#these 16 seconds are all i'm going to think about until february

[pharawee]

—SPARE ME YOUR MERCY · Coming Soon 2024

#spare me your mercy #spare me your mercy the series #tor thanapob #jj krissanapoom #aelm bhumibhat #sparemeyourmercyedit #thai bl #thai drama #bl drama #bl series #my edits. #these 16 seconds are all i'm going to think about until february #this is perfect #tor as gun is going to so amazing #it's exactly the kind of character he plays best #but mostly i'm here for jaylerr because aaaaaaah #and aelm is such a welcome surprise #i guess he's going to be one half of the side couple? #check out inhuman kiss 2 and doi boy if you need stuff to watch until the real trailer drops

[romanticvampiric]

୨ Some data or curiosities about Bloody Kisses~! ♡

Note: Hi❕I wanted to do this so that more people can learn a little more about my selfship and so we can interact a little more about it❕ I don't know much about these things and I'm not an expert speaking english as well, so it would help me a lot if you correct my mistakes when speaking so that I don't make them in the future. If you are interested in knowing more, you can consult my second account (@lovebatty) to know more. ╰⁠(⁠*⁠´⁠︶⁠`⁠*⁠)⁠╯🩷

Sfw version!

୨ Their first ship name was Ryato, also called Heartberry and Bloody Kisses (💗🍓). There are also variations of it in different alternate universes.

୨ Their anniversary is in February 5th❕

୨ Their love began in 2015, so, they have been together for 8 years even though it is a different time than in the story. ♡

୨ Romantic is mexican, his dream was to dedicate himself to cinema or literature, but he ended up choosing journalism. He is an exchange student who decided to go to Japan for the intriguing ‘Haunted House’ that he initially wanted to investigate, there he accidentally met Ayato.

୨ They share engagement bracelets and rings; the first ones made by Romi and the second ones bought by Ayato.

୨ Romi is ISFJ & Ayato ESTP, which is considered an ideal couple within the MBTI. 🩷

୨ Romantic is a diligent student. He normally tends to help Ayato with his tasks and team projects ( they are always a pair ); explaining to him in the best way possible, because Romi cares a lot about him and doesn't want Ayato to recycle the year.

୨ Ayato did not realize that Romantic was carrying a rosary until ‘Dark 10’ of Haunted Dark Bridal, which initially made him think that he was religious ( specifically Catholic ), but as Romantic already said, he considers himself a semi-agnostic.

୨ Ayato knows that Romi is a trans boy and supports him ( in his own way ), even giving him another binder on his birthday❕ ＼⁠(⁠^⁠o⁠^⁠)⁠／ 🏳️‍⚧️

୨ Although he doesn't say it openly all the time, Romi is not entirely against giving his blood to Ayato to drink whenever he needs it.

୨ The first time Romantic admitted to developing some attachment to Ayato was in ‘Dark 16’ of Haunted Dark Bridal, where he began to see him as good company.

୨ Although Ayato doesn't want to hurt Romantic, he loves to see him cry; calling him a ‘Crybaby’ because of how sensitive he is.

୨ Ayato belongs to the high school basketball team and Romi belongs to the chemistry club ( which he joined because it's not his strong subject, he wants to improve ).

୨ Romantic had never cooked takoyaki before, he had to get the recipe and perfect himself on it to please Ayato's whims. ᕙ⁠(⁠ ⁠:⁠ ⁠˘⁠ ⁠∧⁠ ⁠˘⁠ ⁠:⁠ ⁠)⁠ᕗ

୨ Ayato likes Romantic to comb his hair with his fingers. 🧚🏻‍♀️

୨ According to Ayato, the nickname “Chibimushi” ( Little Bug ) was born as a shameless mockery based on his first impression of Romantic, that is, that he was as 'small' and fragile as a bug. On the other hand, “Romi” emerged improvised after his first date as an alternative title since he was his current partner. He rarely calls Romantic by his name. ♡

୨ Curiously, in line with the previous information, Romantic is not short❕In fact, they are only a couple of centimeters apart with Ayato being the taller of the two.

୨ Romantic writes poems to Ayato since he found out that he wrote between classes.

୨ Since they were dating, they slept together in the same bed constantly❕ Usually in Romi's bed since the iron maiden is too narrow for the two of them. 💏🏻 ♡

୨ In an after story, Ayato found a white kitten in the school garden, quickly becoming fond of it and showing the kitten to Romantic. Ayato wanted to take him to the mansion without permission, but Romi suggested asking Reiji instead, and in the end they were able to keep the kitten they named “Copito”. ヾ⁠(⁠･⁠ω⁠･⁠*⁠)⁠ﾉ

୨ It is quite clear that Romantic suffers from poor anxiety and depressive symptoms. A topic that Ayato was not aware of until he found out for himself in ecstasy's prologue in Haunted Dark Bridal ; at first Ayato did not understand it, however, upon hearing both Reiji's explanation and Romantic's own, he did whatever he could to help ( in his own way, surely ). ｡⁠:ﾟ⁠(⁠;⁠´⁠∩⁠`⁠;⁠)ﾟ⁠:⁠｡ 🩷 ♡

୨ Romantic and Ayato have quite similar traumas. For the same reason, Ayato tends to go to him whenever he feels that he has lost control of the situation, he has shown him that he can understand him and gives good advice to Ayato of which some reflect despite saying otherwise.

#diabolik lovers #diaboliklovers #ディアラバ #diaboys #dialover #diahell #ayato sakamaki #sakamaki ayato #逆巻 アヤト #original character #otome oc #self ship #self insert #diabolik lovers oc #bloody kisses #💗🍓

[zealouscanonindeer]

The Ramsey-Kallie babies.

I thought I'd introduce you to the Ramsey-Kallie kids. In my HC, they continue living in Ethan's apartment, only moving to a double condo on a different floor when they are pregnant with Tatum.

The age gap is 3 years between the girls and baby boy is born years later. This is sort of like a part one, I'm thinking of doing one more of when they're all grown up.

1. Jade Ivy Ramsey.

Born : February 3 

Nicknames : Jadie girl/Jadie-bug (by Ethan), doll (by Aspen) 

Aspen found out she was pregnant with Jade three weeks before their wedding,they decided not to tell anyone immediately so they waited until she was two months along before breaking the news.

Funnily enough,it was Ethan who broached the topic of trying,he had a serious case of baby fever when he visited the paediatric ward and found Penny helpingSienna with the toddlers. After that,all he could think about were their babies together. They talked about it and Aspen always wanted to have kids so they decided there was no time like the present.

Two weeks later,she was pregnant! They were both shocked by how quickly it happened. They did find out the gender,Aspen was too eager to know and Ethan secretly was hoping for a baby girl. He took most things in stride,while during the second month Aspen worried about the baby having all the diseases she could think of(and she knows way too many). 

10 hours of labour later,Jade was born. She has Ethan eyes but her mothers smile. Her hair is dark blond,which surprised both her parents cause most people in their families had darker hair except River, Aspen’s sister. She is left handed, just like Aspen. 

Personality wise, she is kind, understanding, she has her father's sarcasm, stubborn, ambitious, has a tad bit of a temper. 

Ever since she could crawl, she’d follow Ethan everywhere and that didn’t stop anytime soon. She is always pretty good in her academics and later decides to pursue CA course at U Penn. She is the queen of late night study sessions but can't wake up early in the morning. 

She LOVES animals, and growing up with Jenner around is a dream come true for her. She also trains in gymnastics and has an amazing voice. 

She is a daddy's girl and Ethan is wary of any guy who she might bring home, the thought of it fills him with slight dread. 

2. Tatum Caroline Ramsey.

Born : April 16

Nicknames: Tate(by Aspen), Tater tot and little rookie ( by Ethan) 

When Jade was a year old, Aspen wanted to start trying again but Ethan felt it was a little too soon for him. However, the idea of having another bundle of joy, the tiny little toesies was enough to make him cave. 

It took them almost a year to get pregnant with Tatum, they had crazy schedules, Ethan immersed in the welfare of the hospital and Aspen leading the team, they had a serious lack of quality time. Whatever they did have, they would spend with Jade. 

Aspen was distraught with every negative pregnancy test and just before finally getting pregnant, she was seriously worried she couldn't have another child. 

After a few months, they both did get tested and everything was fine, they never really thought it would be this tough, especially with how quickly it happened the first time around. 

The pregnancy was smooth going but the little lady decided to make an early appearance. She was born almost five weeks prior to the due date. The two days, she was in the NICU were singlehandedly the most terrifying days in Ethan's life. 

Tatum is a mini version of Aspen, with the same dark brown locks and dark honey orbs, cheeky smile and teasing attitude. Just like her mother, she is hilarious and she has definitely inherited her mother's sass,including Penny's love for sleep. Ethan loves seeing his Penny in his daughter. 

He has a special place for Tatum in his heart( not that he loves any of his other children less) with all the complications leading up to her birth. It's a tiny version of his wife and he is absolutely delighted. He often calls her little rookie. 

She is definitely the quieter one of the two. She loves her cuddles, content to sit in her daddy's lap when he's reading research papers and case studies or even working in his home office. That's how she learns to read, at the age of 4. Loves food and cooking, often Ethan and her will cook while Jade and Aspen prefer to do the dishes. 

She is a math genius,skips two classes and graduates from HS a year early. She purses a career in acturial science, graduating from Northeastern University in Boston. She trains in swimming and loves observing people from afar, so she takes up sketching. 

As a child, she always gets into some kind of mischief, once breaking her leg and even having a pulled elbow. Ethan is always on his A game, ready to catch her anytime. 

Here are some adorable Tatum videos, I'll make a masterlist of the Jade ones soon. 

3. Jonah Kallie Ramsey

Born : August 19

Nickname: Bud or buddy other than that he prefers being called by his name.

This time around, Ethan insisted on having Kallie as the middle name. He had always assumed they would hyphenate but when Aspen had taken his last name, she wanted all the kids to have just Ramsey.

With Jonah, they weren't trying, it was unplanned. He was born 8 years after Tatum, so the age gap was pretty big. Both the girls wanted a baby brother and their parents shared the sentiment.

Aspen was pregnant at 39 this time around so they were wary of any complications. She had a minor blood pressure issue and had to be on complete bed rest the last 3 months. It was the most difficult pregnancy of the three for her, with her being at a higher position at the hospital and such, however Ethan, who had stepped down from his position as Chief shortly after Tatum's birth took Aspen's place as she decided to go on a much needed sabbatical.

Jonah was born 4 days after his due date and her labour almost lasted for 19 hours. Jonah was the easiest baby, never really crying too much and easily falling into a schedule.

His first word was actually 'Tate'. He is the baby of the family and both his sisters spoil him to death. He and Ethan go bike riding all the time and he loves carpentering with Alan every time they visit Providence.

He loves detective stories and mysteries which Aspen would read to him at bedtime. He plays basketball and tennis. He also plays the piano and enjoys gardening with his Nana.

He goes on to join the CIA earning a double major in criminal justice and foreign affairs from Florida State University.

He is very polite and just, shares Ethan's moral compass and values at the same time realises the reality of grey areas in life. He is passionate, calm outgoing, friendly and a good leader. He looks very much like Ethan, the only real difference is that his eyes are a little on the greener side as compared to his father's.

*************

Just a little side note, I just hit 100 followers!! Thank you to everyone who hit that follow button and I can't begin to describe how grateful I am to reach here. 🥺💕

**************

#aspen milla kallie #open heart mc #ethan x aspen #ethan x mc #ethan ramsey x mc #dr ethan ramsey #ethan ramsey #open heart choices #open heart fanfic #oh fandom #oph fics #oph edits #opedits #open heart #ethan ramsey x f! mc

[bcacstuff]

A few things and they are all over the place, sorry.

I’m just about finished Book 8. There has been quite a bit of Fergus, Marsali and Germaine in books 7 & 8. By quite a bit I mean, more than they should just be ignoring or leaving out. Do you think it’s possible Cesar and Lauren have done scenes and we just don’t know it? Cesar’s show Rogue Heroes was picked up for a second season (I really enjoyed it btw). Not sure about Karen Pyrie.

Also, in Canada they just announced Season 6 release on Netflix on February 6.

What are your thoughts on them filming the seasons back to back, to get it done?

Also, how can they possibly end it properly without Diana having finished the books?

Sorry random ramblings.

I don't think we'll see Fersali, and that's a crying shame to be honest. But they have not been anywhere near an OL set as long as they've been filming this last season to my knowledge. If at all, we should see them from now until the wrap 24/7 on an OL set I think. But you know as much as me that's very unlikely.

No idea how they're going to deal with their absence and play around it. I'm happy for both though they've been very successful without OL and their careers are both flourishing. Good for them!

I believe in the Netherlands S6 will be on Netflix around March. As with S5 a year after it released on Starz, or in countries on other networks on demand.

I think S7 will wrap for the cast around March. That means they're already have a hiatus of a few months before promo for S7 begins in the summer and S7 will be released. I do think they'll start filming the final S8 shortly after summer. Can't believe they'll gonna wait long for that. I know there are some speculations about S7 being aired in 2 parts, one this summer and another one spring next year. I thought so too before the S8 announcement but now think they will normally release all 16 episodes after each other. If they start filming S8, which will be 10 episodes, shortly after summer break, it could wrap in about 5 or 6 months. That would mean all cast will be free as of early 2024. The final season could air in summer or fall 2024.

I've no idea how and when they start filming the prequel, and what's the idea. It could be to end OL first and after that release the prequel. They already could start filming it after S8 wraps. But it's all a bit vague. I've also no idea at what stage they are. I think most of the prequel still needs to be written first.

How they can end it properly? Lol, I think I just wait and see and get surprised (or not 🤷‍♀️). Diana will not have finished her last book, that's for sure. Perhaps they sort of wrap all storylines to a sort of satisfying ending and we leave J/C living happily together. I don't think they'll kill both characters (or one of them). If it was just to keep a tiny opening for something in the future when DG maybe did finish her last book. Question is, will there be enough fans still alive and will they be able to pull that off in a satisfying way???? But to keep it open for a possible sequel, it would be wise to not kill the main characters.

[ravencincaide]

Summary of 2023 

I've seen a few blogs do it and decided, for myself, to sum up this Tumblr year. To gain a little bit of perspective on what I’ve done so far and where I might want to take this site next. Also to have a chance to look back at this post in one year and see how accurate it was and how much has changed. I encourage you to do the same!

A Writers Requiem started around 25th of August-23 after many many years of not writing anything and that was also the first post (a reblog) on the site. Since then it has developed very much into a Chuuya fanpage with a few Dazai and SKK posts here and there. In this just-over-four-month this blog has produced: 

8 request fics ( for 5 different requests) 

16 purely Chuuya x reader fics (8 SFW and 8 NSFW)

6 purely Dazai x reader fics ( 3 SFW and 3 NSFW)

6 SKK x reader fics ( 6SFW and 1 NSFW) 

Thus concluding the year with a total of : 36 fics. A lot of which I plan to re-write or tackle some of the prompts again which I wasn't 100 percent happy with. 

So that’s what’s been achieved in the past. Where are we now? 

There are still 13 Sweetober prompts left. 

There are still 20 Kinktober prompts left. 

There are still 5 requests gathering dust in my inbox (I’m so sorry!) 

Not to mention some requests for part two of certain fics. 

So easy to say I have a good half a year worth of prompts left if I intend to finish them all. The keyword being “if”. I’m looking at you, kinktober.  

So let’s talk a little bit about the future of this blog, shall we? 

First of all, A Writers Requiem is going on a two week vacation. 

As fun as this sounds, I’m only going to focus on studies and re-exams before the next term starts brutally kicking my ass. So puppy Chuuya, and horn-dog Dazai will just have to wait their turn. I will still be available through messages and inbox. Please don't hate me too much 

Secondly, this blog is going to move back a little from using others' prompts and go back to writing things or ideas that I’ve come up with myself and which bring me a little more joy to produce. At the end of the day I’m writing not for popularity or praise (even if those are a huge motivator!) but to get myself used to producing fictional works within a timely manner. Whether they are approved by the general audience is an entirely different issue. That I’ll tackle once I’m more comfortable and confident in myself as a writer.

Anyhow, the first set of prompts I’m gonna tackle is The art of Seduction for February, and the prompts for that are published on my second blog: A Writers Prompt.  Follow me there if you’d like a sneak peak of the kinds of things this blog will produce or the ideas I’m toying with. 

Another question I’ve gotten a few times is whether this blog will continue being purely BSD (Chuuya and Dazai) or if I’ll expand. For now that’s uncertain; at the very least I want to finish my Sweetober prompts the way they have been up until now before trying a new kind of blend. Fydor is definitely someone I’m considering to do a closer study on, once I’ve gotten through Dostojevsky that is… Also JJK and MHA are definitely fandoms I'm thinking of checking out.

Finally my goal for 2024 is to stick to my updates schedule on Wednesday and the weekend. Key word being goal which can change depending on how life is. 

So in short there’s a ton to do and a ton to look forward to in 2024. Hope you’ll stick with me <3 And with those words, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

#happy new year #new year #plans for 2024 #goals for the blog #info #a writers requiem #writing

[redwineconversation]

Ellie Carpenter Le Progrès Article (February 19, 2023)

Typing this one-handed with my non-dominant hand because I got stung by a bee in the palm of my dominant hand on Saturday and holy CRAP does it still hurt. 0/5, do not recommend.

Blah blah standard disclaimers apply. @OL Comms Dept: I'm not even going to beg for Starbucks, just send me something that will make the swelling go down. :( :( :(

Obviously this is bias but Le Progrès > your local sports newspaper. I said what I said. Also, shoutout to Arctic Cafe for finally getting the promo they deserve.

After eight months out with injury, Ellie Carpenter is back: "At Lyon, it's always about winning"

She may be the most French out of the international player at Olympique Lyonnais. In any case it's in Molière's language that Ellie Carpenter, who came to Lyon in July 2020, takes part in this interview. Eight months after her severe knee injury in the final of the Champions League, and two weeks after her return to the field, the Australian international looks back on this difficult period. The Lyon right back also talks about her career oath and her ambitions to experience a really good second half of the second with Lyon, "the best women's club in the world," with whom she has signed for until 2026.

How did you experience this return to the field?

There was a lot of emotion. I hadn't played for eight months... It was a long time, I didn't always have good moments. There was a lot of work as well. I'm really happy to be back with the team, with my friends.

Physically, how do you feel?

I'm back 100 percent. I told Sonia (Bompastor) and the staff that I didn't want to play again until that was the case. I felt good in training the week before the game against Rodez, so I let the coach know. I was able to play 30 minutes, I was really happy. It did [me] a lot of good.

Have you rekindled your speed again?

Yes, I think so (laughter). I even feel stronger and faster than before my injury, because I did a lot of physical fitness for eight months. When you tear your ACL, your leg muscles become all weak, it's hard to get them strong again. I still have to do twice as much fitness.

How did you experience this injury [process]?

It was my first serious injury in my career. Before that, my maximum, it was being out for two weeks. But it was good for me. It taught me a lot of things, like patience, because I am someone who needs things to go fast all the time usually. There, it was 4-5 hours of work each day, always having to do the same exercises over and over, it was really hard for me. But I was really well supported during my entire rehab by Rémi (Pullara), the physical therapist, who was with me every day, through good days and bad.

A lot of players were injured at the same time as you, was that easier to experience?

Yes, even if for the team, it wasn't good to have so many injured players at the same time (laughter). But just seeing them, saying hello, working together sometimes, that helps.

During those hard times, were you able to seek comfort from your loved ones?

Yes, I called my family but it was complicated with the time zone difference. There is twelve hours difference, when it's the morning in Lyon, it's night time in Sydney. But I was able to take advantage of this injury to spend six weeks in Australia last summer, with my parents and my brother. It had been such a long time since that had happened, because since I was 16, I only saw my family once or twice a year on average. Seeing them over a longer period of time was really good for me mentally, and it helped with my knee [rehab] as well.

How did you get into football?

My parents were both PE teachers at school. We're all really sporty in our family. I started playing football around 3-4 years old, with my brother. I played with the boys until I was 12. I wanted to beat them so I needed to be at the top athletically because we weren't on the same muscular level. I think my aggressive and physical style of play is a result of that.

You also performed at a high level in athletics, correct?

Yes, until I was 12. My specialty was the 100m sprint. My record 12.74 seconds.

Is there a competition between you and Delphine Cascarino?

(Laughter) We never ran against each other, but I think it would be pretty even. Delph' [Delph = nickname for Delphine] and me, we're the two fastest players on the team. I really like playing with her, it solidifies the right side.

So you preferred football over athletics then?

Yeah, with the exception of the Olympics, there are more international opportunities in football compared to athletics. Beyond that, I like team sports, I'm more at ease playing a team sport than an individual one.

You made the right choice: at 16, you participated in your first Olympic Games with the Australian National Team?

Yeah, I was really young, it was a super experience. When I was 12 to 15, I trained every day in sports studies with the boys. I had a lot of specific sessions to work on technique with a specific trainer. Before that, I played with the U-16s, then the U-20s as well, when I was 14. I was always out of my depth. At that time, I wasn't a defender, I was playing as a 10. Then I dropped back, they offered the right back position and that suits me really well: you can defend as well as attack, even if what I prefer is to defend. I prefer to stop a forward from scoring by blocking her shot than to score.

You've been at Lyon since July 2020 and you extended until 2026, just after your injury. Was there any hesitation?

I feel really good here. I see myself [staying] in the longterm with this team. I don't see a better environment [elsewhere] for me. The quality of the training sessions, the club's infrastructure, the generosity of staff up to the president really make it the best women's club of the world.

How is it different than what you experienced in Australia and in the United States?

It's a question of mentality first and foremost. Here, it's always about winning, winning, winning. We always want to win, be the best all the time, whether it's in training or during games. This mentality allows you to push yourself, to give your best.

At Lyon, you've known two trainers. In an interview with The Guardian, you said you were more in line with the coaching of Sonia Bompastor. How is it different than that of Jean-Luc Vasseur?

The two coaches had a completely different method. I like to play with a lot of freedom, to not have to overthink. When a coach tells me to just play my game, I'm more at ease. Sonia [Bompastor] is like that. She also gives me advice as a former defender.

You're very young. In what areas do you think you can progress?

Athletically, it'll be harder to be even faster (laughter). But technically, there's always room to be better. I can improve on the quality of my crosses, for example. Lyon is the best place to improve, next to the best players in the world. I'm 22, almost 23 [Carpenter's birthday is in April]. I think that at 26-27, I will be at my peak.

Will the second half of the season be less complicated than the first?

The first half was complicated because there were a lot of injuries. The results weren't always great but weren't catastrophic either [Losing 5-1 to Arsenal kind of qualifies as catastrophic in my mind but whatever]. The team did some really good things despite the difficult context. The return of several players changed things. The team is becoming stronger and stronger and the second half of the season will be very interesting.

The first big test is this quarterfinal of the Champions League against Chelsea. How do you see that game?

I think it's like a final. Chelsea is currently the best team in England. It's the kind of game we all want to play during our career. Playing at Stamford Bridge, that will be really cool.

Would you have preferred another opponent?

We have to beat the best teams anyway to go all the way. The level of the quarters is so high that each game is like a final.

Will you be the outsider or the favorite?

I don't care! For the final against Barcelona, everyone saw us losing and we saw the result. Anything can happen in the Champions League. What I am sure of, is that's it is going to be a really big game.

Will you explain to your teammates how to neutralize your national teammate Sam Kerr?

Indeed, I know her really well. She's an exceptional player, who scores a lot and is really fast. I've started talking about it to Wendie [Renard]. But we will also go up against Kadeisha Buchanan who knows us really well as well.

The World Cup will take place this summer at your home in Australia. It must be really special for you?

It's an absolute dream to play it at home. When it comes to winning it, that will be difficult but we have a good team, so who knows?

How is this World Cup shaping up?

I think it will be the best World Cup in history, especially because for the first time there will be 32 teams, just like for the men. We always play in a sold-out stadium with the National Team. Our first game was scheduled to be played in a small stadium but there was such a high demand [for tickets] that it will be played in a stadium with a capacity of 80,000 people. There's a real momentum, women's football is developing well in Australia. It will be even better after the World Cup.

How do you explain then that all the international players play in Europe?

The problem is that the Australian league only lasts 4 months, which is really short. That's why I went to play in the NWSL, which lasts eight months. We've all done that, but it's hard physically, and there are never any vacations. There must be 13 or 14 Australian who play in the English league, 4 in Sweden. And me, the only one in France!

"Your restaurants open much too late!"

How is Ellie Carpenter off the field?

I'm somebody who is really calm. I like the city and the simple things. Like walking along the Rhône or the Saône [rivers in Lyon] when it is nice outside, and get a coffee in a nice area with friends. I always find the best cafes in a city. I have two or three places in Lyon that I really appreciate like Arctic Juice or Placid, which are the best for me.

It seems that you have a really cheerful attitude?

I'm always happy, always up to do something. I'm really open and always the first to organize a dinner or an outing on our days off, with the other girls from the team. Especially with the other foreign players, we're all really close because unlike the French players, we don't have our families here and that brings us closer.

Do you have any other hobbies?

A little bit of shopping, some series on Netflix such as "Blood and Water" or even "You", which I'm watching at the moment. Sometimes going to the movies with Vanessa Gilles and Ada Hegerberg, who go a lot. But the movie can't last longer than 2 hours because otherwise I don't have the patience for it (laughter).

Do you appreciate Lyon cuisine?

Yeah. I confess I have a weakness for pralines. But you have a real problem here in France with the restaurants. You can't eat before 7.30pm ... That's much too late! In Australia, it's as of 5pm. But anyway, I'm starting to get used to it...

She has beaten all the records of youth accomplishments

From the first questions regarding her rehab, Ellie Carpenter indicates that the hardest part for her was being patient. Waiting isn't really her thing. It must be that the Australian player has always been a quick and dynamic player. After having played in various youth teams, she made her debut in the Australian W League, the equivalent of the D1 Arkema [French League], at 15. Then the following year she was part of the Australian National Tea, at the Olympic Games in Rio. A huge memory for her, at the time the youngest athlete representing the Australian delegation, all sports considered. At the same time, she would become the youngest football of all time to take part in the Olympic Games.

On May 9, 2018, while she plays in the American League after having signed for the Portland Thorns, she also beats the record for youngest player, at 18 years old and 11 days, during her first game in the NWSL. 11 days later, she scores a goal against Washington and becomes the youngest goal scorer in the history of the American League.

#all good love stories start in the rain #ellie carpenter #love a team that loves you back

[staarri-au]

HOW YOU GET THE GIRL — CHP 02 , PART2

previous part

contents: bucket list discussion, light cussing

CHILDES POV

“What’s one thing you haven’t done, Ayato?” I ask.

“I mean, if we’re talking about the activities in my bucket list that haven't been crossed off yet… Maybe… Paragliding?” He answers back.

Our manager opens the lock of the door quite swiftly. She gets some of our bags and starts putting them inside our rooms.

“I doubt that there are any paragliding activities here in Fontaine. I mean, it’s mostly just the ocean so the closest you’ll get is parasailing.” Yelan joins in the conversation. I fidget with the keychains on my bag until I get to enter my room.

Should I stream before the concert? Or record something as a status update?

Once I was finally able to enter my room, I set my bags down and put my guitar stand aside. Quickly, I put my clothes inside my drawer and iron the ones I’ll be using later.

Does my outfit even match the theme?

I was so caught up in my own thoughts. I didn’t even realize the fact I only had a guitar stand, and no guitar.

Shit.

I think I left it in the car.

YOUR POV

“Only 3 hours left! What should we do before the concert?” You ask, turning to your friends behind. Cyno and Miko are carrying their luggage effortlessly while Kaveh is suffocating from the humidity of Fontaine.

Navia’s house is just up ahead. Behind all the trees, once you enter a secluded part of Fontaine, you can go down to the tunnels and enter the hotel.

You had spent most of our childhood there anyway, you’ve become familiar with the area. You could say you stayed here long enough to see the apples fall down each season a million times, long enough to the point that you consider it and remember it as your second home.

Literally and figuratively.

“Summer in Fontaine is the absolute worst,” Kaveh says, wiping his forehead with a small cloth he had. “I feel horrible. How are we going to a concert in this weather?”

“You’re already used to the desert during summer. Now, tell me which is even worse; The summer desert or summer in Fontaine?” Cyno says.

“Summer in Fontaine?”

“It was a rhetorical question. And quit lying—you know that the desert is much hotter.”

“But there's no humidity! Fontaine is a literal island surrounded by so much water…”

“You two are so noisy.” Miko complains, grabbing her bag and walking faster to catch up with you. “Let’s go, Navia just texted me.” She says to you before walking much faster.

Before you enter the tunnel, you all scan around the area before going—seeing a strangely familiar orange haired guy run around chasing a car.

“You comin’?” Cyno says, bringing me back. They’re already nearing the entrance and you’re still on the street.

Concerned about that guy, you try to look for a reason to follow him as well. You spot a bookstore just a few buildings away and use that to your advantage.

“Uh, I think I'm just gonna get a few things at the shop… Can you bring my luggage there? Thanks.” You say, dropping your bag down. It slides pretty quickly as it goes to your friends.

“Be quick,” Kaveh says. “I think we have a few hours before the concert. Its.. 1:40, we need to get there at 3 for the soundcheck, okay?”

You nod.

You walk, no—jog to the bookshop. Looking around the street to find that guy—but of course, nothing.

A part of you was debating whether or not to still enter that shop. You weren’t gonna buy anything anyway, besides… You checked your wallet and only had a few mora to your name.

You take a glance at the glass window,

The Masquerade, collectors edition for only 10,000 mora! 50% off until February 16, 2023.

It was the only thing that can convince you to get in.

continue to next part . . .

#🌊 : hygtg #🎏 : my works

[mrmallard]

So like 8 years after my first playthrough, I just beat Final Fantasy 13 for the second time.

I've ranted and raved until I was blue in the face about the game as I've gone through it, so I'll focus on some immediate feelings upon finishing the game.

Back in chapter 11, the game gives you a choice between staying in this big area and training an entire new tier of the Crystarium - again, like the Sphere Grid from FFX - or progressing immediately into the endgame. I chose to stay in chapter 11 and grind. I doubled my playtime just running around and levelling up, and eventually I maxed out my Crystarium.

The Crystarium doesn't upgrade again for the entire rest of the game.

You might think I'm gonna rant and rave about artificial restrictions or whatever. I've sure done that before. But like, this is the endgame. The game is balanced appropriately for this amount of levelling. There's no more after this.

Except the post-game.

It's not a great deal to write home about, but FF13 has a post-game where you can challenge superbosses and clear up some gameplay loose ends. And there is, in fact, one last supercharged layer of the Crystarium for you to level up. A hard-won reward for sure, if you feel like going back to the game for all its pros and cons.

Now, the ending. I've said in the past that one of the things FF13 absolutely nails is its ending.

Revisiting the game, that's... half-true.

The final boss fight has a lot of cryptic dialogue, and I've been told that it's next to impossible to understand the ending without looking up the lore or reading the datalog. And yeah, it's really cryptic and flashy and kind of just a hodgepodge of shit happening. There are a lot of cutscenes relating to that boss fight that are just "thou art thou, but art thou really thou, perchance?"

But the ending cutscene? Pure class. Still kind of the product of a flawed story, but it focuses on the right things and it achieves a really solid tone that I appreciated back in 2015 and which I still appreciate now. It's a giant mess you have to wade through to get there - and I'm only talking about the last leg of the game, not the entire thing - but it's a very solid ending.

So what now?

Honestly, I'm still gonna dick around in FF13 for a while. Gonna grind, get some trophies and think about maxing out the Crystarium. But I'm gonna move onto Kingdom Hearts 2 pretty soon, might finish that game before playing ff13-2. Great RPGs, back to back, followed by my first solo playthrough of KH Birth By Sleep. I might also try and squeeze in a second Persona 4 run around February.

I've had a lot to say about this game, good and bad. I want to say I'm a fan - not in the sense that it's my favourite thing ever, but in the sense that despite my ins and outs, I'm very passionate about the game, what it does right and what I don't like, and especially the characters. This is a character-driven game, and I feel like the characters are the most maligned aspect of the game - at least through the lens of caustic fanboy nerd-rage that welled up from 2005 onwards. I think the characters are worth a critical re-appraisal, the same way I think the Persona 3 characters are worth a critical re-appraisal.

Final Fantasy 13, imo, is kind of a creative nadir for the series. This is where Square Enix representatives were saying "turn-based combat is dead, we're laying the groundwork for the future of video game combat" - and in hindsight, it kind of was. Final Fantasy 16 has the combat director from Devil May Cry 5, and it's an action-RPG. Final Fantasy 7 Remake is an action-RPG with a menu option. What I remember from 15 was its realtime combat.

But games like Persona 5 have proven that the classic turn-based RPG formula is still engaging and fun. I go back to replay old Pokemon games all the time. I'm replaying Final Fantasy 5 in the background of all this. One of my favourite indie games of all time is a turn-based RPG game that emulates a simple tabletop game, it's called For the King and it's incredibly tense and fun.

Final Fantasy 13 was a victim of a changing gaming landscape, and it was one of the more awkward middle steps between "hee hoo hee hoo let me see whats in my menus :)" and "this game's combat was literally designed by a Devil May Cry dev". Final Fantasy 13 is the Wii U of the FF series, trapped in the middle between changing priorities and a nuclear fuckton of money.

It was full of compromise from its inception; they went with Lightning as the face of the game because they had already released teaser footage starring her as the focal character. When they wanted to make the game more about another character - the common rumour being Vanille - they were hamstrung by that initial Lightning-heavy reveal. They burned money developing a whole new game engine that looked stunning, but which had lag problems if too much was happening at once - and that's before they went all in for the Luminous Engine for FF15! They made the same mistake, burning millions of dollars on a brand-new engine for a single Final Fantasy game, twice!!

I feel like the way it ended up, a lot of people tried to make the best game they could, but you can't polish a turd - that is to say, if the gameplay and the level design for like 80% of the game is fundamentally broken at the foundational level, no amount of beautifully polished character models and outstanding HD CGI cutscenes is going to make that experience better. Chapter 11 of this game was basically this game's combat system run amok for players to just revel in and enjoy - there was a strong underlying experience in the gameplay. But so much of the game just Isn't That.

But I have an affinity for underdogs. The game has plenty to write home about if you're patient and willing to look for it. And for all of its significant downsides, I hate this sense of like performative nerd outrage and hate that elements of the game got over the years, like shit that either isn't as big of a problem as people insist it is or which the later game actively goes out of its way to address and move on from. And if there's one thing I hate in the gaming landscape, it's games that you can't speak honestly about because some fucknuts is making it impossible to have a genuine, constructive conversation about it.

For FF13, those days are over. The fans like it, the haters have mostly moved on - as it should be. But for all of my criticism, this game will always be kind of an underdog to me, at least as much of an underdog as a multi-million dollar instalment in a multi-billion dollar franchise can possibly be.

FF13 is a mixed bag. I hate that it goes out of its way to hold you back, and the main villain is just narratively and metatextually the most fucking annoying and frustrating aspect of the entire game. You could even say it has style over substance, to a point. But the style fucking rules, and as clunky as they can be, the characters are what shine here. Not the whole grimdark nihilistic plotline, not the artificially restrained levelling system - the characters. And the gameplay, if they didn't go out of their way to hobble it.

Play it if you want, but if you're gonna try and finish it, I would recommend making a promise to yourself to really commit to it, front to back. This isn't a game you get lost in and accidentally lose eight hours of your life in; how can you get lost when all the gameplay areas are narrow walkways pointed in a single direction?

#final fantasy 13 #lightningposting #long post

[violettelueur]

— ITADORI YUJI + FUSHIGURO MEGUMI + GOJO SATORU + RYŌMEN SUKUNA || HOW THEY DEAL WITH THEIR STRESSED S/O

↳ featuring : itadori yuji + fushiguro megumi + gojo satoru + ryomen sukuna from jujutsu kaisen

↳ warnings : grammar issues

↳ form : headcanons

↳ published : 16 february

↳ pronouns : non specified in headcanon

↳ request : Hello~ recently i just deal with my school math test, It's stressing me out since i didn't manage to pass it. Seems random but can I ask for Yuuji, Megumi, Gojo, and Sukuna dealing with their s/o that is stressed? Maybe because of the same reasons as I did while helping them study?Sorry if I'm asking a bit too much （；￣д￣）

↳ barista’s notes : this one is going to be the last one for tonight since i am really sleepy  ʕ ﹷ ᴥ ﹷʔ but to who requested this, don’t worry it wasn’t too long and i hope you all are doing well whatever time it is over where you are and have a nice day/night eveyone! i hope you enjoy your cup of classic black coffee (jujutsu kaisen request!) and come again soon ╲ʕ·ᴥ·　╲ʔ

When Itadori sees that you are really stressed out, he will first try to make you get away from your books but there is no luck on that since you are really adamant about studying.

During those times when he is brainstorming on what he could do for you to de-stress, Itadori will just slide some small snacks to you like packets of crisps (chips if you are not from the UK), sweets/candy, maybe even a bottle/can of your favourite drink.

If the snacks don’t help with your stressed self, Itadori will drag your textbooks away from you and close it before mentioning you to take a break, even a small one if you had to really study.

No matter how much you try to reach out for your book, Itadori is obviously stronger than you and will make the book out of your reach.

He will test you since you are adamant but please know it will take a while for him to ask a quiz question and will take longer for him to find the answer - if you have flashcards, that will be extremely helpful.

After like 10 questions though, he will give up and drag you away from your studying station to somewhere where no books and notes can be seen.

When he manages to take you away, he will make you sit on the kitchen counter before he starts to make you some food - since I know he is a chef, don’t question me on it.

While that is happening, he will start talking about random things like what he has been watching recently, how his day has been, what dates he has been planning, he is just rambling to make sure studying is not on your mind.

He will give you a few kisses here and there to make you smile since you haven’t been for a while and if you giggle at his jokes/antics, that is a bonus for him.

When the meal is completed and eaten, he will continue to make you be away from studying and will probably play a few games with you, online or board games, it really doesn’t matter - anything to make you get away from the stress you were previously in.

In conclusion, when you are stressed out, Itadori’s main priority is to keep studying out of your mind and make sure something else is since he doesn’t like seeing you stressed at all - he actually hates it.

When Fushiguro sees you stressed out, he will notice it the second it builds up since like I said on many occasions, he is an observative person and notices the frowned look and wrinkles on your forehead.

When he comes up to you, he offers to help you study and, of course, you accept because it’s nice to have his company, and just allow him to help you understand what you are confused about.

Of course, like Itadori, Fushiguro had placed down many things for you to make sure you were eating/drinking like a glass of water/tea/coffee, maybe a plate of cut up fruits or maybe a simple sandwich - he wants to make sure that you are taking care of yourself.

Fushiguro will quiz you in the end to help you reassure yourself that you are done studying and that you are going on a break no matter what he says - if you get a question right, he will go out of his way to give you a kiss.

When he thinks you are done studying for the day - or like a month - he will neatly put away your books, notes and stationary for you before preparing you a bath to help you relax.

If you both are really late into your relationship and really comfortable with each other, Fushiguro will sit beind you outside the bathtub and wash your hair for you to relax - it’s like playing with your hair but also a massge to help you relax.

Once again with the act of service vibes, Fushiguro will help you change into one of his jumpers and help you dry and comb your hair - to be honest, it's really therapeutic for him.

If you apply any cream/moisturiser after a bath/shower, Fushiguro will apply it for you - but please know that he will blush since skin to skin contact, but it feels nice.

When you are done with your show bath/shower routine, he will make you lay your head on his chest, while he has an arm around you to comfort you.

Fushiguro will read a book to you since you have mentioned once that you loved the sound of his voice - I feel like you both have a book that you read together and you both take turns, just a thing I have in mind.

In conclusion, Fushiguro since the beginning will make sure that your stress levels are kept to a minimum since the beginning of your study session and if it goes way too high for his liking, he will act upon his concerns.

When you are stressed out, Gojo will notice instantly since you are ignoring him and not responding to his jokes/childish antics.

Gojo will sit in front of you with his hands on his chin (acting like a flower) and will just stare at you until you notice that he is there

If you still don’t pay attention to him, he will place his hand over your work or textbook to obscure you from carrying one - you know when a cat just puts their paw on your work like it’s nothing...yeah, that’s Gojo.

Gojo is also the type that will dash the book away from you and let it drop to the floor while you stare at him with widened eyes like “what the hell was that for?”

Once your attention is now on him, he will quickly grab your things and put them in an extremely high place where he and only he can reach it.

After that, he will carry you bridal style to the couch where the both of you will cuddle and probably eat some cakes/sweets he had organizsed on your coffee table before he decided to disturb your studying session.

Gojo will feed you like you are a baby - like I can imagine him saying “here comes the train”...personally, I will smack the fork away from me if he did that.

When you are done snacking on some cakes/sweets, best know that for the next few hours, you are trapped in his arms in a cuddling position - probably you on top of him.

If he feels more playful than usually and if you are ticklish, he will tickle you like there is no tomorrow so he can hear you laugh andsee you smile.

If he feels romantic, he will continuously kiss you everywhere on your face to ‘melt the stress away’ since he doesn’t want to see you look so misable.

In conclusion, if you are stressed while studying, Gojo doesn’t even give you the chance to say anything, matter of fact, he doesn’t even help you study. Gojo is the type of boyfriend that is spontaneous and if he doesn’t want you to study, he will not let you study at all.

When you are stressed, Sukuna would have no idea why you are stressed on something so minor in your life - it is not minor, but still this is Sukuna we are talking about.

He will look over your shoulder to see what you are doing before scoffing since it looks like nonsense to him - like I don’t think Sukuna would know that quadratic equations are.

I feel like he will laugh at your misery for a second.

If it is an ancient Japanese text you are working on, Sukuna might feel like helping you understand because you are the person that he loves and only loves.

When he is helping you, he expects your full attention - of course - and if you get something incorrect, he will look at you weirdly and will tell you that you are wrong - but he will continue helping you until you are right.

Once he thinks you are done for studying, just know you are done...no questions shall be asked...no argument shall be said….Y/N, you are done.

He will burn your stationary, books and notes if he has to, he will not hesitate one bit.

If you dare refuse to stop studying, Sukuna will just carry you like a snack of potatoes - basically over his shoulder - before dropping you onto your bed.

Before you can even move, he would just keep hold of you in his arms and threaten to burn your study stuff again and demands you to keep still.

To ease your worries or stresses away, he will start to leave kisses on your neck - maybe a few bites - in a way to make you focus on him.

He will also start to get a bit handsy and will begin to caress your body - meaning like putting his hands under your shirt and all that.

In conclusion, Sukuna will make sure you stop studying if you become stressed and he will do anything to make you listen to him - if he knows something really well, he will help you after laughing at your misery for a quick minute.

© violettelueur 2021 : written and published by violettelueur - do not steal or repost

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jujutsu kaisen headcanons #jujutsu kaisen headcanon #jujutsu kaisen hcs #jjk headcanons #jjk headcanon #jjk hcs #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x reader #itadori yuji #fushiguro megumi #gojo satoru #ryomen sukuna #itadori yuji headcanons #fushiguro megumi headcanons #gojo satoru headcanons #ryomen sukuna headcanons #itadori yuji hcs #fushiguro megumi hcs #gojo satoru hcs #ryomen sukuna hcs #itadori yuji x reader #yuji itadori x reader #fushiguro megumi x reader #megumi fushiguro x reader #gojo satoru x reader #satoru gojo x reader #ryomen sukuna x reader #sukuna x reader

[animefreak1145]

For Whom the Bell Tolls(Adler x Bell!Reader)

Previous Next

Chapter 4| I Am Thee and Thou Art Me

Chapter Summary:

The action's you do is for survival and no other reason.

You don't understand other's actions though.

Cold War Reset AU| Undertale Reset AU

Warnings: Torture, Brainwashing, Manipulation, Possible Non-Con/Dub-Con, Trauma

Chapter Warnings: Mental/Emotional Anguish, Toxicity, Self-Loathing

A/N: Bottled beer is liquid hope and you love pictures.

Footnote: Translations at the bottom.

“Bell” Second Life 08:16 | February 26, 1981 West Berlin, Anita Wronski Cafe

“Looks like you’ve met death in the face, Bell. Rough night?” Lazar questioned, poking fun as they grabbed breakfast for everyone in line.

You rubbed your eye before pinching between your brows.

“Something like that,” you said tiredly as you  looked around the small cafe. Distantly taking note of Lazar’s statement with a dry smirk. “Didn’t sleep well.”

Small metal tables inside with metal chairs to match, both with interesting swirls for patterns making up the surfaces. There were more outside, the cafe a bit cramped in the first place even with just three tables again the wall. The smell of sweet German pastries and salty breakfast flooded your nose, making you lick your lips despite yourself not being hungry yet.

You were already up an hour beforehand, wondering to yourself how you and Adler could be in the car once more into the safehouse. Only to ‘volunteer’ when Lazar knocked on your door to help him grab food for everyone, apparently Adler already gone and left to the safehouse.

You internally frowned at that, you’re not sure why before you felt grateful. You would rather not talk about. . .whatever happened in his car. Which was nothing.

The flash of a clenched hand on the wheel as if holding back and a taut jaw came to the forefront of your mind.

Marionette’s should stick with their role.

It was nothing.

Lazar snorted, making you turn towards him as they both stepped up to the cashier. Lazar pointing towards the dessert window of what to get in a box as you spoke in German to the woman. Several more items of breakfast were ordered that will take some time to make, so they moved to sit to the only open table inside the quaint café.

“You drunk what—four cups of coffee yesterday, Bell? And looking at a bunch of nonsense for hours as if your brain is steel and your eyes can’t melt out of your head.” What a nice vision. Lazar took a sip of the German coffee he got for himself, eyes lighting up at the taste before looking back at you. “All that must’ve been stuck in your head and probably even in your dreams. Had any floating codes flying around your mind as you slept by any chance?”

That’s not quite right, but you’ll take the excuse handed to you as you shrugged. Lifting your own cup of coffee that you doused in three creams and two sugar’s, humming for a moment in agreement to Lazar at the strong and bold taste before taking another one.

“You can say that. I would have kept going and working until I got tired. You would call me a night owl so to say.”

“You seem pretty alright to me now,” Lazar observed as he leaned back in his chair.

“I have an impressive work ethic. Better than others I think. I’m used to going to sleep late and waking up early.” You can infer that your body is used to this schedule, harsh and strict work ethic that you must’ve gotten when you worked with Perseus. “Although, I admit I’m not very hungry right now. You chose a bad partner in this.”

“But you volunteered,” Lazar stared ever so seriously and another sip to his coffee. You could see he was fighting a smile.

You huffed through your nose, shaking your head.

“Yes. How could I have forgotten. Like I did for Kraus.” Lazar slightly winced at the reminder of how you got kidnapped, muttering an apology which you waved away. “It’s fine. I was the best to do that anyways.”

“You sure are pretty accepting with all this work. Just asking and taking files like nothing, ” Lazar rose a brow, you couldn’t tell if it was for being impressed or disbelief. You didn’t say anything to that, the both of you just sipping on their coffee and waiting for their meals to take to the car before heading back to work. You’ll walk past the center table easily and just sit in your chosen desk. Maybe get a lecture about professionalism which you will just absently nod at since you will make yourself feel numb if you have to, just to get away from the man in any way. Lazar paused at your far away look, your cup by your mouth yet you’re not drinking, instead of looking at a simple framed painting of Germany’s hills at the wall. ". . .As much as the boss man likes to act like it, we're not machines,” you blinked out of your reverie, your eyes flicking towards Lazar. “You're not either. Even though you understand numbers with little pattern and words that would have no connection normally—be able to put it together and have it make sense."

You blinked once more, albeit slower.

"I...I know I'm not a machine."

"Do you? Acting like you don't sleep and eat, besides those seeds of yours like you're a bird yesterday outside of the one meal I brought you. Do you sing too?" You released a surprised laugh at that, short as it was with lips still up. "That's better. Thought your lips stay flat like that. I swear, it seems both you and Adler are obsessed with Perseus. See why you're his protege now."

You were struck at Lazar’s words, focusing on him with a frown. The implications that the both of you were similar making you look down.

“Guess we're two peas in a pod.”

You mumbled the last bit, as if to yourself as you lowered your cup on the table.

"What? Oh. . .guess you could say that. But remember this Bell," He throws a pastry at you as you quickly catch it before it met your face(you would always have to be prepared for that before), blinking down at your hands before looking at the kind faced Lazar. "Lighten up. We'll get him so don't push yourself so much. And eat real food too! Seeds! As if that's food."

Your mind showed you moments from your previous life, Lazar always teasing and making you eat and try as much as different food as possible. Away from your decryption tasks as he would wave your plate under your nose as if to entice you.

“No point in being greedy,” The kind man would say, wry smile playing his lips with a tone to match, after letting you try food from his plate, even encouraging it. “Memories—memories with food should be savored and light and new dishes should be enjoyed.”

You thought of when you first found out the truth, still recovering from wounds of Cuba as you sat—away, away from that gurney—and guilt with Lazar—should’ve been quicker, perhaps you would’ve been kinder, kindness is a lie—and asking Park if Lazar knew. About you. About this. MK-Ultra. Everything.

You stared at the Israeli man for a moment before smiling, a mischievous thing. Genuine. Like the man in front of you.

"I am smaller than you, it's enough for me."

"Now you're just poking fun."

Lazar was always kind.

Oh, how he played his role perfectly for you.

At this point, you’ll take what you can get and stop wondering with him. You’ll go mad.

Foolish американский щеноk. The collar around your neck has choked all the trust for others in you.

Best, you think as Lazar easily teased you again, an unreadable look in your eyes as you take another sip of your drink. To just not feel at all.

The breakfast the both of you ordered came, Lazar grabbing the bag as movement behind the counter caught your eye. A worker bringing in a new dessert towards the other German sweets, yellow and round and looking spongy similar to a cake but with a crust like a pie. You walked back up to the counter, pointing and asking the worker in fluent German what was that. Her replying with a smile that it is their pineapple kasekuchen, the German’s take in a cheesecake.

You turned your gaze to the sweet, lost in thought before raising your hand with two fingers up to order, the worker nodding.

You grabbed the box and walked up to the curious Lazar by the door, his brow arched as if asking a silent question. As the both of you exited the bakery and walked towards the car, you still not saying anything and only periodically glancing down at the box with the kasekuchen, even tightening your grip a tad around it when the crowd around them got a little too close, Lazar decided to speak.

“You know,” he began, and you took note that he sounds amused. Almost knowing. You pretended to stay oblivious. “There was this mission I was on in Thailand with Adler a few years back.” At the mention of Thailand, your memory of yesterday in Adler’s car still fresh, you looked towards Lazar as they walked. “Something covert and recon with the usual stray chance of a suicide bomber. The standard for our great unpredictable job. Keeps us in our toes.” His tone was a mix of sarcasm and easygoing, as if suicide bombing in a country was like if he stated it’s going to rain again. Where is he going with this? “Anyways, when we weren’t doing that—we’d stop at this corner store near the safehouse we were in. Boss man would always buy his precious cigarettes, leaves the other stuff we need to actually sustain us to me. Except, he would get something else too. To eat and I always thought each time I saw that, that Adler is human after all.” He glanced down at you, one brow raised. “Do you happen to know what it is?”

You huffed, turning your head away. Them reaching the car and you going to the passenger side as Lazar stood by the driver’s side—still unopened and leaning his crossed arms on the top of the car.

“You sure like playing games today,” you dodged with quirked lips, shuffling the box in your hands to hold it in one as you moved your free one to open the door. “Volunteering me again and calling me a bird and now having me guess what a man like Adler would get besides his addiction. You want to talk about machines, look at him.”

How the puppet lies so so sweetly.

Lazar hummed, deciding to open the car and the both of you going in and settling as they placed the bags down by you to make sure none of it spills. After they pulled out from the space, Lazar spoke once more, offhandedly and an interesting turn of the lips.

“Pineapples sure are sweet and tart. Pretty good too.”

You don’t say anything.

Just made sure your hold on all the boxes of food for everyone didn’t tip over as Lazar would turn. If your grip with the kasekuchen was firmer than the others, you didn’t notice.

Feed the god and you might get a reward.

✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯  ◁ ◁ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯

You squinted behind your closed eyes, shifting in your uncomfortable sitting position in the foxhole with only dirt and soil to help cushion you within the trench like pit. The crickets were loud, deafening in the jungle with a periodic squawk or call from a bird deep within. You shifted, your M-16 moving down in your lap from the movement  despite your lucky green cloth gloves holding it as you blearily opened your eyes, blinking them against the darkness until they got used to it. The half moon helping somewhat in giving light as well as the fireflies flying around in the dance where only they heard the music.

They were still on their way to Hue City, night coming upon them quicker than expected. The jungles are harsh and thick, especially with the route they’re taking due to their stealth and recon mission, but the planned route was still underestimated. It did not help the planned foxhole they were going to got covered, completely useless and the time to make another one is time they don’t have. Luckily, they were able to find another, although this one was tighter. Two small foxholes that barely fit the five of you, hence having to sit basically in a ball against the wall of dirt behind you.

All of you were doing one hour intervals in keeping watch, the watcher usually standing up in the foxhole in order to watch their surroundings. And if an attacker did come, they could duck within the foxhole for cover.

You felt like you should’ve woken up for your  shift already.

Your eyes focused next to you, finding the spot where Larson was supposed to be standing empty. You hastily stood, pack heavy against your back as it tensed in protest at the sudden weight, your hands tight against the M-16 and about to call the other’s names at the missing soldier only to stop.

Your standing position giving you new access to see more besides the sky above you, surrounded by brush and green foliage of all types with high grass upon the ground. Larson sat, just a few inches away from the foxhole a little to your right, staring up in the starlit sky. He turned his head towards you at the sound, seeing you were awake before turning his head back, as if you weren’t there.

“Larson,” you whispered, not wanting to wake up the others in the foxhole next to yours. When Larson didn’t move so the two of you could switch, you reached out to tug on his pack on his back. “You can’t be out in the open like this. You don’t know if VC or NVA might come by in the area.”

“Let them,” Larson said brazenly but just as low, making you release his pack in surprise. “Besides, there’s a bunch of shit around here to cover us. Even this grass is kinda covering my face. Nothing will happen. Now, go back to sleep and leave me be.”

You stared, before sighing. Carefully looking around once, twice, before coming out of the foxhole as quietly as you could—using the open holes on the dirt walls to place your feet to get out. You sat by Larson, who ignored you and went back to staring up at the twinkling sky.

You took a moment to stare at it too. This far in the boonies, away from cities and cars and just filled with wildlife, it has a sort of bewitching air around it. Despite the loud chirp of the crickets, the call of the birds, and how one would sometimes have to smack any open skin for stubborn mosquitos—the trees, the grass, all the greenery that looked dark in the night outside of being lit by the fireflies and the stars and moon above. You were struck once more, just how beautiful this country was. With it’s natural serenity as the moonlight not covered by clouds touched lightly upon to aid somewhat with the darkness but not as much as a flashlight would do, still, the moon did its best even if it was just at it’s half tonight. The stars were there to support it and you wish you learned more about constellations than your books, you’re sure you could spot all of them and weave stories of your own instead of reading them.

“You know,” your attention shifted to Larson, who still gazed up as he spoke, lost in thought and appearing away from here as he spoke quietly. He does not wish to wake the others it seems. “I don’t know if you remember me telling you this, but I grew up on a farm. Small. Not very fancy and it was just me and my family—Ma, Pa, and my two brothers and sister. Out just taking care of our cattle and our horses. Middle of nowhere, we would have to drive about an hour to get to a good grocery store that isn’t just a corner store or gas station. I hated it more that the closest school was about the same length. . . But what could I do? Needed an education, at least some, and than spend the rest of my life worried about a farm. With all it’s cow and horse shit, waking up before the sun does and at the end of the day you smell like all the shit you cleaned up.” He ended, sounding tired and yet with the bitter words it had an iota of equal bitter amusement.

You maintained your silence, instead moving your gaze back and forth around them. Not looking at how Larson’s lips quirked begrudgingly, head tilted up towards the silent night.

“. . .there were a few good things though. When me and my brothers and sister were done with work, and the moon was out—we’d head out to where the cattle were. Laying down on the grass without a care, why bother? We were already dirty with sweat and dirt and shit. And we’d look up—and than—“ Larson reached an arm out, as if to reach the sky, only to clench his hand and put it down back by his lap before gripping his MP40 hard where you could spot how white his knuckles were. “. . .laying down, in the grass, in the middle of nowhere, with just a dark black sky over you. . .it felt like it could swallow us. Whole. Not caring about how we looked or smelled or how old we were. . .it made us feel small. Yet huge. If we pretended enough, we could act like we can really touch the moon. The stars. I guess it just showed all of us there was more, than this little farm. With it’s shit and it’s smell and being in the middle of nowhere. The black sky might just eat us to put us out of our childish misery. Maybe that’s also why we kept going back, not just cause of fucking beautiful it was, but maybe. . .”

Larson trailed off and you decided to speak up, softly. Not wishing to break this odd aura around them, because this was more than talking about how small a human’s life is.

“‘If you gaze long into the abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you,’” you quoted, Larson cocking his head slightly and glancing at your from the corner of his eyes. You released a small fleeting smile. “It’s a quote. By a German philosopher called Friedrich Nietzsche. A depressing guy but. . . I feel like his words fit. The abyss swallowing. . . perhaps it is more you become one with it. A fusion. Where you don’t know where you begin and the abyss ends.”

Larson turned his head away, grabbing a handful of some grass and pulling as he moved his eyes back up.

“Who knows? Maybe. . . shit,” Larson dryly chuckled, “maybe, I should’ve stuck with staring up at my family’s farm home—staring up this abyss right here but there instead. Than maybe. . .you know, I would say sappy shit in my letters to her?” You didn’t ask who ‘her’ was, you could fill in the blanks as you wisely kept silent. “All words about the moon and stars and we were staring at the same one so I wasn’t that far away cause we stared up at the same thing’s. That she had stars in her eyes and if I looked up, I could see her in them. That she pulled me to her like the moon does water and just—shit. Fuck. ”

Larson hissed, putting his head to his hands. His shoulders slightly shook, you could barely tell in the darkness but you imagine he is holding himself back.

“I loved her,” Larson said, voice all cracked and broken as his breath hitched. “I love her still. And she’s—she’s leaving. What will I have when I come back? Go back? I—there’s nothing. We were. . .I went to war for  her . Our  country .”

You kept your mouth shut. Letting him release his sorrow and emotionally charged words that made zero sense such as that. You learned, especially on the beach night, it is not wise to depend on another’s support when it comes to actions of war.

You didn’t even give Larson the full quote earlier either. You do not think he needed the full one, but you know yourself what Nietzsche was going for. You think Adler might like it actually.

Eventually, you managed to put Larson back into the foxhole as you took watch by him. Standing in the foxhole as you did your shift. A few minutes officially in however, you took note of noise in the foxhole next to you. You turned your head, noticing Adler’s head was out, helmet on and war paint slightly losing their color. You can see his stubble starting to really come in now. He had his shades on, even at this time, in this darkness—but you could tell he was staring at you. Something clicked as you lightly sighed.

“How much of that did you hear?”

“Enough.”

You nodded, turning your eyes around their surroundings with your M-16 in front of you and gripped at the ready just in case.

“You left something out,” Adler said after a while, voice low to not wake the others that it sounded husky to your ears. You glanced at him, brow raising questioningly as Adler’s lips lifted to a knowing smirk. “I don’t know much, but my high school education isn’t too laughable I think. I know that quote. You missed the whole beginning and just gave him the end.”

You blinked, before shrugging as you peered up at the sky for a moment.

“He didn’t need the beginning. Just the end.”

“Some might call that yellow journalism. Or lying.”

“Others might call it wise,” you retorted lightly. “He didn’t need to know it. It wouldn’t have helped. So why give it? Besides, we know it. We’re the only type of people who need it.”

Adler hummed, whether it was in agreement or in thought, you couldn’t tell. You took note of him shifting, hands a little fidgety around his M60 and you felt sympathy swell in you. He hasn’t been able to smoke since the start of this mission, having to be cautious with any type of smoke. You don’t know personally, but you know that the craving for cigarette’s were mind consuming if you did not have one to quell it. Perhaps this conversation was a welcome distraction.

You wonder if this night is just you going to be playing silent therapist.

“Do you think Larson should’ve heard it?”

Adler answered as he kept his dutiful watch around, him facing the area behind you as you focused in front.

“No. He just needed someone to listen. Poor bastard should ask for R&R after this. I’ll grant it to him, maybe he could go to Australia and just wind down there for a week.” He scratched at his face, the war paint surely feeling a little off since he first put it on. “Forget about all this. All of it. The States. The war. He needs it. Hell, we all do.”

Your lips formed a teasing smile.

“Even shadows and monsters need a smoke?”

Adler chuckled easily.

“Everyone needs a smoke as far as I’m concerned. Maybe less people will act like they’re one push away till they make a shitstorm the rest of us need to clean up. But sure, kid, ” he half shrugged, focusing on the sky above with all its celestial like bodies. “Larson might’ve been onto something though with what he was saying.”

“Which part?”

Adler chose silence as his answer, staring up for another moment or two before huffing and turning his attention back onto the ground.

The two of you stayed guarding for a few more moments. You didn’t bother asking Adler why he was up and you had this watch, just like how he didn’t seem to bother to order you to go to sleep. You felt like once more, there was an understanding between you two. Still though, it didn’t stop you from the question bubbling in your throat.

“Since you know the quote,” Adler hummed lightly, showing he was listening. “What do you think Nietzsche was referring to, that the reader itself hasn’t fought with other monsters yet or from experience because he is a monster to not have other’s fight him?”

Adler scoffed quietly, amused.

“Just cause I know the quote doesn’t mean I constantly wonder about it’s meaning, Bell.”

“Humor me.”

“I thought I told you earlier I’m not here to spoil you.” You threw him a sheepish grin, Adler sighing and shaking his head as his expression turned inquisitive with how he pressed his lips together for a moment. “It’s a warning. That’s how I always saw it. But it’s not one we need like you said earlier, kid.  We don’t need it.”

You didn’t ask anymore. Because as you thought more into it, he was right.

Nietzsche wrote a warning, to the innocent reader and the oblivious society that put emphasis on morals and truth that he did not agree with.

‘Battle not with monsters, lest you become a monster. And if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes into you.’

Monsters do not fret about what they already are. Just as they are not worried if the abyss ends with them or if it begins.

“Get ready, kid.” Adler said much later as they all slowly woke the others up to move, his eyes squinting behind his glasses as he stared past the trees, the bushes, and the greenery as the beginning of dawn started to rise. “It’s going to be a shit show in a few hours.”

✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ▷ ▷ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯

“Bell”

Second Life

14:02 | February 26, 1981

CIA SAFEHOUSE E9, “DIE LANDEBAHN”

You see yourself as one with patience.

When it comes to this sort of line of work, it is required. A sort of fortitude and composure that not all can be able to acquire but must be needed for this—for lives at stake based on whether you can put up an act or have the tact of an eagle capturing a snake, all sharp claws and silent feathers against the hissing strike. ты хочешь быть американцем товарищ.

“The two most powerful warriors are patience and time,” as said by one one of your favorites, Leo Tolstoy, from one of the best works in history: War and Peace.

You recall last time—stop clinging, you stupid dog—when you stood outside the safehouse in the cold with your head to the book, Adler stepping out and taking note of your book with a cocked brow. Stating his surprise at your book choice as you mumbled something or other as you read, that it is an integral book. You even stating the same quote back to him, a surprise to you when Adler didn’t know of it. Listening as you explained it with a flick of his lighter and calm inhales and exhales of his addiction, showing off where the quote was as he leaned in slightly. Your heart pounding as his warmth was felt without even touching, than a brush of his shoulder to your back as he drew closer. Than it was gone.

“All grim thoughts and wise words with you, eh Bell?” Amused. A fleeting turn of the lips that stayed longer and a gaze that lingered as he stared through you under those shades. “Make sure you take a breather when you raise your nose for air from your books. Can’t do this without you.”

He would tease, but didn’t stop you from taking your reading breaks outside for fresh air. And he’d always ask, curiosity in his expression when you’d show him a line each time. You thought it was special. Their own little thing where you would raise your book and he would lean to you and they would touch.

“Bell, open the door.”

It was just cruel kindness.

Patience, you are using it to your fullest. You can do what you must and see if your actions can work up to something—all your effort and hard work being seen as a good little tool.

Though, time—time is something you may not have. Unless you make sure you’re loyal.

You were quick to drop off the breakfast on the center table, ignoring Adler’s rose brow as you moved. The pineapple kasekuchen in their rightful place. You avoided and didn’t speak outside a quick “good morning” to everyone else and went to work, breakfast by you whenever you got truly hungry.

You didn’t think about why you bought the dessert. Outside the rationalization it shows your loyalty. Perhaps a peace offering to ignore what happened the night prior. You didn’t think much about that at all.

американский щеноk.

Until he called you over to his desk with a wave of his hand, your chest thundering with your eyes wide as you wondered if he’ll say anything. Take you aside in private to talk. About last night or the sweet, you’re not sure. Only for him to motion for you to sit, tapping his knuckle against the file on the desk. You took note the box of the kasekuchen wasn’t there anymore(must’ve already ate it or threw it away) as you blinked, slowly sitting in the seat across from him as he slid the file towards you as he asked your opinion on it.

You scanned, mind wandering and flying, before you glanced up at him. His favorite mahogany leather over him that is second skin, a lighter shade of blue for his collared shirt today under him and his mouth free of a cigarette as well as his hands. Those aviators still on his head, a part of him. Sort of like the beanie—ski—mask over your head as he looked down at another report in front of him. As if he didn’t call you over from your desk to his to help with a file when he could’ve just left it on your desk. As if you didn’t cross a line—you always cross the line, over, behind, or creating a completely new one to do what you must like he does whatever it takes but it was wrong, you are no saint, pitiful mutt—yesterday with your words and questions.

A hand reached towards the file in front of you, knuckle tapping twice, more force this time.

You focused back on the file, only to see Adler already took his hand back. Continuing to read as he patiently waited for your consensus on the file before you.

You were struck than how he’ll handle this, understanding dawning on you as your gaze focused and turned to the file below you and picking it up.

If he wishes to pretend as if it never occurred, it’s fine with you. It’s best either way for both of you. You have too many worries already, Adler included. Best to leave certain things out your mind about the man lest you’ll get clouded. You’re trying to survive. Not get caught up in and tangled in mind games.

You spotted in the corner of your eye Adler give a ghost of a nod, the tiniest tip of the head, imperceptible to others but you knew. He gave a similar one when you captured Volkov, walking up to you with a calm swagger and gloved hands around his weapon, as he moved his head in approval. Such a good girl to be happy with just a nod. Satisfied. He’s satisfied. He knows you understood. Understood him.

“You know me too well.”

“Guess we’re two peas in a pod.”

“I need Bell.”

You raised the file closer, over your mouth formed in a subconscious echo of a pleased smile. You didn’t even feel it. Nor did you feel electric blue eyes behind shades glance towards you before turning back to his work—the silent agreement to keep what happened last night to themselves written and signed without the two of you having to open your mouths.

Coward, you wanted to snarl. To who, you’re not sure. You just focused on what Adler gave you. You’ll need to have Adler let you live so you’ll need to not just be a perfect asset to the others but a person to him.

You have to do what you must.

“Damaged goods.”

You have to.

“You remembered.”

You flicked your eyes towards him, file momentarily forgotten. He didn’t look up from his own file, continuing to read it with the expression he always has when concentrated—a hint of pressed lips that reveals his dimples and brows lowered than usual where it would be difficult to see due to his shades. You would think that mania has truly taken a hold of you, with it’s dark tentacles filled with dark thoughts and mental anguish or rather slithering and multiplying vines where Lykourgos grew mad due to Dionysus’ vengeance except for you it is with choking collars and stifling leashes and cutting strings. He looked as if he didn’t speak at all. All the quiet focus of a war hardened CIA agent that didn’t have a ring on his finger but was married to his job with a badge to show all the same.

But you knew his voice. As if it was your own.

“We’ve known each other for years.”

“Fought together. Bled together. Been through Hell in Vietnam together.”

“We got a job to do.”

“ B e l l,  o p e n  t h e  d o o r . ”

The poor американская сука loves pain like a drug.

“I wasn’t sure what you would,” Adler spoke again, your eyes focusing on him once more. His head still was tilted down and a little to the side, shades facing the paper but you believed he glanced towards you. “The coma did a number on you with your memories. I know you’ve been saying it’s only been about Vietnam but you never specified about what. Or if you happened to remember anything else.” He didn’t state it like a question but he might as well have.

Of course he would ask. Why wouldn’t he?

Nonetheless, you knew what he was referring to in his earlier statement. He ate them. You picked up your file with a small huff.

“Hard to forget, Adler. Of course I would remember. You would hold those cans like a lifeline,” your lips lifted at the memories, of Adler trading with others if he must to get his precious golden ambrosia that would appease him similar to his cigarettes. You kept your lips up despite the quick recall the memories were fake—the trading of trash, the quiet understanding to not speak of it, of beautiful Vietnam foliage and unforgettable talks—just as you glanced at him and continued easily. “Glad you liked them. Wasn’t sure if you would. As for other memories. . . it’s still only been with Vietnam. I haven’t gotten anything else.” Adler hummed, cocking his head a tad before your lips formed more of a smile that you felt. “But at least I still know what I like or don’t. Can’t imagine a clean slate.”

“That’s normal,” Adler said, shades now facing you as you somewhat hid your face with the file. The only thing him being able to see fully was your eyes. “Learn how to calm down and that you can’t take all these shots like you’re a target in a shitty gun range. Might remember more.”

You found yourself snorting, rolling your eyes. Finding dark amusement at his words despite yourself. Perhaps you are growing insane.

“Based on what you told me in the hospital, you would’ve had some holes instead.” The way you said it, it sounds like you still believe it. Like it was real. Dance puppet, dance. You turned up your lips into a semblance of a smirk as you looked over the file towards him. You maintained it even though you think the both of your eyes connected despite the shades hiding. “You don’t have to worry, Adler. I got your back. Always. A few shots is nothing.”

It’s what you would’ve said before. It scares you how much you meant it previously. As if your life was forfeit if it came to having Adler live longer. Nothing else would matter as long as he lived. Nothing. As if the world would come to an end if he fell—the only one that could hold it and keep it straight.

Perhaps he is Atlas after all. . .

The loyal dog with the pretty collar will always protect the master.

Cursed due to his cruelty.

What are you, Russell Adler?

Adler stared at you for a moment, as if assessing your words. Scrutinizing them. He than reached into his jacket, taking out a cigarette and lighting it. Once he did the first drag and released his puff, away from you as you observed the smoke curl around them, he looked back down to the papers on the desk.

“How lucky am I that I got you around than, kid,” he replied, all low and earnest as he took another drag. “Just don’t go dying on me. Can’t have Sims talk to his shrink about something else. He’d be heart broken.”

Adler said that sentence a little louder, so it was no surprise that Sims by the desk put down his magazine and called out.

“I resent that!”

Adler’s lips twitched in response, but kept his gaze down as your heart thundered.

You thought of an explosion to the chest, your heart open and bare for more reasons than you planned. Of soft words to your ear that sounded like regret and something else as you coughed. Of a gentle touch that held you up, hands wandering from your waist to your stomach—stopping just short of a bleeding chest as if they wanted to stop the red—redredredredred—from flowing out but hesitated. An encircling of arms that released heat as you grew cold—you don’t like the cold much anymore—while an expression was carefully guarded with eyes hiding behind a shaded curtain.

You felt your throat tighten. The need for answers to unanswered questions reaching a head.

“Just Sims?” you asked softly, a little breathless and a little confused at said breathlessness.

He glanced up, aviators slightly down and you could barely see his eyes as he exhaled a puff, eyeing you. You staring as his brow lifted for a moment before it settled, an interesting look in your eyes that one might call forlorn. And something else that is dangerous and not meant for monsters who are better alone.

“Maybe another life, kid.”

Mind thine eyes dog, for they show you yearn the impossible.

“You know the answer, Bell. Everyone would be,” Adler leaned slightly back in his chair, cigarette between his fingers in his customary hold between his ring and middle finger. “You’re part of the team. What kind of question is that?”

“You’re still one of us.”

He knows what he’s doing. Just as he knows what you mean.

You bit the inside of your cheek, looking down with squinting eyes at the file. Your hand making it a little wrinkle and you don’t know what you expected. What you’re expecting. He hurts. He pretends. Why would he even answer truthfully when he can dodge and feel less guilt about a hole in you caused by his hand?

He’s—

You felt a nudge against your knee, you looking up in shock with a quick inhale at the unexpected touch. It staying there—his knee, he’s touching you—as you watched Russell tilt his head at you, brow up and lips quirked with a cigarette around it and looking wry and relaxed—what is this, why, what could this be for, why is he doing acts that are pointless yet mean everything when he could just be distant, you are getting worked up over just knees touching, you touch starved little thing—as he motioned his head an iota to the left. Your eyes following the movement to see Park where she was, nearby with her desk and a headphone to one ear but the other still able to listen in despite how naturally quiet you and Adler are with your soft voice and Adler’s low tone.

Park? What does she have to do with anything? And why would Adler of all people care?

You frowned, only for your lips to flatten in realization of her words to you about Adler. To stay away. You now wonder if she did a similar warning to him.

“Insanity breeds insanity as they say.”

You wonder if the pissing match that was imperceptible and the slight tension was more than just two agencies trying to come to an accord.

But why would Park warn Adler?

You glanced back at Adler, who gave a half shrug as if to answer your silent question. It only raised more. You moved your knee back closer to your form and Adler didn’t react as you did so. The both of you turning back to the files that Adler requested your assistance.

Not thinking in the back of your mind of fleeting touches, lingering looks, or a voice to your pounding ear that tinged with remorse even though you couldn’t see his face.

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You and Park just recently finished going through the report you and Woods got from Ukraine. Sims and Lazar were in the back rooms where the gun range was while Park was in the Red Room. Last you checked, Adler was still in his office with a call while Mason and Woods were by the weight lifting equipment and taking turns to work off some steam due to what was discovered. You were putting the findings up on the evidence board with tacks, careful to not stab yourself. You wouldn’t be as concerned if you were wearing your gloves which you put away earlier by your bunk bed, but than again, you’re quite careful with your gloves. Not only because of the quality, but who got the leather gloves for you when you were just recently discharged out of the hospital back in the States.

You smiled, putting the last tack on the board only to have a sudden weight around your shoulders. You widened your eyes, briefly alarmed only to turn your head to see it was a smirking Woods.

“Done? Good! I’ve been holding off till now but it’s time to fucking see what you’re  really  made of Bell.”

You blinked, confused and still reeling at the fact you didn’t sense his approach at all. Your mind will zone out over the littlest of things lately. It concerns you. But it hasn’t been a problem so far out in missions, so you think it’s alright.

“And how exactly I’m going to do that? Thought I showed you enough back in Ukraine.”

At that, Woods laughed as he basically tugged you to where Mason was, who was shaking his head at his friend and shooting you an apologetic look as you just smiled that you were okay with it. Their van door open in the back as well as a table and chairs in front. You took note of the packs of beer and you see what Woods meant as he sat by Mason in the van on the floor, you sitting down and observing as Woods took a hefty gulp of a beer.

“I think I know now. But,” you glanced to where Adler’s office was, “is this wise? Isn’t Hudson coming over here soon?”

Woods slammed his beer down, causing some of it to come out as Mason sighed at the wastefulness.

“Man,  fuck  Hudson!” Woods wiped his chin harshly, irritation coloring his features. “I want to forget about that nutsack for the rest of the day. When he comes, he better not say shit or I’ll punch him again. Maybe with that shit will stop coming out his mouth.”

Mason chuckled, having his own beer in his hand as his eyes wandered to his longtime friend, shifting as he got comfortable in his seat.

“How’s the hand?”

Woods scoffed.

“Pfft. Nothing fancy,” Woods looked at said hand, clenching it as he moved to crack his knuckles as he grinned wildly. “Ready enough, like I said, if Hudson says something smart.” He punched his fist against his hand, muscles flexing noticeable despite his jacket as you couldn’t help but laugh along with Mason.

“I still can’t believe you punched him yesterday,” you spoke up, shaking your head in disbelief. You can’t even imagine anyone punching the intimidating harsh man that is James Hudson. Soon after your discharge, you had to meet with him back in Langley for the mission before all this Perseus business—although you suppose supporting the Polish union Solidarity in fighting back communists have everything to do with Perseus. You don’t understand why the man seems to dislike you so much, especially if the two of you worked briefly before which you sadly can’t remember. He must always be like that with others, Woods doesn’t seem to like or appreciate Hudson’s icy countenance either way. You don’t quite appreciate the man’s secrecy about the nukes, so you see why. “If I even breathe the air wrong around him, I think I will be dead come morning. I don’t think I’m exaggerating.”

“You?” Woods asked, amused incredulity in his tone as he faced you. “The one who basically took out three Heavy’s by your lonesome? Scared of that ball face? You’re shitting me!”

Mason rose his brows as he turned towards you.

“You didn’t say that in the report. You holding out on us, Bell?”

“Right?! Now open a bottle and tell Mason here everything that happened.”

You rose a brow, amusement shining in your eyes, your hand moving to the pack of beer before stopping. The memory of the arcade room making you smile knowingly.

“Everything?”

Woods made a face, cheeks looking an interesting color that Mason caught as he nudged his friend with his elbow.

“What’s she talking about Woods?”

“Nothing! Jesus Christ Bell, didn’t know you could be a little shit like Adler can.”

The words bounced off you easily, already used to the man’s vulgar personality from the mission and even before the mission to go over details, as you shrugged, smirking as Mason kept pushing Woods on what happened as Woods would grumble or drink his beer to avoid answering. At Adler’s name however, you looked back at the office, slightly biting the inside of your lip.

Your breaks thus far outside of eating has just been reading your books or a quick game in the back room. Never for a drink like Lazar would do with Sims and Park at times. Adler, at least what you know of, hasn’t drunk and just has stuck with his cigarettes. You don’t even remember the last time  you  drank. All you know is that you like it.

But. . . you’re not sure if Adler would approve. You’re always focused on your work and great at it, he depends on you to maintain your focus to catch Perseus.

You subconsciously put your hand in your jacket, feeling the polaroid as you thought.

Woods noticed your apprehension and called out to you, you turning your head back.

“Whatcha fuckin’ worried about? You’ve been working all day from those codes and whatever the shit you put on the board. I don’t think Adler would want you to be worked dry where you don’t even think straight.”

“Only booze can do that,” Mason added helpfully.

Woods nodded, looking too serious it was almost comical since they were just trying to persuade you to drink.

“What he said.”

You took a moment before you shrugged, grabbing a beer and opening it as you stated that you guess you could drink with legends. Woods huffing at you, soon calling you cocky in realization as to why you made fighting Heavy’s not a big deal and not impressed with him. Mason seeming to find it funny as the three of you drank and talked about the mission more freely and colorful words with Woods. You did slightly flush when Woods told Mason you were a nerd for playing a quick game while there were Russians preparing for their training course, Mason snorting as you hushed them when Park grew near them. Not wishing for her to find out.

Quickly hiding it by inviting her to join just as Lazar and Sims came back, the two men seeming to easily join in as Park contemplated as she stared at the beer. With a sigh though, she sat by Lazar as she took one.

“Next time, I’m buying the alcohol here. You bought rubbish, Woods.”

“‘Rubbish?’ And beer is beer, nothing wrong with good ol cheap beer sometimes,” Woods defended. “Adds to the flavor.”

Lazar smiled, raising his bottle.

“Cheers to that.” Lazar and Woods tapped their bottles in the middle when they reached over, an easy aura settling between the group.

Sims got a bottle, assessing the name as well as the pack as he did a dog whistle.

“Germans know how to do one thing right, and that’s beer. You’ll be fine Park. It could be worse,” Sims took a drink, humming as he did so while Park frowned at her bottle when she took a few sips.

“Worse?”

“It could’ve been canned,” Mason answered, speaking from experience that made you raise a brow as you took a drink, settling further into your seat. “Canned cheap beer you can basically taste the metal. There was one time back in the States where I practically shitted myself due to this cheap beer I got at this random gas station in the middle of nowhere. Ruined my night.”

“And your pants it seems,” Lazar commented, mirth clear in his tone before he released a laugh along with Sims guffaw at the Israeli’s words. Park shaking her head but anyone can see her smile on her lips as Woods stated that’s what happens when you’re in “bumfuck nowhere” and probably got experimented with weird moonshine.

You snorted in surprise, covering your mouth as your imagination pictured the soldier rushing to the bathroom lest an accident happens. Mason? He seems so serious all the time, which you can understand why. You’ve read up what you could on everyone here, the description’s were small but you could fill in the lines. He’s lucky that he has such a good friend like Woods.

It soon became a trading of stories between everyone about drunk nights and how they reached that point, Lazar running with a bowl of chili and Woods determined to make condom water balloons and Sims was just finishing his own passed out in random deck chairs story when the door of the office opened.

You immediately turned towards where Adler now stood, staring at all of you as he closed the door and currently free of a cigarette. Your anxiety only grew when Adler turned his head towards you, as if he was asking you personally on the situation as you could only throw him an apologetic yet impish smile. Adler’s brow rose.

“Adler!” Woods called, raising a hand and motioning it for the man to come over. Adler approaching the group as you could only stare and tried to get a read on him. Alas, it was hard to discern his mind even if you could spot him glancing at everyone and the table with bottles. “Join us while there’s still beer left! Planning to drink all of this before Hudson comes. He can’t say anything if there’s no evidence.”

Adler hummed, stopping behind you and Sims as he appeared in thought. A trickle of hope coming up your chest at Woods offer.

“All of you are in luck,” Adler eventually answered, the subtle amused tone not lost on you as you intently focused on it. “Hudson isn’t coming till early in the morning tomorrow. Got caught up with something with Black. Can’t imagine how he would react if he saw all this.”

“Fuck ‘im,” Woods spat, reaching for a bottle and throwing Adler one. Adler catching it with his hand, shaded eyes turning towards the bottle to read the label. “We’re not here to please his every whim and cater to him like we’re his butlers. I say it’s a perfect time to wind down. We were just trading stories of getting shit faced.”

“All of you were,” Park corrected easily, “I don’t plan on sharing any such event.”

“Never say never, Park,” Lazar said, a grin playing on his lips as he winked at the British woman. “I’m sure a lady like you has quite a collection of stories.”

“A lady never says her secrets.”

You were still staring up at Adler as Sims playfully groaned at Lazar’s flirt tactics that Park didn’t seem to mind, Adler tilted his head down and met your eyes. Seeming to assess before turning his gaze towards the evidence board, which now had additional papers than previously since he entered the office, assessing. He than turned back towards you, you impatiently waiting as you shifted in your seat to see if he would let all of you continue, his eyes seeming to follow when your hand went to your jacket pocket.

Adler released a huff of soft exasperation, a shadow of a smirk playing on his lips.

“Don’t see the problem. We can all use a break from all of this.”

You practically beamed as Woods whooped, you moving a seat over where you were now next to Woods. Adler taking your seat as he sat by Sims now, opening his bottle as he asked whose story they were on. Sims continuing it and finishing before Lazar had another one. You listening with a smile or laughter, feeling the most at ease since this whole mission started you think. You believe that Adler must feel the same way, appearing relaxed as he sat and leaned back against the chair, beer forgotten and customary cigarette on his lips as he listened.

It made you want to take a picture of this moment. You standing up and announcing to the others you’ll do just that, Woods raising a brow at you.

“You and pictures. You a photographer or something? I hope you’ll at least show me what pics you took of me instead of those Red’s building.”

Your cheeks felt heated as you turned towards Woods, standing over him with fists clenched by your side as you called his name, askance. Making the man laugh at your expression, your irritation leaving you due to it but you gave him a warning look and call of his name which he caught. Not wishing for you to say the story, as Adler watched nonchalantly.

“Pictures? Got distracted again, Bell?” He asked, almost sounding like a tease only for the others to join in that you really loved that camera. You pursing your lips and appearing like you were pouting, as you turned away and got the camera from the Red Room quickly. Taking the picture of everyone only for Woods to motion his hand for it to your bewilderment.

“What? Don’t you want one with you in it too?” Woods asked, grabbing the camera from your hands as he grinned up at you. Adler and Park glancing at each other behind you, Adler flapping his cigarette hand uncaringly in answer. Mason raising a brow at the exchange but staying silent as his eyes moved back towards his loud friend.

You didn’t think of that but you stated you wanted one with everyone than, Park raising her hand for the camera to do the setting for it to be timed and placing it on top of Sims car he was working on earlier. All of you turning your chairs slightly, getting close with beers in hand and you trying to maintain a perfect smile even with Adler’s knee touching yours. The camera flashed, you feeling something by your head only for you to lightly punch Woods shoulder once you saw he must’ve gave you bunny ears in the photo. Him laughing away as you fought your own smile, his rugged charm rubbing off on you as Adler inhaled quietly as he watched the exchange.

The stories than eventually moved to mission stories, and than, unsurprisingly—to Vietnam. At this point, Park and Lazar retired for the night—Sims eventually doing the same when he noticed it turned to Vietnam. Which left you, Mason, Woods, and Adler—Adler just finishing up the story about what happened in Hue City, leaving a few details out you noted but loyally and wisely kept silent, as Mason took it in with a slight nod of his head.

“So that’s what happened on your side. Shit. . . that whole place was a shit show since the beginning. Lucky I only had to do a quick in and out by just getting a dossier.”

Woods snorted, nursing his fifth beer.

“That whole war was a shit show. Only good thing that came out of it is telling stories about it years later in a depressed warehouse. While a whole other type of war is happening.”

At the mention of the reminder of them losing that war, you spoke up.

“Not the only thing,” you couldn’t help but say, lost in thought as you looked at the ground.

Adler turned his head towards you as Woods and Mason did the same, curious.

“And what’s that, kid?”

You kept your gaze down for a moment more before flicking your eyes to the side towards Adler.

“We’re all still here, aren’t we?”

✯ ▙ ✯ ✯ ✯ ▞ ✯ ✯ ✯ ■ ✯ ✯ ✯ ▞ ✯ ✯ ✯ ▙ ✯

Ȳ̶͇̝͐ó̶̘̈ṵ̴̡͑͒ ̴̯̗̅ŵ̴̭͘â̸̭̼̤n̵̼͚̘͑t̶̠̮̯́̏ ̶̭̝̱̄́̅ţ̶̠̑̈̚ǫ̶̳̉́ ̴̘͖͊͊͘ͅ ̵̡͋́ṣ̶̞̆̚ ̴͚̲̕ț̸̓ộ̴̍̐p̴̣͓̾́ ̴̫̗̆͜ḫ̴̛̦͓́́ẽ̴̛̻̋ṛ̵̲̞͈̅͠ę̷̼̯͔̍̌͌?̶̫̩̆͆

̷̼̈́

̵̣̽̉͛

̶̝͋͂B̷̝̾̾u̸͚͊̕ţ̷̛̭͖̈́̾ ̶̱͑̔i̷̩͇̤̐ṯ̴̪̓̓ ̷̜͊d̸̆͜į̶̩͔̉̏d̵͔̓͝n̴̨͇͒’̵̰͑́͂ţ̸̯̯͋ ̷̧͖̣̿̒e̴̥͋͝n̴̘̱̿̕d̸̛̤̹̔ ̵̡̡̩̈̐h̷̫͔͂͜ë̴̺̜́͑͊ȑ̶̺͉͠ĕ̴̥̉.̴͕̭͌̕͠

̸̠̹̿̊̿

̸̠͊̅

̸͙͓̬̂͒͝Ë̶̼̙̭́͘̕ ̶̳͆v̵̱͙̿̋ ̴͔̇̋ę̷͚̫͆̃̈n̵̥̣͈̏̅ ̷͇̮͒͊ ̴̛̺ ̶̡͆t̶̢̘͒ḧ̷̺̉ě̸͓̼̂ͅ ̶̬̲̫̈b̶̟̪̒̒ę̵͊͝s̶̟̱̐ţ̴͙̳̆̚ ̶͔̈́d̸̝̭͑̈́͒o̸͖͑̓g̸̨͌̈́̀s̴̹̫̖͗̅ ̶̯̝͛ḷ̶̬̔͌̐i̷̘̥̓́k̴͕̓͝ĕ̷̡̿̽́ ̵̖͗̾͘ţ̵̟̤̈́́̽ö̴͖͕͙́͗͝ ̴̦̂͊͝r̶͉͈̊̆̔ų̴̝̋̈ņ̶̼͛ ̶̭̦́.̶͔̇̄

̶̫̘͒̌̿

̵͓̱͇̆̕͠

̷̧̰̙̇͝B̶͕̐̐̓e̸̖̟̋ŝ̶̨t̵̗̎̀,̴̯̥̐̕ ̶͚͓̓̀́ť̶͐̂͜ŏ̸̢̿̉ ̵̨͎̄̿͆ć̷̣̓͑́ơ̶͔͓̋̿̔m̵̧̢̩̃ê̸̘̠̠ ̴̰̫͠͝ͅb̶͇̔̒ą̶̤̯̰̽͊c̸͈͗k̸̩͉͙̓̿ ̷̻̼̰͆ẃ̶̞͙̃͒͌ḧ̵̘͑̒̃e̵̜̰̓͘͝ń̶͙͒̚ ̵̪̖̥̊̈́ȑ̷̢̌̎ẽ̸̛͇̂ͅà̴̞̖̫d̸̤̺̽͛ỳ̴̰̊͝ ̷̠̌͝f̴̢́͊o̴͉̒͠r̷͕͙͙̽̋́ ̶͈̾̉t̴̥͒͘r̷͉̘̐́ų̸̠̔̋́t̴̨͚́̾h̷̖͕̯̀̒͛.̵̫̟̬̄

✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ▷ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯

“Bell”

Second Life

15:47| February 26, 1981

CIA SAFEHOUSE E9, “DIE LANDEBAHN”

Soon after you said your thoughts to Adler about the file, you moved to go back to your desk only to pause by the T.V. You turned back, Adler raising a curious brow as he put out his cigarette with his ash tray nearby. You asked him for any other files he may need help with, Adler saying nothing as he reached another file by him and handing it to you. You grabbed it, your black leather gloved hand grazing against his bare one as you took it. Taking note of what he said about it before turning to your desk and staying there. Ignoring a probing stare in the back of your neck.

You’ll do what you must, but if he expects you to stay by his side when he inconvenienced you earlier by making you come to him. . . Well, you think a little petty action is worth it.

Besides, you have to think by yourself for a moment. The call about Volkov squeaking his rat mouth should’ve came already. By nighttime—you, Adler, and Park should already be on the way to Ukraine and meet up with Woods and Mason.

Woods and Mason, you think fondly with a sad smile of a whirlwind of a man drinking back beer after beer like water with a deep throated laugh and the silent soldier with sad eyes yet listens attentively and a kind smile that brightens. Oh, I’ve missed you guys.

They were barely in the safehouse, out in missions constantly when you would decode and just being the team’s powerhouse duo. When they were here though, the safehouse was louder. More easy and free, less stifling and grim due to the work they were doing. They had a certain charisma very different than Adler’s, one’s that captured you in a different manner so it is no surprise you managed to get close and hang with them more than anyone when they were here. Sims being distant, Park communicating with MI6 about the CIA, Lazar determined to woo the agent when he wasn’t cleaning and prepping weapons, and Adler was. . .busy watching you were in line you suppose.

Card games and stories being shared, Woods and Mason not seeming to mind when you were around them. You suspect Woods let you get close to make sure you don’t tell his precious secret and blunder back in the arcade room in Ukraine. Although you would tease him that you might at times.

You feel like that in your other life, Park was right. You don’t think those two knew about your situation. It just made you like them more.

Because at least with them, you’re positive it was real.

“I knew I could count on you.”

You wished they were able to save you from Adler though. But they were tired and celebratory of what they accomplished. They took in Adler saying you and him were just taking a detour at face value.

“Do not trust Adler. He is lying to you.”

Adler always lies.

You have to remember that. And to just brush away any kindness he may show.

It’s not real.

Is it?

A loyal and trained dog through and through.

When you saw it was nearing 1700 hours, you looked around where Park was. Seeing she was with Adler in the corner by the weights, conversing with him with a crease in her brow while Adler looked as if he was only mildly taking note of her words as he puffed along his cigarette. A trait of his you knew frustrated the British woman. Adler likes to feign disinterest a lot. It could be seen as a weapon to make others talk due to how irritating it could be or make one cautious at how apathetic the man can act or look.

You walked over to them, your ears getting the tail end of whatever was ailing Park.

“—not making light of this and reign it in. Oh, Bell.” Park’s tone softened, a sharp contrast that stood out to you as she noticed you step up to them. Adler not even glancing at you as he continued his smoke, or at least not turn his head towards you. It’s dark in this corner so you wouldn’t be able to tell if he turned his eyes towards you or not unless he moved his head or body in your direction. “What’s wrong? Any new updates on the decryptions?”

You shook your head, looking between the two of them before settling on Park.

“What’s the word on Volkov? He talk yet?”

Park sighed.

“I’m afraid not. He’s proved himself stubborn despite his tastes being similar to what makes the U.K. great.”

You cocked a brow, a teasing smirk playing on your lips.

“Medieval torture devices not his style?” You asked, calling back to what Park said about Volkov’s hobbies.

Park matched you, amused as she shrugged lightly.

“I believe the lack of scotch is what will do him in personally.”

“He has to talk soon,” Adler cut in, exhaling a puff as you and Park turned towards him. Adler faced Park, arching a brow as he continued calmly. “Your guys over there aren’t giving him a good time right now, I imagine. The last thing we need is for him to be tight lipped.”

Your throat turned dry. You think you regret mentioning this as Park answered.

“He’s not the type to remain loyal if his back is to the wall. His selfish demeanor and arrogance will what cause him to try to strike a deal with us. It will benefit us than him in the end once he breaks.”

“If he breaks,” Adler added with a frown. “If he still doesn’t talk by the next two days, we might as well have killed him once we saw him. He’s useless.”

“She’s of no use to us anymore.”

You swallowed, moving to pocket your hands in your black bomber jacket as your hands clenched along with your jaw.

Park frowned at Adler, disapproving.

“He knows a great many things. Not everyone can handle interrogation for so long and be able to stay silent about anything that might give them reprieve.”

Oh, look, you thought sourly, bitterness starting to rise once more as you maintained your blank expression besides your taut jaw. They’re complimenting me. How nice of them to say I wasn’t easy for them.

Control your tongue, you stupid dog.

Adler huffed, it almost sounding like one mixed with amusement and exasperation as he shook his head slightly.

“Perseus’ people are almost as slippery and conniving as Perseus himself. And dangerous.” Adler took another inhale and exhale, the smoke curling around them and going over your head as your gaze lazily followed it to distract yourself while Adler did the same, tipping his head up to watch. “Perhaps he knows if he talks, he might as well be dead. We don’t need an Aldrich in the MI6 either.”

Park’s demeanor straightened at Adler’s accusation, the possibility of having a traitor or spy in her agency a great insult. She was about to say a scathing retort surely, but you cut her off.

“He’ll talk,” you say cooly, unreadable gaze towards Adler as he finally turned his head in acknowledgement towards you.

“What makes you so sure?” He asked, curiosity lacing his tone along with intrigue as he moved to place his cigarette for another puff.

You straightened your shoulders as you stared deep into his aviators that shadowed him properly to be America’s Monster.

“They all eventually do.”

Adler paused his hand, lips not around his craving as he stared towards you. Both your gazes not breaking even as Park looked between the two of you before settling with staring at Adler with slightly narrowed eyes.

Adler pressed his lips, a whisper of a smirk as he did it and nodded towards you once more before turning back towards Park.

“You hear that, Park? No reason to worry. Everyone talks. Right, Bell?”

“Yes, sir.” You say, ignoring how your stomach churned yet your heart pounded. You’re no saint. “We both know how to make them.” You slipped out, knowing eyes not leaving his face as you twisted a knife.

Adler didn’t seem to notice, or care really as he seemed to throw Park a mildly triumphant look. You don’t know why it would. You wouldn’t either and can care less about those you tortured—whether false or real.

Monsters do not worry over every drop in the red ocean they created.

Y o u’r e  n o  s a i n t, д е м о н.

✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ▷ ▷ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯

You had headphones in, listening to the audio log to finish up the decryption despite the lack of other Intel so you could put all your focus on Operation Red Circus. Instead of the exchange earlier, all of them.

So you didn’t hear when the garage door opened and a van to come in, but you did when it got slammed closed. You jumped in your seat in the corner on your desk, hidden behind the evidence board and the T.V. You lowered your headphones, curious to see what was going on and if Sims brought in another car, only for your breath to hitch in your throat. You standing up so quick your chair almost fell back as you stood next to the T.V., heart thundering only for it to stop as you stared avidly, wildly, madly, hopefully.

Adler moved his hand to guide the red van in, sighing out a puff of smoke as the driver came out.

“Hudson barely gave me any warning about this before you guys arrived. Didn’t think he was going to give the okay on this based on the latest call on Volkov.”

“Well, you know Hudson,” the voice that spoke was quiet yet deep with how it spoke in easy amusement. If one strains their ear, you could spot the reserved soldier with sad eyes and a kind smile. “Always the one that loves to talk.”

“Pfft, yeah,” this one, this one was all rough and throaty as if it got abused in the past from events unknown but one can guess. If one just takes a glance, you could discern the storm stuck in a body yet does a light drizzle for friends despite the thunder. “Hudson’s a real charmer. Don’t tell me that the Russian Godfather decided to finally open his mouth right when we got here.” At Adler’s nod, the one man army groaned. “Man, jet lag is going to be a fuckin killer! Forget hotels, I’m sleeping here until we head out.”

They’re. . . Your hands shook by your side. Not paying kind to Park who stepped out the Red Room, head turned towards you and approaching you as she called out to you. You only stared as you bit the inside of your lip.

Sims, who helped pull the van in and was now leaning against the side of it, shook his head amiably with a chuckle.

“I wouldn’t do that unless you’re fine with a raggedy ass mattress that looks like hasn’t seen the light of day since the ‘60s.”

“I believe the ‘70s personally,” Lazar spoke up as he sat on his desk, empty plate of takeout near him. “It still has potential if one’s desperate.”

“Yeah, well I’m desperate. Now where is it?” He turned his head along with his friend, comrade, forever ally just as they took a few steps close to where Park’s desk was and seeming to notice you the first time. Adler tilting his head at you, you silently just staring at the two as if you haven’t seen them in years, puffing silently as his brow rose curiously. But you could only look dumbly, eyes feeling a little pressure. They’re here. “Who are you and what the fuck are you looking at?” Woods asked sharply.

You blinked. Once. Twice.

Your lips lifted into a smile before it opened, letting a loud bark of a laugh come out. You’re laughing.

When was the last time you laughed? Genuinely?

You could practically feel the stares, but you didn’t care. They’re here.

They were real.

Once your laughter calmed to chuckles and giggles, clearing the corner of your eyes for any possible tears, Adler stepped up between you and the two soldiers. Giving you a quick once over behind his glasses, you waving your hand at him dismissively slightly at his unanswered question, his brow furrowing before relaxing as he put an arm out towards you.

“Woods. Mason. This is Bell, my protege. I spoke to you about her before.”

You quickly fixed yourself and your expression as you took a polite step forward, you probably look absolutely insane. They don’t know you despite you knowing them. Calm down. You just didn’t expect that a change like the others would be this.  Oh god, you looked insane.

“Sorry,” you began, a tiny sheepish play to your lips, “I just—you guys are both legends and I just didn’t expect to see you guys here. At least, so soon. You could say I was a bit. . . excited to put it lightly. Hope I didn’t scare you off?”

Woods and Mason stared at you, Mason having distant amusement playing in his brown eyes as Woods non-subtly leaned towards Mason, a hand slightly covering his mouth.

“Careful Mason,” Woods falsely whispered as he eyed you with suspicion. “We have a rabid fan on our hands.”

“I think she can hear you,” Mason didn’t try to whisper but it didn’t matter as Woods suddenly snorted as he crossed his arms.

“Listen here, Bell. The last thing that’s gonna scare us is someone who got excited about seeing us like we were the fucking—what is it these days? Someone gimme a hand.”

“You talking about bands?” Lazar questioned, Woods nodding as he glanced behind to where the dark skinned man stood by his desk, Lazar staring up in thought. “There’s Fleetwood Mac still going on.”

“Not like how the Beatles was going on,” Woods answered, a little too seriously as you fought a smile while Mason moved and leaned against the evidence board.

“Hear there’s growing popularity with AC/DC and Kiss. They’ve been on the radio a lot lately.”

Woods swiped his hand back and forth as he made a sound of disgust.

“You comparing us to those guys that look like they came out of hell, Mason? What do we look like?”

“I think it fits,” Adler dryly stated, clicking his lighter on to light his cigarette. Woods telling Adler he’s not helping as Park came by next to you with a hand to her hip.

“If demons don’t work, there’s always the Queen. And I’m not talking about the one I serve.”

“Queen is pretty good,” Sims said from behind, “but you guys had to have heard that new song Celebration by the Kool and the Gang. That shit hits.”

“Whichever!” Woods turned towards you asking you how exactly you know about them, you answering honestly that you read up on them on the computer. Seeing no point in hiding it as Woods gave a vicious grin towards you. “Well, aren’t you a nosy little shit. You always read up on everybody?” You were once again honest, saying you like to be thorough with everything but you only had a brief description to go off about them. Whatever secrets they may have is safe with them. Woods sniffed, slightly backing off and Mason appeared to have relaxed his shoulders. “A nosy shit with manners at least. And balls to say all of that to our faces despite what you read.”

True, if you did not know Woods and Mason. Despite that one time where you truly felt their intimidating aura on you, once you get to know them, they’re softies that are loyal. Even with Woods barbed and vulgar words and Mason always observing quietly behind with an assessing look in his eyes, you know they’re shields. Walls. To help with whatever occurred before—just like everyone else here.

And, just like there’s walls. . .

“There’s no innocence here,” you answered, shrugging with a bitter smile.

Woods stared at you for a moment before guffawing, pointing in your direction as he turned to face Adler who stared at you behind his shades as he inhaled his addiction.

“Where’d ya find her, Adler?” Woods asked, before than flapping his hand. “Answer that later. I need food and to knock the fuck out for tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?” You repeated, even though you already knew as Adler answered.

“Let’s go over the details briefly. You were right, Bell. Volkov talked.”

✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ▌▌ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯ ✯

You watched after the meeting how Woods moved, all loudness and an army in one body with the propriety of one would find in any soldier—none at all. Refreshing. Needed. Even though he looked at you strange when you offered to help with setting up his bed that was all dust and old in the storage room by the generator.

You wonder in the end, after the cliff, how Woods reacted after just saving you from a large sheet of metal debris. Is it naive thinking that he might’ve been mad?

You looked at Mason, more careful with your approach as you smiled softly at him while you gave him the quick rundown that everyone has a spot chosen for their work. That they could use the desk by where they put the projector if they want. Mason raising a brow at you but letting you once you wisely gave him his space.

Would Mason be furious? You were unlucky because you were under the wrong flag. You were born a Russian. If you weren’t than, maybe, they would’ve kept you like they did him.

Meanwhile, Adler—a gaze that never falters, and eyes that are all-seeing with how hawkish they could be, does he see(?)—observed you silently as you moved to and fro with an energy that wasn’t there before. And a smile that looks genuine. He sits back, and watches.

“Shame you were born in the wrong country.”

There’s a lot of shameful things that are tied to you. But like any good monster, any foolish Icarus, and any stupid girl—you’ll ignore them.

.

.

.

American pup—американский щеноk

American bitch—американская сука

You wish to be American, comrade—ты хочешь быть американцем товарищ

Demon—демон

I don't know if it's been too subtle--but Bell isn't exactly. . .mentally/emotionally healthy right now. Adler is just everywhere. But maybe Woods and Mason can help now by just being there.

I love those two a lot.

This Second Life of Bell is coming to a close soon, this has gone longer than planned but thank you for everyone that has been with me so far! ^///////^ Happy Late 6th Anniversary of Undertale that inspired this story's plot <3

I am having trouble contacting my beta due to Tumblr being stupid with messages. Maybe I can reach them here, please contact me on Discord under username: Animefreak1145 (Code #8517)

*PM me if you wish to be Tagged*

@quizzyisdone @zulema117-blog @efingart @pinkpinkboota @nuclear-boston @lifeisthemoments @jintana-critical @eclectriccanoeseven @hurricanesyd-blog @parkeepingparker @moonchild365-blog @aurora-windu @imperfectophelia @dvesinthewind @holy-crap-i-am-russlle-adler @i-will-give-you-love @adlerboi @preciouslilcreature @saynotohydra @mayaibnlaahad @smokeywhalee @0shuni0-blog @multi-fandom-imagine @littlepotatowizard @direwolfspostsrandomshit @darlingor @collinnmckinley @kayalect @nikkibell1937 @fuzzybonkeggsopera @ppfedd @bro0kebxrter @actuallyilya @stayb1ack @frankwoodsmalewife @tr1ppylady @nocturnalblurbee @salvija @gojocat247 @dallmaistir @animecriminal @weirdoartist21

#Russell adler #Russell Adler x bell!reader #bell!reader #for whom the bell tolls #I am thee and thou art me #cod bell #call of duty #call of duty bell #Undertale Reset AU #Cold War Reset AU #female bell #female!Bell #cod adler #cod:bocw #safehouse crew #Alex mason #frank woods #adler x bell #bell x adler #poor poor bell #female!BellReader #cod fanfiction #cod perseus #Russell Adler x bell #call of duty fanfiction #cold war #black ops cold war #chapter 4 #cod:bocw fanfiction

[freshtriangle]

VALENTINE’S BILLDIP INSCRIPTIONS OPEN (WRITERS NEEDED)

WE NEED WRITERS AND BETA READERS, FEEL FREE TO APPLY RIGHT NOW SO EVERYONE CAN WORKS SOONER THANK YOU

It’s almost Valentine's day and Dipper wants to write a letter for his favorite demon. However he lacks sleep and can’t manage to write anything good. Our beloved Pinetree needs some inspiration from a muse, YOU. 

Even a muse needs some help. One artist and one writer will be paired together. (Randomly or by affinity as long as everyone agrees. If you don't have a partner, you will be paired up with me, hehehe)

Are you a writer ? 

Sweet ! Time to write a nice letter. No more than 4K words or Bill gonna burn your letter ! NSFW is allowed as long your partner is okay with that and with the appropriate TW.

Are you an artist ? 

Sweet ! You will illustrate a key moment of your choice from the letter of your partner. NSFW is allowed as long your partner is okay with that and with the appropriate TW. 

ABOUT NSFW : I’ll only check the age of the participants who want to make NSFW. (minors will be with minors, it’s safer that way)

You want to join but you want to work alone ? 

Bill needs your help too ! Ask me and I'm gonna send a letter Dipper wrote. You can answer the letter in the name of Bill, or make a nice drawing about it to reward Dipper for his hard work.

I want to be a beta reader :

You are a good soul and want to help but don’t have time to write or draw ? Then you can be a beta reader !

Can I write a specific AU ?

Of course. 

Can I write/draw something else than Billdip ?

Sure ! Whatever the ship you write or draw, go ahead as long as you tell me in advance so I can find a partner for you. 

Will you do something in this event ?

I will be a backup writer/ artist if needed. 

HOW TO JOIN :

Just talk to me in Discord or here. Inscriptions are open until the 5th january. You will have your partner on the 6th or even before if many people join. (so if you want to join don't wait too much, just tell me you are interested and we will seeeee)

If you join after the 5th january you will be paired up with me. Keep in mind I’ll say yes for ONE late participant but won’t do that for more than one. 

It would be a good thing, I think, if the writer and the artist agree quickly on a rough idea of what the artist would like to draw even if the letter isn't completed yet. To be sure everything is going smoothly I will check on all of you twice. 

FIRST CHECK IN :  21 JANUARY.  A key moment must have already been decided between the writer and the artist. The sooner, the better, but this is the last day to decide that. 

SECONDE CHECK IN : 4 FEBRUARY. Half of the art and the writing should be completed. 

it’s okay to be late as long your respect the main deadline. Please contact me asap if you can’t do this event anymore ! 

DEADLINE : 13-16 february

PLEASE TAG YOUR WORK AS #billdipvalentineday

I will reblog everything anyway ☺️

SUGGESTIONS OR QUESTIONS

If you guys have any suggestions, or even questions please go ahead ! I don't bite, and I know it's poor organisation here, I got the idea not too long ago and now it's too late to do it perfectly sooo.. GO WILD.

[lacharcutiere]

falling so soft [sawamura daichi]

1k words

previous | masterlist | next ➪

part two of i’m gone i’m gone i’m gone miniseries. time zones suck. being too busy to facetime sucks. not getting to have him as your new years kiss sucks. distractions… actually, those might be okay. but that’s to be determined.

^ if u got the ronny cheng reference lol i love u 👽 anyway, i did not plan that last bit out but,, THE PLOT THICKENS hehehe:)) also oops for having this up 2 hours late lol i totally forgot to queue it

JST: japanese standard time (GMT +9). EST: eastern standard time (GMT -5). EDT: eastern daylight time (GMT -4). man i hate daylight savings time why do we have to switch between the two, hopefully no one notices if i fucked up the math but if u do pls just ignore it <3

tings // fluff, lil bit of soft angst // i swear this søng is abøut eating øut my best friend’s pussy - cøzybøy // dm, ask or comment to be added to the taglist ! minors dni.

☾𓆙𓂻

— MOVE-IN DAY: 29 AUGUST 2021. 08:14 EDT.

your roommate is a talkative, ever-energetic, pretty half-russian girl named alya. she's from new jersey, you learn, just across the river. the two of you are a good match in energy, and she's easy to talk to. you'd chatted a couple times before over instagram, and the tiny bit of japanese she knew combined with your functional knowledge of english has made for conversations that flow easily from subject to subject.

you tell her about daichi, show her pictures of the two of you together from graduation, the summer—whatever you can find. she immediately loves the two of you together, excitement seeming ready to bubble over at how cute you must be, and you need to remind her over and over that you're just friends with him for now.

— 16 NOVEMBER, 2021. 10:23 EST.

according to the new york natives, this year's first snowfall is early. usually, alya tells you, it doesn't snow before thanksgiving.

— CHRISTMAS CARDS, DECEMBER 2021

from daichi (written 16th december, received 22nd december. opened on christmas day, 00:03 eastern standard time.)

from you (written 12th december, received 18th december. opened as soon as it arrived, 17:14 japan standard time.)

— 18TH DECEMBER, 2021. 23:03 JST, 09:03 EST.

you wake up to your phone buzzing on your bedside table, rubbing your face groggily as you fumble for it and see who it is.

“of course you’re still my favorite,” is the first thing he says as soon as you accept the call. and then, “oh shit, did i wake you up? i’m so sorry—“

you cut him off with a sleepy laugh, assuring him that no, it’s okay, for him you don’t mind.

"d'you get the card yet?" he sounds so excited, almost childlike; it's adorable, and you can't help but laugh some more.

"i did," you say, "but i'm saving it. i'm gonna open it on christmas."

he snorts. "i say open it now. i opened yours as soon as i saw it."

"yeah, but i'm talking to you now, i wanna save it so i have new things to hear from you even if you can't call."

"who says i won't call?"

"no one, but just in case."

— CHRISTMAS DAY 2021. 00:12 EST, 14:12 JST.

daichi's about to second guess calling you when he remembers you never go to bed early if you can help it, and especially not while you're off school. and, speak of the devil, his phone rings right then.

"hey." it's dim in your room, but he can hear the smile in your voice and that's all he needs.

"hey."

"i opened your card."

"did you, now?"

"mhm." you must be in bed; he can hear you nuzzling down into a downy comforter and yawning. it's adorable. "i miss you."

"i miss you, too."

there's silence on your end of the line for a while, save for breathing and blankets shifting around, and daichi takes it as his cue. "get some sleep," he tells you, "i can call you again tomorrow."

he hears you sigh—such a pretty sound—and then you speak again, barely above a whisper. "daichi?"

"hm?"

"can you just... stay on for a bit? just, like, until i'm asleep?"

and he laughs a little, but (unbeknownst to you, passed out within the next few minutes) he doesn't hang up for another hour.

— NEW YEAR’S EVE 2022. 23:58 JST, 09:58 EST.

he calls you just in time for the beginning of the new year (at least, where he is). it’s funny, you point out, how for thirteen hours you’ll be living in two different years. time zones are a bitch.

— 23:55 EST, 13:55 JST.

“welcome to 2022,” he says with a laugh when he picks up the phone. “‘s been pretty uneventful so far.”

— 16 FEBRUARY 2022. 09:55 EST.

a guy in your calc class comes up to you after a lecture and asks you if you’re single.

he’s not unattractive, and he’s smart. you’ve chatted a couple times and he’s always been easy to talk to. he’s funny, and he’s an international student from japan, too. you don’t know what to say at first; you wonder what daichi would want you to say. but you remember, you’re just friends for now.

you tell tōru yes.

— 11:03 EST, 01:03 JST.

feeling unbelievably guilty as you wait for your phone to ring while sitting on a bench outside the dining hall, you wonder what you're even supposed to tell him. that there's someone else? that you want to try seeing other people? how can you soften the blow without sounding like you're trying to make excuses for yourself? and it's not like your heart isn't still set on him and him only, but how can you possibly convince daichi of that?

so you're incredibly surprised to find out that daichi almost... doesn't mind. you don't miss the way his voice tenses up a little after you tell him, but you know that whatever he says, he's always honest with you. he even almost laughs at you for how stressed you seem.

"friends, remember? 's okay. it doesn't mean you can't see other people, just that we can tell each other whatever. and that i'll support you."

"you're not jealous?"

he pauses for a second, thinking, before saying, "i mean, honestly? i am, i guess." he stops again and you don't say anything, almost afraid. "but whatever we are, if you're happy, then it's okay. and tōru's a good guy." he huffs a short laugh. "if he were a shitty person, that'd be a very different story."

that's another surprise to you; apparently he and tōru were at least somewhat acquainted with one another. volleyball, daichi tells you.

small world.

☾𓆙𓂻

when you finally end the call, realizing how late it is in japan and that he must be needing to go to bed, you can't tell whether you feel less guilty knowing that he doesn't think you're in the wrong, or more guilty knowing that he's willing to sacrifice his wants for yours.

taglist: @sakruisin-thru @softetsurou @oligbia

#haikyuu!! #haikyū!! #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu series #sawamura daichi #daichi x reader angst #daichi x reader fluff #daichi sawamura #daichi x reader #i’m gone i’m gone i’m gone #OH SHIT???? #THE PLOT THICKENS >:)))) #ignore this tag but #t*ru o**k*a

[shannendoherty-fans]

TV Guide, February 13, 1988

No Sassing Grandpa!

Our House's Shannen Doherty, 16, is concerned about her character's behaviour–and its impact on viewers.

By Helen Newton.

Shannen Doherty hunches over her high-school algebra textbook, reluctantly penciling problems in her least-favorite subject. Her teacher hovers over her. The two are alone in a small, dingy trailer that, despite a tacked-up poster and a forlorn bit of artwork, lloks nothing like school. This is the location classroom for NBC's Our House, whose three child stars (Shannen, 16, Chad Allen, 13, and Keri Houlihan, 12) are legally bound to squeeze three hours of daily lessons between scenes.

"It must be difficult," comments a visitor to the teacher, "going to school like this, all alone,no friends, no football games . . . ."

"Are you kidding?" interrupts the teacher. "They love it. What kid in his right mind wouldn't trade six hours in school day after day for this?" She gestures broadly at the controlledhubbub that fills the city park around her.

Just then an assistant director knocks on the door. "Time to get ready, hannen," he calls, and the actress, saved from solving for "x," bounces happily down the steps of the schoolroom, up the steps of her dressing room and into a costumer's impossibly conservative version of a punker's get-up.

Shannen's character, Kris Witherspoon, normally tends toward preppier attire–she does have her heart set on attending the Air Force Academy–but in this episode, she's trying to teach her crusty grandfather, Gus (played by Wilford Brimley), not to judge people ony by appearance. In Our House, one resident or another learns something uplifting every week.

"With our audience [young teens and families], I think we have a responsibility to set good examples," Shannen says earnestly. "There are drugs and so many other things that kids can get into trouble with that Ithink, if we can help, we should." But then good examples seem to come as naturally to Shannen as they do to Kris. Earlier this season, for example, she confronted a script that had Kris casually mentioning condoms. "It wasn't important to the plot. It was just a casual thing," says Shannen, her cheeks hinting at a blush. "I was uncomfortable with it and I thought Kris would be too, so I asked if they would take it out." They did. And Shannen tells of a scene in the episode being shot today that called for her to scream angrily at her grandfather. "I don't think Kris would sass her grandfather. She's let him know she was angry, but she'd be more respectful." Out came the sass.

Shannen doesn't believe in sassing her mother either, though she has ample opportunity: Rosa Doherty is with Shannen every day, all day, beginning with the hour's drive from their San Fernando Valley home. California law requires the presence of a parent or guardian until a child actor reaches 16, but Shannen, who will turn 17 in April, has asked her mother to stay on for at least another two years.

They're close, these two. "My mom's my friend," says Shannen unaffectedly, and you believe her. The two share a lot–beyond a mutual enthusiasm for Laura Ashley wallpaper, animals and their Baptist church, there's obviously their dedication to Shannen's career.

Rosa watches over Shannen carefully–what ordinary mother can confer with her child's teacher several times a day?–and she adamantly opposes allowing her daughter to work longer than the 10 1/2 hours required daily. But when Shannen is busy, Rosa finds plenty to occupy herself. Everyone on the set knows her: she joshes with the costumer, the hairdresser, the other children's mothers. She lays plans with Shannen's publicist and manager. And she readies Shannen's fan mail so Shannen can answe ir. ("A lot of kids ask me for advice," Shannen says. "Kris is so together that naturally she'd know what to do. Meanwhile, I look at the mail and think, 'Oh, no, what do I say?´")

But Shannen does know what to say–like the time two years ago at the beginning of ninth grade when she announced to her mother that she wanted to go to school like a regular kid. "It was the beginning of high school, and I wanted to get situated," she says. One semester was enough, however. "There are plenty of kids around work for me to be friends with," she says, when asked whether she misses the social experiences of high school. "There are Chad and Keri, and on the Lorimar lot there are the kids from Valerie's Family. And I met my boy friend"–she says this slihtly shyly, as if unaccustomed to the term–"on the set of Max Headroom." (Since then, Shannen has decided to attend school in her senior year. She plans to fit her TV work around her academic schedule.)

The next week, the next episode, the next location–this time 40 miles north of Los Angeles on the woodsy shores of a lake. It's lunch time; long tables are set up above the lake and Keri trails Shannen around and between them as they play with the two assistant directors' walkie-talkies. Shannen's handle in this game is "Sugarplum," a nickname some of the truckers who worked for her grandfather in Memphis called her when she was little. The assistant directors look benignly, almost paternally, on.

"We feel lucky," says Rosa. "This show is like family. The crew is great. And Wilford really cares about people." Although Brimley refused to talk about his young colleague, citing a dislike of publicity, Shannen and Rosa say the show's star is generous in other ways. They've been guests at his Utah ranch. Shannen, sharing Brimley's interest in horses, bought one from him two years ago, though she's since sold it back to him. "It was a quarter horse,and I'm more interested in Thorough-breds," she says. And Brimley takes a deep interest in the health of Shannen's father, Tom, who, like Brimley, is a diabetic.

The week before, at the city-park location, Tom had shown up, clearly almost as at home on the set as Rosa. "Everyone loves my dad," says Shannen. "He likes to cook, and sometimes he brings food for the crew."

Belying his hearty appearance now, Tom Doherty suffered a stroke in 1983. Although Tom says it was the best thing that ever happened to him because it forced him to slow down, Rosa says, "It was very hard on the famiy, but we got through it as a family. the children came to occupational theraphy with us so they could understand and support the process." Shannen adds, "I used to draw him a picture every day and hang them all around. It cheered him up. It was pretty scary, seeing him not able to do a child's sorting game." Now almost completely recovered, Tom says, "I have an easy job that allows me to do things like stop by the set occasionally and spend more time with our son, Sean." Sean, 20, is ambitious, too,but his area is politics. A conservative, he's actively involved in his local Youth Republicans group. In 1986, he was elected a GOP official in Los Angeles. "Our son needs attention, too," Tom says, 2and sometimes his mother doesn't have time."

Rosa's timefirst became a rare commodity when Shannen was 10 years old. Over her mother's initial objections, Shannen became active in a children's theater company, where she was spotted by an agent. He arranged an autition for the role of Drucilla Shannon in Father Murphy. "It was like fate, because I have this lucky doll named Drucilla and my name is Shannen and I was determined to work with Michael Landon [creator of Father Murphy]," Shannen recalls. Drucilla the doll went along on the audition, though she stayed in the car, and sure enough, Shannen got the part. She also won the continuing interest of Michael Landon, who cast her in Little House: A New Beginning and in an epiode of Highway to Heaven.

"I'd like to work with her again sometime if she's available," comments Landon. "She's got a good head on her shoulders. She's very conscientious and determined." Those qualities were, in fact, what drew him to her when Shannen was a 10-year-old. "Even then you could see that she treated this as a business. She really wanted the job for herself. It was not a case of a parent wanting a show-business career fora child, which is often the case. I'm very proud of her."

William Blinn, co-executive producer of Our House, echoes Landon's thoughts. "Shannen is like her character. She's a very dedicated kid." With the show now in its second season, Blinn hopes the work will continue to be there for her. Our House has the unenviable task of taking on CBS's warhorse 60 Minutes. "It's counter-programming to the max," says Blinn of his show's effort to attract a young audience. And so, while the ratings have not been spectacular (the highest so far this season was 14.5), Blinn says NBC is pleased to be a solid second in its time period.

Whether the show has a long run or not, Shannen intends to. Like Kris, she has goals in mind, and if co-star Deidre Hall (Shannen's TV mom, Jessie) is right, "she'll get anything she sets her mind on." With her manager and her mother, she's looking into various film and TV projects. "I plan to get into feature films and eventually to direct," Shannen says confidently.

A visitor asks her what sort of actress she sees herself becoming in the future–the next Ally Sheedy, perhaps, or Molly Ringwald?

"The next Shannen Doherty! I'm one of a kind," she declares boldly, then lapses into a self-conscious giggle. "Really," she says, more seriously, "the person I try to model myself on is Katharine Hepburn. She's really into her work."

But before stardom, there's college. A California university makes the most sense if she wants to work at the same time, Shannen says, but there's still something about the sound of Harvard, Princeton or Yale. . . .

"Really?" says her teacher later. "That's ambitious. She'd better get to work on that math."

#1988 #Shannen Doherty #1988 TV Guide #news #1988 article #TV Guide Feb13 1988 #gene trindl #1987 photoshots #1987 gene trindl #1980s #1988 acting career #Our House #1980s acting career #1980s article #1980s Shannen Doherty #1980s TV Guide #1988 Shannen Doherty #1980s quotes #1988 quotes #quotes #Rosa Doherty #Tom Doherty #Michael Landon

[ivory-sunflower]

✨Peter 'The Heater' Clarke✨

Hello!

I'm going to start by apologising for disappearing for 2 months, life has been very busy as of late but I am back! There's a few posts I want to make but I thought I'd start with something fun.

If you've seen a few of my other posts, you'll probably have seen me talking about a musician called Conchúr White, a few months ago he started a podcast, called Liquid Chords, with Dead Rabbit Whiskey (highly recommend, it's a great if you're into your music, particularly Irish musicians). In January they introduced a new co-host/character to the mix: Peter 'The Heater' Clarke, a slightly off-putting but incredibly loveable "Australian" man with a diabetic pet fish. Being a podcast, it was all auditory so I decided to bring Peter the Heater to life, and here we are!

This was the first one I made and it went down very well with Conchúr and Dead Rabbit! They loved it! If you're wondering why "Conchúr" is written as "Con-chur" it is because Peter will not pronounce it right. I had no idea at that point who was playing Peter the Heater on the podcast so I made him up, I thought the outfit was funny and that's why I went with it. After I posted it Conchúr told me who was playing the character and considering I designed the character blindly I got REMARKABLY close to the actual fella, the only difference being that drawing has slightly darker hair.

Peter the Heater joined Instagram in February and he uses that drawing as his profile picture <3

To welcome Peter the Heater (yes, I will continue to use his full title) to Instagram I drew up another picture of him having the time of his life in a tree. That drawing is the only one where Peter's outfit changes and that is because the shirt is meant to reflect the Instagram logo colours, no one seemed to pick up on that though...

The next one came after Episode 16 of Liquid Chords was released and in that they had added special Peter the Heater segments where he was taking part in therapy sessions with Conchúr (an actual qualified therapist). I added Peter's diabetic fish in for emotional support.

The therapy sessions continued and it was revealed that Peter wanted to be part of Liquid Chords to get a girlfriend and in this drawing he put his own Lonely Hearts advert on The Financial Times... He is also very insistent that he is the star of Liquid Chords and that it is, in fact, Conchúr who is the annoyance; I beg to differ, it is quite clear that the fish (whom they refuse to name despite me asking many times) is the star of the show!

The next came from another therapy session where they tried some meditation. As you can see from all the drawings, Conchúr is having such a GREAT time with Peter around but I think secretly he loves having him around.

Bringing the little saga to a close (for now) was the season finale of Liquid Chords this week and I absolutely love this drawing, it's probably my favourite of the lot. I'm going to really miss the podcast to be honest and I really hope we get a second season. I'm not sure if I'll do anymore drawings while there's no new episodes going out. I have ideas for some but I'm not sure if I'll follow through with them. With Peter the Heater having Instagram I'm assuming the character will carry on for at least a bit so maybe I will do a couple more.

I've had a lot of fun doing the drawings and everyone involved has enjoyed them, I'm sure my other Instagram followers are a bit mystified but ay well. I'm just glad that they have been enjoyed and they didn't find it weird that I was making them, but they could at least name the fish! Until they do, I'm giving him the honorary name of Kevin.

~ Love Ginger xx

19/03/2021

#art ✨ #personal ✨ #conchúr white #Peter the Heater #Peter the Heater Clarke #Liquid Chords #Conchur White #Uly #Jealous of the Birds #The Bonnevilles #Thumper #Problem Patterns #Dirty Faces #Hazey Haze #Travi the Native #Eve Belle #Silences #Silences Music #Silences Band #Ciaran Lavery #Joshua Burnside #Gemma Bradley #Wyvern Lingo #Tommy Reilly #Tors #Tebi Rex #Nealo #CATALAN! #The Love Buzz #Ryan McMullan

[almasexya]

Carnivorous Plants and the Things I Know About Them

I've been kicking around the idea of making a post like this and I figured it was of enough general interest to folks on Tumblr to go for it.

So

One of the things I do is grow carnivorous plants, like these

From top left to bottom right we have a Venus Flytrap, a North American Pitcher Plant, a Sundew, and a Butterwort. All of these are pictures I've taken of plants during the growing season.

Now if you look at these weird looking plants you probably wouldn't expect them to be native to North America, but they are. You can find pitcher plants all over the southeast up to the northeast into Canada, flytraps in the Carolinas, and butterworts and sundews all over the continent.

These plants are a lot of fun and easy to grow once you understand their requirements, but before we get into that, I want to take a moment and explain how they came to be in the first place.

To keep it short, carnivorous plants are carnivorous because they grow in soils that are lacking in the nutrients plants need to put out new growth. Because of this, they evolved to find their nutrients a different way - by luring, trapping, and digesting insects. While these plants still photosynthesize, they supplement this with the nutrients they absorb from insects.

Now that we've got that out of the way, I'm going to go into the basics of growing them, point by point. A short disclaimer - I'm specifically talking about temperate North American plants, since they're what I have experience growing. I can provide basic info on how to take care of tropical plants like the southeast asian pitcher plants, but as of this post I don't have experience with them yet.

Soil: For carnivorous plants, a good soil mixture is a must. These plants grow in nutrient-poor marshes, and the soil they call home is constantly wet. The main ingredient in basically any carnivorous plant soil mix is sphagnum peat moss, which is slightly acidic. The second part of the mixture is often perlite or horticultural sand. Some nurseries use a mix of equal parts peat and perlite while others use 80% peat and 20% perlite, but I've had success with both. The most important thing to ensure is that your soil doesn't have any fertilizer added to it. Because carnivores grow in low nutrient soil, any kind of medium that contains fertilizer can actually kill them.

Water: The other vitally important part of the equation (and the one that kills lots of plants when incorrectly applied) is water. Generally, unless your tap water is soft, water carnivores with distilled or reverse osmosis water. The minerals in tap water or even bottled drinking water can eventually build up and kill your plant in the same way fertilized soil does. Carnivores love waterlogged soil, and some even get flooded in nature. To approximate this, set your plant in a tray of water no more than an inch or two high. This ensures your soil stays wet without having to constantly water it.

Containers: Plastic pots are your friend. Avoid terra cotta clay pots, since they can leech minerals into the soil and also tend to dry out your substrate faster. Glazed clay containers can also work. If you're using the tray system, make sure to buy pots with drainage holes, so the water can get in. Also, a trick that lets the water in but keeps the soil from escaping is to line the bottom of the pot with long-fibered sphagnum moss. If you go with an undrained container, make sure to keep the soil wet at all times, but allow some of the water to evaporate in order to keep the water table fluctuating.

Sunlight: Since carnivores evolved their leaves to catch insects, they're pretty poor at photosynthesis. As a result, these plants love sun - the more the better. Many a store bought flytrap has perished as a houseplant due to lack of sun, so if you can, put these plants outside, in the sunniest spot you can. Generally, it's good to give most carnivores around 6 hours of sunlight per day. Many can get by with 4, but they don't often thrive with that amount of light.

Dormancy: Plants that grow in temperate or warm temperate climates tend to buckle down and hibernate during the late fall and winter months, conserving energy until spring. Generally speaking, the large traps die off, or in some cases the plant dies down to the roots, or forms a small bud that rests on the ground. Plants grown outside respond to colder temperatures and shorter photoperiods, while plants grown inside usually need some help. If you're growing your plants on a windowsill or in a terrarium, move them somewhere cold or cut down on their heating, and also diminish the amount of daily light they receive. You can also slow down on watering, though they still need some water to get by.

Temperature: Temperate and warm temperate carnivores can tolerate a wide range of temperatures, despite what you might think. My pots survived the freak snowstorm the Pacific Northwest got this February without a single dead plant. Most species can tolerate temperatures up to 100 degrees Fahrenheit and down to 20 degrees, though not for prolonged periods of time. If you see long spells of hot or cold weather coming, try and move your plants to a protected area until they pass.

Feeding and Fertilizing: Now I know what you're thinking. Fertilizer? He just told us that stuff was death! And it often is, but there are ways to fertilize your plants. Generally, a fertilizer made for acid-loving plants can be diluted and applied to the leaves during the growing season. I use Maxsea 16-16-16 on plants that are too young to easily catch prey (diluted down to a half teaspoon per gallon) and haven't had issues. Try not to spray the soil unless you frequently water your plants from overhead, as the dreaded mineral buildup can still occur. That said, if your plants are outside, they'll fertilize themselves. You can also "feed" your plants insects using tongs - keep in mind that some plants require their prey to be alive in order to secrete digestive enzymes. I'll get into prey in more detail in other posts about specific types of plants.

Flowering and Propagation: For a lot of carnivorous plants, flowering is an exhausting effort that tends to deplete the energy they would use creating traps. As a general rule, if you're not interested in seed, clip the flower stalks off. Many plants can be propagated through leaf or root cuttings, which produce genetically identical plants. Some plants also clump and form their own divisions over time, meaning all you need to do to get more is wait for a year or so, depending on the age of the plant.

Pests: Carnivores can be targeted by various pests. For insecticides, I've seen neem oil recommended, as its generally less harmful to the plant and the environment. I haven't had to make much use of these yet, so my information on insecticides is a bit of a blind spot. Generally, try and stay away from soap insecticides and aerosols, and stick to less concentrated varieties. If you're dealing with squirrels or rodents digging up your plants, I found a generous sprinkling of cayenne pepper around the plants works wonders, and does no harm to the plants.

This is a basic rundown of carnivorous plants and how to take care of some of them. I must stress there's a ton of information out there - this post is geared more towards starter plants that are fairly forgiving and simple to grow.

So why grow carnivorous plants when you can just go out and buy some petunias?

They're active: Carnivores are showy, unique plants that can move on their own through some incredibly unique and complex evolutions. Watching a Venus Flytrap snap shut or a Sundew curl around an insect is a truly special thing to see.

They're a conversation piece: The relative rarity of carnivores in cultivation means the average person doesn't know much about them, despite maybe having heard of a Venus Flytrap before. A 12" pot of flytraps, sundews, and pitchers is a surefire way to grab attention.

They can control certain pests: Carnivorous plants can act as natural pest controllers. North American Pitcher Plants gorge themselves on flies and wasps, and considering some pitchers can grow over two feet tall, they can hold plenty of them. Sundews and butterworts specialize in catching smaller prey, such as fungus gnats, fruit flies, and even fleas. These plants can work as limited, natural pest controllers, though they won't eradicate a yellow jacket nest for you.

They're endangered in the wild: The wet, marshy habitats carnivores call home are rapidly dwindling due to improper land management and development. Some are nearly extinct in their home ranges, kept going through dedicated nurseries and attempts to naturalize them in other locations. By caring for carnivorous plants, you're raising awareness of these unique, underappreciated organisms and aiding in their conservation by keeping them alive.

Phew, I realize this was a lot, but I hope it was a fun read! Let me know what you think about carnivorous plants, or if you have any questions about them. I'm going to try and go into more detail on specific plants later, but for now, I wanted to bang out the basics.

If you're looking for more information, Flytrapcare.com is a great forum, and the r/savagegarden subreddit is very helpful as well. For books on the subject, the Savage Garden by Peter D'Amato is the go to source. Nurseries I've used and can vouch for are Sarracenia Northwest (located in Oregon) and California Carnivores (located in California).

#carnivorous plants #plantblr #my plants

[jdiep95]

Mariah Carey: Top 10 Most Iconic Songs

To celebrate the holiday season, which has really become the season of Mariah Carey this year, and “#All I Want For Christmas Is You” finally becoming a #1 single, I am sharing with you my “Top” lists of MC songs every Monday and Tuesday up until the 25th. For example, we’re going to start things off with the Top 10 Most Iconic Mariah Carey songs; on Tuesday, we’ll look at remixes. All songs mentioned these lists can be found on streaming services (e.g. Spotify and Apple Music). That means deep, deep cuts like “Slipping Away” off the B-side of the “Always Be My Baby” single, and “Help Me Make It (Through the Night)”, Mariah’s cover of a country song, which aren’t available, aren’t included. Unfortunately, that also means the entire Glitter soundtrack will not be mentioned as it is not yet available for streaming. #JusticeForGlitter #Loverboy2020 Let's make Loverboy MC's 20th #1 in 2020!!

To explore the most iconic MC songs, we have to look at streaming numbers (based on Spotify data, accurate as of Dec. 2019), MV views (based on YouTube data, accurate as of Dec. 2019), appearances on concert set lists, but also it’s prevalence outside of the Mariah fan base. “Butterfly” is an iconic ballad within the fan base, but pales compared to another empowering song like “Hero”, which non-MC fans most likely know even if they hate Mariah.

Is the list TL;DR? No worries. I compiled each list into a respective playlist, starting from No. 10 and ending at No. 1, so you get to listen to the Most Iconic MC songs while on the go.

https://open.spotify.com/user/jdiep95/playlist/1T0OU0p1cjR82LV1XX7f7j?si=AT9_aL0kSgmxySvIasZjsw

10. “My All” Butterfly

No. of streams: 37 182 150

MV views: 142M

“My All” makes its way into almost all of MC’s concert set lists since its release in 1997, appearing most recently in Mariah’s Caution World Tour. In this way, it gathers a lot more exposure than some of her other #1’s, such as “Dreamlover” or “Honey”. Despite its relatively low number of streams compared to other songs on this list, the number of views for the main music video is actually placed sixth on this list, and for good reason. The MV for “My All” is arguably the most artistic of MC’s catalogue, if not at least the steamiest. The video is in black-and-white, and features Mariah Carey floating on water with cutscenes of some hot model. The song appeals to a more specific audience, mainly adults, but the incorporation of Latin guitars will evoke a certain headiness seen only in a handful of Mariah songs.

9. “Vision of Love” Mariah Carey

No. of streams: 25 938 743

MV views: 25M + 2.6M*

*Includes a live version from the Daydream World Tour released on Mariah Carey’s official Vevo channel

This may be confusing; overall, “Vision of Love” received the least views and least streams of any of the songs listed here. Why is it not last on the list? Unlike “My All”, this song is one for the entire family. Don’t believe me? Many popular artists of the 2000s cited this song as their inspiration, including the great Beyoncé. Besides the complex runs, which becomes more complex in the live version, “Vision of Love” is a peer into Mariah’s vocal range, from her lows (E♭3) to a signature whistle note (C7), and a blend of genres, including pop, R&B and gospel. Even if it spawned a generation of over-singing vocalists, this was MC’s debut, a tour de force that inspired a new generation of singers. And thanks to its prevalence in Mariah’s concert set lists, it could very well even be inspiring this new generation.

8. “Fantasy” Daydream

No. of streams: 85 048 626 + 24 904 151*

MV views: 58M + 11M*

*Includes the “Bad Boy Fantasy Remix” featuring O.D.B.

“Fantasy” is a bop, and arguably the song that pushed Mariah to super stardom. Despite being nominated in six categories and controversially winning nothing on the night of the 38th Grammy Awards, Daydream cemented MC’s status in the music industry. “Fantasy” was the album’s leading track, and it became the first ever single by a female artist to debut #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart. It stayed there eight consecutive weeks. If the pop version isn’t iconic enough, with the music video featuring Mariah riding on a roller coaster, the remix with O.D.B. is arguably just as famous, if not more so. The “Bad Boy Fantasy Remix” introduced the featured rapper formula into mainstream music, a formula that’s practically standard in the industry nowadays.

7. “Always Be My Baby” Daydream

No. of streams: 148 422 869

MV views: 162M

Yet, the numbers for "Fantasy" cannot compete with this song. A reason for this is perhaps a lack of airplay; “Fantasy” is danceable but there’s no hook.“Always Be My Baby” was the third single off the Daydream album. After breaking records with “Fantasy”, by debuting at #1, and “One Sweet Day”, for logging 16 weeks at #1, “Always Be My Baby” debuted at #2 and logged only 2 weeks at #1; however, the stats show how age has affected the song’s popularity with the MV views for “Always Be My Baby” doubling those of “Fantasy”. “Fantasy” takes more of a backseat in Mariah’s concert set lists. “One Sweet Day” almost faded into obscurity before it made a resurgence this decade when songs like “Despacito” and “Old Town Road” rivalled its chart records; it’s also made a reappearance on set lists. All of this is to illustrate that “Always Be My Baby” has always been a staple, a favourite amongst fans and the general listeners. The song has many great Mariah moments, but what really latches on and sets the ground for “Always Be My Baby” to play on is the opening “Doo doo doo”. This song does what “Fantasy” didn’t do, and that’s creating a feeling. The song and the music video is a perfect pairing. You listen to the song, and you are reminded of sitting by a firepit, reminiscing about a significant first love that’s no longer, the exact imagery that’s been replicated by the MV; this is probably why it has so many views.

6. “Touch My Body” E=MC²

No. of streams: 64 797 196

MV views: 185M

“Touch My Body” is Mariah’s second-most recent #1 single of her 19 chart-toppers, and the leading single to the 2008 album E=MC². Although its release was in the middle of February, the song really transports you to an eternal summer. The song received its fair share of critiques, including more than a couple that said “Touch My Body” lacks Mariah’s 5-octave range; nonetheless, if MC’s previous album, The Emancipation of Mimi, was MC’s comeback, this single solidified her status as 'the diva' with a new decade of listeners. It’ll be wrong to think, however, that Mariah wasn’t in on all the fun as well, and this is why the MV has its views. The music video is a fantasy sequence of Mariah flirting with Jack McBrayer in a mansion. After her comeback, this was Mariah’s way of going back to doing something that defied the critic’s expectations. With The Emancipation of Mimi, she proved that she still got it — the range, the ability to write hits, the star power; "Touch My Body” brings back the Mariah we have come to love in the past decade — the extravagance, the luxury, the seeming aloofness. For a moment, “Touch My Body” captures MC having fun, and the simple structure of this song reflects that.

5. “Obsessed” Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel

No. of streams: 82 625 131

MV views: 127M + 15M*

*Includes the remix featuring Gucci Mane

“Obsessed” gained new life this year, ten years after its initial release in 2009, with the #Obsessed challenge on TikTok. Teens were creating choreography for this song, and simultaneously propelling Mariah to becoming Queen of Memes, one of MC’s many titles. The opening to “Obsessed” breathes new life into a line borrowed from one of Mariah’s favourite movies, Mean Girls, “Why are you so obsessed with me?” This line, along with “I don’t know her”, has its place in meme culture. Besides its relevance to a new generation, its iconicity can also be contributed to the fact that it's a high profile diss track that attacks Eminem’s harassment, but it’s pop, not rap. Its conception introduced a new generation of pop artists to using their tracks as a way to call-out others. “Obsessed” resurfaces perennially when Eminem decides that his almost-two-decade old alleged fling with MC somehow deserves another mention. Maybe she’s the best thing to have happened to Eminem? Lyrically, “Obsessed” is one of Mariah’s sharpest, with her directly calling out Eminem’s desire to make something out of nothing; see: “you hatin' hard/Ain’t goin' feed you, I'm a let you starve/Graspin’ for air, and I'm ventilation/You out of breath, hope you ain't waitin’.”

4. “We Belong Together” The Emancipation of Mimi

No. of streams: 210 251 706

MV views: 399M

“We Belong Together” is Mariah’s comeback track. Regardless of whether she knew this song would make it big when she was writing it, this song would live on in the history books as the song that told skeptics that Mariah ain’t going anywhere. “We Belong Together” is very stripped down — it’s Mariah singing on top of a piano and a beat, then Mariah singing on top of herself in the chorus. For a song about unrequited love, which Mariah usually packages as being more upbeat than it should be (see: “Always Be My Baby” or “All I Want For Christmas Is You”), “We Belong Together” is incredibly visceral. It’s a sad song and it shows, and somehow Mariah communicates the frustration and swirling of emotions so well that you might even tear up by the end when she holds that fifteen-second note. The other unique thing about this song is that she sings the lyrics as if it’s a rap, very reminiscent of her earlier hip-hop inspired tracks like “Breakdown” ft. Bone Thugs-n-Harmony, an overlooked fan favourite. Try singing it without ever practising, and you’ll find that MC placed words in a very specific rhythm. This song also introduced the ‘Mariah-ballad structure’, a formula that she continues to follow for many of her ballads: It consists of an absent bridge with a belted last chorus that takes its place. And as for the MV, Mariah elopes with a lover in a car while wearing the same Vera Wang wedding dress she wore at her real-life marriage is as iconic as it gets.

3. “Emotions” Emotions

No. of streams: 41 251 987

MV views: 32M + 2.7M* + 9.9M**

*Includes the Club Remix

**Includes the MTV Unplugged live version, and the 1993 Here is Mariah Carey live version

There’s a reason “We Belong Together” didn’t crack the Top 3: It’s strictly a song about unrequited love. Mariah, alone, has quite a few of those in her catalogue. And there’s only oh-so-many occasions in which to bring back this song unless it’s already part of your daily repertoire. If Minnie Riperton’s “Lovin’ You” takes first place for the most iconic use of whistle notes in a pop song, “Emotions” no doubt takes second; however “Emotions” has to take first for inspiring every pop singer and their grandmas to use whistle notes, from Christina Aguilera and Leona Lewis to Ariana Grande and Tori Kelly. Yes, “Emotions” is a love song, similar to “We Belong Together”, but it’s also a learning tool for many aspiring pop and R&B singers — this song is a resource. It’s like learning music theory and referring back to Mozart and Beethoven. “Emotions” contains those whistle notes, all the up to an E7, but it also contains low notes (several C3s), high belts (F5s and G5s), head notes (the “You” in G5), repetitive phrasing from C5 - E5, a couple of sustained E5 belts, and melismas. In the live versions, you really get to observe MC’s stamina as we goes through the song with ease. And if you compile all of the live versions of “Emotions”, Mariah demonstrates five full octaves from B2 to B7. Simply put, “Emotions” is an encyclopedia of vocal virtuosity for rising and seasoned singers.

2. “Hero” Music Box

No. of streams: 99 556 980

MV views: 236M + 5.7M*

*Includes a live version from the Daydream World Tour

There’s a thing about “Emotions”, and it’s best if I told you through an anecdote: I played this song in a classroom once, and one of the 5-year olds asked why she [Mariah] was screaming in the song. Blasphemous, I know. Arguably though, the whistle notes are more well-known than the actual song itself. But “Hero” is one of those instances where you know the song, even though you don’t think you do. Just listen to those opening piano notes; flashes of the entire song will surely follow. Not surprisingly, this is the first ever MC song I’ve ever heard; I heard it when I was seven because we had to perform an ASL version of it, but I didn’t know it was Mariah at the time. I didn’t know until possibly a decade later when I thought back on the signs, and the lyrics “And a hero comes along” popped into mind. Obviously, this list is tinged by my own biases; however, “Hero”, this song about loving yourself, and finding that hero within yourself, is special, not only to the fan base, but to anyone who needs a pick-me-up, even if they’re not Mariah fans. It’s radio-friendly; it’s singing competition-friendly (it only goes up to an E5, a mid-belt for Mariah; for reference Idina Menzel goes up to E♭5 in “Let It Go” and “Into the Unknown”); it’s graduation-friendly; and it’s concert-friendly, considering Mariah almost always ends her concert with “Hero”. It’s a sappy song, one that Mariah initially didn’t like, but she explains that she sings it every time because you never know who might need it.

1. “All I Want For Christmas Is You” Merry Christmas

No. of streams: 595 428 506

MV views: 602M + 11M*

*Includes the alternative Black & White version, and Unreleased Video Footage version

Perhaps you can avoid unrequited love, high notes, and graduations, but in North America, can you really avoid winter? With winter comes holiday season comes Mariah Carey, Queen of Christmas comes “All I Want For Christmas Is You”. Released in 1994, this song has finally reached #1 on the Billboards Hot 100 after 25 years. MC released a handful of versions, including a re-recorded, Disney-sounding version in 2010, and another with Justin Bieber in 2011, but let’s make it clear that the version that makes a resurgence every year, and that we all hear on the radio, is none other than the original 1994 recording. The original recording which was never released as a single was not allowed to chart in ‘94, but ever since Billboard updated its rules to allow songs to re-chart in the Top 50 in 2012, “All I Want For Christmas Is You” has made a reappearance every year. It broke into the Top 10 for the first time in 2017, then the Top 5 in 2018. It’s hard to best something when it’s already so close to perfection, if not perfect. “All I Want For Christmas Is You” is such a definitive holiday-pop standard that it’s been broken down into a two-part formula. The formula finds it’s way into many of the new released Christmas songs hoping to make it big, which in some ways are their downfall because it sounds disingenuous, particularly in a season where sentimentality drives sincerity, or at least the façade of it. This two-part formula that it has inspired includes: (A) Wrapping up a unrequited love song to sound like an upbeat Christmas song; and (B) The “Wall of Sound” sound originally created by Phil Spector, which includes a underlying chorus line, a strong accompaniment, and the use of symphonic instruments. You’ll find at least one, if not both, pieces of the formula, whether it’s intentional or not, in recent holiday songs such as “Mistletoe”, “Underneath the Tree”, “One More Sleep”, “Santa Tell Me”, and even “Christmas Tree Farm”. Walter Afanasieff, the co-writer of this song, said, “Back then, you didn’t have a lot of artists with Christmas albums,” and with that he meant in the ‘80s and ‘90s, rising stars didn’t record an entire studio album's worth of Christmas songs. Whitney didn’t have one yet, Madonna didn’t have one (and still continues not to have one), Michael stopped doing them when he recorded under Epic Records in 1979; and y’alls are probably thinking of Wham!’s “Last Christmas”, but that was a single. Despite Mariah initially not wanting to do a Christmas album, and as pessimistic as this may sound, Merry Christmas has re-introduced the lucrative Christmas song business to pop singers.

We may remember this decade’s Mariah — a diva with shaky performances, but this two-dimensional image erases the gut-wrenching, tear-jerking efforts she put into the two previous decades. MC was a trailblazer, and continues to be one as you will see in the upcoming lists. To say that Mariah leans only on past achievements, and relies too heavily on titles like “Queen of Christmas” or “Queen of Memes” diminishes the fact that the upkeep of the legacy she’s built for herself requires time and hard work.

#mariah carey #all i want for christmas is you #merry christmas #song list #playlist #spotify #JusticeForGlitter #Loverboy2020