going on a heavy restriction of the use of my phone because its ruining my life and genuinely not letting me do things that i want to do consistently bc they feel too hard. i wont live my best life and evolve if i check my phone first thing in the morning if i dont let myself be in silence for the most part of the day and have my hands free if instead of journaling before sleep i go on tumblr and ruin my sleep schedule due to procrastination of that and so and so. like yeah i get things done but i dont like the pacing and the fact that even an hour of my day is being wasted on this stupid device in a mindless way i really want to put my whole attention into this ive already been asking myself a lot of the times what is it that i wanna do so ive been using my phone way less compared to previous years but i need to be more concentrated more focused and serious about it its genuinely a problem like what sense does it make to want to do something and then do it half assed and lazily. feel/think -> action -> result i will put my heart into things because its what i deserve to give to myself
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Oh, wait, wait, ok, I can tell tumblr my news now.
I was accepted into the JET Program and will be moving to Japan for one year starting in late summer to teach English. : )
I don't know how many other applicants have ever had either of my specific application 'angles'. I think they were both pretty weird, but also very, very me, and I'm pleasantly surprised that they seemed to have worked, going off both by the acceptance and the very positive and warm reactions I got during the interview I had. These were:
Science/scicomm/museum background + implying mutual interest in and love of like insects and sea life could be an avenue of intercultural connection and exchange
India and Japan have always struck me as weirdly similar in ways nobody seems to discuss, especially in both being simultaneously hurtling into modernity and deeply traditional/conservative in many ways and places
So. Is this a silly idea considering most people in this program are fresh college grads, and people my age are expected to maybe be getting more settled rather than hopping continents? Is this a scary idea, considering I'll have to uproot all my shit and go exist in a foreign country whose language I really don't know beyond miniscule smatterings? I mean, hmm, yes on both counts, but I'm very excited. On count one, I'd only get older in the future and demonstrably *don't* already have a settled life and career here to disrupt (lol), and on count two...guys, I'm so so tired of letting fear and inertia make my life decisions.
Time to pack up and store most of my shit and end my lease and. Yeah. Also I haven't actually been to India in five years and will probably try to visit my relatives there in the coming months since idk if i'd had an opportunity for a prolonged visit in the future during the one year (at least) in jp. I'll also be probably selling, trading, or giving away a lot more of my hobby shit (that was sort of an ongoing project already but since I'll be unable to use most of it for a year plus it's another reason to do so), so uh, if you've ever wished I would sell any of my dolls now might be time to commit BJD Hobby Taboo and ask me lol. And, obviously, I'll be studying more Japanese, because mine is incredibly へたくそ at the moment. So much to do. But I'm really excited. And thank you to all of y'all that have been encouraging to me about anything related to this matter <3
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procastinating at work but here's my philosophy for today: it's okay to hate a behavior in someone else but also understand that this behavior does not make them a bad person. like i HATE when i'm venting or talking about a serious problem i have and then the person i'm talking to starts trying to relate by talking about a similar experience they've had. like absolutely hate it. make me feel like the focus is being taken off me and it genuinely is in some ways, regardless of your intent. yeah, i understand that's your way of trying to comfort me -- but that's not the way i need or want to be comforted, and that's what matters in a situation where i'm coming to you to be helped.
and that's okay! like. no one is in the wrong here unless i have explicitly asked you to support me in a different way and you're intentionally refusing, or if i lash out at you when i could just disengage. it just means you're not a person i should go to for help when talking about my problems. we can still be friends, you and i can probably support each other in different ways, but we're just incompatible in this regard. and that's like....okay. it's okay to be incompatible with people.
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what do you think about the kaeya = caribert theory? i saw some people use it as an 'explanation why his skin is dark' like. oh he used to be a Monster and the skin is a remnant of it :) and it pissed me off so bad. i need to know what other people think about it
its honestly not a theory im super fond of i think its a little stupid no offense. i dont think it makes a lot of sense? to go super in depth i'd have to take another look at the caribert quest (and maybe read up on the khaenri'ah lore we have so far again) but i kinda feel like it establishes pretty firmly that kaeya couldnt be caribert. descended from that branch of the family maybe (though im more fond of the theory that kaeya is descended from the branch of alberichs that were actually being regents, something that chlothar wasnt involved in because he distanced himself from the rest of the family to look after his son) (makes sense that kaeya would know more about the alberichs being the regents in khaenri'ah than he knows about an alberich being the founder of the abyss order) (theres a post about it i reblogged it some time ago and it hasn't left my mind since) but like.. him actively being caribert? sounds.. honestly really dumb to me.. don't ask me how kaeya isnt (or at least doesn't seem to be) affected by any curse, be it monsterification or immortality, but i just feel like that isnt the explanation. the actual explanation could be related to the events in caribert though.. cant wait for them to tell us what it actually is lol. on the off chance that this fucking theory is true then ill just bite my tongue i guess but i know im right. ok now moving on to the elephant in the room. what kind of take even is thatttttt "thats why his skin is dark"what is bro talking about🔥🔥‼️ if i read that with my own two eyes id block a person SO fast. why would you say that and treat it as serious evidence and backing for your theory. thats just. racism basically. what. anyways kaeya whos half from sumeru supremacy
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