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buckieduckie · 1 year

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why i thought michael wheeler was gay before i even knew what stranger things was about - why i decided to watch ST in the first place

ok ok ok so yes i know this sounds crazy and insane and impossoble even. i mean you have to watch a show to know if the characters are gay, right? wrong.

But how'd you even know who mike was before you watched ST?

becauuuseee honeyyyy, ur a kid on the internet, you watch videos on youtube, lots of those will unfortunately be top 10 videos cause ur like 10 or 11 or sum shit. anyways, you see clips from popular shows and medias. some of those are stranger things clips and you get half way familiar with the characters so you know who millie bobby brown is and you know what mikes face looks like.

anyways, this brings me to my next... statement? point? anyways... so yeah, i cant remember what video i was watching or anything, but a clip from stranger things comes up. i knew it was ST cause it was popular and shit n duhhhh. ANYWAYS the clip was El Dumping Mike's Ass ™ and, i cant remember if it was the clip saying it or my own gaydar going off, but i think it was my gaydar, BUT i imeditately clocked mike as gay. i was what.... 6th grade? maybe? at the most.

anyways, i watched mike getting dumped and somehow, someway, i just knew. i just imediately knew. and yknow... part of me thinks it was just the fact that back then because i hadnt watched the show, i was comepletely utterly totally unbiased. like my slate was clean. i knew nothing of anything besides that clip. maybe it is more obvious than we think....

after that i just kinda forgot about it for a couple years untilllll....

OK so then... On to my next point of disgussion.

Why did I start watching Stranger Things?

OK OK OK OK OK SO- okkayy saurrrrrrrrr basically, i have a friend. her name is tina. (thats her nickname ok dw im not like leaking personal info chill) anyways. she sat with me in art last year, and i knew from sitting with her that year and knowing her in the previous years that she was a really big fan of stranger things. sooooooo yeah i sat with her in art and i guess she knew that i hadnt watched stranger things, so like... she realllllyyyyyy wanted me to watch stranger things she was like "omg you should totally watch stranger things youd like it so much theyre coming out with a new season this summer im so excited" so i was like omggggg but yk shes always trying to make me watch shit n ykyk, whatever.

one day she convinces me or- wait no i think she forced me, and i kinda like- caved or smt. anyways, we end up watching the first episode on her phone during art class. lmao slay. so we finish the first episode and im thinking it was really good like wow but my ass probably wont watch the second episode cause im terrible at getting commited like wow

and ok- so herereeeee, here comes the kicker- the slingshot into ST. like why i actually like continued to watch.

i was still in my h<3rt stopper (censoring cause it would be annoying if this was in their tag) hyperfixation, or more like i was just getting out of my HS hyperfixation. I watched the series 3 times so i was getting a bit burnt out, so i needed something else to fan over, something else to watch. but not anything, it had to be gay. because lord KNOWS we do NOT have enough gay shit to watch. like i need it. and- im sorry- but not crappy indie films (disclaimer- indie films are NOT all crappy, theres just... some .... iykyk💀) or weird.... weird ones that make no sense and are just there for like... sex and honestly i have no fucking clue.

no i needed GAYURIJRH anyways,,,,, so i dm Tina and im like "omg tinaaaa helllpp meeee 👹 i need gay stuff to watch theres no good ones 😭" and so she gives me a list of shows with gay characters in them, and then shes like "Will from Stranger Things is gay lmao" (pre season 4 btw) so im like, in my mind, im like "Cool 😃 Mike Wheeler from Stranger Things is gay 😃" no duckiebuckie she said will- "Mike Wheelr is gay 😃" *queue past memories and preconceived notions of the past now flodding forward*

so. i waited a couple days. then i watched the first episode again this time with my little brother and like the rest of season 1 (not all at once) and i, fully, utterly, comepletely, totally, full heartedly believed that Mike was gay (i mean he is but thats not the point right now) like- i just, believed it. i just simply took it as fact. literally no one ever actually told me Mike was gay. i had just like, thought it was canon. like i actually thought it was canon. like genuinley. its so fucking funny thinking about it now because i really actually dont think i ever saw anyone or anything actually stating Mike was gay or anything, like my own seld really had made it canon. like wow. icon. again, it couldve been that one video, but i kinda like also dont. YKWWWW- I LIKE- ok so i even went to the point of like, during or after watching the first episode, imagining a little coming out scenario LATER THAT SEASON with mike telling Dustin and Lucase (cant remember if- WAIT OH MY GODDDD I JUST REMEMBERED- WILL WASNT IN THE SENARIO I WAS IMAGINING BECAUSE MIKE WAS COMING OUT TO LUCAS AND DUSTIN AS GAY AND HE LIKED WILL- YALL I REALLY HAVE BEEN A BYLER SHIPPER SINCE THE BEGINNING HUH 🥹🥹 (btw i would like to mention that this was less of a head canon and more of a "oh this is probably gonna happen like this is whats happening" kinda thing LMFAOOOOOO

and then mike kissed el and i was like what the fuck 😟

and then from the end of season 1-4 v1 and v2 i was... convinced of the opposite 😔 💔 but HEY YOU CANT BLAME ME I WAS LIKE GA BACK THEN AND LIKE MIKE AND EL KISSED N SHIT WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO THINK

and then the byler heart to hearts started happening and i was like- oh wait- oh honey, mikey dear your gay is showing right now. LIKE I WAS A GA WHO THOUGHT MIKE WAS STRAIGHT AND I COULD STILLLL SEEEE THE FRUITINESS LIKE HONEEYYYYYYYYYYYY FRIENDS DONT TALK TO FRIENDS LIKE THAT but i digress.

anyways. then mike said i love you blah blah blah yk like yeah hes straight but i wasnt even really thinking about the subject that much

ANYWAYS what convinced me once again that mike wheeler was gay?

well, mainly @kaypeace21 's analysis about why they think mike is not Bi, but gay, yk, the iconic one. but what started inspection in the first place when i was a steadfast "wills 100% gay but unfortunately mike is 100% straight and its unrequited and i dont ship byler because its just a lil funky and weird because mike is OBVIOUSLY straight blah blah blah i mean its cute but its dEFINITELY not real blah blah" believer? because.... of ONE fateful tiktok.

Enter Tina again. were at her house, and we decide to watch stranger things tiktok compilations and crack videos n stuff cause yk that stuff is really funny and great.

So we see this one tiktok compilation and its stranger thins ofc and the title says (very gay) and shes like, ya wanna watch this one? and im like (my ass had already seen this same complilation, but i remembered the greatness that it held) so i agree.

so previously, i had watched the video and just kinda ignored the byler stuff cause i didnt ship (although i would like to make a disclaimer that i was not a mileven shipper either. i kinda just thought they were like cute and yk oh theyre the main couple cool ig it is what it is like this is how its gonna be ig) anyways, but this time (i think we had like briefly discussed mikes sexuality earlier, and decided he was prolly definitely just straight (but discussing it in the first place is like, kinda telling lmfao)) so it was on my mind. so this time, when the byler vid came on, i payed more attention. it was a rink o mania edit. and i saw his facial expression. i saw that fucking facial expression.

so me and Tina™ paused the video, and we were like "ok... so like, I think Mike is straight... but like that facial expression he just made. but like hes definitely straight right? yeah... but that expressionnnnnnn.... but like yeah, right? yeah.. anyways...." and then we watched the rest of the video.

and then pinterest came in and it was one piece of evidence after another and then the Kaypeace post.

the rest is history.

My Point?

The whole reason I started watching Stranger Things in the first place was because I thought Mike was gay. If Mike Wheeler is not gay, I will have watched Stranger Things for nothing. yes, i stayed and kept watching even after m*l*v*n was established because stranger things is just so good, how could you not? but my point still stands. The whole reason for me even deciding to keep watching after the first episode was because i thought mike was gay. and it seems that we've come full circle now, because once again, i believe mike wheeler is gay and my enjoyment (and ST) depends on Mike being gay.

tagging @aemiron-main because like idk i feel like you would find this interesting? amusing? maybe? lol

tagging @l0v3c0r3e @adorewillbyers cause i feel like yall would get it 🥺 also i need someone to read this shit because i did not just spend an hour and a half writing this for like 0 notes like no maaaaaaaaaaam

@the-homosphere cause they dared me to

#god this was so much longer that i intended #but yeah #yall get it right #sheesh #ive been a mike is gay truther since the BEGINNNINGGGGG #SINCE BEFORE I WAS A BYLERRRRR #LIKE BROOO #thats saying something right there #mike wheeler is gay #mike wheeler i know what you are #byler #stranger things

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bigfatbreak · 15 days

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Birds of a Feather previous / next

#my art #feralnette au #birds of a feather #long tags #sorry I went apeshit in the tags #LETS SAY IT ALL TOGETHER NOW #I - M - A - G - OOOOOOOOO #its fun drawing marinette's back to Alya and having her appear stout and unstoppable and totally logical #and then you see her face and she's like two seconds from completely snapping and is keeping it together by a thread #as a note just because mari feels very certainly abt smth doesnt mean she's right. feelings can be valid and also irrational #in the throes of grief she decided it was better to be alone than to lose someone again so she started pulling away #and lila made pulling away very very very easy to do #shes also vaguely aware she's being unfair in pinning this on alya which is why she started spinning the drain on cockmoth again #legitimately all the shit that's happened to her wouldn't have been so catastrophic if he was never in the picture and she knows it #but the bitterness of her bestie choosing a fantastic liar over her at the worst of times stiiiiiings #alya's personal timing was bad but lila really took advantage of the fact that marinette had been acting off and weird #she basically clocked marinette as being unstable from SOMETHING and made up a lie about her #knowing she wouldn't have the strength to defend herself #between her social life going tachy bc of lila and losing fu in a way that felt like personhood death marinette was really put on the spot #and alya doing her thing of busting in there and assuming her bias is correct was a terrible combo #essentially marinette is highly unstable and alya is just realizing that #busting in and giving her a lecture when she's slightly hysterical and definitely delirious from exhaustion is NOT the way #to show her she's self sabotaging #cuz thats just gonna make her double down on self sabotaging. bc marinette will not accept that she is also a CHIIIIILD

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s0fter-sin · 16 days

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i need ghoap frantically making out against a door finally taking the leap on their feelings. need ghost grinding against soap, expecting to find him just as hard as him, only to feel nothing

and in all his wisdom and experience, he concludes soap was tortured and never told him

he’s trying to think of a delicate way to say he understands, that he’s been through it and it doesn’t change anything about how he feels (and who the fuck touched him so he can hunt them down and rend them limb from limb)

meanwhile trans!soap’s just trying to find the best angle to grind his cunt on ghost’s thigh

just it never even entering ghost’s head bc he’s never known a trans person but he has met plenty of people who’ve been tortured - himself included - so of course that’s his logical leap

soap takes off his shirt and he sees his top surgery scars and ghost asks if he wants him to kill the one who did it and soap just hums like, “actually, man did pretty good, they healed real well,” and ghost’s just teary-eyes with awe at how well he’s coping, “looking on the bright side, that’s my johnny.”

imagine he thinks johnny was fully castrated but sees he’s determined to still have a sex life with him so he buys packers and straps to help him bc hell yeah healing and soap’s just like, “holy shit i’ve never had such a thoughtful partner before, such a sweet man, lt.”

#he a little confused but he got the spirit #its so good bc it can be super angsty of ghost really dreading whats been done to his sergeant and trying to make it right #or just go full crack treated seriously and have fun with it #i love just completely oblivious ghost #in any military context hes the smartest guy in the room #he always knows the play and has more experience than anyone #but stick him in the normal world? man is Lost #ghost just thinks hes had some kind of reconstruction surgery after being tortured and accepts thats what johnny looks like #bc hes never seen a pussy before #it takes years for soap to actually come out to him bc he just never thought to #hes seen him naked theyve literally slept together what else is there for him to say #then he shows him like a family album or something and ghosts just like ‘why arent you in any of these i only see girls’#and he just goes ‘hang on a second’#soap gets one of his sporadic periods one night and panics a little thinking it would weird ghost out or remind him that hes not cis #but ghost just thinks its a normal part of such a thorough reconstruction that hed bleed sometimes #and doesnt question it when soap grabs a pad out of his drawer bc ‘thats such a good way of handling the discharge my johnnys so smart’#just really supportive ghost for the wrong reasons #coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt #we’re a team. ghost team #soapghost #ghostsoap #simon ghost riley #ghost cod #john soap mactavish #soap cod

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ccassettetape · 7 months

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i am writing an accidental haiku to attract haiku bot

#haiku bot #🦾 finn txt #normal post. average. average words in these tags.#need to catch it. with a net maybe. like those ones that they always show ppl catching butterflies and junk with on shows. pspsppspspspspsp #ooooooooooh u wanna look at this post so bad oooooooooh #<- attempting to attract haiku bot to this post #wowoowoooowowowowowoowowowowowowoowowowoowowowoowowiwoowiwiwoowowowowoowowwwww (<- normal noises)#I wonder if there’s a limit to how many tags you can add #time to begin the haiku bot summoning ritual um #oooowowowowoowowowwwwooooo haiku bot haiku bot haiku bot oooowoowowowowwwwwwwu you wanna look at this post haiku bot ooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuoo #throws flower. get over here please.#man. my arm hurts.#its weird bc one #why does my arm hurt thats really donking random but two im not?? why do i have an arm. i still get kinda surprised by it when i front lmao #why am i rambling so much in the tags #oh right trying to figure out if theres a limit to how many tags there can be dhdjdjndhdjsjmsjdjd #i think lesbians are cool. girls who like other girls are awesome. keep existing 👍#uhhhhhhhh #never mind im done with that now i dont anything more to say :(#never mind again #tags tags tags tags tags #LISTEN IM BORED AS HECK AND WANT TO DO SOMETHING RANDOM AND SILLY SHUSH #journal

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mccoalminer · 2 years

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Alison Bechdel

#alison Bechdel #dykes to watch out for #ive been thinking about this image a lot partly because that right there is what we like to call a shared experience #but also because of the god damn gender of this dyke in particular #dtwof holds a special place in my heart because as a comic strip about queer/butch experiences it feels like a rare insight into how wlw #felt in the 80s-00s and especially over that progression. its not about traumaposting or sending a message #it was just dykes going and not to play into a cliche here but i think thats beautiful #just lesbians living their lives #i always think of it like if the f.r.i.e.n.d.s. cast was replaced by a group of gay ppl living politically charged lives #only without making the gay ppl the butt of the joke lol #ive forgotten what i was trying to sau with these tags but basically these two lil panels feel like a lot like home to me #gender #oh no i used the dreaded quotation marks in my tags and it has ruined the order of the tags #the 8th tag was supposed to say something like 'its just dykes going 'this reminds me of a dyke i know' ...'#7th tag not 8th i cant count #the point is #i tried

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lunar-wandering · 11 months

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THIS FUCKING EXPRESSIONNNNN

#Monkie Kid #LMK S4 Special Spoilers #LMK Spoilers #Monkie Kid Spoilers #i wont say what this expression necessairly means cause im autistic and there some expressions that i still cant read right #bUT #i will say for me that it's either him finally piecing something together #OR. he honestly seems confused by his past actions #which if thats the case thats INTERESTING. does he not actually remember this happening this way??#i have always been under the assumption that LBD might've messed with his memories a little. could this have been one of them?

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zedif-y · 2 months

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so. as far as i'm aware:

the wool permits zed got were his brand colors, he gets 50% of doc's profits on the wood selling , which he's selling for Sand and it's Doc, so zed's probably not gonna have to worry about collecting sand for his glass permits as much anymore, and his acquired blaze rod and magma cube permits go hand in hand?

HOW is zed winning . it's not a competition but he's WINNING

#HE DIDNT EVEN PARTICIPATE IN DEMISE?#zedaph plays #zedaphplays #hermitcraft season 10 #mcyt #mcytblr #hermitblr #if i misremembered something i am sorry but i think im right abt all this??#thats my guy!! win by doing nothing<3 #u could say he was... awarded for knothing...

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uhyeahnoabsolutelynot · 1 year

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the gradual shift in joel from being the guy who’s so desensitized that he can carry a dead kid the same way he carried sarah to the site of her death and toss the corpse into a fire without blinking to being the guy who has a massive breakdown and almost nukes his whole life from the fear of ellie being irreparably harmed while under his care......and the way the last few episodes the show go out of their way to specifically test him on that fear.....like hey joel you’re mortally wounded and can’t protect or take care of her, what do you do. hey joel while you were bedridden she went through the worst experience of her life, what do you do. hey joel [insert spoilers for last ep here, you get the idea]. and he rises to the occasion, he pushes through the fear for her, because she asked him to. she wanted him to be the one to deliver her. she didn’t want anyone else. and he’s decided he’s going to give her whatever she wants

it takes time for the realization that he’s gonna have to confront his worst nightmare to really sink in. he’s built up a mental fortress against what happened to him 20 years ago. and you see that when he really starts to care is when all of that comes back up. the time skip between ep 5 and 6 was probably the Joel Quietly Freaks Out with Increasing Frequency and Intensity variety hour

and him telling her she’s not his daughter. aside from being that thing where you say the worst thing you can think of to someone when you’re trying to end your relationship with them so you can’t go back and change your mind later. but also, when you peel back all the layers of pain and fear, that’s him saying “you are not going to die.” up until that moment it’s the most honest and open expression of his feelings that he’s shared with her. his daughter died in his arms. that’s what happens to “joel’s daughter.” so ellie cannot be his daughter

that probably should’ve been 3 separate posts but it’s season finale day and i’m unmedicated, fuck it

#he's so full of fear #but parenting is fear #tlou just dials the horrors of parenting up to eleven lol #and then the way it manifests for him is the inverse in a way #instead of 'im so afraid to let my kid out of my sight'#it's 'im so afraid to be with my kid because if something bad happens to them that means im responsible'#my man has baggage what can i say #i just thought that was an interesting flipflop #anyway im excited for final ep #i will probably not be engaging with s2 not bc i think tlou2 was bad necessarily but just bc i emotionally am not in a place to handle that #lol i prefer to live in denial sometimes thats my human gay right #tlou #the last of us #my stuff

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nomazee · 23 days

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enough to make me cry

blade is your only roommate, your only friend, and your only way home from this terrible party you found yourself in.

blade x gn reader — 3.3k — college & roommates au!, very americanized college experiences, frat parties, mentions of drinking & vomiting, could be read as platonic but there are definitely romantic undertones, feelings of inadequacy/being out of place, hurt/comfort, social anxiety, blade is probably ooc i'm gonna be so honest, mild kafka & reader friendship, erggg im probably missing something

notes: no i have to be so honest blade is probably completely out of character i have not played a single side quest with him in it but i just think he has reluctant roommate-to-best friend potential and i wanted to pour that into a fic,,, this is mostly unintelligible but i did proofread! love you all

—°+..｡*ﾟ｡*ﾟ+.*.｡.—

A warm hand rests on your shoulder, and the first thing that you think is Blade’s hands are supposed to be cold.

It’s really pathetic. You’re somewhere in a stupid frat house, the thrumming of music around you. There’s the flashing colors and sounds of Mario Kart on the TV, the smell of puke (probably yours) and corona lite, and a hand on your shoulders that you’ve discerned is not your roommate, Blade’s.

Looking to the side, you follow the hand (painted, manicured nails, definitely still not Blade’s), and it leads up to an arm up to a shoulder up to a face, and—oh.

“You’re—” you pause, getting your words in order before you puke them up, “you’re Blade’s pretty lady friend?” It’s supposed to come out as a statement, but leans more to a question. She looks down, a bit of a teasing grin on her face, but her eyes are a little soft so you trust her.

“Is that what he calls me?” she jokes.

“No, I’m— I came up with that.” If you had any dignity left in you, you’d be embarrassed to admit that to her. Unfortunately, you’re pretty sure that Kafka (the pretty lady friend in question) just held your hair back and wiped your face as you puked into a frat-house toilet, flushing your dignity away with your dinner. Your eyes burn with tears and mortification, and you pray that only Kafka saw your embarrassing mishaps.

“I called him to pick you up,” she tells you, already looking away from you and scanning the room as if looking for something, or someone. “I would take you home myself, but I’ve got some things to take care of. And I’m assuming you didn't bring your keys with you?”

A quick pat-down of your pockets confirms that, yes, you somehow managed to leave your keys at home, the one personal necessity that you were supposed to bring besides your phone. Which, thankfully, you do at least have.

“Umm, the…” you mutter, tongue tangling uselessly as you try to find a way out of here without facing the impending doom of Blade’s aggravated scolding and his I told you so’s.

A week ago, you went to him with an invite to this frat party and begged him to come with you, saying something like You don’t go out much, this is your chance! He’d adamantly refused, calling it a bad idea and rolling his eyes whenever you brought it up. But you were stubborn, and you wanted to have a fun college experience, so you forced him to drive you to the party with the promise of paying for his next gas payment and getting your own ride back home at the end of the night.

“I can go,” you finally tell Kafka, mind stringing along memories and thoughts and alarm bells of get your ass home before you have to sit in an awful car ride with Blade, “It’s, like, a fifteen minute walk, don’t call him.”

“It’s a little too late for that, kid,” Kafka drawls, amusement in her words. She’s smiling down at you, and you’re reminded of how small you feel. “He’s already on the way.”

“No!” you protest, a little too loudly, but not loud enough to be heard over the thumping of music and bodies and voices. “It’s— Kafka, please, just tell him to turn around, I really don’t want him to deal with me today.”

If you knew her even less, you’d misinterpret the twitch in her expression as concern—but you’re not too dumb, so you read it as amusement. “Trust me, he’s not going to have a problem with that. You’ll be fine.”

Whatever that means. Kafka’s too cryptic for your liking, but you won’t complain. She wiped up your vomit from the dirty bathroom tiles and stayed with you to make sure you didn't get trampled, and she didn't complain about any of that. In a week, when you have enough strength to face her again, you’ll treat her to a good, expensive, flaky pastry. She seems like the kind of person who would love those.

Her phone buzzes with a text notification, and she clicks her tongue, standing up and pulling you with her. Her hand is still warm, seeping through the sleeve of your shirt as she takes you by the forearm, gentle but guiding. Your stomach churns at the thought of seeing Blade, the thought of him seeing you like this. Freshly-puked-out with a nasty stomachache all because of a party that he told you not to go to.

You hold back your protests as Kafka leads you through the still-crowded frat house. What time is it? Has nobody gotten bored yet, seriously? At least you didn't kill the mood by running to the bathroom and weeping into the toilet. It seems like nobody noticed, except for Kafka, and you don’t know if that should make you feel comforted or just more upset.

The cool air of the night hits you as you step through the front door, eyes tracking your feet as you walk down the concrete steps. You see the silhouette of Blade’s ugly blue car in your peripheral vision, but you don’t want to look up in fear of seeing the disappointment on his face so soon. He’s going to rip you a new one, and then call you a slob and kick you out of the apartment and say I can’t have a party fiend living with me even though this was your first party ever, honest.

You barely register that you’ve reached the passenger side of Blade’s car, only coming back to awareness when Kafka opens the door for you and starts nudging you into the seat. A really pathetic part of you wants to grab onto her arm and cry hard enough that she just relents and lets you walk home, but you’re already half into the passenger seat, looking everywhere but Blade.

“Take care of them, won’t you, Bladie?” Kafka commands lightly, her hand leaving your arm as you get situated and buckled up in the car. Blade lets out a little huff in response and your stomach sinks. He’s already annoyed.

The car ride to your apartment is only five minutes at this time of night. You just have to survive five minutes in silence and pray that he doesn’t tear into you and scold you like a disappointed parent. A glance at the clock on the car’s console confirms that it’s half past midnight. What the fuck. What were you even doing at the party for that long, besides vomiting and crying?

The car rumbles, exhaust sputtering a little bit as Blade pulls out from the side of the street and drives slowly, carefully, as if not to rattle you, and you really just want him to speed up and throttle the car around so you feel more guilty about waking him up in the middle of the night to come pick you up. Blade goes to bed at eleven, the latest. You can’t imagine why Kafka thought it would be a good idea to call him, of all people, but then you remember that you kind of don’t have any other friends on campus. Your chest tightens at the thought.

Blade makes some kind of sniffling noise, his way of trying to initiate some kind of conversation. There’s not even any music playing, because he always drives in dead silence because he’s abnormal, and on any other day you’d tease him about it like you always do. You see him turn his head to you in the corner of your eye, but you refuse to acknowledge him. You wish he’d just start scolding you, yelling at you or something.

Tears prickle behind your eyes, painfully so, but your hands tighten around each other in your lap as you will yourself to not cry like a baby in front of your roommate. He lets out another sigh, but it doesn’t sound angry, just tired, and somehow that makes you feel worse.

“What were you guys even drinking?” is his question of voice, and it’s the one question you didn't want him to ask, and you can’t help it when the tears spill over and you bring your hand up to wipe them away frantically, hiccuping a little bit as your gut churns.

“What—” Blade stutters, and he never stutters, and you see him whip his head around to look at you, crying into your hands over a simple question, and you just want to leave the car and walk home like you told Kafka you would do. He pulls over to the side of some residential street. There’s a dog barking in a yard and wind chimes clinking together, and you think of your handmade bottle cap wind chime hung in the balcony of yours and Blade’s apartment, and it just makes you cry more.

The car comes to a full stop. Blade puts it in park and turns completely to you. You spare a quick glance at him through the gaps between your fingers, and there’s something like worry on his face, which you’ve never seen before. His face is pinched, lips parted as if wanting to say something, but he can’t. He’s waiting for you.

“I didn't drink anything, Blade,” you sob, feeling miserable at the state of yourself, at how you went to a frat party with nobody you knew and just walked around like a lost child, too scared to drink or talk to anyone, too anxious to say a word. “Not even a shot, or a sip, nothing from the fridge. It was so stupid, you were right, okay? It was a stupid idea, and I shouldn’t have gone.” Your breath catches in your throat, and the car is dead quiet as Blade lets your words sink in.

You try not to make so much noise when you cry, but you’re sniveling and wiping your face and wishing that he would just stop looking at you like that. You can still see the ruby-red of his eyes even when you can’t bear to look up at him, and it makes you so viscerally upset.

Blade is beautiful, really, and it makes you so upset that he looks better than you right now despite him being dragged right out of bed by Kafka’s phone call with a request to pick you up just minutes ago. You, who spent hours selecting an outfit, just to feel inadequate and wholly ugly the minute you walked through the door. It felt like you were back in middle school, spending hours with your parents picking out an outfit to a school dance, looking through ties and pants and shoes, just to show up and feel both overdressed and underdressed, feel like a fool, feel like you just can’t look the way everyone else does. Like something is always a little wrong.

“Kafka said that you got sick. You didn't drink anything? You’re sure?”

“No,” you confirm pitifully, wanting him to just drop the topic and drive the rest of the way home and never talk about this again. “I was just anxious, and I puked like an idiot. Kafka helped me, she was the only one that I knew at the party. I don’t know. I don’t remember anymore. I was just anxious.”

He says your name, not unkindly, but with a prying tone that just makes a fresh wave of tears stream down your face in rivulets. “Why would you go if you didn't know anyone?”

“I don't know!” you shout, heated with embarrassment. You’re acting like a child, throwing a tantrum and crying and shouting in Blade’s car. The seatbelt is too tight on you. You fiddle with it, pulling it from the juncture of your neck and shoulder and loosening it, scratching your bitten nails against the scratchy cloth and looking out of the car window so that you can avoid Blade’s awful, terrible, intrusive gaze.

“I just wanted to be normal, or something. I don’t know anybody from any of my classes. I don’t talk to anyone from my major. And then I got the invite for the party somehow and I just thought it would be fun. I don’t know, Blade, I know I should’ve listened to you, I’m sorry.”

“Stop,” he says firmly, fully turned to you now, as if he wants you to look back at him, to listen to whatever he’s going to say, and that’s the one thing you don’t want to do. You hate that he’s being kind. You wish he’d be sarcastic and mean and cruel, bite into you and feed off your self-pity. But he’s being nice, nice in the same way that he’s nice when he buys the right brand of milk for you (because the others make you sick, and the taste is different), or when he drives you places in his car when it’s raining so that you don’t have to take the buses everywhere, or when he comes home with your ridiculous coffee order that costs a hellacious amount of money with all of your substitutions and additions and flavorings.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about,” he says resolutely, leaving no room for argument, “Just— I didn't know you were feeling like that. I would’ve gone with you if you told me you needed someone. I assumed you were going with a friend.”

You don’t respond with I don’t have any friends, because you’re pretty sure that’s clear enough by now, and you don’t want to confirm what’s already been confirmed a million times over just from the way you act. The way you cling to yours and Blade’s apartment, the way you never spend a second longer than you need to in any of your classes, the way that sometimes, when Blade goes out for class or work, you sit on the couch in silence with your laptop out, doing your work for the week and checking the clock and taking naps so that you don’t have to feel so alone for so long.

“You didn't want to go,” you say instead, “I wasn’t going to make you just because I’m— I don’t know.”

“I would’ve gone for you,” he tells you, really tells you, with a force in his words, like he wants to drive the point into you with a stake, driven right through your heart. “I would do a lot of things if you asked. You just need to ask.”

You don’t— you really don’t want to think about what that means. What he means. You rip your eyes away from the car window and turn to face him. He’s not too close. You almost wish he could be closer, but you would suffocate under the pressure in your stomach and behind your eyes.

He shouldn’t say things like that, things like You just need to ask, because you’d ask for a lot if given the chance. You’d ask for him to come to parties with you, stay by your side, let you put a hand on his shoulder and guide him around another disgusting frat house as if you know what you’re doing. You’d ask him to sleep in the same bed as you some nights, just a foot away from each other, backs turned to each other but still close enough that you can feel the unnatural coldness that radiates off of Blade.

You’d ask him to introduce you to Kafka and that other girl they hang out with, to say something stupid and funny like This is my abhorrent roommate, be nice to them, and that way you’d have more contacts in your phone that aren't just Blade and your parents and two old high school friends who you haven’t spoken to in a year. You’d ask him to be a lot more than just a plus-one to a party full of people you’ve never met.

“I just want to go home,” you breathe out, a guilty confession burning your gums and leaving a sour taste in your mouth. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying sorry,” he asserts for the second time tonight, making your lungs squeeze as you puff out a tired exhale. Blade turns back in his seat, taking the car out of park and heading back onto the road—driving slowly, yet again, avoiding cracks and potholes in the road. “You need to eat something. You’ll wake up with a hellish headache if you go to bed dehydrated.”

“I don’t think that’s true.”

“I said it, so it’s true,” he says petulantly, turning the car down into a road that’s definitely not in the direction of your apartment building. To your hidden delight, the glowing sign of a twenty-four-seven ice cream store comes into view, and you sit up just a little bit. Blade slows the car as he turns into the drive-thru, glancing at you with an eyebrow half-raised.

“What do you want? I’ll order for you.”

“I don’t have my wallet,” you admit, just a little bit embarrassed. “I didn't even bring my keys with me. Do you think they take Apple Pay?”

A breathy laugh escapes him, and you catch sight of a dimple pressed into his cheek, and you want to press your thumb into it and look at his smile, just for a little longer. “Don’t be dumb. I’m paying,” he tells you, the same way he has every time he pays for your cafe drink, or when he comes home from work with your favorite, and says You’re broke enough without having to pay for these drinks, don’t pay me back in that snippy way he shows his care.

You ask for a medium vanilla milkshake, with sprinkles, and he gets you a large instead, which you’re more than grateful for. He refuses to let you look at the receipt for the total cost, and hands you the milkshake with a comical severity that you often see in him. The sweet drink washes away any bitter taste left in your mouth, and you feel a little better, a little nicer in your haphazard party outfit and under Blade’s fleeting gaze.

A deep sigh escapes you, one of relief, when the car finally parks at your apartment building. Blade puts a cold hand between your shoulder blades, unobtrusive and leading, and it’s a comforting contrast from the heat lingering on your skin from the party and the closed car. It feels right, more in-place than Kafka’s warm hands were when she wiped your face and kept you steady, though she was just as gentle.

Blade all but tosses you onto the couch, claiming that it’s much too late for a shower and he’d rather not deal with you collapsing from exhaustion in the tub. You relent easily, the exhaustion of the night hitting you and soaking into your limbs.

“I’ll let you sleep on the couch,” he says, and it’s a good and kind thing, because he knows that sometimes you hate your bedroom because it’s just too empty, and the constant sound filtering into the living room puts you at ease. He never lets you sleep on the couch, because it’s bad for your back, and he jokes about you developing adult onset scoliosis with the awful way you sleep. Letting you do it, just this once, is another one of his small mercies.

The TV is on, humming at a low volume, and your legs are thrown across Blade’s lap. You’re shocked that he’s willing to fall asleep with you like this, but he’s kind, sarcastic and biting but kind all the same, as much as he loathes to admit it. It’s not too lonely, you decide, hearing the bottle cap wind chimes on your balcony clink together in dissonant harmonies.

(There’s a missing text from a new contact on your phone when you wake up, coming from pretty lady friend, extending an invite to brunch in two days, and you kick your legs on the couch in giddy excitement, thinking about how you’ll rope Blade into coming with you, too.)

—°+..｡*ﾟ｡*ﾟ+.*.｡.—

taglist: @tragedy-of-commons

(pssst!!! send me a msg or fill out the form in my navi to be added to the taglist!!!)

#blade x reader #hsr x reader #honkai star rail x reader #blade hsr x reader #hsr blade x reader #hsr ren x reader #thats his name right..........#blade x you #hsr x you #honkai star rail x you #begging myself to write something under 1k next time #i miss when i had the ability to write short drabbles instead of behemoths #i say this as if i don't have a supernatural blade fic thats already 5k and not even halfway done #THATS the real behemoth #he's so out of character here forgive me #i just like his pretty face #me writing about a frat party when i have yet to even touch the vicinity of a party house

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sideblogdotjpeg · 1 year

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thinking about mother figures in neverafter.

(no colour version under read more)

#dimension 20 #neverafter #d20 #pinocchio #pinocchio neverafter #ylfa snorgelsson #mother timothy goose #but yeah ive been thinking a lot abt like. the potential relationship between between mother goose and pinocchio #like. mother goose to pinocchio being like. a symbol of maternal love that isnt wrapped in abuse and control #but at the same time - while mother goose extends kindness and protection to all children -#im not sure if thats something pinocchio cam accept right now #but i cant stop thinking of him just. observing the relationship between ylfa and tim. and what that says abt his relationship with his mom #umm..... yeah i cant write fanfiction so this is what i do instead um ^_^#and also. a chance to draw mother goose being maternal to ylfa #THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS SOOO CUTE. HE IS SUCH A SUPPORTIVE MOM.#auugh <<333 they r so sweet #like im 247 pinocchio brain but uh.... ^_^#posts by me dot com

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cowlvent · 5 months

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clara reaching back into the unknown darkness for several long, agonizing seconds "i'm right please god say i'm right" AND THEN SHE IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the core of their relationship plays out right there: clara can and will defy death, and the doctor will always save clara, even when it seems impossible. (and it's crucial that this is the first really doctor-y moment he has as twelve.) the growth and distortion of these fundamental beliefs drive the two of them to their eventual end.

#going through deep breath induced madness here on this day #that shot of her reaching out into the unknown darkness. yeah it's bouncing around my brain like a windows screensaver #something about it makes me so. like. you can physically FEEL the nothingness there and the desperation+fear she has. whew #also “i'm right aren't i say i'm right” and thats when he grabs her. Where do i even begin with that #clara oswald #twelfth doctor #twelveclara #dw #clara + dr

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moeblob · 4 months

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#fe fates #camilla #so i actually drew this a while ago but was gonna shade it and do more emoji things #but welp uh hmmmm im sick and apparently look like I'm dying #which isnt a problem until i sit down to draw and my vision is blurry and yeah thats a problem #so i just attempted to do a doodle and then failed and opted to apply a tiny but of shading to this and give up #but yup uh after a nice of body aches and misery and trying to sleep and failing #i crashed from 10am to 5pm thinking id just rest a lil bit #before anyone says oh you could have taken a day off you know - i technically can yes youre right #however my brain uses art as a coping mech and i need that coping mech really bad right now #which is why i stopped trying to draw something new for today and just went back to a past thing #im not overdoing it i promise #even if my mom and sister think i look like death walking around

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baby-xemnas · 5 months

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BEPO ANGEL WAVING AND WISHING THEM GOOD LUCK SO CUTE. SWEET CONTRAST AFTER LAWS RESERVED DEMEANOR

#getting serious and excited because captain ordered to follow him out loud #like they would do anything else. they wouldnt thats why him saying it is special #also law is so cool at accepting gratitude just the smallest nod. he is cute with the all “pirates doing good things makes me sick”#man you do nice things all the time #he is just a type of person who believes in what he does so his own satisfaction after doing something he thinks is right is enough for him #cool guy #one piece #video #993

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s0fter-sin · 6 days

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soapghost circus au

ghost’s an extreme motorcycle stunt performer - globe of death, riding on his back wheel along tightropes, that sort of thing

soap’s a fire breather/dancer. he’s a roaming performer; he just finds empty spaces or bored people and starts twirling

he pretends not to notice the way he always wanders towards a certain tent every night to watch a certain masked daredevil defy gravity. he thinks he's slick and that ghost won't notice him in the crowd, completely forgetting that he's carrying something that happens to be on fire

ghost couldn't miss him if he tried

one day off, soap's trialing fire whips; he loves the loud crack and the way the flame licks through the air and maybe he's a little too impatient to practice with non flaming whips first, even though he's never used one before

he's covered in soot and fine welts where the tip of the whip keeps flicking back up at him, cutting through his shirt and stinging his skin but he doesn't let that stop him. it starts to stick to him, damp with sweat and blood and he's quick to strip it off; throwing it to the side to keep practicing

when soap finally gets a few good cracks in a row and breaks to celebrate, he almost jumps out of his skin when he sees the masked rider leaning against a trailer watching him

of all the times he's wanted ghost to talk to him, this is not one of them

he wanted to impress him, dance for him with his flaming batons and be mesmerised by his fluidity and skill

not catch him filthy and struggling with something as basic as a whip

he's ready for ghost to ream him out for not having control over the whip - he's known throughout the circuit for expecting utter perfection in his routines - but when ghost finally does speak, it's only to ask if he's done for the day

soap falters for a moment. he wanted to get some consistency with the whip before he stopped, but he's starting to feel the hours of practice; muscles aching and skin blistered with minor burns

he says he is and ghost pushes off the trailer, nodding his head to make soap follow. he brings him back to his trailer and tells him to clean up then takes out his personal med kit to treat the grazes on soap's skin

soap's shocked; for all that he loves to watch ghost perform, they've never really talked before

part of why he joined the circus was so he wouldn't be a burden on anyone, the oldest in a family with too many mouths to feed and not even time to nurture, and here he is taking up ghost's valuable practice time be he wasn't good enough to handle his own discipline. he tries to brush him off, downplaying the burns and tries to leave before half them can be treated but ghost just glares and orders him to sit back down

ghost does expect perfection from himself but it isn’t out of any malice or ego; it's bc he knows if he isn't perfect, he could very easily die. he’s picked a dangerous profession and he gives it the respect it deserves. there isn't any shame in being a novice or failing at something; he thinks there's a lot of beauty in having the courage to get back up again and again

so every day he watches soap practice and bullies him into his trailer to put him back together bc he knows he won't do it by himself

and every night soap wanders over to ghost's section of the fair grounds, in awe of his skill and wishing he could be worthy of the care he gives him

#have i posted this before? yes but it has an actual idea behind it now #anyway back on my ‘soap pushes himself too hard to meet expectations only he is holding him to’ bullshit #price is obviously the ring master and id say gaz is probably trapeze #ghost used to work for robas circus who kept pushing him to do more and more dangerous stunts with less and less safety measures in place #and for a long time he thought thats how it was supposed to be #he was supposed to court death every night. supposed to limp back to his trailer and take care of his own injuries #and its only when price comes to one of his shows to scope out roba as competition and confronts him afterwards abt the conditions #that he realises something might be wrong #so seeing his past staring back at him in the form of soap hurts something deep within him and he has to make it right #he doesnt want soap to have to live with the same deep pains that he does #injuries that couldve been avoided if hed just gone easier on himself #coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt #we’re a team. ghost team #soapghost #ghostsoap #ghoap #john soap mactavish #soap cod #simon ghost riley #ghost cod

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