the eldest river in "the impossible astronaut" is always so fucking distressing to me in hindsight. the way she knows what's going to happen at lake silencio, but she can't say anything to the people she loves most. she constantly has to lie, always has to play pretend. spoilers. the fate of the entire universe depends on it.
and the doctor, her doctor, doesn't trust her because of it.
because of all the lies. because of what she has to do to necessarily protect them both.
how she has to revisit her ugly childhood and fractured youth and watch it from afar, incapable of helping that scared little girl in a spacesuit, the young woman submerged in the water.
and she watches her husband and parents, too—watches them watching her own making—and they don't even know it.
There's this exchange between her and her mother that becomes all the more harrowing when you realizing that she's talking about herself.
River: I know what you're thinking.
Amy: No, you don't.
River: You're thinking, "If we can find the spaceman in 1969 and neutralize it, then it won't be around in 2011 to kill the Doctor."
Amy: Okay, lucky guess.
River: It's only because I was thinking it, too.
and then there's the moment where she catches a glimpse of the Silence in the tunnels and all that pain and trauma comes rushing back to her in an sickening instant, and even when they disappear from her memory, that horror still lingers in her body, but she pretends to keep it together anyway for other people's sake anyway.
in those dark tunnels, she only allows herself five minutes to fall apart away from prying eyes.
and she would have gotten away with it, too, had her father not shown up. he's concerned—even though he doesn't know her very well yet—and he's there, and he's asking all the right questions.
Is she okay? what did she mean when said there's a worse day coming for her?
And River opens up to him in a way that we've rarely seen her do.
River: The trouble is, it's all back-to-front. My past is his future. We're traveling in opposite directions. Every time we meet, I know him more, he knows me less. I live for the days when I see him, but I know that every time I do, he'll be one step further away. And the day is coming when I'll look into that man's eyes, my Doctor, and he won't have the faintest idea who I am. And I think it's going to kill me.
fucking gutting.
133 notes
·
View notes
Weirdly specific headcanons Pt. 2 (Tenth Doctor x Reader)
a/n: finals fried my brain again, have some headcanons (new fics coming soon, I promise)
Says stuff like “2+2=5” with such confidence that you almost believe him
Secretly likes it when you and Donna call him “spaceman”
His favorite Earth snack is Goldfish (especially the colored ones)
Insufferable to watch movies with because he corrects everything
Traces words in circular Gallifreyan on your skin, usually on the back of your hand
Things like “I love you” and various nicknames he has for you
Often times when he fixes the TARDIS it doesn’t really need it, he just likes having something to do
Similarly, the TARDIS creates issues so he has to fix them
His love language is quality time, he just wants to be with you
Having you sit in the room while he fixes the TARDIS, showing you every single part of the universe, laying in bed on lazy days, etc
Needs constant reassurance and love
Cuddles too
Might not remember things like your birthday without reminders from the TARDIS
However, he knows exactly how you like your tea, your favorite color, and every single nervous tic you have
900+-year-old toddler
Requires constant supervision or he will cause harm to himself and/or others
Is absolute rubbish at cooking. Something always ends up burnt
Makes a mean cuppa though
He loves all kinds of cuddles but he really likes it when the two of you fall asleep spooning
Big fan of wrapping his entire body around you and tangling his limbs with yours
Also goes crazy for a good hug
Maybe his love language is also touch
He likes sitting on the floor for some reason, especially the TARDIS floor
Sits in chairs really weird too. Practically drapes himself across them with his long limbs sticking out and over the chair.
Has boundless amounts of energy. Is it a Time Lord thing or ADHD? We’ll never know (It’s both)
Knows enough random stuff to win Jepordy, but he would epically fail at it
Would correct every single answer and argue that he was right, not the answer sheet.
“Mount Rainier isn’t a volcano, fire aliens were just living under it.”
Loves ABBA and Queen. Can be often caught singing their songs to himself, especially when getting ready
Has a little troll doll collection in his room, among other strange 90s toys and random objects he likes
50 notes
·
View notes
if whouffaldi wasn't canon then explain why every doctor has their own catchphrase like "fantastic", "allonsy", "geronimo", "brilliant" but they made the 12th doctors catchphrase "clara" ??? HIS CATCHPHRASE IS JUST HER NAME. AND YOUR TRYING TO TELL ME HE WASNT IN LOVE WITH HER??
104 notes
·
View notes