#these tags feel surreal to type omg

[the-record]

i can see you

・・・・☆・・・・☆ ・・・・

synopsis: you see her, and she sees you, but the world cant…

pairing: bassist!abby x lead singer!reader

warnings: drinking??? ig??

a/n: hi ive never done this social media type format here but im literally so proud of this so i hope u like it 💋

・・・・☆・・・・☆ ・・・・

‘I CAN SEE YOU, THIS ONE’S FOR YOU ABBY’

you brush past me in the hallway and you dont think i can see you, do you? ive been watching you for ages and i spend my time trying not to feel it

yourinstagram

yourinstagram new ep out tonight at 12am pst. be there or be square 💋

Tagged: tlouoffical, tlouhq, a_anderson, elliewilliams, dina_nolastname, jessesucks

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a_anderson cant wait for everyone to hear this, her voice is just perfect

angelsbbg @a_anderson being her hypewoman 😭😭😭

elliewilliams Gonna be one to remember! 💪💪

dina_nolastname cannot wait to hear ur angelic voice babe, so proud 🥲

tloufan cannot wait, yall sound so good together

mrs.anderson cannot waitttttt to hear abby on bass again shes so bf omggg

jessesucks so excited for everyone to hear this… gonna blow ur minds

“you ready for tonight?” abby was sat next to you on the couch, drink in her hand, and eyes flickering between you and the the tv. “its gonna be big, i just know it.”

you turned to face her, propping your legs in her lap. “i dont know. honestly im really nervous theyre not gonna like it.” you picked anxiously at your nails, peeling any remaining polish off. “its not like our usual stuff, and im scared joel isnt gonna like our little addition…”

“look,” she set down her drink and focused herself on you. “if miller has a problem, then we will figure it out. and everyones gonna love it!” she smiled genuinely at you. “you sound amazing and everyones gonna be addicted. stop stressing.”

you nodded and moved to sit closer to her.

abby loved these nights. she loved the nervousness before the release. the excitement 10 minutes before midnight. the adrenaline when everyone loved it. she loved every second.

she couldnt lie, she was scared too. what if their following dropped off? what if no one liked the new sound?

but she put her arm around you and pulled you close. she squeezed the worry out of your body. she was ready.

but what would you do if i went to touch you now? what would you do if they never found us out? what would you do if we never made a sound?

The Last of Us - FALLING *Live Premiere*

The Last of Us 76.8k 🔔

LIVE CHAT

11:57 tlounumber1 so excited been waiting for what feels like years 🤍

11:57 username183630 cannot wait to hear this

11:58 abbysgirl ep of the century

11:59 ewilliams Welcome to the live premiere! Starting in one minute…

11:59 dinadinadina so sooooon omg

11:59 angelanderson abby and i cant wait for you to hear this one. thank you for your love and support.

12:00 TheLastofUsOfficial And so it begins…

tlouofficial

tlouofficial Please join us in welcoming the newest addition, ‘FALLING’, live, Friday July 21st at 7pm at ‘The Ford Theatre’ in Los Angeles, CA. Limited tickets are available.

Tagged: tlouhq, yourinstagram, a_anderson, elliewilliams, dina_nolastname, jessesucks

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yourinstagram thank you, thank you, thank you for all the love on the ep. i cant wait to see you all so soon.

a_anderson in angels terms… be there or be square

elliewilliams Cannot wait for this, we have missed you all.

jessesucks this is absolutely surreal, thank you for allowing to me to be apart of this 🙏

dina_nolastname LITERALLY FREAKINF OUT RN CABNOT WIAT TO SEE YOY ALL ITS GONNA HE SO FUN AHHHHHHHGHHHHHH

ellsgirl @dina_nolastname shes so cute omg 😭 cannot wait to see you friday!!!

mr.angelanderson OMG RUNNING TO GET TICKETS RIGHT NOW

tloubaby wishing i was in la rn 💔 pls more showssssss

yourinstagram @tloubaby …never say never… joel pls im sorry

a_anderson @ yourinstagram baby hes gonna kill you oh my goddd

username628729 BABY???!? YALL SEEINF THIS TOO?!?!

angelsbbg dont know whether to be more shocked by a show or the baby hello?!

mrs.anderson BABY?!?? yall no way.

‘cause i can see you waiting down the hall from me i can see you up against the wall with me and what would you do baby, if you only knew? that i can see you

joel: Angel.

angel: joel…

j: Why the hell are you going against mine and the label’s plans?

a: i didnt even say anything!!!!!

j: Angel come on, we both see right through what you said. You need to wait for this to kick off a bit before we say anything about the tour.

a: but im excitedddddddddd please

j: Look, there’s a week until the show, can you hold off until then? Please, for my welfare.

a: ugh FINE but im not happy ab it.

j: Okay. And don’t think I didn’t notice the little memo. We’ll talk about it Wednesday at the meeting.

a: …

“shit.”

“whats up hun?” dina questioned as she walked in the living room.

“joel.” dina winced and sat next to you to read your texts. “im in deep shit.”

she wrapped an arm around your shoulder, pulling you in a half hug. “it’ll be okay angel, we’re all gonna be there to back you up.”

“they are gonna rip me apart.” you leaned your head on her shoulder. “abby keeps fucking asking who it’s about, joels mad, the labels probably gonna kick me.” you groaned. “i messed up so bad.”

“dont worry about it, its gonna he alright.” dina smiled at you to ease your worries ys, but it did little to help. “c’mon, we’re all going out, come with.”

Billboard

Indie-Rock band ‘The Last of Us’ takes a step away from usual tone, and into mysterious voice memos

By Maria Miller

‘The Last of Us’ has been known for their catchy lyrics and beautiful instrumental pieces, but recently they’ve switched up tone.

On Friday ‘The Last of Us’ members took to Instagram to announce a brand new ep. entitled, ‘FALLING’. Fans went crazy in excitement for the new music, and we did too. Since their debut with album, ‘If I Ever Were to Lose You’, the band has kept up with a platonic love and nostalgia theme to their lyrics.

However, newest release ‘FALLING’ is anything but. In their 5 track ep. the lyrics take a much more romantic turn. Lead singer Angel sings of past, current, and future love. And while fans are loving the switch, what we are all stuck wondering about is a voice memo included.

The end of track 5, ‘i can see you’ which includes a voice memo from Angel. She talks of a lover and fans cant help but wonder who it is.

you could feel her eyes on you. they dragged along with you everywhere you went, and you loved it. she watched you from across the room as you chatted with a fan who recognized you.

but abby felt your eyes as she danced with some girl. when she flirted with the bartender. when she talked to the fan you’d met.

you weren’t even dating. you shouldn’t have been jealous.

just like you shouldn’t have imagined kissing her in front of that girl.

and we kept everything professional but somethings changed, it’s something i, i like they keep watchful eyes on us so, its best that we move fast and keep quiet you won’t believe half the things i see inside my head. wait till you see half the things that haven’t even happened yet

abby knew you were watching her. she knew she was getting to you, to your head. so when she watched you basically storm off to the bathroom, she had to excuse herself.

you were reapplying lipstick when she walked in, making eye contact through the mirror for a second before continuing. you felt her get antsy but took your time. if she could flirt with whoever she wanted, you could take your time freshening up.

when you finally finished, you tossed your stuff back in your bag, turning to find abby much closer than 30 seconds ago. you went to speak but she stopped you.

her lips found yours in an instant, fitting together like puzzle pieces. your arms wrapped around her neck as hers found your waist.

“ive been waiting so long to do this,” she breathed onto your lips. you hummed in response, pushing forward to find her again in a kiss, making her laugh.

・・・・☆・・・・☆ ・・・・

the night of the show, you were bouncing on your feet as you all warmed up.

“antsy much angel?” ellie teased, tuning her guitar. “pass me the setlist, will you?” you nodded as you continued warmups. you looked over the setlist with her, mentally going over all the lyrics.

you felt a knot form in your stomach. the songs were still so new, and you couldnt afford to fuck up right now, not with joel and the label breathing down your neck. “you guys mind if we play through i can see you? i wanna make sure i can do it without lyrics.”

the all spoke their agreements as they set up. jesse set the tempo on his drums. everyone started up one by one, getting a feel for the song.

“abs, little lighter?” she hummed, adjusting her amp. “dina you ready?” she nodded and you fell into the song.

when you were all sure you had the song down, dina and ellie went to finish getting ready.

abby watched as you bit your lips while reading over lyrics and sheet music. she sat beside you, taking the papers from your hand. “whats up with you? you’re never nervous before a show.” she bumped you shoulder, trying to get a smile.

“i just have to get this right. these songs mean a lot to me, and then fans love them.” you sighed, running your hands up and down your legs. “and joel and them are still pissed at me for the memo and shit.”

abby held one of your hands in hers, smiling gently. “you’re gonna do great angel, seriously. you know the music better than anyone. so just forget about everyone and everything and have fun. okay?”

you wanted to kiss her so bad, but ellie and dina had come back, ready to go, and the show was supposed to start. guess it’d have to wait.

but what would you do if i went to touch you now? what would you do if they never found us out? what would you do if we never made a sound?

“hello!” the crowd screamed back as you all walked on stage. “hi, oh my goodness. thank you so much for coming, it means so much to all of us.” you smiled as the lights shined in your face. “we are very excited so, without a further ado, welcome ‘the last of us’.”

the screams got louder as the stage lights dimmed and jesse set the tempo.

・・・・☆・・・・☆ ・・・・

as everyone took a break for water and to tune, you spoke with the fans.

“alright, hi hello and welcome.” you felt light bloom in you as you heard greetings from all around. “so thank you so much for coming tonight, really truly it means so much to everyone who’s apart of this. id like to just take a second to appreciate the other lovely members of the band. ellie williams over here,” you pointed, taking a break to let the crowd applaud and yell.

“dina my love, on keys. jesse on drums. and of course, abby anderson on bass.” you smiled as they all felt the love of the crowd. “we love you all so so much, an-“ you got cut off by the loudest screams and fingers pointing. you turned around to find abby taking off the jacket she’d been wearing, throwing it to the ground in the middle of the stage.

she smirked at you as you rolled your eyes. “as i was saying,” you laughed. “we love you, and thank you for coming and supporting us tonight. this next, and last, one means a lot to me, and apparently to all of you.” you set the mic back up on its stand as you grabbed your own guitar and strummed. “i can see you.” you pointed to the middle of the screeching crowd.

cause i can see you waiting down the hall from me i could see you up against the wall and what would you do baby, if you only knew? oh-oh-oh, oh, oh that i can see you throw your jacket on the floor i could see you make me want you ever more what would you do baby, if you only knew? that i can see you

you loved meet and greets, meeting your fans was the absolute best.

but you really wanted abby.

as you waited in some hallway for them to let fans in, you stared unbashedly. jessie, dina, and ellie were all in a fight about something or other that you truly could not remember now. not with her eyes on you and yours on her.

you only broke it off as fans walked it.

your hands all cramped as you signed autographs, and your cheeks hurt from smiling. you took a million photos, and talked till your throat hurt.

and every time your eyes met with abby’s, your cheeks flamed. you were tired and ready to be home, with abby.

but you carried on, greeting fans and asking them questions. giving them words of advice, and thanking them for their compliments. giving them a hug after they shared a story, kissing their cheeks for a picture.

yourinstagram

yourinstagram thank you so much for tonight. i really cannot express how much you all mean tonight. which is exactly why im so excited to announce ‘The Falling Hard Tour’!!!! more details on @tlouofficial page. i cannot wait to see you all xoxo angel 💋

Tagged: tlouofficial, tlouhq, a_anderson, elliewilliams, dina_nolastname, jessesucks

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tlouofficial Falling Hard Tour dates and presale info in the link in our bio! Tickets on sale everywhere next Friday 6/28 ❤️

a_anderson absolutely amazing night. thanks everyone and congratulations angel, you make us 🤍

angelsangel @a_anderson i love them sm stop it rn, cannot wait to see you all

dina_nolastname the crowd during i can see you: 🧎🧎🧎🧎🧎🧎🧎🧎🧎🧎🧎

elliewilliams Can’t wait to tour with you Angel, love you so much. ❤️

username437192 i love them so much omg, signing up for presale as we speak

mr.angelanderson im literally gasping for air im so excited

jessiesucks beautiful angel, you were amazing tn ily

ellsgirl so happy to have been there tonight i can see you was like being in heaven omg

angelsbbg seeing abigail anderson throw her jacket on the floor before i can see you (throw your jacket on the floor) was not on my 2023 bucket list, but ill take it!

yourinstagram @angelsbbg real. made my night

i could see you in your suit and your necktie pass me a note saying, “meet me tonight” then we kiss and you know i wont ever tell, yeah and i could see you being my addiction you can see me as a secret mission hide away and i will start behaving myself

dina couldnt be told no. and even if she could, you wouldn’t be able to bring yourself to say no to her.

so the club it was.

you couldnt lie though, you were having a great time. dina and you were dancing, spinning around with one another, forgetting about your surroundings.

you left her after awhile, heading up to the bar for a drink and to sit for a little, absolutely exhausted. you’d just ordered your drink when you saw abby at a booth with ellie and jesse. they were talking to her, but she was to busy looking at you. she excused herself from them as your drink was placed infront of you.

a buzz came from your phone in your bag.

abby: meet me tonight, stairs to the roof are by the bathrooms. read

you smiled to yourself, taking a few sips before dropping it off with ellie and jesse. dina was in the middle of the dance floor with some girl and you let her know you were going to the ‘bathroom’ before leaving her again.

you found abby standing at the edge of the roof looking at the skyline.

you sidled up to her, taking her hand in your own and leaning into her.

she smiled down at you, catching your eyes.

“you gonna kiss me or what?” you whispered.

how could she say no to you?

tlouhq

tlouhq We love to see your moments at the shows. Send in your own for a feature on our story!

Tagged: tlouofficial, ellsgirl

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yourinstagram omg thats so cute

ellsgirl i 🤍 my gorgeous gf

elliewilliams @ellsgirl And all this time I thought I was your girl 💔💔

dina_nolastname @ elliewilliams lmao sucks to suck

mr.angelanderson i love queer ppl at queer ppl band concerts

username872927 is anyone else seeing abby and angel at the shows tho ?!?!

angelsbbg @username872927 bro u saw it too? literally thought they were gonna makeout then and there on stage 😭

a_anderson so so sweet, we love to see it

angelsangel @a_anderson do u and angel kiss in secret u can tell me i wont tell anyone

mrs.anderson me and my gf tmr night!!!!!

jessiesucks im so single.

yourinstagram @jessiesucks imagine.

username437192 @ yourinstagram WHAT?

elliewilliams @ yourinstagram what.

dina_nolastname @ yourinstagram ⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️

angelsangel @ yourinstagram WHO WHAT WHEN WHERE WHY

ellsgirl @ yourinstagram 😧😧😧😧😧

jessiesucks @ yourinstagram What?

oh, oh, oh, oh, i could see you waiting down the hall from me and i could see you up against the wall with me and what would you do baby, if you only know? i could see you make me want you even more what would you do baby, if you only knew?

“hi.” you smiled as a chorus of greetings hit your ears. “so, i just wanted to thank you all for coming out here and spending the night with us. you could be doing literally anything, so thank you.” you took a seat on your stool, holding a water bottle. “as you may know, tonight is the last show of the falling hard tour.” you all laughed as the crowd booed.

“i know, we are all so sad.” you swapped the water for your guitar. “but as you probably know, i like to end every show with a song very special to me. i just want to slow it down for a moment, if thats alright?” dina played a chord as you strummed once.

“this song is incredibly important to me, and so i want to dedicate it to someone equally as important.” you watched your fingers play as ellie joined in. “i wanna dedicate this one to my amazing girlfriend. thank you for all you do for me, and please, never ever stop throwing your jacket to the floor.” the lights dimmed and abby and jesse got ready to start. “i can see you, this one’s for you abby…”

yourinstagram

yourinstagram 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

Tagged: a_anderson

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VOICE MEMOS

#1

falling?

#4

dina chords

i can see you.

“i just… she means so much to me and i just dont want to mess this up. i want everything to be perfect. i really need her to love this.”

that i can see you, oh i can see you i see you, i see you, baby i see you i see you, i see you, baby oh, baby

#! what would you do… ! #abby anderson #abby anderson x reader #abby anderson x y/n #abby anderson x you #abby the last of us #abby anderson tlou2 #abby anderson x female reader #abby anderson tlou #abby anderson fluff #🎵 smau 🎵

[solarisarts]

happy birthday to @solbabydraws​

look, if you told me last week that I’d have drawn fanart for Ducktales 2017, I would’ve called you a liar, yet here we are.

and since the ‘Teenage Cousin Shenanigans’ thing is what got me here, it seemed fitting they be drawn for the person who also piqued my interest in this cartoon.

#human!donald's hair came out so similar to dipper pines' lol #della duck #donald duck #gladstone gander #fethry duck #human ducks #human ducktales #ducktales #human tcs #teenage cousin shenanigans #tcs #solbabydraws #these tags feel surreal to type omg #ducktales 2017 #solarisarts

[tetralea]

omg please do smut prompt 13 “i really don’t care. You still look hot and i’m trying not to kiss/fuck you senseless right now” with tom x reader (maybe exes to lovers but what do i know)

Uuugh, it took me so long! Sorry! I hope you are going to enjoy!

Finally you decided, finally you are getting the tattoo you wanted for so long. Not that it is your first time, but it is a special piece. Having to go to a new place instead of your regular one was difficult, but you never imagined it to be this hard.

Even tho you did choose a place your ex-boyfriend told you a million times he would never work at, here you were, laying on your side unable to speak as Tom’s gloved hands moved on your skin.

You didn’t say a word, it was only the buzzing of the pen and your occasional sighs when he moved to a more sensitive point. You missed the times when he would have praised you for being so good and staying still and occasionally shooting you a huge grin.

No, not this time. You weren’t even facing him so he could reach you better, and now you deeply regretted your decision to wear only some plasters on your nipples to avoid any stains of ink.

‘I guess the fairytale life you were promised didn’t really work after all.’ Tom spoke slowly, his hands still moving steady, his voice stern. You wished you could have moved and saw his face but this was impossible.

‘Your guess is right.’ You had to gain some strength to be able to press the words past your teeth without sounding extremely rude or hurt. You had no right to be mean to him right now.

‘Perfect prince charming wasn’t, so dreamy and perfect as your parents wanted him to be?’ He pushed further, his hand coming up to your arm to position it a bit differently, turning you even more away from himself. It hurt.

‘He was.’ You admitted with a sigh you had to stop mid-motion to prevent your ribs from moving too much. ‘Too perfect.’ It was there the rambling, the rant, it was at the tip of your tongue and you were with the only person who you knew understood you more than anyone else, but how could you say all this to him. It’s been one and a half years now and you hurt him enough already.

Tom didn’t comment on that, just kept on working, occasionally shifting a little, his hand only a breath away from your breast now as he moved forward as the tattoo progressed. For a few minutes it was deafening silence again, now the little buzz didn’t help either. You felt the words forming on your lips and tried to prevent them from falling, but oh, well.

‘He was horrible.’ It was a start. ‘Childish, dumb, unable to take care of himself, stadoffish, mama’s fucking little perfect son.’ The words come easy and you felt your soul being lighter with every letter you pronounce. ‘He was awful, I don’t even know how that stupid engagement happened. It was so surreal and I couldn’t say anything, I didn’t say yes, I was just standing there, then he started to speak and then everyone assumed I agreed and I hated it. Every second of it.’

While you were speaking Tom read through the words he was marking your body with and smiled. It was obvious, of course he read the press release of the scandal. The guy was the son of a politician, so when you broke off your engagement it made into the papers easily. Tom didn’t want to lie that he felt relief mixing with satisfaction and almost happiness when he saw the news. He barely could see your face and he was sure you couldn’t see him smiling just a bit smugly right now.

‘He was insufferable, all he talked about was the greater good, and saving the poor and how great his father was and how great our kids would have been,’ you voice break just in time to hear the sound Tom made, half gagging half disgusted, ‘ well, too bad, he never fucked me.’

Oh, shit.

This was the tiny detail you never planned to disclose to your ex-boyfriend, but it was out and your body froze, cursing your luck that you couldn’t face him.

‘What?’ His voice was just as shocked yet a bit amused.

After a deep breath, which now you could take as the sharp pain was gone just as the pen and the hands, you could speak. ‘You heard it.’ Pressing your lips together, waiting for his answer you slightly turned, finally, being able to look at him. Those brown eyes were just as confused, he was caught off guard, his brows slightly furrowed, thin lips almost disappearing as he pressed them together.

The tension peaked as he opened his mouth. ‘Um,-’ he looked to the side, searching for his words, ‘we are ready, please go to the mirror to look at how your new tattoo looks.’

It was not the sentence you were waiting for, but you understood. You weren’t together anymore and didn’t even talk ever since. His tone was smooth, too smooth, like he was forcing himself to change the subject, but you didn’t object.

As you got up and walked to the mirror, taking in the new black, slightly red and swollen lines on your ribs, you were speechless.

‘I love it.’ You said it finally with a huge grin, your eyes moving up to find Tom’s reflection in the mirror.

‘I’m glad.’ He laughed, reaching up to touch the back of his head nervously. ‘I changed it a little, the curve, I thought it fits your shape better. I hope it’s ok.’ His words were quiet but confident as he reached out to point at that part being careful not to touch your skin.

‘Not much I can do about it now, ‘ you giggled ‘but I love it, it does look better. Thank you.’

His sigh didn’t escape your ears, neither as his expression instantly relaxed.

Neither of you said a thing, you just quietly admired his work with a huge smile on your lips, not even noticing the way he was looking at you. He knew he still had to wrapp it and all that but didn’t want to break the silence which now felt comfortable, neither wanted to take his eyes off you, admiring all the other tattoos on your skin which was all from him. His tattoos. His.

He marked you up too many times, all the evidence on beautiful display on your body. there was an all too familiar feeling in this thought, you being his.

He inhaled sharply before risking it all.

‘So, never fucked you, huh?’ He asked with husky voice, stepping closer, his chest only from and inch to your back.

‘No.’ The answer was honest and immediate. Your gaze finding his in the mirror, not letting it go, not even when he touched you hesitantly. ‘He said I was living in sin for long enough, but he will fix that.’ You quoted him, pouting clinically.

‘Guess, that worked out well. You never was the insatiable type. Never once begged me to take you again and again, never woke me up at 4 am because you were too horny or making me take an unusually long lunch break because we hit it off in the car.’ Tom’s voice was unwavering, neutral, like he was just small talking, but his body told you differently. Those long fingers were gripping your hips, his eyes darkening, his body now pressed to yours, him leaning close almost whispering into your ear.

‘Exactly,- ‘ you nodded, ‘never ever touched myself while he was sleeping next to me. Never fucked myself with my fingers thinking about you, imagining it being you, wishing you to be there and taking care of me.’ Your tone was the same, like you weren’t talking about the most intimate moments of your life, but there were no taboos between the two of you.

‘Hm.’ Tom nodded thoughtfully, his hands now moving up, his tumbs swiping the underside of your breasts. ‘Good. That would have been a shame.’ Now his hands gently cupped your tits, slowly fondling them, taking in the way they moved under his movements from the mirror. ‘But also, ‘he purred, and looked up to look at you for real as he turned you in his arms, ‘it means I was the last person who got to have you, and that just makes me feel in a certain kind of way.’ He was close, but not enough. You couldn’t answer, not in this situation, not after what he just said, not when he was looking at you like this. It was all too familiar, the longing, the desire, the admiration, the promise.

‘Tom,- ‘you started something what sounded like an excuse to break your small bubble, and he couldn’t have that.’

‘I really, don’t care.’ One of his hands let go of you just to move up and press his fingers to your lips. ‘You look so hot and I’m trying not to kiss or fuck you senseless now.’ He pressed that small word harder making you forget every objection you had, letting him lean impossibly close, feeling his hot breath on your mouth.

‘Just do it then.’ You whimpered onto his lips, capturing them in an intoxicating kiss. It was everything you longed for, it was so familiar again, and you couldn’t get enough this time either. His kisses made you light headed, moaning into his mouth, pulling on his soft curls pressing your bare chest to his black shirt. His hands were squeezing your hips urgingly, as his lips were caressing yours, his tongue tasting you again, finally. It eventually slowed down, reducing to small kisses, small pecks before starting all over again, with an impatient whimper. He wanted to press you to something, to feel you under his body, to fuck you silly then and there but he didn’t dare to. He had to cover up the tattoo, and he was practically still working.

He slowed down the kiss to be able to speak. ‘We need to finish this beauty on your ribs, then I am free. If you are serious, we can go to mine, and I promise you won’t be able to walk tomorrow, darling.’

Tagging: @we--are---not--afraid, @tomsrebeleyebrow, @tomhollandsmut, @tomhollandd, @tommysparker, @duskholland, @greenorangevioletgrass, @tomhollandspideys, @thurstyforholland, @hollanddolanfluff, @z-ukos

#tom holland #smut #Tom Holland x reader #tom holland smut #tom holland reader insert #tattoo artist!Tom Holland

[l0vew0rm]

hi! i read parallel universe and can i just say, [clears throat] god, do i love it! it was such a lovely read and i thoroughly enjoyed going through the heart ache the reader has gone through and the remnants of their memories with diluc. i just... i’m at a loss for words i’m so sorry i just love it so much!

i can’t wait to read more of your works soon! i’m excited for your current wips ♡ -@rganvindr

i’m so sorry but when i read the tags on your rb i couldn’t help but laugh 😭 all of the asks i’ve gotten have talked about how sad they were after reading parallel universe and the fact there are some that have said they tore up / cried is just so surreal and kind of funny to me ????? and also makes me feel really bad because i honest to god did not mean to make ANY of you cry please forgive me omg

my wips are currently on the back burner on account of the fact my right hand is still numb from typing 6,000-something words for 10 hours straight but i’m very very excited to work on them again soon :) thank you so much for your kind words and support !

#wendy answers . #rganvindr .

[steppedoffaflight]

Summer’s a Knife - Chapter 2

Catch up on Chapter 1 here

You don’t respond, silence in the air as you both catch your breath.

“I’ve got no use for sex that sounds straight out of a porno.” Van lifts his head, and you flinch at the intensity in his eyes. “I’d rather it be fucking real. No bullshit. If you’re having a good time, sure, say it. But if you’re not, say that too.”

or

Almost three months later, Van McCann is back in L.A. and ready to take you up on that dinner date

Word count: ~15k

Chapter Two

April 2019

By the time you’ve pulled into the Whole Foods parking lot, having squeezed through afternoon traffic, you’re at your wits end. Work had consisted of eight tedious hours fixing someone else’s mistakes instead of working on your own projects, and you’re already dreading the hit your paycheck is about to take from this grocery shopping. 

Your phone buzzes on the passenger seat next to you, no doubt Mary offering up some positivity in response to the giant work rant you’d just texted her. You already roll your eyes before you’ve picked up the phone and pressed your fingerprint to the sensor.

Hey. It’s Van x The gray bubble on your screen catches you off guard. You’d saved Van’s number months ago, his contact info at the top of the conversation reading “Van San Diego”. Thinking about how long ago your trip feels makes the whole thing seem even more surreal. 

You gape at your screen for way too long, heart pounding, before you respond with a Hi!

After you’ve hit send, you panic over responding too fast. You let the car continue to run for the sake of air conditioning and you don’t let your screen lock, waiting anxiously for Van’s next message. When one doesn’t come after ten minutes you resign to cutting the ignition, finally facing the fact you’ve got shopping to do.

You can’t stop checking your phone as you roll your cart through the aisles, careful not to let your eyes wander to any items that aren’t on your list. You’re carefully examining the label on an overpriced pasta sauce when you hear the buzz of your phone against the cart. You almost drop the jar in your hand.

I know it’s been a while but I’m finally back in la. Still up for that dinner?

As you’re reading the indication that he’s typing starts, sending a shot of adrenaline through you.

No worries if not just let me know x

You screenshot his messages immediately and forward them to Mary for her opinion. Predictably, she hadn’t responded to your rant, but sends an OMG the second you show her the screenshot. 

Have you messaged him back ?! she sends in response to your I knowww!!! 

Nooo I don’t wanna look too eager you tap excitedly to her. You’re jolted back to reality when another cart suddenly bumps into yours.

“Sorry,” You apologize, quickly steering your cart away. You say it purely for the sake of politeness, even though you’re almost positive you weren’t in the way and the person could have rolled by without jostling all your things. All of your mundane worries are pushed to the back of your mind. You’re finally getting that promised dinner date with Van!

The rest of your shopping trip is as chaotic as your brain feels. Between lightning-fast exchanges with Mary about what you’ll say and when you’ll say it you haphazardly scrap together the rest of your list. You’re sure you’re forgetting something as you send it down the conveyor belt to the cashier, but you’re too frazzled to care. The only thing that matters at this point is getting home, cracking open the bottle of wine you’d purchased (on impulse, unfortunately) and accepting Van’s invitation. 

And you do just that. Upon getting home you only put away your fresh items, leaving the rest to sit on the floor in their bags. It’s not the best practice, but it’s necessary after the day you’ve had. You pour a generous amount of wine into a regular glass, not caring enough to fish out a wine glass, and change out of your work wardrobe and into your most worn-in sweats. Only after you’ve plopped down onto the couch and taken a swallow of wine to calm your nerves do you allow yourself to respond: We could totally do dinner! When?

You feel slightly remorseful for leaving Van without a response for almost two hours. You chew the inside of your cheek as you berate yourself for it.

What works best for you? I’m here for the next two weeks and free most nights

You consider his response. Most of the time it feels like you’re the only person in L.A. that’s free most nights. Is he not the partying type? He seems like he would be, considering the way he went straight to the bar after his show in January. 

Does tomorrow work? You send. It feels a bit off to schedule something so soon, but tomorrow’s Friday, and you wouldn’t have to worry about staying out late considering you’ve got no work Saturday. Plus, the longer you wait the more likely things are to be packed into Van’s schedule. And, you remind yourself, this dinner is more than two months in the making.

Another text from Van interrupts the churning thoughts in your head. Tomorrow’s ace, he says first, and then another message: I’ll pick you up followed by a third: What time? 

You exchange a few more messages, setting up a time and making sure he has your address. Once the logistics are worked out, Van sends Look forward to it x and that feels like a good note to end the conversation on. You melt into your couch cushions and down the rest of your wine with a sigh.

\\

If yesterday felt like a long workday, then today feels like it’s lasting an eternity.

You try to burn though time texting Mary, attempting to cut down on your getting ready time by verbally planning your outfit in advance. Still, the minutes seem to tick by at a snail’s pace. You try to get some work done and catch yourself repeatedly screwing up your spreadsheet with typos. Even triple-checking everything you enter doesn’t seem to eat up any time. You visit the water cooler too much, and pee repeatedly as a result. Eventually, somehow, you make it to 5, slinging your bag over your shoulder and murmuring quick goodbyes as you dash out of the office. 

When you get home you’re laser focused. You tackle showering first, the task made longer with all of the shaving that needed to be done, followed by the slippery process of moisturizing every inch of your skin. It takes up more time than you’d like, but in San Diego you’d been completely unprepared for a hookup. This time you wanted to be ready. 

Van sends a heading over text just as you’d finished blow drying and styling your hair. You get dressed, then, layering the outfit you and Mary had agreed on over a matching black lace bra and panty set. They were at the bottom of your underwear drawer, crumpled and forgotten, tags still intact. As you clip away the tags you hope out loud to yourself in the kitchen that they still fit, and sigh in relief when you’re able to shimmy the set on. 

Maybe it’s the traffic, or maybe Van lied about when he was leaving, but by the time he texts that he’s arrived you’re waiting for him on the couch, having managed to get your makeup routine done just in time. The house is in complete disarray from your rush, and you cringe to yourself as you get a look at the tornado you’ve caused before you shut the door, locking it securely, and turning to seek out Van’s car.

There’s a black Range Rover pulled up on the street, the only car on the block running right now. You can see the dim blue light of Van’s phone screen through the tint of the windows, and as you approach you can see his silhouette. 

He looks up when you tug open the car door, sliding into the front passenger seat. 

You’re pleased when his face lights up. A part of you had almost been expecting that he’d rethink his attraction to you now that there was no post-show adrenaline or late night beers to cloud his judgement.

“Hello,” He laughs, “Long time no see!”

He’s just as charismatic as you remember him, your nerves easing as you make yourself comfortable. The crisp lace underneath your clothes is stiff and itchy, and you wiggle around as discretely as possible.

“Hey,” You greet him. “It feels like it’s been forever.”

Van nods, kicking the car into gear. “You’re telling me. Been a busy couple months.”

You hum in sympathy even if you can’t relate. Your busiest times of the year were summer- when most of your coworkers went on extended vacations and you were responsible for making up their work- and the holidays, when you had to coordinate trips home to see your family.

“You look amazing, by the way,” Van says, managing a quick glance over at you with a smile.

“Aw, thanks,” You murmur, chronically awkward at receiving compliments. “You look great, too.”

“Ah, stop. Makin’ me blush, love,” he jokes, and you can’t help but giggle at his sarcasm. It’s strange how familiar he feels, the result of just one night.

“So.” You peer out of the windows, looking for any hint of where you were headed. “What do you have planned?”

“Got a reservation for eight at this really nice place, dunno if you’ve ever heard of it.” Van stumbles over some sort of French pronunciation. “We’ve had a couple of dinners there with label people and it’s always class.”

“Sounds lovely,” You tell him. You’ve never heard of the place, but then again your Los Angeles friend group was lacking any musicians making a big break, let alone getting invited to dinner with Capitol Records staff. “Never heard of it.”

“You’ll like it,” Van says confidently.

You glance over at the clock on the dashboard display. It’s set to 24-hour time, so you pick up your phone instead of mentally trying to calculate it.

“How far away is it?” You ask nervously. It’s dangerously close to eight. 

“Not too far,” Van shrugs, but he’s driving into the tail end of stop-and-go traffic. You try to swallow down your anxiety.

\\

Finding a parking spot is a pain in the ass, but eventually Van’s maneuvered his car into one of the parallel spots lining the sidewalk.

By the time you two are out of the car, crossing the street to the restaurant, it’s almost ten minutes after your reservation time. Van seems oblivious to this, breezily strutting into the place, holding the door for you as usual. He’s whistling absentmindedly, and you wonder if it’s one of his own songs. He keeps whistling until you two approach the podium in the lobby.

“Reservation name?” The hostess asks, turning the pages in the binder in front of her.

“McCann.”

The hostess takes a second to look over her pages before she motions. “Right this way.”

There’s no mention of the fact you guys are late as she opens a door on the wall behind the podium, leading you two into the dining area. It’s a stark contrast from the drab, dim decor of the small lobby area. The floors are glossy white, almost shiny enough to reflect your face back to you, and although there are some larger tables most of them are the quintessential small, circular two-seaters with silky white tablecloths draped over them. The walls are dark in typical L.A. style, but covered in windows that frame the courtyard outside, lanterns glowing and candlelit outdoor tables visible. 

Almost everyone is in black tie attire, and you feel self-consciousness broil in your stomach as the hostess leads you and Van to to your own small table. You’re curious if there’s other celebrities here, but you’re too afraid of looking like an outsider by trying to peek at people as you pass by. You keep your eyes on the back of Van’s head instead, examining where his hair parts on his scalp. 

You’re waved to your assigned table with the assurance that someone will be with you shortly before the hostess sees herself back to the front room. In the time you’ve paused to listen to her words Van’s already ahead of you, pulling out one of the covered chairs and motioning for you to sit.

“You know you don’t have to do that,” You tell him as you sit in the seat he’s designated for you. He takes his own seat opposite you.

“Does it offend you?” Van asks, and you watch his brow crease in concern.

“No!” You’re quick to assure him. “I’m not offended, or anything like that. I’m just saying, I won’t tell everyone this was the worst date of my life just because you didn’t pull the chair out or hold the door.”

Van laughs, the worry easing out of his expression. “S’ just a force of habit. It’s more trouble for me to stop at this point in my life than it is to just keep doing it.”

You nod in understanding before reaching for the menu and searching for the drinks.

“Do you know what you’re drinking?” Van asks after a small stretch of silence where you’re both looking at your respective menus. 

“What are you drinking?” You answer his question with a question, eager to be able to gauge the most appropriate choice for yourself. The drink menu is long and most of the items seem hard to pronounce, and despite knowing Van intimately you’ve still got first date jitters. Not to mention, you were on a budget.

“I usually get this wine,” Van tells you, using his index finger to point it out for you on your menu. “M’not gonna drink too much considering I’m drivin’, but it goes great with the lobster.” 

You hum as you read over the tiny italics font describing the wine. “Sounds good,” You say finally, “I’ll have it with you.”

“I’ll get us a bottle, then.”

You swallow hard when you read the price listed for the entire bottle, but manage to stifle any worries. You’ve waited 3 months for this date, there can’t be any real harm in one luxurious dinner. And the cost of the bottle divided into two wasn’t so outrageous.

“Perfect.” You close your menu, decision made.

By the time the server has taken your wine order, returned with chilled glasses and doled out servings to each of you, and delivered a fresh bread basket and dinner menus, your stomach is grumbling and you’re eager to scour through the menu and figure out what you’re having. 

“God, I’m starving,” You sigh, buttering a warm bread roll. In your ravenous state you bite off more than you can politely chew, but thankfully Van doesn’t notice as he’s taking a peek at his phone. 

“Same.” He was listening even in his distracted state, and as soon as he sets his phone back down he reaches for his own roll.

“So…” You start, flipping open your menu to (surprise) even more expensive, french-titled meals. “What’s good here?”

“The lobster,” Van laughs. “It’s the only thing I’ve had here. Had it once and kept craving it forever.”

He must be able to sense that answer doesn’t satisfy you, because he opens his own menu. “Bondy loves the roast. Says it’s one of the best he’s ever had.”

“Not a huge fan of roast,” You tell Van, but flip the pages until you find the meal he’s talking about. “Who’s Bondy?” The name sounds familiar, and in your head you replay the encounter you had outside of Van’s hotel room in San Diego. Was Bondy the one stuck behind the luggage?

“Johnny Bond, he’s our guitar player. Goes by Bondy.”

“Ah. Who’s the one with the…?” You trail off, but motion with your hands around your head to convey the thick head of curls you remember from that night.

“That’s Benji. Our bassist.”

“Benji,” You repeat quietly to yourself. The name doesn’t ring a bell, but the hair does.

“He likes the roast chicken,” Van suggests. “But he’s not allowed to say it’s the best because my mum makes a mean roast chicken and it’s deffo the best.”

“That sounds good. I’m gonna get that.” You try not to openly cringe at the price.

Van opens his mouth to speak, but from the way he’s looking over your shoulder you know the server’s returned to take down your orders. 

“There’s Bob, too,” Van says unprovoked when you two are alone again. “He’s easy to pick out. Wears glasses.”

Your brain can connect the dots there: A man with glasses hidden away behind a drumset in the few photos you’d seen on google.

“Is he drums?” You’re hesitant in case you’re wrong, but Van perks up so you know you’ve got it right.

“He is.” Van takes a drink from his wine glass.

There’s a pause in conversation. You try to wrack your brain for a topic, but your knowledge of his band is shaky and not trivia-proof. 

“Are you guys close?” Seems like a safe enough question to ask.

“Me ‘n Bob?”

“Everyone,” You elaborate, lacing your fingers together. “Are you guys, like, at each other’s throats?”

“Nah. They’re my best mates. I’ve known Bob and Benji since we were younger, in school. Used to play on the same footie team and all’a that. Bondy didn’t come into the picture until we were a bit older but I’d heard of him before. Thought he was crazy talented, couldn’t believe he actually wanted to join us. Everyone’s massively talented, really. Wouldn’t be the same without them.”

You drink in the reverence in his voice as he talks about his friends.

“I was just with ‘em today, actually. Been at the studio for most of the day.”

“Well, that’s good that you guys get along.” You offer him a smile which he returns.

“You’re telling me. Couldn’t imagine if things went sour. Having fights over guitar riffs and drumbeats all day.”

You try to picture Van angry and fail. “What do you do in the studio?”

“We’re putting the finishing touches on our next album. It’s due out at the end of the month.”

“Oh, no way!” Your eyes widen in interest. “That’s really cool.”

Van grins. “Yeah, proper excited. Think it’s our best one yet.”

“So is that how you ended up in L.A.? Music?” As much as you’re trying to get a feel for Van, L.A. seems like the last place on earth he’d enjoy living. Considering his lack of social media presence or desire to pressure others into buying sponsored products, and the fact that the band definitely seems more popular in the U.K. than America, you can’t quite put a finger on his motives.

“Yeah. I lived in New York for a bit, when we first got signed, but ended up moving down here. L.A. is sort of the hub for the business end. I spend a good bit of time in London, but the weather down here is nice.”

“So nice,” You agree. The constant summer is worlds different than the unpredictable midwest climate you were raised in.

“Right?” Van beams. “We just spent a while at this place in Ireland, writing and doing most of the recording. And it was just absolute pouring rain everyday. So once we got outta there we thought why not enjoy some time in the sun?”

You chuckle in agreement, taking the first drink of your wine. It tastes better than you were anticipating, and the pleasant surprise must show on your face.

“It’s good, innit?” Van takes his own sip. “Not much of a wine guy, but this stuff…” He trails off, nodding in approval. “Anyway, enough about me. Been droning on for ages. You said you weren’t from L.A., right? How’d you end up here?”

It’s your turn to be interrupted by the server with fresh, hot meals in tow. There’s the momentary fuss of getting situated with food in front of you, and by the time you guys are settled again the question has slipped away as you two dig into your food.

“This is amazing,” You affirm after your first hot forkful of chicken and roasted vegetables. “Who said this was amazing? They were right.”

“Blakes,” Van replies through a mouthful of lobster.

“Blakes?” You stop your fork midair. “Who’s Blakes?”

Van is still chewing his food, so you hurry up and eat the piece of potato speared on your fork. 

“Benji,” Van clarifies after he swallows. “Benji is Blakes.” He coughs around a sip of his drink when he must see the confusion on your face.

“His name is Benji Blakeway. Blakes is his nickname.”

The name attaches itself to the memory in your head. The c’mon, Blakes, from the guy in the hat rings through your mind.

“Who wears the hat?” You try to get the last puzzle piece in place. You’ve seen whoever it is on google, always wearing the same flat cap.

“Bondy.”

“Okay. So you, Bob, Bondy, Benji.”

Van nods, looking pleased, and you feel a sense of satisfaction spread through you.

“I forgot,” Van says suddenly, “You were just about to tell me how you ended up in L.A.”

“Oh, right.” You look down at your food. “Full disclosure, it’s really lame.”

When you look up, Van’s put his fork down, prepared to listen fully.

You have some wine to calm your nerves. You’ve finished your glass, so you procrastinate by pouring yourself some more.

“It’s just… really childish and impulsive.”

Van laughs. “You’re only making me more interested!”

You huff out a laugh at that. “So… I guess it all started in high school. Which I went to in Michigan, by the way. It’s um,” You gesture with your hand, “It’s the state that looks like a mitten. Close to Canada. Anyway, I had this boyfriend in high school, and senior year he broke up with me.” You laugh at yourself, bringing a hand to your forehead for a moment. “God, this sounds so dramatic. But when you’re in high school you think you’re going to last forever with someone, your first love and all that, y’know.”

Van seems amused. “How old were you?” 

“Well I was like…” You scrunch your face up, thinking back, “14 when we first met, and we were close friends for a while, and then 15 when we actually started dating, and 18 when we broke up.”

“Right,” You plow on, “So, first love and all that good stuff. So we break up when we were 18, which honestly needed to happen. We just didn’t get along anymore but we were so comfortable being a couple by then, you know? We were different as adults, so naturally we break up, whatever. The point is I was fucking devastated.”

You take a deep breath, another drink, and try to prepare yourself to tell the rest of the story.

“So my best friend and I had always had it in our heads, I don’t even know why, that we wanted to come to L.A.”

“Mary?” Van cuts in.

“No, not Mary. I met Mary once I moved here.” You clear your throat, getting back on topic. “I think it’s because of the weather, honestly,” You laugh at your immaturity at that age. “We were so tired of Michigan winters. They’re fucking… cold. And my friend can sing, so naturally we’re thinking you get into L.A. and boom, you’re discovered.”

You gauge Van’s attention then. He’s still listening close.

“So after high school, we had both been saving up for what we thought was this imaginary sort of dream, but then I was broken up with, and depressed, and I kept seeing him everywhere because our town was kind of small, and so we decided… Let’s just pack up and leave!”

Van’s lips quirk up at that. “I was always the same way,” He interjects softly. “Small town thing. Your parents didn’t mind?”

“Well, I convinced them that UCLA was my dream school. So of course they couldn’t say much because I ended up being accepted into a really amazing school, and they had heard me talk about L.A. before. So we get here, and… y’know… Things just didn’t work out that way.”

“When do they ever?” Van jokes.

You nod in agreement around a quick bite of chicken. “Exactly!” You say, wiping the corners of your mouth with your napkin. “It costed so fucking much to live here, and we burned through our savings really fast, and… We ended up becoming even closer through that and we dated for a couple years, and I invested a lot of time into trying to get her discovered because we couldn’t afford rent, but then she got into the wrong group and was getting into cocaine, it was… Intense.”

Your palms are sweating from your admission, and you can’t get yourself to look Van in the eyes, heart racing. 

“So… yeah. Thankfully I’ve made a lot of friends here- the right kind, not the cocaine kind- and I got a really nice internship through UCLA and found an okay job, and me and her went our separate ways. And that’s when I met Mary, and she grew up here so she was able to show me around, and we’ve been inseparable ever since.”

You can feel anxiety clenching in your chest while your admitted interest in women still hangs in the air. You wish it still wasn’t so nerve-wracking to come out, and maybe it wouldn’t be except for the fact you and Van seem to really hit it off, and you would hate for this to be a dealbreaker for him. 

You finally manage to look away from where you’d been carefully inspecting a small stain you’d made on the tablecloth. Van’s leaned back from his plate, an easy smile spread over his face. His arms are crossed across his chest as he marvels at you.

“We’ve got more in common than I thought,” He says grinning. “We can both discuss our ex-girlfriends. Cheers.”

He reaches for his wine glass and you reach for yours too. If Van notices how your wine is trembling from the hand holding the glass, he doesn’t call out as you two clink your glasses together, relief starting to seep through you.

“I love that,” He remarks, still beaming. “Proper ‘escape the small town’ story. I wish mine was as interesting as yours.”

“You do not,” You roll your eyes good-naturedly. “Yours is better! You ended up actually getting discovered.”

“Lots of hard work, that’s all.” Van shrugs. 

Van tells a few lighthearted stories about struggling to get discovered while you guys finish up your meals. True to his word, he stays light on the wine in preparation to drive, spacing out only two glasses the whole time you’ve been here. You’re not sure how many you’ve had, but you figure it can’t be that many. The only telltale signs that let you know you’ve got alcohol in your system are the flush in your cheeks, the way the lights seem to shine a bit softer, and the way you can feel your eyes drifting over Van dreamily.

When the waitress brings the check Van reaches for his back pocket immediately, procuring a card from his wallet.

“You didn’t have to do that,” You say, your eyes widening in shock. “I was gonna pay for mine.” The cost of the entire bottle of wine, combined with both of your dinners floats in your mind.

One side of Van’s mouth lifts in a confused half-smile. “I said I was taking you out for dinner, didn’t I? Dunno if it means the same thing here, but if I’m taking you out why would you pay?”

“I mean, I just… Didn’t want to assume, I guess.” It’s burned you before, dates gone wrong where the check gets split by surprise. “It’s happened before.”

Van snorts. “Sounds fucking awful.”

You nod, eyes wide. “It really was.”

Your mind flips through a few of your worst dates, interrupted only by Van’s card being returned, you two sent on your way.

Van starts humming when you two meander out of the restaurant and across the street to his car, sidling into the front seats.

“Should I take you back to yours?” He asks as he gets the car started. “Or we could go back to mine. Watch a film or somethin’.”

There’s silence in the car while Van checks his phone. You decide to look at yours, too, checking the time. The night is still young.

“Back to yours sounds nice.” The wine makes your voice soft, betrays the way your heart skips at the suggestion.

Van licks his lips, still typing something. He looks up finally. “Mine?”

“Yeah.”

He gets the car into gear, pulling out of the parking space. With a few taps on a screen in the center of the dashboard his phone is connected by bluetooth and music rings out through the car. You recognize it as the song he was humming minutes ago.

You drive in silence for most of the ride, all talked out from dinner, but your interest piques when Van turns the music down.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure,” You say nervously. Your head tries to predict what’s coming next.

“The thing, with you and your ex. Was it a one time sort of deal? Or do you still play for both teams?”

You chew the inside of your cheek. “I still play for both. I’m bisexual.”

“Got it.”

“Why?” You feel yourself bristle. “Is it a problem?”

“Not at all,” Van shrugs, slowly turning the music back up. “Just wasn’t sure what to call it.”

\\

It takes about a half hour to get to Van’s, a journey that includes weaving through a winding, uphill street crammed with upscale homes. Van’s home is in a cluster at the top of the hill, and typing in the gate code reveals a long driveway up to a house surrounded by a tall thicket of bamboo.

“I love the bamboo,” You tell him as he pulls the car in front of the garage, but doesn’t bother to park it inside. “The worst part of living here is feeling like your neighbors are breathing down your neck.” When you step out of the car you soak the privacy in. You could easily be murdered with this level of seclusion, but the fact that you can still hear the bustling sounds of the city and a dog in the neighbor’s yard is reassuring. 

“Totally agree,” Van tells you, jingling his keys, “It’s most of the reason I chose this place. Can sunbathe totally naked and not feel like everyone’s watching me.”

Although Van delivers the joke completely deadpan, you burst into laughter, and in the soft glow of the porch light you can see him smile.

“M’not kidding!” He insists, pointing a finger towards the sky as he gets the door unlocked, letting you in first. “There’s a patio upstairs perfect for getting some sun.”

Inside, his house is decorated eerily similar to the restaurant you’d just been at, with glossy white floors, dark painted walls, and soft lamplight. 

“I’m gonna grab a beer,” Van says as he locks the front door and sets his keys on a small end table that’s covered in unopened mail. “You want anything?”

You think for a moment. “What do you have?”

“No idea, honestly,” Van snorts. He starts walking through the living room and you follow behind. He turns the corner to a dining area that looks pristine and untouched, and around another corner is the kitchen, all windows and clean appliances and glossy countertops. The only indications that anyone’s been in there are the few dirty dishes in the sink, the amazon prime packaging scattered on the kitchen island, and more than one unfinished mug of tea sitting on different surfaces. 

The windows in the kitchen look out into the backyard, where you marvel at the sparkling blue in-ground pool and what looks like a hot tub.

The sound of the fridge opening tears your eyes away from the windows.

“I’ve got, uh,” Van holds the fridge door open wide, the sound of glass clinking as he pulls a bottle of beer from one of the side pockets. “Some Coke, Dr. Pepper, lemonade…” He lets go of the door to pick up a bottle of orange juice, which he inspects carefully. “Some orange juice. Dunno if it’s good, but if you wanted to risk it be my guest.” He offers you a sheepish smile. “Haven’t made it to the shop in forever.”

“Coke’s good,” You tell him, and he sets one of the red cans on the island.

Van shuts the fridge. “Do you want ice?”

“Nah,” You shrug him off, “The can is fine.”

You use the tab to crack open your can while Van rustles through a drawer until he can find a bottle opener, getting his beer open. You two gravitate back to the living room, Van taking a seat on the dark, plush sectional in the center of the room.

He sets his beer down on the coffee table, no coaster in sight, before shucking his shoes off and stretching his long legs across the short end of the L shape. 

Taking your own shoes off buys you a moment of contemplation before you decide to sit down next to where he’s stretched out. There’s no space for you to stretch your legs out, but you’re comfortable folding them up on the couch with you, getting comfortable cross legged while Van procures the remote from somewhere, starting the TV up.

“Look at the moon,” You marvel quietly. The living room features an entire glass wall that leads to an outdoor patio, the moon and stars sending a white shimmering glow over the furniture.

Van doesn’t say anything, but when you turn your head to glance over at him he’s admiring it too before he meets your gaze. He still doesn’t speak, the moment doused in comfortable silence.

“Can I use this?” You ask him suddenly, your hand landing on a folded up blanket a few cushions away. 

“Course.”

You unravel the blanket and lay it over your lap while Van gets Netflix going.

“What do you wanna watch?” He asks when prompted to pick a profile. There are only two on the screen; Van and mary. You smile to yourself at the fact he shares an account with his mom as he clicks his.

“Um,” You look over the options on the screen. “Are you in the middle of anything?”

“Not really. Caught up on just about everything in Ireland.”

Van starts absentmindedly flipping through the trending now category, previews playing automatically.

“Have you seen that?” You ask when he hovers over one of the titles. “I heard it’s supposed to be really, really good.”

Van lets the trailer play out, detailing what looks to be a plot about infatuation and stalking. You can tell you’re both interested by the silence that falls over you.

“Sound good?” Van gets up to switch the lights off. The room is shrouded in darkness, Netflix lighting up his silhouette as he gets settled on the couch again. 

“Yeah,” You nod, “Let’s see if it lives up to the hype.”

You’re all too aware of your proximity to Van as the show starts. You can’t look over at him without him noticing considering it requires you to turn your head, but you can’t help but feel like you can sense his eyes on you. The result is you spending the first half sitting stiff as a board, paralyzed.

But the show lives up to it’s viral social media hype, and you soon become so engrossed that without really realizing it you’ve stretched your legs down the long side of the couch, your head coming to rest on the cushion you had been sitting on. Van passes you one of the throw pillows he’s been hogging, and when you elevate your head you’re so close you can hear his breathing.

The longer you watch, the more convinced you start to become that this date was all an elaborate plan devised by Van to kill you, and that he really did stalk you months ago in San Diego. Your mind wanders for two seconds, contemplating your current position on a stranger’s sofa, and suddenly the plot has taken a twist and the main character is having sex.

It’s almost like watching a sex scene with your parents in the room, although Van is anything but. You cringe as breathy moans ring out through the surround sound and you’re forced to watch a trainwreck of a scene where the the girl is getting fucked, hard, with her windows open, the stalker watching from the bushes across the street. It’s over quick, the character’s on-again-off-again boyfriend leaving as soon as the deed is done, but to your horror the scene only gets worse as the girl starts to hump a throw pillow in compensation for the orgasm she didn’t receive from her boyfriend, all the while the stalker starts jerking off in the bushes.

“Oh God,” You groan, turning your face to bury it in the throw pillow. “I literally can’t watch!”

Van chuckles as you listen to the rest of the scene play out.

“You’re missing it.” You can hear the delight in Van’s voice. “He’s about to blow his load right there on the street.”

“I wanna miss it,” You tell him, but still turn your head to peek at the screen. “Fucking creep.”

The ending of the scene is a crescendo of orgasms and moaning, the actress for the main character really laying it on porn-style for her big finale, while the stalker is abruptly interrupted by an oblivious woman asking him to hold the door, his orgasm incomplete.

“That was fucking creepy,” Van agrees. The episode isn’t done yet, but you can tell neither of you are paying attention to the remaining plot.

“Those windows are freaking me out,” You whine, gesturing to the windows that had previously brought you the view of the night sky, but that you’re now convinced have someone peeping through them.

Van heaves himself off of the couch. Before you can question him he’s crossed the room, pulling giant sheets of blinds down over the windows.

You sigh in relief, but it’s short lived. “But what if you’re the stalker?” You narrow your eyes at Van, who’s looking down at you as he heads back to his seat.

“I’m quite daft, then. Spending all this money on a wine-and-dine when I could’ve been outside your bedroom window for free.”

You make an exaggerated retching noise. Van laughs.

There’s a beat of silence, and then: “Is it really like that?”

You turn your head to peer up at him, propping your chin up on the overstuffed pillow. “Like what?”

“Like she did,” Van gestures towards the screen, “Where you fake it, and then the lad leaves, and you go back at it again.”

You frown as you ponder his question. “I’m sure for some girls it’s not.” Van’s eyes are trained on you, hanging onto your every word. “But as far as I know it usually goes something like that.”

“Pillow humping optional,” You add. “You can use your hand. Personally, I use a vibrator. Or the mood passes and you just go to sleep.”

You don’t know where this burst of boldness to talk about your sex life so openly came from, but Van looks a bit panicked as a result of it.

“And when we…” Van’s voice is low, and you watch his Adam’s apple bob as he swallows, his brows knitting together. “Did you…”

“That was genuine,” You reassure him, watching the relief wash over his face.

Van makes a noise in the back of his throat. “But you have? Before?”

“Faked it?”

Van nods.

It’s your turn to swallow. “Yeah. I have. Not with you. But yeah.”

“How, though?” Van scratches the back of his neck. “Y’know when you watch porn or somethin’ like that, you can tell they’re playing it up.”

You can feel a mischievous smile stretching across your face. “You sound curious.”

“I mean, kinda, yeah. And it’d be good to know. So you can’t fool me.” He offers a sheepish smile at his own joke.

“That would imply you need fooling,” You point out, your voice quiet. There’s no real need to whisper, but the heavy feeling of attraction that’s suddenly pressing down on you keeps you from speaking full volume, especially considering your proximity to Van.

Van doesn’t speak, only holds your gaze. He’s got the same look in his eye that he did outside of the hotel that night when he was openly checking you out. You do your best to match it, your mind quickly wrapping around a plan. Now was as good a time as any other to make your move.

“Well, I mean,” You break his gaze, looking around the room instead. “It ruins the magic if you know it’s fake.” You give an exaggerated sigh. “But for you, I’ll make an exception.”

You sit yourself upright, Van carefully watching your every move.

“We gotta set the scene, though,” You tell him, standing up from the couch and wriggling your pants down your legs. “Get yours off too,” You tell him.

Van doesn’t question it, getting down to his briefs and peeling off his socks after he watches you take off your own. 

You originally planned to keep your shirt on, to leave something to Van’s imagination, but you catch him admiring your black lace underwear and can’t resist revealing the rest of the matching set.

“Just want it to feel as real as possible,” You’re as nonchalant as possible, your voice the only sound in the quiet room. You realize then that Van’s muted the TV.

“Right,” Van agrees, fumbling with the buttons lining the front of his shirt. There’s no other layers underneath, so he’s shirtless in no time. “Now what?”

You pretend to think about it only to drag his anticipation out a few moments longer. While you torment him your eyes drag up and down his body, drinking in the familiar sight.

“Say we’re doing something like this,” You murmur, stepping over to where he’s still stretched out. You slide a leg over his waist, and with the soft slide of skin and fabric you’re settled on his lap, mimicking a riding position. He’s hard in his underwear, pressing against you through the cotton of his underwear and the lace of yours. 

“Like I’m riding you,” You clarify, shifting in Van’s lap. You feel him tense up beneath you.

“Put your hands here,” You prompt him, gently grabbing his wrists and bringing them to rest on your sides. His hands feel hesitant to make contact with you at first, but at your encouragement he holds onto your sides firmly.

“Now, the first step is build up.” Your voice stays low, like you’re trading secrets with him. “It’s not gonna be realistic without warning. Gotta spend some time doing something like this…” Without further ado you’re grinding against him through your underwear, his fingertips pressing into your flesh. 

It’s been way too long since you’ve had the experience of feeling someone’s solid, warm body beneath you, since you’ve felt someone want you so bad. Your first couple of breathy moans don’t even feel fake as you relish in the warm friction, losing control for a beat when your hips jerk on their own accord. “Van, fuck.”

His fingers squeeze you.

“Yeah, like that.” You piggyback off of his enthusiasm. You let your hips apply more pressure to his, but as good as it feels there’s no dry humping that could soothe your ache. Van doesn’t have to know that, though, and you let another desperate sounding noise come up from the back of your throat. Van’s thighs twitch beneath you.

You had been holding onto Van’s waist to balance yourself, but suddenly you move one of your palms to his side and feel him jolt. You look at him then, your face contorting into a look of mild surprise.

“I’m close.” You say it as if you were caught off guard. Van looks like an even mix of seduced and stunned, and the way he’s looking at you makes you close your eyes, scrunch your face up. “I’m, uh,” You pant, “I’m gonna-”

Before you can get to the grand finale your body is knocked off balance, suddenly becoming pressed into the soft cushions. 

“Fucking stop,” Van sounds pained as he kisses you, hard. Your body melts into the couch, the sweet and rare feeling of a plan going perfectly warming your body from the inside out. You moan into the kiss.

“I take it back,” He tells you before another bruising kiss. “I don’t wanna know what it sounds like.”

“How are you gonna know?” You push out between genuine gasps for air as Van starts kissing your neck. You arch into it.

“Tell me the truth,” He begs, resting his forehead against your shoulder. You can feel how clammy he is. “Please. Save that stuff for someone else. Tell me the truth.”

You don’t respond, silence in the air as you both catch your breath.

“I’ve got no use for sex that sounds straight out of a porno.” Van lifts his head, and you flinch at the intensity in his eyes. “I’d rather it be fucking real. No bullshit. If you’re having a good time, sure, say it. But if you’re not, say that too.”

It’s a rather serious take on something you’d thought was lighthearted. You’d never thought twice about faking orgasms. As far as you knew it was quite customary. You’d always figured the amount of times you’d done it had been on the lighter side, too. It’s not like you’d never had one, a fate some women seemed doomed to. But the way Van’s looking at you gives a sudden gravity to your actions.

“No bullshit,” You say firmly. You unwedge one of your hands from where it’s been pressed into the crack of the sofa, and offer Van your pinky.

Van’s intensity breaks as he smiles at the gesture. There’s a shift in his weight before he can get a hand free to loop his pinky finger with yours. “No bullshit.”

Then he’s kissing you again, your head forced back against the cushions of the couch, paralyzed between the furniture and his body. He tastes like the beer he’s been drinking and the butter he’d drenched his lobster in. It should be a bad combination, but it’s so uniquely Van you can’t complain. Not to mention he’s still at the top of your makeout leaderboard, a realization that brings your fingers into his hair.

“Show me your room,” You tell him when you break apart for air.

“It’s two floors up,” Van groans. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” You laugh at his hesitation to roll off of you.

“There’s a guest bedroom right there.” Van nods toward the end of the hall past the front door.

You consider for a moment. “With windows?” You ask finally. When Van nods, you crinkle your nose in distaste.

“Your room,” You insist, and he finally climbs off of you. As he clicks the TV off you make the sudden decision to grab for the throw blanket you’d been using, wrapping it around your body as if it was a towel.

“What?” You ask when you notice him staring at you in amusement. “It’s fucking cold in here. Don’t suppose you want me to put more clothes on.”

“Deffo not,” Van agrees, and leads the trek up the stairs.

Van’s bedroom is average size, a fact which catches you off guard. You hadn’t known what to expect based on the rest of the house, but besides the giant glass windows that panel the wall the bed faces (which Van covers immediately), and the luxurious attached bathroom, his room is quite ordinary. There’s a suitcase resting open on the floor, and Van has to move an acoustic guitar that was resting on the bed, but otherwise things seem clean. There’s an overfilled hamper in the corner, but you were pleased he owned a hamper at all. 

As soon as the guitar is moved you join Van in getting under the covers, shedding your makeshift robe on the floor. The transition back into making out is seamless.

“I can show you for real,” You whisper, surprised to find your bold streak hasn’t run out.

Van makes what sounds like a confused noise in the back of his throat, his lips consumed with being pressed against yours, but as soon as you hook a leg over his waist and start shifting him onto his back he gets the hint.

“You want me to?” You ask him softly, although you’ve got a good feeling you already know the answer. 

“Shit,” Van hisses when you slip a hand into his underwear, easing his dick out. “Yeah.”

It’s your first time getting a hand around him properly, and you relish in the weight of him against your palm, the way the head of him is already swollen, peeking out of his foreskin. You give him a few experimental tugs, only to be encouraged by a groan. As much as you want to continue, his briefs are getting in the way.

There’s a bit of clamoring while you two undress fully, but it doesn’t dampen the mood in the slightest. 

“That’s better,” You murmur when you’re seated back on his thighs, hand wrapped around him again. You know you should stop, considering you’ve been teasing him for a while already, but the control you’ve got over him is too intoxicating, watching him clench and groan as you experiment with different strokes.

“Where do you keep the condoms?” You ask after keeping the pace with relentless, quick tugs until you felt like he was ready. The only sound in the room is the soft noise of his foreskin sliding over him, but it feels like it echoes.

“There,” Van pants, throwing his arm in a gesture towards one of the bedside tables. You shift slightly off of his lap, your clit pressing against the soft skin of his hip while you dig through the top drawer. The only light in the room is from the soft glow of the city against the blinds, but it’s just enough for you to be able to locate a foil packet before handing it off to Van.

After the ripping of the wrapper, the room falls silent except for the harsh noise of breathing. Van’s hands bump against you clumsily while he gets himself wrapped, and you try to match your breathing to his slow, deep breaths. You sound more worked up than him, your anxiety making your breaths shallow and harsh.

Van brushes one of his hands against your thigh while he withdraws his hands, signaling he’s done.

This time when you slip a hand around him you’re gentle, careful not to disturb the thin layer of latex you can feel stretched over him. “Ready?”

You’re already shifting into position, rearing up onto your knees and maneuvering above him. Waiting for the green light.

“Yeah,” Van chuckles. “Let’s have it.”

The room goes quiet again, Van waiting with baited breath as you position him. You swallow hard, trying to soothe the fluttering in your stomach as you start to lower down on him.

It’s unceremonious, a hushed and slow process. There’s no dramatic sinking down like there is in porn, no loud screams of pleasure. It’s a slow stretch as your body accommodates him, an active effort to keep your balance as you make small shifts to try different angles. There’s the occasional sharp breath, but you’re not sure if it’s from Van or if you’re doing it without meaning to.

There’s a collective sigh of relief when you’re fully seated, your thighs trembling against his from the stretch. You’re terribly out of practice with this, and you’re mentally kicking your past self for her confidence while your anxiety starts to prepare you for Van’s disappointment. 

Your nerves and self-consciousness mix together to form a hot flush on your face, one you’re grateful Van can’t see. You make a last-ditch effort for a deep breath before you shift your hips, preparing to proceed.

You’d forgotten how good this was. Or maybe it wasn’t actually ever this good; maybe it’s just Van. But as soon as you get a pace going any nerves melt away, replaced instead with electricity that buzzes down your spine, through your hips. It zings it’s way across your thighs, making any discomfort worth it as you make sure to lower yourself completely every single time, feeling yourself fill up.

Van’s got a white knuckle grip on the sheets, but you’re barely noticing his reactions. It’s like you’re possessed, your body moving without your control as you chase the feeling. What feeling exactly, you’re not sure; there’s the friction of him sliding in and out of you, the feeling of fullness that punches you in the gut every time you lower down, and the white-hot spots you can get him to hit depending on the angle. They all mix together, heat and tingling and sparks that have you hunched over, hands pressed into his chest, your hips erratic.

Your thighs start to fail you, and when the ache becomes unbearable you settle for staying seated, keeping him fully inside of you as you shift around, feeling him rub against your walls. You clench experimentally, just to see if there’s a way to get him deeper, closer.

You’re only jolted from your own thoughts at the sound of Van moaning. It’s loud, the volume paired with the vulnerability of the sound startling you. 

You look down at him then. He’s got his forearm thrown over his eyes, and his hair’s a mess against the mattress, having pushed the pillows awry without you noticing. His mouth opens, lips forming a silent shape before he finally chokes the word out: “Stop.”

His other hand is pressed against your thigh, although you don’t remember it being there. His fingers dig into your skin. “Stop,” He says again, voice strained.

Your hips slow, any pleasure in your entire body fizzling away in half of a second. Your self consciousness comes crashing down over you in one suffocating wave as you hold completely still, confused.

You must’ve fucked up. Must’ve read the situation wrong, not realized that Van wasn’t into it. Must’ve heard his moan wrong. Must’ve missed something important. You feel the sweat that’d been developing on your forehead go cold as you mentally search for your fatal mistake. 

“Is something wrong?” You ask hesitantly. You’re still frozen, careful not to move a muscle while you await Van’s response.

“No,” Van chokes out. He lifts his arm from where it’s obscuring his face, running his hand through his hair instead. You can see his bicep flex as he pulls his own hair by the crown of his head. “You’re incredible, fuck. I can’t fucking stand this anymore. Switch me.”

His praise delivers an instant wave of relief, one that has you beaming down at him. He returns the smile weakly as you unseat yourself, plopping down on the soft mattress while he scrambles into the new position. 

“Scared the shit out of me.” You don’t know why you admit it. Maybe your brain is too foggy for censors. “Thought I was doing horrible.”

“Nah, fuck that.” Van’s lining up again. “Could just feel you getting tired. Figured I could return the favor.”

He takes your cue from the way you open your thighs wider, shift your hips up to meet him. He slides in easily, and as the shock of the interruption fades away you can feel your orgasm coming back to the surface, just as strong as it’d been previously.

Van takes his favor-returning duties seriously, fucking you with all he’s got. It’s different from last time. You’ve already set the rules and he follows them meticulously: sudden thrusts in, followed by a torturous pause so you can fully appreciate him inside of you before a long, slow withdraw where you can feel every inch of him. It’s too much and not enough at the same time, and when you’re on the brink you haul him in with a hand on his jaw for a kiss, gasping for air against his open mouth.

Van comes first despite his heroic efforts to hold off. Your only warning is a few moments of loose hips before he’s cursing, his hand slapping the headboard as he clenches it, exhaling your name.

Your only response is to kiss him. His lips are soft and pliant, moving easily against yours now that any tension has leaked out of his body, and you slip a hand between your bodies, desperate to feel as relaxed as him.

“Don’t,” Van slurs. Your fingers had already started tight circles against your clit, but Van bumps your hand away. “Quit, lemme.”

“I can do it,” You huff, your desperation putting you on edge.

“I know you can.” You can hear the amusement in Van’s voice as he pulls out and ties off the condom, leaning over to deposit it in a trash can you didn’t know existed. “But m’not inept either.”

After another impatient huff from you, Van’s fingertips are pressed tight against your clit, working it in loose circles. He doesn’t linger too low and you’re grateful for that, already feeling the tenderness start to catch up to you. He’s careful and precise, hanging onto your every noise as he tries to get it right, and when he succeeds you reward him by calling out his name over, and over, and over.

To your surprise, you open your eyes to Van sticking the fingers he’d touched you with into his mouth without any hesitation. 

Your eyes feel like they’re about to bug out of your head. “Why are you doing that?”

There’s a wet noise as Van’s lips release his fingers. “Needed to clean ‘em off.”

“You could’ve asked me to pass you something. The blanket’s right here.” You reach to the floor and grab the soft fabric, showing it to him for emphasis.

Van just looks at you quizzically, cocking his head. “Why would I wipe off on a blanket?”

“I just, y’know,” You flounder for an explanation, especially under Van’s gaze. “If you’re not into the taste, or something. I dunno.”

Van shrugs. “Into your taste just fine.”

You can’t keep the surprise off of your face. “Oh. Alright.”

“I’ll have to show you next time,” Van says with a joking wink before getting up, heading for the bathroom.

As soon as he’s turned his back you bury your face in nearest pillow, beaming into it. Next time. 

You sit up straight when you hear the toilet flush, regaining your composure. 

When Van comes back into the bedroom he immediately grabs for a pack of cigarettes and a lighter resting on the bedside table. He offers you the box, but this time you shake your head.

“Let’s see how these sheets look,” He says, cigarette bobbing loosely between his lips as he makes the few strides to the bedroom door, lifting the dimmer and illuminating the room.

It feels out of place to be naked with the lights on, and you reach over and grab the throw blanket off of the floor, wrapping it around yourself again as you stand to take your turn using the bathroom. You examine the sheets with Van, and they look no worse for wear except for a slight wet spot marking the spot on the bed where you’d came.

“Just that bit,” You acknowledge, gesturing to the spot. “Sorry.”

Van pulls the cigarette from his mouth, rolling his eyes playfully as he exhales smoke. “It’s nothin’. It’ll be dry in a few seconds. Go freshen up, love.”

Your cheeks heat up at the nickname, and you head for the en suite so Van doesn’t see.

“Do you need anything from downstairs?” You ask after you’ve taken your customary after-sex pee. “I gotta go get my clothes.”

Van’s perched on the remade bed, finishing off his cigarette in only his briefs. “You’re gonna put your clothes back on?”

“I mean, I gotta wear clothes in the Uber,” You joke.

“You don’t have to Uber home,” Van says, ashing the butt of his cigarette out in an ashtray. “I was gonna make us a fry up tomorrow.”

His britishness catches you off guard, and you laugh. “I have no idea what that is.”

“Oh, no way. It’s a big breakfast!” He gestures with his hands, “Eggs, bacon, sausage, the whole works! It’s fucking class. What d’ya say?”

You hold up your hands in playful surrender, even though it causes your blanket to sag. “I was only leaving because I didn’t know what you had going on! But that sounds good.”

You try not to read too much into how pleased Van looks at your agreement to stay.

“But I’ve still gotta go downstairs and get my bag,” You tell him, “So do you still need anything?”

“I’ll go with ya.” Van lights his second cigarette. “Could use a cup of tea.”

You two return to the mess you’ve made of the living room; throw pillows smushed from being under your bodies, clothes strewn on the floor, drinks lukewarm on the table now. Van takes your can of Coke and his empty beer bottle around the corner into the kitchen, while you gather up your clothes and purse before following him.

“Ugh, ready to take these things out,” You complain, fishing through your bag for the contact case you’d packed. You hadn’t wanted to assume Van would want you to stay over, but it was always best to be prepared.

“Take what out?” Van mumbles, turning to look at you from where he was standing over the stove babysitting a tea kettle.

“My contacts.” You open the case up on the island, not bothering to wash your hands before getting the dry lenses out easily with your finger, depositing them in the fresh solution you’d been sure to fill the case with. Van watches the whole spectacle curiously.

Even though your vision is blurry once you’re done sealing the case and putting it back in your bag, you can still see Van’s smirk.

“What?”

“Nothin’,” Van sing-songs, his voice going up an octave. “Seems like you came pretty prepared, s’all.”

You scoff. “I take a contact case with me everywhere, thank you very much,” You lie.

Van snorts. “With the liquid already in it?”

You blanch, caught. Van laughs in delight.

“Oh, shut up,” You huff. “How about you tell me about that breakfast you already planned for us, huh?” You make your way around the island to him, gently jabbing him in the stomach. He pokes you back. It’s tit-for-tat until you’re both laughing, interrupted only by the tea kettle coming to a boil.

By the time you’re back upstairs, Van nursing a warm mug of tea, your post-orgasm exhaustion is at its peak. It had taken all your strength to climb the two flights of stairs, and you don’t think twice about crawling into bed wearing only your underwear until you hear Van fussing with the closet door.

“Here,” He takes a plain black t-shirt off of a hanger, tossing it to you. You accept it graciously, slipping it on before tucking yourself under the sheets, eyelids heavy.

When Van slides into bed next to you he doesn’t seem ready to sleep, picking up his mug of tea instead.

“Jet lagged?” You ask, peering up at him from your spot nestled in his blankets. Everything smells deliciously like him, and you have to actively resist the urge to look like a creep that sniffs everything.

“Kinda,” Van smiles down at you. “Don’t sleep much in general, though. Always been quite hyper.”

His declaration doesn’t surprise you. Considering all the fidgeting, humming, toe-tapping, and fingertip drumming he seems to be doing every moment, you have no doubts about his boundless energy. 

“Hm,” You murmur, yawning. “Well, lucky you.” You pat his leg under the blankets before flipping over.

You can’t help but imagine what it might be like to actually see Van tired. What it might be like for him to lay with you in bed, your body wrapped around his. With that on your mind, you doze off quick.

\\

You’re disoriented when you open your eyes, expecting to be in your own bedroom. Instead you’re greeted by the bright L.A. sunlight, the shades pulled across the window seemingly useless in filtering it out.

Van’s not in bed. There’s his mug from last night on the nightstand, and the blankets and pillows are ruffled, but the bathroom is clearly empty.

You’d totally forgotten to ask him for a phone charger last night, something you only remember when you go to check the time only to be greeted with an unresponsive screen. 

You decide to climb out of bed and see if Van’s actually following through on his promise of breakfast. It’s foreign to you, wandering around a stranger’s house. You’re usually the type to roll back over and go to sleep until you know for sure other people are awake. You’ve never been the one to make yourself at home, using the kitchen or the television without permission. But considering Van doesn’t seem the type to head back to bed, this seemed like your best bet.

Midway down the first staircase you realize that you don’t have pants on. You could head back upstairs and grab your clothes but decide against it, praying Van’s not the type to have company at this time.

Thankfully Van’s right where you anticipated. You hear his singing ringing out through the living area before you’ve even turned the corner to the kitchen, along with the clatter of pots and pans. The acoustic guitar that had been resting on the bed last night is propped against the coffee table now. He must’ve been up for a while now.

“Hey,” You say softly when you round the corner. It’s only for Van’s benefit, so he’s not startled by your presence, but he doesn’t miss a beat in the song he’s singing, only grinning at you as he continues. You smile to yourself when his back is turned. Of course he’s not one to scare easily.

He’s definitely been to sleep, considering his pillow-mussed hair and the fact he’s still only in his underwear. You admire the way the muscles in his back flex as he scours through the fridge, procuring ingredients.

“What time is it?” You ask, peering around for any sort of microwave or oven clock.

“Half nine,” Van chirps, bumping the fridge door closed with his hip, a carton of eggs and a frozen pack of bacon in his hands.

“Oh.” You intertwine your fingers together. “So, uh. Is that, like, eight-thirty or nine-thirty…?”

“Nine-thirty,” Van elaborates. He glances at you over his shoulder from his position at the counter. “Do you not say that here?”

“I’ve never heard it,” You shrug. Van nods as he processes your answer.

“So, what are you making again?” You stop leaning on the island in favor of approaching the counter, looking over the various foods sitting out. “A stir fry?”

“Well, about that…” Van says sheepishly, opening the carton of eggs. “I was gonna do a whole fry up, but like I said, I haven’t been to the shops in forever. So how do you feel about just eggs, bacon, toast?”

“Sounds lovely,” You tell him, continuing to hover around him.

Van cracks whatever eggs are left in the carton into a mixing bowl, leaving the eggshells in the nearby sink.

“Do you need any help?” You ask, feeling terribly annoying while you just watch.

“Nah.” Van shrugs you off. “Just keep me company.”

“I’ll sit down, then, instead of being in your personal space.”

“You’re gonna sit all the way over there?” Van whines when you tug one of the island stools out to sit on.

“There’s no other place to sit!” You exclaim.

“Right here,” Van slaps his palm down on the counter.

“I don’t have pants on!” You insist. “I’m not gonna put my bare ass on your kitchen counters.”

“I need you over here!” Van argues. “I need someone to help supervise!”

“Then how about I pull the stool closer?” You start to drag your seat over the tile floor.

“Then it’ll just be in the way. Come sit up here and talk to me.”

You pretend to be inconvenienced by his request, sighing as you hoist yourself up on a section of counter not currently being used to prepare food. The marble is cold against the back of your thighs, and you cringe.

You watch Van diligently mix the eggs with some milk using a whisk. With the way his head’s bent, you can see how crooked the part of his hair has become from sleep.

“C’mere,” You gesture. Van looks up from what he’s doing.

“Your hair is driving me nuts,” You elaborate. When he’s looking up at you it’s even more unruly.

Van abandons the mixing bowl, setting it aside in favor of coming to stand in front of you. 

“You don’t like my morning hair?” He teases. He lets you maneuver the angle of his head and stands there patiently as you start to pick at the strands.

“Love it,” You assure him, “But if I’m going to supervise I’ve got to make sure you look presentable.” Once his part is sitting correctly you comb your fingers through the ends, managing to get about half of them to lay uniformly. It’s an improvement. You pat his shoulder, satisfied.

When he looks up at you, your faces are awkwardly close.

“Thanks,” Van murmurs, and you watch the way his eyes dart down to your lips before flickering back up. Your hand still hasn’t left his shoulder.

“Yeah,” Is all you manage to say, any witty or funny remarks disintegrating on your tongue. You wait for an interruption, for Van to jerk away and remember the food he needs to tend to. But he doesn’t.

His lips press into yours instead. It’s the first time you guys have kissed without an impending sense of urgency. Van brings his hands up to rest on your waist, his fingertips fidgeting with the hem of your borrowed shirt. You sling your arms around his neck, tugging him closer, savoring every moment.

You spread your knees apart, making space for him to fit his hips between them, pleased to get him even closer.

Van pulls away to breathe and you rest your head on his shoulder, trying to hide your smile. It occurs to you when you turn your face and admire the long lines of his neck that you’ve never paid much attention to it. 

You can feel Van melting into your arms as you start at his shoulder and mouthe your way up. You don’t intend to leave any marks, but that doesn’t stop you from letting your teeth graze him a couple times so you can hear the way he sucks the air through his teeth at the feeling. You can feel his pulse right at his jaw, and you press your lips there firmly for a moment, marveling at how his pulse skitters against his skin.

“Christ,” Van murmurs. Your lips curve into a smile where they’re pressed against him.

You’d planned to be done at his jaw, but curiosity gets the better of you and you let your lips travel higher, trying to feel for his pulse behind his ear. The ends of his hair tickle your nose as you search for it, but feeling his heart stutter again is worth it.

When Van can’t take anymore he turns his head, bringing his lips to yours. Your hand comes to rest on the side of the neck and you don’t know if you’re imagining it but Van seems to lean into it. You tense your fingertips, digging them into his skin just slightly, experimentally, and Van deepens the kiss. 

You make a small, satisfied noise as you break away from him. “You don’t happen to keep condoms in your kitchen, do you?”

You’d been feeling Van get hard the entire time, but when he pulls away you marvel at how terrible he is at concealing his desire; his pupils are blown, there’s a fresh flush to his cheeks, and his chest is visibly rising with every breath.

“I don’t, no,” He runs his hand through his hair, successfully reversing your attempts to make him look presentable. “I’ll go grab one from my wallet.”

“Hurry,” You urge him, pleased at how quickly he turns to leave the kitchen. He’s still just as handsome from behind, and you marvel at how his briefs hug his ass before he spins, catching you.

“Stop ogling at me!” He teases. You stick your tongue out at him.

With Van gone, it’s just you and the abandoned mixing bowl of eggs alone in the kitchen. You take a deep breath, kick your legs out from the counter awkwardly, and count the seconds until he returns, condom in hand.

“Okay,” He sets the condom down on the counter, and loops his fingers into the waistband of your underwear. “Hips up,” He quips.

You obey, pressing your palms flat against the counter so you can get your hips into the air and Van can get your underwear down. Van tugs his own briefs down his legs easily, kicking them away. You watch them slide across the kitchen tile.

Van opens the condom, giving himself a few quick tugs in preparation to roll it on. At the sight of him you swallow nervously, the visual reminder bringing the ache between your legs to the forefront of your attention.

“Go easy on me, okay?” You laugh, but the slight waver of your voice betrays your nerves. Van’s too smart for any sugarcoating. His blue eyes snap up to meet your gaze, all seriousness, a silent questioning.

You give him a slight smile, crinkling your nose. “I’m sore.”

Realization dawns over him. “Gotcha,” He nods.

Van positions himself between your knees, using his hands on your hips to gently guide you to the edge of the counter.

“I feel like I’m gonna fall off,” You whine. Van only smiles, still looking down at your bodies.

“I need you right here at the edge,” He explains, letting go of you when he’s satisfied. 

“You sound like an expert.” It’s a dangerous joke to make, something twisting at your stomach at the sudden thought of other girls having this same kind of morning with Van.

“Not even fucking close,” He assures you, and your stomach unknots.

He works on lining himself up, but you can tell the way your body is curved in order to have your arms wrapped around his shoulders is making an odd angle that’ll be uncomfortable. 

“Don’t go yet,” You plead, suddenly desperate to try a different position. He stills, his eyes flickering to yours.

“This angle isn’t gonna work,” You answer his unspoken question. “I think I need to…” 

You don’t finish the rest of your sentence, opting to carefully lean back instead. You have to bend your neck to fit under the cabinet, and push a knife block a little off to the side, but eventually your shoulders come to rest on the cool tile of the wall. It’s uncomfortable, to say the least, but it allows your hips to tilt back. Your hands grapple for the most comfortable way to keep yourself from slipping off of the edge of the marble.

Van looks amused. “You good?”

You nod.

“We don’t have to do it in here you know,” He gestures with his hand towards the exit to the kitchen. “I can lay you out on the couch or somethin’.”

“In here’s fine,” You insist. You’d never had kitchen sex before, and your curiosity about the experience was stronger than the ache in your neck. 

Van playfully throws his hands up in surrender. “Okay then,” He laughs, before positioning your hips again and lining himself up for the second time. “You ready, then?”

With your eager nod Van slides in. He goes slow, his brow furrowed. You can tell he’s taking your request to be gentle to heart.

He’s careful not to bottom out, and from your position sitting back can see the restraint he’s exercising, how tight and rigid his body stays while he starts thrusting, shallow, slow.

It aches but only slightly, and it’s an incredible reminder of last night. Your hands scrabble against the countertop, desperate for anything to hold on to. They find nothing. There’s nothing you can do except hold as still as possible to keep your balance.

Van’s an absolute vision, the morning sun beaming through through the kitchen and making him glow. You watch the sweat glisten on his chest, the way he looks like he’s so lost in you he wants to close his eyes. He seems determined to keep them open, watching your every expression. You can see the muscles in his stomach flex with each movement, the angle of the sunlight creating a tiny shadow near his bellybutton. It’s too much. You close your eyes.

That only makes it worse, though, only forces you to focus solely on how the movement of him against you feels. You’re forced to lay there, completely still, the image of Van burned behind your eyelids. The pleasure is making you feel like you’re about to crawl out of your skin, and not having an outlet is driving you nuts. You slap your sweaty palm against the countertop. Van doesn’t even flinch.

“Holy shit,” You gasp, tipping your head back against the cool tile, finally opening your eyes to the bottom of the wooden cabinet. “I can’t fucking take this anymore,” You heave.

Van’s forced to stop thrusting when you manage to get your legs around his waist, bringing his hips flush against yours as you work your way back into the sitting position you were originally in before you had the idea to sit back. There’s the uncomfortable tickle in your stomach as the angle changes, and you hope things will work this way. At this point, anything feels better than laying there helplessly.

“Sorry,” You breathe, back to wrapping your arms around his neck, pulling him in for a sloppy yet gratifying kiss.

“Don’t be,” Van brings your lips together again. He’s got he slightest bit of stubble growing. It’s too light to be visible, but you feel the slight scratch of it against your lips and bring your palm up to rub your thumb over his jawline, feeling the hairs.

You keep your legs around Van’s waist but relax them enough so that he’s got room to move. He takes it as an invitation, starting to fuck into you again, and makes a noise low in his throat. You can’t decipher if it’s from pleasure or discomfort, but it sounds urgent. 

“Okay?” You ask, craning your neck away from where you’d been examining his freckles in extreme detail, getting a full view of his face instead.

“Yeah.”

You raise your eyebrows at how strained his voice sounds.

Van runs his hand through his hair, the strands that hang near his forehead damp with sweat.

You’ve stopped watching his face, your eyes instead wandering to the top of his shoulder, the little freckles that pepper him there. You only see his expression out of your peripheral vision when he finally speaks, his voice low: “It’s fucking tight.”

He sounded hesitant to say it, as if worried you’d take offence, but instead you lean over to start kissing the freckles on his shoulder you’d just longingly gazed at. Your stomach lights up at the way he sounded, vulnerable and maybe shy, different from the ever-confident Van you’re used to. You hide your smile in his neck and breathe in his scent while you’re there.

You could already tell you wouldn’t be able to come in this new position, last night’s ache becoming slightly too pronounced, but you were more than happy to let Van keep going. You spend the time alternating between kissing him deeply and kissing his neck, and letting your hands wander over any bit of his skin you can reach. An orgasm almost sneaks up on you, your thighs tensing of their own accord, but Van gets there first. It’s the quietest he’s ever been, shaking through it breathlessly, head pressed into your neck, your fingers still playing with the ends of his hair, which looks almost blonde in the morning sun.

Van catches your cringe as he pulls out.

“Did it hurt?” He asks, voice rough.

“Nothing serious,” You assure him. “It was worth it.”

He ties the condom off and opens one of the cupboard doors below you, leaning over to deposit it in the trash.

It takes a second for your head to wrap around the way he sinks to his knees suddenly.

“What are you doing?” You sound more frantic than you’d meant to.

“You’re sensitive, yeah?” Van raises his eyebrows at you for confirmation. You nod, stunned to silence.

“This is about as gentle as it gets,” He shrugs. “As long as you’re good with it?”

“Um, yeah,” You stammer. “You could give it a try.”

It’s hard to form words correctly when Van’s face is right between your legs, looking at you in all your after-sex glory. You have to actively resist the urge to squirm away and cover yourself, your cheeks heating in self-consciousness.

If Van notices your discomfort he doesn’t show it, only looking pleased that you’ve given him permission.

You can’t stand watching him lean forward, opting instead to tip your head back towards the ceiling and squeeze your eyes shut, waiting for him to begin.

You tense up when you feel it. Van’s warm breath tickles you before you feel the wet slide of his tongue against you. You jolt. He gives a few more experimental licks, slow and languid, moving around, and your fingers tangle in his hair instinctually.

It’s not that you don’t want it. It’d be a lie to say you’ve never thought back on that night in San Diego and wondered absentmindedly about things taking a different turn in his hotel room. Your sleepy mind curiously twisting the events, wondering if he’d be any good at this.

But as curious as you were, the thing about head is it always just seemed to be a grand waste of time for you. On the very few occasions you’d been on the receiving end, the act had consisted of slimy, uncomfortable exploration with movements too inconsistent to get you anywhere. And worse, it was treated as a gift, one you were inevitably supposed to return. The lackluster results along with the heavy implications meant you tended to keep your distance.

But after some exploration Van seems locked in on his mission. You dare to peer down at him when you feel him start to find a rhythm, one that has your legs opening wider without your control. His eyes are squeezed shut, his nose brushing against you with every lick, and when he exhales hot air you can’t help but shiver.

You let go of his hair, your knuckles aching from your tight grip, but Van makes a noise. It’s too quiet for you to hear, but you jerk as you feel the vibrations against you, the message loud and clear. You rush to grab his hair again, flustered.

The better it starts to feel the more apparent it becomes that he’s in the wrong spot, a different area starting to throb for his attention. Without really thinking about it you use his hair to herd him to the other spot. He’s just licked firmly against it, your legs quivering, when he sits back on his knees.

“Done?” You ask, surprised to hear disappointment in your tone.

“Nah,” Van wipes at his mouth with the back of his hand. “Need a breath.” 

Your shoulders sag with a relief you didn’t know you felt.

“How is it?” He croaks, peering up at you.

“Good,” You answer out of habit, before realizing how true it is. “Really, really good.”

“You like the spot I was in?” He inquires, gearing up to keep going. The way he sets his jaw in determination makes your mouth go dry.

“The one higher up,” You clarify, your voice only slightly above a whisper. “Yeah.”

And without further ado he’s back at it, resuming in exactly the same spot, a miracle that leaves you speechless.

There’s nothing unexpected about your orgasm. It’s a steady build, the pressure between your legs becoming more and more unbearable as Van’s tongue works firmly against you. He incorporates his lips in some mysterious way you’ve never experienced, and uses his palms to press your thighs open when you’re too clenched to keep them open yourself. He’s eager to please, treating any noises you let slip as feedback. You moan his name as praise and Van preens under the attention.

It’s a long descent back to Earth, your head spinning when it’s all over. The first thing you realize is that you’re awkwardly petting Van’s hair, smoothing your palms over the strands subconsciously. You pull your hands away as Van leans back, catching his breath.

“Sorry,” You murmur.

“Hm?” Van busies himself wiping his mouth. You can see his chin glistening from you.

Your head’s too foggy to clearly remember why you even said sorry, let alone explain it to Van. “I dunno,” You say instead.

“Can you pass me one of those?” Van asks, gesturing to a roll of paper towel that’s within arm’s reach of you. You rip away a few squares for him and pass them over.

“That went better than expected,” You confess breathlessly.

“Yeah?” Van cocks his head, looking amused. “Thought I wouldn’t be any good?”

“Not at all! I mean- that’s not what I meant,” You giggle, trying to find the right words somewhere in your haze. “I’m just surprised I came. It’s never happened from that.”

Van blinks at you. “No shit?”

“Yeah, I’ve never. Until now. But I don’t really let anyone do that. Swore it off a few years ago.”

“But you let me?”

“I mean, yeah,” You shrug. “I’ve never had anyone, like, want to. I’m not gonna beg for something useless.”

“Never had anyone want to?” Van looks stunned as he uses the edge of the counter to help himself off of his knees. “Who the fuck have you been with?”

It sounds hypothetical, so you don’t answer. Van shakes his head to himself as he leans over, washing his hands in the sink.

“We’ll have to do it again sometime. Properly. That angle was kind of shit.”

You smile. “I mean, I thought it was pretty nice.”

Van smiles too, sliding down the counter so he’s in front of you. He leans in for a kiss, and even though you can taste yourself on his lips you let him. 

“It can be better. You just gotta gimme another chance,” He says playfully when you two separate. 

He’s joking, but you can hear he’s being genuine underneath.

“I mean, if you want,” You shrug, indifferent.

“Oh, I want,” He assures you with a wink. “Anyway, are you still hungry?”

“I’m starving,” You groan. “But I really need to rinse off, if you don’t mind.”

“Course I don’t mind. I’ll set you up in the bathroom and then get breakfast going for real this time.”

He reaches down for his discarded briefs, slipping them on before leading you back up to his bedroom, getting the shower in the en suite going for you. 

Once you’re done showering, smelling like all of Van’s products and wrapped in a giant, fluffy towel, you slip out of the bathroom and into Van’s room. You perch on the edge of his bed, reaching for your phone which has finally powered on with the help of a borrowed charger.

There’s a ton of texts from Mary, her curiosity growing the longer you haven’t responded. You listen closely for any sign of Van, but there’s silence. He’s still in the kitchen working on breakfast. You dial Mary’s number.

“Holy shit, finally!” Mary exclaims down the line. “How was last night?”

“I’m um,” You keep your voice low, still paranoid Van might come upstairs to check on you at any moment. “I’m still here.”

“No fucking way,” Mary hisses. “You stayed the night?”

“Yeah. But hey, listen, I don’t have too long, he’s making breakfast-”

“Breakfast?” Mary interrupts. “Like, what kind of breakfast? He can microwave oatmeal?”

You snort. “No, like a real breakfast! Eggs and stuff.”

“Shut the fuck up. I knew he was perfect the first night we met him!”

“Mary, listen!” You hiss. “I gotta tell you about what just happened!”

“This is gonna be good.”

“Oh, it’s better than good. He’s, like… Wow.”

\\

Read Chapter 3 here

#summer's a knife #catfish and the bottlemen #catb #van mccann #van mccann fic #vanfic #catb fic #van mccann fanfiction

[lamarkeu]

i was rereading made w love buthen OMG there’s another one !! for the holidays !!! omgggg i love your writing and i just got into sm au’s but like ive never read anything like your work; your skills i know im gushing but ivkist wanna say thanks for the feels and for youe stories

AHHH Thank you so much 😭 I’m so happy you enjoy my work. I have moments where I question my writing skills, and these types of asks make me realize that people actually like my stuff??? Idk it just feels so surreal at times. (And Yes, I can tag you in hectic holiday 😉)

-LLYN

#lamarkeu asks #seventeen #lamarkeu hectic holiday

[mightylauren]

Avengers Endgame SPOILER FILLED Thoughtstream

Pretty much a blow by blow reaction stream straight from my mind in list form of the entire movie from beginning to end. Clearly full of spoilers so it’s below the cut and tagged to death. There’s some all caps screaming. A few keyboard smashes. A fair amount of cussing. Probably a fair amount of typos as I typed this while totally not rewatching it in the comfort of my home. 

Totally not.

I don’t really expect anyone to read all of this but it was all festering in my mind and now it’s out. 

SERIOUSLY I SPOIL LIKE EVERYTHING BELOW THE CUT DON’T CLICK IT UNLESS YOU’RE SURE YOU WANT TO SEE IT.

Who put’s mayo on a hotdog?

Oh man hawks didn’t even see it happen nooo. I knew we were opening with Barton family dusting but ouch.

Tony calling Nebula the blue meanie!

Nebula refusing the last of the food and making Tony eat it makes me love her even more. 

Tony somehow keeps his sense of humor even in the face of death. God I love him. I know he’s gonna make it off this ship.

HA, that Internet joke about Carol showing up right after the trailer scene is true. That’s hilarious.

They never explain how Carol knew to look for them, but I’m going to guess she came to earth ala the scene after Captain Marvel and then went back out to see if she could find him.

Or she got REALLY lucky

I’m unclear does Nebula need oxygen and food? Or just significantly less than a full on human? She seems much better off than him.

Steve shaving did we miss seeing the beard one last time by like seconds? rude.

OMG Rocket sitting down and taking Nebula’s hand. The last of their family. Everyone else gone. My heart is aching.

23 days so we’re less than a month past Vanishing Day

Ha Tony calling Rocket Build a Bear is my first genuine laugh this movie.

I honestly was dying on the inside the whole time Tony is losing his shit on Cap. I mean he needed to say it all but seeing how sick he is and falling apart. He rips off his reactor and hands it over then collapses.

My heart.

Rhodey man. “That’s cute, Thanos has a retirement plan.”

Man this is the least planning they’ve ever done before a mission. They’re just gonna pack up, hop in a space ship and go kill Thanos? Cool. Coolcoolcool.

Okay it’s pretty good to see a lot of that trailer stuff is from very early on in the movie.

“Who here hasn’t been to space? You better not throw up on my ship.” XD

How does this big ass planet that can clearly sustain life have no life on it? Just Thanos some birds and some Meiloorun fruit?

That’s a Star Wars reference for those of you who don’t cross fandom lines.

So his snapping arm looks completely borked.

OH SHIT THEY CAME IN SWINGING

FUCK THOR CHOPPED OFF HIS ARM DAMN

ASDFKSAJDOFIUA THE STONES ARE GONE

Wait why is Banner still not Hulking out? How is that suit still running?

Damn he destroyed the stones. He knew they’d come.

DAMN THOR WENT IN HARD.

We are like twenty minutes in and Thanos is dead? I… what?

*crumples up and throws away all predictions she had before going into the movie

FIVE YEARS LATER?!?

FIVE

FIVE YEARS

I should have brought a paper bag to breath into.

Okay there’s the support group. Yup a lot of the footage from trailers and stuff is front loaded at the beginning of this. Which is good, because no clue where this is genuinely going.

Did… did a rat just bring Ant-Man back? A rat?

Shit how long has it been for him?

Oh wait, he’s looking for his people maybe not that long.

P-professor Chang?

Can you imagine how disorienting this all is for Scott? Pops out five years after a tragedy like the snap with no idea what the hell is happening.

My sister literally turned to me and said “no trash service but they built a monument?”

Valid question. Very valid. 

OMG CASSIE IS ALL GROWN UP I CAN’T.

I don’t think he fully realized how much time had passed until he saw his daughter.

“You’re so big” just made me tear up a little.

I just had a baby daughter four months ago. So I’m trying not to imagine what it would be like to vanish along with a bunch of other people and then turn back up five years later.

CAROL’S HAIR.

I’m sorry some of this is probably going to be completely incomprehensible unless you’ve seen the movie it just needs venting.

I am liking that they’re all reporting to Nat. That Rocket and Nebula are clearly teamed up.

OMG rocket made a joke about the haircut and Carol called him Fur Face

In case you didn’t know I have a ridiculous love for Rocket so I’m just glad he’s got a support system right now with almost the entirety of his found family dusted.

Capt. Marvel is basically saying she’s out for most of this movie isn’t she? I guess that makes sense she’s OP as hell.

Rhodey is tracking Clint but reluctantly. Clint’s clearly gone off the deepens a bit. Vigilante. Nat isn’t taking it well. Oh no she’s crying. 

This movie is gonna kill me.

I’m trying to imagine seeing a pod of whales in the Hudson River and I can’t imagine it. 

Okay so I’m guessing Scott’s about to turn up covering another major point from the early trailers. Yes yes yes. This is good.

Nat explaining that the Avengers gave her a family and a life and made her feel like she was a better person. Oh girl. You’ve done enough. It’s okay.

HA THE LOOKS ON THEIR FACES ARE PRICELESS

Scott doesn’t know science. He’s trying so hard. We need the Science Bros. Where are they?

FIVE HOURS

FIVE FUCKING HOURS?

HE WAS IN FOR FIVE HOURS AND LOST FIVE YEARS????

“Scott, I get e-mails from a raccoon so nothing seems crazy anymore.” LFAO

Tony has a daughter I’m dying. It had to be a little girl. 

Wait is he serious about eating crickets on lettuce? He might be this is semi post-apocalyptic.

Tony does not look happy to see them.

YES LET’S PULL A TIME HEIST. Tony isn’t feeling this but I am.

Oh, Scott, honey. Back to the Future? 

Though Tony your protege Peter used movies to make plans all the time. Maybe it’s not that laughable.

Okay I would die for his daughter. “Mommy sent me out here to save you.” Don’t think you were supposed to just say that outloud kiddo but props on a successful mission.

I know Tony too well for this. He’s saying no, because he loves his family. He needs his family. He’s scared to lose his family.

But now this idea is going to itch at the back of his brain aching to be solved.

Come on Tony lets go back to the future and pull off a time heist.

Hulk in glasses and a sweater is was not even on my theory bingo card what is happening. Is this his diner? They had to find him so he’s clearly not working for Nat right now. I have so many questions.

This whole thing with the kids is awkward. 

Come to think of it I have questions about how the infrastructure that is supporting things like cell phone networks is still functioning after the vanishing. Maybe because it’s been five years.

Is Nat flirting with Banner to get him to help?

Tony looking at a picture of Peter he’s got to try.

OH MY GOD HE GOT IT IN ONE EVENING.

EVEN HE LOOKS SURPRISED.

SHIT! 

I’m glad there is laughter in this movie and it’s not entirely heavy. I mean it’s Marvel I should have known.

He calls his daughter Little Miss. And she just extorted a juice pop out of him. I love Dad Tony. 

This is gonna hurt later I just know it. I can feel it in my gut.

“I love you 3000” My heart.

I’m glad that Tony is just going to have a straight up honest conversation with his wife about this.

He’s grown so much.

Oh Pepper, she’s telling him to do it. There’s some unsaid deep communication happening in this conversation. Bless this pair so much. She’s going to let him go and he’s going to go even though his gut his telling him that the road is not going to end well for him.

That’s why he wants to put it in a lock box and drop it to the bottom of a lake.

This is just so damn good so far. No complaints yet.

I kind of love this Hulk. He has no idea what he’s doing here but I love him. He’s like only half taking this seriously.

BAHAHAHA THIS TEST. HE comes back as a baby and Hulk is like “He’ll grow” I mean he’s not wrong but not the right answer buddy.

Another genuinely funny scene. 

“TIME TRAVEL!” With his hulk arms held wide.

Tony is literally speeding in his car there. Cap doesn’t even look that surprised.

Oh this is the Tony and Steve getting back on the same page moment I’ve been waiting for. I love it. I really love it.

HE BROUGHT THE SHIELD.

I love that it was in the trunk buried under kids stuff.

Tony is back and I love it even if I’m scared it’s gonna mean his end.

“Rhodey, careful on reentry theres an idiot in the landing zone.” As if I couldn’t love Nebula more in this movie.

Wait “New Asgard Please Drive Slowly” just threw me for a total loop. Good to know all the Asgardians didn’t actually die in that ship.

VALKYRIE!!!!

She’s like not acknowledging the Raccoon LMFAO

Holy hell what is happening here. Oh man Thor what have you done to yourself.

Actually, I get it. 

Are they playing Fortnite? 

This whole scene is super surreal right now. 

I actually kinda dig it but I did NOT see it coming. This movie has gone places I never would have predicted.

Thor kept strong for so long. He lost so much. He got all the way to the point where he’d done all he could think. He killed Thanos and there was no way to undo all that could be done so he just settled and existed. He drank and played video games with his buddies.

I get it.

Rocket just lured him onto the ship with beer. 

Was good to see Korg and Miek are alive. And there for them in their own ways.

RONIN ALERT.

Oh dude he’s just fucking people up does he even have a bow with him?

Nat waited until there was some way to undo the snap before reaching out to him. She’s just been silently tracking him waiting for a good reason to bring him in. 

In a matter of seconds Tony calls Thor “Lebowski” and Rocket “Ratchet” and I have always lived for his dumbass nicknames. 

Lebowski Thor is officially what I’m referring to this iteration of Thor.

Oh look a classic time travel trope a limit in the number of trips they can make. Makes sense though, Hank Pym was always very protective of how to make the particles so they only have what was made before the Vanishing.

I love the team debating how time travel really works. Listing all the time travel movies. Bill and Ted even snuck into the list. 

Not sure sending Clint back for the test was the best choice this is gonna be rough.

Okay he started to lose it at the end but he made it.

YES brainstorming session this’ll be fun.

Tony’s gentle handling of Thor says a lot. Tony’s been to rock bottom and recognizes the symptoms. At the same time I laughed when he offered breakfast and Thor said no he wanted a Bloody Mary.

ROCKET CALLING SCOTT AN EXCITED PUPPY BAHAHAHA

Nebula is so dramatic I’m here for it. 

Laying all over the desk brainstorming for Nat to finally figure out that there are three stones in one place at one time. This is the content I came for.

TIME HEIST LETS GO.

And just like that its 2012 this is surreal.

LMFAO HULK DOESN’T WANT TO SMASH.

Interesting seeing what the Ancient One was doing during the battle of New York. On a roof defending the sanctum from Chitauri.

OH SHIT SHE JUST PUSHED BANNER’S SOUL OUTA HIS HULK BODY

I didn’t see that coming.

Just a glimpse of Loki. :-(

It was almost cruel to send Thor to Asgard to do this. I mean someone had to go with Rocket, but damn this is tough to watch.

DAMN Rocket smacked him. And also just called Mantis “the chick with the antenna”. Pep talk’s not bad but Thor is crying I don’t think he can do this.

I don’t know why they want to do it that way anyway, Jane would have taken one look at him and known it was the wrong Thor.

Wait… they’re sending Nat and Clint to Vormir… oh God… oh no…

Okay so that’s going to suck in a few minutes lets just put a pin in that.

Nebula you waited a bit to tell Rhodey that there’s another you out there looking for the same infinity stone you’re there to fetch. 

Oh look its like just barely pre-Guardians Gamora, Nebula, and unfortunately Thanos.

I have a bad feeling about this.

OH SHIT I HAVE A VERY BAD FEELING ABOUT THIS.

Turns out two Nebula’s in one place is bad voodoo. She’s seeing video from the other Nebula which means THANOS can see video from the other….

Yeah this is all gonna go bad.

HAHAHA Tony just checked out Steve’s ass. 

AMERICA’S ASS!!!

It’s hard to remember that this shit is going to fall apart when I’m laughing.

Tony just flicked Ant-Man to his target and all I can think about is Gimli an “toss me” from LOTR.

Is Cap about to fuck up a bunch of people in the elevator again?

STEVE YOU SNEAKY BASTARD YOU JUST HAIL HYDRA’D AND STOLE THE SCEPTER.

2012 Time heist is about to hit a hiccup isn’t it. OH MAN they just gave Tony a heart attack.

LOKI NO

I mean yes but no. Loki just nicked the Tesseract and dipped with it. 2012 Loki is just gone.

There’s like timeline repercussions there. Not entirely sure what they are but there will be repercussions.

Cap fighting himself! CAP CHECKING OUT HIS OWN ASS!

Man the Time Heist is so rapid fire there’s too much to absorb.

“I’m totally from the future.” - Lebowski Thor breaking a law of time travel

Thor’s heart to heart with his mom is giving me feels. He needed this.

YES MJOLNIR IS COMING WITH HIM!

Ok it’s never occurred to me how ridiculous Quill would look dancing around without the music. That’s hilarious.

AH SHIT THANOS KNOWS AND HE’S THERE AND THIS IS WHERE IT GOES TO SHIT.

NEBULA </3

It’s so good seeing Steve and Tony back on the same page trusting each other. And clearly completely throwing Scott “Piss-Ant” Lang for a loop. 

I didn’t expect a detour to the 70’s. AAAND that’s his Dad. Tony’s just run into his own father. 

This movie is a roller coaster I’ll tell ya.

This is all mush if you’ve read this far you deserve an award. Or a sticker. One of those.

What a weird decision to have Tony have this whole meet up with his father here. And now Steve is taking refuge in Peggy’s office. Like this is almost mean to do this to these two. 

Why is it the Russo’s never could decide if Steve had gotten over Peggy or not gotten over Peggy. Back and forth and back again. I take it we aren’t going to see the niece at all in this one?

Alright boys lets get the hell out of the 70s this felt like a weird trip without the drugs.

Damn Nebula why is past you such a bitch when I love present you so much. I know I know that’s because you grew and what not but shit I don’t know what you and Thanos are about to do but it’s about to suck.

FUCK I FORGOT ABOUT VORMIR BECAUSE THERE WAS SO MUCH GOING ON

I’m not ready for this. I’m not ready for this. I don’t want either of them to die. This sucks. No No no no onoanfnaondaksldfj;lasdkja;

God we’re going to have to literally watch them fight over which one is going to sacrifice themself.

Here it is, I’m crying now. Me and Barton are just going to cry here in this puddle if you need us. 

They’re all back, except Nat. Which means that’s the wrong damn Nebula and no one notices because NO NAT. Shit. Shit shit.

This movie is going to give me a heart attack.

“Did she have any family?” “Yeah. Us.” :’-(

Okay Thanos like fucked up a whole mining community and shut down a star afterwards to forge a gauntlet to put the stones in and here’s Tony Stark plopping them into like an Iron Man armor piece like its nothing.

Looks sleek too. I dig it.

And they’re all too busy with the glove to notice fucking Nebula. SHIT. 

Man it’s hurting Hulk just to WEAR the damn thing. Thanos was just strolling around wearing it, which doesn’t bode well considering I see Nebula is bringing Thanos here. 

Cool. That’s cool. This is fine. 

How long of a moment of joy are they going to get. Clint’s wife is calling. Birds are singing. Shit is inches from a fan.

THERE’S THE SHIT. HOLY SHIT HE’S BLOWING AVENGERS HQ COMPLETELY OFF THE MAP NOOOOOOO

There’s like a whole hour left. Tell me they all survived that. I was not ready. I WAS NOT READY.

Oh here’s that shot of Hawkeye in the tunnel. Much later in the movie than a lot of those trailer shots. Fascinating. 

So 2014 Thanos is here with his whole crew and there’s a complete gauntlet here. Shit.

Well, they’re all alive. They’re not together entirely but they’re all alive.

Double wielding dad bod Thor just braided his beard with lightning and I’m here for it.

The stakes are at maximum. Now Thanos wants to destroy it all not just half. So failure here can never be undone there won’t be anyone to Avenge anything if he gets the gauntlet this time. That’s not terrifying at all.

Fuck that’s the wrong Nebula. BUT THERE’S THE RIGHT NEBULA WITH GAMORA.

Clint is like in the middle of this stand off like “wtf is happening I should have kept my hands on the glove”

Nebula just killed her own past self. And she didn’t vanish so no Back to the Future rules here for sure.

Damn Thanos is giving the boys a run for their money even without a single stone. 

Shit is Thor gonna die?

HOLY SHIT CAP HAS THE HAMMER AND THE THEATER JUST MIGHT EXPLODE FROM THE SOUNDS OF THE AUDIENCE SCREAMING ABOUT THIS.

Damnit Thanos is calling in the whole army. Cap is like the last one standing on the front line and he’s not backing down because he’s Captain “America’s Ass” America. Thor is down Iron Man is down. The others are trying not to drown. Shit.

OMG ON YOUR LEFT I JUST MIGHT CRY.

HOLY SHIT ITS EVERYONE I’M CRYING. 

PEPPER FUCKING POTTS IS HERE AS RESCUE HOLY SHIT.

TALK ABOUT THE CALVARY RIDING IN AT THE LAST POSSIBLE SECOND HOLY HELL.

HE’S GONNA FUCKING SAY IT

AVENGERS ASSEMBLE!

It’s a good thing they sound proof these theaters now or you’d hear this across town the audience is going fucking nuts.

There’s too much to touch on all this chaos I’ll hit the highlights because it’s so much.

Pepper and Tony fighting back to back.

Thor and Steve switching weapons, Thor telling him to keep “the little one” aka Mjolnir.

Tony and Peter reuniting and the hug.

Quill seeing Gamora and it’s the wrong Gamora and actually that broke my heart a little bit because his Gamora is gone forever.

Playing hot potato with the gauntlet.

Scarlet Witch fucking Thanos up to the point he panics and starts firing on his own troops to get her off of him.

Spider getting the gauntlet and for the first time ever activating instant kill on purpose.

Peter becoming the hot potato along with the Gauntlet.

OMG ROCKET FOUND GROOT AND HE’S BODILY BLOCKING HIM FROM FIRE MY HEART.

When the ships started firing up my sister elbowed me and legit was like “She’s here.” 

All the women assembling around Captain Marvel!! Even Gamora is with them holy shit!

Damn it the glove is back within his reach and I can’t with this. 

GET HIM CAROL DON’T LET HIM DO IT AGAIN.

She took a headbutt to the face like it was nothing and he panicked like a bitch pulled the power stone and punched her with it. 

OH MY GOD TONY

My sister silently handed me a tissue and I fell the fuck apart.

I never thought in a million years they would have it go this way. Tony snapping. Dusting Thanos and his army. 

I can’t even comment more on this scene I’m too sad. Everything after is too sad. The funeral.

There are infinity stone colored stones in the “proof that Tony Stark has a heart” setting. 

I love you 3000 Tony Stark.

Thor leaving Valkyrie in charge and heading off with the Guardians.

Quill clearly looking for new old Gamora. I doubt she was dusted so she must have just faded away after the battle to do her own thing.

Glad that Nebula is with them though.

I feel a loose beginning set up for the actual Asgardians of the Galaxy.

Bucky said goodbye to Cap like he knew Cap wasn’t going to be back with them in five seconds. He knew.

We’re lucky he didn’t come back as a baby though. ;-)

I mean I’m surprised they went this route with Cap but I’m happy for him.

I’m happy for Sam too. We knew at the end of this the mantel had to get passed and here it is, old man Steve passing the shield to Sam.

I bet that show about “Falcon” and Bucky is really about the new Captain America and Bucky. Just saying.

Steggy shippers rejoice and the cries of a million Stony and Stucky shippers can be heard round the world.

Is that a sentence I just wrote? I never got into MCU shipping stuff personally.

And then all there is at the end is the distant sound of Tony forging that first armor.

A reminder that Tony Stark built all this in a cave.

From a box of scraps.

TONY….

I’ll be mourning Tony for a long while. I was always team Tony.

They did him right tough. His arc was satisfying and RDJ performed beautifully in this one.

My heart aches. They had to give him a daughter. I’m watching my daughter sleep totally not thinking what it would be like for her to lose her father. 

I’m gonna go hug my partner when I’m done with this.

Over all I am happy with Endgame. I mean with time travel they obviously left loose ends all over.

They say they can’t change time and the whole present becoming your past when you go back while the past is your future blah blah blah

But like clearly things are changed. 2012 Loki got the tesseract and escaped

2014 Thanos is no longer in 2014. So the Guardians movies happened but also couldn’t have happened? I dunno it’s confusing.

So basically the MCU has finally caught up with it’s comic book roots of being a confusing jumble timelines. How poetic.

Anyway if you read this you are amazing and feel free to private message me if you want to scream about Avengers Endgame and have no one else to do it with.

I feel better having vented this all out.

#spoilers #endgame spoilers #avengers endgame spoilers #mcu spoilers #mcu #marvel #avengers #avengers endgame #endgame #marvel cinematic universe #it took me all day to rewatch a 3 hour movie because I have a 4 month old child

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11 Questions Tags

Hi all! I was recently tagged in two 11 Questions Tags, and I like the questions- so I decided to do them.

Up front, I’m going to tag @dreamywritingdragon, @focusdumbass, @writtenbyhal, @blogherosix, @adorhauer, @katiehahnbooks, @quintessenceofwords, @quillwritten, @awolfthatwrites, @toboldlywrite, and @firewritten. It’s been quite a while since I’ve done anything with tag games, so if you no longer do them/don’t want to/don’t have time, no pressure! Hope you’re all doing great :D

And my questions are:

1. Which OC has changed the most since you created them? Tell us about them!

2. In which season do you get the most writing done? Why?

3. Oldest OC? Youngest OC?

4. Do you have any self-indulgent ideas for projects that you want to write someday, even if you don’t have time right now?

5. Do you have more of a problem with underwriting or overwriting?

6. How do you get most of your ideas? Music, travel, art, or other?

7. What themes recur throughout your WIPs?

8. What are your favorite personal writing hallmarks?

9. What genre do you write in the most, and why do you like it?

10. What genre do you not write in frequently, but want to dip your toes into?

11. Tell us one reason you love your WIP!

My answers to the tagged questions got kinda long, so I put them under the cut!

The first few questions come from @bigmoodword​. Your apocalypse WIP sounds rad af??? Please tag me in updates if you have updates/use a tag list- so cool!

Thanks for the tag! To answer your questions:

1. using one sentence summaries, can you tell me about your wips?

Heart of Lead- Luanne will die on her nineteenth birthday because her heart is made of lead, the lowest caste of her society, so she works illegally with an inventor girl from out of town and some other friends to build a new heart before her time is up.

Ivory and Horn- an anthology of short stories with roots in fantasy, horror, and surrealism, set in a variety of speculative settings used as allegory for the various experiences of modern women (mostly queer women- this one’s the newest, and 12+ stories, so please excuse the vague description!)

Belladonnas- Eirene’s girl gang/witch coven, the Belladonnas, find themselves with a mystery on their hands when an enemy comes to them seeking help and hostile demonic entities begin wreaking havoc on their city.

2. what inspired them?

I’ve been working on Heart of Lead for roughly four (!) years, so the inspirations I’ve incorporated into it are many! The original idea came from a different look at the phrase “heart of gold,” and music has also been a huge defining factor. Florence + the Machine, Twenty One Pilots, and Mumford and Sons have given me a lot. The steampunk genre, dystopian novels, and imaginative fantasy books (think Neil Gaiman) contributed. Also, the imagery of Hamlet (because I’m pretentious).

Ivory and Horn is pretty experimental, and it mostly comes from my growing interest in the horror genre. I also want to figure out how to incorporate social and political commentary into my work- how much of a defining factor I want that to be, by what means I want to convey it, and that sort of thing.

Belladonnas is really inspired by 1920s aesthetics, Greek mythology, and electro swing music. A fun mixed bag!

3. which of your ocs do you most identify with?

I think all of my OCs are at least semi-autobiographical, but Luanne is probably the most. I project a lot of issues on her. It helps me work through them.

4. if you’ve ever cried while reading, which book cued the waterworks?

Yes. YES. CONSTANTLY. The one that made me bawl most recently was All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr, which was such an amazing book.

5. how do you conduct research for your wips and what’s the most interesting thing you’ve discovered in said research?

Mostly Google? If I’m really interesting in a particular something, I’ll get a book- which I did for fashion in Heart of Lead, and then immediately discarded like half of what I learned for the ~aesthetic~. Oh, well. Did you know that people thought that eating graham crackers encouraged chastity in Victorian London? Well, now you do! This makes me laugh every time I think about it!

6. thus far, which scene has been the most difficult to write?

Beginnings are always hard for me. I usually plan my climaxes first and work backward, unraveling the threads of the story until the point they’re most disparate. I’ve rewritten the opening scene of Heart of Lead at least ten times, which is quite a few more than the rest of the book.

7. which of your ocs do you like the least?

Agh! AGH! How can I choose??? I suppose, since I have a ton of OCs, there are a lot of characters I don’t obsess over as much as my main babies. A lot of these still need work. I think Lucy, from Belladonnas, needs a lot more development before I’m really interested in her.

8. which pov and tense do you prefer to write in?

First person, past tense. Close POV is fun to work with.

9. do you write poetry?

Occasionally! I did so a lot more when I was younger.

10. who is your writing role model?

Neil Gaiman (omg this is the second time I’ve mentioned him on this post, isn’t it? Yeah, he’s great. Go read everything he’s ever written. It will take you a while).

11. if you could give your younger writer self some advice, what would it be?

HAVE FUN! Chances are, you’re not going to have published or released work in the first few years (or first many years) after you start writing. Have that as a long-term goal, and allow yourself to enjoy and experiment with whatever-the-heck in the meantime. It will make you a better writer, you’ll produce a better/more passionate project, and you’ll have a better time.

The second set of questions comes from @sahados-shadow​! I totally feel you with the titling struggle, haha. It’s hard to make the catchy words.

1.  Which side character is your favorite?

Eep, this is so hard- I love all my kids??? But since I’m writing Blood of Queens right now, Vesper’s pretty awesome. Glamorous faerie prince who’s also a complete dork about humans and also has terrifying eldritch powers. What more do you want?

2.  Do you like any character creation templates?

Not particularly. At the very least, I don’t use them to actually create characters, but to stretch my thinking on characters I already have. Oh, and it is really fun to give characters DnD stats!

3.  Do you prefer writing by hand or typing?

I do both! I save and edit my work on my laptop, but there are a lot of times I only have a notebook on hand or just want to change my perspective. Handwriting is good for killing writer’s block.

4.  What kind of music, if any, do you listen to while creating? Lyrics or no lyrics?

Sooo much music! I make extensive character and WIP playlists (which I’d like to put on Spotify and release for tumblr at some point). Song lyrics are a huge inspiration for characters and storylines.

5.  Any animal companions for your characters?

But of course! Ty is friends with a magical talking tiger. Luanne’s family has a cat named Fleurf in book one. Weirdly enough, this discussion could delve into spoiler territory... so that’s all I’ll say about that :D

6.  What’s the first thing your OCs would buy if they won the lottery?

Oh, geez. Most of my OCs would not make wise financial decisions. To make this answer manageable, Heart of Lead MCs?

Luanne- books. Just. A million of them. Enough to make a book fort and live in it forever.

Wren- probably new tools/metal to work with? Also, cake. And non-canned food in general. She’d probably throw a giant picnic for all her friends.

Charles- he would probably invest most of it?? Honestly idk what he does with his money, and he has a lot of it in the first place.

Dale- CLOTHES. Fancy tea? Maybe he’d use some of it for bribes or whatever, too. Who really knows.

7.  What’s your favorite board game?

Scrabble! I play with my friends all the time.

8.  Any OC ships?

Many, many OC ships. I’m a sucker for a good romantic subplot. My main answer for this is always Luanne/Wren, because I’m writing literally an entire series about them. Good stuff I love my girls and they love each other <3

9.  Do you have a favorite time/place to create?

Ideally, I write from 9:30 to 11:00 on weekday nights. Over summers and weekends, I write in the morning. Best place is totally in bed, + tea, + cat!

10.  How does your OC react to a baby waving at them in the grocery store?

Luanne- bursts into happy tears

Wren- waves back

Charles- re-contemplates his entire existence because a baby actually likes him oh my god?? 

Dale- “ew tiny human why do you exist”

11.  Does your OC have a motto (made up or otherwise) they stick to?

Hmm... that’s something I actually have to think about! Most of my characters have a primary set of morals and a personal outlook on things, but I don’t think any have a motto or catchphrase at the moment.

Thank you for all the questions! This was fun :D

#veescribbles #tag game #11 questions #bigmoodword #sahados shadow #tagged #questions

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21 Questions!

I was going to take a break from this website but @surrealistwaltz tagged me for this 21 questions quiz, thank you!! This is gonna take me back to those 2005 Myspace days, these are fun.

Nicknames: My names Philip so a lot of family and even a few coworkers call me Philly which is nice, it's comforting and endearing. Also one of my friends mom called me Philomena and another friends Dad would call me Philbert which made me laugh. Also probably some bad ones lol.

Zodiac: I don't really put a lot of stock in zodiac signs but I'm a Leo

Height: I'm 6 feet or 1.82 (omg) meters tall.

Amount of sleep: I dunno what this is asking but I got like 4 hours last night?

Last movie I saw: I just recently watched deadman, its one of my favorites. It's kinda like an artsy, psychadellic, like, I dont wanna say western because that genre has an lot of tropes and cliches that this movie doesn't really have but it's set when industrialzation was starting to spread towards the west, more specifically to the film, the Pacific northwest of the US. It's a good movie to watch on a rainy, chilly night.

Last thing I googled: what 6 feet is in meters ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I suck at math.

Favorite musician: I'm taking this question as favorite single musician and I have lots but the first 2 that come to my head are Chopin and Klaus Flouride (one of my fav bassists)

Song stuck in my head: literally Voices Carry by 'Til Tuesday. I was in the market today and it was playing and I was singing it to myself, then I noticed a lot of people were doing the same and they were all different age groups and genders, it was cute. Damn that song is catchy... ~oooooooooh shush...

Other blogs: This is my only blog!

Do I get asks: Lol I actually haven't had an ask yet. Wish I did though, I can be fun sometimes.

Blogs following: I like following lots of different stuff. This is a place I like, try to expose myself to art, music, and other things that put my heart in a nice place. It can backfire sometimes though, whether its something that puts me into feelings or seeing people being stupid in comments or you know, the fact racist blogs can exist on here. I'm happy I made this though, it's been more positive than negative for sure.

Lucky numbers: 4, 33, and 44

What I'm wearing: I'm wearing some sort of cardigan like sweater that doesnt open up or have buttons and its burgundy (my fav color) with black jeans and socks tbh. Also my glasses.

Dream trip: Prague would be interesting, theres a lot of cool art and architecture there. I'm not religious or anything but I feel like visiting St. Peter's Square would be really surreal and kind of creepy? Going to a place like Australia or what @surrealistwaltz said, Greenland would be neat. I feel like those places could make you feel as though you're on a completely different planet.

Dream Job: I wanna teach history! Preferably high school, then if I cant stand how kids act I'll work my way up to the collegiate level. I wanna teach history because looking back at what we learn in schools here in America is watered down, especially when it comes to the bad that Americans have done and the negative impact its had on groups of parole and honestly, bug chunks of the globe.I believe there needs to be at least on teacher in a students k-12 scholastic career who calls out the borderline history revisonment that is being taught to kids so wrecklessly. The United States definitely needs to do what they do in Germany when it comes to teaching about atrocities committed in the past. Whomever is on the winning side of history should NOT MATTER. If theres a group of people that has been suppressed or continues to be suppressed, there needs to be at least ONE person who introduces the brutal hard truth of what happened. Here in the states you get the "I didn't participate in slavery or the genocide of Native Americans, it's not something I need to hear in detail" and it literally pisses me off, it misses the whole point of education. This fires me up, sorry.....

Favorite food: literally any type of pasta or noodles. It doesnt matter if it's in soup, if its Italian, Chinese, Japanese, vietnamese, if it has noodles and doesn't have meat then I'm so happy to just demolish whatever is in front of me. Also chips and salsa is refreshing and satisfying. I'm half Mexican so any type of Mexican food that doesn't use anything from animals is always a go to. My fav fruits are cherries, tangerines, and pears. My favorite veggies are asparagus, green beans, broccoli, and Brussels sprouts. I can make some v good Brussels sprouts.

Languages: ehh I speak pretty bad Spanish but the foundation is there so when I decide to take it back up when I go to a university, I should be able to learn a lot easier than I did in high school. If not because I have foundation and basic understanding of the language then its because I actually WANT to learn it as opposed to when I was a teenager. German would be really cool too because if I teach and I get upset I can just yell in German and people would think I'm actually insane and hopefully would cut out whatever nonsense they were doing.

Play any instruments: I play Bass off and on. I first got my bass when I was 12, I would just mess around until I was like 14, then I taught myself how to read bass tabs so if there was a song I really liked, I could look up the tablatures and teach myself how to play it and still do that. I wish I would've taken lessons though.

Favorite songs: I have a lot but I'll give a top 5 that I listen to regularly and/or have a special connection with:

Joe Lies by the Bouncing souls

Happy When it Rains by The Jesus and Mary Chain

Bad by U2

When You Sleep by My Bloody Valentine

Oh me, Oh my by Streetlight Manifesto

*bonus guilty pleasure* The One by Backstreet Boys

Random Fact: I can pop my knuckles by just clinching my fist tightly? Also I'm really into ceramics so if I have some clay, kiln, and some glaze I can make stuff on a pottery wheel or hand build it. Mmmmmm also I'm like, really into quoting spongebob. It's kind of gotten out of hand. Also I'm using this question to give a shoutout to my dog, ABBY I LOVE YOU!! I love my dog, she's a ham.

Describe your aesthetic: ...Artsy and rebellious dad... who's cool with you smoking weed as long as you keep your grades up.....

THAT WAS FUN AND MADE ME GENUINELY HAPPY THANK YOU FOR TAGGING ME!!!!

Since I brought up Myspace I'm not tagging anyone, we're doing this the 2005 way. If you follow me and are bored or wanna talk PLEASE do this, I wanna read your answers :)

#fun #21 questions #do this #why are quizzes so much fun

[ohveda]

I was tagged by @nasturtian to name ten of my favourite characters. Thanks! (And I’m so glad it’s ten of my favourite characters and not my top-ten characters of all time. I don’t have to feel guilty for leaving anyone out!)

My favourites seem to boil down to three types:

Cinnamon rolls

Absolute train-wreck arseholes

Characters I long to emulate because they give zero fucks

With that said, let’s move onto the list:

John Segundus (Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell) - cinnamon roll - Johnny-boy is my current main man. He is so sweet. I won’t go into why I love him as a character, because I will write a ten-page essay without realising it.

The Gentleman with the Thistledown Hair (Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell - book version) - train-wreck arsehole - I have chosen book version because the show version was very different and didn’t do it for me. The Gentleman is absolutely hilarious. He is awful in a way that is so much fun to read. (JS&MN gets two favourites in this list, because it’s my current fandom and I can’t leave it alone.)

Sue White (Green Wing) - zero fucks (with some arsehole thrown in) - Sue White is perhaps my favourite character ever. She is a horrible person, yet somehow I want to be her. I just love the surreal humour that surrounds her. She does not care one jot, even if it means trying to take out a colleague with a crossbow, and I love it.

Tieria Erde (Gundam00) - train-wreck arsehole (who develops a soft cinnamon roll centre) - I initially loved Tieria because he was just horrible to everyone. Not once was I expecting him to get the wonderful arc of character development that he had. Out of all the characters in the show, he grew the most, and I’m just so proud of my baby ;_;

Fëanor (The Silmarillion) - train-wreck arsehole - Train-wreck is the key term here. Fëanor is beautiful, brilliant, (super-fertile), and dazzling in everything that he does. He is also batshit and drives the entirety of the plot. All in all, the very epitome of the phrase “Go hard or go home”.

Sam Gamgee (The Lord of the Rings) - cinnamon roll - While we’re on the Tolkien, I can’t not mention Sam. He is the actual best. And, of course, the real hero of the book. Bless him to pieces.

Tom Pinch (Martin Chuzzlewit) - cinnamon roll - The most pure of all cinnamon rolls! Once again, it was Tom’s arc of character development that really made me fall for him. At the beginning of the book he seems like one of Dicken’s normal, exaggerated comic-relief characters, but then he grows and grows. I still remember getting halfway through the book and suddenly realising “OMG, Tom Pinch is the protagonist isn’t he.” He deserves every good thing ever, because he’s so sweet I could cry. Where is the fandom? Why is there no fandom??

Malcolm Tucker (The Thick of It) - train-wreck arsehole - (Though with more emphasis on the arsehole and less on the train-wreck.) Malcolm is glorious. He is terrifying, fascinating to watch, and has some of the best lines. (And, from a fanfiction perspective, he’s one of the most fun characters to write.)

Monsieur Gustave H. (The Grand Budapest Hotel) - zero fucks (hmm, in the context of the film, that sounds weird) - M. Gustave is so much fun to watch. I love how he can be thrown into any situation and still be suave and charming as if he has everything under control. Honestly, I wish I could master that level of swag. Every time I watch the film I get the urge to start calling everyone “darling”.

Franz d’Epinay (Gankutsuou - The Count of Monte Cristo anime version) - cinnamon roll - I’m going for the anime version because I honestly can’t remember that much about Franz in the book (every character in the book is eclipsed by Edmond Dantès tbh). Poor, sweet Franz in the show has an unfortunate lot. He is so in love and so selfless and it makes me want to cry.

Ugh. I love them all <3

If you too want to share ten of your favourites, then consider yourself tagged!

#Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell #Green Wing #Gundam 00 #Silmarillion #Lord of the Rings #Martin Chuzzlewit #Thick of It #Grand Budapest Hotel #Gankutsuou

[kiserusmoke]

KBTBB FIC RECS PLZ I NEED MORE IM ON BREAK AND I NEED TO DESTROY MY LIFE WITH THESE BABIES

I’m not sure what type of fics you like/what characters you like, so I’m going to share some of my current faves (all by my friends ironically)

((I’M SORRY FOR BLOWING UP YOUR NOTIFICATIONS WITH TAGS GUYS RIP))

Serious Fics/Drabbles:

99 Reasons Why I’ll Never Be Good Enough For You by my wife friend @catchthespade  

I think this idea is really original, and of course the writing is phenomenal. Anything with Eisuke’s inner dialogue and the Bidders teaming up is A+ in my book. I’m also a sucker for angst, and this is some angst 

if i missed you, would you hold it against me also by @catchthespade

I literally almost cried reading this, and I rarely cry. I love the direction this fic went in; the last scene nearly killed me. The way Spade writes this is like a dream, and it felt so melancholy and surreal. You can really feel Eisuke’s struggle with the loss of his best friend and love, along with the uncertainty of suddenly being thrusted into the role of a father.

Your Influence; KBTBB AU by my fave friend @maidofstars

It’s a triple espresso fic (ShuichixMCxHikaru in case you didn’t know) that left me s h o o k. I love the idea of the whole angel/devil dynamic, and the way she writes Shuichi gave me confidence to write Shuichi too if I’m totally honest. I love. I live for this AU and w o w I am in love. 

Letter two hundred and sixteen by my sunshine friend @bolt8826

More Eisuke angst because I like to suffer, but her writing is so g o o d holy shit. I love the concept of this series, and Eisuke seems so… human here. It’s not often that people explore his vulnerable side, but this series does just that. Also the imagery of Eisuke having 215 letters on his desk makes me cry so I want everyone else to cry, too. 

Unbelievably Happy (Fluff) ♡ by my queen friend @oh-heaux

I may be biased since I requested this drabble, but it’s honestly so great. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, and I’m glad that Shuichi is getting more recognition as a multi-facated character here. Ciara is the queen of smut fics, but I like seeing this new side to her writing. Highly recommend this - and all - of her writing.

Shitposting/Funny Headcanons:

KBTBB - At the Beach by @catchthespade

I laughed my ass off, and I love how detailed Spade gets with her shitposts :’) she even included visuals, and it’s truly a gift.

KBTBB: Your fave is problematic also by @catchthespade

Words don’t even do this justice, just look at it please omg. I didn’t realize at first that Eisuke’s first point was a video, and it made this entire post 100x funnier once I watched it tbh

The Bidders and Karaoke: headcannon by @bolt8826

The v i s u a l s I get with this are hilarious. Eisuke is so extra, and I was in tears by the time I got to Baba’s part. I love how she gives examples of what they’d pick too ihifdl,c

The Bidders + MC on a Roller Coaster by @maidofstars

This is still one of my favorite headcanons to date oh my g o d. It’s perfect for summer because who doesn’t like to go to amusement parks over summer break? :’) 

#friends #talented friends #asks #writing recommendations #Kissed By The Baddest Bidder #kbtbb #Voltage #all of my friends are great please look at their work #I tried to pick a variety of genres/lengths/writing styles #so there should be something for everybody #((but you should really read them all since they're so good))

[fluffypuppychan]

b1a4 in chicago!!!

wahhh okay i’m gonna try and write as much of this as i can remember. i’m gonna skip all of the “we had to wait in line forever” stuff b/c that’s boring and who cares lol

since i’m on my ipad (didn’t wanna carry computer w/me all the way to chicago) it’s hard to insert videos and pics and stuff so i’ll upload some of those moments separately and tag everything related to the concert under “b1a4chicago2k17”

one of my favorite things right off from the beginning is that the stage just consisted of the boys. it made the concert feel more intimate without all of the backup dancers and stage props. and they really knew how to work the stage i was so impressed by how much energy they had coming out c’:

and this might sound like a pretty obvious thing but oh my god they’re so SEXY!!! like i nearly passed out from watching them perform “oh my god” esp cnu he was always so extra with the body rolls i just really couldn’t with him even sandeul was really getting into it it was !!! so much fun to watch lol someone said to me while i was in line that after seeing a group live it’s possible for your bias to change...my bias hasn’t changed (i think lol) but omg i need a second to talk about baro

BARO

the king of fanservice and just being an overall sweetheart omg i don’t know what it was….maybe he could sense all of the baro stans were in our section (i think baro was the bias for at least 4 or 5 girls in my row lol) but he kept coming over to our section and staying for long periods of time and throwing us lots of hearts and waving and posing for the camera! the girl standing right next to me was a baro fan and i was screaming for her because he stopped in front of her camera SO MANY TIMES it was like they were silently communicating?? she didn’t even have a sign up with his name or anything like that idk it was just beautiful tbh baro really blew me away with how attentive he was with us i couldn’t handle it and gongchan too! gongchan came to our section a lot as well and he even stopped in front of my camera when he saw i was trying to take a picture and posed for me but the picture ended up grainy :cccc i’m so sad i didn’t act quick enough. he was so cute the entire time though, he really reminds me of a puppy in person and he was making me question my bias list lmao (i’m not gonna lie ok, i love all of the boys but channie…) jinyoung omg lol like...jinyoung was like so...mischievous? lol he was always pulling the weirdest expressions...lots of smug grins and questioning eyebrows raised at banas in this really “you’re being super cute but i’m also judging you rn” kinda way. i thought it was very fitting for his personality haha and he LOVED teasing us especially near the end with the bottles of water. he seriously got a kick out of it and it was the cutest thing to watch him really enjoy himself. also he DABBED and had the most smug grin afterwards and if anyone recorded this moment please send it to me b/c I NEED IT sandeul came over to our section a few times (AND EVEN GAVE ME A HEART) but he mostly stayed in the middle or off to the other side of the stage so i didn’t get many close ups of him unfortunately. there was a lot of back and forth between him and cnu (be still my shindeul bias heart) and as expected his vocals were AMAZING cnu was so cute okay he confused the heck out of me though like one second he was being really adorable and throwing us hearts and being a squishy lil thing and then he’d move his hips and i’d be like ???? then scream “SHIN DONGWOO!!!” (i screamed a lot...like a lot. the girls standing next to me would occasionally give me a look like they couldn’t believe i was screaming that loud lol and i screamed super loud whenever cnu was being RUDE (95% of the time) ) i screamed jinyoung’s name a lot too esp when he was looking in our direction and he’d wave (i was such a mess, most of the time it didn’t dawn on me to have my phone out while doing these things -.- i want to shake myself lol) also there were a couple of times when the boys asked us what our favorite songs off of good timing were and i kept screaming “together” and istg baro and cnu heard me a few times but they pretended they didn’t lol probably b/c they didn’t want to perform the song (idk why tho :ccc) other random things… i got to meet @sassy-lady-of-ithilien and she was so sweet and lovely it sucks we weren’t in the same section but i’m so happy i got to meet her and cry over cnu c’: there were a few times i met eyes w/jinyoung, cnu, and baro and i just didn’t know what to do with myself so i’d just wave and squeal like i didn’t know how to function lol the girl sitting next to me was a pro, every time they looked at her she threw them a heart and then they'd wave and throw one back lol (that’s where i got the idea to quickly throw one at sandeul c’:) did i mention baro ??? the time machine segment was a lot of fun and a lot of the crowd seemed to know those lyrics which i think energized the boys c: even though they only did parts of the songs it felt like “what’s happening” was a little longer than some of the others and people were REALLY loud during that, it was so great to hear!! i tried to capture most of that part on camera but then i got too into the music so i put my phone away lol i’ll upload w/e i have though “nightmare” was one of my favorite performances b/c the choreo is so sexy and cnu was REALLY feeling himself (which i love omg) and of course “good timing” was amazing b/c they closed with that song and everyone was so hype and the boys were teasing us and throwing water and it was wonderful close to the end baro was saying one of the things they love about chicago is the pizza and he was really sad b/c they didn’t have time to eat any and it was so cute b/c one of the girls behind me screamed “you can take my credit card!” lol 

and when he said it was time for she show to end and that they’d have to go back to korea soon to end everyone shouted “no!” and i told them not to go back to korea b/c we’ll miss them too much and they all looked so amused c’:

baro made us all put up our fingers and pinky swear we’d wait for them to come back again :c (ugh he’s so cute) also it was really cute when baro was teasing us behind stage before they came back for the encore. he’s sooooo…!!!

OKAY HI TOUCH imma be honest i don’t remember a whole lot but b/c it was so fast i mean their hands were so soft and they all looked so sweet i wanted to hug them :c BUT two things did stand out to me first, was BARO again, he was the first person in the line for hi touch and when i told him i loved him a lot he told me loved me so much. i know he says stuff like that to fans all the time but maybe because i saw him in my section a lot i felt this personal connection with him c’: cnu and sandeul were next i think (i really can’t remember omg) but i remember GONGCHAN b/c when i told him thank you and that i really loved him he genuinely looked touched my chest started hurting b/c of that expression on his face OH AND JINYOUNG freaking jinyoung had his hair pushed back and up into this suave looking style (very fitting for him) and i wanted to scream omg he looked so hot like that (sorry that’s 3 things) it all felt so surreal and i didn’t actually start crying until i was outside and on my way back, everything finally hit me :cccc then i ate a huge brownie sundae while sorting through my videos and photos and trying to type as much as i could remember before falling asleep lol i’ll probably add more once I actually upload the vids and remember things but for now I think that’s it c’: i hope b1a4 comes back soon, i love them even more than i did before and hopefully it won’t be as long of a wait next time!! if you have any questions about any specific thing let me know c’:

#b1a4 #bana #b1a4 in chicago #jinyoung #cnu #sandeul #baro #gongchan #b1a4chicago2k17 #jung jinyoung #shin dongwoo #lee junghwan #gong chansik