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#this is making my anxiety go through the roof
dabislittlemouse · 14 hours
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"𝐈’𝐥𝐥 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐞𝐱𝐜𝐞𝐩𝐭 𝐦𝐞..”
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Part 1 | Dabi x fem!Reader
CW: yandere themes, some mentions of noncon, gaslighting, manipulation, kidnapping, complicated feelings, stockholm syndrome (?), this part contains only reader’s memories.
SYNOPSIS: you are finally saved from the hands of your captor, who was now locked up, far away from you. But to this day, the memory of him still haunts you in your dreams, still so present in your life, still reminding you that you are his girl.
REBLOGS ARE APPRECIATED!
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“Baby..come to me”
“.. don’t leave me waiting”
“Pretty girl~”
“Wherever you are, I will come find you”
You awoke with a jolt, sweat dripping down your face. Your own heartbeats filled your ears, almost pumping out of your ribcage, as the voices you were hearing faded into the distance. Trembling, you pulled yourself out of the bed to grab a glass of water, your throat dry and sore. As the coldness of the water shook the tense feeling off your body and gave you some clarity, you took in a deep breath, calming yourself down from whatever nightmare, or sleep paralysis you had. Your eyes wandered around your apartment, at every corner and every furniture.
“You are alone” you whispered to yourself, repeating the words over and over. “You’re alone and safe. Nobody is here, nothing can harm you”
Nothing can harm you anymore.
It had been a year since since everything changed, since you finally managed to escape the claws of your captor, your lover. And yet you still get haunted by those events, still afraid of the darkness, often having panic attacks and anxiety hitting through the roof whenever you are alone. Paranoia was part of your life, to the point you had to consult with a professional and get help. Everywhere, at any time, you felt like you were being watched. But nobody was there.
Not anymore.
“I am safe” you repeated once again. “Nobody is there. It’s all in my head. Everything is okay. He is not here anymore”
Those piercing blue eyes that almost glowed in the darkness were not watching you anymore. Those eyes that could burn you just by looking at them, making you feel smaller and smaller, afraid to even move an inch as they studied you, devoured your appearance from head to toe.
“A sight for sore eyes” he would always say, his hand coming to grab at your chin, gently, making you look at him. And there it was again, a sly grin plastered on his scarred face, a grin that held nothing but danger. You knew just in that moment how much he wanted to hurt you. It made him feel good he said, the way tears rolled down your cheeks whenever he marked your body, the way you were so weak beneath him and broke so beautifully. The more you screamed, the more he hurt you. And as he hurt you, he would whisper sweet nothings in your ear, kiss your face so gently while his hand gripped your thigh and left a nasty burn mark. He would kiss your forehead and shush you, while he rammed inside you so ruthlessly, tearing you apart. He would lick off your tears and tell you how pretty you were as he took every inch of your body.
“P-Please… I-I can’t do this anymore!” the memories came back in your mind, clear as day, one of the many horrible things you had to endure from his hands.
“Hold on a bit longer for me baby..” he growled, his eyes rolling back in pure bliss. “Ngh-Jus’a bit longer..”
“N-No that’s enough!” you whined in desperation. “Stop it..”
Stop it Dabi.
Dabi.
Even the memory of his name made your skin crawl and your hands sweating, you couldn’t even say it outloud anymore. Because the only times you said it outloud were when you were begging for him to stop, to not hurt you anymore, to let you go.
And each time, he always replied by saying how good his name sounds rolling down that pretty tongue of yours, say it again, a bit louder this time for him.
“Dabi..” you whispered, not even aware that you said his name, completely lost in your memories as he ordered you to repeat his name again. You brought your hand on your mouth, realising what you just did.
You were alone in the living room, far far away from his reach and yet he still had a great impact in your life, as if he was still living with you everyday. You could still hear his voice in your dreams, you could see his shadow lurking, his tall figure towering over you, the scent of burned flesh lingering around.
It had been a year since he got locked away in Tartarus, a prison for high ranked villains which was said to be worse than hell itself. Though that had little to no impact on the devil.
You used to call him that, an evil man beyond words, how much you hated him, and yet..
Yet he made you believe that he was your true love. That no other person in this world could ever make you feel this way, fear, arousement, passion, warmth all at once. To Dabi, you were his goddess, the light of his life, as he used to say, the prettiest girl in the world, only for him to use. You were the cure to his heart, if he ever had one, your touch made his burnt scars feel less painful, it made all the pain go away. Your voice, your moans, your cries and your laughter were music to his ears, he wanted all of them. Dabi wanted all of you. He wanted you at your best, he wanted you at your worst, he wanted you broken, only for him to fix you as he pleased.
“You’re mine” Dabi would say, a possessive grip on your waist as he brought you closer to himself. “Don’t ever forget that. Even if we are far apart, even if years go by, you are forever mine princess..”
You gulped while remembering his words, those words he would always repeat until they were engraved in your brain.
He was locked away, with no chance of ever coming out of there, everything between you both had ended, you were a free bird.
And deep down you still felt his. You were afraid to not be his. You were afraid of what would become of you if you weren’t Dabi’s girl. Because you had forgotten who you were before him. He made sure of it. You could never be a normal functioning human being. He turned your brain into mush, designed you just the way he wanted to, to the point that no matter how much you hated him, your desire for him kept growing stronger.
You hated him. And you hated that you missed him. You should’ve been happy, this was what you always dreamed of, right? You always wished for him to just die, to disappear, you wished to be free. And now you were free.
And empty.
Was he really your true love?
“Tell me that you love me..” he grunted, sweat dripping down his chest as he continued to thrust in and out of you, your cunt greedily swallowing every inch of his cock.
“I-I love you..” you whimpered.
“Louder” he ordered, giving you one harsh thrust that made you yelp. “C’mon!”
“Love you. I love you, Dabi. I love y-you…nmmmhf I love you!”
And it did feel like love for a moment. When he kissed you through your orgasm, saying that you’re doing so well, both your bodies sticky and sweaty as you held into one another. As you fell asleep in his arms while he caressed your hair. It all felt good, it made you forget that in reality you were actually his captive.
You were cut off from the outside world, your friends, family, work colleagues, nobody could get in touch with you anymore. Dabi created a new world for you, and in this new world of yours he would be the only person in your life. Nobody was ever that worthy of you, he got rid of anything and anyone that got in his way.
“It’s not safe for ya out there baby..” he would tell you. “The world is ugly, and it can hurt you, just the way it hurt me. Just the way it hurt all of us that society calls villains today.. but I won’t allow it. Don’t you realise how much I am protecting you?”
He made you believe that you were much safer with him, yet he was the only one to hurt you. But he made that clear as well.
“You are not protecting me! You are hurting me!” you screamed at him while he had you tied down on the bed after another failed attempt of yours to escape and run away.
“Didn’t I tell you princess? I’ll protect you from everyone, except me..” Dabi smirked at your teary face. “I am the only one to love on you, the only one to hurt you and make you cry, the only one to break you. Nobody else. You were just made for me, dollface..”
You went back to bed, trying to make those memories fade away and fall asleep. Little did you know that tomorrow morning, another letter would arrive at your doorstep. The pile was slowly growing. You didn’t throw them, nor did you open to read them. They stayed in the box, unopened, you were terrified of what the letters would contain.
Letters from Tartarus.
It was clear, he never gave up on you. To this day, he would send you letters from time to time. You had the opportunity to call the prison and make it all stop of course, so he would never send you any letters again.
But you didn’t. You wished he would stop, and yet you couldn’t make him stop. It’s like one part of you wanted him, found comfort at the fact that you were not alone, that you still were his girl. And that very same fact made you throw up as well, you hated it so much.
What’s wrong with me, you wondered.
“Nothing’s wrong with you princess, you just miss me that’s all..” you could hear his voice answering in your head, amusement in his tone.
Maybe if you read all his letters it will go away, this feeling would disappear. Read them and then burn them. And then cut off contact for good. He won’t haunt you anymore, right? He can’t get out of there.
Dabi definitely will get out of there. And he won’t be pleased knowing that you have ignored him all this time. What will you do then? How will you explain yourself to him?
“Tomorrow morning I will read them” you whispered to yourself. For now, you decided to empty your head from all the dark thoughts and just go back to sleep.
During the same time, far away, to the heavy guarded area of Tartarus, he sat there on his cell, his eyes glued to the door, waiting. Patiently waiting, contemplating, while his fingers fixed each of the staples decorating his hand.
Finally a guard passed by, stopping right in front of the cell. Dabi stood up, approaching the door, peeking through the small hole to look at the guard’s face.
“So..” Dabi spoke. “Got anything f’me?”
“Nothing” the guard replied. “I looked through all the letters the prisoners received, though none of it was sent to you nor had your name. You sure your girlfriend hasn’t ditched you? You’ve been sending letters for a while and yet no reply”
Dabi chuckled, turning away and ignoring the guard’s words. “She’ll come around, little angel is just nervous..” he whispered to himself.
“Hey” the guard called him again. “Ya sure you don’t want one of us to check on her?”
The guard was in fact one of the PLF’s men, surely on Dabi’s side, making sure to check on him until the escape plan is executed.
“Send one of our people on her way” Dabi said. “Just to notify her that I’m looking forward to our reunion soon~”
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🏷️ tagging some of the people who were interested in this fic + people from my taglist: @baby-tini @hunajan @touyalove @irinangels @marlenemckinnonsleftfoot @murderous-snail @holydayaria @cherryflavoredkisses @syrenkitsune @mossy-opal @dabislittlebeaniebaby
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jinwoosungs · 2 days
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{ 158 }
penpal.
academy arc
jinwoo sung x fem.reader
were you going crazy?
what was up with those shadows surrounding your classmate?
settled off to the left side of the classroom, you watch sung jinwoo from your periphery, seeing what looked liked dark wisps surrounding the entirety of his form. the boy was simply reading the pages of his textbook, yet something about him terrified you.
you weren't sure just how long you had been staring at him, your gaze following the tiny wisps of shadow as it seemed to dance around him-
before stiffening when your gaze met with his cool, grey eyes.
becoming paralyzed, you found that you couldn't look away from him, with jinwoo gently flashing you a kind smile. he opens his mouth, ready to greet you when four rowdy classmates interrupts him, surrounding his desk as low chuckles echo throughout the area.
you wanted to call out to them, to somehow warn them-
but no words could come out.
"wow, you're a big shot, aren't you? wearing that glove and all."
"why are you only wearing it on one hand, though? is there a black flame dragon in it or something?"
"ughhhh, my hand!! the black flame cow in my right hand is roaring-!!"
the four males began to laugh incessantly, making your anxiety shoot through the roof. you trail your gaze over to his gloved hand...
"hey, look. take off your glove. let me try it on." one of the boys demanded, further making you anxious at what was to come.
jinwoo remains silent, completely unfazed by these goons who were trying so hard to intimidate him. you had to fight back a grin, feeling the tiniest bit of admiration despite the anxieties you held for him.
"bastard, are your ears stuffed or something? why aren't you replying when we asked you to take off your glove?"
"what is it? do you have a tattoo on your left hand or something?"
jinwoo lets out a huff in response before taking off his glove, revealing a severely burned hand. your throat was felt clenching up in response once more when you caught a glimpse of his scars-
scars that appeared like deadly spiderwebs against his pale skin-
scars that were certainly not normal.
"what? never seen a burn wound before?" jinwoo's voice retained its tranquil quality, causing a wave of discomfort to be seen across the four rowdy students as they each clicked their tongues in utter disgust and disdain.
"we were just joking around, why get all serious?"
"just wear that glove again, i'm scared i'll get nightmares about it."
"FUCKING DISGUSTING."
you watch as the four boys proceed to exit the classroom, only to see a flash of purple from your periphery as an invisible force made them freeze before tripping over the doorway, landing headfirst into the floor (the sudden impact causing the students who were currently out in the hallway to laugh at them).
your heart was racing, nearly stifling you with its anxious beats when you look back at jinwoo to see him smiling at you. he calmly meets your gaze for a brief moment before giving you a wink (acting like he had shared some inside joke with you), catching you completely off guard.
he turns his attention back to his textbook and continues to read, sometimes sneaking glances at you while keeping that knowing smile on his handsome features, making you purse your lips in response.
looking away from him, you pretend to look down at your own handwritten notes, yet the sensation of his eyes being on you never seemed to cease.
{ ... }
the discomfort and anxiety you felt each time you sat next to jinwoo became too much to bear when you asked to switch seats with another girl from your class.
of course, she hadn't the slightest clue about the general offness seen with jinwoo. you knew that all she saw when it came to jinwoo was a cute boy that was top of the class.
but no one ever did notice the strange way his eyes seemed to glow-
how his mannerisms and style of speaking were a tad bit too mature for a mere teenager-
or how there were an almost constant presence of shadows surrounding him.
admittedly, sung jinwoo freaked you out.
even now, when you were literally three desks away from him, you swore that you could feel his piercing gaze against your back.
and you didn't know what you could have possibly done to have warranted such attention from him.
only when class had ended were you finally able to breathe, knowing that jinwoo had track for the next couple of hours. he had already left the classroom when you slowly began to pack your belongings together. adjusting the blouse of your uniform, you brush back your hair and begin making your way to the library to find a few good books to read before heading home.
the moment you stepped into the room filled with books, you let out a happy sigh. breathing in the fresh scent of pages, you eagerly step into the library and head to your favorite aisles.
fantasy... romance... mystery... gahhhh there's so many good books to read! it's a shame we can only check out 4 books at a time...
you think bitterly to yourself, taking a few books off the shelf when a flash of purple catches your attention. with a tilt of your head, you look out the window to see jinwoo settled directly below you. he was taking casual sips of his water all while sneaking glances at you from his periphery.
you pout, resting your free hand against the glass, gaze narrowing down at him. jinwoo realizes that he had caught your attention, fully facing you now as he lifted up his hands to give you a tiny wave. the suddenly soft and sweet action was enough to make the heat grow against your cheeks, with you unable to ignore the gesture as you wave back at him.
his smile was enough to distract you from the lengthening of your shadow made in response to the setting sun, distracting you from seeing the several, glowing purple eyes that remained hidden from within its dark depths.
{ ... }
the morning you came into your school, you saw something fall out of your locker, making you question how such a note could have gotten into the metal compartment.
for starters, it had a lock on it-
a lock that only you had the key to.
so just how did this folded note even reach you?
you shake your head and ignored all logic when it came to how you had gotten this note, proceeding to unfold the piece of paper as it read:
your eyes and smile are really beautiful. tell me, are you seeing anyone right now? ( s. monarch )
your throat turns dry upon reading the note, making your heart race in response.
was this person... actually flirting with you through a note?
and just what kind of nickname was s. monarch?
was this guy just really cocky or something?
yet, even knowing that this note was kind of cheesy, why did it succeed in making you smile?
you look down at the page to see that it had plenty of space for you to write your reply. trying to hide back your grin, you take out your favorite pen and decide to write:
thank you for your compliment. i am not seeing anyone at the moment, but i'm curious- who are you?
you sign off the note with your full name before placing it back within the confines of your locker, somehow knowing that your face was completely flustered right now.
your good mood had dramatically increased, and you found yourself looking forward to talking to this new penpal of yours.
{ ... }
your eyes and smile are really beautiful. tell me, are you seeing anyone right now?
thank you for your compliment. i am not seeing anyone at the moment, but i'm curious- who are you?
ah, i'm sorry, i can't say. it would ruin the mystery :)
mystery?? why would you wish to keep your identity a secret, monarch?
i have my reasons. besides... i want to use this chance to get to know you better.
may i ask how you're able to read and place new notes within my locker?
nope, sorry. it's still a secret ;)
ugh, you're kind of annoying, monarch -_-
i've been called much worse. :)
{ ... }
you spend the next couple of weeks exchanging notes with monarch, giggling each time he asked questions about you, like wanting to know your favorite color-
favorite books-
favorite foods-
just, anything and everything that made you who you are.
while you answered each of his questions, you would read his own responses pertaining to his own personal interests.
you could say purple and black are my favorite colors.
i wasn't much of a big reader before, but i'm enjoying a lot of murder mystery books. maybe you can recommend me some other good novels to read?
my favorite foods are pretty much anything that my mom makes, haha, but kimchi stew and bulgogi beef are my personal favorites.
altogether, he seemed like your typical, teenaged boy. the conversations you had with him remained light-hearted and fun.
but that all changed when you received today's note within your locker during your lunch break:
what do you think of sung jinwoo? i notice you tend to avoid him a lot.
your eyebrows furrow in response to his question, wondering why monarch would even care about how you felt when it came to jinwoo. however, you were always honest with him before, so you saw no reason to lie to him now.
you truly want an honest answer? well, to put it bluntly, jinwoo terrifies me. there's just this... really strange and dark aura about him? yet no one seems to notice it but me. sure, he's plenty polite on the surface, but... i feel like there's more to him than meets the eye. it's almost like... he has some secret, one that no one can understand, but keeps well hidden? ah, sorry, i am well aware that i am not making any sense, but it's how i really feel. jinwoo makes me feel anxious.
after finishing your note, you place it back within your locker before walking back to your classroom.
somehow, you couldn't ignore the sensation that you were missing something vital...
that there was some connection you just weren't seeing when it came to monarch and sung jinwoo...
{ ... }
your heart was racing when class ended for the day, and you wondered if monarch had already sent you a reply. with a noticeable bounce in your step, you go to your locker and unlock it, seeing a brand new note settled atop your various notebooks.
meet me at the library after school.
a painful clench was felt at the base of your throat, with you picking up the single note, your hands trembling as you fought to calm down. letting out a deep breath, you close your locker and brush back your hair, holding monarch's latest note close to your chest.
were you getting nervous?
why did your legs feel stiff and heavy all of a sudden?
with each step you take, getting oh so much closer to the library, you swore that your heart was going to choke you with its rapid palpitations-
praying that you wouldn't suddenly die of a heart attack, you open the door to the library-
only to see a lone figure standing in front of the window. the setting sun shining directly in your eyes made it difficult for you to see who it was, giving you no choice but to come closer to the person.
wiping away the tears from your eyes, you stepped closer and finally saw just who monarch truly was-
letting out a gasp when sung jinwoo himself was looking at you with those same, glowing eyes.
"you... you're monarch?!" that was all that you could manage, the anxiety immediately becoming worse as your heart continued to beat faster within the confines of your chest.
a rich chuckle escapes from his lips, "indeed, i am." he confirms your suspicions before taking a step closer to you.
jinwoo seemed unaware (or perhaps he just didn't care?) about your mounting discomfort and anxieties, still coming closer to you as you continued to take several steps away from him.
only when your back met with one of the sides of the bookshelves did you finally stop, with jinwoo smiling down at you. he places his gloved hand against the shelf, trapping you against him.
with his free hand, he gently traces at your bottom lip, making your breath hitch in response. despite how much of a nervous wreck he made you, you couldn't ignore the sudden warmth you felt spreading across your veins at the look of adoration he gives you.
"you have plenty of good reasons to fear me, i'll admit, but... is it really just fear and anxiety that you feel for me...?"
his whisper was almost seductive, trailing his fingertips down your features before gently grabbing a hold of your chin.
"or have you mistaken your anxieties with feelings of love for me, too?"
your breathing comes out in uneven breaths, and you could feel your cheeks further heating up in response as your heart skipped several beats-
"wait, you said too, did you just hint that- that you feel love for me?"
jinwoo's glowing purple eyes became alight with amusement as he gives you an eager nod. "obviously, these feelings of mine have only grown since the moment i saw you again..."
you became speechless then, watching with bated breath when jinwoo inches closer and closer to you, "despite how long it's been for me, you have not changed... not even a little bit, sarang."
your knees immediately become weaker when jinwoo calls you by that sweet term of endearment, and you nearly fell to your knees when he finally kisses you. his arms were kept locked around your waist, kissing you with a fervor that made you feel oddly nostalgic-
perhaps you had no reason to fear sung jinwoo after all; especially with how addicting his kisses had quickly become to you.
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a.n. - and we are so back with the fluff i have always loved writing about! i am so happy, passing a really difficult final exam as i look forward to the rest of my academic year 😭 so i decided to write another jinwoo story!
all stories are written by rei; reposts, translations, and plagiarism are not allowed.
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Note
ELINOR SOS
I am the student anon from a while ago who was concerned because my prof made an oblique comment about "knowing when people use AI on their assignments"
I often collaborate with a friend in the course on homework assignments (something that is encouraged so long as you name your collaborators when you turn in) and i found out recently that she DOES use chatgpt sometimes. we'll each work on papers separately and then compare ideas and make edits if either of us included something the other missed. i never copy her words but i'll incorporate her ideas if i feel they're useful.
this brings me to 3 questions:
1) does the prof know she uses AI, and does the prof by extension believe that i do, since i name her as a collaborator?
2) is there a way for me to kindly tell my friend i think this is ludicrous behavior and cut it the fuck out
3) is there a way for me to distance myself from my friend in the eyes of the prof without seeming like a total snitch or hardass or what have you
thanks in advance !!!!!!
prev anon:: I MISSPELLED YOUR NAME I AM SORRY elanor elanor elanor so sorry
LMAO you're fine, no worries!
Hmm, okay, so some of this is outside my wheelhouse as a lecturer the other side of the world - this is not to say I'm not going to share my opinions regardless, but just a reminder that I am not, for example, an authority on taking friends to task for using ChatGPT
Anyway the easiest (and most advisable) answer to all of this is to stop collaborating. Up until this point, you're fine, because you simply didn't know - if you get accused of anything you have plausible deniability, because you literally didn't know. It's worth pointing out, though, that you would probably already have been given a formal warning or taken to an academic misconduct board by now if you were suspected on past work - at least, that would be the case over here. We don't hang about if we have suspicions.
Whereas, from this point onwards, if you turn in a collaborated piece and she then gets accused of plagiarism, you are now in a position of having willingly collaborated with a known plagiarist, which opens you up to questions like "So you knew there was a chance that her inputs could have been Chat-generated and you used them in your own work anyway?" and that's a lot harder to defend against.
As to the rest of it, though:
No, probably not. She'd likely have been called on it by now, as would you.
Hmm. I think I personally would approach this with "I'm so sorry, my anxiety is through the roof and I just don't feel comfortable collaborating with you because you use ChatGPT. My brain is now irrationally terrified that it's somehow obvious to the professor and imploding from the pressure." And then if she wants to get into it further, you can discuss the issues with it. HOWEVER mileage can and will vary on that strategy - that's how I would phrase it to avoid her feeling judged, see, but depending on how good a friend she is and a whole bunch of other factors, you might prefer to go BITCH WHY DON'T YOU JUST MARRY THE FUCKING ROBOT IF YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH and block her number. Or, you know. Something along the scale.
Just stop collaborating. Nothing more needed.
The other thing I will say is that I think you're probably assuming more surveillance and oversight from your professor than actually exists. It IS obvious when you find a Chat-generated section, but I can't help but wonder if telling a class "We know that some of you are using it, btw. We won't say who but we can tell. So stop doing that." is actually a lie designed to scare compliance before it becomes a problem. Like. That feels like a lie to me. That feels like "Say it now and then they won't try it." Because if they actually knew, there would be formal proceedings, not oblique little warnings.
Anyway! I hope this is useful.
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Car won’t start this morning. Texted boss this and said it would be really helpful if there’s any way someone could cover me.
He goes “there’s not, I’m away judging a show, and your coworker is in CA”
Ok, I’m sorry but what am I supposed to do here?? I don’t have another car and I don’t own this one so I have to wait for my grandparents to call me back to tell me what they’d like for me to do with it.
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avourel · 1 month
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if anyone who follows me here is waiting for me to update my WIP:
i'm moving to Finland on Friday. and not, like, from a neighbouring country, but something considerably further away than that. so i'm working on it, but, huh. yeah. it's going to take A While (TM) to post that second chapter
(but i'm working on it i swear)
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yohankang · 1 year
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that moment when you really need to watch something cheerful but your watchlist is just crime dramas mixed with action thrillers 😐
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mattodore · 1 year
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youtube
jerma compilation video set to psycho killer by talking heads you will go down in history
#river dipping#jerma#that clip of him laughing w/o moving a single muscle in his face kills me every time#anyway hi good morning i once again did not come online yesterday kdfnjhdkfjh#i did log in to queue stewy succession posts to main tho <3#actually atm my anxiety is Through The Roof but nevertheless we persist and we come online anyway#i finished the character page photos for the echthroi crew last night btw!!! will post them later i think#rn i want to go through simblr bc i'm very behind it's a little embarrassinggggggg dfkjhdnk#proof of how single-minded i can be bc if i'm doing one thing with my ocs it's like. i just can't do anything else.#i finished both theo and matthias's like actual character pages too <3 it helped that i'd pretty much already answered asks with their bios#i do think i'm going to go back in there tho and edit theo's to include more of what i left out in the original ask...#i also think i wanna add more abt the reformation boarding school matthias went to... kind of a big part of him that i left out#there's just a lot that happens to my ocs that i just don't mention bc i just know it's A Lot of Trauma and i don't want to talk abt it#hmmmmm what else is there to say...... well i think i'll make the echthroi character page live if you wanna peruse it's just /echthroi#i'm gonna work on imani's page next i think but i have to draft everything out first#umm and i added playlist links <3 everyone's playlists are still wips but theo's playlist is thirty songs already what can i say
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littleoddwriter · 5 months
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Okay, so, I'm a Christian (shocking, I know), and I need to rant for a second…
Because it pisses me off when I see people use Christianity specifically to justify their bigotry and hatred. Those kinds of people are not true Christians. Going to Church every Sunday doesn't make you a better person. Praying to God every evening doesn't make you a better person. Especially not if you go on hating others and judging them for being who they are. Love thy neighbour, remember?
We are made in God's image and that means we're perfect the way we are. God has a plan for each of us, right? And His plan for some of us is to discover ourselves in ways that may differ from most people. Ways that stray from what is mainstream and considered "normal".
I'm queer. I'm trans non-binary.
And because of people, who use my religion against people like me, I felt disconnected from my own belief. My faith.
I sat in Church, crying, because I felt like I was alone and that God would hate me for being trans, just because some people use Him to spread hate and hide behind Him.
Fortunately, I soon realised that, no, God would never hate me for being trans. He would love me just the same. Because it was His plan all along that I find myself and love myself for who I am. If that means changing the body I have to feel more comfortable, then that is exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. I know that He supports me.
Also, just to add: I think that religion is something extremely personal. It's not something to be forced on others or make them feel bad if they don't believe in what you do (if anything at all). Personally, my faith brings me a lot of comfort in many different ways. And I always enjoyed it. I loved going to Church as a child. I loved religious education in school. It was right for me. And even though I had this phase of disconnection, I found right back to it and my faith has been stronger than ever, since then. Me being Christian doesn't mean I believe that this is the only religion, nor the "right" one. It's simply my own personal belief. I respect and value each and every person, religion, and opinion (as long as it is not harmful to others and themselves).
Anyway, I just needed to get that out of my system because it's been on my mind since forever, and it keeps coming back up every time I walk past my Church.
Take care! <3
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kkujo · 6 months
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and everything has consistently sucked since we got back from that trip.. not a week after that i got covid and was really sick the beginning of august was truly the last time i felt properly happy. word
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thatonefatgumsimp · 6 months
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OK so update post, I'm gonna post the 'tofs musings on Secret Life' post after I finish Martyn's POV, I still have a lot to go, but I'll edit it as I watch the POVs...
Hmmm...wait should I-?
I mean like I wanna post it, but at the same time I keep coming back n forth to edit...
OK no I've re-decided, I'm gonna post after I watch all the POVs, but jsyk I'm on Martyn's POV
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mejomonster · 8 months
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Ridiculously depressed but I am running ragged (which is surely worsening the depression ToT) so like the idea of weekly therapy to further exhaust me and trigger the anxiety more doesn't sound super compatible
#rant#like. i havent eaten in 6 days im fucking miserable amd on edge. my gi issues are FUCKED right now#so i cant eat and im desperate To eat asap so i really hope my gi issues improve soon jesus fucking christ#anyway... on top of that which... homestly on its own is enough to destroy me emotilnally and exhaust me....#i also am intensely deptessed a friend has like 5 crushes 4 dating options#i looked up advice today! oh no the spiral! i am considering paying money for a matchmaking service just so i can hate myself more i guess#when even that fails. i havent had a crush in 5 years either. i had like 3 crushes BUT they were married or aro#so i stopped my crush. so basically no crush on available for relationships peolle in half a decade. k feel broken#i looked up how to develop crushes today. google amd youtube apparently think its so rare to Not crush that theres no fucking advice#and then on top of it i have regular run of the mill anxiety. where i disassociate if im in public or around strangers.#which helps Me cope and i Feel great. as in not scared. but it means i dont talk well to strangers.#i try to. but i barely know what im saying and i dont see anyone i see them vaguely then block it out. and thats how i handle public.#and if i can manage to be present i need enough of a crowd i can hide. and if i see an attractive person i look away#cause i turn red and cant breathe. and im chicken i guess. so ur supposed to LOCK EYES with hot strangers and stare. but i need to PRACTICE#and then i also need to practice just. MAKING myself go places that make my anxiety shoot up horribly#and just sit and make myself stare at random peoplr and touch my skin and make myself endure being present.#then i have to do the same thing in public places i Like (which makes me more anxioud and in the past often resulted in panic attacks then#suicide attempts and self harm during said pamic attacks) so im not like super hype to endure that#and id rather endure it WHEN MY HEALTH IS SOLID ENOUGH I CAN EAT#because currently? me hungty? me in immense pain? even non anxiety inducing situatilns are shooting my stress level through the roof.#spilling coffee right now is making me feel like dying. just cayse im hungry and exhausted. i want to work up to 1. gi tract DIGESTING FOOD#PLEASE GOD SOON. 2. my back doesnt hurt so bad so i can STAND in public#3 stand in a nonthreatening public place like a bookstore or grocery store and stare at people#4 stand in nonthreatening place and stare at Hot people#5 attempt to enter a place in public i LIKE A LOT like a local hobby club. attempt for an hour if needed#call it a win if i make it to the doorway befote the panic attack hits. 6 attempt again at least standing IN FRONT of building 5 minutes#7 attempt again and maybr peak in and use bathroom so i can leave if im scared. 8 attempt again to enter building and maybe finally join#event i want to join. 8 attempt looking people in the eyes and remaining present at Location i like.#9 attempt looking pretty people In The Eye. 10 attempt saying hi i like your X#11 attempt conversation (if i got through all prior steps). which. this anxiety work could take 3-4 months minimum
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snowfea · 8 months
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My anxiety is getting out of control and I can't stand it, the feeling of anxiousness that can arrive at any moment and cuts my appetite and makes me feel like I'm about to write an exam is, well frustrating.
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I want to know what the drawings who found a way to a fourth dimension before us are up to rn
I woke up like 30 minutes ago and have absolutely no clue what this ask means
Like my brain is trying so hard here
also hello there!
please explain this to me I am very stupid sometimes
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nixonsshades · 1 year
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….
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diah-the-demon · 11 months
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why is it so anxiety indusing to wait in a call line on hold
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youremyonlyhope · 1 year
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Officially crying over sad Disney songs yay.
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