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jeonqkooks · 1 year

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our beloved summer | jjk (06)

You made a vow to hate Jeon Jungkook ever since he packed up and left you without a single explanation, but when he shows up at your door after years of radio silence, it turns out that maybe your resolve isn’t as strong as you thought.

pairing: producer!jungkook x songwriter!reader

genre/warnings: exes au, fluff, angst, eventual smut, swearing, kissing (omg k1ss1ng omg WHO IS IT ??? 😦), tbh this is the only warning i wanted u guys to read cuz 6 chapters in and we finally get sum action i feel like that's a win lmaooooo, jimin being Real as fook, unbeta'd cuz uhm i'm a godless menace who should be conked on the head, once again we are severely lacking jk in his own fic lol i'm owning up to this 🤗 BUT! this is probably the last chapter where jk feels like a side character lol apologies my dudes

rating: PG-13

word count: 8.1k (honestly i wrote obs6 just so i could get to obs7 lmao that's why it's a lil bit shorter)

note: my apologies if this sucks. you are legally allowed to stone me if you hate it. but i hope you don't hate it. but if you do hate it don't tell me just stone me lol 🤐 why am i so unhinged with this update

series masterpost / playlist ; moodboards ; taglist

— as always, i’d appreciate any thoughts or comments you may have, and please drop a like and/or reblog if you enjoy reading ♡

I can see you starin', honey Like he's just your understudy Like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me

Exile - Taylor Swift (ft. Bon Iver)

The picture is fucking terrible.

“Jimin, what the fuck,” you grumble, staring at the huge framed photo on the wall, taken on the day of the opening party. You, Taehyung and Jimin are gathered on the floor of the dance studio, with boxes of takeout neatly sitting between the three of you. “I look like ass.”

Jimin barely glances at the wall, just continues to stuff his face with the dumplings that you ordered. “You look fine,” he says absentmindedly, mouth full, continuing to munch on the food despite your little dilemma.

“Bitch, I have my eyes closed.”

“It’s not that bad.”

“I look like I’m in the middle of a sneeze.” You cross your arms in front of your chest, squinting at your photographed self again. The more you look at it, the more irritated you become.

Realistically, you know nobody would pay enough attention to notice the immortalized visual of your fluttering eyes, and you yourself wouldn’t care about it that much. Maybe you would even laugh in good spirits and poke fun at yourself as you often do. Make a meme of it for the group chat.

“What’s the big deal?” Jimin asks.

You shrug petulantly. “I told you. I look like ass.”

Yeah, true, but it’s also more than that.

It’s the fact that the person standing next to you looks so good that you must voice your grievances. It’s the fact that he looks so much more than just good.

The guys stop eating to look at you. You wonder just how much of what you’re feeling is written all over your face. Regardless, they don’t comment on it.

One of them clears his throat, shaking the whole thing off.

“Did you tell Yoongi anything yet?” Jimin asks.

You poke at a lone dumpling with your chopsticks, popping the ‘p’ when you say, “Nope.”

“Damn, Y/N,” Jimin scolds you. “It’s been three weeks. He doesn’t want to push you for an answer but the man has got to be suffering.”

You flick a piece of spring onion garnish at him. It lands on his hair, a single bit of green sitting among golden locks. “I don’t know what to tell him!”

“What do you mean you don’t know?” Jimin shakes the onion piece from his head and chucks it back at you. “Obviously you say yes!”

You exhale through your nose, then take a bite of your dumpling. You nibble on the fried dough, stretching out the silence, delaying your response.

It hasn’t even started, and it might not even start. But you’re already thinking about all the things that could go wrong. Yoong is your friend, first and foremost. He’s a good friend, and you would be crushed if you lose that relationship.

What if he hurts you, or you hurt him?

Sometimes, people are meant to hurt each other even if they don’t mean to.

Yoongi hasn’t seen your pieces in all of their jagged glory, how they’re only meant to reflect the light but never be healed by it. He’s still blissfully unaware of the ugly thoughts that have a home inside your head, and you’re afraid if you let him in, he’d realize it’s a place he doesn’t want to be. It’s hard to love a broken thing. You wouldn’t want to love you either.

Maybe this is the real reason that’s been holding you back all this time. Maybe it isn’t Jungkook - though he certainly isn’t absolved - but it’s you, and how you just don’t know if you’re someone who deserves to love and be loved. You’ve felt inadequate more times than you can count. You’ve been left before. Who’s to say it isn’t going to happen again?

You’re well aware that this is a bad way to look at things, but can anyone really blame you? You still have a heart, and despite how fragmented it is, you still want to protect it.

“I know that look,” Taehyung says, parting your fog and pulling you back to him. “You’re overthinking again.”

You roll your eyes. He knows you so well, but does he have to call you out every time?

“I’m not overthinking. I’m regular thinking.”

“Right. And to normal people, that’s overthinking.”

“It’s just…” you wonder out loud, gaze on the floor. “What if I go all in, and Yoongi sees me for who I am and thinks that I’m just an utterly sad person who can’t be loved? That I’m too much work when he’s got literally thousands of people throwing themselves at him left and right?”

Taehyung stares at the side of your face as he bites the inside of his cheek. His tongue soothes the spot, his jaw clenching once. “He’s not going to think that.”

“You don’t know that,” you say, the corners of your mouth tugging down.

“You’re not unlovable just because one person didn’t love you right. So stop it with that bullshit, because I love you,” he says, voice serious. Even Jimin stays silent as he listens to his friend, his eyes flickering between you and Taehyung. “And Jimin loves you. Hobi loves you.”

You merely blink, because you hate it when he’s right. In all fairness, you understand. This is the same thing you would tell him if the situation were reversed.

You deflect anyway. That’s what you do best.

“You don’t count,” you tell him with an unserious scoff, your tone starkly contrasting his. “You’re my family.”

You taste something bitter as soon as the words leave your mouth. You should know better than anyone, that just because someone’s your family, doesn’t mean they have to love you.

Taehyung reenacts the blinking guy meme before chuckling, holding a hand over his chest like you’ve just wounded him. “Ouch.”

“You two are getting nowhere,” Jimin interjects. “Just call Yoongi.”

“And say what?” you ask.

“I told you. Say yes. God, you’re so dense sometimes.”

You reach over to jab a finger into his side, making him hiss and shuffle away from you.

“That wasn’t nice,” you grumble.

“Well, somebody’s gotta say it.” He gives you a look, eyebrows raised for a few seconds before he lowers them and grows more stern. “Come on, Y/N. You know you don’t want to say no, or else you would’ve turned him down already. You said you wanted to start dating again. Yoongi is practically on his knees offering himself to you. What are you waiting for?”

There’s a voice in the back of your head - tiny, barely audible - that whispers, Who are you waiting for?

“Fuck it, I’ll say it,” Jimin continues. “It sucks balls that Jungkook hurt you, but you can’t let that affect you for the rest of your life. Not everyone is going to hurt you. You’re not even giving Yoongi a chance just because someone else did you dirty. If you keep always thinking about the worst possible outcome and banking on it to happen, then you’re never going to get anywhere. I love you, dude, but y’know.”

You stare at Jimin with your mouth slightly open, stunned into silence. When you glance at Taehyung, he’s surprised too, though probably not as much as you.

After a couple of minutes, you say, “Wow.”

“Tough love. I have my moments.” Jimin shrugs casually, like he didn’t just drop a truth bomb on your head. “But also…” He picks his phone up and types something in. Your phone instantly buzzes with a notification.

“Open the link I just sent you,” he says.

“You are literally sitting across from me.”

“Just open it! I made you a playlist.”

“Aw, Jimin, that’s so cute,” you coo softly, reaching over to pinch his cheek before he swats your hand away. You unlock your phone to see what Jimin made you, because that is some friendship hall of fame stuff right there. However, when the link redirects you to your music app, your smile immediately drops.

Aaand he’s back.

You stare at the screen for a good ten seconds to try and find your bearings, flabbergasted at something that is quite honestly very on-brand for Jimin if you think about it. “You made me a playlist called Dick Appointment with an eggplant emoji and the tongue out emoji and it’s mostly just Yoongi’s songs. Even the playlist cover is from his Valentino shoot.”

“So you can get it on while Agust D plays in the background!” Jimin grins, and you could just smack it right off his face.

“Park Jimin, who raised you? You are vile.”

“Validate me,” he demands. Oh, you would smack him. You really would. “I spent hours making that playlist.”

“It’s literally just Yoongi’s songs.”

“Yeah, but I had to curate an experience. I can’t just dump every song into a playlist and call it a day. I gotta make sure they fit the vibe.”

“I literally just heard the most profound shit from you not even two minutes ago.” Then, you turn to Taehyung with an exasperated look on your face. “Why would you let him do this?”

He just waves a dismissive hand in the air, like Jimin isn’t even there. “I’m not responsible for the stupid shit he does.”

Jimin crosses his arms in front of his chest, both eyebrows raised dramatically as he gapes at you. “You both suck. From now on, you can make your own sexytime playlists.”

“Nobody even asked you to do that!” you cry.

“Yeah! Which makes me an even more considerate friend,” he says. “Ugh. Whatever. Go call Yoongi.”

“You want me to do it now?”

“Yes. Because I know you’ll wuss out when you’re alone. You can stay and put him on speakers for us to hear or you can go out into the hallway. Come on, chop chop.”

“No, I have to text him first,” you protest. “What if he’s busy?”

Jimin narrows his eyes at you suspiciously, but allows you this after a moment. “Fine.”

You take out your phone from your bag that’s lying carelessly on the floor to draft a quick message to Yoongi.

[12:59] You: got a minute?

The three of you go back to the food, abandoning the previous topic of conversation in favor of something lighter and meaningless or else you would go crazy waiting for Yoongi’s reply. After you’re finished, you and Taehyung are in the middle of putting away all the empty containers and soda cans when your phone buzzes again.

You go to grab it to look at the notification, hands already starting to sweat.

[13:17] Yoongi: for you? always :)

You turn back to the guys to find them already looking at you. Jimin wiggles his eyebrows suggestively while Taehyung just stares at you.

“Time to get your whore on,” Jimin says in an exaggeratedly sultry voice.

You turn to Taehyung for help. “He’s bullying me.”

“Ignore him,” your best friend tells you gently. “Go call Yoongi.”

When you take your phone out into the hallway, you make sure to go to the far end of it, near the main entrance so the two dorks can’t eavesdrop. You’ll tell them everything once you come back anyway, but you don’t want them within earshot while you’re in the middle of it.

Yoongi picks up your call on the third ring. In the background, your ear picks up on some chatter.

“Hey, princess,” he greets you. Then he holds the phone away from his ear to tell someone that he’d be back in a bit.

“Hey,” you say. “Where are you?”

“Just at a fitting. I have an ad campaign to film next week,” he answers. “Did you call just to get my whereabouts?”

“No, I… If you’re busy, we can talk later.”

“We’re still in the middle of lunch break anyway. What did you want to talk about?”

You briefly regret not taking a minute to psych yourself up before. You suck in a deep breath, which eases your nerves for just a second, long enough for you to say, “Yes.”

You’re met with brief silence from the other end of the line, which only makes your palms more clammy than they already are.

“Yes?” he echoes confusedly. “Yes what?”

“Yes,” you say again. “To…”

The silence commences once more, and lasts longer than you think you can handle. Then, you hear him stop in the middle of a breath.

“Oh.” A subsequent chuckle in response to the lightbulb that must’ve been switched on. “To that?”

“...Yes.”

“Yes?”

“Yes.”

It feels like you two have invented a secret language that nobody else could understand. A single syllable, bouncing off the metaphorical walls of your conversation. Two idiots sharing the same brain cell.

“Yes?” he continues to prod, but at this point, you know he’s just teasing you.

“Yes! God, stop making me say it again. We sound so stupid.”

He graces you with a hearty laugh that makes you fight back a sheepish smile, even though there isn’t a single soul in sight to witness it. Yoongi makes you so fucking shy for some reason. Your nerves dissolve momentarily as you lean against the wall, your index finger running along a crack in the paint.

“Hmm, I wish you would’ve told me this in person,” he says, his voice soft.

“I can’t handle you in person. You’d tease me so much.”

“Because you’re adorable when you’re flustered, that’s why.” He waits a second before adding, “You’re blushing right now, aren’t you?”

“You’re being overly confident, Min.”

“Maybe,” he responds easily. “But am I right, though?”

“Shut up.”

When Yoongi said he would cook for you, you almost gasped.

“You can cook?” you had asked. It wasn’t an earth-shattering revelation or anything, but you suppose you’d never given much thought to the hidden sides of him.

“Y/N,” he laughed then. “I’m a great cook. I could probably make a pretty decent career out of being a chef.”

“I didn’t know that,” you told him sheepishly.

“There’s a lot of things you still need to know about me.” It sounded like a promise. Like I’m willing to show you me. Like I’m willing to take the first step if you’d be in this with me too. “Does that sound like a good idea? You, me, dinner at your place?”

“My place?”

“Yeah, so you’ll be more comfortable. I’ll come over.”

This one simple gesture shouldn’t affect you that much, but it does. You appreciate that he’s considerate even when it comes to the littlest things. You swell with gratitude for the thought he puts into this, into putting your comfort first. It made you feel a bit better about yourself, calmed your stormy sea of thoughts enough to rationally accept the fact that he genuinely cares.

Regardless, it doesn’t stop you from spending most of the day obsessively cleaning your apartment. Even - and especially - your bedroom, although you’re sure that is not where the night will end. Every surface is spotless, not a single speck of dust to be found. It’s like the goddamn Pope is coming over for a house inspection.

You haven’t had a first date in… fuck, how long has it been now? Nine years? It’s almost been a fucking decade already? You honestly can’t tell if that’s embarrassing or not.

But you remember the last time.

College, freshman year, with Jungkook. His yellow piece of sticky note that he slipped inside your favorite book. His adorably flustered expression when he timidly stood in front of you in the campus library. The way he was trying so hard to be confident and charming throughout your first dinner together. How he ran back to you after saying goodnight.

No.

You shut your eyes and shake your head, warding off any Jungkook-related thoughts before they could send you spiraling. You can’t reminisce about your ex while waiting for someone else to show. Yoongi deserves better, and that’s what you’re trying to be.

You’re not exactly sure how nice you should dress tonight. Yoongi told you that you could be clad in sweats for all he cares. If the dinner didn’t hold any connotation other than platonic, maybe you would’ve really donned your loungewear like you were merely having Taehyung and Jimin over for pizza.

You’d completely forgotten all the things people worry about in the early stages of dating, when you want to impress the other person but don’t want them to think that you’re trying too hard.

Calm down. It’s just Yoongi. He’s seen you ugly crying with mascara running down your face, for fuck’s sake.

In the end, you opt for a sweater and a comfortable skirt. Casual.

Yoongi rings your doorbell about ten minutes later than when he said he’d be there, holding a bag full of groceries. The visual alone makes you bite back a giggle and subsequently fail. You believe this is what people would call husband material.

You take his coat and guide him into your home. “Welcome to my humble abode,” you say shyly, gesturing around as you lead him into the kitchen to show him where everything is. Why are you acting like this? This isn’t you. If Taehyung or Jimin could see you right now, they would probably laugh. Hoseok would straight up be rolling on the floor.

You barely breathe as you watch Yoongi take in his surroundings. It’s intimidating, even though you know it’s just Yoongi.

“I actually don’t know what I expected, but I like it. It’s very you,” he comments, smiling.

“What does that mean?”

“It means that it’s cute,” he says, throwing you a wink as he leans against your kitchen counter.

You avert your gaze immediately. “Oh… Thanks,” you reply, fiddling with the hem of your sweater. “So, uhm, what are you making? How can I help?”

“Just sit down. I got this.”

“Yoongi,” you say his name in protest. “I want to h-”

“I’m trying to romance you here. Let me do that,” Yoongi says, his smile turning lopsided as he starts emptying the contents of his grocery bags. Even though his tone is light, the gentle reminder of tonight being a date shuts you right up.

You take a seat at your dining table, though you can’t really sit still. As Yoongi starts working, you absentmindedly talk to each other about your day, about his campaign, about Seokjin’s album. At one point, you get up to creep over to his side when the smell of whatever he’s making becomes more prominent. You try to peek at the pot, curious, but he just shoos you away by bumping his hip against yours.

When you give him a small pout, you pretend not to notice the way his eyes dart to your mouth. You retract yourself from his personal space, choosing a spot on the other side of your kitchen island, staring at his back as he works.

You watch him expertly navigate your kitchen like he’s been here before. When he’s finished, he makes you sit down, not even letting you help bring the food to the table.

“What is it?” you ask once he’s settled in his seat, everything plated in front of you.

“Kimchi jjigae,” he says, a proud look on his face. “My mom’s recipe.”

It’s endearing, and it makes you smile.

For the most part, Yoongi lets you eat in peace, though there’s still a couple of flirtatious comments here and there. Every time it comes, you bite down on your bottom lip to try and snap out of that daze before you cough, as if that would help tone down the colors adorning your face. There’s no verbal response from you, and it seems like Yoongi doesn’t expect one either, because he just chuckles. You think he must notice the palpable nervousness that radiates off of you, but it’s not like you’re doing a very good job at hiding it.

You’re taking baby steps and he knows it. The fact that you even agreed to this at all is already major progress.

When you’re done eating, he clears the table while he asks you to open the expensive bottle of wine that he brought over. It does wonders for your nerves.

Three glasses in and you’re visibly more relaxed as you both sit on the couch in the living room, facing each other. There’s a small smile on your face that you can’t help, maybe it’s some of your inhibitions wearing off as a side effect of the alcohol.

You glance around the room, and you take in the sight of Yoongi sitting here, this close to you. He feels bigger than your small world can handle.

“You know,” you start. If the wine didn’t make you more mellow, you probably wouldn’t be saying this. “There are thousands of people thirsting over you every day.”

Yoongi tilts his head, swirling the wine in his glass. “Really?”

“Don’t you look at the internet? I personally know two girls from college who are on the Yoongi Marry Me train,” you say matter-of-factly, like you aren’t borderline tipsy in front of him.

You aren’t an avid Twitter user, but every time you check the damn bird app, Yoongi is almost always trending. In every single one of his posts on social media, there is always an influx of comments asking him to marry them. Not only that, when word first got out about you collaborating with Agust D back then, people you knew - both old friends and acquaintances - practically bombarded your messages to see if it was true, and to ask if you could get them an autograph.

Yoongi stretches out his legs until they brush against yours. Your stomach flips even though it’s only your legs that are barely touching.

“The what train?”

“You seriously don’t know about the Yoongi Marry Me movement? Look it up. It’s a whole thing. People would do anything to, I don’t know, hold your hand or something.”

With an amused look on his face, he holds your gaze. “Would you?”

“What?”

“Would you do all of that just to hold my hand? Because you don’t have to, y’know.” He brings the wine glass to his lips, partially hiding his face from you, and you don’t know whether he’s doing it for your sake or his in preparation for the words he speaks next. “But I would do it to hold yours.”

You’re sure that your cheeks are burning bright, your stomach twisted in knots. It’s the wine, but it’s definitely the effect of his words too. You stare at Yoongi in surprise; no matter how many times he openly flirts with you, he’d still elicit the same reaction from you. It’ll be hard to get used to it. He just always seems to know what to say to make you blush like a schoolgirl, which you resent but you can’t deny the sparks of excitement that make your fingertips tingle.

Yoongi is smooth, and it’s even worse - or is it better? You haven’t decided yet - that you know he means every word he says. It makes you feel… wanted. It’s good to know that he’s being genuine, and to know that Yoongi isn’t the type of person who would ever pull the rug out from under you.

Yoongi is… stable.

You suppose, after everything you’ve been through, that stability is what you need. It’s good for you.

You try to swerve around the thoughts, to avoid them at all costs, but deep down you know now that they’re glaringly true.

That love is stored in two bags of groceries, so filled to the brim that some onions almost fall out. Love is stored in every flick of his wrist holding a knife, slicing the sharp blade across your cutboard. Clean cuts, yet he’s never this way when it comes to you.

Love is stored in a fond smile and adoring eyes when he sees how you cradle your expensive dishware like it’s a newborn baby before you set it carefully on the table.

Love is stored in a Yoongi-shaped silhouette, dancing over your countertops with practiced precision in every movement, filling in the cracks of your home. The love in him is reserved because you, like the moon when it crescents, still have a ways to go.

When he stands at your door an hour later with his coat in hand, you wait for him to speak first.

“Performance review?” he asks. “How did I do?”

“I… liked it. It was nice,” you say honestly. But you still feel the wine in your system, and it makes you bold enough to tease him for a change. “But it was my first date in a while, so it’s hard to tell if that opinion is objective.”

He rolls his eyes fondly. “Do I qualify for a second date then?”

You hum in thought, making him wait on purpose. “Yeah, I guess,” you say, feigning nonchalance, which earns you a hearty laugh.

“What are you doing tomorrow night?” he asks, hopeful.

“Don’t know yet,” you answer, though you’ll probably end up going home and catching up on a kdrama. “Are you coming in tomorrow?”

“Just in the morning. I have a shoot in the afternoon.” He shifts to lean his weight on his other leg, tipping his body closer to you. “But I can pick you up after.”

“Yeah? And where would we go?”

Yoongi shrugs in earnest. “Just drive around? Grab a bite?” he thinks out loud, tilting his head slightly to one side for emphasis. “I could take you to that popup store you mentioned.”

You quirk an eyebrow. “You would stand in line with me to buy a novelty mug?”

“Pretty sure we wouldn’t have to stand in line if I gave them a call,” he says, grinning. “One of the perks of the job, y’know.”

“Must be nice,” you laugh, then shift to lean just a tad closer to him. You look at him for a brief moment before you agree, “Yeah, okay.”

You and Yoongi stand there at the door, each of you on either side of the threshold. This would be an appropriate moment for a kiss, you think. That explosive first kiss, if this were a movie. Exhilaration courses through your veins. You feel it from your head to the tips of your fingers to your toes. The feeling is rendering you a mere teenager again.

It’s exciting because it’s new. You have the entire book ahead of you, waiting to be written. At this point, anything could happen. You’re a blank canvas waiting to be drawn, a blank page hoping to be written.

Wait.

Back up.

A kiss?

A kiss?!

With Yoongi?

You’re thinking about kissing Yoongi?!

Fuck.

Fuck?!

It’s the wine.

Your thoughts knock against each other like bumper cars, echoing loudly in your brain that it almost gives you a headache.

You stay still as Yoongi leans down, your heart racing while your brain just keyboard-smashes. You can’t tell if you want him to kiss you or not, but when he only presses his lips against your cheek, you feel two emotions at once.

The first is disappointment, the second is relief. They press down on you with almost equal force, and you’re not really sure which one weighs heavier.

Baby steps.

You blink when he pulls away, and he just smiles fondly at you as if he can read your mind.

“Goodnight, princess.”

You watch him until he’s in the elevator, until the doors close and the lift descends. Even when you know that he must be on his way to his car and that someone else is making their way up, you stand there, with your hand loosely wrapped around the door handle, your breathing slightly erratic as you process what just happened.

Déjà vu?

It’s oddly reminiscent.

You’ve been here before.

Part of you thinks he’ll burst through the elevator doors, or rush up the stairs if the lift is occupied, and come back to grab your face and kiss you senseless.

He doesn’t.

Jungkook knows you’re probably waiting for Yoongi.

He’s seen Yoongi pick you up after work almost daily over the past couple of weeks, and it’s driving him insane. Even on the days that Yoongi comes to the studio during the day, the guy is all over you, so much so that he doesn’t even bother being a nuisance to Jungkook anymore, which just makes him a thousand times more insufferable.

Something is happening.

He can’t weasel shit out of Jimin anymore because Jimin has been especially tight-lipped after accidentally spilling Yoongi’s confession to you.

Because that should be him in Yoongi’s place. Or should he say his place, and Yoongi is just a placeholder. An imposter.

Because it used to be him that you smiled shyly at.

Jimin’s words have been plaguing his every waking hour since he was forced to hear them. If she wants to choose Yoongi, let her do that too. It feels like he’s rewinding all of your memories, retracing them with cautious fingers only to find that his every footstep is being erased to make room for someone else.

An abandoned dirt road, while you walk down a flower-filled path holding someone else’s hand.

Like you’re stamping him out.

Like he was never there at all.

Not only are you denying him a chance, you’re giving it to someone else. When he tries to move at someone else’s pace, all he gets is left behind.

It’s not about Yoongi; or at least, it’s not just about him. Yoongi doesn’t even really matter to Jungkook in this equation. It’s about what Yoongi represents. An idea of a person that Jungkook can never be.

A bigger life. A stable present and an even brighter future. Yoongi is everything better than him.

And that’s his own problem to deal with, not anyone else’s. At the end of the day, no one has to live with his insecurities but himself.

But still, he can’t help it. Whenever he sees you with Yoongi, his eyes burn. Please don’t let him take my place, he wishes every time, you’re the only good thing about me.

It’s jealousy, sure, of course it’s there.

But what if you realize what everyone else already knows? That Yoongi is better in every single way. That Yoongi is the person who really deserves you.

What if you start to see Jungkook the way he sees himself?

You hating him - despising him with every cell in your body - is a thousand times better than you deeming him unworthy.

“I talked to Jihyo,” he speaks up suddenly, when it’s only the two of you.

“Okay,” you answer, never taking your eyes off the page in front of you. You must have circled the words daisy a thousand times already, wracking your brain for anything that rhymes. “I don’t know why you’re telling me this, but good for you.”

At this point, you wonder if you should just avoid the studio for the time being. It’s empty here again. You resent Seokjin for drowning in concept photos. You resent Namjoon for leaving Jungkook here to fend for himself, but it’s only fair, because Namjoon was only supposed to give him a helping hand, not take over the whole thing. You even resent Yoongi a bit, for not being here right this second.

“I talked to her,” Jungkook says again, ignoring your sass. “She won’t give you a hard time anymore.”

This makes you look at him. You never asked him to do this. You never asked him to do anything. In fact, you have only ever implored him to sit still and leave things alone.

“She never gave me a hard time,” you say. Sure, you don’t appreciate being given the death glare first thing in the morning, but it’s not something that you can’t ignore. It doesn’t actively affect you, and the only reason Jihyo does it is because of Jungkook.

Because he broke things off with her?

Because he gives you more attention?

Ugh. Attention?

This is the stupidest and most childish thing you have had to think about in ages.

“You said she acts differently toward you.”

“And aren’t you the reason why?” you counter. “Because you two were fucking?”

Jungkook visibly winces at your words, like he did when you mentioned it the first time in the break room. You don’t mean to be snarky; you’re just stating the facts. They were hooking up.

You don’t harbor any ill will toward any of his past lovers, and that includes Jihyo. You know she doesn’t have anything against you either, at least not on a personal level because you don’t know each other well enough to do so. She’s just someone you pass by every day on your way to the elevator.

“So why did things end?” you ask just for the sake of it, since he was the one who brought it up. But you’d be lying if you said you weren’t curious.

He hesitates for a moment. “She wanted something more and it wasn’t the same for me.”

It’s stupid that the tiny voice in the back of your head resurfaces, hoping that you were the reason why he couldn’t pursue things with another woman.

Jihyo isn’t you, that much is clear. You never asked for anything more from him, not once from start to finish. He was always the first one to pour love into you. It’s arguable which one of you loved the other more - maybe you loved each other equally, just in different ways - but it was a fact that Jungkook always took the initiative. He made the first move so you wouldn’t have to. He gave you the option to match his affection, and never have to worry about being left out to dry.

He took initiative, right until the very end.

You bite your bottom lip, then give him a curt response, “Okay.”

Your phone vibrates with a text from Yoongi but you don’t open it just yet. You look at Jungkook, who only looks back at you. His lips part slightly as he searches for the right words, or any word at all. It’s like you’re asking him to navigate a minefield when all he has to do is be honest. Even if he told you that he fell out of love with you, it wouldn’t be that bad. You would be hurt, yes, but you wouldn’t blame him. You would understand. It would be a reason.

Silence fills the room, save for the continuous tapping of your pen on paper.

He says your name, pleading. “I’m trying here.”

At Jimin’s party, Jungkook said you were someone important to him. You don’t doubt that he meant it, and that’s what infuriates you the most. You’re important, but he keeps running circles around you and making your head spin. You’re important, but everything he’s done makes you think that you’re the opposite. You’re important, just not important enough to get an explanation.

You know he’s genuine about everything he says, but that’s not enough. You can’t sustain yourself on just his words alone.

It’s another cycle of the same conversation, running over and over and over again. He’s reaching out but he’s holding back. You’re still getting nowhere. You don’t know how many times he has to make you ask this, only to not give you any clarity at all.

If there is a trait of Jungkook’s that you both love and hate at the same time, it is that he doesn’t know when to quit.

He texts you every day even when you don’t reply - one for good morning, and one for goodnight. He gets you a chai latte every day, which doesn’t do shit for your concentration because there’s not enough caffeine in it. He gets the door for you whenever you go into the same room together. He hounds your every waking moment. He makes sure that he’s the first thing you see when you wake up, and the last thought that crosses your mind before you go to sleep.

I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you.

You suppose this is him, showing up again. In a lot of ways, it’s selfish. But it’s an effort too. Now your phone is full of meaningless messages that remain unread.

You barely glance at him. It’s routine at this point. He tries in ways that you don’t bother acknowledging anymore, because you figured that the best course of action is to let him wear himself out. When he has had enough of it, when he deems his efforts to be enough to absolve his guilt, he’ll stop. He has to.

But at what point does it stop?

At what point will you stop wanting to give in to him? Your mind rages wars with itself every time you feel his eyes on you, and you have to kill the urge to not turn your head and look at him too. At what point will you stop wanting to go to him and let him in again? At what point will you stop unconsciously making him a priority?

All of this, you supposed, is to say: Do you still love him?

You know that if you sit down and get to the root of it, you’ll find an answer you don’t like. Even in this moment, you want him to tell you just a fraction of the truth, because that would probably be enough to reel you back in.

Your own heart claws at your chest but this is how it has to be for a while. All you can do is take it one day at a time, gently nudge your heart in one direction like a child that needs to be goaded, until he doesn’t live on the forefront of your mind anymore.

Until someone else does.

“No, you’re not.” You stand up then, closing your notebook with more force than necessary. “If you’re really trying, then I wouldn’t still be wondering why I wasn’t enough to make you stay.”

Even then, you’re still hoping that he’d say something else. But when you’re only met with silence, the anticipated disappointment in you bubbles, boiling. His reluctance to clue you in makes it easier for you to decide.

There's someone else who's willing to give you things that you don't even need to ask for.

In your mind, it's clear who you should choose.

Jungkook clenches his teeth, holding his breath as he watches you shove your things into your bag. “Are you going home?” he asks after a minute.

You could say yes and let the conversation die a swift and simple death. But for some reason, you choose to kill it violently. You bite the inside of your cheek before you tell him, “I don’t know. Yoongi’s picking me up.”

The chagrinned look that takes over his features for a split second is one that you immediately catch. Maybe it’s because he wants to make sure you know how he feels about this, or maybe you still have a way of reading him somehow. Regardless of what his face tells you, he doesn’t prod any further.

Your phone vibrates on the table, the sound ten times more thunderous amidst the silence that’s befallen the both of you. You don’t need to check the screen to know who’s calling, and neither does he. When you leave, the sound of your fading footsteps ricochets off the walls. It shoots right through him.

He hears every word of that conversation ringing in his ears then. He recalls that afternoon’s sunset; it was the most beautiful sunset he saw that year, despite the sun overhead mocking him with every magnificent glint of light. He sees the look on your face when his words finally register in your mind, the Oh moment when you understood what he was saying, when the smile you wore sunk helplessly to the floor because even though you knew that love had an expiration date, you hoped your love would be the exception.

That memory fades, only to be replaced by something much worse. He sits there with Jimin’s words, echoing in his mind, reverberating around the room.

Technically, you and Yoongi haven’t been on a second date. You think.

You’ve seen him almost every night since the dinner, when he picks you up at the studio. Sometimes, you two just drive around. Sometimes, you sit by the river in the cold, eating hot ramen cups and giggling over nothing. Sometimes, he just takes you straight to your home if he has a packed schedule the next day.

These days, you see Yoongi even more than you see Taehyung. Even though he hasn’t explicitly implied that any of these outings is a date, you know you aren’t hanging out as just friends anymore.

It feels good to be wanted. The feeling is reinforced tenfold because it’s been so long that it’s like you’re experiencing it for the first time in a new body, as a different person.

But even after all of that, you two can still go back to being friends like nothing ever happened. Because in a way, maybe nothing did happen. Maybe things have always been like this between you, the only difference is now you’re noticing the meaning behind his words and glances.

You two can still go back, because technically, no line has been crossed.

But tonight, something feels different. It’s colder, but Yoongi keeps you warm with all the looks he’s been giving you all night.

It feels like you’re both toeing that line right now.

You know that once you cross it, things can’t revert back to the way they were anymore.

You know that it will happen eventually, because Yoongi isn’t doing this just to half-ass it. He won’t back out, and he has made it crystal clear from the start.

Usually, this is the part where he tells you goodnight and you have to pretend not to freak out when he kisses you on the cheek in goodbye.

He takes a step closer, you take no step back.

“You know what I’m about to do, right?”

You do. You could say you’re even hopeful.

“I might have an idea…”

“Okay,” he says easily. He takes your waist in his hands and brings you closer. The way the corner of his mouth tugs upward tells you that he’s pleased, that you know what’s about to come and you’re letting it happen. Still, he asks, “Can I?”

You nod. That glowing sensation washes over you in waves.

“Words, princess,” he reminds you.

Your hands land on the lapel of his coat. “Yes, you can.”

He chuckles, and squeezes you a little tighter.

Then it happens.

The line you clumsily drew in the sand has been erased.

Yoongi is kissing you.

You’re kissing him back.

He’s soft and warm and he holds you like you’re delicate. His sincerity, you can feel it in his kiss, and it’s only a fraction of it. Regardless, there is still life that blooms this winter. Inside of you, small and fragile, but it’s there.

You sigh into his mouth, feeling completely limbless if not for him holding your body upright. One of his arms wounds itself tighter around your middle while his other hand tucks your hair behind your ear so he could cup your cheek more easily. Yoongi tilts his head further to one side to deepen the kiss. You feel something in his kiss that you have never heard in his words, something soft and pleading. Wanting but still contained. Out of fear that you might run away, perhaps? You can’t blame him though. You are a bit of a flight risk.

The wind dances past like a nosy bystander, pressing you further into him like it wants you to be more sure in the way you move, in how much of yourself you’re willing to give to him. Instead, the cold just makes you shiver.

When you break away, his hand on your face moves to hold the back of your head. Yoongi doesn’t look half as flushed as you think you do, though his cheeks are slightly rosy.

Through a thin veil of clouds, the moon still shines down on his profile.

The chill in the air, the mesmerizing view of moonlight dancing across his features, and most of all, the way you’re still lost in the kiss, in the feeling of being wanted.

“C’mon, I’ll walk you up,” he says, after you stay silent for a beat too long, hooded eyes basking in the warmth of a heart chasing your own. You want to want him. You do want him, but there’s still something missing. It doesn’t feel entirely right, but for now, you try not to dwell on it too much. Just let it be. Maybe in time, that void will inevitably fill.

Yoongi holds your hand through the lobby and on the whole way up even if neither of you says anything, just shy glances in the elevator and bashful half-hidden smiles. You don’t invite him in once you get to your door - because an invite now insinuates something that you just aren’t ready for - but he does kiss you again. If the kiss you shared downstairs is a proper goodnight kiss, then this one means see you later and doesn’t last half as long, but it makes you tingle just the same.

He pulls back, only to dive in again, and again, and again, until one chaste kiss turns into five and you have to push him away with a giggle so you can breathe.

“Sorry,” he mumbles, eyes still set on your mouth. “Couldn’t help myself.”

“Yoongi,” you say, a little breathily, like oxygen hasn’t sufficiently made its way into your lungs since downstairs.

He rests his forehead against yours. “You’ve never said my name like that before,” he sighs.

“Like what?”

“Like you want me to kiss you again.”

You tug your bottom lip between your teeth and pretend to consider this even though you know you would like to be kissed again. “Maybe I do,” you say after a beat, bravely. “Just one more.”

He gives you your final kiss of the night then, one that lasts a second longer than the others, like he’s trying to memorize how you taste.

You head in once Yoongi is out of sight. You lean your body against the door the second you snap the lock shut. You touch your lips lightly, reliving those moments again even though they happened mere seconds ago. You’re buzzing with excitement like a schoolgirl, every feeling coursing through your body all at once.

You’re familiar with this. It’s the stage right before every love song you listen to suddenly reminds you of that one person.

You go through your regular evening routine with a pep in your step, thanks to a certain person tonight. You take off your carefully applied makeup and take a nice, hot shower. You think the heat would help melt away the high that you’re riding - like you’ve had too much coffee to drink and now your senses are beyond heightened - but it doesn’t. Once you’re fresh and comfortable in your PJs, you still feel that jittery feeling seeping through your pores, keeping you awake. There’s a message from Yoongi that tells you he has made it home safely.

It’s still early, and you’re far too restless to go to bed. You decided to brew yourself a mug of chamomile tea, even though you don’t even like chamomile and you can’t remember why you even have it, but they say that apparently chamomile is good for sleep. You decide to take the mug into the living room to sort through your mini mountain of mail that should’ve been dealt with days ago.

Sitting underneath that pile of junk mail and letters addressed to the previous tenant even though you’ve lived here for nearly two years, is a cream-colored card addressed to you. The material feels smooth under your fingertips, like velvet if that’s even possible. Inside, there are two names - one you recognize and another you don’t - typed out in a fancy calligraphy font and encircled by pretty flowers, all pinks and whites and romantic.

The saccharine sensation associated with the thought of Yoongi dissipates instantly. Instead, your mind blanks, only to buzz to life again momentarily with a newfound sinking feeling dragging you down.

You suddenly realize that Jungkook hasn’t crossed your mind once tonight. Not until now. That crestfallen look in his eyes from the other night appears in your mind again, clear as day.

You are, quite literally, holding someone’s declaration of love and yet, it’s not joy that you feel, having been asked to join them on their special day.

You never thought you would see Jungkook’s family again - even though you always adored his parents and you felt that they loved you too - let alone receive an invitation to his brother’s wedding.

remember when y'all said u wanted a wedding?? well u didn't say whose wedding 😌

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crowlingpuppeteer · 26 days

Text

𝙼𝚒𝚕𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝙼𝚒𝚕𝚔 𝙼𝚊𝚗♡

Warning: Praise k!nk,stroking,gagging,m!lking,chocking,riding,pet names,teasing

Pairing: sub!Milk man x dom!FemReader

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

“W-wait honey slow down!” Francis says on a moan as you bob your head in a quick motion gripping his thighs. You slide your touch around his shaft as he moans and puts his hands on the back of your head gripping your hair in his thick fingers. “Fuuuuuuuck baby~” he says with a smile throwing his head on the couch trying to keep himself from bucking his hips up into your mouth

You let out a small giggle as you bon your head faster you knew it wouldn’t be much longer until he cums into your mouth so you keep bobbing your head deepthroating his long cock letting out small gags

“I’m gonna c-cum shit!” Francis moans out gripping your hair tightly in his fingers before he releases into your moan his warm cum filling your mouth more and more forcing you to swallow before you lick him clean before you get into his lap “good boy~” you whisper in his ear as he lets out pants and hums “wanna go for round two good boy?” You ask in a teasing tone and he nods his head leaning his head back up and looking at you with a smirk.

You slip off your shorts revealing your soft pink panties “you wanna take them off for me?~” you ask in a soft teasing tone rocking your hips back and forth as you stand in front of him “of course I do” he replies wrapping two fingers around the waistband of your panties line and tugging your panties down revealing your sweet pussy to him “lick” you command putting your hand on his head with a smirk

He leans forward as your spread your legs for him and he licks a stripe up your pussy your taste is intoxicating to him “you taste so good~” he whispers holding your hips as you let out a small shaky sigh with a smile as you push him back and take off your shirt climbing into his lap and you roll your hips his hard cock swiping your wet pussy “I wanna hear how much you want my pretty cunt” you whisper in his ear your hand wrapping around his throat choking him

“P-please baby pleasepleaseplease I need it I want to feel your wall’s squeeze around me” he whispers back a blush creeping across his cheeks before you slide his hard cock into your cunt with a loud moan “fuuuuuuck” you whimper out and Francis grips your hips as you start to bounce up and down his thick hard cock thrusting in and out of your gummy walls

“Fuck fuck fuck” you whimper squeezing Francis’s neck as he bucks his hips hitting your g-spot and your hands go from his neck to his shoulders squeezing them tightly as you moan out bouncing up and down on his cock

“Fuck I’m gonna cum ohhh ah” you moan out bouncing up and down faster as Francis squeezes your hips “me too baby..fuck I’m gonna cum too!” He whimpers feeling your gummy walls squeezing his shaft “oh yeah squeeze me like that” he whimpers thrusting his hips up before he cums into you coating your walls with his warm cum

“Hmm good boy” you hum kissing his head before I get off of him and cuddle up next to him smiling as he wraps his arms around you “I love you so much” he speaks softly stroking your hair “I love you too” you speak with a smile thinking about all the thinks you could do with his cum

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Been a few days hi guys💕I hope y’all enjoyed this smut I’m bad at making these but it’s okay bc I’m working on it😭they are a bit short I don’t have the patience to write a long one though if it’s not short I’ll get distracted having ADHD isn’t fun I’m also on a road trip :)

#fluffy smut #smut #not my neighbor #not my neighbor smut #milk #milk the milk man #not my neighbor milkman #milk man #praise k!nk #h

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padfootagain · 10 months

Text

Love on Tape

Hello everyone! Today, we’re answering a request made by @simpforhotties : “Hi honey!! So I just watched Ben Barnes's 11:11 music video and it's so good!! Soooo what about a Ben Barnes x reader where she appeared in the music video (imagine Evan Rachel Woods isn't there but her) and then people especially his fans are like 'who tf is that, she isn't an actress' soo a lot of questions about her have been flooding the internet bc she's a beautiful girl and no one knows about her then maybe a week later after the music video has been released Ben announced his engagement to her and then her name and identity has been revealed like 'oh my that girl is a photographer or a make up artist (whichever you prefer) and then she was like getting a lot of comments like 'congratulations y/n' I'M SO SHITTY AT EXPLAINING BUT IF YOU'RE ABLE TO MAKE IT TYSM!! Ohh and please tag this ACC @simpforhotties LOVE YOUR WORK!! 💗💗”

Thank you so much for your request! It was a lot of fun to write, and it also gave me a good excuse to watch over and over again Ben’s video, so… a full win for me!

I got a little overexcited, and it grew a little long, but I doubt you’ll hold that against me… Also, a huge thanks to all of you who helped me finding back that interview where Ben talks about being in a graveyard when 11:11 dropped. I struggled so much finding it again, and I needed it for this fic, so thank you, my fellow Bin Bons fans!

I hope you all like this adorable little piece! Tell me what you think about it!

***************************

Pairing: Ben Barnes x reader

Warning: No nsfw content but intimate scene and very heavy innuendo at the beginning. Absolute fluffiness. The fluffiest of the fluff. Cavities guaranteed.

Summary: Ben is working on his music video for 11:11, and he asks you to be a part of it. But not simply as a make-up artist, no, he wants to use this opportunity to announce your engagement to the world, in a subtle way.

Word Count: 6536

Ben Barnes’s Masterlist – Main Masterlist

Your body was exhausted, aching, but in the best way. You shivered a little, remnants of sweat still covering some parts of your body, but you weren’t willing to move just yet, even if simply to pull up the sheet over your frame.

You didn’t need to, anyway. Ben had spotted the goosebumps spreading over your arms, and he tugged you in, slipping his hand under the covers to grab your waist and gently pull you closer. You complied, leaned into his chest, that glimmered under the dim lights of your bedroom. You didn’t mind the perspiration though, when you rested your palm against his heart. It had found back a steady rhythm, after the frantic beating of pleasure. Soft, calm, constant, safe…

He leaned down to press his lips against your forehead, right at your hairline, and you smiled into your pillow at the tender gesture.

When you looked up at him, he was grinning, still a little dazed, almost looking high after your adventures under the sheets…

You loved this look on him. The bliss in his smile, and the dizzy look in his eyes, and his dishevelled hair…

“So much for a full night of rest before your audition, tomorrow,” you teased him, glancing over at the alarm clock on his bedside table.

It was almost one in the morning.

“Yeah, well… You have better arguments than my agent.”

You laughed at his silly jokes, running your fingers through his beard, the delightful tickles it elicited making you shiver again.

“Why do I feel like these arguments are situated around my chest or right under my back…”

“Well… you know me well.”

You swatted him playfully on the shoulder for that, making him giggle.

“I’m kidding!”

“Only-half kidding, I do know you.”

“I’m not going to deny that these elements of your body are absolutely stunning. But then, everything about you is stunning.”

You tried to refrain a grin, but failed.

“Sweet-talker.”

“You love it.”

“I do.”

You shushed his chuckle with your lips, and he didn’t complain, moving to roll you to your back. He propped himself up on an elbow by your side so he could stare at you, a dreamy smile on his lips. You ran a finger along the upward curve, his lips were a little bruised after kissing you so much tonight, their shade redder than usual. He kissed the pad of your finger when you moved it across his mouth a second time. He playfully bit your finger when it crossed his lips a third time, making you giggle, and you chose to resume your ministration across his cheek instead, lightly scratching him through his beard, making him let out a content sigh.

“Show me your hand,” he asked, and you chuckled at that, shaking your head fondly.

You yielded anyway. Since the two of you got engaged a few weeks before, Ben kept on asking to see your engagement ring. It was such a pretty sight, after all, the ring sitting perfectly around your finger…

He enlaced your fingers together, looking at the shining gem, and grinning like a fool… he didn’t care for a second about it though. He truly was the happiest he had ever been in this moment…

“Don’t know who gave you this, but he has great taste,” he joked, succeeding at making you laugh.

“He does, indeed. But he’s also a moron.”

“Hey! That’s not nice at all! And to say that to your fiancé! I feel outraged!”

“I’m the one who proposed to you! You were too slow about it. So, I can call you a moron.”

“True. But I didn’t get a pretty ring out of your proposal, did I?”

You rolled your eyes, chuckling, and he was laughing as he kept on teasing you.

“Did I get one of these? No, I didn’t! I took my time, but at least I did it right.”

“I did it right too! It was romantic!”

“You proposed to me after sex, that was not romantic at all.”

“I proposed to you after a romantic date, that I planned, with a romantic dinner and a great movie and some mind-blowing red wine. I even had petals on the bed and candlelight all around the bedroom! I was super romantic about it.”

His teasing smile turned into a cocky smirk as he nodded.

“True. You really are crazy about me.”

“Oh, shut up!”

But you yielded easily when he laughed and went on a mission to kiss every single inch of your face.

“I am crazy about you, that’s why I asked you to marry me and then accepted this very pretty ring,” you mumbled against his lips.

He pulled away to stare at you again while you lost your fingers in his hair, and you loved seeing him smile so much.

“Good. Cause I’m absolutely crazy about you, too.”

“Oh, I know you are,” you teased, and your entire body warmed up at the sound of his bright laughter.

“You’d better know it, I literally tell you everyday how much I love you.”

“You do,” you nodded, brushing your nose against his, a fond smile on your lips.

But when he pulled away again, he seemed more serious, and you couldn’t refrain a frown at the sudden change of mood.

“There’s something I want to discuss with you, actually. Something important.”

You nodded, gently scratching his scalp, and he leaned into your touch without noticing.

“We’ve decided to make a public announcement about our engagement,” he spoke softly, his words cautious. “And I still think it’s a good idea, don’t get me wrong...”

“But?”

“But… there is something I want to do with you, and I don’t know if it would be too much for you.”

“Too much?”

“I don’t want to drag you into the spotlight if you don’t want to, love.”

“We agreed on the Instagram post,” you reminded him. “I’m okay with it. I’m okay with posting a picture of us, together, and to clearly say who I am…”

“I know, that’s not what I meant.”

“What did you mean then?”

He took a deep breath, and you wondered why he seemed so nervous now. It was just you. There was no need for him to act all shy.

“I’m going to work on the music video for my album in a couple of weeks, you remember that?”

“How could I forget? Of course, I remember, baby!”

“I just thought… You know how important this is to me and… you know that this song is about you. About how we struggled at the beginning, even if I was already madly in love with you at the time. And so, I just… I’d like you to be there.”

You grinned.

“Of course, I’ll come to help! Besides, you’ll need a make-up artist for that…”

But he interrupted you with a shake of his head.

“No, I mean… I want you to be in the video.”

You stared at him, clearly taken-aback as your mouth fell open.

“Me? Like a… a cameo?”

“I want you to be the girl in the video. I want you to… be you. The woman I love, the woman I’ve been loving for years…”

“But I’m not an actor…”

“It’s okay. It will just be a few scenes. You’ll be brilliant.”

“But I… I’ve never done anything like that. What if I mess it up? And you only have a day to shoot the video, what if you lose too much time because of it…?”

But he shushed you, softly, calmly, and you knew he longed to give you a reassuring smile, but there was something desperate in his gaze setting his black irises ablaze.

“I understand if you don’t want to do it. Because it would mean that you would appear in the video. And it would… put you in the public eye even more than our official engagement. And if you don’t want that, that’s okay. But I… I want it to be you. I wrote this song for you. All of my songs are always about you. This is the first time that I’m going to put my own music out there, something I’ve actually written about my real life, about my real feelings, and… that I’m proud of. And I want you to be a part of it because… because you’re the reason behind it all. Because I can’t imagine myself singing about our own story to another woman. Because… I want you to be there. I want to share this moment with you. And I know that you will be brilliant, really, that is the last of my worries. My only worry is that it would make you uncomfortable to be in a video, where people are going to wonder who you are, what we are to each other…”

“What if we made our announcement before the video then?”

“We could, if it makes you feel better.”

You pondered the question for a moment, but then, you shook your head. You had a tender smile on your lips again, and Ben could do nothing but wear the same one on his own features.

“Or… actually, we could make the announcement after your video has come out. Your music video would be… kind of… like… a pre-announcement. And that would be a lovely way to do it.”

Your two smiles expanded into full grins.

“I think so too,” he nodded.

“Alright, I’ll do it.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure. But I expect some coaching for my acting from a professional!”

“I’ll see if I can get someone to come over for that,” he joked, leaning closer.

“We haven’t seen Anna in a while, she would be awesome.”

He laughed at that, rolling his eyes.

“Very well, whatever you want,” he mumbled against your lips.

“She’ll be a better teacher than you.”

“How dare you?! Fuck you!”

But you pulled him down for a heated kiss, one that made him melt into your arms, and gasp as you gently pulled on his hair exactly the way he liked, and made him lose all coherent thought…

When you pulled away, you kept your lips close to his, eyes closed, and a devilish grin on your features.

“Well, if you’re the one to fuck me, then that sounds like an excellent plan.”

You didn’t get another chance to tease him some more.

And he had terrible dark bags under his eyes the next day for his audition…

You were used to the quick pace of a set, to the loud noises and people running around. You worked as a make-up artist in LA, after all. It was even how you had met your fiancé, a long time ago, on the set of a TV-show where you had poured too much powder on his cheek and he had struggled to look at anything but you the whole time…

It was such a long time ago, it still felt like yesterday.

You were nervous now, though. Because you were not the one applying make-up, but the one sitting on a chair being pampered.

Ben was leaning against the doorframe, waiting for you to be ready for the next scene.

It was easy. Just walk by his side, smile, help him put on a vest. Then he’d walk further away. The next shot, you would act like you were fixing his make-up…

And you knew that he had included these details because of you. Because they represented how the two of you had met. Because they represented you.

Still… you said nothing of it. Your heart was too full of love for any words to be spoken about it.

You thanked the make-up artist, and walked over to Ben, spinning around to give him a full view of your outfit.

“Do I look okay?” you asked, clearly nervous.

But Ben was staring at you, his arms crossed, leaning against the doorframe wearing a suit, and he had such an adoring expression on his features… like he was staring at some kind of blinding light. But then again, that was exactly what he thought of you. The brightest star in his sky…

“You look breathtaking,” he answered earnestly, and you couldn’t help but shy away a little.

“Thanks. You look incredible too.”

He grinned at that.

“Doing my best.”

“Well, your best is an awful lot to take in.”

He laughed at that, and you soon joined him. You accepted his hand when he offered it to you.

“It’s time to go. Are you ready, darling?”

You nodded, moving towards the set with him. Hand in hand. And you found that you weren’t so afraid anymore, holding his hand. And as the scene played out, it wasn’t difficult to look up at Ben and catch his infinite dark eyes and get lost in them, and to smile up at him, and to look like you loved him because… you did. More than anything.

And Ben reckoned that it had never been so easy for him to seem enamoured, to look at someone before a camera and grin, and stare at them with adoration painted all over his features… Because, well, that was how he felt, for real.

It was easy, none of you had to act at all.

“Love!”

You smiled at the excitement in Ben’s voice, turning towards the door. You were snuggled on the sofa, under a warm blanket, looking like a comfortable mess, right out of the shower, and ready to play a movie or some crappy tv-show to end the night before going to sleep.

Or well, that was before your fiancé came running in the room, calling for you, looking as excited as a kid.

“What is it, baby?” you asked him as he jumped on the sofa by your side, his laptop in his hand.

“The music video is done!” he answered with so much pride in his eyes, you loved seeing him this way. “Just got sent the final version. We were almost done when I left the studio this afternoon, there were just a few problems with the sound. It’s been fixed while I was driving home, and I’ve just gotten the email with the video. Do you want to watch it with me?”

You grinned at the offer, your gaze growing more tender.

He was wearing comfortable clothes too, an old red t-shirt and some sweatpants, his hair still wet from the shower. You caressed his cheek in a tender, intimate gesture. He was about to start working on this horror series, and he needed to be clean-shaven for the role. It was still a little strange to see him without a beard, to run your fingers across soft skin instead of tickling hair.

“Of course, I want to! Let’s watch it together! Have you seen this version of it yet?”

“No, not yet. I’ve literally run across the flat from my office to show you,” he giggled as he answered, blushing hard, and your heart swelled at the sight.

He was so adorable sometimes… still growing a little shy, a little self-conscious…

But you distracted him with a kiss, and it seemed enough to bring back his proud smile.

“Let’s watch it!” you said, excited.

You settled into Ben’s arms, and he waited until you were comfortable to start the video, his grin growing fonder and fonder every second as he stared at you. You noticed his intense glance, and looked up with a shy frown.

“What? I’m just getting comfy.”

“Nothing, I just… I love this. Seeing you like this every day. That’s the best part.”

You giggled at that, shying away.

“Seeing me in pyjamas, my hair a mess, and looking barely presentable, is it really the best part of dating me?”

But Ben nodded, perfectly serious, as he brushed a strand of hair away from your eyes.

“Yeah, it really is. Seeing you like this every day… I can’t wait to do that for the rest of our lives.”

You leaned up to kiss him, trying to hide the tears that gathered at the corner of your eyes.

“I can’t wait for that either,” you whispered against his mouth, making him grin.

“Only a few months to wait till we’re married,” he reminded you.

“I can’t wait to call you husband…”

“Oh, that sounds good… I love it. Say it again.”

“I can’t, you’re not my husband yet!”

He huffed, turning his head to get away from your lips.

“You’re so cruel.”

You laughed at him, resting your head on his shoulder.

“Alright, show me our masterpiece!”

“I’m the one who wrote the song, remember?” he teased.

“But who was your inspiration, mister artist? Who was your muse?”

He grinned, scrunching his nose in an adorable way.

“Alright, that’s fair enough.”

“I think so too. Besides, I’ve made this video with you.”

“True, true… alright, you win. Our masterpiece it is.”

He dropped a kiss on your forehead before focusing on the screen in front of him, and starting the video.

And you loved it. Every second of it. You teased Ben about being almost naked, and he rolled his eyes. You teased him about how good he looked in this shirt, and in this suit. And you teased him about this high note he nailed. You teased him about everything, and in every word you spoke was laced along with humour something incredibly tender and loving that Ben had no trouble recognizing. Because it made you too emotional to talk about the way he looked at you in every shot, with nothing but adoration. It was too hard to talk about how wonderful this song was, about all these details about your relationship he included that you knew no one would notice but you. You needed to tell him, but you couldn’t. You gathered your strength to fight against your tears and to gaze up lovingly at him while you spoke in a whisper.

“I am so proud of you.”

His grin turned into a tender smile, and you saw tears shining in his eyes.

“Thank you. You’re amazing in this video.”

“I’m gawking at you 99% of the time.”

“You are. But then I’m also gawking at you 99.5% of the time, so it’s alright.”

You both laughed at that, but when he put away his laptop to hold you closer, that he slipped his hand under your shirt to rest his palm against your lower back, that he cupped your cheek and let his thumb travel across your skin, you knew what he was about to say before he spoke the words. You could read it in the way his dark eyes softened, in the way his expression turned dreamy, almost thankful.

“I love you, my darling.”

“I love you too, baby.”

“Thank you, for doing all this with me.”

“You did amazing. I’m so proud.”

He leaned down to kiss you again, his laptop disregarded on the coffee table. And you couldn’t wait for the whole world to see what he had made.

It was surprisingly cold in the graveyard, but then again, it was midnight in this late summer, early autumn. Middle of September, and if the leaves were still green, the cold wind brought the first signs of the upcoming season. It didn’t help that it was past midnight now, that Ben was tired, and that he had spent most of his day forcing himself to be scared.

Working on a horror movie was strange, out of his acting habits, but he couldn’t say he didn’t like the process. The crew took, perhaps, a little too much pleasure with messing with him, but he had asked them to do so, he reckoned he was the only one to blame.

Guillermo Del Toro’s Cabinet of Curiosities was an interesting project, and a tiring one. Exhausting, even. Being constantly terrified was beginning to take its toll on Ben, even if he tried to be joyful whenever the loud cut was screamed. Still, being in a graveyard on a cold evening past midnight was not helping.

He heaved a tired sigh as the director offered a five-minutes break between two scenes. He headed straight for the coffee pots, trying to avoid talking to people for a few minutes. It wasn’t the healthiest reaction to have in his current mindset, but he couldn’t help it. He just wanted to be alone for a moment.

He picked up his phone, and considered calling you, but he didn’t dare. You had an important meeting on Zoom the next morning, and he guessed you were already asleep. Still, he longed to hear your voice. He was working mainly during the night this week, which meant that you didn’t have much time to spend together. He missed you…

He was lucky though. You were not working on any movie or TV-show for a couple of months, and had decided to travel to Toronto with him while he shot this project for Netflix. And he was so grateful for this decision, because he couldn’t deny that he needed someone to be home waiting for him during this project. It helped tremendously to keep him grounded, to shake out most of his character when he came back to the small flat you were renting together for a few months to find you reading on the sofa under a pile of blankets, or humming in your tiny kitchen while you made dinner, or hearing the steady flow of the shower while you bathed.

But it was too late at night to hear your voice, and Ben reckoned that he would have to wait for the next day to see you.

He wasn’t expecting to see your name appear in his notifications though, as he unlocked his phone. He smiled all the same, looking for your text.

His smile turned into a grin as he read your series of short messages. They had been sent precisely at midnight.

11:11 is officially out!

Have been for about 20 seconds.

You’re probably working, but I wanted to be the first to say CONGRATULATIONS MY LOVE YOU’RE AMAZING!!

I might have taken a little bit of alcohol to celebrate, and now I am a little tipsy.

Tipsy tipsy ooooops!

Anyway, I love yuo!

*uyo

*you

Sorry

Tispy, you see?

I’m sorry I can’t wait for you to come hame but I’ve got a meeting early tomorrow and I need to sleeeeeeeeeep!

*home

Sorry, topsy

*tipsy

Wow, I’ve literally sent like a dozen texts I should stop, I’m being such a creep.

Anyway, congratulations again, my love! I’m so proud of you!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hope you’re having a nice day at work (even if you’re probably in a graveyard now, still, who knows, maybe zombies are good company!)

Now I have this Cranberries song stuck in my head.

Going to bed. Love you!

My head hurts

He couldn’t help but laugh at your silly texts, grinning fondly at his phone. You were so adorable…

He hurried to type an answer.

Thank you so much, darling. You can’t imagine how much your silly texts are making me happy right now. I am indeed in a graveyard, that’s very grim, the skeletons are not great conversation-wise.

Sleep well, I’ll see you tomorrow. And good luck for your meeting, I know it’s an important one for your next project, but you’ll be amazing. You always are.

Love you!

He added a couple of heart emojis and pressed sent.

With everything going on on set, he had forgotten about his music video. But he was unbearably proud now that he was reminded that his music was out there, in the world.

And he thought he would be stressed about it all, anxious, but he wasn’t. He felt relieved that his song was out. He felt happy about it. He loved the song, he loved the music video, there was nothing else to worry about. He was comfortable enough in his own skin to not worry about reactions to his music. It was his, first and foremost, that was the whole point. He hoped some would connect to it, but it wasn’t the most important thing about the whole project.

Besides, you liked it. You were proud of him. That was all that mattered, really…

The video was out. At long last. It had been released twenty-four hours before, at midnight, but Ben was out in a cemetery somewhere in Toronto at the time, and you had an early zoom meeting in the morning. You couldn’t possibly stay awake till he would come home at 5am. Then, you were working all day while he slept, and you had merely seen him a few minutes throughout the day, just enough to congratulate him, give him some kisses and grab a coffee before going back to work while he was getting ready to leave this flat that wasn’t yours, that was only a temporary home in Toronto.

It was tough sometimes, to follow him around the world, and sometimes your different professional projects didn’t align, but you had not hesitated when you had noticed that you would be free for most of the time Ben would spend in Canada working for Netflix. And so, there you were. But if you couldn’t see Ben during the day, you were waiting for him to come home now.

You didn’t want to see reactions to the video without Ben, but he was busy at work for the day. Still, some of your friends and family members kept on sending you cute videos of people dancing to the song, and covers were already popping up only hours after the release. And you knew that it would mean that Ben would feel so proud of himself, and rightly so…

You waited for him to come home, but he was working for a part of the night again, and he didn’t arrive before midnight, before the lights outside had been turned on, before the moon was at its full height, before the rest of the street was peacefully sleeping.

He seemed exhausted when he entered, but he smiled at the sight of you nonetheless.

“I thought you would be asleep,” he admitted, his smile widening as you walked over to him and gave him a hug.

“No, I wanted to wait for you. So I could congratulate you properly on your first music video coming out!”

He chuckled, tightening his hold on you.

“Thank you.”

“Did you see all the videos and covers and stuff our friends have sent during the day?”

“Yeah, I did. It’s amazing to be honest. Did you see that woman dancing in her kitchen? She seemed so happy…”

“I saw that, yes. She did look very happy.”

“So… all went well, then. And these comments…”

“I haven’t read them yet!”

“Really?”

He pulled away, raising a surprised eyebrow.

“Wow… are you finally showing self-control?”

“Hey!” you swatted his arm, making him laugh. “I’ve just waited all night for you to come home, and that’s your reaction?”

“Sorry, sorry, you’re right. That was a little mean. True, but a little mean.”

“You know what, I’ll go to bed, now…”

“No! No, wait! Stay, we can read them together.”

“Did you have anything to eat on set?”

“Only a few snacks.”

“I’ve made some lasagna.”

“Really?” he asked with a grin.

“To celebrate, you deserve my lasagna.”

“I love you. You’re the best.”

“I know!”

You laughed as you walked into your kitchen, hand in hand.

You waited for Ben to warm up his meal, and he frowned as you yawned.

“You should go to sleep, love, you’re working tomorrow,” he admonished. “You shouldn’t have waited for me.”

“It’s okay, I wanted to. Besides, I want to read these mysterious comments with you!”

He offered you a bright smile, giving up without much of a fight as he walked back to the table with his warm plate in his hands, and he took a seat next to you. After all, he was happy you were still up. He was relieved the video was out, and he was glad that the reactions were good, but he still had had a long day filming difficult scenes, and he reckoned that he needed you now. Because he was tired, because there was a lot going on all at once for him, and because he needed to shake the remnants of his character away…

And it felt good. To see you sitting there, looking tired but comfy, in your kitchen, when it was dark outside and the city was asleep. It was safe, certain, steady. The fear he had to wear all day because of his character finished to fade away as you rested your hand on his thigh and gave the limb an affectionate squeeze.

It felt good to be himself again.

“Alright, let’s see these comments! Were they nice?” you asked, looking for his video on youtube on your phone.

“They were nice. And many were about you.”

“About me?” you asked, turning shy now.

“Of course. You’re not an actress, you’re not famous… everyone is wondering who is gawking at me for 99% of the video.”

“Oh, I see. And I bet they’re wondering who you’re gawking at for 99.5% of the video too!”

“Precisely!”

You went through the comments, pointing at a few cute ones to Ben, and he read them on your phone with you while eating his late dinner.

And indeed, he wasn’t lying. Many comments were about you…

Ben is amazing! HIS VOICE! A TRUE ANGEl! But… huh… who is the girl?

Who the hell is that, is she an actress?

Oooooooh! Who’s the pretty woman with Ben in this?! They have such great chemistry!

Hang on, there is so much longing and lovey-dovey eye contact between these two that I’m pretty sure this is Ben’s actual girlfriend. I wonder who she is!

You looked up at him with a shy smile.

“So… we had kind of predicted that, right?”

“We did,” he nodded, being more cautious now, choosing his words carefully. “People are awfully curious.”

“What do you think will happen when… what was the name of the guy? Simp4BritiBarnes will find out that I am, in fact, your girlfriend?”

“Well, I don’t know, cause they will actually find out that you are my fiancée!”

You both laughed at that, cutting some of the tension that had settled in the room.

“If you want not to go public, that’s now or never,” Ben offered, his voice soft and soothing, and you knew he was being careful now, afraid to choose the wrong words. “It can remain just that: you can remain the mystery girl from my music video. And then, you won’t have to deal with any… weird messages and… rumours and… mean tweets and… our life will go back to normal. The way it always was.”

“Yeah, and I’ll have to keep being careful not to hold your hand too much in public, and not to kiss you on the subway…”

“It’s a choice. I’m ready to make it official, but in both cases, that’s a lot to take in. I know it is. I won’t be mad if you want to take a step back and reconsider our decision.”

“Do you have any doubts about our announcement?”

“No, I don’t. I want to go public. I’m ready for it. But we need to be on the same page for this. And if you’re not ready, I’ll wait. I’ll wait for you, you know I will.”

You nodded, but your smile was unfaltering when you looked up at him again.

“I want us to announce our engagement, just the way we wanted to, the way we’ve planned it.”

“You’re sure?”

You heaved a dramatic sigh.

“You are getting me in so much trouble, Benjamin Barnes!”

He laughed, pulling you closer to kiss your temple.

And yes, you were certain. You had never been so certain of anything in your life. You were certain about him.

The Instagram post was ready, all you had to do was to publish it.

You were sitting on the sofa, Ben by your side. Both of you on your phones, you were preparing the same post for both your accounts. A united announcement with nothing fancy.

You would post a picture of Ben sipping on some red wine on your balcony; a pretty, relaxed picture of him enjoying a good meal with you, looking at the sun coming down and the sky be set on fire. Meanwhile, he would post a picture of you running away from a wave in Malibu, laughing like mad; a happy, ordinary picture of you enjoying an afternoon under the sun and the quiet waves.

Under the pictures, the common comment was a simple one:

Can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.

You would add an #engaged, and identify each other in the picture, and that would be it. After that, you would officially be together for the whole world to see.

And you would have been lying had you pretended not to be nervous, because you were. Unbearably so, even. But then again, you loved him. You were certain…

A week had passed since the music video for 11:11 had been posted on youtube, but you had no doubt that people would quickly identify you. Ben had clever fans, after all…

“Alright, I’m all set,” you told Ben, looking up at him.

“Hang on…”

You mockingly chuckled at him.

“Come on, Ben… you know how to use insta…”

“Oh, shut up! I’m old. I’m old and grumpy and terrible with this stuff…”

“I have tried to coach you…”

“You laughing at me with gifs and memes is not coaching me.”

“You remember gifs and memes?”

“I don’t remember which is which to be honest. Are memes the image ones with text?”

“Yes, they are,” you tried hard not to laugh too much, but failed miserably.

“Right… Okay, I’m ready.”

You looked at his phone, and nodded as you checked the details of the post. But everything was ready.

“I like this picture of me,” you admitted, making Ben grin.

“It’s one of my favourites. This was such a good day.”

“You loved the date I prepared for you too.”

“Delicious pizza and then an amazing movie, how could I not love it? Especially if the evening is spent with you.”

You kissed him as a reward for his tender words, before turning to your phone again.

“You look amazing in this picture!” you showed him the pic you had chosen, making him blush, his smile growing shier.

“Hmm… not too bad, I’ll admit…”

“You look super hot.”

“Well, thank you,” he chuckled, blushing all the way up to the tip of his ears.

“But then, you always look amazing…”

He chuckled, wincing.

“Thank you, my love.”

“You’re alright? You’re kind of blushing a bit…”

“Stop teasing me, I swear…”

You both laughed, before focusing on your phones again, your thumbs hovering above the screens.

“Ready?” he asked, his voice gentle again.

And you nodded, your tone firm as you replied.

“I’m ready. Let’s do this.”

And at the same time, you both pressed your thumbs on the screens, and the posts were sent across the world.

“And now, we wait for the storm, right?” you asked, taking a deep breath.

“Hmm…” he nodded. “But then again, we can also head out and have a nice lunch somewhere.”

“And not look at our phone until tonight?”

“Exactly.”

You agreed with a grin.

“But then, we’re going for a walk after lunch.”

“Anything you want.”

“Oh! I know! We still haven’t been to the Royal Ontario Museum! Maybe we could visit a part of it after lunch!”

He offered you a tender smile.

“Alright, that’s a good idea.”

“I know you’re tired with your role, and you’ve been working during the night a lot these days…”

“It’s alright, don’t worry. I’m fine. Besides, it will do me good to play the tourist.”

You put your phone away, moving closer to him.

“Having trouble disconnecting with your character?” you asked, even if you already knew the answer.

Ben was quieter these days, sometimes he moved in a way that wasn’t really his. It was easy to spot it when he struggled to get out of his character’s head.

“Yeah, a little bit,” he admitted. “I’m okay, though. I’m here.”

“I know. You’re literally laying on half of this gigantic sofa, hard to miss your tall frame…”

He laughed at that, bright and earnest.

“A museum sounds great. Let’s do that after lunch.”

And the rest of your day was pretty perfect. You both turned off your phones, so you wouldn’t be bothered by notifications, by texts from your friends or family or colleagues. Instead, you ate some delicious Indian food, before heading to the ROM museum, where you spent a long time looking at a part of the exhibitions. You stayed there until the museum would close, and spent some more time walking across the streets of Toronto, enjoying the city while you could. And for as long as you were outside, you enjoyed an amazing afternoon with your fiancé, being nothing more or else than Ben and Y/N, laughing until your cheeks were sore and holding hands as mush as you could, and stealing kisses while you walked… And you didn’t think about the announcement again until the afternoon was over, the sun was beginning to set, and it was time to go home.

When you came back to your flat, found back your phones and turned them on once more, you were bombarded with texts and comments on your post, and Ben found the same tidal wave drowning his own phone.

You were surprised though. You expected most of these messages to be hateful, and there were nasty comments under your publication, but there were also many cute ones. Many colleagues or friends also called you or sent you texts to congratulate you, joking that they would expect an invitation.

And on Instagram, everybody was going crazy, but mainly in a cute and excited way. Ben showed you a couple of comments and posts made by his fans that congratulated the two of you that sounded hilariously excited about the whole thing.

And even if there were a few nasty comments, most were nice. You were smiling again, instead of looking nervous, and Ben gently nudged you to get your attention.

“It wasn’t so bad, was it?”

“No, not so bad,” you agreed.

“People are pretty nice.”

“Yes, they are, so far. These are nice comments.”

“So… no regrets?”

But you could hear in his tone that he was asking about more than the announcement and the Instagram posts. He was asking about the two of you as well. About the ring on your finger. About the promise you would speak in a few months. About the decades to come that you had decided to spend by his side.

Your smile widened until it was a grin, one that illuminated his entire world.

“No, Ben. No regrets. Never when it comes to us.”

******************************************

Taglist: @reg-arcturus-black @sergeantbuckybarnes @wolfmoonmusic @simpforhotties

#ben barnes #ben barnes x you #ben barnes x reader #ben barnes x y/n #ben barnes fanfiction #ben barnes oneshot #ben barnes fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction #writing #oneshot

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strongheartneteyam · 10 months

Text

Realize where you belong.

Pairing: neteyam sully x female!dreamwalker!reader/female!human!reader

Chapter 6

CW: lots of angst, jealousy is not even the right word to describe neteyam's state anymore, emotionally hurt neteyam, yandere neteyam, reader has a hard time trying to fight her feelings for neteyam, mentions of using someone with the intention of forgetting someone else, mild violence, mentions of sexual fluids, possessive and territorial neteyam, mentions of depressive symptoms, use of alcohol, feelings of fear, tension, confessions of love, fluff. I think that's all (??)

✨ IM BACK ✨ I can't even believe I managed to finally update this fanfic! 😂 All of a sudden I spent days on end being a 24/7 nurse for my spayed kitten and didn't have time for anything + having to give her 2 different pills at 2 different times, all during the am hours, plus another one in the morning, left me SOOO sleep deprived. It was horrible. Thank God she doesn't have to take the pills anymore. ANYWAY lol Guys, in the beginning of the chapter until the middle of it, I think, I know you guys are gonna want to murder me or reader or both (you know that y/n meme with the pic of the blonde girl "choking" her own shadow in the wall, saying like "babe this is not us" or smth? so… pretty much that! lol) BUT I PROMISE it's gonna be really good in the end 🥲 trust me, please 🥺 it's the moment most of us (yes, me included!) have been waiting for! 💕 Also, this is a longer chapter, compared to the usual. Maybe a compensation for my absence? Idk! lol I just hope you guys like it! haha OKAY if I say anything else, it'll be a spoiler lol love y'all to death!!! my readers are my babies, my lil angels… I truly freaking love you guys so much!!! 🫀⚘

Not proofread.

Chapter 5

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

I can see you standing, honey, with his arms around your body

Laughin', but the joke's not funny at all

(...)

I can see you staring, honey, like he's just your understudy

Like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me

Second, third, and hundredth chances

Balancin' on breaking branches

Those eyes add insult to injury

exile (Taylor Swift, Bon Iver)

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

The air was thick and chaotic at the Olo'eyktan's hut that morning. Everyone seemed to be a bit too restless, either getting ready to go show up to their duties to the clan, like Neytiri, or thinking about some personal struggle, like Kiri, who was lost in thought, looking a bit sad. But she was also mixing some herbs and flowers, preparing a thick, violet colored substance that was used to treat wounds, that she would later give to Neytiri. Kiri would always help Neytiri a lot, assisting her in her Tsahìk position in the Omatikaya clan.

But Neteyam still stood out among the whole family. He was unmistakably grumpy that morning, Lo’ak noticed, as he was - once again - watching the weird way his older brother was behaving. Neteyam was not being his usual calm and caring self. He was not trying to take care of everyone, not giving out smiles and trying to cheer his siblings up. He was even distracted when Jake was giving him instructions about how today's training would go and giving him other orders, like telling him to keep an eye on Tuk whenever he's able to, as she was growing and becoming even smarter, more energetic and mischievous and was starting to get into more trouble, sometimes even picking fights with other girls in the clan, becoming a bit too much like Lo'ak, which had been making Jake rub the sides of his forehead in worry lately, way more often than he liked to admit.

"The Mighty Warrior, distracted when dad is telling him what to do?! What the fuck is happening?!" Lo'ak thought. Something was very wrong. And Lo’ak was determined to find out what it was.

Neteyam sat with his legs slightly open, his hands were crossed, his elbows resting on his knees. He had a lost stare in his eyes, gazing at the nothingness, looking like he was mad at someone who had just maybe punched him in the face.

He did not know how to deal with it all, that turmoil of emotions you were causing inside him felt overwhelming to the Sullys first born. He had taken on just so many challenges throughout his life and conquered most of them, but he feared you were gonna be a war that he might lose. He had to admit it bruised his ego. Suddenly, he did not feel like such a Mighty Warrior after all. An adversary that most people would judge as a weak one compared to him, a mere human girl, so small in comparison to his size, was defeating him. Suddenly all his skills with bows, arrows, big knives and even big, intimidating shotguns were not enough.

And Neteyam felt lost. He did not know what to do. For the first time in his life, his rational and smart brain could not seem to produce a war strategy that could help him win. Win you. He felt just like a wounded warrior, bleeding on the floor.

༊⁀➷

You decided to finally answer Derek’s messages today, after ghosting him for a while. You were feeling weird and lonely. And shaken. God, still so shaken... What the hell happened last night? Did that really happen? Was it all just a dream? You could swear those words Neteyam Suli had given you, about how he was in love with you, that his hauntingly tall and broad figure, vulnerable, kneeling on the ground in front of you, telling you he could tell you desired him too, had all been just part of a weird, eerie, anxious, borderline wet dream.

You knew very well what you were doing to Derek. You were using him to forget about the mess Neteyam was making of you. You knew that was wrong and you did feel guilty and ashamed. But you also knew you had to step back into your old reality, into that familiar world, into your comfort zone, a place where there were only regular human guys interested in you, not that current unsettling reality you were living in - you could still swear it had all just been a dream. Or a nightmare, perhaps. You were not sure -, where there was an almost 10 feet tall alien boy pursuing you, declaring his love and his nearly inappropriate desire for you, talking about the intimate parts of your body in a way that made you uncomfortable, anxious but... that lured you in too, at the same time. You needed an escape from it all. Your already disturbed mind did not seem able to deal with those facts at that moment and Derek seemed like the perfect distraction.

Damn, what had you become? That was not ethical or moral at all - using a human being like a tool to distract you from your conflicting emotions - but you did not seem to be capable of caring too much about being ethical or moral at that time. Your whole perception of the world seemed to be changing. You felt bedazzled and unsteady. You did not want to admit to yourself that you were starting to feel too much for Neteyam, that you were running away from your feelings like a thief runs away with an expensive item he just robbed. No, you were not in love with him. How could that even be? Everybody knew the na’vi don’t get romantically involved with humans. Your races were more like enemies than buddies. There were only a few humans who were loyal to the na'vi and maintained a somewhat close relationship with them, but never a romantic one. What was making you and Neteyam feel like that for each other? That could only bring problems and you sure as hell did not want more trouble in your already complicated life.

You would be better off sticking to a human male instead. It was safe and familiar. It did not make your anxiety skyrocket. But it also did not excite you a single bit. Derek caused you nothing. You could barely even feel actually turned on when he touched your body and kissed your lips. It was just like he was a habit you had gotten used to, making out with him here and there, to numb the pain you felt inside your heart almost all the time. His biggest efforts to make you wet never seemed to work. Meanwhile, Neteyam got you wet without having ever touched you. That sure spoke loud enough.

So why were you rejecting Neteyam and going after Derek?

Maybe you felt too afraid to take a risk, to follow your heart. God knows following that damn reddish muscular organ had put you in the worst situations possible in the past. You felt numb but you felt safe. And safe felt good. Bearable, at least. You were afraid if you gave into what you felt for Neteyam you just might explode. The feelings were that strong. You did not know what to do to try and ignore that tiny but extremely annoying creature inside your brain that would always be whispering “What if something actually good came out of it? Take a risk. For once in your life, don’t play it safe.”

But you were choosing to play it safe, anyway. At least this afternoon. You were gonna meet Derek, after two weeks without doing so, and just hang out, eat junk food, drink some alcohol and talk about non important things, just laugh and be silly, like you two always used to do. He was a good friend. Too bad he never made any type of fire light up inside of you, not even in the very beginning of your rendezvous, that’s why you never got to have sex with him. You were simply not interested. At all, to be honest. You wondered why you still insisted on being physically intimate with him. There were many things in your life that you did and did not really think too much about. They were just pure routine, they just kinda happened and you let them, almost like you weren't really living your life, but only a mere spectator to the events that were happening to you. And it seemed like you felt too emotionally numb to put an end to them. Your involvement with Derek was one of those things. He started to flirt with you one day, you were bored and you thought "why not?" and now, months later, you were still caught in this situation. If anyone asked you if there was any other reason why you were gonna see Derek today other than to try and get Neteyam out of your mind, you honestly couldn't say there was. It was crystal clear to you that, even though you were fighting like crazy to deny your feelings for Neteyam, you were indeed falling for him.

But how could that be? Some days ago, he was only an Omatikaya famous warrior - and, oh, let's not forget, the next Olo'eyktan of their clan - that you had only heard people talk about.

༊⁀➷

Neteyam was up in one of the highest tree branches he could find that day. He did not want anybody to see him, as usual, but he also did not want you to know he was watching you, either. He knew you were now aware of his constant presence around you. He knew you were not oblivious to his love anymore.

The sun was harassing his eyes, so he put his hand over them and squinted hard to try and see if the guy next to you, in the laboratory’s cafeteria, was really who he thought it was. When his eyes could get a better view, once the sun was not bothering them so much anymore, he felt something sinking in his stomach and his heartbeat accelerated considerably.

He had just confirmed who the guy was. It was that disgusting little human male that liked to act like you were his mate. Neteyam hissed ferociously, his protruding na’vi fangs looking scarier than ever, as his wide feline eyes watched Derek leaning close to your face and kissing your lips. Neteyam wanted to die - or maybe kill Derek - when he noticed you kissed him back.

༊⁀➷

You forced a smile while looking at Derek, after you had the initiative to break that damn kiss who seemed to never end. He seemed satisfied with the fact that you two had just kissed, contrary to what you were feeling. You honestly felt like you wanted to throw up. All you could think about was how it would feel to kiss Neteyam, to smell his scent again, that was so abundantly different from what you were used to, but that fact only seemed to make you want him even more.

You looked away to try and forget the ridiculous mistake you were making by being with Derek at that moment. You were looking at the ground and your gaze moved upwards. Now your eyes were directed towards the outside of the lab. What you saw startled you beyond reason. Neteyam was squatting, up in the branches of a huge tree, not too close but not too far from the part of the laboratory you and Derek were currently in. His fangs were out, seeming bigger than ever, as he hissed ferociously. Neteyam's animalistic side had completely taken over him and you could tell.

A chill ran down your spine. You could feel in your guts something bad was about to happen.

Your heart throbbed in pain as you saw how hurt he was now that he had seen you kissing Derek, even after he - Neteyam - had confessed his feelings for you in such a vulnerable way last eclipse. You saw in his eyes how betrayed he felt, like you were just silently telling him that his love did not matter at all to you and you'd rather be with any other guy but him.

༊⁀➷

"Hey, I'm going outside for a while, 'kay?" Derek spoke as he got up from the place he had been sitting, beside you, kissing your cheek "The boys are gonna meet me behind the lab in a while. "

Oh, no. Derek would not be safe if he went outside. Not with Neteyam spilling hate for him out of his soul like that. You had to try and find a way to keep Derek inside.

"Oh." You said, not being able to conceal your nervousness "Why don't you wait for them to actually get there before you go?!" You almost begged, visibly tense

"God, you seem nervous." He chuckled slightly, seeming uncomfortable " Is everything alright?"

"Yeah! I just want you to spend some more time with me." You pouted at him, coming up with an excuse to try and keep Derek from going out of the lab

"Sorry, sugar. It was nice hanging out and stuff but I really need to go now." He was already walking fast towards the door before you could try and talk him out of that stupid idea

You couldn't let any of the people in that cafeteria know something was up, so, you pretended everything was alright and finished eating your chips and took the last sip of your canned whisky and coke and stood up, walking slowly (when you actually wanted to freaking run) in the direction of the lab's metal door that led to outside.

You put your oxygen mask on, took a deep breath and walked out the door.

You heard a noise, it was like a really heavy object falling to the floor. You also heard some strong thuds.

When you started to walk around to try and see what was happening, you realized your fear had become reality. Neteyam was sitting on top of Derek’s squirming body, his toned, striped thighs straddling Derek’s torax. You gasped when you realized Derek was no longer wearing his oxygen mask and Neteyam's huge hand was over Derek's mouth, preventing him from screaming for help. Neteyam looked at him like a hunter looks at their prey, while his big fangs and loud hisses put fear in the human boy's eyes. Derek was completely terrified.

Your heart beat sped up insanely and your hands were now cold as ice. You were afraid for Derek’s life.

You knew that the way Neteyam was taking out his frustration and jealousy on Derek was indescribably far from okay but still, as cruel to Derek as it seemed, you still felt incredibly sorry for the Omatikaya in front of you.

At the end of the day, you had a big percentage of blame for what he was doing right now. You were confused and afraid and torn but you knew to whom your heart belonged and it was not Derek. So why the hell were you being so selfish to the point of hurting two boys at the same time just because you didn't know how to deal with your own feelings? You realized it was time for you to stop being a coward and put an end to that madness.

You could tell Neteyam was not okay mentally and you knew that you were being toxic too, that you were contributing for his mental state to get worse with your indecisiveness and fear, despite his efforts to show you he would never hurt you. You wanted to stop hurting him and help him instead, to finally let go and admit to yourself and to him that yes, despite the way you had been acting, you were in love with him too.

"Neteyam, don't!! Let him go, please!!" You shouted, running towards the human and the na'vi boy.

You finally got close to Neteyam. He stopped and looked at you, his eyes so fiery, the calm golden pools they always used to be were now boiling with feelings of anger, jealousy, hurt and betrayal.

"For me! Please?" You pleaded him, looking deep into his eyes while stroking his strong blue arm

You watched that beast inside of Neteyam slowly calm down, as his feline ears pointed downwards and his eyes became softer. He moved his hand away from Derek’s mouth and the human boy let out a series of labored breaths. Neteyam slowly got off of him, revealing his beyond intimidating height as he stood up, and stepped away from him.

You walked as fast as you could to where Derek's oxygen mask was laying on the floor and picked it up, checking if was broken (it wasn't! Thank you, Universe.) and went back to where he was lying down and gave it back to him.

Neteyam watched your movements and felt jealous when you got close to Derek, so, once you got back to the place where you were standing before, Neteyam stood right next to your arm. His instincts told him to mark his territory.

Derek swiftly put it back on. He was almost completely out of breath. Derek breathed in deep once the mask was covering his face, taking in all the oxygen he possibly could.

"Are you okay?" You looked down at Derek’s body, searching for any visible wounds. There were none, at best. "God, I'm so sorry about this…"

"Yeah, I'm fine, somehow." Derek seemed afraid, shocked, frustrated and angry, all simultaneously, as he got off the floor and got back on his feet

"Please, don't tell anyone that you saw Neteyam or that he tried to hurt you, okay?"

"What the fuck?!! This psycho almost tried to kill me!! Why are you defending him?!"

Neteyam hissed at him when he heard what he had just called him but you squeezed his arm and he looked at you, remembering your pleas were the thing that were keeping him from killing that small, pink male. Even though it hurt him deeply that you were protecting that human, he couldn't bring himself to ignore you when you were begging him not to hurt Derek. You had Neteyam in the palm of your hand.

"You don't understand! If you let anyone in that lab know what Neteyam did to you, the RDA will eventually know about it too! Do you understand how serious this is? Do you wanna see Neteyam dead?!" You urged him, looking deep into his eyes "You could even help start another war between the humans and the na'vi. Do you understand that it is a much bigger issue than it seems to be? Just forget about what happened and I'll make sure Neteyam won't ever try to hurt you again."

Derek smirked in contempt

"How can you be so sure he will listen to you?"

"I know he will! He loves me. And… I love him too."

Derek’s face had a big question mark all over it now and his mouth fell open.

Neteyam seemed to be shocked for a while. He did not expect you to say that, at all. He thought you would never love him back. Neteyam couldn't seem to believe those words had actually just come out of your mouth.

You breathed in deep, trying to stay calm amidst all that chaos "This thing between us…" You looked at Derek "It's over. I don't know why I was still insisting on it, I never even felt attracted to you, in the first place. I'm sorry."

"I'm outta here! All of this shit that's going on… feels like a fucking nightmare"

"Can you do as I said and not tell anyone about Neteyam? Nobody, ever? Please?!" You were nervous, brows furrowed, talking fast

"Okay!! Just let me go now! I think it's better if you and I keep some distance from each other from now on. I don't want your crazy na'vi boyfriend trying to kill me again."

Neteyam hissed at Derek again when he heard the word "crazy" and Derek rapidly looked at him, startled, but couldn't be brave enough to spend more than some seconds staring at him, so, he swiftly looked away

"Neteyam, please!! He's going already." You looked at Neteyam, a bit angry and impatient, asking him to calm down "Just go, Derek." You spit out and sighed, feeling physically and mentally drained after having to stop that stupid fight

Derek finally turned his back to you and Neteyam and left.

You looked at Neteyam. His eyes were glued on you. Those pretty amber eyes. His face wasn't full of hatred and anger anymore. His demeanor was much calmer now. His body language radiated love towards you. His tail was wagging softly. You felt pain and regret consuming your chest. How could you have treated Neteyam so badly last night? You realized now you couldn't hold him to the same standards you hold human males. The na'vi are animalistic beings, in spite of their high intelligence. And worse, how could you be irresponsible enough to kiss Derek even not actually wanting to, making Neteyam see it and get as hurt as he did? You sure were being trashy.

"My tawtute…" he cooed as he turned to look in your eyes "I won't let you run away from me anymore." Neteyam had a big smile on his lips "I don't care if you try to. That's all I needed to hear, that you love me. Now that you've said it, even if you didn't say it directly to me, I'm gonna fight for you even harder, even if you keep trying to push me away, I will keep bothering you." He kept smiling, blissful "You're like an Ikran. I just need to be patient with you. Eventually, I'll tame you and you'll be mine. All mine, hi'ì 'emyu." (small cook) "Bonded to me through tsaheylu. I can be patient and I will be."

You could only look at him, stare at his face and ask yourself why. Why was he willing to put so much work into making you his mate?

"I'm not gonna run away from you anymore." You finally said "I'm done running. I'm done keeping myself miserable and alone because I'm too afraid to trust you and let you in. While trying to keep myself "safe", I was hurting myself and hurting you. I'm not doing that anymore, Neteyam. I was so stupid… I can't really say what it is, but there's just something about you… I think about you all the time, since the first time I saw you when you appeared for me outside that window. I don't believe someone can fall in love so fast but…" You were about to burst into tears "I'm in love with you."

Neteyam looked at you with the biggest smile on his plump lips, while his heart beat uncommonly fast inside his chest. He was overwhelmed with joy but as he was seeing the tears welling up in your eyes, he felt like he was about to cry too. But he didn't. Having learned throughout his whole life to always act with self control and rationality in front of everyone, - not really by choice, but because he knew that was how the Olo'eyktan to be should act, to keep a good reputation, to let his people know he was strong enough to control his emotions and not let them get in the way of him making good decisions for the Omatikaya - his ability to show some aspects of his feelings was a bit impaired now and that included crying. Even though he almost cried in front of you when you rejected him, he couldn't bring himself to cry of joy, now that you were saying that you wanna be with him too.

"I'm sorry for… what you saw. Me and Derek. I never liked him, Neteyam. He was just-"

"Yawne, no." Neteyam interrupted " It's okay. I don't wanna hear about that human." He looked disgusted only by the thought of Derek "And I don’t want you thinking about him either. You're mine now. Just forget about him. It's me that you like, right?" He gave you a gentle smile now and you nodded your head positively "Then focus on me, yawntutsyìp."

You looked at him, shyly, and smiled

"So… Can I ask for a hug, now?" your heart beat fast inside your chest cavity as you nervously said that

"Oeyä tawtute…" (my human) "You don't even need to ask." He opened his big, strong arms as he spoke "Come here."

༊⁀➷

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sashi-ya · 1 year

Text

𝑪𝒉𝒐𝒄𝒐𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝑩𝒐𝒙 𝑽-𝒅𝒂𝒚 𝑬𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒕 Sweet Dreams +18. 𝐏𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐠𝐚𝐬 𝐃. 𝐀𝐜𝐞 𝐱 𝐟! 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

Dear, @chloeleau your 𝑫𝒆𝒗𝒊𝒍 𝑭𝒓𝒖𝒊𝒕 bonbon is filled with 𝑷𝒓𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒆 & 𝑹𝒂𝒔𝒑𝒃𝒆𝒓𝒓𝒚 , please enjoy the taste of 𝒔𝒍𝒆𝒆𝒑 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒚

request: @chloeleau asked:hey sashi!! i would humbly like to request a devil fruit bon bon with ace x f reader?? :3 tw: TRIGGERING CONTENT ALERT: sleep play. totally consented. However, I play with Ace's guilt because reader seems to be sleeping. Reader states ALL the time she wants it. Ace knew about her wanting it too. He doesn't do anything until reader asks him outloud to fuck her. masturbation. vag sex. squirting | wc: 1.3k | masterlist|

February 14th; first St. Valentine’s together.

“Ah… damn it’s too cold outside!” you whine, buried on Ace’s back as he quickly types the number code on the keypad of his apartment.

“Damn yes, it is. Come on, get inside!” Ace chimes, opening the door and pulling you in.

It’s been a good night, a date like only a gentleman would provide. Delicious dinner at the Baratie and then a funny visit to a scape room. Of course, Ace wasn’t the star of the night as mind games weren’t exactly his forte, however, you both had a blast.

The freckled youngster closes the door, and as soon as he does -and his black with flames benie falls to the ground- he pins you against the wall of his entrance hall. “Now, finally alone… let me give you the last one of my gifs” he whispers, with his lips lingering on yours, and his agitated chest going up and down.

You widen your eyes. You’ve been waiting for this, and he has too. All throughout the night, both have touched each other, both have whispered how much you would like to get home to finally taste the honeys of indecency together.

“You really want this, don’t you?” you whisper, each time you do your lips caress his. “I would do it even while sleeping” he murmurs, seconds before his mouth would crush with yours. His tongue slips inside, and doesn’t ask for any permission to travel your cave. Ace breathes your moans, your whines and your little purrs as he carries you to his bed with a nonstop, breath taking kiss that left you trembling.

And there, he takes you. With love, and passion. With need and deadly thrusts that end with both of you completely passing out on his bed…

But, desire is never ending. And your bodies want more, so much more.

Your eyes adjust to the slight light ray coming from the blindfolds of Ace’s bedroom. It’s still night, as the streetlight is still on. You aren’t cold, a warm skinned boy got you trapped. Both naked, bodies one against the other, still wet and sticky from earlier.

Ace sleeps soundly. His hand rests over your lower belly, your back against his chest. Him being the big spoon, lowly snoring with your hair perfume on his freckled nose. You slowly turn around, just enough to see him.

His sex isn’t hard, but you can still feel it resting over the small of your back. You bite your lower lip, he fucked you so good that left you quivering. And you want more, so much more.

And soon you remember his words… “I’d do it even while sleeping”

And you smile, so deadly. Slowly tempting Ace. Slowly waking him up… playing the innocent victim, offering your body for him to take you, to use you. He knows you like it, you’ve talked to him about it before. And you suspect that was exactly why he said those words.

You delicately lift your ass just enough for his sex to fall in between your thighs… “Should I let him thigh fuck me? Or should I wake him up with oral? I think I’m gonna go for him to decide” you think, giggling, taking his hand down your stomach to the start of your core.

A little bit of motion, and he is already whimpering in his sleep. His sex becomes hard, harder. His eyes, still closed, but his frown intensifies. “Ace…” you whisper, it’s time for him to open those cute little burning eyes.

As soon as you notice him waking up, you close your eyes. However, your sex is now coating his with your arousal honeys.

Ace coughs, and in little to no time he realizes his state. As the gentleman he is, he firstly, gets scared. “Wha- what… I’m- no-“ he stutters. He doesn’t want to abuse your trust. Even if you are there, ready for him to penetrate you as much as wanted.

The freckled youngster notices his hand close, almost touching your folds. He can feel the wetness on the tip of his fingers. He sighs, he trembles, he feels his dick twitching and oozing precum nonstop.

Ace takes a big gasp of air. Your entrance, right there, calling him to bury inside, to go deep, deep. Or maybe just jerk himself with your soft inner thighs… but, he couldn’t. He couldn’t do such thing… right?

He tries to go back; But your legs squeeze him with soft, but quick motion. He freezes. “Is this what you want… (Name)?” he whispers, kissing after the lobe of your ear.

You act asleep still. But babble something incoherent just to push him to the limit, is this his limit? How much he will be able to resist?

He swallows, noticing your whole body covered in bumpy skin. Taking a swift look at your nipples getting harder, your cheeks becoming hot, so hot. Arousal is so difficult to hide, specially to someone who loves you so much.

“Why are you doing this to me? I wanna really fuck you, so deep… you are completely dampening my dick, (Name)…” he pants. His hand squeezing your hip’s side. Even leaving potential bruises there.

You smile. A soft smirk that shows how much his neediness and pain is exciting you. You move a little more, taking this time your folds to be in full touch with his throbbing wet tip. “Mhh… mngh” you mumble one more time. “Mhhn… Ace…” you do it again.

And he can’t take no more. His belly spasms, his tanned skin tenses. He pants like an animal.

How could you be so cruel, (Name)?

Ace lifts your leg up. He gets just the tip inside you. Not even fully. Your warm welcoming entrance gives him a little bit of relief. But the guilt is killing him. The guilt, the need, how wet you are. His mind becomes blurry; nobody desires you as much as he does, and he is breaking the rules… “why? Why are you doing this to me?” he is about to cry, his body won’t be able to stop if you keep moving your ass up just a little more… because you want him to fill your insides, fully, too.

You giggle. This time a little louder. “fuck me, you silly” you whisper, using your arm to pull him against you from his hips.

“Fuck… (Name)!” he cries, impaling you so violently it sounds when your skins hit each other’s.

You moan louder, gripping the sheets around you. Ace is fucking you even harder than before, way harder. He doesn’t stop there, he needs to punish, to feel the same way of pleasure he is now feeling… his hand reaches your core from behind and as he fucks you insatiable, he traces circles around your clit.

You moan louder. You feel like bursting. You are indeed bursting. Ace hits your right spot, you feel a overflowing release coming from your insides. “Get my sheets wet, come on” he encourages, as your eyes become teary from pleasure and the control of your body being lost.

“A- Ace… I- I’m gonna-“ “Oh no, my sweet firefly I won’t stop now… there is no coming back, keep sleeping if you want but I will make you come so hard you won’t even have to dream for a better dick in your life”

And you come. One, two, so many times. Beating exhaustion, or maybe not. And he does too. Filling you up, so warmly, this time sending you to sleep with something more than a glass of warm milk…

What a good first Saint Valentine’s day 💖

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nikoisanidiot · 2 years

Note

hi! can we have some headcannons about what a relationship with each of the proxies would be like :)

Yes ofc! Note, in my au the main "proxies" are Tim, Brian and Toby!<3

Relationship HC's With The Proxies||Proxies x Reader Headcanon's

Tim Wright -Be prepared to smell like smoke. You will smell like smoke no matter how hard you try. -Lots of Johnny Cash, John Lennon, Bon Jovi, ect. -HE HAS A KISS THE COOK APRON. DON'T TRY TO FIGHT ME ON THIS, YOU WILL NOT WIN. -Tim need's minimum two hours alone after a mission, no matter how long it was. He takes that time to recuperate away from you for your safety, in case he dissociates and Masky fronts.(In my au he has DID.) -Tim love's when you wear his clothes, it's cute to him. -Tim has a soft spot for kids, like a big soft spot. He want's one of his own one day, with you. -He prefers if you don't interact with the creeps(assuming your a civilian) to protect yourself and the others from harm. -Rant's to you about Toby, a lot. -"Hey sunshine." "Oh, of course love." Just a mushy guy. -Probably love's morning kisses. Like any chance he gets, his arms are around you giving you a kiss on the cheek. -When Tim has schizophrenic episodes, I beg of you to make sure you're there for him and to reassure him. Be yourself and try to make what he's going through as comfortable as possible and don't treat him any different unless you think he need's help. Ask to touch him, incase he might be paranoid and want to run. Comfort is key. -Tim loves cooking, homie will cook you a four course meal if you asked tbh.

Brian Thomas -He love's it when your curious -Oh you had a weird phase? He's had weirder. -Brian is your therapist tbh... -Right after a mission, be prepared to take a long, hot shower together. Also be prepared to probably watch a horror movie right after. -"Hey I know your busy right now but could we go get a bite to eat? I'm hungry." "Go by yourself, Brian. Your a big boy." "Fuck you." "Yeah yeah, get me a chicken sandwich." -Brian makes the most bizzare jokes sometimes. -Brain collects guns, when you want to hear about his collection, he gets excited and probably wont shut up about the damn things for AWHILE. -Baby, babe, honey, sweetie and love are his go to nicknames for you. He has joke nicknames for you too like dickface or asshat but only uses it when he's joking. -Brian can get pretty serious sometimes when it comes to his job so please, if he's working him, don't bug him. -Prioritises time to be with you and makes time to be with you for a few hours. -He likes squish. He likes when a person is a little chubby. Mean's Brian has more of you to hold onto. -Gets pissed off when you act like stewie and pretend he's brian the dog. Like he genuinely hates it. -Loves when you wear his hoodie, and if you ask him to wear it again, he will. -Lost of long night drives, jamming out to random music and watching the stars.

Toby Rogers -He didn't get much attention as a kid, so be expected to have a very clingy boyfriend. -Don't underestimate his strength, he's seriously a strong guy. -When you notice his hands are starting to get big sores, he will breakdown and tell you he had another nightmare of his father... So he'll ask you to bandage his hands. -Hand holding, cuddling and literally and form of physical affection. -Toby has echolalia, he repeats the phrase "I love you" a lot, but he does it with the biggest fucking smile, makes your heart MELT. -Toby dosen't have corprolalia. He just swears like a sailor. -Coming back from a mission, he goes for the booze, he drinks a lot of it to forget literally everything of the mission. AKA his tics can get a little aggressive, he punches himself, throws stuff around the room, has occasionally punched or slapped you a few times. -When Toby has a PTSD panic attack, he becomes non-verbal for a long time and just abuses himself relentlessly because he cant feel shit. He has a mental collapse for a few days, and as a result, Tim and Brian let him take a break from missions, letting Jeff fill in for Toby. -Toby needs a lot of panic attack aftercare. He usually needs to be wrapped up in his bandages and lots of cuddles, kisses and care. -"Y/N- could we-could we please cuddle? I want some care... please." -He loves nicknames like baby boy, pumpkin and Tobs. He loves calling you Babydoll, honey, and babes. -Please don't take his hoodie or face mask, sometimes his only comfort is those things when he feels he can't come to you. -Emotional guy.

#creepypasta x reader #creepypasta #creepypasta hcs #creepypasta fluff #creepypasta fandom #ticci toby x reader #ticci toby headcanons #ticci toby #tim wright #tim wright x reader #tim wright headcanons #brian thomas #brian thomas x reader #brian thomas headcanons

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reidwitchsblog · 6 months

Text

My Ticci Toby HC

Warning: 18+ content, mention of dead animals, mention of people’s death, mention of scars, wrong use of punctuation marks.

Author’s note: While I take my sweet time writing the second part of my fict, enjoy this little headcanons that have been on my mind.

Author’s note 2: I created this playlist that basically captures everything you need to know about the way I hc him.

Minors DNI.

PERSONALITY

His personality is, for a lack of better words, eerie. Most of the time he is silent and observant, and due to his past he doesn’t show his true personality often, but rather he morphs into a person that he thinks the others will like, it could be a mature young man, or a sarcastic little shit.

I believe that when he kills, he tortures his victims due to the fact that the concept of pain is foreign to him. He enjoys to try different torture methods

His biggest desire is to have a home. It is something he keeps a secret from others, not really because he is afraid of being made fun of, but rather because he feels that as long as no one knows, the fact that it’s never going to happen will hurt less. So he keeps that deep inside him, in a safe place, like a little photograph that he can take out and look when he is feeling down.

As much as he despises being angry (it reminds him of his dad), he can’t help it, he is his father’s son after all. When he gets mad, his first instinct is to bear his teeth and growl. And if the person he is fighting with doesn’t take the cue, he will attack, aiming for the throat as soon as he has the opportunity.

And talking about dogs, HE LOVES LIKE A HOUND DOG, once that he catch a scent that is appealing to him, there is nothing, and no one, that’s able to stop him. He is going to chase it until he has it in his maw, without very little regard as to whether he is hurting himself.

PHYSICAL

I see many people saying that my man is the shortest one out of all proxies, but, respectfully, I think they are wrong. He just gives me tall man vibes, HOWEVER, I think his poor posture makes him stand at 6’0, when he normally is 6’2, which comes really handy when he wants to scare his victims.

We all agree that he has the most beautiful light brown eyes, they are like pools of honey, warm and inviting, which contrast massively with the scowl he seems to permanently wear.

Although he is more on the skinny side, he has gained some muscles over the years due to all the physical work he does; chopping wood, running around, carrying his victims… sadly he covers them with either flannels or grandpa sweaters.

Still on the topic of grandpa sweaters, he looooves them, mainly because they remind him of his late sister, whose last Christmas present were two brown and green sweaters. His to go outfit is a short sleeved band shirt, a flannel, a pair of dark denim jeans, his old shearling jacket and and a pair of black Converse. When he is alone is his cabin he opts for a wife beater and a pair of flannel pajama pants.

His whole body is covered in scars, most of them being self inflicted, and fewer being the ones made by his bravest victims that naively thought that a knife would’ve stopped Toby from killing them. He doesn’t hate them per say, he even thinks some of them are cool, but in the coldest nights, when he is alone with his thoughts, he can’t help but to despise every single part of his body, including his scars.

RANDOM HC

He has a small collection of various trinkets hidden in a wooden box beneath his bed. Some of them are old photos with his sister, rocks that he thought they were pretty, keychains that he stole from different gas stations, etc. At first glance it would look just like a pile of crap, but I can assure you everything has a reason to be there.

He was born in Germany but moved to South Carolina when he was 5.

He enjoys listening to music, his favorite genre is old rock. The Rolling Stones, Queen, Van Morrison, Fleetwood Mac, Bon Jovi, Blondu… his favorite song is “Brown eyed Girl” and you can’t change my mind.

He is the softest person when it comes to animals, he feels so bad when he finds any dead animal near the road, and he always gives them a proper burial, he even says some words along the lines of “the world was cruel to you when all you wanted was some warmth”. He so cried with the poem about spiders.

⋆｡°✩ — ©️ reidwitchsblog, 2023 - don’t repost, translate, copy, or claim.

#creepypasta #ticci toby #toby rogers #headcanon #ticci toby headcanons #ticci toby x oc

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lokislittlemidgardian · 2 years

Note

can we please have more cg!steve & cg!nancy? i’m so new to age regression so i would love a fic where they baby the reader. like reader tells them they want to regress but have always struggled with it, so they devise a plan to baby you until you slip. also, your writing makes me so happy! <33

Our little baby!

Content -age regression, cg!steve, cg!nancy, babying, cuddles, childrens tv shows, mentions of dummys, reassurance, bottles, sippy cup, soft toys, don’t like don’t read.

Summary - when you have a hard time regressing your caregivers baby you until you can.

Authors note - this took so long so sorry I haven’t really had motivation, I really hope you like this I just want mommy!nancy and daddy!steve to take care of me. Hope you enjoy <3

"You don't think it's weird do you?" You asked the pair of them worriedly, you had just explained your age regression to them.

"No of course not sweetheart!" Nancy cooed stroking a strand of hair away from your eyes "if that's what you need to do to cope sweetheart then we completely support you" steve smiled kissing the top of your head.

"Really?" "Really honey"

"So how often do you do this sweetheart?" Steve asked quietly not wanting to alarm you.

"Well it, it doesn't happen often, I want it too but its pretty hard for me too get into that headspace" you admitted to the two of them looking down at your hands and twisting your rings.

"Is there anyway we can help get you there?" Nancy said matching Steve's tone and reaching over to grasp your hands "I don't think so" you mumbled with a soft smile.

After sharing a quick look the two of them looked back at you with kind eyes. "Okay baby, I'm very proud of you for telling us" nancy cooed moving too embrace you pulling a blanket over the three of you listening to Steve turn the telly on.

Looking forward you saw a cooking show come across the screen, little did you know while you were taking in the recipe Nancy and Steve were constructing a plan.

───── ⋆⋅◇⋅⋆ ─────

Opening your eyes squinting at the sun coming in through the curtains you stretched your arms out bringing your back up. Feeling around the bed for steve or nancy you turned on your side.

Neither of them were there.

"Steve, nancy?" You questioned loudly, they probably went to the shops.

Moving to the side of your bed you moved the duvet back, before you managed to make it off the mattress you heard the door open.

"Hi baby" you heard nancy happily walking towards you dropping down infront of you so she met your eye line "hi nance, what's this about" you chuckled gesturing towards her.

"Oh nothing, come on" she said gently getting up and taking your hand in hers guiding you off the mattress and walking out the door towards the kitchen "steve, look who's up."

Turning around you saw Steve smile brightly and walk towards you after pulling down the lever on the toaster "hello there angel, how are you feeling today?" "Um yep I'm good, what's going on with you two this morning?" You asked warily.

"Nothings up sweetheart" steve answered giving you a quick kiss on the cheek before walking back towards the kitchen. "Come on sweetheart" nancy said before walking you towards the living room.

After sitting you down on the sofa she reached over on the coffee table and picked up the remote facing it away from you she turned on the children's channel.

You expected for her to change the channel but after around 30 seconds nothing happened. "Hey Nance change the channel" you giggled looking over at her "I'm trying" she said with a feigned look of frustration on her face "steve, the remotes not working" she called "are the batteries fully in?" "Yeah" "well I dunno, I'll change the batteries later" he said walking towards the two of you with a plate of toast "Bon appetite" he said presenting the plate to you with a very bad French accent.

"Thank you!" You giggled reaching up to grab the plate off him, but he instead he sat down beside you breaking up the toast and passing it to you.

You felt your mind becoming fuzzy because of the mixture of nancy and Steve's babying and the soft tune of the children's program.

Of course the two of them noticed.

"Are you feeling small sweetie?" You heard nancy coo beside you and place a kiss on the back of your head. Feeling shy you lifted the hole of your jumper over your head hearing nancy and steve chuckle lovingly “it’s okay honey you can be little with us.”

Feeling Nancy get up from her seat you looked up at her with a worried look on your face “oh angel it’s okay I’ll be back in a minute” she said with a smile before walking to your bedroom. After a few moments you felt the bed dip on your right side, looking over you saw that she had a light pink box on her lap.

“Come have a look baby” she told you taking the lid off holding her hand out to you, shuffling over from your place on the sofa you took a peak inside, there was an assortment of soft toys, a sippy cup and a bottle “there’s no dummy yet, but I figured I’d let you choose which one you wanted” she said sheepishly shaking her head “if you don’t like it I can return-“ you cut her off with a big hug.

“Thank you mommy!” you squealed nuzzling into the side of her neck, then you realised your mistake. Pulling back from her you sat with your back flat against the sofa “I’m sorry” “aww baby you don’t have to be sorry” Nancy said holding your face to look at her “you can call me mommy it’s okay” “and you can call me daddy angel” Steve chimed in placing a kiss to the back of your head.

“Are you sure” you mumbled looking down at your hands “yes we’re sure honey” Nancy said smiling eyes “your our little baby!” Steve said picking you up and twirling you making you screech with happiness. “Steve put her down she’ll be sick” Nancy reprimanded taking you out of Steve’s arms and placing you on her hip.

“Your no fun you know” Steve chuckled planting a kiss on Nancy’s forehead before picking up your bottle and making his way to the kitchen. Sitting the two of you back down on the sofa Nancy took a pink bunny rabbit out of the box and placed in in your arms turning up the volume on the telly.

“Of course it was still working” you thought to yourself.

───── ⋆⋅◇⋅⋆ ─────

Taglist - @bootlegmothman420 @littlephia @youngstarfishdinosaur @whippedforhongjoong @patchesofwork @buggyateabug @autisticbeauty @friendlyneighborhoodkillerbunny @sparklybuck @2-gay-possums-in-a-trench-coat @hopelesswritergall @stuckysgirl27 @sleepyprinc3ss @chaotic-little-witch

#mommy!nancy #daddy!steve harrington #little!reader #cg!nancy #cg!steve harrington #daddy!steve #steve harrington x little reader #steve harrington x fem!reader #steve harrington x reader #nancy wheeler x reader #nancy wheeler x female reader #ria answers #sfw age regression #caregiver #age regression reader #stranger things #sfw littlespace #little reader #agere sfw

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raygirlramblings · 7 months

Note

What do you think about the Captain Laserhawk series? If you watched it yet, at least.

’If I watched it’ XD

Oh rest assured I watched it. ❤️

Overall I really liked it. The animation was SWEET HONEY GOODNESS. Bobbypills pulled out the stops and it SHOWED. I loved all the style changes, I love the pixel art, I even enjoyed the VR stuff because it was unique and weird.

The voice acting was also TRES BON. Special round of applause for Rayman’s English VA because by god he had a job and a half and he NAILED IT. Also loved Marcus’s voice, and Bullfrog of course 💚 just a lot of very high quality work went into this and the voice acting was pretty much spot on from the first episode.

I will say the series felt rushed. I know it’s only 6 episodes but with the time they had there could have been some edits and cuts to keep things snappy while also freeing up time to spend with the main 4 (and the Warden) to cement their relationship.

Believe me I was happy to see so much Rayman but his story wasn’t the main focus and should never have been. We needed more time with Jade and Pey’j. If the Warden has this deep emotional story behind her that we’re supposed to buy into we need more time with her. Sarah and Dolph having a backstory chat in VR was too little too late.

But I will forgive a lot for some stuff they did so right:

Alex is such a dick and he was so much fun to watch. His and Dolph’s relationship was fascinating, and it was so cute watching them in the first episode being a couple and it felt so NATURAL.

RED IS A MASSIVE DOUCHE FUCK HIM XD But god was it fun to have such an open bigot be an antagonist.

All the weird propaganda Eden was using Rayman for. The Rayman Kids stuff was especially grim. I want a ‘I’m a Rayman Kid’ badge SO BAD YOU GUYS.

Bullfrog was such a charming boy. I loved every moment he was on screen. It clear he was the fave character of the team. I loved his relationship with Pey’j, and I hope (if s2 is a thing) that he gets to partner up with Rayman because THAT WOULD BE GLORIOUS

RAYMAN USES HIS LIMBLESSNESS AS A TACTIC. I lost my marbles when he raises his hands and one of them is missing. YES. BOBBYPILLS NAILED IT.

All the little pixel animations were just so joyous and delightful. Perfect.

All the alternative styles for the cut-aways. For the Rayman TV spots, and the VR episode looking like a Phantasmagoria let’s play, the crazy taxi/Driver mini game, just so well observed and suitable for the time. A++++

So yeah, I give the show my thumbs up. It’s obviously not for everyone and it is QUITE THE INTENSE RIDE AND NOT APPROPRIATE FOR KIDS, but I would recommend it as a quality animated work. I hope the people sharing that handful of weird Rayman screenshots on Twitter and going ‘WTF?!?!’ Actually give the series a chance.

Obviously I can discuss every tiny detail from every episode but that would take waaaaaay too long 😩. But thank you so much for asking!

#captain laserhawk #Raygirl’s ramblings #long post #Captain Laserhawk spoilers

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aphroditesbaby1616 · 2 months

Text

The Bear & His Honey - Lucky 13

♡ Chapter Inspo: Lyrics; "You are in Love" (Taylors Version) “You understand now why they lost their minds and fought the wars, and why I’ve spent my whole life trying to put it into words.”

♡ Summary: Carmy is filling in on 'The Jimmy Kimmel Show' for a sick guest that couldn't come, He stumbles in to Winnie's absolute favorite person- and is able to treat her to a night she won't ever forget.

♡ W/C: 24,019

♡ Posted Date: 03/13/2024

♡ A/N: Welcome to Lucky 13! I wanted to give you all a taste of what Carm+Winnie will be at some point. This chapter will have very little angst, & have mostly sickeningly sweet fluffy goodness! This is set at least 1.5 years in the future from the last chapter. This is kinda a “one shot” in a way, in the TB&HH Universe, I have been thinking of this chapter for a while, and it would make my heart sing for Carmy to have a night out with his favorite people & get to relax, and just be in love. Also- in this, Carmy has been attending group weekly, and learning more so how to express his feelings. I’m also excited to show my idea of how Carm would show a big romantic gesture like the one in this chapter, and just overall make himself feel really proud for showing Winnie how much she means to him. Also- alot of things in this chapter (french speaking, JKS interview, etc) will make sense very soon!!! I just- it's too cute not to include hahahah I hope you enjoy this chapter :)) Also, the way while editing (I'm listening to TS obvi) - but genuinely as i'm editing them talking about the different songs- they were COMING ON SHUFFLEEEE!! That woman is a WITCH i tell you

♡ Warnings for BTC: Smut, Swearing - 'tis all *** Any dialogue that has ( ) after, is translation from French to English!! :) ***

➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡

➵ 𝐂𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐮𝐩 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡

If you like this story, please click #TB&HHPoll in the tags, & vote on the questions asked <3

𝒞𝒶𝓇𝓂'𝓈 𝒫.𝒪.𝒱.🧸

“Okay-okay baby- ask them!” I plead, Winnie gave me her adorable little frisky grin.

“Ours... vous savez si vous êtes nerveux, ils peuvent le dire, et vous vous sentirez embarrassé après- respirer à treize pour votre Miel, s’il vous, plaît…?” - (Bear... you know if you're nervous, they can tell, and you'll feel embarrassed after- breathe to thirteen for your Honey, please...)

She put her hand on my cheek and I took a deep breath, closing my eyes and silently counting to 13, taking a deep breath every odd number I counted in my mind, just like she’d taught me.

“C'est mon bon garçon…Mon sexy homme…” (That’s my good boy…my sexy man…) she said gently as I exhaled.

“Now, like we said, imagine it’s me asking you all these stupid questions, they won’t go off script, Ours (Bear)! Ils ont promise qu’ils ne le feront pas (they promised they wouldn’t).. S’you just have to say the exact same answers we rehearsed the last two weeks, oui?” She cupped my cheeks, stroking my cheekbones gently with her thumbs.

“Oui,” I whisper. “me poser leur première question” (Ask me the first question), I muttered nervously, relishing in the feeling of her cool fingers against my hot cheeks, giving me at least a small sense of relief.

Thankfully - When being asked to be a fill-in guest on The Jimmy Kimmel Show - they'd prepped me- us- with questions they’d be asking, so I wasn’t a blubbering mess on live tv.

“So, Carmen, you are notorious in the kitchen industry, for calling all of your back of-house staff - Chef, as a term of endearment, or- furthermore a term of respect… Now that you’re so widely known at least in the Chicago area- but even more so the greater North America region, as being a very widely appreciated Chef, “ she giggled adorably, looking at me through her lashes before continuing.

“Does everyone that recognizes you on the street, and call you by your title of Chef? Maybe…Executive Chef Carmen? Do they treat you differently?” She asked with a cheeky grin.

I held back the urge to tease and joke with her, clearing my throat and trying to remember the answer we’d come up with together.

“Yes, Chef” I joked, giving her a playful smirk. “I notice when we- er- fuck sorry baby-“ I shook my head, looking at my lap nervously, biting the inside of my lip, squeezing her thigh.

“Ours” (Bear) she said softly, stroking the back of my hand the way that made my heart thump so hard it felt like it’d jump out of my chest, and I look up at her, my eyes bouncing between the freckles on her cheeks, every other thought dissolving like sand through my fingers.

“Allez, Ours, Tu vas y’ arriver.” (C’mon, Bear, You got this) she whispered, squeezing my hand assuringly.

I cleared my throat, newfound confidence due to her belief I could nail this coursing through me.

“My girl and I,” I continued confidently, “ “When we go out, especially in Chicago, or The City, but really any big city- people are more apt to give me a table if I call, So…She calls most of the time- and when we get there…the Exec. usually comes out to greet me after we’re settled, and tell me the meals no charge, but- My girl and I like a true experience, she keeps me honest” I leaned forward, pecking her lips gently and she smiles wide.

“Coeur faible connard” (soft-hearted asshole) she teased gently, mushing her nose with mine sweetly before stealing another kiss.

“Sorry-“ I pulled away teasingly “So…I shouldn’t offer a kiss to the host? Ce serait trop, bien?” (it’d be too much, right?) I joked and she rolled her eyes, grabbing my collar and pulling me back to her lips- kissing me hungrily.

“These lips are mine. Only mine” she mumbles before kissing me again. I smiled into her lips, rubbing my hands down her hips and squeezing the flesh beneath her dress gently.

“Mmm- baby” I pull away gently. “They said 15 minutes 4 minutes ago, I’gotta get mic’d.” I rest my forehead on hers and she cupped my cheeks, planting gentle sweet kisses all over my face.

“Remember” she said between various smooches over my face. “I’ll be in the first row” more kisses “5th seat from the left” kiss, kiss, kiss - “look at me if you get scared ” - kiss, kiss - “I’m with you the whole time.” One final lingering, sweet kiss on my lips. “You’re goin’ out there to kick ass and take names, Bear. Nos âmes sont toujours liées ensemble…” (Remember that our souls are always tied together…)

“Right” I said softly, looking up at her, memorizing each freckle adorning her cheeks for the millionth time. “Bien, Nos âmes sont à jamais liées, Chérie.” (Right, our souls are bound forever, Sweetheart.) I said lovingly, playing with the ends of her auburn curls between my nervous fingers.

She leans in, barely brushing my lips. “What do we say?” She whispers, so close her lips catch mine as she spoke.

“Laisse-le déchirer” (Let it rip) I said softly into her lips before kissing her passionately.

“Oui, Mon Ours. Laisse-le déchirer” (Yes, My Bear, Let it rip.) She said softly when she pulled away, gently running her knuckle over the veins of my neck, the action she only did while utterly exhausted, overly horny, or unable to mess with my hair.

“Je t’aime, mon miel” (I love you, my Honey) I whispered softly into her skin, feeling her gently rub over my back with her nails.

“Fais confiance en ton instincts et lâches-vous, Ours.” (Trust your instincts, and let go, Bear) She said softly into my ear.

I swallow tightly, racking over my brain through all the French she’d taught me- coming up blank, other instincts, and my own name.

“Mon instincts en bon pour votre ours?” (My instincts are good for your Bear?) I questioned softly, kissing her collarbone gently.

She giggles, “Trust your instincts- Fais confiance en ton instincts- And let go- et lâches-vous, Mon Ours.” (My Bear) She kisses my forehead sweetly

I swallowed thickly, nodding a bit and looking up at her through my lashes.

“Je te promets…Je vais suivre mon instincts” (I promise you…I’ll follow my instincts) I mutter into her skin as she gently strokes my cheek, my eyes fluttering shut at the soft touch.

“Je crois en toi, Mon Ours. Je crois en toi.” (I believe in you, My bear, I believe in you.) she whispered, rubbing soothing circles into my back.

“Tu me fais croire en moi, mon miel.” (You make me believe in myself, my honey) I kiss her neck gently and there was a soft tap at the door.

“Come In?” I said, the door creaking open a bit.

Were interrupted by a short brunette in a black T-Shirt and jeans, wearing a stage headset. “Mr.Berzatto, you’re live in 15 minutes…we need to get you mic’d - we can have a stage manager take your…wife…down to the family and friends section, her seat’s been reserved” A bright blush came to my cheeks at the assumption.

“Je crois en toi, Mon Ours” (I believe in you, my bear). Winnie said, getting off my lap and smoothing her dress down.

I gently tug down the hem of her dress out of habit, “Merci miel. Je t'aime tellement bébé. Je te chercherai, oui ?” (Thank you honey, I love you so much, baby. I’ll be looking for you, yeah?) I said, smoothing out the silky fabric over her bum and she nods, smiling big.

“Si tu fais le bien ce soir, je te laisserai m’avoir comme tu veux, Mon Sexy Chef Italien…” (If you do well tonight, I’ll let you have me any way you want, my sexy Italian Chef…) she whispered in my ear and my eyebrows raised, firey goosebumps rising from my neck to my ankles.

“Mmmm- Oui? Petit diable sexy…” (Yeah? Sexy little devil…) I said softly into her neck, patting her bum gently. “Tu dois juste bien te tenir une heure, bebe, être une bonne fille - Je serai alors vôtre, mon monde” (You only have to behave for an hour, baby, then I’m all yours- my world.)

She giggles, pulling away, “Not whore baby, say it like Taylor- say era” she said and my cheeks heat.

“Vraiment Bebe? Maintenant? Cours de français?” (Really Baby? French lessons? Now?) I ask as I rolled my eyes slightly, a smirk dancing on my lips.

“Très bien, pas maintenant. Laisse-le déchirer, Mon Ours.” (Fine, not now, let it rip, Bear) she said, tucking her purse under her arm and I actually roll my eyes.

“Pas maintenant?” (Not now?) I huff frustratedly, again not understanding the new word.

“Seigneur! Vous avez besoin d’une leçon de Français, cela signifiait - ‘ not now’ - Dork.” (Jesus! You need a French lesson, I said - ‘Fine, not now’ - Dork!) she pinched my cheek gently.

“God, je vous aime tellement.” (God, I love you so much.) I kiss her lips tenderly. The woman at the door clears her throat.

“Mr.Berzatto…sorry to interrupt, but you’re live in 13 minutes and-” Winnie cuts her off.

“and where is my escort?” She chirps with a friendly smile, turning around on the ball of her foot to face her.

“Uh- Sorry- they…Um…gimme a second” she quickly turned, walking down the hall briskly.

“Ahhh” Winnie said, plopping back in my lap comfortably. “Nous avons maintenant le temps pour une leçon de français, Ours!” (Now we have time for a French lesson, Bear!) she chirps and looks back at me.

I snort through my nose, “Tu as vu à quelle vitesse ils se….” (You saw how quickly they…) I try to think of the word, looking up at the ceiling and biting my lip. “se déplacer!!! Se déplacer ici, bébé” (Move!!! Move around here, baby.) I smile proudly and pat her side. “Tu vois, je peux être intelligent!” (See, I can be smart!).

“Mmm, je savais que tu es intelligent, mais nous devons travailler à renforcer ce triste ego, Ours” (Mmm, I knew you're smart, but we must work on strengthening that sad ego, Bear) she said and I crinkle my eyebrows, sad ego was all I really understood.

“Je comprends - ‘ l’ego intelligent, et triste ‘ – mais que signifie - ‘nous devons…ahhh- travailler? pour nous renforcer’?” (I understand the smart, and sad ego- but what does ‘we must work on … ahh - our confidence?’ mean?) I question, squeezing her waist gently. I knew she’d only give a proper lesson, if I was responding to her questions in French with what I knew.

“Ahhhh, Bon Ours ! 'nous devons travailler’ est ‘we must work’, ‘à renforcer ce’ est ‘to strengthen this’ “ (Ahhhh, Good Bear! We must work, to strengthen this) She said, pleased with my answer. I pat her hip gently, happy with the praise i’d earned.

“Tu es ma force Chérie…Mon tout” (You’re my strength, Honey...My everything) I said resting my forehead on hers. She puckered her lips and I lean in, giving her a sweet kiss.

“Hi! Mr.Berzatto- you’re on in 9, Mrs.Berzatto, I’m here to escort you to your seat.” A small blonde, dressed in the same black T-Shirt and Jeans the last person to interrupt us was.

“Je t'aime ours, souviens-toi de ce que dit Mikey” (I love you Bear, remember what Mikey would say) she said sweetly, getting up and pecking my lips.

I smiled softly, giving her one of the first lines she’d taught me in response. “On se reverra bientôt, bébé” (Meet again soon, baby). She smiled proudly, squeezing my hand before heading off with the blonde.

The brunette girl returned not to shortly after, connecting a mic under my shirt right below my throat, and leading me through the corridors. As we head down the hall, I heard an all too familiar laugh… Not one that I’d heard personally, but one that I’d heard hundreds of times while falling asleep on Winnies TV or her phone.

I stopped dead in my tracks, my head snapping towards the door that the sound came from. ‘JKS - SPECIAL GUEST - TAS ‘ A plain sheet of printer paper that was taped to the door read.

I blink a few times, reading over the paper 5 times, eyes almost popping out of my skull - TAS.

I reach out, grabbing the shoulder of the woman escorting me backstage. “T-A-S?!” I whisper shout at her. She quickly got the message.

“Oh- you didnt know” she said stupidly, looking at the door then me.

“I have to meet her” I whispered, a plan forming quickly in my mind. She smiled and nodded, looking at her watch.

“If she wants to meet you, sure, but you got a max of 4 minutes.” she said casually and my jaw drops.

That worked?!

I nodded quickly in response, trying to find words that wouldn’t embarrass Winnie, as she steps forward much too casually for my taste, and just knocks on the door.

“It’s unlocked!” the same voice I knew all too well calls and she looks at me, extending her hand towards the door.

“Shes a real sweetheart, but super chatty, so like I said- y’get four minutes.” she said and I swallowed thickly, fuck, I am supposed to open the dressing room door to the most famous popstar on Earth?! If I offend her, Winnie will absolutely break up with me.

I took a deep breath, looking at her momentarily before twisting the door handle. Everything felt like it was moving in slow motion, my heart was in my throat.

Jesus Christ, I don’t fuckin care about this girl, I just care I make sure Winnie and Sadie have a seat at her show tomorrow night.

She looks up as the door opens, blue eyes meeting mine. “Oh! Hey! You’re that guy getting interviewed? The chef,right? My boyfriend has been dying to try your restaurant! He just hates asking for favors, so he hasn’t called to rent it out- I hear you’re super awesome! Oh my god- so sorry. I’m Taylor, it’s nice to meet you!” she said casually, sticking her hand out for me to shake.

It took insane amounts of casualty to not allow my jaw to fully unhinge at the sight of her. Winnie was right- she doesn’t edit her pictures - shes tall as fuck - shes like.. Taller then me?

I clear my throat, standing up a bit straighter, trying to find some semblance of self-control. “Yup- thats me, Carmen, Uh- Carmen Berzatto” I shake her hand, “Yeah- uh- wow….means alot, he’s on the uh- The Chiefs right?” I asked and she nods, smiling.

“Yup! Travis, I just sing- he’s so awesome, He loves Italian food even more than the field I think, ever since he saw that podcast you were on he's been stalking your menu! ” she giggled and I raised my eyebrows. She just sings?

“Uh- my girlfriend…Yeah- yeah…I don’t wanna embarrass her, but uh- Y’know, I could totally give you and your boyfriend any night you could possibly want, like- the whole restaurant, just you guys- me and my right hand will personally make your meals - fully on the house, If you’d do me like…..one little favor-but it’s… it’s fine- if not…” I said and she stands a bit straighter.

“I love helping, what can I do?” she grins. Why the fuck does she seem so normal…and nice aren’t popstars supposed to be bitchy mean-girls that would’ve made fun of me in high school?

“my girlfriend- she like…worships you- fuck - not like a weird way - you just like…inspire her? Like? Alot- Your songs, uh- fuck- hold on…Fearless, I know thats one… uh- Sparks Fly? Oh! That one too um with the guitar...Mine? I think? And then- Oh! The Archer - she loves that one, and then I only know 2 others she really likes - sad ones….Bon Iver? With that dude” I questioned and she nods

“Mmhmm! I think…Exile and Evermore” she nods and I snap.

“Thats it! Those ones- those are like…she loves you- she’s been…she’s been trying to get tickets for her and her best friend to your New York show this weekend since you announced it, she- fuck- she’d kill me if she knew I told you, but she’s cried because she didn’t get the tickets, shes been trying so hard and-”

“How many?” said the ginger sat next to her on the couch that was silent until now, and simply pretending I wasnt there while tapping away on a laptop. I look at her, slightly taken back it was that easy to convince her? Them both?!

“Uh-” I think for a moment- just fuckin send it, Carmen. If you’re gonna ask for a favor- ask for a damn favor. “F-Five? Like- f’me, and her, and - and she wants her best friend there, a-and-” the redhead interrupts me again.

“Done, Left of the diamond good? Second row? There is no row one” she questions

“Gosh Tree! Can you let him talk? Sorry about her, shes a time freak” Taylor scolds, looking back at me, “We would love to have you there, and I’d totally like to talk to your girlfriend when me and Trav decide to come by- she sounds super cool!” she said as the brunette tugged at my sleeve.

“Mr.Berzatto, sorry- 3 minutes till you’re live, we have to go.” she said and I nod.

“Thank you- Uh, Taylor,” What the fucking shit- I’ve stared at this woman nearly every night on Winnies phone screen - now shes just here , in front of me?!

“Course! Super excited to try out your restaurant- Tree will call” she said as the brunette woman tugs my sleeve harder, dragging me out the door.

Suddenly, I got the urge to tell her the thought that had been swarming in my head whenever we watched her tour movie for the past year. Even though we’d already were headed down the hall, her dressing room was still wide open so she’d hear me.

“The way you set up the ‘Tolerate It’ song is awesome, the whole performance is super touching- You have a great voice!!! But you kinda remind me of our cat when you knock the stuff off the table! Also- erm- f’r Winnie since she’d kill me if I didn’t say- Play Sparks Fly, And Mine- and Evermore all the way, please.” I called to her quickly as I was dragged away down the hal by the brunettel, hearing Taylor laugh loudly in response, causing a blush to form on my cheeks.

Winnie would be beyond pleased to know I got her to laugh.

“Done! And Thank you, Chef! I love Cats!!!” she called after us and I smiled wide.

“I know, Winnie told me! She loves Law and Order too! Olivia is a great name, my Niece is named Olivia!” I call back and I heard her laugh again.

What the actual fuck- Taylor Swift?! I just spoke to Taylor Swift!? Why do I feel…Starstruck? Jesus Christ I owe Richie for telling me to pack Winnie’s special concert bodysuit she's been working on forever just in case I found tickets for them.

“Here’s Berzatto sorry hes late- Main act wanted to talk to him- he’s live in 45” the brunette told the large guy she’d dropped me off in front of.

He quickly checks me over, adjusting my jacket without asking, and rolling over my sleeve quickly with a lint roller and strapping a mic pack to my back under my jacket, quickly connecting it to the wire under my shirt. “On your name, wave, smile, walk” he said.

“Alright We have Berzatto comin’ out- Live in 5, 4, 3, 2” he said into his headset, backing away from me quickly and the curtain started to draw.

My eyes dart over the crowd, the lights were blinding, music started and my mind swarms.

What the literal fuck- what the fuck - Wheres Honey? - I just met Taylor Swift? I'm about to be on live TV - Don’t fuck this up, be like Mikey, listen to Winnie - Breathe to 13.

My thoughts continued to race as the my eyes adjusted to the lights that were revealed from behind the curtain. “And Welcome Chicagos Favorite Chef- Carmen Berzatto! “ Jimmy said and just like the man ordered a few moments prior, On my name I started heading towards the arm chair, smiling and waving at the live audience as I was told.

By the time I’d shook his hand and sat down, I felt numb- The answers to the questions Winnie and I had drilled to my head, swarming like an angry swarm of bees.

“So, if you don’t know Carmen, Hes a Chef Prodigy from Chicago- he has two Michelin stars and isn’t even 30 as of yet, he has won the James Beard foundation award for up-and-coming chef as well as took home the award for the best new restaurant, all while he’s only been in the industry less than ten years,”

He continued talking as I scanned for Winnie. When I finally settled on her face I relax a bit, being able to think. She smiles wide when our eyes meet, blowing me kisses and waving excitedly. I couldn’t contain my smile as I look back over at him.

“So, Carmen, Welcome, we’ve been told you’ve never done a live interview before - but you have been to plenty of award shows, you’ve been on red carpets, done podcasts over the past year- and I must say, on behalf of the public- you are one snappy dresser, please, tell us about the suit” he said and I chuckled a bit.

“Yeah- thank you again for having me, It’s different being in front of a live audience but I’m honored to have even gotten the invite. But, uh- I really like Calvin Klein, their suits are just fantastic. My uh- my girlfriend though she’s the one who usually picks out my outfits for stuff like this, I trust er more then myself a lot of the time.” I said, my eyes finding hers again and she mouths an ‘I love you!’ Holding a hand heart up for me causing me to smile bigger.

“Thats right! We have your girlfriend here Winnie is it?” He asked and my cheeks go pink I thought they promised they wouldn’t go off script?!

“Yeah! Winnie,I could talk about her forever - she’s uh…she’s really special.” My eyes find hers again to see her blowing me more kisses. My heart flutters wildly she’s so perfect.

“I assure you, my wife dresses me too i’m sure most of our male guests are dressed by their women” He chuckles, getting a laugh from the crowd. “So tell us,” he continued “You had won the ‘Best New Restaurant’ last year at the James beard awards, congratulations on that!” he said and he and the crowd clap, the teleprompter putting up a picture of The Bear that we had on our website to show us it would be on screen.

“Now, i’d assume you get special treatment whenever you take the missus for a date night out on the town, right?” He asks and I chuckle, nodding a bit.

“Right, right - so uh when I call especially around Chicago I mean” I shrug “most of the Execs are my peers so - of course we’re gonna get a table pretty easy. But I was actually surprised when we came back to the city this only the second time I’ve been back since I left to uh, head back home t’Chicago and open The Bear, but when my girl and I were out a few nights ago, we were just walkin around Soho cause she loves shopping and I love to spoil her even more of course,” I said, earning a few ‘aw’ sounds from the crowd “and we pass this group of guys, and one of em just goes ‘Yo! Sup Chef’ and I turned around cause I thought y’know- I’d know them from culinary school or one of my old gigs, and he just goes ‘Dude your hot ones interview was insane you’re a beast’ and ahh I didn’t really know what to say I’ve never been like recognized like that before” I said and he nods with a chuckle.

“Speaking of your Hot Ones interview- that has blown up since you’d done it 4 months ago- it’s currently sitting at 17 million views, You’d filmed that here in the City, So in New York do they usually give you a table? Give you free meals all that like back in Chicago?” He questions.

“Well I like to try and keep it fair, fair as I can that is. So my girl, she calls up for us, usually puts the table under her name. But uh- yeah, yeah. We do get treated nice, they’ll bring out new stuff for us to try or give us a nice bottle of wine, which is great cause honey is a big red wine lover” I said my eyes flicking to her to see she was blushing, a wide proud smile plastered along her features, bringing a heat to my cheeks.

After the interview was over, I was escorted back to my dressing room and found an envelope waiting for me at the dressing table. I walked over and opened it, taking out five row 2 tickets for tomorrow nights Taylor show.

“Holy shit” I whispered to myself, staring at them in shock. She actually got me the tickets. Does this mean she’s really gonna come by the restaurant?! Winnie’s gonna flip. Fuck- we have to get back to the hotel or with all the excitement she’s gonna be exhausted and pissy on the flight home.

I heard my favorite thing in the world in the hallway, Winnie’s voice. I quickly tucked the tickets back in the envelope safely, and put it hidden in my inside breast pocket for safe keeping.

“Bearrr!” Winnie said excitedly as she opened the door before rushing over to me. I wrap my arms around her tightly, picking her up and spinning her around causing her to giggle “you did amazing ours (bear) so so amazing I’m so proud of you” she kisses all over my face and I smile, closing my eyes and relishing in her praise and attention.

“I love you baby, so much” I kiss her lips sweetly, wrapping her legs around my hips and hiking her up further on my waist. “I missed you” I said when I pull away, kissing down her neck and over her bare shoulder.

She giggled “I was right there, baby! The whole time” she runs her fingers through my hair and I hum at the feeling of her nails scratching that spot next to my ear.

“Mm you weren’t in my lap though” I said and sit on the couch, my hands rubbing over her thighs and her arms, anywhere I could feel her soft, supple skin.

“Were still going to that bar right?! You deserve to celebrate baby.” She said, playing with my hair gently. I adjusted her C pendant around her neck I’d gotten her when we started officially dating, trying to think up a quick excuse, she’s gonna need a lot of sleep for tomorrow I don’t want her grumpy and tired at the concert.

“I dunno baby…I think let’s just go back to the hotel yeah? Got up early this mornin’ wouldn’t you rather get some pizza and mozzarella sticks and watch a movie? Mm? We can cuddle? Have a nice bath?” I rub her arm and she pouted a bit.

“Okay, can we go tomorrow though?” She asks and I nod

“Course Mon Monde” (my world) I whisper and kiss her lips gently.

By the time we got back to the hotel it was already midnight, and I could tell by the way she was walking her heels were hurting her badly by now on the walk up to our room.

“Gotta get y’outta those shoes baby, y’re hips buggin’ you?” I ask, wrapping my arm securely around her waist. If I wasn’t holding the food, I’d already be carrying her.

“Mmhmm, tired too. Glad we didn’t go out” she leans into me as the elevator doors closed and I smooched her temple.

“Y’think I can’t tell when you’re exhausted, baby?” I teased, rubbing her side gently and she smiles.

“Yeahhh, yeah. But we rarely get to go out, Bear. You’re too busy, I love going out with you, you’re a fun dance partner” she said looking up at me with a tired smile.

I felt a blush creeping to my cheeks, smiling big. “I’ll only ever dance for you, my love” I kiss her forehead gently. When we got to the room, I set the boxes of food on the bed and helped her unzip her dress, grabbing her pajamas for her “get comfy princess” I told her before grabbing my grey sweatpants and white T shirt, shrugging off my jacket.

“You look really sexy in that suit, baby. I wanna see you in suits more often, hopefully this interview will lead to more live ones…y’did so so sooo good bear, everyone was laughin’ and they really seemed t’like you” she slips off her bra, putting on my old ‘the beef’ shirt and some Nike leggings.

“Thank you angel, it’s just really fuckin stressful” I said and started to unbutton my shirt.

“I know, but no one is as good at handling stress then you, bear. You’re strong. Mon gros ours fort” (my big strong bear) she comes over, untucking my shirt and unbuttoning it the rest of the way. “Mmm you’re lucky there’s pizza waiting and I hate when it’s cold” she kisses down my neck while rubbing her hands over my bare chest and I smile, rubbing her back gently, caressing over the scar on her hip with my thumb.

“Tu es une vilaine petit fille” (you are such a naughty little girl) I spank her gently and she giggles, looking up at me with those fuckin bedroom eyes she always did.

“je suis ta petite pute, chef” (I’m your little whore, chef) she said, leaning in and kissing me deeply. I chuckle softly in to her mouth, squeezing her bum.

“Tu as une bouche bien sale, Bebe” (you have a filthy mouth baby) I told her, brushing her curls from her in front of her eyes. “Le temps de manger ma douceur, c’est un grand” (it’s time to eat, my sweetness, you have an important day tomorrow.) I said and she raises her eyebrows.

“What’re we doin?” She asked, sitting on the bed as told and opening the pizza box.

“Patience, mon petit lapin” (patience, my little bunny) I smooth her hair gently and kissed the top of her head before taking off my shirt and dress pants, slipping on my pajamas before sitting down.

“Can I get a hint?” She pleads, taking a piece of pizza out and having a bite.

“Pas de conseils, seulement de la patience.” (No hints, only patience) I told her, grabbing a slice for myself and having a bite.

“Je suis impressionné par ton bébé, français, as-tu étudié sans moi?” (I'm impressed by your French baby, did you study without me?) She said softly, and I furrow my brow, thinking as I chew.

“Je sous…” (I’m under) I repeat as I think to myself, “why? Did I say something wrong?” I pout a bit, looking at her, thinking she was saying she was under impressed with my French and that I should be studying more.

“Bebe, Je suis, suis, my love, Je, Suis” she said, sweetly.

“Ohhhh- ohh…you are impressed, not under impressed” I smiled a bit and she rolls her eyes playfully.

“”Mon ours n’a jamais rien fait d’autre que m'impressionner ” (my bear, never does anything but impress me.) she strokes my cheek gently. “Mon sexy homme” (my sexy man) she whispered and gently brushed back my hair.

I blushed more, my cheeks surely being a shade of bright red that matched hers. “Je t’aime mon gros ours sexy” she said and I smirked, knowing ‘I love you my big sexy bear’ anywhere

“Oooo” she said happily as she opened the box of mozzarella sticks. “Oooo!!! And you got extra sauce! I love you so so much” she kisses my cheek and I chuckle.

“You and cheese, I swear you’re half mouse sometimes” I tease and she giggled, dipping it in the sauce and taking a bite.

“Mmmm-“ she hums before continuing “I would love to be a mouse. Would you love me still if you woke up one morning and there was a note on my pillow that a fae turned me into a mouse? Would you keep me?” She asked, dunking again and taking another bite.

I snort, “a mouse? I mean…we couldn’t have sex anymore so that would suck, but it would be you. Wait- would you love me if you were a mouse?” I asked taking a bite of my pizza.

“Of course- well..maybe more so because I would fully depend on you to translate for me, unless I was a mouse that could speak. In which case you’d not need a note because you’d wake up to me making a comfy little nest in your hair and I’d tell you I was a mouse and now I’d sleep on your head like Ratatouille. Ooo and during the day I could sit on your shoulder, you could carry me around in your pocket!!” She ruffles my hair playfully and I smile, shaking my head at her adorable constant need to discuss out of this world scenarios and how we’d each react to them.

“That would be very fun, well- maybe it would put off customers if they knew the head chef walks around with a mouse on his shoulder, but I wouldn’t care cause we’d get to be together all the time ma petit souris” (my little mouse) I shrugged with a smile, taking another bite.

She smiles proudly, gently kissing my jaw. “Ahh en francais? Quel bon garçon” (ah in French? What a good boy) she praised softly, squeezing my bicep sweetly, kissing my shoulder. “Mmm what about…” she picks her pizza back up, taking a bite and thinking for a moment “oo!! What if right now like - I just burst into glitter. Like. Poof and was gone? What would you do?” she giggled and I laughed.

“Where did you go?! I would find you obviously, or I’d never stop looking for you. I’d give up everything and become a private investigator to find you” I shrug, poking her cheek playfully.

“No like dead gone what if I spontaneously combusted into glitter and like- that was my death. I’m gone. Poof. Nothing more then little sparkly granules” she muses and I raise my eyebrows.

“Dead? Well…I’d probably start sobbing and be on my hands and knees picking up every little piece to keep in a bag forever and I’d take it with me everywhere.” I said and she pouted.

“Stop you are too sweet. I thought you were gonna be like ‘welp guess I’m gettin the vacuum out’ “ she laughs and I gasp, poking her belly.

“The vacuum?! What - was that what your answer was gonna be?” I chuckled and she grinned wide.

“Maaaybe. But of course I’d be kidding!!!! Ooo maybe I’d turn you in to a pretty eyeshadow.” She pecks my lips and I squeeze her cheeks with my hand gently, a pout forming on her lips at the action.

“Y’re fuckin weird and I love it” I smooch her lips again and she giggles in to my mouth lightly.

When we were finished eating, she took her regular spot on my lap as she scrolled through videos on her phone, giggling and sending some of them to Sadie.

Shit. Sadie. She has to be on a fuckin plane like- now.

I clear my throat “s’rry bunny, can you uh- I gotta go to the bathroom.” I said and she rolls off me without looking up, stretching herself out on her side of the bed. I slickly grab my phone without her noticing and go off to the bathroom, shutting the door and leaning against it.

I found Sadie’s contact and hit dial, praying to god she was up and would see it or at least answer it if it woke her up. I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding when I heard her pick up.

“What did you do” she grumbles in to the phone, knowing that I’d usually only ever call her this late if I’d fucked up majorly and had to have her talk Winnie down from a freak out.

“N-nothing. No- sorry f’wakin’ you- listen, I’m gonna get on Google and get you, Eva, and Richie a flight. Listen to me Sadie I can only say it once she’s probably listening you know how she is. I got tickets! 5 tickets!! Fuckin floor” I said quietly in to the phone, knowing she’d know exactly what I was talking about since every time she Winnie and I would hang out, my cellphone and laptop would both be held hostage as they forced me to scoure different Internet forums and Facebook groups trying to find tickets for them.

“ARE YOU FUCKING ME RIGHT NOW?!?! SHES GONNA FUCKING SHIT HERSELF AND THROW UP- NO- SHES GONNA EXPLODE. HOW DID YOU FUCKING MANAGE!!” She shrieks in to the phone so loudly I had to remove it from my ear and I could still hear her perfectly.

“Shhhhhh!! Shhh! Contain your screaming for tomorrow night - and don’t tell her she won’t be able to sleep. But fill in Richie, I’m gonna buy your flights and hotel rooms and shit and send it to you in a groupchat, and please for the love of god- if you can, go help him pack- the last time he went on a fuckin trip the jagoff took a rediculous amount of socks but somehow forgot a shirt? Just please- Eva is gonna be so torn up if he forgets something” I plead and she laughs.

“Noted. Did you need me to go get Pooh’s shit?” She asked

“No- wait fuck the bracelets? Her special bracelets the uh- the ones on that hand heart thing in her room. All of em - and she has a-a bucket in her closet full of em she’s been makin em every day pretty much she wants to like give em out or somethin. Put em in a bag- wait- no don’t mix them.” I said nervously fuck. Planning a concert this intense is not my forte.

“I got it I got it. How the fuck did you secure those tickets, Carmen?” She asked

“Bear! Bear come look come LOOK!!” Winnie squeaks from the other room “PEOPLE SAY TAYLOR WAS THE SPECIAL GUEST ON JIMMY KIMMEL TONIGHT DID YOU SEE HER BACK THERE?!”

Fuckin shit. Leave it to Taylor’s cult to be tracking her every move. Hell- what am I saying the cults president is outside the door.

“Gotta go” I whisper in to the phone and hung up quickly, taking a deep breath.

“Really baby? I uh- no- no way, I’m sure that she has so much security I was on a whole other side of the building I bet.” I call back as casually as I could, my fingers shaking as I went online and finding the earliest flights I could.

“Carmen we were sharing air.” She said, starstruck. “Sharing AIR BABE” she repeats and I laugh, some of my tension desolving.

“Mm one step closer to meeting the leader” I teased as I quickly check out with 3 plane tickets in to JFK thank god the site had Apple Pay so I didn’t have to sneakily grab my wallet.

“Come onnn are you almost done? I wanna snuggle” she whines and I sigh softly to myself, hiding anything from her is the absolute worst.

“Mm a few more minutes baby” I said, calling the hotel we were staying at currently.

“Ritz Carlton front desk, how can I help you?” The woman on the end answered.

“Hello I- I um - I’m staying here? Like- now? A-and I am gonna be having guests come I need to add 2 rooms for tomorrow on to my reservation? I’m in room 313” I said quietly hoping Winnie couldn’t hear.

“Oh! Alright, there are 2 rooms available on floor 3, room 388 and room 389, both have a king size bed should this suffice?” She asks.

“Sure that’s great” I said rubbing my chin nervously.

“And how many guests?” She asks

“Three” I reply, hearing her type and click around on her computer.

“And their names please.” She said.

“Sadie Adamu, and Richie and Eva Jerimovich” I said quietly.

“Oh ok so Adamu can you spell that?” She said and I run my hand through my hair anxiously.

“A-d-a-m-u. And Jerimovich is J-e-r-i-m-o-v-i-c-h “ I replied, biting my lip when I hear Winnie again.

“Who’re you talkin’ to bear?” She calls. I squeeze my eyes shut

Fuckin hell.

“Alright! Got it all in the system, check in is at 2 pm, is there anything el-“ I cut her off

“Nope! Thanks bye” I quickly hang up the phone and took a deep breath and put my phone back in my pocket, rubbing over my face.

“Bear?” She called again.

I opened the bathroom door and see her laying cuddled up in a ball on my side of the bed, holding the phone only a few inches from her face.

“Give em’ “ I extend my hand with a grin and she rolls her eyes, sitting up a bit and squinting at the nightstand.

“Threw em there” she points at the nightstand generally before plopping back down.

“You are a crusty little thing mon souris” (my mouse) I pick up her contacts from the nightstand and go toss them in the bin before coming back and laying down after flicking off the lamp.

“Who were you talkin to?” She asked, looking over at me.

“Oh uh- Syd…she sent this voice note askin’ about the schedule I was just explaining some stuff to ‘er” I said casually, genuinely surprised I was able to come up with a lie on the spot.

“Oh, ok” she said and turned her phone off, grabbing her kindle and snuggling in to my chest.

“Tv off please” she mutters and I silently thank god she was giving in to her exhaustion.

“Oui ma cherie” (yes my darling) I kissed her forehead lightly and grabbed the remote,clicking the tv off and putting the remote on the nightstand before settling in and sighing softly.

“Mm. s’quiet without your thing.” I said, alluding to her noise machine. She snorts a laugh.

“It’s cute that you miss it” she said, turning the brightness down on her tablet. I wrap my arm around her waist, tucking my other hand between her thighs per usual.

“What’re you readin’ Angel?” I asked, stroking her stomach with my hand gently.

“Our book” she said softly and I hum.

“Which part?” I question quietly and she taps the screen so it’d flip to the next page

“Favorite one” she hums and I smiled softly.

“Up for reading t’me, miel?” (Honey)

“Any time ours” (Bear) she said before beginning.

“ ‘Open your heart, and someone will come. Someone will come for you, Edward. But first, you must open your heart.’ Said the old doll. ‘I am done with being loved. And I am done with loving- for it’s too painful.’ Edward replied. ‘Oh pish’ said the doll. ‘Where is your courage?’ She asked Edward. ‘Somewhere else, I guess’ he replied. ‘You disappoint me.’ She said. ‘You, Edward, disappoint me greatly. If you have no further intention of loving or being loved, then this whole journey is pointless. You might as well leap from this shelf, and let yourself shatter into a million little pieces. Get it over with. Get it all over now.’ Edward couldn’t come up with a response, so he stared out the window, and he saw his beloved stars. But for the first time In his life, he’d felt no comfort by their sparkling presence, shining back at him through the curtians. He instead, felt mocked. ‘You are down there all alone.’ The stars seemed to say to him. ‘And we are up here, in the constellations together.’ - ‘But…I have been loved.’ Edward thinks at the stars. ‘What difference does that make, when you’re all alone now?’ The stars seem to say back.

And Edward could think of no answer to that question.”

I made sure to get up early, knowing Winnie would be sleeping as long as I’d let her. I got dressed and brushed my teeth before heading out to go get her breakfast.

I stopped at chick fil a, getting her favorite meal in the morning time, and then went to this floral shop that was on the way back that i’d passed a cute flower shop on the walk back to the hotel that i’d passed a million times on my commute to work while living here, picking out a big bouquet of pink, purple, yellow and blue flowers. Lover colors Winnie will say when she sees them. At the counter while I was checking out there were big foil heart shaped ‘I love you’ balloons, so, of course I got one of those as well.

I quietly opened the hotel room door, setting the flowers tied to the balloon on my side of the bed and setting the food bags down on her nightstand. I gently sat down on her end of the bed, the dip of my weight causing her to stir and reach out for me on my side, but when she instead felt the paper of the bouquet she opened her eyes, blinking a few times and looking back at me.

“G’mornin sleeping beauty.” I said softly, taking her hand and kissing it after she got a good stretch in.

“Mmm. Glasses please, are those flowers?” She asks sleepily, sitting up and yawning. I hand them to her and she puts them on, pouting.

“Bear, oh my god c’mere” she flops into my arms and hugs me tight. “I love you, thank you. Y’re the best boyfriend in the whole wide world” she kisses my neck sweetly and I rub her back, smiling and kissing her head gently.

“No I just try and show my baby how much she deserves” I pull her into my lap, kissing all over her face and she giggles.

“Stoppp I have morning breath” she whines shying her face into my chest and I rub her hair gently.

“Mmm smells ok t’me angel, c’mon I got your favorite,” I grab the bag and she gasps happily, taking it from me and giving me a big kiss.

“You’re the best” she said again, sitting in her spot criss cross and looking up, following the string of the balloon and she looks back at the flowers, then the balloon again and her lip starts to quiver.

“Bear” she whispers “Y’re too good” she said, tears pooling her eyes at the thoughtful gesture.

“No tears baby, you know if you cry, I cry” I clear my throat, wiping under her eyes gently. It was my biggest weakness, and I’m not a cryer. Usually, for anything else, but for some reason, when she starts to cry- I can’t help it. It’s totally uncontrollable.

“ ‘m sorry” she sniffles and takes my hand, kissing gently. “I just…I love you bear. So so much” she said and I smiled, tucking her hair gently behind her ear.

“I love you more baby, look-” I opened up the bag for her, grabbing the little ‘chicken minis’ she loved and setting them in her lap as well as the hashbrowns and the many sauces.

“They always hound me about the bigger bottle- and I have to tell them every time ‘no she only likes this sauce with this food but she wants to have enough’ “ I explained, grabbing the many little packets of ‘Polynesian’ and their house sauce she loved so much.

She giggled, opening up the hashbrowns. “You’re the cutest” she said, dipping a hash brown in to the sauce and popping it in her mouth.

“Oh!” I said and grab her frozen coffee out of the little drink carrier, and popping a straw in for her “extra chocolate, for my honey of course” I said and set it down on the nightstand.

“I fall more in love with you every day, mon ours” (my bear) she leans forward, pecking my lips. “Open” she said softly and I oblige. She popped a hash brown in my mouth and I amile gratefully.

“Y’got food too I hope” she said and I nod as I chew.

“Mmhmm, their chicken one” I opened up the smaller bag, grabbing out 2 of the chicken biscuits I’d gotten for myself and she laughs.

“Yeah? Their chicken one?” She repeats and I raise my eyebrow, looking at her. “All they serve is chicken, baby” she giggled and I roll my eyes smiling.

“A chicken biscuit. Two actually” I snort, grabbing the ranch packets out of my bag.

“Mmm” she hums as she sips her coffee. “They always get it right when you get it bear they never make it this chocolatey for me. The girls at the counter must think you’re cute.” She muses teasingly, eating one of her little brioche chicken things that she was convinced I couldn’t replicate perfectly, no matter how much I’d tried.

I really think she just loves to see me keep yearning to impress her, frisky little devil.

“I think that you just like it more when Y’re happy little butt gets to stay snuggled up in bed, and it taste better cause you didn’t have to work for it” I teased and she laughs, scrunching her nose adorably.

“Maaaaybeee - but don’t pretend like every time we go out you aren’t getting hit on, mister sexy chef” she splays her legs over my lap, crossing her ankles.

“Oh yeah” I roll my eyes, taking a bite of my sandwich after pouring a good amount of ranch on. “Totally - like you remember that lady at Coach yesterday when I didn’t know that bag was like 30k and she told me to ‘get my sticky fingers off that bag’ she was all over me, babe“ I snort and she laughs, leaning against the headboard.

“Dude - I’m surprised I didn’t fucking jump her with the way she was talking to us. I am never getting a coach bag now baby, don’t even think about it. Syd was right- Prada was the way to go. I can’t waittt to show her oh my god. Sadie is gonna flip” she said and I smiled, nodding. Mmhmm when she gets here in about 3 hours, she and you will both be flipping out.

“Oh! Shit! I didn’t check” she put down her food, grabbing her phone and going on to the Ticketmaster app and my eyes widen. They better not be dropping tickets today. I wanted to wait for Sadie to get here and tell her together and if she tries to buy them i’ll have no choice.

“Oh- I already did baby. I did as soon as I got up” I lied, feeling the envelope in my inner breast pocket containing the tickets burning a hole in to me. The taste of the words on my tongue were bitter knowing they held no truth, but this was a good lie. A lie that will make her ultimately happy.

“Oh…” she pouts sadly, her shoulders hunching slightly in defeat as she refreshes the empty Ticketmaster page just in case. “I feel selfish…but…I just love her s’much. I know I’ve seen her already but-“ she sighs, shaking her head. “I know it’s bratty, but Sadie and I have the most fun at her concerts. I don’t even know how she’d get here in time, what am I even saying. And I didn’t even take my outfit.” She puts her phone down. “No taylor talk today, ok? It’ll just make me sad.” She took a sip of coffee and I nodded, rubbing her leg gently.

My heart ached seeing her so upset. I felt the words pressing at the back of my throat begging to come out, to comfort her, to tell her ‘it’s ok baby I got them already Sadie’s on her way, Richie and Eva are coming! This is everything the three of you have been talking about since she announced it, I love you angel please be happy.’

But instead, I squeeze her calf gently. “No taylor talk.” I nod. When we’d finished eating, she had gone to have a ‘everything’ shower which was code for ‘leave me alone, I need to get shit done’ shower, and I picked up the room, throwing our garbage away and setting the flowers on the desk for her.

I felt my phone buzzing in my pocket and when I saw it was Richie calling I picked it up right away.

“Guess where we are cousinnn!!” He said excitedly in to the phone

“Cousin Carmy were coming to see you AND TAYLOR SWIFT!!” Eva squeals excitedly and I chuckle.

“Jesus Christ I’m deaf” I hear Sadie grumble.

“Someone doesn’t like mornings, Cousin you send a drill sergeant that hates mornings to my house at 5 am to announce we’re seeing Taylor swift?!” He asks and I chuckle.

“Staff Sergeant. Thank you!” She snips and I snorted.

“Cause I know a Marine is the only person that could get your ass out of bed before first light on a day off, how far out are you?” I asked, sitting on the bed.

“Well we got the rental, Sadie is driving - the GPS saysss….” He groans. “An hour and forty six minutes with traffic” he grumbled.

“Welcome to New York, cousin. Let me know when you guys get here and drop off your shit. We’re in room 313 y’guys are gonna be 388 and 389” I said

“I want 389!” Sadie and Eva said at the same time and I crinkle my brows.

“What’s with- oh my god” I roll my eyes. “Cause of 1989? I can’t stand you guys…” I chuckle.

“She can have it cause I’m so mature” Sadie teased and I snort.

“Thanks, bug. I’ll s’ya soon. Drive safe.” I said before ending the call. I heard the water cut off, Winnie belting to Taylor songs per usual.

I took the opportunity while she was still in the bathroom to call and make a reservation at Freemans - for tomorrow afternoon, a spot Winnie had been gushing about ever since none other than Taylor was seen there a while back.

I had no shame this time in mentioning my first and last name, knowing they’d pull out every stop for us since the host asked if I was the owner of the bear, the restaurants owner must know of me.

The door clicks open just after I hang up and Winnie paused her music, coming out in a pair of panties and one of my white shirts, her hair still dry since I assume she tied it back.

“Hey hey” she said, coming and sitting in my lap. I rub my hand up her thigh gently.

“Hey beautiful, you have a nice shower?” I mutter in to her neck, gently kissing a trail of butterfly kisses up to her jaw.

“Mmhmm” she interlocks our fingers, gently squeezing my hand. “What’s my surprise? I love your surprises, Bear” she kisses my lips sweetly and I raise my eyebrows in surprise her fuckin memory sometimes she always remembers the shit she shouldn’t.

“Mmm” I hum softly into the kiss, swiping my tongue against her bottom lip and kissing her deeper, running my hands up her sides, hoping if I fluster her enough the question will slip her mind.

She moaned softly, running her fingers through my hair and tugging lightly, scratching at the places she knew made me melt into her.

“Baby” she said into my lips. “What’re you hiding from me” she kissed the corner of my mouth gently and I look up at her, my cheeks bright pink.

I’m not the one that’s supposed to be flustered right now.

I bit my lip gently and rest my forehead on her chest, not wanting to look at her pleading hazel eyes.

“s’a surprise honey” I said into her shirt. She rubbed my back gently.

“Will I get my surprise today?” She asked.

“Course, like less then 2 hours yeah? Not much longer baby” I kiss her collar bones gently and she moves to straddle my waist, my hands moving down to cup the flesh of her backside as I usually did when she sat like this to support her.

“S’we have enough time to play” she said softly in my ear, pushing up the hem of my shirt. Her cold hands made my abs and stomach tighten, hissing softly at the contact.

“Ye’ baby - fuck Y’re hands are freezing.” I squeeze her ass gently, resting my head back as she kisses my neck and throat, gently nibbling along my jaw. “Then warm me up bear” she whispered into my skin.

𝒲𝒾𝓃𝓃𝒾𝑒𝓈 𝒫.𝒪.𝒱. 🍯

“Fuckfuckfuck y-yours- i’m yours, no one could ever make me feel so good, Carmy” I whine out, tugging his hair as he devours me. Icy blue eyes darkened with lust were piercing my gaze, his nose nudging my clit causing me to let out a breathy moan as his tongue plunged in and out of my core.

“That’s right, I fuckin own this pussy baby” he said hotly, my arousal dripping down his chin, his lips plump and oh so pink from the delicious assault on the place I needed him most.

“Please” I said, tears from the overwhelming pleasure were gathering in the corners of my eyes at this point, and he had been practically humping the mattress to get himself off as he ravished me. I knew he wanted me as much as I needed him.

“Please what honey?” He sat up, one knee on the bed, hovering over me, his chain dangling in my face as he rubs my clit. I writhe and squirm beneath his touch, already 2 orgasms deep but I was drunk off the pleasure. I couldn’t tell him to stop, it was like a high I never wanted to come off of.

“F-ahh” my hips buck wildly, eyes screwing shut and nose scrunching as that oh so familiar intense wave of pleasure begins crashing at the dam doors of my stomach.

“Fuck me, fuckmefuckme Bear, pleeeeaseeee” I beg out pulling him in to a deep kiss. He huffs a chuckle in to my mouth, taking his hand away from my center to pull himself free, covering his cock in my arousal that was soaking his hand.

“Y’gonna be a good girl ‘n not get greedy? Mm? I don’t want y’t’be sore baby” he said, lining himself up at my entrance.

I huff sassily. “I want all of your cock, not just a little” I pout and he puts his tip in, my mouth quickly dropping in pleasure and eyes fluttering shut. I grabbed his hand, wrapping it around my throat and looking up at him.

“Mmm you wanna be my little whore?” He coos, leaning in and kissing my lips sweetly.

“Please…” I said softly and I moan as I felt his hand tighten around my throat and he sinks in further.

“Fuck- s’fuckin tight Angel” his grip around my throat tightens a bit as he tries to hold himself back from rutting in to me fully before he stretched me out.

I bit my lip, my eyebrows furrowing together in pleasure at the mix of the lightness filling my head and the warmth it brought.

“Feel good princess?” He pushes in deeper and I moan in response.

“S’so good Carm- fuck I love your cock” I whine out, my back arching when he hits my gspot.

“Half way baby. Be my g’girl.” He strokes my throat with his thumb gently and I nod quickly.

“I’m trying, feels fuckin amazing bear I can’t help it” I said and he kisses around my chest, sucking on my nipple and grunting in to me when he felt my core tighten around him as I was brought to the very tip of the edge.

“Let go” he said as he pushed in fully, the sensation causing my third orgasm to wash over me like a harsh crack of hot lightning. My walls clench around him pulsingly, my back arching and hot thick strings of cries, whines, and moans between curses spilled from my lips.

He released his hold on my neck, pressing his lips to my forehead, thrusting harder faster. “Mmm fuck. Can y’give me another one honey? C’mon, I know my good girl can give me another one.” He muttered and I smile up at him, kissing his jaw gently.

“So determined Bear- mmm- there-there don’t fuckin move, there. I-I promise I’ll give you another” I plead, my nails dragging down his back and he moaned at the contact.

“Shit yesss baby. Fuckin scratch me up please I love that shit fuck Y’re like a horny little cat” he grunts, fucking in to the same spot harder, holding himself up by the mattress.

The only sounds leading my lips were incoherent mumbled profanities and short ‘uh-uh-uh’ as he pounded me harder in to the mattress. A few short minutes later I was cumming again soaking is thighs and all the way up to his stomach, he grunts approvingly.

“Fuuuck that’s my good girl. Shiiit y’re so fuckin’ wet baby. My messy little girl” he praises and I feel my cheeks heat, a warm pool of liquid settling by the dip of my bum.

“Shit m’sorry I didn’t mean to make such a mess” I said embarrassedly and he shook his head lightly.

“Babe its hot as fuck. I wish I could make you do this every fuckin time.” He holds my breasts to keep them from bouncing, thumbing my nipples over my jewlery as he continues snapping his hips.

I whine, my hips arching up in overstimulation but that just burried him deeper. I cry out and he quickly puts his arm under my hips to support them, holding me in that position.

“Holy fuckkkk” he moans out, eyes fluttering shut in bliss and head falling back as he picks up his pace. “Fuck Angel you are fuckin perfect. Here touch Y’re belly baby, feel me” he kisses along my neck and I reach my hand down, gasping as I press on my stomach and feel his cock driving in and out of me.

“Fuck oh my god” I said, a laugh falling from my lips followed by a moan, “wow. This is what they mean when they say rearrange my guts” I kiss him deeply, tugging his curls firmly between my fingers and he moans into my mouth.

“Sh-iiiit s-so close…” he whined out and I smile lazily, kissing a trail of gentle kisses over his jaw as he continued. His thrusts were becoming stuttering, sloppy, and much less powerful. Now it was my turn to push him over the ledge.

“je t'aime, mon ours” (I love you, my bear) I whisper sweet and sensually in his ear, and he grunted, spilling in to me with one final thrust, bottoming out and slamming our lips together in a heated, wanting kiss, keeping himself buried deep inside me while his cock pulses through his comedown.

“I fuckin love you Winnow” he breathes in to my skin leaving wet hot kisses over my chest and collarbones.

He rolls over, laying next to me and catching his breath. “We need to shower” he said after a while of cuddling and I look at him, my brows furrowing.

“Why” I question, resting my hand on his chest and wrapping my leg around his.

“Cause we got things t’do baby, y’re surprise” he smiled a bit, patting my bum gently.

“My legs are useless at the moment. You want me t’shower I need t’be carried” I mused, gently running my fingers over the curve of his abs.

“Mmhmm that can be arranged” he grabs his phone, angling it away so I couldn’t see who he was texting before turning the phone back normal and googling the hotel we’re staying at, calling the front desk.

Okay, he’s really hiding something.

“Yeah hey- me and my uh…” he looks down at me “wife- we need the sheets changed in room 313…yeah- nope that’s fine we’re gonna be in the bathroom so- alright. Yup, thank you.” He said and hung up. I wiggle my eyebrows.

“Wife?” I teased with a big grin.

His cheeks go pink. “You know I’ll make you my wife someday. People seem t’take us as like… a legit couple when I say that…when I just call you my girl people think we’re kids ‘er somethin” he rubs my back lightly.

“Mmm…i’m just teasin’ baby..but- I dunno… I like that- it just sounds right coming from your mouth. I never thought of myself as wifey material but…Winnow Berzatto. That sounds nice, don’t ya think?” I kiss his collarbones and he swallows thickly.

“Yeah…yeah I uh- I kept thinkin’ about that last night when they called you that..I liked that a lot too..” he said softly, stroking my hair.

“Well” I stick up my ring finger, wiggling it in front of his face “Whenever you’re ready, I’m waiting” I peck his lips and he hums, deepening our kiss and running his hand up my side.

“Thank you baby” he said, resting his forehead on mine. “F’r bein’ so patient w’me” he said quietly, rubbing my lower back in small circles.

“ ‘fcourse Carm, I’d wait forever for you” I kiss his nose and he smiles big, a blush painting his cheeks a cherry red.

“Y’wont need to wait that long baby, I’m just…just gettin’ my shit together” he sighs a bit, rubbing his hand up my back. “C’mon koala, up” he pats my bum and I release his leg, sitting up against the headboard.

He stood up, coming to my side and I lifted my arms. He lifted me up simply, holding me bridal style and carrying me to the bathroom.

“Mmm mon gros ours sexy, et fort..” (mm my big strong, sexy bear..) I said into his ear, nibbling his earlobe with my teeth and he sets me down on the bathroom counter with a smile.

“Tu es déja ton…” (you already got your…) he stops, thinking for a moment “ahhh Tu es déja ton remplis ma sale cherie.” (You already got your fill my dirty darling) he smiled proudly, turning on the water.

“Ooohhh look at mon petit ours français sexy” (oooh look at my sexy little french bear) I giggled, crossing my ankles and leaning against the mirror.

“Mmhmm, I have the sexiest little professor” he comes over, kissing my lips sweetly. I hum in to the kiss, playing with his curls gently. We made out until the bathroom was thick with steam, and our lips didn’t disconnect as we stepped into the oversized walk in shower.

He rested my back against the wall, hands firmly supporting my bum as he held me up, my ankles crossed at his tailbone, thighs squeezing his waist gently. I smiled, my eyes fluttering shut and resting my forehead on his shoulder as he kissed my neck.

“Feels good Bear…Y’gonna mark me up, Carmy?mm? Show everyone you own me?” I bit down on the ball of his shoulder playfully and he groans in satisfaction.

“Not yet baby, Y’gonna wanna take pictures today” he said softly, leaving sweet tender kisses along my jaw bone to my lips. “Cmon princess, can I set you down and get y’washed up? We can’t be late” he pleads.

I sigh softly “fine. Now I’m interested though, I know you like takin’ pictures of me, but I rarely think to take them myself. What’re you up to, Bear?” I sit down on the marble bench built in to the shower as soon as he’d set me down, my legs still feeling quite shakey under me.

“It’s a surprise princess, I told you.” He grabbed my body wash and a washcloth, sudsing it up “c’mere stinky” he teases and I gasp, feigning great offense, clutching my necklace.

“Stinky?! You made me stinky!! With all your man sweat.” I stick out my tongue at him and he chuckled, wrapping an arm around my waist and hoisting me to my feet, gently washing over my body.

“Oh yeah, but if I remember you were all pleasepleaseplease begging for my stink missy” he mimics me and I gasp, hitting his chest lightly and laughing.

“Do not make fun of me, y’know what- fine. I’ll just suck your soul out later and then mock you when we’re done about how your like ‘aughhhh ah-ooo-shit, fuck honey yesss” I mimicked his whines and shrugged. He laughs “Whatever was left of my soul you’ve already sucked out months ago, little vampire. So good luck cause I’m all dry.” he teased.

By the time we were done in the shower, I had felt much better. The hot water worked it’s magic on my sore muscles, and Carmy even laid with me and was giving me a long, relaxing lotion massage.

He's really laying this whole surprise thing on thick.

“Baby” I said softly, looking down at him and his gaze meets mine, continuing to massage my hip since it was so tight after everything this morning and having to walk around in heels last night.

A blush comes to my cheeks and my throat suddenly felt tight, I didn’t want him to get the wrong idea about my question, but I also didn’t want him to do anything just to appease me.

“Are you…is the surprise proposing? Cause I don’t want …I don’t want to get married until you’re ready baby I’m ok with my necklace I don’t need a ring I know you love me” I said softly and he smiles, nodding.

“No baby, I’m not. Sorry if that’s disappointing, but like I said, I promise at some point, I will- and I don’t think you’d be able to handle all that excitement t’night.” He kissed my knee gently and continued on massaging.

“Oh..ok” I said and went back to scrolling through twitter on my phone. He digs his phone out of his pocket when it buzzes immediately, almost too quick, and sends a fast response before setting it on the bed and patting my hip gently.

“Put on some pants, can’t be poohin’ it we have guests comin’” he teased. I giggled at the silly joke. Whenever he’d come over and I was in nothing but panties and a shirt, he’d always say I was “living up to my name” since Winnie the Pooh never wears pants.

“Who’s visiting?” I asked, getting up and grabbing my fluffy pajama pants.

“You’ll see princess” he hums, taking a dress bag out of his suitcase and a black bag, hanging them on the closet door as there was a knock.

“Y’wanna get the door angel?” He asked and I raised a brow, slipping my feet into my bear paw slippers and shuffling over to the door, pulling it open.

“WINNIE!!” Eva runs in and hugs my legs and hips tightly as I stood there, jaw dropped to see Richie and Sadie standing there.

“Guys!? What are you doing here?” I picked Eva up, kissing all over her face. “You came to Visit us pipsqueak?!” I asked her excitedly.

“Cousin Carmy has a SURPRISE TELL HER CARMY TELL HER” she yelled at him.

“Shhhh, shh baby people are sleepin come on” I giggled at her excitement, letting them in the door and setting her down gently.

I give Sadie a big hug “SadieBug what the fuck!!” I giggle squeezing her tightly. “Why the hell are you guys here?” I give Richie a big hug and a kiss on the cheek.

“Y’still didnt tell ‘er?” Richie asked Carm, who was already picking up Eva and throwing her on to the bed, one of her favorite games when we’d stay at a hotel. She giggles wildly, each time she flew in to the pillows she’d squeal happily and sit up.

“Again! Again!” And leap back into his arms.

“No I was waitin’ for you guys, okay one more Eva then we gotta give Winnie her surprise yeah?” He asks and she nods happily.

“Okay, one…two…thrreee!!” He swings her between each count, hurling her carefully in to the bed on three and she laughs excitedly, standing up and jumping.

“Winnie come sit!” She said plopping down on her bum and bouncing at the force of the mattress, giggling as she did so.

“She slept most the way from the airport, so that’s why she’s a little wound up” Richie said, causing me to giggle.

I was so caught up in how fuckin cute Carmy was with Eva that I completely forgot why they were here in the first place.

“Okay nowww do I get my surprise?” I asked Carm, walking up and wrapping my arms loosely around his neck, looking up at him with big doe eyes.

“Yes baby but I think you should sit, yeah?” He gently nudges me to sit on the bed and I do so.

“Should I be scared?” I raise my eyebrow and Sadie laughs.

“No dude. Just listen” she crossed her arms as Carm took a white envelope out of his inner breast pocket, his first and last name written on the outside.

“So, honey” he sits next to me and offers the envelope. “I love you, so much. All I want is f’r you to be happy okay? I would go to the ends of the earth to make you happy. And I know that you’d do the same f’me…and I hope that this shows you, that I will always find a way to make what you want happen okay, every time.” He kisses my forehead tenderly and I pout at his words, cupping his cheeks and giving him a sweet kiss.

“You’re the best boyfriend ever, I love you” I said softly.

“Yuck” Eva said from behind us and I look at her.

“And You’re a stinky baby” I tease, poking her belly and she pouts

“Hey!” She crosses her arms and Richie chuckled.

“You’re yucky too Carmy” she pokes him in the back with her foot and he snorts.

“Open your gift Angel” he wraps his arm around me, his chin resting on my shoulder.

I gently pull open the envelope, taking out a stack of…concert tickets?

Taylor Swift - THE ERAS TOUR LIVE - Sponsored by Capital One With special Guests; BOYGENIUS & Sabrina Carpenter

ADMIT 1 FLRL R2 S13 Saturday, June 20, 2025 TICKETMASTER EVENT

Blood roars in my ears, my heart starts thumping so hard I can feel it in my stomach, my throat, everywhere. I flicked through the tickets, there were five. My jaw was basically on the floor, my stomach was doing flips, it felt as if I could pass out.

“Mmm? What’s Taylor say? We’re goin out T’night baby” he kisses my cheek and I look at him, tears pooling my eyes.

There were so many thoughts in my mind, I couldn’t even settle on one. I looked back at the tickets, sure they’d turn in to something else if I stared at them hard enough.

“Daddy..is Winnie ok she looks scared?” Eva whispered to Richie and I laughed and laughed, tears streaming down my face and I hug Carmen so tightly he actually groans a bit beneath my grasp.

“Fuck wow baby when did you get so strong?” He chuckled and I release him slightly.

“I don’t wanna scare people by screaming? I dunno what to do baby” I said, kissing his neck gently. “What am I even gonna wear?” I whisper and he wipes my cheeks

“No tears,” he said softly, kissing my forehead. “I don’t wanna get all w’rked up baby” he rubs my back soothingly.

I nod, wiping over my face. “I know, sorry, sorry. But I- I forgot my bodysuit what am I gonna do?” I said, my heart breaking. “W-were gonna be s’close and she won’t see it. I worked so hard Carmy” I said and he broke our hug, walking over to the closet and unzipping the black dress bag.

Revealing my blue bodysuit.

I squeal and run, jumping into his arms and kissing his face all over “and you’re coming with us?” I asked and he nods, smiling wide.

“I am and I can get all your videos, and pictures, and I can get your merch and everything baby you just have to enjoy the show” he said and I felt tears welling up behind my eyes again.

“You’re perfect.” I whispered and kissed him lovingly.

“Okay lovebirds” Sadie snaps her fingers. “We have a stadium to be at in” she looks at her Apple Watch. “4 hours if you wanna trade bracelets, and chop-chop if I’m curling your hair, Pooh” she tells me and I sniffle, wiping my face and getting down off him.

“Girls are gonna need the bathroom” I told him and he nods, rubbing my back gently.

“Course babe. Why don’t you guys have a little get ready party in here. Y’want me and Richie to go to the liquor store n’ stuff so you and Sadie can pregame?” He tucks my hair behind my ear sweetly.

I smile wide. “Carmen fucking Berzatto I fall in love with you more each second” I kiss him deeply, cupping his cheeks and stroking his fingers with my thumbs.

“Jesus Christ are they always like this? My god” Richie said

“Told you, yucky daddy.” Eva replied and I giggle “Only every second of every day. I think I know this guys side profile more then his frontal because of how much they suck face” Sadie said, earning a laugh out of all 4 of us.

“Back” Carmen called as he came into the hotel room, knocking on the bathroom door.

“Come in!” I called over the music.

“Oh my goodness Richie who’s this young lady?” Carm said when he saw Evas hair that I’d already curled for her and pinned back with glittery barrettes that would match her outfit.

She giggled, “thank you! Daddy, look!! Winnie did my hair how Sadie will do hers!!” She stood up off the edge of the honeymoon tub, spinning so her curls would be shown off.

“Wooow look at you pumpkin! You are a little Taylor swift” he comes and picks her up.

“C’mon let’s go get you dressed, We’ll come back after you have some lunch” he told her and she pouted.

“I want drinks!” She said causing Sadie, Carm and I to laugh.

“Girl no it’s big kid drinks.” Sadie said, continuing on her makeup.

“Mmhmm that’s right, pipsqueak. We’re gonna see you again real soon yeah? And we’ll go to the concert together” I told her and she nodded.

“Bear” I said sweetly when the door closed after they left.

“Honey” he repeats, mimicking my tone causing me to giggle.

“Can you make Sadie and I some doubles, s’il te plaît?” (Please) I flutter my lashes at him adorably and he snorts.

“Y’know I love doin’ stuff for you baby, Y’don’t have to give me the theatrics every time” he pecks my lips and takes the bag clinking with bottles of alcohol into the bedroom.

“Mm but you always do it extra nice when I give you the sweet eyes” I called after him and he chuckled. I was sat with my feet in the sink, focused on my makeup as Sadie curled my hair when he came back with 3 glasses.

“Sorry, they didn’t have limes babe but I got lime juice” he set my glass next to me and another next to Sadie before sitting on the ledge of the tub and taking a sip of his.

“ ‘sokay” I said softly, focused on tightlining my eyes with the navy blue pencil liner.

“Doesn’t that hurt. Y’re like- poking your eye babe.” He said and I stopped, looking at him with a smile.

“Y’get used to it I guess. I wear contacts to you see the way I dig around my eyes” I said and he shivers at the thought.

“It’s fuckin’ weird babe I swear it really skeeves me out I’m afraid you’ll scratch your eye out with one of your claws” he said, causing me to giggle.

I took a sip of my drink and scrunch my nose. “Fuck Carm” I giggled. “Wow I’m gonna have to nurse that if I’m gonna be able to do my makeup” I laughed and he snorts a chuckle.

“Y’said you wanted it strong baby” he replied and I shake my head.

“I guess I did, gee I’m feelin the burn” I laugh, finishing up tightlining my eyes and starting my winged liner.

“Sweet like honey karma is a cat purrin in my lap cause it loves meee” Sadie sings along softly as she sprays my hair with hairspray.

“Flexin like a god damn acrobat me and karma vibe like that!!!” I finished for her and continued doing my makeup.

By the time we’d finished makeup and hair, I was happy tipsy, giggling in the bathroom as I attempted getting dressed on my own.

“Carm can you help? My nails keep getting stuck I don’t wanna rip these they’re the ones Taylor wears” I called through the door.

“Comin” he calls and a few moments later he pops the door open, laughing at my current state. In nothing but my bra and thong, tights pulled up to my thighs.

I giggle “stop it!! No you’re my boyfriend you can’t laugh at me it’s the law” I said and he shakes his head, coming over and carefully unrolling the bunched fabric.

“My goodness babe what the hell were you doin’ trying to get these things on? Ballin’ em up?” He teased, crouching down and gently unraveling up to the waistband.

“Yeah well kinda I got it over my feet perfect see- but then, my boobs were suffocating me from bending over- and I was getting sweaty and lightheaded and I don’t wanna ruin my makeup” I giggle and he grunted a little as he got up.

“The things I do for you.” He chuckled to himself, carefully pulling the tights up my thighs and smoothing them over my waist. “There. Now where’s your other pair the fishnets right?” He asked and I smiled big, he really pays attention when I tell him about my interests and my plans for things that are so important to me.

“Mmhmm..sparkly fishnets” I said “my legs are gonna look so long and so sexy” i giggled, sitting on the edge of the tub as I roll the fabric over my toes up to the knees and stood up. “Your turn” I said.

“I wouldn’t say long you’re not even 5 foot baby, but sexy” he kisses my knee and up my thigh as he dragged the fishnets up. “Absolutely” he said and looked up at me. I pouted, crossing my arms over my middle.

“Do you wish I was tall?” I asked and he laughs, a real, genuine Carmy giggly laugh.

“Baby oh my god. Are you all done with the drinks? Cause you gettin’ all mushy drunk on me? I tell you all the time how you’re the perfect size f’me” he pulls the fishnets over my bum, spanking me gently after he brought them up over my waist.

“No. I just…sometimes people look at me like I’m a kid cause the way I dress and I wanted to be sure it doesn’t embarrass you that I’m small” I look at the floor and he tilts my chin up to look at him.

“Baby. The only small thing about you- is your height. These?” He cups my breasts with his palms “these” he rubs his hands over my hips. “Especially, this” he spanks me with a smile, causing me to giggle. “All that is in no way small. And anyone who mistakes you for a kid is blind. “ He said running his hands up my waist. “Okay- guess y’got me, this” he squeezes “is tiny.” He pulls me in to him. “And when I’m fucking you from the back? Mmm… it’s the only reason I do it baby cause of how pretty this is” he squeezed again as he whispers in my ear, kissing my pulse point and my breath hitched.

“Ok- I believe you, I believe you- don’t get me worked up please” I kiss his lips. “Can you get my bodysuit?” I asked and he nodded, returning with it a few moments later and carefully unzips it.

“I can hold it for you babe” he said, holding it low so I could step in. I held on to his shoulder and did so, slipping in my arms and pulling it up over he got the first half on. “Hold your hair honey I don’t wanna zip it in” he brushed my hair over my shoulder and I held it back for him.

He zipped me up, hooking the zipper on the little zip lock and gently rubbing his hands up my sides. “Mmm a little red headed Taylor” he hummed, rubbing his hands over my stomach and lightly thumbing over the intricate beading that had taken me hundreds of hours.

I blushed, turning around and looking at myself in the mirror. I smiled wide, my red hair being more akin to fire against the twinkling royal blue. I felt like a fucking pop star.

“Holy shit I made this!” I said and he nodded proudly, admiring me and all my hard work.

“Y’did baby girl! It is so perfect. Dare I say, better then hers. Do you think she planned it to have segments of 13 beads?” He wrapped his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my forehead, looking me over in the mirror and I laugh.

“Oh the Queen of cryptic planning? Did she plan such a thing? Most likely. But thank you baby. Some spots are a little wonky….but overall I think it came out” I said and stepped away “Wait- we have to check the twirly” I said and shake my hips like Taylor, gasping at all the movement and shimmer.

“SADIE!” I call and she came over in her own bodysuit she’d made, akin to the Pink Lover bodysuit she opened the show in.

“Oh my god!!” We shriek at the same time, hugging eachother and jumping excitedly.

“You look so good Sadie!!” I laughed and she squeezed me tight.

“Dude oh my god!! She’s gonna fuckin see us she has to” she said and I laugh excitedly.

“Oh my godddd” I said clapping excitedly. “Okay c’mon c’mon shoes -“ I said and Sadie gasps.

“CARMEN! Oh my god!” She said and looked at him, he chuckles

“Sadie! What!” He smiled wide and she runs over to her suitcase, dropping to her knees and rifling through it.

She comes back a few moments later with a bag that she throws at his chest and he catches swiftly. “A thank you, well- not a proper one but…you guys need pictures” she said as he ripped the plastic open, taking out the white tshirt and laughing to himself before turning it around to show me

It was much like the tshirt she regularly wore, except this one had ‘KARMA’ in big black letters. I gasp excitedly looking at Sadie, “cause you’re my BOYFRIEND!” I giggle and kiss his lips sweetly.

“That I am baby. Well I’m glad it’s not just you guys to be all dressed up, Thank y’bug, really, that was super sweet” he said and I smiled big.

“ ‘dressed up’ if I knew you were going we’d have a couples costume babe” I go and grab my midnight blue sparkly boots that I’d also bejeweled myself and zip them up. “Am I giving vigilante shit?” I pose with my heel on the bedside chair and Sadie laughs.

“Yes dude you look fire.” She said, zipping up her own heels. “So do you!! I wish Syd would just give it up and become a Swiftie!! We’re gonna convert her by next tour, then we can all have sparkly outfits” I said confidently and Carm opens the bathroom door, coming out in his new shirt.

“It’s not a couples costume but it should do, right honey?” He teases and I smile big.

“Anything on you is made one million times sexier I’m not sure why I ever had a second thought.” I come up, my hands trailing under his shirt as I kissed him deeply. The door opens and I pulled away.

“I’m Fearless!” Eva said happily, bounding in wearing her brown cowgirl boots and golden fringe dress, shaking around to show us the movement and hugging my waist.

“And she needs a nap!” Richie mouthed, shutting the door and Carm snorts a laugh.

“What did you have for lunch pippy?” I picked her up, holding her on my good hip.

“We had pizza with pepperoni my favorite” she said, gently cupping my cheek.

“You look like Taylor!!” She said happily “all the sparkles are so prettyyy” she leans in, our foreheads touching “could I have some?” She whispers and I giggle.

“Of course pipsqueak. Here” I set her down on the bed and went over to my suitcase, rifling through my makeup bag and grabbing the same glitter gel I’d used and I come over, dabbing some on her cheeks.

“Carmy needs some too” she said with her eyes shut and I look at him over my shoulder, a blush splaying over his cheeks.

“N-no boys don’t- er- Carmy doesn’t need it” he said and I smile.

“Why not baby? We can all match yeah? It’d be cute. F’me, f’youre special honey” I gave him a pout and fluttered my lashes.

He sighed “fine.” He sits down next to Eva and I giggled.

“Carmy” Eva said and his eyes flutter shut as I dab the sparkles along his cheekbones.

“Mmhmm” he hummed in response.

“Why do you only listen to Winnie?” She asks curiously and Richie, Sadie and I bust up laughing together.

He looks at her. “Cause I’m big and I can choose who I do and don’t listen to kid.” He said, poking her arm and she giggled.

“Sugar says you’re still just a little baby” she teased and he snorts.

“Sugar is an instigator.” He told her as I plop in his lap with my drink.

“What’s an instigator?” She repeats

“Someone who starts stuff” I told her and smile a bit. “Like, your daddy always instigates the arguments about the front of the restaurant where he works” i leaned in and whispered to her, causing her to giggle.

“Hey! I do not” Richie said.

“Do. Absolutely you do.” Carmen said with a smirk.

“Yeah yeah alright cousin fuckin’ - let’s just go please. Load up in the car, Eva go potty” he told her and she jumped up running off to the bathroom. I finish off my drink and grabbed my purse, being sure I had everything.

“I have 2 portable chargers” I told Sadie.

“Perfecto, I got 3. We should be good” she nods, zipping her purse back up.

By the time we’d gotten to the stadium, (a very quiet ride because Eva had to take a nap or would be a terror most the night) Sadie and I were practically bursting with excitement.

“Evaaa!” I whisper, gently rubbing her arm. “Guess where we are?” I said and she opens her eyes, looking up and squealing when she sees the stadium.

“WERE GONNA SEE TAYLOR!!!” She squealed.

“Yaassss! Taylorrrr!” Sadie said opening up her door and helping her unbuckle. Carm helped me put my heels on since I knew if I wore them the whole time in the car my hip would hurt before we even got in the stadium.

“Now, only rule- y’tell me when y’re hurtin’, got it?” he whispered in my ear and I look up at him, nodding.

“Promise, I’ll sit down if I start hurting” I said and pucker my lips for a kiss. He obliges before grabbing my purse from the car.

“Y’wanna hold it or want me to babe?” he asked.

“Uhmmm, can you for now and then when I run out of bracelets i’ll take it?” I ask and he nods, holding my hand and lacing our fingers.

“Sounds good t’me baby” he said, and we all started the long walk to the stadium entrance.

“Christ cousin- could you have picked a further spot? Y’know how it is with her and walkin’, were gonna be standing all night, jagoff” Carm complains and I nudge him.

“You know what?! You should’ve driven then, Mister fuckin New York, bet you’d have found the bessttt spot right?” he shoots back.

“Stop!” I flick the back of his head, “And stop” I kiss Carmys cheek gently, “We’re having fun t’night, I promised bear, I’ll tell you if i’m hurting” I said and Richie shoots me a glare.

“So I get a flick, he gets a kiss?! F’startin’ it?!” he complains and I giggle with a shrug.

“Cousin treatment I guess, er-brother? I dunno, all of our family dynamics are all fucked up” I said.

“Winnie thats a bad word” Eva looks up at me.

“It is a bad word, but sometimes- mmm… listen to your daddy, but I think, cause i’m a grown up and I dont have to listen to my mommy or daddy anymore, - sometimes, bad words can be used to describe bad things. And my family, isn’t very good.” I shrug and she nods.

“I think multiplication homework is all fucked up” she said and Carm, Sadie and I howl with laughter.

“Ayyyy!!!! No! No- not allowed that word ‘till y’re like 13 kid, that was y’re one pass, y’mother is gonna fuc- flipping- kill me if she hears that comin’ from y’mouth” he pats her head gently.

“Mommy says you and Cousin Carmy are bad influences for me, what does that mean?” She looks up at him and he rolls his eyes. “It means that your mommy is telling you things that are none of your business. When she tells you those things, just say nicely “I dont think thats my business mommy” “ I told her and Carm squeezes my hand assuringly.

We get up to the entrance and I was practically dancing with anticipation, I couldn’t stay still. “Sadie” I said and she looks over “I’m like-” I shake my hands “Like- too excited, it’s too loud, too many people- can we play hands?” I asked , it was a game we’d develouped since we’d both seemed to absorb way too much nervous, excited energy while around crowds like this, where we’d both stand about a foot away from eachother, and push our hands together until one of our feet moved, and the person who remained still would be the winner.

She frowns, “Sorry dude, my hand- remember?” she said and I sighed, nodding and crossing my arms over my middle, squeezing my waist- trying to find any semblance of grounding I could.

Sadie had broken her hand at work a while ago, and needed some kind of tendon surgery to fix it- so playing hands wasn’t really an option for her since it wasn’t good for her to put pressure on it.

“Whats hands?” Carm asks, wrapping his arm around me- and for whatever reason the material of this shirt was making me cringe right now.

“Agh-” I step away, rubbing over my arm where the fabric brushed me. “Sorry.. Sorry- we haven’t washed it yet” I said and he looks down.

“My shirt? ‘M sorry baby, it’s buggin you?” he asked and I shook my head.

“I-it wasn’t i’m just…it’s s’much and I love it but ‘m just…I dunno- hands is a game we like, hold up your hands like this” I show him and he copies.

“I cant win y’re too strong so just let me push on you” I said and he nods.

“Push away baby” he smiled a bit and I connected our palms, putting all of my strength into pushing him but of course he didnt budge, he had a little less then a foot and a bit more then 100 pounds on me, so that was to be expected. But the relief of focusing all my energy in to somewhat of a physical release had the same effect.

I gave him a hug when my arms felt like Jelly and rest my cheek on his chest. “Can y’cover my ear so it’s more quiet” I asked him and he nodded, gently covering up my exposed ear with his hand and kissing the top of my head sweetly. I closed my eyes, sighing as I felt a sense of relief flood my senses at the much more dulled noise. “Thank you” I mumble and he rubbed my back gently with is other hand.

About 10 minutes later when the line finally started moving, I’d felt much better and way more regulated. “M’ better, thank you Bear” I told him, puckering my lips.

“Any time angel, y’know I brought your airpods f’you, right? In case you wanted to listen to music in the car? They’re charged, they have the noise cancellation thing on them” he said and my mouth drops.

“Carmen” I said in shock.

“What?!” He chuckles, digging in his pockets and pulling out my pink airpods case.

“You are the most thoughtful man in the god damn world baby, how did I get so fuckin’ lucky? I didn’t even think of the noise cancellation, y’re so fuckin smart, Bear” I cupped his cheeks, pulling him down for a deep loving kiss.

He pulled away, quicker then I would like, but I still knew he’s a bit shy when it comes to showing love in public. His cheeks were bright pink, and a smile danced on his lips.

“Totally not, but f’some reason I guess you bring the thoughtfulness outta me” he said, slipping the case back in his jeans pocket. I linked our arms together and he got the tickets ready, and Sadie taps both our shoulders suddenly.

We looked back at her, seeing she was holding her phone up “Cheese lovebirds!” She chirps and I smile wide, Carm leans in and kisses my cheek sweetly. “I’m convinced you don’t want Syd and I’s family seeing your face, Carmen” she teases and I giggle, smushing his cheeks and holding his face towards the camera, laughing

“Get it Sadie!! Quick!” I said and she clicked the button a few times.

“Perfect got one not blurry one with a smile, thanks Pooh” she slips her phone in her pocket. We got up to the gate and Carm hands the woman scanning our tickets.

“Us five” he motions to us and she nodded, scanning them all. “Enjoy the show, bag check’s up at the doors” she said, handing the tickets back and he put them back in the envelope, and back in my purse securely before we continued on.

“Alright baby so you guys go do your bracelets, Richie, Eva and I are gonna wait for y’re shirts n’ stuff, d’you want drink money?” He asks and I shake my head.

“No sugardaddy i’m fine” I teased, giving him a peck on the lips. “I love you, see you in like 30- er 45 ok? We’ll meet- “ I look over near the doors to see there was a little garden section with a smokers area. “Perfect! Smoke garden there” I point and he nods.

“I love you, be safe yeah? Call me f’r anything y’need” he held my waist securely, waiting for a response. “Yessss Carmy!” I giggled, “Were amongst friends here, you’ll see everyone is so super nice” I link my arm in Sadies, heading off to meet new fans.

“Oh my god you girls look awesome can my daughter take a picture with the two of you?” a blonde woman asks Sadie and I, I smiled wide - this was not the first time tonight we’d gotten that. Our outfits were an absolute hit tonight.

“Why of course! Would the two of you like to trade bracelets?” I asked, getting down to the level of the miniature copy of the mother, offering her a “Evermore” bracelet in my hand, adorned with maroon, green and brown beads.

“Yes please” she said shyly, taking one of the bracelets off her wrist that were much oversized and handing one to me then to Sadie, to which she put a “Karma” bracelet in her hand in return. As we were ending the conversation, Sadie opens her purse, handing over my phone.

“Carmen” she told me.

“Sorry ladies- it was so nice talking, my boyfriend is trying to get ahold of us- have a fabulous time” I told them and slid to answer, not even remembering to checking the time.

“Baby! We just got to the garden, where are you, you alright?” He said. I smile a bit, looking over about 100 paces to my right seeing him standing there, in the smokers garden holding the phone to one ear and a cigarette in the other, taking a drag as he waited for my response.

“Bear” I giggle “Look - mmm- 2 oclock?” I said and he turns the opposite way. “Y’know, f’r a guy thats obsessed with time, y’re shit at finding someone on the clock analogy” I teased and he turned the other way, the setting June sun allowing him to find me and Sadie nearly immediately from the sunlight bouncing off our outfits.

“Jesus dunno how I missed you guys y’re like fuckin bottles of glitter” he chuckled and I hung up, grabbing Sadies arm and leading her over to him.

“Thank you” I replied when I got up to him, kissing his cheek. “Carmen” I said, looking at the four bags of merch sitting on the table. His cheeks heat slightly.

“Okay- babe, listen, s’you told me y’wanted that crewneck, and the tshirt, but I f’rgot which t’shirt and I was not waiting in that line again for another hour and a half - so- so I just got like…one of everything - and I also got one for Sadie- perfectly reasonable a-and I got Eva some extra stuff too. But- s’you…just-just chill out here, and i’m gonna go bring this stuff t’the car with Richie.” he said and I laugh.

“Bear! Oh my god- no more gifts until my birthday!” I told him and he chuckled, picking up two of the bags. “Can’t promise anything like that baby, call me if-” I finished for him.

“We need anything” I kissed his lips sweetly. “Thank y’Carmy, really, y’didn’t have to go all out like this - I’ll…” I took a deep breath, trying to contain my emotions. “I’ll never forget this, baby” I said softly, doing everything in my power to hold the tears back.

“I know you wont, angel. I love you” he kissed my forehead sweetly and he and went off with Richie. I sat down immediately after they left, my hip was already starting to feel tight due to the heels and all the up and down crouching to meet little fans.

“Ooo Eva! Look another little girl in a Fearless dress! Y’wanna go give her a Fearless bracelet?” Sadie asks her and she nods excitedly, holding her hand as they walked over. I watched them, smiling as I did so- taking everything in.

By the time Carm and Richie had gotten back, Sadie and I were once again tipsy off of the drinks she’d ran and gotten us from the bar truck, and I had been smart enough to sneak in some shots in my bra to give them the extra kick. She’d even gotten Eva a virgin one of her own in the same fancy disposable cup, so she wouldnt feel left out.

“Fuck you walk fast” Richie says, plopping down in the seat across from me at the little patio table we’d claimed, panting.

“You walk slow as shit Cousin” Carm pats my shoulder for me to get up and sit in his lap, for which I was very grateful- because even through the alcohol my hip began throbbing from sitting on the hard metal chair.

I get up, taking my spot in his comfortable lap and sighing in relief. He digs out a cigarette from his jacket pocket he’d put on, lighting one between his lips. The sun had already went down most of the way and the 60 degree weather, which was cold to me- wasn’t going to do anything good for my hip. “Did y’bring mine?” I ask him quietly.

“Y’re prerolls baby? I brought 3 f’you, you hurtin’ already?” he asks after he took a drag. I bit the inside of my lip gently and shrug, looking at my lap. “Alright no more bracelets, I want y’to be able to enjoy y’rself baby, here” he hands me his cigarette to hold for him while he dug my preroll out of his pocket, lighting it for me before we switched. I leaned against his chest, taking a drag and blowing it away from the table.

“Thank y’for remembering, Bear” I said softly and he wrapped his arm around my waist securely, rubbing my good hip gently.

“Course angel” He mutters and kisses my shoulder before having another drag of his cigarette.

By the time I finished my preroll, I was feeling much better, the pain was mostly non-existant and would stay that way for hopefully a few hours. I finished the rest of my drink on the way in to bag check, chucking the disposable cup with Taylors name on it in the garbage.

By the time we’d gotten to our seats Sadie, Eva and I were balls of excitement. The view of the stage was insane. Sadie and I were in the upper bowl last time, so seeing how really big the stage was, was crazy. My head - Carms head, wouldnt even hit the top of it, which told me that it had to be taller then 6 feet. “Y’know” I said, to Carm, “I don’t know why I thought the stage would be…shorter? But Taylor wears 6 inch heels, so shes 6’5? 6’6 in her shoes? So to get around under there-”

“Six fucking foot?!” he exclaimed, eyes wide. I laughed at his surprise.

“Yaaas! 6 foot tall amazonian goddess” I giggle and he raised his eyebrows.

“Shit I knew she was tall but when I met ‘er the other-” he slaps his hand over his mouth, and my eyes nearly bulge out of my head, and Richie and Sadies head snap in his direction.

“You WHAT?!”

“YOU MET WHO!?”

“BEAR WHAT”

Sadie, Richie and I all spoke at once and he shakes his head. “No- Like- no” he laughs nervously, shaking his head. “No not what I meant- I meant if y’know like if I met ‘er” he said, and I knew he was lying through his teeth.

“Did you meet Taylor Alison Swift, yes or no- if you lie, I will never let you touch me again” I said, staring into his very soul. It only took about 3 seconds for him to crack.

“Itwasonlyf’rlike3minutesandshegavemetheticketscauseherboyfriendlikesitalianfood” he blurted out and my eyes widen.

“No - no- Carmen. You MET HER?!” I said and he gives me a shy nervous smile.

“Mmmhmm..but like- 2 seconds babe- and- yeah shes fuckin huge- like- so tall” he said and I shook my head.

“What did you say to her- go, in your brain- now - because I know you have a fucking photographic memory, and tell me what transpired, Carmen. Tell me” I squeeze his wrist in anticipation and he sighed.

“That- that you really wanted t’come here, and that you love her music, and that- that she reminds me of a cat? And she laughed! I made her laugh babe” he said smiling bigger.

My jaw drops once more “SADIE” I lean over, looking at her. “Do you know what this MEANS?! TAYLOR Thinks MY Boyfriend is FUNNY! That means…that means- she likes what I like…so- oh my god- we’d totally be friends- Carm likes you, Carm likes me- She liked Carm, She likes us!!!” I said excitedly and Sadie nods with a big smile.

“We are so delulu” she said, laughing and Carm chuckles.

“The hell is delulu?” He questions and I laughed. “Delusional my lovely old man” I peck his lips gently and he shakes his head with a smile.

I had forced myself to sit suring the BOYGENIUS set, even though I did quite enjoy them, I had to save my energy for Taylor. I made a bit of an acception for Sabrina though, since Sadie and I hadn’t seen her before, and her stage presence was so magnetic that we just couldn’t help but get up and dance.

When the clock came on the screen, Richie, Sadie, Eva and I shot up out of our seats and Carm got the hint as well. “Alright baby whats happening” He asked and I giggle, jumping like a kid on Christmas with excitement.

“The QUEEN is about to come out!” I said in his ear over the screaming and looked back to the screen, my hands coming to my mouth in anticipation.

At the sound of the first ‘It’s been a long time comin’ Sadie, Eva, Richie and I scream.

“FUCK YEAHHH!!!” Richie whoops, causing me to giggle. I held Sadies hand tightly as the dancers come out with the breathtaking watercolor shell like billowing tapestries, bowing at the front of the stage over where Taylor comes out.

Carm leans over, “What’s with the flags baby?” he asked in my ear.

I gently rest my hand on my cheek, he crouches down slightly so I could hear him. “Its the birth of Venus, the analogy” I told him and he nods. I let go of his hand as the beginning sequence ended putting my hands on top of my head, completely unsure how to cage the all-consuming surge of emotions coursing through my veins.

‘It’s been a long time comin’ but- Its you and me- Thats my whole world! They whisper in the hallway ‘shes a bad bad girl’ Okay! The whole school is rollin’ fake dice, you play stupid games you win stupid prizes!’

Sadie, Richie, Eva and I go nuts, scream singing every word, dancing and jumping. I didnt even realize I was crying until I felt Carm’s hand around my waist, leaning down and saying in my ear, “Havin’ fun honey?”

I looked up to him, Smiling huge “THE MOST FUN EVER! I LOVE YOU!!!” I shout loud enough for him to hear, kissing his lips lovingly before continuing to watch. Sadie and I dance and sing and scream for the rest of Miss Americana, and when It got to the Cruel Summer bridge, the whole stadium was buzzing with excitement.

“Alright New York City!” Taylor says and everyone screams in response. “We have arrived, at the very first bridge this evening- And you may know this is my only show in this beautiful city that is my home away from home- So I want you to scream it!!! Lets Go!!” and scream it Sadie, Eva, Richie and I do.

During Lover, Carm sweetly held me as we swayed and listened, his arms wrapped around my waist and I rested my head against his chest, soaking in the sweetness of the moment. And of course, during The Archer, her comforted me while I cried because of how much the song meant for me and my anxiety problems, kissing my forehead and gently wiping my tears.

During Fearless Eva spun in the isle while Taylor did, and I could’ve sworn Taylor saw her by the kiss she blew in our direction between verses - but all of my intuition was shown to be right, because during the ‘Enchanted’ era, A woman in a black tshirt and black pants comes up to our isle, walking infront of me and Carm down to Richie and Evas seat, and whispers something in Richies ear, to which he nods very quickly, before leaning down and whispering something in Evas ear and she jumps up and down, until the woman in the black shirt whispers something else in her ear and she very quickly calmed down, nodding obediently and taking the womans hand.

Sadie gives me wide eyes as shes taken with the woman and stands up with the woman where the barricade is. “What’s goin on with Eva?” Carm asks in my ear.

It took everything in me to not burst in to tears knowing how much this was going to mean to Eva. “Shes gonna get the hat!” I told him and his eyes widen.

“During- during 22?” He asked and I nod excitedly. He got his phone out, ready to record. When the time came, Eva was brought to sit on a platform right in front of the stage, and was sitting on her knees as she patiently waited, wiggling around to the song.

Richie right behind her at the barricade in the isle, recording the whole interaction, and Sadie and I sing and dance to the song, relishing in the pure enchantment on Eva’s face as Taylor kneels in front of her, trading bracelets with her before putting the hat on her head and brushing the rim playfully and getting up to continue singing. As soon as the security lifted Eva back over the barricate, she sprints in to Richies arms, and he picks her up, spinning her around and kissing her cheek.

“Oh my godddd!” I said my heart melting at the sight and Carm stops filming, I look up to see a few stray tears wetting his cheeks as well.

“Ohhhh my sweet bear” I said, rubbing his chest gently.

“Holy fuck! Look at that!!” Richie said as he comes back to their seats. Eva bounces all around, a whole new fire to her energy.

School on Monday is gonna be epic for her surely.

During All Too Well ten minute version, Carm and I decided to sit and have some water to let my hip get some much needed rest for a little bit. He wrapped his arm around me, leaning back in his seat and running a hand through his hair, yawning. “Tired?” I ask and he nodded a bit.

“I didn’t think I would be t’be honest, y’know how late we stay up, think I just need a cigarette if ‘m honest” he said and I nodded. I rest my head on his shoulder, continuing to watch Taylor infront of us.

Thankfully, the Folklore era was next, which wasn’t too much of a dancey album- so we all got to sit for 20 minutes through all too well, and betty, which was very nice that we had some time to recharge, especially since after this era, 1989 era was next, which Sadie and I were both huge fans of. I sat up for The Last Great American Dynasty though, Screaming along with Sadie,

“There goes THE LOUDEST WOMAN THIS TOWN HAS EVER SEEN!!!” as did the majority of the crowd.

I held Carms hand during August, resting my head on his shoulder once more and he gives me a kiss on the forehead. “Is- is she barefoot babe?” he asks in my ear and I laughed, looking up at him.

“No silly- shes wearing ballet slippers? Like what ballerinas wear before they go on pointe?” I said and he nods.

“Ahhh” he said and chuckled a bit. “S’rry they’re so close to her skin color” he said and I shook my head, giggling.

Standing up right away with Sadie and Eva when she came over to our side to wave and waving at her excitedly, blowing kisses and holding up hearts. She smiles big and waves back at us that had to be for us- shes looking right at us.

Sadie and I jump and scream, remaining standing since she walked down the whole length of the stage, and we would get insane videos and pictures since she was going to stopping right in front of us or the majority of the song.

It took my breath away, when she stopped, belting the bridge, and dropping to her knees right in front of us on the stage. ‘And I can go anywhere I want, Anywhere I want, just not home. And you can aim for my heart, go for blood. But you would still miss me in your bones. And I still talk to you - when I'm screaming at the sky, And when you can't sleep at night - you hear my stolen lullabies. I didn't have it in myself to go with grace and so the battleships will sink beneath the waves’ She stood up, her white gown flowing like angel wings as she spun around and began her decent back down the stage.

I wiped the tears streaming down my face from the touching performance, shaking my hands and rolling my shoulders when she song was over. Carm kisses my temple, “Y’happy angel?” He asked, and I look up at him as if he got me the moon on a fucking string.

“Happy? I’m…fuckin elated, baby- I cant even digest how happy I am right now” I laugh and pulled him in to a sweet kiss.

We all sang and dance along to 1989, Carm being very proud of himself for knowing all the words- probably since they were so popular when he was living in New York, and he’d told me once while watching this era during the movie for the 50 millionth time, that alot of the songs they “played to death” in the restaurants he worked.

It was so fuckin fun to watch him fully let loose, and dance with me, sing with me, not a speck of shyness to be found. It just turned up my fire to 100, giving me a whole new love for this album.

“And to the fella over there with the hella good hair Won't you come on over, baby? We can shake, shake, shake” I sang along, ruffling Carm’s messy curls and he laughs, kissing me sweetly before the beat dropped again and I started bouncing and happily dancing again.

At the beginning of Bad blood, I tap him and he leans in “ ‘sup baby?” he asks.

“When she says ‘If you live like that, you live with ghosts’ f’r the first time, you gotta screeeeam ‘you forgive, you forget, but you never let it go’- ok?” I told him and he nods, giving me a thumbs up.

“Got it” he said and I giggled happily, turning my attention back to the stage. When she sang it, without fail, Carm shouted along with Me, Sadie, Richie and Eva as promised and Richie slaps his back approvingly.

“Fuck yeahhh cousin!! You study?” He teased and Carm shook his head.

“No need,” he wraps his arm around me. “ Got a professional w’me most the time” he kissed my head and I laughed, resting my head on his shoulder lovingly.

When Taylor came out in her red surprise song dress, I held Carms hand, screaming excitedly.

“Hellooooo” she said adorably, strumming her guitar. “So- you’ve made it to the acoustic set, if you didn’t know, every show I sing a few different songs from my catalog cause, y’can only fit so much into a concert- and I’ve been told i’ve released an ungodly amount of albums” she giggles, getting a ton of laughs from the crowd of course, we all fuckin’ adore her.

“So tonight, I usually only take requests from friends, but I got this request the other day- and the songs actually sounded like they’d go cute together, and y’guys know me, of course i’ll spice em up for you a little” she said and started the opening chords.

“The way you move is like a full on rainstorm, and I’m a house of cards, you’re the kinda wreckless that should send me runnin’ but I kinda know that I wont get far” She sings, and I couldn’t contain it anymore- I burst into tears. This song means so much to me, the amount of times Chris and I listened to this song together- it was his favorite Taylor song, which led it to become my favorite song of hers after he passed.

Carm rubs my arm gently, holding me to his chest and squeezing me gently. “I love you” he said in my ear and kisses my temple. I took a shaking breath, not even able to respond as this was the first time i’d heard this song live before, and all I could imagine was how much Chris would’ve loved this show.

I lean in to him, watching the stage, and once Sadie realizes what was happening, she wraps her arms around me as well, resting her head on my shoulder. “He’s probably here, y’know, spiteful fuck wouldn’t come here in the afterlife unless you were with ‘em right? So lets party with em, not cry” Sadie said in my ear and I smiled, looking over at her.

“Have I told you you’re the bestest friend and my fuckin platonic soulmate?” I told her and she giggles, wiping my tears.

“Yes, I believe once or twice, and you’re mine - now are we gonna cry during the bridge? Or are we gonna lose our fucking minds?” she asked and I nodded, holding her hand and sniffling, finding my composure once more. There would be loads of time to digest this and cry about it later on, for now I want to live in this beautiful, happy moment.

“I run my fingers through your hair and watch the lights go wild!! Just keep on keepin’ your eyes on me, It's just wrong enough to make it feel right!” we held hands, dancing and laughing and singing. It truly was magical.

But I was awestruck when instead of finishing the bridge, she slips in to Mine instead, Carm and I’s song, the song that reminded me so much of him. I look at him, jaw dropped as she sings.

“Brace myself for the goodbye, cause it’s all i’ve ever known, but you took me by surprise- you said ‘I’ll never leave you alone..’ “ before slipping right back in to sparks fly, “Drop everything now, meet me in the pourin’ rain, kiss me on the sidewalk, take away the pain” and going back to Mine again, “He said ‘I remember how it felt sittin’ by the water, and every time I look at you it’s like the first time.” and going back again to sparks fly, “So get me with those green eyes baby as the lights go down give me somethin’ that’ll haunt me when i’m not around, cause i’ve seen sparks fly whenever you smile” before switching back again, “You made a rebel of a careless mans careful daughter you are the best thing, thats ever been mine. Do you believe it? And the sparks fly”

I hugged him tightly, sobbing in to his chest. He doesnt know how much this means to me. For us to be here, together tonight, and for her to play 2 of the most important songs to me, the songs that remind me of the two people I love most - It was borderline overwhelming.

For the next song per usual she sat down at her piano, and without another speech, started playing the opening chords of Evermore and Sadie and I lost it, screaming ferally with the rest of the stadium once we realized which song it was.

Carm laughs at our excitement, rubbing my back. “S’did she pick good ones t’night?” he asked in my ear. I look up at him, everything clicking in to place for how he planned every single thing about this night.

I shook my head, laughing and pulling him to me. “You have unlimited head, for the rest of our lives” I told him and he laughed, kissing my cheek gently.

“I wont say no to that- if y’re offerin” he mused, patting my bum gently. I kiss him again and again, wrapping my arm around his middle and resting my head on his chest, hugging him tightly.

“I love you” I said and kissed his neck sweetly. He brushed my sweaty curls from my forehead, gently stroking my cheek with his forefinger.

“I love you baby, s’much, endlessly” he said and kissed my lips once more.

I rested in to him as he held me from behind, “This ones sad babe..but what the hell does unmoored mean?” he said in my ear and I giggle, Looking up at him.

“A mooring is where ships are docked during a storm, baby, if your ships unmoored- y’re fucked” I told him and he raised his eyebrows, nodding and continuing to listen along intently.

He wraps his arms around me securely, resting his chin atop my head, and I’d never felt safer, more secure, more loved, and thought of, and listened to then I did in this moment. Hot tears stream down my cheeks but a huge smile was still plastered on my face. My entire chest felt warm, like I could explode with all of the love that was coursing through me, I felt like I was literally glowing.

When the song finished, I look up at him with a small sad pout. “Only one more era… then it’s all done” I said a bit sadly and he chuckles.

“Only one more baby? Your voice is already gone, I don’t think we could do anymore after it’s over” he said and kisses my forehead, wiping the residual tears from my cheeks and eyes. I giggled a bit.

“Sorry, I know my voice probably sounds annoying” I said and clear my throat, it did feel really raw, and sore as well. I was probably not gonna have much of a voice for a good few days.

He furrowed his eyebrows, “Baby, you could never annoy me, it’s cute - it shows you had alot of fun” he said, rubbing my hip gently.

I lean in, kissing his lips gently before the beginning of Lavender Haze started and Sadie and I go nuts, - Richie just pumps his fist, as he was now holding a sleeping Eva in his arms and I pout, grabbing my phone and taking a photo before turning my attention back to the stage.

During Vigilante Shit, Carm leans down and says in my ear, “Y’gonna dance f’me like that in your pretty outfit baby?” he asked and I felt butterflies swarming in my stomach, if my cheeks werent already flushed from moving around so much i’d be blushing like mad.

“If you can handle it- we havent even got to the good part yet” I teased, kissing his jaw gently and he kissed my lips hungrily.

“T’morrow, i’m cashin in on one of those tickets f’head mentioned earlier, and y’re wearin’ that” he told me and I look up at him, a pesky smirk on my lips and I raised my eyebrows surprised at his boldness.

“Someones in a mood” I giggled and peck his lips before turning my attention back to the stage.

During Bejewled when Taylor came to the end of the stage shaking her hips to show off her fringe, I stepped in the isle, jumping and waving to try and get her attention and shook my hips, mirroring her. She smiled wide and pointed at me before she said her little ‘Nice!’ waving in my direction and I’m glad Carm had followed me in to the isle because when she walked away my knees nearly buckled under me.

Sadie came over, jumping in excitement and patting my arm excitedly, “DUDE!!! DUDDEEEE!!! SHE SAID HIII!!!” She laughed and hugs me tight and we bounced and jumped and sang the rest of the whole song, nothing could’ve brought me down in that moment.

We danced and sang to Mastermind, and when she came out with her Rainbow jacket, I point at her, tugging Carms sleeve and he leans down to hear me.

“I lied!!! If you can find one of those rainbow jackets for a reasonable price- I’ll accept” I told him and he laughs, nodding and giving me a thumbs up.

“I’ll try t’find one f’you princess, promise” He kissed my temple.

Carm and I danced hand in hand to Karma together, singing every lyric, him knowing them all since i’d listened to it so often with him around, and it was one of her more repetitive songs after all, pointing to him when we’d sing, ‘Karma is my boyfriend’, dancing, jumping around, laughing, fully enjoying ourselves. We all needed this.

When the song ended, and Taylor was thanking her band and dancers, a man with a stage headset wearing black jeans and a black shirt, similar to the woman who collected Eva, came down the row, stopping at Carm and saying something in his ear.

He looks back at them, a confused look on his face, “Who? I don’t know anyone in there-” he said and the man leaned in again, saying something else in his ear and Carm’s eyebrows raised in surprise. He looked at me before back at the man. “Okay- but i’m takin’ her.” he said, pointing to me, and the man shook his head.

“Just you-” he replied over the music and Carm shakes his head in response.

“Tell ‘em I said where I go, she goes, so he can fuck all the way off if she can’t come with” he said and the man shrugged, walking off again.

“What was that?” I asked him over the music.

“Travis Kelce wanted t’talk t’me? But the douche said only I could go, ‘mnot doin’ that” he shook his head, resuming clapping and cheering with the rest of the crowd. My jaw drops and I hit his arm gently.

“Babe! What the hell? No!!! Go over there!!! Do you know how much business it would bring if he talked about The Bear on his podcast?” I asked and he shrugs in response.

“Don’t care, I need y’with me babe. I can’t talk t’him without you, Taylor will probably be there- I can’t just…go meet her without you, thats fucked” he said and I pout, hugging his arm and the same man comes over again.

“Alright, but just you, and her, no one else” he explained and Carm nods, grabbing his jacket from the chair and lacing our fingers together as we followed. I felt my heart racing. So hard that I felt my pulse in my throat, it was taking everything in me to just pay attention to each step and not stumble over my own feet.

We’re led to a white tent, various famous people standing about, but the tallest person there also- seemingly the biggest personality in the room, had invited us. “Yoooooo there he is! Bro- wassup!” he comes over, giving Carm a guy hug, patting his back firmly.

“Y’guys like the show? Fuckin’ crazy shit right!!” he said. His voice was booming, and I thought Carmy was loud- even he wouldn’t win in a screaming match with this guy.

“Yeah, really awesome she puts on a fantastic show, Nice t’meet you I’m Carmen- everyone usually just calls me Carm though, and this is my girl, Winnie” he said and I smiled nervously, giving a small wave. I literally could find no words to say to this man, I felt everything I said would make it back to Taylor and I’d end up embarrassing myself.

“Winnie!! Cool like the bear? Sick name, that outfits firreee girl! Where’d you get it?” he asks and my eyes widen and I looked down at my outfit and back at him, my cheeks going red.

“Uh- I-I made it?” I said in awe that he recognized anything at all about me. Mostly the fact that he was a guy, a football jock at that, but also - he is dating the most beautiful, sought after women in the world at the moment.

“Whaaat?! Shit!! You Swifties are crazy Taylor’s gonna love that she should be-”

“TRAVYYYY” we heard and I spun around so fast I thought my head may fly off to see Taylor fucking SWIFT barreling up to her boyfriend, and jumping into his arms- wrapping herself around him the same way I did with Bear. My grip on his arm tightened and I look up at him like an absolute deer in headlights.

“C’mon- go say hi princess, shes really nice” he whispers in my ear.

“Thereee she is, you did so amazing honey!” Travis told her, spinning her around causing her to laugh excitedly.

“Oh my god- Heyyy Chef! Did Travis drag you over here?” she asked, hopping down from his arms and Carm chuckled a bit.

“Hardly dragged, but uh yeah- great- awesome show, still stand by what I said about the cat thing, though” Carm said with one of his teasing grins and I just look between them, in utter shock. He was playing around with her?!

She laughed, turning to Travis “Trav- he told me that I remind him of his cat during tolerate it, y’know I was thinking about that the whole song” she said and Travis chuckles.

“Thats the highest compliment you could’ve given her. Her and cats is somethin’ else. But- look babe” he told her and motions to my outfit.

“T she made that” he said and my heart was thumping so hard it felt like it would fly out of my chest. I felt so small in front of her, both physically and emotionally. I was unsure why I felt this way, the love I had for the woman in front of me was unreal, but there was like a…mental block? Anything i’d ever wanted to tell her had slipped my mind, and my whole brain was dark and empty.

“Oh my GOD no way! Crazy holy shit” she said coming over and running her fingers over the beads. Carm nudges me gently, urging me to talk to her.

“Tell her baby, about all the beads” he said and I swallow thickly, nodding.

“I-um- Hi I-im Winnie..it’s like- This is crazy I-wow… um - so- so see um…they're in clusters of 13 and 7 alternating, a-and.. There are 89…rows, um each- each section. S-so like this panel and the back one a-and then, I didn’t plan it, but each um..each big bead it ended up being perfect if I secured them 13 times, s-so they’d like stick up how y’rs do” I rambled nervously and she leaned in, looking closer.

“Wow” she whispered, “This is sick- you’re a professional then?” she stood up straight, towering over me once more and I looked up at her.

“Um” I manage to get out.

“She could be- she spent…what was it babe? 450 hours on this? And y’took that sewing class, and that rhinestone class and everything?” Carm encourages, it’s not supposed to be him who’s the talker. He’s probably panicking right now and i’m gonna be the reason for a panic attack when we got out of here.

“Yeah! Mmmhmm- and y’re like- wow Taylor” my sudden realization such a high stakes social situation would absolutely be freaking him out. “I- like- I’ve been such a fan of your art since like- Middle School- I- I couldn’t see you until I was older cause’- y’know, life gets in the way, but- last year I got this-” I paused, pulling up my hair and showing her the little mirrorball script tattoo on the back of my neck.

She gasped, running her finger over it gently, and even though I was hot, goosebumps still rose on my flesh. “ Wow “ she said softly. “Thats…thats so pretty…I love the grey its so delicate and pretty” she said.

I turned to her again, smiling big and taking her hands. “Thats how I am about everything you accomplish - just, Wowed everything you do, everything you are- like- you’ll be in the history books- there are so many things about you and your career that are like- just..like-” I laugh, shaking my head. “How do you do it? I know thats like… a stupid question? But like- It’s…like insanity” I said and she laughs a bit, nodding.

“Thank you! Honestly I-I don’t…really know? Alot of times…Like- I can tell we’re not too far apart in age just by how you carry yourself and stuff and… hearing you listened to me in middle school- it’s like- crazy because I’ve lived one million lives since then…I guess thats how? But really..it means alot that my art means alot to you, and i’m so grateful that you came. The tattoo is so pretty, also- your name is just like…Adorable” she squeezed my hands and I felt tears welling up behind my eyes.

“I’m so sorry to be a freak and cry, you’re just, so special, like- not in a fan way- in a human way. You-” I took a deep breath. “You are a light, a beacon for so so many young women, Taylor. And you have been for so long - and you will only get better, you have proved that. Like- i’m not sure if some guy really told you your aura was moonstone, but it truly is, you just sparkle, and - you like…are just- Thank you, for being you, and thank you for being so raw in your music, and just…thank you” I said and she pulls me into a hug, wrapping her arms around me.

“Thank you, Winnie” she said, rubbing my back. I internally was uncontrollably sobbing and screaming but- on the outside, I somehow managed to just hold her back and hug her like a normal person.

“I’m sorry- im sure you’re probably annoyed with hearing that stuff but…it’s true, and- I…I guess thats what makes you you- is how humble you are…like- you know I’ve never heard a bad word about you?” I asked and she laughed, pulling away and looking at me.

“C’mon, y’re kidding” she rolled her eyes with a smile, “I’ve seen plenty of awful things about me” she said and I shook my head.

“N-no! No, Taylor, like- sure do people come after your looks, and your voice, because thats all they have to try and pick apart- shallow bullshit..even though you’re like- factually a model - and any person who’s studied a lick of music knows that you have an undeniably insane range and incredible vocal and breath control- this isn’t out of my ass Taylor, I-I was in theater because you inspired me...I was like ‘if this cool 16 year old can put out an album I can do a play’ and I did.. But-but this is about you. I’ve never heard a bad word about you- I’ve been in your fandom for gosh- a year after you started in 2006? All over.. Gee- twitter, facebook, myspace, the old swift app, everything, And i’ve never ever-ever seen someone online or in real life thats like ‘oh my gosh i met Taylor Swift and she is sooo mean’ - anything i’ve ever heard, about things that matter- you are a beautiful, humble, kind person.” I said and she pouted, pulling me into another hug.

“Are you trying to make me cry?” She asks with a giggle, holding me tight. Her PR manager, Tree, comes into the VIP tent.

“Lets get a move on chicky poo - gotta be on the plane in an hour,” she told Taylor and she pulled away.

“Duty calls” she sighs and I giggled.

“It was..enchanting to meet you Miss Swift” I said with a smile and she laughs, pulling me into another hug.

“I like you, you’re sweet, we’ll meet again sometime, ok? Trav is over there chattin’ up your boyfriend to get us into his restaurant for a night” she assured and I look up at her.

“What?! Oh my GOD! Thats…wow- we’d love to have you in Chicago.” I said and Carm comes up, grabbing my wrist.

“C’mon, we’ve been kicked” he joked and Travis laughs a bit.

“I’ll text you man, we’re gonna have a few spare days later this month i’ll try to give plenty of notice” Travis said, coming over and wrapping his arms around Taylors middle and kissing her head.

“Y’ready?” he asks her and she nods, sighing a bit.

“Exhausted” she told him and I squeeze her hand.

“Get some rest, y’deserve it. Kick ass show by the way- I’d go every night if I could- also, sorry I sound like…this- I wasn’t kidding when I said I love your music” I giggled a bit and she nods, smiling big.

“I love it - means you had a great time, ginger tea, and lots of local honey you’ll be good as new in a day or two if you just chug it consistently, its mostly water anyway” she said and I nod, finally letting her go.

“Thank you again…See you soon” I said and we all said our goodbyes. As soon as we were out of eye and ear shot I laugh loudly, jumping up and down, dancing around. “CARMENNNN!!!” I squeaked, hugging him and jumping happily.

“Bear- She likes me” I said excitedly, practically dragging him outside where Richie, Eva, and Sadie were sat at one of the smoke garden tables, Sadie jumps up, bounding over to me and I hug her.

“Dude- everything tell me everything” She said, I broke down in to tears.

“Shes so sweet Sadie!! She- she said she liked my outfit!! A-and Carmy and Travis are gonna be BEST FRIENDS” I cried and she rubs my back. Carmen laughed, for once at my tears, but it was tears of pure joy, so neither of us felt bad at his amusement for my emotional reaction. “Dude-WAIT- of course she liked it - C’mon- what did she say, like- start to finish also- why is Carm gonna be his best friend?” and the entire walk back to the car, as well as the whole drive home, Carm and I gave the three of them a play by play of our entire 10 minute meeting with them.

➵ 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡♡♡ ⋙

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