#this shit is embarrassing i feel sick

[jestroer]

Being incredibly social and thriving in a company of literally anyone pleasant enough to talk to and also having an extreme social anxiety is not an easy work but somebody has to fucking do it

#don't you love feeling physically sick when you just embarrassed a bit. or your message in a group chat hasnt been noticed by anyone #i sure do #i just love company and having dialogue so so much #i love talking #when im having a chat with my mate i just put aside everything and i just spend like 40 minutes just talking to them and nothing else #and i love hanging out #but having social anxiety makes it extremely fucking hard to ask anyone to hang out #but nobody fucking asks me to hang out and i know like that people are busy #but when i force myself to finally ask someone its so easy to arrange a meeting and we have such a nice time and then it repeats #fucking clawing and biting my way out of my extreme anxiety every other week to just like go to a museum. on a walk #love hanging out too much for my own good #shitpost #anxiety #social anxiety #also like. discord servers my beloathed. im trying so hard. but there are always so much going on i just cant #honestly im just trying so hard lately to be more social #but god forgive its so fucking hard holy shit 🙏 Literally sweating crying throwing up trying to write a message first #or like join some social event and then actually be social in it #fucking. struggle on earth man. what the fuck for real

[falling-hand-in-unlovable-hand]

the worst part of break is the last day when you're just drowning in stress thinking about going back. i feel literally physically nauseous

#the stupidest part is that i'm so fucking stressed mostly about my fucking FILM class #more than any of my honors courses #i haven't done enough work in it at all and i'm so embarrassed about it so i don't want to start working on it and show how little i have #done so i get even more behind #i have a film i have to make and it's only half done and now i can't fucking find it in my files cuz i'd planned on working on it this brea #but i got sick and wasted 4 days of my already stupidly short break #i have TWO whole presentations on an actor and a director and i don't CARE or know about any actors or directors #i just feel sick #i wish i could drop it or just fucking fail it but i can't #it's so so stupid #i'm never gonna be able to take another class with that teacher from the fucking shame i feel actually horrible every time i go in her clas #and the worst part is that it's literally my fault i could have just done the fucking work and i didn't #kiwifae says shit #ugh okay this made me feel better i need to just figure out my actor director presentations (which are my fucking final btw 😭) #i accept the shit grade i'm getting on the film i can fix it if i make decent presentations i'm just mad i'm doing bad and getting so #stressed over a dumbass extra class like film production like what #i still don't think i can take another class with her she's really pleasant but i just feel so so sick whenever i go in there cuz i feel so #guilty #which is a shame cuz she teaches photography which i would really like to take #maybe senior year idk i might not care anymore then #also i'm aware this isn't a normal amount of shame and anxiety just for procrastinating i just feel super bad abt this for some reason #sorry for ranting but i'm just blehhhhhhh rn #ok i'm gonna get something to eat and take a shower maybe i'll feel less like i'm dying #👍

[dennisboobs]

i think one of the biggest issues in modern fandom is that despite the abundance of autistic/adhd/audhd fans, a declaration that cringe culture is dead, and the fact that we're all watching the same show, there is large portion of people who participate in fandom as a popularity contest, where the focus shifts off of the main interest and develops almost a secondary hyperfixation with specific creators, blogs, accounts, in a way that at least borders on parasocial.

this is nothing new, but the attitude that springs from it then dictates a specific Way to interact with that fandom, meaning that those who aren't interested in following select clique leaders are outcast and seen as More Cringe because they don't speak or act within acceptable parameters. when people have a platform, there's a pressure to be funny, be entertaining, to produce more Content that your followers WANT to see, the stuff they followed you for. sometimes this leads to plagiarism, ripping off posts from other platforms or lesser known accounts because you feel a compulsion to post ANYTHING for engagement instead of what you WANT to post. speaking from experience here, i am something of a Former YouTuber with a sizeable following, and i've been through it on other social media with several other fandom sideblogs and shit.

different platforms, different friend groups, different subsections – depending on preferred characters, ships, etc. – are inevitably going to be far more insular, and especially long-time fans who are less interested in the general media and more about a selection of specific interests is going to fall into this trap eventually. however, i think social media influences this more now than it did even a few years back, especially on twitter where it's more difficult to find "content" without a well-known account attached.

a while back someone made an always sunny iceberg that had a bunch of shit i had never seen before, despite having personally trawled the waybackmachine and archived a bunch of semi-lost media, running and overhauling the wiki with its decades of collected trivia, and having been on sunnyblr. a lot of it was from the podcast, but the stuff i had no recollection of was obscure ass sunnytwt drama that only involved like. a very small group of individuals. the thing is that these few accounts are minor celebrities in the fandom, and everyone follows them. i myself followed one or two of them when i first got into the fandom because they were posting clips reblogged by non-sunny mutuals. there are a TON of sunny focused accounts on twirter, but only a few that have multi-thousand followings, primarily for this reason. this is essentially your only gateway into the sunny fandom on twitter. here (on tumblr), you can easily look in the tags and curate your followed blogs (or look at the iasip subreddit) but it's a lot harder to find fandom content without that organized space (most people don't specifically tag tweets), instead you have to rely on the few sunny accounts you followed incidentally to deliver you retweets so you can follow more accounts.

so then what happens? you follow more accounts? see a variety of sunny content? follow a tag to see fandom newcomers' posts, art, fics? no, you follow the same 5 accounts you started with and stay in the echo chamber, caught up in drama and taking sides based on your few mutuals' opinions, maybe things get a little too personal and you stay following someone even though you disagree with their posts because you really don't have much of a choice, they can see if you unfollow, and they put posts on your timeline. you make a private account and start quote retweeting them to get out your irritations, a passive aggressive reminder that they're wrong. your other mutual quote retweets someone calling them stupid, and you also decide to tell them how wrong they are, because it's a popularity contest, not an open discussion. there's a Content Draught during the hiatus and people start getting bored. it becomes less and less about the original show, and more about the cliques, the exciting new drama of the day, the actors.

new fans are lost, long-time fans who don't care about all this extra shit are alienated, and it leads to a very odd type of gatekeeping that has these Elevated fans looking down on people for actually wanting to engage with the source media. yes, this includes the fans on reddit who spout quotes. this includes the people who liveblog their first time watching the show. this includes people who care about the show because it's still fresh and exciting and they haven't yet been made to feel that it's something to hide because it's cringey or dated or stupid to take it Too Seriously theorizing and dissecting the Poop and Fart Show.

I am guilty of all of this too, i think for quite a while i've been feeling like i need to defend myself by lashing out at other people because i am extremely sensitive to being made fun of for actually caring about my special interest. but i think that analysis and criticism (within reason) are extremely important facets of fandom and we as a fandom should be trying to encourage that rather than make fun of other fans. i think this is probably the reason for a lot of the issues with fan superiority, gatekeeping, the general awful atmosphere in the fandom. it's easy to complain and make counter content to someone else's post, it's a lot harder to grow the balls to have a proper in-depth lore discussion with them, or better yet, make your own stuff. ive been joking about a fandom-wide rewatch, but i genuinely think we should organize something like that. and i think everyone should set aside the judgement and just enjoy themselves. i'm sick and tired of feeling unwelcome in a fandom that i dedicate a lot of time to because i'm unashamed about enjoying the source media and i suspect a lot of you probably feel the same. you don't need to push everything through an irony filter and self depreciate, you can just like sunny and want to participate in fandom.

#ada speaks #literally feels like every time i try to get real at ALL someone feels like its appropriate to fling shit at me #im sick of vagueposting and broken telephone and im sick of feeling like i need to fucking mask my autism #yeah i misinterpret shit #yeah im overly sensitive #yes i care a whole hell of a lot and i am passionate about things you think are 'stupid' #i wish it wasn't embarrassing to be compassionate or understanding or... empathetic #and i'm going to try not to give in to that shitty behaviour just bc other people do it #i dont know how to fix the problem of people indirectly replying to shit instead of reblogging posts to disagree #i feel like its largely due to us not wanting to bother op #but i think its less harmful in the long run if we can be civil #i think we need to work to have a more welcoming community to EVERYONE not just Acceptable Fans

[mitchmotch]

I'm so interested in your Anastasia au! will you tell us more?

yes of course i will! @revalito and i are genuinely so elated that so many people like the au HEHJKSDHJKS i will always want to talk about it trust

i don't know if there was something specific you wanted me to talk about, so i'll just talk about their time in the cloud recesses when they were younger =]

as i said before in my tags, wwx found lwj sitting outside the gentian cottage waiting for his mom and that's how they first met--he brought him a blanket and something warm to drink and offered to sit next to him. after that wwx would find lwj every now and then and hang around a bit but not for long. that does.. imply that his parents died sooner but well. HEJDSJKSD we figured one of the servants was his dad's close friend that agreed to babysit wwx for a while before they died, so now at least wwx has someone that was considered family (and that can tell him about his parents)

wwx didn't actually start working as a servant until he got older and that's when he was really allowed to interact with lwj. silly little comments turned into prompts to speak more and eventually, they'd have "conversations" (lwj would listen, wwx would talk) as wwx did what he had to. one day lwj asked wwx if he would be allowed to be a personal assistant on a quick task he had to do outside of the cloud recesses, and of course that's allowed. and that's the loophole they found to spend more time together =]

lxc knows about lwj's crush. he could read it on him easily HEJKSDJK i'd like to think one time wwx was called in to serve something to them, and as he did he made some comment to lwj. lwj acknowledged him with a small uptick of his lips and lxc was just ⁉️⁉️⁉️ HEHKJDHJKDHDJK he starts making excuses for wwx to go see lwj. the first time he asks a servant to call for wwx bc he needed something delivered to his brother it started a rumor within the servants immediately. this is where the teasing among them began HEHJKSDJKSDK lxc is the main reason why eventually wwx is the main servant/one of the only servants for lwj

wwx starts learning about cultivation in his free time--and we'd like to think the gusulan sect would set aside a teacher for willing servants on their breaks--but he never attends any actual classes. it isn't until they accept guest disciples when they're around 15/16 that he even entertains the idea. he probably makes a side comment to lwj, like "ah, guest disciples… it would have been nice to attend a class or two.." and lwj is immediately like i'm on it. he talks to lqr to attend the classes and ofc here lan qiren doesn't Need lwj to be a good example to wwx like he does in the novel, but we think lqr would still want to show him off HEHJKSJKSD also, lxc is probably like "it would be nice if wangji had more friends =] perhaps if we have wwx in there (someone he is already comfortable with) he would be more willing?" and that seals the deal HEJKSDHJKSD wwx is invited to his classes to be a "personal servant" to keep up appearances, but he is there to learn.

of course some other people there aren't to keen on the idea of having a servant in the class with them, so this time when lqr calls on wwx, it's not to test him, it's to prove his worth. he knows wwx and lwj are friends so in his head, his justification is that disciples are offending wwx -> they're offending lwj -> lwj is his nephew -> they are offending lqr too. ofc. HEHJKDSJKSDK lwj defends wwx in his own ways.

nie huaisang is the first to go up to wwx to chat and they become good friends, and since wwx is friends with lwj, nhs becomes friends with him too. it's a funny dynamic but lwj inwardly thinks it's nice.

thank you sm for asking! <3

#ask #ender-manly #mdzs #anastasia au #wangxian #sorry about the delay! i am in the midst of finals HEHJKDSJKSD one more to go tho! WOOO #also hades (revalito) has their asks open if anyone would like to ask about the fic or just see his comments on the au too =] #aight now onto some extras for those w the patience to read my tags HEHKJSHJKS they Absolutely have really cute moments in this time #like one time wwx got sick so he couldn't serve lwj and around lunchtime lwj was finally like 'hey wheres wei ying?' and the servant was #like 'he's sick. but yknow.. even tho the servant quarters are on the other side of the cloud recesses its still in the same place' so that #night lwj goes to visit wwx. everyone is like omg second young master? and he's like um.. can i see wei ying please? #they take him to wwx's room and wwx is So embarrassed bc he just knows he looks as sick as he feels but lwj is just worried about him #also another time when they're outside of the cloud recesses wwx is walking and talking not looking where he's going. he trips off a small #cliff. lwj catches him ofc thats how he is and wwx is like 'hehehe :)c lwj guess what?' 'mn?' 'i Fell for you ;D' #now theyre both blushing. theyre so cute. cant fucking have shit in detroit HEHJKDHSDKJHJSDK #god i could go on forever but i wont. unless someone asks. insert eye emoji HEHKJKSDHJKSDHJK

[putonyourbathingsuits]

.

#potentially seeing stop making sense on my own tonight lmao #how embarrassing #but whatever #literally so desperate I asked my uncle and cousin #feel physically sick lol and I can’t even be mad at anyone bc it’s just life stuff why people cancelled #it’s like the world doesn’t want me to see this film or have a good time I just feel shit

[meowmeowmessi]

psg is undeniably shit, but you expect me to be remotely happy at the thought of messi going back to barça now when there are barça fans who talk about him like this

#the lewy claim is so fucking funny. as if pedri himself didn't thank messi personally for mentoring him #as if messi didn't help neymar settle in barça. as if he didn't help luis. as if he didn't help dembele. and many others before them #i feel sick to my stomach when i read shit like this tbh #i really don't want him to go back to barça for anything other than a tribute match bc of coolers like this #they keep embarrassing themselves in europe but if messi's there you know they'll pin all the blame on him. just like the ultars #i know they're probably a small minority or whatever but the fact that these kinds of ppl even exist #despite the fact that messi BLED for them. completely wasted his stellar 2018/19 form on them just. breaks my heart a little

[x-itzzzzzz-x]

i think i should go back to therapy

#i need someone to talk to #like so bad lol it’s embarrassing #anyways #my parents are incompetent #i can’t talk to my friends #half of them i don’t talk to anyways never mind about how i feel #i’m just shit to them #i’m just shit idk #i can never trust therapists tho #tbf they r always shitty imo #j experiences have been so bad #but also i can’t take this lol #meds n therapy r what’s supposed to help #n i need it #i keep fucking up all my opportunities and handouts #ik i realistically wont go back on meds or back to therapy #but it would be nice to think id get better enough to commit to that #commit to anything rlly #i don’t commit to people to school to my family to my hobbies to the gym to meds to anything #i always say i wanna get better until i actually have to do anything #idk why i can’t jusg be normal #why does it have to be so much work to just even appear normal n functioning #i miss the old me #they had some fucking will #anyways i’m fine #i’m not i’m so miserable n lonely it’s embarrassing i’m humiliated at my existence #my existence feels like a cry for help that everyone’s sick of hearing i just want to be understood and supported #why can’t i be normal i hate this so bad i wish i was dead #me when i’m sober long enough to reflect on my life choices #tw vent

[pissfizz]

I’m going to lose my mind oh my god I am so scared for this quincenera wtf

#NOT MINE BTW I MISSED MY CHANCE LMAO #but Jesus Christ family I’ve never met before flying in from Panama…. god I’m so scared #I’ve already been dealing with some wack ass imposter syndrome ass shit cuz of how I was raised this is gonna make it SO MUCH worse #I DIDNT EVEN KNOW PANAMANIANS GOT QUINCES #i was raised with almost zero influence from any culture whatsoever I wasn’t even raised close to that side of the family #and like I’m mixed with white but I can’t even use that as an excuse cuz the cousin who’s quince it is is also mixed #and that side of the family is super tied to the culture and they speak Spanish and shit #i don’t even speak Spanish even if the family from Panama doesn’t think ima. total embarrassment what if most of them don’t speak english #when I’m surrounded by white people 24/7 I feel like a total outlier but the second I’m around anyone else latine I feel like that but WORSE #i don’t speak Spanish I don’t know anything about the culture I’m from the fucking pacific northwest and do digital art and watch anime #i am so far completely removed from everything I’m gonna be sick #my grandma is already so judgy about stuff my uncle was even WORSE and made fun of the stuff that was too white or too American about me #my cousins throwing the party are the least of my worries cuz at least their mixed and second/third Gen too #but oh my god the family I’ve never met before I’m so scared I’m so scared #i was already thinking like. can I even call myself latine bc of how I was raised and how far removed I am from everything. I’m mixed so - #-should I just associate myself more with the white side of my family. am I being fraudulent by identifying with that term just bc I have - #-the blood is that even enough maybe that kid had a point when he said I shouldn’t count as hispanic if I don’t know spanish #and thinking about showing up to my cousins quince as. me. it’s terrifying it’s awful I want to go I want to meet these people I want to - #-celebrate my cousin and be happy for her but GOD what if everyone hates us and just tolerates us cuz we’re related to them #i would say we’re the black sheep of the family but I feel like white is more fitting cuz I feel like we’re just slightly brown white people #god god god I’m so stresssd out by this #is this a weird thing to be worried about is this stupid is this selfish #and to make matters worse I DONT KNOW WHAT TO GET HER FOR A GIRT #vent

[xxlethal-lunaxx]

If anyone relates to this even just a little bit, then I'm so sorry.

#• luna lavinchi speaking • #living with cptsd #cptsd vent #complex ptsd #diet culture trauma #monsters inside me #toxic health culture #ex vegitarian/vegan #emotional flashbacks #health documentaries #dark side of veganism #i should have never been forced to watch these as a child..my mind wasn't ready to understand the information nor tell what was real or not #-i cant try sushi or even think about fish without feeling physically sick and dizzy. i haven't had McDonald's since i was like 6ish years- #-old..i never wanted to share this information but i need to vent. I feel embarrassed and rude for not liking a food chain that most of the #-population does. Smelling or seeing McDonald's makes me wanna puke so bad because of everything those documentaries would say. #I will never be able to eat McDonald's in my life because of how sick and terrified i feel when thinking about the food even the drinks- #-scare the shit out of me. I'm so pissed that I'm triggered. All of the sudden i smell something in the house that smells like McDonald's- #-then the memories come flooding back and i feel like puking so back so i cant even eat dinner. i know this may seem stupid but i am- #-genuinly scared. Im tired of this shit and tired of feeling alone in this. #(anyway sorry. if you read my vent then i appreciate you) #tw food talk #tw diet culture #tw vent in tags #(dont even get me started on parasites cause thats a whole fucking trauma itself. damn it i hate it all. i hate it so much) #(also note: my therapist made me feel so validated weeks ago when i told her during my session that i was traumatized by monsters inside me- #-she literally knew the name of the show before i could even say its name. and she said she also cant watch it and that she saw it as an- #-adult who doesn't have ocd. so she told me she can't even imagine how terrified i was to watch it as a child who was developing ocd.- #-therapist W)

[alonelyliversuspendedinliquid]

nothing is more embarrassing than seeing a fucking hot goth girl out in the wild when you look like absolute shit like I SWEAR IM ONE OF YOU IM JUST NOT WEARING MY UNIFORM AT THE MOMENT

#i couldn't even tell her i loved her makeup #i was too embarrassed #i look like shit because ive been feeling sick all day #kill me #goth #goth girl #gothic #embarrassing

[musical-chick-13]

.

#idk it's just really frustrating to think that people will ALWAYS make allowances for people they're romantically in love with but #not make those same allowances for someone else they otherwise care about. #that people will risk things for their partners that they wouldn't for their friends #that it's EXPECTED for you to prioritize your spouse/significant other/etc. at all times but prioritizing your friend(s) is rarely even #considered. and when you're like me and you LITERALLY CANNOT DO THIS SHIT BY YOURSELF... #like I know I go on and on about marrying some theoretical woman all the time (and my ongoing...whatever this is. with Musician Guy) #but genuinely I'm not even sure that I want that I think I just want someone who will fucking visit me in the hospital if I get into a car #crash or fix me soup when I'm sick. #like...yeah. in that one story I wrote I think I distilled it down: we all just want someone to hold us when we're sad #and it SUCKS that the only avenue we seem to be allowed to pursue that is through a romantic relationship #right now I have my dad but if something happens to him...I genuinely do not know what I'm going to do. I'll have nowhere to go #if something terrible happens. I'll have no one to help me be a person. and I just. like I really am going to just have to power through #the next 60 years on this fucking planet alone and by god I'll fucking do it but I wish I didn't have to!!!! #and I think this was why the loss of Her™ friendship (which was necessary. for both of us) was so acutely painful. because even after #she got married she WAS willing to prioritize me when things got bad enough. she DID genuinely care about me in a way I don't think #anyone ever has. and I just really don't think I'll ever find that ever again. and I can't go back and I don't WANT to be with her anymore #but it was this time of the year when she told me she was getting married way back when and my brain has kept that like the World's Worst #Anniversary and all of those terrible ugly feelings are coming back in full force and I HATE that I'm still unpacking this I. HATE. that #this not-even-relationship is STILL doing this to me #WHAT THE FUCK!!! IS UP WITH THAT!!!!!! #*sigh* okay for REAL I am logging off right now because I've already said Too Many Embarrassing Personal Things about myself today #and I do not want to put myself in a position to say anymore! #In the Vents #GOD this is so stupid IT'S NOT LIKE SOMEBODY DIED WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS

[yo9urt]

started playing ball dur's gait 3

#mine #6.5h in (i may have stayed up past my bedtime) and i am beyond impressed #not only do i get the wish fulfillment of making myself a sick ass wizard who hangs out with cool fantasy people #and does cool fantasy stuff including hitting people with magic (my dream) #but like the whole world feels like REAL also it feels FUCKING HUGE OMG THERES SO MANY AREAS #I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO GET TO AND THERES LIKE LITTLE HIDDEN ITEMS EVERYWHERE #AND LIKE SHIT GOING ON ALL THE TIME LIKE WTF THIS PLACE IS HUGE!!!!!!!!!!! #i kind of like how directionless it is like obviously theres the main story and stuff but you can really dick around #and you can kind of set your own pace and do things your way which is very enjoyable #even for me as someone who is kind of stupid and needs to be told what to do in video games #i think that aspect of it and the combat system being kind of complicated (but in a fun and challenging way imo) #is hopefully going to make me not suck at video games so hard LMAO #i did die last night i got my ass beat in the overgrown ruins chapel area on the beach...embarrassing #so i had to reset my save to immediately post-crash which was a valuable lesson #anyway i really like how it feels like every dialogue and action choice has so much gravity to it #before i click anything im always like will this make someone mad at me... #will this make someone like me...will this cause something in my vicinity to explode...etc. it's kind of heavy but in a fun way #idk i'm super charmed by it lol i'm going to play like all day maybe #my tav is a high half elf wizard (transmutation school) if anyone was wondering :3 #hes a bit of a self insert lol he looks like a hotter fantasy wizard version of me #but hes also kind of a discrete guy (i say this because hes been doing more killing than i would want to) #(like when i went to the church and had to kill those guys i didnt wanna do it but i had to :( wah) #anyway.....fun game. all should play #o astarion kinda hates me too lol i need more points with him im just too nice #shart likes me and wyll likes me too i think (idk how to check approval on the steam deck lol) #i havent found the other companions i seriously have no fucking clue where they are #one of the goals for today is to go sniff them out lmao

[dreamcast-official]

i am going to be fucking sick oh my god

#eli.txt #i am at my grandmas house and she is watching the news. this is so much fucking bullshit. #this is so. obviously biased in favor of the fucking genocide i feel like im gonna be sick this is ridiculous #no one gives a shit about the victims i feel fucking ILL #all i have to say is this is ridiculous and i am embarrassed in behalf of the news in my country. this is ridiculous. fuck all of you.

[gregmarriage]

succession’s way of characters dropping horrible tidbits of information into casual conversation/scenes where something horrible happens and it’s implied this isn’t the first time, will never not fuck me up

#was thinking about logan hitting roman and kendall’s reaction making it seem like that isn’t the first time this has happened #and shiv confirming that by saying logan once hit roman until he cried for ordering LOBSTER #also the hints at SA and that that’s why roman has his “’weird sex thing’ and hates his body etc #shiv talking about mo and how she knew to stay away from them in the pool when she was a 15 YEAR OLD CHILD #the fact that logan knowingly hung around with sex offenders AROUND HIS CHILDREN will never not make me sick #there’s a lot of other scenes like this and it makes me further hate logan #and feel so sorry for those fucking kids #like yeah they kinda suck but a big part of the reason they suck is because of who is their dad is and how they were raised #they never stood a fucking chance #even connor who’s *slightly* more well adjusted than the rest (and i mean slightly) clearly has issues and logan treats him like shit too #but then why would he not? why would logan ever treat any of his kids nicely? #even when he does it comes across as fake #to butter them up to keep them on side #everything he did to kendall after andrew died #and having him be the face of the cruises scandal #shiv and the ceo job. ruining her career and promising the world (waystar) only to snatch it from her #the way he treats roman like he’s useless and roman being so desperate to impress him that he sinks to the lowest of the lows #and it’s still never enough #the way he treats connor like he’s nothing. like he’s worthless. an embarrassment. #the way he manipulates all four sibs and always has done #this is a long post lol #sorry for the ramble #but the roy siblings and their trauma fucks me up so bad #succession #kendall roy #shiv roy #roman roy #connor roy #logan roy

[sunnibits]

*insert that one office meme* making ocs is so cool, I’d love to know literally anything about them some day :)

#vent that I will probably regret later incoming sorry! #feel free to ignore #aaahahaa I honestly need to stop looking at other ppls oc art because it literally just makes me mad!! #whyyyy the fuck is everyone else always better at making ocs then I am 😐 I’m tired of it #yes I may post nonstop ab loving Reggie but honestly. I am constantly sick with envy about other ppls ocs #it just feels like everyone else always has soooo many more cool ocs and they’re so much more developed #like they actually know what’s fucking going on and they’re actually interesting #and have cool ass designs that I could never come up with #and I’m sick of it!! I’m sick of it!!!! I just want that!! #why am I literally incapable of making characters I actually care about I don’t get it #every time I try to come up with an original story I get bored fucking instantly #it has helped a little but to stop worrying about stories so much and just make ocs that are fun to draw #but god I just want cool fun ocs!! more of them!!!! that I actually know shit about!! #like am I just lazy or is developing characters sooo hard #no matter how much I like a character in the beginning I always feel like everybody else’s ideas are a million times cooler #ugh #I’m fucking tired of it #like how am I supposed to fulfill my childhood dream of writing a novel if I never produce any original ideas that I’m able to stick to 😐 #I’m just! so jealous! #ugh sorry for venting and being embarrassing I’m just in a weird mood tonight #probably will delete later

[kieranculkingirl]

once i fix my attachment issues and stop looking to others for emotional validation its over for you all

#im so sick of being obsessed with what other people think its so embarrassing #no ones even thinking about it as hard as i am!! im just overthinking over shit that hasnt even crossed anyones mind #the fuck is up with that? girl chill go sit outside or something it is never that deep #BUT WHY DOES IT ALWAYS FEEL THAT DEEP #and even if i can actively say to myself it is not that deep. i still wont believe it. ill be like okay but what if it is this time #sorry for the rant i need a diary lol #em.txt