#thinking; if people are so afraid of us and hate us so much

[emeraldcity1900]

the history of animation in a nutshell

Early 1900s: hey what if comic strips could like move?

Late 1910s early 1920s hey what if we mashed this up with live action people?

late 1920s: hey what if this thing had sound?

Early to mid 1930s: hey what if this had people actually talking and also color?

late 1930s: hey you know that super cool movie that one lady animated with paper cut out silhouettes? What if we did that with painted cells? Would people even pay to see that? Never mind it turns out the answer is yes.

1940s: ah shit most of our animators got drafted and/or hate us now cause we weren’t paying them. IT’S PROPAGANDA TIME BABY. Also haha hitler got hit with a mallet and also the most racist depictions of Japanese people ever.

1950s to 1960s : oh what’s this newfangled thing? Television? What if you could air cartoons on it? Oh fuck no I ain’t paying that much to get the charecters to have different backgrounds and for the charecters to like, move fluidly. Also manga and anime are steadily growing more popular.

1970s: (Ralph Bakshi walks into a comics store and finds a furry comic) X rated animated movie? *cue the screams of mothers and their unsuspecting children now being introduced to the revolutionary idea that cartoons don’t equal kids stuff? WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO?

1980s to 1990s: we can have full on animated Broadway musicals? Wait, what do you mean animated movies can count for the Oscar’s? What do you mean now they get their own catagory because the academy still thinks their for babies? Anime and manga are taking off in the west. SWEET JESUS WHAT DRUGS ARE THE JAPANESE ON SHOWING THIS SHIT TO KIDS. But also why is it so fucking good. Maybe some of these aren’t even meant for kids? Wait We can sell toys to kids with cartoons? Wait we can actually put effort into these cartoons on television? The fuck to you mean we can animate in 3D now? What do you mean we can have well animated, well written sitcom shows like the simpsons? What do you mean you can make cartoon charecters say fuck? What drugs are creators at Nickelodeon on? Do I even want to know?

2000s: oh my god, there is this one show that I really like cause it’s really well written and genuinely funny but I can’t talk about it because it’s animated and we all know cartoons are for babies right? Oh look it’s the transformers movie, look how far CGI has evolved so we can make the transformers in a movie.

2010s: holy shit I know these shows are for kids but they’re just well written and have so much meaningful things to say about the world. Wait, it’s cool to like cartoons now? They they have fandoms for this? Fuck yeah I’m in. (Enters one of the most notoriously toxic fandoms of all time) THEY HAVE GAY PEOPLE IN THESE SHOWS NOW? AND COMPLEX EMOTIONAL STORYTELLING? AND ADULT ANIMATED SHOWS CAN BE MORE THAN JUST SITCOMS WITH THE SAME JOKES AND STYLE? WHY IS IT THAT EVERY DISNEY CARTOON SINCE GRAVITY FALLS INCLUDE THINGS THAT GET MORE AND MORE FUCKED UP? WHY DO I FUCKING LOVE IT? WHY THE FUCK DID DISNEY DO THE OWL HOUSE DIRTY LIKE THAT?

2020s: I got this show I wanna pitch but it dosen’t fit into any box that the networks want and also I’m afraid that they’ll just randomly cancel it before I can finish the story I want to tell. Wait, I can just post the pilot on my YouTube channel, see if anybody actually likes this thing I made and just make the show independently? FUCK THE NETWORK! I AM THE NETWORK

#Animation #indie animation #cartoons #classic cartoons #disney #warner bros #Out of the inkwell #Flesher studios #Gravity falls #star vs the forces of evil #amphiba #the owl house #steven universe #Bojack horseman #glitch productions #ramshackle #the amazing digital circus #Murder drones #lackadaisy #hazbin hotel #Ducktales #infinity train #ralph bakshi #fritz the cat #sailor moon #neon genesis evengelion #revolutionary girl utena #helluva boss #the simpsons #south park

[echos-gal]

ok i'm rapidly losing hope that Tech is still alive, and this sucks because it was basically the top thing i desperately wanted from this season. i wanted to see him survive. so here's my exhaustive and embarrassingly long list of reasons why he SHOULD still be alive, and if he isn't, why it was a missed opportunity. obviously no hate to the writers or anything, i love them dearly for creating this show!!!

(if you're a "Tech should stay dead for the stakes/so someone in SW stays dead for once/i hate delusional Tech stans" person, kindly keep scrolling, this ain't for you)

SEASON 2:

right from the start, Romar connects with Tech and calls himself "a survivor." HELLO???

in this same arc, Tech breaks his leg in a fall which he survives. he continues to walk on it, fighting off troopers to save Echo & Omega, showcasing his persistence and grit.

one of Phee's first lines is "better late than dead," and we know she shares a connection with Tech. she flirts with him later in this scene. it would be a shame not to reuse this line, i'm just saying....

Cid still owes Tech for racing for her in Faster. we see Cid looking miserable as she betrays the batch in Plan 99, so her playing a part in his rescue/comeback would be a nice way to show her growth. (i'm afraid there isn't enough time for this, though- as much as i thought a Cid redemption was on the horizon!)

Phee and Tech's departure is awkward, and although we have some context from season 3 (they talked more than we realized), the scene would do best if reconciled in person imo. it felt like it was setting up for something, and feels weird to leave hanging.

"don't go running off with any pirates or smugglers" could not have just been a throw away line. it set up for him to do exactly that. how fitting would it be if pirates or smugglers actually did manage to pick him up before the empire made it to the railcar crash site?

Hemlock's retrieval of the goggles shows that he sent a team to look through the wreckage. he thought there was a chance Tech survived, and may have him.

i won't go into the logistics, but big falls ARE survivable. in star wars especially. we have no idea what was below the layer of clouds/mist Tech fell through.

SEASON 3:

this is mostly CX-2 centric. their armor is very similar: the jaw/mouth shape, the hexagons over the ears, the rectangles on the chest, and the pouches/pockets.

"domicile." that is all.

CX-2 uses technology more than the other operatives we've seen, and he gets past the encryption on Phee's ship with ease.

"who are you?" was enunciated in the exact same way Tech says it to Trace and Rafa, which i definitely think was intentional.

CX-2 stops to use his rifle scope in the exact same spot where Tech and Phee stood to let down the ladders in the sea surge on Pabu.

he survives a waterfall plunge on Teth, which appears to have fooled Rex's group into thinking he'd died. the writers could have killed him off there and sent a new operative, but they chose to stick with CX-2 pursuing them to Pabu.

it's worth noting that while this CX is designated as "2," Tech's CT number is CT-9902. he is associated with the number even on a visual level: he's a dual-wielder, he wears goggles, he salutes with two fingers.

FROM A STORY PERSPECTIVE:

firstly, i am sorry and i LOVE the writers, but if you want people to accept a character's death, you've got to show his family and friends' grief. we saw no reaction from Crosshair or Phee, no tears from Hunter or Echo. it feels like fans were sadder about Tech's death than the characters in the story.

Tech seems to have been mentioned more in the second half of season 3 than the first half, which works if they want to bring him back in the finale.

the finale is called "The Cavalry Has Arrived." i really don't think you can have the cavalry (aka the bad batch) arrive without every member present. i also don't think it would feel right to play their theme without Tech there. idk, that feels incomplete!

we saw no body, and Hunter received Tech's goggles not from a trusted ally or friend, but from Hemlock. this calls into question the legitimacy of his claim that the goggles were "all he could salvage."

Tech alive and being held on Tantiss would provide a nice parallel to Echo in the first mission where we meet the batch, in TCW. and [ep 14 SPOILERS] we see that Echo is currently looking more like his TCW self, with his earpiece removed.

feels kinda sour that a character who a lot of people related to as neurodivergent representation would die just a few episodes after having a deep conversation with his sister about it.

likewise (and as a white woman i can't speak for WOC), from what i have seen, Black women are rarely the main love interest of a series! Phee is the ONLY love interest in this whole show, and it would suck to just cut off that romance before it could really become something. a lot of people wanted to see TechPhee become canon.

CX-2 is the one who destroys the marauder. it works well storywise for its pilot to have been the one to do that- the person who worked so hard modifying it, flying it, and teaching his sister to fly it. i'll be lowkey pissed if it turns out some random dude blew it up.

it's also CX-2 who invades and sets fire to Pabu. this is emotionally gripping on its own, but if he is Tech, it's even more so.

we have no idea what the operatives go through. Crosshair isn't telling, but it clearly put him in a really bad place. if Tech underwent this conditioning in his post-fall injured state, there's a chance he could come back from it. Emerie is probably the key to this, if they take the CX-2 route.

this show is all about a family trying to stay together as the Empire desperately tries to rip them apart. seeing the whole family together again - even if not everyone survives - in the finale is the satisfaction that the show ideally would go for. the last time they were all together was the season 1 finale. that was about 2 years ago in the show's timeline.

leaving Crosshair and Tech's final interactions be where they parted on the Kamino platform also feels off. Tech was the one who really vocalized the need to rescue Crosshair in season 2's finale. Crosshair, in the meantime, has changed significantly as a person. Tech's comment about Crosshair being "severe and unyielding," and unable to change this facet of his nature, is incorrect. leaving Tech dead would mean that he never gets to see this change in Crosshair, which makes me feel like a deflated balloon.

FROM MY SELFISH PERSPECTIVE!!!

give me Tech with cool scars and slightly disheveled longer hair. this is such a good opportunity for the creators to give him a sweet new look!

we never got to see Tech without his goggles on, despite Phee constantly referring to his eyes. he definitely doesn't have them right now (they're in the Archium), so we could get Mister Big Brown Eyes if he's alive. it's another missed opportunity if not, imo!

the goggles being placed in the Archium was a beautiful scene that makes me tear up whenever i think about it. it's symbolic, it's bittersweet, and it's exactly where the goggles belong. but was it closure for me? not really.

Tech is a character who became a LOT of people's favorite in season 2, including my own. why kill off a fan-favorite with an entire season to go?

yes, i desperately want a Rex and Echo series. yes, i want the batch to cameo in it, and yes... that includes Tech. making up for lost season 3 Tech content 😎

the finale will feature the zillo beast, and Tech loves the zillo beast. FREE HER! REUNITE THEM! he would love to witness her rampage.

FROM A "SURPRISE!!!!!" PERSPECTIVE

it seems like most people think Tech is either CX-2 or dead. it would be a great finale twist if we DID get CX-2's identity, it's NOT Tech, the audience loses hope, and then he shows up. i think this is actually plausible given the other assassin schematics Hemlock was looking at in Point of No Return. Tech might be in Hemlock's grasp, but not an active operative. having an enhanced clone to toy with is something Hemlock would want to keep under wraps. we see him step out of the assassin chamber at the start of that episode - if Tech is anywhere on Tantiss, i think it's here.

i think the writers have expected us to have all lost hope by now, so his finale reappearance would ideally come as a shock. the finale is almost guaranteed to be a very long episode, so we really might have quite a bit of time to explore his return, if it happens.

secret 16th episode: i know, i'm putting my clown makeup on as i type this. but the previous 2 seasons each had 16 episodes, with a two-parter finale. season 3 is just 15, with a single episode finale. TBB formally ends may 1st, so what if we get a may 4th surprise episode detailing how Tech survived? (that or an epilogue leading into a new series, which i think is more likely actually!)

#i definitely forgot some points but i just need to post this and be done with it #feel free to add your own observations 👀 #tbb tech #the bad batch #tech lives #techphee #tbb spoilers #the bad batch spoilers

[cinnamonest]

Thinking about terrible terrible boys who use Darling’s social anxiety against themselves

Kaveh who keeps you home because the world is just far too mean, just look at his roommate if you need any reminder. It’s putting himself out there that resulted in his debt, it’s the outside that caused you hurt don’t ever forget. It’s fine, he’ll lavish you enough to fill all you need, you really don’t need any other contact than himself!… and the forced proximity of Alhaitham grrr.

Ayato who keeps bringing you in important social events just to see you cling to him. He doesn’t teach you any etiquette, so you never know what’s socially unacceptable. You stand so close to him, trembling, your voice barely louder than a whisper. It serves as a reminder, see how bad the world is? All of them are vile people. If you run away, who’s to say you won’t end up with someone worse than him? (It’s terrible, how you keep waking these sadistic urges in him. He’s a good man with lots of self restraint but still a man.)

Wriothesley who got you locked up in his office. You complain about boredom, about his behaviour, but he only swat your worries away. He’s not worried about you ever running off, this is an underground prison. Criminals are the only residents, and god knows how many would have enough self control to keep their hands off if he’s not with you. Besides you’ve been here for so long, you have no place on the surface anymore. What would you do, go cry to Neuvillette? Pfff yeah, right. Try saying hello to Clorinde without trembling first.

Yes yes I am FOR this idea, also consider: Kaeya is the top tier candidate for it. He’s already in the top tier of Manipulative Bastardry, but it gets so much worse if he finds a weakness to exploit — and he’s great at sensing those.

He doesn’t mind that you’re introverted. However, he doesn’t just use the situations as opportunities to give you affirmation as a means of comforting you and coaxing you into bonding with him, no, he stoops so much lower than that. Outright taking advantage of it for his own benefit, ensuring he can use every tactic at his disposal to get whatever he wants... except "whatever he wants" actually just tends to be one consistent thing.

In the early stages, where he can pretend he doesn’t know you well enough to be able to feign ignorance to how much it would exhaust you, he makes sure to plan long public outings, watching as your energy quickly drains until you can’t bear another second in the public atmosphere and all but beg him to return home.

This gives him the opportunity to act disappointed (when in reality, he’s overjoyed it’s playing out exactly as planned) — aw, and here he had so many more things he wanted to show you before the night was over, but no worries, it’s fine… no no, it’s fine, really… and now that you’re all nice and feeling guilty, well, that will just make it much easier to coax you into giving him something to compensate for the disappointment you’ve caused once you’re behind closed doors. Maybe you’ll even volunteer it yourself.

But even later on, once he can no longer put on an act of not knowing how easily drained you are, he can still use it against you. Don’t worry, he knows you’re shy and easily tired out, you two can just stay at home tonight… besides, there’s plenty of fun things you can do alone at home, right…? Surely you’ll be able to think of something.

He, however, stoops even lower still, because he’s also willing to exploit your paranoias and insecurities, even if it means hurting you a bit. Part of the reason why you’re so socially withdrawn, he learns, is that you’re afraid of how others perceive you — I’m just annoying them, they all secretly hate me, you say, everyone thinks I’m weird…

And he… doesn’t rush to correct you or anything. Just shrugs.

Ah, who cares what they think? You already have someone who appreciates you as you are, you know.

Not denying it. If anything, it’s a subtle confirmation… he may even throw in a blatant —

Well, sure, they might feel that way, but I don’t. That’s good enough, isn't it? What do you need their attention for...?

— to really drive the point home, and throw in a bit of accusation and guilt for good measure. He likes hearing you immediately panic and stumble over your words as you reassure him that you don't need anyone else... it's adorable, and the ego boost is euphoric.

Honestly, you’re too gullible for your own good, so precious, so cute in how you fall for it so perfectly, effortless on his part. You don’t even hide your reaction in your expression, so transparent and vulnerable, the way your eyes widen with shock and you hang your head and your eyes water, giving him the perfectly opportunity to comfort you and hold you close and assure you it’s okay, they don’t matter, screw them anyway, and so on.

You’re so sweet, so pure. So much so that you almost, almost actually make him feel bad about it. How impressive.

#bro is physically incapable of not manipulating every single situation and interaction with darling into trying to get puss #.ky #q

[zarvasace]

Ugh tumblr is not cooperating with my readmores and art. Oh well we can do it this way. AU masterpost

Say hello to Shackle and Nothing, dark Wind and dark Time :D more art and long descriptions beneath the cut!

Shackle

Shackle is dark Wind. 

To me, one of Wind’s core themes is freedom. He goes wherever he wants on his boat (and has fun), he frees a couple girls from the Helmaroc King, and when I think of him, I think of wild blue skies and an endless horizon. He loves life and is one of the most determined heroes. 

Shackle, on the other hand, is a bit of a control freak. He doesn't mind not being in charge all the time (he does mind, but he doesn't like to be challenged, and knows that he'd lose any fight for the top place, so he pretends to not care) but he does mind when things don't go his way. If someone or something is annoying him or not listening to him, he will readily use one of the many chains he carries to threaten or restrain. He likes being in control of others, and he likes when people are afraid of him. He keeps fairies nearby, not so much in case of healing, but because he can shake their bottles and listen to them chime in fear. 

Shackle is a rather skilled manipulator, and one of the few Darks that look pretty much human, so he's often the one to head excursions into town (Prince is more of a charismatic diplomat, but his powers don't work on whole crowds at a time.) Because of his strength and chains, he's often the one to be on Dire duty, something he doesn’t mind much. Shackle is also very fond of money and luxury. He’ll pinch rupees on anything that doesn't have to do with him, like someone else’s supplies, but he's happy to splurge on himself. 

He doesn't have any mystical powers, but he does have enchanted chains that grow and shrink according to his needs. He eats food like any mortal. He's as young as Wind is but is more often successful at bluffing his way into bars and the like. He “jokes” often about earning a couple rupees from selling one of the others—usually Lost or Madness, or Nothing if he's being annoying (a normal occurrence.) Shackle’s ambition is to break free of the others and start a true pirate empire, and the way he wants to do that is by starting a slave trade. That way he can indulge his loves of intimidation and money at the same time. 

In terms of design: Shackle is pale to Wind’s tan, a bit beefy to Wind’s young lankiness. He wears red instead of blue, leaning into the pirate aesthetic with sashes and belts and leather and eyeliner. He got a chain tattoo because he thought it was cool. He fears losing everything he has, and some of what he doesn't have. 

The only thing that Shackle and Wind would agree on is that Aryll must be protected and lavished with gifts at every opportunity (even though Shackle hasn’t technically met her, yet.) He'd treat her like a princess—as long as she agreed with him about what a princess should be. He isn't a very good listener. 

Nothing

Nothing is dark Time. He appears as a petulant child: sharp and angular and half-dead. He takes all of Time’s gremlin tendencies and turns them into cruel pranks and mean-spirited insults. Time is a leader, and Nothing intentionally holds the group back if he can get away with it. Nothing is resentful: he remembers fighting Time, though he, like Agony, is different now—he can think more clearly and has a  purpose beyond just being something's  guardian. 

Nothing gets along best with Madness. He hates being given orders and actively goes the other way unless it was his idea. The group at large only barely puts up with him, but they keep him around for a good reason: he's kind of a genius. He knows dungeons, traps, and gimmicks like nobody’s business. He won't ever give advice on one of Depth’s plans if asked, but they've figured out that if they give Nothing an opening to dunk on someone and hurt one of the Heroes, he'll jump into it and put that genius to work. He's excellent at predicting what the heroes might do, which makes everything just that much more sinister. 

On occasion, Nothing will fall into fugues. During these periods, he appears as an older teenager instead of a child, and he's virtually unresponsive. He'll move if prodded. He’ll fight—and fight very well—if told to, but he won't speak, the embodiment of his name. Pretty much everyone finds the contrast rather creepy. These periods don't last long, and soon enough, Nothing is back to his bratty younger self. 

Most of all, Nothing wants everything Time has, but if given the option, he wouldn't take Time’s place. He innocently wishes he could be a hero, but he knows he can't be, so he's going to go as far the other direction as possible. He wants to build his own life. But the people around him wouldn't ever let that happen, so Nothing is bitter and lashes out, without any reason not to. 

Nothing is designed very much after the Dark Link in Ocarina of Time’s Water Temple, with a few significant tweaks. He is based on young Link instead of the older one, and he is also covered in signs of decay. There are faint red and purple lines like veins on his skin, like corpses that began to decompose underwater, and his tunic and hat show signs of the same. When he appears as a teenager, the decay is even worse. His sword is patterned after the Master Sword, but is just a normal, nonmagical thing. 

Nothing is the Hero of Nothing, a sad admittance of his own emptiness and a jab at Time’s forgotten timelines. He wouldn't even know how to seize the opportunity to be a hero of something if it showed up in front of him.

#my art #linked universe #lu z darks au #this is so. cringe. #but whatever #we'll be back to scifi times when i finish these

[moltage]

i've tried everything, different ways, different times, different places. i just can't seem to find my passion for writing back.

#writers block my ass this shit has been going on for years #you love going around telling people that you write when in truth you haven't written anything in ages #i don't even consider myself a writer anymore because it feels wrong to call it that #everything i put out is influenced by something. ifeel like i can never truly be original #a few shitty pieces i wrote at the peak of a fixation don't really count because i've abandoned them too #yes i've written them but im so afraid to associate them with my name #how does one hate what they create so much #yet still want to create #when will it be satisfying? #when will i be like yeah. i like this. i made this. this is mine. #i dont think the problem is language either like sure it can be improved but i can't even write in my own language? #i used to love writing in turkish and peopel would praise me for my stories but looking back at it even that wasn't original #it was never mine #it was always about something that affected me #this is sad its just sad. #writing

[lambentplume]

yapping aimlessly tonight

#jaerambles #i just have a lot in my brain!! #anyway i keep getting asked what i would want to do in an ideal situation. if money and time and stuff were no object #i really do think it would be just aimless learning. #like learning new crafts. reading without having to respond to it. sponging up knowledge without the expectation to Say Things #it feels a bit. selfish. #but i don’t really have an endpoint to reach nor do i have something to say. like i just want to acquire experiences and learn things #i get really nervous when people ask me what makes me happy because i don’t know. i know what makes me uncomfortable and scared though #i would also like the ability to just change my situation a lot as much as i want. moving to new places and leaving when i don’t like them #trying new professions without having to stick to them or work up a ladder #drop everything for a weekend to go see friends. things like that. #i say all these things as though i haven’t been too afraid to leave my house for the past 6 months djfjdjfjdjfjjd #i’m trying to be less avoidant lately though. like ideal situations are not my reality! #real life is me being too scared to think of possibilities so in reality i just have to take the tiniest steps back to normalcy #ppl with the jae lore remember when my commute to school was literally 5000 miles #or when i worked two jobs and was so about the grind because i had a reason to want the money #like i used to have So much going on. and now i don’t. and i don’t know what i am in the absence of being Busy #there’s still so much i don’t understand abt bpd1 i’m so scared of making changes too suddenly because i HATE who i was in august #or not who i was. what i was doing. #but now i’ve swung the other direction and i do nothing 😭 i don’t feel like i’m Living rn #i feel like i’ve started all over again. i almost had it i was gonna do two internships and keep doing my cute little barista job #and have a senior year that was gonna be about growing and finishing strong #and then of course my maladjusted ass sees [irreversible change event] and like. yknow #this keeps. happening to me. i want to be so much better than this 😭😭😭

[urostakako]

its so odd thinking back to my life a few years ago compared to now

#like. my life really sucked. its so weird to think about that. every second before i thought 'its not so bad' even when it was bad #and now i see shit it really was that bad. i really did have a reason to want to kill myself all the time #maybe i dont have to blame myself for the person i was before while i had was dealing with all that stuff. who could act normally in that #kind of situation. of course i did bad shit and feel bad about it but i was a kid. and now im treating her the way that i was always treate #back then. i was in survival mode the entire time and just never realized it #and its so strange to think about how my life sucked and i was scared and alone all the time from the perspective of myself now #im not without support anymore. im not walking on eggshells anymore. im not afraid of violence all the time anymore #i dont believe my family hates me anymore. im not ready to pack up and leave because i think theyd be better off without me anymore #before i got good at anything my hobby was thinking of all the ways i could die and who would care. i spent all my time doing this #my daydreams were only about how people would react if i died. i dont do this that often anymore. close to never. and its so odd to remembe #since i was 6 i used to think this way. and up until a year or two ago i hated every version of myself and blamed them for me #but how was that fair. my life doesnt suck anymore. people i was without came back to me and love me #i see my cousins all the time. when i text them they text back. they ask me if im okay. they know when im not eating even when theyre not #around. i dont walk on eggshells around my mom as much as i used to. her attention isnt as divided as it used to be. #my brother is more of a brother than a stranger or an enemy. the image of him now and our relationship compared to what it used to be is #crazy. i had so much reason to be sad back then. i dont know why im still sad now when i got out of that life. #even now the reasons i have to be sad have dissolved. i used to feel like i was going insane without anyone to say the things i want to to #but i can say them to my cousin now. i have places i belong. its so strange to think about. idk #aricouldyounot

[casiavium]

About to go on vacation with my friends and while I do like them and their company if I have to deal with one oh I love every woman ever too bad I'm stuck with my stinky gamer bf how ever did you manage to get a girlfriend I am going to fucking snap

#not real names used #but yes [jessica] tell me again about how beautiful women are and how you would pick literally any one of them over [josh] your generic man #because wlw relationships are soooo much easier aren't they #because it's not like I'm afraid to fucking hold hands with my gf is it? that she's not out to her parents because she's worried about #how they will react since they're super conservative? since her brother goes to christian college? #it's not like because I am now visibly gnc with a fem gf we can't always pass off as 'sisters' or 'just friends' in an emergency. #because no one believes that #it's not like your fucking boyfriend is the type of man who thinks it's hot you like girls and doesn't think you making out with one #at a party is cheating #but yes you'd choose any woman ever over him. you're just so pitiful and unworthy you had to date him #if wlw would just stop complaining about how hard it is to get a girlfriend and fucking DATE EACH OTHER we wouldn't HAVE these problems #you know what? men deserve better. I'm siding with the het man who has bi wife energy over the bi wife who 'hates' him any day #it's not ~quirky~ ~cute~ or ~validating your identity~ to degrad your SO for their gender just because they don't make you look #visibly queer enough to get hate crimed on the streets of Old Town Williamsburg #(which to be perfectly clear had not happened to me personally BUT to MANY of the people in LGBT circles I know. everyone has a story) #and if ONE person comes into my gd ask box with some bullshit about biphobia—the real biphobia is the fact that they are perpetuating #a stereotype that bi is just a stepping stone to gay #be fucking proud of your attraction to men or don't date them. they're real live people too [bethany] they do have emotions just! like! you

[johndonneswife]

wish i could articulate how being around my family makes me feel. i genuinely had no idea life could be good until i left home. i had no idea people could exist without screaming and fighting and going out of their way to make each other feel miserable. i’ve spent all day feeling sick to my stomach and on the verge of tears because i have to be around these inconsiderate, awful people, and i don’t have a choice. i grew up thinking everyone felt like this all the time, and that my palpable fucking sadness and loneliness were things other people also felt all of the time.

today my mom was talking to my cousin, and she said, ‘when i was growing up, i thought our family was the only family that existed and we were the only people in the world!’ and they had a laugh about it and were getting all fucking wistful about it, like it was better when they weren’t aware of the rest of the world. this whole family feels like a fucking cult and the worst part is - the fucking worst part of it all - was how stupid i was when i thought this was totally normal. that being treated like an afterthought - if that - was what every other human being on the planet went through, too. that friday-sunday, all fathers drink until they get angry or until pass out, and all mothers humiliate and berate you. that everyone is a narcissist once they grow up. that it’s normal to have no friends besides the people in your own family. to forgive your cousins who have pulled knives on you and given you bloody teeth just for being Different and Weird and Smart and Quiet, because those are the worst possible things you can be.

i’m annoyed and i’m frustrated and it’s three in the morning and i just want to be home again. i want somewhere quiet. somewhere i don’t have to beg to be treated with decency and kindness. somewhere where i have control of everything - so my useless fucking aunts don’t invite random drug addicts i don’t know to my own fucking engagement party and get pissy when i want to - god forbid - listen to the kind of music i like. where people don’t make racist comments about my friends and the people i love. at my own fucking engagement party! i have been home three times since the pandemic and literally not once has someone spared me an ounce of respect or kindness; they’re all too busy making everything about themselves.

#there’s just so many things i want to complain about but i’m so tired #growing up surrounded by addicts and racists and generally shitty people #i never ever want to come back here and i never want ayesha to have to come back here #i’ve been trying to post this for 14 hours but i’ve been so busy being forced to mingle with people who don’t even pretend to care about me #i feel like i’m the dumbest bitch on the planet because i chose to forget about all the ways i was abused growing up #but i had to do that in order to survive here #and now that i’ve moved away and started healing i don’t think i can pretend anymore #i’m in the uber to laguardia and it’s the first time since wednesday that i can breathe #the whole ‘your family is allowed to abuse you and degrade you and violate you and you just have to deal with it’ thing is not okay #i am embarrassed of them and angry at them and i feel so much fucking hate in my heart for them #even with my own parents…i’m so tired of parenting them #and being trapped in that house has made me want to claw my own skin off #the screaming the mess my mom’s hoarding the nagging the passive aggressiveness #the house is screaming and burning and being there makes me feel so trapped and depressed #i cannot believe i grew up there and survived and also can’t believe i used to think everyone experienced anxiety and had panic attacks #and that everyone else was afraid of people raising their voices even slightly and loud noises #the sound of my mom’s car as she parallel parks across from the house…it’s so triggering. it seriously makes me cry and freak the fuck out #if it wasn’t for our friends and my grandmother i would literally never EVER come back here #i need to gtfo and get on that fucking plane and go home and feel normal again #this was the first time since i was probably like 17 that i went to a family party and didn’t drink myself sick - didn’t vomit and black out #because of course this wasn’t exactly an engagement party - despite how hard my sister worked - of course this was just FoR ~tHe FaMiLy~ #because i can’t have one fucking day to celebrate without it coming back to them #and my dad can’t skip his stupid fucking hockey game one fucking night to be here with his daughter who he never sees anymore lol #loving people who are so fucking inconsiderate - it’s awful #but the drinking…i’m so glad i didn’t drink #even though it’s not a party until you have ten beers and vodka shots and get into a huge fight #i fucking resent everything these people took from me and i resent my parents for not protecting me when i was young #i chose to forgive them but maybe i chose wrong

[unholyplumpprincess]

Screams into hands

#princess grumbles #I want! 24 hours! just one full day of being okay! #I hate you summer i really hate that youre a trigger. awhole ass season #couldnt be smth i could reasonably avoid could ya huh #im just getting worse and im so afraid of myself #holding it in my chest isnt good for me but im so scared of talking to anyone about it bc its just #people thinking im upset at them or theyve done something but i wpuld have Told Them #and then im left comforting other people and im just #im so stretched thin #im in sp much pain and emotional turmoil and I know it's just yhe peak i kniw ir is i get like this every year #I KNOW it's bc of the heat and the memories I kniw it is #but jesus christ #if i could afford therapy let alone medication maybe itd be easier to manage #gosh #slaps my diary #this is helpful tho. writing it out always helps #maybe I should think into using a journal but im afraid bc of the last time i had smth Physical #ill just stick to writing posts maybe

[hauntedpearl]

.

#I'm thinking about like. how anxiety can cripple my articulation again like. when put on a spot. i don't feel like j express myself as well #as i can. and then i feel guilt over it especially when people end up picking irresolvable arguments with me because i feel like i #overexplain myself and the other party just straight up categorizes me as the Bad Person ahdgjskd which makes me more anxious aggsjddk #(yes this is about the thing i elft tumblr for in part but not fully. like ik it's been three months but it was v traimatizing lmao) #(like every time i start thinking about it i know im on the brink of an anxiwty attack again and then i just. shut down ahgshdke FUN IT'S #SO FUN!!!) #anyway. my point is. im very. like. careful with how i curate my space on other social media because i feel like there's ~ c l o u t ~ #involved and it's also some weird sense of obligation that i can't shake. i put it down to self-importance honestly bc i don't have a big #platform or anything but i feel like even the ability to influence someone in a small way is like. RESPONSIBILITY. #with tumblr i dont feel that responsibility. i don't actively follow people who are spouting hate or have beliefs which are honestly #really fucking outrageous. like. terfs can die i wouldn't feel bad. samr for racists lmao. or nazis. the usual fodder right #but i tolerate aphobia to an extent. bc *I'm* ace and ive interacted with the group #and most of them never actively say anything. the ones who do are ignored but others im like. i will take yoir jokes but nothing else.yk?? #it's a strange system but it's very stress-free for me and i curate it that way for whatever reason #even now i feel like I'm not expressing myself properly. like.. it's not about agreeing with a certain belief. it's about my personal level #of comfort/discomfort. and how much im able to tolerate from a person before i say enough is enough. #also i can't bring myself to like block people bc again weird problems but i curate carefully enough that that's never a problem for me #all this bc i saw some post about kids being afraid to consume certain media bc they're afraid of being ousted from their social circles & #LIKE YEAH. I MEAN. IT HAPPENS FR. AND IT HURTS LIKE HELL? SO??. #HMM ANYWAY. i don't even post desinatural anymore that used to be my thing it makes me so sad :( #personal lmao. #dony even reply to this this is Nonsense ™ #i have friends outside i am okay it's just a trigger so im ranting #bYE

[genderfreakxx]

Today my friend told me not to worry about the possibility of being targeted with hate based violence because men don’t clock me as trans anymore. Babygirl, I lent a cishet man my phone today and these were my phone backgrounds. Do you think he could even possibly clock me as cishet?

#sure I don’t get clocked as trans much anymore. but like. #I’m a gay cis man at BEST and I hate to break it to you but I could still get my shit rocked that way #(at best being in the least-likely-to-get-hate-crimed sense. I’d rather drink arsenic than be cishet #I was so fucken silent the entire two hours he was using my phone because I was STARK fucken afraid he would clock me one way or the other #and decide I was too queer to fucking exist around him #I was deadass afraid I’d get fucked up if I let my tone of voice rise up a single octive #¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #anyway my Home Screen is even gayer now because of the whole blood stained pink shirt incident #also it’s fucking weird to me that people think that either Gerard or I have a binary gender to base attraction off of #but thems are just the times we live in baybee #blithering on

[yamikawas]

anyways yoomtah is mine and only mine and anyone else who likes her too much deserves to puke up their own guts and die.For real<3

#''acting like u own a chr made by someone else is beyond not ok'' ok then if thats the case explain how yoomtah literally belongs to me. #i dont just Act like i own her i DO own her she literally belongs to me.Die mad bestie<3 #sorry just vagueing a cringe post from a normal s/elfship blog that i saw on my dash hashtag girl #literally the yanderes are so much more fun like we just kill people and vibe #meanwhile over on the normal side u cant even hate someones guts for liking ur beloved too much without people thinking ur bad?Girl hello #personally i think wanting to maul someone like a rabid wolf for getting too close to ur favorite chr is perfectly valid and understandable #anyways pspsps jealousy and/or violence-prone s/elfshippers who are too afraid to be like that on main.Join Us<3 #tobi.txt #if anyone wants to see the post i was vagueing i have a screenshot Btw<3

[borderlineclown]

i so badly want to check her accounts bc i want to see how miserable she is but i know that isn't the reality

she moved on less than two months after the break up. less than two weeks after she was STILL begging me to get back together. all i would probably find is her content in her new relationship

#i so badly want her life to be miserable #i so fucking badly want her to suffer and hate life as much as i do but i doubt she does #she's fine she just moves on #im stuck here 5 months later just. mourning and grieving still #grieving all i gave her and grieving all my firsts and the love i thought was real #grieving that fact that i ended up meaning nothing #she lied to me. one of the first times we broke up i told her i was afraid of letting her go and waiting for her to get better bc i was #afraid she would fall out of love with me and she told me word for word #that it takes a long time for her to stop loving someone #but she literally had a girlfriend in two weeks after begging for me back #less than two months. #she broke so much in me #i don't know how to trust i don't know how to be anything other than something people use and discard #i don't believe i'm someone people would want to keep. #my thoughts are just tainted now and all i can think of is the fact that i'm too much for anyone #i cant be in a relationship because i'm simply too much i ask for too much im too sensitive im too Much #im genuinely meant to be alone forever #no one would want to put up with me and love me. i wasn't made for that #i wasnt made to be loved and understood i was just. made to be used #communicating is just too hard i dont even want to put in the effort to do it anymore #it's too much work and i'd rather be alone than spill paragraph after paragraph of my feelings. just to end up being misunderstood #or to be told i'm keeping an argument going by trying to be understood

[girlfictions]

something i’ve been thinking about lately is like. growing up muslim right after 9/11 is something i’d never really reflected on much because it was all i’d ever known — at 5, my friend’s mum didn’t let her invite me to her birthday party because i was the only brown girl in our class, at 12, my classmates would joke about my family being part of isis, at 16, my dad was interrogated by american airport security for hours — and it always stung and it always hurt but it was just the way things were because the western world hated muslims. but i don’t think i’ve ever fully comprehended the extent to which we were hated until now.

palestine is being turned into a mass graveyard. every single day there are new photos of the atrocities being carried out against them and videos of them pleading for help and still those who can actually intervene turn a blind eye. israel is claiming to only be targeting hamas “terrorists” while bombing a refugee camp. israeli police raided and assaulted a non-zionist jewish neighbourhood. israeli soldiers are posting tiktoks of them torturing captured palestinians. this is not a complicated issue and it never has been. ethnic cleansing is being committed right in front of us. and yet the western world leaders refuse to call for a ceasefire.

and while zionist organisations accuse pro-palestine demonstrations of anti-semitism, while zionist celebrities insist that they’re afraid to leave their mansions in los angeles, a six year old muslim boy was stabbed to death and his mother wounded in the same attack in chicago. a muslim doctor was murdered while sitting outside her apartment complex in texas. hundreds of peaceful protesters have been arrested (many of whom have been jewish). despite what zionists want you to believe, this is not a jewish/muslim conflict. i have so much love and gratitude to my brave jewish brothers and sisters all over the world who are condemning israel for their actions.

ultimately, israel have been granted impunity by the west. they have slaughtered thousands upon thousands of innocent palestinians. they have bombed hospitals and schools indiscriminately. they have used white phosphorus, violating the geneva convention. they have completely eradicated nearly 900 bloodlines. how many more need to be wiped out? how many more children need to be buried underneath the rubble? how many more doctors need to be confronted with the bodies of their own family members? how many more journalists need to detail the horrific acts of violence they are witnessing? what more can be done to the palestinian people that has not been done already?

i truly believe that palestine will be free one day. i believe the palestinian people will receive the justice they finally deserve. but what breaks my heart is how much they have suffered and will continue to suffer before they are deemed worthy of help. and it would be to all of our detriment if we ignored how much of a factor palestine being a predominantly muslim state has played into the way the world has reacted to their genocide.

#edit: this is completely okay (and encouraged frankly) to reblog <3 #i just needed to get this off my chest because i don’t know how much more i can take #palestine #free palestine