#this is a very scary step for me

[localcryptideli]

You know sometimes I think that the reason I stopped being on the sokai ship online is that the reasons why I think the ship is nice are so separate and different from how I see most people interpreting the characters and wanting the ship to be that it just loses all appeal to me.

#it's about vulnerability and peace to me okay #It's about sora being unwilling to leave kairi behind where she is a bit slower than the rest of the group #it's something I could absolutely project headcanons on disability on #it's about kairi signifying home and peace and stability #where sora's world became incredibly chaotic #it's about being accepted as who you are not what you can or cannot do #and sora being appreciated because of who he is beyond the keyblade #and kairi's life being valued even if she is not a big strong warrior #it's about the drama of kairi clinging to a past sora desperately wants to have again but cannot go back to #and kairi having the POTENTIAL to relate to that struggle due to her own past #it's about both having the experience of being left behind #and both being kind at heart and clinging to normalcy where they can #it's about being selfish about it too and not recognizing the ways in which the other grew #stubbornly clinging to the way they knew each other because the leap of change is scary albeit necessary in the long run #and stepping on each other's toes because of this because they don't recognize their goals and personalities shifted #that's what's yummy to me #whereas with soriku I am very aligned to fandom interpretation hence why I am waaay more intense about it here #but yeah I... don't want kairi to be a super goddess girlboss that saves sora that's not why she is appealing to me #as someone who struggles with not shining for skills and being left behind I treasure the fact that she is narratively important #and treasured by her friends - but still not super OP and the best of the best and a perfect flawless problem solver and hero #I enjoy that she is weaker and her best friend would STILL risk it all to see her safe - she is not disposable or an afterthought #and she matters because of who she is and the friendship she brings not because of what she can bring to the team of keyblade wielders #i need to find a tag for personal updates

[dimension20stuff]

I feel like I've grown so much as a person the past couple years but not in like...quantifiable ways. I am very proud of myself.

#its little things #ive done a little more introspection about what i like and why i like it and tried to apply that to other areas of my life #and ive started actively working on embracing feeling uncomfortable and doing things that make me anxious anyways #feel like ive become a Human Person rather than an abandoned building #im very very proud of me. i hope the progress continues #this post brought to you by: me #saw that post thats like “you ever get surprised by your own reoccurring issue” and realize no! #ive actually taken big steps to confront my reoccurring issue (preferring the devil that i know rather trying something different/scary)!!! #shes still there. its still easy to stay in a familiar sadness. but im reaching for hope so hard! and ive almost caught it!

[chewyguts]

drew my fursona for TDOV yesterday <3

#the last 12 months have been very important for my transition journey #scary and nerve wracking and still feel incredibly far away from being Me #but . a step closer for sure #tdov #trans day of visibility #furry #chewyguts oc

[piplupod]

my method of "getting better" has just been Do Everything Possible and latch onto whatever gives you any sense of purpose and/or joy. and i guess it's been working because i am definitely not in quite the same place that i was a few yrs ago

#like i have tried so many things #any opportunity for trying a thing that is supposed to be helpful is met with ''yeah sure why not'' #counselors love me for it LMFAO #''its impressive that you're willing to try these things :)'' girl if i dont then I'll kill myself. it's not gonna hurt me to try #if it goes badly then i have a breakdown and maybe hurt myself but then i immediately move onto the next thing #and i can always draw shitty art. thats always there for me. i can rotate my OCs in my brain. i can watch a show or listen to a podcast #those are always available if nothing else works out #and maybe it helps that i have a deadline of ''if life is still intolerable by x time then you can kill urself'' dhfjdkl #operating by that makes me want to put in more effort bc theres a time limit #also doing all these things has given me a sense of identity outside of having irl ppl around me #i couldnt control that for a long time (very very very lucky to have joined the old lady group recently) so i had to make do #and it is hard and it is scary and it is very often nearly unbearably lonely. but when u throw urself headfirst into ur own stuff #then u don't focus so much on the Aloneness of it all. and also u get to post abt ur hobbies and stuff and make friends online that way #idk !!! it is a hard spot to pull urself out of but taking a single step at a time is incredibly helpful #trying things and doing things and keeping on trucking gets u thru it one way or another #pippen needs 2nd breakfast #suicide mention

[dearmrsawyer]

hello! it has been a long time since i've talked through my day! this one had such a big turnaround that i needed to document it, mostly for myself.

i had an appointment with a 'root canal specialist' today bc i had my first app with my new dentist a couple of weeks ago and his xray revealed an abscess wow how fun :) i couldn't feel it bc that tooth has a decade old root canal so there are no nerves to reveal there is anything going on!! fun!!!! he's a super nice dentist, i like him but he made me very panicked lol he was showing me how close it is to my sinuses on the xray. so he was like 'go see this guy asap' bc he wanted to know whether there was a chance my old root canal could be redone or if i'd have to get the whole tooth removed/an implant, all for the low low price of $5-6000 🙃 but obviously you can never see specialists asap!!! so i've been walking around for 2.5 weeks with dread/phantom pains that by the time i saw him the infection would've spread and idk had catastrophic consequences??? and then today when i went there was CONSTRUCTION at the turn i needed to make and the road was closed and i was like i don't know how to get there from another street??!?!?!??! i spent 10 minutes driving through suburban streets and my navigation kept trying to take me back to the original route with the closed road, and its the middle of town so there was nowhere i could just temporarily stop and look at the map, and i called them almost crying to let them know i'm coming but i might be late bc i just can't navigate these streets jegjkdgkjdkg

anyway i MADE it, i think i parked in another business's parking lot and just hoped they didn't care lol and then the lady at the desk was like 'our other specialist will have to see you bc the guy you're here for isn't here' so i was feeling uhhhh not good after my dentist talked him up so much. AND my dentist didn't send over my electronic referral and i had LITERALLY been stressed that he would forget to do exactly that for the whole 2.5 weeks oh my god, thankfully they didnt even seem to care. but then as i was filling out the paperwork in the waiting room 'no judgment' came on, and then 'wolves' right after??? and i was like this seems deliberate to try and calm me down 😂 and when the substitute specialist called me in he was so extremely calming and talked me through my options, one of which is indeed to try and redo the root canal bc he's confident he can, it would still cost a lot but wayyyyy less. he also said i could 'do nothing' (which is obv risky, and i would never do nothing, but that made me realise my infection is not about to bust through and spread across my sinuses any second, one fear down!). he was just softly spoken and super relaxed and he made me feel like this was not in fact a crisis and said i could go and think about what i wanted to do, and just call for an appointment when i decided. and then when i went out to pay 'i want to write you a song' was playing 😭 i asked the receptionists if there was a 1d fan in the house and one of them said it must just be a random playlist on spotify, so this was all a complete coincidence????? i told them i was enjoying it very much.

anyway long story short i had already taken the rest of the afternoon off work to go work in the garden, but figured there was a good chance i'd be so down about an unexpected and immiment $5000 hit that i wouldn't want to do anything, but i drove home feeling extremely reassured that i had options and i was not on the clock to decide, and also very relaxed by 1d playing in the background the entire time. i have also been extremely stressed that i would need to take the next step asap and this would be such a bad time as mum is working 50 hour weeks right now bc of the referendum, so i am on caring duty with nonna/nonno anytime we don't have carers here. but there's time! i had a v good afternoon in the garden after all!

#i am extremely comfortable at the dentist (i had the kindest dentist all through childhood/adolescence/early adulthood) #(who put lots of time into making us comfortable/safe in his chair when we were tiny) #but i have a lot of dental fear bc you only get one go #(i have v regular dreams of my teeth falling out lol) #i also have v weak teeth rip my mouth is a filling factory #i do eat a lot of sugar lol but my teeth clearly suffer more than other ppl i know who eat just as much #anyways the point is everything was monumentally stressful/scary until i stepped inside that place #im very thankful with how the entire appointment played out #for the substitute specialist and also for the soothing tunes lol #im not sure what i will do yet but i will think about it. bc i can! #i am crediting god for this one 😂 he took good care of me today #tp

[jackblackhotelmirror]

shoutout post to my girl @thewinchestah for helping me accept my flaws and the cringe parts of me. everyone needs someone like pond to remind them that being silly goofy is ok and there's nothing wrong with being yourself. it's ok to experiment and play around and do things for fun without seeking validation.

#I was drawing today and showed my friend and she laughed at it and went 'wow so drawing isn't your specialty' #normally I'd be REALLY hurt by that but I was like y'know what. I'm *not* good at drawing BUT that won't stop me from doing it #so that was a very big step for me to just take the comment in stride and laugh at it #also writing again has been scary but my work is for me. not for anyone else. #cringe isn't real and monetization isn't the goal. do things for the fun of it even if you're not good. #this has been a hashtag sage motivational post

[jennycalendar]

adulthood is such a scary concept! like from here on out i have full control of the way my life shapes out??? what?????? why?????

#musings #now do i have a detailed 20 step plan that is very simple and easy to follow? #yes. have had it since middle school. #but is it still scary to know that this is still me making this plan go forward? #YES. VERY.

[viva-la-bohemia]

Desperately hoping for my fav trope to be fulfilled in this podcast:

Dads reprimanding kids that aren’t their own bc they’re so fed up with this bs

#Nick shakes scary real hard “he’s manipulating YOU DUMBASS” #Lark teaches taylor how to actually use a sword “stop using your friends as stepping stones. Also it’s ok to be angry at your dad for shit” #grant hugs normal “please stop burning the candle at both ends to make your dad proud it’s messing you TF UP” #Terry takes link out for ice cream “your idea of perfect relationships is fucked and needs to be fixed but don’t cut everyone out to do that #sparrow and hermie would actually prolly be them sitting in a room and insulting each other until they both disassociate #Sort of turned into just bonding at the end but you get what I mean #for some reason dads dadding the kids they aren’t dads too is very good to me #dndads #dungeons and daddies

[ginkovskij]

feeling miserable again!!

#it's very interesting how one single thought will grow into 'my life is pointless and being alive is only painful amd scary' episode #like thinking about therapy and how we are not moving a single step in the direction of finding a solution #we always talk about the causes and i guess that's important too but not going to lie knowing that i feel unlovable because my childhood was #fucked up doesn't help me at all with feeling less of an unlovable piece of garbage every day of my life ): #notes of a countryside dandy

[rosekasa]

Are you not into Ladynoir anymore? :(

NO!!!!!!! NONO I LOVE THEM !!!!!!!

i actually have been more into ml/ladynoir since september than i have been in a long time. i took a very big step back from fandom and posting and it really helped me reignite my love for ml and also remember all the things i enjoy doing when im not worried about what people think of me and whether i need to get new art out soon etc etc. ive always been very mindful of my relationship with social media but the ml fandom has definitely been one of the most. Intense social media experiences i've had compared to the others that ive been in, and there was a point where i was like. ok. maybe this isn't good for me anymore

i'm trying to be very careful about the way i post on tumblr/twitter these days, as well as the people i interact with in the fandom. i still want to be on here from time to time but i think it's important that i remind myself that my creations and my thoughts are first and foremost mine and that when i sit down to write a fic or to draw or something, it doesn't have to be crafted and polished specifically to be shared online. ♥♥♥ but yes i am still into ladynoir, more so than i have been in a long time 🥺🥺🥺 i love them so much

#i bet some people r reading this like girl ur so stupid social media isnt meant to be that hard lol #but it was hard for me! and i cant change that. but i can change the way i interact with it #and i think it was a good choice and i am proud of myself for it because the idea of like #possibly being forgotten and discarded by people once i stopped being active made me very anxious #but i took the step back anyway and im happy i did #even though people did forget about me #as the anon from before said #change is scary #but change is good ! #ask #anon

[3-aem]

Okay I'm going to draw aki from chainsaw man. I can do this.

#i like him and his name reminds me of ahi #like the tuna. #and i am hungry. #it makes sense. #I'm going to do it I am. #watch me stress release another 5 gojos before i actually do tho....bc stepping into a new fandom is hard and scary and i would like to #avoid that...... #those aren't my actual reasons i saw him doing cooking on twitter and the piercings and went okay I'm game I'm in #ponytail (?) also check very nice super good get in the basket #i should start the series first but dw bc my first few gojo pieces ever were done with 0 Knowledge of jjk #i usually prime open with a couple pieces and then delve in #csm will fill the void that jjk could have filled if they just put gojo back on scene so i could simp #going to shut up now lots of nervous energy #byee

[milo-is-rambling]

I can’t even imagine living without anxiety. Like. How. What?

#I mean if I woke up tomorrow with a normal amount of anxiety it would be a shocking difference to my daily life. and I am medicated!!! like. #what? am I missing something here? #my mom tells me that meds can only do so much and that they’re really just meant to make it so you can get out of bed every day #but now I’m wondering like is that true or is that my mom is on the wrong dose herself and something could be done to help us both #gahhhhh idk I just feel helpless bc I’m scared of making big changes and the big changes have to make are scary and large and I need a #bulleted list made of things I can do (and break down into very small steps) to actually progress in a positive way in my life instead of #being SO afraid and SO stagnant. it’s been six months since (ptsd diagnosis causing thing) and I don’t feel like I’ve made any progress even #with a therapist. I’m working towards a more intensive program but I feel like it’s almost making me feel more alienated bc I’d have to like #go be surrounded by other mentally ill people and medical people which brings dad dying trauma and like I know I’m running from it bc I’m #afraid to face the changes I need to make and the feelings that are going to come up but fuck man can’t I get some fucking meds that make #this easier to deal with!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! grief and ptsd and long term isolation and anxiety and chronic pain like fuck it’s #so exhausting!!!! I feel like I’m fucking fighting thru life and then from the outside it’s like I’m doing nothing cause I stay in my room #and get stoned and play animal crossing and watch tv and cry and over eat and sometimes I drive around in circles so I can scream sing until #my throat burns and I get a headache and everything finally quiets down in my head for a second. I know I look like I’m doing nothing and #that’s because I am doing nothing but waiting for the next time a mental health professional will talk to me for an hour like it’s so sad #anyways. you ever take a big dab and then start crying and type all of this like it’s an epiphany even tho it’s things you already know. #honestly crying in front of the air conditioner is so slay slight breeze over my face cooling the tears the white noise calming me down

[thats-a-lot-of-cortisol]

My mom just sent a message to the family group chat suggesting that my siblings download the 'For the Strength of Youth' magazine on their Gospel Library app and talked about how much the youth magazines helped her testimony growing up and like, cool. Fine. Don't know why the 'sending random spiritual thoughts in the gc' thing started out of nowhere when it hadn't been a thing for a decade but this is just another one of those, and you're ofc allowed to talk about things that are significant in your life.

I don't think sending the 'What I Did When Someone Close to Me Challenged My Faith' article right afterwards was strictly necessary though 🙃

#hi bg mutuals 👋 i'm gonna vent about this from time to time. if any mutuals dont want to see it block the 'apostake' tag #trying not to read too much into it b/c I think I did last time something like this happened #and i dont want to make an ass of myself even if neither time would actually be in front of my parents #but like...i know that they know that one of my sisters is clearly PIMO #they went through her phone a couple weeks ago and i have no idea if they read my texts w/ her #but if they did they probably saw the conversation i had with her about some of the really common shelf-breakers #and telling her to take looking into it at her own pace b/c it's scary and overwhelming #(a conversation SHE started btw) #and when i talked to my parents about the larger context of that whole situation i talked about not having space to step back #and their response was that they give plenty of space b/c they dont make her go to seminary??? #that's not the same thing as letting her openly question & potentially leave the church idk what to tell you #like. besties i dont know for sure what caused it (which is NOT making things better. it just feels potentially passive aggressive) #but from my end? it sure looks like it might be a reaction to that. probably not JUST that (friends exist) but. #if you think I'm whispering anti-mormon rhetoric into my siblings' ears just ask me. i'm very much NOT doing that #i'm just. talking? to them? when and if they come to me with questions? #and not making my answer 'well there's a reason our parents raised us in the church! ☺️' #(an actual argument given in the article my mom sent) #hate it. thanks #apostake #jay rambles #ok to interact #im not challenging anyone's faith. my patience though? INCREDIBLY challenged #gotta figure out how to work my way around a 'hey please dont send spiritual thoughts to the gc *I'm in*' talk tactfully #they've been pretty chill about me leaving over-all?? at least to my face #haven't pushed me to go to church w/ them; was fine with me not visiting for easter; didnt try to convince me to not drink coffee; etc #it's just. frustrating that they're not giving my siblings that still live with them that same grace #my sister's 17 ffs #it's very possible im way overreacting to the article. but what is tumblr for if not screaming into the void #religion #mormonism

[hella1975]

wicked game by chris isaak as a zukka song. discuss

#as THE zukka song even. ive been listening to this on loop this morning #it's also specifically very tams and taob zukka coded just bc it's got that jaded 'been through hell' vibe to it #'the world was on fire and no one could save me but you' hello... literally the war..... sokka pulling zuko out of it.... the gaang winning #'i never dreamed that id love somebody like you' GOES BOTH WAYS #also the chorus kinda reluctant to fall in love but it's happening anyway? VERY TAOB AND TAMS CODED #like i always said taob zukka's anthem was georgia particularly bc of 'if i fix you will you hate me' #and 'i dont want to fall in love with you (the world is only gonna break your heart)' gives similar vibes #and the tams angle is bc tams zuko's whole thing is that he wants NOTHING to do with the war #like he's had enough he's seen enough he's well and truly given up hope #he's lost his fight which is such a heartbreaking thing to consider for ZUKO of all people #and the gaang kind of. forcefully give him hope again and restore his faith in humanity and he's fighting it every step of the way #bc if he gets his fight back then it means he can't just be jaded and indifferent to the injustice he's seen and experienced #he has to deal with it head on and that's such a horrible scary thing and he just doesn't want to fight anymore #literally 'what a wicked game to play to make me feel this way what a wicked thing to do to let me dream of you' #in this essay i will- #twice as many stars #taob updates #<- very funny to me that i just use that tag as a taob dumping ground like it very rarely has anything to do with an update <3 #zukka

[icharchivist]

I think there's something pleasant about slipping back into an old hyperfixation

Sure, it feels like you can never truly escape and reality is a joke, but it's warm and comfortable and familiar, like putting on a shirt you used to love wearing but then it kinda slipped into the back of the closet

Sorry about your emotions though

NO YEAH I AGREE

Like it's pleasant but also bittersweet, it's remembering all sort of things you might have forgotten, and why it was so important to you back then and also right now. It can be introspective, just as much as it can be familiar.

but god do you suffer and god do you end up thinking there is no escape from your fate. It's really 'oh no i'm back on my bullshit' type of experience. It's nice but goddamn.

#in my case right now with ff7 it's really hitting hard because i hyperfocused on it at very different ages #first in 2007/2008 then in 2015 to 2017 then 2019/2020 and now right back again #and the stuff i focused on each time were a bit different and similar at the same time #and what kills me is that with the remake i've grown so. so tired of the fanbases esp on twitter #that it made me take some step back (+ all my complicated thoughts about the remake added in) #but it was always something i had in the back of my head and revered a lot #but seeing my theater do a screening of advent children i really thought it'd be a shame for me not to go #and by god i didn't expect the movie to hit me this hard and still connecting to me to that level #it's familiar and homey as much as it is deep and scary #because the good time and passion is intertwined with the sad and the tragic and the way it helped me going through hard times #and the general feeling of 'i thought i outgrew this.' only to be hit by new angles it comes to resonate with me #eerie as fuck at least. #but yeah. this is fine. This is fine i'm normal. #ichareply #anonymous

[kakusu-shipping]

🥥&/or🍫&/or🧋for Nezu (i hope one of these works haha) - @wheresunandseameet

Yes and thankyou very much!!! I'm so sorry for being picky like this, thankyou for your patients!!

🥥 - If your familiar f/o is being hurt by someone else what would you do to help?

M-Mister Nezu.. Hurt by someone else...? I... I'm not really s-sure... All I'm good at is teleporting an-and I need to be.. touching someone to teleport them and.. Mr. Nezu... Doesn't like being touched... so I couldn't get him out of danger......

I-I'd have to go get some-someone else, someone st-stronger, a-a good hero.. May-maybe Mr. Yagi o-or Mr. Aizawa... Someone else.. wh-who could help..

🍫; What would other characters in your familiar f/o's source think of you and your f/o?

(out of character) Most of the UA staff are rather thrown off by Nezu adopting a kid, especially one raised by the Hero Commission. He's never been a compassionate mouse, he can't handle being touched in any way, and truthfully his energy for children start and end on a professional level.

All Might is probably the only one who understands the guilt Nezu carries for leaving Hawks behind when he left the Hero Commission, and that this, taking one of their child soldiers out of that life, is his way of easing his conscious at least a little. He's also the only one who supports him in this, playing a sort of co-parent to me. More like a grandfather I suppose. He's the main one to give physical affection, support, and encouragement. Though he certainly shows favoritism to Midoriya, he tries to be there for all his students, including me, especially sense I have no one else in my corner.

Most of Class 1-A and 1-B react to Nezu legally adopting me with the same amount of confusion as the teacher's did. It just seems so out of character for their aloof principal. The rumor that we're closer related than just adopted father/son spread and a lot of 1-A pestered me for background information on Nezu for a while until Bakugo made them back off.

#Thankyou for asking #I HAVEN'T POSTED ABOUT MY UA STUDENT S/I IN FOREVER THANKYOU SOOOOOOOO MUCH FOR THESE ASKS #Rat Dad my beloved <3 #He's fighting his demons and facing his parental trauma one step at a time #And he's not doing great but he's doing his best #He may not be the most affectionate dad but he is the most understanding man on the planet #He doesn't question why I'm so jumpy. Why I'm so scared all the time. Why I cry easy and run at ever opportunity. #He knows. He was there once. He's hoping getting me out of the Hero Commission will be enough on it's own eventually. #He's very grateful to All Might for making the world look so much less scary to me #Because he can't offer that kind of comfort #I looooooooooove you Nezu that's my DAD <3