#this is probably why my friends fear me

[soaricarus]

wall pouncing is an interesting mechanic

if you do a slide flip/whiplash, you'll keep going upwards in the same direction

if you just slide/roll pounce, then you'll keep bouncing between directions... very interesting. good to note for when i do comp with friends...

#rain world #rainworld #rain world downpour #rainworld downpour #in-game shenanigans #this is probably why my friends fear me #i wonder what would happen if i did this with rivulet... #oh yea this slugcat is scaley. im making a dms pck where i add stuff to scugs because i can so i will

[sluttyten]

My afraid-of-romance ass has just been asked by another regular customer for my number and the stupid thing is that again I do think this guy is kinda cute and I really probably should say yes

#the fear tho lmao #what am I afraid of? I have no fucking clue #this is why I’m still questioning my sexuality lol like what am I? do I even actually like guys? do I like anyone? #in an existential spiral at the moment #but honestly why do they always ask for my number #like dude just give me yours and let me make the decision when you’re not right here in front of me #but I felt bad telling him no today just because the last time a customer asked and I said yes I almost immediately regretted it #and then that didn’t work out because I thought he was too young #young* and now he still sometimes comes by and I just feel awkward about it #maybe I should turn to Facebook and see if I can find him because I have set an age limit for myself and I really don’t want to entertain #anyone younger than that #but I’m……… I know I’m like never active in here anymore #but I just needed to talk about this somewhere #because any of my coworkers would probably tell me I’m being ridiculous or they’d just seriously keep questioning why I keep saying no to #customers that hit on me and my best friend would probably also not get it #idk y’all I just needed to rant about it/talk about it #anyway I’m definitely gonna stress over this until tomorrow #and I’m gonna feel really bad if he stops coming by

[spaghett-onaplate]

sixth day at my new school and i didn't sit alone at lunch today 🥳🥳

#woohoo!! #some girls invited me to sit with them so i did and chatted to them and this other guy #some of them are in my classes!! they were all very nice #honestly i was aiming to just try and fit in with the cishet boys and last week when i heard the rumour i was gay i was kinda freaked out #but i've scoped out the situation and it's not unsafe to be out (as bi. not anyone's business i'm trans) #so i realise it's better to just be open and have better chances of finding the right people than living in fear and squashing myself to-- #--fit in with the wrong people. bc if i can't be fully myself around someone then why would i want to be good friends with them?? #so yar i'll stick with other queer guys and supportive girls. gay guy/straight girl friendships are stereotypical but it's an ecosystem tha #works in a situation like high school tbh #ooo and i guess he was away today but the guy from a couple of my classes who i think is cute is in that group so added bonus #o and actually unrelated but at recess i went to this queer group thing i was invited to by a teacher last week #(recess is first and lunch is sceond) #i wasn't sure if i was going to go (mostly bc of my 'blend in' mindset) but i'm glad i did!! it was pretty nice #mostly just nice to get an idea of 'safe' people and teachers yaknow #'people and teachers' -- those aren't two mutually exclusive categories of being ajdsgjf but ykwim #and if i didn't go then i probably wouldn't have been in the better mindset for being just myself with everyone at lunch #so wahoo yippee :D #now i just needa keep talking to everyone and putting myself out there a bit more and i'll find the right people :)

[chryzure]

shoutout to the time i was opening my mouth to describe a book as relatively low-stakes and fun, JUST in time for my therapist to call it “dark” and “gripping”. oh. well. okay.

#memorie.txt #she’s probably right in a relative sense #but i’m used to reading p intense horror and mystery novels where shit goes So sideways #whereas in the book we were discussing i had 0 fears any characters would fall short of their goals #i knew everything would work out for them! #i also have some complaints wrt the author and how she plots things #but anyway… same feeling as the time my friend pointed at a book and i was literally ABT to say ‘oh that was Perfectly Meh’ #and she blurted ‘I LOVE IT ISNT IT SO MAGICAL’ #i simply don’t have the heart to be mean abt books my friends like. even if i wasn’t totally impressed by them #but idk maybe that’s too nice of me? because i’ve had multiple friends be blunt and say they hated things i loved #after asking me to recommend books to them. #it’s honestly why now i refuse to recommend books to ppl because so many friends have said the book sucked to my face #like ok. why are you saying that in That way to the person who recommended it out of love. #NOT the same as saying it’s not your speed btw 😭 that makes sense #but ppl have vehemently declared hatred and i always feel like that img of an ant holding a bundle over their shoulder #like oh… okay….. goodbye forever ig…

[flowercrowngods]

I'm taking your post as permission to poke and prod and say, 'you can do it!'

Don't let this chapter kick your butt, you got this!!

it's kicking my butt :( it really, really is

#thank you friend I appreciate you so much 🤍🥺😭 #but I'm really losing. and I refuse to yield but GOD with every sentence there's another thing I should be writing instead because #there is so much going on inside his head and there's flashbacks there's memories there's fear there's focus there is trauma #there is obsessive thoughts. so many of them now. he's spiralling but GOD so am I and I cannot make sense of it. or make nonsense of it #in a way that's like clever and fun to read and GOD fucking dammit why is trauma like that? why is terror like that and fucking-- #like. sometimes people tell me 'you write so viscerally' and I'm like. buddy I'm gonna take your word for it :D #but now I'm like I literally cannot breathe trying to write this. and I know I dont have to but I *wanna* #*sigh* I'm being so dramatic legit it's not even that deep probably (or that good in the end) but!!! my heart hurts and my throat is closed #up. clogged. just 800 disjointed jumbled words in and. god. yeah. no. I'm losing actually

[brown-little-robin]

.

#Robin Processes Emotions On Main #personal depressingness ahead feel free to scroll on #ah the agonies my friends #I don't know what's going on (probably multiple things) #but I'm in a really weird bad mental place right now. #I know everyone struggles with sin but I'm Struggling #pray for me? #I have finally found a church to go to regularly #which was a Big Struggle and a triumph! #but (full disclosure) am not reading the Bible regularly #(and this is not new) #WHY IS THIS SO HARD #it SHOULDN'T be #& I've been not giving myself enough sleep #which no doubt contributes to the mental anguish. #idk. I'm fully aware this is my own fault. but how to fix #I struggle with despair #it's just this stupid around and around of 'my worst fear is failure' 'well I'm failing sooo' 'so change' 'no <3' #I trust the Spirit won't give up on me though! #In fact I think also. part of the mental anguish lately has been the Spirit nudging me #like hey we're not done here #you've ignored that crumbling wall long enough kid #sigh #time to pick myself up and limp on #please do not reblog :| #in summary: I am so sick of this body of death #I'm just clinging to the Spirit's assurances that *I* am not the body of death. just chained to one. to use Paul's wonderful metaphor

[earl-grey-love]

Ughh. I missed this silly little app game so much 🥺 like it makes me so happy its ridiculous. I just caught up with the story again and it made me so 💖💖💖💖 I love those clowns so much it's unreal.

#was like a gay little reuinion getting to kiss and hug everyone lol #and also cats?! there were cats?! #thats why tan is my favourite brother cus he GETS it #idc if Luci scolds me for a week straight Im staying in the room full of cats #I fear only one man and its not him #its Barbs #and I dont think he'd care #I wonder what would happen if summoned like 500 cats in the castle though? #probably have to pay for any damages but WORTH IT #sunny speaks #ship: anything for you dear #friends: tan #friends: luci

[neonpigeons]

in my "afraid of everything" era

#is it anxiety? probably #i've been extra paranoid lately over things that are legitimate threats but not like. a real pressing concern #like bears? grizzly bears? was in the woods on saturday and i was like ''if i see a bear im gonna shit'' but we didn't #i didn't want anything to happen to noodle #but my friend had a shotgun to scare them off so we were fine #i also heard coyotes the other night while walking and im also afraid of them going after noodle so i haven't walked in over a week #AND ALSO THERE'S A SERIAL KILLER that's in a town that isnt THAT far away from where i live #the funny thing is that my fears are making me fall asleep at a decent time cuz I don't like being out at night alone anymore #gah I've also always had a fear of predator animals attacking and eating me but it's been worrying me more lately idk why #when i was a kid my aunt lived in the deep woods of oregon #and a mountain lion killed some of their baby cows and i unfortunately saw the dead cows. when i was a kid #it fucked me up more than i wanted to admit and i was always so fucking scared of an animal gutting ME #like when i delivered pizzas at my last job and i had to go to the more remote areas closer to the foothills #the fear i always had in the back of my head 😵‍💫 #everyone always thought i was silly for it!! they were like ''cougars are afraid of cars they wouldn't bother you'' #okay but im holding a tasty fucking pizza in my hands? covered in meat? im a walking slab of meat? what if one is especially hungry?? #hgkfnkshfsk okay sorry im fine it's fine i am safely in my home it's okay. i need to stop freaking out over nothing #ari speaks #sorry for the long ass tags #if you've gotten this far i love you and i hope you have a wonderful day 😚💌🫂 #oh this also doesn't even dive into my fear of love and human interaction. but i should maybe save that for a therapist #...if i ever get another one

[semercury]

Always gotta keep people on their toes with me. Other people will drop life lore like my one coworker now using his fiance's name when talking to me about her instead of just referring to her as his fiance, and then I drop something on him like "those bags of chips scare me and I'm afraid if I touch them I'm going to be cursed."

#stuff sarah says #theyre actually rlly scary #and its probably bc of my religious upbringing that they scare me so much but like. i dont fuck with voodoo #why do you have voodoo chips. why is there evil eye chips. smth bad will happen to me #anyway. ''im afraid of movie theaters'' is gonna be another fun one when i tell people #but you gotta be at least a level 20 friend to unlock that backstory in full #or... follow me on tumblr where i talk too much and you probably can piece it together from really old things #came close to talking abt it bc i talked abt how i hate popcorn #and while i dont like the bits in my teeth and its not exciting enough for me to put up with that for #the smell of popcorn actually does give me a nice cortisol boost bc of that fear #didnt go into that bit tho #but i do just say the weirdest shit at work and people just have to deal with it #just like anyone i spend time around. but most of those people voluntarily chose to be around me. ppl at work are forced to be near me #tho everyone who works there is kinda weird and i love it #theres this one girl who often greets me by meowing. and i meow back #id take a bullet for her

[vanibear]

…

#man grief is jjust. im not even that directly impacted by what happened #but still it’s like. I can block out and even forget about things for a little bit but i. it’s hard to do things that i used to and just no #t feel discouraged by them bc things have changed #and im realizing that I don’t really have anyone im close to talk with about how im feeling #with my friends I dont want to overwhelm bc theyr probably hurting a bit too .and im just. I feel like maybe ive distanced myself #to a point where i cant just talk one on one abt this stuff anymore #. which tbf is me and my abysmal communication skills fault #and I just don’t feel comfortable being so vulnerable in front of my family. not for fear of a bad reaction but really just idk. #idk why im like this #and I cant talk online bc I don’t want to doxx myself or give very personal details to strangers #so I guess vague vent posting like this will be it for now #gonna try to go to sleep now #vent tw #kat post

[trash-bin-ary]

Just got an email that my tuition might increase, gonna kill a man. It’s already so fucking much please god no I don’t want to have student debt for the rest of my life

#I’m already paying so much to learn to get into a field that I might be earning less than some jobs you don’t need a college degree for #like yay I’m happy those people are getting good wages don’t get me wrong but I Need to be able to pay off my student loans #and it’s probably a they don’t get great benefits and that’s why the wage is so high and I have no idea about the benefits that come with #my field so maybe I do get a better deal #god I hate capitalism so much they realize they can make money by putting people in dept and now everyone else is struggling so much #vent #sry this is a rage that’s been boiling in me for a while especially once I switched to a summer job that pays less cause it’s better experie #I feel like I have more to say but idk #this is a post i made #like all of my friends chose their degree in some part due to the money and I don’t get that it’s not in me to do crap for money but this is #a capitalist world and I can’t opt out of it so I guess I’ll struggle #like one of this countries founding principles was freedom from fear look at me I’m fearful of something of the countries own making

[sick-as-a-dog]

×

#wanna know the funniest thing to come from this? #i just realized that during the first relationship i wasnt really in love #or maybe it stopped or it somehow became just traumabonding somewhere along the way idk #but the first breakup wasnt this painful it really wasnt like this at all #sad for sure but nowhere near this amount of agony #but my mate was different i think he was the first i really truly fell in love with #this hurts more than anything else ive been through #all the shit ive been through all the endless abuse i grew up with and was put through all of my life #all the bruises and trauma and scars are nothing compared to the agonizing devistating gaping pain spreading through me rn #i want my mate back i want this to fuckig end i desperately want to die just to escape all of this #the horrible realization that the anxiety and paranoia were fucking right and not just some bpd fuelled worries #that him calling himself aro maybe WAS a warning of this happening after all and i shouldnt have trusted when he said im his exception #the fear that hes going to slowly leave just like the first one did because tbh its unavoidable and understandable #this pain that just wont stop and will never stop because why the hell would it stop im losing my best friend and love of my life #we couldve worked through it if he just didnt give up why did he give up why didnt he want to try literally anything else before this why #he gave up so i probably should too but idk how idk why i cant just fucking give up like he did whats wrong with me #why did this one have to be so much more painful than the previous one even if hes swearing to stay? was everything just lies after all?why

[dramatic-dolphin]

re that last post: honorable mention goes to the time the laws of mathematics changed but only where i was sitting

we were doing some statistics in class or i honestly don't even know anymore, but there was a complicated little equation. and i punched it into my calculator and it was Not the correct answer (which was on the whiteboard already)

so i said "ugh i probably put in the wrong numbers somewhere because i am chronically inattetive" because this has been happening to me since the dawn of time and was the cause of 90% of my point losses on math tests in middle school

so i did it again. and got the exact same answer again. "hey did i copy the equation correctly?" i did. i tried doing most of it by hand except for the part where i needed a calculator because i can't do square roots in my head. same answer. "hey maybe my calculator is broken" did some random equations, everything else was correct.

"ummmm professor, it's. i can't get the answer. i mean i can, but i can't, i- uh, come over here?"

i punched in the equation again. same result. "SEE? i did it all right!" and then i did it again at her request.

"hmm" the teacher said "you DID copy it over correctly and that was the right equation." "RIGHT??" i said, vindicated.

"well, keep trying." she said, and left, because she was an asshole.

i never did get the correct answer.

#the most probable cause i can think of is that my calculator was somehow broken? #but it never had a single problem before or after that #''ray why didn't you use your friend's calculator. or skip that question if it was already solved.'' #because the teacher was an asshole with Very Strict Rules and we all lived in fear of her that's why #once me and my friend were a single minute late to her class and decided skipping the entire class would be preferable to braving it #seeing as once i was two minutes late to class (i was on the toilet) #and she made not only ME take an impromptu test #but also my poor classmate bence who said i was present at class when i wasn't physically in the classroom #fuck i felt so bad about that for days. he was worse at math than me

[euargh]

Lmao funny vent post. I absolutely hate going to Hot Topic. First of all, I worry I’ll run into that emo guy that blocked me because I didn’t want to hang out at his place instead of a public setting. Like, uhhhh? You’re a stranger. Over the internet. I am not about to go hang out at some stranger’s house. Secondly, in this day and age that usually indicates they plan to engage in the human mating ritual. Uhhhh, I’m saving myself for marriage. WHICH IS FUNNY BECAUSE I NEVER PLAN TO DATE OR GET MARRIED AGAIN LOL FUCK YOU. Figuratively ‘fuck you’ because eww, human germs. Thirdly, RED FLAG if they get pissed that you only want to meet in a public setting the first few times. I have a family to take care of and can’t afford to suddenly go missing nor do I have the time to nor do I want to deal with disgusting human bodily fluids. I can’t even die because I have responsibilities right now. Huge piss-off. Like damn bitch. Anyways, I hate going to Hot Topic. My mom loves going there.  Lmao I feel sick internally when she spends like hundreds of dollars on Jack Skeleton merch and other things while my broke ass is barely keeping up with the bills and rarely ever get to buy fun things for myself. The only reason I go in with her is because she needs me to help her around the store due to her poor eyesight which is understandable, and because I want to protect her from assholes that might be mean to her. Then at the cashier, OH GAWD. They always assume all the merch bought is for me when NOOOO it’s for my mom. I freaking hate The Nightmare Before Christmas. I mean yes, it’s a cool art style and a lot of work went into it and it's a good movie, and it wasn’t actually directed by Tim Burton but by someone else, and I have this HUGE gothic aesthetic that never wore off since high school, but UGH. No. No. I can’t really stand it. Not even when drunk. I hyperfixtate on other shit. I only like Garfield, Pokemon and Pokemon cards, Inside Job, Ancient Aliens, Spamton, Modest Mouse, YouTube Poop and Gordon Ramsey hilarity. Don’t really care for anything else. It takes a lot to even grab hold of my interests. Also oh gawd, the staff memorized my name. I try to gently emphasize the stuff bought is my mom’s and not for me. BUT the more I do that the more it looks like I’m lying so I give up lmao. Tomorrow we need to pick up a mini backpack my mom told me to order for her which thankfully she gave me the correct amount to deposit because I am not spending like 54 dollars on a bag or 34 dollars on a shirt when I’m fine with what I have. I also gave her back the change because I don’t like being dishonest with her or anyone I consider family. -sobs.- ANYWAYS, lulz my rant on why I hate Hot Topic. Lmao I feel like my rant could be a dramatic reading someone reads out loud for youtube. "I HATE HOT TOPIC!!!!!!1111111111" ANYWAYS, I posted this on my Facebook. I mean it’s true tho. and my sis’s friends are often “don’t want to stare but can’t look away” at my trainwreck self.

#lulz #hilarity #rant #my rant #i hate facebook #i only use it for survival purposes #because if i disappear no one will notice #only my parents but there is very little they can even do #i will have to send out an SOS on FB in the hopes maybe MAYBE my sis's friends might help in searching for me #idk #i'm just extremely paranoid because i almost got abducted without knowing several times throughout my life #so i'm just in this constant fearful state whenever i go outside #probably why i often just hide in the dark in my room often #that and also to hide from my parents #i'm just always hiding because i am always feeling scared #oh yeah the tags #hot topic #i hate hot topic #feel free to dramatically read this #lawl

[fabulouslygaybean]

okay um. genuine question. how do you differentiate romantic attraction from really really strong platonic attraction

#WHY IS THIS SO HARD #ive been romantically attracted to people before. i should know what it feels like. but god its hard to figure it out #just. there's this girl. we've been friends for years and i love her dearly. she means the world to me. #back in like 7th grade she admitted she was crushing on me but at the time i didnt feel the same bc i was still getting over a breakup #but we stayed really close friends. and now im confused because now I might be the one crushing on HER like 4 years later #i. cant tell if its romantic or not. like we've been friends for so long that i genuinely cannot tell if this is just a normal - #- progression in a friendship that's lasted this long or if the change in feelings is romantic #i love her a lot. i dont know if its platonic or not but i love her either way and we're friends first and foremost. #just... the idea of me dating anyone freaks me out in general bc commitment is kind of scary lol. but the idea of dating her doesn't - #- freak me out nearly as much as it normally would. it sounds like it would be nice if i didn't have my own personal fears over it. #she's so sweet and really really funny and i love her smile and her hair and her laugh #i love how enthusiastic she is about her projects and i love how she shows me her questionable impulse buys even when they're REALLY - #- embarrassing and i love when she rambles about the specs of the pc she wants to build even though i don't understand it #i love when we go places and our stupidity multiplies in each others presence and everything becomes infinitely more entertaining and funny #i love how she's rarely ever genuinely judgemental of me or my bullshit #i just. really really really love her. i can't tell if it's because we're friends or if it's cus my feelings have changed but i love her - #- either way. im realizing now though that its probably not normal to get crazy flustered while typing out some things you love about a - #- friend so. that's confusing. anyways send help because my entire face feels hot

[robotpussy]

I'm trying to contain myself and calm down there is seriously something wrong with me

#why am i so worried about him not answering my text in fear hes not answering because he wants to reject me #all i did was ask if he wants to do yhe spotify blend thing 😭 i have a feeling he doesn't want to and doesn't want to just say no #i think im gonna tell him we don't have to do i thought it would be fun cause i have one with most of my friends 😭 #again most likely not his fault he is probably just very busy he told me he is and he doesn't look at his phone often anyway #i just overreact 😭 #crush talk