#truly the worst part of getting into a newly released show i am so close to writing something myself

[kal-djarin]

Attached

Fandom: Star Wars

Date Posted: January 30th, 2021

Pairing: Jedi! Reader x Obi-Wan Kenobi

Warnings: none that I know of?

Request: nah

A/N: so this is my first time ever writing anything so I am so sorry if it is terrible, I didn't have the guts to proof-read it. Also, sorry if the romance feels rushed, I tried to time it as best as I could. Please let me know how I can make my writing better!!!

Word Count: 4.4k (I DIDN'T REALIZE IT WAS SO LONG UNTIL I FINISHED)

Obi-Wan Kenobi has always had an addictive personality, to say the least. He had a way of making light of any situation with his sarcastic quips and quick wit, even during the most gruesome of battles. Maybe this was the cause of your ever-growing infatuation with the reputable Jedi or perhaps it was the way he always had a hint of rebellion in his eyes, despite his groomed appearance and strict code-abiding ways.

As Plo-Koon’s padawan, you weren’t able to see Obi-Wan as often as you wished, but it made even the smallest of interactions memorable; just making eye contact with the man while walking through the halls of the Temple resulted in sleepless nights. Even Anakin began to sense your constant flustered state whenever his Master walked into the room, no matter how hard you tried to keep those feelings out of your force signature. He teased you constantly and would always try to see how embarrassed he could make you in front of Obi-Wan.

Once you and Anakin underwent the Knighting ceremony, he went as far to tell you to follow your heart and confess your feelings for him.

“Y/N, you can’t keep walking through life bottling up every emotion you feel!” Anakin said, exasperated

“Isn’t that the whole point of being a Jedi,” you say, not at all surprised that it would be Anakin telling you to rebel against the Order.

“And anyways, unlike you, Anakin, not all of us decide to go against our entire upbringing and marry a senator.” you pointed out, effectively shutting him up about the subject.

It was inconceivable just to think about revealing your feelings to Obi-Wan. There were too many factors against you and the idea of being rejected by him after years of secret pining would be devastating. The worst part is that you know he would reject you in a gentle and kind way, making it impossible for you to hate him for it.

Not only were attachments forbidden by the Jedi council, but Obi-Wan was known for his adherence to the law and there’s no way he would break it for anyone, especially you. You were only a newly knighted Jedi and probably completely off of his radar, if he even had one. There was only one solution for your feelings for Obi-Wan: try to avoid him until they begin to fade.

But since the Maker has a vendetta against you, you, Obi-Wan, R2-D2, Anakin, and his padawan, Ahsoka, were assigned to leave Coruscant for a mission on Naboo. Senator Amidala was having a ball to celebrate the Festival of Light and there were rumors regarding a potential attempt on Senator Organa’s life, so the Order offered to send some Jedi to ensure the safety of the guests and Padmé.

The trip is going to be about a week long, so you mentally prepare being in close quarters with Master Kenobi. When you arrive at the hangar, you are pleasantly surprised to see the ship that was being boarded by Anakin and Ahsoka was bigger than what you expected. You board the ship with a new-found confidence in being able to complete the mission without embarrassing yourself.

“How is the whole avoiding Obi-Wan thing going for you, (Y/N),” Anakin teases once he sees you enter the cockpit.

“Why are you trying to avoid Master Kenobi?” Ashoka asks, looking between you and Anakin confused.

“Anakin I swear to-”

“Our beloved (Y/N) here has a crush on him.” Anakin interrupts and before you can yell at him for sharing that embarrassing information you hear a set of boots walking up the ramp. Your heart stops and you say a prayer to whoever is listening that Obi-Wan did not hear your conversation.

“Is everyone about ready to leave?” Obi-Wan’s accented voice rings out, coming closer to the cockpit.

Feeling yourself heat up from embarrassment, you quickly turn around and face the pilot seat in front of you in an attempt to avoid seeing him. You release a relieved breath, not sensing he heard anything. He walks in and once you calm down and realize how rude you must look, you slowly turn back towards him. He greets you with a smile and you can’t help but return the gesture. That breathtaking smile alone makes you feel like a flustered padawan again but you realize that if you are going to get through this mission and over your feelings, you must overcome your want to shy away.

“Hello Master Kenobi. Yes I believe we are all ready,” You say; your words were stiffly said but at least they weren't a stuttering mess.

He nods in acknowledgment and sits down in the pilot seat across from where you are standing. Anakin closely follows and sits in the adjacent seat, but not before stifling a laugh at the glare you give him for almost revealing to Obi-Wan how you feel. You sit behind Anakin and Ahsoka sits beside you. Anakin starts the ship and begins to fly towards the Chommell sector, where Naboo resides. Once you have left the atmosphere, he initiates hyperspace travel.

Once in hyperspace, Obi-Wan excuses himself and leaves the cockpit to meditate. Right when the door to the cockpit shuts Ahsoka snaps her head towards you.

“You have a crush on Master Kenobi?!” she whisper shouts, but it is still loud enough to facilitate a small internal freak out from you.

You don’t respond and keep looking out the window, contemplating whether or not to jump into the void of blurring stars in order to avoid this confrontation. Ahsoka, on the other hand, takes your silence as a confirmation to her statement.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Ahsoka exclaims to you and Anakin, mostly in disbelief that you never mentioned this and that Anakin was able to keep a secret like that to himself.

“Well it’s not exactly something I’m proud of, Ahsoka,” you say, turning towards her.

“We’re Jedi.” you state solemnly, “It doesn’t matter who knows about our feelings; it doesn’t change the fact that we will never get to act on them or even truly experience them.”

“I know, but maybe you could-” Ahsoka starts but you are quick to shut down any false hope she could make for you.

“Ahsoka, there’s nothing you can do, I just have to get over it,” you say a bit harsher than intended. You and Ahsoka don’t have the most conventional of Padawan and Jedi Knight relationships, but then again neither did her Anakin. Since you were still a young Knight, you two were more like sisters, making you feel infinitely more guilty for taking your frustration out on her

“Look, Ahsoka, I’m sorry, it’s just that I don’t want to get my hopes up over something that will never happen”

“I just don’t like seeing you hurting, (Y/N)”

“You could always tell him.” Anakin chimes in,

You look at him, annoyed with his ever present need to pull the trigger, and then turn back to Ahsoka.

“I’ll be fine, I always am,” you assure her, but honestly you say it more to reassure yourself.

****

A couple of days past and you successfully have limited your time with Obi-Wan as much as physically possible. He was a very structured man and figuring out his daily routine was easy, so all you had to do was go to a part of the ship he wasn’t, or in worst cases, meditate so he couldn’t interact with you even if he wanted to.

But of course, Anakin, always being the meddler, picked up on your perfectly coordinated avoidance of his Master. He decided to “spontaneously” take Ahsoka to the back to do more training, leaving you and Obi-Wan to man the cockpit.

You approach the metal doors, mentally preparing having to spend the next couple of hours or so with the Jedi Master.

“Master Kenobi.” you greet as soon as you walk in.

“General (L/N), how nice of you to finally join me.” He says with a sarcastic edge but the smile on his face shows he means nothing by it. “In fact, I’ve hardly seen you this entire trip.” He states, matter-of-factly.

You nervously laugh while sitting down in the pilot seat next to him, in an attempt to release some stress over the fact that he noticed. The worst part is that there is a sick kind of rush of pleasure you get from the fact that he noticed you were missing.

You face forward, trying to ignore the way he is watching your movements.

“How much time until we reach Naboo?”

“According to the navigation system, about 23 hours, allowing us to arrive about…7 hours before the actual festivities.” He responds, looking at the display before returning his gaze to you.

“You seem unsettled,” He continues and you meet the concerned look in his eyes.

“I-I’m just…preparing myself for the mission,” you quickly come up with an excuse, slightly cursing the force for putting your emotions on display.

“There’s no reason to worry, at least from what the Council and Anakin have told me, but then again, Anakin is not known for his accuracy of judgement of how difficult a mission may be” Obi-Wan replies while grimacing, most likely remembering his padawan’s past misjudgments.

“There is something to be admired about Anakin’s lack of self-preservation,” You joke, starting to loosen up at the fact that Obi-Wan didn’t pick up on your lie.

You feel a sense of pride go through you when you see him laugh at your attempt of humor.

“Yes, Anakin has al-” He starts but is quickly interrupted by an angry series of beeps coming from the navigation system. You check the monitor and don't see why the ship is freaking out, until hundreds of small dots appear on the radar.

Obi-Wan is quick to react and begins to prepare the ship to enter the asteroid field. It doesn’t seem to be too congested but enough where you begin to worry.

“R2, take control of the steering!” He shouts and is given a series of beeps of affirmation by the astromech

You enter the field and suddenly wish you remembered to buckle up; R2’s steering is jerky and all over the place, but at least the ship is still intact. You grab on to the armrests of your seat as tight as you can and hope R2 will be successful.

Obi-Wan, as outwardly calm as ever, says, “Hope you don’t mind a bumpy ride!”

His sarcastic words force a laugh out of you. Even still, despite the fact you could be facing imminent death, he expresses dry humor.

The field seems to stretch on forever and R2 navigates through it without error. Finally seeing the end approaching, you begin to loosen your death grip on the chair. To your horror, R2 sharply jerks the ship to the left one last time, throwing both you and Obi-Wan out of the pilot seats. Landing with your back on the far wall, your eyes shut on instinct when your head slams into the metal. It’s not until you feel breath fanning your face and open your eyes that you realize that you weren’t only one who fell over here.

Obi-Wan’s hands are pressed against the metal beside your shoulders, caging you in. His arms are bent at the elbows from absorbing the impact of his landing, making his body even closer to your own. His nose is close enough to touch your own and you can feel his legs tangled between your own.

His eyes widen in shock and you begin to see the parts of his cheeks not covered by his trimmed beard turn a rosy pink. You would almost find it cute how his ears were becoming a bright red if it wasn't for your own embarrassment. It only makes matters worse when you watch Obi-Wan slowly glance down at your parted lips, still taking in the image of you pressed against him. If he could sense your unsettledness when you walked into the room, there is no doubt in your mind that your force signature is screaming your feelings. The seconds felt like hours and it seemed that both of you were completely frozen. You are so lost in the moment that you hardly react quickly enough to separate from him when the metal doors to the cockpit slide open.

Anakin’s annoyed shout entered the room.

“What the hell was that!” Thankfully, he didn’t seem to notice the flustered state of both you and his former master.

“I-it w-was an um…” his voice trails off as he keeps looking at you.

“An asteroid field! It was an asteroid field,” you quickly say in an attempt to fill in his words.

“Thanks for the heads up,” Anakin says sarcastically, still oblivious, and heads to the back to make sure Ahsoka was alright.

It’s only then when you begin to feel the throbbing in your head. Your facial expression must have given away the pain you are currently in, since Obi-Wan quickly sits you down and looks at the place where your head hit the wall, making sure you had no serious injuries. Throughout the entire examination, he didn’t meet your eyes once and he didn’t have the same surety in his movements like he usually did. Once Obi-Wan finished, he quickly excused himself and left the room, leaving you more confused than you had been.

Not even a minute later, Anakin pops his head in, quickly rubs R2 affectionately on the head, and then turns his attention to you.

“What the hell did you do to Obi-wan, he looks like he’s seen a ghost.”

***

After the accident, Obi-Wan was now the one avoiding you. He would excuse himself whenever you entered the same part of the ship as him. You couldn’t help but feel guilty for making him so uncomfortable, even though it wasn’t your fault.

You were going to apologize to him, but by the time you arrived on Naboo, you realized the moment had already passed. Senator Amidala greets you right when you walk down the boarding ramp. You and Padme have always had a close relationship, especially since you are one of the only people who actually knows about her and Anakin.

“Master Kenobi, General (L/N), General Skywalker, it’s always a pleasure to see you,” Padmé said in her always regal and kind voice.

“Senator Amidala, in need of our assistance once again?” Anakin teases her, but still tries to keep the outward formal relationship displayed.

Padmé playfully rolled her eyes and escorts us into the

building that we are supposed to rest for the rest of the trip in.

She brings Anakin to his room first to his dismay, but quietly reassures him that she’ll be back after making sure you, Ahsoka, and Master Kenobi are settled in. Obi-Wan still hasn’t made eye contact with you or even truly acknowledged your presence. Once Padmé shows him to his room, she goes to the two doors across the hall, and lets Ahsoka into one and opens the other.

“and here is your room (Y/N).”

You walk inside and just like everything else on Naboo, the place is absolutely beautiful.

“I’m going to send up some dresses for you to choose from for the ball tonight and we could get ready together, if you want.” Padmé says, seeming excited at the idea of dressing up with you.

“Sorry Padmé, I was just going to wear my robes.” You tell her, while still preoccupied with exploring the room.”

“Didn’t Anakin tell you? To ensure that the supposed assassins don’t realize that they have been compromised, you all are supposed to dress in normal clothes.”

***

After hours of being poked and prodded by some of Padmé’s servants, you finally were ready for the ball. You looked beautiful when you looked in the mirror, but you couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable because of this sudden change of appearance. You couldn’t remember the last time you dressed like this and your head still couldn’t wrap around the image it saw in the reflection. The dress you decided to wear was floor-length with a slit that stopped at your mid thigh and was a light blue. The top was a bit more modest but not by much. It was more risque than what you expected to wear, but Padme insisted that it look beautiful on you; also the slit allowed you to strap your lightsaber to your thigh, keeping it accessible, but still hidden. Your hair was in an intricate half-up half-down braid so it looked formal enough for the ball, but if you needed to engage with the potential assassin, it wouldn’t get in the way. As much as you protested, Padmé insisted on you borrowing her jewelry and makeup.

By the time you all finished, It was time to head to the ball. You, Ahsoka, and Padmé all arrive together, and quickly scan the outside for anything suspicious. You head inside and immediately people begin to swarm Padmé and thank her for hosting. You and Ahsoka excuse yourselves and begin to scan the crowd for Anakin and Obi-Wan.

You spot the back of a strawberry-blonde head next to Anakin’s always messy hair talking to a senator you didn’t recognize and begin heading towards them. Ahsoka gets there first, quickly getting Anakin’s attention and talking to him. When Anakin sees you he looks impressed.

“Wow, you clean up nice.” Anakin jokes, making Obi-Wan turn to see who he is talking to. When he sees you his smile falters and his eyes widen a bit. His cheeks start to redden.

“It’s just weird for you as it is for me, trust me” you say trying to overcome the sudden rush of self consciousness you feel.

“N-no you look…radiant, General (L/N).” Obi-Wan breathes out, his eyes scanning your body, slightly widening when they catch your upper thigh peeking through the slit.

You instantly flush at his words and look down in embarrassment from such a compliment from Obi-Wan.

You catch a glimpse of his shined shoes and realize that he, too, is not wearing his Jedi robes. Your eyes trail up his whole body and see he is in robes, but they appear much softer than the rough ones issued by the order and they resemble what a senator would wear. He looks absolutely breathtaking. “And you look…” your voice trails off in shock, “...very handsome, Master Kenobi”

Pamdé finally joins you, unintentionally saving you from the awkward tension. Anakin greets her and as always he instantly appears calmer and more relaxed in her presence.

You awkwardly sit in on their conversation, trying to distract yourself by scanning the room for anything or person out of place. Suddenly, the music began to shift to slower and people began to pair off. Anakin started slow dancing with Padmé, making sure that there was enough room between them to avoid any suspicion.

Obi-Wan walks into your field of vision.

“Would you like to dance with me...to blend in of course.” He says while raising his hand in an invitation.

“I-I would love to.”

Obi-Wan’s rough hand encloses your own and he leads you to the dance floor. Once, there his other hand comes around and rests above the small of your back and yours over his shoulder, hovering over the skin, scared to touch him. You start to slow dance and Obi-Wan glances over at your stiff hand, and his mouth breaks out into a grin

“Relax General (L/N). You are allowed to touch me.” He says quietly.

Your eyes widen at his sudden boldness, but comply nonetheless. He readjusts his grip on your hand so that they woven together and you place your hand on his shoulder. You look at him with uncertainty, but he gives you a small smile of encouragement and nod to approve of your actions. The longer you dance, the more you relax into it, and only internally freakout at his hand sliding a bit lower to the small of your back and his body moving much closer to yours.

You can’t imagine he isn’t seeing the emotions you are trying so hard to contain in your force signature. Your mind is freaking out at just how close Obi-Wan’s body was to you. Your body, however, wants to completely submit to the feelings and melt into his. By the time the song ends, you two are so close that you can feel Obi-Wan’s shaky breath on your cheek, and it all becomes much too overwhelming.

“Excuse me.” you quickly say, removing yourself from Obi-Wan.

You quickly shove your way through the crowds until you find doors leading out to a balcony. You open them and take several gulps of the fresh night air in an attempt to calm yourself. You hold onto the railing and stare out into the starry Naboo sky, trying to make sense of what the hell just happened. Suddenly, you feel the doors open behind you and sense Obi-Wan’s presence.

“Did I upset you, General (L/N)?”

“I can’t do this right now, Obi-Wan” you mutter, dropping the pleasantries of titles.

“And what exactly is this” He questioned, his voice sounding more desperate than you have ever heard before.

You turn to face him and see that his facial expression matches his tone: desperate and concerned. His eyes search your face as if he can find what you're thinking if he just looks hard enough.

You shake your head in disbelief.

“Do you think this is a game, Obi-Wan” you demanded.

His facial expression warped into one of confusion.

“A what?” He replies, seeming taken aback.

“A game. Do you think toying with me is fun? You just want to see how flustered you can make me, huh?”

“General (L/N), I don’t understand where all of this coming fro-”

“I am attached to you!” you interrupt, not realizing what you are saying before it leaves your mouth. Your eyes widen and you watch in horror as Obi-Wan comprehends what you just said.

“You are attach-” Obi-Wan starts, trying to understand the meaning behind your words but before he can, a loud crash is heard from inside the building. You rush past the frozen Jedi, relieved for the unexpected interruption. You attempt to shove down all of your feelings so you can evaluate the situation going on inside the ballroom.

People are fleeing from every which way, making it damn near impossible to understand what exactly is going on. The lights go out, making the room break out into even more chaos. You finally see Ahsoka, who is hovering over Senator Organa’s body. Thinking the worst, you rush over, but are quickly relieved to see him alive. Ahsoka notices you and fills you in.

“A sniper hidden in one of the interior balconies attempted to assassinate Senator Organa, but they only hit his blast vest, thankfully. Anakin is scanning the area right now to see if he can find them before they escape”

“Stay here with the senator, I’m gonna look around and see if I can find anything,” You say, running off to scan the outside of the building. Once you get out there, you see Anakin in pursuit of a tall figure running in the direction of a small single-person starship. You join in the chase, catching up to Anakin. “It’s a bounty hunter, she may have information on who wants Senator Organa dead!” He yells, not at all winded by the sprinting he is currently doing.

She gets to her ship, quickly hopping in and starting up the engine. You and Anakin jump onto the wings and ignite your lightsabers to try and disable the ship from leaving. The ship begins to hover just above the ground and veer left and right in an attempt to throw the two of you off.

“Where the hell is Obi-Wan!” Anakin swore while trying to maintain his balance.

“Finally ready to admit that you need me, Anakin? I thought I’d never live to see the day,” Obi-Wan suddenly quips, as if the last twenty minutes never happened, and uses his lightsaber to effectively damage the ship's engines. The bounty hunter tries to jump out, but Anakin quickly grabs her and throws her to the ground. The entire time that the girl is being put into custody and brought to the holding cell, you avoid Obi-Wan completely, mortified that you confessed how you feel for him.

When the whole ordeal is taken care of and she is set to return to Coruscant with you guys to be questioned there, Padmé insists that you, Anakin, Obi-Wan, and Ahsoka stay another night to rest. You quickly take her up on that offer, thankful that you can try to ease your embarrassment with another night with a hot shower and plush bed.

You head straight to your room, not bothering to talk to anyone, and immediately take a shower. You sit there under the scalding hot water trying to process what you have done. When you get out, you change into your pajamas. You try to relax, but quickly realize that you need to do something to resolve the unsettled feeling you have in the pit of your stomach. As much as you hate to admit it, you need to talk to Obi-Wan. You just have to say that you didn’t mean what you said and that it was just word-vomit, no true meaning behind them. You open your door and are about to step out until you realize that the man you want to see is right there, with his hand raised, about to knock on the door. His eyes widen in shock at the sudden opening of the door but before he can react you quickly try to explain yourself.

“Master Kenobi! I-I was just about to come see you. You see, I truly didn’t mean what I said earlier. It-t m-must have been the stress getting to m-” You ramble but quickly are cut off by the feeling of Obi-Wan’s hands cradling the sides of your face.

You look up in surprise but see his eyes holding a questioning look, asking if this is alright. You quickly nod and his lips are on yours. Obi-Wan’s kiss is just how you imagined it would be like: Soft and sweet and with his beard tickling your cheeks. His hands stay on your face as he pulls away all too soon and rests his forehead against your own and catches his breath.

“I have grown quite attached to you, as well, (F/N).”

#obi-wan kenobi x reader #obi wan kenobi #obi wan fluff #obi wan oneshot #obiwan #star wars #star wars fanfiction #obi wan x jedi! reader #starwars x reader #star wars prequals #clone wars #clonewars #firstfic #obi wan x reader #obiwan x reader

[haokyeom]

all the stars | kim mingyu

ミ★ synopsis: in which you fall in love with your rival, kim mingyu.

ミ★ genre: sin of envy!mingyu, ceo!mingyu, ceo!reader, enemies to lovers!au, angst, fluff, some humor

ミ★ warnings: mentions of blood and broken glass

ミ★ word count: 8,764

ミ★ pairings: mingyu x female reader

ミ★ notes: hi guys ! it’s lila, aka, @viastro​ ! this is my last post for the lucky 7 collaboration </33 this one is actually so fucking long for no reason i am so sorry HAHAHA this was so exciting to be a part of even tho i kinda procrastinated and made all of the oneshots ten million years long </33 this one was really exciting to write tho. think it might be one of my favorite works along with my minghao oneshot for this collab :o i hope you guys like it ! make sure to give mingyu lots of love <3

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They say to live the life you dream of, you have to work hard. Some people can start from the bottom and work their way up to the top. While others are fortunate enough to start directly from the top due to the resources that are available to them. 

Unluckily for you, you are not one of the latters. You worked hard to get where you are now, being the CEO of Bloom. You didn’t earn the status of CEO through being the heir to the company, no. You built Bloom on your own, and now you’re one of the youngest, as well as the richest, in the business of the gaming industry. 

However, as it was said before, you’re one of the youngest and richest. There’s another that you’re currently ahead of in the business, some claim to be your rival in the industry. The two of you are always clashing on the charts, always competing at the same time. Since you just recently launched a new update for your game, you’re higher on the ladder than him. For now. 

Kim Mingyu, the CEO of Ainsoft. At the age of 19 he inherited the money to start up his own gaming company, which ended up being incredibly successful. As he is now 23, and one of the youngest and richest in South Korea. Right beside you on the charts, but you started from the ground up, while he had a bit of help. 

What you don’t know is that Mingyu is truly out of this world. Tall, handsome, and rich, yes. However, he is actually not a part of this world. For he is one of the seven deadly sins, 

The Sin of Envy.

And you, yln yn, are at the top of his list. 

“Nah, he’s a villain. If you wanna make him look the part, he should look less soft. Taller, broader, dark hair, nice tan skin. Yes! Perfect.” You clap your hands once your game designer makes the changes you requested. Minghao turns to glance at you with a look that basically says, ugh! this bitch. 

“... What?” 

“You literally just had me draw Kim Mingyu.” You purse your lips once you see the resemblance, and turn your head away, letting out a whistle tune. Minghao chuckles, deleting the edits he made so that the drawing is back to its original rough draft. 

“You know, it’s not my fault that he looks like the perfect villain.” You say to Minghao, and he waves his hand away at you, flashing you a grin. “I’ll work on this and show you the draft when I’m done, deal?” 

You smile, giving the black haired beauty a thumbs up. “Deal.” 

And with that, you turn and stroll back to your office. You check in with your other employees on the way there, seeing how the design and coding is going for the upcoming game you plan to discuss with investors in a month or so. 

With a smile and wave of your hand, you step into your office, shutting the door behind you and walking over to your desk. You sit down, letting out a breath and closing your eyes as you rest your head on the back of your seat. 

You quickly get interrupted by a knock on your door, and you call out that they can come in. Sitting up straighter in your seat, you watch as your COO, Chan, steps into your office with a straight face. You raise an eyebrow, knowing that he brought news you must not like. 

“What is it?” You ask as Chan sits down in the seat in front of your desk, and he lets out a sigh. He places the small envelope before you, and you purse your lips, reaching out and taking it. You carefully open up the red paper, and pull out what seems to be an invitation.

You immediately frown at what you read, and you glance up at Chan to see him also looking at the piece of paper as if it were cursed. You place it back down onto the table, letting out a sigh and slumping in your seat. 

“Why is Kim Mingyu inviting me to his gala?” You ask, pointing to the invitation in disgust, and Chan shrugs in response. He looks rather tired as well, and you feel a bit bad for your friend. 

His black hair isn’t as put together as it was in the morning, showing that he must’ve been running his hands through it a lot during the day. His tie is a bit loosened as well, and he’s more hunched over. You know for a fact that once he leaves your office, he won’t be showing any sign of fatigue to your employees. You don’t blame him for being tired though, it’s a stressful process trying to create a new game. 

“I think he might be planning something.” Chan mutters, squinting at the invitation from his seat. You tilt your head, wondering what Mingyu could possibly be scheming. You’ve never met him before, as you’re not one to go out to galas or many public events, and he’s never invited you to one of his galas before. Chan is usually the one who attends those things because he knows you’d much rather work on new game developments or on updates for any existing games than waste time at a party. 

“Of course he is. He never invites me to these things, and I’ve also never met him, yet we’re each other's biggest competitor. You’re the only one who has spoken to Mingyu before.” You say, pointing to Chan, who is now rubbing his eyes with the back of his hands. Once he’s done he glances at you, giving you a shrug of his shoulders. 

“All I can remember is that he’s really tall, and pretty cocky.” 

“Only a little bit?” 

“Nah, like. The type that knows everyone loves him and can get anyone he wants without trying.” You purse your lips, turning your head away with a scowl. From what you’re hearing, Kim Mingyu is the worst type of man. 

“I’m not going.” You state with finality, turning back towards your computer. You begin typing away for a minute, only to pause when you realize that Chan is still sitting in your seat, staring at you. Your eyes immediately widen and you shake your head, while Chan stands up and raises his hands towards you. “Absolutely not!”

“You didn’t even hear what I was going to say!”

“Because I already know what you were going to say!” You exclaim with a baffled expression on your face, and Chan gives you a defeated look in return. He purses his lips and you squint back at him. After a moment Chan finally says, “I think you should go.”

“Give me one good reason why.” You tell him and Chan grins, having already expected you to say that. 

“It’s an opportunity to get information on the enemy.” Chan states, and you raise an eyebrow. Leaning back into your seat, you signal for him to go on.

“Listen. Mingyu is known to hold these big galas when they’re planning on launching a new game, right?” Chan glances at you for your reaction, and you nod your head. “So, you can go to try and get information. You’ve never met Mingyu, and he’s never met you. What if you managed to even swoon him?” 

You roll your eyes, grabbing your stapler to throw it at your partner’s head, and he raises his arms in surrender, letting out giggles at your reaction. You place the almost weapon back down on your table, and bite your finger, a habit you do when you start to think heavily about something. 

Chan has a point. It’s a dirty way of playing the game, but hey, you’re in the gaming industry. What you and Chan are planning on doing isn’t that bad anyways. You’re just going to see what his next game may be, report it back to your employees, and make sure your new game release will be a thousand times better than his. 

Which is why you turn back to Chan, a newly formed smirk on your lips, and he grins evilly back. You rest your chin on the palm of your hand, “Guess I have plans this Saturday.”

“Ms. yln, the CEO of Bloom, has just arrived at Kim Mingyu’s gala. This is her first time attending Mr. Kim’s gala since they are the two biggest competitors in the gaming industry. She’s wearing an emerald green…” 

You ignore the voices of the reporters as you step out of your bugatti chiron with a knowing smile on your face. You hand your keys to the valet, giving them a nod as you walk down the red carpet. You flip your hair over your shoulder, before walking up the steps and into the grand venue. 

You feel the eyes on you when you step in, and you bow to those around you. You walk further into the ballroom of the hotel, running a hand through your hair as you walk up to one of the tables. You take out your phone from the strap on your leg, sending Chan a quick text that you’re going to curse him for not coming with you. To which he replies, 

chan: love you too sexci :D

“Champagne, Ms. yln?” You turn to glance at the voice, to find a young waiter standing before you, holding fancy glasses filled with the expensive alcohol. You give him a small smile, and watch as a blush rises to his cheeks when you take one. “Thank you so much.” 

He bows, before turning and walking away. You take a tiny sip and let out a pleased noise once you taste the unexpected sweetness to it. You ponder your luck on your favorite alcohol getting served at the gala you dreaded going to, only to receive an answer from the voice beside you. 

“Montaudon Brut, your favorite.” You turn your head to find none other than the Kim Mingyu standing close beside you, a knowing smirk on his face as he stares at you. You raise an eyebrow, turning your body to face him as you look back into his eyes. 

“How’d you know?” You ask with a small smile, and he shrugs, running a hand through his perfectly styled hair, damn you kim mingyu, before giving you a mischievous look. “Did a little bit of research.” 

You let out an, ah, before turning your head away to sweep the room. You lock eyes with a few onlookers, but they quickly glance the other way, making the corner of your lips tilt upwards a bit. You take in the decorations on the ceiling, from the bright pink and white flowers, to the green leafy plants hanging next to the fairy lights. What used to just be a golden ballroom inside a hotel now resembles what you’d consider a great option for what heaven may look like. 

It’s rather ironic actually, considering that the Sin of Envy is standing right beside you. Mingyu watches you with fire in his eyes, having not expected you to be more gorgeous in person than in pictures, let alone when the fairy lights cast an iridescent glow over you.

“The decorations are lovely, did you pick them out yourself as well?” You ask, turning to glance back at Mingyu, just to feel your breath get caught in your throat when you catch the intense look in his eyes. He tilts his head at you, opening his mouth to say something when the sound of the mic turning on catches both of your attention. 

Mingyu flashes you a mischievous smile, “That’s my signal to go and greet everyone. I’ll see you later?” 

You find yourself smirking, nodding your head and waving off the handsome man with your hand. “You know where to find me.” 

And with that, Mingyu turns and walks off the stage. All while you head off in the opposite direction to go and get some info on his upcoming game. You notice a group consisting of a few women and men who are eyeing you, and you walk over to them. They seemed to not have expected you to go up to them due to their eyes widening slightly, and you let out a grin when you reach their table. 

“Ms. yln, what an honor it is to meet you.” The tallest male says, and you extend your hand out to shake his. Only to bite the inside of your cheek when he raises your hand up and presses a kiss to the back of it instead. He leans back and you glance at the rest of the people around him, just for them to immediately bow to you. You bow back, before giving the man a smile. “What’s your name?”

“My name is Cha Eunwoo, I’m Mingyu’s game designer.” You nod your head, mentally patting yourself on the back for finding one of the main people in charge of making Mingyu’s newest release. You run a hand through your hair before turning to ask, “What got you into game design?” 

The two of you spend the next hour talking about Eunwoo’s experience working with Mingyu. You find yourself enjoying the pretty man’s company. He’s nice, witty, charming, and rather funny. You wish he could be a part of your team, but alas. At least you found out small bits and pieces of what could potentially be Ainsoft’s next release. 

What you’ve gathered so far is that there’s mentions of a dystopian universe, and a team. You’re worried that may be all you’re able to get, but you think that it could be enough. You wave bye to Eunwoo, and he tells you he was happy that he got to speak to you, before you turn and walk back over to your table. 

You raise an eyebrow when you see that your table is now full, so you decide to walk around. Other than doing the occasional bow, you don’t feel like talking to anyone else for now, so you continue to roam around. You tilt your head when you find a hallway close to the stage, so you walk down it. Taking in the hanging green plants on the ceiling, finding the interior decoration of the gala to be impeccable. You see doors leading to a balcony once you’re closer to the end of the hallway, and you step out. 

You take a sip of your champagne when you find Mingyu looking over the ledge, staring out at the city. You raise an eyebrow and walk over, but he doesn’t seem startled by your presence. He just continues to look at the skyline, taking in deep breaths of the cold, night air. 

“Thought you said you’d find me?” You joke after a moment, and Mingyu turns to glance at you. He lets out an amused grin, shaking his head at you. “Wanted to give you a little adventure.” Is all he replies, and you find yourself smiling. 

The two of you stare out at the skyline together in silence, and you feel that you’re the calmest you’ve been in months as you stand beside Mingyu. Glancing up at the night sky you notice a shooting star, and you nudge the man. He turns to look at you, and you point up at the sky with a glimmer to your eye, “Look! A shooting star.” 

Mingyu looks up at the sky, and he catches the very last second of the shooting star. He chuckles, knowing that means one of the stars is on their way to fulfill a quest, but of course, you don’t know that. So he turns to glance at you, just to find that your eyes are closed, and your hands are clasped together as you make a wish up to the shooting star. 

Mingyu feels something in his chest at the sight, and he wonders whether he may be having a heart attack, but then he remembers that he’s immortal. You open your eyes and turn to glance at Mingyu, and that’s when he feels his heart stop. 

He realizes that your eyes outshine all the stars in the sky with the way they brightly bore into his, and he finds the visual so enchanting, that he forgets to speak. You tilt your head to the side at his silence, and you take the last sip of your champagne, before placing the empty glass onto the ledge. 

“So quiet now. Have you just realized how pretty I am?” You tease, and Mingyu snaps out of his trance. He leans in closer to your face, and your eyes widen when his nose almost touches yours. The handsome man lets out a smile, “I’ve always known you were stunning, yn. However, I didn’t expect you to be even prettier in person.” And with that, he leans back at his full height, chuckling at your surprised expression. 

You squint at him, “Shut up.”

“Awe, is my biggest rival shy now?” Mingyu asks, and you roll your eyes. You nudge him with your shoulder, and he hides his smile behind the glass of champagne, taking a large sip of it. You feel your phone vibrate in the strap on your thigh, so you stick your leg out of the slit of your dress. Mingyu glances down and his eyes widen slightly at the sight of you taking your phone out of the strap. 

“You kept… your phone there?” You nod your head without looking at Mingyu, seeing that Chan needs you to come home so he can discuss one of the character designs for the game you’re creating. You place your phone back in the strap, before hiding your leg from view. Turning towards Mingyu, you give him a grin.

“I have to take my leave now. Thank you for inviting me to your gala, I had a wonderful time.” You tell Mingyu, and he purses his lips at the fact that he feels the slightest bit of disappointment in his chest from you leaving already. 

“So soon?” Mingyu asks and you nod your head, muttering that duty calls. You’re about to turn around to leave when you feel a hand grasp your wrist, and you glance behind you to see Mingyu staring at you with a small smile.

“Will I see you again?” 

Your eyes widen at the question, having not expected for there to be a next time. While Mingyu continues to look at you with a glint in his eye, and you wonder why he wants to initiate a relationship between the two of you. However, you also enjoy Mingyu’s company, so it really has you thinking. 

“Maybe. Depends on what the Gods have in store for us.” You answer, and Mingyu finds it so painfully ironic that he lets out a laugh, to which you find yourself smiling back. He nods his head, letting go of your wrist so that you can leave the gala. 

“I’ll see you, yln yn.” You flip your hair over your shoulder, waving bye to Mingyu. “See you, Kim Mingyu.” 

And with that, you walk off the balcony. Leaving Mingyu alone underneath the night sky. He lets out a breath, turning back towards the ledge as he decides to head back into the gala after a few minutes. 

Mingyu glances up at the stars, and he comes to realize that you’re all he can think about as he does so. 

“Minghao!” The black haired beauty turns in the direction he heard you call, just to find you quickly walking over with an excited smile on your face. He raises an eyebrow, about to open his mouth to ask how much espresso you got in your coffee, just for you to slam your journal onto his desk. “Someone’s excited.”

“I had a dream.”

“So did Rapunzel and Flynn Rider.” You squint at Minghao, and he gives you a smile that convinces you not to reach out and smack the back of his head. So you instead open up your journal, showing the drawing you made at four in the morning the night before, and Minghao’s eyes widen slightly in awe.

“These are…”

“Perfect.”

“An incredibly different vibe from the characters we had drawn out before.” Minghao points out, and you nod your head. Running a hand through your hair, you give him a grin. “Don’t you think they suit the game so much better though? I was unsure of the direction we were going in, but after what I learned at the gala, I think these characters will be better.” 

Minghao nods his head in agreement, turning back towards the drawing. You stare at the drawing as well, “I had a dream last night and as soon as I woke up I just had to draw the characters I dreamt of. This is what I got. I want you to show this to the team and make these characters come to life by the end of next week.” You tell Minghao, and he purses his lips. He grasps the journal and raises it up towards his face, taking in the detail of their outfits, the brightness of the hair, and their varying facial expressions. 

“What kind of dream did you have?” Minghao asks after a moment, and you tilt your head at the thought of it. Perhaps you had that bizarre dream because you watched that one alien episode of buzzfeed unsolved to try and stop thinking of Mingyu, but you’re not sure. 

“These weird aliens kept trying to peg me with their tentacles.” You mutter with a look of unease displayed over your features, and Minghao just stares at you in concern. You snap out of the memory, turning back towards Minghao and giving him a small smile. 

“You can create these by the end of next week, right?”

“You dreamt… of tentacle porn?” You let out a laugh, reaching out and resting a hand on Minghao’s shoulder. “Remind me to not watch anything involving aliens before I go to sleep.” 

Minghao nods his head, “Noted.”

And after he confirms that he’ll be able to have the characters drawn out and will show them to you as soon as they’re done, you walk back to your office after checking with your other employees. You’re about to turn the corner to your office when Chan stops you, a bright smile on his face that has you suspicious. 

“...What?”

“You want coffee?”

“I don’t like coffee.”

“Well, let’s make you like it! Let’s go!” Chan says quickly, hooking his arm with yours and pulling you in the opposite direction of your office. With a frown you pull your arm away, squinting at Chan. “Why are you stopping me from going into my office?”

“Why… not?” You stare at Chan with a bored expression, before turning around and opening the door to your office, promptly ignoring Chan’s sounds of protest. You find yourself staring at the back of Mingyu’s head, who is sitting in the seat placed in front of your desk.

“Kim Mingyu.” You state, and the man turns around, flashing you a smile. His black hair is up in the style he had at the gala, revealing his forehead and strong eyebrows. He’s wearing a black dress shirt, the top buttons being unbuttoned, revealing a bit of his chest, and you raise an eyebrow. You take notice of his sharp canines for the first time as he smiles at you, and for some reason, you’re intrigued. 

“To what do I owe the pleasure of having you in my office right now?” You ask as you walk up to your chair, feeling Mingyu’s eyes on you the whole way there. You sit down in your seat, and look up into his eyes, finding the same intense look that he had at the night of the gala two weeks prior. Mingyu smiles, leaning his head back into the chair, and your eyes trail down to his Adam's apple, watching it move as he swallows. 

“You weren’t making any moves to come and see me again, so I decided to pay my rival a visit and ask her out for coffee.” You choke on your saliva at the end of his sentence, and Mingyu smiles at that. You stare at him with wide eyes, and he rests his chin on his hand, looking at you with amusement dancing in his deep brown eyes. 

The two of you weren’t supposed to meet again. By you going to the gala it was simply for your own gain, to learn more about his upcoming game. However, you ended up learning more about the enemy himself. You know that you shouldn’t entertain him like this, but here you are, wanting to get to know your rival more.

And so you regain your composure, and tilt your head to the side, now grinning back at Mingyu. “After your research on me, I thought you’d learn that I’m more of a tea person.” 

Mingyu bites his finger, letting out a smile at that. “Guess the internet isn’t always that reliable.” 

You nod your head, before standing up from the chair and heading over to the door. Mingyu raises an eyebrow at you moving to leave without another word, and you turn your head to look at him. You smirk, “Are you coming or what? I know a good tea place down the street from here.” 

Mingyu laughs, standing up from the seat and grabbing the maroon jacket that was laid over the back of it. He puts it on, and you find that he looks like the epitome of a God as he walks up to you. Once he’s standing in front of you, the two of you stare into each other’s eyes for a moment. 

Mingyu thinks that emerald green complements your eye color as he stares at you, curious as to how he didn’t notice it when you wore that emerald green dress at the gala. While you wonder how cursed you have to be for your rival to be one of the prettiest people you’ve ever laid eyes on. So you grin, opening the door for him and pointing out with your arm. “After you.” 

Mingyu chuckles out, “How sweet of you.” as he steps out of your office. 

The two of you walk over towards the elevators, and you glance over to see Minghao staring at you with a small smirk on his face, while Chan looks like he’s shitting himself. You raise an eyebrow at them, and Minghao makes his hands look like they’re kissing, and Chan just makes the motion that looks like he’s praying to the Gods. You roll your eyes, before turning back towards Mingyu to see him bowing his head towards your other employees that are looking at the both of you. 

at least he’s respectful.

“Are you gonna pay for my tea?” Mingyu asks once the two of you enter the elevator, and you smile, turning to look at your rival. You reach over and press the star button, and the elevator makes its way down. After a second of silence you respond, 

“Sure, I’ll pay for your tea as a celebration for the fact that I’m in the #1 spot right now.” You answer, giving Mingyu a cheeky smile, and he rolls his eyes. 

For now, Mingyu thinks to himself bitterly once the elevator doors open. 

“You fucking suck at fall guys.” You mutter to Mingyu once you hear him yell out beside you. He chooses to ignore that comment so that he can try and make it into the qualifying round, and you let out a squeal once you take the last spot. Mingyu glares at the screen, seeing the word eliminated flash across it while you celebrate. 

Mingyu removes his headset, and turns to glare at you on the other side of your gaming room, clapping your hands happily. He lets out a groan and rests his head on the back of the chair, causing you to let out a laugh at his reaction. 

“Who would’ve thought that the CEO of Ainsoft is so terrible at fall guys?” You tease, and Mingyu rolls his eyes. He stands up from the seat without another word and walks over to you. You open your mouth to ask what he’s doing, only for your whole world to be flipped upside down when he throws you over your shoulder. You let out a laugh, “Put me down!” 

“No.” Mingyu states, smiling as he spins around, hearing you let out a squeal as he does so. You threaten that you’re going to throw up onto the back of his shirt if he doesn’t set you down, and he laughs. “Then apologize and tell me I’m the best player ever.” 

“Lying is a sin, Mingyu.”

“Bruh…” And so, Mingyu spins you around a few more times before setting you down onto the couch with a laugh. The two of you freeze once you realize the position you’re in, with him hovering over you and you laying flat on your back. 

It’s been a couple months since the gala, and you and Mingyu have gotten close. What started out as you trying to beat him, led to you wanting to get to know him, and now you can’t help but think how nice it must be to kiss him as you stare down at his soft, pink lips. 

It wasn’t supposed to be like this, Mingyu thinks as he stares into your eyes. He didn’t even think he was capable of feeling this way towards anyone. But it’s when he lifts up his hand and rests it on your cheek, and he watches as your eyes glance down towards his lips that he realizes,

“I want you.” Mingyu murmurs, and your breath hitches at his words. 

And so the two of you stare at each other for a moment in silence, before you let out a small smile. 

“Only if you can beat me at fall guys.” Mingyu squints at you, and you giggle at his reaction. He rolls his eyes before leaning down and capturing your lips in a kiss for the first time.

“Fuck!” You hear Mingyu yell as you step into his office. It’s already late at night, almost one am, and yet Mingyu is still here working at his desk. He glances up at you when he hears the sound of the door close, and he turns off his computer when you walk towards him.

His hair isn’t perfectly put together anymore based on the way it’s falling over his forehead now. His tie is loosened and is just hanging around his neck, the first few buttons now unbuttoned on his shirt as well. You take notice of the bags under his eyes, and you realize he’s been lacking sleep. 

“Yn, how did you get in?” Mingyu asks tiredly, standing up from his desk and walking over to you. You chuckle, holding up the spare keys that he left at your house a week prior and dangling it in front of his face. He opens up his hand, and you drop the keys onto the palm of his hand. Mingyu lets out a small, “Ah.” and you chuckle. 

You wrap your arms around his waist, rubbing his back and he finds himself smiling softly at the feeling. He lets out a breath of relief and cradles your head, pressing a kiss to the top of it. After a moment you pull back and give him a smile, “Let’s take you home, mm? You’re overworking yourself.” 

Mingyu opens his mouth to protest and you shush him, shaking your head. He stares at you for a moment, not used to anyone taking care of him when he stays late at the office, and he feels his heart warm slightly. He lets out a sigh, before giving you a smile and nodding his head. He leans forward and presses a kiss to your forehead, “Just let me pack up, okay? I’ll be out in a sec.” 

You walk out of his office and wait by the door for a few minutes, just scrolling through your phone when Mingyu finally walks out. He reaches out for your hand and you intertwine your fingers with his, and the two of you talk about your day as you head to his car. 

“Eunwoo choked on tteokbokki?” You ask, and Mingyu laughs at the memory of Eunwoo choking in his office. He starts the car and backs out of his parking spot, and begins driving out of the parking garage. “He absolutely did. I wish I got it on video.” 

You giggle at the thought of the pretty man turning red in the face and choking on the small rice cake. Mingyu smiles at the sound, finding it to be one of your best qualities. The two of you drive in relative silence the rest of the way to his place, as Mingyu’s sleepy, and you’re also tired. 

When you both finally arrive, you step out of his car and walk into his house. Mingyu makes a beeline for his room, taking off his dress shirt and belly flopping onto his bed. You laugh at his antics, sitting on the edge of his bed and slapping his back. “Go and change into your pajamas at least.” 

“Can you do it for me?” Mingyu asks teasingly, lifting up his head to glance at your reaction. He wiggles his eyebrows at you, and you glare, reaching out and slapping his back. He lets out a whine, before getting up from his bed and walking over to his closet. 

He comes back after a moment, changed into fluffy pajama pants and an old t-shirt. He throws one of his t-shirts at you for you to change into and you chuckle. He climbs back into bed and looks at you with a confused expression, wondering why you haven’t changed.

“I’m not staying the night Gyu.” You mutter, pushing back the strands of hair that are falling into his eyes. He frowns, “Yes you are.”

“No I’m not.”

“Yes you are.” 

“Mingyu, I have a meeting at work in the morning.” 

“And I’ll drive you there.” Mingyu offers and you giggle, shaking your head at him. He whines, making a grabby hand towards you, and you bite the inside of your cheek. 

Mingyu has come to realize that he sleeps a lot better when he’s holding you after the first time you let him spend the night a couple weeks ago. He realizes he shouldn’t have let himself get so attached to you, but he just wants one more night. One more night with you. 

“Please?” Mingyu asks in a softer voice, and you sigh. You nod your head, grabbing the shirt and walking into his bathroom to change, before waddling back over to the bed and climbing in. It’s like second nature to you and Mingyu when you both go into your cuddling position. With you draping your arm and leg over him, and Mingyu wrapping his arm and leg around you. He rubs your back, and you slowly find yourself falling asleep.

“Don’t forget that you promised to drive me to my meeting tomorrow.” You mumble before you fall asleep, and Mingyu nods his head. 

Mingyu watches as your breathing evens out, and he knows that you’re asleep. He stares at you for a moment, finding that you look so pure when you sleep. There’s no frown to your forehead, no tiredness to your eyes, you’re just at peace. He presses a kiss to your forehead, before letting out a sad smile. 

“I’m sorry, yn.”

“You hear that your boyfriend is releasing a game tomorrow night?” Chan asks as the two of you walk back to your office from the meeting on how far along your guys’ game development is going. You giggle at the term, and nod your head, feeling a sense of pride at the sleepless nights Mingyu has spent on working on the release of his game. 

“Yeah, he’s been working hard on the last minute touches. I had to drag him out of his office at like, one am last night. I plan to surprise him after his launch party.” You tell Chan as you enter your office. You sit down in your seat, placing your notes down by your keyboard, and Chan takes off his blazer and hangs it on the back of the chair before sitting down. 

“Has he told you anything about the game?” Chan asks, and you shake your head with a smile. “I told him I wanted him to surprise me, so I don’t know anything about it other than the little pieces of info I got from Eunwoo at the gala a few months ago.” 

Chan nods his head, letting out a grin at the happiness radiating from you as you login to your computer. Chan chuckles, “Who would’ve thought that by you going to the gala to get intel on the enemy, you ended up falling for the man?” 

You smile, shrugging your shoulders in response. You mutter how life works in mysterious ways, and Chan agrees wholeheartedly based on how life has turned out for you.

Everything is going great so far. The development of your new game is on its last stages, and you’re so happy seeing your characters come to life on the screen from what your employees have shown you. It’s one of your best works yet.

And you’re finally dating after years of just dedicating all your time into work. Chan hasn’t seen you so happy before, and he’s so glad to see you glowing. So Chan reaches over and rests his hand over yours, giving it a small pat, and you let out a smile. 

“I’m proud of you, yn.” Your eyes fill with fondness as you stare at your best friend who has been with you since the very beginning, and you feel your heart swell with love. “Thank you Chan, I love you.”

Eunwoo and Mingyu eat silently as they look over the game character designs and the gameplay. Mingyu can’t help but feel a sense of guilt as he stares at them, and he mentally slaps himself for feeling that way. Eunwoo glances at him, taking in the furrow between Mingyu’s eyebrows, and he lets out a sigh. Mingyu turns to look at him, “What?”

“If you feel guilty, then why did you suggest to even do this?” Eunwoo asks, and Mingyu scoffs. “I don’t feel guilty.”

Eunwoo rolls his eyes, reaching out and poking the prominent furrow that’s been hanging out between Mingyu’s eyebrows the whole day they’ve been working. The game release is tomorrow night, and they’re still here at the office working. Mingyu whines, rubbing the area that Eunwoo poked, and Eunwoo lets out a grin. “Lying is for sinners.”

Mingyu lets out a cocky grin, eyes turning red for emphasis, “Good thing I’m not a virtue.” 

Eunwoo lets out a tired sigh, pushing Mingyu’s face away, causing the sin to let out a laugh at his friend’s antics. Eunwoo is the only one who knows of Mingyu’s true form, it was an accident honestly. 

“I’m so sick of this fake love! Fake love! Fake love!” Eunwoo raises an eyebrow at the sound of Mingyu’s singing, and he steps into his friend’s room to see the tall man dancing in front of his mirror. His eyes are glowing a bright red rather than the deep brown he’s known him for. Mingyu pauses, slowly turning the sound down on his phone when he locks eyes with Eunwoo, and he turns his eyes back to brown.

“Eunwoo, let me explain-” 

Eunwoo passes out onto the floor.

Mingyu’s just lucky that Eunwoo’s his best friend and didn’t have any plans on outing him for being one of the seven deadly sins. However, he’s both blessed and cursed on the fact that Eunwoo can read him better than an open book. 

“You love her, don’t you?” Eunwoo watches as Mingyu turns rigid, and he tilts his head at him. Mingyu turns back towards the screen, choosing to ignore the way his heart throbs at the thought of you and him slow dancing in the kitchen the other night. Eunwoo decides to press him a bit more, “Gyu?” 

“I’m the Sin of Envy, there’s no such thing as love for me.” Mingyu mutters, making himself look like he’s staring intently at the gameplay on the screen. Eunwoo runs a hand through his hair, taking a sip of his water. “But you love her.” 

Mingyu bites his lip, choosing to stay quiet as his response. The silence is everything Eunwoo needed to know, and so he leans back into his seat and stares at Mingyu a bit longer. Mingyu turns to glance at him after a moment of silence, and he sees the judgmental expression on his best friend’s face. “What?”

Eunwoo just shakes his head, glancing over at the journal full of notes about the game before saying, “You could live a hundred lifetimes, and never deserve that girl.” 

Mingyu turns back towards the game, seeing the characters come to life on the screen, and he bites the inside of his cheek. He nods his head slowly, knowing what he’s going to lose as he quietly mutters, “I know.” 

Mingyu takes a sip of water as he looks at himself in the mirror, deciding that he looks good. He glances down at his phone when he hears a ding, letting out a smile when he sees your text on the screen.

yn: good luck !! i’m so proud of you, can’t wait to beat you at the game stinky >:D

Mingyu looks back up when he hears that it’s almost time for the game to launch, and he stands up from the seat. He turns around to see Eunwoo standing there, and he tries to ignore the disappointed expression on his best friend’s face. 

“You know you can still stop this, right?” Eunwoo insists, and Mingyu shakes his head at his friend. He bites the inside of his cheek, ignoring the feeling of guilt that’s building up in his conscience. He finds that emotion annoying, guilt. He’s the Sin of Envy, how is he able to feel that?

“Because you fell in love.” Eunwoo states. Mingyu’s eyes widen, turning to Eunwoo and wondering how he could hear his thoughts, who briefly explains that Mingyu said it out loud. 

“You can stop this, Mingyu. You’re going to ruin something you’ve been blessed with. Just listen to me-” Mingyu raises his hand up at Eunwoo, stopping him from speaking. Eunwoo lets out a tired sigh, and Mingyu gives him a smile.

“Let’s go celebrate our game launch.” Mingyu says, and walks out of the room. Eunwoo bites the inside of his cheek, before following after his friend.

While you hangout with Chan at his house, staring at the TV that displays OGN. They’re about to announce Ainsoft’s game launch and show the commercial for it as well. You let out an excited smile, seeing that Chan is staring at the TV expectantly. 

“Oh! It’s 8:00!” You exclaim, and right as you say that, you see Mingyu’s pre-recorded announcement of the launch of the game. “He looks so handsome…”

“Okay we get it, you have a boyfriend.” Chan jokes, and you let out a laugh. You watch as Mingyu gestures to the large screen beside him on the TV, and it zooms into it as the commercial begins to play. 

Your smile slowly drops from your face when the main character shows up on the screen, and Chan squints at the TV. “Wait a minute.”

You raise a hand to your mouth when the other characters start coming in, hearing the voice in the back of the video explaining the gameplay and the adventure the characters have to go on. You stand up from the couch with shaking knees, and Chan looks over at you. 

This is your game. This is your creation. This is the game you’ve spent months working on. 

It’s gone. 

All of it is gone. 

“Wait, yn-” Chan begins as you grab your car keys from the table. You walk towards the door, ignoring Chan’s calls as you hurry to get to your car. “Yn, you’re not in the right frame of mind to drive.” 

You feel Chan grasp your arm and you shake it off, pointing at him with a shaking hand. The anger that Chan feels is not even close to the betrayal you must be feeling as he notices there’s no trace of happiness to you anymore. “Let me go.” 

So Chan lets go, and you step out of his house. You quickly walk to your car, pushing back the tears so that you can be able to see as you drive. Millions of thoughts flow through your head as you back out of Chan’s driveway and speed down the street towards Mingyu’s house. 

Was that his agenda all along? When did he get the info on your whole game? Is that why he spent so much time with you? 

You bite your lip when you think,  

Did he ever even love you?

“Great job on the game guys, it’ll be a big hit.” Mingyu tells his employees over by the glasses of champagne. They all smile and tell them their thanks, and he waves his hand at them, saying that this wouldn’t have happened without their help. 

Eunwoo stares from across the room, drinking the sweet champagne that he knows you enjoy so much. However, it just tastes bitter once it goes down, reminding him of the sin he’s committed as he watches Mingyu act like everything’s fine. 

He stands up straight when he hears the front door open behind him over the chatter, turning around to see you walking in. Eunwoo’s eyes widen, and he reaches out to stop you but you push his hand away. “Don’t fucking touch me.” 

You walk over to the glasses of champagne, and grab one. Mingyu’s employees stare with wide eyes when they take notice of you, wondering what you’re even doing at their launch party. Mingyu raises an eyebrow at their sudden silence, and he turns in the direction that they’re staring in, only to get a face full of champagne. 

“What the fuck?” Mingyu growls, wiping his eyes so that he can see who did it. Only for his heart to drop when he locks eyes with you. You’re standing there, eyes full of rage as you stare at the man that you love, the one who betrayed you.

“Yn.” Mingyu breathes out, and you bite the inside of your cheek. 

“You fucking BITCH!” You scream, slapping Mingyu across the face, and the whole room turns silent at your outburst. You reach out to start shoving him, but he grasps your wrists to stop you. Mingyu glances around at his employees, and he gestures for them to leave, to which they slowly do. Once the living room is empty except for Eunwoo, he finally lets go of your arms, and you shove him away.

“You stole my game. You stole my fucking work!” You yell, and Mingyu just stands before you, face void of any emotion as he lets you scream at him. You tightly squeeze the glass between your hand, and Mingyu’s eyes widen when the glass shatters within your grasp. He tries to reach out to remove it from your hand but you step back, the blood from the wound dripping down your wrist as you stare at him.

“Was this your plan from the beginning? Since the gala?” You ask, and Mingyu stares. You bite the inside of your cheek, reaching out to grab another glass, but Mingyu steps forward and blocks your view of the table so that you can’t grab it. You throw the remainder of the broken champagne glass in your hand towards the floor, hearing it shatter into thousands of tiny pieces. 

“Answer me!” You shout, and Mingyu slowly nods his head. You stare down at the floor, and you feel nothing but betrayal running through your veins. You look back up into his eyes, and you wonder how you allowed yourself to be so naive. 

“So you just used me.” You mutter, and Mingyu just stares as he watches you break right before him. His hand twitches at his side as he holds back from falling onto his knees to beg for forgiveness, because this was all his fault. 

“How did you even do that? How did you even find out about my characters? The plot-” You pause when you remember the nights he spent at your house, the days he’d surprise you at your office to go get lunch. They were all just a ploy to get more information. You let out a pained laugh when you realize he must’ve gone through your stuff when you were asleep, while you were thinking he was holding you at night.

how pathetic.

You open the palm of your hand, staring at the tiny pieces of broken glass that have edged themselves into your skin. The blood continues to trickle down, and you know that you’ll have to get stitches, but for some reason, you can’t feel any pain. 

Mingyu takes a step forward when he sees the severity of your wound, “Yn, let’s go to the hospital so you can get stitches-”

You push him away, pointing directly at him with your other hand. You press the area where his heart is with your finger, and you bite your bottom lip harshly when you feel it beat beneath your finger. The familiar pattern is something you’ve gotten used to from the times the two of you have cuddled.

“You made me trust you, fall in love with you, just so you could steal my game? My work? Just to get on top? Just to be above me? Were you that envious of me?” You ask, and Eunwoo glances down at his feet when he hears how fragile your voice has become. Mingyu just stares at you, and he feels his heart break within his chest when he notices the glassiness to your eyes. He no longer sees anger or rage, he can only see the pain and betrayal in your gaze. 

There’s no trace of all the stars that he once saw.

“Did you even,” Your voice cracks, and you don’t realize the tears have formed in your eyes until you can only see Mingyu as a blurry blob. You blink, and Mingyu watches as the first tear escapes from your left eye, and falls onto the floor. “Did you even love me?” 

Mingyu stares at you in silence, the answer on the tip of his tongue as you look up at him with tears silently falling from your eyes. He looks down at the floor instead, breaking eye contact with you, and you have your answer. You let out a pained laugh, taking a step back as you stare at the man you love. 

The one who betrayed you.

The one who broke you. 

The one who lied. 

“Fuck you, Kim Mingyu.” You state, before turning away and walking out of his house. The sound of the door slamming echoes through the home, and that’s when the tears finally fall from Mingyu’s eyes. He watches as they fall to the floor, mixing with your blood. 

Eunwoo leans against the wall, and he runs a hand through his hair as he watches Mingyu just stare at the floor in silence. He stands up at his full height, and he claps his hands. Mingyu glances up at the sound, finding Eunwoo just standing there, applauding him. 

“Well. Was it worth it, Sin of Envy?” Eunwoo asks, pulling out his phone and turning the screen around to show that Ainsoft is now above Bloom in the market. Mingyu watches as the numbers keep rising, and he just stares at it.

A few months ago, Mingyu would’ve been ecstatic to see that he was above you. The craving to beat you and earn your spot would’ve been fulfilled.

But now, all Mingyu feels is pain. 

And so he smiles at Eunwoo, and his friend takes notice of the tears falling from Mingyu’s eyes as he responds, 

“No. No it wasn’t.”

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[writerwrites]

Yuánfèn | 04

Ch. 4: La Douleur Exquise: “The pain of still caring for someone that you know you can never have.”

Summary: When you’ve lost everything and try to run away from your problems, you keep finding a way back to the one person who completely understands. Can you make another person happy with a broken heart?

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader Chapter Word Count: 3.7k Chapter Warnings: Slow burn, grief, light cursing, light angst

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I’m not going to cross a line. Steve said it to himself every morning in Spain, every time he looked in the mirror in the bathroom or caught himself staring at all the pictures he’d stayed to help you scan. Even as he carried a handful of boxes you were willing to pack back to the Quinjet he kept on saying it over and over in his head. Then, back to you and the words would fade to the back of his mind. At the slightest glance across a room, the hint of a smile on your lips when a memory brought happiness, and the way you clung to him so tightly when a memory brought pain. Just another day, she still needs you. She shouldn’t have to do this alone. A week later and a day became days and then he decided he would leave when the team called him for extraction.

With a book in hand, Steve climbed into the bed while you took a shower, donning his last clean undershirt and the same sweatpants he wore the night before. He was about to make a joke about the bed smelling like them and soon dirty laundry when you spoke first, saying just his name. His eyes were on the book, a Spanish translation of Homer’s Odyssey, flipping through the pages to find his spot when his clear blue eyes looked up and met yours, soft with a hint of something you couldn’t read. Wrapping your arms around yourself you stood at the edge of the bed, digging your nails into your arms. “I think I want to go home tomorrow. Thinking about what you said, about it being a part of what I have left of my family… You’re right, that I could keep this place and it wouldn’t be a financial burden if I put it on AirBnB or something similar.” Steve reached out in silence to comfort you as you spoke, doing his best to respectfully keep his eyes on yours and not the shirt and leggings that clung to your damp skin. “I emailed the lawyer about what I would need to do to make that happen and he said he’d take care of it.”

Your hand slipped into his, giving his fingers a gentle squeeze as Steve ghosted his thumb across your knuckles. “Even if it’s just to buy a little more time for a big decision, I think that’s a good choice.” He watched you, those gears turning like your mind and emotions needed to catch up to your surroundings, always in two places at once. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”

Slowly, you let go of his hand and climbed onto the bed, but you didn’t immediately lay down. “My hair’s still a little wet. You’ll freeze.”

“I’m a lot tougher than I look.” Steve laughed, thinking about all the times your head had tilted just a little to the side as you looked up to him and said that he was full of surprises, wondering if you were about to say it again. You seemed to be mulling it over and he found himself eager to put the book down and pull you into that usual position where you somehow managed to fit perfectly into the curve of his arm and his side. “C’mon, let’s get some sleep. I promise I won’t melt.”

The way you bit your lip as you cautiously closed the space between the two of you and curled into his chest as you had every night made Steve’s heart race. Your voice was a soft whisper of acknowledgment before going quiet again, “The Wizard of Oz.” Somehow, knowing it was the last time perhaps, you hesitated to let yourself immediately give in to the exhaustion in your bones. He noticed it, the little scrunch of your nose and the way you fought back a yawn as you hummed out his name to get his attention from behind the book one more time, “Steve.”

He smiled as he looked down at you but his eyebrows furrowed in surprise, just a little, when you hesitated to speak again, so he tried to coax it out of you, “Comfy?”

With a nod the yawn finally escaped you with the question you’d been holding back, “Could you read it aloud until I fall asleep?”

It wasn’t what he’d expected you to say and he hesitated, “You sure? I don’t want to butcher the language and you take offense.”

“I’m tougher than I look.” It was said in such a teasing tone, but you couldn’t bring yourself to look at him, cheeks pink with embarrassment. The pair of you held each other in silence for a moment, a mixture of identical thoughts and emotions. If this was the last night together, was this an unceremonious way to end it? Was this banter, flirting, or a bit of both?

His fingers started drawing their way up and down your back as he broke the silence and began to read aloud, slowly processing the foreign language and what was happening in the story. A part of him thought about the journey home tomorrow and what both of you would be like when you were back in the familiar setting of New York. He thought about you alone with your plants and fish in your small apartment, a few boxes commemorating what had been his first real pocket of happiness since he came out of the ice. “How am I going to fall asleep without you when we’re back in the city?”

The question had passed his lips before he could stop himself, his own tired voice deep and raspy with anxiety he didn’t realize he was harboring until that moment. Steve’s muscles went tight, book unmoving from his face as he frantically tried to find the sentence he’d just read aloud. Then, just as his panic was building, you did something you’d never done before; your hand released the bundle of his shirt and brushed over the muscles of his stomach and sides. Taking a cautious breath he let himself pay attention to the noises of the room and the house. Your pulse and breathing were steady, you’d once again fallen fast asleep against him, and for now, the question was left unanswered.

It shouldn’t have surprised you that Tony was the last person to show up for the scheduled check in once you were settled back in at work. He made sure to push it back and reschedule until it was about ten minutes before you were about to leave. Your head was in a fog, three nights back and you hadn’t been able to sleep. The exhaustion to caffeine ratio was starting to get precarious and you felt almost certain that you would finally fall asleep when you got home this time, regardless of the racing thoughts that seemed to start up just as your head hit the pillow.

Unceremoniously entering the office without a single knock, the billionaire sat on the arm of the loveseat that drank in the light from the window. It was a cozy piece of furniture you’d insisted on and it looked wholly out of place in the Tower with your postcard worthy view of the city. You looked up from your desk, tablet already ready. “Everything sorted out in Spain, Doc?” He asked with a knowing quirk of an eyebrow, but Tony didn’t give you a chance to answer. His hands were clasped in his lap like he was about to play shrink himself and he let out a huff to begin. “I know you left worried about me but don’t be. I’m perfectly fine, better than fine actually.” Your mouth bobbed open to protest, but he waved you off and kept talking. “I’m going to prove it to you too. We’re having a little celebration tonight, just to celebrate the return of our team's favorite medical professional and a successful mission.” You didn’t need to ask if you’d have a say or if small really meant small, not that you needed to. He was up and headed out the door before you could even remark that parties to drink one’s way through a mental health crisis wasn’t exactly convincing. “See you at eight!”

You were half-tempted to shout for him to come back or you’d call Pepper, but his voice echoed from the hallway at the next person he was telling about the party and you shook your head. There truly was no point in bickering with Tony. He was the unrelenting sort that followed through on whatever he set his mind to regardless of the opinions of others, except for Pepper. JARVIS was already talking to you about adding the event to your schedule and chattering about traffic calculations and nearby shops to buy appropriate attire and makeup for the event. In a huff you waved off the voice of the A.I. with a quick, “Thanks, JARVIS.”

It was five minutes to eight when you heard the elevator chime on your abandoned level of the Tower. As you looked at your reflection in the full length mirror in your office, leaning this way and that in the newly purchased cocktail dress that felt fitting for a cool May evening in New York City, you really took a chance to admire the simple but elegant dress in your favorite color. Yet, with every approaching footstep, you worried it was not glamorous or form fitting enough for a Stark Industries event, and you found yourself tempted to put on the dirty scrubs and run home. With those intrusive thoughts, you realized that no Avengers lie in any of the rooms needing care and immediately your chest tightened anticipating the worst as you clutched the closed tube of mascara in your right hand like it was a knife. Then you heard his voice, “Y’know, in the military they taught us that if you’re on time you’re late.” Steve tapped lightly on the door and waved his hand in. “May I come in?”

Chucking the makeup at your purse that sat open with your scrubs on the couch, you tried to act natural despite being all too aware of this being the first time the Avenger you were harboring a slight crush on, albeit one you weren’t ready to admit to yourself, would see you in a full face of makeup. Your rattled nerves and confused emotions left you stammering along to the cadence of your rapid pulse. “Sure, yeah, of course.”

He spun in gracefully, making you realize he’d had his back to the door just in case you weren’t decent. His mouth fell open and you realized yours had too. The blue button up made it impossible to glance at him and not look right into his bright blue eyes. Immediately, you felt like you were back in Mallorca, staring at him across a dinner table, blue skies and blue water bringing you a pocket of peace in the sadness that had threatened to consume you. Before you could get lost in the not-so-distant memory, Steve broke the silence. “That dress didn’t make it to Mallorca.”

“It’s new. I didn’t think I really had anything appropriate, but I’ve also never been invited to one of these things before.” It was true, in three years Tony had never acknowledged you in the same way he praised Dr. Banner or Dr. Cho, not that you wanted that kind of recognition. “I’m hoping it’s under the radar enough where I won’t stick out.”

“You two ready to go in there?” A masculine, vaguely familiar voice called from the hall just before Steve could protest- or at least it seemed like he was going to.

Steve nodded toward the door and you followed, only to find Sam Wilson in the hall. “As happy as I am to see you again, Sam, I think this is a sign that Tony really downplayed the size of the get together tonight.”

“Y’think?” Sam winked. “Don’t worry, we can stick to the outer limits, make them come to us.”

His eyes looked tired, painfully similar to yours, and you wanted to say you missed him but his hand was on your lower back encouraging you to walk into the elevator before him. In an attempt to calm down your nerves, you stayed facing the back corner of the lift, distracting yourself by focusing on the texture of the dress’ material between two of your fingers. Though you swore you could feel the two men staring at you as the numbers climbed a few floors higher, you didn’t turn around. Steve’s hand reached for yours and you took your anchor without hesitation. The pair of them started talking and then the doors chimed, opening to a heavy chatter and music. To your surprise he didn’t let go when you stepped out, looking back at you just for a moment to catch you mouthing a quick ‘thank you’ and he didn’t pull away or pull you closer as you held his hand but walked a step behind him and Sam.

Through the crowd full of strangers, you moved nearly undetected behind the taller men. Anyone that looked in your direction only gave you a fleeting glance before looking back to the Avengers. It wasn’t until the first larger gaggle stopped to greet Steve and ask who Sam was that Steve gave your hand a gentle squeeze and you both let go, fingertips tugging at each other as you slipped away from the crowd. You didn’t look back, feeling eyes on you and wondering if they were Steve’s because you couldn’t bring yourself to acknowledge that anyone had noticed you or the innocent hand holding.

Natasha found you after a while, two flutes of champagne in hand, as your eyes moved through the ever-growing crowd of unfamiliar but picture-perfect faces. You took one with a grateful smile, “Oh, look at you, Natasha! You look like one of those classic movie starlets. Trying to impress someone tonight?”

With a little wink and a sip of her champagne, she sat next to you. “Don’t drink it all. Tony’s speech is coming and I suspect it will be brief but grandiose. Maria told me there was a bit of a pissing contest between Stark and Thor tonight. Tony and Bruce got into it while you were gone.” She gestured over to the bar where the Asgardian towered over your boss, the pair of them laughing between tight smiles. “They love each other, but they love teasing each other a little more, I think. I have to wonder where we’d all be if it wasn’t for Steve.”

You followed her gaze to the tall blonde, laughing with a smile so big that his eyes were practically closed as his right hand clutched his side. Even with the room so loud you knew exactly what that laugh sounded like and you smiled behind your drink. The man was a magnet and yet you felt Natasha’s gaze on you, knowing full well the spy was trying to read what was going on in your head. For the first time in the entire time of knowing Tony Stark, you were grateful for his little interruption. “Good evening, I wanted to welcome you to Stark Tower after another successful mission. We can and do call it a success thanks to the great mind of Dr. Cho and our residential medic, and the skills of the team under superior leadership.”

With the microphone in one hand, Tony used his free hand to gesture to the stunning doctor at his side who had printed the patch that saved Clint’s life. You felt your throat tighten with embarrassment as he neither used your name nor gestured in your direction, instead discussing the achievement of the technology that saved an Avenger. As an introvert, it was always a bit of a mixture of emotions to both go around unnoticed and to be called out. Natasha clapped and you understood her gratefulness, Dr. Cho had saved Clint, but there was no familiar anchor to get you out of your thoughts. Tony continued, but your skin tingled with nerves and your muscles ached with exhaustion, all while your mind raced telling you to leave. Practically turning off your ears, the speech ended without any further acknowledgement of your work, time at the company, and certainly no mention of your name.

Natasha was soon pulled away and bit by bit the growing crowd moved around until your thoughts weren’t the only thing suffocating you. Downing the last of your champagne, you got up and moved around the room trying to calm your nerves and a few drinks later decided it was best to leave. After all, most of your night had been spent alone, apologizing for taking up space at the bar or a couch and vacating the space to a group that knew each other well. Climbing the short staircase toward the elevator, one hand clinging to the railing as you kept your foggy head down, you realized you were behind Steve and Sam.

“It sounds like a hell of a fight. Sorry I missed it”

“If I had known it was going to be a firefight I absolutely would have called.” Steve was being genuine and you smiled. Too buzzed not to eavesdrop, you recalled the same tone used on you in Mallorca. Chalking up the drinks and singledom as the reason you were lamenting your trip away, you managed to bite your tongue.

“I’m not actually sorry, I’m just trying to sound tough.” Sam laughed softly as they stopped at the landing overlooking the party, elevator doors behind them and your chance to escape. “I’m very happy chasing cold leads on our missing person case. Avenging is your world, and your world is crazy.”

“Be it ever so humble.” You looked back at them as you thumbed the elevator’s button a few more times than necessary. Having never heard Steve talk about Stark Industries and the Avengers’ lifestyle in any sort of negative light, it caught you by surprise.

They went quiet for a moment and you kept your eyes forward on the elevator doors. “You find a place in Brooklyn yet?”

“I don’t think I can afford a place in Brooklyn.” Steve confessed and your eyebrows drew together in confusion. Any place worth living in New York was expensive, sure, but you couldn’t picture him making that bad of a salary as Stark’s right hand when you were making more than you ever would in a hospital or private practice.

Hearing the rustle of keys behind you, you welcomed the chime of the elevator doors hoping to escape unscathed without your liquor-laced tongue embarrassing you. You saw Sam smile at Steve. “Well, home is home, y’know.” Steve nodded in agreement, but his gaze was still toward the crowd below. “Hold the elevator, Doc.”

You hadn’t even noticed that Sam saw you, but if he did then you had no doubt Steve had too. Stepping into the elevator you held the ‘doors open’ button for Sam as you fought to not stare at Steve. “I thought the phrase was home is where the heart is?”

When Steve turned around your eyes immediately met his and slowly your faces mirrored in soft smiles. Internally, you were scolding your lack of self control. “I’m sorry I never escaped the crowd to get a chance to-”

“It’s okay.” You interrupted him quickly as Sam stood between you both cross armed and watching the interaction. “I haven’t slept since we got back and I’m just tired and boring… extra boring really because I’ve had champagne.” Waving off Steve’s apology with rambling as you let go of the button, forcing Sam to get in when the doors moved.

Sam gave Steve a nod goodnight and Steve leaned following the closing doors, “Why haven’t you been… umm, I’ll text.”

With panicked nodding you shouted a quick, “Night,” and the second the doors closed you hid your face in your palm and exhaled, “Shit. Shit, shit, shitty shit. Shit!”

It wasn’t until the elevator still wasn’t moving and then filled with Sam’s laughter that you remembered you weren’t alone. “Did you just realize you were into him?”

Your eyes went wide as you reached around him and hit your office’s floor on the panel, wondering both if he was right and if it was that obvious. The thought itself was quickly rejected, “I think anyone with half a brain cell is into him. Like you said, avenging is his world and his world is crazy.” Saying it stung was an understatement, like you were taking off the rose tinted glasses on your time in Mallorca. A little choked up, you mumbled, “What’s the point in wanting someone you can’t have?”

“Yet here you are, wanting him, right?” Sam leaned over and hit the button for the parking deck. “Does this thing usually run this slow?”

“JARVIS? What’s the hold up?” Slumping against the wall of the elevator you looked over Sam, the alcohol buzzing through your system giving you enough liquid courage to ask, “So, are you into him too?”

With a laugh he shook his head no, “We were both playing wingman for each other tonight. Steve meant what he said. He was upset about never escaping the fan club to get back to you, and that’s on me.”

You were about to scoff, but there was a rumble in the elevator, the sound of metal and something clunking around in the empty chamber beneath the elevator below you. Your eyes went wide and the lights flickered before the elevator went dark and began to free fall.

A/N: Thank you for catching another chapter of my little slow burn series! I’m missing Mallorca already. I hope you don’t mind my taking an extra Sunday to focus on getting this chapter right for you all. Do you think Reader and/or Steve will end up back in Mallorca again? Now that they’re both coming to some terms with there being a spark between them, will Ultron crashing the party will it bring them closer together or drown them in work?

Divider by the amazing @firefly-graphics​​​​

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#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x you #steve rogers x y/n #steve rogers and reader #fic: steve rogers #writer: writerwrites

[mymanysituations]

My depression

Everyday I fight to be the best man I can be. I try to push my self to new limits while trying to take note on what is happening to my body while doing so.

Taking chances with illness is challenging and very touch and go.

Just because I was able to walk a mile yesterday does not mean I will be able to tomorrow, and just because walking got me dizzy and threw me into a vertigo session doesn’t mean that it will or will not happen next time.

To accept life change is understandable, but to accept a change that is never ending is maddening at times.

My illness is very painful all day everyday. My illness leads to seclusion many of my days. It leaves me feeling inadequate and less then healthy on most of my days.

It is a constant turn of events that occur at the drop of a dime, and always at the most unexpected of times as well.

The unexpected, unknowing, guilt and whatever else false into this category of dealing with multiple sclerosis has fed and grew another symptom which is depression.

Depression is like many things different and unique to each it’s holder, and come in many forms from chronic to mild and manic to isolated.

My depression was titled chronic it was deep and dark and very hard not to show to the people in my life.

Not that I was trying to hide depression from anyone, but I knew how it made me feel and new how this life changing illness made me and my loved ones feel so I simply did not want to add anymore hurt or sadness on my friends and beautiful family.

Depression set deep in my mind and controlled me for quite the few years.

Again I love my family and always did and will but during it’s worst times I wanted nothing but to be alone.

I did not know what to do with such dark feelings in my life, it was all so new to me.

I wondered if people were judging me because I knew my personality had changed overnight. Once happy joyful and always smiling to a emotionless smirk here and there is a huge change for anyone to witness and judge with out a doubt.

Everyone in my world were more then understanding during these times and did not push me to much to talk or have answers. This was huge to me that I knew they understood what I had but also that they did not know what I was going through and took my word instead of believing text book answers.

My depression did not sneak up on me by any way, yet instead imploded my world one day out of no where.

I knew I was sad for the burden I thought I had become, for not being there financially for my wife and our partnership and a couple.

Again all the uncertain minutes, hours and days in my upcoming newly diagnosed life played another huge part in this illness.

When I first was diagnosed with ms I did not know what to feel how to act or what should be my next step.

From Dr.’s telling me it was in my head, that my symptoms weren’t real or that I would be wheel chair bound or dead in a few years all I’m sure added to my upcoming illness called depression.

So much played a factor in my depression. I just started to live like the man I always had wanted to be. I was reliable, trustworthy and the go to guy for problem solving.

I was now the man I wanted to be and the man I knew my wife deserved as her life partner.

Then multiple sclerosis came and took it all away leaving me angered, confused, sad and defeated.

It saddens me whenever I am the center of attention because of what I have. Please people realize your sympathy is just another way of feeling judged, because I know you don’t know my reasons for my actions because they are hidden from you.

I feel like I am a downer in peoples life. I hate feeling this way, I want to be the guy that makes you feel up on life and makes you want to smile any time he’s near.

I feel bad because many times at family gatherings we’re all having a nice time then out from no where I get a flare and all the fun stops, putting all of the attention on me and my illness.

I feel like I am causing drama, making everyone “look at me and how sick I am.’

Then I find a quite place to lay down and pack myself full of ice packs leaving the rest of the time in a room, alone trying to heal my wounds.

I feel guilty because I know I have shifted the whole parties mood from fun to concerned.

Although I am grateful for everyone and appreciate their concern more then they know it just sucks! And really saddens me seeing all of their faces filled with concern.

Dr.’s have their hands full and I am very grateful for the one’s who take their work to their heart and go the extra mile to get real answers to help people get the best quality of life they can while battling illness and or diseases.

On my way through this journey I encountered both types of passive and aggressive Dr.’s

Loving the few I have in my life right now, but finding them was a whole other story.

Again I know Dr.’s have a job to do, but also they can have some cooth while doing so.

Many of them before and after my diagnosis were the passive type who dealt with me as a number and not as a person.

This I know was also a part in leading to my depression.

After all putting your trust in professionals you tend to take them very serious and take their words to heart.

So hearing some of them tell me I was fine, I was wasting their time because I was so healthy etc, ect, ect.

Made me feel and think I truly was going insane and making all this up in my head.

I felt like I was in a haze and that life was a still movie, it was cold, dark and blurry with no sound and no hope.

I never quit asking my questions and was never afraid of firing Dr.’s. I was always looking for new ways to check on my health.

I fight every day to better my health and while fighting need to keep my sharpest of weapons handy at all time ( my brain.)

I realized after awhile and finally ditching the “bad” Dr.’s from my life that I had been dealing with depression for years being in diagnosed.

My family DR. Talked to me and my wife saying “you are depressed! And you should be!” he went on to say that with all I was going through that of coarse I would be depressed and put me on medication immediately.

Before hand I was very scared and would sit in the dark and in complete silence to deaden my fears of anxiety and depression.

I wanted little or nothing to do with anyone, because I truly hated what I had become.

Depression left me with no appetite and only sadness.

Going from Dr. To Dr. Everyday although I had to do it, did not help either “ keeping you reminded of how sick you are.”

My depression took me to new lows and brought with it the numbing of my feelings.

I wasn’t happy, sad, funny or serious and my face was frozen in one expression ( a expression I can’t explain and never want to have to vision again.)

I was 100% emotionless for many years before being treated for my recognized diagnosis of chronic depression.

Since my diagnosis and getting on the right meds and right dosage also I have incorporated many things in my life to reduce my depression down to all time lows for me. To witness such deep dark moments for so long not seeing a light any where in sight, and then to be in such a good place as I am today is a true miracle in its self.

Besides my meds I have also found many ways and do many things to help control my depression.

I tried these things before, but without the help of medicine they were close to impossible.

I learned to meditate, this is a great way to keep in touch with my inner self my true being and let it understand I am here for it and mean it no harm,

Meditation comes in many forms and can be as personal as you want or just a good time to unwind and let go of all your days troubles for awhile.

You can go to meditation classes through a yoga teacher, or do self guided meditation by using one of many apps in your phones game area.

Meditate as long and as often as you feel, if it is helping you calm your energy and lengthen your days health in a good way then you are doing it right.

If you feel you don’t have enough discipline yet to do self meditation you can always try another great forum of it called guided meditation. Guided meditation is a yoga teacher guiding you through serene visions of your own thoughts, your teacher will know how to relax you and put you in a conscious yet close to sleep awareness to help you guide your inner soul to serenity and safety helping you understand you always have a safe place inside you to run from anger, pain, and anything that you fear, you have a safe place to go to when you need to calm your thinking or reset the patience button in your life.

Going to sound immersion concerts where you lye still as a guru plays chimes and tahitian bowls, drums, rain stick and other nature like sounds all around you.

This is a great way to relieve stress, depression, anxiety and just a great way to free your mind from all the daily drag that gets in our way and can really get us down.

Being immersed in the energy of natures sounds while relaxing and visioning nothing but stillness will ground you to nature and allow you to vision and live a more un complexed life with a much deeper meaning in your health and well being.

Again if you would rather do this in your home there are great apps in your phones app store and also some good guided meditations on you tube as well.

I use music as an escape, my own escape with my own choices, music that I relate to its lyric and or its message. I am a firm believer in music as therapy and a firm believer in its power to heal our mind.

I write alot I write my feelings down (good or bad) and it depends but sometimes I burn the bad ones releasing them from my being then once I feel uplifted I will show my gratitude by writing a thank you letter to myself for showing my strength and trust in myself.

Or other times I will write poetry either dark poetry or happy poetry to share or not share with anyone, everyone or no one it doesn’t matter their is no wrong way to release just as long as you do it and it feels right to you.

Depression comes in many shapes and forms and is as unique as the person who holds it. How you chose to battle it is completely up to you, no one knows you better then you.

Do what makes you feel better and what you know is best for you and no one else.

You and only you hold the key to unlock your road taking you away from your demons.

#multiple sclerosis #depression #invisibledisability #invisible disease #spoonie #spoonie life #budas warriors

[impracticaldemon]

The Benefits of Long Hair

Hakuouki fanfiction by impracticaldemon for this prompt:

Words:  ~ 2100 [coming to FFnet and now on AO3] Rating:  T+ for implied (very mild, but very implied) sexual context 

***UPDATED ON 2020-03-13 to be consistent with newly posted Ch. 6***

A/Note:  This was originally going to be a stand-alone SaiChi ficlet, but my good intentions went out the window with the very first sentence.  Consequently, this is instead a follow-up to the story The Ghost, which itself was supposed to be a short one-shot that became a 3500-word first chapter to an entire SaiChi semi-AU:  Reassurance (Ch.2), The Road to Tokyo (Ch.3), Interactions (Ch.4).

I’d like to thank both @nollatooru and @cleomigadon for adding art to this story:  both serious, But You’re Dead!; and less serious, Yes Please (sketch added in reblog).

@fierce-little-miana​ Thank you for this request! (and congratulations for being a reader-of-tags!)

The Benefits of Long Hair (The Ghost, Chapter 5)

After two weeks of travel, Saitō and Chizuru were relieved to find an affordable inn with a bathhouse reserved for guests.  It was tiny, having simply been partitioned off from the family bathhouse, but that was nothing to a young couple who had travelled during the worst of the war, and survived innumerable hardships.  That said, there was one unforeseen complication:  the size was not well-suited to washing long hair, and Chizuru’s former pony-tail had grown out considerably over the past two years.  Not that it bothered Chizuru.

“It will be fine,” she assured her betrothed.  “I’ve had to manage with my hair many, many times—you must know that.”

Saitō remained in the doorway, his lips compressed in the way that told Chizuru that he wasn��t satisfied with the situation, and was contemplating alternatives.  She waited patiently, kneeling by the side of the bath.  She’d been testing the warmth and cleanliness of the water, although Saitō would bathe first, of course.

“…Would it not be easier if I were to wash your hair for you?”

Chizuru couldn’t help staring up at him in surprise, and felt heat touch her cheeks.  It was too dim to see whether Saitō was blushing as well; his tone had been neutral.

“ Saitō-san?”  Chizuru couldn’t bring herself to voice her thoughts—that they’d never shared a bath, and had yet to share a bed, although they fell asleep each night holding hands now.  She knew that Saitō was waiting for her to be comfortable with him, since they had reunited less than three weeks ago, and she had thought him dead for two years.

“I apologize if I ask too much, but I would be pleased to—it would be pleasant…”  Saitō trailed off, his voice becoming uncertain as Chizuru’s silence lengthened.

Chizuru made up her mind almost at once.  What was convention and modesty between them at this point?  She’d spent almost four years pretending to be a boy living among men, and she’d worked as a nurse for the two years after Saitō had left her for his unwinnable war in Aizu.

“Oh no—it is not asking too much!  Please don’t apologize, Saitō-san!  I’m truly grateful for your consideration.”  She bowed politely, but strong fingers immediately raised her head, and she discovered that Saitō had silently dropped to the floor beside her.

“Don’t bow your head to me, Chizuru.  Please.”

They stared at each other for a moment, and then Chizuru couldn’t repress a smile.  This close, she could make out Saitō’s slight smile in return.

“The others would laugh at us—at me,” she conceded wryly, thinking of Hijikata-san, and Okita-san, and Harada-san. The pang of sadness at the thought of their friends was less pronounced today than usual, and not just because Saitō had said that Nagakura-san was most likely alive.

“If you would be more comfortable, then you could retain your under-clothing?”

“ Saitō-san… it is fine. But in return—” she gathered up her courage, and ignored her hot cheeks and dry mouth—“I would like you to let me wash your hair afterwards.”

Saitō looked startled, and then flustered—it was rather adorable!—and then calm again.  He studied her, his deep blue eyes fixed on hers, and then the hand still holding her chin gently stroked her cheek.

“If that is what you wish, then of course… Although my hair isn’t very long anymore.”

“It will still be easier for you,” Chizuru insisted.

“…That is true.  But”—he smiled faintly again—“I doubt I’ll be thinking about my hair.”  He leaned forward, and kissed her lightly on the lips.  She let her eyes close, still savouring every contact after so long apart. They had kissed many times in the past several days, and it warmed her each time.  Her mind was still adapting to the fact that he wasn’t ‘missing in action—presumed dead.’

“You will go first, though—in the bath—so—"

“No, you will go first.” Saitō raised a hand at her protest. “I doubt my ability to wash your hair properly once you’ve helped me bathe.”

Something in his voice made Chizuru acutely aware of how close they were, and how much closer they could be.  Desire heated her body in a way the warm steam around them couldn’t.

“…Alright, Saitō-san.”

She stood up, and started to remove her clothing, moving quickly so that she didn’t become paralyzed with embarrassment.  Saitō turned his back, which made it easier, no matter how pointless a gesture it was, in the circumstances.  It wasn’t easy—she’d always been so very careful when she was a guest-prisoner of the Shinsengumi, and she was modest by nature—but she managed to strip down to her skin before stepping carefully into the bath and pulling her knees into her chest. The water and dim light could only conceal so much, but… so be it.  For some reason, it helped if she closed her eyes.

“Do you have the soap?”

“Yes, Saitō-san, I have everything ready.”

She didn’t hear him walk around behind her, but she could sense movement and feel his presence.  When one of his hands dropped to her bare shoulder, she twitched, but forced herself calm again.

“Please lean forward, Chizuru.”

She bent her head forward, as instructed, and felt warm water cascade over her hair and back. After another jug of water, Saitō picked up the soap and lathered it between his hands—or so she assumed.  A moment later, his hand awkwardly caressed the top of her head.  It took some getting used to—letting Saitō—Saitō!—wash and rinse her hair as though she was a child again.  But once she relaxed, it became very pleasant, as he gently washed off the dust of the road, and then scrubbed more vigorously at the hair that lay closest to the scalp. His movements were a little hesitant at first, but quickly became deft and sure.  Every section of hair was cleaned; along with every part of her scalp and neck.  If his fingers sometimes lingered longer than necessary on her skin, she didn’t object.

By the time he began to rinse each long section of hair in turn, before twisting it into a knot and pinning it so that it didn’t trail back into the bath, Chizuru was almost too content to feel embarrassment over the way he was spoiling her. Almost.  The more tradition-oriented part of her felt guilty that she had bathed before him, and as for the way he had washed her hair—!

Saitō-san?”

“Yes, Chizuru?”

“You’re very good at this—and you’re being much to kind to me…”

“I am pleased that you are pleased, but I assure you that I am… very happy to be doing this for you.”

At last, all of Chizuru’s hair was loosely pinned up on top of her head.  She was about to rise, but Saitō forestalled her.

“Wash first.  I’ll fetch clean water for the jug.”

“Oh, but—”

“It’s not far.  I requested water be drawn and heated. When I return, we can switch places. Or I can manage on my own if you are feeling overheated from the bath.”

“No!  I mean, no, I’m fine.  I’ll wash up quickly, and be ready to do your hair when you return.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”  Chizuru spoke as firmly as she could.  She refused to let embarrassment prevent her from sharing this special time with Saitō.  She would just have to get used to letting him see her unclothed.  And… obviously… she would see him…  At least she could ascribe any flush in her skin to the heat in the small bath chamber.

She did scrub quickly, but did not get out of the bath right away.  If Saitō was surprised that she hadn’t taken advantage of his tacit offer to let her slip into her under-kimono while he was away, it only showed briefly. He set down the hot water jug, and picked up Chizuru’s yukata, holding it out for her so that she could remove most of the excess water with a towel, and then slip into her sleep-wear without difficulty.

It took more courage to step out of the bath than Chizuru had expected, but she managed.  She kept her eyes lowered, so that she didn’t know if Saitō was watching her or not, although she had a feeling that he was.

As soon as she had slipped her arms into the yukata, Saitō turned her around—carefully, in case she was dizzy from sitting in the bath—and wrapped his arms around her.  He’d set aside his own yukata, and the embrace pulled them skin-to-skin, causing Chizuru to draw in a sharp breath of surprise and something else—arousal?  When Saitō immediately released her, she clung to him instead, savouring the warmth of his skin against hers.

“I’ll—I’ll wash your hair now, Saitō-san,” she managed, eventually.

The arms about her loosened again reluctantly, and she stepped back, so that he could finish stripping and enter the bath.  She kept her eyes—mostly!—on the floor, but… he was very handsome, and his arousal was somewhat obvious.

Kneeling in the small space beside the bath, Chizuru focussed on rinsing, and then washing, Saitō’s indigo hair.  It was a great deal shorter than it had once been, but it was long enough for her to enjoy the way the strands softened and became more clingy as she carefully lathered the whole, and then rinsed each section in turn.  When she was done, she patted the lightly curling locks to near-dry with a towel.  He would no doubt wet the lower ends again while he washed, but she combed her fingers through it anyway, ostensibly to remove any persistent tangles, but mostly because it felt good and made this peaceful moment last a bit longer.

“Chizuru?”

“Mm?”

There was silence, for long enough that Chizuru looked up, studying the back of Saitō’s head, and trying not to trace the line of his jaw, and neck, and shoulders with her eyes. It wasn’t possible, so she gave in to inclination.

“Would you… could we…” Saitō drew a deep breath, then started again.  Were his ears red?  It was difficult to tell in the faint light.  “Could we—tonight—share a bed?  That is—will you consider it?”

Chizuru looked down at the damp towel in her hands, and then up at the muscled—though still too-thin—shoulders she could see above the edge of the bath.  She didn’t feel the need to think about it at all.  A kind of ache had settled into her lower body as she’d been washing Saitō’s hair, but not a bad one.  It was more of a want, a need, to be touched, and to touch in return.

“Um, yes.  Yes we could, I mean—if that’s what you want?” That didn’t sound very convincing, so she added:  “I would like that too.”  She thought she saw some of the tension go out of Saitō’s neck and shoulders.

“Ah… well then.”  He cleared his throat.  “I think you know this, but… I desire you.”

There was a great deal of longing in the simple words, and Chizuru felt a swooping sensation in her stomach. She suspected she was blushing from head to toe, but who wouldn’t?

“Well then, um, I sh-should let you finish here, and I’ll just go—go get ready for bed.  That is—I’ll go brush my hair.”

Saitō craned his head around.  

“Thank you for washing my hair, Chizuru.”

“Oh-oh yes!  Of course.  Thank you for washing mine.  I know it was a lot of trouble”

“It was no trouble.”

He’d said those words to her many times, over the years.  She reached out and smoothed his damp hair back from his forehead one more time. A strong hand caught her wrist, though carefully, so as not to overbalance her.

“ Saitō-san?”

“It will be better if we go in together.  Wait just a minute longer.”

Chizuru hesitated—she didn’t want him to rush on her account—but she could tell he was serious about wanting her to wait.  “I’ll wait. And, um, there is no hurry.”  She turned away to fetch a dry towel, and Saitō’s yukata, just to give herself something to do.

From behind her, she heard a huff of amusement, soft and unexpected.  She couldn’t perfectly make out the accompanying murmur, but the sense of it was very clear:  there was every reason to hurry.

[END]

@ahodesune @shell-senji @sabinasanfanfic @nalufever @soujthings @canadiangaap @eliz1369 @hidetheremote @eheartangel @moon-faced-pear-shaped @hakuyamazakisensei @kondo-hijikata

#hakuouki #hakuoki #haku fanfiction #saichi #saitou hajime #impracticaldemon #imp writes #the ghost #my drabbles weren't too bad at about 1000 ish words #but 2100 is starting to push the envelope again #plus #now i'm thinking about this story again #hmm