#they got ocd so so so so wrong

[aropride]

i have SUCH a bad bump on my industrial right now it is so ugly and i want to pick at it so bad and i wont picking is the mind killer picking is the little death that brings total obliteration. BUt oh my god the temptation.

#text #im guessing its an irritation bump but it is So big and ugly and i have been using every ounce of strength in my body to not touch it #i need to see a piercer i think To get it checked out + downsized #also ive thought about this worse case scenario it rejects and i jump out a window . but if i see a piercer and theyre like #yeah the angle here is wrong. at least i would essentially have like #a helix and forward helix right? and i could have them connected with a little chain or something #but i thinkthe problem is mostly that the bar is too long now #but also its so embarassing to be like ''hiiii... i got a piercing but the place wasnt like.. super reputable can u look at it :( #also i have a giant fuck off irritation bump sorrey.... :('' #LIKE THATS HUMBLING. :( #ocd tag #piercingposting

[transgender-catboy]

Literally on my hands and KNEES!!!

Why can't people make plushies for Peter B too? There's tons of Miguel plushies, I just wanna get one of my guy...

#but if i were to get one I'd need a matching Miguel because my brain has decided i cannot get Peter anything unless i get his boyfriend too #and i mean that. it's almost like an ocd thing i think? like. i feel ill if i can't pair them up #that's why i had to get the legos that way #and the Miguel charm for my lanyard also had to have a match so i made up for it with the peter pin #the only reason why im not ick belgh urgh about my miguel plushie that i got ages ago is because i knew i was gonna find a matching spider #in this case he's gonna have a hugemongus orb but it's fine #idk. i think it's an autism thing? my brain just needs pairs matches and sets otherwise i feel like clawing myself out of my skin #like I'm itchy ??? i really do not know how to describe it #there's also a guilt with it because I've humanized them too much #(the plushies pins and figures) #i feel bad if they don't have their friends #i genuinely do not know whats wrong with me

[donttouchtheneednoggle]

things about ocd you might not know

- it's an anxiety disorder. it's right there along with generalised anxiety (shout out to the ‘you don't need to have panic attacks to have an anxiety disorder’ club), social anxiety, panic disorder etc. it often comes along with other anxiety disorders and is treated similarly.

- it is not 'only' being obsessive about tidiness or hygeine, but at the same time people who struggle with these particular forms of ocd are NOT 'perpetuating a stereotype' or bAd rEpreSentaTiOn, they are people with a disorder, and they are just as valid as anyone else.

- any which way ocd is not cute. it is not funny. it is not something to joke about. it is uncomfortable and distressing, and it needs to be better understood by the masses.

- intrusive thoughts (the 'obsessive' part) can be about anything. for example they can be about you or loved ones being harmed, feeling like you want to harm yourself or loved ones even though the thought horrifies you, feeling like you are always being watched/judged/punished or that everyone knows what you are thinking (even though you know logically that this is not true, which is where it differs from actual paranoia), and many more, some a lot more taboo.

-ocd can make you doubt things and compulsively check them, not be able to stop worrying about irrational things that won't or are very unlikely to happen, or feel like you can cause something bad to happen by just thinking the 'wrong' thing or doing something entirely unrelated. you can also have intrusive feelings and/or bodily sensations or a mixture of all.

- none of these thoughts or others not mentioned mean that someone who experiences them is a bad person, or would ever act on them. the whole point of intrusive thoughts is that they go directly against a person's morality. they are deliberately poking at what makes you the most uncomfortable and distressed, and the more reaction they get, the more you (very understandably) try and fight against them and stop them, the louder they become. the very fact that you recoil from the thought and are afraid that you might act on it, going over and over where it is coming from and desperately fighting against it is proof that you never would.

- compulsions are the other part of ocd, the obsessive cleaning or checking for example. however, they don't have to be physical and obvious, they can also be mental, such as counting, repeating words or phrases, or obsessive praying for example.

- the general idea is that compulsions are done to relieve the anxiety caused by the obsession (intrusive thought part), but this is not always the case. compulsions can happen to relieve nonspecific feelings of discomfort and anxiety unrelated to a specific thought, which in theory dissapate after the compulsion. likewise compulsions don't always happen when there is an intrusive thought.

- compulsions can also include neutralising thoughts, which are attempts to shut down/counteract/drown out intrusive thoughts. compulsions can also be involve an intense need for symmetry in some way, or repeating certain things or actions the ‘right’ number of times, whether or not you know what that number is.

- ocd can develop in childhood, as well as later in life.

- ocd, adhd, autism and tic disorders have a fun little club going on where they have high rates of comorbidity with each other as well as overlapping symptoms (repetitive actions with that you feel you need to do/cannot control on some level) which makes working out which one(s) you actually have a challenge.

- the general idea from what i've read and experienced is that you have the least control over a tic; it is involuntary and it takes a lot of energy to suppress it. compulsions can be controlled more easily, but it feels uncomfortable/anxious/distrressing to do so, and it's not an enjoyable thing to carry out anyway. a stim is more enjoyable and a way to regulate energy/sensory input or self soothe and it can fairly easily be stopped or continued in a different form most of the time. of course if you have comorbidities something can start off as a stim and then become a compulsion for example 🙃🙃

people with ocd take an average of ten years to seek treatment due to the shame the disorder causes. it can make you think you are an evil, shameful, terrible person, but that is not true in the slightest. resources about ocd are wonderful because they speak about it in a very matter of fact manner, and can help you realise you are not alone or beyond/undeserving of help, not to be really cliched but yeah :') i recommend ocd uk and this guide for dealing with intrusive thoughts as good places to start 💖💖💖💖

#ocd #intrusive thoughts #tw intrusive thoughts #intrusive thoughts tw #adhd #autism #tic disorder #mine #bc learning this stuff literally changed my life :') #its a horrible thing to deal with #and im extremely grateful i only have it fairly mildly #and that it's got better since i was a kid #but it's far far better to know what you're dealing with #to call it what it is rather than #being terrified there's smth evil and deep down Wrong w you #one of the many excellent reasons why purity culture #and the idea that your thoughts have to be completely Pure and Good and Correct #or you're Bad #is so damaging #your brain is just a big dumb computer processing anything it comes across #trying stuff out poking wasp's nest just to see what will happen #it is your reaction to your thoughts #and the way you act #which counts

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#aaaand that's 2 doctors that think i have bipolar ii 🙃 #so the conceptualize rn would b that my mood is fucked but im using ocd to keep myself contained withing sorta normal parameters #which. i mean. that does kinda fit with observationally. i would create rules around: u arent allowed to get excited abt things u arent #allowed to enjoy things bc u cant handle it. u cant b normal abt how u enjoy things. or bc when i go to enjoy a thing #my mood is caped at being lightly miserable so its like well fuck being around ppl it makes me feel nothing #bc my focus and energy swing around like the light on a lighthouse. and in between that im miserable or feel nothing #and if its true that i am bipolar the reason i never noticed would b bc i very rarely experience euphoria. mostly i have high energy and #dont feel good. just fucking out of control. so mixed episodes i guess. but like idk. i guess i just think of bipolar as being extremely #destructive. and i mean r my mood issues a problem? yes. sometimes a really big problem. but idk. im still resistant to thr idea #lots of ppl get misdiagnosed as bipolar even tho the presentation is so specific. i guess i just doesn't wanna accept it and then have to #have been wrong if i was misdiagnosed. but i mean 2 doctors independently listened to me and thought hm sounds like bipolar so maybe im #just being stubborn. also no one else in my family thst i kno of is bipolar. ive got 2 uncles with adhd but not bipolar relatives #i dunno. i guess it doesn't matter so long as i can get it under control. im good at control. destructively good at control #unrelated #i guess its more that ive never done anything life ruining bc of my moods #mostly i just dont sleep much and make myself crazy. so ill probably die an early death or whatever lack og sleep causes rio #i meant rip lol

[bearstuck]

theres a hypothetical instance of asylumstuck being written well and not incredibly offensive and yet every single time i see some old asylumstuck posts i am blown away by how they manage to get literally every depiction of mental illness incorrect. its like they googled the symptoms and then deliberately wrote against the reality of those illnesses. its like they googled awful stereotypes about mentally ill (mostly psychotic or suicidal people) and made it their personal project to include as many as they could

#i am not opposed to the idea of writing characters from anything in a psychiatric hospital #however #like from the bat they use the very sensational name 'asylum' which is okay i guess since its one word and well known enough #but to go on and be like #yeah terezi and john *know the truth* about them being in an au and believe theyre supposed to be gods in a video game #oh calliope has some weird fucked up writing combination of psychosis and DID #where she simultaneously thinks caliborn is a hallucination ('imaginary friend') and an alter that 'takes over when shes mad' #or like #gamzee is a murderer and a schizophrenic and a cannibal #or sollux has schizophrenia and bipolar disorder and its obvious op didnt google if you can have both at once bc theyd immediately see #that that would usually just be diagnosed as schizoaffective disorder #like im not saying you cant write this setting and write it well. but its so fucking obvious its coming from a sixpenceee sort of place #where psychosis and DID and ocd and personality disorders are creepy aesthetic horror movie things #like hey you guys know not every psychiatric patient is psychotic right. and psychotic people are normal right #ffs have some tact its really not hard to google the actual symptoms and testimony from people with these conditions #sorry this got really ranty it just blows me away how ive seen people posting about asylumstuck in this decade #sorry if i spelled asylum wrong in this post and didnt catch it ive got the dyslexia

[tittyinfinity]

I've got enough followers and have been gaining them steadily enough to where I think I might put an "about me" link on my blog

#.bdo #I've been putting myself out there more often and being louder and more confident about my opinions #which means I'm fighting past my fear of social rejection a bit better #but my perfectionism/ocd is my biggest enemy #if I make any small mistake ever I won't stop thinking about it on a loop for days/months/years/decades #i can't let anyone perceive me wrong ever or they might think I'm a stupid irredeemable person #so I worry about that #I just realized that my seroquel muscle relaxers and anxiety medication all just kicked in on top of be being stoned af and I've just been #in these fuckin tags for a minute dude #who wants to hear a story #the first time I saw the ocean was behind the trump towers in sunny isles miami and then i immediately got so sick i almost died #about me: i don't receive child support because my babydaddy ran off to LA to become famous #and then ended up in prison for beating someone up with a skateboard #I need to go to sleep but I will fight these meds to keep myself awake i had a busy day and I want my chill time

[glamourous-world]

Having christian based religious trauma while actively trying to worship its deity goes crazy sometimes /neg

#I am really out here #consumed by the fear #trying to get myself to relax as I worship the object of my fear #but also not because he has never done shit to me #I only got told he will #over and over again #so a part of my brain believes it #even though I know it’s not true and he’s proved it wrong so many times #I just wanna feel safe in my own brain man #anyway my ocd is flaring up✌🏻 #vent #ocd #religious trauma #<- if anyone needs another tag shoot me a message

[famewolf]

been saving Mass Effect 3 to play after going to the mechanics as a treat, and my appointment is tomorrow. so im going to drop my car off and come straight home to jump into ME3 .... I can't wait ...

#[static] #also im being So Normal about taking my car to the mechanic to get something fixed lmao #i keep going 'im 30 i shouldnt give a damn about this' and it works mostly #i also think 'its like buying upgrades in a video game' and that's true too and makes me feel better #i think it's because it could potentially be nothing to something pretty wrong makes me hella anxious lmao #but at the end of the day it's an older car but i got zero issues with its performance and it drives great #so i highly doubt it's gonna end up being a serious issue at least rn cuz it was a year ago that my mechanic noticed the leak #and ive had no problems whatsoever not even a single light on my dash #i just got that great ocd and my brain has been so compulsive with the thoughts about this stupid leak that even my mechanic was like #'ya its real tiny it took me forever to figure out where it was coming from so you dont need to worry about it' #instantly makes my brain worry about it LMAO and obsess over it every time i get in my car #it's like im wrangling a monster in my brain every time i gotta drive lmao im so strong

[chryzure]

trying to explain how chrysi is to somebody who has never met her is so haaard for jacks. how can he explain that he adores her and hates her sometimes, how she’s beautiful and neurotic and has mood swings like crazy, how she’s off-putting and unbelievably cool, how she’s jst…. chrysi, and not anybody unique, and yet the most unique person in the entire world? that she’s jacks’s person and he hasn’t spoken to her in centuries and he’s going to cry if he thinks abt her too hard

#memorie.txt #s.chrysijacks #mostly getting stuck on jacks trying to explain like YES chrysi’s soooo manic pixie dream girl charismatic goddess #but also he watched her spiral once because no matter what she did she couldn’t get a stain out of the carpet #and it was causing her actual real distress because she was both manic and stressed frm her ocd (bad combo) #chrysi wasn’t perfect she was jst Chrysi. she liked things neat. sometimes she would be too depressed to keep things neat. #so jacks would try to help by tidying when chrysi couldn’t leave her bed #and then when she felt better she’d come in and insist he’d cleaned everything wrong #also she got territorial over all the things he’d moved… but they still adored each other. until they didn’t. #evangeline being like i can NOT get a read on how you feel abt her tbh. what…. is wrong with you 🙁

[icewindandboringhorror]

I downloaded an app that I think is meant to be used for like, detailed food tracking or something, but I instead really just wanted something with this format (color coded calendar days) so I could put in one single simple entry a day to kind of rate my day overall (based on physical health symptoms).. which..... looking back over it for the new year since when I first started tracking.. 9 "good" days in about 9 months, so roughly one good day a month LOL...

#A neutral/yellow day is if I felt sick or had any symptoms (nausea. joint pains. headahces. etc.) #to a distracting degree for at least an hour or more at any point in the day - YET it was not so severe or so distracting #that i was completely unable to get anything done. An orange day is if I was so sick or felt so bad #that I completed absolutely nothing that day because my primary focus was basically spending the entire day on whatever #was wrong with me or recovering from that. And a green day is a day that - even if maybe i had a few aches or pains - I was never any #noticable or distracting amount of sick - PLUS - i also got a reasonable amount of things done. #If I don't feel very sick yet I also lack the energy or mental wellness to complete daily tasks then it still counts as a yellow day. #So I guess like.. Yellow is if health was ok but focus was bad OR focus was okay but health was distracting. Green is BOTH focus and #health were mostly okay for a majority of the day with no major setbacks. And Orange is zero focus whatsoever because health is too bad. #There are also 5 categories. the worst is a super dark red and then best is a super bright green but I don't like using them #You have to select a bright red (x_x) emoji face to classify your day as dark red. and I dont like the implication of a 'dead' person face #because of my ocd lmao... it makes me afraid it's some habringer of death (if I select it for that day then somehting terrible will happen #the next day or whatever lol) *** *** *** - so I never use that one. I also feel like the MOST extreme categories should be reserved for #super extreme circumstance like.. I would only do a dark red day if I was literally hospitlaized or something. And same with the bright #green days like.. that would imply I guess that i was both suuuuper productive ANd had basically no symptoms at all all day. like a #Very Very Good day. and I just think that's not even possible. no day ever goes by without me feeling at least a little sick or achey at #SOME point lol... A day with NO headahces or issues or etc would be.... wow... mythical occurence.. #I have definitely gotten worse as I got older but even at like 15 or 16 years old I used to take ibuprophen a ton (I dont anymore of course #for stomach reasons lol) and remember having various minor problems here and there I was bothered by a lot #AAANYWAY.. also I count 44 'bad' days ghb... that's losing like.. at least one entire month of time a year.. maybe this is why I have so mu #much trouble getting things done and finishing my projects. BUT thats the point and why I wanted to track that. to like.. see it all laid #out at the end of the year. Maybe I could even compare years. Even though I started late in 2023. It'd be interesting to have a #yearly record of how many good vs. bad vs. neutral days I had in any given year. #(app is called 'Moodflow' on android phones. in case anyone sees this and asks. though I cant vouch for it or any of the features or anythi #ng since.. again. i literally ONLY use the one single feature of rating calendar days. I look at nothing else on there. And I keep my data #off and phone in airplane mode basically at all times so I never get ads on apps. Sometimes i'll mention liking some puzzle game or somethi #and then someone else is like 'yeah i love it but OMG so many ads' and I'm just like.. yeagh.... not for me lol.. but sorry to you. that #sounds annoying certainly..) ANYWAY.. auuugh... a sea of yellow neutrality. better than a sea of orange though. so :'3c

[myrabbitistrying2killme]

My live can be summed up in an autobiography titled “reasons I belong to the spiral”

#tma #the magnus archives #tbf I also have MAJOR corruption vibes so it’s a toss up!! #like on the one hand auditory hallucinations of apple bottom jeans are so spiral coded #but I did have frequent visual hallucinations of being eaten by worms #which is both spiral (hallucinations) and corruption (worms!!) #plus that time worms got all over my room bc they ate through a feeder bag for the lizard I had #but then also #one time I had to go off my meds for medical reasons and became fully nocturnal #and just was in a constant state of that one girl micheal ate #who was an insomniac #plus again the frequent (very minor) hallucinations #i can’t tell if my ocd would fall under anything #i do have ocd induced skin picking which is Jane 100% #plus the frequent childhood obsession of hearing buzzging #and thinking I had bugs in my ears #but then also I struggle with Derealization #and my neurological issues feel very spiral coded idk #something about feeling like my body is distorted and doing the wrong thing feels spiral

[ochrophyta]

i asked my roommate over text to not move my stuff when she cleans yesterday and she went sort of ballistic, like pages and pages of crytype text about how its not fair that i leave my stuff out in our shared space and how overwhelming it is. and like... if it was something to worry about i would take a look at my actions and work on being better but a highlight of those texts is that my "bread looks ugly on the counter" and thats why she moved it somewhere i couldnt find without asking me.

but when i got home she was with her friend and she just said hi! and goodnight! when i went to bed. her texts were just so incongruous with her actions i cant UNDERSTAND!!!! grrrr. and i hate conflict but im clearly in the right here i just dont understand why she was so angry and passive aggressive over text but normal in person.....its not fair to be so confusing.

#my friends read her texts and asked me if she had severe ocd or an allergy or something it was that dramatic. #like. there is no world where i am in the wrong here. and i proposed a solution and she just got madder. so weird!!!!!

[jackals-ships]

anyways im. DEEP INHALE im doing better now. im still incredibly pissy and do feel bad for the way i snapped at them. but im less "im going to throw hands w a 17 yr old" more "I shall now be letting the worms take me and or just gonna go in the backyard and shriek like a banshee"

#jackals barks #the reason it boiled over finally is stupid too UGH #they agreed to watch the smalls instead of going to the mall once he got home from church. bc mom needed to get medicine and some stuff #bc shes been sick like *horribly* did not test positive for covid but the symptoms are 😬 #and they fuckin call like 'oh but cant he stay alone bc her brother is here-' BITCH TF YOU MEAN HER BROTHER IS HERE FIRST OFF?? #second off! you! brought up! the idea!! bc the smalls been having issues and doesn't need to be left alone! #like. we're worried hes developing ocd kind of having issues #so we had to go back and get him. and i was like 'wtf is wrong with you' an they said they didn't know and. yeah #thats where i blew up like you cannot be deadass with this? you act like you don't wanna be here so bad leave

[lunarsapphism]

there really is something so devastating about having a parent that has a literal degree in psychology (specialized in child psychology) who worked as a birth to three child developmental resources coordinator for like fourteen years and knowing that because of those things, they will never believe you when you think you have something because they think they know more than you and also know you better than you know yourself. and in any scenario the only way they will EVER agree with you is if they came up with the idea of the diagnosis first. wild shit honestly

#i love my mom #i really do #however she fully does not believe i am autistic #although she does think i have depression/generalized anxiety/social anxiety/adhd/ocd tendancies/sensory issues/auditory processing issues #like girl. the umbrella diagnosis for these things is literally right fucking there. its autism #but no! she doesnt think thats right and she never says it directly to me but she makes it abundantly clear #she doesnt believe in self diagnosis even after multiple years of research. shocker #she really is holding onto that psych degree that she got 20 years ago for dear life #like bestie update your fucking research. this is literally your job. #when i go to u and am like woah this list is genuinely a record of like half of my literal personality traits but instead of being listed #as personality traits theyre characteristics of autism #u should be like wow! yeah youre right! thats crazy idk how i missed that but now we know! #not yeah. hm. we can go get you diagnosed if you want #(implying that she will take me to a psychiatrist to get diagnosed soley so that i can be proved wrong) #anyways. its just like. absolutely bonkers to me #aiilov-personal

[faggotmox]

.

#got *another* final write up at work #bc i cursed in front of customers #and because i apparently talk to the new hires in an inappropriate way #which has been a concern for a long time that ive been a dick to others bc i cant read tone and shit #i literally want to kill myself #i just dont know what im supposed to do? because ive asked and akswed for help #and it gets swept under the rugm #i just want to die and im feel spiteful so i want them to know it partfully their fault #i have tried and worked so hard to channge and be an good employee #but i get no feed back until its criticle #im never informtated that ive done something wrong or upset someone #and its not like my ocd is tellin gme i fuck up every sing le time and have no iidea what im doing #its almost like i ask for help bc i fucking need it #i just wanna slit my wrists in the fucing bathroom so my boss has to clean it up #im so sick and tired of being the problematic autistic who is out of control #when i ask and ask and ask for help #i hope i fucking die bc im tired fo it #i hope i dont wake up tomorrow morning or i get killed my car on my wya to my brothersh stupif fucking dinner #i hope i die i just fucking hope it #im over being alive over beign autistic over not being able to get help #and im more over than anything accidentally upseting or hurting poeple bc i dont understand when i have tried so hard #the ammount of fucking energy i put into work is so much more than the average person that i have no life outside of it #fuck i just wanna die i just wann fucking die #i tried callin gmy therapist but he is booked for weeks #not that he does anything #he has fucked me over three times now #whats the fucking point #i just want to die i just want to kill myself #if i hadnt popped 4 lorazpams yesterday and slept through it id have accutally killed myself #i had the razor and evertyhing

[notabled-noodle]

me a long time ago: well, i thought i had avpd, because [symptoms symptoming] but now [doctors being. doctors] so im not sure

reads that post

me now: i… may have to reconsider that stance thoroughly

there is a lot of crossover between AVPD and other things, so keep that in mind but... yeah. a lot of mental health professionals seem to be hesitant to diagnose personality disorders, so I wouldn't take a lack of diagnosis to be the be all and end all of whether you have AVPD or not

#I actually got diagnosed with schizotypal and then like. that was Wrong #autism+ocd+ocpd+avpd just looks a lot like it #so yeah. #asks