#this was longer than expected. ugh | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

polkanight · 1 year

Text

Can we talk about Soren? I want to talk about Soren.

(I may eventually talk about Claudia in another post but I’m not certain)

(also SPOILERS FROM TDP SEASON4)

So, I’m watching tdp from season 1 and knowing how things unfold, my stomach churns by seeing how Viren treats BOTH Soren and Claudia, but I want to focus on Soren bc he’s closer to my experience as the child of a narcissist parent.

Being the child of a NP (someone who’s emotionally immature and relies on their children to meet their needs), on your teen years, felt like walking on thin ice 24/7. I never knew what would trigger a critic, a snark comment about my body, my intelligence, my ability to compromise and to finish tasks, etc.

I was, more than once, called silly, dumb, aloof, to watch my weight, to watch how I dress, etc, etc. all of that coated with the premise of love, of “I’m teaching you how to do things”, of “I’m your tutor, your mentor, your only friend, your only safe harbor”, someone, the only one I could “rely on”.

This comes at the cost of the development of our sense of self-worth. As child of NP parents notice this, we’re taken by an anger, a strong desire to put up distance from NP and at the same time the utter panic of not being able to do it, being triggered when we get a message or a visit by NP. It's also very interesting to see how Soren and Claudia developed these issues in very distinct ways, but both triggered by being raised as someone who most likely is a NP.

(look at him defying the idea that magic- the very craft of Viren, the sole identity of Claudia - is something all-positive to be ever-cherished)

Growing up, we learn that our mood revolves around our NP, and no matter what we do, we know we’ll never get the approval or even the sympathy of the NP. They carry the room with them, their needs, ideas and wants must always be a priority, even if it means dragging the house down.

I’ll quote this:

“Until they have a need that’s being met.”

And here my Soren dam cracked in s4, and my heart races and my breath catches for a fictional little boy.

You should stop if you don’t want Spoilers of S4.

I had a really REALLY REALLY hard time when Soren finds Claudia and I anticipated that he would eventually find out Viren was alive, but I honestly wasn’t ready for his talk with Claudia, and I also have a few cents to spare.

Claudia tells Soren that “Humans understand suffering because it goes back over generations.”

And Soren is trying to his deep, beautiful, bright core to break this cycle of resentment, violence and remorse. (mygod he’s so precious god help me)

Then, Claudia comes in with the (involuntary/naturalized) family blackmail.

“Without magic you would be dead. Without dad’s magic.”

The guilty trip, being indebted, being trapped in the cycle, but we want out, and to hell with what we owe. We owe them nothing, because they took our sense of self and we build it from the entangled emotional mess that it is our heart.

I can see his face looking up at the image of his until-then deceased parent, I think I will carry this for a long while because I had no idea how it would affect me, but the fact is that more than once, a child of a NP parent will think of how things will be by the time the NP is “gone for good”.

I give zero fucks if people think this is ungrateful, spiteful, selfish, mean, cruel, but the fact is that being stripped of your self-steem and of the ability to grow to the things you love, to grow to life, is the spiteful, selfish and mean thing.

When he tells Claudia that they don’t have to do what Viren wants, he’s expressing a well-known mixture of pain, guilt and relief by thinking the NP is dead.

They aren’t around anymore, the weight of their impossible standards are over, we are free from their grasp, we can pursue our passions, we can thrive in our relationships with people from out of our blood relatives circle. If it seems exaggerated, it’s because these are all things that the NP meet with cynicism. There is “no life, no real friends, nothing can replace your family”. And I say that’s bullshit.

Whereas I have relatives that I truly love, I have friends who have provided growth, patience, love and support, we have learned from each other, we have fought and forgive, we give each other space when needed, we are not seen as an extension of their self, we can be a proper person.

Can you understand how much this means to Soren? How much he thrives by being around Callum, whom is endlessly curious about magic but at the same time wary of it, by finding purpose in protecting Ezran and by fighting alongside Rayla. Soren knows and feels how he changed, he’s more confident to trust in his sense with animals (this is so beautiful too, I can’t even), and he is smart, he has such wisdom, and this is shown since s1.

I never understood people who treat him as a dumb annoying comic relief. He is the very soul of the changes that need to happen in the conflict between Xadia and Katolis, and I only hope that Viren eats an entire humble pie so he proves he’s not actually a NP and that he acts the way he does out of pure desperation and hubris.

I truly hope Viren sees his lovely, smart and incredible boy for what he really is, and not as an extension of his hurt self.

#ugh my heart #soren #this turned out longer than i expected #my boy #my meow meow #writing this made me a bit sick #I just want to roll him in a blanket and tell him stories #please protect him #tdp spoilers #tdp season 4 spoilers #tdp #claudia #callum #rayla #viren #ezran #the dragon prince

67 notes · View notes

shegoesbyjoy · 1 year

Text

IT. IS. DONE!

6 chapters. 12,552 words. My 5+1 fic of Kim and Harry being silly little guys, inspired by the concept of "mundane" dates.

This past month has been quite a tumultuous one, which seems to have been the case for many people that I know. There were layoffs at my former company which put several people I cared about out of work (I resigned by choice a literal day before they were announced), I got covid for the first time, and I have spent many days and nights planning and stressing over an upcoming international move.

Uploading this fic chapter by chapter over the course of the month provided a lovely reprieve from all of my real life worries. Writing has become an incredible way for me to stay mindfully and thoroughly engaged in an activity that allows me to exercise my creativity in a very different way than in my day job as a designer. It's been so delightful reading comments from readers who came back to give their thoughts after every chapter release, as well as from new readers discovering it for the first time. Knowing that I've brought a little joy into other people's lives has been very rewarding.

Immensely grateful for how welcoming the DE fandom has been toward this new fic writer. 🥺 This is my second fic in the fandom, my third ever in my life—and I hope it isn't my last!

#disco elysium #disco elysium fic #disco elysium fanfic #disco elysium fanfiction #ao3 #kimharry #harrykim #kim kitsuragi #harry du bois #i should get back to packing ugh SO TIRED OF PACKING LOL #once again THANK YOU to everyone who has read and commented and given kudos y'all have been so great #and if you're seeing this for the first time and thinking of giving this a shot i hope you enjoy!!!#this fic took me so much longer than i expected and it's not even that long i can't believe people are out here writing 100k+ fics FOR FREE #mad respect to these writers ;-; i'm so baby

34 notes · View notes

focsle · 1 year

Text

Skimming another whaleman’s log, this time the master of the Natchez, Mr. Worthin [also spelled Worthen] Hall. I want to go through it more earnestly when it’s not 1am. But there’s already much in it that’s engaging.

For a time, his wife Polly and their 2-3 year old daughter Mary were on board. A month into the voyage, Mary fell overboard:

“at a bout 6pm the ship a going about 3 knots Mary fell over bord I jumped after her and soon had her in my armes and as soon as she could git her breth she clung about my neck in frount of me which forsed me to stand strate in the water which made it dretful hard work and before the boat got to me I was nearly exorsted so that I had sunk but they got hold of me and got me into the boat Mary didnot appear to be mutch fritened but said whilst I was a swimin that mary was over bord all in the water and when she got on bord said not a word about changing her cloths but said Father must have some dry cloths and pitied her poor Dear Father verry mutch I was bad all night and now day ends more better

4 months later, after making a provision stop at Maui, he wrote: “At 4pm got clear of Maui but left my Hart and soul there”. It wasn’t uncommon for captains who brought their families aboard to leave them at Hawaii for the whaling season while they went North, as it was considered a much safer and comfortable alternative to having them aboard. But it was a parting that both parties were rarely happy with, and that sorrow finds its way between the daily reports of Hall’s log.

“The Wednesday May the 5 1852 Light wind from the W South about to E S E and pleasant the B 29 75 the Chrn 38. Oh my Dear Wife how I want to see you and the Babe what a fool a man must be to go and leave a Wife and Daughter for the sake of Monney that he cannot live but a shorte time to injoy at the moste but man will be fool enought to die a thousand times whilst alive just to try to git someting to live upon just as he is agoing to die but never mind my Dear somboddy will be glad to have it and if they will waite patiently a short time they may have it so good by my Dear Wife and Dear sweet little Daughter. Lat 52º50’ Long 156º40’”

This was his 10th voyage at 48 years old, and the first that his wife accompanied him on for a portion.

“It is verry lonely since leaving Maui not to any boddy to sweating [sweeten] Father’s brecfast and no Wife to speak to oh Dear Wife I hope to see you once more and then oh Dear I dare not say we will never part again I have sed it too oftimes allreddy well never mind we shal soon be where we shal never part if the good book is true”

It appears that after this [quite successful] voyage he does indeed retire from being a whaling captain. And lives a few decades longer than he’s anticipating in these current entries.

#man will be fool enough to die a thousand times while alive REALLY FUCKIN PUNCHED ME THIS EVENING #captain hall #settin up a tag for him cos I think while I go through it more I will find more I want to pull out #there’s a bit of info in the archival description of this log that’s wrong tho…which is what got me digging in it longer than I expected #his wife dies before him and then he dies a few months after ugh that always makes me sad…he lived into his 80s though #awhalin

40 notes · View notes

alyblacklist · 1 year

Text

The Blacklist is moving to SUNDAY nights at 8 pm EST beginning Sunday, February 26, 2023 and will be followed by Magnum, P.I.

(TVLine)

#the blacklist #midseason premiere #s10 premiere #color me surprised!#waiting longer than expected and sundays - ugh!

50 notes · View notes

blanketforcas · 2 months

Note

ever think about ”there is a reason fore That” but rob, rich plus Alex and the boomer all had a role in it ? I just hope im not 60 before coconuts collide.. 😀

well yeah that was the whole point, wasn't it? that the other spn actors were there but cas wasn't because destiel was too big of an unfinished story arc to tackle in something like spnwin

i have to assume some (streaming) network is gonna want to pick up something as popular as spn, and they'll have to make it happen cause there's no way around it imo

(but as with anything spn, never say never lol)

#it might take a bit longer than expected? but i hope not ugh i need it asap lol so i feel your impatience

2 notes · View notes

jonny-b-meowborn · 11 months

Text

I am genuinely so terrified of the fact that I have to find a job now. I'm trying to think of or look up a job that's suitable for my mentally ill autistic ass and I just. I don't know. Everything either requires some very specific qualifications that I don't have, or seems at best awfully exhausting, at worst literally putting me in danger. And I'm not even exaggerating, I genuinely think that working in retail, for example, could possibly kill me if I was forced to do that job for long enough. I sometimes get overwhelmed to the point of crying when there's too many other customers while I'm shopping, I can't imagine working in an environment like that. I suppose physical jobs could work, I've been to this blueberry plantation twice last week and mentally I was fine, but it was. So tiring. And you don't even make that much money a day, I don't think I could earn enough even if I did work there everyday, not to mention it's only a seasonal job. Right now it's fine for me to go there every now and then, but if I wanted to move out and become independent I'd have to get an actual day job. And that sounds impossible. The only job that sounds good to me is being an artist, it's not too mentally or physically difficult, and it's something I enjoy. But I'd have to get commissions constantly or start a small business or something like that to actually survive. And I'm not saying it's impossible, I know that people can live by being an artist, but it's so hard to get into that field. I wish I could do it but I dont know if it's possible for me. Makes me wanna cry. I hate this I hate that my brain isn't suited for this world and still I have to participate in all that shit that everyone has to do. My brain isn't made for working like that

#I've talked about this a lot with my sister who is also autistic #and were both like. on a similar level of autism i dont know how to properly explain it #were functioning in similar ways i guess #and we both agreed that we're in this awkward spot of being autistic #where we're not suited for living in this world the way we're expected #but we're good enough at surviving that we can't really ask for help #like from the government or smth #im not sure if im making sense #but like neither of us ever had a normal job for longer than a few days #she's incredibly lucky bc her boyfriend (also autistic lol) has rich parents #so he's able to have a small business where hes making youtube content and games and merch #and he gets financial support from his parents. so he can have the job he feels comfortable with and enjoys #and my sister is now able to work with him. theyre both making their silly little games and trinkets and are able to live normally #which is just so great for her i love that. im also so jealous lmao #and then theres me who also is made for creating art and not much else but im not lucky enough to be able to do that and survive #idk. my mom is great and doesn't put too much pressure on me. she was the one to take me to that blueberry job #and she really supprts my plans to be an artist full time #but still. thats really difficult to do. ugh #sometimes i wish that i either wasnt autistic at all or was 'less functioning' so at least i could get some help with living #bee buzz

9 notes · View notes

dany36 · 1 year

Text

i did it! 😍 I finished the game before New Years! I rushed the final part of the game and skipped the sub events that you can apparently do before the final fight, but since I eventually plan to replay this as Milla, I’ll just do them there. definitely enjoyed this game and I’m glad I finally got a chance to complete it. I felt like right after the big plot twist with Maxwell and Milla, the game kind of…hmmm dipped a bit in terms of the story pacing for me. but that ending?? fuck yes!!!!! <3 thank you namco for not going down the usual path of male protag + female protag = lovers. anyway, more long ramblings about this beautiful game below because i need to (as usual) dump out my feelings about it!

so first for the things i liked.

milla!! holy crap, she's definitely become one of my all-time favorite characters in the tales series and i'm aching to start a drawing of her. what an amazing character. she's such a determined, courageous, strong-willed, bad-ass woman, and OF COURSE i'm a huge sucker for female characters who just know what they're about and don't let anything or anyone stand in their way! yeah her anatomy is outrageous (she looks like she could snap in half at any moment) but just like velvet i'm letting it slide because her characterization is just wonderful. she starts out not really caring for anyone or anything but her "mission" and protecting humans and spirits alike, but then elize happens!! leia happens!! and of course jade happens as well but like!! elize and leia never hesitate to show their care, love, and admiration for milla and just ahhhhh their relationship in the game is everything to me. that post-battle scene of milla patting elize and thanking her for her help would always make my heart want to explode of joy. 🤧 thank you namco for feeding me with such an admirable protagonist who clicked so well with the rest of the female characters. can't wait to play her side of the story!

i've already mentioned in another post how much i love teepo (hands down best tales mascot yet), but i also loved elize and leia as well. i know it's implied that jiao had something to do with elize's parents but next time i'll try to do more sub-events about her to learn more about her past and well, just learn more about her overall. leia snuck her way into joining the party and although at first i didn't really care for her, she is also super helpful in battle and her bubbly personality is what was missing from the party before she joins. i just didn't like (and understand?) why she kept saying/thinking that she was getting in the way or holding the party back because...excuse me queen when does that ever happen lol you are nothing but helpful. she right away agrees to help jude and milla look for what they need to get milla to walk again and puts her life at risk for it, how is that holding them back? maybe there's something i missed but yeah, pure love for elize and leia.

the fighting system in this game is so damn good and fun omg, probably my favorite after berseria. linking arts is so satisfying and reminded me of those final attacks you could pull off in arise, except with like...you could execute them any time you filled up the linking bar and not just waiting for an enemy to almost die. i played as jude most of the time but in my next playthrough i will definitely play as milla since her attacks looked so fun as well.

that plot twist about milla having been built by maxwell to bait out exodus was totally unexpected for me and i was just in shock watching all those cutscenes play out. from clapping of joy that milla finally gets The Four back to having my mouth agape at leia and alvin fighting. like...damn, the storytelling and pacing of this story might not be the best but that portion of the game was really good. again, can't wait to see what the hell is going on with milla in that time that jude is all down and depressed!

so many animated cutscenes, and of course all of them are a joy to watch! i'm not entirely sure but i think out of all the tales games i've played, i felt like this one really had the most? either way, would always love whenever we'd get one since i love how they animate milla!

the ending. wow. i really thought they were going to go down the usual route of "male protag and female protag fall in love and stay together" because well, jude fell head over heels for milla but i never really got the impression that milla felt the same way for jude (again, need to play milla's side). i thought for sure that milla was going to find a way to live as a human, kind of what happens with ratatosk and emil in symphonia 2, but to my pleasant surprise, that doesn't happen! milla doesn't even HESITATE to say no to maxwell to his idea of her living as a human using the schism's mana--she right away knows that she will live on as maxwell and continue her duty to protect spirits and humans alike. GOD that just made me adore her character even more! i mean SURE it sucks for her because she herself says something along the lines of being sad that she will have to leave her found family behind, but (after looking it up in the youtubes cus i just couldn't wait) she says in the post-credit scene that she is proud of the path she has chosen! she has no regrets!! what a fucking queen!!!!!!!!!!

and honestly i much prefer this ending in regards to jude and milla's relationship: a relationship based on admiration and respect for each other because SHEESH it's such a breath of fresh air and i'm so so so glad that namco went this route for them because i was seriously dreading the cliched ending lol. not that i'm against the usual female protag + male protag ending up together--as long as the proper development is there (see marta and emil, luke and tear etc), but again i just felt like the feelings were very one-sided from jude so hurray for this ending!

ok and the part where elize puts teepo away? i literally screamed "NOOOOO" and was so sad but at the same time proud of elize because she no longer has to depend on teepo to express herself! and she has friends now! but still it was a depressing scene to see just because of how much i loved teepo :(

alright, now for the dislikes:

the music. this one is no surprise because honestly, ever since symphonia 2, i feel like tales games just have not done well in the music department. i think there's like one or two songs that i might have to download for my collection, but other than that, yet another disappointment in the series.

the overworlds. sorry but they were so boring and predictable to explore after like...the third or so area! they all pretty much have the same layout except with different colors. just really nothing interesting about them and the same music for almost all of the areas wasn't helpful either. if xillia 2 has the same layouts to its overworld i will seriously scream lol.

the voice acting. i think this game has the worst (english) voice acting in all of the tales games i've played, and it was especially jarring after coming from symphonia 2, which i thought did such an excellent job with its voice acting. it didn't have a japanese option otherwise i would have chosen it. those character pop-in voices that would occur during battles where your characters would say something just wouldn't match with the intensity of the character portraits, plus half the time i wouldn't even be able to hear what the hell they were saying. also, as much as i love elize, her voice just didn't sound like a 12 or 13 year old (or however old she's supposed to be). i felt like jude's and leia's voice acting was also pretty meh, like the skits would sometimes really have no oomph to them or were pretty monotone. milla's had the same issue to her but with her you can kinda brush it off due to her personality. i initially didn't really like milla's voice acting at all but overtime it ended up becoming my favorite out of the main gang lol.

alvin... oh boy. i'm sorry to alvin fans, i know he's supposed to be like the complex character of the gang, kind of like how zelos was, but unlike zelos whom i eventually learned to SOMEWHAT like despite his many flaws, alvin never really grew on me and i had no interest in learning more about his character. maybe my mind will change once i get another playthrough of the game, but his constant betrayals and running away just got old after the second time and honestly it was annoying. yeah he was part of exodus since he was a kid and did what he needed to survive, but eugh i never really felt he clicked well with the rest of the party, even when he was moping around before the final battle and elize went and cheered him up. good thing that milla and jude never gave up on him since it's thanks to his cousin that we learned about how spyrites worked, but other than that........next!!!

the antagonists. so weak. i already talked a bit about this, but nachtigal? lame af. also he was alvin's uncle? whatever, the game never really gave me a reason to want to feel sympathy for him, so i brushed over this "revelation" as fast as the game did. plus his presence throughout the game was barely felt? presa, agria, and wingul, eh, also whatever. i thought it was cool how you got to work "with them" for a bit, which was a nice surprise, but other than that, just like alvin, don't really care for them. not sure if there are sub-events where you can learn more about their past (like presa's parents abandoning her or whatever), so i'll try to be more on the lookout for them in my next playthrough, but honestly...not really impressed. i would say that this is probably the weakest thing about the game, i didn't really ever felt threatened by any of the antagonists throughout it.

the pacing after the maxwell twist. ok, one thing that really bothered me was that...jude decides that he wants to save elympios and reiza maxia, because obviously that's what a protagonist does: they want to sacrifice no one and save everyone. but my problem with this was that, before this, the game never really gives you, the player, a reason to care for elympios? at this point you know two people that are from there: nachtigal, who we barely know anything about and is just plain evil, and alvin, who...has betrayed the party countless of times and is heavily disliked by the most innocent person in the party (i forget if leia also actively hates him like elize?). he isn't exactly someone that the game managed to get me to have sympathy for, unlike sheena from symphonia or shionne from arise, both who are from a different world which you are also trying to save. so like, why should i also share the same mission as jude? but ok, whatever, it's the obvious noble thing to do even though i don't understand it, fine. but even THEN! the whole elympios bit felt severely rushed. tethe'alla is laughing. like i think only 8 hours pass from when jude says he wants to save elympios to the end of the game. so in this time you go to elympios, learn how spyrites can help its people (and somehow this is credited to jude because...why again? lol), explore two small areas of this brand new alien planet, volt makes an appearance, gaius and muzet are out trying to destroy spyrixes everywhere (although this was more of a tell rather than show bit cus i never got this impression from the game), the gang has a crisis of whether to stick with milla and jude or...go back to reize maxia (why was this an issue in the first place? why would they back down now? they tried to make it seem like it was this big crisis that they would have to fight gaius, but why would they feel conflicted with this??), and just...what? right after the plot twist i said this was contending to be in my top three favorite tales games, but this last portion of the game was just...not it, lol. i loved gaius and how much he loves his people and how far he is willing to protect them (similar to milla...), but at the end it seriously felt like "how many times do we have to teach you this lesson, old man?" with how many times you fight him. the "final" level was also rather lame but i'd take that over arise's dreadful last level design.

so don't get me wrong, despite the rather weak antagonists (minus gaius and muzet, especially the latter lol her going insane was awesome) and that last portion of the game being...rather strange and honestly feeling kind of rushed, this tales game is such a pleasure and milla is one of the best tales protagonists. jude growing from being super dependent on milla and just following her around like a lost puppy to making his own decisions and saying he will be alright without milla (and changing the world helping with the spyrites research!) was also really great to watch unfold. great characters, great protagonists, great relationships within the cast, amazing gameplay, a refreshing ending...will definitely play this again!

with that i think i can confidently say that my ranking for the tales games is now as follows: symphonia, berseria, abyss, xillia, symphonia 2, zestiria, arise, vesperia.

alright, enough rambling. time to browse the xillia tag and reblog all that sweet content i've missed out on all these years!!

#tales of xillia #tox #tales of #junk #WHEW that was longer than i expected!!#i said i was going to play xillia 2 right after this but i think i'll take a break from tales games for now #symphonia remastered comes out soon so i need to play something different before i beat symphonia for the nth time lol #ugh and i forgot to completely talk about ivar #i'll just say....what the fuck was he about lol why was he so obsessed with jude--well i mean i know why but...still??? calm tf down dude

15 notes · View notes

abyssalhuntersnerd · 2 years

Text

I love writing.

I really do.

#normal posts #okay I'm too sleepy to continue but holy fuck this thing is so different now #I'm so mad at myself because I really did the bare minimum and I'm not like that #this is uh #shaping into something #I think #I'm sleepy #wenas noches gente me voy a mimir #and this might take me longer than expected but I was kinda expecting that #I should finish my serigraphy assigment but... I'm better off doing that this weekend and working more on this tomorrow #ugh

6 notes · View notes

chernozemic · 1 year

Text

@kamikakefell ∕ 📝

"Be so kind as to not cough on my equipment." An easy demand-- one that he's probably made time and time again (ukitake was not the outlier but, merely, the most common occurrence. mayuri need not say more.) that it's become borderline instinctual. Mess was never welcomed, especially when it came from the body; he'd "hope" that everyone would understand why. "If you do...? I would certainly hope you are more than willing to offer your body, finally, for science as recompense." Small pause, eyes panning back towards him. "A pity, though, because I already can sense your answer."

#kamikakefell #𝟎𝟎𝟕 · IN CHARACTER #𝟎𝟏𝟓 · VERSE THREE: NOT PERFECT IS GOOD #thank u for liking for a starter!! <3 sorry for taking a little longer than expected!#mayuri @ ukitake: ugh. gross. germs.

2 notes · View notes

sunfyred · 1 year

Text

━ 𝐒𝐄𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐃𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐆𝐎𝐃𝐒 ( 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟐 )

CROSSFIRE

broken crown

the way u love

I'LL JUST GET WORSE !

badlove

SORRY THAT YOU FEEL THAT WAY.

bad intentions

DO YOU LOVE ME ( MORE ) ?

can't feel my soul

FIX MY HEART

S.M.I.L.E. ( smother me )

deeper

ARCHENEMY ft. ironoath

MODIFIED.

━ 𝐒𝐕𝐂𝐑𝐈𝐅𝐘𝐂𝐄 ( 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎 )

EVERYBODY'S SICK OF ME !

outta my head

silent sadness ft. drusilla stone

G.O.N.E.

chemical

broken bottles

paralyzed

MVSOCHIST

MESS LIKE ME

SACRIFICE

honey pot ♡

buried family.

dead butterflies

FYRE.

#for those who don't know wtf this is #aegon has a metalcore band in my modern verse #and this is the discography #this took longer than expected #most of the song names were changed on purpose #just to be even more extra by aegonifying them #14 songs for each album because everything is about the seven and everything hurts #a religious emo #some of these hit so hard ngl #anyway give me modern interactions #“i'll just get worse” my fav 5 ever #100% aegony #“smile” too ugh my feels #it's about his mental issues lbr #【✧i’m dripping blood honey】: modern au #【✧a song of fire】: playlist

5 notes · View notes

sunisalee2020 · 7 months

Text

...

#The Great Simone Biles!#That is all. This competition was longer than expected ugh.#bye

0 notes

mournings-stars · 3 months

Text

adam's wings

this is the adam smut i was talking about... it was originally gonna come after a mini fic but i couldn't figure out how to end the fic so yall can have this smut

all you need to know is adam's had a massive crush on the reader (fem!reader) for like 5+ years and in the last extermination her wings get got (poor you)

I'll publish the fic eventually but enjoy this man being pathetic and a switch (also i hardly write male smut so i hope it's good :))

Life without your wings was something you were just going to have to get used to. It was awful, for the most part, and when it wasn’t it was tolerable. Instead of flying, you and Lute walked in the mornings… you had to use stairs, and you had to ask for help getting things that were too high — of course, Adam liked when you asked him to get things. It boosted his already massive ego now that you were spending more time together.

Instead of a yearly lunch and dinner after extermination with casual work conversation in between, you had lunch once a week and found yourselves talking often.

Like today; you weren’t expecting anyone, but Adam brought it upon himself to come to your apartment. He appeared on your balcony, knocking on the glass doors impatiently until you opened them, confused.

“Oh, it’s just you.”

“You could sound a little happier, dude,” he scoffed as he held out a bag. “I brought you food.”

“Sorry knocking at my window freaked me out, dude.” You rolled your eyes as you took the bag. “Are we having lunch together?”

Your excited face made him frown and you quickly understood that no, you were not having lunch because he was always busy doing the job you used to help with.

“Hey, don’t look so down, angel.” He leaned down to kiss your cheek. “If you’re still up, I’ll stop by for dinner.”

“Just wake me up—“

“No can do, sugar tits,” you rolled your eyes at the nickname. “Doc says you still need rest.”

“Ugh! Fuck the doctor!” You tossed the food on your coffee table, making him yell “hey!” “Sorry.”

“I used my piss break to get you that!”

“I said sorry! I’m sorry. Thank you for the food.” He huffed, looking at the discarded bag. “Don’t be a baby.”

“You’ve been in such a fucking mood, babe.” He brought his hands to your hips, pulling you up against him. “What happened? You were doing fine without…” His hands traveled to your lower back, then further up, making you wince. “Have you been resting?”

“Don’t baby me. I don’t need rest — I need my fucking wings back—“

“Sh, sh, sh,” he cooed, head lowering to your neck. “Watch your fucking mouth.” The cool mouth of his mask grazed your skin as his fingers traced down the line of your spine, making you inhale sharply and arch toward him. He took that opportunity to hold you tighter. “I can make you feel better, angel… Do you want me to?” His lips pressed against your neck, much more tender than he would’ve liked, but he didn’t mind having to ease in.

“How much longer is your break?”

“Ended five minutes ago, but who gives a shit?” He laughed as his kisses on your neck became more forceful. “I’ll tell them you needed my help… that you begged me to stay… I’ll say I couldn’t fucking resist you…” He licked a stripe up your neck, making you shudder. “I just had to help… It’s the angelic thing to do—“

“Adam.”

“Yeah, baby?” He was biting down on your neck.

“Bedroom,” was all you had to say for him to suck the darkest fucking hickey onto your skin.

“Fuck yeah, baby!” Before you could turn away from him, he lifted you up and took you to your room, setting you on the bed before you pulled him on top of you. You got his mask off as quickly as possible, accidentally leaving the horns, but you didn't care.

“You look kinda sexy with horns,” you said as you pulled him down and pressed your lips to his.

“Kinda?” He laughed into the kiss.

“Mmm… Really sexy.” He groaned when your hands caressed the horns, gripping them and forcing his head at the angle you wanted. “Yeah. I could get used to this.”

“Don’t get cocky,” he warned, eagerly pushing his hips up against yours and shoving his tongue in your mouth with so much haste you had to pull back.

“I don’t want a quickie today—” you started, speaking against his forceful lips.

“Yeah, sure, angel, whatever you want,” he impatiently got his mouth back on yours, hands pulling you against him harshly.

“Stay with me today… You can work from home, right?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll come up with something. Just shut up.” But then he paused. “Home?” He asked. “With you?”

It was times like these where you remembered he’d been crushing on you for at least five years. You laughed. “Figure of speech, darling—“

“Oh, right, right.” He was quick to get his mouth back on yours.

“But…” You tried to speak between kisses. “I wouldn’t mind — you — coming home — to me every night — like this—“

“You’re making me hard as fuck. Stop talking.” You did as he asked, but reached your hand down to grope him. Before you could, he grabbed your hand and shook his head. “Not yet,” he said quickly before bringing his mouth back to your neck to suck bruises on to.

But you wanted to touch him, and as your half-lidded eyes looked at what you could touch, your hands reached for his golden wings. Your fingertips stroked the tops of them, feeling just how delicate they were. They were soft, fragile, and utterly beautiful. Your hands traveled down to the base of them, fingers tracing around the feathers with gentle pressure.

Adam froze on top of you, cutting off his kisses with a strained moan as he shuddered, hips jerking and eyes fluttering. “F-ah-fuck, oh my… fuck,” he whined as you continued your gentle touches to his wings. His hands gripped you harder, hard enough to bruise, but you didn’t care when you had his head buried in the crook of your neck as he whined in your ear, hips thrusting up against nothing to try and get some kind of relief. “Baby… your gonna — fuck — you gotta stop — it’s — ah, fuck.” He was trying to push your hips down so he could at least grind against you as you tortured him like this, but he couldn’t pull himself together enough to get it right.

“Shh, baby, I got you… You like that?” He sunk his teeth into your shoulder when you spoke, moaning against you. “Let me help,” you laughed, stopping momentarily to get his and your robes off.

He couldn’t even give you foreplay if he wanted to right now. He just needed to be inside you.

That’s exactly what you let him do. You got both your undergarments off as he lazily kissed your shoulder and reached down, guiding him between your legs. You inhaled, moaning when he pushed his cock inside of you, filling you up and making his hips twitch with how wet and ready you were for him. Your legs went around his waist as he rocked his hips and your hands went back to his back.

As soon as you touched his wings again, his hips were snapping against yours and he was muttering incoherently, “fuck, baby.” “Needa be inside you.” “So good.” “Want you even more.” “Don’t stop.”

When you started whining in his ear as he buried himself inside you just to grind against you, massaging that soft spot just above your cervix and making your cunt tighten around him, he completely lost it. He didn’t hold back on his loud moaning, desperate licking, or harsh biting for anything. He left your neck, shoulders, and collarbones a discolored mess as his hands found your breasts and groped. He pinched your nipples, rolling and twisting harsh enough to get you arching into him, but gentle enough to make sure he didn’t hurt you.

“You’re all mine,” he panted into your neck, kissing up to your cheek in an effort to find your lips. “No one else can have you… You can’t — ah — you can’t let anyone else touch you. I’d have to fucking kill them,” that, he said clear as day, making you moan his name. “No one’s ever gonna hurt my angel again… Never.” Finally, his mouth found yours and his rough kisses had you gasping for breath as if he’d just threatened you and not the entire world outside of this room.

His hips didn’t stop, but the more you felt up his wings, the sloppier he got. “Fuck,” he groaned, voice hoarse. “Need more of you.” He brought one hand by your head, pushing himself up and getting your dangerously pleasuring hands away from his wings as his other hand went between you and pulled your hips up. He pulled his hips back before thrusting into you, making your eyes roll back as you turned to the side to bury your face in your pillow. “There it is.” He held you in place, hitting that same spot with each thrust and making you tighten around him. “That's it… That's my girl.”

You fisted the sheets, moaning loudly into your pillow. Adam grabbed you by the neck, using his fingers to turn your head toward him. “Let me hear you,” he said, voice still whiny from the way you were touching him and making your stomach flutter. “You’ve been feeling me up this whole fucking time, it’s time for my reward, yeah?” You nodded, never breaking eye contact, and he smiled. “Good fucking girl.”

His hand went down to your hips, resting on your lower stomach and pressing down to make you groan. His thumb moved to your clit, pressing down to feel you pulse against him. He laughed. “I knew you fucking needed me. Little attitude’s all fucking gone now, huh?” He circled his thumb, thrusting into you at the same excruciatingly slow pace. “Thought you’d have me like this, didn’t you, angel? All fucking pathetic.”

“Fuck you—“ You whined, trying to sound mad and failing — how he’d completely flipped the situation was beyond you, but you didn’t care when you felt like this. Of course, that wouldn’t stop you from running your mouth. (Or getting him back later).

“Shut up and take it, bitch— oh! Shit, that was kinda mean. Fuck, sorry babe.” He leaned down, kissing you quick and making you laugh as your hands reached up to his face to keep kissing him. “I didn’t mean that.” But when you kept laughing, he quickly told you to, “shut up,” again, then, “you sound really fucking pretty, so don’t actually.”

“Adam,” you warned, hand reaching down toward his wings. “You’re the one that needs to shut up—“

“No fucking way.” He grabbed your hands and pinned them above your head, picking his pace back up and making the bed knock against the wall with how rough he was being. “You and your pretty little hands are dangerous, angel… Gotta put you back in your place.” He brought his hand to the back of your thigh, pushing it up by your side to get even deeper.

That and so he could watch your cunt taking him. His gaze alone made your legs shake, your moaning picking back up. He got the hint, pushing himself deeper and grinding against you until you were so tight around him that he could hardly move.

But he did anyway, fucking into you harder and faster as his hands held your squirming hips still. He moaned at the way you tightened around him, your hands pushing at his hips to get him to stop overstimulating you as you came, but that did nothing but turn him on as you moaned his name like a fucking prayer, back arching and hips writhing on the sheets as your hands settled to grip his wrists and your eyes shut in pure bliss.

“Shh, baby, I got you,” he mocked your words from earlier, making your eyes screw shut as you tightened around him again. That made him shudder, his hips twitching as he thrusted sharply, his orgasm filling you up and dripping out of you as his eyes shut and hands moved to grip yours, pinning them to the bed.

He pulled out slowly, watching his cum spill out of you with a cocky smile. “Fuck, you look good like this,” he said, hands squeezing yours. “How’s it feel having the—“

“If you say anything about your ‘first dick,’ I’ll kill you,” you said breathlessly, cutting him off before he could start and making him roll his eyes. “But… it feels really fucking good—“ “That’s my fucking girl!”

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel headcanon #hazbin adam #hazbin hotel heaven #hazbin hotel adam #adam hazbin hotel #adam x reader #hazbin hotel x you #hazbin hotel x y/n #adam smut #hazbin smut #hazbin blurb #hazbin imagine #hazbin drabble

2K notes · View notes