#transition journal

[catboybiologist]

A late December transition journal, and spreadsheet update!

The spreadsheet is (finally) updated with December measurements:

So I’m writing this in January, but… most of the thoughts on here are about December progress, and the measurements were taken in December. 

It’s a weird mixed bag as far as transition is concerned. The measurements seem to be somewhat stalled. The only thing that seems to have changed is height, which like… it feels like it has to be error, and I’m pretty sure it is, but its been consistent? Maybe spinal curvature can change that fast? I’ll highlight on the spreadsheet the next time I actually get it measured at the doctor’s. Weight has fluctuated, and I did have a panic about it- however, it is possible that last measurement was a bit of an error. I could still physically see a rapid, unexpected drop in weight on my body, which I’ve since controlled, so I don’t think it’s that inaccurate, but yeah.

That all said… I’m being reminded constantly that the measurements don’t tell the full story.

For example, I think there’s a lot that’s missed by measuring at specific lines around the body. Waist and underbust are measured at minima, whereas bust and hips are measured at maxima. While these haven’t changed much during this time period, I have noticed overall growth in areas that aren’t these spots. Most notably… I have the tiniest inkling of an ass now!!!!! I’ve been flat as a board my whole life, and this time, in side profile, I noticed some booty curves and growth! But that measurement is overshadowed by my thighs and more traditional hip measurements, which have always been pretty good even pre-HRT. 

My boobs grew a tiny bit, but seem overall more noticeable than that. I think a lot of the initial growth was determined by nipple protrusion, and while they def still have that “growth” type character where they stick out much further than the rest of everything, the overall shape of the boob is looking like… well, boobs. Even though the measurement hasn’t changed, the timeline pictures (which I’m keeping private, for now) do show that they’re getting more visually defined, which is amazing. I also had a lot of little euphorias when I went home for the holidays. A lot of friends and even family that I hadn’t seen since early HRT or pre-HRT made comments about how I looked younger, looked different, or seemed to have nice skin. I’m considering that a win. Anecdotally, I do think that my face has femmed up a bit. If there was ever a month with the most face changes so far, it was absolutely December.

It is still true, however, that a lot of my body changes seem stalled. Maybe blame the swingy weight, or maybe blame the fact that my E is still…. Considered acceptable, but realistically, the 100-200 “acceptable” range is very low. My provider says that this is partially because of the 8mg limit on sublingual E, due to liver problems- 200 is pretty much what you can realistically get on sublingual alone. But guess what- I’ll be switching to injections soon! My provider wanted me to get E levels high to prevent super swingy emotions by drastically increasing my E levels, but said that with my current labs, I should be ready. I’m super happy about it, and hopefully I should regain some of the speed I had early HRT. I need my bazongas, okay?

I’m gonna be a bit emotionally weird, several things happening in my life rn. But on the plus side…. I have my first laser session tomorrow! I made the appointment earlier this week and decided to commit to keeping it despite things going on. I think it’ll be really helpful for my mental health, and very much improve how I feel when I look in the mirror. The only issue I can foresee is whether my boymode will hold, which, uuuhhh…. I mean fuckit my transition is an open secret at this point. People have seen the changes, seen me at parties, the queer community of my uni knows, they’ve seen and felt bra straps during hugs… I think everyone just kinda accepts that I’m waiting for the most comfortable moment. Then again, cis people can be oblivious, so maybe I’m overinterpreting. We will see. I don’t think much will change until I change my voice.

Sorry if the writing tone on this journal feels weird- again, emotional weirdness from various things. Until next month. 

#transition journal #trans journal #trans #transgender #trans femme #trans timeline #transition #transitioning #trans documentation #trans woman #transfemme #mtf trans

[roma-ntics]

Tell you what it's amazing seeing how differently hormones can work person to person. Just had sex with a really hot trans masc, two years on T, top surgery, and T has affected them so differently to me. I have a slightly lower voice, much more bottom growth and I think more facial hair after 5 months than they do after 2 years, and they have so much more body hair, esp on the stomach. It's just really cool how different trans bodies can look (and how amazing it feels putting them together).

#personal #transition journal #me #testosterone #transmasc

[jayeallisonashtear]

Transition Journal: Before and After.

2011-ish vs 2023-24.

Realized I wasn't fully cis in 2017-18.

Realized I was a trans girl in 2019, finally openly admitted it in 2020.

Started estrogen in July of 2022.

I think I do look kinda different.

If you think you're transfem, just try estrogen.

I did, and it was one of the best decisions I ever made.

#transition journal #transition timeline #trans girl #trans woman #trans fem

[lowerdomain]

As a 7-month Testosterone Update: I have chin hair now, albeit faint, and also exactly three chest hairs on my left tit and nowhere else. We're getting somewhere.

idk if I'll keep the chest hair once enough of it grows in to justify shaving, because I'm very much an anime prettyboy and I think that's my transition goals, but. It's nice to see.

#ran.dat #transition journal

[olivando]

Errand Journal #2: Picking Up My New IDs

On my previous entry, I shared the minutiae of the legal process to change your identity as a Chilean trans person. It's been considerably more than 45 working days, but, alas, the change is now official.

I now have a small plastic rectangle and a brand new passport, both stating that, yes, my name is Oliver, and yes indeed, my gender is male.

About this fact I have many feelings. Strange, confusing, thick elastic feelings.

Don't get me wrong–I'm elated.

But I'm also terrified.

Let's begin with the picking up part, which happened at the consulate, inside the embassy building. My partner tagged along for moral support, and thank fuck they did!

We arrived "out of hours," because nowhere on the website or notification email was it specified that the hours were different from the general consulate operating hours. While we stood outside thinking of what to do, someone from the embassy came to ask what we needed. After some mild begging, we gave up.

As we were walking away, the guy took pity on us and offered to help me. He called the office, they agreed to see me. On the seventh floor, a man scolded me for five minutes before grabbing my old ID and calling me "doña deadname." After some waiting, he led me inside because, thankfully, the only decent guy in the whole equation had taken my picture and handled the process with the Santiago office. He remembered me, pushed for the guy to give me the documents, and, presumably explained that I was the same person.

After handing me the documents, man #1 switched to patronizingly sweet, telling me to "not go around losing them" in a condescending tone that made me feel sick. Downstairs, the embassy guy mockingly smiled at me as I confirmed that I had gotten my documents and, just like I had done to the men upstairs, I thanked thanked thanked him.

True, I could've been better prepared; it didn't occur to me to bring the receipts or my old passport. That's on me. But let's not kid ourselves: they decided do this as a favor because it wasn't massively inconvenient for them, but the cost was always going to be my dignity.

Everyone involved knew why I was there. Oliver is an unambiguously male name in Chile, as is my second name, Andrés. Yet the embassy guy announced "there's a... (marked pause) young lady here to pick up her documents," and kept misgendering me while trying to talk to my partner (in spite of their repeated efforts to correct him), whom he also misgendered in the process.

Neither of us could say a thing, of course, too afraid that they wouldn't give me my ID if we complained.

Thank you, thank you so much, I kept repeating, sorry for the inconvenience, thank you so much, bowing my head like a scolded dog.

It isn't just the grovelling. It's the powerlessness... the invalidation.. and okay, the emasculation, too. As a queer trans man, I loathe to admit that I can even feel this way. I feel very secure in my masculinity, which is not threatened by being drawn to feminine things or being perceived as sensitive, fruity, camp. Had I been cis, I would like to believe that I would've been all those things anyway. Casual misgendering I can usually take okay, too–I get it, I tell myself, how are they to know, when I haven't changed that much about myself yet?

But this? This was malicious. A power trip.

Not only was I treated like a bad child, which I could've explained away as a product of me being an inconvenient customer of sorts; I got purposefully misgendered and deadnamed. I couldn't protect my partner from it either. I dread the day I have to return to that place for any legal errand. Hopefully it won't be anytime soon.

I intended to use this entry to reflect a bit more on the terrifying in-betweenness of legally being one person in Chile and another in the UK, and how socially this is quite the opposite. I want to talk about the weight of bureaucracy and question the implications of having a new legal identity before medical transition... but writing this has made me exhausted.

I'll leave this a frustration dump instead.

We all need that, sometimes.

#journal #transition journal #errand journal #lgbtq #trans #trans man

[euos-the-cat]

My tendency to make weird vocal noises has gone up like 200% since my voice dropped. I'm exercising my voice :>

#euos says #transition journal

[sparklemaia]

yes I'm now on the other side of top surgery and I'm allowed to lift things again 💪 You might have already seen this one on my substack -- did u know you can subscribe to my substack for early access to comics like this?! Sent directly to your email inbox??? FOR FREE????? (there is also an optional paid tier for exclusive bonus content for five bucks a month but like 80% of my posts will be free and publicly available) ty ily♥

#top surgery #trans #nonbinary #gendequeer #lgbtq #queer #gender #transition #dysphoria #cw: dysphoria #cw: nudity #cw: mental health #disasters and other genders #transition stories #journal comic #autobio comic #personal

[dragongirl-brev]

I am feeling the dehydrating effects of spiro. I'm usually thirsty when I wake up but the past two days I've woken up early and had to guzzle a full bottle of water before I can go back to sleep. Today it was one and a half bottles of water.

I need to get one of those giant plastic cylinders to replace my dainty tapered bottle.

(I wonder if the source of the tgirl obsession with energy drinks (Monster) is a dehydration thing. Obvs it's become cultural but like, originally)

#hopefully my body gets better at managing hydration under spiro cuz this is a little annoying #transition journal

[saynotogenderandstayclean]

Month 6.5

Switching from gel to injections has honestly been huge for decluttering my daily requirements (removed two entire tasks from the list), but it really sucks that the dosing is so rigid.

The only available dose is the "standard" one, as in, a container with exactly the amount for one shot, the dosage can only be adjusted via the injection interval. Which is fine if you want to increase the dose, not so fine if you want to lower it, since the deposit compound which turns into T does so at the same rate whether you plan on getting a follow up shot on time or not.

Basically one shot is supposed to provide you with about four weeks of Testosterone. If you attempted to lower the dose by increasing the interval between shots you would probably get withdrawal symptoms/symptoms of extremely low Testosterone (low energy, depressive symptoms, and if you have a uterus and ovaries your period might come back). Which can get really bad and should not be required to get your desired dose.

The only other option is essentially throwing away part of the dose every time, but that would also mean you drop below the point of feeling shitty significantly quicker, which in turn requires more frequent injections. In theory I wouldn't mind that, but it also means that HRT would get more expensive for me which isn't great.

For the moment I can work with this, it's not ideal, but whatever. The long term is a different story though, I'd like to use a combination of T and E as my type of HRT in the long run, but right now i don't even know how possible* that is and it really worries me.

*i know that theoretically this isn't a problem, my concern is whether the german healthcare system will let me or not

#trans #agender #hrt #transgender #t #testosterone #trans masc #my posts #hrt diary #transition journal

[thetypewriterdaily]

✨gentle reminder: winter always transitions into spring. your internal hardships will soon subside and you will enter a season of renewal and growth ❄️🌼🌿💌🫧

#words #artist #spilled ink #art journal #journaling #art #journal #healing #winter #spring #seasons #change #transition #transform #doodle

[judas-isariot]

So I want to change gender.

I am new to this and it ain't easy starting so let me do a silly post that will recount my story.

#Listen up #this is the story #about a lil gal #that wanted to be a #guy #One day #they understood that their self hatred #was a gender issue #so they try #to became #trans #and go from #woman to man #being a trans man #to complete and keep note of this they made a journal #in a silly post #so if one day people wonder #about how to #transition #they have this story #(about how you change gender in France)

[catboybiologist]

Transition journal #2: October 2023

Two months, lets gooooo!!!!!! To start off, I've updated my metrics spreadsheet:

My first levels check is on there, alongside the usual stuff.

I have a couple of thoughts and notes, just like I did last month, but this is probably going to be a bit shorter and less excited than last month. Nothing disappointing about this month, just less so than the wave of emotions that came with starting.

 The biggest change in the past month has def been that I started my spiro based on my levels. I was actually genuinely surprised that my levels were that low on E and high on T. T is solidly above target levels, and my endo described my E as “barely acceptable” and said we should get it higher. I’m all for it, of course. But that also means starting spiro. 

Right before starting spiro, I was noting that that initial burst of changes was slowing down. Notably, it seemed like breast growth was slowing, but tbf, it really seemed like I had a frenzy of it to kick off the changes. Spiro does feel like it restarted that, but I can’t tell how much that’s a direct effect of it and how much it's just that these changes are going in bursts anyways. 

That being said, it's been an interesting month of changes. Notably, my overbust hasn’t increased at all- but, I’ve lost a lot of weight overall. My waist and underbust both decreased, while my overbust and hips remained exactly the same. So proportionately, they’ve grown. I’m actually shocked that my underbust decreased, even if it was just half an inch. Best I can figure is that I have fat pockets that extend down from my armpits, and I think I burned fat from those. While bone changes are possible even in adults on HRT, they wouldn’t happen this fast to my ribcage. I don’t think I’m go

Of course, I’m wildly happy about the way my waist has been developing. Not only is it quantitatively thinning, the way the fat looks even in side profile is gradually looking more like “female” pudge as opposed to “man” pudge. Does that make sense? There’s certainly a difference between the way hormonally male and female people carry their belly fat, and I think I’m starting to see just a little of that femaleness shine through. I’m ecstatic. I do want to lose a tiny bit more weight, or at least maintain my current weight while other regions of my body grows, and hopefully this trend will continue. Gotta have the best waist for someone’s arm to slip around.

As usual, it does seem like my wide shoulders and barrel chest are a little at odds with my waist-to-hip ratio. I have a full on fridge upper body, a nicely slimming waist, and relatively wide hips. That seems to be holding pretty true, but we’ll see how it turns out long term.

I made a post about this the other day, but I do think I’m registering facial changes on some subconscious level. I can’t really put my finger on it, but something is different in the mirror. I’m comparing before and after unmasked pictures, and I do think there’s some slight facial changes coming on. But still, I’m a little worried about the pace of it, and worried about if I’ll ever pass in that department. But hey. If I don’t, I don’t, and I just present how I want, when I want.

It’s not noticeable enough to really tell yet, but I think my facial hair growth has slowed a little bit. I’m shaving weekly at this point, and it does seem a little bit thinner every time. But I don’t think I have enough data to tell, really, so we’ll see where that goes. It’ll never get to the point where I won’t need laser. I’m mostly just worried that my facial hair will be my last bastion of boymoding, so I’m being a dumbass and procrastinating a lot on that.

Overall, however, I do want to get tf off of spiro once my levels are stable and can potentially be suppressed by estrogen alone. There’s a little I’ll write about below, but mostly… the motherfucking diuretic effect. Oh my fucking god. My caffeine and water consumption means I pee a lot anyways, but fucking hell. I feel like a goddamn fountain, what the fuck. Hopefully I’ll be able to get off it sooner rather than later, especially if I can get injections.

Mild nsfw ahead. As usual, this is raw information, and if you’re weird about it, you will be blocked.

If I didn’t say this before, the information in the spreadsheet is only part of what I’m logging monthly- I have a more extensive record that includes things that feel just an ooch intrusive. This also includes a SHITTON of progress pictures in neutral poses and expressions that I’ve standardized to be the same across the months. I mention this bc I can def see some progress in these pictures. Mostly, I think this has to do with my lower body and waist shape. My ass has def gotten a bit bigger, but the reason my hip measurement hasn’t changed is because that measurement is still dominated by my thighs, and the place where growth is happening is still slightly offset from the largest hip measurement, which, as far as I know, is where it's supposed to be taken. 

My breasts have also gotten a lot more distinctly breast-like in their qualitative visual appearance. I think this is a combination of the bust to band size/waist ratio getting better, as well as the breasts filling in more. My nipples are less protruding than last month, and the breast is forming a bit more of a mound as opposed to just essentially the bud forming. Eg, there’s actual structure there now. I can actual hop up and down and yes, they do jiggle. Still, the nipples are leading the charge. I’m a little worried about “cone tits”, or breasts where the nipple develops and pushes out without giving much of a rounded shape to the surrounding tissue. I think its a bit too early to tell, however. I’m hoping to get some nice, serious development in before I start progesterone, and the way things are going… yeah, I think I’ll be good there. Obviously I don’t want them to stop anytime soon, but if my boobs continue at this rate, I don’t think I’ll have anything to worry about chest wise.

The sensitivity “cycle” I’ve been going through does seem to have continued, although the timing of it is erratic. I do very clearly go through bursts of higher erotic sensitivity, followed by uncomfortable sensitivity, followed by a lack of sensitivity. The timing, again, is erratic. We’ll see what it stabilizes to long term- this could be a very unstable transfemme period (side note, I know that’s a controversial topic in the trans community. There’s very little data on the subject, but I do believe it is likely that its happening. The estrogen pathway can easily be cyclical when started. But I digress, I’ll relate my personal experience to that as time goes on and keep my eye out for any papers.).

Since starting spiro, I’ve also noticed some differences in sexual function. I’m not gonna get into the raw details there, I’ve recorded them in a personal version of this. But do note if you’re considering spiro that it's a thing that will probably happen.

#transition journal #trans #transgender #trans femme #trans timeline #transition #transitioning #trans documentation #trans woman #transfemme #mtf trans #trans fem #trans journal

[roma-ntics]

Now nearly 3 months on T.

I've kept my dose at 40mg as it seems to be producing results. Not sure if the clit is any bigger than a month ago but I'm loving the way it looks and the high libido still. My tits are definitely smaller and less full and firm.

More chin hairs annoyingly, but definitely starting to get some small amount of additional darker body hairs too.

Hard to tell if my voice has changed at all, I think I sound a bit like I have a cold but also I have had on/off colds for most of the winter.

I've been having really really good sex with someone that I really like and it's making me feel really good - trying not to be too forward and desperate about it lol but I'm thinking about them a lot.

My partner sadly is struggling with E and her libido - we're still having really nice sex but not as much and she's currently ill as well.

Gender wise I've thought a bit like I feel more like a man. I think being a man with they/them pronouns is a cool and hot thing to try out.

#transition journal #personal #transmasc #testosterone

[jayeallisonashtear]

Transition journal, entry #03.

Six months, higher dose, more body hair stuff, personal style thoughts/preamble.

I’m getting very close to my six month mark!

Given that, it’s maybe shouldn’t be a surprise that my care provider offered the option to increase my hormone does with my next script refill! Sooo...I’m pretty excited about that.

I mentioned in my previous entry that my body hair had been thinning out. That seems to be continuing. A few days ago, I noticed that more hair was gone, from some areas around my torso. I’m trying to recall, but I don’t think I had shaved those areas in quite a while.

Which, of course, is incredibly welcome.

I need to do more entries on personal style, clothing, presentation, what I’m going for, what certain designers and aesthetics mean to me, my style icons, etc. I have quite a lot to say about all this, potentially. I just need to get my thoughts together to do it coherently. 

#trans thoughts #trans girl #trans femme #transition #transition journal #trans girl thoughts #hrt #transition goals #trans positivity

[lowerdomain]

Honestly the style I wanna go for with my wardrobe is somewhere between Kiba and Kapitel Aya. Dark, loose clothing- lots of jackets, maybe a trenchcoat, leather jacket, turtlenecks and t-shirts under the coats, that kinda stuff. Still casual but also screaming "I'm reserved but a slut" yk.

I do wonder if I'd look good in a crop top though. Probably not because pre-op fat trans man, but. Y'know.

#ran.dat #transition journal

[olivando]

T Shot Sounds

I was trying to summon consciousness by rubbing my eyes more than I should when I remembered: "second testosterone shot is today."

The pad-pad-pad of my feet on the carpet as I went to the toilet and back.

The cardboard-y rubbing of the boxes against the plastic of my shelf as I rummaged to get my box, syringe, and needles.

The glue particles separating as I rip apart the packages, some cardboard, some plastic.

Me flicking the class vial, clink clink. The crrrrk when I crack the top open.

The uncomfortable screeching of the needle scraping the bottom of the glass.

Nothing, really, as the goopy clear substance makes its way up the syringe.

I don't know if my syringes are shit (probably; I bought them online because they weren't included in my private prescription) or because I'm bad at this (most likely; I'd only done it once at that point) or this is just how it works (???) but I always get too many bubbles in. It takes me two attempts to get the shot in good-enough shape. There's always some goop left which I frantically rub on my thigh in hopes it will absorb some of it (please don't tell me if I'm wrong).

The indescribable tap of my butt and back on the chair. The rustle of me straightening up. The pinching of the skin, which I don't remember sounding like anything, but it feels important to not leave out.

The deep inhale.

The slow exhale as the syringe plunges into my muscle and it doesn't really hurt or maybe it does but it doesn't really. I push the liquid in, and breathe out once more to pull the needle out.

The quick clink of the syringe against my desk.

The satisfying ripping of the bandaid package, the muffled chff sliding of the chair against the carpet as I stand up. The post-injection ache starting to set in.

The pop of the needle cap (unnoticed before) and the crk-pop of the tiny needle bin.

All done. First month on T, gone mostly unnoticed beyond the occasional: "Oh, btw, I've started HRT!"

*

I was so aware of these sounds smoothly slashing through the silence. I thought "this would make great ASMR." As I write, I'm deeply aware of the tactactac of the keyboard. It's nice to feel in tune with things, when so much is so out of control at the moment.

My first shot was an event. I was with a dear dear friend, there were a few hiccups and we had to reschedule for two days later. When it finally happened, it felt momentous.

My second shot was just the start of a long day. An item on a checklist. Still, in my hyperaware quietude, it felt almost ritualistic. It was the confirmation of a routine; I'm gonna do this next month, and the month after, and every subsequent month for the rest of my life.

This is the path I have set for myself. This is what it sounds like.

#journal #transition journal #lgbtq #trans #trans man