#im stuck here 5 months later just. mourning and grieving still

[borderlineclown]

i so badly want to check her accounts bc i want to see how miserable she is but i know that isn't the reality

she moved on less than two months after the break up. less than two weeks after she was STILL begging me to get back together. all i would probably find is her content in her new relationship

#i so badly want her life to be miserable #i so fucking badly want her to suffer and hate life as much as i do but i doubt she does #she's fine she just moves on #im stuck here 5 months later just. mourning and grieving still #grieving all i gave her and grieving all my firsts and the love i thought was real #grieving that fact that i ended up meaning nothing #she lied to me. one of the first times we broke up i told her i was afraid of letting her go and waiting for her to get better bc i was #afraid she would fall out of love with me and she told me word for word #that it takes a long time for her to stop loving someone #but she literally had a girlfriend in two weeks after begging for me back #less than two months. #she broke so much in me #i don't know how to trust i don't know how to be anything other than something people use and discard #i don't believe i'm someone people would want to keep. #my thoughts are just tainted now and all i can think of is the fact that i'm too much for anyone #i cant be in a relationship because i'm simply too much i ask for too much im too sensitive im too Much #im genuinely meant to be alone forever #no one would want to put up with me and love me. i wasn't made for that #i wasnt made to be loved and understood i was just. made to be used #communicating is just too hard i dont even want to put in the effort to do it anymore #it's too much work and i'd rather be alone than spill paragraph after paragraph of my feelings. just to end up being misunderstood #or to be told i'm keeping an argument going by trying to be understood