#the bad takes are worsening

[poomphuripan]

New stills from Q17 of Up Poompat (Ming) and Poom Phuripan (Joe) in iQIYI and YYDS’s My Stand-In (2024), dir. Pepzi Banchorn Vorasataree & Khom Kongkiat Khomsiri

#poom phuripan #my stand in the series #my stand in #up poompat #userbunn #userrain #usersasa #userjamiec #professional body double #thai bl #i s2g if iqiyi keeps spoiling like this but refuse to give the teaser trailer djrkldjfklsjfslkjskljl #all i will say is that joe is my tragically terribly unlucky sad boi #i honestly cant tell if i want the series to lessen or worsen his tragedies bc i think joe's pains and miseries was a huge catalyst #in his journey to finding happiness and his own happy ending #wo giving too much away i do think pbd is a refreshing take on rebirth genre where the mc isn't out for revenge even tho BAD ppl hurt him #not spoilers bc the crew posted a behind the scene clip on this filming day #but the first pic where ming is hugging joe. if you look closely joe is sitting in a wheelchair O.o #tbh this one not even i can tell why bc i cant remember when in the novel or audiodrama where joe got hospitalized after rebirth

[thenwethrowitonthefire]

Shout-out to everyone who survived a "fun" easter with the family

#fucking hell #it started with finding out my dad smoked in my car when I picked up my sister #who was equally dreading the day #my mum turns into the world's tensest and judgemental presence. worsened by my aunt #then hell for autistic people (of which there are multiple present) #multiple deaf people means one uninspired conversation that isn't interesting in any way. #combinations of passive aggressiveness and people not saying a thing because they can't participate. voice volumes too damn high #weirdass food situations. Very full table. so many smells. #this goes on for over an hour. wishing for literally anything but being there. soul crushing. #then you still have to sit in that room for 2.5 hours. it just goes on and on. #my autistic deaf dad physically looks like how I feel. my mum and aunt keep piling on top of him to demand his mental presence #i leave the room once (to get my phone to show pictures to my uncle) and am immediately followed upstairs by my mum #who demands I don't leave the room (What's next. following me when I need the toilet?) #me and my sister are so bored we start throwing paper planes and fake fighting. #Which amuses the bored and the deaf #but of course my mum and aunt have opinions and this is not allowed. only soul crushing boredom allowed #they complain to each other over it while aggressively doing dishes #finally it ends because my mum and aunt start insisting my dad should go to bed if he's 'that tired'. *sprinkle on some additional ableism* #still sitting through a conversation about allergies one of my sister's friends has. my mum preaching that people should take that seriously #(meanwhile i had to cook for myself for 9 years because when my allergies were really bad no one bothered to check if i could eat something) #me and my sister go sit upstairs to discover our mum has made things we care about vanish in her room #and made things appear that should not be there #I've washed the interior of my car and hope the smell will go #you think it's over after that. but woke up with the realisation that even more things have disappeared from my sister's room. #i can't remember a time when things left outside of my room didn't disappear #I don't know why we do these family gatherings at all. no one has fun on days like that. #the housing crisis isn't making these things easy. my sister is losing her place to live again as well #she'll go hiking for a month and then work on a campsite over the summer #maybe I'll go house sitting again. idk. #can't make commitments a few months in advance like that because I'll cancel everything the second Sparks announces anything important

[apotelesmaa]

I think the fact that u can just get prescribed ssris without being told about side effects to watch out for and then have your dose raised and suddenly have your mental health absolutely tank is. So funny. Absolutely incapable of feeling emotions to the point where all of my relationships are fucked (unable to feel affection/love) my academic career is fucked (unable to feel any sense of urgency towards assignments/attendance) my Everything Is Fucked (unable to gauge emotional well-being until things are actually hazardous) but at least I also can’t feel the Consuming Despair. Giving zombie realness. Going through the motions pilled. Apathymaxxing.

#the emotions are there it’s just like. so disconnected from myself that my body feels it but I don’t? #like my sister was sick and my body was helping and fretting over her and my brain was just like 😑 #my parents came to visit and I felt zero emotion #i can barely reach out to people to maintain relationships because I have zero desire to do anything but sit there and do nothing #my brain started drafting a note and I had to be like ohhh wait this is bad isn’t it #what irritates me is like. i thought this was the depression worsening when it started happening. so they increased the dose. which made it #worse. and if I hadn’t looked into it I would probably ask for another increase. #+ also I’m thankfully not a fan of drinking unless it’s socially but the emotions kind of return when drunk so it’s like #i can see how this would be a path to unhealthy habits for people who are prone to drinking more #u know that one tiktok audio that’s like ‘she’s looking at me and telling me she loves me and I just feel nothing’ ‘oh my god shut UP’ it’s #like that. but for everything. literally just trapped in my head talking to myself because I don’t have the energy or desire to speak. #thanks for the emotional blunting Zoloft you truly ruin my life like nothing else #and I can’t even stop taking it because it’ll fuck with my head more. we’re in some dire dire docks boys. minus the sick submarine.

[icewindandboringhorror]

a boye whom'st loves to attack paper balls

#cats #nhgnhmmm.. yommy... paper favorite food #(I do not actually let him eat paper) #ALSO I'm still working on doing the poll adventure thing I've just had a lot going on. as usual. It's actually harder than #I initially thought to regularly find time to do a quick ms paint sketch and a small writing blurb #it's like even though it doesn't take extremely long it's still one of those things that is hard to carve out a little portion of the day #to do if your day is set up in a way not conducive to portion carving #BUT .. at least I have posted many drafts #as usual.. my style of like.. post nothing for 3 weeks then randomly post 25 things at once #NO idea why my brain works that way. it just does. it's easier #even though I know it's worse in terms of like. social media #the algorithms in most places prefer consistent steady uploads over time. not jarringly wavering between absence and hyper presence #then absence again. but .. alas... #Good to clear out a few drafts once in a while anyway. And I do really want to get back to scullptures and costumes. I stopped as much for #a while due to the pandemic (can't go to the bins anymore to get new supplies for costumes and stuff) as well as my worsened #health things/lack of energy and also my chest injury (so repetitive movements with my arms such as sitting in the same #position sculpting for 4 hours or changing clothes multiple times in quick succession etc. could flare it up) but obviously #none of those things are going to get better any time soon. so I should probably just try to do it here and there anyway. It's still not #safe to go to the bins. still having muscle problems. still low energy. But I could make it work maybe. I just feel bad having gotten out #of the habit when it is really fun stuff that I enjoy. Some things just get more difficult for me over time #But even like 3 sculptures and 10 costumes a year is better than 0 of any of those things. So. eh #I'm also just trying to clear out pictures still. My spring cleaning (which I do at the start of every new year instead of actual spring) #was kind of delayed this year due to me feeling sick and everything so even late into april I'm still working on the side at like orgnazing #all of the files on my computer. deleting things and backing up whatever I want to keep. clearing out photos. #editing and drafting (and maybe one day posting) old stuff form a while ago. etc. etc. #So any progress is good progress. I suppose. #ANYWAY.... a son... he gets very excited everytime he hears anyone anywhere crinkle up a piece of paper

[imsosry-sir]

are there rlly people that can like.. make a plan to do their work and then… actually do their work??

bc i would literally give anything (firstborn, kidney, soul, etc etc) to experience that just once ;-;

#like shit if i could actually just do work when i wanted to i’d be so powerful #got the drive just not the execution #i wanna do stuff (ie write a paper or do a project) SO BAD #like it’s not even that i don’t want to or am consciously putting it off #i just literally can’t start until i get a random spark of extra motivation here and there #yes yes i have adhd #i take meds but it’s prob a bit below what i need #it’s just that anything higher starts to make me jittery and worsens other problems #so then here i am at 3 in the morning trying to keep myself up for if i happen to gather up enough motivation #i’m so sleep deprived idek what i’m saying anymore #whole ass rant in the tags #adhd #procrastination #i’m tired #relateable #? maybe #less and less coherent by the second #i also didn’t sleep last night either #neurodivergent

[samaspic31]

What if i just gave up instead of fighting to figure out how to “earn a living” out of art or even any fucking field and have habits as ethical as i can in this hellscape of a world where the only thing rewarded is ownership and cruelty. What if

#hi fucking sick and tired of things getting worse and people eating bait and even entertainment being unethical #ly made and distributed #sam speaks #im being a doomer. i know. I’ll figure it out. living in the imperialist core is distressing to live in when you have morals #such as people should live well #i want to shake people my sphere of influence is small and i have no channel to the positions and people that can enact change #the paris jo are. underligning and worsening many a social issue and going back to school is infuriating #ill kep diying and shopping the least unethical vegetables making reusable stuff buying secondhand and preferring paper packaging #but it’s so small and it’s not me and it takes time not everyone has and they’re given such bad options when buying #and were taught such bad habits #i hate capitalism #and all its pernicious consequences on kn the psyche and #fucking social inertia and resistance to radical change

[dutybcrne]

Sometimes I forget I have SO many gottdam hcs squirrled away. I was looking through my notes app for a Thing and found my lil tidbit abt Halfdan being asthmatic-

#hc; halfdan #//ANYWHO; here we go- #//It doesn't get triggered too often; but when it does; HOO BOY #//It was much harder on him as a lad; now that he's older and taking much better care of himself now that he's Conscious of it; it's easier #//Doesn't mean he's perfect with it; he does keep messing up on managing it sometimes #//It's more of a mild-persistent for the most part #//But tends to worsen a Lot most often in colder weather; bc of overtraining; & ESP when he isn't careful around flowers around Teyvat #//Inteyvats didn't really bother him; but flowers in the overworld have MUCH more pollen than he's used to #//And messes him up BAD #//Overtraining tends to be the culprit though; bc he gets so eager to prove himself and unconsciously try and push his limits #//Next thing he knows; he's passed tf out and/or blearily finding himself in Roneth or sb's arms bc he'd worked himself into a collapse #//He's very careful otherwise #//Up in Teyvat; he gets quite the taste for coffee and honey; once he learns they can help

[mishkakagehishka]

if i weren't the most absent-minded forgetful easily-distracted person in the world, i'd actually be so powerful. Instead i'm senile at 19

#that post that talked ab adhd forgetfulness and how scary it is bc you always live in fear of it worsening #still dk for sure if i have adhd or not but i do have the scary forgetfulness #like if i'm forgetting everything from things as small as tea to that as big as homework #i went to the shops yesterday i WROTE DOWN pasta and i forgot to buy pasta all the same #i set an alarm for myself to head to the post office and pick up a letter on my way home but i forgot to take the letter receipt i needed #for it. and it's like. Jesus Christ. i don't recall being This Bad a few years ago so is it gonna keep worsening? i hope not

[theold-ultraviolence]

.

#as if it weren’t enough with my grandma being sick #now my mom told me today that she hasn’t been well for the past two days #and just now she told me #and the symptoms she describes are so worrying #idk how to handle any of this #my life this year has been bad news after bad news after bad #I cannot take this anymore #I really don’t see a moment where this gets any easier #I’m holding onto hope that peace will come soon #but everything seems to worsen #and idk how it all went downhill from out of nowhere and it just hasn’t stopped

[vaeolus]

i need go get a scale so i can weigh bart. i feel like he's losing weight really quickly even though he's eating like normal. maybe i'm just accustomed to having big cats but i feel like i can feel his ribs too easily :(

#pet illness #i'm reeeeeeally worried it's something bad. something lifelong. #he's already on prescription food. i. can't afford to have him on some sort of medication regimen or extended treatment. #like. if i take him to the vet and they tell me he has hyperthyroidism or diabetes or something. i.. i don't think i'd be able to keep him. #i love him so much. i hope nothing's wrong. #he already doesn't get along with the other cats. he can barely leave my room bc he gets into too much trouble. #if it's something that worsens from stress i just. i don't know. i don't know. #i'm scared.

[majorasnightmare]

obligatory vent text

fun fact there is a limit on the number of tags you can add to a post.

its 30

#i live in hell! i live in hell! i live in hell! #how do i tell the people i know that the reason i take so long about anything #to read the fic theyve written look at the art theyve made #is because i exist in a state of being constantly abused while my disabillities worsen #and it is in fact constant! there is no escape! i cant even sleep without the threat of abuse! #how do i make anyone understand that i have not left the house in years plural. like? i dont leave i am locked in with an abuser #the windows are shut the doors are closed i do not Get Out #no one will employ me! so i dont leave the house for work #i cant maintain an education! so i dont go out for school #no one who cares about me and my partner lives nearby! so i dont visit friends or leave for meals or j #hang out at all #it keeps escalating! because i cant leave she knows she can get away with it so she keeps escalating #all my online friends get used like piggy banks because she dangles necessities over our broke heads and says pay me or die #pay me or have no cell service. pay me or have no internet. pay me or dont eat. pay me or get kicked out #it wasnt even this bad at my parents. i could have 8 hours of school every day where i didnt have to deal with them #i dont even have that anymore #i dont have the energy for anything anymore. i am in constant misery #it doesnt ever stop! it only gets less bad! but it doesnt ever stop! #how do i make anyone understand ive been in a locked room for years and im not exaggerating #how do i make you get it! think of the things you do to leave your house! i dont go out to get snacks or drinks! #i dont go out to get groceries! i dont go out to say hi to people i know! there is no one i know here! #think about all the times you close your front door behind you and take them all away and thats been my life #everytime i bring it up i feel like no one gets the profound soul crushing isolation i live in #its just me and my partner. in hell. nonstop #all my doors are closed and theres no escape and i dont know whats going on in anyones lives anymore #i do not eat i do not sleep i can barely walk and i spend every day fluctuating between begging for death and being terrified of it #i dont. hear anyone else talk. i hear 2 voices. every day. i cant remember how to interact with people #im not the person any of you used to know im worse im worse im so much worse #how can you exist when you cant fully unpack your box of clothes in case you get thrown out next week. how do you have hobbies #how do you talk about a traumatic event last year when yesterday someone screamed at your partner so loud it knocked the bathroom door open

[paintalyx]

i hate how everything nowdays has to be digitalised because i went to a doctor's appointment the other day and instead of– i don't know, listening to me when i described which nerves i suspect are causing me trouble when i do certain motions and trying to follow those neural pathways herself to determine whether i have inflammation or carpal tunnel syndrome or whatever, the neurologist was more concerned about typing out a proper report so that she doesn't get fired. barely looked at me when i tried to show what arm positions cause me ache or when i listed off the symptoms i jotted down in my journal. even when she decided to check my reflexes it felt dismissive, like i shouldn't be wasting her time asking for a diagnosis unless my limbs have already started giving up on me

i don't know, i wasn't expecting too much when i came in, but she couldn't be assed to even suggest me temporary treatment, such as using braces or ibuprofen. fortunately I decided to look them up on my own almost immidiately after i started documenting my symptoms otherwise these past few months would have been unbearable

#personal #chronic pain #look ableism is bullshit and i'm not going to sit on my ass thinking that i don't need to get help if i my arms still kinda work #or that my joints don't ache bad enough to justify needing braces #imagine constantly having to tell people ``no it's not THAT bad i just don't want it to get WORSE`` #just because you decided to start using readily available and easily accessible things that are designed to help you #and prevent your problems for worsening #god forbid you take measures to avoid further complications

[lesbiten]

thinking about stan looking around the cabin after ford gets portaled just to you know. See Whats What and the only thought in his mind is Damn Bitch You Live Like This?

#exact same reaction fiddleford probably had except it has GOT to be worse #because ford living alone and being generally messy and not taking care of himself a Normal Amount is one tihng #but all of that COMBINED with the intense paranoia and resulting insomnia and General Mental Illness Worsening that happened #between fiddleford divorcing him and stan showing up? oh that cabin is BAD it is FUCKED #stans first instinct is to lightheartedly bully him for not even having an actual bed but Uh Oh! too late for that #maybe 30 years later he brings it up and they have a good laugh about it. who knows #simon says

[yeahlikethebird]

.

#it's 1am and i'm depressed and don't want to go to bed #there's such an unbelievable amount of century-defining tragedy and horror in the world rn #and i know that’s always true but jfc we know about so much more of it simultaneously now #like i'm supposed to be chill and functional in the face of war pandemic climate change forever chemicals micro plastics and fascism? #and and and? #i'm supposed to smile and ask follow-up questions when people tell me about vacations to Hawaii #rather than shaking them and saying holy fuck stop doing that please learn about the ramifications and historical context of your actions #i'm supposed to smile and give a measured response when a new coworker asks my other coworker and me #when they can/SHOULD use generative AI *for work purposes* #rather than screaming and throwing articles at them about the environmental impact of LLM bullshit #and that's all large scale #that's not getting into the fact that there's a growing family chilliness over refusal to communicate about I/P shit #or the fact that my mom is dying slowly and hates it and is worsening her relationship with my siblings little by little #or the fact that I'm peeling away at my sanity trying to process a divorce and get healthcare for my cat and dental care for myself #or the fact that it takes hours of research to find DISH SOAP THAT DOESN’T KILL THE MICROBIOMES OF THE LOCAL WATER SUPPLY #(10/10 recommend 'blueland' for that if you're reading btw) #like i'm painfully aware of the back-patting level of efficacy that i have for buying different soap and going to the farmer's market #but there's only so much i can do so i have to try to do what i can right? but it's so little and everything is so much #and my mental health is a mess; the fact that my particular neurotype is known to get more volatile with age scares the shit oit of me #like it's this bad at 33 and it gets WORSE? #my job is great for personal privilege but so *so* meaningless and redundant #and how tf do i look at all of this and not feel fucking hopeless? #i can distract myself with my garden but the candide approach was myopic even in the 17th century so it's hard to justify now #I'm so tired #just... fuck man #tag rant #i should delete this but I'll forget if you read this far i hope it wasnt damaging to your mental health #i just had to let off the brain scream pressure somewhere

[be-good-to-bugs]

maybe i WILL get to move back home

#the bin #i talked to my mom and things might go ok but idk #i just have to wait and see but i desperately hope i can move. i need to see a doctor so bad. my whole body feels horrible all the time #and my tooth has gotten so much worse. i can deal with it if thres an end date. i cant deal with it indefinitely. and i cant afford to get #it fixed without insurance. i would rather die than deal with this shit for another however long i have to i CAN NOT do that #esp bc i would need to go to work while experiencing it. idk. im shaky literally ALL the time and my insides alwyas hurt and my joints #hurt so much too. and half the time im at work my chest hurts and i cant see straight. i cant fuckin do this anymorew. #apparently my dad might be getting a new job so their landlord might be more willing to renew but idk. she said she should know on april 1st #which isnt that far away but idk. i mean. its not impossible theyll renew. who knows. i hope so. #i know at keast thst i have a way to get there if there is a place for me to live so thats good. my health cant take this anymore. and im #also not able to emotionally. idk what other option i have but. god. its hard enough as is. im having like a perpetual panic attack since i #found out i probs wont get to move. im tryna be optimistic. i dont think im physically capable of staying here any longer #it was hard enough to stay herenthis extra yearm ive been having breakdowns repeatedly over it. and my physical health keeps worsening #i miss my little sister. i wanna be able to see the people i care about. theres so few people in the world i enjoy being around and i dont #get to see them ever. instead i have to see my second least favorite person in the world in order to even just get groceries #hhhh. i want the time to pass so i can know for sure but i also desperately dont wnat it to cause im so scared itll be bad news #whatever. i will hope and believe that itll work out until i know that it wont. hhhhh. worst case scenario i guess ill just have to save up #and figure out moving there later on but like. i was really happy to NOT have to worry abt rent or working so i could focus on my health and #then i could go back that that stuff. oh well

[bl00dw1tch]

depression will literally have you googling "i need something to hope for rn" 💀

#horse.txt #vent // #it was a week ago that i did that but im feeling it again. i feel so helpless. it feels like theres no point in doing anything #the existential and immediate global climate threat being exponentially Worsened by all the fucking Bombs #and everyone still walks around like 'well its not going to happen in our lifetimes' like 1. you are clearly Not fucking paying attention #and 2. what if i wanted to have kids. what about all the people who DO have kids and grandkids. what life do we have to hope for anymore #our country is full of genocidal racist maniacs that are jackhammering the foundations of our world to rubble #and im still supposed to just. take care of myself. to get a fucking job and keep going anyway. its fucking miserable. its fucking MISERABLE #if Avatar gets ruined for me before its completed i dont know if ill be able to muster up anything else to keep going #thats all ive got to motivate me personally right now. the fact that all the movies are supposed to be out before the end of the decade #before the temperatures get so bad it gets dangerous to go outside or whatever in the 2030s #i dont know. i try to stay optimistic and some days its really easy. there is progess being made. new oil is being rolled back and deflected #maybe it wont be too bad #but other days im just too scared to do anything. it really starts to feel like theres no point