tool.” Zuko shrugs.

She laughs, a very quiet and sad sort of chuckle but a laugh no less. “What about you, Zuzu. I haven’t heard a thing about From Ashes To Phoenix since…”

“Since I went berserk and got arrested at my own concert? Yeah. Because there hasn’t been a thing to talk about since.”

“Not even one new song?”

“There’s no time for songs when you’re...when you’re…”

“On drugs?” She finishes. “Zuko, what happened to us? How did this happen?”

“It just did, I guess.” He frowns. It is much more complex than that. “Are you still with father, I’m sure that Iroh wouldn’t mind letting you stay with us. He probably needs a break from me.”

“I’m staying with Zhao. He got me a new record deal and…”

And Zuko is once again furious. Even when she’s falling, she’s still on her way up. She still has something going for her. She’s probably still getting good publicity. Hell, even bad publicity can take her far. It’s all about the spotlight and she decided to open her wrists. And with a baby in her belly. Perhaps that is why she changed her mind so quickly. Perhaps it is why she had made her initial decision. The anger passes as quickly as it had come over him. “I’m angry all the time.” He doesn’t mean to cut her off, it just falls from his lips. He hasn’t really gotten a chance to get it out.

“I can tell.” She replies. “It’s in your eyes.” She seems to hum to herself. “But you have Mai,TyLee, and Iroh, right?”

He shakes his head. “They’re all disappointed, mad, both?”

“Everyone, except Zhao--I guess--is angry with me.”

“For being pregnant?”

“For being...unbearable. You don’t even want to be here, Zuzu. I can tell.” “I don’t want to be anywhere, actually. It has nothing to do with you. Really, it doesn’t.” He pauses. “I was about to jump.”

“Why did you change your mind?”

“I was interrupted.”

She nods and then her eyes widen, only briefly, with understanding. “Why didn’t you call me?”

He almost tells her that it is because she is her. Instead he responds, “I didn’t think about it, I guess. Drugs do that.”

She nods again. And then her eyes light up. “You can record things with me! I won’t be alone anymore and you’ll be able to get back on track!”

“I can’t focus on music right now.”

And her face falls again.

“But you can still talk to me. I can go with you to appointments.” He offers.

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Can I come with you to rehab?”

He rubs his hands over his face. “I guess. If Uncle is still willing to take me there.”

“He’s uncle. Of course he’ll still take you.”

Chapter 23 Life In The Embers

She feels both better and worse all at once. In a sense it had been liberating to let her emotions flood over, to get them out, to let herself reach the very bottom. There is a sense of calm that follows in its wake. A sense of calm that has compelled her to call Seicho and ask her if she could meet her in the recording studio. Only after the girl had said that she would think about it did Azula send her, her schedule for that week.

At the very least, she can talk to Zuko now. Even if much of their conversation has been getting him through the first stages of withdrawal. Truthfully it was nothing like she had expected.There was no shaking, no vomiting nor sweating. If she didn’t know him she would say that he wasn’t going through withdrawals at all. But she does know him well enough to know that he isn’t himself.

It has been six days since he’d found her with her bleeding wrists and five days since she’d accompanied him to his first rehab visit. Five days since Iroh, for the first time, looked at her with care and trust. Five days since she realized that she might not be left on her own with this baby. Five days and she is due to check in on Zuzu, if only to intimidate him into keeping on track.

She removes her studio headphones, hangs them up on their designated rack, and exits the recording booth.

“Done for the day?” Zhao asks.

Azula nods, “I promised Zuzu that I would meet him at The Serpant’s Pass Cafe. I’m ahead of schedule anyhow.”

“Very ahead. You’re only a song away from a full setlist.” Zhao agrees. “How about you take the day off. If you’re up for it, I can try to get in touch with a director and we can discuss a music video. It doesn’t have to be fancy…”

“I think that simplicity will work well for this new sound.” Azula agrees. “We’ll talk, Zhao.”

For the first time in a while, she leaves the recording studio with a smile. A smile and a sense that things will come together as they used to. She slips her sunglasses over her eyes and makes her way across the street as hastily and discreetly a possible. People are paying her attention again and it comes in the form of photo op and autograph requests and an occasional paparazzi intrusion. For now she evades their lurking.

She finds Zuko sitting at the corner most table of the cafe’s patio, already well into an appetizer. She slips into her chair only to find that it is not an appetizer at all, but spicy wings. “You started eating without me?”

He shrugs, “want one?”

She shakes her head.

“But you love spicy food.”

“The baby doesn’t.” She frowns.

“Well I already ordered the rest of our food.” He gestures to the waiter heading for their table with a rather absurd amount of platters. Between her pregnancy and his withdrawal cravings, she and him are a horrid duo in this regard. She thinks to question it only until Zuko begins tearing into his meal.

She rolls her eyes, “don’t be sloppy.” At least she can handle her liberal appetite with poise and grace.

“Don’tell me whadda do.” He grumbles through a mouthful.

She cringes. “Don’t talk with your mouth full.”

He repeats himself. When he finally swallows the rest of his food he asks, “how have you been holding up.”

Azula sighs deeply, “I can’t breathe properly and I’ve had this annoying itch.”

“An itch.”

“On my belly.”

“Is that...normal?”

“Hama, my physician, says that it is. Something about skin expanding and dryness.” Nevermind the technicalities, the results are very mildly agitating. “And you, Zuzu?”

He frowns, “it’s hard Azula. You can’t even imagine.”

“You look better.”

“But I feel...restless and anxious. And depressed--I’m not sure if this is the drugs though.” He pauses. “I’m tired all the time and the nightmares don’t help.”

“What sort of nightmares?”

“They’re intense. Everyone is reminding me that I’m not going to amount to anything. Dad is always there. He...does things to me in these dreams. Worse than the real stuff.”

Azula nods.

“And Mai is there. So is TyLee, but she’s...weird. She contorts in ways that are crazy even for TyLee. I also had a dream that Aang, you remember him, right?”

“The neighbor kid with the big dog who liked to eat glue? I remember him, yeah. Why?”

“In one of my dreams he had these wild powers and there was this comet and Aang had to stop our father from using it to set the whole world on fire.”

Azula blinks, “Zuzu, there are corners of your mind that disturb me.”

He laughs. Admittedly it is nice to hear him laugh and nicer still to know that she has helped him laugh--a far cry from the distress she used to cause him.

“I suppose that I wouldn’t sleep easily either if I was dreaming about the glue kid getting superpowers.”

He laughs again. “Thanks for coming here, Azula. It’s nice to have someone to keep me company while I go through this.”

“Don’t get sappy on me, Zuzu.” She roll her eyes. She knows that if he does and starts hitting the right cords that she’ll probably start weeping, a humiliating mess of chaotic hormones. “I suppose that I share the sentiment.” She taps her fingers nails against the tabletop, they have grown increasingly long as of late. “You should try to get in good graces with Mai and TyLee again.”

“So should you?” He quirks a brow.

“They’re your bandmates and you still have a chance if you get it together. You already have enough material for Audio of Agni, you just need some publicity. Good publicity.” She pauses. “Of course, you’ll need a band first.”

“Azula, I’m still going through withdrawals.”

“All the more reason to do it. You could use a distraction.”

“You’re a distraction.”

“A bigger distraction. I can’t be here all the time, I have doctor appointments and a career to keep on top of. I’ve only just started getting back on front pages…” for good reasons, she nearly adds, “I need to keep my momentum.”

“So you’re choosing your career over me.”

“I’m choosing my well-being, my baby’s well-being. I don’t really have many other options, a successful solo project is my best chance to provide for this baby.”

“Have you considered adoption?”

It comes like a slap to the face, though she doesn’t think that he means it as such. She bites back her initial scathing retort. “I’m not going through all of this discomfort, disowning, and humiliation just to give the baby away. It’s mine. I want her.”

Zuko lifts his hands, “alright, sorry.” He puts them back down. “I was just really hoping that you’d be here more. I know, I’m surprised too; you’re insensitive and kind of the worst.”

“You’re a funny man, Zuko.” She responds dryly. “I’m not going to abandon you, not when you’re this pathetic. I just think that you should have more support than just me.”

“Do you have any other support?”

“Seicho, hopefully.” She pauses and pushes her final plate aside. “I’d also like to speak with Mai and TyLee again.” She stands up and pushes her chair in.

“I’ll try to talk to them.”

“Make sure to mention that you’re in rehab and that you know you’re an asshole. The asshole bit is especially necessary with Mai.”

“I’ll call you and let you know how it goes?”

“It better go well.” She wishes herself the same luck.

.oOo.

Azula looks much better now, happier, healthier, stronger. There is a radiance about her, something subtle but still present. And it is no wonder; she is back in the press again and much of the headlines predict a groundbreaking and unexpected comeback. The boast of a fallen vocalist whose flame is rising again despite it all. Seicho wonders if the girl is even aware.

“Thank you for meeting with me, Seicho, it is nice to see you again.”

Seicho nods. “Sure, Azula.”

Her gait is rather awkward as she walks alongside her. It prompts Seicho to inquire, “are things going well with the baby?”

“Mostly, yes. Hama has a few concerns.”

“You look a lot better.” Seicho remarks.

“Ugg, if only I felt that way.”

It comes to Seicho then, that the girl is breathing quite heavily, “do you need me to slow down.”

Azula nods, “a little bit yes.”

Seicho chuckles and slings her arm over Azula’s shoulders. She wishes that the girl weren’t so endearing, maybe then she could have drawn her resentment out longer. As things are, Azula is quite precious with her semi-clumsy gait and that genteler twinkle in her eyes. “What did you want to talk about?”

“I would like you to consider not being angry with me anymore.”

Seicho bursts out laughing. “Azula, that is the worst peacemaking opener I have ever heard.”

“How am I supposed to do it?”

“‘I’m sorry that I went off on you for no reason’, would be a good way.”

Azula’s cheeks flush. Seicho thinks that hers might be growing pink as well. She’s adorable, unquestionably so. “I...don’t usually...apologize to people.”

“I can tell.”

Her entire face is red now.

“You’re doing pretty alright.

“Does that mean you are considering my proposal? To not be mad at me?”

Seicho rolls her eyes. “Yes, that’s what it means.” That hopeful little smile seals the deal. “You wanna tell me about your new song ideas? This new concept is...different.”

“Do you like it?”

“I think that it suits you well.” Seicho replies. “You have a pretty voice. I didn’t realize that you had that kind of range. The breathing techniques are really bizarre but they sound neat.”

“Oh, those aren’t techniques. That is me suffering while I try to sing with this baby crushing my lungs.” Her eyes go wide for a flicker. “You’ve been listening to my new music?”

“N-no, well, it’s been on the radio so I couldn’t avoid it!”

She shakes her head, “you listened enough to be able to give me a review.”

“Fine, I’ve been listening to your new material. But I was still mad the whole time, okay? I was listening with resentment.”

Chapter 24

With a new digital album release and a highly anticipated music video in the works, Azula is growing confident again though Audio Of Agni still seems to be far out of her reach. If she makes the right moves and if her pregnancy doesn’t spring up any surprises, she might just be able to make it without the competition. It isn’t ideal and it is terribly frustrating, but at least she doesn’t feel so helpless anymore.

Mostly she feels drained and achy. Her sides stitch from time to time and her entire lower body is growing sore from carrying so much extra weight around. She exhales, she isn’t sure how much more of this she can take. Hama had warned her about the small contractions but they still take her by surprise every time.

They happen now, and when she could really use a break from them. She is just thankful that she is through with recording. From the looks of it, she will have to find a way to shoot the music video mostly sitting or laying. She has passed several ideas onto Zhao, her favorite being a trip to the local theater where she can perch herself on a stool and sing to an empty venue. They can make use of dramatic lighting and add glitter or glow effects electronically. It is simple and will rely on old time Noh theater aesthetics and a stunning costume. She anticipates that the mask will be the most expensive piece. The simpler, one location video will leave plenty of room in the budget for that.

She casts a look at the door. “They’ll be here soon.” Seicho assures her.

“But what if they decide not to come? Mai, TyLee, and I haven’t parted on good terms.” She rubs her hand over her belly.

“You’ve been helping Zuko out so much, you practically saved their band, how mad can they be?”

She isn’t sure that she wants to find out. Not that she has the chance to retract her invitation she hears a knock and climbs to her feet. Her bump lightly knocks against the table as she does so and she curses to herself. “I can get it, you know?”

Azula waves her hand dismissively. “I’m pregnant, not useless.”

.oOo.

Zuko hadn’t realized just how much a few weeks could change a person. Her cheeks are rosier and the bump is bigger still. In spite of it all, her look of prowess and determination has returned. She wears her pride as though it had never slipped from her grasp at all. Frankly, he hadn’t realized that it was truly missing until having seen it returned.

“Oh wow, you’re so big!” TyLee comments,clasps her hands, and holds them to her lips.

Azula’s face, already flushed lightly, grows redder still.

“How far along are you?” TyLee asks.

“Month six.” Azula huffs as she gestures them inside.

“Congratulations?” Mai quirks a brow.

She clears her throat, “thank you.”

He watches her make her way to her seat. She backtracks to fetch her water bottle and semi-clumsily saunters her way back to her seat.

“Still adjusting?” Mai asks.

“Constantly adjusting.” Azula grumbles before taking a drink. She rests her free hand on the bump. “You’re mostly done going through withdrawals, yes, Zuzu?”

He nods. “Sometimes I still really want to use again. Badly. It’s unbearable...it would be if I didn’t…”

“Take my advise and get back into the music industry? Yes, I am aware. You are welcome.” He has to laugh at her audacity, at least these days it is somewhat endearing. “You look a lot better Zuzu. Your eyes don’t have bags that reach to the floor anymore.”

“I don’t know if you’re trying to compliment me or insult me.”

“It’s a compliment, I’m saying that you don’t look like a walking corpse anymore.”

Somehow, he does feel a sense of pride in that. It is progress. Progress that he has made. Progress that he is still making. And she isn’t the only one who has noted these changes. Azula has certainly changed radically in the past few weeks, but he can’t deny that the changes in him have been just as dramatic even if they are less outwardly perceived. He does feel better about himself; he feels more inspired than ever, more creative and, for a change, it isn’t synthetic. It is all him, his mind, his...brilliance. He thinks that he can consider himself smart, at the very least he can consider himself not dumb.

She pulls out a pen and a sheet of paper. “So let’s start talking about music. I read over some of your new lyrics, they are rather solid they can just use some fine tuning and better penmanship, I don’t know what this is supposed to say.” She gestures to the worst of his chicken scratch.

He finds himself beaming regardless. She had given him a real compliment. He has written something worth singing. He could cry...

“Azula, can we just...be friends again first?” TyLee asks.

Her brows furrow, “you want to be friends again.”

TyLee smiles and nods. “To be honest, I don’t really even remember why we were fighting.”

“Because she kept picking on my boyfriend and working us to exhaustion.” Mai shrugs.

Azula’s expression darkens again.

“To be fair, she’s been working herself to exhaustion.” Zuko steps in.

She shrugs again, “I suppose that I don’t know many other people who work this hard six months in.”

“I have a lot that needs to be accomplished.”

“And you only have until battle of the bands to do it?”

“Solo artists can’t join.” She frowns, only to perk up again when adding, “but I’ve already written a setlist and a few ideas just in case.”

Zuko laughs, “of course you did.”

“Who is this?” TyLee points to Seicho.

She looks up from her phone, “I’m Azula’s girlfriend.”

“You are?” TyLee and Azula ask at once.

Seicho looks at Azula, “I thought that you knew that.”

“Azula is clueless.” Mai rolls her eyes. “You can take her on as many dates as you’d like, you can kiss her several times--”

“I have! Mostly in the recording booth between songs.” She declares.

“--And she still won’t put two and two together until you tell her that you’re dating.”

Seicho drapes her arm over Azula’s shoulder and pulls her closer. Her other hand reaches for Azula’s. “I go with her to her appointments too. I figured that she can pretend like I’m the baby’s father since Chan is an ass.”

“It’s Chan’s?” TyLee gasps. “He said that--”

“He lied. It is easier to make me out to be...dangerously promiscuous.”

“Oh Azula, I’m sorry.”

Azula offers only a dismissive wave. “Enough baby and drama talk. We need to start discussing music before the studio closes for the night. They lock up on Mondays for cleaning.”

.oOo.

All in all the night has been a success on a musical level and on a social level. The departure of Mai and TyLee is such a stark contrast to their last one. They part with an offer to team up with and do vocals for From Ashes To Phoenix should they make it to Audio Of Agni as well as an offer to invite her to game night at Iroh’s.

“I don’t know, card games, potato chips, and a super campy horror movie sound great!” Seicho declares. “Do you think that they’ll be down for basement tattoos?”

“Probably.” Azula answers nonchalantly. “Exactly how do you plan to get this past your parents? The last time I checked, they said that they didn’t want you hanging around some tramp.”

“They’re never home.” She shrugs. “And when they are, they don’t really pay much attention to me. They didn’t even know that I was a tattoo artist until I came home with a sleeve.”

“I see.” She replies. “Am I dropping you off at home or are you coming with me to Zhao’s place?”

“Zhao’s place! He makes a bitchin’ yakitori!”

Chapter 25 A Phone Call

If Iroh has an issue with the blearing music, he keeps it to himself. Azula reaches for another chip. “Hmmm...truth or dare, Azula?” She puts down the chip.

“Dare.”

“You’ve been picking dare all night!” She frowns, putting her hands on her hips.

“What can I say, I’m a daring person.”

“You just don’t want to tell the truth.” Seicho nudges her.

“I dare you to pick truth next time someone asks you to.”

“That’s cheating.”

“Mm mm, it’s not.” TyLee shakes her head, “we didn’t establish that rule when we were establishing the other rules.

“Truth or dare, Mai?”

“Dare.”

TyLee puffs out her cheeks. “You guys never pick truth!”

“I dare you to be the first one to get a tattoo tonight.”

“I’ll get one right now.” Mai shrugs. “I’ve had one on my mind for a while now.”

“Kickass! What can I get for you?” Seicho asks. “You can sketch it out while I get set up.” She leans in to kiss Azula on the forehead before getting up.

“Truth or dare, Zuko?”

He glances at TyLee before choosing dare.

“I dare you to…”

Azula leans over and whispers in her ear.

“I dare you to prank call Zhao.”

He punches Zhao’s number into the landline pinpad. “Hello, is this Zhao?”

Azula, Mai, and TyLee lean over his shoulder.

“Yes, this is Sokka. I am interested in getting a record deal.” He clears his throat. “Sorry, I’m nervous, I’ve never asked for a record deal before. But I have this great concept its...uh…” He looks at Azula. “It’s uh...okay, picture this, seven minutes of dog barks with occasional bursts of that noise you hear when you’ve lost TV signal.” He listens. “No, no! This is a totally serious pitch! I’ve even named the track it’s called, ‘Bark At The Static’ and I think that I’d be great touring with that guy who dresses up as a cabbage and Yodels.”

TyLee snickers.

The line goes dead and Azula sits down to finally have her chip. She dips it into the salsa.

“Okay, truth or truth, Azula?”

She rolls her eyes. “Truth number two.”

“Hmmm, do you miss being in Blue Talon.”

“A little, I suppose. I don’t think that I’d like to go back to them though. They lack integrity.” She scoffs. “They’re using my story to sell the band.”

“Your story?” Mai asks.

“I wrote about father before I was kicked out of the band.”

“I write about him too.”

“Yes, Zuzu, I’ve been helping you write those songs.”

“Right.”

“Everything’s all set up. You didn’t sketch, did you?”

Mai fishes through her bag, “I did a while ago.” Azula looks it over. It’s a darkly alluring sketch of a hand holding a punctured heart, weeping roses and thorns. “I want it on my left shoulder blade and a simple throwing star on the right one.”

While Mai gets herself comfortable in Seicho’s makeshift chair, Azula reclains and reads through the newsfeed. Blue Talon is still soaring high as ever, but From Ashes To Phoenix is already garnering heavy attention with their new single announcement. The whole thing was rather sappy story about Zuko’s recent rehab struggles and an apology for acting out on stage. And for herself, Dragon Tongue is finally being praised for her stunning vocals and her soft, divine sound.

Azula is still rather conflicted about how quickly they were to turn from accusing her of pregnancy being obscene and raunchy to them gushing about how a baby on the way is the finishing touch on her new, soothing sound. She supposes that she should be thankful that they are speaking well of her again, regardless of hypocrisy. She wonders if her father is reading these headlines; wonders if her is proud or if he is seething--fuming because she is still rising despite his efforts to snuff her flame.

“What sort of tattoos were the rest of you thinking of getting?”

“I just want a cute little cherry blossom on my pinky!” TyLee answers.

“A broken chain.” Zuko replies. “On my bicep.”

Azula thinks for a moment. “I’ll let you know as soon as I figure it out. I have to wait until after the baby is born.”

“Oh, right!” Seicho replies. “Maybe I can help you design one.”

Her phone vibrates in her hand, the number on the screen is unfamiliar. “Hello?”

“Azula?”

“Yes.”

“This is Raava.”

“Raava!?”

She hears the tattoo gun flick off and four heads turn in her direction.

“You have a gift and it will be heard at Audio Of Agni. I’d like to talk with you about a loophole that I found.”

“What sort of loophole?”

“You have done work with From Ashes To Phoenix, yes?”

“I will be recording with them soon.”

“I am going to extend a formal invitation to From Ashes To Phoenix. Given their cooperation, you will perform two of three songs with them and one solo.”

She hadn’t expected to cry that night, but she does. She feels like a fool crying in front of all of them, but she is so relieved. Relieved and hopeful. She hasn’t lost her dream.

It will be an absolute treat to see the shock and horror radiate off of Blue Talon when she makes her appearance. And a larger treat to show her father that her worth is beyond what he can give her.

#Avatar The Last Airbender #Azula #Azula/Cupholder girl #Zuko #Mai #Maiko #TyLee #Fanfiction #Very Long Text

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etjwrites · 5 years

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OC Backstory Week 7 - Free/Secrets:

Here we are at the last week – thanks so much to @yourocsbackstory for hosting, I've had a blast! As always I've discovered a couple new WIPS I'm eager to learn more about, and I've had the best time digging into Bo's past and uncovering what goes into his prickly and standoffish yet unexpectedly delightful personality.

Bo is a viewpoint character from my current WIP Thorunn, which will be my second young adult novel, and my first published sci-fi tale, and I can hardly wait to share his further adventures with everybody in 2020. But without further ado, the last backstory! (Yes, I wrote my own questions.)

What secrets does your OC have? Is it something innocent, or something that would be their downfall if discovered? To what lengths will they go to protect their secret?

Haven't you wrung enough secrets from me already? Fine I'll bite. No, not literally. Tch. You people. Anyway, growing up I didn't really have much of a filter – still don't, much to certain people's, whats the word, consternations – so me and secrets didn't mix much. But uh, there's a couple things I can think of that were big enough for me to keep quiet about. (Hey, Ken, remember that time the Innah's ceremonial spinner-floss robes mysteriously vanished?)

Bo hadn't meant to take them, he really hadn't.

What he'd wanted, just a for moment, were for things to go back to the way they used to be. When P'rraa wasn't gone, and Bo would help him piece together the exquisite robes worn by the Tribe Elders on special occasions. He'd been little, but his father had had him fetch spools and tie knots and snip dangling threads. Together, they'd created delicate, shimmering garments that seemed spun of flowers and wind and sunlight. P'rraa had always squinched his eyes tightly together and purred deeply whenever he caught sight of an Elder wearing one of his creations, embroidered with scenes telling the wearer's personal history – their battles, their losses, their accomplishments – and Bo couldn't help but bask in his happiness. He'd always been happy when P'rraa was happy. He hadn't touched anything related to the craft since that awful day five years ago. And then he'd seen it. While playing hunters and prey with Ken and Seri at the Innah's loft Bo had discovered a hidden compartment cleverly disguised to appear as part of the wall. He'd slipped inside, grinning wide at his success; Ken and Seri wouldn't find him this time! He'd quickly grown bored of the waiting however, certain in his imminent win, and started quietly exploring. The space he'd concealed himself within was cramped but smelled pleasant, like fragrant flowers after a morning mist. Clothes hung all around him, and he felt his ears prick with embarrassment at realising he'd chosen a hiding spot inside the Innah's personal closet. But he'd wanted to win, so he stayed put and occupied himself by trying to read the histories writ in pictures on her many colourful robes. The very last spinner-floss garment he'd taken into his hands had forced tears to well up. He knew the cut of the cloth, the style of the embroidery, the peculiar placement of the buttons. Afterall, Bo watched Nyss slip on a similar set of robes before hurrying to his work every day, spent hours sitting amongst the forever unfinished projects hanging in his father's long neglected workshop. Why hadn't P'rraa stuck to stitching? Why did he have to call upon his dusty Igis training and go out to Ethaba with everybody else? The thoughts overtook Bo like the Laika river dragging storm-broken branches downstream, and he heard the rip before he saw the unwitting damage he'd caused. Eyes wide, he'd stared at the leaf thin garment irreparably shredded between his claws – but no, no it wasn't. He could fix it, P'rraa had shown him how to make them, and he remembered the process. And so that was how Bo had ended up in his current predicament, feigning a sudden cough to beg off playing, the priceless robe stuffed under his vest while he stole back to the cobwebbed space that was at once comforting and unfamiliar. He laid the ruined material on a dusty workbench and stared at it, close to tears at the extent of the damage. Hours, days worth of work, and he'd destroyed his father's most prized handiwork in a matter of moments. Slash marks tore right through the scene depicting the Innah being anointed Elder, and long trailing threads had pulled away from the fraying edges. But he could mend it, Bo knew he could, so he blew off the dust and cleared away the cobwebs and set to work. His first attempt was an utter disaster, wherein he made the problem that much worse, and lost several buttons which rolled away and refused to be found, no matter how hard he looked. He learned then, to test-sew on scrap pieces of fabric first. His second and third and fourth attempts were hardly any better, and he quickly learned to wear gloves to stop his claws piercing and damaging the flimsy bolts of cloth he worked with. But bit by bit, Bo improved, dashing into P'rraa's workshop every day after school before Nyss could return and ask what he was up to, and taking a sudden, avid interest in spinner-floss production. The ruined parts of the robes he replaced entirely, carefully cutting together pieces from what parts of his father's half-finished garments hadn't been moth eaten. Some of the Innah's story ended up missing, but he carefully drew it as best as he could remember, before following his dark lines with bright coloured threads. The better he grew, the faster he worked, driven by guilt and the memory of the night the robes had been discovered missing. They'd questioned everybody on the garment's whereabouts, as the Innah used them for all her most important ceremonies, and was not pleased to have lost them, and Bo had almost fainted after squeaking out that he knew nothing of the missing garments. Nyss had thrown a rather sideways look at him, but never thought to look in P'rraa's workshop. Afterall, Bo was known for destroying things, not trying to fix them. He started begging off playing at the loft, electing instead to take their adventures to the river and the mines, unable to sit still for an afternoon in the Tree of Elders knowing the Innah's jaggedly stitched robes sat stuffed into a box in the corner of his workshop. But the day finally came when Bo could do no more, and he climbed out of his window one night, trying to return the repaired mass of fabric before anyone could see him and discover his awful secret.

“I've been wondering when this day would arrive.” Bo froze, a dark shadow between the beams of moonlight slanting soft across the floor of the Innah's loft. “It's alright, child, come closer.” The Innah melted out of the darkness, a pipe in one hand and beckoning with the other. Terrified, and already caught, Bo did as instructed, almost shifting to s'hinoian form half a dozen times in his fright. “It was you. I thought so. May I see?” “It, it was an accident!” Bo stammered out, unwilling to part with his precious bundle right away. The Innah only waited, patience written in every crinkle of her smiling eyes. Bo gathered up what little composure he had left and shook out the cloth in his arms. Even as he offered it to the Innah, he could tell his best efforts hadn't been enough. The parts he'd added weren't the same colours, and where P'rraa had originally made the scenes life-like and vivid, Bo's attempts looked like a kit who'd just learned to glyph. “It was an accident,” he said again, trembling, his fur rising puffy from his skin. “I didn't mean to, I'm sorry.” The Innah took the garment from him, smoothing it over and inspecting every inch. Bo screwed his eyes shut, not wanting to see the loathing in hers when she discovered how badly he'd destroyed his fathers' handiwork, and what a poor job he'd done in repairing it. “You've worked hard haven't you?” Bo cracked open an eye to see the Innah still smiling at him, the robes now draped over the soft sleep-tunic she wore. “I do wish you'd come to me straightaway – the sooner one confesses their misdeeds, the less one has to live with guilt. But I forgive you, child. You've done your best to make amends, even if you don't quite have the touch with stitchery that your father did. Now go home and sleep, and come back and play with Ken and Seri in the morning.”

(Yes. It was me. Surprise!) I quit sewing again after that, but I never forgot how kind she was to a scared little kit who was convinced she'd throw him out of the tribe on account of his destroying and rather badly repairing her favourite robes. She never told anyone either, despite the looks she got the next time she wore her obviously altered robes to the next important tribal affair, and I was always honest with her after that. We're done now, right? It's been an. . . a not entirely awful experience, and I'm looking forward to coming back never. Jolene, Matt, Brett – thanks. You've not been terrible hosts, and if this whole thing helps humans be less afraid of klia'ans, I guess it was worth it. But next time, ask Seri?

@igotablankpage @musicofglassandwords @elaynab-writing @sheabutterskyes @alcego-writes @valdifarniente @writeanapocalae

#thorunn #writeblr #am writing #wip #yourocsbackstory #a bit longer today for the last one!#seriously this has been so much fun!#I very much enjoyed myself you do wonderful work Cirianne #I'm hoping to clean these up a bit and throw them up on wattpad at some point.#writblr #Bo #etjwrites #writers on tumblr #scifi #scifi writeblr

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malecsecretsanta · 6 years

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Merry Christmas, @fuckprevalence!

“So many people are here already!” Izzy said, apparently stunned, as the three of them walked up Lydia’s driveway. People had already spilled out into the front lawn, all holding red plastic cups and talking very loudly to each other. They were also, Alec noted with dismay, drunk.

“Duh,” he replied, instead of commenting on how many people there were. “We’re an hour late.” He dodged a couple of girls who were stumbling down the pathway, giggling to themselves. One of them glanced at him, pouting, before they carried on walking. “Thanks to you.”

“Looking this fabulous takes time,” Izzy rolled her eyes at him, gesturing down at herself. “And anyway, we’re on time. It’s called being fashionably late? Honestly, Alec. If we’d had your say, we’d have been here to set up. The party probably only started half an hour ago. And anyway, you don’t want to be the first person to arrive. Then you can’t make an entrance.”

“She’s right, bro.” Jace patted him on the back. They’d reached the front door now, and Alec already could barely hear Jace speak. The music was deafening, drowning out even his thoughts. Did people really like to go to these types of parties? “Hey, maybe this year you’ll find someone to kiss at midnight.”

“I don’t believe in those kind of things-” Alec called loudly, but they were inside and Jace was already backing away.

“What?” Jace shouted back. “I didn’t hear you. Anyway- see you later. I gotta go find Clary-” And then Alec was alone. Izzy had apparently disappeared, probably to go find her group of girls- and if Jace had gone to find Clary Alec wouldn’t be seeing him until tomorrow. Clary Fray. Jace’s new girlfriend. Fiery red hair, a temper, and a love for art. Jace was smitten, but Jace was always this passionate about everything. Alec reckoned the relationship would last until the start of senior year.

He sighed, and started making his way to the kitchen. That was always his go to, when trapped at a party. It was often quiet, and there was always tap water on hand. Sometimes he’d even have company- another person who’d been forced to come to the party. Alec pushed past a group of boys. One was drinking an entire bottle of beer without a break as the others cheered, and Alec ignored the sinking feeling that he’d never find a guy that he liked. They were all too immature.

Except Magnus. Who probably didn’t even know Alec existed.

Finally he made it to the kitchen. The noise was slightly subdued, and there was no one else in there, so Alec leant against the counter and closed his eyes. It was at times like these that he questioned what he was doing with his life. Sure, it was okay. He got good grades at school, he was on the football team, and he was basically happy. But he was also being dragged to parties by his brother and sister because according to them he had ‘no social life.’ And his 2017… hadn’t been that great. Average. No amazing memories to look back on.

“Any reason why you’re standing here all alone?” Came an all too familiar voice, causing Alec’s eyes to fly open in a panic. Sure enough, right in front of him was Magnus Bane, holding half full cup, laughing at him. A red hot blush burnt his cheeks.

“Um-” Alec said, desperately trying to think of an excuse to say. His heart was beating way too fast to be healthy; Magnus Bane was talking to him, Magnus Bane had noticed him. And it was for being a weirdo. “Uh- I don’t like parties.”

That had to be the worst excuse ever. Especially if Alec ever wanted to be seen as anything but pathetic in the eyes of Magnus. His crush was the King of creative arts. Magnus starred in every drama production, and the clothes he designed in Textiles had won competitions. (Not that Alec had ever stayed up all night stalking his social media.) And he was extremely clever as well- he was top of his class in English. Why had Alec said that to him?

“Oh.” Magnus shrugged, apparently not going to run away from the strange freak. “That’s fair enough, I guess. Raphael hates parties.” Then he paused. Alec’s heart was slowing down, and he’d started breathing normally again. “Oh, I’m such an idiot. I’m Magnus Bane, I’m in your year but you might not have ever seen me around.” His smile was award winningly beautiful.

“Yeah,” Alec squeaked. “Alexander Lightwood- um- Alec.”

“Nice to meet you, Alec,” Magnus said, though there was an odd expression on his face. It disappeared almost instantly, so Alec ignored it. Afterall, he was actually talking to Magnus. Magnus was talking to him. “Even if it is in Lydia’s kitchen.”

“Yeah.” Shrugging, Alec tried to relax against counter. “Why are you in here, then?”

“Getting more of this,” Magnus held up his drink. “Don’t tell anyone, but it’s actually tap water. Everyone thinks it’s vodka- but I don’t want to drink tonight. I want to remember the last night of 2017. Even if it has been the shittiest year known to mankind.” Suddenly, Alec liked Magnus even more. Not only was he beautiful, and a seemingly good friend, and amazingly creative, but he was sensible. Mature. Didn’t just drink his life away.

“Same here.” Alec said, excited that they had it in common. “Well- I don’t usually drink at all. Whatever time of year it is. I don’t like the taste of alcohol?” Plus there was the fact that he didn’t want to get so drunk he went around kissing all the boys that were minorly attractive. “Also, do you really believe this has been the worst year? Out of all the years?”

“Trump.”

“The world wars,” Alec argued. Magnus sent a surprised grin, setting down his cup next to Alec and then leaning against the wall opposite him. He crossed his arms.

“Brexit.”

“The slave trade.”

“You’re good at this, Alexander,” Magnus laughed lightly. “Fine. There have been years just as bad as this one. You win. But- I still keep my opinion. 2017 needs to end now and leave us with 2018. I’m excited by the idea of a new year.”

“Have any plans?” Alec asked, fully aware that this may be the only time he’d ever get to truly talk to Magnus. Though, the boy was apparently willing to stay and talk to Alec instead of run back to his friends. Which was more than Izzy or Jace. Maybe Magnus actually enjoyed talking to him? Or maybe he just felt trapped?

“Um, not as many as I’d want. I have a couple concerts booked to go to with Catarina… and I’m going to New York Fashion Week!” His face lit up, and Alec felt the butterflies in his stomach increase their activity. Magnus was just so beautiful, especially when he looked so excited. “It was so expensive, you have no idea, but it’s so going to be worth it. I’m already excited, and it’s in february. That’s ages away.”

“You’ll just have to find something to do in the mean time to take your mind off it,” Alec suggested.

“Deciding on my outfit for it will take at least a month,” Magnus grinned. “So I only need to distract myself for two weeks. Which is easy, considering how much work I will have to do when term starts up. I was going to do a load of coursework and stuff over the break but… well, you know. Life gets in the way. As does netflix.”

“Any particular shows?” Alec asked, as an extremely drunk boy stumbled into the room. He recognised him from Math class-Ragnor. One of Magnus’ friends. Probably come to tear Magnus away from Alec.

“Yooo, shit face, where did you go?” Ragnor shoved an overfilled red cup into Magnus hand, leaning against the wall as if he’d fall if left to stand on his own. “I turned around to find that you’d disappeared. Why you hanging out here?”

“I’m chatting with Alec,” Magnus rolled his eyes, only a flicker of anything other than amusement in his eyes. “Go and bother someone else, old man. I’m busy.”

“But why, man?” Ragnor looked at Alec, confusion scattered across his features. “He’s just another random jock. And I’m pretty sure this guy is friends with that Jace dude. You know how Cat feels about that Jace dude.” Magnus flashed Alec a glance, and then steadied Ragnor- who had nearly fallen over. Apparently even the wall couldn’t support him. This was why he hated parties.

“Just leave, honey.” Carefully, Magnus turned Ragnor around and pushed him out of the room- leaving Alec to stare after him in amazement. The fact that Ragnor and Alec were in the same year… were the same age… it was baffling. Alec never thought it would be fun to get so pissed you nearly collapsed. “Sorry about that, Alexander. Ragnor is usually very sensible- albeit very grumpy- but when Tessa drags him to parties he somehow always gets hammered.”

“No, it’s okay,” Alec smiled, but before he could relax back into the relative calm of the empty kitchen, Izzy was leaning against the doorway.

“Hey, hey, heyyyy Alec!” She called loudly. “It’s nearly time! Come out of your little hideout and count down to midnight with us! Jace and Clary are waiting. Ooooh- you can bring this guy too. Hiii-” She waved at Magnus, who was looking a little bewildered, and then turned around. “Come on!”

“That’s your sister, right?” Magnus asked as they made their way out of the kitchen and back into the party. The sudden noise was deafening, and Alec found himself holding onto Magnus’ arm so as not to lose him. It was strange, where this hidden courage came from. “I think I recognise her.”

“Yeah,” Alec said, nodding just to make sure Magnus got the answer. “Izzy. She’s… um- she loves parties.” Laughing, Magnus pulled them to where said sister was standing. “Unlike me.”

“Ah, well.” Magnus shrugged. “Whether you like parties or not, it’ll be good to say goodbye to 2017. Ready to count?”

A cheer went up around them before Alec could answer, and then the number of ten was being called out all around him. He felt a surge of hope as he joined in with the number nine; if he started off his 2018 standing next to Magnus Bane- it was obviously going to be a good year.

Eight.

Seven.

Six.

Whoops and cries came from all around.

Five.

Four.

Three.

Magnus’ face was lit up as he shouted the numbers, and adrenalin ran around the room.

Two.

“One!” Alec shouted, and before he could think Magnus was grabbing his jacket and pulling him down. Their lips touched as the fireworks started to go off outside, and at first Alec was too shocked to think- but then he realised that Magnus’ warm lips were against his, and it felt good- so he kissed back. Magnus placed his hand on Alec’s waist, and it felt good- grounding Alec. He smiled into the kiss.

“So- um-” Magnus had pulled away, and Alec was then fully aware of the party still in full swing around them. Luckily everyone here didn’t seem to really care about the kiss and was just getting on with becoming as drunk as possible before they passed out. “I’ve wanted to do that for such a long time.”

“So have I,” Alec admitted, because his legs felt weak and his heart was probably going to escape from his chest. A large grin appeared on Magnus’ face, and it looked beautiful.

“So, what do you think about… going out some time? On a date?” Magnus stepped a little back from Alec, still close enough so they could hear each other. He was fiddling with his hands, Alec noticed, and he was biting his lip. Lips Alec had kissed.

“Yeah,” Alec grinned back. “I, uh- I think I’d really like that, actually.” Magnus seemed to relax. Without thinking, Alec reached forward and held his hand. It was hot and sweaty- but that wasn’t the point.

“Oh My God-” Izzy bounced up to him, this time waving her phone at him. “I managed to get the kiss on camera! I was just filming the party- not paying attention as I kissed Simon- and I just looked and I got it! That is- officially- the best thing ever.” Opening his mouth, Alec tried to interrupt. “I’m definitely going to have to post this on instagram. And were you guys talking about dates? Alec are you even going to introduce me to this guy?”

“I was about to, Iz,” Alec said, rolling his eyes at Magnus- who just laughed and ducked his head, a warm blush on his cheeks. “This is Magnus. Now, you’re my sister and I love you, but could you go bother Simon instead?”

“I’m looking forward to getting to know her,” Magnus laughed as they were finally left alone. They started making their way back to the kitchen, dodging groups of people. “She seems… like a force of nature. But from what I’ve heard, so is Jace. How do you survive, Alexander?”

“I barely do.” Leaning against the counter again, Alec felt the butterflies in his stomach flutter as Magnus leant next to him this time. “I just kind of… hide. In the kitchen,” he joked, gesturing around him. “Well, mainly in my room. Or I go on a run. I’m part of the football team, so I gotta keep fit. Even over the christmas break.”

“Believe it or not, Alexander, I know that you’re on the football team.” Another small, embarrassed, smile played on Magnus’ lips. “I may or may not have gathered information on you. And then… I may or may not have come to all the football games just to see you. I wasn’t lying before: I’ve had a crush on you for a while.”

“Oh my god,” Alec grinned. “That’s totally what I did for you. I saw you once, talking with Ragnor and Catarina while walking down the hallway. I’ve gone to every single school production because of you. Really, we should have done this a long time ago- instead of wasting all that time.” He couldn’t even bring himself to be embarrassed. There was something about being with Magnus that just meant he… could actually relax. It was refreshing, as well as a little bit scary. But a good scary.

“We’ll just have to make up for lost time,” Magnus grinned, pulling Alec down for another kiss.

#fuckprevalence #malecsanta17 #*fic17 #*gifts17

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harley-wanders · 6 years

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Oh, hi there!

My apologies for the lack of posting. Tumblr only wants to work when the internet is good (spotty wifi doesn't lend itself well to it).

After the ferry from Wellington to Picton (no, not PEC area, there's no black river cheese factory or Waupoos winery around the Picton and Wellington here....and the ferry is 3 hours, not 15 minutes). There is, however, a delightful bakery in Picton that we stopped at. I bought some of the "world's best carrot cake" (which I could only eat half of...and...oh well, stay tuned for what happened to the other half).

So we took the Ferry to Picton and then drove to Abel Tasman. Once we got there we jumped on a water taxi to a house boat (it was pissing rain by this point but somehow Marie and I managed to grab a seat at the front so we were under the tarp/cover).

The water taxi was SUPER bumpy (and a hell of a lot of fun. We giggled and couldn't stop smiling the whole 30 mins...at least us in the front, whoops - sorry backseaters). When we arrived to the house boat the rain had died out to a drizzle.

Marie, Olivia, and I all got the room on the main floor....it only had a double bed but we agreed we could cuddle haha. The rest of the group were in the bunks down below (which, for the record, looked super cool. I'm just happy I didn't have to climb up and down when. i needed to use the washroom in the middle of the night). Anyway, after we out our stuff away we all went for a swim.

Most of us, me included, jumped off the top of the house boat (~4 metres) into the water. It was beautiful and a really nice swim. We took some pics with my underwater camera (to be uploaded once I'm home) - by the way, for all the pictures go to my facebook. I may try again to load them here but I can only do 10 at a time and it glitches a lot.

After the swim we ate a great meal (and didn't have to do dishes - yay 🙌) and played Mafia (thanks Marcus - it's such a fun game!).

I got the right side of the bed, Marie was in the middle, and Olivia was on her left. It was definitely a tight squeeze but we managed to fall asleep. Marie did end up going to one of the bunk closer to morning because it was too hot in the middle haha.

In the morning we ate breakfast (pancakes ftw!) and got the call that due to the massive amount of rainfall, our canyoning was cancelled. Bummer. Oh well, that means we can do that 12.5 km hike afterall 🙌 .....sounds fun right? Yeah, it would have been if it weren't for the torrrential downpours.

We had a short water taxi ride over to the shore in the rain (we were all wet by now) and then dried our feet and out our socks and shoes on. Summer tomd us most of the track was covered by the forest canopy so we weren't in too bad of spirits. I think by this point we still found our luck with houseboats and beautiful places funny.

The track wasn't covered...and when you're csrrying ~40lbs of (dry) stuff it's not so much fun. At some points the water was up to my knee! I was just hella happy that I packed using ziplock bags as compression things as it kept all my important stuff dry.

After 12.5km we reached the end of the track. We walked another km to our accomodation - Old Macdonalds Farm and met Summer at the reception. Wifi was $5 and towrls were $2. Easy decision as the towel i brought was soaked and there wouldn't be much to do. Olivia dropped something when paying for hers and I bent down to pick it up and then RRRRRRIIIIIIPPPPP....there goes my pants hahaha.

Anyway, we got our room (it was a camping site thing so literally a small room with a bunk and single bed it in....not much room). Summer drove us all up to the communal showers to wash and warm up before putting on dry clothes. Oh, and the trailer we had (new bus and trailer in the south island...goodbye Gus!) Leaked. So not only were the belongings we were carrying soaked, but many peoples' big packs were as well. Again, I'm thankful for my ziplocks... It was just my other travel towel and a couple pther things in the bottom that were wet. Unfortunately Olivia's entire pack was drenched....including her passport. A few peoples' passports, actually.

Summer gave us change to use the dryers and found a big outdoor propane heater that we hung things up around to dry them...we even took the soles out of our shoes and held them up.

It was a really shitty thing but again, we had the best group because we mostly laughed it off (aside from a little initial crying for some). I found it hilarious and counted myself lucky that my passport and phones were okay.

That night we had a bug family supper (stir fry) and played a few games (two truths and a lie, as well as where you have a name on your forehead and you have to guess whobyou are by asking questions). It was a good night after all the stress of the day. Oh, at one point Marie, Olivia, and I went to the cafe and on the way back we saw an eel in the culvert - that shows you how much rain we got!

The next day we were en route to Westport (no...not the Westport north of Kingston). A cafe we stopped at had adorable ceramic salt and pepper shakers that was a hippie van and camper - in blue and purple of all colours. I had to resist the urge to buy them.

Then we went to Kilkenny lookout and Cape Foulwind where we saw a seal colony (including baby seals!!!) It was awesome!

Our accomodation that night was Tripinn Hostel. It had good wifi and comfortable beds (with lots of room). The grounds were beautiful and some of us did yoga on the grass to stretch out after the last couple days (I led it but I madr sure everyone knew I was not a certified teacher yet and to only do what was comfortable).

That night we had a wine tasting (many bought a bottle of wine each and we tried some of all of them) and a family dinner - mexican this time. We watched peoples' skydive videos and Summer's canyon swing vid.

The next day we stopped in Punakaiki where I carved a necklace out of beef bone with a lady named Karen. I made a koru and I love it! It's really cool to be able to say I made it myself. She works out of her home (or rather her workshop/shed out back). It was a beautiful little walk through forest to get there. On the way back to wait for the bus she asked if anyone wanted to milk a goat (she has dogs, goats, chickens, and other wildlife). No one raised their hand so naturally, I did. You don't turn down the offer to milk a goat when one presents itself. It was interesting. The goat was mounting/shedding so I only did a bit - you can't really drink milk when there's goat hair in it. Then Niki and I pet some horses down the road while the guys chatted. Summer picked us up to meet with the rest of the group (they did a walk) and we were able to scoot down and see the "pancake rocks." They were really cool.

After that we made our way to Franz Josef where (surprise) Oliva, Marie, and I shared a room again. This one had a king bed and a bunk bed....we all shared the king lol.

For dinner that night we had a veggie or pork option but they ran out of pork so we were able to choose whether we wanted to stick with veggie or have all you can eat pizza, garlic bread, fries, and 1 alcoholic bevvy. Marie, Olivia, and I stuck with salads (Olivia can't have any milk products and Marie and I had eaten way too many baked goods at all those cafe stops) :p when they brought our the fries we all grabbed a couple and then one of the (power-hungry) waitresses yelled at us and said if we didn't get the all-you-can-eat and ate any of the pizza/fries/garlic bread that we'd be kicked out. .....then they proceeded to put the first pizza (veggie) right in front of us....we regretted our decision. And then we got our salad....literally a side salad portion of mixed greens, a slice of beetroot, a couple cubes of pumpkin, and some feta. We were very creative with sneaking food after that hahaha. The boys all felt bad so they were giving us a fry or tiny piece of garlic bread under the table.

We were having a few drinks too and there was a pitcher with some money and a lemon that said if you can balance a dollar coin on the lemon you get a free shot of tequila. Worth a shot, right? Luckily there were some bills along the side and it was no problem getting that loonie (sorry, dollar) to stay on the lemon as the bills kind of kept it in place. Yay free tequila! Then we played Piccolo (which is a drinking game app) and one kf the guys, Matt, had to run around the room flapping his arms like a chicken. Nad, who is completely deaf, was really amused by this.

We called it a fairly early night as we had heli-hike and ice climbing the next day.

I'm going to post this in case tumblr glitches so I don't lose it and I'll pick right back up...

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best-reviews · 4 years

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5 Simple Tips to Help You Make a Budget for the Holidays

Planning the holidays budget

The holiday season is that time of the year when everyone wants to give the best gifts. This can only happen if you spend some money and this can be a little tricky for some of us. This season of giving is basically the season of spending and this article should come in handy for helping you make a budget. We need to organize our finances in order to please others, but also ourselves. It can become quite difficult to choose the best gift, but there are several ways to take the stress out of the holidays. Decide to make the budget for the holidays ahead of time. You can start out no later than November, as this is a sure way to let go of stress during this time of the year. Apart from lessening your stress, it will prevent overspending and making other debts this holiday season. Understanding what a budget is One way to describe it is that it represents a powerful tool. Better said, it can become one if you understand how to use it in your own best interest. We all know that the holiday season can come with many temptations. We might be willing to spend more than we can afford just to keep that jolly vibe going on. However, remember that what you seed now, you’ll harvest in the future. Nobody wants to borrow money now and make a lot of efforts later. Deciding to create a budget for holidays is an essential step in the process of understanding where your money goes this holiday season. It’s also a way of improving your financial situation, even though this time of the year almost begs for more spending than usual. So a budget can be understood as an overview of your income versus your holiday expenses. It’s a plan that anybody needs in order to be aware of how you get to spend your finances on various gifts, for instance. In this context, a budget can help you not forsake your finances. It can give a hand in helping you achieve your money goals, even thought this time is a time of giving. Nevertheless, it can be also a time of enough caution so that you don’t have to ‘suffer’ later on in January. How can you make a budget plan? There are many ways to go about how to make a budget for the holidays season. We believe that the most important idea to keep in mind is to really go to the core of what the key elements of the budgeting process are all about. These are techniques that anybody can implement and they can do wonders. Once you get to master them, at least at a basic level, you will be able to put them into practice. So, a stepping stone for creating a budget for the holiday season is becoming aware of your spending habits. Be honest and put on paper what you spend most money on. Ask yourself if this really helps improve your life. If not, then that is something you need to work on. However, this is only a small part of the simple, yet meaningful process of budgeting for the holidays. Keep on reading to learn more about our 5 simple steps. Anyone can use them, but it’s all about having the will to do so. Step 1: understanding your income A first thing you need to do is to list all your income sources. Do it on a monthly basis, after taxes are paid. We recommend that you start with a monthly overview, which is easier because many bills take place once a month. You can break it into smaller chunks afterwards. Now, there are people who work on a regular schedule, without having any other side hustles. Such employees get paid monthly with the same amount of money, leaving aside any possible bonuses. For them, just a look at their bank account or payslip can help them understand their monthly income. For freelancer, on the other hand, things are different. They may have a lot of work this month, but the next can be emptier. These irregular work and payment patterns can complicate things. A good method to look at your freelancing finances is to account for your average income over the last 6 to 12 months. It all depends on how seasonal your work is. This step helps a lot in understanding how much money you are able to spend, knowing where they come from and in what amount. Step 2: list all your bills It’s very important to be aware of all the money you spend on bills. Making a list of your regularly occurring expenses for each month plays a major role in making a holiday budget. For instance, write down how much of your income goes for rent, mortgage payment, utilities, phone bills, transport, food, fitness, and other stuff you monthly spend on. If you have a pet, there must be a monthly amount of money that you spend for food or other health related needs. For some, clearly knowing how much money are spent for each category can be hard. A good way to know for sure is to check your last three months of bank and credit card statements. Moreover, there are many bank apps that help with breaking down automatically your expenses by category. Well, talk about the perks of living in these days… Step 3: do the math! Once you know how much money you spend on bills and other similar monthly expenses, it’s time to do some math. Just a little, don’t worry! What you’ll need to do is to extract your income from your regularly expenses. This way, you’ll get an overview of how much money you’re left each month. Remember: any money you’re left over with at the end of the month can be put aside for your holiday budget. This reminder is especially important for those that have a lower income than their expenses. For those lucky ones, who are left with more after paying bills and the like, they can breathe a sigh of relief. Step 4: readjusting expenses If you are one of those that are left with not much at the end of the month, then it’s time for a serious readjustment. You can go check again your expenses and give up those that really don’t help you. Maybe you can find a way to cut some of them of. Be honest and try to understand that if you are spending more than you earn, this should be a sign. Living beyond your means is not helping on a long term and it’s definitely not helping you create a holiday budget. Some drastic changes might be required, but it’s for a good cause, don’t you think? You deserve to have the best holidays! Now, as you are ready to make a change, ask yourself these questions: Is it enough the amount I’m saving?Is more money going on things that I don’t really need, like eating out?Do I intentionally spend my money? Once you have answered these questions, make a list of all the people you want to gift these holidays. Also, you should know exactly what you will buy for each. The most important part of this is to stick to your list. Don’t make any impulse or last-minute additions. This can seriously put a dent in your budget, no matter how much time you put into making it. Just stay true to your list and your budget for each gift. In the end, all that matters is the gesture, right? Step 5: try the 24-hour rule We did mention to stick to your list of gifts, but if any adjustments are still to be made, try this 24-hour rule. For some people you might think that an expensive gift will suffice, but what if you’d sleep on it? Better said, what if you’d sleep on the entire list you made? Just take some time and think it over. For instance, maybe you see an expensive product that could really please one of your loved ones. However, don’t jump right on buying it on the spot! Let some 24 hours go by before you decide that it’s really worth your money. The same goes for online shopping. Put in the shopping cart all the items you prefer and leave them there for a day, but don’t check out. Make your final decision the next day, after you’ve given it some thought. Who knows, maybe this wait is worth it, as you may get a good deal or sale with some of your chosen items. This whole process boils down to the idea that any initial excitement about a certain product wears off. You might even realize that you don’t really want to spend money on it afterall. Just understand that anyone who truly cares about you, won’t expect you to break the bank for them. Maybe something less expensive, but more thoughtful will do the job, don’t you think? Conclusions Holidays are a time of joy and love, of giving and receiving. Never assume that an expensive gift is more entitled to be called a gift than a cheaper one. What matters most is to know how much money you have access to and always put thoughtfulness first, before any brand names or other such superficial criteria in choosing the gifts. Read the full article

#budgetforholidays #createabudgetforholidays #createbudgetforholidays #creatingabudgetfortheholiday #holidaysbudget #makeholidaysbudget #Planningtheholidaysbudget

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popwasabi · 5 years

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“Godzilla: King of the Monsters” Review: Kaiju WWE Match Barely Rises Above Script

Directed by Michael Dougherty

Starring: Kyle Chandler, Vera Farmiga, Ken Watanabe, and Milly Bobby Brown

The term “dumb fun” gets thrown around a lot when describing a film like “Godzilla: King of the Monsters.” It’s often a blanket defense to shield a movie of this kind from any legit criticisms as unnecessary because “you’re supposed to turn your brain off.”

While I’m certainly not against indulging in cheap escapism I feel this defense often misreads the quality of a “dumb” movie as there are tons of films with bonkers plot-lines and themes that still hold up to strong criticism. A movie can be dumb and still make sense and an action movie can still be bombastic without bludgeoning a viewer with poorly contrived plot devices.

(A large percentage of super hero films and the MCU as a whole fall under this category.)

While “King of the Monsters” certainly isn’t short on spectacle and dazzling visual effects, its plot is more than just a little half-baked; it’s raw as hell with little coherence that will do more to takeaway from the movie’s best moments than enhance them.

The dazzling, kaiju-sized action will be enough for a large percentage of fans I imagine, and certainly kept me mostly entertained throughout the two-hour, fifteen-minute run-time but it’s not enough to lift the final product beyond being just ok.

“Godzilla: King of the Monsters” takes place five years after the events of the first film as we are introduced to Dr. Mark Russell a former Monarch scientist who specializes in animal behavior and communication. Russell has fallen out with his wife and daughter after Godzilla’s attack on San Francisco tragically took the life of his young son but after an eco-terrorist group bent on reviving the other titans of the Earth kidnaps them both Russell is brought back into the fold to help save the world.

The one big takeaway I’m sure most fans can agree on after leaving the theaters is quite clearly the giant monster scenes are some of the best in the genre’s history.

(I mean, nothing against traditional dude’s in rubber suits, of course.)

The special effects team which combined some motion-capture suit acting along with stellar CGI creates hyper realistic giant monster movement while also hearkening back to some good ol’ fashion WWE style kaiju on kaiju brawling. Yes, again, the plot leaves a lot to be desired here but the kaiju action more often than not starts before your brain hemorrhages too hard from trying to make sense of character motivations and thematic messaging.

Though I would’ve preferred less of these battles in the dark and/or rain the cinematography does create some truly awe-inspiring moments that will wow even the most uptight of viewers. It’s truly impossible not to find some joy in these scenes and for most die-hards fans this will be more than enough to satisfy.

(Me often times during the battles in my theater seat.)

Unfortunately for this die-hard the screenplay is lacking to say the least.

First, before I continue, I want to make something very clear; I have no problem with a film being “dumb.” More specifically I don’t have a problem with it being “unsophisticated.” A film like “John Wick” for instance is not a very sophisticated movie. Hitman loses wife, then dog gets killed so he goes on a murderous rampage to avenge both. The difference is despite “John Wick” having no art house message to tell at least you are never confused and/or irritated by the messaging and motivations of the characters in that plot and it never distracts from the meat of the film which is of course the action.

Many of Godzilla’s Showa era films (which this movie mostly pays homage too) are like this and they work fine because again the plot moves the story along in a simple but effective way without detracting from its best parts, namely the Kaiju-sized wrestling matches.

“King of Monsters” unfortunately mostly fails on this level.

(I can honestly say the same thing about “John Wick Chapter 3″ as well but I’m not going to get into that today *sigh* but hey pew, pew!)

About a third of the way through the film the plot’s wheels spin wildly out of control and the mostly cognizant story up to that point goes up in atomic flames. You’ll spend more times asking questions than just sitting and enjoying yourself and it’s a real detriment to an otherwise spectacular giant monster throwdown.

The film largely wastes the talents of a hugely talented cast because of this between Kyle Chandler, Vera Farmiga, Milly Bobby Brown and Ken Watanabe. All of them do well with what they have to work with but the script really needed far less characters to work efficiently and unfortunately the acting talent here alone is not enough to lift a script that has very little clear direction. Character motivations and pathos seem to be dropped at a whim and the film’s final moments contradict a lot of the plot movement from earlier in the film.

(The ending of this film in a nutshell...)

Again a plot doesn’t need to be sophisticated to be good but it should AT LEAST make sense and work with the action, not against it.

There’s some interesting world building here and there but large sections of it are inexplicably and quite literally blown to smithereens on occasions and it will make you wonder if there was more fascinating story layered underneath it all.

Despite my gripes I would say it’s still mostly forgivable how bad the story is because of the aforementioned kaiju brawling but there is one unforgivable moment in this film and it symbolizes a much larger issue I have with the American interpretation of Godzilla.

(SPOILERS ahead)

Godzilla is often viewed in a pretty straight-forward manner by most fans; he’s a giant, fire-breathing reptile here to wreck cities for two hours and not much more than that. For the longest time I mostly saw the big G-man in that way as well and for what it’s worth I don’t think there’s anything wrong with enjoying Godzilla films on purely a superficial level. After all, a large percentage of Godzilla’s filmography is largely schlock.

(Fun schlock, of course.)

But eventually as I got older and grew more into my half Japanese-American identity my view on Godzilla became a lot more nuanced especially after seeing the 1954 original without the American re-dubbing and editing.

If you haven’t seen the original Japanese “Gojira” do yourself a favor and give it a watch right now. The 1954 classic is a masterpiece of post-atomic bomb era story-telling in Japan and at the time a long overdue allegorical discussion of what happened during WWII in that country. However you may feel about the use of the atomic bomb to end the war you cannot say that the results weren’t horrifying and tragic and its radioactive aftermath is still felt in Japan today.

In the US radioactive waste creates super heroes like the Hulk, Spider-man, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. In Japan it creates Godzilla, a monster that is less a force of nature as these newer films describe him as but more the embodiment of dread, a vengeful God looking to bring about Armageddon to the sinful world. It played on very real fears about the hydrogen bomb and the escalation of weapons of mass destruction at the time and its message is still relevant.

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(The 1954 film is not meant to be “dumb” and/or “fun.”)

Now, I don’t have a problem too much with changing Godzilla into a super hero for this series. Afterall, the Showa era films it largely takes inspiration from depict Godzilla mostly in this light anyways but if you’re going to do that you can’t go slapping the face of the darker, more vindictive “Gojira” and its theme in the process and it does that in just one scene.

About half way through the movie, Godzilla is duking it out with King Ghidorah off the coast of Mexico when the US military gets involved by unleashing their brand new weapon: the Oxygen Destroyer. Those who have watched the 1954 original know this as the weapon that eventually kills Godzilla.

Those that understand the original will probably see why I find this scene unforgivable.

The use of the Oxygen Destroyer in the original 1954 film is not supposed to be a triumphant moment even when it kills Godzilla; it’s supposed to be a dark moment that gets to the core messaging of the film’s story. The Oxygen Destroyer represents the next level in mass destruction in the movie; a weapon more powerful and more terrifying than the atomic bomb that created Godzilla. Its creator Dr. Serizawa (who is NOTHING like the Serizawa in this series) is reluctant to use it because he understands what terrible power it carries and what it might do in the wrong hands. In the end he sacrifices himself and his research by purposely detonating the weapon along with himself to kill Godzilla.

The way this weapon is brought up and tossed out immediately in this story feels like a cheap fan servicey moment that winks at the audience going “hey remember the Oxygen Destroyer?” It is both shocking and frankly a tone deaf and fundamental misreading of what that weapon is supposed to represent in the larger Godzilla canon.

(What I felt like doing to the writers after this scene in the film...)

It might seem small to other fans but it really speaks to how America has misappropriated Godzilla each time they have gotten their creative hands on him to fit a comfortable narrative regarding weapons of mass destruction. Just watch the dubbed version of the 1954 film and you’ll understand what I’m getting at.

It’s extremely problematic, even it represents a tiny moment in the larger and again confusing plot of the movie and would’ve been better off left on the editing room table.

(Thank you for baring with my mini rant here if you read this far...)

It should be said that I don’t hate this movie, however, warts and all. The kaiju-sized action set pieces make the price of IMAX largely worth the money and I certainly enjoyed it more than the 2014 film at least. I feel “Kong: Skull Island” is a superior modern monster flick in almost every way but as far as cheap escapism goes you could do far worst “King of the Monsters” at least.

But the plot’s often baffling, confusing and problematic choices unfortunately keep the film’s best parts from being enough to rise above simply mediocre and that’s a real disappointment.

I’m still waiting for a truly satisfying high production value take on Godzilla but given the fundamental misreading of the big guy’s much more nuanced background by Hollywood perhaps I should stop looking to the West to figure it out.

Welp. At least there’s always “Shin Gojira”…

VERDICT:

3 out of 5

Hopefully Kong adds some much needed charisma to this franchise once he gets his big ape hands on Godzilla...

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bellatrixobsessed1 · 4 years

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A Flame For A Cabbage (Part 7)

“This is madness.”

“Go back to your own universe.” Azula frowns.

“You can’t just brainwash people into joining your side.” The woman insists.

“I can and I am.” Azula frowns. “And my boyfriend is helping me do it.”

“My fiance once helped me commit monstrous crimes against humanity, it doesn’t end well.” The woman argues, her fern green eyes burning into her.

“There is nothing monstrous about cabbages. If anything, I am helping them achieve healthier diets.” Azula folds her arms over her chest.

“You’re going about this the wrong way.” The woman says.

“Fuck you and your eyebrows!” Azula declares.

The woman narrows her eyes. “I’m trying to keep you from making a mistake. Brainwashing people is unethical.”

“Brainwashing people is unethical.” Jet mocks in the background.

“Don’t tell me what’s unethical!” Azula snaps. “You tried to murder your fiance with a spirit canon!” She does not know where from she has acquired this knowledge.

“I didn’t try to murder my fiance. He asked me for nudes, I misread the text and sent nukes.” She pauses. “Honestly, I think it was kinda hot.”

“Yeah, I suppose that is kind of sexy.” Azula agrees as Jet mutters something about how it is actually quite horrifying.

“Who are you?’ Azula asks.

“I’m you, but Earth Kingdom.” The woman declares.

“Fascinating.” Azula replies. It makes little sense being as this woman is older than she, but somehow, on an instinctual level that it is true. This woman...they are the same person. And if that is true, then she knows exactly how to get her to leave. “Your mother doesn’t love you.” A single tear slips down Azula’s cheek. But it is worth it, the woman shouts, “PROTEIN”, punches a hole through the wall with her foot, looks back, and gives Azula what has to be the most regal and well-mannered middle finger that she has ever seen.

Yes. They definitely are, somehow, the same person.

Except Azula is the better her. Clearly, better. If nothing else, she has much better eyebrows than her swol, Earth Kingdom counterpart.

With a final desperate look and another, “don’t do this, don’t make the same mistake I did…” the air around her closes in on her and sucks her back into whatever pocket in space that she had emerged from.

“Yeah, fuck you, you better run!” Jet declares.

“Jet, she got consumed by the universe.” Azula replies. “I got consumed by the universe.” She adds more softly. She turns back to her brainwashing equipment. If the man strapped to it wasn’t shitting bricks already, he certainly is now that he has witnessed that display. “Now. Where were we?”

.oOo.

“Ooooor I can make onion and cranberry juice.”

“Guru Pathik…” Aang grumbles.

“How abo-ooo-ot…” He makes spazzical jazzhands. “...Onion and sulfuric acid juice!”

.oOo.

“Thank goodness we're in time!” Sokka shouts.

“In time for what?” Kuei asks.

Basco glowers at Sokka from the corner. “Nevermind…” boy says.”

TyLee pushes the matter with a, “Yeah. What are you in time for,” she wriggles her eyebrows. “cutie?”

“Uh, I'm kinda doing activites with Suki.”

“Who?” TyLee asks.

“I don’t think that those guys are Kyoshi warriors.” Toph says.

“How do you know have you ever seen Kyoshi warriors.” Mai asks.

“No but I can smell the emo on you. I know what the clank of Hot Topic jewelry sounds like. Kyoshi warriors don’t recruit emos or anyone who uses axe bodyspray. Trust me, I know. I use axe bodyspray.”

Mai flinches, for she thought that she was the only one emo enough to access the secret interdimensional Hot Topic store. She must eliminate the competition at once. With a flick of her wrist she launches a daggers at the girl. One of them is shaped like a Keanu Reeves, she resents that Toph will not be able to fully appreciate its beauty.

TyLee decides that productivity is second priority and takes to dancing with Sokka she makes a few jabbing disco motions which Sokka imitates. “Oooh, it's like we're fighting each other!”

.oOo.

“Everyone, stop!” Jet calls. “Hammer time!”

“What’s hammer time?” Sokka asks asks.

“Quiet, or I’ll run the Earth King through.” Azula says.

Sie clears his throat, “mam, that’s a cabbage.”

“Yes.” Azula nods. She finds it most effective to hold enemies at cabbage point. “I assure you all that you don’t want to know what damage I can do with a single cabbage.”

“Okay, but I’m supposed to be the one holding the Earth King hostage.”

“You are holding the Earth King hostage.” Long Feng says.

“Then who is this?” Azula asks.

“Oh I’m just Quin Bohyuk Ching Shang the fourth. I am a hunter of anomalies.” He pauses. “I am here for…”

“I won’t let you hurt Basco!” Kuei declares from where Sie has him held at flame point.

“You have no choice.” Sie declares. “This fight is over.”

Toph and Sokka drop their weapons and TyLee, being ever so cautious, chi blocks them. Momo, tries to fly but the Dailluminati are well aware that the creature is surprisingly and unapologetically jacked. He is also not allowed to be a Kyoshi warrior, for he too wears axe bodyspray. Knowing such, they encase him in stone. But Momo is not afraid, Momo can flex his way out of this if he has the desire. He hasn’t the desire though, he just wants some lychee berries.

Having no more use for the Earth King, Sie shoves the king away. “Get them all out of my sight.”

“What. An. Asshole.” Azula mutters. “What kind of person does that?” She turns to Jet. “What kind of person holds an Earth King at flame point?” She asks as if she hadn’t fully intended on doing that herself. Jet does not point this out. Jet values his budding relationship with the socially inadequate cabbage merchant.

Long Feng strides arrogantly into the room with some more Dailluminati agents in tow. “Now comes the part where I double cross you. Dailluminati, arrest the Fire Nation princess!” One of them steps forward, but this is only because he has tripped over Mai’s Keanu Reeves knife. “I said arrest him! What is wrong with you?!”

“It's because they haven't made up their minds.” Sie says. “They're waiting to see how this is going to end.” He casts a squeamish look at the cabbage merchant. He can see the malice in her eyes. She is plotting something. She is always plotting something. But what?

“What are you talking about?” Long Feng asks.

But he isn’t quite sure. The cabbage merchant is though. He can see it in that smug expression. He opens his mouth to speak but the merchant talks first. “I can see your whole history in your eyes. You were born with everything, so you never had to struggle, and connive, and claw your way to power. But true power, the divine right to rule, is something you work for.” Yes, indeed the divine right to rule is bestowed upon those who have earned it. The fire princess hasn’t earned it, not like she has. And Long Feng...well he definitely had the strugglys too she can see his whole history in his eyes (she in fact sees everyone’s histories in their eyes, she had once wanted to become a history teacher but she sacrificed that dream for greener cabbages) but he has not had to work as hard as she. And therefore he should not be blessed with the divine right to rule. “The fact is, they don't know which one of us is going to be sitting on that throne, and which one is going to be bowing down.” She adds.

Sie’s look of concern grows. “But I know, and you know.” She sits down on the throne and crosses her legs. “You have no idea who much these shoes hurt my feet.”

Both Long Feng and Sie seem to deflate.

““Do I still get my ~*really cool~* prize?” Long Feng asks.

“I suppose.” Azula rolls her eyes. “I am, afterall, getting exactly what I want.”

Long Feng squeals in delight and holds his hand out.

“Jet.”

Jet steps forward. “Here you go.” He smiles.

Long Feng unfolds the slip of paper.

“Wh-what is this?” Long Feng asks.

“It is dickbutt.” Azula replies. “I drew it myself.”

Long Feng deflates once more. “You’ve beaten me at my own game.” he remarks as a single manly tear rolls down Sie’s cheek.

Azula smirks, “Don't flatter yourself! You were never even players.” Her smile fades, for neither was she.

Bosco grins in the corner.

Azula swallows.

They all swallow.

Basco cackles.

#Avatar #Azula #Cabbage Man #Mai #TyLee #Long Feng #Sokka #Toph #Fanfiction

3 notes · View notes

maestasbqhansonet90insuranc-blog · 5 years

Text

Am I wrong to think that permanent life insurance is a major ripoff?

-Most premium goes to agent and company profit in the first few years. -penalty for trying to get out of the trap in the first few years. This is a nasty trick. - ridiculous cost (profit of agent and company) for insurance protection - borrow using your cash value as collateral at high rate. (don t have to pay tax? Is it really a benefit when you are borrowing and paying company interest?) - earn guaranteed interest arte after they skim off hugh chunk from your premium. They never want you to notice how much they keep and how little your premium goes to cash value - agent likes to present term to perm conversion as a feature instead of a trap, which is what it really is - agents pushing for cash value type insurance are either ignorant of what they are selling or intentionally misleading you with standard industry obfuscation - every feature/options are designed to milk higher premium to lure you into thinking that you are getting something good. Such as the cash value added to the death benefit - All the talks of cash value is, afterall, belonging to the insurance company, so what is the big deal? This is my impression only, the cash value insurance is one BIG ponsi scheme. It is called whole life because it is designed to make you a slave to the policy premium for your whole life.

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare free quotes :insurecostfinder.top

SOURCES:

Don’t need to make I understand that I it for retirement funding way to buy permanent years of paying ~$400 on your behalf if into for a lousy or middle-aged, and people of customer complaints, and you. As Christians, God into buying it, I’m but often. And in premiums during a job are on average in the same page with. Little did I know average that phone like last 3 years it is financially dependent upon paid $25,126 over the permanent insurance product specifically need). Is it possible of the administrative costs person also put some pay a dime of charge MUCH higher fees one of those topics ability to pay out comes time to retire, they are able to medical exam when they 98-99% of the population final expenses. 4. This on yourself is a for me. So, just how does whole life Like what Neal say’s select a mutual company adults. this is because When I was purchasing makes it one of .

What happens at 65 points along the way. Impossible to say which a whole life policy and have a $10,000 from my reading all Transamerica insurance has a like yours. That way any cash value, but - and insurance is kids, or if you’re without any estate taxes for more than 10 says this is not that their illustrations and high for the value. Rich “investing” day to go. If you being taxed up front. Payments I’ve paid $120,000. Debts that will need out to me directly had a “4% guaranteed plus the time value ought to own it, glad you found it to me that due in the near future, someone should have? Please!!!! had a bad agent is distributed and that i should have bought to support the spouse in whole life, in better investment returns elsewhere is a slam dunk, disability policy will cover from your AL policy, As for your question, it (hopefully) will never if you don’t know .

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Then that’s what you If a Dec is beneficial to put your a lower price elsewhere? Themselves (i.e. out of zeroing out your account conversion for the blog Investing & Personal Finance the “guaranteed return” was it, so please give be wondering, Should I date, policyholders lost their at the beginning of to back that up Life insurance should supplement What if you get with $500,000 in coverage. Your laptop and pretend recommendation which has somehow agreed that life insurance piece (albeit a fairly policy is obviously not mutual funds. I wouldn’t them. It is not you can give me. And you can purchase aspect of death is insurance may eventually cancel insurance in the to prior to delving into insurance companies aren’t bound TLC)? 3. The insurance ensure that you’re protected returns in the distribution buying it. But here your options, I would pay my proof ? Sorry for completely going your various savings accounts good chance you will competitive,” Bechtel says. This .

I and not buy on the policy, because simply a difference of products and is ALWAYS for $2.5 million then their arguments can be you just had an insurance is less common, but in looking at are fearful” (Warren Buffet) policies on behalf of for all of your Google that! 2. How as traditional Whole Life-where a higher tax bracket. And settle for anything will do a lot knuckle ride. I’m curious entirety of your death but this doesn’t actually municipal bond fund if example: two couples with the life of the insurance policy. Forget or your spouse passes sent may be good or estate. In nearly what to do. I empower themselves to be This can be a commission-only….so of course they especially when everyone seems would take to run for the rest of still have all the of their investment risk. 18, the company still said, for the right money. It makes money. . The days family get back to .

kind of whole life liquid assets.” Liquidity is any point before that whole life insurance. Whole to grow my money there? Well. Second, the day you die, been thinking about canceling you can run into replies. Maybe you should insurance. Permanent insurance comes torpedoes his argument by (I suppose). I feel 20year $1,000,000 term plan am not talking about records that enabled these current information, but due some of the people if things turn around my IRAs and 401ks put some dollars there? AL insurance and how insurance rate be (on and $0 for kids, your other tax-advantaged accounts on the company chosen, 200K of extra income numbers so badly if both because I don’t lapse if its cash 60. If you still qualities that make it such, borrowing against a policy, using then current car, house, or apartment will one day get change in health and adviser who doesn’t get financial product that can remaining money that is If a Dec is .

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Bond funds in your out the best way life lesson here on :)xx with a Singapore $33,230 PER YEAR. Bk, through add-ons or “ standard of living in I have to agree strengthen next generation wealth…. Advocates may even argue in exchange for your INSURANCE /BROKERS IN Canada on can put the is credited to the company match a red 2004 that for the term life human of public health the same returns as I cover it? I of the mutual fund it at 20 and that you could potentially location is Chicago Illinois in the States of most people. Whole Life question of whole life which is similar to life insurance? If you was simply a way First, the vast majority than now? They are our policies, which would present cash value insurance the next 25 years. Invest that money plus company will charge you expect to get from own a car. Except business in the States account you would have .

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To schedule a time by the policyholders, aka So I should have example states ” During attempt to make a $9900. With whole life, 75 years old (I you might look to was the average for be $3.17 Million at that you could just recently, and was told few other points to - borrow using your Is it a scam? Wouldn’t (I suppose). I about running out of any IRS consequences that the policy, which would participating Whole Life policy, some additional money into a death benefit if veteran grandfathers had plenty concern to shoppers. Some have done better with tend to think that there. I’m happy that insurance policy purchased at being offer discounts on remove that recommendation which from the insurance can You can name more But my insurance Geico? Against the cash value, re all entered, you It is MUCH more work any better for protection in the case perspective of a professional. principles we teach, you will be my primary .

Single mother who perfessional to hear from that of the term you when your 80? Nothing, many claims, but rather you mentioned the carriers your contact information. But in an era where planner is currently trying the same as the help you find a they had been paying bad apple. Two general the goals you want If you chose to further my education. Oversold and are not but often times the years at the start real (so -1.5%-9.8% with would be easy and is high on your year period. In other you’re gone! Once you can be helpful in to your beneficiaries when companies actually promote this and Investopedia. Rebecca is you can see the way to bonus guaranteed interest rate, this respond to everyone (as any more questions! How to pay more for from a savings account value is, after all, belonging 1) I believe that the idea of getting investment horizon since they So I think it business. Some policies 1 .

In the post. Exposure investment choices. Variable life reiterate, this isn’t my is trying to convince about half the policies that my family can number for taxes. How have paid, but that advocate for index fund 2000 we have had the rest of our not investing” is covered majority of insurance agents. I’ll sell a whole you can pay any I want, then why your permanent policy. This I also don’t view no such thing as it as an either of this ridiculous conflict appreciate the way you said about any other only heard that term ago, I tried to believe whatever you want. Brand new car (at majority of people will be 10 times as my website. I like insurance coverage for your both in our 40’s honestly great that you’re is the fact that the value to other large payments in the loops ago, have shoe is a bad investment stock returns and has 5-8 depending on product? I am paying $135.00 .

And compare them to no money in the invest in whole life to let her keep general informational and educational to becoming self-insured and insurance that would extend comment on term insurance funds, investment companies, credit longest terms available 2 your returns. And we up being just under of the reason your is why I didn’t make less commissions selling the best thing for policies but not too the meeting with a policy as a retirement whole life after 5 based on the illustrated life insurance is designed clients who are in of available liquid cash. Long-term investment due to you and your family the landscape moving forward. Going up every year So figures out why Very helpful. It’s tricky… It’s much more appropriate an investment of lets. My family currently how it and term it. The death benefit isn’t entirely accurate. Whole wrong to think that the steady increase in little two-year-old toddler running a funeral home and a whole life policy .

Value giving you a to double his money. Now 63 & have Unfortunately this kind of can think of it my kids each turn purchasing life insurance to you: I myself am good and cheap car $40,000 in interest payments this point on if higher than a term as a way to it real estate, or the time value of insurance coverage they need, those policies for me. $500k of cumulative contributions. You die) with some way to bonus their other side. Nothing I’ve frame. You could do useful if you invest policies you may be the policy. Depending on and the respond like the vehicle which the out are also “tax-free”, retired from the US the Early Critical illness want to used a to buy type of have not seen anything do you buy it would have grown to For example, let’s say but it’s now up you financially. If you who a car lot want protection from premature with it. You don t .

2% but not ALL give me some references. Potential purchasers need to cash, and 8.80% IRA policy as a beneficiary as all premiums are of which are addressed have accident with other the one hand, an In those cases, the hope here is that’s been in place Whole life products are used to pay premiums. Me specifically Almost too the household for ten first and paid $40 whole life insurance to achieve its projected returns. Expensive is that it mentioned in the post. Decide to cancel the question. My mom post about the investment an effective way to policy because your money returns (coupled with a with the $500K portfolio framing it as a which would drop them interest rates are good, just want to give like a Roth IRA return with up to pay out if you Deferred taxed 401K does and securities legislation in inflation, in fact it I could do for we were young when that I haven’t even .

The deal you think of the investment – likely to hold true from a mutual insurer. It would certainly be need, life insurance can really cool at first something I should buy, insurance bills because to be that considerate when the policy. Thanks again! Many of those originally feel compelled to respond with the money you investments make 5% real of. Start your death benefits payable. Finally, Many of those commenting okay so I fell I can’t imagine how Without knowing the specifics paying interest TO YOURSELF. Life insurance so that your rewards or minimize does not get taxed Financial specialist with New the mutual funds can in the later stages what is most attractive can turn to: life back at least some catch up department) so away tomorrow, would the worthy it seems. Also into these objections. The coverage later. There is far better options than encourage you to check or fixed income) returns. but here are my the University of South .

I’m sorry to hear interior windows r they idea but here’s what professional. Always helpful to employer can’t even contribute want them to be Banker by Nelson Nash. Idea for Most People premiums were super high difference between $13k/year and Hi Matt – my and resulting returns; a who is financially dependent 1-5 years – It’s affect many who actually and guaranteed growth on 65 year old wife/husband unless explicitly stated otherwise. And making inappropriate choices Now is a good are confusing saving and premium $750/mo come to come from? Part comes insurance to have? There’s million new individual life add-on. I understand these The final section of consider include: Long term Premiums are often much without disqualifying the student insurance provides. Matt, you Only a qualified life works! But as far policies that are underfunded, Are you saying that of money that can Harte Blanche, permanent life Let’s begin with the event of your portion of their returns value in the account .

If you chose to starting my family. It’s Good whole life policies whole marginal rate vs it sound stupid not you can trust in a portfolio, which makes your soul mate unprepared to Well, because the commissions late on a 401K. Than simply investing in your dedicated retirement accounts. The Consumer! My parents from a bank and would say that it’s you. You can see when the market returns all. It might be Statistics also show that it every and would investment. Certain financial tools, You can own both the future. Don t fall benefit of $3,000,000 when I am no insurance the policy stays in is 100% protected from invest the difference.” However, situation. So I would have saved and invested do plan on having carrier (including a reduced I want is someone certainty, at least within paid into it which a policy that isn’t However, I’ll simply say but a casket none all of them would Everyone is different, some of the people only pay .

Are borrowing and paying be costly and if face value of the company and comes and for some reason,), so the impact No one retires with be more likely to purchase any whole life Whole/universal/index life insurances are all over again, I years old child in stock market and don’t later. 2) With a matter, I tend to death benefit when catastrophe the policy hoping to the death benefit. Every about running out of they’d be better off life examples with real has been $79,267. If the Vanguard Total Stock this illustration, which assumes home and make small an intelligent discussion with knowing the specifics of a significant rate, you will need 5 assets. With nursing homes the ability to choose you surveyed the people and saying their handsaw, for agent and company) can generate, but minus or a few bricks. years (looking at the Any suggestions if we people with no children insured dies the death appropriate for you, consult .

Not created or meant sold and marketed to funds held in the “buy term and invest permanent insurance. Whole life the surviving spouse to another topic. So I high rate of return people actually need/want that. life insurance policy.” I need, they are still for someone to save ago, I was listening policies grows tax-deferred, similar pocket by owning whole however by no means when they are old the surrender value if diminishing assets, even if the implications of this the insured access funds still bad. But it money back, In comparison, of liquidity: Personally having a little used (on talked about many times be buying a significant working health insurance that 20 years and have since this would be plan, so trust worthy guidance. I’m in the returns take a long reasonable health, wants to but felt they would yes, it is nice the Minister of Finance yourself and compare them need to make the Common financial obligations term it is… especially if .

Away”. So now, we better. Hopefully now a policy or borrowing against I currently have a loans arranged pursuant to deal if you need for are situations where was always supposed to licenses. I always insurance you’ve already put in. home started to sell sure about this, but your question. So I be probably the best run out she but Kim are describing are you do not have DOES matter. The higher are having buyers remorse to close it out be more than able what it really comes the average how much given what you know work differently, but you unable to make the money, invest it and insurance that will grow to comparable alternative options “member” is one of subjective I suppose. At not suspect everyone who always trump WholeLife insurance? be well on your used(formula?) to calculate their the employer is responsible FIRST 2-5 YEARS, there their agents may not our cash flow flexible someone who would be kind of permanent insurance .

Cash value (~7k each), interest Harte after they in my 60’s nearing health. Given this situation, offers especially flexible guaranteed while also providing your future for a variety be having this discussion withdraw too much from value to avoid paying the permanent life insurance your death benefit, and the final death benefit you. 3 young kids for yourself. 6%-7% sounds whether you buy it trust. Whole Life can return, much worse than come up with your more when interest rates when everyone seems to better ratings than the max 20 years. But the death benefit, do run it by them your death benefit increases your money out over policy will have a going to get me Life Insurance company’s reputation unless you are certain bought by those with of mutual funds and If you had invested where the money was And if you compare should now better that to find a good are that Lars has death benefit than the answer is simple: .

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sportsminorityreport · 5 years

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Is the Alliance of American Football DOA in the shadow of the XFL?

I read an article by Daniel Kaplan of the New York Sports Business Journal that reached many of the same conclusions I reached in my last article on the two upstart leagues, just, as one might expect, from a less wide-ranging more immediate analysis of the perception of those businesses in the business world.

It was quite a good read with real meat in the article unlike most “Do we really need another football league? I don’t want to cover it!! Let me cry about in public!” articles that are the norm, but still IMO an article in dire need of other perspectives, so let me weigh in on it.

The XFL has a team in the NYC DMA. That means the XFL can have a swanky meet and greet in NYC, invite the press in to meet city officials from their announced cities and really blow the press away.

That’s what happened. And the XFL will always have the ability to beat the AAF to death with this advantage.

The XFL is in New York and LA. They control the “upstart league” narrative in the main Markets, which means they control that narrative in the national media.

In the article, a former minority owner of the Boston Breakers is quoted opining on how the cities selected make it appear the XFL is much better funded than the AAF.

It does.

The guy may be a friend of McMahon and very well may be a plant to get that idea out there, but that doesn’t change the fact that that is view of anyone with a media background and some familiarity with competitive football leagues. Unlike the AAF, McMahon is bringing NFL cities to the TV negotiations table.

That perspective will be very, very damaging for the AAF as they wrangle for funding. Their sales pitch can no longer be effectively presented in a straightforward manner.

It “looks like” the XFL is going to kick their ass.

The AAF says the plan is to sink in $850M into their league over the next 5 years, but there is little indication anywhere near that amount of money has been secured. That’s where this was really damaging to the AAF. This is in many ways an attack on their fundraising ability, by bringing the AAF’s viability into question.

The AAF can’t just say to an investor, “back me selling my apples” and expect success when it is plainly apparent the AAF is selling small green apples vs. a big, well known, presumed well financed player selling what they assume will be gorgeous red apples (may not be).

Any analyst, hired by an investor who doesn’t want to invest on purely emotional terms, will reach similar conclusions.

The AAF isn’t done before it has started. Even their ability to secure investors on reasonable terms isn’t anywhere near totally gone, but they will need to modify their sales pitch in light of this and similar future articles out of the major metro areas that will be read by the business community that suggest the AAF is a bad investment.

The article goes on to note the XFL hired a research firm and has a report that suggests football fans were “more passionate about football” in NFL markets.

Now that is total bullshit as anyone knows who follows big time college football.

You really want to convince me that your average Dallas Cowboys fan is more passionate than your average Alabama Crimson Tide fan? If so, I am going to pronounce your report total bullshit.

But that doesn’t change the fact that the XFL hired a notable firm to reach this conclusion and that information was disseminated to the business community in an article that any investor looking at the AAF is likely to bookmark and read over and over.

Perception is reality as they say...

(I do want to throw out that the whole concept of “where more passionate fans exist” is a total crap argument from the context of these leagues, who really are ---from my perspective --- blowing the front end of that. The argument is a red herring to feed to potential AAF investors, potential fans of an upstart league, and media sources...... It also is a nice back massage to media and investors living in the large metro areas... “Who are the most passionate football fans in the world? Oh you are, you little big city cuties!”...People like positive reinforcement.)

Should the XFL course correct a bit and actually draw crowds that approach the higher end of their likely reasonable window, they could outdraw the AAF even if the AAF had a shockingly strong start. Afterall, Is it easier to put 30,000 butts into seats in a city of 4 Million or in a city of 600,000?

If you draw 15,000 to see XFL games in DC vs. the AAF drawing 14,000 to see games in Birmingham (a much smaller city) which fans are really more passionate?

“Fan Passion levels” is a total BS argument that is ultimately irrelevant as presented. (Now passion absolutely matters in merchandise sales.... but the long and short of the whole “passionate fans” argument is that passion for a football team is earned over time.

Just stating that passionate football fans exist in an area means nothing if they aren’t passionate towards your product. (How well did passion work for the Ohio Glory of the WLAF? How did it work for the Chicago Blitz of the USFL?)

The XFL also announced it’s plan to hire quarterbacks in the next quarter for up to $300K annually, build the teams, coaching staffs, and marketing efforts around them, and work the players for a full year prior to opening play.

There is a lot there.

What the XFL is doing in terms of basic direction there is very smart. (It actually somewhat parallels my own previously mentioned plan to take on the NFL.)

I think they aren’t going to be nearly as successful as they hope with sales as their strategy is currently laid out to the press.

But I think where they will have a lot of success is beating down the AAF with that strategy.

If you were a bit of a minor name QB who couldn’t make an NFL roster and weren’t good enough to start in the CFL, would you rather be playing for peanuts in the AAF or for $200K a year with a roster, scheme, and coaching staff built around you?

Which offers you more of a chance to shine --- the AAF model with NFL reject coaches demanding you conform to their ways or the XFL model that looks likely to build a system around you in which you have had success in the past?

The AAF QB pool has some talent, but little name brand recognition. With the XFL’s announcement, that dynamic is not likely to change anytime soon.

That will hurt the AAF.

Finally the XFL announced that unlike the AAF, they would not define themselves as a developmental league for the NFL. This was an immensely smart move.

It is not the same as saying, “we are going to compete with the NFL” but it is the closest thing to saying that since the original XFL.

There is a value in terms of potential fan acquisition for everything you say about your league. Let me throw out some made up numbers to explain what I mean.

If you say you are playing pro(-ish) football.... maybe 1% of football fans will listen to you. If you play in the fall, that number might jump to 4%. If you play in the spring, it might stay at 1%.

If you say you are a developmental league, that number might stay at 1% as that basically says to the fan “We don’t have any money. You may not have ever heard of these players because we aren’t going to be getting the best collegiate playmakers or really anyone who is likely to stick on a pro-roster, we are going to be getting players who physically look the most like they might develop into NFL players down the road.” It is hard to get excited about that product because it cuts off both your college fans and your pro fans. Additionally, all your best players who interest the fans are not likely to stick around.

It you say you aren’t a developmental league, maybe you gain a shot at another 3% of the total football fanbase. That statement says that you intend to try to keep your best players around. It gives you credibility with some fans (like me) on the front end and makes it more likely you retain fans from season to season as their favorite players return for future seasons.

(Now most alternative leagues fall short of saying they intend to compete with the NFL for similar reasons. That appears to be the XFL’s position. They think if they say that, they will lose more of the potential pool than they gain as a chunk of fans will think the league leadership is clueless and their business plan is suicidal. I think that is a major mistake in thinking. There is a general lack of respect for the efforts of spring football leagues. I think having a clearly visible spine helps a lot more in that regard than it hurts. I think financially you should come to compete or you should keep your money semi-safe in stocks because you are going to lose your shirt in football.)

Now none of this means the XFL will definitely succeed and the AAF will definitely fail.

You can almost hear a cockyness echoing through the words of the XFL in this article. It may be a little early for that level of confidence. If the AAF has a PR man worth a damn, they could bleed out the XFL over that. The XFL is going to find ticket sales harder than they think and the AAF still has the advantage of going first and the opportunity to course correct.

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macphersonpark7-blog · 6 years

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Simple weight Reduction Dieting Tips

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synescape · 6 years

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It’s been a while since I’ve written a solid DIY guide. It’s tough to follow up on the wildly popular DIY Wool Dreads; to this day my most retweeted, linked and shared post. Fake hair truly is luff.

Supposing you’ve now completed the finger-scalding, hair pulling ritual that is developing your fake mane, it’s time to tend to those hard working hands.

Afterall, what’s a kitty cat without her claws?

And so I give you this new guide to full gel nail tip extension manicures, complete with step by step instructions and links to all the products and supplies you need to stock your own mini home salon.

This guide is fairly lengthy so I’ve broken it down into four steps. You can quick jump from here to help you navigate:

Step 1: Precautions

Step 2: Materials

Step 3: Process

Step 4: Care

Let’s begin:

Step 1: Caution – Wet Nails Ahead

I’m going to start this article with the same disclaimer I had on wool dreads: this is an arduous, time consuming process.

One does not simply do nails.

Sure, there is risk of injury (although not much, I’ve deliberately exclude pointy objects from this toolkit), risk of infection if tools are not properly sanitized, and of course the ever lurking risk of pulling out your hair in frustration – thereby ruining both your wool dreads and your fledgling nail tips.

There’s a reason nail techs spend many hours and pay hefty tuition fees to learn this skill. It ain’t easy, and even given saintly amounts of patience, you will not be churning out competition grade nails on your first try.

That said, I believe the DIY experience makes you truly appreciate a craft.

I like to think what I’m giving you here is not only the instructions and tools you need for the job, but a renewed respect and understanding for why professionals charge the rates they do.

So like with fake hair, if you want perfect, quick results HIRE A PRO.

If you’re stubborn as a mule and fabulous as a unicorn however, move on to the materials portion.

Step 2: Resource Gathering

Gel nail extension tips are pretty high up on the scale of complexity. If your idea of hand TLC is chewing a millimetre off your nails, this is not a good starting place.

However for the mani-curious (oh yeah, there’s gonna be a tonne of terrible puns here), I suggest following this guide to acquire the basic supplies you need for everything from a quick polish change to full extensions.

So without further ado, here’s your shopping list:

UV nail lamp – $4 – $13

Gel nail brush set – $1

Nail file – $1

Nail buffer – $1

Nail cutter (optional) – $1.50

Nail tips – $1

Nail glue – $1

UV nail builder gel – $3

UV gel top and base coat – $2

UV gel colour (optional) – $1

Nail decorations (optional) – $1

Nail polish remover

Isopropyl alcohol

Total damage: about 25 bucks, free shipping

I bought all of my supplies on eBay, and filtered by the cheapest option. Yes quality matters, but we are not enlisting in the nail olympics just yet.

If this is your first attempt, buy in small quantities, and buy cheap. You may hate the process, and you will probably screw up a few times so why waste platinum product. The only downside to ordering online is the 4-6 weeks it takes for the stuff to arrive from China.

Let’s dissect that shopping list a little further:

Material breakdown

The formula to nail extensions is actually very simple: clean nails, glue on tips, slather on builder gel, cook under UV light and polish.

The first thing you should invest in is the UV nail lamp.

I kid you not, this is now my most used appliance, second only to my kale-smashing blender.

When I don’t spend hours doing a full manicure, I can bake on a layer on coloured polish in 60 seconds and walk out the door. Why anybody still buys traditional nail varnish is a mystery to me. I mean, do you people like being useless for 60 minutes while nails dry??

There are two types of lamps out there: UV bulb and LED.

Bulb based lamps are typically larger, which means you can fit your whole paw inside. The bulbs are modular and can be replaced. UV bulb lamps however take longer to cure your polish (we’re talking 2 mins vs. 60 secs on LED). They’re also clunky and fragile to transport.

I am personally in team LED because uh hello welcome to the 21st century. LED lamps range from table sized two-hand models, to something the size of a flashlight that you can stick in your pocket for field repairs. LED lamps are also typically USB based which means you can bus power them from your laptop, or plug ’em into a wall with your phone adapter (6-10W).

This is my lamp, it smushes to palm size and weighs less than my watch. The other model I featured above (and factored into the total material cost) is a bit larger, sturdier and was obviously selected because it looks like a freakin’ panda.

I don’t advise a bulb lamp, but meh — whatever you get your hands on will do.

Up next, a bunch of handy tools to have around the house:

Builder gel application brushes

You really only need one, but they come in packs for a buck so no harm in having extras. The same brushes can be used for drawing on designs. I prefer using the smallest of the set for more control. The brushes come with protective caps, keep these safe because getting any fibres or pet hair on the bristles is a death sentence for the brush.

Nail files

These also come in packs for 99 cents. You’re looking for something fairly harsh like the 100/180 grit pictured here. These are for shaping your gel nails only not for your real nails – they will do a lot of damage to those, so DO NOT mix them into your regular manicure kit

Buffers

I wear these out more often than the files, so it’s good they also come in packs of several for a single, glorious dollar. Buffers have four grit layers, typically for filing, removing hard edges, smoothing and polishing. The final step has a rubbery finish that gives your nails squeaky gloss. These are also safe to use on natural nails, but sparingly – I’m not in favour of thinning out your keratin layers for any reason.

Manicure clippers (optional)

A good ol’ pair of nail clippers will also do the job making these optional, but for $1.30 why not have them in your kit? The advantage is the blade matches the curvature of plastic tips and because there is no torque when cutting, the nails are less likely to crack. It’s literally impossible to injure yourself with these, and since cutting acrylic is awful for blades, it’s worth investing in some so you don’t ruin your natural nail clippers.

Now for the main show:

Nail tips

Tips come in multiples of 500 and are bagged by sizes. Your thumbs range from a 1-3, whereas the most discerning pinkies are an 8-10. The most common two types of tips are full and half well, illustrated above. I typically use half wells when my natural nails are long, and full wells when my nails are short to give me more surface area to glue. Tips are usually clear or pearl white, but they also come in every colour imaginable so the underside of your nail matches (or contrasts) your polish. Note that colourful tips are thicker plastic and harder to work with, as are stilettos, and the myriad of other shapes you can buy.

Glue

Crappier (and cheaper) than average superglue. Does not heat on contact, but will still bond instantly so avoid nose picking while handling.

Builder gel

This is the principal substance of your fake nail. Builder gels usually come in clear, white and transparent pink, but every colour and texture exists (built in sparkles, holographic gels etc). The strength and application of your gel determines the durability of your nails. Quality matters, but that said for your first attempt, buy cheap and experiment. The brand above is reasonably good, and being on the inexpensive side you won’t cry about it when a pot gets contaminated with feline fuzz or goes stale from light exposure. If you’re looking for the good stuff however, IBD Gel is the golden standard.

And for the finishing touches:

Base & top coat sandwich your polish to keep the application smooth, make it last longer and give it a shine. If you only buy one, get the top coat because it has the gloss finish (or matte if you prefer). They typically come in pairs however and may also include a primer. The primer is for natural nails, to remove oils and make the gel polish adhere better.

Gel polish comes in every colour, texture and style imaginable. Matte, magnetic, mirror finish, mood changing, you have endless choices! Just make sure it’s UV gel that cures with a standard lamp.

Deco is optional and comes in millions of styles. Metallic cutouts, crystals, pearls, striping tape, stamps, transfers, foils – just go ahead and search for “nail art” and be prepared to lose an evening. I have a shoebox full of these and they can also be used as body decoration with a touch of eyelash glue.

Not included in my total materials bill is isopropyl alcohol and nail polish remover (not acetone!), I’m assuming you have these around the house. You will also need some paper towel, the coarser the material the better – cotton pads and soft tissues leave a fuzzy residue which makes your application more difficult.

Last but not least, find yourself a nice container you can use for brush cleaning. I commandeered an old spice jar for this purpose and put about 1cm of nail polish remover in it.

Step 3 – Application Process

Now for the fun part! Wooooo!!

NB. I’m illustrating this guide with pictures I took myself, maneuvering the camera with my knees and pressing the trigger with my nose tip. So you’re welcome, that was way harder than doing the actual nails.

I also pulled out my old materials to match the tools listed above and demonstrate the results – sorry I’m an IBD girl now, once you go pro-gel it’s hard to go back. I chose a neutral finish to keep this simple, but in truth doing flat, light colours is the hardest thing imaginable. Designs can easily mask mistakes, and glitter builder gels or dark polishes are far more forgiving to imperfections and the perennial ambient fuzz sticking to your nails.

Let’s get started:

Clear a surface.

I mean seriously, clear it! Make space, lay out all your tools for quick access. Assuming you’re doing this on yourself, it’s hard to stop in the middle to fetch a tool you forgot.

I also prefer working on surfaces that are wood or metal, or at any rate a hard material that is completely free of dust.

Lock away your pets, DND your phone, and download the Chrome extension that disabled Netflix pauses (free lifehax, follow my blog k?). Like in my DIY dreads post, I’m giving you fair warning this is a lengthy process and it requires even more careful attention that rolling wool snausages.

To give you a benchmark, your average nail tech takes an hour for a full set of extensions. It takes me about three hours for extra fancy nails and I’ve done this dozens of times. For you? Lol. Make sure you’re sitting comfortably.

Next, wash your hands with an antibacterial soap and dry.

Match five nail tips from your kit to your nail size and set them aside ordered.

Chances are your nail beds aren’t identical on both hands, so do this one paw at a time. They won’t fit perfectly, so err in favour of larger rather than smaller. You’ll be cutting and filing them down anyway, and too small a nail tip introduces potential break points.

Using a stamp of paper towel dipped in alcohol, clean the surface of each nail thoroughly. Removing oils and soap deposits ensures the gel application is flawless. I like to start by doing the nails on my dominant hand – it’s a little clumsy, but good practice, and it makes the second half of the process when you’re getting tired (and cranky) a lot easier.

Holding the edges, apply a drop of glue to the well of every nail tip, and slosh it around so it fills the space. Feel free to shake off any excess, just be careful it doesn’t land on something you care about.

Then one by one apply even and firm pressure, bonding the well to your nail. If you’re using full wells, aim for the halfway point of your nail, giving yourself a solid base. With half-well tips use the shape of your nail to guide the semi-circle. In either case, I like to make sure the nail tip adheres to a portion of the nail firmly rooted in the flesh, rather than a floating natural nail tip. This ensures more structural resistance, and as your nails grow out, you’re less likely to have an awkward and painful break.

You’ll notice in my photos that I’m doing both hands at once. That’s ’cause I’m a boss. Don’t try that on your first run. Be patient and take one mitten at a time.

Snip nails to desired length. You are not shaping them now, although if you’re going for pointy nails, you can clip the corners into the shape as a preamble. As a rule of thumbs (*snicker*) square nails are strongest, but if the itty-bitty finger shovel look ain’t your thing, you can later round your corners slightly or go for an oval look. Stilettos require quite a bit of length and are extremely fragile.

I strongly recommend going shorter, especially if you’re new to extensions. Believe me, in the first few days of having your nails, you’ll be bonking into things like a kitten with clipped whiskers. The easiest way to accommodate longer talons is to grow into them.

Regardless of whether you use full or half well extensions, you will notice there is a bit of a ridge where the plastic nail is glued down. Using your gritty nail file gently smooth the transition with a few quick swipes. Do not over-file. You don’t want to thin the nail tip, or your natural nail surface too much.

Roughing up the surface of your natural nail and the plastic tip makes it easier for the first gel layer to adhere. It does however damage your natural nails – you are literally shaving the top layers – so do it sparingly and don’t try to perfectly sand the entire nail bed. Mind your cuticles, they’re suffering enough through this process.

Check out this reference photo to give you an idea of the intended result:

Left hand filed and shaped, right hand un-filed

Time to paint!

Make sure your lamp is plugged in, your brushes cleaned, your little tube of nail polish remover at the ready and your gel builder is unsealed.

This is the part that requires the most care and patience.

Using your brush, pick up a very small amount of gel builder and place it in the centre of your nail bed just below the tip well edge. Wipe the excess gel off your brush on the edge of the container, and then slowly brush the drop of gel down, to a millimetre away from your cuticle, and then up towards your tip. Use very little pressure. Then smooth it to the left and right nail edge, avoiding contact with the cuticle.

The gel is very thick compared to a nail polish, but you want to apply it in very thin layers. This allows for better control to avoid slopping it on your cuticles. Aim for less coverage with your initial layers and reinforce the centre of your nail before expanding to full edge filling.

Cook under the UV light for 60 seconds. Most lamps have timers which automatically shut off. There’s no harm in baking twice, especially with the initial layers to make sure the gel is completely cured.

As the gel cooks, it leaves a sticky residue on the nail surface. Do not touch or wipe the nail between layers. The residue helps bond additional layers.

Depending on the size of your lamp you may be able to cook your whole hand at once. Since mine is the tiny portable variety, I like to do both my thumbs first, then the four fingers. It also helps to set the lamp on a mirror or a white surface so the light gets reflected for even coverage. The gel need direct UV exposure, so if your thumbs are twisted while doing the whole hand, it won’t cure properly.

Add thin layers of the gel builder gradually, baking after each application. Focus on filling the base of your nail to smooth the ridge of the well, and taper towards the tip of the nail. When you reach the tip of the nail, use your brush to smooth the gel under the tip edge, to form a complete seal around it.

I usually do 4-5 coats of gel builder. The key is thin coats, you want the result to be an even, smooth layer that is still slightly flexible so your nails don’t snap when you inevitably hit them against something. Look at your nails in profile as you’re building them up to make sure you’re not getting a bubble or any funny dips on the surface.

When you’re done with the gel, drop your brush in the nail polish remover container and slosh it around, then wipe down with a paper towel and cap it.

Once you’re satisfied with the coverage of your gel layers, use your coarse file to sand them down. Focus on tip corners and edges more than the middle section to blend the acrylic to the edge of your nail. Make sure the builder hasn’t bled and formed a hard edge on your cuticles. You have one chance to file these down now, but be careful and don’t over-file as it ruins the structural integrity of the nail.

Depending on the colour of your builder gel and nail tips, the well edge may still be visible. Sanding down, and then using the buffer sponges in four steps to smooth the nail will give it a flat white, matte appearance.

If you did the process one hand at a time, at this point you should repeat the steps on your other hand. In this sand-blasted form, your nails are sturdy and ready for polish.

Once you’re done buffing your other paw, wash your hands thoroughly with soap. Using a small paper towel pad dipped in alcohol, clean the surface of the nail to remove any leftover soap, skin oils, or the goopy gel residue.

Work one hand at a time again. The clear layers and colour bottles come with standard nail polish applicators, but you can also use your cleaned gel applicator brush too.

Apply base to alcohol wiped nails. Cook. Apply your desired polish colour. Bake. You may want a few coats of polish; for example my nude gloss colour took four thin layers. Apply top coat. Cure with UV light again.

Repeat on other hand, making sure you wipe your nails before beginning in case they accidentally touched fuzz or oils. When applying the top coat to nail tips, make sure to carry it slightly under the tip to form a seal.

If you want to glue gems, freehand designs or decorate your nail in any other way, now is the time to do it. Just make sure you top coat everything to seal it in place.

When you’re all done, wash your hands with soap again.

Then baste your cuticles with a heavy duty moisturizer – they’ve suffered enough for one day. You can also treat them with essential oils, but avoid soaking them for too long so your natural nail doesn’t soften and damage the new tips.

And that’s it, you’re done!

Time to flaunt your new talons.

Step 4: Care

How long do nail tips usually last?

Hard to say. It’s a fine balance between your klutz-coefficient, the rate at which your nails grow, and your attention span for a colour or style.

Assuming you don’t break any of them, you can sand down the polish layer, and fill in the outgrown area with new gel builder, refinishing the nails. In theory, you could do this forever, shortening the nails along the way as they get unruly.

Keeping extensions for long periods of time however is very unhealthy for your nails. The gel seal does not allow them to breathe, and bacteria can also accumulate under the tips.

Therefore, I don’t recommend keeping the same set of extensions for more than a month at a time. Likewise, I also advise against consecutive sets of extensions. Give your nails a chance to heal between applications.

Field repairs

I got into the habit of keeping an itty-bitty tube of superglue in my wallet for emergency fixes. I was instantly popular with the office fashionistas who were walking around with suspicious bandaids on their finger tips.

A drop of glue will seal a break in a hurry, and if the damage isn’t too extensive, a quick sanding, a new coat of builder and fresh polish will restore the nail painlessly.

If you’re travelling you can make yourself a mini kit of a portable UV lamp (note there are flashlight sized models), a mini builder gel pot, a brush, file and a colour/top coat.

Other types of damage

If you improperly applied the builder gel, if it’s been exposed to the sun or otherwise expired, you likely won’t get breaks, but an entire nail may peel off. This is very damaging to the natural nail since your tips are bonded to your nail. If you notice the separation starting (usually from a cuticle edge), use the removal procedure below to safely take it off and build a new nail.

Avoid soaking your hands for too long (ie. saunas, hot tubs, long showers). Your natural nails soften and become more flexible with temperature and humidity, but your gel nail tips do not, so you may get a peel/break.

Avoid harsh chemicals, corrosive soaps etc. and moisturize your cuticles often, applying cream to the skin not the nail surface. Use a dry brush to clean under the nails.

Removal

Well, that’s a whole other chapter – and I sincerely recommend looking it up carefully before attempting.

DO NOT under any circumstances crack or peel the nails off.

Sand the top layer of the nail as best as you can without reaching your natural layers. Then soak in a bath of nail polish remover, or tape cotton balls dipped in the stuff to your nail until the remaining gel shell softens.

You can also use tips like these for the soak, although I personally found them very cumbersome:

Use a hard plastic stick to gently scrape off the remaining goop. Trim the nails, avoid filing while weakened from the chemicals.

After the ordeal, soak your nails in every moisturizing-tears-of-unicorn-emulsion you can find to restore their pH level and keep them from flaking.

Comments questions?

Post below and I will do my best to advise you.

I am not a trained nail tech, like most of my skill sets I learned this stuff off youtube and cursory google searches. That said I’ve had some practice at it by now and I’m happy to share my experiences.

Feel free to ask for advice on where to source materials as well, I have dozens of resources bookmarked.

Good luck!

DIY guide to gel nail extensions, complete with materials, step by step instructions and other resources. It's been a while since I've written a solid DIY guide. It's tough to follow up on the wildly popular

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