#these r all very specific examples because ive seen all of them

[oceanwithouthermoon]

one of my favorite (/sarcastic but not really cuz its like funny idk) things in fandoms is when people make ocs or self inserts or 'x readers' being shipped with characters, but the oc/sona/reader is literally just another character from the source material.. its like youre shipping the characters but didnt want to admit it, so you made a kinsona and branded it as something else..

and its NEVER subtle, actually its super blatant every time and im always shocked when nobody points it out..

i have seen uncountable saiki k x readers where the description is like:

"saiki meets someone whose thoughts he cant read for the first time, and even though he doesnt trust her at first, she keeps proving that she is kind and has good intentions!" you mean nendo? reader is girl nendo?

"this time, he meets a girl whose thoughts honestly match up with her spoken words almost perfectly for the first time!" hairo. youre shipping saiki with girl hairo.

"saiki meets someone whose thoughts are too fast and jumbled to re-" ITS AKECHI, THATS AKECHI, ITS LITERALLY AKECHI.

"saiki meets someone whose just as immune to teruhashi as he is for the first and only tim-" this is hairo again, awe bae you secretly LOVE haisai ?!?

"saiki sees his old childhood friend for the first time in years after an incident caused them to be apart and then they fall in lov-" WHY DID YOU EVEN WRITE THIS AND NOT CALL IT SAIKECHI.

its even funnier when they say its like that characters little sister, but the way they write it is still literally just the character, like their personality, dialogue, even their relationship, is the same..

not all of them fit this exactly, but the ones that take a boy character and turn them into a girl oc to ship them with a boy, it reminds of how in equestria girls they couldnt make applejack and rarity endgame so they gave them boyfriends who looked IDENTICAL to each other.. thats what youre creating, guys, youre creating heterosexual rarijack.

#these r all very specific examples because ive seen all of them #MAKE UR KINSONAS SHAMELESSLY IF UR GONNA DO THIS BRO OMG #STOP PRETENDING ITS LIKE AN ORIGINAL CHARACTER IF UR JUST GONNA COPY IT ALL #i love kinsonas i would love to see actual kinsonas even if u structure them as 'x oc/reader' #none of these words are in the bible #say this to any not chronically online person and watch them short circuit #saiki k x reader fics are almost always like 'and then y/n SHATTERS TERUHASHIS EGO AND HUMBLES HER SO GOOD' ur sick in the head #x readers where they want to be the only person he likes and hes an asshole to everyone else also suck but- #people thinking he genuinely hates his friends is a phenomenon not exclusive to x readers lol its just far too common #sorry that was a side note #theyre not all bad #i dont even think the ones im talking about in the post are really bad- its just kinda dumb and silly #do what u want queens #saiki k #tdlosk #the disastrous life of saiki k. #saiki kusuo #meows post

[shadesofdeviant]

For the fanfic asks … all of them? 😁

HAHAHA Ginger! I mean...you said you'd ask for all of them XD So...I guess I'll answer them all XD.

🍄How do you come up with ideas for your stories?

A variety of ways, sometimes I get inspired to write an AU based on an episode of a show, or a novel etc. Or sometimes my brain just pops ideas into my head.

🍉Are you a pantser or a plotter?

I am very much a plotter. It's also why I don't often get much written because I need SO much to be planned before I can write.

🍒What genres/tropes do you find yourself using most often?

Fluff, 5+1, Domestic Slice of Life, AU's - I am an absolute sucker for AU's.

🥝Who are your literary influences, and have they shaped your own writing?

As much of a problematic person as they were, Anne Rice's first 3 vampire chronicles books were the books that got me thinking...oh I really wanna do this kind of thing. J R R Tolkien's descriptions very much shaped my own (i used to write horrifically long paragraphs). Neil Gaiman inspired my shorter style, quirky dialogue with inside jokes aimed at the reader.

🥕What's your favorite fic you've written, and why?

My favourite fic is a toss up between "Your Arms Are Like Corset Strings" (9-1-1, Buddie) and "Rainbow Coloured Monstrosity" (9-1-1: Lone Star, Tarlos).

The rest I'm gonna put under a cut haha or this post is gonna get SUPER long.

🥨How do you overcome writer's block?

When I work it out I'll tell you haha. I don't think I've ever managed beyond just pushing through and hate-smashing at the keyboard, or just waiting for the inspiration to come back by itself.

🍕What's your favorite comment you've received on a fic?

Honestly as cliche as it might sound, all comments I get are my favourites. I couldn't pick any specific ones, I enjoy comments so much.

🌭Do you have any writing rituals to help 'get in the zone'?

I use a lot of notebooks, I also get really sad and make powerpoint presentations of planning. Then I either listen to music, or put on some series that Ive seen enough times that it can be background noise.

🍔What's a headcanon that hasn't made it into a published fic yet?

I HC a few things for different people but they're not exactly huge things, but have a few examples. I headcanon that Alec Hardy is a huge fantasy novel fan. I headcanon that Eddie Diaz has chronic pain in his shoulders. I headcanon that Aziraphale hates the scent of pine.

🍭What's been your most challenging story to write, and why?

I'm writing a huge multi-part reincarnated soulmates AU, in which the soulmates meet each other throughout history and have different names etc. and it's...taking me soooo long. And honestly it's just because it so long and has so many historical points I need to research hahaha.

🍬What's a genre/trope you've never written, but might in future?

I'm...not sure tbh. Theres a lot of genre's/tropes I don't like or I'm not comfortable with so won't ever touch. But the ones I do like, I've attempted or I am in the process of attempting.

🍩What advice would you give to aspiring fic writers?

Just go for it. Find something you really, really want to see written and write it, because at the end of the day you write for yourself first and foremost. If you try to write to please everyone you'll stress yourself out too much.

🌶How dependent are you on feedback, good or bad?

Bad feedback is never warranted. I do not write for profit so therefore do not need amazon style reviews. Nor do I ask for constructive criticism. I appreciate if someone wants to tell me they like what I wrote though.

🥑What are you currently working on?

I am currently working on a bunch of things: Doctor Who x Good Omens crossover - The events of "The Giggle" with Crowley tagging along. Broadchurch Whump - 2 entries, poor Alec is getting tormented. Broadchurch x Good Omens x Rab C Nesbitt crossover - Alec, Crowley and Davina are identical triplets. Shenanigans ensue. Buddie birthday gift for someone dear to me. Buddie soulmates AU.

🍹How do you decide a story is ready to post?

I finish writing it haha. I let it come to a natural stopping point and then try not to over think it.

🍊What's a story that changed significantly from its initial idea to the final draft?

My reincarnated soulmates AU. I've changed so many historical points and condensed some and completely scrapped a whole half of it haha.

🥠What's your approach to world-building?

Powerpoints. Powerpoints and mind maps haha. If I'm going AU I will plan it like I'm Tolkien creating middle earth haha XD.

🍎How do you prioritize which stories to work on when you have multiple ideas?

I don't. My brain goes brrr and tries to plan all of them at once to the point I can't work on ANY of them haha.

🌮How do you balance the desire to write for yourself versus the desire to write for an audience?

I have been writing on and off since I was 13, and I used to write entirely for the audience and it stressed me out. Whilst I enjoy audience responses and like to receive comments confirming that they enjoyed what I wrote, if I don't like it, I won't post it, but if I enjoyed what I wrote I will love it regardless.

#rinwrites #rintrash #Fanfic writer asks #ask game #Thanks for this! haha #These took me so long to write as well

[flippythedoodle]

hey can u give some tips for a beginner ambigrammist to refine her ambigrams and make the process easier?

i'll just put what ive learned from others and my own experience (i kinda put a lot so imma put it all under a read more)

1. you need to really know what letters look like

one of the talents an ambigrammist needs is to know the details of what makes a letter a letter, and what strengthens or weakens this reading. for example:

on the right are what i would say are very readable letters, almost instantly recognizable. on the left however are essentially the same letters, but missing the core elements of what makes them them. i recommend looking at fonts if you really want to fully understand, but as long as you know the glyphs, you can ambigram them!

additionally, there are so many other forms to choose from. we're all used to the simple, elementary alphabet we were taught, but there is a vast sea of different forms of letters you can try! things such as style, form, and mutations if done correctly will look cohesive in a design! experiment with cursive, square, fancy, blackletter, capitalization, italicization, the world is possible! for example, here are the many ways to write an r that i've collected:

14!!

14 for the LETTER R ALONE. the modifications may be subtle, but in the world of ambigramming where totally legible ambigrams are far and few between, every possible form counts bc you'll have more options at your disposal to choose from. as you see more ambigrams (and trust me, you probably will), you'll learn more about what's possible with them!

2. get feedback!!

the unique thing about ambigrams is theyre made to be seen by others, to be read and gawked at by onlookers, and so any outside feedback means the world to development. let family members, friends, preferreably people that mostly read normal words, try to read them, if they missed any letters, try and improve it. reiteration and tiny modifications help so much, even the tiniest of changes can help. sometimes we may be tunnel-visioned into thinking our ambigram is legible, because we know the word already, we see what it's supposed to look like. but when you get opinions from others, its almost like getting a new perspective, the ambigrammists equivalent of flipping a canvas. there are also communities dedicated to creating good ambigrams out there! (to name some, Ambigram Aficionados the discord server and ambigr.am the website, both of which are linked if you want :3)

3. know the methods!!

there are two main methods that ambigrammists "officially" recognize, downstroke matching, and shape matching

shape matching

this is the more freeform of the two methods, providing more space to do whatever, and thusly, maybe come up with either cool new stuff or bad new stuff. this matches "shapes" of letters, straight, curvy, half curve, spirally, etc etc. this one takes more experience to master, but if done well works wonderfully. heres an example with "greener"

(hey, look! weird R from earlier!)

downstroke matching

is one of the easier of the two, and most often than not yields the best results. in essence, letters are broken down into their vertical strokes, which are then "cut in half" and aligned to each other. this comes from the notion that people read the top parts of a letter more than its undersides. so, when flipping, all that crazy stuff that used to be on the top is now on the bottom, becoming flourishes and designs. this is kind of a precursor to shape matching, as if pretending all letters are squarish before actually taking into account their shape. an example with the word "Basket" would be:

this of course, has its downfall in curvy letters like b and o, as these have specific curves to follow, which may get lost in how strokes are made straight. i got lucky here with the e curving the same way the B would normally, but this isnt always the case.

the best ambigrammists tend to find a good balance between the two, making sure both form and style are as optimized as possible!

finally,

4. not all ambigrams are possible*.

*as a normal rotational

unfortunately, jojo, hello, uwu, and many more words aren't (currently) possible just because of how theyre built at words. so don't be disappointed if some seem impossible, because (like chloe *wink wink*) they might just be. you can then resort to different types of ambigrams, or different modifications!

here jojo works okay as a lake, uwu works perfectly and naturally as a mirror, and chloe and hello work as chain rotationals! another somewhat crucial element of making an ambigram work is flourishes. these help hide the modifications made to a letter, almost like camouflage, or even to hade a letter itself. here are some examples:

this one uses a curvy flourish for the hoops of the Ps, tiny dots for the i tittle and the Es midline, and a bit more flourishes to hide them like serifs and extra curves

this one turns a C into a drawing of a cockatoo! the flourish being the cockatoo, hiding the otherwise awkward C

this one's rather extreme, S and e being turned into flourishes. these are then surrounded by more flourishes to hide them, which works semi-okayly

thats all i think i know about ambigramming, i hope it was semi-useful!

(find me on ambigr.am at chump, and discord as shin_dig :3)

bonus resources: John Langdon (ambigram god)'s advice: https://www.johnlangdon.net/thoughts/advice-on-ambigrams/

Write Words Make Magic (who's also on here @writewordsmakemagic! makes much more in-depth videos on downstroke matching and ambigrams in general on youtube and tiktok)

#ambigram #art #calligraphy #digital art #my art #rotational #ambigrams

[krewekreep]

Introduction of Sorts + Interests

This page will really be for me to get back into writing, develop my writing and indulge myself. I’m open to requests though but ask people to definitely contextualize your Bias (person you’re requesting for—yes I’m gonna use K-pop lingo oh well) and/or the scenario cause otherwise I’d simply write for myself. Which is why I also am making this page because I’ve been on tumblr for 10 years (my main account turned ten this year) and I’m worn out of the smut fest no prose or story fics. Definitely has its place in the community but the older I get the more I need actual full blown delusion. I need scene, setting, set up, climax, denouement…and so I’ll fulfill the order myself. 🫡

My interests:

(Im a 2010s coded Tumblr user so uh, I mean I suppose Dr Who and Supernatural aren’t 😂😂😂😂lmao ew anyway (I was into supernatural I’m ewwing at you and myself) .

Too I usually am not following everything that’s mainstream (I know im so cool) so also if something isn’t listed I most likely know of it—but went no further. I also like older anime and media so if you have something super specific that feels out of place no worries. Im gonna end up writing Greek smut about Dionysus so…🤷🏾‍♀️

Anime: (I’ve seen actually too much anime to name so here’s the ones I have a bias or have an affinity for the characters)

JJK,

Chainsaw Man

Bleach

Naruto

Demon Slayer

Attack on Titan

Fate Series

Etc

Manga:

JJK

Chainsaw Man

Bleach

Attack on Titan

Spy x Family

DanDanDan

Berserk

Etc

Fave genres are horror/seinen, shoujo, and slice of life.

KPOP: (1st-mid 3rd Gen main but still aware of 4th gen pretty deeply)

I dont really want to do requests for idols but I don’t mind overall, explained further below

My fave boy groups (somewhat in order): Big Bang, Shinee, BAP, BTS (ex-army, long story**, don’t come to my page with that bullshit 💕) B1A4, IKON, EXO, 2PM, GOT7…I could go on. (I’m not gonna list them in an order but my heart can’t not include MBLAQ, Teen Top, U-Kiss, etc ugh those were the days😭)

Girl Groups (in definitive order): 2NE1, Brown Eyed Girls, F(x), Girls Generation, TWICE, 4Minute/Hyuna, Wonder Girls, Secret, After School, Global Icon (short lived), Tiny G ( VERY short lived), EXID, Ladies Code, etc.

Now 4th Gen…is cute…they got CUTE people that’s for sure. This list will be co-ed simply because I’m not feral for boy groups like I was younger. Really the boy groups don’t do it for me (4th gen overall criticism tbh) cause it’s really looks and kinda arrogant personalities I find obnoxious given y’all can’t even publicly date or be seen smoking…tone down the elitist vibe lol. But shade aside I do jam some things and have a playlist for my fave 4th gen songs so for sure no hate just a BOMBASTIC side eye sometimes. Anyway…

Stray Kids

Aespa

Lessaraffim (I’m gonna leave it like my mind spells it, enjoy)

NCT 127 (specifically them ((in reference to the units)) cause I enjoy R&B coded K-pop, they do too much Niggaboo shit (looking at Mark and Taeyong DIRECTLY in the eyes 👁️👄👁️)((BUT it’s a Soo Man thing cause him, YG, and JYP competing over who wish they were a born a Black man the most…Soo Man and JYP ✨fist fighting✨over the top spot IYKYK)

New jeans (they’re minors and if they all aren’t their def much younger than me so no requests for minors please this is for taste assessment only)

BIBI and other female soloists (Hyuna, Sunmi, Ga-in, Lee Hyori, etc)

IVE (they really got some bops tbh, this is another TWICE case of let these young women talk and sing how they naturally would…music and live performances will thank them for it)

Nobody really else I guess honorable mentions are Ateez, Fifty-fifty,

———————————————————————

*im gonna add that for Anime/Manga the double dipping means some combination of me knowing the material in both forms of media. Like Jujutsu Kaizen is an amazing example currently as of course the anime is ongoing but the manga is far ahead by a large portion of plot. So if your anime only, manga only, or something be sure to let me know so I’m not spoiling by accident. Don’t want the smut to spoil a character death or something….right? 😅

**the long story short and overall caveat of why I’ve fallen out of love for groups and K-pop are the fact that yeah as a Black person I genuinely started getting pissed off with colorism, n-word usage, appropriation, and mockery. The shit gets old and as a poor old super fan I’m happy I didn’t spend the money people do for folks who would literally refuse my hand…🫤 be fr. Likewise, the deaths of idols who were literally my biases really (of course) bothered me and took a toll on my enjoyment of the genre too. The more you love it the more you learn and that’s usually where the fun ends and now it’s numbers charts and placements. Lame 😭. I let the time I was fan be that but otherwise ? Eh I’m good I’ll bop from time to time and catch the tea but my bread in my pocket (besides my B1A4 What’s Happening and Twice Scientist albums😂)((and the other old albums I’ll get before they disappear forever or get destroyed🫠))

But yeah that’s that on that. I���ll be posting whatever ends up decent enough to be read by others. Otherwise wherever this ends up hope you drop a message🥸!

#fem reader #black fanfiction #x black fem reader #Kpop #fanfic #anime #manga #black reader #black fem reader #new page #requests welcome #requests open #pure delusion #chainsaw man #jjk #bleach #stray kids #bts #aespa #twice #demon slayer #new account #new user #kpop opinions #krewekreep #anime imagines #Kpop imagines #shoujo #text post

[yume-fanfare]

What are your favourite ship tropes and what ships do them best? Good recommendations?

ohhh i think i answered something to this effect before but without the examples part

well im unexpectedly the enemies/rivals to lovers guy here because you know. love. hate. has seen you at your worst and loves you despite (because) of it. the shared history of it all. and im also tumblr user yume-fanfare so i have to say i love how ai.yuu did it i love the fighting -> begrudgingly cooperating -> worrying while trying to act like they don't care -> earnest love. i love yumefan i love kono sekai no tanoshimikata and i Love the "summary" last stage does im a sucker for things that show before and now

and i also rly like childhood friends to lovers (←honeyworks fan) and one of my favorite examples has to be the dolce extra chapter "Like". i love the realization of feelings part in those stories and i find that one is really cute <3 and everything else we got from kazuki's pov regarding can't an idol fall in love with another idol was also so waaaghhh

and for other more specific things i also love ships that have the "you've always been my protagonist" dynamic and things to that effect so. tomo.haji gets me. sweet halloween rewired my brain. it's not just that tomoya struggles because he wants to be seen as cool yet hajime has always seen him as his prince, but tomoya has always thought hajime was the cutest in the galaxy, even before yumenosaki and just. wagh. i have thoughts and Thoughts about them but at the end of the day, they're a very cute pair

also i think tropes like bodyguard/person they're in charge of (bonus points if they're annoying) are fun, x.iaoven has some very fun aus like that. knight/noble person variants r also great lately ive been eating up any and all royal fantasy webtoons i see

anddd detective/thief is super fun too! that's probably a enemies to lovers subgenre kadjsldjslks sai.ou did it rly great too and ive seen a lot of amazing more au-specific fanworks

#im also an and they were roommates enjoyer so looking forward to the haika.veh development #and also fake dating is fun but i don't think i have any specific ships that did that in canon ? #but i do have this great fake dating fic rec‚ #but yeah just. most subgenres of enemies/rivals to lovers probably #polka y kuru son de mis fav enemies to lovers forever in my heart también pero están las barreras del lenguaje y del mucho texto #anonymous #preguntas

[a-romantic--aromantic]

I'm gonna explode, I can't believe people r being alloarophobic over. One Space. That they can't be in. In all of the internet there is not allowed to be a single discord where it's just for aros, I guess

😔 also very specifically all non-ace spaces ive seen agree that some aces Can be in them. its just relative to their relationship with sexuality/attraction and the term ace.

example: im greyspec (non-sam but technically could be ace) and im neu aro, because im allospec and dont id with ace, even though i technically could.

im still allowed and invited to these spaces. they welcome and accept and are happy to have me. but in this case…. its One Space. one. the other spaces im referencing? dont exist anymore. theres just one non-ace space now.

people are upset about not being allowed in ONE space, but arent even considering that they aren’t even necessarily excluded.

i just????? one discord is too much, i guess. i suppose we shouldnt have our own spaces, and that forming our own spaces to respect ace community boundaries is immoral and aphobic (aphobic. not acephobic. the aro erasure really does shine) i guess we cant even have one single discord. nevermind that its inclusive anyways.

apparently im aphobic, because i support alloaros and other allospec/non-ace aros. apparently supporting aros isnt enough.

i dunno folks. maybe you should help me understand something. is building the romo aro community from scratch and being an aro content creator for 3 years aphobic to you?

#hey bees #whatd you ask? #what’d you ask? #whats up bees #/rhetorical #/sarcasm

[actualbird]

character analysis: vyn and artem + I Need To Be Perfect + fear and guilt = these two are more alike than you (and they) think but also end up so different thanks to their respective emotional method

wc: 1.8k, enjoy the dashboard stretch

general. vague spoilers ahead for both vyn and artem's stories but i dont mention anything specific, im more working on the vibes im getting from all of it as a whole. also obligatory disclaimer that these r just my own thoughts and interpretations

part 1: vyn and artem have a similar core desire

before i go anywhere, let me define the terms ive made up here.

in this analysis, a core desire pertains to something something one wants so much to the point it informs so much of who that person is. stuff like that person's ambition or what theyd like to experience in the lives or a certain image of themselves they want to embody for people who see them. u want something and u want it so bad that that desire paints a bunch of ur personality or actions or values.

an emotional method is basically what it says on the tin. it's a way someone pursues something, and in this case, the way someone pursues a core desire. but also this method doubles as a reason, almost, for what they desire what they want in the first place. this thing is like, both how and why that person pursues what they want.

with that all in place, i think a core desire of both vyn and artem is to Be A Perfect Person, tho the definition for what a Perfect Person has some slight deviations for both of them.

vyn seems to want to be seen as perfect irt having no weaknesses, no flaws, no cracks in the armor of who he is. vyn wants to be seen as learned, refined, and always on top of every stuation. artem wants to be seen as perfect more in the sense that he needs to be Correct, he needs to live up to all expectations set of him.

this desire of theirs shows in their personality and what they do. vyn, for example, doles out true vulnerability sparsely because vulnerability means showing another person parts of yourself that are "weak" or "ugly". and artem is just, ykno, //gestures to his entire life of overachieving and his whole reputation.

of course, how this desire manifests isnt a linear and perfect (haha) desire, there are instances where this desire is actually like, a curse of sorts. im not too sure about vyn (im VERY behind on his cards, apologies), but artem has mentioned various times that he wishes people didnt put him on a pedestal (examples off the top of my head are in SR Sparks and SR Fixated on You) and yet in spite of this, his actions are still ones that align towards wanting to achieve his kind of perfection anyway.

so they both want to be seen as perfect. thats a similarity they have that informs a lot of who they are. so if theyve got this in common, why are they such different people? why are they at odds with each other in canon? why cant they recognize this part of themself in the other, or, if they do, why do they not meet that with empathy?

it's cuz while they have that same core desire, their emotional methods to pursue it are juuuuuuuust different

vyn’s method to pursue that core is fear while artem’s method to pursue that core is guilt.

aka

vyn is like that because hes scared.

artem is like that because hes sorry.

part 2: vyn "if you kept a snake in your eye line, it wasn't gonna bite you" richter

the line in the above quotation mark is from the documentary "Joan Didion: The Center Will Not Hold" and the full quote goes:

"I, myself, have always found that if I examine something, it's less scary. We always had this theory that if you kept a snake in your eye line, it wasn't gonna bite you. That's kind of the way I feel about confronting pain. I wanna know where it is."

which, i think, is a great kind of explanation for how and why vyn tackles a lot of things, among them, the perfection situation.

vyn, in so many cases, always exhibits and aims to have control over the situation. he always wants to have the advantage, the power to be able to sway whatever is happening in either his direct favor or in the direction he needs it to go (like for nxx investigations). ive talked about this control thing in many past analyses but it's key here in conjunction with the above quote. he does this to "know where the snake is"

but he goes past knowing where the snake is, goes past having the information and examining that information. he doesnt just want to know, he wants to be at and expertly leverages himself to a higher level over that information.

to continue with the metaphor; he damn well knows where the snake is. and so he takes care to either be far enough away that it cant strike or he takes action and attacks first.

all this because at the end of the day, the snake---and lemme give the snake some names now: pain, hurt, things that are out to get him, things that will belittle him, things that will cast him out, and more and more because a lot of who vyn is as a person is strange to many people, it's other, and vyn is of the belief that the world regards things that are different with cruelty and scorn. and the sad thing is that hes right---is scary. it is something he is afraid of.

and when vyn is in control---when hes using his knowledge to run circles around people in conversations, when hes using his expertise to get the dominos to fall the way he wants, when hes setting up even just the image of himself in the way he does---it's way harder for things to hurt him.

vyn is on the defensive and offensive to protect himself. and a person protects themself from things they fear.

part 3: artem "to make up the fact that it's me" wing

ive got a line quotation marks above again and this one is taken from the essay "Ugly, Bitter, and True" by Suzanne Rivecca. the scene where that quote comes from goes:

The San Francisco therapist kept telling me I shouldn’t be terrified of creative experimentation. “I don’t know what’s going to come out of me,” I told her. “It has to be perfect. It has to be irreproachable in every way.” “Why?” she said. “To make up for it,” I said. “To make up for the fact that it’s me.”

which is, once more, a pretty damn good summation of how and why artem strives for perfection.

artem is a textbook overachiever. youngest senior attorney, always working, constantly striving for such high standards in everything he does even the things he enjoys like his hobbies. a bunch of this is because artem is like, holds a lot of value in the concept of rules. theres a proper way to go about everything and it just so happens that the proper way for him in particular to exist is to achieve all these things and continue to do so for the rest of his life.

and the reason that this is the proper way for him is because it's artem's apology for who he is as a person.

in many many stories, artem has expressed this sentiment that hes both too little (boring, not interesting, not fun to be around, has hobbies that arent exciting, inexperienced in emotional situations, all in all just a personality thats bland and not worth the effort of getting to know) and also too much (too intimidating, imposing to the point that coworkers and colleagues are afraid of approaching him, an unreachable paragon on a pedestal too high).

this kind of contradiction must be hell for artem, somebody quite rooted in logic. how can he be lacking and overflowing at the same time? somewhere, theres a fault in the system of who he is and this fault affects everybody around him and hes so, so sorry.

in a sense, hes apologizing through his striving for and achieving the so-called perfection he desires. he does this because he needs to make up for it.

to make up for the fact that he is who he is.

part 4: the same but different. what does this mean for them?

it means that we have one (among many) reasons for what we see in canon; vyn and artem at each other's throats.

oftentimes it's in a comedic context but this animosity between them also crops up in more serious contexts (main story (forgot which parts specifically): artem angrily saying that he and vyn are NOT friends, vyn expressing his relief that artem was not with mc when he evaluated her) and like. canon hasnt given us a reason for this yet, haha.

like, marius and artem are iffy at each other because theyve both lost somebody close to them and theres a possibility that their respective missing person could have a hand in the missing-ness of the other respective person. marius and vyn are iffy at each other because ksdjbgksjd working with ur teacher/student cant be all that great at first. (and from the sidelines, luke waves with a friendly smile, clean slate and no beef against the others)

but what about artem and vyn? theres no history given, so it may be because of hidden beef we dont know, may be because of just personalities clashing

but it may be because of this whole core and method thing i wrote about here.

to artem, vyn may seem to effortlessly exude the image of perfection that artem wishes he could be. vyn is not a contradiction, vyn wields himself expertly, vyn does not fumble, and for all that vyn has the higher ground, it's not in the lonely way that artem experiences. artem is guilty for who he is while vyn seems to bask in himself.

to vyn, artem may seem to be a glaring example of what hes afraid may happen to him; so focused on perfection that if someone were just to look in the right place, all those actions would lead to obvious faults that are being apologized for. vyn is afraid of showing weakness and artem is a case study of how perfection can point to those weaknesses anyway.

in each other, they might see a mirror image of something that exists in themself. but it's contained in a person that sparks jealousy in artem because artem feels shame and vyn seems to not. it's contained in a person that sparks apprehension in vyn because artem doing all this and it still might fail if vyn doesnt play his cards right.

so theyre similar

but also different in juuuuuust the exact direction to make the original guilt and fear even worse.

#tears of themis #artem wing #vyn richter #tot artem #tot vyn

[ask-the-chaos-creation-crew]

Just to any mods in general: When designing a character do you go through many design changes before settling on a final design?

I'll put it under a cut since it's kinda long.

Ellis:

not rlly tbh , tha only one's who'v rlly gone thru any sort of design changes was alien , tyrant , teen , an horror (an even then most were 4 sake of convenience/amplifying their characteristics y'kno ?)

4 example:

- while alien may hav gotten a new Frill around his neck now , he also used 2 b able 2 split his mouth all tha way down 2 his abdomen . not sure y i had that but i don't now

- horror's monster form design was a Lot different from how it was back then (never posted it publicly tho) . biggest difference was that he had eyes and a nose !!! an also chains on his wrists an ankles

- tyrant had a Lot mor scars , altho they were simplified 4 convenience sake . him being blind in one eye was ALSO not a thing originally ! ended up adding it bc ,,,, idk lol thought it looked neat

- i jus made teen look mor liek a ,,,, well a Teenager . fuckers sixteen now he can b a little edgy as a treat <3 also unrelated but fun fact he has three parents ! i forgot 2 include one of them when teen reveals who stars parents r whoops

Pearl:

Q:

For me I just kinda .. make the character design and then … keep it like that until I look at it again and go “ew”

Spinmp:

usually when i have an idea for character design i make a few sketches on paper to see what i like. ive usually talked about personality, characteristics, backstory etc beforehand so i have a vague idea of what i want it to look like!

-OWA's design changed a lot, more specifically his outfit and its colors. He used to wear a jacket until I decided that he probably wouldn't enjoy the restrictive movement that comes w it, and also drawing his scars seems cooler to me than just a normal jacket.

-Burnt Toast was going to originally be humanoid before the final design! He was going to have only one eye and a lower jaw, and he would wear a mask around people he didn't trust. After changing his story slightly, he ended up being the giant time noodle seen today :]

-Lizard RHM was actually very tricky at first. I knew I wanted him to be a lizard, but it was very difficult to decide how humanoid he would be, what his color scheme would be, what kind of lizard he would resemble, etc. Orange and spikey stuck out to me the most! im a sucker for orange. i love orangh

Sam:

i kind of just accidentally make design changes over time and go "oh i guess this is how i draw them now lol!!"

the most common thing for me to do is to make hair fluffier over time or make the character shorter by accident

Bliss:

I tend to stick fairly closely to the original design (in Alex's case, I have not changed anything about them, but that's just because I got attached to the silly), but more often change the character's personality over time (Alex went from someone barely making ends meet and working paycheck to paycheck to a popular YouTuber because of a joke AU I made).

There's an example and exception contained in one OC of mine, who went over a huge personality overhaul (went from sad to thembo) and also had a lot of his features changed as a result of him actually being given an ethnicity (he didn't have one before), after which I changed his features accordingly.

I'll also change a physical design if the old design has bad memories attached to it (I recently redesigned a character because his outfit was created by my abuser).

Milkyway:

Personally, I haven't really changed anything much design wise for my aus (except for my modsona she got a redesign recently). Triple Treat really only had this one rather dark joke I have since tossed aside I guess. However, how an au of mine did go through a bit of a change... Kid!

Initially, Kid was meant to be a rather shy and quiet child. He didn't really talk with people or other kids at his daycare, his only friends being his toys. Mama V also wasn't part of the initial concept, coming from a suggestion that one of the other mods had

As you can tell, Kid has perked up quite a bit. He's a LOT more friendly and cheerful, and a lot more... Peculiar to say the least, with some of the things he's able to so ;)

Well, I guess there's also a lot of the ideas I had for Reaper! I just, haven't really been able to implement them.

If you want an example... Well, let's just say...

Reapers... Aren't always Reapers :>

#ooc

[thesharondefenseleague]

Hey chiming in I completely agree there is both room for a discussion of gate keeping and fetishization in fandom. And personally I think this discussion varies on what side of the fandom you are on or what fandom you are in. And the issues vary in importance depending on the fandom. For example I think fetishsization is a way bigger deal in say the Kpop fandom than say in the ATLA fandom.

And imo you come across different discussions depending on what side of the fandom you are in. For example if I like Loki Sylvie Im going to see different discussions than than if I like Stony.

I will say though the side of the fandom Im on I see alot of arguments thrown at m/m ships for being fetishistic.

And that makes me feel very uncomfortable when its in fandoms and coming from people supporting m/f ships especially when most of the content I see called out is basic fandom stuff.

They're just drawn hot and making out. And people will be like oh people like it because its hot like thats not a factor in most shipping regardless of gender dynamics of the ship or gender/sexuality of the shipper.

I ship SteveSharon and shipping that can be a really stressful experience but I feel like some people just loose perspective a bit. I remember a conversation with another Steve Sharon shipper who was upset at certain m/m shippers I think Stucky shippers but cant remember what the ship was. But they went on about how people are two obsessed with their white favs and how m/f is a minority.

Like this is probably the only medium ever where m/f is a minority in anything and I love our ship but you emphasize white favs like our ship isn't with two of the most Aryan looking people ever. Fandom culture can be toxic, fans can be bigots. Ive seen alot of people say mysogynistic crap about Sharon.

But sometimes I swear people in fandom want to act like the act of shipping a white guy and white girl is transgressive. Its not SteveSharon specifically I come across this attitude alot in ships between a guy and a girl. Very specifically a white guy and white girl. It is actually infuriating when people act like underdogs for shipping it.

If either isnt white i seem to come across much this attitude less. And by less I mean I never have but I'll error on the side of caution and assume maybe someone has. Even though fandoms for a guy girl ship that involves a poc usually end up not very popular at all compared to ships with no poc . Because the problem is racism and mysogny not "heterophobia" .

Your last sentence hits the nail on the head. The problem with people’s negative attitudes towards m/f ships 95% of the time has misogyny and/or racism tied into it.

But the fetishization of m/m ships today is less fanart based like it was 5 years ago. The problem is wanting to force the actors into the situations so it can be “validated” and getting pissed when they say no, they don’t have to, and yes, it’s creepy to demand this of them. That’s the issue that’s massively glossed over and the actual problem.

~Mod R

[biaswreckingfics]

I GOT SO MUCH TO SAYYY!! gosh pls dont find me weird okay, and these are just my personal opinions and im not hating any groups!! but my unpopular opinion is: i think kpop has become very toxic after bts and bp got famous in America. And tbh if you ask me, i wouldnt want any other kpop groups to be famous in America... i only stan exo but i think i speak for all groups when i say they are safe as they are now... of course if exo ever get even more famous i will be happy and proud for their success. But look how fame and America has changed bts and bp... not tryna hate but look theyve changed, idk if anyone else noticed but after fame hits bts, i realised how theyve start to become very...white?? like they are so westernised and like example, they start focusing on America only, they even curse (not a lot but i’d still point out) casually like for example, jungkook singing a curse word in his cover song for jason derulo savage love i think (speaking of cursing, after nct127 got famous in usa mark started getting influenced by them too and he casually cursed like “oh fuck” and everyones like 😃😆) even i curse and im not saying cursing is BADD but yeah i am, and how they sing a whole song in english, not to even mention how toxic america is but in grammys they have sold tons of albums yet they didnt win anything but when they release an english song, they won.

Some half of them americans are very toxic, racist, and just theyre basically acid, like bruh, its evident that once bts got famous there are soooo much hate thrown towards bts too cuz theyre asians, or how some would say theyre gay or look like girls...if my favs (exo) ever get these kinds of treatments (not that they dint but veryy little cuz thank god they ain exposed to the western culture) i will B R E A K, i could never handle that so i would never want that to happen to them. Also noticed how, after bts got famous, most armys are equally as toxic, whether they are just stanning bts just cuz theyre famous there, or like how their fans dont even know anything abt bts and coming after so many groups and their fans. Most of them are fake and i think its cuz of the fame for bts lmao. One thing i’d like to say too tho, is how they are so overrated and their songs are played all the damn time, people would randomly talk abt them, like everywhere you go THEY ARE JUST THERE, like in my opinion if i am an army, i would just feel like they are so common and theres nothing special about them anymore and theres no excitement, like what even is the point anymore. idk if anyone gets me but thats just how i feel about my favs being “wOrLdWiDe fAmOuS”, i will love them and their music but its just something i think about tbh🤷🏻‍♀️ like let me listen to them on my own and vibe and love them, dont play it 24/7 just cuz they are famous and ure tryna get people’s attention, like imagine ure in the subway and u hear ur favs song cuz its EVERYWHERE and ure there like 😐😐 not that u dont love their music but its cuz horrible people dont deserves to listen to their songs, and like people arent going to appreciate them anyway so yeah i feel uncomfortable listening to my favs as others dont even bother, like imagine if that subway is filled with people who are in ur fandom, yall would just hv the best time in the world and VIBE, if not what even is the point. Idk if im explaining it properly, but its badically like, u feeling UNCOMFORTABLE or should i even say SELFISH cuz u do not want to be sharing ur favs with people who dont even deserve to KNOW about them. Basically like seeing how someone you HATE or bullied you back then talking and being all friendly fake with ur BESTEST FRIEND or even boyfriend/girlfriend, cuz u just want to protect them from EVIL (im so dramatic)

And well lastly, no Bts did not paved the way, or “bts is the best and only group” like no, so many amazing artists were breaking records way before bts was even a thing (no hate to bts) but they really need to get slap for having that mindset, they really make a bad image for bts...tbh kpop before was so peaceful (a little toxic but still, compared to now...BYE) and everything was just about idols and fans love, listening and supporting and loving their music and just so comforting... urgh anyway thats all i wanna say and here are some texts i saved relating to kpop groups going famous worldwide uwu

these are also examples, and honestly speaking here, i dont want to be specific as in “exo” cuz i think this happens for ALL the groups out there and the love and relationship between the idols and their fans (family) are just beautiful, but for bts and armys... tbh i feel bad because i just dont see or feel any love they hv for each other (sure we see bts saying i love you armys or armys supporting bts but with all the toxicity in their way, theres just no spark or chemistry or bond no more it’s basically like one direction and their fans and thats all they are, celebrity-fan, but for kpop its family), i can see other groups and their fans interacting or how idols would light up talking abt their fans, but for bts, theres just soooo much mess going on in their fandom its not special anymore, they lost the deep meaning of their group love and IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT but YEAH DJSHSKSJ OH and to add somethign else, they got famous in America, look at all the collabs🤡🤡 blackpink with cardi b, bts with nicki etc... not that collabs arent fun... im just saying these american artists... they dont exactly have a good reputation (americans singing about sex (not the good kind), money, girls and drugs) 🥴🥴 dont influenced my faves and let them be exposed to the toxic culture YALL GET ME?? KPOP HAS THE LETTER K FOR A REASON😭😭😭 let them be their own shining star, not everything has to be involved or a part of aMeRiCa to be amazing.... PHEW IVE SAID IT NOW BEFORE ANYONE GETS MAD AT ME, I DONT MEAN TO SOUND RUDE TO YOU, if youre an american and youre no where near being toxic, I LOVE YOU but im just saying, the western culture is toxic and im just saying what ive been observing and noticing🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️ ps: i still love exo till the max and everything about them is perfect and theyre just amazing people (everything i said that bts and armys dont really have anymore, i think thankfully, EXO (sorry im biased) most fandoms still have so much of the L O V E there and i find that extraordinary) and he fandom is so comforting and amazing and idk dkdjjdjss thats why i dont want them getting famous worldwide...sorry exols ANYWAY THATS ALL FOR MY RANT ITS 4AM AND I AM THINKING OF DELETING THIS💀💀💀 anywya sorry for taking up so much space but i just wanna say I FREKAING LOVE NO EXIT, NO LIMITS, basically all ur exo fics cuz why not🥺🥺 i think ur writing skills are amazing as well as the plots and all especially forsaken, and THANK YOU for two bbhxoc fics😭😭😭 i cant!!! also if u reached here idk i-🥲 i hope u didnt get mad or offended 👀

Reply under the cut!!

Kpop has become extremely toxic with the growth of international fans and the rise of 3rd/4th gen. I wasn't around to experience the previous generations, but I know damn well they weren't a mess like these newer ones are.

Gaining fame in America does seem to change idols, and idk why. The group members change and the music changes also. While I do enjoy hearing idols swear (guilty pleasure) and I am an American so I get to enjoy their English songs, I can see how it makes all the other cultures/countries feel some type of way.

I will say this, though, the Grammys are shit and I dont get why people care so much about them. They've proven time and time again the awards don't go to the best artists. However, this doesn't mean that I think BTS deserved a Grammy imo.

Americans are a very toxic and hate filled bunch (again, I am one, so I get to see this shit every day). I 100% know that some of the hate directed towards Asians is because of racism (as seen by the insane uptick in crime against Asian Americans right now) and because some see kpop male idols as too feminine.

BTS is literally everywhere, which is one of the reasons I stopped listening to them tbh. They'd be in commercials, on talk shows, late night shows, in magazines, on the radio, just everywhere. It took the joy out of watching anything from them just because they were always in my face, so I can see what you mean.

I feel like the relationship between BTS and army has changed (from an outsiders perspective). Its no longer about loving and supporting your group and being happy for them. Now, its "so-so wants this? We MUST do everything in our power and spam every possible thing ever so they get what they want". Its almost frightening. They also no longer care about the quality of the music being put out. Doesn't matter what it is, they stream the ever loving shit out of it and make it break records when, honestly, it doesn't deserve to (again imo).

Lastly, I didnt get mad or offended haha. I understand a lot of these viewpoints, and thank you so much for liking my work!! I do wonder what would happen if I made a true BBH centric fic and not just spin offs or continuations of previous works where oc ends up with BBH 🤔🤔 I think that fic would have too much power haha.

#unpopular kpop opinions #sehunsthetics

[natsubeatsrock]

So, I watched The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, and...

The Endless Eight arc is one of my favorite arcs in anime.

No, I'm serious.

It's legitimately one of my favorite arcs.

It's not a particularly fun arc to go through on the first watch. I wouldn't be shocked if you went through this arc and felt like something wasn't wrong. Many people have decided not to watch this season or even the series because of this arc.

But I think that this arc very accurately shows how frustrating being stuck in a time loop would be. It also shows a taste of how Yuki Nagato must have felt simply observing the whole thing going down. Not to mention, it's one of the reasons the Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya is one of my favorite anime movies, ranking as the best among movies related to a television series.

Now that I've checked off MAL and r/anime's Endless Eight praise checklist in one paragraph, onto what I want to talk about.

I find the big criticism for this story arc to be hilarious and worth talking about more than any of the other things I've talked about. The big criticism with this arc is that it's basically the same episode done over eight times. Certain things are different, but it's essentially the same thing over again.

And you know, they're right.

But that's not as bad as they'd have you believe. After all, as King Solomon once said, there is nothing new under the sun. Essentially everything that has ever been done is a version of some other thing.

For example, Kyon from Haruhi has basically the same personality as Tomoya Okazaki at the start of Clannad, Hotaru Oreki for most of Hyouka and Hachiman Hikkigaya for a large portion of My Teen Romantic Comedy SNAFU. All four of these characters learn to see the world differently after joining a club which includes a female character they have to learn to like throughout their respective series. 

Now, I know what some of you might be thinking: those guys aren't all the same. Sure they may seem similar, but they're not the same character. 

And, you're right.

I would be seeling those characters and their series short by saying that because they share similarities. And I would be lying if I said that I like these characters exactly the same for the same reasons. I understand that might seem like a weird example, so let me give another.

As far as the European system goes, music is written using any combination of the same twelve notes spelled in any number of strange ways, and entire genres of music are built on repeating and reusing the same patterns over and over. If this sounds familiar, you may have heard of the infamous I-V-vi-IV (1-5-6-4) chord progression. To be fair, the reason this pattern exists is that each chord naturally leads to the next one. (A gross oversimplification, I know) However, you'll still find iterations of this in every key in music from Bach to Bieber and everywhere in between. And that's just one chord progression. There are plenty of other popular chord progressions, song structures, musical forms, lyrical topics, and instrumentation combinations that have been done time and time again. This has gotten to the point that one could almost be forgiven for thinking all music is the same.

Except it's not all just the same thing. Many are similar within a specific genre and many genres often feel like they're similar to each other. However, they're each doing something different enough to be called a new thing. As the famous musical theorist, Heinrich Schenker put it "Always the same, never the same way." A quote that means a lot more the more you know about his thoughts on music.

And the Endless Eight arc understands this amazingly well. Each episode shares a similar line of events. However, each episode handles these events differently. It would be one thing if each episode were only animated differently. The things that get fixated on are different each time. The musical score implies different tones in each episode. Some events get less time in some episodes than others. Certain small events don't even happen in some of the episodes like the trip to the movies, the trip to the store to get yukatas, the batting cage, the test of courage, or Kyon talking to Yuki after the SOS Brigade shares lunch the first day. 

On my second time going through it, I decided to make note of my favorite versions of each moment in each episode. The idea that you only need to watch the first two episodes and the last to get the idea of the arc is fine if you want the gist of it. But doing that means you would miss the cold open in episode four where Kyon finished Haruhi's request and only realized afterward. You'd miss Kyon saying what Haruhi's introduction to the kids in episodes four and seven. You'd miss Kyon answering his phone as if he were an answering machine in episode five. You'd miss Kyon doing the math for how much time the loop lasted on a calculator in episode six.

Now, let me be fair. Does the fact that these episodes aren't exactly the same, but only slightly different mean that there is no reason to be frustrated by the fact that you've basically seen the same things happening already? No.

And that's totally fine.

While some people find the repetition of aspects a reason to be a fan of those aspects, the same repetition can cause others to be turned off to it. If you didn't like something once or twice, you're probably not going to enjoy seeing it again and again. There might be a version you'll like, but that will probably be an exception to the rule. Of course, this is part of the reason this arc is so hated. After one or two times through the time loop. Many feel like the point was gotten and this arc had overstayed its welcome.

But, in the defense of Endless Eight, the characters are also sick of this arc. Why else would you get cold opens where Kyon says something feels wrong, even before learning what was the issue? Why else would there be scenes where Kyon thinks it's strange that he remembers things that haven't happened yet for him? Why else would Kyon try to understand what Yuki's reasoning for letting the loop happen after learning about it? Why else would every episode after the first have an ending where Kyon clearly recognizes that he has to stop the loop predicated on a strong feeling similar to the ones before? What's more, whenever he fails, why would it matter to him to do his homework?

I think it's fair to say that one of the best moments in the arc for most people is in its final episode. You've seen this scene already seven times. Haruhi is heading out the door. After the first episode, Kyon is hit with a wave of anguish, similar to what he's felt throughout the past two weeks. And every time, he wants to stop her but can't think of the right thing to say or do to stop her. This last time, Kyon figures he ought to do something different than normal if he's going to stop the loop.

Now, I can imagine that the fact that the thing that was missing was a last-minute cram session could be annoying. I got to that moment the first time and felt as much. "Really? This is how the loop stops?"

However, this didn't come out of nowhere. The idea that homework was a looming certainly was brought up during every episode, unlike many smaller events. This was something you were supposed to have in the back of your head as the episode would play out. At the end of the first episode, it's a matter of how all the homework Kyon put off will get done. Starting from the second episode on, it becomes a matter of why Kyon doing homework matter at all. Either way, Kyon decides that he isn't able to completely address the issue in one night by himself.

The last episode deals with both issues with a single scene. He gets all the homework done by working with the rest of the SOS Brigade. And by hosting them, he stops them from looping any more times. He was right to assume that he couldn't handle all of the homework by himself. He was wrong to assume that he was the only one who would end up fixing the issue.

Of course, a great thing about this moment is that it also marks a great difference in the episodes in the arc. As previously mentioned, there were smaller changes to and differences in episodes which are all good and interesting. However, since the second episode revealed the time loop, there wasn't a major change to the formula of the episodes. By actually trying something different, Kyon effectively changes the pattern of the episodes in the arc.

This moment changed the way the rest of the arc is to be interpreted. A lot of people complaining about Endless Eight seem to talk about this arc as if it's just another supernatural set of events. A weird shift from what we'd expect to happen and not much else. While that isn't untrue, I don't think that's all that's happening or the correct way to view the arc.

With this change, the arc continues in the vein of mystery. If you've gotten to Endless Eight, you've definitely seen the Remote Island Syndrome episodes and Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya VI. Mystery isn't something that this show hasn't dealt with before. In fact, depending on how you see it, Disappearance was also one big mystery regarding the nature of the drastic world change.

In a mystery, there's one important rule regarding the solution to the problem. It should be something that makes sense within the world but wouldn't be easily guessed on by the audience. The breaking of the cycle fits that bill amazingly well. We know that Kyon has homework to finish, especially considering every episode ends with him unable or resigned not to complete it. Haruhi says each episode that she was quick to get through the work to enjoy the rest of break.

It took Kyon 15,532 times, but he sure cracked the mystery and gave us an amazing arc to boot.

To wrap this up, I took note of my favorite versions of scenes the last time I watched this show. Fun fact: another big thing that helped me get through this is my love for Season 2′s OP, sung by Aya Hirano, Haruhi’s Japanese voice actor who’d later go on to voice Lucy Heartfilia.

Intro: 4, 6 & 7 (especially 7)

"You're Late!": 2, 5 & 7

By The Pool: 2, 3, 7 & 8

Introduction: 4 & 7

List: 2,4 & 5

Yukatas: 1, 2, 6 & 7 (no yukata picking scene in 5)

Festival: 3 & 8

Fireworks: 1, 5 & 7

Homework?: 3

S.O.S.C.C.C. : 1 & 5

Part-Time Job: 3, 5 & 8

"Ah! Kyon!": 3, 4 & 5 (especially 5)

Explanation: 2, 3, 6 & 8

Stargazing: 2, 5 & 6

Batting Cage: 2 (no batting cage scene in 3 or 5)

Test of Courage

Other Stuff: 1 & 4-8 (obviously especially 8)

Homework...: 3, 5 & 8

#not fairy tail month: crisis on infinite fandoms #the melancholy of haruhi suzumiya #endless eight arc #kyon-kun denwa #you're phone is ringing kyon #this one's an easy one to start with #some will be similarly popular #others are not #one is definitely a wild card pick #you probably couldn't guess it #as for this post #i had it almost ready two years ago #now that it's done #i have a few more from that time #this show was awesome

[creativegodtiers]

Prompt Response: Upstart/Exodus Scenario

(apologies for the troll quirks 😔) “yo,” Virave, the Knight, said, lying sideways across their chair. “there’-S a lil -Situation -Stirrin up” “Yes, I Gathered bY the fact You’d called us all into the Situation Room,” Evelit, known to the mortals as the Mage, said with a raise of her eyebrow. “be nIce!!” Lilith, the Sylph, admonished, before turning back to her moirail. “what’s the matter??” “okey doke, here’s the thing,” the Knight said. With a flick of their hands, a small figure appeared on the table, bearing a smug smile and a toga. Lilith leaned in to inspect the figure. “Caesar?” “no i think that is the chicken man,” Summer, aka the Rogue of Void, said solemnly. “Don’t be ridiculous,” the Mage admonished. “{summer has a p(o)int. he greatly resembles the chicken man,}” Wisria, the Heir of Space, said. “I don’t know who that is,” Evelit mumbled. “haha!! smartie Doesnt know something!!” Summer crowed. “Fuck off.” “can we get back on track?” the Knight demanded. There was silence. “thank-S. thi-S guy claim-S he’-S a ‘better’ god, the ‘true’ one.” They tapped a claw on the table, narrowly missing the little figure. “-So far a-S i can tell, he’-S a de-Scendant of one of u-S who got hopped up on power and ha-S a literal god complex. needle-S-S to -Say, i want thi-S twink obliterated. who want-S to go put the fear of the god-S in hi-S heart with me?” The Rogue, the Sylph, and the Witch (also known as Elmara) immediately raised their hands. “{i d(o)n’t like c(o)nfr(o)ntati(o)n, but if y(o)u need a s(o)lar eclipse, text me,}” the Counter of Stars said with a small smile. Evelit sighed. “This could Go a lot of waYs. If I See You start makinG bad choices, I’ll alert You throuGh the usual method.” “texting “DONT DO IT DUMBASSES” to the group chat,” Virave said with a nod. “got it.” The man—his name has been lost to mortal minds, but we’ll call him Chad, because he was so a Chad—stepped down from his platform. The people adored his message, his speeches were on point as always, and just as he’d thought, those so-called Creators were either not real or too detached to do anything about it. “yo.” Chad glanced over to see four unassuming troll youngsters. He had to stifle a chuckle—three of them had their arms crossed and one was leaning her elbow on another, the very picture of teenage skepticism. Regardless, he would convince them. He was very convincing. “What can I do for you?” he said, putting on his best smile. He’d never been fond of trolls, but more followers were always needed. “A little birdie t+ld me y+u’re playing at g+dh++d,” one said, moving forward. Her red skirt swirled around her feet. Chad idly wondered how she avoided tripping. “I’m not playing, my dear, I am a god. A better god, in tune with the people, not sequestered in my tower all the time like some ‘gods’.” “okay but like heres the thing” one girl said, stepping forward. Chad wondered what caste these trolls were-none of them had a sign, and the dark blue of this girl’s shirt didn’t point to one specific caste. “the gods r literally always out n about u just gotta LOOK DuDe” Chad scoffed. “Don’t be ridiculous. If the gods are so active, why haven’t we seen them in action recently?” “maybe you haven’t,” the jadeblood (you could tell by the scarf) girl muttered. Something clicked in Chad’s head. “Ah. You’re going to try to prove you are the gods.” “well, he caught on...decently fast,” the jadeblood said to her comrades. “so how we gonna play this?” the blue shirted one said. Chad felt a sting of mild irritation that they were ignoring him in favor of keeping up the “gods” facade. “okay, here’-S my idea. i -Shank him, and lilith heal-S the wound,” the one who hadn’t spoken before said. They pulled a knife from their yellow coat and twirled it easily in their hand. Lilith (presumably) gently whacked them on the arm. “don’t be sIlly! we‘re under some sort of oath not to harm mortals, aren’t we?” “no,” the other one grumbled, “but fine, i gue-S-S.” “I c+uld d+ the timey thing,” the one with the red dress suggested. There was a chime and she looked down. “Ah. N+pe. Evelit says bad idea. Damn.” Chad couldn’t deny a stirring of fear in his chest, but he pushed it down. “If you are the gods, then which ones are you?” “fuck yes!!” Lilith cheered. “transformatIon sequence tIme!!” “Yes,” Red Skirt Girl said. “HELL ye-S,” Knife Kid said. “hell fuckin yes” Blue Shirt said. “Can I g+ first?” Red Skirt Girl said. “I’ve been practicing.” Everyone nodded, so she took a breath in and began to twirl. The edges of her skirt flew up, revealing striped green stockings, which quickly became a blue as she spun faster and faster until- A glittery green shoe clicked hard against the pavement and the girl stopped, beaming with pride. Her skirt settled around her, shorter and fluffier now, her sleeves longer and— The Timecrest emblazoned proudly on the front. “The Wild One,” Chad whispered, unable to keep a hint of reverence from his tone. The Goddess of Tune did a very silly bow. “In the flesh.” “me neXt!!” Blue Shirt cried, clapping her hands. She closed her eyes and- Chad couldn’t quite describe it. She seemed to almost fold in on herself, imploding, but before she could implode all the way, she was back, suddenly, fully formed. She was still wearing the oversized blue shirt and black leggings, but now she had fingerless gloves, a domino mask, boots, and most importantly, the Voidcrest on her shirt. “The R-g-e of ——“ Chad said. Or, well, not really said so much as half-choked. The Rogue grinned. “Someone knows their history!” “So you’re-“ Chad turned to the other two. The jadeblood girl simply flicked her hands and the scarf transformed into flowing ribbons, the dress lengthened, and the Lifecrest bloomed into existence, along with several flowers springing up around her feet. “I thInk some people call me the Goddess of UprIsIng, whIch Is great, don’t you thInk?” The one remaining had apparently already changed, into the glowing golden cape and matching shirt and pants of.. “The Speaker of Truths,” Chad said. “Bingo bongo,” the Knight deadpanned. Chad took a deep breath in. No matter. He was still the better god, even alone. He had something they didn’t! “Well, regardless of your flashy transformation sequences, you are out of touch,” Chad declared. “The people have forgotten you, and a new god—a better, friendlier god—is here.” “woooow,” the Rogue drawled. “i cant even...ive seen stupiD, but this is something else.” “can i plea-Se ju-St -Shank him?” the Knight said, twirling their knife. The Sylph gently patted their cheek. “shoooosh.” “can we call in a solar eclipse now?” the Rogue said, but the Witch shook her head. “It w+n’t d+ any g++d. This is a matter +f rhetoric.” “OH!!” the Sylph said suddenly. “I’ve got an Idea!” She turned to Chad. “when’s your next sermon?” Chad checked the time. “A few minutes, actually.” “great! we’re comIng,” the Sylph said, and shoved past him, dragging the Knight along. Chad, confused, followed. When he arrived on stage, a crowd was already gathered, expectant. The gods stood off to one side, leaving the microphone available. Chad stepped up, tapped it a couple times, and told himself his mantra in his head. You are powerful. You are mighty. You are open. You are a god. “Helllooo, my people!” “our people,” a clear, commanding voice cut in. Everyone turned, and when they saw the gods, gasps and whispers broke out. “is it gonna b a rap off” the Rogue stage-whispered to the Knight. “nah,” the Knight said back. “i think i get what -Sylphie’-S plan i-S.” The Sylph started to walk towards the podium, and her friends followed, creating a strange little parade. “um. hello,” the Sylph said into the microphone, and the whispers increased. “thIs man claIms we have abandoned you, that we are out of touch. he lIes. we are among you, always, and not even fIguratIvely. who here has been to a protest recently that turned sour?” A few people raised their hands. The Sylph nodded, pointing at one of them. “you. protest for goldblood psIonIc headache medIcatIon to be legalIzed? there were a bunch of sonIc blasts, but somehow no one got burned. that was me helpIng. best of luck, btw.” “you, the one with the nice jacket,” the Knight said, and the people quieted, because the Speaker of Truths would not lie to them. “i told your mom -She had to get you vaccinated. did -She?” “Y-Yeah,” the kid said, looking shocked and maybe a little overwhelmed at having this attention put on them. “She did.” The Knight nodded, satisfied. “Y+u,” the Witch said, pointing at a young woman. “We fucked +nce. Last week, actually. Call me?” “okay, well, that Isn’t the best example-“ the Sylph said. “we went 2 a rave together!!” the Rogue said, pointing at yet another startled face. “wait, u 2? aw fuck man. i cant believe uve done this.” “-So, we gonna -Smite the-Se dork-S?” the Knight, and the crowd all backed up a bit. Chad, for his part, was eyeing the mic as if weighing the chances of being able to grab it back vs the chances of the Knight “shanking” him. “nah, they’re good,” the Sylph said. “just needed a lIttle remInder of theIr real gods, I thInk.” “sure we shoulDnt try 2 push that reminDer a bit?” the Rogue said hopefully. The Sylph smiled. “Already texting Wisria,” the Witch said. The Rogue stepped forward and raised their hands dramatically. “citizens! in the interest of fairness, we will allow this chaD here 2 give a lil Demo of his talents.” Chad stepped forward, looking like a man who had just seen his own death and was not at all pleased with the indignity of it. “Yes. Ahem...observe!” He pulled an apple from thin air, spun it around with a flourish, and then tapped it, It instantly aged and became a wrinkled and gray mush. “Cute,” the Witch said. The Rogue nodded. “one of urs. alright, y’all got the flashy anD non fatal powers. take it away!” The Sylph seemingly spontaneously grew a pair of jade wings and fluttered over the heads of the crowd. With a hum, she perched on a tree and gestured to the Witch, who sprouted matching wings of her own and joined her. Together, the two managed to age a small tree to the point where it’s shadow fell upon the whole gathering (considerably grown by now), and then to the point where it died. The Sylph then casually regrew all its limbs, and the two leapt down from their now considerably heightened perch. “Alright, our turn,” the Knight said, and right on cue, the sun went out. There were several gasps and a few shrieks, but everyone fell silent when the glowing Crests of the gods appeared in the sky, bright enough almost to replace the sun. Then they faded, the sun reappeared, and the gods took a bow in the style of stage plays. “learned your lesson, dearIe??” the Sylph said to Chad as the Rogue shoved him in front of the mic. Chad looked down at his feet, not meeting the eyes of what had once been his congregation. “I...I am not a god.” “damn right,” the Knight said. “alrighty, peace out y’all.” “stay safe!!” the Sylph cried. “keep an eye out 4 us,” the Rogue said with a wink. “Call me!” the Witch said, pointing again at the young woman in the crowd she had singled out before. And the four ascended away, pleased with a job well done.

[y01te-moved]

igneous and/or corona for character ask ?

i am doing both bc Fuck Yeah but ofc under the cut bc of that bc this is kind of Very needlessly long even w/me omitting a section for both of them.,

Igneous:-favorite thing about them: this is. Difficult bc i do actually like a majority of the things about him but ig to keep it simple i will just say his design is good albeit tacky (tho thats why its good tbh..) also the fact that hes a knight is umm.😳

-least favorite thing about them: genuinely dislike if not hate how they wrote him for pretty much all of the nuuma arc cause they had no business suddenly reducing him to just making an unnecessary amt of failed attempts at romance when that was only just barely a part of his character beforehand, but more specifically any of the scenes hes in in ep 36 just downright fucking suck and Thats On That, (sadly)

-favorite line: i do not have a specific line for this but anyways near the start of like, i think its ep 24 or somewhere in that area, after he and hunter finished a round against each other and then like right after that he goes to the side and starts talking to magma abt how they both think hunter has been coming along very well lately in his training and are generally proud of him? that was a very good scene……

-brOTP: this also has an honorable mention for being the otp response but im not rlly as personally invested in it but anyways. igneous/slate dynamic good which is kind of the obvious response but. what else am i supposed to say its just straight up canon ajgsdjahdkj.

-OTP: im sure this goes w/out saying considering who we r talking to but anyways him and magma r boyfriends thats the rules

-nOTP: in an ideal world i wouldn’t have to say anything here bc people would just be normal and not come up with anything weird but ill take this moment to say if you’ve ever thought pairing him w/hunter would be a good idea i can and i will strangle you. like it should be really obvious why thats awful And Yet thats a concept ive had the misfortune of seeing multiple times.

-random headcanon: he usually would not bc he takes training very seriously BUT he Could hold side conversations and the likes while still being perfectly capable in a fight and every now and then does so w/someone else there just to flex on hunter. also hes the like 1 person that would have a genuinely hard time grasping concepts that are specific to the outer world/surface. hunter would try to tell everyone what a car is and he’d have an immediate crisis

-unpopular opinion: honestly this is just a repeat of the notp response, thats the only thing ive seen from ppl that i just. do not like at all because. yea…

-favorite picture of them: technically i have 2 but one of them is already my icon as of rn n i dont need to b redundant so!

Corona:-favorite thing about them: this is very generic perhapse but i will say that i think with the handful of alt outfits she gets throughout the eps for various reasons are always so good i appreciate them so much… we stan a fashion icon

-least favorite thing about them: do not appreciate the running gag about her cooking bc its like “haha lol look at this beautiful girl she seems so perfect but oh she can’t cook well!!” like for starters even if it wasnt cooking i just think she deserves to be able to feel passionate about something without it falling apart n having it b smth she can still be made to feel bad about and also it is just not very respectful to women in general and again she deserves better than that.

-favorite line: edited the parts of this line together Very quickly so it looks a little odd BUT

this specific part still rlly hits different especially with the specific word choices…. thank u ms corona spider riders for saying trans rights..

-brOTP: i think she also has a v good dynamic w/magma actually even if its not like super obvious and all that but they r just genuinely supportive of each other and that is very epic.. incredible display of mlm/wlw solidarity

-OTP: honestly kind of have mixed feelings on sexuality hcs for her which would kind of make or break this but i will say i do think she has a much better dynamic w/hunter in general and thus also on a romantic note so that is something..

-nOTP: cant say i have any bc i havent rlly seen any that strike me as just downright bad thankfully.

-random headcanon: postcanon her and aqune are no longer two queens pitted against each other and would probably hang out p often generally speaking which is where, on top of well, yknow, trying to catch up on the like many years they many years they were separated, aqune would help her pick up better cooking skills and she would help aqune in experimenting more w/fashion on occasion. or generally just those sort of things bc those examples r not the most inch resting but ive already made the answer to this ask wayy too long i think so the point remains.. kjfdlkf

-unpopular opinion: its not rlly debated anyways n i think they do handle it fairly well for the most part but if i had to say one thing i do kinda wish they had given slightly more focus on her and dealing with what her past was and slightly less focus on making her a love interest cause like.. one of those things is kind of a lot more important to the core concepts of the show/plot and it is not the romance.

-favorite picture of them:

#bloook why #thank u brendan but also i am so sorry to everyone collectively bc i cannot imagine this being easy to read :pensive: #i think i mainly just said too much in places where i did not need to but if i didnt i was worried it would come off as more like #sort of less interested ig even tho im sure itd still seem that way even if i had shorter answers fjdkfd #in any case yeah this sure is a post alright! #SR

[yeoldontknow]

I finally made my own tumblr and i feel pretty happy bcuz im finally letting others see my writing but i wanted to know what you did for your stories to like, “get out there?” Btw i LOVE your stories im a new fan of EXO and ur stories r amazing keep it up!!

hi there. welcome to tumblr! thats so exciting! i hope youre enjoying your time here! im going to preface everything i say by advising a few things. 

firstly that i dont consider myself an ‘out there’ blog. im exceptionally proud of the amount of followers i have, even though the number itself is different depending on perspective. to some, this number is remarkably small. to others, this number is enormous. and the amount of readership that occurs on my fics really doesnt match up the to the numbers the way you think it would. so when you say ‘out there’ just keep in mind this is really...dependent on so many factors and depends on your own personal definition of what that means. 

second, the things i list that were part of my experience may not work for you or match up to your experience. theres really no algorithm or formula anyone can give. so again, you can take all of this with a grain of salt. 

- make use of tags and tag appropriately. when youre starting from 0 (as everyone on this website does) the first and primary way you get any of your writing out to the public (beyond...posting it lmao) is tagging. only the first five tags show up in searches when youre tagging on tumblr, so keep that in mind when you consider how many networks (ill discuss those later) you want to join. keep your tags relevant to what youve written, things like ‘member smut’ or ‘member fluff’ usually draws in a crowd. when i first started hero, i was tagging with ‘chanyeol x reader’ and ‘chanyeol scenario’ and those pulled in a bunch of readers too (that was 2 years ago tho, so idk how much a scenario tag pulls in anymore) 

- post in multiple places. i have an AO3 and a tumblr. most writers cross post to ao3 and tumblr, but others also have an asian fan fics account or a wattpad account (this is usually to prevent people plagiarizing on there). but most writers i know (tbh i think all) post in at least two separate places. 

- join a network. networks are so great for getting your work out there when you dont have a lot of followers or are new and dont have a lot of readership. theres so many out there you can join - some are specific to band and others are multi-fandom and only require that you be writing for kpop. my recommendation is to join two or three, because these networks will always require you use their tag in the first five. this is because the only way they will find your work to reblog it is by searching it, so tagging for two main tags and two networks is a surefire way to get your writing to the right people.

- talk to other writers/blogs. send asks, play ask games with them, tag them in things you know they like (example, even if i dont follow you but you tag me in something related to chanyeol i will always respond). leave feedback on their work. reblog their work and tag it well - either with your keysmash reaction, your thoughts, or your feelings. whatever you give into the community will come back to you.

***HOWEVER, i will say that dont be discouraged if writers dont reply right away. sometimes tumblr eats asks, deletes messages, or doesnt let them show up until the person can get to a computer. furthermore, most writers on here have regular jobs or families, so the time theyre on tumblr is very limited. and even more than that, theres a big question of age. for me personally, if i can tell a person is quite young or under the age of 18, i am less likely to fully go back and forth in banter with them because i am considerably older than that and thats inappropriate. im just pointing this out because i dont want you sending messages and getting discouraged if someone doesnt reply. theres a lot of reasons someone might not reply, and it may have nothing to do with you or be relate to something within your control. 

- if youre a new writer, join a beta network. theres networks out there where people willingly volunteer to beta writing, and you can also apply to be a beta. this helps improve your writing, which will help draw more readers, and will also create a community/friendship around you and your beta team.

- make a masterlist, even if you only have 1 written item. masterlists help people new to your blog see what you have written, find it, and read it OR see what you want to write. example: if youre writing for exo and you have a list for the entire band, ill assume that at some point youll write for chanyeol even if you only have a link for jongdae. make a masterlist and link it in your bio for easy access.

ok so thats...bare minimum how you get your writing out and circulating and possibly generating a community for you to engage with. but its really important for me to say the following:

if you are walking into this with an expectation that you will soon receive recognition or feedback or a large amount of notes, please please restructure this. in my years on this site, i have seen so many writers come and go because they start writing solely for the notes or the feedback. thats not a sustainable goal and it will suck the pleasure out of writing really really quickly. its so easy to get discouraged if you dont think youre achieving some arbitrary number that tumblr itself messes with just by changing rules or guidelines or the way posts show up on a dash. 

instead, challenge yourself to write things that interest you or to write different things within your stories. things like ‘i want to write a fantasy’ ‘i want to write a 5 part mini series’ ‘i want to write an angsty drabble.’ when you approach writing from this perspective, it keeps you consistent and motivated with your goals. and it also, believe it or not, make your writing come from a genuine place of love rather than a place of wanting interaction. readers can tell when someone genuinely loves what they write and when someone is just checking boxes they think will bring in feedback. 

also - please know that getting your writing out there is very much a ‘rome wasnt built in a day’ kind of vibe. ive been on this website for 2 years and there have been months where my notes and follower count is barely moving, and others where i feel like i get 200 followers in a week or hundreds of notes on something id posted a year ago. you cannot predict how long it will take for people to see your work, the only thing you can predict is that it will take time. honestly, again ive been here for two years and im still a pretty small blog. theres no magic formula to this. 

i hope all this helps!

#writing advice #zaralax

[gendertrader]

Physical Weight - 266 lb Height - 5′9″ Age - 24 25 mg Aldactone 1 month, 50 mg Aldactone 1 month

Because this is the first month that I’m ‘fully’ (due to reports suggesting that passing 100 mg may not be as effective as previously thought) on Aldactone, from here forward, I will report this as my first month.

Skin

Hair (body/head) [hairline, texture, thickness] I have noticed an increase in the amount of head hair that has fallen out over the past month.  This was not initially expected, but after some review of anecdotal reports, this is not uncommon.  Not enough has been lost to make it visible, but I will keep an eye out.

Face [hairline, cheekbones, facial hair, eyebrows, eyes, acne, skin] I have not noticed much change in facial structure as of yet, which is to be expected, but I’ve started wearing mascara more regularly and I’ve had an increase in acne, specifically around my chin, but it hasn’t been too bad.  I’m interested to see how this changes as I was not a particularly acne-ridden teenager. I have started trimming my beard a little differently to further act as contour, and its growth has started to have a more significant effect on my mental health.

Body [fat, taste, libido, hair, calves, nail growth, testes, temperature] I have seen little to no fat redistribution (unsurprising as it often takes up to 3 months of a full hormone regimen to start seeing real changes), but there may be a hint of gynecomastia from the aldactone.  I’m also learning to hold my body differently so as to accentuate the breast tissue, so any changes I’m seeing could self-influenced. I have noticed a clear increase in sugar, specifically chocolate, and salt cravings.  I have started incorporating a shake of iodized salt during meals to prep for this month, when I anticipate experiencing much stronger cravings.  I have seen mental health changes (please see mental health section for additional thoughts), which I imagine have contributed to the sugar cravings. Libido is...something.  I haven’t started fully experiencing the loss of libido caused by anti-androgens, but I seem to be getting it in waves that sort of follow my typical ‘horniness fluctuation’ if you will.  The primary difference is that everything is stronger: when I’m horny, I’m  h o r n y  but I can also go weeks at a time without masturbating and the sight of a hard dick does next to nothing for me.  I’m interested to see how this progresses. Despite taking a daily 10,000 mcg dose of biotin, I’ve seen a decrease in nail growth speed and a slight decrease in nail strength.  I used to be able to keep them rather long (good for painting, etc.) but they’ve been short for almost two weeks now (after I removed the pink fake nails pictured above) and little to no growth has occurred.  Finally, and I’m not sure that this is due to Aldactone, I’m having a more difficult time properly digesting food.  Part of me believes it’s due to my wearing high-waisted women’s jeans every day, which press on a part of my abdomen that isn’t usually compressed and could potentially disrupt flow of digestion through the stomach, but it occurs even when I’ve not worn those specific pants all day.  I suppose this warrants additional observation.

Mental/Emotional Brain Fog I’m creating a new category specifically to mention brain fog.  I have definitely seen an increase in what I must assume is the brain fog for which I see so many reports.  To me, it feels like when you’ve been high for a really long time and finally start coming down - almost as if there’s a layer of thought that has been suppressed and you have to focus just a little more than usual to process the things happening around you.  I imagine that, for somebody who has never been high, this could be rather disconcerting and difficult to navigate.  Fortunately, I’ve been smoking for about 2 years straight as this point, so I have very little trouble living with a little bit of brain fog for now.  I will make an update if I notice an increase in fog from 50 to 100 mg.

Depression There has been a slight but definite increase in depression symptoms.  It feels like it’s primarily due to the energy-sapping quality of Aldactone, and less like I’m extra sad all the time, but the sadness-depression has increased somewhat as well.  I imagine this is due to the fact that I’m no longer actively repressing my understanding of self as a transfeminine individual, so the masculine qualities that I dislike are starting to stand out more.  Some examples of these include my beard (I used to go 1-2 weeks without shaving as I am a depressed graduate student and don’t always have the time/energy to shave, but I’m now shaving around twice a week), my face (a couple times while really high and having removed my glasses, I’ve seen Alex as she can be with estrogen but it usually lasts for minutes at a time, so I’m then immediately reminded that I do not look like this - clearly the typical trans experience, but I didn’t think it would be this strong for me and it feels like it’s only the beginning, so I’m strapping up), or my internal experience of being alive (it /feels like/ I’m on testosterone, and sometimes that just gets the best of me; during those times, I have to remind myself that wanting to be a girl is a symptom of being a girl.  It’s then that it feels like I’m getting a taste of the true Trans Experience and I have to code switch into thinking how lucky am I to have so much room to grow which only helps a little but that’s more than nothing).  I had a few boy days recently, which were nice because everything matched up, but it was somewhere closer to 3 or 4 days out of the month so I’m less worried about my boy days interfering with my transition.  Finally, as I’ve stated before, even without the effect of the Aldactone, or the drain of coming out to everybody around me, or the strain of an actual social transition, it’s exhausting.  Because I choose every day to take this medication that continues to bring me one step closer to my ideal self, I also inevitably must at least briefly consider what I am doing and the changes I hope to see, which is much more introspection on this topic than I’ve wanted to do for a while.  I’m nervous that friends are going to find out before I’m ready (I’m in my final months of my master’s program so there’s no reason in my mind to attempt a social transition yet as I have other very difficult things to do already (I have a conference in which I present at the end of the month and I have to finish data collection and create a poster; I have to collect data for my thesis before analyzing said data and completing my master’s thesis before the April 22 (I think???) deadline so I can graduate on time; I have to find a job (lmao this is so difficult brb crying), which will include a million applications and half a million job interviews; I have to complete 2 additional manuscripts for publication (again, once data collection is completed); and I have to move to wherever I eventually get a job) and I don’t need a social transition piled on top because I’m already barely staying afloat as it is.

Anxiety There may have been a very slight increase in anxiety near the middle to end of the month, but I had also been on the same strain of weed for a while, so I wasn’t taken off guard at all.

#mine #updates #transition #trans #transgender #transfem #transfeminine #genderfluid #nonbinary #enby #fem-aligned nonbinary #fem-aligned enby #aldactone #spironolactone #hrt #diy hrt

[spoonass69]

big rant type post/ story thingy:

TW/CW:

abuse mentions, r*pe mentions, kinda just talking about my experience with being a baby activist and learning how authority figures and my white peers act in these kinds of situations

anyways a year after i entered public school in about 6th grade, one of the teachers decided to have her whole class sit in silence, without moving, on the grass for a whole recess because a few kids were too loud in the hallways on their way to recess. so naturally my friends and i talked about how unfair it was and we organized a peaceful protest consisting of me and about 4 other kids. we planned on having signs and informational pamphlets and sitting on the grass.

that day i went home and had my mom help me research how recess was not only beneficial, but necessary for kids. then i wrote up a paper on why collective punishment was unfair and how taking away recess was actually just hurting students and i even gave alternative solutions so they could still like punish kids who were loud in the hallways or something

the next day, i walked into school with my big rainbow cardboard sign saying “recess is a right not a privilege” when i got to breakfast, i saw none of my friends had signs or anything. they told me they didnt think i was serious, despite agreeing the previous day to be a part of this. that was fine though, i can handle this all on my own since i have all the things i need.

i walked up to class once the bell rang, and i put my stuff in my locker for the day. i realized by sign wasnt going to fit, so i put it in the windowsill in the hallway directly outside my classroom to wait until recess, and i went to go sit at my desk and start my bellwork.

about a minute later, my teacher came in and asked me to step out into the hallway with her, ehich was weird since class hadn’t even started yet so why wouldnt she just tell me what she needed to in the classroom.

i stepped out into the hallway and she went into this whole thing about how i had put my sign facing outwards in the window, which also happened to be right next to where some oarents dropped off their kids. she was mad because “other parents are gonna think were not letting you have recess!!” (which was what was happening, pretty regularly actually, this past incident was just the last straw). she continued to yell at me, i dont even really remember all that she said both because it happened so long ago and because at the time i was being abused at home and tended to panic very very hard whenever anyone showed that they were upset with me at all, which lead to me kinda auto deleting the memories. whatever she was saying, her tone was scary and hurtful enough to make me absolutely bawl, in front of the entire 6th grade class that was still entering the classrooms around me. even after i, through a stream of tears and snot, very timidly said i just wanted to stand up for my classmates, she continued to yell at me for a good 5 minutes.

the other 6th grade teacher stood by and watched, let all the other kids watch. i was not a rebellious kid, i did everything in my power to only seem happy and not show vulnerability, i had to do that to survive. i wasnt a troublemaker or anything like that, the teacher actually really liked me before this, i was quiet and always did my work and followed the rules. this was my first offense. it wasnt even an offense, i was simply asking my teachers not to treat my friends and classmates unfairly. and i got screamed at to the point of panic and sobbing, to going completely out of character. and my peers would not say anything. my peers would not stand with me. they would not admit that i was not the sole person that wanted to do this, and of course i wouldnt rat them out. but worst of all, the other adult there, that was supposed to protect me, stood there and watched. silently. knowing the abuse that was going on at home. they both knew. they both knew i only had good intentions. they both knew i would never start anything too rowdy on purpose. neither of them even tried talking to me calmly or asking what was going on. they wouldnt even read the pamphlets i made.

there are some key elements here i want to highlight.

my peers abandoned me, and let me try and make things better for them after agreeing to have my back (i almost never missed recess because i had to follow rules perfectly to survive). they then let me take all the blame and the punishment

the adults who were supposed to care about me and protect me responded with aggression and hostility when i wanted to peacefully ask them to stop harming my friends

the adults who were supposed to care about me and protect me stood by and watched as one of their coworkers screamed at a sobbing child who was already dealing with abuse at home

this was the first situation, that has fit into countless amounts of patterns as ive learned more about oppression and activism.

at worst, the people in power will only respond to peaceful pleas for respect with violence. at best they will sot by and watch as others perpetrate that violence for them.

there are a lot of people, specifically other white people in my experience, who will ask you for support, loyalty, help or anything when dealing with things such as homophobia from peers or just general bullying but then when you are in a situation where you need them to put themselves at risk to help you and support you in a meaningful way, they completely turn on you.

this last one i feel like can get misinterpreted so im gonna give this example

a friend wanted me to support them and have their back when one of our mutual friends was bullying them, i said of course and made sure my friend did not feel any guilt after cutting the mutual friend out of their life and i also cut them out of mine. when pointed out to that same friend how one of their friends was being disrespectful towards me after i called them out for being supportive of police during the blm protests, and i told them i wasn’t comfortable being friends with someone who was friends with people who disrespected me they told me i was trying to control who they were friends with and i was being unreasonable, and then promptly went and made fun of me

i give my friends support and try to work with them to make pur environment safer and happier for everyone, but when we’re put in a tough spot, i get thrown under the bus because im usually the only one who wholeheartedly wants to do something, who wants to put the effort into caring for my friends and keeping them safe

ive seen this specifically happening all over my area, i dont know if this goes for other places in the US, but it feels like i am pretty relatively alone, im seeing everyone from my old school or from nearby schools calling themselves activists, saying the support these movements, saying they agree with all these ideas, but only follow through if its not only convenient, but if it will make them look good to a significant amount of people and if the action is basically spoon fed to them.

im not sure if i really have a message or a point to this but i felt like this information does have some kind of message in it somewhere that i just can quite articulate yet.

i guess just generally, if youre seeing these things happen too and youre also feeling alone and frustrated, dont give in to people who wont put their social standing at risk to stand up for you, if youre noticing these patterns and sticking up for your friends or peers in general despite the risks then you deserve people who will put in the same effort to care about you.

also i know some people cant put in the effort, i did have a lot of people reach out to me when i was very publicly calling people in my area out for standing by while their peers were racist/antisemetic. they told me that some people cant stand up for others due to anxiety or idk the risk of losing all their friends would be bad for their mental health. but yk i have a severe anxiety disorder and cptsd, and i did lose all 15 of my friends and my boyfriend in one day in freshman year of highschool after i told them i couldnt hang out with them if they were gonna hang out with trumpies. then for a week they all messaged me separately telling me i was a crazy bitch. then for 6 months told everyone new i tried to make friends with or date that i was a crazy bitch (but far more convincingly) even though i blocked them all, didnt mention them, did my best not to think about them, and even changed my routes to all my classes so i couldnt pass any of them in the hallways. but even after the trauma that caused me, it was the only right and reasonable thing to do. no matter how badly i was doing, it would not compare to the damage me being friends with them and enabling their behavior could do to someone in the future, because enabling those people is how we end up with men who rape and murder women. and even if all that wasnt the most important aspect of this, staying friends with those people would have messed me up astronomically worse than cutting them off did.

(just to make it super clear tho, im not expecting people of the marginalized communities to put their safety at risk to stand up to their own opressors, i am expecting mostly white kids to put their idk social status and comfort asside and stand up to your friends or other people in general when theyre harming others)

#tw abuse #tw rape #edited to make the tw stand out more just incase