#this is my most embarrassing one yet

[needycatboy]

step into this deeply self-indulgent fantasy w me. sensory experience intricately detailed and emphasized for my pleasure :>.

you're blindfolded. all you see is void. your hearing elevated, you notice the sound of them walking softly around where you're kneeled on the floor. there is a pillow under your knees, and a rope holding your hands clasped behind your back. you're breathing heavily, and the event has not even begun.

the footsteps stop in front of you, and a hand softly touches your head at the crown, running fingers through your hair. the gentle touch is followed by a harsh grip to the back of your head, pulling you forward until your lips meet flesh. you please them for as long as they like, gently sucking and licking away with no thoughts or complaints to be had.

you're eventually pulled off, and you succeed at not complaining about this despite yourself. a thumb nudges its way into your mouth, and you suck for another moment before it's removed. wet fingers suddenly touch you gently over your patiently throbbing tcock, but only for a moment. only for long enough to make you need more.

footsteps once again tread around the room. you hear a small metallic flicking noise and feel your heartbeat quicken. his low and gentle voice instructs you to stay still, and to try not to be too loud about this.

sharp, hot, stinging wax drops beat softly, one by one, onto your shoulder blade. the feeling makes your entire upper body flush. drip by drip, they patter down your chest, then your stomach, and each pat of wax forces the air out of your lungs.

a sharp gasp fills the room when the first drop thuds softly onto your right thigh. another when the next drop follows only an inch higher up. a quiet cry fills the room when five drops are unloaded at once, dancing towards your inner thigh. their stern voice reminds you to be quiet, so a stifled moan follows the first drop truly close to your eager and hot cock. you don't know how much of the candle is burned when the drops finally cease, your thighs both canvases to your lover's hard work. you only notice how loud you'd been when the whimpers actually stop.

finally, you are told to stand slowly, and you are lead to the bed. your blindfold stays on, but your hands are free to grasp and scratch as you're stretched out. you come with fingers rubbing deft circles on your begging cock and biting into your lover's shoulder, their voice lovingly reminding you how good you've been tonight.

#original prompt written july 2 2023 #this is my most embarrassing one yet #i believe that #strongly #this was NOT supposed to be this lomg #this is a jane austen novel #this is filth #gel.⬇️ #they speak #mlm nsft #nblm nsft #trans nsft #ftm nsft #t4t nsft #nblnb nsft

[keepingmyoptionsfluid]

I'm begging y'all to be sane. I get that it's exciting a show has got to 100 episodes and the show should celebrate that but also I need to be very clear (as someone who works in TV and has done for a fair amount of time), sometimes a big "milestone" episode are just a regular episode from a story perspective. Stop building it up to be something it probably won't be because the vitriol and ire that some of you have shown to the cast is frankly repugnant and you should be fucking ashamed of yourselves.

#911 abc #911 fox #obviously i want buddie #and obviously i like buck - he's literally my profile pic #but like the characters are getting their own stories #and just because your fave hasnt had one yet #it doesnt give you any fucking right to try and ruin things for other people #grow up and behave like people who understand that its their choice to consume media #dont like it? dont watch it #this was one of the most popular prime time dramas so its pretty clear that your one negative opinion is not the norm #trying to ruin it for other people and introduce negativity is just embarrassing spiteful petty and pathetic

[bottlehawk]

rose lalonde as a mom would be a dad. no i am not going to elaborate

#homestuck #bottlehawk text #rose lalonde #no i am anyways. #she drives with her wife and ten kids and insists she knows a shortcut and ends up getting them lost in backwoods country. #she knows everything and how to do everything and her kids end up calling her at 30 to come replace the window screens in the house #when they go to a restaurant she silently slides her card to the waiter and tells them to put it all on it and also to tip themselves 20%. #says no to every pet her kids ask for yet ends up being the one to get the most attached to them. #sleeps and snores like a bear and gets extremely embarrassed about it #reveals the craziest lore about herself to her kids when they're grown up after christmas dinner in the most casual way #and of course the toxic emotional distancing and inability to function when mom's not in town but in my fantasy she gets better about it.

[iridescentmirrorsgenshin]

do you have an analysis on Alhaitham and Kaveh having no family in sumeru, (haithams grandma, kavehs mother going to fontaine) so they only had eachother? So their falling out must have hit harder-

Hiya! Thank you so much for the ask!! <333

I have some analyses on Alhaitham and Kaveh being each other's home and family! There's quite a few so I'll be brief with the synopses here as I don't want to bombard you hahaha <3 I have discussed the idea of Alhaitham being the ideal companion/family for Kaveh in an analysis of Kaveh's 2023 birthday letter; the motif of 'home' and what it means for Kaveh and how Alhaitham factors into it; as well as in the relationship between Kaveh's mother and father and how this parallels with Alhaitham and Kaveh's relationship.

In terms of Alhaitham and Kaveh's argument, I've discussed Sumeru's concept of the academic family and how Alhaitham and Kaveh's argument served as the dissolution of their found family, as well as an analysis of their argument, specifically from Alhaitham's omitted perspective. I have also speculated life for the two post-fallout, mostly from Alhaitham's perspective as Kaveh (as usual) is more open in his character stories.

You've highlighted a really key aspect of their relationship which haunts me - they met each other after the respective loss of their own families. Kaveh just said goodbye to his mother as Alhaitham enrolled in the Akademiya, just after his own grandmother passed. This passage described in Kaveh's character story 5 describes this, and then him meeting Alhaitham within the same passage.

Kaveh is described to have 'wishful thinking' regarding his and Alhaitham's friendship, in that, where he initially believed that their views aligned, despite the reality they have differing approaches to life, this isn't inherently a negative thing, as it can lead to new philosophies. Kaveh didn't want to believe that their differences were impossible to surmount, and instead that they complimented each other. Perhaps Alhaitham thought so too? They both agreed to work on a joint thesis together, with this conveying the implications of forming an academic family in Sumeru, with Kaveh trusting Alhaitham in picking a topic that highlighted both of their strengths - which ended up being a project revolving around language and architecture; two subjects which Kaveh now believes to exist on opposite sides of the mirror. Initially, this was to demonstrate the good that could come from balancing these seemingly opposing fields.

Although, it would inevitably come to be that problems arose between them when the differences in their philosophies became a point of contention. The two's previous harmony became misaligned when the assertion that their respective viewpoint was 'correct' over the other. When Kaveh tears up the thesis, he effectively ends the relationship he and Alhaitham built together, as well as the prospect of their found family. Alhaitham, in turn, removed his name from the thesis due to Kaveh's ending of their friendship.

After this, Kaveh graduated and threw himself into work, chasing his ideals, effectively distracting himself - both from the loss of Alhaitham, therefore his loneliness, and from the potential truth that Alhaitham revealed to him about his guilt being the cause of his incessant altruism. Contrarily, Alhaitham's life after this point is devoid of detail, only that he became the Scribe and moved out of his grandmother's house into the property that the Akademiya gifted him and Kaveh for the progress of their abandoned project.

Kaveh describes meeting Alhaitham as one of the most pivotal moments in his life in his hangout, and in A Parade of Providence, he describes their meeting as when his life began to go downhill - indicating, rather, to the consequences of their inevitable falling out. Alhaitham considers Kaveh as one of his priorities in maintaining the way of life he seeks to maintain, and although he is more reticent than Kaveh, in that his inner thoughts are concealed from the player, an instance that stands out to me that their argument personally affected Alhaitham comes from A Parade of Providence. This is when Alhaitham comments on the contradiction of Kaveh's motives, in that he expresses he has bad luck but insists on drawing lots, despite the fact that Faruzan offers to split the points between them. After commenting on this, Kaveh displays genuine frustration with him - to which Alhaitham backs down and switches tact. This is especially prevalent within the EN dub, where Alhaitham stutters before changing topics.

To me this underlines that Alhaitham was just as affected at by their argument as Kaveh was. Especially since this exchange can mirror the very exchange that caused the rift between them - in that Alhaitham points out Kaveh's self-destructive habits and it is perceived as a malicious critique. Alhaitham backs down when seeing that Kaveh is genuinely hurt because he doesn't want to repeat the past - he doesn't want to hurt Kaveh and lose him once more.

This is also encapsulated in the fact that Alhaitham sees Kaveh as his mirror, in that they both have a lack of familial connections. When Alhaitham believes that the presence of another genius can 'perfect' his vision, this isn't just a reference to Kaveh's differing perspectives, this also offers Kaveh as a familial figure to Alhaitham - in that, Alhaitham views Kaveh as his family. Similarly, Kaveh seems to hold an idea that he and Alhaitham are bound by fate, or 'the universe', meaning that he identifies Alhaitham as being essential to him in someway, however, as of now, he struggles with this being a benefit, rather than a negative.

I hope this answers your ask!!? You've unzipped me and all the haikaveh found family brainrot is pouring out <3333

#haikaveh #kavetham #alhaitham #kaveh #haikaveh meta #genshin meta #kavehtham #genshin impact #i think i rambled!! i repeated points that i've made in the posts i tagged but i thought i should summarise my overall thoughts #in case it was helpful? i tagged an awful lot of posts so just read the ones that most appeal to you!! #this was very fun (and by that i mean painful) to consider #family is so interwoven into both of their character stories that its almost ridiculous like we get it hoyo #alhaitham considers kaveh to be his family (implied) (but also canon) #and kaveh views alhaitham as his 'home' but is in denial (implied) (but also canon) #also i know that i talked a lot about their life after the argument but there is such a lack of detail on both ends about what happened #immediately following that #like kaveh was not graduating yet meaning that they would have likely seen each other within the akademiya #and they would have had to act indifferent to each other #kaveh would have put on his front he used around everyone else and alhaitham would have continued viewing everything objectively #but they were both deeply affected #and then alhaitham has the gall in kavehs hangout to say 'there was nothing embarrassing or shameful about it' as in their argument as if h #didnt lose his chosen found family and had chosen to rebuild this bond in the future since kaveh was still so intrinsic to him #HES EMBARRASSING!! #thank you for the ask!!!

[thesovereignsequelart]

Laptop left unattended now the whole friend group knows abt your green knight yaoi @oneknightstand-if

#this is to me the most embarrassing thing ive had to make. #i didnt *have* to make it. #but it's canon compliant for my freak arthurian nerd MC #idk the character dynamics yet but. whomst else but a detective to snoop? #one knight stand fanart

[bigcats-birds-and-books]

Books of 2024: OFFENDED SENSIBILITIES by Alisa Ganieva.

Up next! This came in my subscription box last year, and I am ALWAYS down for Russian things.

#books of 2024 #offended sensibilities #alisa ganieva #books in translation #my photography #book photography #migrations box #i'm not starting this IMMEDIATELY but i figured i'd post it while i was here lol #i may or may not be reading it for ~russiany inspo~ while i write on my Just For Fun Lucius And Friends bits and pieces lolol #what a cover #(also i'm embarrassed that most of what i've read by russian authors has been by dudes) #(so i'm always delighted to read books by russian women) #(and poetry really isn't my thing...and i feel like a lot of famous female russian writers are poets lolsob) #like akhmatova ma'am i have TRIED and YET... #anyway if you've got fave russian women writers hit me up please! #i've enjoyed the one (1) book of ekaterina sedia's that i've read so far!! #but always looking for more recs

[urostakako]

found out my teacher knows about satosugu in the most embarrassing way possible

#she was like omg hanan you made a comic and you didnt show me?? and i was like sorry ill show you #and she read it and she was like. this is AMAZING why dont you post it and i was like i cantt you dont understand its so inspired #that if i ever posted it everyone would immediately clown on me and she gave me a Look. and she was like welllllll #i actually screamed this had to be my most embarrassing moment in forever 😭😭😭😭 but then she was like noooo i mean their relationship #isnt unique but THE SHEER. EMBARRASSMENT. I CANT. #and then she revealed to me that another one of my teachers watches jjk AND I TURNED IN A PANEL ANALYSIS OF IT TO HER #OF THE SEALING??? KILL ME NOW #i cant stop thinking about it like i thought she wasnt at that point yet cuz she was updating me on her progress and idk 😭😭😭 #im just gonna kms i cant anymore #hanancouldyounot

[steviescrystals]

i seriously need to get a new job and start making money again asap bc i cannot keep living at home much longer it’s driving me insane

(wrote an entire essay in the tags without meaning to oops)

#i feel so isolated from everything bc i’m not in school rn but all my friends are and 90% of the ones who are in state go to the same school #so they’re all in the same town and here i am 45 minutes away #i never get invited to anything bc 1) my friends all tend to make plans really last minute #and 2) if we want to go out and drink - which we usually do bc that’s the stage of life we’re in rn - i’d have to stay the night with #someone bc i absolutely cannot afford a 45 minute uber home and most of my friends don’t like staying over / having people stay over #so i have basically no social life and it’s only gotten worse in the past couple months since i got laid off from my main job #not only did i love that job but i loved my coworkers and work was pretty much the only time i left the house and interacted with people #and without that job i can’t even do the little solo things i used to do to cheer myself up like go see a movie #or even just go for a long drive bc i’m broke (as in i have $17 in cash to my name and am like $1000 in debt rn) #so all i do is rot in bed all day and apply for jobs that i’m overqualified for yet still don’t get hired #i barely even leave my room bc i avoid my family which just makes me feel guilty bc i love my family #but they get on my nerves so easily and most of the conversations i have with my mom end in her lecturing me about something and me crying #and on top of everything it’s just straight up embarrassing to be unemployed and completely directionless about college and living at home #logically i know i’m still very young and it’s common to live at home when you’re 20 but literally none of my friends do #i had a couple friends who lived at home for the first 2 years after high school and went to community college but by now they’ve moved out #and they’re all at universities and either graduating this year or next year meanwhile the earliest i could possibly graduate is in 2 years #i should be finishing my junior year rn but i’ve only completed my freshman year #i hated the school i was at and planned on transferring sophomore year but long story short that didn’t work out #even longer story short i ended up doing a semester each at 2 different community colleges and failed all my classes both times #and took 2 semesters off so now i’m a full 2 years behind and even though my freshman year was miserable #i’m starting to wish i stayed at that school anyway bc at least i would be at a university and accomplishing something #plus theres a huge difference between staying at home for a couple years after high school then moving out later #vs living on your own right away then having to move back home after you’ve already experienced having your own space #and on top of everything i have an older sister who’s a literal genius and graduated last year #and a younger sister who just finished her freshman year at the school i hated but she loves it and got perfect grades and made friends #so they’re both thriving and here i am living with my mom and my 13 year old brother and just completely failing at everything #i’m just so miserable and obviously moving out again and going back to school wouldn’t magically fix everything #but at least i would feel like my life was going somewhere and i wasn’t getting left behind by everyone i know #i just have no idea how to move forward and i feel like ever since high school not a single thing has gone the way i wanted it to #vent

[ereborne]

Song of the Day: March 15

“Over Yet" by Hayley Williams

#song of the day #very exciting to have one of my brothers tell me entirely unprompted that he's enjoying the current playlist #a very big win #I spent most of my work day today doing what I've been thinking of as 'evil rubber-ducking' #where the IT guys throw me the especially Difficult faculty members--the ones who can't be helped because they won't listen-- #and I trick them into actually talking me through what they're doing so we can find the problem and fix it #(eternally amazed by people who request help and then refuse it. you called me bud. you submitted a service request ticket on purpose. #oh you can't do your job without connecting to the vpn? that's great we can't fix it until you tell us what's fucking stopping you) #mostly this 'tricking' takes the form of me being a sweet young butter-wouldn't-melt Southern girl in over my head with mean IT guys #bless them (derogatory) these folks who won't let IT even attempt to start working through the 'have you tried' scripts #because they know they're getting something wrong but are too angry-embarrassed to admit they don't know what #are still delighted to mansplain the idea of a remote connection to me #--that's not fair. I shouldn't mischaracterize them it's mostly not mansplaining. #the two today were yankee-splaining me. city-splaining maybe. #what would a hick like me (y'all is one person. all y'all or some'a y'all for multiple people) possibly know about enterprise networks-- #anyway they were using the wrong login credentials and were so sure of themselves they'd never even tried the other set just to see #bless. their. hearts. #(IT owes me so many little favors like this now. the latest database tweak I asked for got done live while I described it to them) #anyway anyway! love the chorus on this song #'to get out of your head yes break a sweat / baby tell yourself it ain't over yet' #makes me move my head every time

[tonariofjananda]

This was my participation piece for the @yuriolympics2023 ‘s first prompt, “Memory.”✌️

The fic covers things that will happen in Season 3 (including a theory that I’m treating as 100% canon tbh, lol) so if you’re not caught up with the manga, please keep that in mind :)

#Mizuha #Hanna #MizuHanna #Yuri Olympics 2023 #please make sure to check out this blog to find out how to vote for BestBonnist’s comic! #Fumetsu No Anata E #To Your Eternity #alright here’s a quick nova ramble #I was… VERY surprised to see Hanna had not been included in a fic yet #I mean there aren’t many fics for TYE to begin with but I never expected to be the one who made a tag for her #I’m really happy about it but I feel undeserving lol #anyway I had a lot of fun writing this and I’m excited to see the hit count go up (self-promoting always makes me a bit embarrassed tho lol) #it makes me laugh that Ray made the sweetest most adorable fluffy comic ever ;; 💕 While I went the… non fluffy route #going in I thought it would be the opposite lol but somehow all I had was thunderstorms in my head while writing it #I dont have that much to say about it tbh other than I hope y’all give it a read 🤗 #let me know your thoughts too if you have any! #Oh and again make sure to check out the Yuri Olympics blog for more info on how to vote for Ray’s kick ass comic!

[aria0fgold]

AO3 Tag Game!

Thank you for the tag @misty-wisp :D This looks so fun!

How many works do you have on AO3?

12! And it's steadily increasing as I get more (and randomly) ideas to write fics bout >:3c

What's your total AO3 word count?

126,004! Whoooaaa... That's a lot :o Ngl, I barely visit the statistics of my ao3 account so I didn't expect that one.

How many fandoms have you written for, and what are they?

Okay, so... it's 5? I think. On my main ao3 account it's 2 though! OMORI and Mahoyaku! Buuuut! I've written for Persona 5 (with Magic Kaito) but I'm... too shy to put it in my ao3 account so it's just in my tumblr. The other 2 is somewhere else... (I've written a oneshot for Genshin Impact in an old ao3 account that I don't wanna open up again cuz it's so embarrassing for me... I don't even wanna read that oneshot, I'd die of embarrassment. And the other one is Honkai Impact 3rd, I forgot where I put that one but I do know I wrote a oneshot with Bronya and Seele for it).

Top five fics by kudos:

It's all from OMORI!

Once again, from the beginning - I did not really expect this one to have as much kudos as it has now, like, tbf yea it's my most well planned one but it's still so crazy to see the kudos on it-- wai when did it pass that number-- I never really check the kudos but wtf happened here.

The Tune of the New Morning - How did this one get that many kudos too??? This is my very first OMORI fic and ngl, whenever I look at it I get the very strong urge to rewrite everything from the beginning cuz of how badly planned it is. If OAFB is well planned, this one is terribly planned. I literally make things up as I go.

Magician in the Mirror - Is in the top 3!!! Lookit!!! :D The work I'm proudest in cuz this is my 2nd fic and also the one I just went ham on! I wanted it out during anni and it was all a last minute thing but I'm so glad it turned out well despite that!

The Pawn and the Bishops - I didn't expect to see this one here but alas... it is... I quite like this one though! It's the first one I've written with a fairly heavy and gloomy atmosphere and I think I did pretty good on it!

And thus, the snake ate no more - I see you're here too... This one is actually like a mix of my planning between OAFB and TNM in which that it's in the middle of well planned and terribly planned. Think of it as the middle child of my longfics. With OAFB being the spoiled youngest and TNM the unplanned first child.

Do you respond to comments?

YES! As much as I can! I like receiving comments and I like responding to them as best as I can but I also get pretty nervous bout it... so I end up barely responding anyway oh boooooo.

What's the fic with the angstiest ending you've ever written?

I??? Don't think? I have written any with an angsty ending yet? I'm a sucker for hurt/comfort so most of the fics I've written so far always had a happy ending so! Maybe in the future 👀 Maybe.

Do you write crossovers?

Is the Kaito Kuroba from Magic Kaito in Persona 5 now as Akiren and Co.'s friend stuff I've written considered crossover? If so then yes! It's actually pretty fun to write one! :D

Have you ever gotten hate on a fic?

I don't think so? Pretty happy that I haven't yet, thank goodness!

Do you write smut?

Nope! I don't know if I would though, truth be told I don't have much knowledge with writing smut, I barely read any stories (novel wise) with it as a guideline cuz I... I can't visualize it well enough, my brain is not equipped for it (I try to read smut and spend the next few minutes figuring out the characters' positions. Yall smut writers out there impressive with it cuz honestly how).

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope and thank god for that!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I HAVE!!! AM SO HAPPY BOUT IT!!! :D Someone translated Magician in the Mirror to Chinese and it's so cool!!! I think there's only a Chapter 1 of it but it's so cool and nice and sweet and awwwwww.

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Alright, sit down. This is very important. I need you to listen closely, attentively, and carefully... I Love CaiOwe/OweCai. I LOVE CAIN/OWEN!!! OWEN/CAIN!!! CAIN&OWEN I LOOOOOVVVEEE ANYTHING WITH CAIN AND OWEN!!! It's my all-time favourite ship, nothing can compare to Cain and Owen from the hit japanese game, Mahoutsukai no Yakusoku aka Mahoyaku aka mhyk aka Promise of Wizard. They're my most favourite ship I'd go to war for em, I love em so so much, I adore em sooooooo much, I see any fanart of em and my day gets better immediately. They're my lifeblood, my ambrosia, my everything. I love caiowe/owecai with all my heart...

What’s a WIP that you want to finish, but don’t think you ever will?

Looks at oafb, tnm, and attsanm... I'd like to believe that regardless of how much time had passed, I would be able to finish any of those three though. Hyperfixation gone or not, I wanna finish em!

What are your writing strengths?

I think it'd be monologue? Inner monologue? What do you call that thing where it's just the narrator focusing on the characters' thoughts and feelings and their overall view on the situation??? I think I'm pretty good at that, maybe. And somehow I'm good at accidentally setting things up, I don't know how but I just accidentally do things that connects stuff.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Dialogues... I'm so bad with dialogues most of the time I spend in writing is getting the dialogues right. I'm also really bad at descriptors, I'm bad at describing things so I just try to either describe something as best as I can with the help of searching through the internet or get around that part by just being poetic.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fics?

I think it's pretty neat! :o I feel like I've seen fics like that before but can't really remember though I did think it added detail to the story of it!

What was the first fandom you ever wrote for?

Uhhh, I think it waaaaass Honkai Impact 3rd? I think it was the Bronya and Seele fic I've written somewhere that or it was the Genshin Impact fic instead. It was either of those two.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written so far?

Magician in the Mirror!!! It's my favourite I've written so far and the one I'm proudest of! And a lil biased, but the latest favourite one that I've just recently written is Look back, Orpheus which is a fic for caiowe from mhyk! Once again, from the beginning is the 2nd favourite though :3

Thank you again for the tag! Dunno who to tag though but for anyone that sees this, feel free to do it! :D

#tag game #this was so fun! #have i convinced yall yet how much i love caiowe. i rlly adore that ship a lot its my fave one ever #also am not gonna say the title of the gi fic out of embarrassment... cuz like i made that when i was still unsure #how to write 3rd person after getting trapped writing in 1st person for years. that thing along with the hi3 fic is most likely #written really badly and like-- ohmygod im not gonna look at it. i can still vaguely remember what it was about and god bro-- #embarrassing... why was my writing in the past like that its got like a needlessly mysterious air to it like gurl what are you doing #the only hint im giving for that gi fic is that it has venti and aether in it cuz it was around 1.1 days and i chose aether so like #also the reason why i yeeted away from that account and made a new one is that i wanted to start clean and as embarrassing #as the fics ive written there are (which is just the gi fic and one thats an oc fic for my old friend group that ive drifted away from) #i didnt wanna delete any of it. i think its a nice memento. i also didnt wanna orphan the account or any of the works too #so i just start with a new account! honestly glad and happy that gi fic doesnt have that many kudos. pheeeewww

[narwhalandchill]

oh god spent my precious free time today and yesterday watching multiple 2h+ danganronpa retrospectives on yt and im abt to be mentally unwell about izuru again arent i. Shit

#its 2024 this is so embarrassing 💀💀💀 nearly a decade since middle school dr phase n dr3 airing #(shit anime but gave us izuru speaking and i love his fucking demeanor. ik the keigo was always in game but hearing it. muah) #yet this clinically depressed absolute hopefailure of worlds most talented 20 months old toddler. Rent fucking free #no one provoke me i will actually fucking spiral aboit my extended izuru thoughts universe #rambles

[musical-chick-13]

Like I am so serious, the entertainment industry makes it SO hard to keep loving creativity and performing because there's so much other fucking bullshit, so to see people who still keep going in the face of that because they want to, because art is that important to them, to see people who beat those odds when the atmosphere is trying so hard to fuck them up is genuinely, unironically inspiring, I AM HAVING A DAY™

#unhinged lady screams about music #like...I don't think I'll ever go back to performing full-time #(I'm not even sure I COULD due to health complications I haven't sufficiently managed yet) #but stuff like this makes me remember how much I DO love singing and it makes me want to do it for myself #and if anyone out there WANTS to create art. in whatever capacity. this is my permission to do it (if that means anything) #it doesn't matter if you '''suck''' or if it's '''embarrassing''' or if you don't think it's '''good''' enough the important thing is that #you do it and that it's for YOU. that's all that really matters!! #WOW CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT DOING ART IS ONE OF THE MOST INCREDIBLE AND POIGNANT PARTS OF BEING HUMAN

[itgoeso]

.

#one of the most annoying parts of having bpd isn’t even part of the bpd itself but it's the stigma #and don’t get me wrong this shit is FUCKING HELL and very hard and embarrassing #but the way people think bpd is somehow the same thing as sociopathy or psychopathy is just like ?????????????? #and the way even doctors are so sensationalist about it and it does affect your overall hope for how you're gonna be able to #idk navigate life with it. because they make it look like someone who has bpd #is just the worst most difficult and awful human being on earth #like everyone else isn't difficult everyone else doesn't struggle w emotions or relationships or abandonment #and the way they approach it truly makes you feel like you're damaged for life and you're broken and you're doomed #i could go on and on about how this is just upsetting and like sometimes when people learn that i have bpd they're surprised #because i keep a lot of things and feelings to myself because i don't want to be the stereotype #i'm venting but what i mean is that i think the stigma around bpd just makes everything harder #for instance i feel the need to be centred because otherwise i'll be perceived as a bpd stereotype #so i can't get angry i can't get upset i can't get sad i can't miss someone i can't need someone #i can't fear not having someone in my life anymore i can't fear being alone and so on #i have to be manageable and cool and nonchalant and complaisant all the time #sometimes i feel like i'm not allowed to be a person BECAUSE i have bpd #but yeah i'm yet to learn to not give a shit about how people perceive me but there are days that this is harder than others

[sorrygotthesesacks]

I had this idea pop into my head...for reasons I can't remember...and all I remember is thinking "hmm, that, but with Silbek."

And now I can't remember the idea or what made the idea pop into my head and I am sad.

(as if I needed another idea)

But also: fake dating

(which is not the idea that popped into my head but I am a sucker for many of the tropes. Of course, that trope doesn't work as well with Silbek since they're kinda already dating but just don't know it.)

#too many fanfic ideas #except for the one that got away #why do ideas come to me when I'm driving #of course I am sad and it was probably the most cringe-fail idea to ever pop into my head #I take that back because there is still Bakuraxteacup #one day I will share that stupid thing here in all its cringey glory #which was the point #but it's still kinda embarrassing #yet I shared it on That Other App #it was like I was dared to though #also that cringey thing I wrote when I was super young #you know when toilet paper humor was peak humor #I love going off on a complete and total tangent in the tags #what was I talking about again? #OH I REMEMBER IT NOW

[ckygetsjobs]

why are you wearing that 

Dico x gn reader

A/n: Idk how to put warnings for this but. Ig name calling? It’s like one time but some may find it insulting. NSFW warning (like it’s literally the plot). Me and my horrible writing skills. Another self indulgent piece. This isn’t even what I was originally going to write about.

You weren’t sure what he was up to while he was filming for minghags, but he would be gone for long hours. He’d always come back in a ridiculous outfit that he was in when he was in character, like Ponce, or even Robin Hood (you didn’t even ask about that one, you didn’t want to know). You were snacking on another unhealthy food, not even bothering checking the calories, you didn’t give a shit. You were bored out of your mind, hoping his ass was going to be home soon. No luck though, hours and hours passed, you weren’t sure what time it was at this point but probably some time after two am. He finally waltzed his fucking late as hell ass into the living room. You couldn’t believe what he was wearing. You didn’t even know if you should laugh or question him if he was crying for help. So you opted out of both and instead just stared into his eyes which were kinda obscured by the thick black framed glasses he had on. You had never seen him wear glasses, fake or not, but you admit he looked really good in them. His black wig curled and fell a little bit into his eyes as he tried to fix it, letting out a lot of fucks and a long string of sighs. You weren’t going to let him suffer with it forever, no matter how amusing you may have found it. You styled it where it didn’t fall into his face and he just looked a lot more relaxed now, but he also looked like he was up to something, which you absolutely didn’t want to deal with right now. He sat on the couch, clearly waiting on something you didn’t know about yet. 

His tie was undone and his suit was wrinkled, making him look like a frightening mess. He usually cleaned himself well in a sense, other times he was just filthy, you weren’t expecting much given the history he had to get caked in food. His clothes weren’t dirty this time, he just looked like he had been through hell. “Well, aren’t you going to offer to take my clothes off?,” he asked with a god awful voice, really annoying but also really sexy. He had sex appeal, of course he always had, but especially right now, you played along for the fun of it. “All you had to do was ask baby,” you whispered at him, grabbing for the belt of his pants, throwing it onto the floor and pulling his pants half way down. Untying his tie and taking off the rest of his outfit until he was just in his blue and white boxers, having a sneer look on his face that was getting bigger and more alarming the further you got into whatever horrible thing he had planned for the rest of the night. It wasn’t going to be dark out for much longer, but that didn’t concern you much, you’d still fuck him, the situation was the same, the dark was just more fun. The couch squeaked as he hopped to get his pants fully off, throwing his shoes far away, and he’d probably end up searching for them in the morning when he had to go back to filming. 

“Lie down” he instructed, not being nice about it whatsoever. You listened, silently sinking into the couch, staring up at him as he was on his knees above you, brushing his fingers through your hair. “You’re being a good whore,” he said next, taking his dick out. Him telling you to open your mouth wrung in your ears as you struggled to put it all in your mouth at once, but he was very good at helping as he gently coaxed you into it. Once it was all in your mouth you just began to suck and suck, he moaned and held tightly onto your hand, to keep him grounded and to touch you more. He began to thrust, it was quick, he had no interest in waiting that was for sure. “How’s it feel to suck off Rut Ru? Pretty fucking great,” he already answered the question himself, not leaving a chance to disagree. “You are good,” you said a response anyway, and the answer seemed to please him as he was going harder and more smoother than before. You just kept going, letting him say rude ass shit and hear him go on and on about being rich. As he finally came into your mouth he told you to swallow, you did it without hesitation. He tasted so good, you’d do it on any occasion, even if he didn’t ask. Just felt hotter when he did ask, especially as this Rut Ru character. When he put his dick back into boxers he just laid his almost naked body on top of you. You held onto him, making sure he was secure and wouldn’t fall off the couch, it wasn’t big enough for two people really but you made it work. He kissed your cheek, giving you a soft gaze, you could also tell he was very sleepy. Not even that long later, he fell asleep, his hushed snores escaping his mouth. He was tired long before all that but he still did it anyways. You had to give him credit, he was still amazing as hell, and you definitely wanted to do this again. You closed your eyes and let the dark drift you off to sleep with your arms still holding him, but now just a little bit tighter. 

#I’m so bad at writing blowjobs I apologize #last night I just really needed something to satisfy my needs #Guess him dressed as rut ru was that thing #Don’t even ask me why I wrote this until one am last night #I don’t want to talk about it #Not tagging #most embarrassing one yet