HOMESTUCK BEYOND CANON NEXT UPD8(s) PREDICTIONS (I'm delusional, btw) /SHITPOST
We get to see Jack Noir be a pathetic little meow meow and has depression because he's too busy working at the mine coal to see his wife
The Felt come into the screen, also somehow snowman, and they all say "We voted for Obama" (this is very important homestuck lore, btw)
Brand new character called HEROIN ADDICT is introduced. Son of Karkat and Dave. Has a brother named John Egbert Strider Vantas
Clover flirts with Jane and gets sent to the weed dungeon. And not like the good weed. I mean like the weed that really feels like shit
Jake becomes new leader of the Felt and Crowbar becomes his dad (Crowbar dad AU, write that down, it'll be on the test)
We get to see Death, the character, talk with ULT Dirk and he brang along the Midnight Crew, Mom Lalonde B1 and Dad egbert because he thinks they're cool (also, Mom Lalonde and Dad Egbert kiss a lot in death's office and have tea and buscuits with the Midnight Crew)
CALIBORN COMES FOR A SINGLE PANEL AND MAKES JUNE OFFICIALLY TRANS! BECAUSE HE HATES JUNE AND HE HATES WOMEN SO HE COMBINES THE TWO THINGS HE HATES INTO ONE (this is a joke, btw. I honestly want June's transitioning to be more in character then just the gremlin guy I like does it for me)
Ms Paint. becomes narrator of both Candy and Meat and it's just a podcast about different types of paint
Something related to The Midnight Crew's creator, Professor Mayasaka or however the fuck ya spell it, something translated into midnight. Whatever. I just wanna see the professor man come in and do something
JANE REVIVES AIMLESS RENEGADE SOMEHOW AND HE GOES GOD TIER! (His Classpect is Mage of Blood because I say so)
Sollux and Eridan kissing
B
Roxy breaks the fourth wall and says "it's Roxy Lalonding time" and Roxy Lalondes all over the place
A bucket appears and yeah
We see Andrew Hussie in a bath robe
Terezi manages to give back the legal rights to Beyond Canon back to their creators (sorry, I forgot your name, mister cool homestuck guy. I forget easily :'(]
Vriska dies. (I hate Vriska! (In a Kismesis way))
Equius comes back to say "I require horse" and then he gets prototyped with the universe frog
Matchsticks gets a personality and we learn he wants to become an actual fire fighter and save people since he was a kid
Stitch becomes hella cool by partnering with Kanaya to beat the shit out of Dirk
Rose just stays Rose because I forgot she existed
21 again but with Dave
June Egbert gets two new dads and they're Eggs and Biscuits from The Felt because it reminds her of her dead dad's cakes
Diamonds Droogs/Draconian Dignitary x Dad Crocker 20 hour oiled up make out session flash animation
Calliope has a child with Roxy. (comment what ya think they would be called)
Dirk eats a baby (it's John Egbert Strider Vantas)
AR gets to have a robo body and becomes friends with AR and Aradia and also Aranea is there to keep them in check and they call eachother the "AR squad", but Aranea is the out cast because she is blue
Eden Gardner (homestuck OC of @springselkie) gets a mention.
Monkeys become relevant to the plot
Jack Noir gets to show us his stabs
Bold Eagles are Aimless Renegade's second power, because he's the only AMERUCAN character in homestuck
Jake gets a beard and celebrates by showing us his level 100 GYAT
What Pumpkin office remains is an important location in the story
Mommy Condie comes back and marries Earth C's version of Colonel sassacres
Freddy Fazber, new character, literally the best. Hor hor hor hor.
Something related to drugs, I guess (I'm running out of ideas)
Fortnite becomes canon and everyone loves it
Deltarune reference
Jack Noir eats money and becomes lamborghini
Jack Noir villain arc where he and June kiss (their kismesis, it's ok. They want to kill eachother)
Rose's wifi is STILL shitty! COME ON, IT'S BEEN 10 YEARS, FIX YOUR INTERNET CONNECTION, GURL!
Kanaya gets to make something Lord English related
We see Doc Scratch because he's awesome
Wayward Vagabond comes back from the grave and does ANOTHER revolution against monerchy. He is truly the best diplomat.
MLP gets mentioned
Problem Sleuth shows up for 5 panels and then dies
Nepeta gets to kill Pickle Inspector
Eridan smokes weed
[S] Terezi: Do the mackarena
Weed chapter
Karkat gets a period cramp
Something something Lord English in black void, becomes normal Caliborn, being room mates with Equius, Gamzee and AR (auto-responder)
Free Bird fight sequence
Joe Biden gets a mention because he was probably in office before the clown fuckers took over D.C. Washington
Cockaine chapter
MSPA reader gets hella blazed and yeah
Caliborn kisses a rule 63 version of a Miku body pillow
Pic Yaoi sequence or smth
Sawbuck stays a fat fuck and eats the earth at the end
Itchy dies from tripping on a rock
Doze unslows himself and does a break dance
Trace and Fin make out session
Quarters gets to shoot ULT Dirk and is declared a war veteran
Bog from RHG shows up to eat a chocolate bar
I'm high
Ok, that was the end of this dumb shitpost. Hope ya got a kick out of it. Or not.
Wait
Shit
I should probably add an image so that I could look cool
Give me a sec
Yes, God of Yaoi.
Perfect for this.
See ya
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I know you've been getting a lot of male reader requests and I'm so sorry to add on to it-
Could I request a fic where Jason is bullying reader about being "Eddie's boy" or something like that and Eddie gets protective and possessive?
Maybe some smut with rough but loving Eddie? Eddie's absolutely wrecking the reader but still being the sweetheart that he is
Hi! I'll be happy to do my best.
I'm building off a continuation of this blurb, "Teach Me How to Love You" and combining it with another request:
Can you do an Eddie x Male Reader smut where the reader teases Eddie all day in school which makes him really horny. Then as soon as school ends Eddie quickly drags the reader to his trailer and things just go from there. (Sub/bottom reader btw). thank you!
The goal is to try and keep myself from burnout and honor the requests that come in at the same time. Thanks for understanding. Reader is 18.
Eddie Munson x Male Reader.
CW: 18+ Content (Smut--Handjobs and blowjobs specifically)
Feel free to look through my masterlist here!
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Perhaps it was also naive to think that wearing your tightest jeans was just a coincidence on the day that you and Jason had to present your scene. The entire time, while glancing between your piece of paper and the classroom, you stole glances to Eddie. When you two caught gazes, you'd smile and Eddie would send you a wink. But then his eyes would drop down to the front of your jeans and when you turned to the side, he'd tilt his head just a little to catch a side view of your ass.
At the end, after the class finishes their clapping, you lean a bit of your chair to Eddie's seat, sliding a note onto the corner of his desk. Ms. Barlowe is much too distracted by her praise to notice the pass.
You are being so obvious. Perhaps I should get you a bucket.
Eddie scoffs when he reads it, flipping you bird. You laugh, turning back into your seat to face the front as the next pair goes up to the front to talk about the scene they translated and perform it. But the entire time you're staring at pairs, you can feel Eddie's stare boring in the side of your head.
"My place?" Eddie asks at the end of the day, fingers tracing over your palm.
"I have to get my mom from work. I've got the only working car right now."
Eddie nods, understanding the necessity of your part. "Just call when you get back home, yeah? Wanna make sure you're safe."
"Absolutely." You kiss his cheek, aware of the setting though the parking lot is full, most people are too focused on themselves to quite notice. You don't want to push it though.
Eddie opens your car door and closes it once you're situated inside. You roll down the window, through which Eddie leans in. "Still coming to the show tomorrow?"
"I wouldn't dream of missing it. Not with my man performing."
Eddie grins, head lolling gently to the side. "Oh, say that again."
"In your dreams, Munson. But seriously, I gotta go."
"Yeah, yeah, drive safe," he states, stepping away from the car and letting you back out of the spot. Eddie watches until your headlights are just ghosts of themselves before he climbs into the van and starts towards Gareth for band practice. He'd offered his plan as interim and for post practice originally, hoping to get more than just a kiss on the cheek. And if Eddie had anything to do with it, he would.
You seem to make it your life's mission to find every possible piece of distracting clothing and to wear it for Eddie the entire week. When it's not the jeans, it's the tight muscle tee that you wear, Corroded Coffin's logo etched into the front of it with fabric paint, or the button up shirt that most definitely should've been button up more to hide away your chest, but none of the teachers stopped you, or the cologne that isn't one Eddie's noticed you wearing before but smells absolutely fucking delicious. When it's none of that, it's the rings you unearth from where in your closet. Rings were Eddie's thing. And that he didn't want to sharing things, but he takes notes of the way you purposefully talk with your hands more with the rings, like you want to bring attention to them.
And the entire week, because your mom's car is still down, Eddie can't have you. He can't sit you on his lap, can't tug and pull you to a release in his fist like he wants and while it's literally had him rubbing one out nearly every night in the shower, Eddie can be a patient man when he wants to be.
Because Friday night you are all his. Your mother's car is fixed and returned Thursday evening and though Eddie has Dungeons and Dragons to head, there's nothing else that can get in the way.
That is until Jason's pestering comes to a head. He'd been on your ass since you two got assigned as partners and managed to get cordial enough to actually ace the project. However, the days post the presentation, he'd found every reason to corner you.
Today, a rather dry and crisp morning, Jason finds you leaning against the hood of your car, arms folded over your chest as you wait for Eddie. "Oh, are you missing your master? Sitting here like a lost fucking puppet." A slur follows it and you really and truly only want to turn away from him.
He'd gone from bumping you in the hallways, to openly mocking you when you weren't with Eddie. The less you gave in, the harder he tried to get a reaction. Today wouldn't be any different for you.
"You deaf? You hear me talking to you?" Jason hollers. Spit flies off the end of his lip.
You say nothing, staring at him and the crew that's assembled. It would be four against one and if you managed to get a good hit on two of them, the other two would be on your ass in a heartbeat. You're no fool, even if you can feel the tick of your own jaw.
"I'm talking to you," Jason huffs. "Ain't anybody ever tell you it's rude not to talk when someone's talking to you."
"You're yelling. You're not talking."
"You're a fucking freak who's fucking a freak and it's vile," he spits.
"Did Chrissy not put out? Or is it your time of the month?" you return. You hate to bring her into this--Chrissy's always been nice to you. But you know it's going to crawl under Jason's skin and eat him alive. The two of them had been on the rocks. Everyone could see it.
And like a match only needs gasoline Jason rushes you, hands tightening around the collar of your t-shirt. "The fuck did you say to me?"
"I don't think I need to repeat myself," you laugh.
"Hey!"
The call interrupts Jason's wild gaze and when he looks over, he spots Eddie rushing over. Eddie shoves past Patrick, who truly is the meeker of the group. How Sinclair could ever want to get in with the likes of them is beyond Eddie and though it pissed him off, Sinclair and yet to miss a campaign session so Eddie would let it slide until it became a problem. And Sinclair's not a problem, not someone Eddie thinks could be easily poison but Jason was a toxic cloud and strong enough to take almost anyone under.
Jason's grip loosen around your shirt and you swat at his hands. He steps away as Eddie steps between your body and his. "What kind of problem do we have here?" Eddie asks.
Jason grins. "Looks like we've got a freak problem right now. What do you say boys?"
You push up from the hood of the car. It's four against two, still terrible odds, but Eddie's scrappy, you've seen it. And so are you. These are odds you are willing to take and for a fleeting moment, you think the heavens you wore rings today.
You don't know who threw the first punch. It could've been Josh, maybe it was Chance. All you know is that when the gym teachers get involved to break up the fight, your lip may be busted but Josh's eye has seen better day. You're pretty sure Chance as a broken nose. Jason face seems mostly untouched as if he used the other three to shield himself from most of the damage and Patrick's eye and lip are swollen.
You let Mr. Jenkins haul you away, arms going up in defense before you look to find Eddie, who's not even looking at Mr. Polinsky but looking at you. The brawl lands you and Eddie a week of in-school suspension. Two brave witness came to attest that Jason, Chance, Patrick, and Josh instigated the fight but you know the precious Hawkin's basketball team will only get a slap on the wrist in the end.
As you and Eddie leave the principal's office, you notice how thick the silence is between the two of you. You hadn't spoken a word to each other when Eddie came up to intervene and you couldn't really say much as you took fist to your faces and the occasional foot to your rib.
"A beautiful way to start the day, huh?" you tease, nudging at his elbow with your own.
"How long has Jason been antagonizing you?" Eddie ask instead, pulling you of the direction of the nurses office where the two of you were sent with directions to go immediately to the ISS room.
You shrug. "I wouldn't call it antagonizing as much as I would call Jason pathetic."
"He is pathetic. I hate that Sinclair's going to the dark side, but you were severely outnumbered there. How long as he been on your case?"
"A couple of days."
Eddie stares at you, big eyes pleading as you can see the bruises blossoming his face.
"A week," you sigh, casting your gaze down to the ground. "Ever since we presented in English, he's been up my ass."
Your heart drops when you catch sight of the frown on Eddie's face. He speaks before you can ask about it. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"It wasn't like he'd threaten to jump me until today," you defend.
"No, but, like, why didn't you tell me when it first started happening? I could've helped."
You laugh. "You helped today."
"I'm being serious." It leaves Eddie's throat in almost a growl and he's fingers wrap around your chin tip of his thumb gingerly grazing where your lip split.
You wince just a little at the touch. "There were so many other things I had to focus on. I just--I didn't think it was a big deal."
"And now you're handsome little face is bruised to all hell," Eddie sighs. He gets that other things were higher priority for you but damn it hurts worse to see you injured.
"I'm tough," you laugh.
"You are. You've always been, but goddamn, I don't want to have to be."
You watch his face, eyes flickering over the injuries you've noticeably sustained. "Don't look at me like that," you sigh. His eyes ooze with regret and a little bit of sadness. He doesn't look at you like you're fragile, but he he does look at you like the whole world might reside in the expanse of your being. "My heart won't be able to take it," you tease.
Eddie grins, it's short lived, his face no doubt sore too. "C'mon," he states gingerly, hands interlacing with yours and pulling you in the direction of the front doors.
"We have nurse passes and then ISS."
"The school can kiss my ass. No doubt she's not done patching up the airhead jocks."
You continue to trail behind Eddie, glancing every couple of seconds to see if the doors will open again. "They're going to go to the ISS room and we're not going to be there."
"I'll call up to the nurse's office. She'll get our work."
"Don't tell me you used the Munson boyish charm on Mrs. Yeates. Poor sweet Yeates subjected to your wilds is unfair. Her late husband's been dead longer than we've been alive."
Eddie snorts at your taunts. "She's one of the few people left at this school that gives a shit about me. She scratches my back, I scratch hers."
"That--but not like that that, you know?"
"Mrs. Yeates very occasionally buys, most of the time I help her out with stuff around the office or her house."
"The school nurse?" you whisper, finding your keys in your pocket. You're thankful now that they didn't fall out or get trashed in the fight. "Buys? From you?"
"She tips well too," Eddie laughs. "Meet me at my place. You can still see, right?"
You nod. "Yeah, but I should be asking you that?"
"If you see Hopper just floor it. The man loves a good speed chase."
You're not shocked that Eddie would know that. So you leave it be and settle yourself in the driver seat before following Eddie out of the parking school lot.
At his trailer, Eddie hoists you up onto the counter. And it's less he does it all himself, you help, but when he pats the side of the sink, hands running under the water, you slip up onto it and his hands hover to make sure you don't fall.
He's gentle as he dabs off the dried blood. His warning that the cleanser is going to sting comes from softly in his chest and you grip the edge of the counter to keep from jerking away too much at the sting. It's soothed by Eddie's hand along your thigh. "You did good," he praises, flipping through the content of the first aid kit.
He fishes out the ointment, finding q-tips to apply it. The cut on your cheek is cleansed and bandaged too before Eddie works on himself in his reflection. All the while you sit and watch. His eye doesn't look nearly as bad as Josh's but it still doesn't look great. You slip down as Eddie moves to get his cuts bandaged up to find the frozen peas you know are still probably haunting the freezer for these exact purposes. Your knuckles are in great shape, but they'll be okay.
You return to the bathroom to hand the bag over to Eddie. "For your eye," you tell him.
Eddie laughs. "I can't exactly suck you off and hold a bag of peas to my face at the same time."
The brashness catches you off guard, your mouth hanging open like a fish for a moment. "What-what are you talking about?"
Eddie hooks a finger into the collar of your shirt bringing your chest firmly against his. "You have been a goddamn tease this entire week. New cologne."
"It's actually old. I only wear it fancy occasions." That isn't a lie, but it's not fully true either.
"Tight jeans."
"I-I hadn't done laundry yet." Absolutely that one is a lie, but those jeans are usually reserved for the bottom of the barrel for that specific reason. It does help that you had a feeling the outline of your bulge would set Eddie off.
"A button up that wasn't even worthy of the title of shirt considering how many buttons you had undone."
"It gets hot in the school," you defend. And that is true. Once the heat is turned on in the school, it is on and it is boiling hot.
"Rings," Eddie continues to list off.
"Okay, that was on purpose." You'll concede that point but not the others as you enjoy the way Eddie walks you out of the bathroom, pausing to get the peas back into the freezer and then continuing back to his room.
"And that goddamn tight muscle t-shirt Tuesday night."
"The bar gets stuffy, Eds." Another piece of the truth tainted in a tiny bit of a lie. You wouldn't be oblivious to the fact that the muscle tee did show off your biceps and you would, and did, use that to your advantage.
Eddie brings you, not by dragging but by stalking so you walk backwards throughout the trailer to his bedroom, kicking the door close with his foot. "Over my dead body," Eddie laughs. He closes in, like he wants to kiss you but he knows it's going to cause too much pain.
"On the bed. Now."
You debate only for a moment what you're going to do but then turn and walk to the edge of his bed before you sit. The last thing you're going to do is deny him or yourself the pleasure of this experience. Though you weren't sure how far it would or could go given your injuries, you'd take the risk of pushing the envelope.
Eddie crouches down into your space, nose gently bumping over yours. "You had and go get punched, which means in order to spare your pain I can't kiss you properly."
"I didn't ask for it," you retort, intent on keeping the story line straight. Jason had started it but you'd finish it.
"I know. I just need to know though. What will you ask for?" The question is paired with Eddie's hands tugging your shirt up and out of your tucked in jeans.
"You." It's one word that falls from your chest in a whisper but it carries with it everything.
Eddie makes quick work of your t-shirt, discarding it haphazardly to the floor. His fingers skate down your chest, teasing your nipple and you hitch up, a groan knocking at your chest at the sensation. You can feel a throbbing--now the dull ache of your sore face and hard cock mingling together as Eddie disrobes you. His touch is gentle and sure, but his pace is quick. He is tender but he is not wasting time.
You reach out for his bicep as you pushes you back further up on the bed, dull fingernails digging into the flesh and muscle. Eddie laughs at the way you moan out his name. It sounds like music, but Eddie finds glee in the way you melt for him.
"I would apologize for how hasty this is, but I think you're too blissed out to even care," Eddie whispers into the skin of your neck.
"I-" you swallow down part of the moan that works up your throat at the suckle of Eddie's plumps lips. "Fuck, I really don't care."
"Figured as much," Eddie laughs. He kisses down your chest, working your jeans and boxers down too. The sight of you, hard and leaking onto your own stomach makes Eddie's mouth salivate and his own cock to twitch in his pants. "Fuck," he whispers before taking you into his mouth.
You throw your head back, and the throbbing that he'd pushed aside for the moment comes rushing back again so you angle your head down again and huff as the work of Eddie's tongue over you. His free hand keeps tight on your pelvis, pressing you down into the mattress as everything in you wants to rut up into the warmth of his mouth. his spongy tongue runs along the underside of your cock and it makes you see stars.
It's lewd--the sounds Eddie ms making but you don't care as you join in, your groans bursting from your chest. You're not going to last long, not with the way Eddie's tongue and hand are working over you.
You teeter right on the edge before Eddie pulls away firmly. "You fucker," you huff, the last tense edge of your impending orgasm floating away.
"I want to watch you when you cum," he states. It's even and measured no hesitation or uncertainty.
Eddie spits into his hand before grasping you again and he watches, every twitch of your face, every time your jaw goes slack--Eddie watches it all and the blinding edge comes back. You can feel it in your toes.
"Shit." It's all you can muster and his name falls broken just behind it.
"That's it," Eddie encourages. "That's what I want," he smiles, when the first hot spurt hits his hand. "Give me all you've got."
His hand keeps an steady stroke over you and you don't have any air to tell Eddie you can't come anymore, that you have given everything and then he lets go and you think you've plummeted back into the stratosphere all the way down back to Eddie's bed.
The frame creaks and then something warm and soft is against you. You realize now, probably a cloth to clean up the mess you've made. It's not until Eddie returns to the bed, how he brings your naked chest up into his chest--now stripped over the t-shirt he'd put on this morning--that you start to regather your thoughts again.
"Give me five and you're next," you mutter into his chest.
"I'll give you ten so I can ice my eye."
"Sounds perfect."
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