#they give me butterflies | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

madeliefkrans · 1 year

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bound by water

i've been imagining this fic for a month each night before i fell asleep & figured it was time to write it down........ the context is that inej is part of the dregs (again), after the events of the books or tv series, and she and kaz have grown closer to each other. inej’s pov because i truly adore her & writing this from her pov was kind of healing.

fandom: six of crows series - leigh bardugo & shadow and bone (tv series) type: birthday fic with tiny bit of angst but mostly fluff and some literal & figurative steaminess pairing: inej ghafa x kaz brekker pov: inej's word count: 3,457 on ao3 as well

summary: it’s inej's birthday and kaz has a surprise for her.

When Inej returns to the Slat after shadowing a sketchy mercher’s movements that day, she finds Nina and Jesper leaning against one of the walls in the entryway. They glance at her, each other, and back to her, grinning from ear to ear. Or smirking, really.

Inej squints her eyes at them, edging closer. Separately, Jesper or Nina scheming cannot be trusted. Together? The trail of chaos they’d leave behind would reach Fjerda.

“Well?” Inej raises her eyebrows, playing along with their game. “What is it?”

Nina loses the smirking contest first. She breaks out in a short laugh, setting off a warm feeling in Inej’s chest. Nina straightens her face, cheeks rosy from amusement. “Inej,” she speaks authoritatively, as if this is a legal matter. “We have a message for you.”

Jesper nods solemnly, mirroring Nina’s attitude. He crosses his arms before his lime green waistcoat. “A message from Kaz to be precise.”

Inej’s heart skips a beat. Nina’s grin is back, raising her eyebrows knowingly to Jesper. Inej hasn’t seen Kaz yet today. She was planning to meet him in his attic when she arrived at the Slat, as she did most evenings. To report back on the secrets, clues, scandals she collected that day. And, when business had been discussed and she wanted to, which was often, to linger. Kaz let her.

They would play a game of chess, catching glances at each other, which was how Inej discovered that Kaz has a scheming face specifically for chess. Or Inej would feed walnuts to the crows in the large windowsill as Kaz watched. Or they would read; Kaz poetry, Inej the adventures of her heroes, the silence between them only disturbed by the turning of crisp pages. Inej loves this time with him. It’s a ritual they grew into over the last months. A ritual that Inej would love to cultivate today. It’s her birthday, after all.

This morning she stumbled into a kitchen filled with the scent that can calm any storm. Waffles. She found her family cramped around the one dark wooden table that was stashed there. Nina, Jesper, Wylan, Matthias. She could have sworn their faces were framed with halo’s, but maybe that was just the morning light through the hazy window. They shared breakfast and Inej started her day with a belly full of butter, syrup and laughter.

Kaz hadn’t been there, to her disappointment, but she told herself he had his reasons. Maybe the message he gave to Nina and Jesper shed light on that.

If they are ever going to share it with her. These two smirking darlings are enjoying themselves so much. But she knows their secret won’t last much longer. After all, it’s Inej they’re talking to.

“Kaz would be disappointed if you didn’t deliver that message.” Inej shifts her gaze between Nina and Jesper, feeling a grin tuck at her lips. “So shoot, if you want to spare yourself from a piercing gaze. Or worse.”

“Anything for you, birthday girl,” Jesper grins. “He’s waiting for you in his attic.”

“Enjoy the rest of your night,” Inej tells them, already standing, turned to go up the stairs.

“Not as much as you will!” Nina yells after her. Inej can’t stop the smile spreading on her face.

Her feet are feathers, always, as she travels up the two flights of rickety stairs. Her heart thumps steadily in her chest. There was a time she didn’t let it, a time she railed herself in. Lately she’s trying to welcome the sensation, to invite it to her body and allow it to fill her up. It feels strange, exciting. Like revealing a secret room, the discovery of a vacant space. That you can use it. That you’re allowed to fill that space.

Kaz is sitting behind his desk when Inej enters after knocking, his nose in stacks of documents, linen sleeves rolled up. Through the open window the sun streaks Kaz’s attic in golden, the last rays of the day. His dark leather gloves shine on the side of his desk. Yes, Ketterdam is so moist that it seeps into your skin, but even this city cannot hide from the force of summer and how it stretches the evenings. The turmoil from the city feels far away from here. Instead, Kaz’s attic is filled with something else… a fragrance delicate and fresh.

Kaz looks up from his desk, meets her eye. “Hello, Inej.”

She offers a smile. “Hello, Kaz.”

She walks up to him. Leans on the desk to his left, resting her hands behind her and crossing her ankles. She locks eyes with him. “Nina and Jesper were insufferably mischievous downstairs.”

He shrugs, leaning back in his high-backed chair. Puts down the letter he was reading, resting his hands close to hers. “Nothing new there.”

Inej uncrosses her ankles. Her thigh brushes the hair on his forearm. He holds her gaze.

It’s what they’ve been doing recently: folding the space between them, stretching their touches. Slowly learning, showing what they enjoy. Often, it’s how Inej wants to touch him, reclaiming her relationship with touch, after years of being trained to endure, not initiate. Letting Kaz touch her is more challenging, since she has to catch her body before it slips away, rejecting the habit to dissociate. It’s how Kaz wants to be touched by her, taking pleasure in how her touch can make him feel safe, can be a buoy instead of towering waves. Him touching her, bare skin, is difficult even on good days, but covering his skin before reaching out to her grounds him.

Kaz shoves his chair back and stands up. “I have something for you.”

Inej cannot hide the surprise on her face.

Kaz grabs his cane and crosses the office to open the door to his bedroom. Inej breathes in the honey that reaches her, stronger now. He looks over his shoulder. “Are you coming?”

She’s behind him in an instant. She was only ever able to catch glances at the space they’re entering, never having stepped foot in it before. As a Dreg, she learned to scan any room she enters, instinctively, swiftly. But she’s not taking in the entirety of this private room now. No, her eyes are directly drawn to the white tub in the corner.

Steam rises from the water surface that is not covered by foam or orange and red flower petals, filling the room with a heavenly haze. Candles are lit on top of the small wooden table beside it, Kaz’s drawer, at the back of the tub. A fragrance pure and light fills her senses. She’s speechless.

“Happy birthday, Inej.”

Inej pulls her gaze away from the wonder that is this steamy tub to turn to Kaz. He’s clasping his cane in front of him, resting both hands on the metal crow’s head. He holds her gaze, steadily, but she notices something there that’s rare. She doesn’t want to blink when he’s letting her see it.

“It’s tulip. Nina assisted.”

Inej’s heart swells even more. How beautifully unexpected that he decided to ask for help.

“Kaz, this is wonderful.” She’s full-on grinning now.

His doubt disappears and his face lights up. He’s so pretty. He nods to the chair by the tub. “Nina picked out some clothes from your room to change into when you’re done bathing.”

Inej takes the smallest step closer to him.

“I’ll be in my office. But I won’t disturb you, so please enjoy for as long as you want to.”

She looks up into his eyes as she rests her fingertips, fingers, then palm on his wrist. “Thank you.”

His lips quirk upwards. Then he turns, closes the door behind him. She listens as the thumps of his cane fall silent as he repositions himself behind his desk. And she’s alone.

Inej lets her gaze circle the room. The tub stands under a slanted roof that holds a square window cracked open. The clouds have turned to a shade of lilac and rose. A bed is placed to the only straight wall in the room, accompanied by a side table. His washbasin is next to his dresser, a blurry mirror above it. These are Kaz’s private quarters and he’s trusting her with it.

Who knew Kaz had something like this up his sleeve. She imagines the look on Nina’s face when Kaz asked for help. She must have been intolerably delighted. Inej chuckles.

She breathes in the subtle scent that has filled the room. Inej can’t wait to dip her tired feet into the tub. Let the warmth take her in. Cover herself with velvet petals. Watch as the clouds turn from pastels to dark shades.

Her fingertips slide across the sheaths of her knives, where she releases each one, carefully positioning them on top of Kaz’s drawer. He has allowed himself to be vulnerable to prepare this for her, and gratefulness washes over her. As her fingers reach up to undo the first clasp of her vest, waves swirl low in her belly. Something new emerges, bubbling up to the surface. Her fingers pause in midair. She wants to reciprocate, meet him halfway.

Her knife sheaths already empty, she turns to open the crooked door to Kaz’s office. She keeps one hand on the rough doorframe as she watches how he looks up from his desk, surprised.

She inhales deeply, steadying herself. It’s something she has done before, but suggesting it would be a first. Her wanting to is a first. And this is Kaz she’s talking to. How will he react?

“Do you want to watch as I undress?” she asks, recognizing the nervous rhythm of her heart in her ears.

Inej can see the subtlest rise of his eyebrows, widening of his eyes. She refuses to break eye contact. He needs to know that she doesn’t want this because she believes he wants her to take off her clothes. She wants this because she’s trying to change how her body remembers showing her skin to men. “I want you to.”

She studies his face. His look is stern, it is almost always. She’s trained in his features: the tiniest twitch of his eyebrows, the clenching of his jaw, when and how long he breaks eye contact. But right now, he shows no movements she can decipher. She’s trained in patience as well, but this moment of silence rattles at her foundations.

The chair scrapes the old wooden floor as Kaz stands up. “Yes,” he replies simply.

The voice in her head finishes: the deal is the deal. “Okay,” she nods.

Kaz follows her. For a moment they stand there, in his bedroom. Inej knows it’s Kaz who stands next to her, she has rescued him again and again, he has rescued her again and again. There’s no one she’d rather do this with than him, no one she trusts more. But she has to keep her head straight or she won’t be able to look him in the eye. Let’s take this step by step.

She walks over to the tub, halts next to the chair. “You can sit wherever you want,” she tells him. But there’s not many options besides the chair that’s already used by her clothes and towel. In fact, there’s only one.

The frame creaks softly as Kaz sits down on his bedsheets and rests his cane beside him. Inej could touch his knees in barely three steps. He looks up at her. She recognises this position when she’s perched in his window, leaning or sitting on his desk while he’s working there. She’s used to watching from above as the Wraith as well. It soothes her nerves, just a bit.

Not enough to hold his gaze. But enough to slowly reach her hands to her chest and undo the first clasp of her vest. The muscles in her upper back and shoulders stiffen as she can feel herself slipping into a performance. She sees herself standing there, trembling fingers at the first hook of her clothes. She takes a shaky breath, closing her eyes. Using her senses to return to her body. She wriggles her toes in her dearest slippers. Outside the window she can hear her beloved crows, inside distantly the rickety stairs of the Slat. The floral fragrance is calming. She can stop any moment she wants to, she knows that. But she doesn’t want to.

She’s Inej Ghafa and with the release of a breath, she shakes the skin of a lynx from her body.

Kaz is there when she opens her eyes, the worry between his dark brows fades when he sees her expression. Making way for the tiniest arch of one of his eyebrows. It’s an invitation. She accepts.

Carefully she loosens the clasps on her vest. The violet fabric of her tunic shifts underneath. She lets her vest slide down behind her body, over her upper arms, elbows and catches it in her hand as it falls over her wrists. She hangs it on the back of the chair.

Next are the fingerless gloves that cover her entire forearms. Finger for finger, she slips them off. Perching on the edge of the chair, she takes of her slippers, storing them beneath the chair. The wooden floor is cool under her feet. A welcome sensation, because she’s feeling hot. Hot under Kaz’s gaze, who’s giving her his full attention.

She’s well aware of the flush that must have grown on her cheeks. They’ve stripped in front of each other during jobs countlessly, taking on new identities in the dim alleys of Ketterdam. This is different entirely. No hiding in plain sight, and it’s how she wants it to be. The heat in her body near Kaz is nothing new. She wants to cherish it, instead of trying to push it away. Kaz’s gaze makes the sensation grow only stronger.

She catches the clenching of his jaw. Maybe she’s not the only one growing flustered.

Right below her neck, Inej loosens the ties of her tunic. She crosses her arms over the thin, swift material and slowly stretches her arms on top of her head, taking the fabric with her. She folds the purple blouse in her bare arms. There’s not many walls left now. And she’s beginning to enjoy it. With every layer of clothing, armour, removed, she discovers newfound courage, lightness. Yes, outside this protection, her armour, is what keeps her safe, dangerous. In here, she can feel strong even with her shields lowered.

Her top is next. She stretches out her arms, once again, and feels the evening air against her belly. The chill feels wonderful. Perching on the chair, she slides down the stretchy fabric of her trousers to pull them off. Her hands take the braid behind her back and slide between the strands. Kaz’s gaze is fixated on her fingers gliding up and down, unravelling the coils. She frees her hair completely, and the comforting weight drapes behind her body. Now, facing Kaz once more, she stands before him in nothing but her underwear, hair down, and locks eyes with him, embracing the raw vulnerability of this moment.

His gaze is fixed on her face. His eyes deep and vast, his brows slightly furrowed. She knows this look. She trembles lightly, the waves in her low belly swelling. She wants more of what he’s showing her.

“Kaz,” she asks, voice low, “will you take my bra off?”

His answer is the creaking of the bedframe as he stands up and closes the distance between them. He stands before her, fully clothed, and so close, she can see the pink on his cheeks, his dilated pupils. His breath is high and shallow, just like hers. Her arms are covered in goosebumps.

Slowly, Kaz lifts his fingers. Inej holds her breath. He touches the dark fabric on her ribs, gently lets his hands embrace the sides of her body. She feels the weight of his hands as she lets out her breath. The heat of his touch sets her skin aflame. He’s burning her. Or she’s burning up.

She reaches her fingers upwards, inviting him to take the flexible band and slide it upwards. His cool fingernails brush her skin as he curls them under the fabric and shifts it higher and higher until it catches all her hair, releasing it moments later when Kaz slides the garment from her wrists. Her hair cascades down, enveloping her in a midnight waterfall.

His gaze is unwavering, endless, fixed on her eyes. Inej wants it everywhere.

“You can look,” she breathes. “If you want.”

He does. She watches the length of his dark eyelashes as he traces his gaze downwards, deliberately, languid. Lips parted, rosy flush on his cheeks growing. She feels the heat radiate from her body, between her thighs, the tips of her ears. Nerves mixed with growing confidence.

Slowly, through lowered lashes, Kaz locks his eyes with hers again. He raises his fingers and slides them under a strand of her hair between her shoulder and the column of her neck. Inej watches closely as he lifts it up, gliding down its length, patiently, until, finally, he gently presses his lips to her hair.

Her breath hitches in her chest.

His lips still hovering above her hair, Kaz meets her eye. “You’re beautiful, Inej,” he whispers.

Oh, Saints.

Inej trembles before him. Her tides rise with every breath, washing over her, building and building. She can’t stop staring at his lips, his fingers, his eyes. His lips, his fingers, his eyes. He called her beautiful, but how can she ever express how he looks to her this moment? He’s boundless.

Inej draws closer. Her hair slips through his fingers. She would never. She takes his hand, dextrous, dependable, weaving her fingers through his, letting them rest at their sides. Closer. Until the blissful press of their bodies together. It makes her dizzy. She feels the rising and fall of his chest, their breathing synching into the same heavy rhythm. His lips tender and flushed. His eyes deep mahogany. She feels a sense of safety and security with him that’s unparalleled.

She reaches her free hand to his face, cupping his rough cheek in her palm. Kaz closes his eyes and offers her the slightest sigh as he presses himself to her touch. The wonderful fan of his eyelashes. She’s so close, she can count them. She wants him so much, she’s barely standing.

“Kaz,” Inej breathes. His eyes open to meet hers, scanning her features. “I want to kiss you.”

She remembers the first time she pressed her lips to his. Softly, exploratory. It was after an evening of celebrating a victory for the Dregs with her family. An evening of her knee to Kaz’s underneath the table, bathing in the warm pressure of his hand on her thigh. Afterwards, she followed him up the stairs. In his attic the air thickened, and they chatted, laughed, as they drew closer. When Inej said she would retreat to her room to rest, Kaz whispered her name, lowering his face. All Inej could do was brush his nose with hers, and fold her lips between his. It had made her feel delirious.

Similar to how she’s feeling right now. Drunk on his gaze, scent, fingertips between hers. The maroon blossoms further on her cheeks. Kaz parts his lips.

“Please.” His voice a low rasp.

Bubbles popping in her belly, she reaches up and captures his sweet lips in a kiss. Kaz releases his hand from hers and presses both to the small curve of her naked back, curling into her hair once again, bringing her even closer. The heat rises to her head, and she sinks into his touch as he deepens the kiss. She slides her fingers over his cheek, into his hair, tangled. He presses his fingers into the strong muscles of her back. She feels him everywhere.

Inej places a hand on his chest when they separate. Close, still so close. His touch lingers on her lips. She can feel his delightfully heavy breath on her cheek. He rests his forehead against hers. Calm waves cradle her ship. An eternity passes.

“Perhaps I should get some more hot water.”

Inej opens her eyes to catch the twinkle in his eyes. She grins back. This devotion could keep her afloat forever. Kaz’s touch stays hot. The bath, inevitably, does not.

“Perhaps,” Inej repeats.

Slowly, she turns to dip her fingers in the floral tub, brushing the velvet petals. She glances over her shoulder, eyebrow raised, as she asks, “You like it hot?”

Kaz grins, his eyes devilish. Inej already knows the answer to that.

#six of crows #shadow and bone #kanej #inej ghafa #kaz brekker #obsessed with them really #they give me butterflies

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