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ghosttotheparty · 1 year

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(cw: tics, bullying)

Eddie started shivering in seventh grade.

Even when it was hot, even when he was sweating and desperately wanted a non-rattly fan or a better air conditioner. They weren't normal shivers. He wasn't cold. But his shoulders would jerk or shake, or he would tremble for a second, and he didn't know what else it could have been. Others didn't question it for a while, because it started in October. Everyone was shivering. But by March, it hadn't stopped, and he had to explain himself when people gave him questioning looks or asked if he was okay. (Back when people cared.)

'S just a shiver, I'm fine.

He wasn't fine. It got worse over time. He got used to it, to the weird feeling that took over his body for a few seconds, got used to telling people he was cold, joking that he must be low on vitamins or iron, joking that in the future, someone is walking over his grave. But other people didn't get used to it. They thought he was weird. That was fine with him. Wayne realised something was wrong before Eddie started the tenth grade, because he wasn't just shivering anymore. His whole body was jerking sharply, suddenly, his shoulders drawing up, fists clenching. Eddie didn't question it. Wayne did.

It wasn't normal. But nothing about Eddie was normal. Wayne took him to see a doctor. The doctor make him do things, walk in a line, hold his arms out and push the doctor's hands away as hard as he could, follow a flashlight with his eyes without moving his head. It was all weird. It kind of scared Eddie. The doctor kept writing things in a notebook, and Eddie couldn't tell if he was doing well or not. But Wayne was there, watching and listening intently.

The doctor said he had tics. It sounded funny to Eddie, but then it wasn't funny, because the doctor didn't give him anything for it. He just said there wasn't anything really wrong with him. His brain just worked a little differently. (Which Eddie was already used to hearing.) That his tics could get better or go away as he got older, or they could get worse.

They got worse.

By the end of that summer, his arms were moving, flying over his head suddenly, randomly, and his head was jerking back so sharply it hurt. Wayne was worried about him getting whiplash. Eddie was worried about going to school.

That year, he became the freak.

At first, he tried to explain it to people. The movements were involuntary, he couldn't control them. Wayne contacted all his teachers, who mostly got it, but still preferred to make him sit in the hallway so he didn't distract the class. But the other students thought he was possessed, faking it for attention, and everything in between. They'd throw things at him, and complain to the teachers that he was distracting even when he wasn't moving, just to get him out of the room. They would mimic him, make fun of him, and by September, he learned that the tics get worse when he's upset. He could hear them all snickering and giggling as he shoved his hands under his legs and tucked his chin to his chest or held his shirt over his face, as he held his limbs tense so they wouldn't move, so tense he was exhausted and sore all the time, and then he'd go home and cry because he couldn't control his own body.

He'd have to sit on the sofa so when his head threw itself back, it would hit the back of the sofa instead of the wall, and Wayne would just wait, watching with that fucking sadness in his eyes that made Eddie ache even more. When it finally stopped, sometimes after a few minutes, sometimes after an hour or two, he was so exhausted he'd fall asleep right there on the sofa. He couldn't do his homework. His grades dropped even more, but he managed to keep himself afloat. He did the best he could, doing his homework early in the morning before school or in detention. (Some of his teachers thought he was faking. Mr Peterson was in charge of detention, and he was nice. Considerate. Eddie counted him as one of his few blessings.)

His tics got worse.

In December of his junior year, he started making noises. Short screams, grunts, quiet vocalizations. It scared him. He didn't want to go back to school, but he did. The laughter around him got louder, and he was sent out to the hallways more. He started skipping classes. He knew he'd be forced to leave anyway. So he'd sit in the boys' room, on top of a lidded toiler, his feet up on the stall door, and he'd leave cigarette burns on the walls.

Not everyone was awful. Some kids were just curious about him, asked why he acted the way he did, and he did his best to calmly explain it all. I can't help it, actually. It's just my brain works different. That turned into Eddie's brain's fucked. It's broken. He's a fucking--

So he used it. Eddie the Freak. Attention-seeking, desperate for people to notice him. So he started making devil horns, yelling from tabletops, making himself The Freak so no one could use it against him.

No one, not even Wayne, saw him cry at night, because the attention he got was never the attention he wanted. Because he was tired. So fucking tired. His limbs were sore and his voice was rough, and his neck hurt, and he was sick of being laughed at. But that was all he got.

He kept counting his blessings. Mr Peterson, who never minded Eddie's noises or the way his fists would bang against the table loudly in the silent room, who scolded the other detention-goers when they tried to tease. The Hellfire guys, who got used to his tics fairly quickly, and knew when to pause whatever they were doing if Eddie couldn't hear them over a scream or was distracted by his own body. That nice girl, Chrissy Cunningham, who would slip notes from the classes he missed or skipped into his locker or backpack with sweet smiles. (If Eddie wasn't gay, he would have fallen in love with her.) The other few students that ignored him when his tics acted up, just glancing and moving on. Wayne, bless his soul, who would come to the school to confront Eddie's teachers and complain to the principal about Eddie being mistreated by the staff.

And, oddly enough, Steve Harrington.

Eddie never saw it coming. It was a particularly bad day. He was at his locker, trying to line his books up, but a tic threw his hands up, and some books fell from his locker to the floor. He watched helplessly as papers scattered across the floor, as most students stepped around them, ignoring them, as some jocks trampled over them, over Chrissy's neat handwriting, his fists clenched at his sides. When they passed, he kneeled, picking up the books, and when he looked up, Steve Harrington was kneeling too, gathering the crumpled papers and carefully straightening them out.

He gave them to Eddie with a smile, and Eddie thought he might be dying, in some weird, upside-down dimension where Steve Harrington smiles at Eddie Munson. Eddie took them hesitantly, said thank you, and then he hit him.

He was mortified, almost dropping the papers again, jumping back as his whole body flushed with heat, staring at Steve's shoulder where his hand had just landed heavily, and he burst with a Fuck, I'm so sorry, oh my god--

But Steve had just laughed. Amazingly, it was a kind laugh, with sparkling eyes, and soft cheeks, and he said It's okay.

And then he was gone. Down the hall, after his friends, and Eddie realised his hands were trembling.

Steve kept smiling at him. Even when his friends were making fun of Eddie's Satanic cult, and of the way he couldn't keep still, and of his sad, broken brain. Even when Eddie's brain made him flip Steve off across the cafeteria, Steve saw how Eddie pulled his hand down sharply, and Steve just... laughed. Eddie fell in love with his laugh. It was kind, and it made Eddie feel better, even when he wanted to cry.

Steve graduated the next year. But he didn't leave Eddie alone. Eddie couldn't stop thinking about him, and his kind laugh, and his pretty eyes, and then the sheep Eddie adopted told him all about how cool and brave Steve was, and Eddie fell harder without even seeing him.

The world went to shit. But Eddie got to see Steve again.

Steve was still kind, even though the world was ending, and even during serious discussions, plan-making, how-to-save-the-world conversations, Eddie's tics kept going. His body jerked and shivered, and his head threw back, and his fists hit his own chest and shoulders, and he had to sit down. And Eddie found out that there are more kind people than he thought. When his tics slowed, Nancy wordlessly got him an ice pack to hold to his chest, and when he flung it across the room, Robin caught it with a casual oops, and brought it back to him. No one questioned him, or stared, or laughed, even though he knew how annoying he was.

When he woke up in the hospital, he hurt so badly he couldn't move. He just cried. Steve sat by his bed and held onto his hand. He was crying too. When Eddie stopped crying, Steve carefully slid his rings, clean of blood, onto his fingers.

This one goes here, right?

Yeah.

On the second day, his brain didn't care that he hurt. As Steve was telling him about what was going on with the others (Max was staying with the Sinclairs, Dustin's leg was almost healed), Eddie's hand smacked him across the face sharply, the sting of his rings bringing tears to his eyes before he even processed what happened. Steve wordlessly crawled onto the bed, carefully pulled Eddie against himself, and set a pillow over Eddie's lap for when his fists started hitting his legs. He'd just murmured those words, the first words he'd said to Eddie years ago.

It's okay. It's okay.

And he waited until Eddie's body fell lax against him before he carefully found Eddie's hand, laced their fingers, and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

Eddie was released from the hospital a few weeks later. He stayed in the Wheelers' basement for a few days until Steve's parents left town, for good this time, and then he moved into the Harrington house.

He likes it there. Steve is still kind. Always. He lets Eddie lay his head in his lap when his body hurts or won't stop moving, and he drags his fingers through his hair or holds a joint to his lips for him, and he smiles. (Eddie would go through the end of the world all over again for that smile.) When Eddie's head hits the wall while they're in the waiting room of the hospital for a checkup, Steve just shifts to face him and holds a hand up to the back of his head so his hand hits the wall instead, saying quietly that Eddie isn't allowed to beat his record number of concussions. He drives Eddie to Wayne's even though Eddie doesn't tic when he drives except for a few facial or vocal ones.

When Eddie whistles one night, Steve just smiles at him and says Was that a tic or are you hitting on me? and Eddie freezes, his face burning. Which would you prefer, pretty boy?

Steve kisses him.

And then Steve starts holding his hand even when he isn't having tics, even when they're with the Party. Eddie moves into Steve's room. (They always slept better when they accidentally fell asleep on the sofa together anyway.) Steve holds him when his tics are bad, and Eddie holds him during his migraines, pressing kisses as softly as he can to his forehead and his temples. Steve takes his hand when it moves to hit Eddie's face or chest. Eddie stands steady and holds Steve's hand to himself when he gets dizzy. Steve keeps ready-made ice packs in the freezer to hold to Eddie's chest and legs when they bruise from his fists. Eddie keeps his handwriting as neat as possible when he writes notes in case Steve forgets anything. When they wake up at night, breathless and sweaty and crying, the other is there, arms open, lips waiting.

One night Eddie says very softly, You know, they used to say my brain was broken.

Steve just says, Mine too.

#welcome to projection central #hand wrote this during a lecture today bc i was bored and realised a lot of ppl write/hc eddie as autistic and w adhd #but usually those are the only kinda neurodivergencies i see in fan content #(pretend thats a word)#but then i thought eddie having tics would make sense for his character and i have Experience to write from so #(disclaimer i was not bullied in school nor was i removed from classes (unless i left on my accord bc i wanted to hide in the bathroom))#(some kids teased me or mimicked me or told me to 'do it again' but i dealt w them)#(and the one kid that was really a dick ended up being rly nice by the time we graduated he's cool)#(and i got lucky w my teachers i think they were all very sweet and considerate)#(but i thought this story would make sense and go along with eddies story in the canon)#anyway give eddie tics #anotther hc that his tics calm down/stop when he's playing guitar and playing d&d #mine arent as bad as they were in high school but back then (and on bad days now) they usually calm down #when im focused on something or doing something i enjoy (ie drawing or painting or st)#steddie #steddie oneshot #eddie munson #eddie munson oneshot #steve harrington #steve harrington one shot #stranger things #stranger things one shot

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aucatgirl · 2 years

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80/365

AU where The Beach ended ten minutes early

#id in alt text #atla #avatar #zuko #ty lee #drawings #taking this time to make a psa #or more like get on a soapbox #a version of the post was saying #‘this is a real strategy that people use’#to try and calm people down or whatever #I cant back that up and they didn’t back that up either #so please don’t actually try to do that when someone’s having a mental breakdown lol!#if it’s real it’s likely. something that takes some training #I’ve just seen that post on my dash a lot and it’s been bugging me #365drawings

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questionablealibi · 7 months

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//Teaser hehe ^^ no tw!//

Ooooo new new new content gameplay! What's in store for our protagonist this fine October, hm?

#Remember when i said “fully colored” or something along those lines #Yeah no i cant :'D #This is the best I can do 😭#Want to finish this ASAP before exam AND before the month ends #Or maybe until first week of november #Not only that but things have been going on recently and i want it and everyone to calm down and gain bearings before i ah #Put this all out hehe #Please please please despite the fact that im not very frequent #You guys have been such a big inspiration and spirit-lifter (or something ^^;)#I love you guys so much /p /vvvvvvvgen #Things may not be in our control but in the end #At the end of the day #Its still you <3 #Still us even #if you prefer that ^^#Its been a while since ive been in such an interactive loving and caring community #You lot have made me feel so at home ^^ hugs kisses and words of gratitude and affection all around!#Whichever of those youre comfortable with #Take care <3 #Alibi!#the stanley parable #tspud #tsp #tsp stanley #tspud stanley #art wip #wip #work in progress #wip stuff

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cakesmelons · 11 months

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Melon. Consider this.

(Nightmare will yet again pretend to not be into this(he should put them tongues to use))

#Melon gimme ur fav Poly ship for.... reasons #I need to calm down(my fingers are cold)#submitted #NOT melons art #sunnymainecoon #the mtt awakened the monster fucker in frozen!nm 😭#but ya no. this is canon now. the mtt have monster tongues now. all because of sunny. blame sunny. not me y'all #WAIT I JUST READ THAT #SUNNY!!!!!#you're right but we do not talk about that #it is not becoming for the Queen to admit that 😤#Sunny. my fav poly ship is the bad sanses (w/ cross). i don't think you want to do what you were thinking tho. cause that's a lot of ppl 😭#frozen!nightmare #frozen!au #dreamtale frozen au #frozen au #dustmare #dust x nightmare #sanscest

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gamerwoo · 7 months

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really sucks when you realize you and a friend have just kind of grown up as two different people and don’t mesh together like you used to and like you have so much history you don’t wanna let go of but you’re absolutely miserable in the friendship

#to delete #the girl i’ve been friends with over half my life is just so insufferable now #she’s very pick me and likes to nitpick absolutely everything for no reason #absolutely DESPISES genz and tiktok for some reason #puts down everything about me and it feels targeted but she does it in ways that it comes across like it’s not #so when i call her out on picking on dumb things like kpop fans or genz i look like a psycho bitch #she very much just has to speak up on everything she dislikes instead of just letting people be happy #like it’s shit that’s not bothering anyone #she once went OFF because i’m afraid of bugs and ‘most girls’ are afraid of bugs but SHE isn’t afraid of them #and im like yes girl we pick you please stfu #it’s always just little stuff that doesn’t matter but 98% of the time has to do w something i like or don’t like #so it feels targeted and then i speak up and the rest of our friends are like ‘calm down it’s not that deep’#idk i just like…..she feels the opposite about a lot of things i feel #and then has to act superior for being opposite of me #also being so angry over a generation of young adults/kids and an app for no reason……#idk we just don’t go well together anymore and idk how to bring it up

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jacketpotatoo · 1 year

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Hey @thehomelybadger , thank you for breaking my heart

#the way I picked up my iPad and started drawing angst #caitlyn kiramman #vi arcane #piltover’s finest #caitvi #arcane #fanart #jacketsketch #(this was scheduled before chap 32 came out - I need to sleep so I haven’t read it yet but oh boy)#but I also want to say before I do - thank you.#thank you so much for telling this story. I’m not exaggerating in the slightest when I say it got me through a lot these past few months #it fueled my inspiration it calmed me down on bad days when I was beating myself up with stress it gave me something to grasp onto #I love your characters - every quirk and trait you’ve gave them and this world you’ve fleshed out #I hadn’t seen a second of ice hockey and now I’m looking up reference photos and trying to get the jerseys down #i love these guys and it pains me to be letting them go already - I can’t imagine how it’s like for you - but I’m forever grateful for this #wonderful thing you’ve created out of just the pure love for the characters and for hockey #I went into this thinking ‘hey what a lovely bedtime story’#and I’m heading to its end forever changed and impacted by it for the better #so thank you badger - see you when I read the next chap

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beanghostprincess · 3 months

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When Robin was first introduced, she had been working with Crocodile in Alabasta for the past several years, so I could understand her skin tone being a little lighter than it used to be, but not this bad.

It's extremely fucked up. I would understand the "it was an animation error" argument if it wasn't because it happens with all the characters (not only Robin) and they're whiter and whiter each episode (even the characters that should be black).

If we follow irl reasoning as you say, then all of them should be tanned because they're pirates. They're constantly under the sun. But no, they go backward and instead, they lack melanin every episode. It was already bad, but Egghead fucked up big time.

And don't get me started on Usopp because people could use that excuse on any other character, but Usopp?? I truly, really, don't think it takes too much thinking to get that he's black and Toei just keeps making him paler than Sanji. It's ridiculous and racist and people who ignore it or say it's been talked "too much" (because people say it and apparently there's a limit for them as to how much you can complain about racism) always get on my nerves.

What Toei is doing is just disgusting and people defending it are always the ones who refuse to see any mistakes in the things they like. News flash! You can like something and admit it has mistakes.

#also people are always so violent when they use the “error” argument. okay. whatever you say. calm down. god forbid characters have melanin #usopp's thing is just fucking horrible it makes me want to throw up #he's paler than ME. and i am white. sanji skin type of white. what the fuck is toei doing #and people trying to defend it are just-- awful. jacob did not play usopp for you to deny he's black i mean-#but also it was obvious from the very beginning #usopp's character has always been treated like shit in many ways. both in the fandom and within the story (opla when i fucking catch you-)#i'd write about it because i have things to say but a lot of the stuff would be way better written obviously by somebody who isn't white #so if somebody does write an essay or a post about usopp's character and how he's treated i'd like to read it #and maybe i could help a lil bit? because i have things to say about him (<- is obsessed with analyzing characters) and also uhhh #i'm spanish and the spanish dub is fucking awful to usopp and very racist and people don't talk about it but i think i could provide info #anyway this is SO long i am so sorry fuck toei my final message hate toei #one piece #usopp #nico robin

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thediamondarcher · 9 months

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I'm so scared of telling my psychiatrist or my psychologist that i think i have OCD because what if they think I'm just faking it just like my brain tells me and i did way too much research and I'm just trying to get diagnosed something i don't have (i literally had a compulsion because i had obsessive thoughts about this and it gave me so much anxiety)

#i just started to scratch my arm so bad and now it burns a lot and it's not the first time this has happened #even tho i literally hate attention and it took me 3 years to tell someone my brain was touring me. just to get invalidated #i don't know what to do because I don't want to have another compulsion #and my brain keeps telling me i don't have OCD and I'm just seeking attention #vent #i need to know if i have OCD or not because my brain literally won't shut up #and I'm on meds!! drugs that are supposed to calm down my anxiety but i think i have too much anxiety for them to work #because it's been a week and i don't feel less anxious (i mean i literally had a compulsion i think that says it all)#i think i just need a higher dosis tho my psychiatrist said she'll see if i needed more

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mcdannowave · 1 year

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When you get frustrated ‘cause your sister decides to listen to your husband’s advice rather than yours.

#h50 9x23 #face palm #annoying #hawaii five 0 #reaction gif #steve mcgarrett #alex o'loughlin #(look at that neck. Danny could bury himself there for a whole night.but Cmd McG can't show up at work w/ hickeys xD)#(of course. that doesn't stop Steve from 'nibbling' Danny's body bc he's a possessive neanderthal.and maybe.some bites too)#Danny don't complain 'at the moment' bc he's too busy having his bliss.but after?#''Oh.My.GOD! Look at this Steven! it looks like i was attacked by some creature!!''..Danny gesture to his body.after he leaves the bathroom #''Oh?Those are just some love marks.Danno.I know u like it--'''...''That's not the point u putz.I can't even take my shirt off for days''#''C'mon. its not that bad''...''/not that bad?/Look at this scratches on my back!The position.What do u think people would realize I did?''#''That u rode a very hung stallion and it was amazing?😏''..Danny closed his eyes.Steve knew he was counting to 5 to calm down #''Okay.okay.I'm sry..okay?''Steve got up the bed.'Ill be more careful.but u gotta show me some hints that we going too far or rough.okay?''#Danny knew Steve for yrs.and it was true.They knew what the other liked.and communication was fundamental for their relationship #''Okay''Danny simply put.light smile on his face.'But now.U're going to take the kids to this saturday beach event while i watch tv here''#''What?!I thought u said u would do it?After i promised to take charlie to training the whole month?''#''Well.You break u pay.my friend. I can't show up shirtless there the entire afternoon full of people.specially w/ lots of kids''#''But Danno--''...''No.It says it's gonna be a 37C degrees.i'm gonna cook w/ a shirt.Don't forget sunscream.Love you''#And w/ a kiss. Danny put his robe and got out of their room for some food downstairs. While Steve still looked astonished #After recomposing himself.Steve actually wasn't frustrated.It was worth it.Both the amazing time w/ his love.And spending time w/ the kids #mine #headcanon tags

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def-not-kaz-brekker · 5 months

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So uh I might have a crush on my best friend?? And I think he might like me back???

(Read tags for more details)

#go I hope he still doesn’t have tumblr #no but he’s so hot okay #and our lives are so similar??#like I moved more than him but he’s still the only person who’s moved a lot #and that time I got tipsy #it was on a sleepover with him where we trauma dumped and watched sherlock together #and once I had an emotional breakdown and he helped me calm down #and we do dnd together #and we have to pick new classes for next year and he practically guessed all my choices #also I told him I thought his eyes were really pretty some time ago #which is true he has gorgeous eyes #and recently he told me I have pretty eyes #help??#je suis confusion #he said that he hasn’t liked anyone in forever during our trauma dump session #but then again he might still like me #but I don’t even know if I like him #though probably I do let’s be honest here #ugh fuck this #emotions are fucking stupid #if I fuck things up in our friendship I will regret it forever

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hamartia-grander · 5 months

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Jesus fucking christ I hate the US south

#Cw gun mention I guess #I was feeling super nauseous so I went into the kitchen to get ritz crackers #And we're at my grandma's rn for Christmas and she has windows in the kitchen that look out at the road/other houses #And NO curtains or blinds because she's old #And anyway I turned a small light on so I could see the crackers and I hear a fucking man outside shout “WHO'S OUT THERE”#In the heaviest southern accent. Mind you every fucking person in this area has a gun bc there's lots of trees with squirreld they shoot #And logically now that I am calming down I know it was just a bad coincidence and he was probably yelling at smthn in his yard #But jesus fucking christ I felt such immediate intense fear my head went cold #Ran to my baby brother's room bc I was certain someone was gonna come kill us #Then the rationality took over and I just told my mom about it. But now I'm sitting outside his room eating crackers bc I'm fucking paranoid #It is almost 4am and I haven't slept a wink I cannot do this rn #But literally the last time I went for a walk around here my dad told me not to go alone and also not to say anything stupid #And also stay far away from houses bc I could get myself shot #Literally what the fuck is this.#“Afearican” except I'm still very much in the US #Not to mention almost every fucking house has a blue lives matter flag and some have isr*el flags now too like #I fuuuuucking hate it here

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brittlebutch · 7 months

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it's actually so fascinating to me that Brennan has created a character that maintains a pretty relaxed and mild-mannered demeanor and has said multiple times that the absolute Core of her is "FEAR" and how often we see this Fear manifest specifically in Avoidance; it really nails a relationship to that mentality where your brain fully Stops recognizing the emotion properly out of like, sheer self-defense from the stress of having to carry it all the time

I think this is also perfectly showcased in the way we tend to see Tula swing so suddenly from 'level and steady' to 'snarling Panic' and then back again - Just because your brain has detached itself from the Conscious Recognition of the emotion doesn't mean it can Actually stop itself from experiencing it. So the Fear is always there and always acting as a stressor, but because of that inability to Identify it there's no way to recognize or address it before that final straw hits and your bodymind jumps Straight into Full Meltdown Mode; but then once again, once you drop even a Little bit below that Peak Terror your brain ceases to process the emotion; it's like the most exhausting form of Poor Object Permanence in the world

And even if Tula is aware of this happening to her, that doesn't really make it any easier to deal with / address. Even if you're able to spot the symptoms Around the emotion -- chest pain, irritation, nausea, whatever -- because the Emotion Itself is basically impossible to find, you can't really Successfully Pin Down what the problem is OR a way to cope with it. If you can't figure out That You Are Anxious, then figuring out What Is Making You Anxious is impossible, which makes Find A Way To Make Peace With That incomprehensible. That's where the Avoidance comes in: you can no longer identify what might be a Dangerous Situation, which means that Anything New has a big potential to be Really Bad in a variety of ways (ranging "I don't Feel Good" to "Fully Lashing Out bc you've entered Fight/Flight and can't get out of it" to "Actual Outside Danger This Time") and that means the Only Way you know how to be Safe is to just Avoid Doing Anything New and Only stick to Familiar Situations, because anything unfamiliar is a monster of a gamble you don't know how to prepare for or cope with

#N posts stuff #one could argue ‘we see tula worry a lot tho’ but that’s bc Worry is an Action that can occur Separately from Recognizing Anxiety #now that I know tumblr will put a hard cap on your tags w/o telling you i'm resigning myself to posting rambling meta in post body #but i'm not happy about it; anyway i love how often life is full of Coincidences bc this is something I've Finally identified in myself #like. This Month. like this is brand new articulation for some of the problems i have in life; again knowing this doesn't help lmao #bc even when you know to look Around the shape of the emotion - like 'oh my face is Snarling rn. i'm probably experiencing Something'#like i said bc you don't know What that something is OR What might have caused it then the only solution you Ever get to come up with #is just 'fully retreat and go calm down somewhere else' which INVARIABLY means that you will wind up in that same situation again #and Still have no idea how to handle it bc you never could figure out what caused it so you don't know how to handle it any better than #'fully retreat and go calm down somewhere else'; so 'be somewhere else' is the ONLY way you can ever think to Help it #which usually invariably turns into 'Just Avoid Fucking Everything just in case'; which doesn't work! bc life doesn't let you do that #so then it's just a cycle of falling into the same pitfalls and feeling miserable all the time; gotta love it :)#if you're like me this also gives you Bad Bad Bad Memory bc your brain will Promptly hide evidence of Scary Situation instinctively #like 3 weeks ago this dude ran a red light and almost t-boned me Full Speed & managed to stop like. maybe 3 feet away.#and i like. Startled Laughed and said 'that was scary' and then within 30 seconds i had Fully Forgotten it happened & only remembered #like 2 days ago. Ha! believe it or not this Does Not Help with 'How can I Address the Problem instead of Avoiding It Entirely?'#dimension 20 #d20: stupendous stoats #tula #d20lb

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