#took me forever to find the back cover to that top one for some reason

[thestarofcottonland]

Cosmetic Paradise and its sequels ~ 2007

#games that would have defined my childhood.... #everything i wanted style savvy to be. elaborate dressup with life sim aspects #cosmetic paradise #took me forever to find the back cover to that top one for some reason

[dollveis]

⠀ ⠀ MOTH TO A FLAME !

ELLIE WILLIAMS ⠀⸝⸝ but does he know the reasons that you cry? or tell me does he know where your heart lies? where it truly lies. ⸝⸝

˗ˋ ୨୧ ˊ˗ warnings. +18 content, best friend!ellie x fem!reader, mention of sex with a man, reader is dating a man for the first few paragraphs but they break up soon in the fic, kind of emotional cheating tho, dealer!ellie + mention of usage of weed, reader checking out ellie all the time, it's hinted ellie masturbated thinking about reader and reader did too, ellie's actually kind of a loser lesbian but with a tough facade, idk if there's something more. 4.5k WORDS.

˗ˋ ୨୧ ˊ˗ vi's sticky note. so... i was watching tiktok and this appeared, some tiktok fake scenarios also helped me. this took me forever and i pretty much hate how rushed is.

⠀⠀⠀

IT DIDN'T FELT RIGHT, it didn't felt right how his hands roamed through the valley of your hips or how his lips sucked the skin in your neck, leaving soft reddish marks. It didn't felt right how his knee started to make space between your bare legs. It didn't felt right because he wasn't her and just that thought made your heart soak in guilt because he was actually everything you wished once.

Andrew was the type of guy Disney movies showed, with pearly white teeth hiding behind a cute smile, eyes that looked at you with burning adoration and desire, gentle with you and your wishes, the type of guy you would want to bring to your parents house and your friends adore but he was not the type of guy you wanted anymore. Because you didn't want Disney's pretty prince, maybe you wanted your hot lesbian best friend.

Fuck.

"Andrew... can we stop?" your voice coming out almost silent, "i'm not feeling well today," your lips forming a twisted smile as you pushed his shoulders and weight away from your body slightly.

"Oh, sorry, baby," his eyes opening in surprise as he got away, sitting next to your body only covered by your underwear, "i was doing something you didn't like?"

"Oh, no," liar, "it's not that," you were being such a liar. I mean, he was not that horrible at sex and the first times you didn't mind it until Ellie got a stupid girlfriend and your mind kept thinking about how she fucked her when your boyfriend was on top of you, trying to find his way to your inside. Your mind kept thinking about how well she could fuck you with a fake dick, probably better than your own boyfriend.

And you were tired of your own mind because well, you just knew Ellie saw you as her best friend and you should do the same, you had a boyfriend, why your heart wanted to run next to the freckled girl? why deep in your mind you felt you only started date Andrew as an attempt to stop looking at Ellie's lips when she spoke, to stop staring at her freckles longer than a normal friend would do. To stop your heart from racing as fast as a bird's one when she sang love songs looking directly at your eyes, feeling hers drowning in your soul and her essence crawling into your heart, invading it like a plague.

Your boyfriend hummed, stare lost at the back of the room, "it's just that... i feel something's wrong," he turned his head to look directly at you, "like you're not feeling us anymore," his words echoed in your brain, taking you by surprise, you knew Andrew avoided serious themes just like a kid. He had the bad habit of acting deaf towards problems, hiding them under the bed hoping they're gonna resolve by themselves.

You're not feeling us anymore, did you felt you both at some point? or were you just lying to yourself from the start?

"I've been tryin' to ignore it but i can't keep playing dumb," his voice started to escalate, sounding more desperate with every word he was saying, "where your heart truly lies? is it with me?"

"Andrew," you sighed, "what are you trying to-"

"Or with her?" his words kicked directly to your heart, your voice suddenly stuck at your throat, completely tangled around it making you unable to answer and incapable of lying to him and to you once again.

If like your lack of words and silence gave him the answer he nodded, getting up and sighing. Fixed his hair with his right hand as he roamed through his room, first looking for his clothes and dressing up with some basketball shorts and a white tee. For you, you just were frozen there, sitting with your legs crossed at the end of the king sized bed, your mind running as your prefrontal cortex screamed to you for unconsciously follow the insular and your feelings, telling you how dumb you are but... you couldn't help it.

"I like you but i'm not keep acting like i'm blind," he stood up in front of you, towering you, "i think is for the best to take a break until you find out how you really feel," he handed you your clothes and your hand grabbed them as you finally had the courage to face him, "i'm gonna let you change," he avoided your stare, walking towards the door and leaving you alone with yourself and your guilt.

You wish you felt bad, you wanted to feel something at least something minimum. Whatever it was, whether it was rage, sadness, loneliness, something, but you didn't, absolutely nothing. Well, there was something: relief, and that feeling just incremented the guilt in your heart, your almost perfect boyfriend basically broke up with you?

The boyfriend everyone adored but you.

You reached for your jeans, pulling out your phone from one of the back pockets, unlocking it, 1:00 𝐀𝐌. Not late enough yet.

⠀⠀⠀

⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀els 💌

can u pick me up?

please ellie, hurry up

⠀⠀⠀

???

thought u were spending the night w ur lil bf

⠀⠀⠀

just come pls

⠀⠀⠀

is everything okay? im at a party at jesses place so gimme 15 mins

⠀⠀⠀

You chuckled at how ironic it was that the first person you talked to after Andrew's words was the apple of discord between you two, but you didn't do it with intention, she was your best friend, the closest friend you had. Your safe place.

Without wasting time you dressed up and made sure you had everything in your bag, wanting to avoid having to go back to his place at least for tonight.

The buzz in the back of your black jeans making you instinctively pulling it out, hoping it was the auburn haired girl who texted you, when you turned on your phone the first notification that popped out was a 'im at the corner' from Ellie, as an answer you just left her in read, hurrying up to grab your bag and throwing it at your back, heading towards the door of the room. Your body stopped for a second at the frame of the wooden door, analyzing what you would say once you step out of your now ex boyfriend's room.

Just say goodbye and go you breathed, collecting yourself before opening the door, encountering the small living room and kitchen and Andrew sitting at the end of the white sofa, his eyes directly facing you once he realizes your presence.

"I'm leaving," your voice obviously awkward just like your words and your thumb pointing the front door at your left.

"Oh, someone's picking you?" you just nodded, preferring avoid more confrontation by bringing up Ellie was the one waiting for you outside his block.

And after some more awkward exchange of words and stares you left his apartment finally, making you sigh, liberating the air you were containing in your lungs.

'take ur time, dw, i almost got stopped by the police bc i thought something serious happened🙄 just that' Ellie texted again, chuckling at her message you opened the glass door of the pretty expensive block of apartments, looking for your best friend's black car. Her distinctive shitty -which she always denied- car finally entering on your sight.

You make your way to it, opening first the door of the backseat to throw your bag and at the end entering the passenger seat, being welcomed and hugged by the soft smell of weed mixed with Ellie's cologne, a familiar smell that made you feel blanketed and safe.

"Hi," you softly mumbled, kinda escaping her obvious stare.

"Hi?" Ellie repeated you, feeling in her voice how one of her eyebrow was lifted "just hi?"

"What you mean?" as you rested your head in the window of the car you could felt Ellie's body leaning closer to yours, driving your heart to the palm of your hand.

"You tell me," her minty breath skimming your ear and cheek, " since 'm not the one who called at fucking 1 am," her hand reaching your chin, fingertips caressing the edges of your jaw. Abruptly her fingers clenched around it, shivers traveling through your whole spine as your heart started to pound loudly. So loud you were scared Ellie could hear it and if she did, she didn't give a shit about it. The delicious strength she had on your jaw incremented, not to the point it hurted but to force you to look back at her, herr emerald gaze contemplating your face, scrutinizing your features just like she was searching a hint of what happened.

Ellie's scent was making hard to keep your mind focused on her eyes and not in the strands of hair lost in the front of her face or how her mouth was softly opened, the oxygen entering to her body through it instead of her nose. And, oh God, her nose, sparkled with some freckles that travelled from her right cheek to the left one, making it seems like a small constellation was drawn all over her face, one that expanded softly to her shoulders and chest covered with a white wife beater and a sage green flannel with the sleeves rolled up, her sleeve tattoo in sight to curious eyes like yours.

"You really drive me crazy," Ellie purred with a smirk on her lips, her warm breath hitting your face. Actions like that, like whispering next to your lips or examining your face and figure with a grin, made your stomach tangle in knots and your head dizzy, "you always expect me to run under your skirt when you call my name," her voice getting lower as her grip on your chin started to soft.

Fingers leaving it to roam to your neck, stopping their way in a reddish mark Andrew left there, Ellie's eyebrows furrowing slightly at the thought of his mouth touching you, "and i always do, so you have a point," her body getting away from yours and leaving you almost cold by the absent of her touch, she readjusted herself in the pilot sit and she just lied there, resting her head in her palm, looking at you with her corners of her mouth upturned like she was waiting for you to say something back, like she didn't leave you breathless and intoxicated in her.

"So..." you turned to the front, evading her stare again.

"So are you goin' to tell me what happened or what, because i know you didn't call me because little mister perfect was being the best boyfriend," she chuckled a bit, glancing at her phone screen, "not like he was either way tho."

You tilted your head, curious at what she could meant with that sentence, Ellie brushed it off shrugging her shoulders and whispering a whatever you barely heard. Her hands reaching the car's key, the motor of it making a loud sound.

"Andrew broke up with me," you spoke fastly, almost without spaces between words. Ellie froze, the grip in the wheel softening as her eyes looked at you with open eyes in surprise.

"Andrew?" incredulously repeated, "Andrew Andrew? Like... the tall guy who's basically a himbo? Your boyfriend?"

"Oh my god, yes, Ellie, Andrew, my now ex-boyfriend... and he's not a himbo," eyebrows quirked as you spoke, your arm playfully hitting her shoulder making her chuckle and lick her bottom lip.

"Can't blame me, i wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't know where the clit is... actually, does he?" a big smirk on her mouth and eyes now centered to get out of the place she was parked to drive you home, or honestly drive you wherever you want. Ellie would deny it every time, but you had her how you wanted, you asked and she delivered. That made her feel like a loser lesbian but maybe she was for you.

You couldn't say something back because you weren't sure if he knew, he should know, he's all grown up and fucked more girls than you can count with your hands' fingers. But you weren't sure because Andrew never gave you head -because he said he didn't like it- or even fingered you, he was just into fucking you with his dick.

Ellie's smirk transformed into a sweet smile when she glanced at you for a moment when you kept your mouth shut, one of her hands leaving the wheel to rest it on your thigh, her thumb rubbing it with endearment as the rest of her hand got lost in the inner of your thigh, your mind starting to get dizzy once again.

"I'm just fuckin' with ya, want to talk about what happened, babe?" Ellie had the bad habit of using pet names when she was trying to be sweet and understanding, completely clueless at how 'pretty', 'babe', 'angel' coming from her mouth made your heart -and core- feel.

"It's just... i don't know," you scratched your head, Ellie's gaze on you again.

"What about you start telling me what happened because sorry, but mister perfect was really down bad for you," her eyes rolled at her final words. Ellie never said she hated Andrew, she didn't love him either and she made it obvious with her sarcastic jokes and faked gags whenever he was around you with his arms around your waist or hips but you never thought she hated him, just more that she found him annoying just like she found almost every guy except Jesse and Joel.

"He said i wasn't sure of my feelings for him," your eyes trailing to the front, trying to ignore her hand caressing your clothed thigh or how she examined you with her eyes every now and then, trying to disguise the fact she was the whole reason why you weren't sure of your feelings from your ex boyfriend.

"And you are?"

"I think i've never been sure of my feelings for him," your hands starting to get sweaty from your fear of talking to much and say things you shouldn't.

Ellie hummed, "and why you dated him? He was handsome and shit but dude didn't have much else-"

"Because i liked someone else... and she would never give a shit about me in that way so i guess i thought dating a popular pretty guy would change my feelings, i guess it didn't" your voice interrupted Ellie's, you weren't sure of what you wanted to reach driving the conversation to this topic, maybe just free your chest from this heavy feeling you had been hiding for almost the start of your friendship with Ellie.

No, you couldn't make yourself speak more, you couldn't drop a 'i liked you and i still like you, Ellie' from your mouth.

"You never know, maybe you should try to make a move," Ellie tried to sound lighthearted but she could swore her heart skipped a few beats at your words. Her mind starting roam through her thoughts: what if it's me. There's no fucking way it's me. She just sees you as a friend, Ellie. Don't be delusional, it's probably another girl.

"Maybe," a giggle escaped your lips, just if she knew you were talking about her, "let's not talk about my ex boyfriend more, distract my mind, miss Ellie Williams," your voice sounding playful and your brows wiggling. Ellie was a tease but you could be more and drove Ellie crazy, most of the times making her hard to play it cool.

"Sorry, i don't fuck with girls who just got out of relationships," her green orbs looking directly at you, taking advantage of the stop, "and i don't fuck them either," eyes again locked at the road, the car accelerating at green and your heart about to combust at her words, you hated how easily she would drop shit like that, like it was nothing.

"Whatever, your loss," you rolled your eyes as Ellie's brows quirked at your phrase without looking at your direction, an entertained smile drew all over her lips, "where are we goin'?"

"You choose, Miss Daisy, i can drive you home or we can get something to eat and chit chat in a empty parking lot until the sun rises. Personally 'm starving."

"Something's even open?" your choice already settled without the need of more words.

Ellie's proposal wasn't something you were a stranger of, actually, you couldn't count how many times you both ended up in deserted parking lots with junk food and just the company of each other, specially if one of you was down or just after some party. Feeling like a whole eternity since the last time happened and not because of Ellie's fault but yours, you never distanced from your best friend, you just marked some... distance to try to get your mind off of her but there you were once again, your heart in the palm of your hand and your eyes trailing back and forth from her slim figure.

"There has to be."

A shared precooked meal and joint with Ellie felt like it was what you needed so everything felt right again. Your mind hazy, more than you expected to be when the auburn haired girl offered it to you, probably because you were the one who smoked the most, Ellie almost rejecting every time you handed her the burned paper, maybe she wasn't the most responsible but she was conscious she had to drive you and herself back home.

"I'm gonna have to pay for it?" your chin pointed to the cigarette butt resting in the small, handmade ashtray she had in the car.

Ellie side eyed, first looking at you and later where your chin was pointing. A cheeky grin portrayed on her face, "do you? maybe i would consider a pretty girl discount," her voice cocky, she was playing with you like she always did, "of course you don't have to pay, i offered it to you."

"You're such a loser for the pretty girl discount anyway," your shoulders shrugged, your friend's eyebrows knitted making an expression of the fuck you mean with that which you ignored, "kinda offensive you just hinted you wouldn't do a pretty girl discount for me."

It was kinda funny for her you said she was a loser for the pretty girl discount because until not long ago she kinda was, not like she invited every girl she dealed to but her pretty girl discounts were more of a you're really pretty to pay for my weed instead of a i would fuck you so you don't need to pay, so she stopped when she realized some girls misinterpreted her actions and also because even though you were really pretty to pay for her weed she would also fuck you. Of course she wouldn't say that out loud.

"You're so dramatic, god," her words making you lift one of the corners of your mouth but you didn't answer, enjoying the few cars passing by and the soft night light of the city that was mixed with the yellowish streetlights and the cold light of the moon and stars, her raspy voice breaking the silence, "i guess we're both single again.... aaaand we're arriving too."

You hummed to her last words, your mind more centered about the 'we're both single' part. You totally forgot for a moment Ellie and Cat broke up not long ago as well, you didn't know the exact reasons since when you asked she just said it wasn't really working, that Cat was nice and shit but she wasn't really what Ellie wanted and her words really caught you by surprise. As her best friend you knew Ellie was more of a quality time and gifts type of girl, but when you hangout with them and some more friends a few times them both didn't know how to keep their hands to themselves. Fingers locked, sweet cheek kisses, whispers at each other's ear with giggles Intercalated and fast lovely stares from Ellie's side that sometimes traveled to you but she quickly looked away when your eyes interlocked with jewel like eyes, so of course it caught you by surprise when she told Cat wasn't what she wanted.

"I guess so," you spoke with your eyes glued go the streets outside the car's window, the small block of apartments you lived in entering in your sight and almost every parking space occupied, which made Ellie pant, there was nothing she hated most than searching for a place to park. In the middle of the night. At fucking 3 am, "looks like your ex moved on pretty quick tho."

It was true, even though you were never close to Cat you both had a gentle relationship of acquaintances so it was no weird you followed each other on Instagram, making it impossible to not see the story she posted last night. Cat's waist wrapped by some cute masc's arm, the face of the unknown girl rested in her shoulder as the asian showed to the camera some shot she was taking at a party with blinking neon lights that could make you go blind and some cute love song usually related to the wlw community, the story basically screaming there was something going on between Cat and that other girl.

The freckled girl next to you couldn't help but chuckle at your words, your commentary catching her by surprise as she devised a free spot where she could park.

"Yeah... it's whatever, so have i," she brushed it off, more concentrated on parking -since she was a really careful driver- than how your eyes were blazing at the sight of her.

Of how her hands had a tight grip of the wheel, or how she bites her bottom lip in frustration when she was trying to get the car in the right angle. Your pupils started to roam to sinful places, or at least places you shouldn't be looking like her thighs hugged by her skinny jeans or wondering what she could hide being her pants and her top, even asking yourself if she ever wore a strap outside of the room, completely ecstatic at the thought of her hiding a plastic cock behind those really tight jeans. Your were knees getting weak and your fists clenching as an attempt to calm whatever Ellie was waking up by just... existing?

And of course you couldn't keep your mouth shut, you didn't know how to, more when you were high.

"Proof?" the words slipping your lips faster than your brain had the time to analyze them, the reflex of slapping your hand to your mouth almost automatic but it was too late, Ellie already heard you and if only you could hear her heart beating fast and her mind in panic all the fear that soaked your body would disappear in an instant. Ellie's eyes widened, her chill and playful facade falling apart for a few seconds which she quickly recovered hoping you didn't realize her moment of weakness.

With a dangerous smirk Ellie turned to look at you, her slightly dilated pupils looking up and down at you, "proof?" her voice cooed, her body inclinated to your direction, you gave her an opportunity and she was gonna take it without doubt, "proof would ruin our friendship," her face close to your own more than ever, her right hand leaving the wheel to touch your chin just like she did hours before but this time it was different. Her touch was edging sinful, intoxicating, the growing tension making you swallow with difficult as your thighs pressed together, and she noticed it, she finally catch up the effect she had on you and your body; she always knew she did something to you but never really stopped to think about it until that moment.

Her mind running through all the possibilities able to happen, how your body gave her the hint she could take you to the backseat and eat your heated cunt in that moment, just the thought making her own pussy wet and needy, almost impossible for her to contain the action of cup it over her jeans.

"And we don't want our friendship ruined, right, pretty?" her voice so sweet, so sugar coated, the pads of her fingers leaving your chin once again, just like before. It's not what she wanted, she wanted to eat you in every way possible, thinking about how good her lips would feel against your glossy ones, she was craving for you like you were but she didn't want it to happen that way.

She was scared. She didn't know if you could regret once the heated was gone, if you maybe just wanted Andrew out of your head, she didn't want her heart broke and she wanted you completely conscious and right on your mind. Fuck, behind her cocky smile and confident eyes she was shitting her pants.

But you wouldn't let it go like that.

"Wait!" your hand reaching and grabbing her wrist, "what do you mean?" a flirtatious smile on your lips without you realizing.

You were really making the game difficult to Ellie, if you continued acting like that she was gonna throw everything away and just do it, just surrender to her lustful feelings. And she was about to do it.

"Are you playing dumb or do you want me to be straight forward?" she said in an undertone.

"I want you... to show it if you wanna make this a lil' more interesting," your head tilting slightly with a flirty manner. You made your mind, you won't retreat this time, you didn't know if it was your own confidence or the weed you consumed that gave you the strength to not be scared, or at least not terrified.

Despite the fact Ellie's heart was about to jump out of her chest she did a really good job hiding it with her slick grin growing bigger, sated at your curiosity, at your need and he was gonna reward it... kinda.

You saw her face suddenly getting closer to yours, one of her hands placing now in the side of your thigh almost on your hip, squeezing it, and the other resting in back of your seat, helping her to maintain balance. Her lips ghosting over your own, making you unconsciously close your eyes, awaiting for her chapped warm lips finally pressed against you.

The sight of you with eyes closed, looking almost like an angel, and your lips parted made Ellie even more aroused, you looked so pretty like that and it was something only her could see in that moment, only for her.

To your surprise your glossy lips never met the warm of Ellie's but your ear did, a low chuckle before she spoke slowly and patiently, with such a provocative tone, "if you're that desperate for proof i can show you tomorrow, sweet girl," her lips skimming your earlobe so close to kissing it, your only response was almost a whimper, you couldn't wait.

"But-"

"Tomorrow," her tone demanding this time, "now go, it's really late."

It was late and Ellie's cunt was so heated, her boxers a mess, that she needed you out of her car so she could take care of it just like you needed too.

⠀⠀⠀

Each other's fingers meeting your respective soaked cores, you thinking how full could Ellie make you feel and Ellie thinking how much she wanted to make you a mess of moans and whimper for her and her fingers, just the moon knowing your sinful actions.

#𔓘 vi's works. ꒱ #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams tlou #ellie tlou #ellie x reader #ellie williams x you #ellie x fem reader #ellie williams #ellie the last of us #the last of us part 2

[stressed-and-fluff-obsessed]

Hi! I couldn’t find your request but I believe @hatsumiikun requested Lee!Alastor and Ler!Lucifer so here you go!

Long Time Rivalry

Summary: Alastor and Lucifer are fighting again so to prevent the two from tearing apart the hotel Charlie locks them both in a room, chaos ensues

Small T.W: Swearing‼️

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What’s wrong babe?” Vaggie asked Charlie who was slumped in a chair reading over some reports, “Nothing it’s just…with the next extermination coming up and my dad moving into the hotel things have just been stressful.” Charlie muttering leaning into Vaggie’s embrace as the fallen angel hugged her, “it’ll be okay. We’ll get through this.” Vaggie reassured and just as she did a loud crash came from downstairs.

Looking at each other in confusion Vaggie and Charlie rushed out the door and down into the lobby where they heard the noise and saw not an uncommon sight too much anymore.

Husker and Angel were standing behind the bar counter while Niffty stood on top, and Alastor and Lucifer? They were fighting. Like usual.

“Dad really?” Charlie called and got Lucifer’s attention, “Come on Char Char it’s too fun to mess with this bellhop!” Lucifer grinned and summoned his six wings, flapping up to the chandelier and perching up there.

“Can’t get me up here can you Bambi~” Lucifer taunted Alastor whose ears curved back, his eyes turned to radio dials and his antlers grew to show his displeasure, “What? Is Bambi a little angry?” Lucifer teased and Alastor’s whole body started growing as a low inhuman growl emitted from his mouth and black shadowy tendrils started snaking out from his back.

“Alastor! Not here!” The sound of Charlie’s voice made one of his ears rise showing he heard and followed the sound of the voice, visibly flinching as he saw how the colors of her eyes switched and two red protruding horns showed on her head and he noticed how Lucifer flinched as well as he saw her.

“You two will tear apart the whole hotel if you keep this up!” She growled as Alastor shrank to his normal size and his eyes went back to normal and Lucifer flew to the ground and folded his wings back as Charlie marched over and grabbed both of them by the arms and dragged them into the hall.

“Ooooo y’all are in trouble now!” Angel called after them earning a smack over the head from Vaggie.

~*~

“Charlie where are you taking us?” Alastor questioned but was quickly silenced as she turned around and shot him an icy glare.

Finally after what felt like forever she dragged them to Lucifer’s room and sent them both inside but before closing the door she told them, “You two are going to stay in here until you get along and heaven help me if I come back to find the room destroyed I’m going to be mad.” Charlie snapped at them, shutting the door and marching down the hall back to the lobby.

Back in the room with the boys they quickly settled in spots far away from one another, “Just so you know the only reason I’m not attacking you is to make Char Char happy, not at all for your benefit Bambi.” Lucifer sneered, “As am I.” Alastor sneered right back.

This was going to be a long get-along session.

~*~

Eventually they found ways to entertain themselves, and food came in when they requested it but it took a lot longer than Vaggie and Charlie anticipated, they had stayed in there for two days already and still no signs of progress, until one day a new discovery was made.

It was just a normal day, wake up, get ready and then proceed to completely ignore each other until food arrived and go about their day to day activities in the room. “Why are you standing so close to me?” Alastor snarled as he stood beside the King of Hell in a window overlooking Pentagram City. “I’m standing close to you? I was here first Bellhop!” Lucifer shot right back, elbowing Alastor in the ribs but he didn’t expect the deer demon to stumble away with a growl, one hand coming up to cover his mouth.

“Alastor…what was that?” Lucifer asked, a mischievous grin starting to make its way onto his face as Alastor back away a few more paces, “It was nothing, just forget it Your Majesty.” Alastor spoke, beginning to walk away from Lucifer.

“Oh yeah? If it was nothing then why are you walking away from me? Are you afraid~?” Lucifer taunted and that was the stick that poked the bear because at that moment Alastor whipped around to glare at Lucifer who was now grinning like a fox.

“What did you just say?” Alastor growled, eyes turning to radio dials as he approached the King of Hell. “You heard me.” Lucifer growled right back and suddenly tackled Alastor, the two of the wrestling like kids on the floor, “G-Gehet off me!” Alastor snarled but couldn’t help but laugh a little at the silliness of the situation.

“Not yet Bambi!” Lucifer exclaimed, wrestling with Alastor a moment more before shoving him flat on his back on the rug, straddling his thighs to keep him in place and grinning in victory.

“Get off me.” Alastor snapped, “Mmmmm no.” Lucifer snapped right back, grinning cheekily as he raised his hands and wiggled his fingers at Alastor, grinning brightly as the deer demon flinched away from the motion. “Never pegged you as the ticklish type Bellhop~” Lucifer taunted, smirking as Alastor growled again.

“You know you really should show me a bit more respect, I am your king after all~” Lucifer teased before bringing his hands down to give Alastor’s ribs an experimental squeeze, smiling in satisfaction at the harsh flinch it received.

“Bad spot?” Lucifer pondered, getting his answer as Alastor’s eyes narrowed, “Okay then we’ll leave this spot for later shall we?” Lucifer chirped before changing spots and prodding and scratching over the fabric covering Alastor’s stomach making the Radio Demon double over with a wobbly grin, “D-Dohohon’t.” Alastor tried to sound threatening but couldn’t as he still fought the wave of laughter that threatened to burst through.

“Awww but why not?” Lucifer mock-pouted, switching to scribble over the length of his sides making Alastor jerk away from the touch with a strangled noise that sounded suspiciously like a concealed laugh. “What’s the matter Bambi? Too scared to insult me again?” Lucifer grinned as Alastor growled again and shut his eyes, still fighting off laughter.

“F-Fuhuck you Your Hihighness!” Alastor snapped at him, nearly breaking at Lucifer’s mock-offended gasp, “You know that wasn’t very nice Bellhop, maybe you should be punished for that.” Lucifer tried to sound scary but couldn’t help the large grin splitting his face as Alastor yelled out a protest before crumbling into laughter as Lucifer attacked his bony ribs.

“How do you like that!” Lucifer taunted, bringing his hands around to scratch at the back of Alastor’s ribs that made the radio filter in Alastor’s voice slip a little and was replaced by a loud sound of radio static in the air.

“Fuhuhuck you and stahahahap!!” Alastor pressed out through his giggle fit. “Wow that wasn’t very nice Bambi, maybe I should do something about that hmm?” Lucifer hummed, grinning like a kid who just received the best birthday present of his life.

Ever so slowly he kept one tickling hand on Alastor’s ribs and with the other hand used two fingers to walk up to the top of Alastor’s head and the deer demon immediately caught on and started squirming in an attempt to keep the King’s hands away from that dreaded spot.

“Quit squirming Bambi you’re messing up my rhythm!” Lucifer mock-scolded, using his tickling hand to shoot up and scratch at Alastor’s underarm while the two fingers continued walking upwards.

Alastor growled right as Lucifer’s hand reached the base of his ears and started gently scratching at the fluff there, with one more scorning look at Lucifer Alastor’s ears bent back and a small whine escaped him before giggling madly as his ears were playfully attacked.

“Aww does this tickle? Not so dangerous now are ya?” Lucifer teased, relishing in the way Alastor opened his eyes and glared at him before being thrown into another fit of laughter as Lucifer’s hand that was previously attacking his underarm moved to his neck to flutter there keeping Alastor in a fit of hysterical giggles.

Alastor endured the soft tickles for a moment more, and would deny to his double death that he’d actually enjoyed it before jerking hard and switching to cackling madly as he felt something soft and feathered brush up against one of his hooves.

“Haha! Bet you didn’t expect this did ya Bambi!” Lucifer’s jolly voice spoke and the Radio Demon cracked one eye open and looked at Lucifer but his attention wasn’t on the devil’s stupid face, it was on the large red and white wings protruding from his back that were currently attacking his hooves.

The sound of microphone feedback filled the air as it cut out a moment later and was replaced by loud laughter. “F-FUHUHUHUCK YOHOHOU!!” Alastor cackled as one of his worst spots was targeted along with his ears but that quickly changed as Lucifer’s hands switched from his ears to trace gently along his antlers as Alastor’s laughter became increasingly more desperate.

“Give it up Bambi! I’m not stopping till you tap out!” Lucifer challenged with a grin, watching as panic flickered across Alastor’s face for a moment before it was gone again and just as he suspected, a few seconds later through Alastor’s cackling fit he felt a familiar tapping on his upper arm, Alastor was giving up.

With a jolly laugh Lucifer stood and flapped off of him, standing close by to check if he was okay. “You okay there bud?” Lucifer asked, still sounding prideful but Alastor didn’t miss the slightly concerned edge as he lay there catching his breath.

Finally after what felt like forever, Alastor sat up, opened his eyes and flipped Lucifer off with an equally challenging grin before bursting out laughing after seeing Lucifer’s mock-offended face before fallen angel tackled him back onto the rug.

~~~~

“It’s been 3 days, do you think they’re okay?” Vaggie asked as she and Charlie walked down the hall to Lucifer’s room where they were still being kept.

“Oh yeah I have no doubt they’re okay, but the room I’m not so sure, it’s not like they get along the best but that’s why they’re in there.” Charlie replied with a hopeful grin.

When they finally reached the door they heard a crash followed by a muffled curse, looking at each other Vaggie and Charlie sighed and pushed open the door but was met with an entirely unexpected sight.

Lucifer and Alastor were wrestling on the floor but they weren’t being serious, they were play fighting. Lucifer’s wings were out and they were flapping as he tousled with Alastor and Alastor wore his signature grin but it actually seemed genuine like he was having fun! Vaggie stood there, jaw slack at the new sight and Charlie stood there with a delighted look on her face and when he the two noticed them they scrambled to stand up.

“The room’s not destroyed and you two are getting along! Congratulations! I’m proud, you two are free to go!” Charlie chirped but Lucifer glanced at Alastor and Alastor glanced at Lucifer. “Thanks kiddo we did need this and we’ll be down in a sec, just as soon as I kick Bambi’s ass here for being disrespectful!” Lucifer challenged, “Right back at you Your Majesty.” Alastor challenged right back.

“Okay then just be sure not to kill each other!” Charlie grinned, shutting the door and right afterwards a laugh sounded followed by a crash and muffled curses but Charlie and Vaggie knew they weren’t going to hurt each other, but they learned another thing that night.

They had a new trust exercise for the rest of the group to try.

(Woah this one was fun, sorry if it’s long or cringe I tried :’) )

(And sorry about the wait, I’ve been swamped with schoolwork but I hope you enjoyed! ^^)

#lee!alastor #ler!lucifer #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel tickle

[idcbabyialreadylostmymind]

Drunken Confessions

Pairing- Tarsem x reader

Summary- You didn't your self pity away and the new Olo'eyktan who may or may not have been ine if the reasons you drank finds you in your drunken state.

A/N- i found another one I'm in the bunt down for Tarsem gifs/photos 😫

You run over what happened today over and over again replaying every horrible part twice and then back again for good measure.

First a healer in training poured boiling water in the bowl you hand was in and not the one with the rocks for a hot rock foot treatment. So now you had a really ugly bandage on it, not to mention the pain.

And you stubbed your toes so many times you lost count, because of the coming flu that just had to show up in the most busiest time of the year, so you gad to be a cook, a healer, and a hunter.

Your body hurt just as much as your mind.

Tarsem, thats who hurt your mind. He took over the Olo'eyktan from JakeSully. He mesmerized you as if he was some kind of angel sent from Eywa just for you to look at. Now the insecurities of him shutting you out forever for the need to find a Tsahik and not needing, what you thought of yourself as a burden.

So you did what the best solutions to ignoring your emotions, you drank.

After cleaning the communal hall you grabbed six cups that were untouched. The cups held against your chest because they were so many, maybe it was to much but you needed it.

Going into the woods, you sat in front of the flowing water and started to drown in your own pity and alcohol.

You begun to pour the nectar from cup five to the empty cup four that was in your hand. "Just to top her off." You whisper to yourself before gulping down the drink. Three other emptied cups lay discarded on the ground next to you seeing as you just drank. Throwing the empty cups that were in your hand to the side, now holding the sixth one before the sound of the ground crunching got you on alert.

Your ear perk, usually you would get your dagger and in attack mide, but the drinks took effect you could care less. The stepping got close as you took another drink. You finally recognize the person when he sits next to you space made by the empty cup, it was Tarsem.

You laugh covering you mouth, the love of you life who doesn't know he is the love of you life sat in front of you as you drank it was like so cruel joke.

He took his garb that rested on his shoulders who showing his bare chest which you shamelessly goggled at until you took another sip of your drink, you were way iver you limit as you finished to sixth cup of the fermented nectar. Putting it with the others you look at Tarsem glazed eyes going over everyone of his features twice. "Did you drink all of these?" He asked and you had a lazy smiled and that answered his question.

You feel the effects of the drinks in your feet as you lie on the grass. "Are you okay?" He asked and you looked around at the plants in awe. "Ecstatic." You say wiggling your toes, you blink slowly as he chuckles. "I have been watching you-

"watching me." You repeat before giggling.

"Yes, watching you, and I see the stress you've been under. So I'm asking if my dear friend is okay." He said and that word, friend clawed at your brain. "I am fine, perfext even I want to go home, bed." You say as you struggle getting up he laughs gently before getting up and helping you up. You hands rested on his chest, his features in the nighttime of Pandora where shown more with the light bioluminescent freckles that were scattered across his face.

"Y'know wha- Tarsem," you say smiling hugely and her listened in closely as you spoke small. "I alway thought you are th' prettiest person around." Your slurred confession quickly made its way to his ears and you giggled at his reaction, as his ears perked, eyes widened, and cheeks deepened to a shade of indigo. "Y-you think I'm pretty?" He asked smiling back at you as he helps you walk. "The prettiest." You repeat looking around eyes slit ready for bed. He helps you up to your kelku.

He waits a minute till you turn around flashing him one more drunken smile before flopping down onto your cot curling your tail around yourself.

.

.

.

.

.

.

The next morning you awoke, your head was pounding, and your body begged for rest. But forcing yourself out of bed trying to remeber what happened last night and then it all flooded back. The six cups, the barely being able to walk back, Tarsem.

Your eyes widen Tarsem. And then you groaned as you remember your drunken Confession you made about him being pretty.

You sat in the woods, it was clear opening, safe not many people knew about it just you and Tarsem.

Speaking of him he stepped into veia making your face burn bright looking away playing with some leaf yiu found on the ground. He sat next to you and it was silent for a while before he spoke.

"So you think I'm pretty?" He asked an you look at the ground eyes clenched as you internally cringe.

"I think your pretty too." He says and you look at him shocked as he took your chin between his finger and place a kiss on your lips and you melt into.

Tags- @avatarbyamara

#avatar 2 #avatar 2022 #avatar #avatar 2009 #avatar way of water #avatar x reader #avatar x y/n #avatar x reader fluff #tarsem x you #tarsem x y/n #tarsem x reader #tarsem avatar #avatar james cameron #avatar x you

[yourdeepestfathoms]

Okay, okay can we have headcannons of Mischa being protective of everyone in the choir (including penny) I’ve just seen this headcannon and went ‘yep he definitely is the protective his friends type’? Thank you! :)

absolutely!!

the m in Mischa stands for “mom friend”

Takes absolutely NO SHIT when it comes to the health and emotions of the choir

The MOMENT someone messes with anyone in the group in ANY WAY, they have put a target on their back

Even if Mischa doesn’t get his revenge instantly, it will come eventually

He doesn’t just let shit done to his friends slide

And even after he’s finished making the douche pay, he’ll still hold a grudge forever

As a result, he’s a bit of a local legend in the principal’s office

And when the threat of him getting expelled for constant physical violence comes about, he becomes more creative with his revenge plots

One time, these assholes took Ricky’s crutches and actually thought they got away with it. And then the sound of footsteps slowly started to get louder and louder. They turned around and saw 6’2 of pure Ukrainian muscle sprinting straight at them with a look of burning hatred in his eyes. Needless to say, those kids needed crutches of their own after he was done with them.

Some dude called Noel the f-slur, and Mischa went BALLISTIC. Noel told Mischa that he didn’t care (he did) and that it was fine (it wasn’t), and Mischa reluctantly calmed down. And then Mischa found the kid’s car and slashed all of their tires. He was never charged for it because nobody could prove that he did it.

Penny was catcalled, so Mischa peed on the dude’s car. Also he replaced their windshield wiper fluid with milk.

Someone called Constance some pretty nasty names, so Mischa broke their nose and knocked out three teeth.

This creep slapped Ocean on the rear while she was trying to walk up some steps at the school, so Mischa shoved him down the staircase. And then stomped on his ribs. Several times. While screaming at him at the top of his lungs.

Other methods of revenge he’s used includes:

Covering someone’s lawn in instant mashed potatoes before it rains

Draining someone’s entire pool right before a pool party

Peeing in a water bottle and then purposely running into the target with the cap unscrewed, effectively covering them in piss (him, too, but it was worth it) (an RA at my college did this before)

Throwing backpacks into a creek

Spreading someone’s number publicly with various reasons to get people to call

Finding the most embarrassing thing possible about a person and then sending it to their parents

Glitter. All inside of a car.

You know glitter bombing a car by putting glitter in the vents so when the AC is turned on, that glitter goes EVERYWHERE? That with cayenne pepper

(He likes targeting vehicles. He’s learned that fucking up people’s cars is just as rewarding as physically harming them for messing with his friends. What’s better than the financial drain of having to repair a car?)

Okay, okay, that’s enough revenge. Here’s some other things he does as the Group Protector!

Will put himself between the choir and any kind of threat

In similar vein, he’ll push someone in choir behind him if he feels that something is wrong

If there is a genuine threat of some kind, he covers Ricky first, then Ocean. Ricky because Ricky may have a harder time defending himself on his own, then Ocean because, well, Ocean is built like an AirPod. Immediately after those two are Constance and Penny because they’re girls, and Mischa is a gentleman. Noel is like “rude” (but he understands)

Will offer his coat to one of the others if they look cold

“Oh my god, I know you did not leave the house without a jacket. It’s freezing out here, you idiot! Get over here, let me fix you. Fucking dumbass…”

He knows what it means when one of the girls asks him to “check them” because my boy is ABSOLUTELY well-versed in that stuff, and he’s prepared to help them if necessary (if they’re comfortable with him helping, of course)! He’s ready to offer his jacket for them to put around their waist if they need it!

He WILL text everyone to make sure they all got home safely, and he WILL get nervous if someone doesn’t reply in a normal timeframe

In the case that any of them need somewhere to hide for whatever reason or just need somewhere to go, he offered his basement as “home base.” Any of them can come by anytime they want, and if he isn’t there, he told them where a spare key is so they can let themselves in. They don’t have to ask, they can just go in, but he does appreciate a text letting him know they’ll be there (so he can bring home food for them both)

(He once came home to find Ocean cleaning his WHOLE BASEMENT because she got bored waiting for him)

(Another time, he came home at the exact moment Penny was walking out of his bathroom after showering. They both just stared at each other for a moment then went “sup” “sup”)

Mischa: Hello people who do not live here.

Ocean: Hi!

Noel: Hello!

Ricky, signing: Hey!

Constance: Hiya!

Mischa: I gave you a key for emergencies.

Penny: We were out of Doritos!

The whole choir once planned this surprise party for Mischa at his house to thank him for looking after them and being so nice to them and overall being a great friend

Mischa cried

He was once given THIS as a Christmas gift

#ask #mischa my boy!!! i love him and his found family SO MUCH #ride the cyclone headcanons #rtc headcanons #ride the cyclone #rtc #mischa bachinski #ocean o'connell rosenberg #constance blackwood #noel gruber #ricky potts #penny lamb #jane doe

[samdeancass]

Locked Out

Requested on Wattpad

Pairing: Keys x fem!reader

Genre: Smut, Fluff

Characters: Keys, Y/N

Description: When Y/N gets locked out of her apartment, the man next door offers her a place to stay for the night. The night takes a turn when things get heated between the two.

“GOD DAMMIT!”

You kicked your door hard and held your head in your hands as you slid down the wall. This was just the cherry on top of a perfect day. Everything just seemed to have gone wrong and this was the last straw. 

You heard a door open from across the hall but didn’t bother to look up. “Er, are you alright?” You peeked out and noticed a rather good-looking man with a wild mane of hair standing above you with a curious look plastered on his face. “I heard you shout and I wanted to make sure that you were alright.”

If you were honest, you didn’t hear a word that he said. You were completely lost in his eyes. He was the most beautiful man you had ever seen. God knows how you have never crossed paths before. He waved his hands in front of your face to gain your attention. “Hello? Are you OK?” 

You shook your head and slowly got up from the floor, pinching the bridge of your nose. “Not really, no. I’ve had a really crappy day. I woke up late for work, the traffic has been a nightmare which meant that I was even later. I got bollocked by my boss and now to tip it off, it seems as though I’ve locked myself out of my apartment.” 

You tried your best to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall but it was no use. You covered your face and sobbed, the frustrations of the day taking its toll on you. The stranger wrapped a caring arm around you and brought you in for a hug. 

The coffee and vanilla scent on his clothes, for some reason, seemed to calm you down slightly. You wiped your eyes and gave a sad smile. “Thanks. I feel so stupid.” He shook his head. “It’s no problem, it happens to everyone.” You scrolled through your phone to find the landlords number and dialled the number, with no answer. “Great, now what am I supposed to do?!” You huffed and you could feel the tears threatening to fall again.

“You could always wait in my apartment. They probably won’t call back until the morning. I have a really comfortable couch so you can take my bed, if you want to that is.” You smiled and nodded your head. “Thank you so much, you’re a literal lifesaver.” 

He walked into his apartment and you followed closely behind, the scent of coffee and vanilla hitting your senses once again. You sat on the sofa and fiddled with your thumbs as a thought entered your mind. “I don’t even know your name to thank you properly.” He took a seat on the other end of the couch and smiled.

“I’m Walter McKey but everyone calls me Keys.” He stretched out his hand for you to shake, which you did. “Well, Keys, thank you for offering your apartment to me. I’m Y/N L/N.” You both shook hands and engaged in a friendly conversation.Considering you had only met him literally five minutes ago, it seemed as though you had known him your whole life. 

Throughout your conversation, you both seemed to have edged closer to each other, close enough that your fingers brushed against each other. A small blush crept onto your cheeks at the movement and quickly moved your hand away but much to your surprise Keys took your hand and moved it back, entwining his fingers with yours.

“I don’t know whether it’s just one-sided or if you feel it to, but it seems as though we have something here. I know we’ve only just met but I feel as though I’ve known you forever.” You nodded your head. “I feel the same way. It’s crazy how we’ve never crossed paths before.” 

You both shuffled closer to each other, your heads leaning on the back of the sofa. Your lips were now inches away from each other and the tension was becoming thick with arousal. Keys flickered his gaze from your eyes to your lips and back again before deciding to just go for it.

He leaned in and pressed a sweet but passionate kiss to your lips, you letting out a hum in response. You kissed him back, your lips moving together in motion. He cupped your cheeks and brought you closer to him as you slid your hands up and down his arms. 

His hands began to wander; over your shoulders, down your arms and slid underneath your shirt. You hoisted yourself up and onto his lap, never breaking the kiss, and wrapping your arms around his neck. You both began to fight for dominance, your tongues battling, but Keys won. His hands began to explore your body and splaying across your bare back; you silently thanking yourself for deciding not to wear a bra. 

Your hands found their way into his hair, nipping at the shorter ends at the nape of his neck. A low growl escaped him as you could feel a small bulge underneath you. You began to tease him, thrusting your hips into his as you bit his bottom lip, trying to take dominance. 

Your efforts were in vain, though, as Keys suddenly lifted you up and lay you back down on the sofa, his body trapping you. He slowly trailed kisses down your neck towards the valley of your breasts, leaving purple, bruising marks in his wake. Lifting up your top, he licked his lips as your breasts lay bare in front of him, the cold air hitting your nipples.

He immediately attacked one with his mouth, licking and sucking your crowing bud as his hand saw to the other, rubbing and flicking it which sent shock waves through your body. The low moans that escaped your lips only made the tent in his pants grow bigger. 

His hand slid down your stomach and under your pants, moving your underwear slightly and began to tease your clit. He rubbed slow, agonizing circles at first but as he sensed your breathing getting raspy he quickened his movements, making you a quivering mess underneath him. 

Keys looked up at you and nearly came in his pants right there. The sight of you moaning underneath him  was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He slid one finger through your folds and inserted it, moaning as he felt how tight you were. He began to pump quick, inserting a second and third, and was completely amazed by how amazing you were. 

With his free hand, he unzipped his jeans and they clattered to the floor with his underwear following close behind. He pulled away from your breast and pumped himself a few times before slowly entering you. You hissed as your walls stretched to his size. Keys stayed there for a moment until you nodded for him to go.

At first he went slow, careful not to hurt you. But after you moaned for him to go harder, he completely let go of himself. He pounded into you, completely filling you up, your hips slapping together. The familiar feeling in your stomach built up as you begged for him to go faster. “Faster, Keys, I need it faster.” 

He did as he was told and went faster, drilling you into the cushions of the sofa. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as your orgasm took over you, your juices spilling out all over the cushions. Keys wasn’t far after, letting out a low groan as he emptied himself inside you.

You both stayed there for a while, coming down from your highs. Heavy breathing was all that was heard until Keys broke the silence. “I never expected that to happen with someone I just met. But I do have to say, you looked absolutely beautiful.” He leaned down and pecked your lips as he slid out of you. 

He put his pants back on and went to get a towel to clean you up. He gently helped you get dressed and pulled you into his lap. “Thank you for making this day better, Keys. It was the best way to end a horrible day. I just hope that this isn’t just going to be a one time thing.” 

He looked down at you and cupped your face. “Definitely not, I’m never letting you go.” 

#walter mckey #walter mckey x reader #walter mckey imagine #walter mckey fanfiction #walter mckey smut #keys #keys x reader #keys imagine #keys fanfiction #keys smut #free guy #free guy imagine #free guy fanfiction #free guy smut #joe keery #joe keey smut #joe keery imagine #joe keery fanfiction

[sayosdreams]

Picture Us (Together Forever)

Word Count: 26,115

ACOTAR masterlist

__________

TW: mentioned past homelessness, mentioned past abuse, referenced death & suicide

__________

A/N: For @simpingfornestaarcheron, one year late. A huge thank you to @bookstantrash for all your help with everything from brainstorming to beta reading and editing! You're the reason I actually managed to complete this fic. Credit @vidalinav for the 'Cassian's love is loud' concept, which is so ingrained in his character for me that I always end up including it.

I know I haven't posted anything for over a year and a half — I've been busy with college and have gotten into other fandoms — but I hope this long, fluffy fic makes up for my absence. Honestly, it's probably the fluffiest thing I'll ever write of this length. Also, the number of blocks in this post exceeded the Tumblr post limit, so I edited the paragraph layout to fit. The original version is posted on ao3. Please enjoy!

Present day

“Hey, sorry I got a little late,” Nesta announced as she stepped into the apartment she shared with her boyfriend, Cassian. “I got held up at work because some people apparently think my job is to do everything,” she explained as she took off her coat and undid her scarf. “Eris now seems to believe that I’m a secretary and that it’s my job to deal with all the parents who want to sign their kids up for lessons or have questions about our hours. Can you believe that Vassa expects me to cover Eris’ class next Tuesday during my lunch break because he ‘has to be out of town to go apple picking’? And then, to top it off, Briallyn came to talk to me about how some people want the rehearsals for The Firebird to be at a different time. Just because I’m one of the principal dancers doesn’t mean I coordinate the rehearsal times! I don’t know why she doesn’t just talk to the director or choreographer, honestly. It’s so-”

Nesta turned around and fell silent, her eyes widening as she took in the sight before her. The living room was decorated with candles and flowers. Rose petals were lined up on the floor, creating a walkway that led to the coffee table, which was covered in a white tablecloth. Behind the table stood Cassian, wearing a wine-red colored button-down shirt, black pants, and a soft smile. 

“Cassian?” she asked, her confusion evident in her tone. Had she forgotten some important occasion? Nesta quickly ran through the list in her head. But, no, it wasn’t either of their birthdays, or their anniversary, or Valentine’s Day… So why had Cassian done all this? Sure, he had given her flowers ‘just because’ or organized impromptu date nights before, but this was on a whole different level. “What’s going on?”

Cassian’s grin split into an open-toothed smile, even as intensity and slight nervousness swam in his eyes. “Nesta, we met five years ago in the line for tickets to the Bone Carver concert, when you yelled at me for letting my friends cut the line. I turned around to yell right back, and the moment I did, my life changed. You’ve made my life so much better, in so many ways I can’t even find the words to describe. Every day with you is like a dream come true. We’ve made so many fantastic memories together over the years.”

He pulled the tablecloth off the coffee table in a sweeping motion. Nesta inhaled sharply as she took in the collection of polaroid pictures, recalling different special moments in their relationship. The collection was decorated with small doodles that Cassian had clearly drawn himself. 

She sank down to her knees in front of the table. 

“Cassian…” Nesta whispered, “This is beautiful.” 

Her eyes drifted across the paper, until they came to rest on a single photo. Her hand reached out as if she wanted to caress the image, but floated just a hair’s breadth away from it like it was too precious to bear her touch. 

Cassian kneeled down too, and glanced down at the photo she was looking at. He laughed, “Oh, yes. The bookstore date, where you used me as a human bookshelf.”

The corners of Nesta’s lips turned up. “Listen, I just wanted you to know what you were really signing up for.”

Cassian chuckled.

__________

Five years ago

“Where are you taking me?” Nesta asked for the sixth time. 

Cassian once again responded by shushing her, his eyes fixed on the road. 

Nesta sighed. Cassian had somehow managed to drive without using a GPS (a novel feat for him) so she couldn’t even peek at it to figure out their destination. Cassian clearly hadn’t considered how impatient Nesta was when he’d decided to plan a surprise for her. 

Nesta knew she should just sit back in her seat, relax, and enjoy whatever Cassian wanted to surprise her with, but she couldn’t. It wasn’t that she wasn’t excited — of course she was, and she was touched that Cassian had gone through all this effort just to plan a surprise for her. But Nesta couldn’t help but be filled with anxiety. She didn’t always react well to situations she was thrust into unexpectedly, and she wished she at least had a hint about where they were going so that she could prepare accordingly. She didn’t want to start freaking out and push Cassian away, destroying the tentative relationship they had just started to build. 

She trusted Cassian and knew he’d never intentionally put her in a situation that made her uncomfortable. They had met about three months ago and he’d asked her out soon after. Although they hadn’t made anything official yet, Cassian was always so caring and kind to her, more than any of her exes. He always made her laugh and brought her Earl Grey tea with just the right amount of 2% milk. He’d given her his scarf when he’d noticed that she was cold and had never asked for it back. He loved to play with her hair, creating intricate braids as his hands tenderly massaged her head. His body was honed from ice hockey training and he towered over her, and yet he had never once made her nervous or uncomfortable, even when they had been two strangers arguing in line. 

Still, there were many things that Nesta had yet to tell Cassian about. While his gentle sweetness was making her walls come down, bit by bit, she was struggling to open up fully. She didn’t want to risk scaring him away and ruining everything they’d created. 

All in all, she knew Cassian would never try to make her uncomfortable, but there were many things that could set her off that he didn’t know about. If she started freaking out, and she lost him… It was stupid of her to get so attached to someone so quickly. He wasn’t even her boyfriend, for gods’ sake! Only her closest friends knew they were together. They weren’t keeping their relationship a secret, exactly, but telling everyone would put pressure on their relationship that they weren’t ready for. 

Cassian’s best friend, Rhysand, was dating Nesta’s youngest sister, Feyre. The two of them had met on a dating app called Bond a couple weeks after Nesta and Cassian’s encounter. They’d fallen head over heels in love with each other, and had moved in together after just one month. Feyre kept texting the Archeron sisters’ group chat about how much she loved Rhys and how she wanted to marry him. 

Nesta and Cassian needed to take their relationship at their own pace — meaning much, much slower than Feyre and Rhys. If Nesta and Cassian made it official and then broke up later… well, Nesta didn’t want to have to deal with gossip and pitying glances whenever they were at the same place together on top of everything else. Plus, she knew her sisters were nosy romantics who would start asking about going on double dates, planning Nesta and Cassian’s wedding, and making lists of their future babies’ names. 

She couldn’t deal with all of that right now. When her last serious relationship had ended, she’d been left with bruises, a mountain of trust issues, and not much else. It had taken her a long time to put herself back out there again — to trust others with her body, much less her heart. Cassian had proved himself a worthy candidate, willing to be patient with her and put her at ease to help her let her guard down.

What it boiled down to was that she cared about him, far more than she probably should, and it scared the crap out of her. But she was even more afraid of losing him.

“Alright, we’re here!” Cassian’s voice cut through her spiraling thoughts. “Close your eyes.”

Nesta took off her seatbelt and did as he asked. Her heart beat erratically in her chest. She listened to the click of Cassian unbuckling his seatbelt and the boom of his car door shutting. A cold breeze hit her as her door opened. She felt Cassian’s large, calloused hand slide into hers, guiding her as she stepped out of the car. 

“You okay, sweetheart?” he asked. 

“Mhmm,” she replied vaguely. 

A boom sounded, followed by a quick beep beep, indicating Cassian had locked the car.

“We’re almost there, I promise.”

He stood behind her and his hands came to rest on her shoulders, gently turning her to the right and then guiding her path. They walked in silence. Nesta was glad she’d thought to put on a sweater and a jacket as the chilly autumn wind swept past them again. 

Cassian suddenly stopped her and turned her body to the left. 

“Okay,” he said, leaning down to whisper in her ear. His breath was hot against her neck. She shivered. “We’re here.” 

She opened her eyes, and gasped. 

A blue sign with the words “Pegasus Book Company” hung above a blue-framed door. A bell chimed as she entered the shop. Pegasus Book Company was one of the hidden gems of Prythian. Despite being an independent bookstore, it was quite large and well-stocked in many different genres. They also displayed artwork from local artists, which they changed every season. Most of all, the owner, Helion Spell-Cleaver, was said to be amazing at giving book recommendations. Nesta had always wanted to visit Pegasus, but she’d never found the time to drive all the way to Hemera District just to visit one store. She had only mentioned it to Cassian once in the passing. She couldn’t believe that he’d remembered and done this for her. 

“Cassian…” She whispered, her voice full of awe and gratitude. She turned to find him with an uncharacteristically shy smile on his face. 

“Surprise,” he said softly. “Sorry that I made you wait to know where we were going. I wanted to surprise you, but I know I made you kind of nervous when I didn’t tell you where I was driving to. Is it ok? I’m sorry if it felt like I was abducting you. I just wanted to, uh, not ruin the surprise.”

Nesta couldn’t find the words to explain how happy his surprise had made her. Instead, she pressed her lips to his and let the kiss express her feelings. 

When they finally pulled apart, her lips formed a smile that she couldn’t suppress if she tried and she added a quiet and genuine “Thank you.” 

She hoped he could read the emotions in her voice and her eyes to understand how much the thoughtful gesture meant to her. His nervous ramble, while unnecessary given how fantastic the surprise was, just showed how much he cared about her. She didn’t know how to handle such affection and kindness. She felt as though she’d cry or melt or burst with everything he made her feel. He treated her as though she were precious and beautiful, worthy of compassion and care, like her company was a gift. As though she mattered.

Later, as he carried the numerous books she selected and listened attentively to her rants about different characters, books, and authors, she was overwhelmed by the pure joy she felt and some other emotion that it was far too soon for her to name. 

Cassian was special — she’d known it since the moment they’d met, when her sharpness had intrigued him rather than pushed him away. He was so perfect and amazing, and yet cared about her so much that she was still in disbelief. The dread that he would wake up one day and realize that she wasn’t worth the trouble was constantly present, and made her hesitant to give him her all for fear of him shattering her completely. 

But it was already too late. 

She wasn’t fooling anyone, least of all herself, by not putting a label on things. It didn’t change how much she cared about him or how she didn’t want to think about him ever leaving her life. It was only hurting her, and more importantly, him. Nesta knew that her fears and her trauma often made her struggle to express her emotions. She never wanted Cassian to doubt how much he meant to her. Yet, it always felt like Cassian was the one doing things for her: he was the one who had asked for her number, the one who usually texted first and planned their dates, and the one who gave her meaningful gifts and surprises. He never hesitated to show or tell her how much he cared. 

What if he didn’t know? She wondered suddenly. What if he genuinely thought that Nesta didn’t care as much — that their relationship didn’t mean as much to her as it did to him? The despair that the thought brought her was shocking in its intensity. 

So as Cassian sat down in the driver’s seat, ready to turn on the car, Nesta blurted out, “Wait!” 

He turned towards her, his face showing his surprise and concern. She acted instinctively, reaching over to pull his hands towards hers and then interlacing their fingers. She took a deep breath as she steeled her resolve. Cassian’s thumb slowly moved back and forth over her hand in a soothing gesture. He’d evidently noticed her nerves. His soft, silent support served to strengthen her determination that she had to do this. 

“Cassian, thank you so much for today,” she began. “It was such an amazing, thoughtful surprise. I really, really enjoyed it.” 

She paused, considering her next words.

“The past few months have been incredible. I’ve really enjoyed spending time with you. And I-”

“Wait! Nesta, please don’t,” Cassian interrupted. His body had gone tense and his eyes were dull in a way she’d never seen before. His hands had grown sweaty in hers. 

Nesta felt her heart drop. It was too soon, wasn’t it? Oh, gods, what had she been thinking? She’d misread the whole situation. If Cassian had wanted to put a label on their relationship, he would have asked. It was incredibly selfish of her to assume that she was the only one who’d had hangups about it. He would also be put in an awkward situation with Rhys and Feyre. And really, she and Cassian had only known each other for three months. Why had she thought that she should do this? As usual, she was ruining everything by moving too fast and being too intense. 

Cassian continued, his voice choking up slightly, “I know I can be- it can be too much, but I promise, I’ll- we can- this can be whatever you want. We can talk about it and I’ll- I can reel it in. I mean, I’ll respect your boundaries and, uh, wishes and, just. Please, we don’t need to end this completely, just- I-”

He cut himself off as Nesta untangled one of her hands from his. 

“No, wait,” he rushed, his eyes widening in alarm, “if that’s what you really want, then of course I’ll respect it, I just wanted- but- I mean, can we at least stay fr-”

He was cut off again, this time by Nesta’s pointer finger pressing into his lips. 

“Cassian,” she said, in a strong, confident, and reassuring voice, “will you be my boyfriend?” 

His expression morphed instantly, shock and joy flitting over his face.

Nesta waited patiently, sitting in silence, awaiting his answer. She watched as Cassian’s free hand moved to his thigh, which he pinched more than once. Finally, he met her eyes. His mouth was barely curved upwards, as if he was too astonished and emotional to form a smile. 

“Yes,” he replied. 

Cassian’s hand came up to rest ever-so-gently on her cheek as their lips met for a kiss. As they continued to get lost in each other, kissing in the middle of the day in a car parked on the side of a street, Nesta knew that this was what all those fairytales and romance novels were made of.

__________

Present day

“I can’t believe you actually thought I was going to break up with you,” Nesta laughed, shaking her head. “Right after I complimented you, too.”

Cassian shrugged. “It’s a foster kid thing,” he said lightly. “If someone’s being too nice, it just feels like they’re trying to let you down gently.” 

Nesta leaned across the table to press a kiss to his cheek in what she hoped was a reassuring gesture. 

“I’m never going to leave you, stupid,” she said. “You’re stuck with me forever.”

Cassian smirked. “I sure hope so.” 

His eyes moved left to the next polaroid and his hand followed suit, coming to rest right above the image. 

“Do you remember that day?” he asked, tapping his pointer finger on the table. “I was so nervous.”

“What? Why were you nervous? I was the one performing!”

__________

Five years ago

“Do you think the tie is too tight?” Cassian asked, pacing in front of the bathroom mirror. “Did I do it wrong? Fuck, do you think it’s too colorful for a formal event? Maybe I should change it to black?”

“Breath, Cassian, breath,” Azriel replied, half-serious. 

Cassian rolled his eyes. “C’mon, Az,” he pleaded.

“You look fine, Cassian. It’s going to go great. Don’t worry.”

Cassian was still fiddling with his tie. “And you don’t think the color is too much?” 

Azriel raised an eyebrow. “It’s burgundy.” 

Cassian continued to questioningly stare at Azriel.

Az sighed. “The color is fine. The tie is perfect.” He grabbed his jacket from the back of the chair. “Let’s get going.” 

“Oh, shit, are we late?” Cassian scrambled to grab his suit jacket, his keys, and his wallet. Where were those flowers he’d bought? “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have spent so much time worrying about my fucking tie.” He could have sworn he’d left them on the dining table, but that was empty save for the collection of books, papers, and notebooks that Azriel had organized into neat piles. Cassian checked the kitchen counters, only to find them empty, too. Had he put them in his room? He really needed to get more organized. They were already getting late, and he was going to further delay them. “You know what, just let me- You go ahead, I’ll catch up with you later, once I find the bouquet.” 

“Cassian. Cassian!” Azriel snapped his fingers. Cassian paused his frantic search to look at Azriel, who was carrying Cassian’s bouquet in his arms along with two others. “I’ve got it, see? Now, let’s go.” 

Before Cassian could open his mouth, Az added, “We’re not late, don’t worry.” 

As they entered Bryaxis Hall, where the performance was being held, Cassian expected to feel the last of his nerves disappear. 

As soon as he stepped inside, he realized how wrong he was. 

The hall was decadent. The ceiling was higher than a three-story house, the floor was marble with a simple yet elegant carpet running down the center, and Greco-roman pillars with intricate designs lined the hall. A chandelier hung above the grand staircase. The walls were decorated with high relief panels, each portraying a distinct myth or story. 

He followed Azriel up the stairs in silence. He was too consumed by the message every piece of architecture and decoration seemed to be yelling at him: he didn’t belong here. 

It wasn’t like he’d never been to a fancy party before: the NHL had plenty of galas, but even when he was surrounded by his teammates and friends, he always felt like a fraud in a suit. 

Cassian wasn’t meant for luxuries and refinement. He’d grown up dirt poor, even when his mother had still been around. After her death, he’d essentially lived out of a backpack. He’d even spent a few nights out on the streets when he’d been placed in particularly bad foster homes. Until he’d met Shirina, Rhysand’s mother, he had never even eaten chocolate — at least that he could remember. 

He’d only been to watch ballet once before. Shirina had insisted that they see the Nutcracker for Yule, as that had been a tradition in her family. Rhys, being the eleven-year-old that he was, had complained the whole way about being dragged there against his will. Ayla, Rhys’ younger sister, had grumbled about having to watch the Nutcracker again, instead of seeing something different like Swan Lake. Cassian had remained silent. At twelve, he didn’t want to admit that he was interested and excited, for fear of appearing uncool. Still, he was curious and was glad that Shirina had remained insistent despite her children’s protests. 

The ballet had enraptured him. He sat there, amazed by the graceful movements, the silent jumps, the whip-fast pirouettes, and the perfectly synchronized motions. 

Now, as he glanced down at the playbill, he felt completely unqualified to be here. He had no idea what La Bayadère was about — quite frankly, he wouldn’t even know how to pronounce it if Nesta hadn’t told him. He didn’t know any of the ballet terminology, either. How was he going to tell Nesta what he thought of the performance if he didn’t even know how to verbalize it? 

He glanced over at Azriel, hoping to gain some insight. Azriel was close friends with Nesta and two of Nesta’s ballerina friends, Gwyn and Emerie, who were also in tonight’s ballet. Right as Cassian was about to ask, the lights dimmed and the audience fell silent. 

Cassian worried whether he would be able to focus on the performance with all of his anxieties swirling around his head. Nesta deserved his full attention — she had been practicing for this for so long, and had poured her heart and soul into her ballet. There were so many times when she’d been late to dates, staying back in her studio to practice a move that she wanted to perfect. 

But Cassian needn’t have worried. The moment the ballet began, he was completely in its thrall. All his thoughts fled. He sat there, mesmerized, as the ballerinas danced. When Nesta entered, his breath caught in his throat. She was radiant on stage, looking like a goddess, a queen, and a warrior-princess all wrapped up in one. 

After the show, when he handed her the bouquet and told her how incredible she’d been on stage, her expression made it all worth it. Her cheeks, flushed with exhaustion, were rounded as her mouth split into a jubilant smile. Her eyes were awed, as if she was so grateful for his words and presence but couldn’t quite believe he was here. Despite all of his anxieties, he wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere else. 

And as Cassian drove home, he realized he couldn’t wait to see Nesta’s next ballet performance. 

__________

Present day

“It really did mean the world to me that you came, you know,” Nesta admitted. “And I was so nervous about what you’d think.”

“Of course I was impressed! Anyone in their right mind would be.” His comment was light. There was no need to mention that Nesta’s ex, Tomas, had considered her job to be a ‘useless passion’ that ‘should only be a hobby’. Both of them knew Tomas was a hateful piece of shit who had done his best to drag Nesta down, and were infinitely grateful that she’d gotten away from him. 

Nesta shot Cassian a small smile before turning back to the pictures.

“Oh! The snowball fight!” She snorted. “Don’t show this to Rhys and Az, we don’t want to remind them.” 

Cassian rolled his eyes, grinning. “They’re big babies.”

__________

Five years ago

Nesta turned around, startled, as someone tapped her shoulder. 

She had been shoveling snow for the last thirty minutes in the dim light of the rising sun. Normally, she loved lying around in bed on snowy days. She was content to sit inside, drinking hot chocolate, watching the world through the window and feeling as though she had been transported inside a snow globe. One of the few perks of living in an apartment was that she didn’t need to shovel snow. 

Last night, however, she had stayed over at Cassian’s townhouse. Cassian’s roommate, Azriel, had gone out, presumably to spend the night with someone. Nesta considered Az to be a friend, but he was extremely private; she had no idea if he was seeing someone, let alone who that someone might be.

Nesta turned around. 

Cassian was standing there, arms crossed, with one eyebrow raised. “Nesta, why didn’t you wake me up?” 

Nesta rolled her eyes and turned back around to keep shoveling. “You’re sore.”

She hadn’t expected to wake up to snow piled up almost five centimeters on the ground. It was the first snow of the winter, and she wanted nothing more than to watch the snow fall from the warmth of Cassian’s bed, curled up against her boyfriend. 

Then, she recalled the numerous bruises and cuts on Cassian’s body that she’d tended to yesterday. He had gotten thoroughly roughed up at his game, though when she’d remarked on it, he’d just laughed and replied that this didn’t even count as getting injured in ice hockey. Still, she’d seen him wincing as he reached to the left when he thought she wasn’t looking. 

So when she’d seen the snow this morning, she’d decided that, instead of going back to sleep, she would shovel the entire walkway and driveway before Cassian woke up. 

Clearly, she’d failed. 

“I’m fine!” Cassian replied, just as Nesta had anticipated. “I’m not-”

Nesta cut him off by shushing him. 

She had a little less than half the driveway left to shovel. She was adept at the art of ignoring someone trying to talk to you: after all, she’d grown up with two little sisters. So as Cassian continued to complain that he was not actually hurt and tried to convince her to hand over the shovel, she just tuned him out and focused on her task. She was making pretty good progress, in her opinion. Sure, her fingers were a little cold even in her gloves, but the desire to keep going and not let Cassian help at all motivated her. The spite kept her warm. 

She was almost a third way done when she heard coughing. She stopped abruptly and turned to Cassian, who was wiping snow off of his face.

Her eyes widened. “Oh my gods! I’m so sorry!” 

Cassian just laughed. “What, you didn’t mean to cover me in snow?”

He leaned down and grabbed a fist full of snow. “Let me show you a faster way to get rid of all this snow, sweetheart.” Nesta barely had time to duck before the snowball flew in her direction.

Abandoning the shovel, she ran away from him. Then, she made her own snowball, which she hid in her hand as she smiled at Cassian innocently. He smiled back and walked towards her until- Wham! Her snowball hit him square in the chest.

Nesta cheered. 

He gasped “Betrayal!” 

As she dodged his next snowball by a hair’s breadth, she stuck her tongue out at him. 

Her cold dissipated as their snowball fight continued. The progress she’d made on the driveway and walkway had definitely been ruined, but she found that she couldn’t care less. Twenty minutes later, when they went back inside, covered in snow, both of them were grinning ear to ear. 

It wasn’t until after they’d showered, changed, and were sipping hot chocolate that Cassian exclaimed, “Shit!” 

His drink sloshed, spilling out of his mug. Nesta took a large sip of her hot chocolate — it really did taste divine with marshmallows — and looked at him questioningly over the rim of her mug.

“You can’t tell Rhys,” Cassian pleaded. “He wouldn’t understand. We need to keep this a secret.”

“What, that I had a snowball fight with my boyfriend?” Nesta answered incredulously. 

Cassian’s face, however, was completely serious. “Yes.” 

“I wasn’t planning on telling him,” Nesta said, struggling not to laugh, “but now I’m curious to see what’ll happen, so…”

“No!” Cassian’s eyes went wide. “You see, every year, when it first snows, Rhys, Az, and I have a snowball fight. It’s a tradition we’ve had for years. If they find out that I had a snowball fight with you first…” Cassian shook his head, as if the possibilities were too horrific to even consider.

“So basically, you cheated on them with me?” A drop of hot chocolate spilled over and ran down the side of Nesta’s mug. She caught it with her finger, which she then brought to her lips.

Cassian’s eyes followed her finger. His Adam's apple bobbed as her finger left her mouth with a pop.

“I, uh, yeah.” He cleared his throat. 

She smirked. “Well, I haven’t told them, but I did tell Gwyn and Emerie in our group chat when they asked what I was up to, so Az is definitely going to find out.”

Cassian groaned, putting his face in his hands. Nesta just continued sipping her hot chocolate, laughing quietly.

__________

Present day

“They’re definitely going to hold that against us forever,” Cassian sighed. “They were so mad. That whole winter, I had to watch my back. They just kept pelting me with snowballs whenever they got the chance.” 

“It was hilarious,” Nesta grinned. Then, catching Cassian’s look, she corrected herself. “I mean, it was very terrifying.” She tried for a serious expression but failed, erupting into laughter.

Cassian rolled his eyes, but she could see the smile he was trying to suppress.

“You know what else they’re going to hold against me forever?” Nesta pointed at the polaroid right under the one they’d been looking at. “This. I think I almost gave them heart attacks.”

“Oh, yes. Now, that was hilarious,” Cassian agreed.

__________

Four years ago

Vroom.

Nesta pulled up to the front of the lane, right as the light turned red. Sighing, she raised her face shield. 

She turned to the right, glancing absently at the car in the lane next to her. It was a black Mercedes-Benz, the same car Rhysand owned. As she looked through the rolled-down driver’s seat window, she realized that it was literally the same car, because Rhys was the one driving.

She called out to him, and he turned towards her — then did a double take.

“You- wha- how are you driving Cassian’s motorcycle?” Rhys spluttered. 

Azriel’s head peeked out behind Rhys’. They sported matching shocked expressions, complete with comically wide eyes, raised eyebrows, and parted lips. 

Nesta smirked. “It’s quite easy, actually. I wasn’t sure how I’d do, since I’d never driven a motorcycle before but,” Nesta patted the handles, “she’s a smooth ride.”

That was not what they’d meant by their question. 

Cassian had always dreamed of owning a motorcycle. After going through his finances and realizing that he could afford one now without stretching himself out too thin, he’d finally bought one last week. 

The motorcycle was his prized possession and he was fiercely protective of it. He took the time to polish it after each ride, checking to make sure there wasn’t a single scratch on his treasure. Rhys and Az had been begging to ride it ever since he’d gotten it, but he’d starkly refused, claiming they were both too irresponsible. It was laughable, because Azriel was easily the most responsible member of their trio, but even he wasn’t allowed to do more than look at it. When Az had run a single finger across the paint, Cassian had pulled him away, declaring that Azriel was being too rough and that he clearly hadn’t thought about how the oils from his fingers would interact with the materials on the bike to shorten its lifespan. Azriel had pointed out that the motorcycle was meant to be ridden, but Cassian had ignored him. 

Of course it made sense that Cassian would be so overprotective of his motorcycle. He had never had many possessions. He hadn’t ever owned more than one pair of shoes until he was thirteen, when Shirina insisted on getting him snow boots and dress shoes. He’d replied, “But my sneakers still fit,” confused, and grew even more confused when Shirina wrapped him in a hug in response. 

A motorcycle was something he’d never realistically imagined being able to afford. He’d look at magazines and at the seniors who’d pull up to high school in the Harvey-Davidsons that their fathers had bought them, thinking about what kind of motorcycle he would have wanted if he’d been born to rich parents who were still alive. Now that his wildest dream had become reality, he would guard it to the best of his ability.

He knew that Rhys and Azriel would treasure it as well. They knew that he loved the bike and would never do anything to intentionally harm it. Yet, they had both grown up with money. They didn’t understand the instinct Cassian had to protect the little that was his, because they had grown up with so much to claim as their own. To them, possessions were replaceable. Despite the wealth Cassian had gained, he could never shake off the memory of being a child curled around a backpack as he slept on the street instead of covering himself with it for warmth because he was afraid it would get stolen. 

So when Cassian had casually offered to let Nesta try riding it, she was shocked to say the least. 

“Are you sure?” she’d asked about a hundred times, but his answer never changed. When she’d admitted that she had never ridden a motorcycle before, he had just replied, “I’m honored to be your first,” with a wink. He then took Nesta, who was blushing and rolling her eyes, outside to teach her the basics. 

“Alright,” he said with a clap, twenty minutes later. 

Nesta got off the bike, assuming he wanted to return it to its position in the garage. 

“Want to take it for a whirl?” he said instead.

She spun around to face him. “Really? But I… I wouldn’t want to damage your motorcycle. I know how important it is to you and, well, are you sure you want me to ride it?”

Cassian just shrugged, smiling. “No pressure, of course, if you’d rather not ride a motorcycle, but I’d love for you to try.” Something shifted in his eyes as he said, “I’d love to share it with you.”

Nesta blinked. She had grown up very differently from Cassian. She’d been born into a wealthy, upper-class family that later lost its wealth when her father got laid off and her mother fell ill. The medical bills piled up as her father searched in vain for work during a recession, and once her mother passed away, her father fell into the arms of alcoholic depression. Luckily, Nesta had enough training and experience by that point to gain a scholarship to her ballet school. 

So while Nesta had experienced poverty, it was never in the way that Cassian had. She could only understand Cassian’s desperation to hold on to his possession on an intellectual level. 

She didn’t know why he would trust her with something so precious.

“Of course I trust you,” Cassian added, as though he’d read her mind. He kissed her on the forehead, as if to say ‘you’re precious to me’. Nesta closed her eyes. 

“Um,” she whispered, then cleared her throat to continue in a stronger voice, “I’d be honored.” Then, she glanced down at the dress she was wearing. “Maybe tomorrow?” she added.

Cassian laughed that hearty, deep laugh that always made her heart clench. “Can’t wait, sweetheart.”

So here she was, the next day, riding Cassian’s motorcycle. She’d been sure to dress more appropriately in her leather pants, jacket, and boots. She asked Cassian to confirm that her outfit was ok, just to make sure. He hummed approvingly as she spun around.

He then sat her down, and put on her elbow pads and knee pads on her. If it had been anyone else, she would have complained incessantly about being treated like a child; because it was Cassian, who touched her so tenderly as he adjusted the straps, she couldn’t feel anything except gratitude and joy. 

“Ready?” He asked as she sat down on the bike. She gave him a thumbs up as he took a step back, gazing as though he was an artist who was looking at the tableau he’d painted. Dressed all in black, atop a black motorcycle, Nesta felt like she cut quite the figure. She felt powerful, as though she could do anything. 

She turned on the engine and was about to get going when Cassian shouted, “Wait!” and ran over to her. She paused, looking up at Cassian as he ran over to her and lifted her face shield. 

He kissed her, hard, and she melted into it. When he pulled away, she sat there for a moment, dazed. She brought a hand to her lips and continued to stare at Cassian. His parted lips were dark red, stained with her lipstick. 

She took a deep breath, blinking a few times to regain her focus and dispel all the images of a naked Cassian from her mind. She pulled down her face shield, revved the motorcycle, and set off. 

“But- how did you get Cass to agree to let you ride his bike?” Azriel asked, astounded.

Nesta shrugged, grinning. “What, like it’s hard?”

She zoomed off as the light turned green, leaving Rhys and Az in the dust with their mouths hanging wide open. 

__________

Present day

“I’ll cherish that moment forever,” Nesta laughed. 

Cassian grinned back at her, then pointed to a picture in the bottom row. 

“You know what I’ll cherish forever? This one.”

Nesta looked at it and sighed. “Great, now mine seems shallow. Why do you have to be so kind and thoughtful?”

“I’ll try to stop.”

“That would be much appreciated.”

__________

Four years ago

Cheers filled the rink.

“GO DRAKON!” yelled the girl sitting right next to Nesta.

Emerie, who was sitting on her other side, held back a hissing Nesta by grabbing both her shoulders. 

“That was ridiculous,” Nesta said through clenched teeth. “Why isn’t the ref saying anything? That was definitely a foul!” 

“It was a beautiful goal,” Rhysand corrected.

Nesta’s fiery glare turned to him and he withered as she snapped, “Whose side are you on?”

It was Nesta’s first time being at Cassian’s game. Of course, she’d seen his games on TV before, but both of them had agreed that she should wait before attending a game and being in the presence of all his fans and the media. Now that they had been officially dating for over a year, they’d both felt it was time. Nesta’s best friends, Gwyn and Emerie, had decided to accompany her. They had both claimed that they just wanted to watch the game, but she knew that they really were there to provide her with moral support.

Sadly, Cassian’s team — the Velaris Ghost Leopards — was currently losing 4-2 to the Adriata Sirens. Nesta, who never followed ice hockey closely until meeting Cassian, had been yelling up a storm as passionately as any long-time die-hard Ghost Leopards fan. They were about halfway through the third period and any hope that the Ghost Leopards could win was slowly disappearing. Especially as Jurian Zbirak, the Sirens’ center, passed discreetly to Varian Ulwandle, the left winger who was famously good at scoring. 

“I can’t watch,” Gwyn grimaced as Varian got past the Ghost Leopards’ defenceman, Andras Lupo. The crowd held their breath as Varian took the shot and- 

“Saved!” Emerie yelled as Rhysand let out a whoop. 

Thesan Vu, the Ghost Leopards’ goalie, had managed to save it beautifully.

Nesta gasped loudly as Kallias Neve, the Ghost Leopards’ center, took the puck and skated forward. Unfortunately, the other team’s defense was extremely strong, and caught sight of him almost immediately. Kallias cut sharply to the left, but the defenseman Eris Vanserra quickly shifted positions to block him. 

“No, no, no, no, no,” Nesta chanted. Emerie was biting her nails anxiously next to her and Azriel was covering his mouth with his hands.

Kallias tried to deke Eris by feigning left and then cutting right, but Eris had seen through his tricks and was about to steal the puck when- 

Nesta jumped out of her seat. “Look!”

Kallias had managed to trick Eris after all. He’d drop passed the puck to Cassian, who was now zooming towards the goal. By the time Eris and Devlon Lyons, the other Sirens defenseman, realized and headed for Cassian, it was already too late. 

Nesta held her breath as Cassian got into position, took the shot and- 

“He scored!” Nesta cheered at the top of her lungs. 

Her throat was definitely going to be sore tomorrow but she didn’t even care. 

She watched as Cassian lit up with glee and his teammates congratulated him. This was why she cheered so hard, why she cared so much about the sport. It wasn’t as though she’d magically become obsessed with ice hockey when she’d met Cassian. No, it was the joy that the sport brought him and the way he put his heart and soul into it — giving it his all at every game, every training, every play — that made her passionate about it. Cassian worked so incredibly hard at hockey and it was such a big part of his life. How could something so important to him not be important to her, too? 

Cassian’s eyes locked on hers. Nesta froze. 

He brought his left hand to his lips and blew her a kiss. 

The crowd went wild as Cassian’s fans assumed he’d blown it to them. But Nesta could only sit down, dazed. She didn’t know why she felt so shocked that her boyfriend had blown her a kiss. They’d done far more than kiss, for gods’ sake. Perhaps it was because it had been in front of everyone, like Cassian was declaring his affection for her publicly and showing that he wasn’t ashamed of being with her. Or maybe it was the fact that he’d thought of her in the middle of a game, as though he never stopped thinking about her, even when he was singularly focused on ice hockey.

Emerie elbowed Nesta in the ribs and stage-whispered, “Your face is red, you know.” 

“Shut up,” was Nesta’s dignified response.

With five minutes left in the period, the Sirens held control of the puck.

“Are they just wasting time, trying to run out the clock?” Nesta huffed. “That’s fucking ridiculous.”

Drakon Aliyev — the Sirens’ right winger — kept passing back and forth with the Jurian and Varian, barely moving forward. 

“C’mon!” Rhysand jeered. 

Suddenly, with thirty seconds left on the clock, Jurian sped forward. He weaved between Ghost Leopards’ players, dodging and deking them. 

Twenty seconds. 

Andras closed in on Jurian, but Jurian back passed to Drakon right before Andras caught up to him. Drakon skated past them, zigzagging to avoid the other players who attempted to catch up to him. 

Ten seconds.

As Lucien — the Ghost Leopards’ other defenseman — moved in to body-check him, Drakon made eye contact with Varian, who had skated forward and was completely open. Drakon turned towards Varian, leaning his left shoulder down to pass to him.

Five seconds. 

Lucien shifted to guard Drakon’s right side, blocking him from passing to Varian. 

Four.

Drakon turned his hockey stick, which was on the left of the puck, to position it behind the puck, and aimed at the goal. Lucien scrambled to move back to his previous position in front of Drakon. 

Three. 

Drakon’s stick hit the puck, taking a strong shot. It flew through the middle of Lucien’s legs, headed straight towards the goal.

Two. 

Thesan shifted his stick and crouched down, moving into position to block the puck. 

One.

The puck landed on the ice a hair’s breadth in front of Thesan and slid through the small gap between his stick and his foot, straight into the goal.

Zero.

The crowd erupted into cheers and shouts. 

Nesta was chief among them. “What? That’s crazy! The puck was not completely over the line before the buzzer! Why the fuck are they counting it?” 

“It actually was,” Rhysand replied. “Wasn’t it an amazing buzzer beater, Az?”

Nesta was fuming. “What? Were you even watching the game? About a third of the puck hadn’t crossed the line! Don’t you agree, Az?” 

Az looked between them with wide eyes and then wisely chose to say, “Hey, why don’t we try to go catch Cassian before he has to go to the changing room?” 

Nesta was still grumbling as they walked up to where Cassian was talking to his teammates.

Azriel tapped him on the shoulder and he spun around, his disappointed frown turning into a friendly smile. Then, his eyes landed on Nesta and his expression softened. 

Nesta peered up at him and sent him a small smile. But a second later, she resumed her muttering, hissing under her breath, “I can’t fucking believe the refs don’t give a shit about the Sirens’ blatant cheating.”

Rhysand, who was standing right next to Nesta, groaned loudly. Cassian raised an eyebrow at him. “This one,” Rhys began, tilting his head towards Nesta, “hasn’t stopped complaining about the Sirens and the refs.” He rolled his eyes, exasperated. “They didn’t fucking cheat, Nesta. They won. Just accept it and move on.” He turned to Cassian with a glance that said ‘urg, can you believe her?’ 

Unfortunately for Rhysand, he was not met with the sympathetic backup he’d anticipated from Cassian. Instead, Cassian’s face split into a huge grin that only widened when Nesta retorted, “Well, it’s true! I swear the puck wasn’t fully over the line when I heard the buzzer. The refs were definitely biased, because they called the Ghost Leopards’ offsides in period 1 but not any of the Sirens’ fouls!” 

He let out a breathy laugh as wonder and joy lit up his eyes. He enveloped Nesta with his arms, burying his smile in her hair. 

Time froze.

Their eyes closed like camera shutters as they stood still, taking in the moment and committing it to memory. They were both silent, too overwhelmed by the intensity of their emotions.

An eternity later, Cassian broke the silence, whispering “Thank you” into Nesta’s neck. He let her go, but not before pressing a kiss against her cheek.

__________

Present day

“You know, it meant the world to me to see that you defended me so fiercely.” Cassian’s tone was sincere but still light, as one could only be with those whom they’d been vulnerable with many times before. “To know that you cared so much about me… well. It’s not like no one cared about me before, you know, obviously I had Rhys and Az and stuff, but I still struggled with really believing that people could care about me — that I could matter to people. That moment… Of course it didn’t completely ‘fix’ me,” Cassian made air quotes with his fingers, “but I think that’s when it really clicked and I realized that you felt the same way about me that I felt about you — that I mattered to you, too.”

Nesta swallowed, realizing that she was choking up, which was extremely uncharacteristic of her. The closest she usually got to crying was when she read about fictional characters, and even then she almost never felt tears welling up as they were now. 

“I love you,” Nesta answered quietly. It was the truth, plain and simple. “You matter to me, and you always have.”

“I love you too,” Cassian answered. His hand reached out to cover hers and gave it a gentle squeeze. 

A moment later, he pointed to another polaroid in the bottom row. 

“This one was next, right?”

“Yeah,” Nesta said, her eyes twinkling as she reminisced. “Those views were so worth it, but damn, I don’t think I’ve ever been as tired and sore.”

Cassian smirked. “Oh really? Not even-”

“Nope,” Nesta interrupted with a smirk of her own.

Cassian blinked, as though her reply had genuinely shocked him. Once he recovered, he answered, “Well, we’ll have to change that, won’t we?” 

He winked. 

Nesta rolled her eyes, but brought a hand to cheek to cover what she assumed was her rather obvious blush. 

__________

Four years ago

“Are you sure you don’t need to drink more water?” Cassian asked again.

“Yes, Cassian, I’m just as sure as I was when you asked me two seconds ago,” Nesta replied, a small smile on her lips despite her slight irritation at his repetitive questioning. Nesta would never in a million years admit that she liked Cassian’s coddling, but in truth she did enjoy knowing how much he cared. 

They’d decided to get away from the city for a week to go on the backpacking trip they’d been talking about for months now. Miraculously, Cassian’s off-season had aligned perfectly with Nesta’s and they intended to make full use of it. 

Initially, they had considered inviting some of their friends and family to join them on a hike to a different location, but after Nesta’s argument with Rhysand over reproductive freedoms dissolved into an intense shouting match with personal attacks, Cassian had decided to limit the trip to just the two of them. He’d hoped to give them some space from each other to help them cool off. 

There was also an additional reason he had decided not to invite anyone else — most notably Rhysand — that he hadn’t told Nesta. The day after the row, Cassian had gone to see Rhysand, hoping to help clear the air. Instead of being regretful and guilty, Rhysand had been stubborn, claiming that Nesta was the only one who needed to apologize. He called Nesta a “vicious bitch”, saying that he didn’t know why Cassian would want to be with such a “fucked up person who clearly had way too many issues” and “only wanted Cassian for the money and fame”. When he laughed, “The sex must be really good for you to put up with her,” spitting out the last word as though Nesta was the scum of the Earth who wasn’t even worthy of being named by Rhysand, Cassian had exploded. 

He’d completely lost it, snarling and hurling insults at Rhys. He’d yelled that Rhys was clearly so insecure that he couldn’t accept when he was wrong and had to tear others down to try to fix his fragile ego. 

“Maybe you want to pretend you’re perfect because you don’t know how to love people, flaws and all,” Cassian had hissed. “So yeah, Nesta might have some ‘issues’ but so do I. And guess what? That’s fine. We still care about each other, for real. Unlike you, we don’t feel the need to lie about who we are. At least our relationship is real and is based on honesty and truth.” 

It had been a low blow, to allude to his previous relationships. Rhys had dated Amarantha, a wealthy actress and politician’s daughter, at his parents’ request back when Rhys’ dad, Hadrian, was still running the conglomerate called Night Court Corporations which was later passed down to Rhys. This had been both a PR stunt, which showed rivals just how strong and influential their family was and distracted the media from Ayla’s underage drunk driving, and a way to gain Amarantha’s father’s support in giving Night Court Corporations a tax break. Their relationship had been faker than Amarantha’s tan. 

His only real relationship before Feyre had been with Carmella, a girl who worked at a coffee shop he used to frequent, although calling it ‘real’ was a stretch, as Rhysand had lied to her about his family and his past. They had dated for almost a year, and Az and Cassian had met the poor girl numerous times, but Rhysand had insisted that he would keep being ‘Reese, son of an office worker’ when he was with her in order to avoid ‘getting used’. 

So yes, the comment had been mean and Cassian had felt slightly guilty about it, despite it being true. 

But then, Rhys had retorted, “Real? Please, Cassian, I can’t believe that you can’t see through her! She doesn’t ‘care about you’ or whatever, she only cares about the money, just like everybody else like her!”

Cassian’s eyes had narrowed and he’d slowly bit out, “Like her? What do you mean by that?”

His eyes had flashed with rage and pain, because he’d known exactly what Rhysand meant. 

His suspicions were confirmed when Rhys’ expression had twitched. He’d meant people who weren’t as famous, as well-to-do, as wealthy. People who didn’t have a trust fund or a summer house or extra cars. People who couldn’t take vacations or make big purchases without saving up first. People who couldn’t say ‘money isn’t a problem’. People like Nesta who had to have side jobs in addition to their main one just to be able to afford rent in a city like Velaris. And people like Cassian, for whom even food and housing and safety had never been a guarantee, let alone new clothing or vacations. 

Rhysand had just implied that Cassian had never cared about Rhysand or Shirina or Ayla or Hadrian. That Cassian had only been with them for the money and that all the love he had for them was fake. 

Rhysand stayed silent.

Cassian repeated, “What do you mean, Rhys?”

“Look, I didn’t mean to offend you. It wasn’t about- I’m just trying to help you! She doesn’t actually care.” At Cassian’s murderous glare, he amended, “And even if she does, she doesn’t deserve you! I’m just trying to rescue you, man.”

“Rescue me?” Cassian laughed, coldly. “I’m not some semi-homeless kid anymore. I don’t need a fucking hero to save me. Maybe you want to think I’m some helpless victim because you can’t stand the fact that I’m finally happy and I don’t need you anymore. How are you going to feed your savior complex now?”

Rhysand scoffed, glaring down at him as though Cassian were a peasant and he were a god. It only served to fuel the cold flames of Cassian’s anger.

“Or maybe you don’t like that I’m succeeding,” Cassian said, his voice quiet and dangerous. “You don’t like that I’m rich and famous and I did it all on my own. I worked hard and got here and I’m only gonna keep rising. Who are you gonna look down at now to remind yourself just what a special little boy you are?”

Rhysand rolled his eyes. “Rich? Please, Cassian, you’re doing okay, but you could never be as rich as me. And all on your own? Need I remind you that I gave you a house and food and clothes? I paid for your hockey gear and for chauffeurs to drive you to games. You worked hard, sure, but so did I. We’re the same, so stop trying to act like you’re any better than me.”

“Aww, did I hurt your fragile little ego?” Cassian pouted mockingly. “You know that you didn’t do any of that, right? Shirina and Hadrian paid for all those things. And yes, they helped me, but at least I got my job because of skill and hard work. You got yours because you were born a boy. We’re not the same and we’ll never be.”

“You’re right,” Rhysand replied coolly. “We’re not the same. I don’t know why I ever bothered to pretend otherwise.”

Cassian had stormed out, tossing a “By the way, it’s called a taxi, not a chauffeur!” over his shoulder as he exited.

Admittedly, it had not been his best comeback.

After that incident, Cassian had decided not to speak to Rhys for a while, let alone invite him on any trips.

As they hiked up the hilly landscape, Cassian was grateful he’d decided to spend this time alone with Nesta instead. Somehow, the whole trip felt so much more meaningful with her by his side, like this was a glimpse at the life they were building together. 

“Gods, my legs are definitely going to hurt after today,” Nesta mumbled as they hiked up an especially steep section.

“Are you okay? Do you want to take a break- or should I carry you?” Cassian hurriedly replied. 

Nesta just laughed, staring pointedly at his backpack. “Literally how?”

Cassian gestured to his front. “You doubt my strength?”

“Yes,” Nesta teased, sticking her tongue out at him before speed walking ahead. 

“Wait up!”

Each night, they shared a tent. Despite starting out in sleeping bags on separate mattress pads, they always ended up cuddling together, supposedly for warmth. A couple nights in, Nesta figured out how to zip their sleeping bags together to create a single larger sleeping bag, whispering “Oh no, there’s only one bed!” as she did so. 

Every morning, Cassian would wake Nesta up with a kiss to her cheek. She’d always scrunch her face and groggily mutter, “No, don’t do that, I’m disgusting.”

“You could never be disgusting, sweetheart,” Cassian would reply, prompting Nesta to open her eyes only to roll them at him. 

When they finally arrived at Windhaven Overlook, their destination, they spent a day admiring the views and having a small picnic. 

“Thanks for bringing me here,” Nesta said, resting her head on Cassian’s shoulder. “It means a lot that you’d want to share this with me.”

Cassian kissed her forehead in response. 

He had been to this spot only twice before, but it was still one of the most important locations for him. 

The first time, Enalius had brought him here. Enalius was a man close to Cassian’s heart. They’d first met when Enalius approached Cassian, whose face was glued to a window, watching an ice hockey team practice. Cassian had snuck into the skating rink for warmth and to use the vending machines and the water fountains, but had let his guard down, enthralled by the skaters. 

“Are you spying on them?” were the first words out of Enalius’ mouth. 

“What? NO!” Cassian had tried to run, but Enalius clasped his shoulder with a strong arm. 

“Really? What team do you play for?”

“I don’t play hockey!” 

At that, Enalius had frowned. “Really? That’s a shame. I think you might be good at it. Why don’t you ask your parents to sign you up for a class sometime?” 

Cassian’s eyes had dropped to the floor. “No, that’s okay.”

“C’mon, now,” Enalius had tried again. “I’m sure you could be better than those boys in no time.”

“I’ve never even skated before.”

Enalius raised an eyebrow as Cassian furiously backtracked, realizing that he’d basically admitted he’d snuck in. 

“Uh, I mean, I’ve never skated in, uh, hockey rinks with, uh-”

Enalius smiled. “Don’t worry, kid.” He looked Cassian up and down once more and sighed, “Are you sure you don’t want to give it a try? You’ll never know what it’s like until you give it a go.”

Cassian shrugged.

“Well, if you ever think you want to, just tell the lady at the counter over there that Enalius Ramiel told you to sign up for a lesson with him, okay? And get your parents to sign all the release forms and stuff.”

“Oh, they, uh, can’t do that.”

Enalius cocked his head. “Should I talk to them? Don’t worry, lessons aren’t actually that expensive, and I’ll give you a little discount.”

“No, um, you can’t talk to them,” Cassian mumbled uncomfortably.

Enalius took a step back. “Sorry kid, didn’t mean to pressure you. Lemme know if you ever want me to talk to your parents or anything.”

As Enalius started to turn around, Cassian was suddenly caught by a panic and blurted, “You can’t talk to them ’cause they’re dead.” 

Enalius froze. 

“Oh,” he said after a moment. “I see.” 

He studied Cassian’s face for a moment and then grabbed his hand, power-walking towards the check-in counter. They cut to the front of a long line of people as Enalius flashed a badge.

“Hey, Val, can we book rink 3 for a private lesson?” Enalius asked the lady at the counter with a grin. 

“Sure, when do you want to schedule it for?” 

“Now.” 

Val raised her eyebrows. “Now? Are you joking?” 

Enalius shook his head. 

Val just sighed. “Fine, but I don’t think the ice has been refreshed in a while. Also, it’s booked after 5:30, so you’ve got a little less than an hour.”

“Thanks, Val, you’re the best.” Then, he turned to Cassian. “What size are your feet?” 

“Um… 6?” Cassian guessed, rounding up a size from his current too-small sneakers. 

“A pair of size 6 hockey skate rentals, too,” Enalius added. “Put it all on my tab.”

Then, he leaned in to whisper something Cassian couldn’t hear, which made Val sigh, “Oh, Ali, I hope you know what you’re doing.” 

The next hour had changed Cassian's life. He’d started out wobbling, barely staying vertical and walking instead of skating on the ice. By the end, he was gliding effortlessly, skating around and in between the cones Enalius set up. He fell in love with ice skating. 

So Cassian returned, day after day, getting free private lessons from Enalius, and he soon became enamored by ice hockey, too.

Enalius became Cassian’s mentor, not only teaching him hockey but also buying Cassian snacks or dinner and making sure he got back safely. It was Enalius who later introduced Shirina, his childhood friend, to Cassian, further changing his life.

It wasn’t until much later that Cassian learned what a famous and successful hockey player Enalius was. Enalius remained Cassian’s coach right until he joined the NHL himself.

There were few people who were as important to Cassian as Enalius. And that was why this place that Enalius had brought him to years ago was so special to Cassian. 

Shirina, Hadrian, Rhysand, and Ayla had decided to go abroad and travel alongside some cousins during fall break. Enalius had overheard Shirina hesitating about leaving Cassian home alone for the week and had offered to take him on a trip of their own. Cassian, who had never been on a trip as far as he was aware of, was ecstatic and it did not disappoint. It became one of Cassian’s best memories.

The second time he came to this spot was after Shirina’s death. Rhysand and Ayla had been inconsolable, each grieving in their own way: Rhysand never spent a moment alone, as though he could bury his feelings in the high of socializing and parties, while Ayla barely spoke or even left her room. Hadrian was trying his best to keep it together, but was clearly in way over his head — managing the children and their emotions had always been Shirina’s department, not his. Luckily, their extended family had flown into town to help them all. Friends and acquaintances had reached out, trying to find ways to support them through all the grief. 

Cassian, who couldn’t really be classified as a friend or family to Shirina, had been overlooked. It wasn’t like he expected anything different, but watching everyone comforting each other and ignoring him hurt. It was as though he had no right to grieve — to be this hurt by her death — and maybe he didn’t, but she had been the closest thing he’d had to a parent since he’d been 5 years old. He’d loved her, too. No, he wasn’t her child, but he was something to her, even if it couldn’t be labeled so easily. 

Now she was gone and whatever they had been was erased. It didn’t matter that he’d used his first paycheck to buy her a birthday present, or that she had attended all his home NHL games, or that they’d often go on walks together. It didn’t matter that she always knew when he needed a hug or that she’d taught him how to cook. 

Cassian had decided to hike to Windhaven Overpass to get out of his own head. 

The journey had helped him to process his emotions. The sunsets and the plant life around him had seemed far more beautiful that time, reminding him of how much Shirina had loved nature. At night, the stars seemed brighter than normal, and he recalled Shirina explaining to him that in her culture, stars were considered to be ancestral and guardian spirits looking down at you and guiding you. 

Cassian felt like Shirina had been there, watching him from the sky and reaching out with a comforting hand as he struggled. That trip, he had gotten angry and laughed joylessly and sobbed. He’d felt empty and about to explode at the same time. He had gotten to be something different from the strong, smiling version of himself that he usually presented to the public. In the end, the trip had helped him find some sort of closure and peace with Shirina’s death.

Now, Cassian had brought Nesta here.

He had told her about his prior trips with Windhaven and what the location meant to him, but actually bringing her here was a sign that Cassian was willing to be vulnerable with her. 

He had always feared people would leave him and that he was replaceable, and worried about tainting such a special place with memories of someone who would later leave his life. 

And yet, Cassian had brought her here.

“This spot is important to me, Nes, and so are you,” Cassian said. “Thank you for coming. It’s my honor to be here, with you.”

He didn’t say: ‘I’m not worried about bringing you here because what we have is different — it’s meant to last.’

He didn’t say: ‘You’re the only person I’ve ever cared about enough to let myself be vulnerable like this with — you could destroy me, but I’m willing to take that chance.’

He didn’t say: ‘I love you.’

And yet, that was what they both heard.

__________

Present day

“I knew you were in love with me the second you invited me on that trip,” Nesta smirked. 

“Sweetheart, I was gone for you way before then,” Cassian laughed. 

“That’s true,” she grinned. “You had an embarrassingly massive crush on me for the longest time. And you must’ve loved me a whole lot to let me get away with making Rhys grovel like that.”

“First of all, get your facts straight: I still have an embarrassingly massive crush on you,” he replied. “And secondly, well, Rhys deserved it and also it was really entertaining to watch.”

The day after they’d gotten back, Rhysand had sent Cassian and Nesta a long message, asking them to meet up so that he could apologize in person. Nesta decided that they should talk to Rhys separately. 

Cassian went first. Rhys apologized profusely for all the names he’d called Nesta, for all the things he’d implied about Cassian, and for all the insults. Cassian in turn apologized for his part, and the two of them had a chat in which Rhys admitted that he’d acted like an entitled prick and that he was genuinely sorry. They made up and quickly forgave each other, like the pseudo-brothers they were.

Nesta and Rhysand were an altogether different story. Rhysand apologized to her as well, but she answered that while she accepted his apology, she could not forgive him so easily. 

She understood that he didn’t like her, and that was his right, but she also felt that he couldn’t try to make claims about her character when he barely knew her. She told him that she was perfectly fine with having a tepid relationship with him where they would only speak when strictly necessary or that they could try to get to know each other better. Rhysand went with the second option. From there, they went on to have many long discussions. Once they’d gotten a bit closer, Nesta returned to their original point of contention: reproductive freedoms. She made Rhys listen to podcasts and read articles and watch videos about what reproductive freedom really was and why it was so important. “You don’t have to change your opinion,” she’d said, over and over. “You just need to be informed before you try to make claims about what others should or shouldn’t do with their bodies and their lives.”

It was only months later that Nesta finally stopped putting him through the wringer and told him that she’d forgiven him. 

“I’m so glad you enjoyed it, Cass. It definitely was all for your entertainment, no other reason at all for us to argue,” Nesta replied dryly.

Her eyes drifted to the polaroid in the bottom right corner. “Now that,” she pointed, “that was entertainment. What a show!” She licked her lips and batted her eyelashes exaggeratedly. 

“It was completely staged, of course,” Cassian joked. “The whole thing was just for your pleasure.”

Nesta raised an eyebrow. “My ‘pleasure’?” 

“My, my, what a dirty mind you have, Nesta!” Cassian fake-gasped. “A proper gentleman would never imply something so improper to a lady like yourself.”

“A proper gentleman? Where?” she retorted without missing a beat. 

He clutched his chest. “You wound me, m’lady.” He shook his head. “And to think, I was your knight in shining armor that day…”

“More like knight in very little armor.”

__________

Three years ago

Plunk.

They watched, immobilized by shock, as the necklace drifted below the water’s surface. 

It fell slowly, until it became only a vague shadow in the water.

“Nesta?” “Nesta, are you ok?” 

Voices faded in and out of Nesta’s awareness. She tried to force herself to smile, to nod that she was completely, totally fine. Unfortunately, she seemed to have lost the ability to control her body. 

It was so, so stupid. She’d been having such a wonderful day. And now, she’d ruined it.

Cassian and Azriel had prepared a group trip to Ravennia Park, complete with a lovely picnic lunch in the field of blooming daffodils. Cassian had even made sure to include all her favorite foods in the lunch. Afterward, they walked around the park, stopping occasionally to take pictures or listen to birds. 

They had stopped on this small bridge so that Feyre could take pictures of the glistening lake and the paddling of ducks that had just entered the water. Nesta had leaned over the railing, chatting with Cassian as she watched the colorful koi fish swim.

Her necklace had snapped suddenly, tumbling into the water before anyone could react. 

Her silver necklace, which her father had given her for her eighth birthday, disappeared under the surface of the lake. Gone, just like her middle school best friend, Clare Beddor, who had drowned herself in a pool. Gone, just like her father.

Until her mother got sick, Nesta had had an amazing relationship with her father. She would sit next to him, listening intently as he explained how trading and shipbuilding worked. She was always the one to run and open the door when he came home from work, enveloping him in a hug. She loved it when he read her bedtime stories and watched her dance around the living room.

Then, everything changed. Her illusion that he could do no wrong broke when her mother told her that the reason she wasn’t getting better from her illness was that they couldn’t afford good doctors and medicine since her father had lost his job. After that, Nesta’s resentment only grew as the misfortunes piled up. Her mother died and they couldn’t afford the funeral that she’d wanted. Her sisters had to change schools. They moved into a smaller house, with a bedroom that all three sisters shared. They struggled to put food on the table. 

When her father decided to sell art instead of looking for another job, saying he couldn’t rely on others to give him work, Nesta fumed. How could he sit there, carving wood and drinking beer, while Feyre worked overtime at her job in addition to school and she and Elain did all the cooking and cleaning? Nesta had vowed to leave as soon as she could, and, it turned out, that ballet allowed her to leave the nest sooner than expected. 

Still, she’d felt guilty leaving her sisters to fend for themselves in that house, and then felt even angrier at her father for not taking care of them and putting Nesta in a position where she felt guilty for following her dreams. 

Suffice to say, Nesta had a difficult relationship with him — one that was made all the more complex when he died of a sudden heart attack. 

It had taken Nesta a long time to process and make peace with his death. 

She’d decided to wear the necklace her father had given her today, in honor of his birthday. Once upon a time, she had worn this necklace all the time, showing off the token of her father’s affection. By putting it back on, she felt like she was healing a teenage Nesta, who had violently taken off her necklace at her mother’s funeral and shoved it into the drawer of her bedside table. 

And now, it was lost forever. 

“Nesta?” 

Cassian’s voice cut through her haze and she lifted her eyes to see his worried expression. He brought a finger to her cheek, caressing it softly. It grounded her, bringing her back to the present, but she didn’t react — couldn’t react — more than just blinking at him dazedly. 

Cassian took a deep breath. He grabbed the back of his t-shirt and removed it in one smooth motion, his pants quickly following suit. Before Nesta could process what was happening, he climbed over the railing and plunged into the lake. 

Nesta could only cling to the railing, shocked silent for a new reason as she waited, praying to all the gods she barely believed in that his head would emerge from the water. 

She tried to dispel all the fears that swam around in her mind, taunting her about the dangers of the lake. The water plants that could ensnare even experienced swimmers’ feet and drown them, the animals that could bite and eat him, the sharp rocks that could injure him, the current that could pull him under — the possibilities were endless.

Cassian’s head emerged from the water and she felt her heart unclench, just for a second, until he disappeared once more. 

This jerked Nesta out of her stupor. 

“Cassian,” she called out. “Cass! What the fuck are you doing? Get back here! ” Her voice grew increasingly panicked as there was no response. 

“It’s dangerous, are you insane? Cassian? Cassian!”

Her shouts only stopped when Cassian surfaced. His broad shoulders and defined abs glistened in the sunlight as drops of water rolled down his chest. The bun his hair had been in had come upon, and now his dark, wavy-curly mane was streaming down his back. His brown skin was slick with water and drops clung to his long eyelashes. She couldn’t stop herself from noticing that he looked exactly how she’d imagined a merman to be. 

Her lips parted as he stepped out of the water. She forced her eyes away from his soaking wet underwear that clung to his body, defining every inch of it. Her gaze fixed on his chest instead. She knew she should be focusing on Cassian’s face or the necklace in his hand but he was so fucking distracting. Soaked Cassian was criminally delectable. 

“Nesta?” 

Cassian’s voice was worried, probably since Nesta still wasn’t speaking.

“Nes,” he whispered, gently tilting her head upwards with a finger under her chin. 

Their eyes met. Cassian’s concern was wiped off his face and was instantly replaced by a smirk.

“Lost your tongue, sweetheart?” he teased.

Though she had indeed lost the ability to speak, she would not give him the satisfaction of admitting it. No, she would play his game and beat him at it. 

She licked her lips slowly. She tilted her head back to expose the column of her throat while she swallowed sharply, knowing how it drove him crazy. Cassian made a low noise in the back of his throat, as though he was trying and failing to suppress a groan. Then, he put his arms on her shoulders, turning her around. 

“Lift up your hair,” he whispered into her ear, sending shivers across her body. 

She did as he requested. He put the necklace back on her neck, patiently working the tiny clasp. His fingers brushed her neck, and even the cold silver of the necklace couldn’t cool the heat that spread within her. When the necklace was securely fastened, she turned around, wrapping her arms around his neck. 

She took a moment to look deep within his eyes. 

She would have to yell at him later for risking his life for a piece of jewelry, but nonetheless she appreciated what he had done. He was one of the only people who knew that she had a fear of deep water due to its association with Clare, and was also the only person who knew what putting this necklace back on meant for her. Yes, it was only a necklace, but he had also saved her from reopening the wounds of her complex relationship with her father and her past self. 

So she kissed him, knowing he would understand every conflicting thought and emotion that she pressed against his lips. And when his hand came up to support her neck, she knew that he was answering ‘I’m here for you, always.’

__________

Present day

“I knew you were objectifying me,” Cassian pouted mockingly.

Nesta nodded. “Oh, for sure. You’re nothing but a sexy hunk to me.” 

She leaned closer to him. “That’s why I said I love you first.” She tapped the picture in the top left corner. 

Cassian rolled his eyes. “How long are you going to hold that over my head?”

Nesta hummed as though she were seriously contemplating the issue. “How about… forever?” 

Cassian’s eyes sparkled and his mouth twisted around, as though he were trying to hold back a grin. 

“Urg, fine,” he said. His attempt to appear annoyed failed completely as he sounded more amused than anything else. “As long as you know I loved you first.”

It was Nesta’s turn to roll her eyes in mock annoyance, despite knowing that he was likely correct. “Sure, keep telling yourself that.”

__________

Three years ago

It was the final match of the Alfheim Ice Hockey Championships. If the Velaris Ghost Leopards managed to beat the Hybern Hydras, they would win the Fionn Cup for the first time in history. 

The game was extremely close, with both teams tied at 2-2, though not for lack of trying. The Hydras were playing atrociously dirty by anyone’s standards. They had already received numerous green and yellow cards, but it didn’t seem to deter them from continuing to foul the Ghost Leopards. 

Nesta cheered as Andras blocked Keir Hewn’s attack. Lucien swept in, stealing the puck from Keir, and passed it across the ice to Cassian. Cassian bluffed and wove his way through the Hydras’ defensemen. 

“C’mon, Cass, c’mon,” she chanted, her hands clasped together. 

Beron Falls raced to block Cassian, but Cassian passed the puck to Kallias just in time. Kallias dribbled the puck expertly. 

“Please, Kallias, make this shot,” Rhys implored from the seat behind Nesta’s. 

Kallias skated towards the goals, and lifted his stick to shoot. 

Then, the ice erupted in shouts, the umpire blowing the whistle continuously. 

“What just happened?” Gwyn asked but no one had an answer to give her. Nesta just sighed, dropping her face into her hands until she felt Elain tugging at her shoulder. Her eyes followed Elain’s pointed finger to see the jumbotron showing a replay. Andrew Amaranth, the Hydras’ left winger, had come up to Kallias from behind. He grabbed his stick and kicked the back of his calf with the blade of his skates, causing Kallias to fall. 

“What the fuck is wrong with him?” Nesta shouted.

“He’s actually unhinged,” Azriel agreed. 

The umpire called for a yellow and a ten-minute time out.

“It should be a red card,” Gwyn hissed and Nesta loudly agreed. 

The game continued in such a fashion, with the Hydras playing as dirty as possible without getting red cards. 

The game was still tied with five minutes remaining in the third period. 

“We can’t go into overtime,” Azriel muttered to himself, “All our players are getting tired and they’re bound to actually get injured from these fouls.”

“Better overtime than a loss,” Rhys replied.

Nesta looked down at her hands. Her nails had been bitten down to the nub over the course of this game. 

Winning the Fionn Cup was a lifelong dream of Cassian’s. He had worked hard for this. He’d given his life to this sport for years, training every day for hours on end, no matter how tired he was. He studied strategy, honed his body, and worked with his team to figure out how to play into everyone’s individual strengths.

But it was more than that. 

In many ways, the sport had also saved Cassian. It had given him direction and a sense of purpose at a time when he’d felt lost. It had given him a team, when he’d only ever felt alone. It had provided him an alternative to the path he’d thought he was destined for — a path that led to nothing but more despair, where he would just get by, numbly passing through every day and surviving by the skin of his teeth. Ice hockey had opened up a whole new world for him and allowed him to dream of a different future for himself. It had given him hope, showing him a way out of the cycle of sadness that he’d imagined he would be trapped in forever. 

The world had once branded him as useless, as broken, as less than nothing. As he was tossed around from foster home to foster home, sleeping on the street among the trash, the word worthless sank deeper and deeper into his skin. 

Ice hockey was the hand that had reached out and pulled him to his feet, getting him off the ground, out of the shadows and the litter and the endless despair. It had dusted him off and pulled him into the light, where he could get warm and grow and sparkle as he was meant to. 

Now, Nesta wanted the world to acknowledge that Cassian was a champion. She wanted the world to know they’d been wrong to ever dismiss him as anything less than magnificent. She wanted him to win the Fionn Cup and stand proudly in the spotlight, knowing the world now looked up to him. More than anything, she wanted him to know that he was worthy, that he was precious, that he was important. 

“Oh, fuck, yes!” Azriel shouted. Nesta would have raised an eyebrow at him — the ever-brooding, silent and mysterious Azriel — shouting so enthusiastically, if she hadn’t been so caught up in the game.  

Kallias had stolen the puck from Dagdan Maeve and was racing towards the goal. Just as he crossed the center line, the Hydra’s defensemen, Beron and Nolan, closed in on him. Nesta watched as Kallias attempted to fake them out, then made a sharp turn to get away from them, all to no avail. Beron finally caught up to him and moved to steal the puck. With Nolan guarding Kallias’ other side, there was nowhere for him to move, no space for him to pass.

“Oh, I can’t watch,” Rhys hissed, wincing. 

Nesta pressed her lips together, hoping for a miracle, when suddenly the puck disappeared. Kallias had somehow managed to pass it through the narrow gap between Beron and Nolan’s sticks and had hit the puck with such strength that neither of them could move to stop it in time. Cassian received the pass and skated towards the goal. Beron, Nolan, and even some of the forwards moved to stop him, but Nesta knew they wouldn’t make it in time. Not when Cassian was speeding forward, moving like the wind as he skated across the ice. 

Nesta leaned forward in her seat as a feeling swelled up inside her. It was a mix of anticipation, nervousness, hope, fear, pride, and something else — something that made her feel like her heart was in her throat and made her pray that Cassian would score but know she would be there by his side no matter what happened. She had been feeling it for so long now, but had never voiced it — never put words to the feeling for fear that it would shatter the precious thing they’d built. But now Nesta knew it wasn’t something that could be so easily destroyed. No, it didn’t matter if Cassian won or lost, or even got injured. It didn’t matter if Cassian got traded to a team in a different city or Nesta had to switch ballet companies. No matter what, through the ups and the downs, they would be there for each other, helping to shoulder the emotional load. 

As Cassian's hockey stick hit the puck, Nesta wondered why she had been waiting so long when it was so clear what this feeling was. If she was being honest, she’d known it when Cassian dove into the water for her necklace, had known it when he’d brought her to Windhaven, had known it even the first time she’d sat in these seats, cheering Cassian on as he played. 

Cassian’s love was loud. It was in the romantic dates he planned, the surprises and gifts and hugs he showered her with, the weekends when he could sleep in but woke up anyway to make her pancakes. No, he hadn’t said the words either, but his protective arm around her during dinner with his friends and the vulnerable look in his eyes as he prepared a fusion meal that combined their cultural cuisines said all that was needed. 

Nesta’s love was quiet. It was in the fridge restocked with Cassian’s favorite foods, the ways she tended to his injuries after a match, and carefully planned meaningful gifts for his birthday. No, she hadn’t said the words, but she knew that he knew how she felt. 

But now, as the puck flew towards the goal, Nesta wanted to love just as boldly as Cassian. She wanted to show the world how lucky she was to be with him, but more importantly, she wanted Cassian to feel how much she cared about him. She wanted him to know that she was proud to be his. For him, she’d shout their love from the rooftops. She’d give him the whole universe if she could, because the world had been so unkind to him and yet he’d still managed to become the most incredible person in it. She could only offer him her heart, however, and hope that he would find it worthy of keeping. 

The puck grazed the goalie’s glove and Nesta held her breath. The goalie stretched out his fingers to grab it but it flew past him. 

“GOAL!” 

The entire stadium erupted into screams. Cheers of pure joy came from the Ghost Leopards’ side, louder than ever before. Nesta watched as Gwyn, Azriel, Elain, and Rhys jumped up and hugged each other.

Nesta could only stand up in silence, too consumed with her feelings to utter a single sound. For what sound could encapsulate this all-encompassing joy and pride? She looked down at the rink. Cassian’s teammates were all piled up around him in a massive group hug. And in the middle of it all, Cassian was there, beaming. His eyes lifted and met hers. She was grinning, wider than ever before in her life, and lifted her hands to make a heart. 

Cassian’s eyes turned huge. He took a deep breath. 

Perhaps he would have responded in kind, but he was obstructed from Nesta’s view as another teammate jumped to hug him and then the coach yelled at them that the game was restarting. Cassian shot Nesta one last, loaded glance before skating back to his position.

It was all a blur after that. The last few minutes of the match passed without any change.  Both teams’ offenses and defenses were equally matched, and the puck passed between them with no chances to score. When the buzzer rang out, everyone sprung to their feet. 

Nesta cheered, not giving a shit that her voice would be hoarse the next day with how loudly she was screaming. Azriel was jumping up and down like a child — she’d never seen him so overtly joyous. Rhys had tears of joy pouring down his cheeks. Gwyn and Elain were hugging. 

After the awards ceremony, all the interviews, and a rowdy celebration with the team, Cassian finally joined them. 

The second they caught sight of him, they rushed towards him. All five of them reached him at the same time and jumped on him, crushing him as they hugged him and showered him with compliments and congratulations.  

Cassian laughed boisterously. 

“I can’t believe it! I’m friends with a Fionn Cup Champion,” Gwyn gushed.

“Oh, so now we’re friends?” Cassian teased.

Gwyn answered with a playful shove that pushed Cassian back toward Azriel. Az wrapped his arms around Cassian, trapping him.

He pressed a kiss to the side of Cassian’s head as the latter squirmed. 

“Sorry Nes, I’m keeping him,” Azriel joked, tightening his grip as Cassian tried to shake him off. 

“Take him,” Nesta grinned. “He snores.” 

“I do not!” 

Cassian’s protest went ignored.

“Hmm,” Azriel pretended to muse. “But then I could have a real-life Fionn Cup Champion in my room. The price of the noise-canceling headphones will be worth it.”

Nesta shrugged. “I’d be surprised if he fit through your door, now that his ego is going to get even bigger.” 

“True, true. I’d hate for his massive head to break my roof.”

“Hello? I thought you’re supposed to be nice to Fionn Cup winners,” Cassian pouted.

Gwyn laughed. “Nice? Cassian, it’s like you don’t even know us.”

“I can be nice,” Rhys protested.

Everyone proceeded to burst out laughing.

“Okay, fine,” he acquiesced. “I’m a demon just like the rest of you.” 

“That’s right,” Nesta grinned. “Accept your true nature and join our pit of darkness.”

Gwyn laughed evilly, “Mwahahaha!”

Nesta lifted her left hand, which Gwyn promptly high-fived. 

“Okay, anyway,” Elain interrupted, “Cassian, are you hungry? You must be tired after that amazing game.”

“Wow, thank you for being so considerate, Elain,” he said, extending her name pointedly. “I am actually pretty hungry and tired and sore after the game.” 

He turned his head to glare at Azriel, who was still holding him.

Az merely rolled his eyes. “Aw, poor baby. Does the little Fionn Cup Champion have a boo-boo?”

“Maybe he needs Nesta to kiss them better,” Gwyn suggested, not bothering to hide her smirk.

“Are you gonna tend to his wounds?”  Rhysand asked. “Nurse him to health?”

“I guess that depends on what it is that he’s hungry for,” Nesta replied with a wink.

They all burst out laughing a second later.

“Wow, you’re all so immature,” Cassian sniffed. “Elain is the only person fit for polite company.”

Rhysand glanced around. “What polite company?”

“Oh, no,” Azriel exclaimed. “We’re blaspheming! Now that Cassian’s won the Cup, we have to refer to him by his proper title: His Highness Sir Cassian of Illyrian.”

“I’m so sorry, my Lord,” Nesta added with a curtsey. “Please, forgive our disrespect.”

“Regency romance,” Gwyn fake-coughed into her elbow. 

“Of course, m’lady,” Cassian winked, “you’re forgiven. Although you may have to be punished for your transgressions.” 

Azriel pretended to gag. “Please, save the foreplay for the bedroom.”

“My poor, innocent ears,” Rhysand groaned. “I’ll never recover.”

Nesta turned to him. “Right, because you’ve never made out with my baby sister in public.” Then, she smirked. “Although, maybe you are innocent if that was too much for you. I mean, how vanilla are you?”

“Cassian,” Elain interrupted. “Do you want to go eat dinner at a restaurant or something?”

“That sounds amazing! How about the Greek place on 10th Avenue?” Cassian replied.

“Oh fine,” Rhys rolled his eyes playfully, “We’ll get food.” 

“I am actually really hungry, too,” Gwyn agreed.

“Well, if Gwyn is hungry, then we gotta go eat now!” Nesta declared.

Azriel nodded, his expression serious.

Cassian sighed. 

“I’ll meet you guys there,” Cassian called out as he walked towards his car with Nesta, “Or not. It’s also fine if you get lost on the way.” 

Azriel responded by raising a choice finger. 

The mirth was still in the air as Nesta closed the car door on the passenger’s side. 

“I can drive if you want,” she joked as Cassian slammed his door shut. Nesta was a notoriously reckless driver. She hated driving unless she had to, and Cassian loved driving, so it usually worked out perfectly. 

He laughed. “I appreciate the offer, but I’d like to live.” 

The car got quiet as the laughter faded. It filled instead with an intimate intensity.

Cassian turned slightly to buckle his seatbelt. 

Nesta reached over and placed a hand on his cheek. Cassian inhaled sharply and lifted his gaze to meet hers. Her thumb caressed his cheek. 

“Cassian,” she whispered. She knew the look in her eyes said it all already, but it had said it for so long and she’d never once let her tongue speak it. But Cassian — brilliant, beautiful, splendid Cassian who had been hurt far too much by the world — deserved to hear them aloud. It scared her for too many reasons to count, but if ever there was anyone worth confronting that fear for, it was this man who sat next to her in all his marvelous glory. 

His eyes were open — vulnerable, in a way he always was with her. Sometimes she wondered whether she deserved to be allowed to handle his precious heart that too many had tried to shatter. What if she dropped it or dented it with her harshness? But he entrusted her with it anyway. 

She took a deep breath. Then, she let it out, alongside the words she’d been holding in for so long.

“I love you.”

Cassian’s eyes filled with tears. He opened his mouth to reply, his Adam’s apple bobbing. Not a single word escaped despite his attempts, but Nesta understood and just smiled, her eyes shining with joy. 

“Don’t worry, you don’t need to respond.”

Cassian looked frustrated at himself as a tear rolled down his cheek. “But I- I do. I-” He screwed his eyes shut, taking a deep breath. 

Nesta knew that those three words were not ones Cassian had heard very much in his life. Shirina had likely been the first to say those words to him in his memory, and that hadn’t been til his teen years. Cassian’s mother had most likely loved him, but Cassian’s memories of her were sparse. 

Enalius certainly loved Cassian, but Nesta was just as certain that he would not say it out aloud. Enalius showed his love through his coaching, his cheering, and the letters he’d send from all over the world. 

Ayla, Rhysand, and Azriel also loved Cassian and weren’t shy about it these days, although none of them were particularly vocal about it either. They preferred to show it through gifts and hugs and jokes and advice. When they had met, however, they had all been preteens who wouldn’t have been caught dead saying the words ‘I love you’.

Cassian had certainly had flings and girlfriends in the past. Nesta didn’t know the details of all of his past relationships, but she could easily guess that those words had seldom or, more likely, never been exchanged.

“It’s okay,” she whispered. “You don’t need to say anything right now.” 

And then, just because she could — because she now had the freedom to say it without being caged by fear — she added, “I love you, Cassian.” 

Cassian answered with a kiss that said, ‘I love you more than words can ever express.’

__________

Present day

“I was such a mess,” Cassian recalled fondly. “Rhys and Az laughed at me for bawling so much.” 

“I remember Gwyn saying that she could take the trophy if it was making you so sad,” Nesta added. 

“Nah, I think I’ll keep it,” he laughed. Then, he added, “I love you.” 

“Are you talking to me or the trophy?” 

“Oh, the trophy, for sure.”

“Oh, good, just wanted to make sure.”

They grinned at each other.

“You have no idea how I felt when I saw you make that heart that day,” he said. “I mean, I was already elated because of the goal I’d just scored, but that couldn’t even compare to how I felt when I looked up at you. I think my heart literally skipped a beat.” 

“Better visit a cardiologist then,” Nesta answered lightly.

Cassian flicked her nose. She shrieked loudly in return.

“You know what you sound like?” Cassian tapped a photo in the middle, which was surrounded by doodles of musical notes.

Nesta mock-gasped. “Excuse you, I wasn’t that bad.”

“You’re right, you were worse.”

__________

Three years ago

“What’s that?” 

Nesta pointed towards a large, lumpy black bag resting against Cassian’s bedroom wall. 

“Oh, sorry, I was practicing earlier and forgot to put it away.” Cassian moved the bag to his closet. “It’s my guitar.”

Nesta placed her hand on Cassian’s wrist before he could shut the closet. 

“You play guitar?” 

“Yeah, it’s something I picked up when living with Shirina. I’m not a pro or anything, but it’s a fun hobby, you know.” 

“Wow, would you… could you play something for me?”  

Cassian seemed surprised but nodded, pulling the guitar back out of the closet. 

He sat down on the floor, his back resting against the bed. “What do you want me to play?”

Nesta sat down beside him. “Anything you want. Just play me something you enjoy playing.”

Cassian absently strummed the guitar a few times, deep in thought.

“Alright, sweetheart. Here we go. This song is called la rosa del principe.” Cassian closed his eyes and started playing. 

Nesta watched him with bright eyes, mesmerized. 

After a while, he started singing. His deep voice complemented the melody he was strumming. His singing was nice, but it was the passion in his voice that warmed Nesta’s insides. 

“Wow,” Nesta whispered when the song ended. 

Cassian chuckled. “Shirina loved that song. She’s the one that signed me up for some guitar lessons, you know. She taught me the lyrics to la rosa del principe when I told her I didn’t know them. She was always humming the melody when she was cooking or doing chores or whatever. I think it was a song her mom liked, so it reminded her of her childhood.”

“Does it remind you of your childhood?”

Cassian took a moment to contemplate his answer. “It reminds me of Shirina, and how kindly and lovingly she treated me. That wasn’t really a common theme in my childhood, you know, but I suppose you could say it reminds me of some of the best parts of my childhood.”

Nesta nudged his shoulder with hers comfortingly. He gently pushed back against her in a silent gesture of gratitude. They sat in comfortable silence for a moment. 

Then, Nesta pressed a kiss to his cheek and whispered, “Could you teach me?” 

Cassian swallowed roughly and nodded. 

“The lyrics are kind of complicated, since it’s not in English, but I can just teach you the chorus for now if you want.”

“Sure,” she smiled.

Cassian spoke the lyrics slowly. Nesta tried to repeat after him, though she didn’t do the best job judging by Cassian’s chuckles. 

“Close. It’s tramonto, not tremare,” he corrected. 

“What do the lyrics mean?” Nesta asked. 

“The song is a love letter to a rose. It’s a metaphor for loving something so delicate and impermanent,” he explained. “The song is from the point of view of this guy who is so powerful — he’s a prince, he can travel across galaxies, he can do whatever he wants — but he feels so powerless because he knows he can’t control what happens to this rose that he loves. And even though he’s rich and powerful, he gets lonely a lot and his rose is his only companion so he dreads the thought of leaving it or having it disappear.”

“That sounds kind of tragic.”

“I guess so, but it’s not sad per se. It’s more like a reminder of the importance of love rather than materialistic things, and not taking your loved ones for granted.” 

He kissed her cheek. 

Nesta smiled. “That’s beautiful.”

Cassian hummed in agreement. “It’s such a Shirina song. She loved songs with morals like that, that remind you to appreciate what you have. She was so down-to-Earth, even though her husband was one of the richest, most powerful people around here. It’s…” He trailed off with a sigh. 

“I’m glad you met her,” Nesta said quietly after a moment. “She sounds like a great person and I’m so happy you had her in your life.”

“Yeah, me too.” He took a deep breath. “I wish you could’ve met her. I think… I think she would have loved you.” 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

They sat quietly for a moment. Then, Cassian grinned mischievously. 

“Cas! What the fu-” yelped Nesta as he lifted her up. 

He placed her between his legs with a huff of laughter. She leaned back into him, her back pressing against his front. 

Cassian placed the guitar in her lap. 

“Alright, it’s time for you to learn how to play this magnificent instrument,” he declared. 

“Okay, but I’m just warning you, I don’t really have experience playing instruments.”

“Don’t worry, sweetheart, I’m just here to help you learn some basics. Besides, you’re a dancer so you have some experience with rhymes and stuff. How bad could you be?”

Holding her hands in his, he demonstrated how to hold the guitar and how to strum a basic chord. 

“You got it!” Cassian cheered as Nesta played a C chord that didn’t sound half bad. 

“Ok, so then,” Cassian moved their hands to a different position. “Use your pointer finger to hold down this string. Good! Your middle finger holds this one and your ring finger holds this one.” 

He continued his explanation of different chords and strumming patterns. 

“So, basically, you just hold down different strings and strum up and down for different notes, right?” Nesta asked as he finished.

Cassian chuckled. “Basically, yeah.”

“Alright.” Nesta wiggled her hands free from Cassian’s grasp and took a dramatic deep breath. “It’s time. I’m going to play.”

He raised an eyebrow. “What are you going to play? I haven’t taught you how to play la rosa del principe yet.”

She shrugged. “I’m just going to let my imagination and inspiration guide me.” 

“Uh, I’m not sure that’s going to turn out-”

A jumbled chord cut him off. 

“Um-” 

What followed next was the most chaotic, screechy minute of guitar playing Cassian had ever heard. The torture likely would have continued for longer, since he didn’t have the heart to stop Nesta, if they hadn’t been interrupted by the Cassian’s bedroom door slamming open.

Azriel yelled, “Cassian! I think a cat is dying in your ro- oh, hey Nesta.”

“Hey Az!” she replied, beaming at Cassian’s roommate until she registered his words. “Wait, what? You think I sound like a dying cat?” 

Azriel took a step back, prepared to run away, as Nesta stood up and placed the guitar in Cassian’s lap. 

“Well, you know, uh, it’s good to practice and all, but we don’t want noise complaints from our neighbors, or allegations of animal abuse so…” Az smirked.

“Wha- animal- Get back here you little-” Nesta sprinted down the hallway, chasing after a cackling Azriel. 

Cassian was still sitting there, laughing, when the two of them ran back into the room. 

“Save me, Cass!” Azriel pleaded as he tried to hide behind his friend. 

Nesta smirked. “You really think you can use my boyfriend against me like this?”

“He was my friend first!” Azriel gripped his sleeve.

Nesta rolled her eyes. 

“Please Cassian,” she said in an airy voice. She looked up at him through her lashes and gently tugged on his sleeve. 

He followed her lead without even thinking, until Azriel muttered, “Traitor.”

“Hey, wait-” Cassian interjected, coming to his senses.

Nesta stuck her tongue out at Az. “He loves me.” 

Whatever Cassian could have said on Azriel’s behalf dissipated when her eyes softened as they met his. 

Even Azriel’s over-the-top gagging noises couldn’t ruin the moment as Nesta smiled at him and murmured, “Can you teach me how to play la rosa del principe later?” 

“We’ll see,” Cassian replied with a smile, knowing full well that he’d cave into her demands, no matter the cost to his ears.

__________

Present day

“I love that you wanted to learn how to play guitar for me.” Cassian’s eyes were warm and full of mirth. “Even if playing music isn’t exactly your strong suit.” 

Nesta placed a hand over her heart. “How dare you suggest such a thing.” 

Her stern demeanor gave way to playfulness as she winked, “I guess you’ll just have to sing and play music for me while I dance.”

“Exactly. You see, Nes, we complement each other perfectly.”

“A match made in heaven,” she agreed with a laugh. 

“Honestly, though, it meant a lot to me that you wanted to hear me play,” Cassian said when they stopped laughing, “and that you wanted to learn.”

“It meant a lot to me that you were willing to share such a personal song with me,” Nesta answered, “and that you were willing to be so open with me without prompting. It was like a sign, you know, that our relationship was actually real and meaningful to you, too. Of course I already knew that but, like, I guess it just hit home right then.” 

“Yeah, I know what you mean. In that moment, I also felt how easy it was to be open and talk about anything and everything with you.”

“You see?” Nesta winked, gesturing between them. “We’re made for each other.”

She glanced down at the pictures between them. 

“At least I don’t need to put up with Az insulting my musical talents anymore, now that you don’t live together.”

“Talents?” Cassian coughed. 

Nesta shot him a warning glare before continuing, “I’m so glad I don’t need to hear him complaining or interrupting us anymore. That was the real reason I asked you to live with me, you know — so I wouldn’t have to hear his whining.”

“Oh, I’m well aware,” he replied. He leaned closer to her. “It was all part of my plan, Sweetheart.”

__________

Two years ago

“Don’t mind me, I just need to get to the kettle.”

Nesta and Cassian sprung apart at Azriel’s words. 

Azriel, with a bored expression, walked past the couple into the kitchen and filled water in the kettle. 

Cassian hastily redid his fly, clearing his throat a few times. Nesta, blushing furiously, scrambled to hook her bra and do up the buttons on her shirt. 

Azriel turned back around, leaning back against the counter as he waited for the water to boil. He reached into his back pocket for his phone, but noticed Nesta’s expression and rolled his eyes. “Oh my god, Nesta, chill. It’s nothing I haven’t seen before.” 

Cassian furrowed his eyebrows. “What?” he growled. 

Azriel shook his head in exasperation. “How many times have I walked in on you two making out — hell, how many times have I walked in on you two fucking in common spaces? At this point, I’m immune to all this.” He waved his hand at Nesta’s half-open shirt and Cassian’s bare chest. 

Cassian slipped his shirt over his head. 

“Really?” Nesta asked, arching a perfectly angled eyebrow and tossing her hair over her shoulder. Cassian elbowed her and she giggled, buttoning up the rest of her shirt. 

“Az-” Cassian began, annoyance coloring his tone.

“No,” Azriel interrupted firmly. “If you don’t want me to walk in or interrupt you or whatever, go do whatever you want in your room. I’ve never once complained about the noise, even when I have to put up with your loud-ass moans and screams. But I have the right to make tea in my own house if I want to.” 

Cassian narrowed his eyes. His stance changed unconsciously, gearing up for a fight. He opened his mouth to deliver a biting retort. 

“You’re right, Az,” Nesta interjected before the situation could escalate any further. “We’re sorry.”

Azriel was silent, his eyes fixed on Cassian. The latter let Nesta pull him towards his bedroom. 

About a week later, Cassian and Nesta were once again interrupted. This time, Azriel crunched loudly on his popcorn as he walked into the living room.

Cassian sent him a questioning glare as Nesta scrambled to cover herself.

“What?” Azriel replied, unfazed. “I was gonna watch TV, but, well, it seems like there’s a show right here.”

“Look-”

“C’mon, Cass.” Nesta sprung up from the couch, dressed in Cassian’s shirt, and took her boyfriend’s hand. “I needed to talk to you about something, anyway.” She winked at him and whispered, “I got a little side-tracked and forgot.”

Cassian shot Az a dirty look as he exited the room. 

“Did you actually need to talk about something,” Cassian asked with a smile as he sat down on his bed and placed Nesta on his lap, “or did you just want to distract me?”

He leaned his forehead against hers. 

Nesta laughed lightly. “Contrary to popular belief, I don’t always lie to manipulate you.” 

He widened his eyes in false disbelief. “Really?”

She shook her head with a grin. “Why would I when I can manipulate you just as well with the truth?”

“Ooh, you saucy witch,” Cassian joked.  

They both laughed.

Nesta pressed a hand to Cassian’s cheek to stop him as he leaned in to kiss her.

“I do actually want to talk about something.”

He leaned back and cocked his head. “What’s up?”

The twinkle in Nesta’s eyes dimmed.

“It’s my apartment.” She swallowed. “My landlord is raising the rent.” 

“Again?” he replied, alarmed. It had only been four months since the last time her rent had increased.

She nodded. “Yeah. And it’s not… I mean, it would be ridiculous for me to stay there, even if I managed to afford it. It’s definitely not worth the new rent.”

“So you want to move?” 

“Yeah.” 

Cassian seemed confused by her nervous tone. “Alright, well, don’t worry about it, okay? I’ll help you with all your stuff, and I know a guy with a moving truck. It’ll all be okay. We’ll find you a way better place to live.” 

He gave her an encouraging squeeze and smile that she didn’t return.

“Uh, well, um. Actually, I was wondering if…” Nesta rolled her lips.

Cassian frowned, concerned by Nesta’s hesitant tone.

“Could I- I mean, I already spend so much time at your place,” she continued, “and I stay here a lot and we- um. Since I have to get a new place…”

“Of course you can stay here while you look for a new place!” Cassian replied.

“Oh!” Nesta sounded surprised. “No, I- I mean, thank you. But, uh, that’s not really what I was gonna…” She shook her head, annoyed at her own incoherence. “That’s really sweet of you, Cass.”

Cassian gave her a long look, trying to decipher her thoughts. “Are you trying to find a place on this block? I can try to get the inside scoop if that’s what you were asking.”

“No, no, that’s not what I-” She took a deep breath and then looked into Cassian's eyes. “Would you want to live with me?”

Cassian blinked. “Oh! Oh, I-” He started to grin. Then, he blinked again, and his face fell. “Oh, uh, I…”

“It’s totally fine if not!” Nesta quickly backtracked. “I know you already signed this lease and stuff, and I can definitely just move-”

“No, it’s- I-” It was Cassian’s turn to take a deep breath. “Nesta, I would love to live with you and I’m honored that you asked me and I’m- I’m so, so happy that you want to live with me. But, well, I just don’t know if it will work out, considering.” He shot a glance towards the door. 

Nesta got up from Cassian’s lap. “Oh.” She looked away from him as she gathered her clothes off the floor, trying to disguise her hurt. “Um, okay. Yeah. I get it.” Her thoughts spiraled as she changed out of Cassian’s shirt.

“Nes! Nesta, I…” Cassian seemed to be at a loss for words. “You know I love you, right?”

“Yeah,” she replied half-heartedly after a beat. 

“Nes, I just…” he sounded frustrated. “You know how things have been lately, with Az. As much as I… I don’t think it’s realistic to think that he’d be okay with it, and of course I’d talk to him beforehand but, like, it is his place too and…”

She gave a noncommittal hum in reply.

The room was drenched in tense silence.

“Can you just be honest?” Nesta said finally, puncturing the tension. “If you don’t want to move in with me, just say it. I understand you’re renting this place with Az, but he isn’t unreasonable. We both know that if you talked about it, he’d be cool with it. Maybe he’d ask you to wait for a bit, until the end of this lease or whatever, but he wouldn’t stop you. So just tell me why you don’t want to live with me, because I- I thought we were… that this was…”

“I am being honest,” Cassian frowned. 

She gave an irritated sigh. 

“No, really, I am,” he insisted. “You were there with me in the living room, weren’t you? Didn’t you see how pissed he was? I guess maybe it wasn’t- Az isn’t the type to yell or anything. That quiet, passive-aggressive type shit is how he expresses his annoyance.”

“So?” Nesta bit back. “If anything, I would have thought he’d be glad if we weren’t here as often.”

“Exactly! I don’t think we should spend more time here.”

Nesta paused. “What?”

“I know you and Az do get along,” he said, “but I really don’t think he’d be fine with you moving in here.”

“Here? Wait, you thought- Oh. Oh!” Nesta brightened visibly.

“What?” Cassian seemed bewildered by her sudden change in mood. 

“Cassian, I wasn’t asking to move in here,” she laughed. “I was asking you to move in with me at a new place we’ll find together.”

Cassian’s eyes widened in realization. “Oh! Yes, of course, I’d love that! Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I thought- but- yes!”

Nesta grinned. “I should’ve been clearer, sorry about that.”

“No, no, it’s on me.” His face slowly spread into a grin. “Guess we’ll have to work on communicating better if we’re gonna live together, huh?”

“I guess so,” she beamed.

Nesta embraced Cassian tightly. 

“We’re living together!” she whispered excitedly.

He hugged her back. “Yes, we are,” he replied just as thrilled.

__________

Present day

“I can’t believe we were so stupid,” Nesta laughed.

“I know right?” Cassian looked down at the photo once more. “No, but seriously, I was so elated when we moved into this place.”

Nesta smiled fondly. “Yeah, me too. I smiled for, like, 48 hours straight, even though we had to carry all those boxes and,” she paused dramatically, “unpack.” She shuddered. 

“Ah, yes, unpacking — the harshest of struggles.”

“I’m so glad you understand.”

“Oh, no, I don’t mind unpacking, but well,” Cassian ran a hand through his hair suavely, “some people are just built different.”

Nesta flipped him off playfully.

“Aw, sweetheart, don’t be jealous,” he replied consolingly, “I have my own weaknesses. Like, I hate packing.”

She huffed. “Cass-”

“What? Oh, c’mon, what’s the point of my trauma if I can’t joke about it?” 

She shook her head with a chuckle. “So you’re saying that all that trauma was just character development so you could increase your humor stats?”

Cassian pointed finger guns at her. “Cha-ching! Now you get it.” 

Nesta laughed. 

She looked around, still awed by the beautiful display Cassian had set up for her. She picked up a rose petal and admired its color and scent. As she fiddled with it, she was suddenly struck by a thought. 

“Where are Ara and Lina?” 

“They’re with Em,” Cassian said reassuringly. “Don’t worry, I’ll clean all this stuff up before they get back.”

“Oh, they love being at Emerie’s place. They get along so well with Siph, it’s crazy.” Nesta paused, struck by another thought. “Wait, but why did you ask her to watch them? I mean, why did you organize this whole-”

“Remember when we got them?” Cassian interrupted, pointing to another polaroid. “They used to be so tiny! It’s crazy how much they’ve grown.”

Nesta cocked her head, confused by Cassian ignoring her question. Before she could continue her line of questioning, however, her eyes landed on the photo he was indicating and she got sidetracked. 

“Oh my gosh, yeah,” she breathed as she reminisced. “I can’t believe we thought we were going to walk into the shelter without adopting a pet.”

“I can’t believe we told the landlord that we didn’t care about the pet policy because we were never going to get one,” he answered. 

“We’re so lucky we accidentally got an apartment that allows pets,” she agreed. 

“I’ll never forget the look on Cresseida’s face when we told her,” Cassian added. 

She replied, “She made sure we’d never forget. She was saying ‘I told you so’ for months.”

__________

One year ago

 “We’ll stop by for a bit, but we’re not adopting any pets,” Nesta repeated for the fifth time in the past ten minutes.

“Okay,” Cresseida answered with a knowing smirk, “but it’s also okay if you change your mind.”

Cresseida, Emerie’s girlfriend, ran a pet shelter with her best friend, Nuala. She had invited all of Emerie’s friends to stop by anytime, saying that she and the animals enjoyed having company. 

Nesta and Cassian had resisted at first, since they weren’t looking for pets and, in Nesta’s words, “weren’t the pet type”. Neither of them had ever owned a pet before. While they respected people who loved their pets, they also enjoyed making fun of those who dressed up in matching outfits with their pets for Halloween and talked about their pets as though they were their children. Also, while Nesta didn’t dislike animals per se, she also didn’t like them enough to feel any desire to live with one 24/7, let alone take care of one. Cassian liked animals well enough but he’d had some bad experiences with stray dogs when he was a kid. When they visited friends who owned big dogs who would greet visitors by pouncing on them or barking excitedly, Cassian would always plaster a fake smile on his face, but she’d feel him flinch.  

However, when Emerie used her puppy-dog eyes and pleaded with Nesta to just go once to support her girlfriend’s work, she’d caved and agreed to visit. Cassian and Gwyn — both of whom had yet to visit the shelter — came along with her, saying they should all just get it over with together. 

“This side of the shelter has dogs,” Cresseida said as they walked in, “and this side has cats. There are also some other animals in the back section. Feel free to walk around and ask me if you have any questions. Right now, most of the animals are in their individual kennels and the kennel doors are locked but let me know if you want to play with any of them.” 

“Alright, thanks,” Nesta replied.

She and Cassian shared a look. Both of them wanted to humor Cresseida, who was a great person and also the best girlfriend Emerie had (at least in Nesta’s opinion), but they both knew they wouldn’t be interested in any animals. They would just wander around the shelter until an appropriate amount of time had passed and they could politely leave. 

“Ooh, a kitten!” Gwyn exclaimed, grabbing Nesta’s hand and pulling her into the cat section.

Meanwhile, Cassian followed Cresseida into a different area.

 “Oh my gosh, this baby is only 12 weeks old,” Gwyn cooed at the striped tabby cat. “Isn’t she adorable?”

“She is cute,” Nesta admitted, but Gwyn had already moved on.

“Wow, this cat has the prettiest eyes I’ve ever seen! Oh, and look at this one! Do you see the face he’s making?”

Nesta laughed and followed her friend, nodding along to Gwyn’s excited commentary. 

Finally, Gwyn came to a halt with a gasp. She kneeled down wordlessly in front of an orange kitten, who blinked back at her sleepily. Nesta kneeled down next to Gwyn. She looked at the kennel in front of her. A jet-black cat was at the other corner of the kennel, hissing and growling at the young boy who was trying to attract its attention. His mother pulled him away just as the cat attempted to scratch the child through the glass. 

“Crazy feral cat,” Nesta heard the mother grumble under her breath as they walked away. 

Nesta raised an eyebrow at the cat, who regarded her with an equally judgemental expression. Nesta took a step closer to the glass. The cat did the same. 

She tuned out Gwyn mumbling something. Instead, she turned her focus to the tag on the kennel.

“Oh, wow, you still don’t have a name even though you’re eight months old, huh,” Nesta said. She had always thought it was a bit silly how pet owners talked to animals as though they could really answer, but now she found it to be the most natural thing in the world. Especially when the cat meowed in response.

Nesta cocked her head. The cat studied her for a few seconds. It stared intensely with its yellow eyes. Then, it tilted its head, copying her. 

She couldn’t help but melt. How was it possible that such a sweet cat had yet to find a home?

“Nesta! There you are!” 

Nesta jolted as Cresseida’s voice interrupted her thoughts. 

“I see you found little Miss Onyx over here,” Cresseida smiled. “I’ve never seen her be so friendly with any customers before.”

“Is her name Onyx, then?”

“Oh, no. We have tried to name her before, but she seems to hate every name we’ve tried, so we kind of gave up,” Cresseida explained. “We couldn’t keep calling her ‘the unnamed black cat’, though, so now we just refer to her by black object names.” Cresseida turned towards the cat. “Isn’t that right, Blackberry?” 

The cat hissed and retreated to the corner of her kennel closest to Nesta. 

Cresseida laughed. “See?” Then, she sent Nesta a knowing glance. “She seems to adore you.”

Nesta glanced back at the cat, who was now sitting with a paw on the glass.

“She is very cute,” she admitted. 

“She is,” Cresseida agreed. “Sadly, she’s fierce enough that she scares away most customers.”

“It’s like she’s made for Nesta!” Gwyn piped up. “I mean, look at her spunky attitude, her fierceness, her witchy vibes — since, you know, she’s a black cat.”

“I don’t have witchy vibes,” Nesta muttered.

Gwyn ignored her. “Not to mention, she’s right next to Mer,” she pointed to the orange cat, “who is my soulmate cat so our cats are destined to be best friends, just like us!”

“Wow, I didn’t- I haven’t said I’m adopting her yet,” Nesta protested.

“Yet,” Gwyn repeated, wiggling her eyebrows playfully.

Cresseida laughed. “Well, let me know if you are seriously interested in adopting Miss Obsidian. There’s a few things you would need to keep in mind for her that we should talk about.”

Nesta nodded.

“What about Mer?” Gwyn asked. “Any special care she needs that I should know about?”

“Not really. We did have her on a special diet for a bit because she was slightly malnourished when we found her but she’s at a healthy weight now.”

Nesta walked away as Gwyn and Cresseida continued their animated discussion. How was she going to convince Cassian to adopt a cat? Actually, Nesta knew that wouldn’t be an issue — Cassian would surely jump at any opportunity to make her happy. The real question was how she was going to put aside her pride and admit that she wanted to adopt the cat. She would also have to see if Cassian wanted to adopt the cat, too, and not just for her sake. It would be unfair to both Cassian and the cat to bring her into a home where only one person truly loved her. Not that Cassian wouldn’t be kind to the cat, regardless — it was just that Nesta wanted Cassian to adopt the cat because it made him happy, instead of doing it for Nesta’s sake. 

Nesta was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she walked right into someone. 

“Excuse me,” Nesta apologized. The man turned around.

“You’re excused, Nes,” Cassian replied with a wink. 

“Oh, fuck you,” she groaned, holding back a smile. 

“I know I’m hot, but you’re gonna have to wait til we get home.” 

She replied with a soft punch to his shoulder. Cassian fell to the floor dramatically. 

A bark sounded from the kennel right in front of Cassian. Nesta quickly examined Cassian for any signs of fear, but he wasn’t flinching. Instead, he tugged gently on her arm. 

“Nes,” he said with a grin as she sat down beside him, “Let me introduce you to my new friend, Lina.” 

Nesta turned to find a large golden retriever wagging her tail energetically. She was beautiful and friendly, but she also definitely weighed more than twenty kilograms and had a full set of sharp teeth. In short, she was exactly the type of dog that Cassian would usually be uncomfortable around. 

Yet, here he was, saying, “Look, I know we agreed that we were just looking around and we weren’t going to adopt any pets but look at her! Her cute paws, that gorgeous fur, and those eyes! And she’s so happy to see me! Doesn’t it just make you want to keep her forever?”

His expression said it all: he’d fallen completely in love with this dog. 

“Cassian…” 

His expression dropped. “I know taking care of a pet is a lot of work. If we did adopt her, I would walk her and figure out her food and vet stuff, but she would be living with both of us, so I would never want to adopt her if you weren’t completely on board. And having a pet would affect our lifestyle and our day-to-day lives a lot, so I understand if you’d rather not adopt her.”

“Do you want to adopt her?” Nesta blurted out. 

Cassian looked confused. 

“I mean, she’s obviously a beautiful and friendly dog, but she’s in a kennel right now,” Nesta explained. “If we adopt her, she could jump on you or bite you or scratch you. Won’t you be on edge having a dog in our apartment all the time, even if you’re tired or having a rough day?” 

“All the other dogs I’ve met make me nervous, either when they bark or pant or just by being close to me. They remind me of rough times in my childhood, when I was scared and in danger. But for some reason, Lina is different. I don’t get any of that fear or anxiety around her. In fact, it’s the opposite. She makes me feel relaxed and happy. I think she actually makes me feel safe.” Cassian ran a hand through his hair. “Weird, huh?”

Nesta smiled. “I’m glad you found her. I still want you to take her for a walk before we sign anything if we’re going to adopt her.”

“Wait, but- We don’t need to adopt her just because I want to. If you don’t want a pet, you shouldn’t agree just for my sake,” he added hurriedly. Still, Nesta could see the corners of his mouth tilting up. 

“Yes, I want to adopt her! And,” Nesta continued, seeing Cassian opening his mouth to argue, “do you really think that I would ever agree to something I didn’t want to do, just for someone else’s sake?”

“Yeah, I do. I know you’re a big softie,” Cassian teased. 

She laughed. “Well, trust me, I do want to adopt a pet.”

“Of course she wants to!” Gwyn interjected, appearing seemingly out of nowhere. “You should have seen her with that cat. It was like she’d found her twin flame! No offense, Cassian.”

“Wait, what cat?” he replied, befuddled. 

Nesta attempted to wave him off. “It’s nothing-”

“It’s not nothing!” Gwyn interrupted animatedly. “It’s her cat soulmate! A little ball of anger and adorable-ness, just like our little Nesta here.”

Nesta sent her friend a flat look. “Thanks a lot for that description.”

Gwyn just shrugged. “What? You know I’m right.” 

“Where can I find this cat?” Cassian asked. 

Gwyn pointed him in the right direction, telling him about all the ways in which the cat represented Nesta while pointedly ignoring Nesta’s calls of “No, it’s fine” and “You don’t need to go look at the cat” and “I don’t have spooky evil vibes!”. 

“Aww, look at her,” Cassian smiled as he crouched in front of the black cat’s kennel. 

The cat hissed in return.  

“You’re so beautiful, aren’t you? Yes, you are! Good girl!” cooed Cassian. 

The cat abruptly stopped hissing. She stared at him unblinkingly before purring quietly.

Gwyn erupted with laughter. “Wow, she really is just like Nesta, huh? Everything down to the praise ki-”

Her words were cut off as Nesta covered Gwyn’s mouth with her hand. 

“What the fuck, Gwyn! She’s a cat! That’s disgusting,” Nesta hissed in her ear. 

Gwyn licked Nesta’s palm, and used the moment Nesta recoiled as a distraction to pull her hand off. 

“I just tell it how I see it,” Gwyn declared. “And I have never once been disgusting.”

“Oh really?” Nesta replied, bringing the hand Gwyn had licked close to Gwyn’s face. 

Gwyn screeched and ran down to hide behind Cassian.

Cassian remained focused on the cat. “Oh, you’re such a sweetheart. What’s your name, baby?”

“She doesn’t have a name yet,” Nesta supplied, before bringing her licked hand around Cassian to reach for Gwyn. The redhead let out another shriek and ran. 

Nesta could see the moment Cassian melted. His posture seemed to go soft as his expression turned even more tender. 

“You don’t have a name yet, huh?” he murmured. “I guess you need a family to give you a name and a home and some love.”

She placed her non-licked hand on his shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. She didn’t need to ask to know that he was thinking of his own childhood — when he’d needed a home and a family, too. 

“Don’t worry, sweetheart,” Cassian whispered, “me and your mom are going to give you so much love.”

“Cass, are you sure?” she questioned gently. She ignored how it made her feel to hear him refer to her as ‘mom’. There was too much to unpack there, and she would save it for later, after they’d finished making important decisions. 

“Look at her, Nes,” he replied. “It’s like she was made for us.”

Nesta knew it was more than just about the resemblances between her and the cat that Gwyn had pointed out. It was about how this cat hissed and growled at strangers, putting her guard up, but really was just a sweet kitten who needed some love. Both of them could relate to putting on a tough face to hide how vulnerable and hurt they really were. She knew Cassian was thinking that this cat would be a perfect addition to their lives.

“But what about Lina?” Nesta insisted. 

“You love this cat. Don’t try to deny it, I can tell.”

“That’s not an answer.” 

“I think,” Cassian said carefully, “we both love this cat and we should adopt her.”

Nesta narrowed her eyes. “And what are we doing about the fact that we both love Lina?” 

This wasn’t just about the animals, and they both knew that. 

It wasn’t that Nesta didn’t think Cassian wanted to adopt the cat — she knew he really, truly did. But she also knew that he wanted to adopt Lina. She wouldn’t let him give up on his wishes and always put her needs above his. While she appreciated the sentiment, she also knew he had a tendency to discount his own desires. She needed him to know that what he wanted mattered just as much.

Cassian let out a big breath like a deflating mattress, the fight going out of him. 

“I love Lina, I do. And I know it’s so special that I feel so safe around her — around a big dog with sharp teeth. But Nes,” his voice took on a different tone, “at the end of the day, she’s a friendly golden retriever. I’m sure a million families with white picket fences are lining up to adopt her. And this cat… I mean, she doesn’t even have a name.” 

His Adam's apple bobbed.

“I know we could love either of them, and they’d be incredible. But at least with Lina, I know she’ll find someone else to take care of her. I don’t know if this cat will find that, and she’s too…” Cassian paused to search for a word. His nose scrunched in frustration as his vocabulary failed him. “She’s too precious for me to take that chance.” 

He needed his kitten to find a home. He couldn’t risk her never finding a family — not when he had so much love he could give her. 

Nesta contemplated silently. 

“Okay,” she finally said, her eyes piercing through him as though she intended to read his heart. “If you’re sure that’s what you want to do, we’ll get this cat.”

Cassian smiled. “Look at us, being real adults. Can you believe we’re going to be parenting this cutie?”

“Parenting,” repeated Nesta with a snort. “Don’t say it like that. It sounds like we’re having a baby or something. People are going to think I’m pregnant.”

“Oh my god, you’re pregnant?” Gwyn exclaimed, reappearing next to Nesta from wherever she’d run off to. She had clearly only caught the tail end of Nesta’s sentence. 

“Wow, I’m so excited to be an aunt! Do you know the sex yet? Wait, how far along do you need to be to know that? How many months are you, by the way?” Gwyn spoke too rapidly for anyone to get a word in. “I had no idea about this! How have you been hiding the morning sickness? Or does everyone know about this already? Oh, gosh, this is so exciting!” 

Nesta stayed silent, trying to hold in her smile. Cassian just looked bewildered. 

Gwyn gave Nesta a light hug. “Oh, wow, this is crazy! Am I the first one to know? Wait, is it ok if I tell people? You can tell me if it’s still a secret, don’t worry.” 

Cassian blinked. “No, that’s-”

“Oh, perfect!” Gwyn squealed. She reached over to hug Cassian, too. “Oh, I can’t wait to tell Emerie! Oh my god, and Az! His reaction is going to be insane!” 

She practically skipped down the hallway, her fingers already tapping away on her phone.

Cassian raised an eyebrow at Nesta. “What just happened?”

Nesta finally let out a laugh. “Just Gwyn being Gwyn, I suppose.”

“You don’t mind?”

“I’m actually curious to see how far this goes.” She leaned forward, pressing her side against him. “Do you think they’ll throw me a surprise baby shower?”

“Rhys is going to be so pissed I’m having a baby before him,” Cassian grinned. “It’ll be hilarious.”

“We could tell them we’re having a daughter,” Nesta added, jerking her head towards the kitten.

Cassian laughed. He stood up and stretched out his body, likely feeling a slight ache because he’d been crouching for several minutes. He leaned over and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “This is why I love you, you mastermind.”

His lips brought with them a wave of warmth that spread through her veins.

“Time to go tell Cresseida that we are going to adopt a pet after all,” Nesta chirped. 

Cassian groaned. “How about you go tell her, since you’re the one who was looking at this cat first,” he suggested.

“But you made the final decision,” she countered. 

“Well, no, I,” Cassian wracked his brain to find an excuse, “I think you would, uh, be better at filling out the paperwork.”

“Hmm,” Nesta tapped a finger to her chin and pretended to consider his offer, “How about… you do it?”

They were saved from their squabble when Gwyn reappeared with Cresseida in tow.

“So, can I take Mer home with me today or should I set up my place to be cat-ready first?” Gwyn was saying. 

“Ah, Cresseida! Just the person we were looking for!” Cassian interjected. “Nesta wanted to ask you something.”

Nesta sent him a frigid side eye that would have sent anyone else running for the hills, but only made Cassian grin. 

“We were thinking about adopting her,” Nesta said, pointing at the cat in question, “and were wondering what we need to do to make that happen? Is there just paperwork or something else we need to do?”

Cresseida’s expression changed completely. “I knew you would all walk out of here with pets!” she exclaimed triumphantly. Then she sobered slightly. “I’m so glad you’re interested in this cat, but like I mentioned earlier, there is something you should know.” 

Nesta nodded sharply. The anticipation and anxiety started to creep up on her. Was the cat sick? Or disabled in some way? Perhaps she and Cassian, as first time pet owners, weren’t equipped to give her the care she needed. 

“When we found her, she was only about two months old,” Cresseida explained. “We’re not quite sure what happened to her mother, since she didn’t seem to be with her family. But she had already bonded to another animal. They’re still quite close. Even though they’re generally kept in separate kennels, we usually let them play with each other once or twice a day, or she’ll start to get antsy. If at all possible, it would be best not to separate them. It may be possible for her to get used to living without her bonded friend, especially if she’s in an environment where she’s well-loved and taken care of, but it would be very difficult on both of them. So if you would consider adopting both of them, that would really be for the best.”

“Like, another cat?” Nesta inquired.

“It’s not Mer, is it?” Gwyn asked, looking worried. “If it is, I guess I’m going to have to move in with Nesta and Cassian.” Her face suddenly brightened. “I can be like a live-in nanny!”

“No, it’s not Mer,” Cresseida replied, “and it’s actually not another cat. It’s quite a unique situation. We’re still not sure how these two found each other and came to be bonded, but the other animal is actually a dog.”

“Oh.” Nesta felt her heart sink. She would hate to separate the cat from the one other animal that had been with her since she was a baby, but she also couldn’t adopt a dog. She wouldn’t allow Cassian to feel unsafe in his own home. 

“We could adopt both-” Cassian began, just as she knew he would.

“No,” she cut in. She didn’t care if it made her seem like the villain in Cresseida’s eyes. “I’m sorry, we can’t.”

Her eyes shifted to the kitten once more. The cat truly was adorable. Nesta would miss her tremendously, even though they’d only just met. Still, she couldn’t separate her from the friend who’d become her family. She would have to let her go. It hurt, but she knew it was for the best.

“I don’t think we’ll adopt her after all,” Nesta said. Though she had once prided herself on hiding her true emotions from the world, she could tell that both Gwyn and Cassian instantly read the meaning behind her aloof tone. 

“Yeah, you’re right, that’s probably the right decision,” Gwyn supplied. “Adopting pets and having a baby at the same time would be really hard.”

Cassian kept silent. She knew he was itching to deny it, to demand that she adopt the cat anyway, his feelings be damned. She was glad that he knew her well enough that she would not be swayed, and that his well-being mattered more to her than anything else. 

Cresseida sighed, disappointed. “I understand,” she said, resigned. “Dogs aren’t for everyone, especially if you have a lot on your plate. This dog really is the sweetest, although if you are allergic, a golden retriever wouldn’t be the right breed.”

“Hold on, did you say a golden retriever?” Cassian interjected. “You’re not talking about Lina, are you?”

Cresseida looked surprised. “I am, actually. I assume you’ve already made her acquaintance, then?”

“Wait, you’re saying we can adopt both Lina and this cat? And they wouldn’t fight or hurt each other?” Cassian repeated, as though he couldn’t believe his ears. It sounded too good to be true.

“They do play-fight occasionally, but no, they don’t hurt each other and they get along great. But, I understand that you can’t adopt a dog,” Cresseida answered, slightly confused. 

Cassian turned to Nesta. 

“Did you hear that, Nes? We can adopt them both.” 

He was beaming. 

“They’re so perfect,” he repeated as they brought Lina and the cat home a week later, after they’d made all the necessary preparations. “It’s like we were made to find them.”

She felt like she was floating, swept up by the exuberance in his eyes.

When she watched the kitten curl up in Cassian’s lap while Lina sat beside them, a paw resting against the cat’s back, she couldn’t find a name for the feeling that bubbled up inside her. The only viable contenders — love and contentment — seemed too small to capture it all.

When Cassian later asked her what she wanted to name the cat, she looked at the life they’d built together — the bookshelves lined with hockey history books and romance novels, the kitchen counter where Cassian’s favorite chocolate lay beside her mountainous tea collection, the polaroid pictures of them stuck to the fridge with magnets, and the pets filling their home with affection — and replied, “Ataraxia.”

Peace. 

__________

Present day

“I can’t even bring Ara and Lina around Cresseida anymore,” Cassian grumbled. “She always just talks about how incredible it was that we actually believed we’d leave her shelter without a pet.”

“She’s a menace,” Nesta agreed, though her words lacked any real bite. 

They both adored Cresseida, and were delighted at how happy she made Emerie. It was only that Cresseida shared their friend group’s penchant for teasing their friend mercilessly. 

“Her cooking is amazing though, so she makes up for it,” Nesta continued. “I had no idea vegan food could taste that good until I met her.”

“Speaking of cooking…” Cassian pointed to the last photo. It was labeled ‘cooking breakfast’.

Nesta leaned in closer to inspect the image. “When was this?”

“What? You don’t remember?” Cassian gasped in mock offense.

Then, he took her hand. “Don’t worry, I’ll remind you.”

__________

Three months ago

Cassian awoke to the birds chirping and the smell of pancakes permeating the air. He rolled over in bed, reaching out for Nesta, only to find her side of the bed empty. 

He let out a small sigh. 

It was a Saturday morning, and his favorite thing to do on weekends when they didn’t have anything planned was to spend lazy mornings in bed with her. During the week, both of them were too busy to linger in bed. Snoozing their alarms once was the extent of their indulgence. 

But on weekends, Cassian liked to savor the feeling of Nesta lying beside him. He would lay in silence, taking it all in — the blankets warmed by their body heat, the way Nesta’s hair glowed in the morning light, the gentle pressuring of her body laying against his. Eyes half-open, he would breathe deeply and allow the peaceful contentment to fill his lungs. When Nesta woke up, there would be time for slow kisses, quiet conversations, and tender lovemaking. Their room would fill with soft but unbound laughter and playful quips. Later, they would make their way to the kitchen. One of them (usually Cassian) would cook brunch while the other did the dishes, swept the floor, or started a load of laundry. 

This morning, it seemed that Nesta had broken their usual routine. 

As Cassian rolled out of bed, his eyes caught the alarm clock on his bedside table. It was 10:05 am, far later than he usually woke up on weekends. Cassian was almost always the first to wake, generally around 8 or 9 am, and he’d lay patiently until Nesta gained consciousness around 9:30. 

Clearly, he’d been exhausted last night. It had been a long day of training, and then they’d gone out for dinner with his friends. After coming home, he and Nesta had watched a movie and then spent an hour tussling in their sheets. He’d fallen asleep as soon as he closed his eyes. 

Cassian pulled on a pair of dark jeans and strolled out of the bedroom without bothering to find a shirt. 

He found Nesta at the stove, flipping a pancake. She looked ethereal with her long hair down and shimmering in the light that flowed through the window. 

“Morning, Nes,” he said after taking a moment to appreciate the view. 

Nesta’s long legs were bare. She was dressed only in his striped button-up shirt which ended right below her butt. As she turned towards him, he could see that she hadn’t bothered to do up all the buttons on his shirt. The V dipped deep enough that, had she been wearing a bra, lacy bits would have peeked out, but she’d clearly thrown the shirt on without it. Was she wearing any underwear?

She sent him a small smile in greeting. 

“Can’t believe you didn’t bother to wake me up,” he teased as he pulled one of the hair ties off his wrist and put his probably messy hair into a neat bun. 

“Well, it seems like I tired you out last night and you clearly needed your beauty sleep,” she shot back. 

“Are you trying to imply that I didn’t tire you out?” 

She shot him a smirk. “Well, I was up first, wasn’t I?”

He narrowed his eyes at her, even as he held back a smile. He loved this easy back-and-forth, joking banter. “I’ll have to remedy that tonight,” he declared. 

“Aww, did I bruise your little ego?” 

She moved the pancake to a plate, and poured more batter into the pan. 

“There’s nothing little about me,” he joked before walking up behind her and gently wrapping his arms around her. He was careful to steer clear of her arms, so that they wouldn’t accidentally touch the pan or the stove and get burned. 

He rested his head in the crook of her neck. “I missed you this morning,” he whispered. 

“Couldn’t survive a few minutes without me?” she answered. He couldn’t see her face, but he could hear her smile in the warmth of her tone. 

“You know I’d be lost without you,” he answered. His tone was light and humorous, but his words were no less sincere.

She let out a small, fond chuckle. “Good thing I was only making breakfast then.”

He inhaled deeply. The smell of her vanilla and jasmine conditioner mixed with the sandalwood scent that lingered on his shirt. His neck was at a slightly awkward angle, bent down to accommodate Nesta’s forward-leaning posture as she cooked, but Cassian knew he’d be happy standing like this forever. 

He stayed there for a few minutes, until Nesta stilled in his arms. He knew she needed to move in order to put the pancake on a plate and couldn’t do so with Cassian wrapped around her, but she also didn’t want him to let go. 

He waited for a heartbeat, then gave her a slight squeeze before unwinding his arms. Before pulling away completely, he pressed a light kiss to the back of her neck.

Then, he walked over to the utensil drawer to start setting the table. 

When he sat down, his eyes flickered to Nesta’s figure, waiting for her to join him. He was itching to serve himself one of the pancakes in the middle of the table and bite into deliciousness. They smelled absolutely incredible. 

However, Nesta walked over with the pan still in her hand. She plopped the pancake from her pan straight onto his plate. Unlike the other pancakes, it wasn’t shaped like a circle.

“It was misshapen, so it reminded me of your face,” she quipped as she sat down after putting her pan in the sink. 

“Very funny.” He rolled his eyes, but couldn’t stop his smile. The pancake was shaped like a perfect heart. 

As they dug into their food, Cassian felt the domesticity seep into him. He knew how the rest of the day would likely go. They’d wash up together, and then Cassian would head out for a run with Lina while Nesta curled up on the couch with a book. He’d come home and shower, then make her a cup of tea. Later, they’d change the bedsheets, make a list of the groceries they needed to pick up, and chat, before watching a movie or ordering takeout. They’d end up having sex on the couch or in the shower — anywhere but on their freshly changed sheets — and then fall asleep curled around each other with Cassian’s arm slung over Nesta’s waist. 

Their lives had fallen into a routine. And Cassian loved it. This peaceful life they’d built together could never be boring — not when they always filled it with so much playfulness and their jobs were filled with drama by necessity. The regularity was a blessing, not a curse. When Cassian walked through the doors to this apartment, he felt the tension of the outside world fade away. He felt at home.

He loved the life they had created together, and couldn’t imagine anything better than having mornings like this one for the rest of his life. 

The thought should have shocked him, but it did not. He’d known for a long time that this was coming, but it was only now that it had fully sunk in.

He looked across the table at Nesta and caught her eye.

“What?” she asked with a grin.

He reached over and laced his pinky with hers. 

“Nothing.” He smiled. “I love you.”

She shook her head fondly at his cheesiness, but still replied, “I love you.” 

He wanted to declare his love for her in front of the whole world, and then spend the rest of his life with her. He couldn’t think of a better way to spend his life than dedicating it to loving her. 

That day, he started researching rings. 

__________

Present day

“I love you,” said Cassian. His eyes shone brightly. “I love all the moments we’ve spent together and the memories we’ve made.”

He walked around the table where the pictures lay and grasped her hands. 

“I do too.” Nesta, although still confused by their impromptu outpour of emotion, was always eager to remind Cassian of just how much she adored him. “I love you so much.”

Cassian smiled. She could see that a million thoughts were swirling in his mind, but he took a breath to focus himself.

“I love you,” he said once more, as though he couldn’t help himself, just like he had after he’d first said the words. He’d been like a child who’d never been allowed sweets who had just been given a box of chocolates — he marveled at the fact that he had love in his grasp and he gorged himself on it, basking in the delight that he could say the words whenever he wished. 

“Every minute, every second I get to spend with you is precious to me,” he continued. “Whether we’re at a party, a restaurant, a vacation, a match, or doing chores at home, every moment with you turns to gold. You made my life so beautiful and meaningful and happy, Nesta, in a way I never even imagined was possible. Even in the harshest moments, I know I’ll be okay because I get to come home to you every night. You’ve helped me learn how to live, not just survive. Because of you, I can love openly. Because of you, I can be myself without worrying that I’m too much. Because of you, I can let myself feel joy, instead of constantly worrying that it’s going to be ripped away from me. I can only hope that I can make you half as happy as you make me.”

“You make me happier than I ever thought possible,” Nesta answered. She was certain there were tears in her eyes, but she couldn’t bring herself to mind. There were so many things that she could say — how the world had appeared cold and cruel, just like her reflection in the mirror, until she’d seen it all through his eyes. She would never stop being inspired by him — how was it possible for him to be so kind when the world had been so awful to him? How was it that he got wholeheartedly excited when it snowed, despite knowing the stinging pain of a cold night on the streets? His joy was infectious, and now she couldn’t help but admire the beauty in every little thing — children skipping down the sidewalk, the leaves changing color, and the birds chirping in the morning. 

Yet, she couldn’t find the words. How could she express the magnitude of her emotions for him, and just how much he’d changed her life? All she could do was look at him. 

He squeezed her hands gently and she knew he understood.

“You’ve made me a better man.” His voice was slightly raspy as emotion clogged his throat. “My life is so much fuller with you in it. We’ve made so many beautiful memories,” he said, gesturing to the pictures with one hand, “and I want to dedicate the rest of my life to making more. It would be the greatest honor to spend my life by your side. I want to fill that table with a million — a billion — more memories.”

“So, Nesta Archeron,” He released her hands. She blinked in surprise and found him kneeling before her, a small box open in his hands with something sparkling inside. “Will you marry me?”

Her gaze had gotten blurred with tears, but she blinked them away now. 

Cassian cut a stunning figure as he looked up at her, rose petals and candles glowing around him. His outfit flattered his body — the wine-red shirt showed off his muscular arms without being too tight and contrasted his skin tone well, bringing attention to his soft blush and curved lips to highlight his joy. His long hair was as glorious as usual, half of it pulled into a bun. 

Still, it was the look in his eyes that caught her attention. His beautiful hazel eyes, framed by his long, dark lashes, sparkled not only with love and joy, but also with breathtaking certainty. Unlike during that bookstore date so long ago, Cassian was secure in their love. She could see in his eyes that, even if she said no, he would not doubt their relationship for a moment. 

But of course, there was only one answer she would give to this wondrous man. He had come into her life like a fire, warming her and brightening her life in innumerable ways. 

“Yes.”

__________

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#nessian #nesta archeron #nesta x cassian #acotar #acosf #tw homelessness #tw mentions of abuse #tw mention of death #this is critical of rhysand and doesn't portray him as a feminist #sayosdreams fics #sayosdreams writing #sayosdreams

[orangepanic]

Baatar Sr. adopts Asami AU for @thatoneguy56fanfic

In spite of their chef’s best efforts the girl—young woman, he supposed—only picked at her food. A small bite of fish here. A single sliver of purple sea onion. She tucked each one into her red-lipped mouth as if putting marbles back in a sack after playtime. Not an ounce of pleasure on her face. Baatar found his eyes drawn to her again and again in the same way one might watch the aftermath of a head-on collision. Asami Sato, both body and ambulance. 

“She’s your daughter’s age,” Suyin teased as soon as they were alone. 

“It’s not funny,” he replied. An uncharacteristic disagreement. “Spirits, Su, can you imagine? Opal said they’d only just reconciled.”

The laughter in his wife’s face faded as she turned away. “No, I can’t,” she said. “But I do know something about not having a father.”

Baatar sucked in a breath. He’d walked right into that one. “I’m sorry, darling,” he said, pulling her close. Suyin slotted against him, so warm and familiar. Her delicate breath tickled his neck. “It’s not a comparison. I only wish we could do more than give her somewhere to visit.”

“Because we don’t have our hands full with Baatar and Kuvira right now?”

“Because Baatar and Kuvira are the reason Asami doesn’t have a father.”

Su had nothing to say to that. 

The next day Baatar began his project. “Excuse me, Asami?” he asked after breakfast. “I wonder if you could lend me a hand?”

Her eyes met his, hollow. “What do you need?”

What Baatar needed took most of the morning. He hadn’t really required a second person to help him move his chalkboard from one side of his workshop to another where the light might be better, but in the end it was nice to have a capable set of hands to balance and measure and mark on the wall. Asami proved swift and efficient. Once the final screws were screwed and they were both thoroughly covered in white chalk dust Baatar asked her if she might review his plans for an expansion of Zaofu’s opera house later on. As a favor. Asami said yes. 

They continued like that the rest of the week. Every day Baatar created a project for which he might need the assistance of a fellow engineer. Some were items on his long to-do list; many he simply made up. And every day Asami agreed to help, and spent anywhere from an hour to half the day working on whatever it was he’d decided needed doing. At first Asami mostly took instruction. But as time passed Baatar started to press her for her own ideas. Did she think the lift should be hydraulic or not? Which way should the road cut? Had she come across a better material for the coating in her own work? To these questions he also started adding the odd bit of fatherly advice or occasional terrible pun. It took three days for Asami to laugh at one of his jokes, but eventually she did. And Baatar found that not only were her ideas often good and not at all what he would have done, but that he got more done that week than he had in the whole two months prior. 

“I’ve missed this,” he said one afternoon as Asami tightened the lug nuts on the last tire of the new heavy duty motorized garden wagon he’d decided the estate somehow needed. Hu Meng was getting old, and while they could simply hire another gardener he’d never much liked changes in staff. 

For a long time Asami didn’t say anything. Sweat dripped down from her hairline into her tank top as she strained against the wrench. But finally Baatar heard it, just a whisper. “Me, too.”

That night he talked to Suyin again. What was one more child after all? With Opal moving in with Bolin they even had a spare bedroom.

“It doesn’t have to be forever,” he said. “Just until she finds her feet again.”

Su gave him a knowing smile. “Sure, Dad,” she said.

#asami sato #baatar sr #tlok #legend of korra #fanfic #drabble

[alexsoenomel]

Bloody Creature Poster Girl (Dean Winchester x Reader smut)

Summary: You are a special kind of demon and one day you ran into The Winchesters, not knowing you would end up in the sheets of the older brother Dean

Pairing: Dean x Succubus!Reader

Warnings: just mentions of murder, abuse, pedophiles, rapists and murderers (not too graphic)  AND then at the end sexy times with Dean and by sexy times I mean oral (female receiving)  

Word count: 5441

Note: Lost Girl is one of my comfort shows, so I decided to combine the elements from the show and write this (it’s an old one) Also the tittle is a name of the song by one of my favorite bands In This Moment . Listen to the song HERE Like/ reblog or both if you like it :)

YOUR POV

Ever since I killed my boyfriend 5 years ago I’ve been on the road; occasionally skipping town, crashing in rusty motel rooms and eating junk food. I was wanted for a murder I didn’t mean to commit. That sounds silly but it was true. I was 17 and in love, he was my first. We decided to go and watch the stars one night but we all know what that meant. I ended up losing my virginity to him and finally killing him. I didn’t know how I did it though. While I was on top of him I suddenly had a strange urge, I got hungry....I ignored it until it was gone...and he was dead. I will remember his face forever, pale as snow with a huge creepy smile on his face. I ran back home as fast as I could, I was terrified I didn’t know what to do or say but when cops came to my house and my mum let them in I knew what I needed to do...run.  I got some clean clothes in a bag and all of my saved up money I had at the moment, my car keys and disappeared through the window of my room; not leaving a message for my mum, without a goodbye. It was killing me to know she was probably worried sick but I couldn’t go back, I will bring her only trouble. After that it took me a couple of days to find out how my boyfriend actually died, when the hunger came back. Apparently for whatever reason I craved sexual energy, I was hungry for it. That was when I realized I wasn’t exactly 100% human; hell I wasn’t human at all. Someone found me while I was hiding, a woman, she was exactly like me. Her name was Jane and she was my mother. I didn’t believe her at first at all, I didn’t believe anyone at that time but when she told me I have a birth mark near my bellybutton  and how I was allergic to strawberries...oh I fucking believed her. She said she heard about Kyle in the papers and that’s how she managed to track me. Then she told me a story how falling in love with a wrong guy brought her demise. The guy, my dad was like us, but much stronger and violent. One day he reached his breaking point when my mum was feeding on a guy who was a registered sex offender. He got so jealous and tried to kill her and me. Apparently, it was his way of keeping us “close” to his heart forever. My mother barely made it out alive. She decided it was too dangerous for me to be in her care, because he was after her and wasn’t going to stop, so she left me on the porch of a woman I have known as mother since birth.

“What happened to dad?”

She told me she managed to cover her tracks for a while... “He thinks I’m in Miami on vacation.”

She finally told me what I have wanted to know since I killed Kyle - what I am.

“A succubus.” She said with a smile.

“A what?” 

“A succubus, a demon that feeds on sexual energy of humans...and other beings.” 

That hit me like a damn baseball bat. Me? A demon? IMPOSSIBLE. I have always thought that was stuff of fairytales, demons, angels and all...I was wrong?

“Why aren’t we in hell then?”

She smiled before answering the question. She had the most gorgeous smile I’ve ever seen. “We are not that kind of demons, darling. We roam free. Once we hit puberty our powers emerge, before that we’re just like humans. Real demons have their powers and abilities since birth.”

It finally made sense, everything. I finally knew who I was. But at the same time I had a lot of questions. How do I control my hunger? How do I not kill everyone in my path when I’m hungry? Kyle wasn’t the only one; I have left quite a blood trail before meeting my real mum. I couldn’t help it. It was like a primal urge to me; men or women...I didn’t care, when I was hungry I couldn’t stop myself. That was where mum came and saved the day. For the next two years I’ve been learning about my abilities and everything that came with being a succubus. She had rules. She was organized, meticulous and fucking amazing to say at least.

Rule number 1: DO NOT KILL INNOCENT PEOPLE.

“Your dad and I would feed on serial killers, rapists and pedophiles, you know, before he went crazy.”

She told me to hunt bad people for food. In every town in this damn country there ware bad people, you just had to find them.

Rule number 2: If you want to get food, use your seductive touch whenever it’s necessary.

I knew I was capable of doing that, that’s how I managed to survive while I was on the run; robbing stores with elegance and not paying for motel rooms. How? I just had to touch someone and seductively tell them what I want and boom. They would go under some sort of a trance. They were “in love” with me until the touch wears off.

Rule number 3: Never let the police know you exist, never leave a trail or something they could use to track you.

Rule number 4: If you get hurt in any way, feed, but don’t go all the way if you don’t want to kill the guy or the girl…unless it’s someone bad of course.

“And if you want to feed on a serial killer or a rapist by all means necessary do it, but...know they are usually creepy and freaking ugly.”

“Seriously?” I asked a little surprised. I did not know about the healing part. If I get hurt or sick I would usually just do whatever a normal human does…silly.  

“What? That’s how we heal (Y/N).”

Rule number 5: Beware of the hunters.

“There are people who go out of their way and kill creatures like you and I. BE CAREFUL! Especially if you come across Sam and Dean Winchester, run.”

“But they are only humans, mum. What they can possibly do?”

“Trust me on Sam and Dean, (Y/N). They have done things you can’t even imagine. They are extremely dangerous.”

And then she proceeded to tell me how they killed Death itself, made ACTUAL  ANGELS fall from the sky and killed demons like it was child’s splay, so I got the memo.  

Those 5 rules helped her get by while running and hiding all these years. She then showed me how to control my hunger.

“You have to remember you’re not an animal, the hunger doesn’t control you; you control the hunger. So if you don’t want to kill the person that’s underneath or on top of you, start slow.”

It was easier said than done but with a little practice I managed to do it plus mum gave me some sort of syrup her friend doctor made to control the hunger. It worked. I also found out that if I wanted to feed I could just kiss the person which was a lot more practical if you ask me.

Everything seemed to be in the right place. I was happy travelling around the country with my mum, seeing places I have always wanted to see, doing what I wanted...until he found us. My dad found us. We didn’t know how, but he did and he ruined everything. He ruined my one chance in happiness. He was stronger than both of us. He came armed with a knife and I didn’t see it. He stabbed her right in the stomach, killing her slowly. Before she took her last breath she told me to run. I didn’t want to leave her, she made me. When I was holding her she touched my hand and made me do it. I don’t know how she did it, but she showed me how much she cared and loved me. This was pure motherly love. Through tears and anger I told her I loved her...and ran before he got a chance to hurt me. I’ve never seen that man ever again.

 ****

        This brings us to now. Currently I’m in Lebanon, Kansas searching for my next meal. So far I have fed on one pedophile and two rapists in Kansas and Peter Scully was next on the menu. He was a serial killer that no one knew about. The police knew someone was out there killing innocent women for shits and giggles but they didn’t know who was doing it. Luckily I was faster than police and managed to identify the bad guy. I only managed to do that because he, in fact was a freaking policeman and I got lucky. When I charmed him with my touch hoping to tell me all about the case, he spilled the truth. He told me he needed to drink the girl’s blood because it makes his skin look healthier.... For a human, this dude was disgusting.

The plan was when he finished work at around 7pm to follow him to his house and suck him dry. That was exactly what I did. He wasn’t married didn’t have any children so this was an easy meal. I broke in with ease into his house and went to his living room. The bastard was packing to go on a hunt. I snuck behind his back and touched his shoulder.

“Hi, handsome.” I said as he turned around to face me. “Long time no see?”

“Hi! What-what are you doing here love?” He asked while looking at me like I was a goddess with a huge smile on his face. I loved the fact I could make anyone fall in love with me if I wanted to.

“Oh you know just stopped by to see you.” My hands were slowly going lower and lower towards him junk as he bit his lip not knowing what’s coming next. He probably thought I was going to sleep with him...oh,  honey. “I remembered something.”

“And what’s that?” He asked. God his face made me want to vomit. He was in his 30’s and he looked like he still lived in his mum’s basement. Dirty brown hair, big glasses and teeth so yellow and crocked you would think it was corn. But he was a bad guy and I was hungry...

“I forgot to give a goodbye kiss back at the police station.” I said and kissed him. My tongue DID NOT enter his mouth as I started feeding. I could feel the energy as he was slowly losing his breath and I was getting stronger. When a Succubus feeds their eyes go blue as the energy enters their body in a form of a blue smoke. That blue smoke provided us with energy and strength, plus we heal to a degree. Overall it felt so good.

“Hey!” I suddenly heard a raspy deep voice of a man behind me.

I stopped draining the almost dead man as he collapsed on the floor. When I turned around I saw two GOURGOUS looking men with guns pointing at me. I put my hands up as my heart started beating faster. If I said I wasn’t scared for my life I would be lying. They weren’t wearing uniforms so they definitely weren’t cops. I had a feeling they were hunters.

“I can explain!” I said with hands still up. “Please don’t kill me.”

“Give us one good reason why we shouldn’t kill you?” The shorter one spoke. “We have been trying to track you for weeks now. You’re very good at covering your tracks sweetheart.”

 “But why? I’m doing the right thing here.”

“As I remember killing innocent people isn’t exactly a right thing to do.” The tall one spoke.

“But he is not innocent.” I finally put my hands down. I was still scared for my life but decided to try talking some sense into these guys. I had no idea who they were but they sure were intimidating. “He is a serial killer. He killed two girls and drank their blood because he said it’s good for his skin and he was planning to kill a 16 year old girl tonight.”

“And how do you know that?”

“Because, I did my research and I don’t feed on innocent people.” I said annoyed. The shorter guy was really pushing my buttons.

“Feed? So this blue smoke is your food? ” He spoke again this time confused.

“Okay, let’s go like this; check his bag over here;  If you find ropes, duct tape, knives, a bloody empty bottle and a girls picture with her address on the back will you please put the guns down and listen?”

“Sam go check, I’m gonna keep an eye on her.”

“Sam? As in Sam Winchester? You must be Dean then?” My voice was shaky as my face went white as if I have just seen a ghost. Now I knew I had to be careful with my words if I want to make it out alive.

“In the flesh sweet checks.” He said.

WELL SHIT!  

While Sam was rummaging through the bag I was trying not to have a panic attack right there and then. My mum told me about these guys...she warned me to be careful and I forgot to check if anyone was following me like I would usually do. How stupid of me...

“She’s right Dean.” Sam finally said.

Dean finally put his gun down as Sam checked if the son of a bitch was breathing. “He’s still alive.”

“If I don’t give him back his Chi he’s going to die though. And I’m not planning to. That son of a bitch doesn’t deserve to live.”

“What are you exactly? I have never seen anything like this before.” Sam asked.

“A succubus.”

“A succu-what now?” Dean asked confused.

“A succubus, Dean. “

“She’s a demon.” Sam added. “I thought Succubi only appear in dreams to seduce men.”

“Not really. That stuff is from fairytales. We don’t belong in hell nor do we hunt people’s dreams. We live a free life, the only thing we need to do to survive is feed.”

“Will anyone please tell me what exactly is a succu-demon?” Dean raised his voice a bit.

“I feed off sexual energy of people and other creatures to survive. That’s how I heal and keep myself heathy…through sex…more so.”

“So you bang people for food?”

“Not exactly. Just kissing is enough.” I laughed at his conclusion.  

Dean seemed impressed for whatever reason. I think I have dodged a bullet this time. “Look, I know you’re hunters but I promise you I don’t kill innocent people. I go out of my way and feed on rapists, pedophiles and serial killers. I would never hurt a fly but I need to feed. Monsters can be humans as well.”

“Dean, I believe her.” Sam said. “I mean this kind of people deserve a death sentence and she’s giving them just that.”

“Yeah, you’re right.”

OH THANK GOD.

 I was relived, my mum never told me the notorious Winchesters had the brains to understand, she would always tell me how I was above all humans and how they were too stupid to understand. She was definitely wrong about that.

“Thank you for not killing me, I guess.” I said. “Can I finish my meal then?”

“Yeah…I guess.” Sam said scrunching his forehead. This was all new to him.

I got down on my knees and picked the guy’s head up. He was probably in a coma at this point. I kissed him and took the last bit of energy he had until he stopped breathing.

  DEAN’S POV

As I was watching her feed I couldn’t help but stare and admire her beauty. She had a perfect figure and that ass in those jeans fuck man…There was just something about this girl, I couldn’t put my finger on it what it was, I just knew I wanted to get to know her. I hated demons but damn this one was a killer. I just hope I don’t end up like my little brother hooked on demon blood or some other crap.

“I’m (Y/N) by the way.” She said and stood up. She was glowing, she looked rejuvenated and even more beautiful.

“So what now (Y/N)?” I asked her.

“Now, I skip town and disappear.”

I felt like she just punched me in the face. It was more of a reality check. She was a freaking demon, then why was I feeling like this?

“Don’t you have a home?” Sam asked her.

“Not really, I’ve been on a road for a very long time, for safety reasons.”

“Before you go, do you wanna grab a beer?” I finally asked her.

“Sure. But I think I need something stronger than beer.”

“Like whiskey?”

“You read my mind Dean.” She smiled. She had the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen. I was so confused. Maybe she just had that effect on everyone. I mean I wasn’t blind, she was beautiful but knowing what she was I thought I would have my guard up at all times, that I’m gonna hate her but…I didn’t? She was different.

We left the body there, but all the evidence of him being a serial killer was next to him. May he rot in hell with Crowley by his side torturing him all day every day. 

We went to the bar we always go after we finish a case. Sam had a beer and me and (Y/N) had a whole bottle a whiskey. We talked about everything that night and me and Sam really got to know her. From her childhood to now…everything. She even told us when she found out she was a succubus- when she killed her boyfriend. The look on her face broke my heart a little. She really loved the guy, I can see it in her eyes as cheesy as that sounds but it was the truth- eyes never lie.

“Why no one told you what you are?” My brother asked her.

“My adoptive mother had no idea. She found me on her porch.”

She really went through a lot of crap and when she found her biological mother everything went to hell. And her father…man he was a dick. We had a lot in common.

“How do you control it though?” I asked her taking a sip of my whiskey.

“What?”

“The hunger.”

“My mother thought me.”

“She was…?”

“Yeah like my dad.”   

  After a good amount of alcohol the conversation went to a whole different route.

“So...have you ever banged a girl?” I asked her feeling the kick of whiskey in my brain.

“DEAN!” Sam shouted. He was kind of still sober.

“What?”

“It’s okay Sam. And yes, we don’t discriminate.”

“Nice.”

“Yeah when you can orgasm.” She then added. Now I was intrigued.

“What do you mean?” Then I added whispering. I was dead drunk by this point. “You can’t orgasm?”

“Real classy Dean.” Sam told me but I ignored him.

“I can but then I would kill the poor soul.”

“But you do feed on...”

“Yeah Dean but I don’t sleep with serial killers...I don’t have that fetish, plus most of them are creepy looking.“

I laughed at that statement, damn this chick was something else. We stayed at that bar till 3am. When she said she needed to go before cops start the investigation I got a little big sober.

“Why don’t you come with us?” I couldn’t just let her leave. Who knows when I will see her again. 

“Whaaa-?” She mumbled.

“(Y/N) I don’t think you’re able to drive. You’re dead drunk.”  AND THANK YOU SAMMY!!!!

“Fine, fine. I really need my beauty sleep.”

And that ladies and gentlemen was just a start of something...interesting.

YOUR POV

I woke up with a biggest hangover in a room I didn’t recognize. My head was pulsing and I could still taste alcohol in my mouth. I looked under the covers and saw I was still dressed, the last thing I remembered was Dean asking me if I ever slept with a girl, everything else is pretty much a blur.Knowing myself and my high libido, sleeping with Sam or Dean…or both would not have been much of a surprise. I went to the bathroom to get myself together and thank god whoever house this was they had mouthwash because damn, how much have I had last night? I put my hair in a messy pony tail, washed my face and left the room trying to figure where I was…The hallway was aerie and cold. This whole place looked like a bunker people would to hide during a war. As I was starting to freak out a little I heard Dean’s voice. So this was their place? I followed the echo until I found myself in the library and the Winchesters were there reading books. The library was every bookworm’s dream to say at least.

“Well, look who’s finally up!” Dean said raising his voice a little.

“Shhhh, don’t yell, my head is killing me.” I said and sat down.

“Let me get you an aspirin.” Sam said and went to get the magic pill.

“Where am I?” I asked. “Do you guys live here?”

“Yep, sweet home Alabama; even though we’re not in Alabama.”

“It’s a great song though.” I smiled. I haven’t noticed until now just how beautiful his eyes were. Damn, his whole face was beautiful. Green eyes, freckles, perfect smile…god I was feeling hungry again.

“Here you go.” I heard Sam’s voice pulling me back to reality, giving me a glass of water and aspirin. Bless his soul.

“Thank you.” I chugged the whole glass in a matter of seconds swallowing the pill. “What are you reading?”

“Oh you know about demon stuff…succubusy things.” Dean said.

“ Really?”

“Don’t worry we weren’t trying to find a way to kill you. It’s just we have never even heard about your kind.” Sam told me. He was like a little child so enthusiastic and curious, I found it quite adorable. 

“And what do those books say?”

“You’re pretty badass.” Dean said. I couldn’t help but smile.

“Yeah, from boosted strength, speed and beauty to transferring someone’s chi…” Sam added.

“Yeah well, it comes with a price.”

“I don’t get it though, is this your weasel or…” 

“Oh no Sam, we are not that type of demons. This is me, if you stab me I can die if I don’t feed; it’s pretty simple.”

We spent that day in the bunker, relaxing and basically doing nothing. It was Sunday and the bothers decided it was time for a break. While we were having lunch I couldn’t help but think about my different kind of hunger. How can I be hungry if I’ve fed yesterday? It has never happened to me before.  I had a beautiful burger in front of me but I was hungry for something entirely different. I was hungry for Dean. I would as subtle as possible look at him and boy the view was magnificent. I have always had a thing for men’s arms and fingers, and how the veins would show slightly. And if a guy has long fingers I had to have them in my mouth or in me. The main problem was though, I couldn’t. I couldn’t sleep with him without hurting him in any way; I didn’t want to kill him. Hell, if I did Sam will haunt me till the day I die (and the day I die would be when he kills me). That’s the price of being a succubus- if you like someone, don’t tell them, instead walk away and burry those feelings.

“Guys, I’m forever grateful for you not killing me and for taking care of my drunken ass. For the first time in a very long time I don’t feel like a monster.”

“You’re not (Y/N).” Sam told me.

“Definitely one of the good guys.” Dean added while stuffing his mouth with dessert- pecan pie.

“My mum would always tell me it doesn’t matter what you are. It only matters what you do. Her number one rule was: never kill innocent people. Without her help I would probably end up killing who knows how many innocent people.”

“Well let’s make a toast.” Dean said and raised his bottle of beer. Sam and I did the same. “For mama succubus!” 

“FOR MAMA SUCCUBUS!” And so we took a sip of our beers. One thing mum didn’t know about these guys was they had golden hearts and behind those serious (and may I add beautiful) faces were two very kind and carrying men.

“I hate to break this happy moment but I will be leaving tonight.”

“Why?” Sam asked me.

“I have to; the police probably think they are hunting a serial killer. I have to skip town before something bad happens.”  

DEAN’S POV

When I heard those words come from her mouth it was like someone punched me in the face...again. 

“But why do you think something will happen?” I asked her as I chugged the whole bottle within seconds.

“It always does. Plus I can’t risk it.”

“Risk what?”

She looked annoyed, angry almost. She took a deep breath and shifted in her seat before responding. “My hunger will come back and there are no bad people to feed on at the moment in this town.”

She then excused herself and went to her room to pack. I couldn’t help but stare at her perfectly shaped ass.

“Dude!” I heard my brother say.

“Yeah?”

“The way you were looking at her and now checking out her ass. You’re more than obvious man.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Sam.” I lied. God, he knows me so well, I hated it sometimes.

“Whatever you’re thinking just remember, she can kill you.”

I mean he was right, but I didn’t care. She hasn’t even touched me and I was so infatuated with her.

“If she does, I’m gonna die a happy man.” I said and left the room. 

“She was staring first; I’m just doing the rest of the job. Plus if I die, I will go out with a bang.” I thought to myself before knocking.

YOUR POV

When I opened the door my heart stopped working. My hunger went through the roof as I tried my best to keep my composure. “Yeah?”

“Can I ask you something?” Dean asked after shutting the door.

“Shoot.”

“Are you hungry? And by hungry I mean are your succubus sensors tingling?”

Where was he going with this?

“If you put it like that yeah, king of.”

“Why don’t you feed on me?”

I didn’t really know how to answer his question at first because I was in shock. It was like he was wishing a death sentence.  Was he aware I was checking him out?

“Dean, what has gotten into you?”

“You.” 

“But-“

“Look all I’m sayin’ is if you’re hungry I’m here. You don’t have to skip town just for food.”

“I don’t think you understood me properly. I CAN KILL YOU DE-!”

I couldn’t even finish my sentence; the idiot grabbed my face and cut me off with a kiss. Describing the kiss would be like describing the scent you smell every time you “borrow” your boyfriends hoodie; impossible, but all the synonyms for beautiful and freaking hot could do. He kissed my lips gently before his tongue went in my mouth. I wrapped my hands around his neck to pull him closer as my hunger went full swing and I started to feed. I could feel his energy, so lustful and strong entering my body as I started to feel stronger but even hornier. I was going for it slow, thank god for mum, I could control the urges. I shoved Dean onto the bed and sat on his lap, my forehead against his.

“You’re crazy Winchester.”

“Hey it’s not my fault you’re obvious when you stare.”

Oh…   

“Shit.” A wave of embarrassment went through my whole body but left right after Dean pressed his lips onto mine again.

“Yeah, I noticed.” He smirked.

“How do you feel?”

He didn’t look like people would usually when I would touch them. He was biting his lower lip not keeping his gaze off me, slowly driving me mad.

“Freaking amazing.” He whispered and went for my neck. He left kisses upon kisses as my hips naturally started to grind against his already hard and may I say BIG dick. He was gentle, yet a little bit rough. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the pleasure I was feeling before it hit me…

“Dean?!”

“Yeah?” He responded between kisses.

“We can’t fuck stupid. I’m gonna kill you.”  I have realized just how much sex with me was deadly when I had a one night stand few weeks ago. I needed healing I had pneumonia and well he was hot. He took me home after few drinks and well…we slept together. Not wanting to kill him I stopped right as I was about to cum, but that wasn’t enough. He was unconscious and his heart beat was slow. I took him to hospital where he spent the next 2 weeks; he barely made it out alive.

“I know.” Dean said. “I just want to do this.” His strong hands cupped my ass as he lifted me up and threw me onto the bed. He took my jeans off as my mind went into a fog. God he was really doing this.

DEAN’S POV

If I couldn’t have her whole, I could at least give her something she probably never had without fear, a freaking orgasm. I didn’t want to waste any time and make her wait. I started slow, kissing her inner thighs around her panties, heating her whole body up. Her whole body was covered in shivers as I kissed her though her black panties.

“You know I can’t feed on you like that Dean?” She managed to say.

“Sweetheart, I’m multifunctional. I can be more than just dinner.” I told her and she laughed. God, that smile!

“Good to know.”

She was so mesmerizing it was unreal.

I took her panties off and soon she was too busy moaning my name to say anything else. I was licking and biting every inch of her when in a split second she grabbed my hair and was pulling hard. I took me by surprise but I loved it.

“Fuck, more. Ugh use your fingers…Please.” She begged me.  

I was as obedient as a dog my two fingers went in her while my tongue was licking her sensitive clit now. I knew she was close. Her grip on my hair got stronger as her thighs were squeezing my head a little.   

“FUCK I’M CLOSE!” She screamed. I started pumping faster and harder, adding the third finger before she completely lost it.

“DEAN!!!!” She screamed one more time before coming all over my fingers and mouth. She tasted so fucking good, so sweet and just…fuck man. I couldn’t even describe it. I climbed on top of her to kiss her and boy she was a mess…a beautiful mess. Before I could think of something to say she grabbed my face and kissed me hard.

“Thank you.” She told me. “I’ve never had an orgasm like this holy shit.”

“The pleasure is all mine, (Y/N).”

“In my whole life as a freaking demon of sex I have never came across a man or a woman who can do what you just did.”

“Were they all bad?”

“After Kyle…yeah.” 

“So I guess I’m the chosen one.” I joked.

“Yeah, but you know I still have to leave this place.”

Damn reality check again. She must have noticed the face of disappointment and sadness I made right after she told me that because she kissed me again and explained why. She can never be in a normal relationship; she can never fall in love or be monogamous due to her nature because she will eventually lose control which I understood.

“Hey I can’t stop you, but I sure can give you my number and tell you to call me whenever you’re in town and up for little fun…without sex of course.” 

“Not before I return the favor. “ She said and kissed me again.

#dean winchester #dean winchester x reader #sam and dean #dean x reader #dean x you #dean x y/n #dean winchester x you #dean winchester x y/n #dean winchester fluff #dean winchester smut #supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural fic #supernatural fluff #supernatural drabble #supernatural smut #spn #spn fluff #spn drabble #spn fic #spn fanfic #spn smut

[retrodreamgirl]

take your pic | jonathan byers x fem!reader

summary: you find an old box of photos under jonathan's bed OR he always noticed

wc: 1.4k

warnings: fluff, fem!reader, established relationship, best friends to lovers (ish), not proofed, lmk if i missed anything!

⤜♡→

“This photograph makes me severely uncomfortable.” You hum from where you lay splayed on Jonathan’s floor, pulling loose contents from the underside of his bed. The rug is scratchy against your cheek, but you’re far too invested in things lost to Jonathan long since. 

So far you’ve procured an array of thread bracelets, scoffing when you realized they were the ones you’d gifted him a few summers ago when he was hard pressed to find you without the thick imprint of tight string clinging to your sore fingers. Some old mixtapes were shoved to the base of the wall just below his headboard and you just pulled free an old shoebox filled with polaroids. 

The snap of interest is one you weren’t even aware he took, very candid and unflattering in your opinion. You’re laying beneath a large oak that swallows your front yard, nose scrunched and eyes squeezed like you’ve just swallowed your mother’s extra sour lemonade. You can tell it predates your relationship, back when you were nothing more than his closest friend, pining down the collar of his old Ramones t-shirt much to his obliviousness. 

Jonathan leans over the edge of his bed, his attention previously occupied with photos he’d taken with his newest camera. You don’t have time to roll away before the frame is between his fingers and he makes a funny face.

“You look beautiful.” Less of a thought and more of a sure statement, one that sets your cheeks aflame despite his insistence to tell you as much everytime he sees your face. 

Your relationship is easy in that way, reassurances such a constant that it confuses you when anyone comments on the unbridled affection. It existed before you were rewarded with goodnight kisses and the shy scrapbooks Jonathan took to haphazardly putting together when he realized how much you loved to mark the pages with your own recollections in the way of construction paper and gel pens. He spoils you and somehow you’re still greedy for his tenderness, unsure how he hasn’t gotten sick of you by now. 

“Ugh!” You’re so sudden, Jonathan throws himself backwards to avoid your foreheads colliding beside his navy bedspread. He watches you pull to your feet slightly pacing before turning to his taken expression. “You know, you can’t say that right?” 

“That my girlfriend is beautiful? I think I’ve earned that right actually.” 

“No.” You drag the word out, sing-song and matter of fact. You snatch the photo back, scrutinizing the lick of pink protruding from the strap of your tank top, memory resurfacing. “I remember this day! I wore this cute top and a pretty white skirt for you and you didn’t even notice.”

“I’m sure I noticed, I noticed everything you did!” He argues, nonchalantly lifting his camera and taking a shot of you now, like this is a moment he wants to remember. 

If someone were to penetrate the recesses of his brain they would find seventy five percent of it is you, the rest reserved for the things he finds less important but still a necessity for survival. If it weren’t for the way your arms have a habit of shielding your face or your neck finding space in his chest he would have more photos of you than he already does. He’s nearly positive that’s the reason you find the photo in question so unflattering. 

He’s horrified to admit that rather than the ignorance you claim he held to you that day he remembers it and you with as much brilliance as a film projector. The way you were twirling around the yard in your new skirt when he rolled up on his bike, ears covered with headphones spinning your newest cassette. 

Your hands were covered in bracelets and your finger glistened with the ring your parents gifted you for your birthday. It's a family heirloom, I think that means it’s important but it’s just so pretty I have to wear it forever. He glances now and finds it still wrapping your skin, albeit fitting much better than it did back then. 

He remembers your outfit because it struck him in that moment what it meant to love someone. He found it in the way your hand shot out to the protrusion of his nose, gently tapping the buttoned edge before your headphones dipped to your shoulders and richhoched against your collarbones amidst your laughter. 

It followed everything you did that day, looming like the luscious branches of that thick oak that stopped you from burning in the sun. He recalls the chanting in his head that stopped the words that pushed at his cheeks, inquiring about the lump in his throat as a side effect for the sudden cadence thumping in his chest.

He didn’t notice because he couldn’t notice and the remembrance of your pout when you insisted he go home early brings him back to where you’re currently crawling into his lap, straddling his legs. 

“Where’s your head at?” You hush, hands settling on either side of his face to push at the corner of his lips. You soothe the tightness of his muscles with your own lips pushing at each edge, tasting the cherry of his chapstick at the tip of your tongue. “It’s not a big deal, I know you didn’t like me when we were younger. But you love me now so it’s okay.” 

His hands settle at your waist, tracing circles where your shirt rides up to expose bare skin. 

It simply won’t do. The thought that you believe him to have been a young boy too interested in everything but the one thing in his life that he believes to complete the whole. 

“You were mad at me that day, that’s why you made up that excuse about your parents wanting to have a family dinner?” 

“Of course I was. But it doesn’t matter, alls well that—”

“But I did notice.”

“I believe you.” 

“You don’t, but I can prove it.” Jonathan discards you gently to the mattress, pulling the box you abandoned onto the bed. He pushes it forward, imploring you to have a look at the memorabilia stocking the inside. You reach for another photo, this one nearly the same as the last, unflattering, but this time because your back was turned and you were seemingly in the middle of dancing to whatever song was humming in your ears.You pull a few more before the outfit changes to a pretty spring dress you wore to one of Will’s birthday parties. 

“Are all of these…”

“Of you? Yeah.” He realizes how weird it sounds, the implication of a box filled with photos you never knew he’d taken so he backtracks sheepish, cheeks burning with a flame somewhere between passion and mortification. “It’s not anything weird, I promise. Just photos I took when you weren’t looking.” 

“I don’t think you’re helping your case, but I don’t think it’s weird.” You manage a nervous chuckle, shuffling through all the times you thought Jonathan didn’t notice. Like the first time you tried makeup or when you bought a t-shirt with The Clash on it because you knew he was into them. 

It’s a timeline of your worst moments because in your mind they were all fruitless, just another failed attempt to get your best friend to see you as anything more. But to Jonathan they were your best, unawares of the way you were trying to catch his attention, far too taken with the girl who had somehow taken hold of his heart without his knowledge or intention. 

“I always noticed.” He mumbles, sliding the box aside, placing a sweet kiss to your lips. “I just never knew how to tell my best friend I was wildly in love with her. It always seemed wrong, like I could only have one and I didn’t wanna lose my best friend.” 

“Well, I guess it’s a good thing someone knocked some sense into you.” You rest your forehead against his own, lips ghosting where you both smile like absolute idiots. “I’m burning all of these photos though because I look ridiculous.” 

“You’re not touching my photos.” He chimes, swiftly tackling you to the bed, knocking the box from your reach. He buries his nose into your neck, planting kisses against the sensitive skin, reveling in your childish laughter beneath him. 

“Jonathan, they’re so bad!” 

“But they’re just so good!” 

#jonathan byers x reader #jonathan byers #jonathan byers x fem!reader #jonathan byers fic #jonathan byers imagine #jonathan byers scenario #jonathan byers drabble #jonathan byers x y/n #stranger things fic #stranger things imagine #stranger things drabble

[makeitastrength]

20 questions for fic writers

Thank you so much to @cfr749, @sisterofficerlucychen, @mamadoc, and @queseraone for tagging me in this! I was on vacation last week which is why it's taken me forever to answer.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

29

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

213,510

3. What fandoms do you write for?

On AO3, only The Rookie. But I used to write for Castle on ffnet

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

The spaces in between

Unless it is

The (E-rated) spaces in between

Tell me you love me (without any words)

Put me back together piece by piece

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes! I used to be very inconsistent about this, but now I always make sure to reply to every comment because I want people to know how much I appreciate every single one

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I generally at least make sure the ending is hopeful, even if it's not completely happy. I guess the most angsty ending is either this one or this chapter

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Hmmm... most of them? But if I have to pick just one, I guess maybe this one since the whole thing is really just them being so completely in love and happy

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Luckily, no. Not in this fandom. I got quite a bit for Castle though, which is part of the reason I left that fandom behind

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do. I seem to be incapable of writing just plain old smut, though. Somehow the emotions always find their way in. So if you're looking for porn + feelings, I've got you covered

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I have not, and I don't think I ever will

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yes, once, when I wrote for Castle. Someone took it from ffnet and posted it under their own name on AO3. Luckily, someone from the fandom noticed and told me, and I was able to get the fic taken down

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? 

Yes, a couple people translated a couple of my Castle fics back in the day

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have not, but @queseraone and I have an idea for one that is hopefully going to be a summer hiatus project 😊

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

For so many years it was Caskett, but I think Chenford has taken over the top spot now

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Oh gosh, I have so many partial ideas and little tidbits jotted down on my laptop, and I have no idea which, if any, will ever see the light of day. In theory I will some day write all of them, but I know that's not actually going to happen

16. What are your writing strengths?

I'd like to think my strengths are characterization and attention to detail

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I'm not a very creative writer. I never have been. I'm not good at thinking up characters on my own or building my own story from scratch. But if you give me the characters and universe and all of those details, I could write about them all day

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Hmmm. I don't think I've ever done it. If I did, I'd definitely use multiple translation tools to ensure accuracy. And if I knew someone who spoke the language, I would reach out to them too

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Castle

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

I've been asked this question multiple times over the past couple years, and I keep thinking someday I'll write something new that I really love and I'll be able to give a different answer. But nope. It's still this one

I think most everyone has already been tagged in this over the past week, so I'm tagging anyone who hasn't answered these questions yet but wants to!

#questions for fic writers #fanfiction #fanfic #writing #chenford

[atonalginger]

WIP Wednesday

Thanks for the tag @eridanidreams .

If you are reading and have a WIP you would like to share please do!

Tag!

my wip is the next installment of the Sam Coe x Doc Melody fic.

Here's the ao3 version

Words: 1,303 Contains spoilers for the UC Vanguard questline and early main story mission.

“I have just as much right to those maps as anyone else in the family,” Sam shouted at Jacob.

Cora sat at the table, munching on some candy Jacob gave her. Sam had asked her to let him handle it but Cora wasn’t one to stay quiet, “It’s important, Grandpa. There might be a huge scientific discovery in the Nest and we’ll only know if we get there.”

“You’re not going to the Empty Nest,” Jacob spun on her, “it’s too dangerous.”

“Of course she isn’t, Jacob. I’ll be going with Sam,” Jamie said with a smile.

“You are?” Sam looked over at her, trying not to look too shocked.

Jacob scoffed, “You may have been raised in Ashta country but you’ve been softened by decades of desk work. The fringe would eat you alive.”

“I see you’re still projecting your own insecurities on others?” Jamie tilted her head to one side, “my research takes me to corners of settled space infested with spacers, crimson fleet, and just plain cranky, trigger happy survivalists regularly. Not to mention the xeno plentiful planets I’ve surveyed. I may appear soft, but I’m more than capable in a fight.”

Jacob stared for a moment, looking her over and trying to gauge whether she was bluffing. “Ashta aren’t spacers.”

Jamie rolled her eyes, “No, they’re big, chitin covered stalker predators that sit at the top of the food chain on Akila. And I’ve been facing them with shotgun in hand since my Dad figured out I could fire one without falling over. Stop trying to paint me as some fragile desk sitter when I’m anything but.”

“I’m not handing over the maps.” Jacob crossed his arms, “I will not let you two plunder the family legacy for profits.”

“What profits?” Sam shouted once more, throwing up his hands, “we’re trying to see why the place is void of life.”

“It stands to reason there is something there. Something you’ll run off with and ruin the Empty Nest forever.” Jacob glared at Sam. Jamie sighed and rubbed her temple. Sam went to yell some more but she held up a hand. She took a deep breath and looked at Jacob,

“You’re right, there is something hidden in the Empty Nest. And that thing is disruptive both to modern tech but also to the sensitive sensory organs of xenos like Ashta. That makes it incredibly dangerous for Akila City.”

Sam looked puzzled at her but held his tongue.

“It hasn’t hurt the city in 200 years,” Jacob said with a smug look.

She rolled her eyes, “I don’t mean directly. Use your head, Jacob. If the Empty Nest can’t be detected with tracking scanners and also isn’t full of Ashta then what might fill it’s walls?”

Jacob just stood there glaring.

“Sounds like a good place to hide things,” Cora said from the table with a wink, “maybe those dummies Dad talked down at Galbank were hiding there before coming to the City to rob it.”

“Exactly,” Jamie smiled, “smugglers already love caves. Finding a cave that can’t be traced is like natural shielded cargo. You can put whatever and do whatever you’d like.”

“Anything that is strong enough to deter Ashta would deter people,” Jacob insisted.

“Then how did Solomon find it?” Jamie asked. “Why doesn’t the story include him getting headaches or hiding the location due to dangers. No, he charted its location and talked about it openly because he wanted someone to follow-up on it. Sam is trying to do just that and you’re stonewalling him.”

“You aren’t getting the maps!” Jacob yelled.

“You owe me!” Jamie snapped back.

Jacob blinked. Then he shook his head.

“Yes, you do. And I kept the value estimates on those pieces I gave you. Maps or the full credit value.”

“You know I can’t…”

“Other option is I take up the matter with Leah. Let her know the arrangement and how you’re flaking out.”

“You wouldn’t dare, those where donated.” Jacob was losing color.

“I let you donate them under the agreement I would get something of equal value back.”

“You really think the maps are worth the old things you gave gramps?” Cora asked.

“I do,” Jamie didn’t break eye contact with the old man.

“The agreement was a favor. Like getting you access to a restricted site or…”

“Maps will do. Less work for you too, I know you’re getting up there in years and just want to kick back with a whiskey in hand.” Jamie was now the one looking smug.

Jacob looked like he was chewing his tongue, the silent tension suffocating the room. He reached into his suit pocket and threw a keycard at Sam, “for my office. Take the damn things and go. Cora stays here while you plunder the nest.”

“Was already the plan,” Sam caught the key and hurried to the office door.

“I don’t want to hear any whining about either of you getting hurt,” Jacob said to Jamie.

“Gramps, the Professor has fought terrormorphs, she can handle a few ashta.” Cora was walking over from the trash can as she spoke. Sam stopped just outside the office doorway, the maps now in his hands, and stared slack jawed at his daughter. Jacob shared a similar look.

“It’s a whole section in her latest book on biological threats to humanity from ancient times to now. She fought her first terrormorph on Tau Ceti when she went out to a meet people at a meat processing plant in a tiny colony for other research. The whole colony was dead except for one guest, a xenobiologiest named Hadrian Sanon and—“

“We’ve heard the SSNN reports about Tau Ceti, sweetheart.” Jacob said, “they never mentioned Dr. Melody.”

“I personally requested anonymity during the ongoing crisis. SSNN and FC outlets aren’t known for giving space to instant celebrity and if Hardian and I wanted any chance at solving the puzzle when we needed them to steer clear. After it was over I got permissions from the UC cabinet and the amnesty board to write about my experiences.”

“In the book she wrote about how it felt to have a terrormorph try to hijack your mind. How it made her hear things and see things and at times seemed to pull at her limbs but she was able to resist like Major Sanon and put the monsters down. And one of the Terrormorph in Londinion summoned an ARMY of xenos that burrowed out from under the ruined spaceport and they had to activate this old radio towers to play a frequency to drive them off while also fighting the massive thing.” Cora pointed at her dad, “they had the body of that one on display in the MAST district for a while, remember? We went to see it with Noel and Barret. It was HUGE!”

“It was huge,” Jamie agreed as she closed her eyes a moment and breathed, “wasn’t immune to shotgun blasts.”

Cora let out a bubbling laugh, “No it wasn’t! Blam, Blam, Blam and down it went!”

Sam tripped on his words as he tried to steer the conversation away from thoughts that terrified him, “alright, I think we all now know Doc here can handle herself so lets us go and find the nest. You were right, by the way, it’s smack dab in Shaw territory so we’ll need to be ready for xeno and human resistance.”

“What?” Jacob looked insulted. Not at what Sam said but the idea that Shaw could be set up on perceived sacred ground.

“You heard me,” Sam growled, “Jamie was right.”

“Alright you two,” Jamie winked at Cora and then strolled up to Sam and tugged his arm, “Let’s swing by my ship so I can grab my equipment and then we’ll go empty the Nest.”

#atonalginger writes #sam coe #cora coe #sam coe x spacefarer #starfield fanfiction #starfield spoilers #wip wednesday

[taintedevesayori]

Sayo's Route: Ecstasy 03

This chapter is 18+

Please do not read if you are a minor/uncomfortable with sex

Sayo's Route Masterlist

-Sayo is in Kou’s room, the two sitting together on the floor. He’s telling her a story about his last performance

Kou: -And I was surrounded by fangirls! It took forever to get rid of them so I could go home. Haha…Some of them can be cute but most of them are so needy~

Sayo: Fufu…That sounds like quite the hassle. You get girls crowding around you at school all the time too, don’t you?

Kou: Of course I do. Are you jealous, Sayo-chan~?

Sayo: No. You’re an idol. I’m not surprised they all want your attention. Fufu…Or do you want me to be?

Kou: I think it would be cute if you were a little jealous…but you have no reason to be. I’m not interested in any of those girls. 

Sayo: And that’s why I don’t need to be jealous. 

Kou: Hmph…You’re too cool headed, Sayo-chan. I wish you would lose your composure more often. 

-Kou suddenly grins at her mischievously before pinning her down on the floor

Kou: Like now, maybe?

Sayo: What are you plotting…?

-He leans down to whisper in her ear

Kou: You’ll have to wait and see~

-His lips move down to her throat, placing a kiss on the side of her neck. He bites down in the same spot

Sayo: I see…

Kou: Nn…You sound a little disappointed, Sayo-chan. Were you hoping it would be something else~?

Sayo: Of course not…!

Kou: Phew…I’m not opposed, you know? 

-Kou slips his hands under her shirt

Sayo: Ah! Kou! This wasn’t what I meant!

Kou: But now I’m thinking about it? Haah…

-He moves back and pushes her shirt up to her shoulders

Sayo: K-Kou…! 

Kou: Fufu…You’re flustered now. How cute~

-He bites down on her side

Sayo: Ngh…Kou, come on…

Kou: Fufu…If you want me to touch you, just say so, Sayo-chan~

Sayo: W-What?! 

Kou: Like this, maybe?

-He bites one of her breasts, groping the other

Sayo: Ah?! 

-Kou looks up at her and chuckles

Kou: You’re so cute, Sayo-chan. You make me want to mess you up real good~ 

-Her blush darkens to bright red

Sayo: What the hell does that mean?! 

Kou: Fufu…Want to find out? You’ll have to lose the rest of your clothes…

-Kou tugs on her bra

Sayo: W-Wait! No!

Kou: What’s the problem, Sayo-chan? Aren’t we lovers? This is the kind of thing lovers do…

Sayo: W-Well…

-He kisses her

Kou: You don’t have to be scared…I promise I won’t give you more than you can handle.

-He trails kisses down her neck

Sayo: Haah…I can’t win against you…

Kou: Fufu…I’ll make you feel real pleasure, Sayo-chan~

(Oh jeez…I hope I don’t regret this…)

-Kou slips her shirt the rest of the way off before unhooking her bra and tossing it away. She whimpers as his lips and teeth teased one breast, his fingers teasing the other

Kou: Fufu…I can smell your arousal, Sayo-chan~ 

Sayo: K-Kou…

Kou: Fufu…Don’t be embarrassed. You’re a good girl, craving me after just a little touching. I’ll give you more, don’t worry~

-He pulls her skirt off, tossing it away before suddenly picking her up. He moves over to the bed, dropping her on it

Kou: The floor isn’t very comfy, right?

-She watches, extremely flustered, as Kou undresses down to his boxers. He grabs her ankle, pulling on her leg so that she falls onto her back before crawling on top of her

Kou: You’ve gone quiet. Are you embarrassed~?

Sayo: O-Of course…I’ve never done anything like this…

-He places a kiss on her forehead

Kou: Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you…But first, I’m gonna cover that pretty little body of yours in my marks~

*Timeskip*

-Sayo is on Kou’s lap, her hips bouncing up and down on his shaft, as he is drinking from her wrist

Sayo: Haah…Ahh…Kou…please…I can’t keep this up…

Kou: Of course you can, Sayo-chan~!

-He grabs her waist, pushing her hips down so that his shaft is inside of her as deep as possible

Sayo: Kou….!

-Tears well up in her eyes as he grinds their hips together. She whimpers, grabbing onto his shoulders

Kou: Fufu…You’re all teary eyed and desperate…How adorable, Sayo-chan~ Have I been denying you for too long? Let me see my progress then…

-He pushes her down onto her back, looking her body up and down

Kou: I’ve successfully covered your body in my marks…There’s no denying who you belong to now. I guess I can give you some proper attention now.

Sayo: Ahh…!

-He begins thrusting at a fast pace, earning frequent moans from her

Kou: Fufu…Sayo-chan, you’ve become so lewd…I’m the only one who gets to see you like this, got it? 

Sayo: Y-Yes…!

Kou: Good. I guess I’m getting close too…You’ll cum with me, won’t you?

Sayo: Mm…Mhm…!

-Kou grabs one of her hands, interlacing their fingers. After a few more sloppy thrusts, he leans down and silences her with a kiss. The warmth of his cum filling her pushes her over the edge as well. She wraps an arm around his chest, tightly clinging onto him

Kou: Haah…Sayo-chan…I love you…you know that, right?

Sayo: I…I love you too…

Monologue

“I love you too” The words spilled from my lips before I could think about it.  As I laid there in Kou’s arms, reeling from the sin we had just committed, I realized that those words were true. I was unsure when Subaru had asked me, but now I knew.  The warm feeling of realization helped distract me from what we had done.

#diabolik lovers oc #diabolik lovers #sayori makina #kou mukami #sayo's route #diabolik lovers fanfiction #steamy

[bloodsworn-marshal]

Writing Prompt: Fulsome Word Count: 819

“You belong to me now! And the bloodsands ever thirst!"

Those were the only words Pipin had been given before he realized his life was about to irrevocably change. In the midst of his former job now, surrounded by other children his age who looked just as haggard. Just as run ragged with labor. All for the sake of some pitiful coin to bring back home to ungrateful family… much like his. They watched as a lanista took hold of the young boy’s hand and dragged him away, never to be seen again as far as they knew.

Shout all he’d like about the how and why, an explanation, his desperate pleading to go home, he would only be rewarded with a heavy hit to his backside that would send him reeling. This bond, he soon figured out, would be of master and slave. He deserved no answers. No freedom. Only to keep quiet and do as the lanista said.

The world as he once knew it was shut off behind lock and key. Solid stone walls and floors with no windows for light. No fresh air either, from the stench that soured these halls of sweaty tired folk who had done their work’s worth and then some. His family home, shabby as it was, had at least been better fare than the cramped cell he had been given. With naught but a shredded old cot and a place to squat when needs be. Several other neighboring cells were filled with even sorrier sorts from how beaten and bruised they all were.

Young Pipin soon learned that he would be undergoing rigorous training to become a gladiator of the coliseum once he reached of age. Only one year shy of his debut, there would be plenty of time to break him in and teach him the ways.

…Those ways consisted of back-breaking labor difficult even for a fully grown man. Ceaseless chores from dawn to dusk between aiding the elder gladiators who had survived this long while being forced to train in the practice yard under the gaze of merciless drillmasters. Novice as he was, he frequently met the ends of a whip or cudgel, fighting back tears with each hit as he learned not to make any mistakes. The sting of their whelps covering his backside growing in number by the day.

There was but one singular pleasure to find in these halls of unending hell. And that was…

“Food…! At long last!”

Yes. The one sole benefit to this new life came in the form of food in great abundance. Not just any ol’ slop either! The cook happened to be a highly acclaimed chef who once worked in the very inner workings of the palace. They could whip up just about anything you so desired and the coliseum footed the bill without complaint. If there was hope to be found here, it was in the fact that their masters wanted them fit and built for their job of putting on a show!

Pipin was one of the many ‘runts’ who the cook could not help but spoil, knowing the future they had in store. When he received his meals throughout the day, he was given a platter full of all kinds of wonders! Foodstuffs of unimaginable tastes and flavors that he could have only ever dreamed of back at home.

To say he cried buckets worth the first time his belly felt full… would be of no exaggeration. Never had he gone throughout the day with enough food for his growing body in the past. Living on scraps and what little his wretched family could afford. This sensation was so entirely new, filled with warmth that spread over him and offered satisfaction in ways he never realized.

These moments may have been oft short-lived. And this reason alone wasn’t enough to put up with being a slave forever.

But it remained one of his few rays of solace amidst this rough life. When Pipin was officially adopted a year later and no longer required to take part in gladiatorial training, he still would eat well thanks to Raubahn who shared his fulsome meals with him. Top gladiator as the elder man was, it was a feast of delights every break of the day. And more than glad was he to share with his charge, with promise of personally training him later when he had the time.

Mayhaps that be the reason why his greatest pleasure even now in adulthood was in the form of large meals. Not nearly as luxurious or grandiose of course, but Pipin thrived on having food of all sorts to eat when not amped for battle. He especially enjoyed the opportunities that allowed him to travel to other city-states and countries with their own assortments of food and culture to delight in.

…If only he would ever learn how to cook himself.

#ffxiv #pipin tarupin #writing #ffxivwrite #ffxivwrite2023 #tw: abuse #tw: child abuse

[inscryptions]

every year poses the same conundrum: what to gift the feeble scholar for his birthday? one would argue that it's an easy feat, considering kaveh has known the man longer than most. what they are unaware of, however, is the balancing-act that comes with this relationship of theirs. a gift should be thoughtful, yet not over the top. creative, yet still practical. an extravagant gesture would hardly do (though would alhaitham truly understand the subtle nuances of sentimental gestures?)

the sound of opening doors has the architect scrambling to get into position. hurriedly, he pins a sheet over the study's back wall and places a simple cake on the scribe's desk.

now, kaveh stands in front of it and waits.

//

"it only took you forever to get back," kaveh huffs, stepping back to reveal the dessert. "i was starting to worry the cake would go stale." he sighs. with nothing else to add, kaveh makes his way behind the desk. a tug of the sheet reveals a new set of bookshelves entirely — all carved from a rich wood. their sturdy frames bear intricate patterns of swirling vines and delicate filigree, each detail meticulously etched by skilled hands. his roommate's well-loved collection of books sit organized in neat rows, flanked by new additions kaveh has thought to add.

on the left side of the bookcase sits a lone, mounted glass shelf. kaveh clears his throat. "that's for your grandmother's book. i thought you might want a designated spot for it considering how important it is to you. anyway...happy birthday, alhaitham. no matter how you choose to spend it, i hope it brings you some joy."

The distinct feeling that Kaveh is doing something stupid prickles at the back of my neck, and I sigh as I do my best to brush it off. If all goes well, hopefully I won't have too much of a mess to drag him out of when I get back. Honestly, I just want to go home, have a nice bath, and curl up with a new book. It's been a game today of attempting to get my work done while also avoiding people with questions that don't actually need my help (is it seriously so hard to look up the latest research in the House of Daena? You'd think these researchers were practically bottle-fed by the Akasha), and as entertaining as it can be to dodge the rest of the Akademiya, after a while it gets exhausting. Today more than most, I do not want to be bothered beyond what is absolutely necessary, and though I am usually quite adept at being anywhere but where people want me, for some reason the fact that it's my birthday must have leaked, because I can't imagine why else people would be trying to find me now of all times (it's not a national holiday or festival, and there are hardly any meetings that need me, I checked and triple-checked). It's all bordering on overwhelming, so I really, really hope Kaveh hasn't gotten himself in too bad of a jam.

(He is smart, but still. This is Kaveh we're talking about.)

Once I'm off, I take a long and much-needed walk around the gardens, the sweet scents of the flowers and the calm quiet soothing my senses and bolstering me for the trip down into the city. Unfortunately, it's almost past dinnertime by the time I make my way down into Sumeru proper, and I debate whether it's worth it to go eat at Lambad's or just head straight home. My hunger wins out alongside my rationale and previous experienceーcan't think on an empty stomach. Which means it's long past dusk when I finally make it back home, moonlight spotlighting my door. The prickle returns, and I head in with a tired sense of unease. Whatever you've done this time, Kaveh, it better be able to wait until tomorrowー

Except the man is standing in front of my desk when I enter the study, and a giant sheet covers the back wall of the room. That can't be good. The blond steps back to reveal... a cake? And then takes down the sheet, and there are bookshelves, glorious and beautiful and filled with my things and so well-crafted, oh the details! There's even a place of honor for Grandmother's book? It's... it's all a bit unexpected and yet not... and so utterly Kaveh, to throw his whole heart into a single piece, especially if it's bound to get plenty of use like this one will. Were I a more emotional man, I might have teared up at the sight. As it is, I can't help taking a crack at him (he kind of deserves it for the anxiety he caused me today). "Don't tell me you spent all day working on this just for me. But... thank you. This is... it's good. You picked a good spot for it. As expected of the Light of Kshahrewar." I make to head towards my room, then turn back. "Go ahead and cut that cake, I'll join you in a moment. Seems that New Year's wine you gave me might go well with it."

#🌿 altruistic architect (kaveh). #🌿 natal anniversary (birthday). #aesthetecomplex #//me when gift: OMGOMGOMG TYSM?!?!?!? (vs) hthm when gift: sure thanks #//he is trying to be logical but OMG KAVEH YOU'RE SPOILING HIM STAWP (affectionate)

[carolinesiede]

Reflecting on 2023

2023 marked my tenth year as a professional critic, and it was also the first time I considered giving up the job all together. Like most people, I’ve found the past few years pretty tumultuous and anxiety-inducing. But for me, that all came to a head at the end of 2022, when I lost my swanky contract gig with FOX Digital and suddenly had to grapple with just how different my career looked from its pre-pandemic state.

I no longer had a connection with The A.V. Club, the site that served as my main home for nine years. I could no longer count on Twitter, which was once my biggest networking platform for finding new work. I’d driven myself into some hardcore burnout trying to run a podcast while building a new vertical from the ground up. And to top it all off, a close family member was hit by a car on New Year’s Day. Everyone was okay, thankfully, but helping them through a five-day hospital stay and several weeks of recovery was quite a dramatic way to start the new year.

I needed a break, and for the first time since I started my A.V. Club internship back in spring 2013, I gave myself one. I put my podcast on hold. I stopped keeping up with movies and TV shows. I took a full six months off from writing. I taught myself to embroider and started obsessively binging the back catalogue of the Boy Meets World podcast, Pod Meets World. (Shawn Hunter forever!)

In a lot of ways it was great. I desperately needed the time off and it inspired me to do fun, impulsive things, like visit Disneyland with my sister and take a road trip from St. Louis to New York with my parents. But looking back, I can also see just how manic and unmoored I felt during that time. I was living without a steady source of income, I wasn’t sure I’d ever be hired to write criticism again, and I wasn’t sure I even wanted to. The past decade of my career had felt like climbing a (sometimes wonky) staircase in a vaguely upward trajectory. Suddenly I was standing on a cliff with no bridge in sight.

I have two people to thank for getting me across that chasm. One is my old A.V. Club colleague Myles McNutt, who, probably more than he realizes, tossed me a life raft by inviting me to cover genre television on his excellent TV criticism site, Episodic Medium. Writing weekly recaps for a supportive audience was the perfect way to ease myself back into the world of criticism; to remind myself that even with a six-month break, I still had the muscle memory to write a review. And, more importantly, to remember that I really enjoyed doing it—even when covering a show as terrible as Secret Invasion. (And eventually better showslike Loki and Doctor Who.)

The other person I have to thank for my career revival is, unexpectedly enough, Taylor Swift’s publicist, Tree Paine, who for some inexplicable reason said yes when I pitched her on the idea of covering the Eras Tour as a way to launch a Substack about girl culture. “I'm willing to take the chance and hope it helps you kick off your new career path,” she wrote before sending me off to see night two in Kansas City. And I know she’s a good publicist because not only is she managing Taylor’s career, she’s apparently managing mine as well.

Without that vote of confidence from Tree, I sincerely doubt I would’ve followed through on launching Girl Culture—my longtime daydream of a way to continue and expand the work I used to do at my old A.V. Club column, When Romance Met Comedy. But I’m so glad I did. Though the idea of building a new audience in our overcrowded media landscape is terrifying, I was absolutely blown away by the initial support I received, both in people signing up to receive the newsletter and in offering to pay for it as well. While the money I make here isn’t anywhere close enough to live on (yet!), my total 2023 Girl Culture earnings wound up covering a month of my rent, which is a huge deal in an industry where I’m often scraping together a living one $100 assignment at a time.

Equally importantly, it’s been a huge mindset shift to have an online space that truly belongs to me. Where I can choose what I cover, and own my own writing in a literal sense, which has never been the case before this. For the past decade, I’ve fallen into the trap of defining my success based on the prestige of the sites I write for. Logging my first Girl Culture review on my official Rotten Tomatoes page helped me realize that I’m the one bringing value and expertise to my work, no matter where it’s published.

Of course, given Substack’s recent refusal to take a stand against Nazis, it’s difficult to uniformly praise the platform at the moment. I completely understand and respect anyone who’s stepping away from the site, either as a writer or a reader. But in a sea of imperfect options, I’m choosing to remain here for now—although I’ll let you know if that changes.

After getting back into a groove with writing over the summer, the second half of my 2023 was all about balance. My weird unemployment era at least gave me a blank slate to start rebuilding my career more intentionally. And with that mindset shift, I sought out higher paid consulting work, reconnected with old editors at places like Block Club Chicago and The Daily Beast, and got (somewhat) better at saying “no” to assignments I didn’t have the bandwidth to write—without feeling like I’d never be offered work again.

Personally, I also worked on rebuilding the sense of community I’d lost during the pandemic. I attended gorgeous weddings in Seattle, Brooklyn, and right here in Chicago, and actively worked on expanding and strengthening my support network of friends and family. And while I still have plenty of questions and anxieties about what the future of my career looks like (that’s freelancing for you!), I also feel a renewed sense of confidence in my identity as a critic and a renewed love of movies and television too. (Thank goodness!)

I even got it together to pick my 10 favorite films of 2023, which I’ll share below along with a round-up of all the major writing and podcasts I did throughout the year. If you enjoy my work, you can support me on Substack, Kofi, PayPal, or Venmo, or follow me on Instagram and Letterboxd. And you can expect much more to come from Girl Culture in 2024!

MY FAVORITE FILMS OF 2023

Asteroid City

Origin

All of Us Strangers

May December

Past Lives

Maestro

The Zone of Interest

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem

Barbie

Rye Lane

MY 2023 WRITING/PODCAST ROUND-UP

Girl Culture

The effortless effort of the Eras Tour

Did 'Barbie' need Ken?

Random thoughts on 'Red, White & Royal Blue'

On camp, sincerity and 'High School Musical: The Musical: The Series'

‘Doctor Who’ rewatch: Season one ranked

The new ‘Little Mermaid’ is a tail of two worlds

‘Doctor Who’ rewatch: Season two ranked

‘Doctor Who’ rewatch: Season three ranked

‘The Marvels’ is really messy and really fun

‘Doctor Who’ rewatch: Season four ranked

Podcasts

Chatting This Is Us on the Peak Show podcast

Chatting Midsommar on It Pod to Be You

The Daily Beast

‘The Artful Dodger’: A Gory ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ Meets Charles Dickens

Episodic Medium reviews

Secret Invasion

Loki, season two

Doctor Who’s 60th Anniversary Specials

Doctor Who’s 2023 Christmas Special

Block Club Chicago

Blue Man Group’s Sensory-Friendly Performance Returns Sunday After 4 Years

Green Living Comes To Life At Peggy Notebaert Nature Museum’s New Sustainability Center

Black Ensemble Theater’s ‘The Other Cinderella’ Celebrates 47 Years Of The Updated Fairy Tale

And here are similar year-end wrap-ups I did for 2022, 2021, 2020, 2019, 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, and 2013.

#Best Of #End of Year #2023 #Film #TV #Writing