#theyre so gay im gonna puke

[giggasnap]

(SPOILERS FOR FIONNA AND CAKE EP 9 AND 10)

live thoughts as I watch the episode

LSP spaghetti guts? Ew

SIMON INSIDE THE FUCKING FRIDGE WHAT THE FUCK???? WHAT??? PENNYWISE HEAD ASS

oh thank God it was a dream. Maybe

oh no. I can already tell cake being magic is gonna fuck everything up

Gary and Marshall wholesome yaoi

Fionna you sound and look insane

MY BABYGIRL THE LICH WHAT ARE YOU PRAYING TO HONEY

SIMON WHY WOULD YOU KICK HIM

The lich is kind of pretty okay I won't even lie. He can be a little pretty. Also this is the most he's ever spoken

AHHH HES SO COOL I KNEW IT I KNEW HE WASNT SATISFIED KILLING EVERYTHING

I love you Mister Lich also what is that weird black box on your chest. Oh no.

HOLY SHIT WHAT. BRO GOT CUBED???? FREE MY MAN!!!!!

Simon I think you might die dude

Aw I remember shermy and beth

Uhm. What. I mean I guess that makes sense for Betty to do but also what. Also I'm still hung up on the lich cubes all around Golbetty can we like address that

Scarab I think you are going to suffer a horrific fate my guy

I was right

CAKE YOU ARE SCARING THE GAYS

"I would still date you if you were a vampire" we know dude we know

SIMON CANNOT DO "ANYTHING" BRO IS STRUGGLING TO MATERIALIZE RIGHT NOW

Shermy Simon is cute

PRISMO!!!!

I just keep wondering where all of this is going

oh fuck the book failed

LSP NOOO

EPSIODE 9 ENDS LIKE THAT WHAT THE FUCK

literally one last episode and then its over. What. I'm scared

Guys. I think we are fucked. I dunno though.

Oooo animation is cool

This is neat but what is actually occuring right now

CHOOSE GOOSE!????

WAIT PAWN SWAN???

"get outta here!" Omg

THE MIDDLE FINGER??? OKAY

Simonshermy maybe we should just go visit BMO and see if he has the crown. That seems more plausible than whatever we're doing here.

WHAT IS GOING ON. WHY ARE YOU PUKING BLUE.

"he's hot" Marshall. There are bigger things to worry about but also valid

Scarab petty as hell but we've known that

aw perry is neat

NO PERRY

"our post office! That was our oldest building" FIONNA stop this I'm going to tear up

"go cake!" "Love you, fi!" GUYS THEYRE ADORABLE

Nova and Casper are obviously Simon and Betty parallels somehow. I feel it.

I knew it. Which will you choose.

Oh my god. Simon is having a realization.

"Nova was obsessed with Casper" "but I thought they were in love" "they were! But it wasn't exactly on equal footing." Oh my god everyone shut up while I cry for three billion years.

Oh no. Simon will do something. What is he going to do Im scared.

Bye ash. Also fuck ash in all universes

Gary. Bruh

MARSHALL NOW IS NOT THE TIME!!!!

Simon please bro don't do anything too extreme I'm scared he'll kill himself high-key

I WILL START SOBBING. NEVER TALK TO ME AGAIN

I don't even know what to say anymore. Fionna and cake about to get vaporized

SIMON FUCKING BANSHEE SCREECHING. THE ONLY THING THAT GETS THIS GUY FIRED UP HIS IS BABIES GETTING MESSED WITH HIS BABIES BEING FINN FIONNA OR MARCELINE

so does this count as a golbetty wish or a Prismo wish

SCARAB WHAT THE FUCK

VAMPIRE WORLD FINN!!!

GIANT BUFF FIONNA LETS GOOOO

Simon getting actual therapy yes

#fionna and cake

[thepredatorywasp]

fuck

#so #my friend told me a few days ago that one of my friends had told another one that i was gay #because he had just come out and apparently it slipped #whatever i didn’t rly mind #but i was facetiming this guy with some other friends and they were joking around and they were saying i was racist and misogynistic #(which i’m not that was the joke) #and one of them said something like she’s homophobic especially her #implying they knew i was gay #and idk why is this making me so anxious #but i feel like im gonna puke #idk why #fuck fuck fuck #this feels awful #i felt like open with them and theyre not bigoted at all #which makes me feel worse #because i should be able to be fucking honest with them #what’s wrong with me?

[spn-in-2021]

So plugging Lestat (Broadway, 2006) (27th of May version) into the tumblr user Loes spn-in-2021 Verified Musical Meter... 12 out of 18 !

- How much gay tension is there between the protagonist and the antagonist Absolutely off the charts. Not sure if you should count Louis or Armand as the antagonists but both are very gay - How many times do ppl go on their knees A Lot. The biting is also v dramatic as it should be - Is there a moment where someone rolls around on the stage this is v important "Marius." 'Get up, Lestat.' "I can't my legs are shattered" - Is there a milf The entire first act can be described as "Lestat and his moms gay adventures in Paris" and then his mom even leaves to be a milf elsewhere good for her - Does the antagonist or protagonist force themself in songs they don’t even belong in Cant say 'cause Ive only seen one version - Is there any Real fighting. Is the entire stage used in those fights If there is; how good is the reaction of the other characters (ignoring is also a good reaction) Armands hair pulling on Claudia looked painful af so yeah this counts - Are props/dec destroyed for the sake of drama I cant remember so probably not?? - Do people dramatically undress while singing (or dramatically dress while singing I suppose) Gabrielle did absolutely do this - Do the actors look like they want to puke sometimes (like in a good way) The audience recording Ive watched barely has enough pixels to even show faces but I already know they did - How often are there hugs/hand holding/face holding/etc etc etc So much. so much. girl help i am vicariously living through musicals to cope with the lack of human contact - Do the songs go hard (measured with bpm, how often there are screams, how badly the actors want to dance, singing isn’t about singing its about acting) Legit?? Not that much. Idk what happened Elton John how did this happen - Will I have one of the songs stuck in my head for the next week? Embrace it is already stuck in my head - How campy is it (is there leather + glitter) Capes count, as do the general vampire aesthetics. AS do Lestats kneeboots bless - How often are actors forced to dance while singing (do the leads have a choreo) The dancing?? Is not that much?? - Do the actors say “fuck this script” and just make out? Drew Sarich never disappoints. people around Drew Sarich Never Disappoint - How blasphemous is it (would the church approve of it. be honest) There is not one but TWO songs calling out god. There's also Lestat and his mom vandalizing a church and challenging Jesus. (Where AAaarree YouuUUu? WhyyYy Aareee yOouUuu NoOtT StooOOopIInG UssS) - Is there a random gun moment No - when you hear the leitmotif of someone and you KNOW theyre gonna fuck shit up Somehow this doesnt happen?

I want to substract points cause apparently this only ran for a month and all the actors were basically let go because the musical didnt run storm like they expected on broadway......... but i also want to add points cause claudia was VERY good and its still a damn good musical i dont care im glad i saw this before i ever saw interview with the vampire or read any anne rice books

#loes watches lestat #i couldnt care less that it flopped it made me cry 3 times its good #loess verified musical meter

[c0untb00z]

I would just like to clear, I don't hate the BBC Dracula 2020 Show. In fact, I actually like the idea of Dracula being set in modern times like in the show, but I would like it a lot better if it wasn't written like a fucking reader insert fanfiction.

Don't get me wrong, I love me some reader inserts every once in a while but they're meant to be on Wattpad. Sometimes, you can find really fucking good fanfictions that could genuinly be movies, but this really just feels like someone wrote an erotic fanfiction for Dracula. It almost reminds me of a worse version of 50 Shades of Grey with less kinky sex.

First and foremost Agatha Van Hesling. I actually kinda liked her personality, how driven she was and determined to never give up, but she was literally created for a love interest. In Dracula by Bram Stocker, Sister Agatha is a nun that nurses Jonathan back to health, claiming he was 'sick in the head' as he ranted of what he had seen and warning others of Dracula. She doesn't even have a last name.

However there is a Dr. Van Hesling in the book, hes dutch(???) Professor that mentors and taught(????) Jack Seward who was in love with Lucy, who was fed off of and eventually killed and eventually undead by the means of the one and only Dracula. Dr Van Hesling plays a large role in the plot of the book. He has an open mind and was able to draw connections between things that some others couldn't, as he had access to more sources and could speak to most off the charecters involved. He's the first person to present the idea of a vampire, and Lucy turning into one. Thanks to Jonathan he was able to identify the vampire feeding on Lucy as Dracula and finds out how to kill the vampires.

So basically Agatha was literally fabricataed for the sole perpose of being there, to fall in love with Dracula or something.

I know we all are horny for Dracula. I'm horny for Dracula. Vampires are fucking hot but the sexiest part of vampires is that they ya know. Kill you and are mercily and heartless. The show does show that in a lot of parts and even decapiates a nun and yeets it into a gaggle of nuns which i fucking died at. But it also, humanizes him way to much, hes literally a monster. The scene in the boat with lord whats his name really portrayed that. It was really,,,, weird cause me being a kinky fucker I don't find the particular phrases of "you're going to need to be quiet now," and " youre doing so well" that creepy and if anything a little hot but looking at the circumstance and the look on that kids face, it was like r e a l y fucked up. Which is why i liked that scene. It showed just how fucked up Dracula is.

To be fair i did like Cleas Bangs acting and casting as Dracula. He had a certain charm that was ever so s l i g h t l y off. I heard people say he just 'made up an accent' but fuck you guys its a fucking danish accent you incolent twats anyways. He could be really funny at times and i actually apprecited it.

However the casting AND acting of the modern parts is absolute shit. Ep.3 is where i kinda gave up on the show and finsihed it for the sake of torturing myself. FIRST OF FUCKING ALL LUCY i cannot fathom how P I S S E D i am about Lucy. Why did they have to make her a phone obsessed basic asshole with no regards to anyones emotions besides her own and the extent of her personality is 'getting likes on socail media is all i care about because it makes me feel validated so im gonna wallo in self pity because i was obiously written by white man in his 50s that would have made me white if he wasnt forved to throw in diversity points" like shut the fuck up steven king.

Also lucy and mina never meet??? Theyre in different fucking time lines??? Theyre friendship and love for eachother was fucking golden how dare you rob that form me and give me a garbage bag full of shit with a shiny little bow on top in its place jesus f u ck.

The cemetary scene was o k ay i gues?? I liked the little nod to the book with the bloofer lady and the concept of random sprits being undead because of unfinished buisness. But this really just felt like it was slapped in the show for the sake of going on a date with Dracula in cemetary. I actually kinda apperacted it but it just felt awkward.

Also who the f u ck is Lucy's friend? The gay one??? Like,,,, is that supposed to Arthur???? His chatecter was so fu king weird and offset he just didnt feel like he should be in there. Hes literally just there for a-50-year-old-man's-interpretation-of-young-women-now-a-days verson of Lucy to have a gay best ffriend.

Ok i not even sure if i want to talk about Quincy. It just hurts. It physically hurts me to think about how d i r t y they did my baby. His charecter is the defination of american chivalry, just as great as regular chivarly but with a little extra cowboy vibe. Quincy is jist the biggest,,,, sweet haert,, like he asked lucy to marry him in his cool american cowboy voice cause he knew lucy loved it and it always made her laugh. And even when she turned him down becayse her heart belonged to arthur, he stayed. All he wanted was for lucy to be happy and all he requested was that they stay frirnds. Hes also invovled with taking fkwn dracula although hes not a main charecter percice ly as he doesnt have any entires in the book he still has an amaizing precence and sometimes while reading the book ill be readying one of dr sewards passanges and think "huh i wonder what quncys doin. I hope hes dooin good. Cowboy vibes n stuffs" amd boy dles he do that. Everh dracula film adaptataion robs us. R O B S U S of quincy morris best scene. In the middle of dr van helsing ranting about vampires( thats basically what half of the book is. I could write a 4p minute mono louge of his rambling jesus how does sweard take note of all this) quincy litterally just walks out. And nobodg really pays any notice beside glancing ag his leave and shrugging at one anouther and going back tl listneing tl van helsing explaining his vampire fan theories quincy moris , the quincy morris from texathe untited states of the amerkca the land and the free and also cowboys.stands outside of the bouilding and pints his gun up at. Dracula whos in the shape of a fucking bat eves ddopping outside the window and just fucking,,shoots it. Now he doesnt hit it cause thatt wouldnt be as fun as brutally stabbing the fucker witja wooden stake. But S T I L L. And the fucking bullet hits the window that everybodys in anprobably causes arthur to shit himself the ppoor boy. Can you belive that theh didnt fucking flim thatfor any dracul? Now i i under stands why not put in this adaptation because quincy is only mentionsed like three god damned times. And when theh DK mention him jesusnshit they literally jsut made him some popular jock from amwrica just to conter jacks white twinky ass and then they had him propose to lucy in the middle of a fucking night club and she says yes???? Lile ok jut throw Arthur out a window then cause cause fu c k him i guess. And then after lucy dies he jjsy fucking moves ?? The only thing thta makes this version of qincy quinccy is the fu king name and fact hes from america

Ok now jack fucking seward. He reminds me of when ylu forget you had a pb&j in your back pack so in the bos after school you pull it out cause yoyr hungry and yoyr mom put WAY to much jelly on it so now its like. All obsorbed into the bread and joggy and squished. Just sad and really white. They even had some kid call him whate bread and they werent fucking wrong. His obly personality traits were ' omg i love lucy but shes a hoe ;,,,((' and being connected to Zoe.

Now last and definately least the god forbaden ending. Just thinking about it gives me a fucking head ache. So , jesus, zoe, who is agathas great niece or someshit, a d looks exactly like her (its literally the same fucking actress) is a detective lile scitist reasearching dracula. So dracula is illedatly attracted to her becasue he thinks shes like agathas reincarnation or soenshit. So he tries tk drink her blood at one point and spits it all out and pukes and sjit cause her blood is poisonous bevaise she has fucking c an c e r. So later we find out that draculas weaknesses ( the sun crucifix) arnt actually real hes just afraid of dying so he has like irration fears or some shit so for some fucking reason. They deside. Its a good iea to end the show with this:

Dracula fucking drinks all of zoes blood killing her and himself because her blood poisonus. And ghe fucking emd scene is them like,,, in the sun???? Or soemt hi ng??? And theyre naked and like presumably fucked and dracula says some shit like " its doesnt have to hurt" and i almost tore my wrist open wiith my teeth because of how shitty this ending is.

Not lnly is it disrespectful to zoe but agatha, agathas whole thing was K I L I N G. dracula she wanted him fucking D E A D she woULDNT FUCK HKM

And like just after finding out that he can be in the sunlight with out fucking dying and that crosses just make him umcomfortable or some shit he just desides to kill himself??? DUDE YOU JUST FOUND OUT YOURE PROACTICALLY MORE INVINCABLE THAN YOU WERE BEFORE AND YOU JSUT FUCKING OFF YOUR SELF ??? HE COULD HAVE FUCKING RULED ENGLAD AND SPEAD VAMPIRISM OLL LVER THE FUCKING COUNTFY AND WORLD KF HE TRIED HARD ENOUGH AND HE KILLS HIMSELF BECAUSE THEY WANTED A STUPID SAPPY ENDING

anyway if anyone actually goes through the effort of reafing my god damn eS S A Y about Dracula that i finkshed typing (im not gonna bother editing tbh) at 4 fucking am. Then thank you and please get a life

#vampire #dracula #dracula2020 #bbc dracula #bbc dracula 2020 #3 am essays cause im pissed #dracula bram stoker #bram stoker #draculaxreader apparnetly

[askthetotallynotdehsquad]

kleinsen being good and soft

Ava: teehee (Evan doesn’t know Jared likes him yet)

——————

Evan: *packing bc he’s sleeping over at Jared’s house??*

Jared: *puking up flowers and blood cause hanahaki*

Evan: *knocks on the Jared’s door* Jaredddddddd

Jared: f-fuck um- oNE S-SECOND- *pukes more and one whole flower and then stops cause thats all of them for today lol xD*

Evan: *puts his headphones on bc he’s waiting??*

Jared: *cleans up the bathroom and wipes his eyes cause he was crying cause it hurt and puts the flower in a bowl where he kept all of them cause it's a water lily cause I like them and opens the door for evan* hi, sorry I took so long, come in

Evan: *puts his headphones around his neck* it’s fine dude *walks in* I haven’t been here in forever oh my god-

Jared: *rubs the back of his neck* heh- yeah

Evan: *looks at thy Jared very concerned* you okay dude? I’m surprised you haven’t made a joke by now

Jared: im surprised you haven't kissed a tree! I'm fine, lol

Evan: *giggly boye* you sure?- Wait, why are your eyes so red? Are you smoking weed?!

Jared: um- yes?

Evan: uh- where should I put my bags? I don’t know if any of the house rules changes- since last time you didn’t let me touch anything-

Jared: we can bring them to my room cause thats where we're sleeping I guess

Evan: okay? *runs upstairs and falls in the process* OW

Jared: oh shoot- are you okay? *runs over to evan*

Evan: yeah- I just tripped that’s all! *smiley boye* *walks into thy Jared’s room*

Jared: *follows the evan* uh so you can sleep on my bed and I can sleep on the floor or whatever

Evan: dude it’s your house- I’ll sleep on the floor-

Jared: well like you’re the guest or something I don’t know

Evan: hhhhhh *flops on his bed* what do you wanna do

Jared: I dont know- wanna watch a movie?

Evan: sure! *sits up and sits against the pillows*

Jared: *sits next to evan* ummm... let's watch..... uh.... *puts on Hercules cause yes* this.

Evan: dork *giggly boye*

Jared: *red boye* shush-

Evan: wow Jared Kleinmen is blushing, from Evan Hansen- who ever thought

Jared: ugh- *hides face* i hate you tree man

Evan: love you too bathbomb

Jared: *feels a lump in his throat because I researched and like if you get affection from the person you love the symptoms get worse* um- i need to use the bathroom be right back *walks to the bathroom*

Evan: okay!

Jared: *locks the door and starts hanahaki-ing for like 5 minutes*

Evan: *walks to the bathroom door and knocks on it* you okay dude?

Jared: yep! I'm g-good just give me a s-second- *hanahki-s a full water lily cause thats what his flower is apparently* *also thats how he knows it's over for now*

Evan: okay! I’ll be in your room- I’ll pause the movie for you!

Jared: o-okay! *coughs up some more blood and cleans up*

Like- 5 minutes later: skskksksk

Jared: *walks in to his room and puts the lily in the water bowl*

Evan: you have...water Lily’s in your...bathroom?

Jared: a lot has changed, evan. *sigh* a lot

Evan: *sighs and hugs the Jared*

Jared: *blushes and hugs the tree* soooooo... why are you hugging me?

Evan: you seemed sad- and you don’t get enough love

Jared: *metaphorically melts into the hug and lays his head on Evans shoulder*

Ali: (I'm sorry im so used to being a bottom)

Ava: (Dont worry dude bc same)

Evan: *ruffles the Jared’s hair* you okay?

Jared: ......huh? What? Wait yeah I'm good haha *stops hugging the evan and is v red* so uh- wanna keep watching the movie?

Evan: sure! *sits on his bed and closes the blinds so it can be dark* it’s like a real movie theater!

Jared: yeah! *in his mind cause I feel like it 😋 (how in the fucking fuck can someone be so god damn cute-)

Ava: dang Jared

Evan: *unpauses the movie and leans against the pillows* *puts an oversized hoodie on uwu*

Jared: *(what in the frick frack cracker jack)

Evan: *rests his head on Jared’s shoulder teehee*

Jared: *blushblushblush*

Evan: is it bad I’ve never seen this movie-

Jared: I mean i dont know I guess?? *worried he'll have another hanahaki attack with all this love ;-;*

Evan: Jared...are you okay? Ever since I got here you’ve looked like you’re going to throw up- should I leave?

Jared: nonononono!!! It's fine!! I'm fine!!

Evan: *hugs the Jared from the side* no you arentttttt

Jared: e-evan i- *starts coughing up blood*

Ali: (he wasn't gonna confess he was just flustered :/)

Evan: holy shoot! Oh my god!- *runs to get towels*

Jared: *keeps coughing up blood and now- some flower petals*

Evan: *comes back with towels and sits down in front of Jared then looks at him* here du- are those...flowers?

Jared: n-no. Y-y-yes? *starts sobbing cause it hurts a lot ouchies* i-im s-so-sorry *coughs up more petals and blood*

Evan: hey hey hey- it’s okay Jare- I know what this is- cough it all up *rubs his back*

Jared: *starts coughing up wayyy more and even some full lilys bc like I said affection makes it worse*

Evan: oh shoot sorry! I forgot- *steps away from the Jared*

Jared: *coughs up a bit more and one like- huge heccin lily thats glowy pink (normally theyre white) :0*

Evan: oh my god..-

Jared: i-im sorry I'll- I'll clean this up- *starts cleaning up quickly and gently puts the pink one in the center of the bowl*

Evan: y-you like m-m-me..-

Jared: what?! No thats- thats insane haha-

Evan: y-yeah....insane

Jared: *picks up the bowl, sits down, and puts it on his lap* *oh and pushes them around gently with his finger*

Evan: Jared....can I um...tell you something?

Jared: hm?

Evan: I um....please don’t hate me- but...Ive liked you for awhile now. You’ve been really nice to me lately and I never knew why, but now I do. It’s fine if you have hanahaki because of Connor- it’s fine if you don’t like me- I’m just hoping this doesn’t trigger it-

Some of the smaller flowers: *die*

Jared: wait- wait hold up- wait- wait really? *starts crying* no no... no youre just playing with me- this is all a dream- stop- no-

Evan: Jared, I’m not messing with you...you aren’t dreaming- I like you

Jared: ohmygosh- oh- ohmygosh- *puts the bowl back down on the table and is still muttering ohmygosh to himself* *blushy boye*

Evan: *laughs a little* calm down Jare

Jared: *sits back down and looks at the ground* you know... I had.. that was 29 flowers.. one more and.. I wouldve died......

Evan: am I allowed to like...- touch you now?

Jared: yeah-

Evan: *hugs the jared*

Jared: *leans on the evan*

Evan: *pulls away from the Jared and looks at him then....kisses him teehee*

Jared: *flustered for a moment but then kisses him back*

Evan: Jared, I- I love you

Jared: I love you too you dweeb *kisses him agian but more make-outy?????*

Ava: Ali what-

Evan: *big blush man*

Jared: *pulls apart and gives him a look like is this okay cause catie told me once that you should do that*

Ali: (shush I dont know what words are)

Evan: *laughs* Jared you are such a dork, I love it

Jared: w-wELL-?!

Evan: *giggly boye*

Jared: *smiles* just kiss me already you acorn *kisses the evan agAiN*

Evan: *kisses thy Jared*

Jared: *runs his fingers through thy Evans hair*

Ava: Ali- where is this going

Evan: *big blush man*

Jared: *makes out with evan wow I did it im proud of myself :)*

-later-

Evan: *his hair is all messed up* so that happened-

Jared: *red boye* yeah-

Evan: you’re a good kisser Kleinmen

Jared: *giggle sk* no u

Evan: uno reverse card *giggle sk*

Jared: ugh fineeeeee- *fixes his glasses cause they were tilted cause ;)*

Evan: well I never got to watch the movie- I guess I’m too hot to handle

Jared: pretty much

Evan: o-oh I was j-joking- *hides under the blanket*

Jared: *giggles* youre such a dweeb

Evan: *still under the blanket* shushhhh

Jared: *goes under the blanket and cuddles the evan*

Evan: *pink boye* *wraps his arms around the Jared*

Jared: *falls asleep*

-a couple hours later-

Evan: *poking thy Jared* Jareeeeee wake uppppp

Jared: *wakes up* momm its nott- oh hey evan-! *blush boy*

Evan: I never knew I looked like your mom *laughs*

Jared: nO thats disgusting eww- she just- normally wakes me up on Saturdays thinking its school. She's werid.

Evan: how- it’s Saturday?? I can’t even remember anymore

Jared: *shrugs* I have a good memory I guess

Evan: I’m just gonna say, I never thought in a million years, the Jared Kleinmen would like cuddles

Jared: *giggles* oh evan you dont even know

Evan: what else are you hiding from me

Jared: *becomes way to red to even speak* noTHINg-

Evan: tell meeeeeee pweaseeeee

Jared: *hides under his blanket* nO-

Evan: Jared I swear to god if you’re kinky like my brother-

Jared: no ew gross what huh

Evan: tell me Jare Bearrrrr

Jared: no-

Evan: hmmmmmm okay fineeeee *stares at the Jared* you’re really pretty...-

Jared: youre really hot

Evan: oh I- I- um..- *v v v v v v red*

Jared: *giggly boye*

Evan: that was very unnecessary Kleinmen *crosses his arms while being v v v red*

Jared: it's true

Evan: *puts his hand on his cheek and kisses him teehee*

Jared: *pulls him closer and kisses him back*

Evan: this is very gay

Jared: *finger guns* yeperino!

Evan: *giggly boye* you are so weird, but I love you

Jared: can we get back to kissing? (Please? Yo. Every action has an-)

Ava: equal opposite reaction-

Evan: o-oh y-yeah- *kisses the Jared*

Jared: *kisses the evan but ~~ly*

Evan: *is basically in Jared’s lap at this point-*

Jared: *has his arms wrapped around Evans hips ;))*

Evan: *has his arms wrapped around Jared’s neck;))*

Jared: *kisses evan but more ;))-y*

Evan: *big blush man*

Jared: *keeps kissing Thy evan shook :0*

Evan: okay Jared calm down *giggly boye*

Jared: *shrugs* youre just a really good kisser, acorn *stares at Thy evan smiling :)*

Evan: shush bathbomb

Jared: *in an amazingly good British accent because I feel like Jared would have a amazingly good British accent* oh evan my good sir, youre such a peach *kisses Evans hand* now if you'll excuse me for a moment, i shall go get food *goes to get food*

Evan: Jared wha- dork!

Jared: *yells from the kitchen* treeboy!

Evan: Adorable!

Jared: goddamn you! *comes back to his room and he has um.. spaghetti* f o o d

Evan: my mom knew this was going to happen- she knew you liked meeeeeeee *looks at the Jared*

Jared: well your mom is smart *we eating*

Evan: oh and I uh- I bought you something the other day- *gives him a bathbomb*

Jared: you know me so well *wipes a fake tear from his eye* ironically, i got something for you! *goes under his bed and grabs a succulent and gives it to evan* you can name it if you want-

Evan: *:0* I love it!! *hugs the Jared*

Jared: yay! *hugs the evan*

Evan: *snuggles in the Jared XD owo*

Jared: *plays with evans hair 0w0*

Evan: jare...will you be my boyfrienddddd

Jared: *straight face* no of course not... *smiles really wide and kisses the evan* dUDE OF COURSE!!! *v v smiley boye*

Evan: *breaks into a giggly fit and falls out of the Jared’s grip* yayyyyy

Jared: *teehee* hey evannnn guess whattttttttttttttttttt

Evan: whatttttttt

Jared: I love you *giggly boye oWO

Evan: I love you toooo!

Jared: so what are you gonna name the little guy? *sits on the ground with evan cause he fell or something and puts thy succulent in his lap*

Evan: hm...jelly bean!

Ali: im gonna make jared be able to do any accent really well and you can't stop me

Jared: *commits cowboy accent* howdy there jelly bean what are you doin' round these here parts

Evan: Jared what the hell!? *laughing*

Jared: *starts laughing too and is still committing cowboy accent* what? this is how I talk! Ya got a problem with that mister? *laughing so much sksjsksmskk*

Evan: n-no! This is just- *continues laughing*

Jared: *dies laughing and back to normal jared voice* jelly bean is beautiful

Evan: oh welcome back Jared, you got possessed by a cowboy

Jared: Oh my gosh I did?! *finger guns the air and looks around frantically* wOODY I KNOW YOU'RE HERE! I'LL SHOOT!! *trying not to laugh*

Evan: *cant breathe from laughing* oh my god-

Jared: *falls onto Evans lap* ohmygosh *dying laughing* i can't

Evan: *dying laughing* since when could you do all those accents?!

Jared: *shrugs* since forever I guess? I can do a lot more

Evan: oh lord please no

Jared: *giggles* okay okay- what do you wanna do now?

Evan: I don’t knowwwwwww

Jared: *puts jelly bean on the counter* wannaaaaaaa watch a horror movie??

Evan: okay! *sits under the blanket on the Jared’s bed* (it still looks like a movie theater in his room-*

Jared: *sits next to evan and puts on the man man bye*

The first death: wassup

Evan: *clings onto Jared’s arm*

Ali: oh my gosh it's literally the opposite of us

Jared: evan it has barely been 10 minutes in-

-Half way through the movie-

Evan: *screams*

Jared: *wraps his arms around evan* evy do you wanna turn it off? *genuinely concerned*

Evan: n-no it’s fine

Jared: oookayyy... *still worried*

-a bit more than halfway in-

Evan: *falls asleep*

Jared: *gently moves evan so he's laying down, turns off the tv, cuddles him and falls asleep too*

-next Day-

Evan: *wakes up* Jare bearrrr

Jared: *talks in his sleep cause I need to do this* *sleep giggles? Shut up okay* awee my little evy wevy

Evan: *big blush man but laughs and pokes the Jared*

Jared: *awakens and sees thy evan* oh h-hi evan- *big big big blush man*

Evan: how long have you dreamed of me Jare? *smiley boye*

Jared: w-well um- y-you see y-you i- um- *flustered gay distress increces*

Evan: what happened in that little “evy wevy” dream of yours

Jared: nOThIng-

Evan: awe c’mom tell your little Evy Wevy

Jared: *blushes deeper :0* nO-

Evan: okay okay- you can go back to sleep if you want baby

Jared: *is redder than a tomato* baby???? *dying* did you just call me baby??? *dying even more like wtf*

Evan: *shaking his head* mhm

Jared: *hides his face* evan why do you do this to me

Evan: awe because I cannnnn

Jared: oh my gosh *dying blushing woah*

Evan: *kisses thy Jared*

Jared: *kisses thy evan back*

Evan: *kisses his forehead* go back to sleep baby

Jared: fineeeeeeee *lays down with his head on Evans lap and falls asleep*

Evan: *gently moves Jared and lays down*

Jared: *clings onto evan*

Evan: *asleep*

Heidi: Evan sweetie it’s time to come ho- AWWWWWW

Jared: *stays asleep and clings onto evan tighter*

Evan: *whisper yells* mom what the hell! Go away!-

Heidi: I am posting this on Facebook! *walks away*

Jared: *nuzzles evan*

Ali: NUZZLES YOU OWO

Evan: *goes to get up but Jared won’t let him* Jare, I have to leave

Jared: *still a singular sleep*

[bts-fic-collection]

hi! i was wondering if you have any yoonmin au’s in text format? thank you so much!

I do indeed! I love texting aus! You’re welcome ^_^

Another You by AliLikesStories

Rating: T

Status: Incomplete

Word count: 45,326

Summary: Jimin stared at the boy in front of him: Min Yoongi, his personal demon, the man he detested the most. A few weeks ago Jimin would’ve pushed him away, would’ve just stood up and left that freaking place and not look back. But he couldn’t bring himself to do that now, for in front of him, with eyes full of sadness and regret, was not only the bully he had grown to hate over the year, but also the one person who ever listened to him, the one person who had cared. The one person he loved.

Why was life so darn difficult?

-

When Jimin started talking online to a person who only went by the name of “Gloss”, the last thing he expected was that Gloss, the kind, funny and caring man, was also Min Yoongi, the boy who had bullied him mercilessly for over a year.

no more parties in seoul by mochisuns

Rating: T

Status: Complete

Word count: 57,455

Summary: tittytae: mail me my death certificate pls

tittytae: i jus accidentally liked Jungkook’s pic from fifty weeks ago

jimin neutron: YES YES YES 

tittytae: I UNLIKED IT

tittytae: did i just make it worse

a chatfic where all of bangtan are in university, live to expose one another, and hoseok is a modern day cupid.

Good Friends tell their Friends when they’re getting Good Sex by emothy

Rating: E

Status: Complete

Word count: 41,246

Summary: Yoongi likes to brag to his friends about his boyfriend. Jimin likes to brag to his friends about his boyfriend.

Little do they know there’s actually crossover in their friend groups.

A Diary Of Closeted Polyamorists by joonietae

Rating: Not rated

Status: Incomplete

Word count: 12,498

Summary: [groupchat: str8s beWARE]

van ghoe: yALLvan ghoe: 911

van ghoe: HELP M E

jimallow: ???? what do you need help with? u ok? i’ll be home soon we can cuddle

whoresock: wat happened u ded

shoulders: arE YOU OK

shoulders: WHATS WORNG

shoulders: SON ANSRWE ME

baby: he’s not ur son

shoulders: how fukcing dare you

whoresock: o shit here we go

that’s gay by yoonmims 

Rating: T

Status: Complete

Word count: 59,603

Summary: mother slut: but yoongi don’t you love us

don’t talk to me: id sell you to satan for a cornchip

eommajin: what about jimin tho, surely hes worth more than a cornchip to you

don’t talk to me: no?? I hate u all equally none of u are worth more than one

minnie: excsuse mne? my ass alone is worth one cornchip u fukker

alternatively: that one uni chatfic au where theyre all a collective mess, and jungkook thinks hes straight (spoiler: he’s not)

The Magnificent 7 Idiots by kthlimitless

Rating: M

Status: Incomplete

Word count: 157,340

Summary: "soulmate #1: thanks tho kookie i appreciate it a lot (((’:

soulmate #2: coughsTAEKOOKcoughs

soulmate #1: JIMINthe only hope: ok but does nobody care that yoons literally puked on my bed

eat sleep repeat: ill buy you new sheets don’t worry

eat sleep repeat: also whens the taekook ship gonna officially sail cause im ready to tag along on the honeymoon

soulmate #2: ahahaHAHAHAHAHAHA

soulmate #1 has left the chat"

Aka where Taehyung denies his obvious crush on Jungkook, Jimin is taekook’s biggest fan, Jin gets involved with Jimin and Yoongi’s non existent love life too much, Hoseok’s struggles as a tour guide and Namjoon tries to be the calm one but ends up getting exposed constantly.

a silhouette of new by mygz

Rating: M

Status: Incomplete

Word count: 29,106

Summary: unknown numberlistenyour screen name was princessminniefollowed by a dozen pink heart and eggplant emojisand reallyi’d be lying if i said that wasn’t enough for me to click on your profile

jimin??? excuse youohOHoh no:) :) :)wow im gonna kill hoseok

#ask #yoonmin #yoongi #jimin #texting #social media au #bullying #secret relationship #high school au #college au #humour #fake relationship #mentions of past abuse #pining #established relationship #smut #Rating: T #Rating: E #Rating: Not rated #Rating: M

[littlelovelymemes]

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#rp meme #ask meme #sentence starters #inbox meme #indie rp #rp ask meme #rp sentence meme #askbox meme #rp ask box meme #inbox memes #rp inbox meme #inbox starters #rp sentence starters #sentence starter meme

[bioniiic]

all of the asks

1: Full nameidk man. not too fond w putting my full name on the tumbsz but wassup im sam2: Age163: 3 Fearsflyingthe darkmen4: 3 things I lovemy gfmy friendsmy DOG5: 4 turns on good smellgood,,asshumorgirl6: 4 turns offBAD SMELLTHATS IT ALSO MEN7: My best friendhek sarah and josefine. also lys8: Sexual orientationpansexual ???? idk mostly i just like girls 9: My best first datedo nothing. eat and watch shows and nap10: How tall am I6'4 i know11: What do I misshek :/(12: What time were I born12:15 am I was almost a march 9th kiddo13: Favourite coloryello 14: Do I have a crushyes my gf my love 15: Favourite quotedie16: Favourite placecopenhagen and paris. both very different cities and equally important 2 me17: Favourite foodTARTLET 18: Do I use sarcasmall. the time 19: What am I listening to right nowthis old dog by mac demarco ok20: First thing I notice in new personidk if theyre funny i think21: Shoe size 7 !!! small22: Eye colorone is green n one is brown 23: Hair colorcurrently very black 24: Favourite style of clothingblack jeans and some sort of fuckin hoodie im boring 25: Ever done a prank call?i used to do them all the time w my friends in the choir HDKVNSMCN yes i was in a choir but only for the cake 27: Meaning behind my URLidk its a placebo song fskkcsjskdks28: Favourite moviemr nobody leave me alone 29: Favourite songSCSRED OF GIRLS BY PLACEBO FUCK ME30: Favourite bandPLACEBOSJDKSKKD31: How I feel right nowim tired and i want lys to wake up 32: Someone I lovelys my beeeeb33: My current relationship statusim dating my BEAUTIFUL angel gf 34: My relationship with my parentshmmmm. below average 35: Favourite holidayCHRISTMAS 36: Tattoos and piercing i havenoone 37: Tattoos and piercing i wanti want a septum piercing and all the tattoos38: The reason I joined Tumblri had a crush on a girl and i was obsessed with her and she had tumblr so i got tumblr and only reblogged things she liked and she never noticed me JDKSJDJSK39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?NO we just don't talk 40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?lys41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?its lys i wish i had :-(42: When did I last hold hands?it was with josefines girlfriend while she was tweezing her eyebrows and she needed to hold my hand for support 43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?like. 5 seconds 44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?HAHAHA NO45: Where am I right now?in my bed 46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?idk i dont drink that much but probably josefine47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?reasonable in like. headphones but anywhere else it's LOUD48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?no. well like. every 2 weeks i shift between them #divorce am i right ladiez 49: Am I excited for anything?summer 50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?my DOG 51: How often do I wear a fake smile?a lot ha ha ha 52: When was the last time I hugged someone?my adult friend yesterday JSJSJK53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?the last person i kissed was my friend ,,,and she has a gf so id probably say can yall like do that somewhere else JDJAHSH54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?no i only trust a few very good people 55: What is something I disliked about today?i just woke up. also that56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?lys :-(57: What do I think about most?lys LoL 58: What’s my strangest talent?idk ???? 59: Do I have any strange phobias?PUKE60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?behind 61: What was the last lie I told?"im gonna wake up soon" lol62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online?video 63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?both are real and valid 64: Do I believe in magic?no hoe65: Do I believe in luck?no. hoe66: What’s the weather like right now?grey67: What was the last book I’ve read?sushi for beginners haha68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?nnO69: Do I have any nicknames?sammy but only lys gets to call me that also hek calls me sami I do not know why 70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?i broke my tailbone once that was pretty bad71: Do I spend money or save it?SAVE IT IM SO BAD AT SOENDING MONEY72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge?noooooo ma'am 73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me?a marker 74: Favourite animal?dogggggggGGGGG75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?talking to lys but then she disappeared for 3 hours and im mad76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?roberts77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?you had me at hello GAYYSYYAYSY78: How can you win my heart?be lys. also food 79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?gay 80: What is my favorite word?gay81: My top 5 blogs on tumblrgay82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?gay83: Do I have any relatives in jail?i dont think so ???84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?FLYING. TELEPORTING 85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?idk mannn86: What is my current desktop picture?the default one cause im lazy and its a school computer 87: Had sex?NOO 88: Bought condoms?no 89: Gotten pregnant?no90: Failed a class?noooOoo maam 91: Kissed a boy?nooooOOOO MAAM 92: Kissed a girl?yes,93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?no94: Had job?nonoooo MAAM 95: Left the house without my wallet?yes96: Bullied someone on the internet?HAHHAHAA97: Had sex in public?no98: Played on a sports team?yes but like. not really 99: Smoked weed?NOO MAAM 100: Did drugs?no101: Smoked cigarettes?noooo102: Drank alcohol?yes 103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?fuck NO104: Been overweight?yes105: Been underweight?no 106: Been to a wedding?yes 107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?LOL108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?LOL109: Been outside my home country?yes 110: Gotten my heart broken?yes oopsie111: Been to a professional sports game?yes but at half time me and my dad left and got mcdonalds and then we went home112: Broken a bone? yes 113: Cut myself?no more 114: Been to prom?no im foreign 115: Been in airplane?yes116: Fly by helicopter?i haven't but i NEVER WILL. NEVER 117: What concerts have I been to?one direction, the 1975, gerard way, the front bottoms and twenty one pilots 118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?yes. exclusively 119: Learned another language?yes120: Wore make up?yes no h0mo bro121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?no122: Had oral sex?nnnno123: Dyed my hair?yes its dead now 124: Voted in a presidential election?noooo maam im still foreign 125: Rode in an ambulance?no126: Had a surgery?im so boring ive never tried anything 127: Met someone famous?no i was rlly close to meeting bry after twenty one pilots once but NAH128: Stalked someone on a social network?always129: Peed outside?mo 130: Been fishing?fuck no 131: Helped with charity?yes132: Been rejected by a crush?well. kinda133: Broken a mirror?no134: What do I want for birthday?idk i just had my birthday man 135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names?IF. I HAD A KID. IF. it would be a girl and her name would be leah 136: Was I named after anyone?no137: Do I like my handwriting?fuck no its so bad138: What was my favourite toy as a child?probably that doll that pisses by itself. u know what im talking about 139: Favourite Tv Show?idk oh fuck probably new girl 140: Where do I want to live when older?copenhagen or the us for a bit 141: Play any musical instrument?guitar ukulele and bass cause im basic142: One of my scars, how did I get it?my dog scratches me a lot 143: Favourite pizza toping?ham. cheese144: Am I afraid of the dark?y e s 145: Am I afraid of heights?Y E S146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?yes but i wasn't sneaking out really,,147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?every day hoe !148: What I’m really bad atlife 149: What my greatest achievments arefuck idk150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to methat i was a trump supporter. u know who u are 151: What I’d do if I won in a lotterylive on a bigass farm and have all the animals 152: What do I like about myselfmy eyes ?? my cheekbones 153: My closest Tumblr friendnone i hate yall 154: Something I fantasise about😉😉😉😉😉😉

[ollie-otter1]

LAST

1) Drink: Water ofc

2) Phone call: Idk it must have been like years ago I actually made a call, texting am I right

3) Text message: To my boi Joshua Smailes <3

4) Song listened to: Elvis isn’t dead jfc thats like the best song to ever exist 

5) Time you cried: Like 20 mins ago when I saw my cat for the first time after two days

HAVE YOU EVER

6) Dated somebody twice: Not even once, yay

7) Been cheated on: Pretty hard to when ur single all the time

8) Kissed someone and regretted it: My cats breath was pretty bad that time

9) Lost someone special: Great grandparents

10) depressed: Seasonal depression oh boy

11) Gotten drunk and puked: I don’t throw up rly when drunk I just fall asleep unless im doing more shots

Fave 3 colours:

12) Black

13) White

14) Like some sort of nice purple thats almost black and starts arguments because you cant tell if its purple or black

IN THE LAST YEAR YOU HAVE YOU

15) Made new friends: Well like 2 is more than 1 yay

16) Fallen out of love: Well I’m over that 4ish year crush on this straight guy (finnaly) so yeah

17) Laughed until you cried: Like all the time tbh

18) Found out someone was gossiping about you: No I’m friends with ppl who can actually keep secrets so if it happens (probs all the time because they hate me) I would never find out

19) Met someone who changed your life: Literally everyone, I could have just met you and would change my life course to live together in alaska or some gay shit

20) Found out who your true friends are: Well I got my Bro AARON and my Boi JOSH ayyyyyy

21) Kissed someone on your Facebook list: Lmao who would want this tho

(no btw)

MUCH

22) Facebook friends: 210 but I accept everyone so I only talk to like 3 tops

23) Pets: I had a dog that my shitty stepdad stole, A cat that ran away but will totally come back I love you Booth pls do, and another cat that stays loyal unlike my other cat

24) Want to change your name: Like the idea but wouldnt like the change tbh

WHAT

25) Did I get for my birthday: Money for driving lessons and that was literally it and I hate driving kill me

26) Time I woke up: 6:50 because the straight guys in the dorm I was in wouldnt shut the fuck up omg I hate u if ur reading this 

27) Were you doing at midnight: Trying to sleep buy ayy these straight boys kys

28) Can’t you wait for: A relationship (im so lonely)

29) Was the last time you saw your mom: Like 10 seconds ago

30) Was something you wish you could change about your life: The fact im retarded, have no social skills and spend all my free time staring at walls as I descend into my depression instead of preparing for uni

31) Are you listening to right now: Dan and Phil... yeah

32) Gets on your nerves: TWO FUCKING THINGS OMG LITERALLY KYS IF YOU DO THESE (Dont actually unless ur a cunt) CHEWING WITH UR FUCKING MOUTH OPEN, AND LEAVING THE BATHROOM DOOR OPEN WHEN UR USING THE FUCKING BATHROOM I DONT WANT TO SEE U HAVING A SHIT THATS THE REASON THE BATHROOM HAS A DOOR JFC 

33) Talked to a person named Tom: I have an uncle called tom but we dont talk

34) Is your most visited website: Probs facebook to spy on everybodies lives and why theyre better than me

35) Elementary school/primary school: Coningsby St Michaels, a bigger waste of time than my life

36) High School: went to a grammar school called Qegs can I hear a hell yeah (I fucking hate this school)

37) College: Sixth form I guess, I dont get ur american shit tbh

38) Hair colour: Gonna dye it black soon but brown rn

39) Long/short hair: Short but might grow longer for emo tbh

40) Crush: Literally a new crush every day I might be asexual but everyone can just fuck me pls

41) Do you like about yourself: I’m learning to like my body I guess but still hate everything else lol

42) Piercings: Industrial, my nose between the nostrils I cant think of the name rn, and two lobes on the same ear

43) Blood type: Wtf

44) Nickname: Ollie I guess, or O-O for my cousins

45) Relationship status: single and wanting to die

46) Zodiac: Cancer, just like what my life is

47) Pronouns: Idc tbh call be cunt for all I care

48) Favourite show: DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON STEVEN UNIVERSE IT IS MY CHILD AND MUST BE PROTECTED

49) Tattoos: Want but no :(

50) Left or right handed: right

FIRST

51) Surgery: Nearly had like 5 surgeries but dodges them all yay for body health

52) Piercings: First was the industrial, not at all painful

53) Best friend: My boi AARON CAN I HEAR A WHAT WHAT

54) Sport: Lol probs country dancing or some gay shit I did at primary because football was too straight for me

55) Vacation: Like my grandmas or something? We dont get out much

56) Pair of shoes: I still actually have my baby shoes tbh, well at least the right one, theyre so cute as well

RIGHT NOW

57) Eating: Dinners ready soon idk what it is but im so hungry

58) Drinking: Water <3

59) I am about to: Games to avoid responsibility

60) Listening to: OMG I’m listening to Elvis isn’t dead ofc for like the 200th time today <3

61) Waiting for: Either death or a relationship, but we all know which will happen first (death)

62) Want to see: Alaska omg I love the geology and its so nice over there <3

63) Want to get married: If my significant other does idc either way the wedding vowes and speaches would be far too awks for me to handle

64) Career: I’d love to be a secondry school or college teacher and become poorer than I am now yay

WHICH IS BETTER

65) Hugs/kisses: WHY IS THIS EVEN A QUESTION IF U HUG ME IM LITERALLY URS ID SUCK A DICK FOR A HUG RN JFC (I love hugs)

66) Lips/eyes: Probs lips, I never remember eye color and whatnot so its probs not that important for me

67) Taller/shorter: Taller ofc

68) Younger/older: If it was a dude older ofc, if it was a chick then defo younger

69) Romantic/spontaneous: Romantic all the way, I’d love a dude to lift me by my feet and kiss me... I watch too many romantic films tbh

70) Nice arms/nice stomach: There is not better quality for a man than a cute lil beer belly omg, but for chicks nice arms are cool

71) Sensitive/loud: Sensitive, bc loud can get a bit too annoying after a while

72) Hookup/relationship: I would hate to hookup with people bc sex is just so overated 

73) Troublemaker/hesitant: Either tbh im not too bothered about this

HAVE YOU EVER

74) Kissed a stranger: Lol nope stranger danger and whatnot

75) Drank hard liquor: Probably, I never remember what I drink

76) Lost glasses/contact lenses: I never buy new pairs, I loose them and are forced to buy another

77) Turned someone down: The one guy who had a crush on me I turned down because it was a lil too weird for me why am I like this literally the one person to ever like me

78) Canoodling on a first date: If by canoodling you mean reading the bible can I get an amen

79) Broken someone’s heart: I guess that one guy but who would want me enough to have their heart broken lmao

80) Had your own heart broken: Literally all the time omg why are straight guys so fucking hot :///////

81) Been arrested: nope im too pure

82) Cried when someone died: I dont rly think death is anything too be sad about tbh its something everyone experiences and shouldnt be something to hold you back, for all you know they might have wanted it or prefer it to living??? if ur into religion and all that

83) Fallen for a friend: Literally all the time, for an asexual im such a whore

DO YOU BELIEVE IN

84) Yourself: Literally never

85) Miracles: If someone asks me out for the second time, then yeah sure

86) Santa Claus: I did until mother fucked that over for me :’(

87) Kisses on a first date: I’d need a date for there to be a kiss tbh

88) Angels: Nope

89) Love at first sight: Well thats me in a nutshell so yeah basically

OTHER

90) Best friend’s name: AARON (Anna (tee hee))

91) Eye colour: Like some green blue combo idk like I said Idc about eye colour

92) Favourite movie: honestly I hate this question, I love literally every movie I watch so how can I rank them? at least ask for a fave genre, that would make it easier 

[riddlebot]

okay taz fucking liveblog all in one post under the cut so no spoilers happen here we goooo

i’m listening to it w/o downloading it first which is gonna mean my internet is going to be SO SLOW but its worth it i cant believe he fucking ended it on episode 69 griffin is a monster i just realized this shit is 3 hours long and cuts right through lunch so i know imma be on my way out to eat a bunch of twinkies in about an hour in to the episodes thank YOU griffin mcelroy, this podcast got me out of the most horrible depressive episode (along with the fallout 4 monster factories) and i love it so much. shut ur face you wonderful boy.

okay okay okay okay okay okay im not ready its about to start i’m not ready here we go

FUCK IT UP DAVENPORT YOU WILD BITCH THE GREATEST STARSHIP CAPTAIN THAT EVER LIVED im literally already crying this music is so good also is it greg grimauldis oh wait no its john hi john!!! you goopy boy oh no he’s bad blast him boys blast him boys 

“it’s just one guy shouldn’t be an issue” “it’s a nice suit tho”  “i stole your cousins shoes” TAAKO “if you’re mad about it direct it at that man over there” “i’m wearing the shoes” “CAN YOU GIVE US A MINUTE WE’RE TALKING ABOUT SHOES”

griffin’s excited dm voice mixed with this fucking awesome music “LETS ROLL INITIATIVE” djaklfjkl;asdjfkljlKJALKJFLKDAJLFJDALKJFLKJL;J

merle starting out strong with healing for once i’m so proud of him and maxes them the fuck out NICE MERLE “the first death, who knew it would be so painful” “hey merle i know i give you shit - thanks for healing!” “oh! ‘s good to be appreciated” MERLE BB

i wonder if garyl will make an appearance in this 3 hour episode bc i miss him a lot

GO MERLE WITH THE CIRCLE OF KNIVES AND HURT nat 20 on the swing “yeah sorry trav i’m SO good at magic” jesus trav with the the fucking 6 attacks what the fuck  “where was i at? 92-” “fuck off” john hitting them w/ the fus ro knife  if john gets ahold of that sword i s2g magnus you should have held onto it OH FUCK OH FUCK GRIFFIN WHAT ARE YOU DOING griffin u are describing the sexiest tar monster hello new fav enemy like hi johns fucking tarsona  “ultimate john!” “demi john-” “sephajohn”

i saw justins tweet about them dying i swear to god griffin mcelroy griffin sounds way too delighted to be describing merle feeling back fire burn inside him EXCUSE ME DEATH SAVES FOR MERLE ALREADY bangs my head on a table they are rolling so bad oh my god they’re all gonna die taako you beautiful flip wizard thank god you avoided that  “regular non magical amount of fear” taako HIT EM ABRA CA FUCK YOU IM CRYING AHHH THATS MY BOYYYYYY clutches my chest merle please please please get a success  NOOOOOOOO MERLE COME ON BUDDY PULL THROUGH if merle dies i die

rip blue orb and also fuck you  magnus has so many weapons okay john weird face beam thats p cool “hey! my armor, finally works”

i wonder where griffin got the inspo with this boss fight, his boss fights are always so interesting? like the orbs and stuff are such an interesting concept imo TAAKO IS OUT TOO WHAT THE FUCK THEY’RE ALL GONNA DIE AND JOHN JUST HEALED WHAT THE FUCK GRIFFIN THEY CANT DO THIS they’re all fucking out oh my god whats happening i cant i’m gonna cry this is horrible  i’m gonna puke griffin what the FUCK who is merle gonna choose  its PAN god thats so gay merle/pan otp rip my soul IM ALWAYS GONNA BE THERE FROM NOW ON FJALDFJKLSDAJFLJASLDFJLASJF I LOVE PAN SO MUCH im fucking sobbing

TROOOOOOOOTHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHH THATS MY MOOOOOM

puts my chin in my hands time for taakos bond huh YES YES YES YES YES YESY ES TAAKO  LIGHT ‘EM THE FUCK UP THIS IS SO AWESOME HE IS FUCKING DOING PHARAH’S ULT I’M SCREAMING I CAN NOT

why didnt they destroy the green orb first god boys please clint is such a cute dad  let him summon garfield!!! i love griffin refusing to describe garfield  “i cant handle that emotionally”  FREE SAMPLES i’ll put it on your taaaaaaaaab

ROSWELL ROSWELL ROSWELL ROSWELL  roswell’s music swelling is making my heart hurt roswell is so pure

i swear to god taako who are you about to fucking call TAAKO YOU ARE SO DUMB I LOVE YOU SO MUCH “you’re all double blind!”

this fight has gone on for an entire hour aldfkjladjf;sjfl;djaflkdja;fd

merle is so good this episode god this music is beautiful 

“wait before you go do you see the mask i made that looks like a bear face?” ME TOO MAGNUS NO THE BOND ENGINE 

THE BOY S IM CRYING THEYRE ALL HOLDING ON TO EACH OTHER AND IM FJADLKFJLKADJFKLJDS IM SCRYIN SO MUCH IM FUCKING SCREAMAING AND SOBBING OH MGY DO AHHHHHH i literally am crying so much my eyes burn

“you got it buddy” f uck my heart

what happened to davenport ajldfkjakldjflk the ship ATE HIM

as soon as time froze i was like istus is here yall

taako what are you doing bb KLAAAAAARRRRG THEY’RE WINNING taako oh my GOD

pls save lucretia 

YOURE GOING TO BE AMAZING

how is there still a fucking hour left of this episode oh my god

RIDING ON GARYL’S BACK WOOOO YEAH FUCK IT UP

im crying again this is so much oh my god i literally dont know im so emotional i buried myf ace in my hands and sobbed this fucking podcast is so much

awww scuttlebuddy why are in the rockport limited omg  “just like you left it” griffin they left it destroyed “i’m not god” “thats exactly what god would say” “mhm” “mhm” what is going on my head hurts lajdflkajdflsj;f “i’m so proud of how you turned out” “thank you jeffandrew”  “i’m getting a migraine” god me too

oh thank god davenport is okay JEFFANDREWWWW they’re so dumb

“hey everybody! johann was right! WE WON!” i’m a fucking wreck and THERE IS STILL AN HOUR LEFT WHAT THE FUCK im legit sobbing over dryad lesbians did he say mayor cassidy oh my GOD angus is my fucking smart and perfect son AND HE’S GOT SO MANY FRIENDS AND HE PLAYS SOCCERA FJALDKFJALSJFLAJF IM CRYING davenport made me start giggling and sobbing at the same time LUP AND BARRY ARE FUCKING GRIM REAPERS NOW FUCK YEAH BARRY AND LUP AHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHH AHHHH AHHHHH AHHHHH AHH IM SOBBING AGAIN still 50 minutes left how?????  “i think you forgot to make it taste good” “it’s kinda artisanal-” “you’re full of dog shit sometimes y’know?” “that’s what it is, i put dog shit in it” what part of that sounded like i was joking JUSTIN taako’s hogwarts  “students in my school have to duel constantly” ITS MAGICALLY DELICIOUS  ren is perfect and i am dead “i should mention my boyfriend is death and he’ll be staying over from time to time” AHHHHHHHHHHH taako you’re GOING ON VACATION TO THE AFTERLIFE JAKLFJDA;LFJAS i hope someone draws taako on a beach chair in trunks next to a pool of souls “i promise not to take you anywhere too spooky” “you know what? i’m a big boy” “i know you are” BIG TALL BOY ANGUS AJDFKLJALDF;ASFJ HE’S GROWING UP I CANT “i’ll have my people talk to your people sir!” “you changed my life” AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH “i know about silverware” this boy is too smart for all of us

i love merle with my whole entire heart i can hardly stand it merle basically started adventure camp thats adorable  i wish clint mcelroy was my dad he’s so adorable and sweet and funny and good i’m having a moment help me i am like weirdly fond of lord sterling  magnus and taako constantly try to get in touch with merle but he’s too much of a dad to ever realize it i’m SCREAMING earl merle  I LO VE HIM SO FUCKING MUCH HE’S SO SILLY merlegaritaville  VINE LOVERS HE NEEDS TO STOP merle i love you “mookie’s the BEST” they all love the best npcs AUNT LUP AND AUNT LUCRETIA AND UNCLE MAGNUS AND UNCLE TAAKO AND UNCLE BARRY FUCK THIS IS SO EMOTIONAL IM GONNA BE SICK NO I DIE

my eyes have not stopped leaking since the episode started  oh my god this fucking episode ends on a lesbian WEDDING GRIFFIN MCELROYYYYYYYY im going to DIE im gonna D IE IM GONNA DIE “if you all excuse me i- have to shit” JKLFDSAJKL;FJADL;FJL;SJL;FASD hammer and tails (a dog school)

okay holds up a hand griffin fuck off with this death shit excuse me travis i heard you break up a little there and literally cant handle a second of this THIS IS DISGUSTING AND SAD FUCK WHAT THE FUCK im sobbing so loudly fuck im glad i’m home alone fuck i cant breathe oh my god im gonna throw up i already know where this is going  thank god they’re all friends with death i caNT TRAVIS IF UR CRYING I SWEAR TO GOD I’M GOING TO DIE i cant take this  its so emotional im literally leaving my body FUCK “you lived so much longer than i thought you were going to” GIRL SAME griffin literally descended from heaven to give underdeveloped characters some personality when no one else would  god i need to fucking blow my nose  “he said he was a cleric but we can never be sure” as magnus rushes in GRIFFIN MCELROY fuck that was SO GOOD OH MY GOD OH MY GODY fuck i CANT BELIEVE WE GET THEIR FUCKING WEDDING IN CANON GRIFFIN YOU BEAUTIFUL MAN THIS MUSIC IM HYPERVENTILATING AJFKDAJDLFJALDJF AHHH

i’m light headed 

god this is beautiful thank you griffin thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you so much 

that was the ending you earned

ooo this music is cool. fisher!!! where are you and junior off to huh

god...what an adventure this has been. what an amazing end. it was beautiful. thank you, boys.

#p #tazb #spoilers ahoy #this is a very long post bc the ep was 3 hours long