#this bitch is moist!!

[gemwolfz]

frogposting special episode: Cool Frog Facts! ranging from "documentation of canon" to "headcanons i pulled out of my ass that may or may not even be canon compliant". maybe kind of boring ohwell. may or may not add a transcription later depending on motivation

#sgt frog #keroro gunso #figured i'd post something relatively normal as opposed to the sex ed kululu was going to provide 👍 #kululu is like a poison dart frog but full of curry instead of poisonous plants #not the fuyuki from memory 💀 #the reason keroro feels cool to the touch is because he's slimier than the rest. #this bitch is moist!! #hc that one reason furbottom is so attached to giroro is because he'll happily eat the gross dead stuff she brings him #omg a live locust thank you kittycat! DISGUSTING CRUNCHING NOISES #bonus mystery: when dororo told keroro off for the co2 emissions of his eye lasers #clearly a joke but has fascinating implications on how alien eye lasers work #do yall eat coal or something whats happening there #okok i'll stop now #gem art

[sneez]

my lord of autism

#discworld #havelock vetinari #artwork #i have read. A Lot of discworld this year #i just finished the watch series so im moving on to moist next. very excited for moist #anyway i love 100% of the characters but vetinari is probably my favourite hes a massive bitch i love him #other characters who are my favourites include sybil angua carrot and constable visit. and vimes but he goes without saying #also vetinari is about as close to canonically acearo and autistic as a character has been since sherlock holmes which means da world 2 me #i was talking about this yesterday but i think him and holmes would get along. steepling their fingers at each other #i have a lot of thoughts about vetinari but i cant really express any of them i just rotate him in my head often #i hope you are all doing well my friends and that you are enjoying the end of the year :D i luv you

[handwrittenhello]

Tbh I think Dream should have won if people were honestly being subjective/knew the source material :'( I know every single fandom on the list and Dreams not even my blorbo and I know he invented poor little meow meow

i know it's you neil gaiman

#tumblr's plmm contest #jk i'm also mad that twink bitch beat my moist immortal alleycat #i wish people wouldn't just vote for the ones they know/like more!! #oh well any poll on here is going to automatically turn into a popularity contest #director's commentary #anon

[bapadap]

#poll #tumblr polls #as in “you moist bitch” or something idk

[ookaookaooka]

rowling defenders found my post, yuck 😬😬😬 girl she hates trans people and wants us to die, it’s time to stop stanning her it’s 2023

#‘rowling taught me to look beyond the surface to love a person but pratchett did not’ bitch where??? #ways to show me you have zero reading comprehension skills in one sentence #rowling uses ugliness REGULARLY to equal evil/badness/dislikeability #a repeated theme in pratchett’s work is characters not being what they initially appear to be #ESPECIALLY ugly/stupid/weird characters #for example: vimes initially assumes the trolls are stupid but then finds out it’s just a thick accent and a different culture #vimes initially thinks goblins are disgusting animals but then finds out they’re people who are being oppressed #moist initially thinks the golems are basically robots but then learns that they’re just a different type of person #(tbh i think the golems are a better comparison for jkr’s house elves than the goblins but that’s another post) #literally give me ONE example of jkr writing a character who is ugly/strange on the outside but we are meant to empathize with #hagrid and luna lovegood don’t count; the narrative still dismisses them for the most part

[luminarai]

getting to the smörgåstårta final and can’t wait to be inevitably annoyed at every wrong thing that Paul will undoubtedly say with the utmost of his white man confidence

#cecil blogs her life #gbbo #already he’s like ‘you can’t use too wet ingredients the bread will soak it up bla bla’ WRONG #who the fuck wants a dry smörgåstårta #yes obv it needs a semblance of structure but there’s a reason why #but there’s a reason you make them with white spongy soft breads #bitch needs to be MOIST

[fluffypotatey]

it’s so interesting to me that humidity actually means something other than suffocation to drier areas

#what do you mean that’s your tell for rain???? #you mean you get nature’s moist hug and it means something like ‘rain incoming’ instead of ‘have fun sweating bitch’ #literally for the first couple times i just thought ‘hey the weather feels like home 🥰’ and then didn’t correlate that with the storms lmao #this is the only culture shock i get concurrently whenever i visit my aunt’s place #idk it’s so fascinating to learn that these kinds of weather occurrences i view as fairly common are clues for specific patterns #tbh i do know that the air always gets even thicker when rain comes but the change in atmosphere felt too small for me to tell at hime #but then i’ll be in like east tx and the atmosphere change is sO stark like wtf #nature is weird #and cool #late night talks with a potato

[skyriderwednesday]

The Famous Mutant Squid of Ankh

“Mr Lipwig, where is the report I had asked you for?” “Er…” Moist tried, “...a mutant squid ate my homework?” --

In which Moist von Lipwig suffers the consequences of ADHD, tells a ridiculous lie, and reality has a funny way of lining things up sometimes…

(G Rated, 662 words, HC: Moist has ADHD, Vetinari wears reading glasses

“Mr Lipwig, where is the report I had asked you for?” “The report?” “Yes,” Vetinari said. “On the purchasing power and methods of exchange of the Ankh-Morpork dollar.” Shit. He had completely forgotten about that. Well, he hadn’t forgotten about it. He had known he was meant to do it, had meant to do it, he just… hadn’t gotten round to it. Vetinari was waiting for him to answer, drumming his fingers on the desk in an ominous rhythm. “Er…” Moist tried, “...a mutant squid ate my homework?” “Oh really,” he said. “Uh, yeah…” Moist said for some reason. “It came up out of the river…” “Did it?” Vetinari asked in an exaggeratedly high-pitched tone of sarcastic cynicism. He was committed now, the horse was running. “It did, swear on my life, sir. It had twenty-seven eyes and forty-three legs, sir, it was horrible.” Vetinari raised an eyebrow and dropped back down into his usual tone. “I see you had time to count them.” Damn it, he knew the numbers had been a mistake-- “Well… uh… it couldn’t move all that fast with all those legs, sir… it was a bit over-encumbered.” “And yet it ate your report.” “It… had a lot of teeth, sir,” Moist said lamely. Vetinari turned his head and looked at him over the hinge of his reading glasses. “Teeth?” “Well, y’know… squid…” he said, running out of steam and fishing desperately for any knowledge of cephlapodean (was that a word?) anatomy, “they’ve got teeth between their legs…” “I believe the typical feeding apparatus of a squid is referred to as a beak, Mr Lipwig,” Vetinari said, unimpressed. “Well it was…” this was the stupidest defence in the world, “...beaky.” The noise Vetinari made was not a sigh, nor was it an exasperated groan, but Moist would have felt a lot better if it had been either. “I will give you until Thursday to produce a replacement,” he said. “Next Thursday?” Moist asked hopefully. Vetinari lowered his eyebrows. “What about next Thursday?” “Well… today’s Wednesday.” “Is it?” He turned to Drumknott for confirmation. They whispered back and forth for a few moments, becoming surprisingly animate. From Moist’s perspective it was impossible to tell who was winning -- or if there was anything to be won in the first place. Vetinari turned back towards him and shrugged. “You may interpret ‘Thursday’ as you like, Mr Lipwig,” he said, “as long as at least sixteen hundred words makes it to my desk, handwritten and legible.” The edge to his gaze suggested that there was in fact a wrong solution to this problem, and it was up to Moist to avoid it. “Yes, sir,” he said. “In that case, Mr Lipwig, you may go. To my understanding, you have a report to write.” Drumknott cleared his throat and stepped forward to whisper. Vetinari listened to him. “Ah, of course. Re-write, I apologise.”

Vetinari watched as Moist closed the door behind him with a mildly sheepish rounding to his shoulders. Drumknott politely waited a minute before making a comment. “A ‘mutant squid’ indeed, sir,” he said in a low voice. “Yes…” Vetinari replied, rubbing his forehead. “Make a note of this in his file, will you?” “Of course, sir.”

***

In the sleepy, after dinner heat of the sunroom, any streams of conversation had run dry and the three people involved each found themselves staring at different walls. “There’s been some odd looking squid showing up in the river lately,” Vimes said eventually. “Have there?” Sybil asked distantly, seemingly studying shapes in the shrubbery halfway across the garden. “Yeah, there was one with sixteen legs picked up the other day.” “Oh, that’s unusual-- are you all right, dear?” she asked Vetinari, choking on his tea. “Yes,” he accepted a napkin. “It just went down the wrong way.” “Oh dear.” “I’m fine,” he said, clearing his throat. “Mutant squid in the Ankh, you said?” Vimes shrugged, “You could put it like that.” “I say…”

#discworld #discworld fic #moist von lipwig #havelock vetinari #rufus drumknott #sam vimes #sybil ramkin #look... moist is busy and also executive dysfunction is a bitch-- #but that doesn't necessarily mean you should start spinning yarns about mutant squid... #i almost rated this t for the shit word #but uh... it's one usage and i'm counting that as my pg-allowed drop

[shartlock-holmes]

HELP

#why did he moan like what #why did he #wha- #shitpost #i love women #bitches be like #real #mickey mouse #weirdcore #what #fanfic #silly #aesthetic #moist #moist critikal #penguinz0 #Charlie white #wwe

[snailtiddies420]

Send tweet

#snailspeaks #one piece #wano arc #basil gtfo you stinky nasty ass bitch #I bet you smell moist you straw man fuck

[bunnyb34r]

So for awhile now (years really) I've been coming back to the crab tank to find the freshwater bowl mostly untouched but the saltwater one empty

I thought there might have been small leaks like the saltwater is dissolving the bowls into microscopic holes so I switched materials (plastic, metal, cooking safe ceramic, I'm on glass now) but the freshwater bowls were always fine and there was no way I was getting the same bowl as the saltwater bowl every time so what gives...

I finally connected the dots... the crabs ARE bathing!!

I thought this whole time they were avoiding it or splash bathing (Gurkle will dip his legs and claws in and walk away) I've seen Scupa bathe (and SOAK which scared the shit out of me) and Speedy bathe, both by walking THROUGH the bowl or climbing in to dip their shell in

Took me 7 almost 8 years but finally I have an answer. They're not stinky boys after all

#marquilla #the party boys #crabs #i really thought gurkle just never bathed sgdggddd that he moistened his gills by burrowing in the moist substrate but he is!! #maybe thats what he was trying to tell me when he woke me up at 2am BANGING ON THE GLASS NOT LETTING ME FALL BACK TO #SLEEP! #gurkle:STOP TELLING PEOPLE I SMELL!! I DO BATHE BITCH!!!! DO /YOU/?

[nest-being]

trying to process in my brain how to message and keep in contact with people. it's hard, like do i just message them and ask how they are?? what do i say?? i'm scared to annoy anyone or be weird/awkward but i'm coming to the conclusion that maybe that's what communication takes 😰

#is there a handbook on how to have a conversation lmao?? #i feel like i can have brief surface level conversations in person at like a professional level because i know what i'm supposed to say #like a bitch has a mental guide book of normal and safe to say things during polite conversation but uhhhh other than that im lost #like i feel like i cant be fully sincere having conversations like that #i wanna be myself but genuinely where do i start #what are normal things to say in a conversation? how do you start a conversation like what kinds of things do you ask?? or say?? #head empty lmao no thoughts i just listen and absorb like a slug on a moist leaf

[cadenceconfessions]

Dog

Dog………..

#two wet dogs #two moist bitches

[avid-adoxography]

Love how my brain went: yeah you can have a little dream tonight uwu

Sure, you'll have to go through horrible visions of torture and psychological anguish for most of the time, but you get to interact with a slightly off-model skewed version of one of your OC F/Os. Ain't that neat? <3c

#they reskinned Greg with his RE4 Remake counterpart!! and they made it an Iron Maiden!? WHAT THE FUCK!?!??? #he was so moist. and clingier than usual. zero understanding of my personal space. #and yet i still caved. delusional touch-starved bitch lets fake boyfriend to cling on them like moss on a rock #AND ENJOYS IT. #was it worth the horrors though? yeah. yes it was fbdjbfkc #f/o: greg madsen #echoes from the fog

[nico-moist-moses]

the key to getting better at art is to professionally suck at it with a passion

in this case, I was working with markers (ft colored pencils), I'm kinda getting there! i just need to buy human skin tone markers and a few more colors tbh. then i can really get there!

#markers expensive :( #art #moist maguey art #my new art tag yall like it #its a reference to my name ;) #cat #dog #markers #colored pencils #beginner #artists on tumblr #ill get there okay #patience bitch #traditional drawing

[cripplecryptid]

In a sick twist of fate i am having my period for realsies and for the second week in a row and i want to kill

#I hate pads i hate tampons i couldnt even begin to try period cups bc i am Disabled #I hate the squirckly sounds of pads i hate the moistness of it all i hate the stupid perfumes on the pads #I hate the way they dont absorb fast enough i hate the way blood clots feel #I hate hate hate it #I miss my hyper absorbant pads but i dont make my mom buy them bc i dont usually get my period #And usually when i do it's not that heavy anymore but THIS TIME IT IS AND I HATE IT!! IF U DIDNT KNOW.. HATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #We joke and we laugh but i mean it. Ppl who get their period should be carried on a gold throne and be given anything they want forever #THERE IS FLUID!!!!!!!!! LEAKING OUT OF ME!!!!!!!!!!!! INVOLUNTARILY!!!!!!!!! #People who get their period every month are stronger than i ever wish to be bitch this shit sucks ass beyond all reasonability