#the puberty diaries

[exilley]

Its always “utena became the vehicle for anthy’s liberation” but likewise… anthy held the keys to utena’s freedom

#exilley's diary #codeword: revolution #car puberty scene u r forever iconic

[sevicia]

Logged into Facebook and realized a girl I was "friends" with (AKA she followed me around even when I told her to stop) in elementary school had messaged me over a year after she'd changed schools and it's like "Hi [deadname]" then a month later "[DEADNAME] ANSWER GOD DANG IT!!!!" then half an hr later "[DEADNAME]" then a week later she sent me one of those chain things like "I promise we'll ALWAYS BE FRIENDS forward this to 16 friends and watch how the FAKE ONES IGNORE IT" and finally a month later "[DEADNAME] FFS". And it's crazy to me cause looking at my profile I apparently WAS still using that site semi-regularly but have 0 memory of ever seeing these.

#diary #I don't really feel any particular way abt it just like. why the urgency #oh this was like 6th or 7th grade IDK. #a lot of people back then called themselves my ''friends'' but in reality would just follow me and talk to me constantly #even when I told them to go away. treating me like a freak #literally ''adopt an introvert!! x3!!''/''all the best people are crazy O_o'' type attitude if that makes sense #like Ohhhhh I see. #You get to make fun of me for being ''crazy'' my whole childhood until we start reaching puberty and suddenly being ''edgy'' is cool. OK.

[beans-tour-diary]

Day 236

Christmas was uneventful. My mom got me a men's shower set, that was pretty funny. Other than that, I had a little talk about pronouns with her, that went well.

Since I got back I had a lot to think about. It wasn't an issue when I was gone, but now that I'm back with my partner, my desire is through the roof. It's actually annoying.

It also made me think about the possibility of being on the ace spectrum again. Sounds like the exact opposite, doesn't it? Well, I've noticed over the years how I only feel desire, even when alone, if I have a person to I'm into. When I'm single and not looking, I feel it maybe every third month. The few days at my parents' I was away from my partner who I usually live with. We also didn't text a lot. Before and after my desire was 📈, you know, how a teenage boy just is. During it was practically non existent?! So either my parents really stressed me out or my desire is very connected to other people.

In other news: I'm starting to struggle with my name.

I've been using a nickname I've had since second grade. I also use it in a chat game app I've been using a lot for reasons and it feels so wrong. Yes, it's just a short version of my dead name, but I thought it would be good. I'm so scared of getting a completely new name and having to explain it to my family. Why can't I just be comfortable with the nickname?

I really expected this all to be mentally less exhausting. Why do all these things come up when I'm already that far? Shouldn't this be something my brain thinks about way earlier?

#trans #transgender #trans man #transition #transitioning #testo #testogel #trans 🏳️‍⚧️ #hrt testosterone #trans hrt #hrt diary #hrt changes #ftm hrt #hrt #testo changes #testosterone puberty #testosterone #transition progress #transition timeline #transition update #trans name #what name fits me?? #name change #questioning #demisexual #asexual #acespec

[clonerightsagenda]

Tom Rotwell: I ended my association with my business partner because I was concerned by her building the Torment Nexus.

His dipshit descendant: I should build the Torment Nexus.

#Steve reading his granddad's(?) diary that says 'CURSED AND EVIL. DO NOT ATTEMPT': is this a business strategy? #surprised tom rotwell left that partnership alive tbh #maybe you need a blood tie for the body hopping #or ezekiel did not want to go through puberty again #lockwood and co

[firstroseofspring]

something very fun and cool and emotionally damaging i think would be b'elanna misremembering so much of her childhood and making miral out to be a certain way (partially) because of the way her father spoke about her. i dont think miral is a misunderstood saint or anything like that because clearly in pathways she overemphasizes making sure b'elanna is not weak, that she doesn't act like a coward, and tries to instill a sense of pride in b'elanna that b'elanna feels (i imagine) makes her stick out on kessik in a way she's actively trying to avoid and thats. pushing b'elanna further into herself and away from her heritage, but its really telling that the few times b'elanna speaks about her relationship with her mother (or to her directly in barge of the dead) she talks about. your klingon-ness and your insistence on me being raised like a klingon drove my father away, and '(my mother) used to drive my father and i crazy with that stuff' especially when we see in lineage john saying those kind of things directly to his brother- that miral is moody and argumentative, and b'elanna is now, too, and he can't handle living with two klingons anymore. <- suffers mother's fate.

#diary #b'elanna and miral in the barge of dead arguing about john- b'elanna saying she's the reason he left and miral saying he abandoned them. #<- b'elanna and miral both possibly misrepresenting the story and telling the truth at the same time. #he left when i was 5... i never knew why.... he left because you're too klingon.... he left because i told him to go. Etc #pathways b'elanna hurts my heart . they get to qo'nos and she is actively like. these people have no manners they're gross #they eat with their hands their teeth are ugly etc. i was shocked when she physically recoiled when her mother came too close and b'elanna #could see her teeth and she was like . disgusted i was like Yo. thats messed up #its like this i dont know weird thing for her too because later on she hits puberty and she starts - using her (perceived) sexuality #as a klingon as leverage/a tool kind of in a social situation with these two boys and its like. Woah. #its like so. because she does this in the show a bit with tom i think- using klingon passion or however she says it to her advantage and #actively trying to distance herself from it otherwise. like. OK. blows up

[fandomsareforlife]

Also before you ask, yes these are all books that I was obsessed with as a kid.

#books #polls #rick riordan #big nate #diary of a wimpy kid #mr terupt series #rainbow magic #the world according to Humphrey #also no I didn’t include any books that I didn’t read past elementary school #kids books #also fyi for the Mr terupt books #these are a bit more older kids books #like 5th/middle grade books #I read them in elementary school but they do #have a character smoking in them and mention of cancer and puberty #it’s treated respectfully but I just wanted to tell anyone who’s interested in giving these to a kid

[i-aint-even-bovvered]

Bad Puberty Diaries, Day 69 (nice)

Shout out to my roommate @moonlitdremr who is sick (possibly my fault) and still thought to knock on my door when she didn't hear me moving around at the normal time. I slept through my alarm which I never do. Because of her, I was able to get up to do my stretches, which is good, because I didn't want to miss funny number day.

#bad puberty diaries

[youareinlove]

if you ever think you're delusional, remember that when i was 13, i compared my unrequited crush who i couldn't see irl because of pandemic restrictions to a long-distance relationship

#was going through diaries today and there is so much delulu in there #also i had an entire paragraph about how i was terrified that we'd go back to school and he'd have a deep voice and/or mustache bc puberty #ah. the duality of middle school #.txtpost

[toastsnaffler]

this new sufjan album is going to fully rearrange my brain chemistry I can already feel it

#noticed the new single this morning but saved it for later cuz i didnt want to risk the psychic damage of listening to a track called- #'will anybody ever love me' right before a job interview 💀 #but damn its good. going to the local early listening party next week hehe #also just discovered film school everyone say thank u last.fm for actually generating good music recs 😳😳😳😳 #the recs i get suggested based off my listening to so much bdrmm are always >>>>>>> #bdrmm were INSANELY good live. genuinely think a lot of ppl who act disdainful of shoegaze would change their minds if they went to a gig #the richness and texture of the sound cant be summed up in an audio recording u have to be there and feel ur whole body thrum with it #its like floating in a wall of sound.. but the spotify versions sound soooo tame. not that i dont like them but its not the same #god im so fucking excited for slowdive. only a month and a half to go!!!!!! #listened to the new mitski album as well but honestly its not doing much for me rn #but usually when she releases new stuff it takes a little while to grow on me. i need to at least read the lyrics first.. #I think esp w folk inspired artists u have to let the song approach u at the right time. ive def had eras when diff mitski albums appealed #but in my heart im a retired from sad girlie. actually at the risk of sounding like a fake fan ive never been able to get into puberty 2 #or be the cowboy. i like a couple tracks but thematically theyve never spoken to me #makeout creek/laurel hell are in the middle theres a couple on them that have me by the throat. lush is my 2nd fave i think #but yeah i dont think ill ever be able to extricate myself emotionally from retired from sad that was my first breakup album!!!! #.diaries #anyway back 2 translation state..

[miffyplush]

does anyone else not really relate to "girlhood" or the "afab childhood" kind of experience? but i wouldn't call what i experienced boyhood.

#like i dont personally believe what i felt growing up was anything related to being a girl. i kind of just experienced 'girl' things + #participated in 'girly' activities. i dont think i was every fully connected to my gender as a child and even now i cant look back at it + #and associate it with girlhood. or whatever. i dont think i was even aware of my gender at all as a child unless someone mentioned it + #puberty starting made me More aware of my gender which i think is normal lol #dear diary

[ishittedmypants]

Starting a medical transition is scary

I have honestly never been more scared to talk to a doctor. I finally got my referral to an endocrinologist to start talking about HRT and possibly top surgery in the future. It’s big! It’s really big. That’s what makes it so scary though.

I have known that I’m trans since i was 12 or 13, and now im going on 19. that’s a good 6 or 7 years of knowing and not being able to do much about it since my family wasn’t very supportive of me even changing my pronouns (let alone my name or starting HRT). I am so very excited to be taken seriously and talk to a doctor about transitioning but i’m also kind of scared. I’m scared I won’t like my transition and that I’ve been wrong about myself for so many years.

I can’t let self-doubt get in the way of something I firmly believe will make me happy though. It’s just... How am I suppose to get over such a massive fear that this is the wrong choice? I’ve wanted to transition since female puberty made me feel dysphoric and unhappy to be in my own body, but what if I don’t like how things turn out you know?

#using tumblr as my diary again #is tumblr therapy? #transgender #trans #ftm hrt #fuck puberty #trans rights

[sevicia]

Was looking at the Tiktoks my friends sent to the group chat and one of them is of like a 12 yr old girl kicking & screaming on the floor while someone holds her leg & shaves it with one of those shaving machines yk the ones. it's not VIOLENT cause the kid's laughing and no one's restraining her and she's not trying to remove her leg, just kicking the other one around. and it's captioned "memories of the first time I shaved 🥰 #girlhood" and the comments are full of other girls talking about how painful it is and how they never get used to it and prefer other methods because they hurt less.

Like I cannot possibly conceive how anyone would EVER think this is normal or even MANDATORY it's insane it's fucking insane!!!!!!!

#diary #this should not be fucking happening like a 12 year old is a child BARELY reaching puberty in most cases #and she's expected to shave even though it hurts and for WHAT god I fucking hate it here!!!!!!

[beans-tour-diary]

Day 214

The face in the mirror changed ever so slightly over the last months. Somehow it arrived at a point where I don't see a "girl" anymore. Only a boy in cute pyjamas.

I still haven't done my first shave. My partner and I are both pretty sick, so we just had other stuff on our minds. I hope we can time it right, so I'll have visible stubble for the holidays at my parents' house. One of my uncles saw me two weeks ago and didn't recognise me immediately. My hopes are high for the reactions from other family members!

It seems like my whole body is going through a new wave of changes. I noticed some more sensitivity similar to the first time I noticed visible bottom growth. Just living in this body since I started hrt has been an adventure.

Like any cliché femboy I started drinking monster energy... I don't know what to do with that, but it happened.

here's my cat dealing monster 🥲

#trans #transgender #trans man #transition #transitioning #testo #testogel #trans 🏳️‍⚧️ #hrt testosterone #trans hrt #hrt diary #hrt changes #ftm hrt #hrt #trans guy #testo changes #testosterone puberty #testosterone #transition timeline #transition update #transition story #transition diary

[ndilhmx]

Please don't follow or message, try and contact these accounts that are all tagged below in photos.. all hacked due to insecurity of others. These accounts were created during teenage years most of the content doesn't make any sense at all. @yesdollxx is Hollie May's only main account! Only account that I am active on, my apologies for not updating anybody in about nine years - Haven't been on this website for years due to so much bullying inside + outside school, college to. So I chose to disappear for along time. However I am back doing better than I've ever been..

As a teenager ended up treating Tumblr kinda like a massive photography/vent/rant diary over the years. Which explains my stupidity with photos silly posts that don't make any sense. Thanks for understanding ☺️

[ @supporthollieartistward-blog @holliemaywardartist-blog @hollieeholliee-blog @theartistpeace-blog-blog ]

#hollie may #old tumblr #old accounts #old account #dont follow #tagged #tag #thanks #main account #only #thanks for understanding #thank you #photos #photo #photography #diary #teenager #teenage years #young #child #before puberty #aha #vent #rant #broken old accounts #message #please dont #in the past #nine years

[millenniallynostalgic]

I'm an idiot so It'll be my space with my own chronology

26.03.2012

Love?

And here's where it sucks. I thought that the weekend would be so busy that I wouldn't know what to put my hands into, and then they both stood me up -,- they didn't let me take them out… And on Saturday I saw a post on Sebastian's Facebook that he watched The Woman in Black… And just when I wanted to take him out to it… Rudeness… Grzesiek, on the other hand, didn't say a word. And I must admit that currently I don't know what I want anymore. Does he even want a relationship? I want to move. I know that.

Health?

My lip cracked at the corner of my mouth. And it hurts so much that I can't open my mouth normally :( I can't eat normally either :/ ehh. And apart from that, I'm trying to pack on some muscles xD so that, when I find one, I can carry girls in my arms without complaining. I'll be showing off my biceps' xDD

Hobby?

And the guitar is still out of tune xD I replaced the last 3 strings and they are falling apart like a whore's legs. And 6th - I don't want to stretch this one too much because I'm afraid it will break or something xD Anyway, I've suspended it for now.

Social life?

Hmmmm….. Nothing is happening anyway xD but I want to have a friend. And go crazy. Although if I had a friend, I would do everything to make sure it didn't end with friendship xD

#2012 #me #dear diary #16 years old #baby A #I was desperately bisexual #teen angst #2010s #2010s nostalgia #early 2010s #my hormones were raging #raging hormones #puberty #polblr #autisticblr #lgbt #queer #bisexual

[i-aint-even-bovvered]

Bad Puberty Diaries, Day 43

This is a callout post for my best friend/roommate who saw me doing my yoga this morning and said it would be funny if she kicked me. V rude. And also I'm not gonna put her url here, but if she replies to this, she will reveal who she is.

#bad puberty diaries #lighthearted