#the finale made me cry so hard

[sunnyirry]

huntlow cheesy k-drama moment

#toh #the owl house #huntlow #willow park #hunter noceda #jock girl and her cringefail nerd bf #toh hunter #toh willow #toh huntlow #my art #fanart #i love all of the time skip designs so much ToT #the finale made me cry so hard #toh season 3 #toh spoilers #watching and dreaming

[roachemoji]

🤡 ⭐️ funny little cardigan 🌙 ❤️

maybe I'll actually dress up and style an outfit or something

#bo posting #my art #crochet #granny square #FINALLY TOOK BETTER PICTURES!!!!!!!!! AUGH #im still unbelievably proud of this #enjoy me never shutting up about it #its the first thing ive finished.... in months #and i feel like crying #ive been so envious of everyone around me being able to even hold a pen #and i had to chanel my creativity elsewhere and that was in this and this only #i was tired and felt guilty for how sick it made me feel to be in artistic spaces #or seeing my friends draw #like??? unproductive. helps no one?? 🗞💥🧠 #so this was my solution #its the only creative thing thats made me happy in a long time #its the only creative thing that ive done for myself lately too #doing something creatively for other people has been hard #wahhhhhhh #i want to put my creative energy ive put into crochet into more things. i dont like how hard thats been #idky i havent been able to talk about it #like articulating it properly is one thing but like? never... even tried #i think it hit when it was the only thing i could tell my therapist that i could do that made me happy rn #the only expectations were my own #wow i did NOT intend to vent but hey thanks for reading 💏💖💋💞

[johnslittlespoon]

– take me back to the start 🕊

#:( #they were so young and happy #isolating the dialogue at the end made me cry so hard LOL #i made this the day after the finale to cope but wasn't sure if i liked it #but i miss them so bad so whatever i'm posting it now </3 #this song is so mota coded it hurts so bad #johnslittlespoon edits #buck x bucky #buckbucky #buck x bucky edit

[blueskittlesart]

i am trying so so so hard to wait and watch nimona with my friends but i keep seeing gifs and. idk if i can willingly let myself cry that hard in front of other people

#nimona is like. like words can’t describe how formative that comic was to me. #i found it in my local fucking library when i was like. maybe 12 years old. and it is the thing that made me start writing seriously. #it made me realize that my art could tell stories. that i could say what i wanted to say using the thing i loved doing so much #it was one of the first queer stories i ever read and loved. #dear god i am going to cry so hard. from the opening of the movie i know i am going to be in tears #nate stevenson words cannot describe what your art has done for me. i am so so so excited to see this movie #anyways 😁 when i finally release my own comics i hope they are able to do for someone else what nimona did for me fr #personal

[mixmangosmangoverse]

Me? Crying over a show for six year olds? Who could’ve seen this coming

#I finally finish a piece and decide to post it and it’s fanart for a preschool show. Of course #mango rambles #Artfruits #New art tag! #bluey #bluey heeler #The new episode made me cry so hard :”)

[sysig]

Anime good :) (Patreon)

#Doodles #MP100 #Shigeo Kagayama #Reigen Arataka #Ritsu Kageyama #Forgive the anglicized name order lol #MP100 was another one of my breakfast anime! Admittedly I did not Just watch it during breakfast tho lol #It was too good ahhhh I kept finding my thoughts returning to it throughout the day! #I probably ended up watching an additional episode or so per day over however long it took haha - drastically cut down the number of days! #The lead ups to the finales especially got me - there was no way I could for the whole next day to see them through! #Plus getting to see those beautiful EPs gosh <3 What could be better than some absolutely stunning animation ♥ #I was quite impressed the whole way through :D The cast was great and the animation was beautiful and fluid and impressive #And the technical ability that went into the painted animation! Gosh!! #But most of all - of course - it's just a good solid story <3 Of course it's beautifully expressed but it's just - good down to its bones #I love a story like that :) Mob is such a wonderful character and he's surrounded by good people ♥ It made my heart happy to see #He's loved and he loves <3 That's my very favourite! #Unsurprisingly to me I was most enamoured by the brother relationship who could've seen that coming lol me? Siblings? Pfsh ♪ #Ritsu's a sweet boy as well <3 I cried at him crying from Mob not even considering forgiving him because there was never anything to forgive #Not me shorter older sibling feeling exactly the same way hhghghh I'm fine ;; #Reigen is such a fun deadbeat supportive adoptive dad haha ♪ He's hard to pin down! Loved his redemption arc(s) :) #Flawed individuals my beloved <3 #Such an enjoyable cast and set of circumstances! I might actually have to give OPM a proper go sometime soon if this is the writing quality

[fredtheengels]

i’m not here to do discourse but king wilhelm truthers are the funniest people how do you misread a show that badly

#i knooowwww i have the benefit of hindsight now but god damn #literally the whole show demonstrated how much willie hated being a royal and how much worse it made his life #it almost feels like you’re saying wilhelm could reform the monarchy #aka monarchies can be reformed #which is just……. again how do you miss the themes of the show THAT hard #the whole thing is about class and privilege and oppressive systems #and breaking with tradition!!!!!!! #anyways wilhelm giving up his title was the fucking perfect ending for the show #THAT is how you conclude a god damn character arc #it made me so happy #and simon crying cause the boy he loves his free and can finally be happy…… #JUST PUT ME IN THE MEAT GRINDER #young royals #juliannaism

[gideonisms]

See I think if I'd been born a guy I wouldn't be this pathologically avoidant trying to plan my career because there are plenty of situations you can find as a cis man where you just Do Tasks in awkward silence and you can get to those as a woman but you have to go through the rings of hell socializing first and then besides, a lot of those jobs already have so many men that you stand out when the whole point was you Don't want to do that

#you gotta be god's strongest soldier to survive this shit and i am not! i am god's weakest most pathetic soldier! #i survived five years of customer service crying weekly and getting harassed and being a baby about it #when i got promoted no one would listen to me and it made me constantly anxious and then so tired it took me a year to be able to #think about having a job as something remotely positive and stop crying about it #idk how other women are doing this shit a guy treats me like his sexy servant and i feel BAD and upset for years #and think of what he said 7 years later and they only touched me on the shoulder and made comments other people go through worse! #but i am not strong or determined i just want to go through my life in peace and stop talking to people altogether #it wasn't just guys who treated me badly older women made fun of me and called me lazy and stupid #tutoring was fine but i felt like i was putting on that same performance and at that point it all felt so awful i just. didn't want to #i can see no way out of talking to people for the rest of my life and it gets me down sometimes #i know i get to come home but even then i will probably need people to live with #i basically only like my family and close friends talking to me sometimes even that is hard #sometimes it's way easier to type and feels less awful #i think i have to just keep on keeping on until i can finally get good enough to freelance edit and code that's the only thing i can think #of doing that doesn't make me cry #emails are fine they suck but i don't have to control my face and tone so.

[nic-coughlan]

it's just.

it's like.

okay. but in that scene, the mask is cracked open, we can see anakin's mutilated face, his sith eyes, and he's staring at obi-wan crying and begging for forgiveness and i know, i know, it's anakin who says that the failure isn't obi-wan's. it is anakin's. anakin who was groomed by a sith lord, who held such anger and darkness and couldn't control his temper. like this was always going to happen. it's anakin telling obi-wan it isn't his fault, and vader telling him he'll destroy him too. it's like a glimmer of anakin's light, the padawan seeking out his master, telling him it isn't his fault.

#obi wan kenobi spoilers #obi wan kenobi #anakin skywalker #darth vader #obikin #my heart is just so shattered for them #that whole scene....fuck me #i dont know what i was expecting but it made me cry so hard #it was like a final goodbye #the real final goodbye

[mack-anthology-mp3]

GUYS turns out i can actually do a fantastic tenth dr cosplay using just clothes i already have!!!!!!

brown pants blue button down shirt (even has brown pinstripes like the inverse of his coat) brown waistcoat, blue green brown plaid tie, and i have this really long brown corduroy coat i almost never wear but it fucks hard i swear, and a pair of sneakers like yeah!!!! i'm the doctor!!!!!!! david tennant gender!!!!!!!!!!!

#i would sent a picture but internet safety & anxiety #also my phones in the other room and i don't want anyone (my family) to see me in my brilliant dr who cosplay heheheeeeeeeeeeeEEEEE #wonder if i could borrow my dads old glasses lol he probably threw them out tho tragic #the coat goes so hard though it's the right length & actualy 60s vintage made in nz too #it doesn't have a long vent at the back or a breast pocket but other than that it's PERFECTTTTTT #dr who #david tennant #this fucks so hard omg #i kinda want to like. go into town wearing this or something but. what if i see people i know #too embarrasing #like half an hour ago i was crying over s3e8 but WE'RE SO BACKK #jk i'm still distraught over that episode like. i thought the Final Fifteen gomens was good acting #the emotional distress on his face actually undid me #aavvvajasjnakjns david tennanttttttttttt in yuor wallsssssssss

[frecklystars]

i know nobody is online rn to read this but ;-; i gotta get it off my chest i love ken so much he means everything to me he's making me so happy and i've needed him so so so bad. he's brought me comfort when my ptsd has been so fucking unbearable and every time i'm having a crying fit over losing my tf f/os or every time i'm having a flashback i ALWAYS immediately IMMEDIATELY think about him rushing to my side, holding me and saying "hey hey it's okay, i'm here, i'm right here" and it's such a relief because i haven't been able to genuinely wholeheartedly believe any character would be willing to do that for me the entire time i've been struggling this year.

i've never gone so long without comfort from f/os, much less being triggered by the ones who used to comfort me the most. so to have barbie and ken right now is like the biggest wave of relief every single day when i wake up and the hyperfixation is still there. sometimes i will literally close my eyes and sigh in relief when i hear a song and my first thought is sebastian or ken or six or... whomever. i love being in love again. i NEED this. i love waking up and my first thought isn't my trauma most of the time now, it's ken. or it's six. or it's barbie. or it's harley. or it's officer k. or it's... yeah you get it. i needed these characters so fucking badly. every time i see a gifset and get excited over it, i feel a rush of gratitude bc self shipping has always been the glue holding me together. it doesn't feel as intense or strong as the SB musical or TF used to make me feel but i am not picky. not at all. i will take anything and i'm praying this lasts for at LEAST another few weeks please

i may not be at a sense of peace right now and i dont know when i ever will be, it could be years, but im so. so. so. so so so thankful to have these characters right now when i've needed someone so badly for so long. i hope ken knows how much i love him ;-; i hope barbie knows how much she has helped me, has saved me from one of my major triggers and has helped me to love and feel safe around the color pink again. i wish they could see me when i'm not so broken but i'm glad they're here even when i'm at my worst, i'm glad they still love me even when they deserve to see me in a much better light

#it feels so fucking terrible not celebrating my bday with my starlight. i used to buy myself cakes and put his figurine next to them #i mean i still have... a little bit over one week... i cant... let it pass by without him being involved somehow #so i might make a quick vent doodle and queue it for the actual day of my bday #i refuse to not draw myself with him at least once for my special day #its not like we 'broke up' or anything but fuck it feels so bad #he's a literal fucking ptsd trigger. how fucking insane is that #im still in shock. im still in shock over what happened to me like i cant fucking believe it #wearing his necklace makes me cry so i just leave it on my dresser #that shouldnt be normal!!!! #but im hoping that shipping with barbie/ken is going to help me feel like i can reclaim control over my ships #bc my abuser made me feel like... i had no control over my TF ships whatsoever for a solid year #so now that i'm finally free of that toxicity i'm still shakily trying to learn how to ship again #i'll have moments where i'll worry ken will try to hurt me on purpose bc im so used to my abuser telling me how abusive any f/o would be #but then i tell myself 'hey what the fuck. this is MY story. NOBODY would abuse me i dont care WHO they are' #but it's so hard to unlearn several months of abuse 😔 #and even harder to look at a character who i invested so much time and energy and money into #my voice clips. my cameos. all of my steve blum autographs. my art for steve. all of it feels sad and numbing #not just stsc but everyone in any TF universe feels like... a threat and i get panic attacks when i see very specific characters sometimes #its awful. it hurts so bad. i love ken so much. but nothing compares to what i had with my TF comfort characters #but it's okay bc... ken is holding my hand and he might not understand ptsd at all but he can still squeeze me tight #and six HAS c-ptsd he GETS it. and he's there to hold me when my nightmares make me fall apart. he's my rock #vent #ptsd #sorry it's 5am i had a bad nightmare and now i refuse to sleep again #i fucking hate ptsd i fucking hate living like this i rly wish i knew how to cure myself #im exercising im eating and drinking often im sleeping as much as i can #theres only so much i can do #when does it get better?? when the fuck does it get better? im serious. not rhetorical. when does this finally heal #i dont even know if im healing or if im just distracted... but fuck ill take anything

[mwagneto]

the way 3 of my biggest long term hyperfixations that all started within a few months of each other in 2019 all came back to haunt me within the same amount of months in 2023 and two of them ENDED they want me to die so bad

#except I didn't like gh/osts s5 but d/oom patrol s5 was really good but they both made me cry insanely hard so whatev #gomens 2 didnt make me cry at all but it did horrendous things to me so yknow #LITERALLY WTF AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW THEY WERE ALWAYS THERE FOR ME. NOW WHAT #goddddddddddd what an incredible finale. lays down and decomposes #doom patrol #bbc ghosts #good omens #gomens #i DONT want this in the tags but i want them in my tags sorry😐 #OH ALSO. the way season 4 finales are always always ALWAYS a letdown.... breaking the pattern........ #bl/ack sails s4 finale was incredible too but idt anything i watched live that ended on its #4th season ever ended well. sh*rlock... k/illing eve..... mr r/obot........ some other shite i forgor💀

[sneezes-and-stuff]

Just tested positive for you know what and I feel so bad, but also I'm so so scared and my mental health took a sudden nosedive.

I can't go through the shit that happened last time I won't survive it again, please please don't let it be like that this time please.

#covid m #covid tw #last time i was sick for 6 months and barely survived #still my drs wont prescribe paxlovid for me #desperately trying to get my hands on it but its not looking good #and i just had a big breakdown #screaming crying so hard #which made me feel so much worse #finally my sos anxiety meds are starting to help #showered and ate and doing a little bit better #but im still so scared #don't know how to survive this #sorry for venting #but i just need to rn. #things are bad

[humanmorph]

Austin: You head into this- this gas station convenience store, right? Uh, and there's uhm, theres a, there's someone behind a counter- Keith: (cross) This like a Cumbys? Austin: I- (exasperated noise) Dre: (cross) A what? Sylvia: (cross) Huh? Austin: (cross) We're not doing this. This is already on a clapcast. We're not doing this. Keith: Hey, 1$ on friendsatthetable.cash. Who knows which one that is.

hi. i do : ) Clapcast 21: The Community at your disposal. i know this because i listened to it 5+  times total and also noted down the topics to put on the fatt.wiki clapcast page

#that is my pet project page. it's very relaxed work because it's so non-essential. who even looks at this page? well. me #but I would like to finish it eventually #still have some unfinished topic lists in my notes app...it's kind of hard for some of these. #I would say appreciate my work but I haven't added a signifier on which I've added vs just copied over from Patreon #& I can't think of a good way tbh... open to ideas smile. or topic listings #all that aside this clapcast also has a bit in it that almost made me cry bc i was on the bus and trying REALLY hard to hold laughter in #which for that it's actually better if you don't look at the topics. bc it's out of nowhere & so funny to me #Palisadeposting #I guess yeah? #Palisade spoilers #I was like aha! finally! an application! when Keith said that which made me laugh.

[bakatenshii]

Hiya! I love your writing and ive been following your blog for a couple of years now (2-3 I think) and I just wanted to say how much I appreciate and adore your writing! Thank you so much for all you’ve written! Ive not been on tumblr much the past few months, and I’ve found that many of my favourite writers are leaving and deactivating their accounts, which is such a pity although completely understandable! Tumblr can be a pretty sucky platform for writers unfortunately :/ anyways I just wanted to thank you for your writing, it’s absolutely gorgeous and your style inspirational! I hope you keep writing, on or off tumblr, as you truly have a gorgeous and unique style! Thank you so much for all your contributions and I hope you’re having a lovely day!!

NONNIEEEEE oh my god oh my god hi hello I am going to sob first and foremost so im gonna get all snotty all over this ask wozooqjzlaozo but thank you so much? genuinely genuinely this means more than u can imagine and I aaAAAAA (being off tumblr and on and off writing ((mostly off oop)) really shows via my decline of the eng language clearly HAHAHA I can’t even articulate properly)

THANK U FOR BEING HERE FOR SO LONG?? AND REMEMBERING ME?? AND JUST. IT FEELS LIKE COMING HOME AND THEN SEEING ALL MY OLD FRIENDS AND THE NOSTALGIA IS A LIL NUCLEAR AND IM JUST SO EMOTIONAAAAAAL AAAAAA

Thank YOUUU for being on here and reading and being so so so lovely to me AND ALSO. im gonna go hide in the tags actually but I owe u my life I am kissing all ur fingers nd toes and maybe lips I’m infinitely happy that ur still here after all this time on this platform, I hope u are having the best day (and the best past few years whilst I’ve been mia <333)

#urusai! baka #OH MYGUAIZIAOZOAKZPIAOAOAO #U DONT UNDERSTAND HOW THIS MADE MY DAY MADE MY WEEK MADE MY ??? MONTH #ILYSM GENUINELY SO SO #I CAME TO CRY ABOUT UR LOVELY COMPLIMENTS IN MY TAGS #BECAUSE I COULDNT DO IT OUT IN THE MAIN POST IM #KICKING MY FEET BLUSHING RUNNING LAPS IN MY BEDROOM AND TAKING COLD SHOWERS #thank u so much for just. ur #idek i never know what to say when someone compliments my writing because im simultaneously combusting at the praise and being seen and just #its so !!!!! thank u for recognizing (??? not the right woed for this but) it and im so happy u like it!!!! #I am working on a fic!! 3k in!! it was going strong and then i got distracted by irl axooaz but its a partner fic with rae rae and SHES #BASICALLY DONE HERS SO IM GONNA QORK HARD TO GET BACK INTO MINE #I love writing sm i just waterboard myself with wips a lil hehe #but hopefully i am praying i xan finish smth for once (again finally) #also re: writers leaving— its so sad and i get itttt and I MISS EVEDYONE ON HERE AND TOSAY I ACC JUAT GOT A TIKTOK FROM 2020 HQ AND IT MADE #ME WANT TO CLAW MY FLESH OFF MY BONES AND FEED IT TO A TIME MACHINE SO I CAN LIKE #PERMANENTLY LIVE IN THAT TIMEEEW AAAA ok ok anyways #i love u pls stay and this msg made my heart explode like a supernova #u r near nd dear to my heart everyone from that time is automatically i am latching onto u all #kissing u loving u hoping the past fww yeass have been amazing for u <33333

[anotherhumaninthisworld]

Hello!

I am a newbie to the FRev so I'd like to thank you for having the most amazingly detailed posts here that are, most importantly, as accurate as possible. Your blog is awesome!

Now to my questions: I read your answer to an ask about Camille and Annette's relationship and was left wondering, why did the family become so hostile towards him to the point of refusing him entry into their home?

Why did Lucille's father not want them to get married? Was it just about Camille's financial success? I saw a link to a letter in the post but my French is horrible so I have no idea what was written.

And, I'm not sure how this was seen at the time, of course times were different, but the way he talks about Annette though he claimed to be platonic, it seems that he found her attractive?? Or maybe he was "buttering" her up (he seemed to be a bit of a womanizer though maybe most men were like that at that time and frequently complimented many women at once)? When he met Lucille she was still quite young (especially compared to his age), so I got the impression (just an impression) that he liked the mother, but she was already taken so he went for the daughter instead? Though this couldve been normal at the time.

That post gave me a whole different perspective on Desmoulins and his love story, thank you so much and I apologise for the lenghty ask and if my questions sound ignorant.

Thank you so much for your compliments. So happy I can be of use to people who are new to this mess. 😊

I agree, the idea that Camille was really in love with Annette and just had to go for the second best is one that is really easy to make when reading his letters and poems to her. I don’t really have anything that goes against it being true other than the fact that Camille, as stated, once refers to his and Annette’s relationship as being just platonic (and how much truth there actually was to that I will leave unsaid…). It doesn’t particulary help that most 18th century people writing letters by today’s standards sound like they want to jump into bed with the receiver, no matter who that person might be… I don’t know if there’s anything in particular (besides words like ”my beloved”) you should look at to help determine if two people are/want to be more than just friends.

As for why Lucile’s parents didn’t want to let Camille have her in 1787, that is actually quite easy to discover through the letter Camille wrote to the father in March the following year, published by Jules Claretie on April 26 1879 within the paper Journal officiel de la République française. The letter Camille’s responding to here has unfortunately gone missing, but as can be seen, Camille still lays out and combats its arguments in a very clear way (apologies if there’s any translation errors in here):

Monsieur, I am not mistaken and I am forced to agree that your letter is worthy of a father and full of wisdom. The first moments of pain that I experienced were followed by the calm of reason, and I take advantage of this calm to allow myself a few observations regarding your letter and putting them before your eyes.

Don't let my probity scare you. The reflections that M. Duplessis made me make on your [sic] uncertain state. My uncertain state is not uncertain. I am a lawyer in the parliament of Paris and what makes your state certain in this profession is not to be on the board, but talent and work. I am certain morally of being in charge of all the appeals of the sentences of Guise, which alone will compose for me an honest cabinet and an income of 7 or 8,000 livres at least; I cannot believe that there exists anyone who, after having read the memoir that is printed about me at this moment, tells you that my condition is uncertain. The letters I have from MM. Lorget and Linguet would prove to you, if you read them, that my condition is not uncertain. Already I have a flow of business which can only grow and I will have won a hundred louis this year, supposing that I lose the lawsuit which is about to be judged and whose gain would be worth more than two thousand écus to me.

On future events which may call me back to the provinces. I took a vow to stability in the bar of the capital, this vow is expressed clearly in the epistle and the printed memorandum which I gave to you. There exists only one thing that could make me detach from Paris and make a stay in the provinces bearable, it would be if I met Mlle Duplessis there, to what oaths must I bind myself in order to take away this fear that I will leave Paris? I see very well that you do not know how much I love your daughter, since you suppose that I would be able to sadden her by taking her away from a father to whom she is so tenderly dear.

On the impossibility for me to have a house where your daughter, like at your place, could find the softnesses and charms of life. There is something touching about this paternal fear that would have made me reproach myself for my premature research. But did you believe that Mlle Duplessis is less dear to me than to you and that I wanted a happiness that would have cost her the sacrifice of the comforts of life? As for me, the sweetness and pleasures of life would have been to live with her and with you, and these pleasures would have made all the others insipid to me. There are two things here that I cannot believe, first off the fact that this fear so natural to a father that his daughter would be less happy did not alarm you from the first moment you found out about my goal; second off, that your answer here would have been the one I had the pleasure of seeing. If you had thought that Mademoiselle Duplessis' change of lodging would deprive her of the pleasures of life, it would not have been with me that she could find those pleasures. I had not concealed my lack of fortune, nor sought to surprise your avowal by magnifying my hopes, in order to have the satisfaction of showing you that I had brought into this affair all the frankness and delicacy which befits my profession; I almost decried my father's fortune and succeeded so well that you then said to me: ”With the help of your fortune, I could wait until some brilliant affair had rescued me from obscurity.” You said this to me in much stronger terms, for your expressions were that, no longer being forced to run after an écu, I could devote myself without distraction to studies which would later make me known later as a jurisconsult, if the embarrassment of my stammer was an insurmountable obstacle which prevented me from succeeding in my pleading. It is clear that you did not flatter yourself then that I could put together a home for Mlle Duplessis. However, this beloved child was still not less dear to you at the moment and you surely didn’t think that she would lose the comforts of life, but you understood that there was a way to arrange it so that she would not have to make any sacrifice until the time which is not far off, when my condition would bring me 10 to 12 thousand livres. Did Mlle. Duplessis need a house other than yours for a few years? I would even have liked her to continue to live together with you, and for the change in her adress, while at the same time making me the happiest of all men, only to have added to the sweetnesses of life without it costing her any deprivation. Although the dowry I propose to give her is of a certain consistency, you may remember that when you mentioned this section, I kept silent. Surely, to wait until my estate was enough I did not need to find a dowry. At the present moment, I am able to count only on 3 or 4 thousand livres that I would get this year from my work or from my father. But wouldn’t these 4 thousand livres, joined to the 3 or 4 that you would give to mademoiselle your daughter, be enough for a house worthy of her? Of you I wouldn’t ask for anything more. She would have brought a thousand amiable qualities into the household; as for me, I would have put my estate there and I dare say some talents. It would have been a marriage without a dowry like that of the laborers, but those of that time are well worth those of ours. I never made mine a business, the only dowry I would have asked for was that one loves me, not as much as I do (in return), that is impossible, but I am sure that mademoiselle your daughter would have been touched to see me solely occupied with the care of paying her the debt of happiness that I would have contracted.

You urged me to overcome my affection. If it were only an affection, it could be overcome, but the wound is deeper. Remember, monsieur, in what dejection I appeared before you, my state had become so violent that whatever you might have said to me, it was impossible for my pain to wring my heart more on leaving your house compared to what fear had caused it upon entering. That is why, even though it cost me, I begged you to tear off the blindfold and uproot my hope. But how much you have decreased it instead. I only asked for a distant hope and you gave me a near hope. Fortune, you told me, would not determine your choice and you did not make happiness consist of fortune. I exercised an honorable profession that it was not even necessary to fulfill with a certain brilliance in order to appear to you worthy of belonging to you; it was enough for you that your daughter was loved tenderly and constantly and that second to her your son-in-law loved only work. Who would have believed in my place that this son-in-law was really me. You did more: you invited me to spend holidays and Sundays at your countryhouse and you allowed me, you even warned me to let my father know about this interview. At this moment my father has probably written to you and part of my joy was to think about he who does not care about the dowry (that of my mother, who is still whole despite our misfortunes because it has always been sacred in his eyes, was more important) but who loves me with tenderness and is no doubt delighted that I have finally obtained this demoiselle Duplessis of whom I have been speaking to him incessantly for five years and whom he wanted me to show him when he spent a few days in Paris two years ago. In my letter from March 22, it was no longer vain conjectures and equivocal walks in the Luxembourg that I entertained, it was speeches that a father of a family had given me, hadn't I had to base myself entirely on his answer?

It would be deceiving my honesty to make any promises to me at this time, considering the young age of your daughter. If you only wish to postpone the term of my happiness, I have already waited five years, and I can still wait another two and even more, but since I above all make happiness consist in this thought that we love each other for life, I only beg you to tell me if after two years and when my heart has perhaps been consumed by these attachments, I will not have to renounce the sweet habit of loving her. My age was no more advanced four days ago when you gave me such imminent hopes. Also this reason that you bring is not the real one and you yourself do not disguise it from me. An even more essential point to observe to you, is that it for me would be putting up a barrier against the parties which within two years could present themselves and to make you give yourself up to opportunities which fulfill your views. As for what concerns me in this article, what occasion, what views can you tell me about? What purpose can I have but to be happy, and I can only be so, monsieur, with you. Where can I find another family that I love so much? I have gone too far with mademoiselle Duplessis to ever retrace my steps, and if you come to take away from me the hope that you have made me conceive, you will have unwittingly caused the misfortune of my life. I come to the great reason, that it would be to put up a barrier against the parties which could present themselves within two years. If, when you did me the honor of granting me an interview, you had said that to me, everything would have been very clear and I would have had nothing to respond to. But, since then, you declared to me that fortune would not decide your choice for mademoiselle your daughter, and that you would seek for her only a husband who would love her with tenderness; so you mean that in two years from now there may come people who like her better than me. If so, let it be. All of them will undoubtedly love her positively, but to love her more desperately than me will be difficult. And I will always have been five years ahead.

You told me enough that you had not changed your mind in regards to me, and that, if I succeeded in destroying the motives that you were good enough to explain to me in detail, you would return to your first feelings. It seems to me that I have replied in a satisfactory manner to the objections of M. Duplessis; I therefore conjure you to come back to your first favorable dispositions and return for me the heart of a father. I would very much like you and Madame Duplessis to grant me an interview. I would remove all of your doubts, and I would come down to details that cannot enter into a letter: do not push me away from your bosom but allow me to give you both names to which my heart would refuse if I had to give them to others. It is with these feelings that I have the honor to be, monsieur, your very humble and very obedient servant. DESMOULINS  Lawyer in parliament.

According to Hervé Leuwers’ Desmoulins biography, Claretie did for some reason leave out the following part when transcribing the letter: ”D’allieurs, ai-je donc demandé Mlle Duplessis pour le moment? J’ai demandé seulement si je pourrais obtenir un jour sa main, quand mon état serait pleinement fait.” which suggests Camille wasn’t actually asking if he could marry Lucile right away, just if he could call dibs on her for the future.

As for why the family fell out with Camille a year after the letter was penned down, to the extent that they asked him to stop visiting them, that is hard to know for sure considering we don’t have their letters on their issue (and those of Camille are both vague and bias in his favor). My best guess is that he simply wouldn’t shut up about the engagement and they kicked him out for that reason.

#desmoulins #camille desmoulins #lucile desmoulins #a bigger question for me is what exactly made the family change their mind about camille? #a broke lawyer is a no go zone but a broke journalist who many people want dead isn’t? #but camille literally goes from ”everyone in this family is so hard on me” #to ”lucile and her mother were both crying of joy when i finally got permission to marry her” within half a year #wonder what happened in between that we Will never know about… #annette duplessis #ask