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all-alone-he-turns-to-stone · 3 months

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The Most Innocent Sinner

Dean Winchester Masterlist

Summary: For everyone, she's the shy, pure, little Y/n. Dating Dean Winchester is like going on dates with the complete opposite of her. So it is a very nice surprise when Dean learns how kinky she actually is by finding her collection of sex toys.

Pairing: Dean Winchester x F!Reader

Rating: 18+

Content warning: Sex toys, masturbation (male and female), dirty talk

Square filled: Dildos for @spnkinkevents / “Now that’s something you definitely shouldn’t try at home.” for @jacklesversebingo / masturbation for @anyfandomkinkbingo / “Unfortunately, I’m turned on by that.” for @anyfandomgoesbingo

A/n: Finding a title is so hard. I got stuck on this one for way too long. Big thanks to my friends that helped me!

From the outside, Y/n looked like a Saint. Cute, she wasn't very tall and almost sickly shy, and her social anxiety didn't help her case at all.

Since she didn’t have many friends, Y/n spent her time at the library surrounded by stories that made her forget how alone she felt. The characters on these yellowed sheets would never judge or criticize her, it was a comfort in which she really liked to immerse herself, especially after a hard day.

It was also where she met the Winchester brothers for the first time.

For someone like Y/n, the complete opposite of popular, invisible to people even when she was in the same room with them, the Winchesters were the pinnacle of perfection. Bodies built like gods, well-defined faces, piercing eyes, they gave off a strong and dominating aura that attracted the gaze of everyone in their path. And Y/n was no exception.

The moment the two brothers walked near her table at the library, there was no longer any need to read. Her book closed by itself in front of her, as she no longer held it open, her eyes fixedly stuck on the two men. Following their directions with her gaze, she turned her head, almost hurting her neck.

The colors around her suddenly seemed more vivid. The sounds, sweeter to the ear. She strained her ear to better listen to their conversations. And it was then that the stories she loved reading so much... Became reality.

Y/n had always had a habit of making herself fade away. Not wanting to attract attention, remaining discreet and making herself as small as possible. But the moment she saw them, it was like a light bulb went on inside her, and filled her with a life she had never really felt. And she decided to change that.

She didn’t want to hide anymore.

It was an adventure awaiting her, just like in her books. Filled with villains, monsters, but also angels, laughter, food and finally, a place where she belonged. It didn't take long for her to take part in their lives, quickly becoming a full member of their families. Although she wasn’t trained to be in the field hunting monsters, her lifelong experience of extensive reading was too vital and important to refuse her help.

Initially, Y/n was assigned to research. It was perfect for her, she could show them how efficient she was at this task so they would give her more to do eventually. Quickly, she climbed the ranks in the Winchesters' trust and became closer to them.

Everything about her personality was perfect to fit with Sam's. And yet, as the months stretched into years, she inevitably grew closer to Dean. Some will say that opposites flock together, and they are not wrong. Dean was the opposite of Y/n, stubborn, he didn't hesitate to say what was on his mind and loved seeing the adorable expression that invaded her face when he made inappropriate or worse, sexual comments. Immediately, Y/n would disappear from the room almost like magic, or she would become so embarrassed that he took pity and immediately changed the subject.

Y/n had a purity that Dean never had, and it was one of the reasons why even after all this time knowing her, he was still reluctant to let her come with them on hunts. Or even to involve her in anything that could endanger her or defile this purity. If he could keep her from losing that sparkle in her eyes, he would, no matter the cost.

After a few months of dating, Y/n finally agreed to live in the bunker with them. Dean helped her move in, putting her things in a room other than his, and although not sharing the same bed disappointed him a little, he understood why. She wasn't ready, and he insisted on her comfort. He was willing to wait for her as long as it took.

“If I had known you had that many boxes, I would have brought in extra hands,” Dean huffed, placing yet another heavy box on the ground. Straightening up, he raised his arms above his head to stretch his back.

“Sorry, all my books,” Y/n shrugged and lowered her head, embarrassed.

With a quick wave of his hand, Dean signaled that it was nothing. “It only takes a little longer but it’s no problem,” he quickly said to reassure her, so she wouldn’t feel bad about having so much stuff. After all this time knowing her, he knew how important her books were to her.

Her 500 books which weighed bricks to transport…

“I'll go get another box,” she accepted Dean's answer and as she passed him on her way out, left a quick kiss on the cheek. It was Dean's turn to react, his face quickly turning red.

“Okay, in the meantime, I'm going to start…” Glancing at the mountain of cardboard, Dean sighed again. “Cleaning a little…”

Sam wasn't there. Although he proposed his help for moving her stuff in, Dean's ego was more powerful. As a boyfriend, he had to take care of his girlfriend himself. Without help. Showing her that he was there for her, and that she would always be his priority.

Dean had been in several relationships in the past. And he loved each woman with all of his soul. But each time, his work, his family or the apocalypse had forced him to leave. It had been a very difficult task each time, but he had done it.

Just the thought of leaving Y/n had the same effect as losing a limb. It was unthinkable.

Ah shit. He was in love.

Him, in love?

It was the first time.

… Wait a minute.

He was in love with her.

This realization hit him harder than he expected. Dean took a few steps back, his head spinning quickly. He was in love. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. Never in his entire life had he felt this kind of thing for someone, feelings so strong, so true. When they were together, he felt so good, like he had finally found the thing he was missing. The person he needed.

Dean took another step back, and inevitably, his legs encountered a box. He lost his balance and, trying not to cause a landslide, had to hold himself against the nearest thing… Another box.

This one was strangely and unfortunately lighter than the others and failed to stop him from doing damage. Luckily, Dean kept his balance and avoided the embarrassment of falling on his butt, but the box fell to the ground.

“Son of a bitch,” he grumbled as he hurried to pick it up. As he took it, he noticed that it was not closed properly. It was definitely not his plan to go through Y/n's personal belongings, but when he opened the box to close it better, he couldn't help but see what was inside.

And it wasn't his fault. The first item on top was a box that displayed the inscription of its contents, and his curiosity, well… took care of the rest.

“What the…” taking the item in question, Dean examined it. His hunter's eye detected every detail, inscriptions, the wear on the cardboard and even the place where the packaging had once been sealed before opening. The sticky paper seemed to have been removed so quickly, the color of the cardboard remained stuck on it. It was exactly as if its owner, eager to have the object, hadn’t been concerned by the breakage of its packaging.

SO. It was still possible that the contents were not what was written in black and white on the packaging. It was still a possibility. Dean understood, it was his duty to get to the bottom of it once and for all. Otherwise, the question would haunt him for the rest of his life.

Heart racing for no good reason, Dean placed his fingers where the paper was torn off and pulled the tab. Then, breathless, he opened the box and peered inside.

“Son of a bitch,” his mouth breathed along with the last of his oxygen. No... he couldn't believe it. As if he needed further proof that his eyes had already given him, Dean reached into the box and pulled out the object.

It was still in its bag, but an opening proved its frequent use. Both soft and very hard, it was of regular size and of a pretty pink shade. Dean didn't need to take it out of the bag to know that underneath was the little hole to get charged, the wire still in the box.

In his hand, Dean held the thing he never thought he would hold… Let alone find among his girlfriend's stuff. The sweet, pure, shy Y/n.

Scared that she would come back and see him like this, Dean quickly put the pink dildo vibrator back in its box. A thousand questions swirled through his mind and his heart still hadn't stopped pounding in his ribcage. In his eagerness and nervousness, Dean almost dropped the box, so he had to pull himself together to put it back exactly where he had found it.

And that was when he saw them.

There were plenty of them. A dozen even. Some had their original packaging, others had boxes without inscription. Curiosity rose in Dean who forgot the presence of his girlfriend and owner of these toys in the bunker. It was like suddenly he was alone in the world as he began to pull out everything he had in front of his eyes, his pupils dilating with each new discovery.

Small portable vibrator. One that looked like a butterfly, insertable and vibrant. A… dolphin? A flesh-colored dildo, including ball and base with suction. A magic staff. Purple, pink, black, the colors were added one after the other. And then suddenly...

Dean came across the largest box.

It was curiously and surprisingly big for what was inside. Dean couldn't help it. It was heavy, there was no doubt about the contents, but he had to see it with his eyes, hold it in his hands, and absorb reality.

It couldn't be that big... right?

And oh my god.

“Now that’s something you definitely shouldn’t try at home…”

Examining it from every angle, he still couldn't understand. The words “bad dragon” were forever imprinted in his brain along with the image of that purple and blue hued dildo. It was imposing, as tall as it was wide, and the different textures were strange but pleasant to the touch. And inevitably, his brain went in that perverse direction he imagined...

Her moans filled the room and the echo was carried throughout the whole bunker. Sounds of pleasure? No. Of frustration. She moaned as she tried as best she could to get the dildo into her entrance, which was still too tight for such a monster. But her determination only grew with her goal, and the idea alone of being able to have all those inches inside her was so exciting that she almost didn't need any lube.

“Oh fuck,” breathed through her lips as the head of the toy finally pierced the breach. Her head tilting back, she wiggled on the dildo to widen her entrance to accommodate the rest. Kneeling over the toy made it easier for her to maneuver her body and part her lips for guidance. And when finally the dildo was inside her, a long sigh of relief mixed with the pleasure of having succeeded hissed between her lips.

“I love the view…”

Dean hadn't missed a single thing. Standing in the doorway, he watched, admired, and nourished himself with the magnificent view before him. Kneeling on the bed facing him, she knew he was there. Even though her eyes were closed, she felt his presence, heard his heavy breathing. And then there was the rustling of his clothes every time he adjusted his position or reached for his swollen crotch.

It was one of the hottest things she had ever experienced. The desire was so strong it was palpable. The smell of sex filled the room. A moan passed her lips as she opened her eyes to look at him, her breath leaving her lungs, making the air almost unbreathable because it was so saturated.

"Oh. No."

The sound of a heavy object hitting the ground brought him back to consciousness. Then it took him several seconds to realize the voice that had spoken just before the impact, what it had said and who it belonged to. Turning towards the door, Dean's eyes were wide open, the green almost disappearing from his irises because his pupils were so dilated.

Her face was not in any better condition. As her eyes, wide with fear and shame, moved between what he was holding and the box behind him and finally settling on him, Dean could see the embarrassment quickly filling her being.

“What is this?”

Still shocked by his discovery and what it implied, these words were the first and only ones that had managed to escape his lips. Obviously, he knew what it was, and what it was for. However, he needed to hear it from her mouth. To confirm what his eyes had already understood.

His question only made her more uncomfortable.

“You weren’t supposed to see that,” she muttered under her breath, lowering her head and crossing the distance between them to grab the dildo and remove it from the hunter’s hands. All this to hide the evidence that had already been consumed, unfortunately. “Please, forget about it,” she pleaded, still refusing to meet his gaze. Her hand resting next to Dean's on the dildo, she tried to take it back, but was surprised to see that he didn't want to let it go. “Dean?”

“It’s impossible,” his voice was low, almost a breath lost in the tension of the air. “Unfortunately… I’m turned on by that. And here I thought you were all pure and shy…” Taking a pause in his words only made the state Y/n was in worse. Next to Dean, she felt his breath against her cheek, and the heat of his body. It was heavy, his chest moving in time with his harsh breathing. As if he had to do everything to hold back. “I waited for you to be ready, and I'll still wait but… Y/n…” As she still refused to raise her head and meet his gaze, Dean took his other hand, the one that wasn't holding the dildo, to gently lift Y/n’s chin. “Thinking about you touching yourself with that… oh fuck, it’s hot, sweetheart.”

“Yeah?” A shy smile appeared on her lips, her eyes watering at how she was embarrassed but still... Very excited by this idea.

“Oh yeah,” Dean swallowed, his green eyes darting from Y/n's lips to her eyes, then back to her lips. Like two magnets held too far apart, but at the same time too close, it was inevitable.

Dean pressed his mouth to Y/n’s, kissing her forcefully. The dildo was quickly put aside, both needing their hands to touch the other. Dean placed his on Y/n's waist, and her around his neck. Her nails scratched the soft part of his neck, leaving red marks he would never see. It was intense, they almost devoured each other with an insatiable appetite. Opening her lips, Y/n stuck her tongue out barely, just enough to give access to Dean who was quick to push his tongue into her mouth. The kiss became languorous, messy, even, and Y/n backed into a box and almost fell. Dean broke the kiss to ask if she was okay, but she silenced him by replacing her lips on his to continue the kiss.

Their mouths didn't leave each other as clothes flew around the room, some getting stuck on boxes while others fell to the floor. Eventually, they managed to maneuver through the mountains of boxes to get to the bed. Y/n plopped down on the mattress and laughed against Dean’s mouth which only took a second to find its way back to hers. Now both were shirtless and their hands explored each other without stopping.

Finally, Y/n broke the kiss to speak.

“I want you to watch me.”

“What?” Dean was panting, his erection so painful in his pants he was afraid it would explode at the slightest touch. Like a hungry lion demanding its prey, he tried to grab Y/n's lips but she refused him access by placing her fingers between them.

“I want you to watch me use the toy…” If she was an angel a few moments ago, the Y/n he had, lying under him on the bed, half naked, was a little devil hidden under the appearance of a Saint.

Just the thought of seeing her in real life masturbating with the monster he had found made Dean gulp and push himself up so he was on his knees. His face was so red, he had trouble understanding how there could still be blood in his length.

“Are you sure? I mean, I… I can’t say no to that, fuck, but… I don’t want you to feel forced or…”

“Dean,” she interrupted, a smile tugging at her lips. “I really want to. And I know you want it too.” Y/n took a deep, slightly shaky breath before continuing. “So… Bring me the one you want me to use… And get comfortable.”

Dean swallowed and looked at his girlfriend's face. Since he had known her, they had never been this far in their intimacy. And he would never have imagined that she had this in her. Obviously he was surprised, but it was a very pleasant surprise. Like an excited child on Christmas morning, Dean rushed to the box of adult toys and once again admired all the choices presented to him. Each of them infused an image, each more erotic than the other, into his mind. For a moment, he hesitated to take the monster he had found shortly before, but decided that for now, this view was better in his mind. And he didn't want to embarrass Y/n even more than she was, what she was proposing was very intimate, very sexy, but also terribly hard to do. To open up like this, to show yourself like this...

Dean returned to his girlfriend, a box in hand. “This one,” he held out the box, knowing full well what it contained. Y/n took it, hesitated for a few seconds while staring at it in her hands. Just as Dean was about to repeat that she didn't have to, that they could continue to just makeout and that was okay, she opened the box and took out the toy.

It was a simple one. No vibration, just a flesh colored dildo with suction at the bottom. It wasn’t the biggest she owned, but it was still big, almost as big as Dean’s cock. So to see her use this, he could easily picture him in her…

Just the thought sent another wave of arousal down his pants.

“Do you need a moment, or lube or…” Dean was still standing up near the bed as she was on her knees on the mattress. For the first time, he was clueless and didn't know what to do. And yet, it was not his first time, nor the last, that he had more kinky moments with his partner. But Y/n was different, she wasn't just his sexual partner, but the woman he loved. And the prospect of getting even closer and more intimate was worth more than any sex he could have.

“I want you to watch the whole thing,” Y/n replied, lifting her ass off the mattress just enough to undo her pants and pull them down along with her panties with just one hand. In an almost expert manner, she finished undressing herself with one hand, her other never letting go of the toy. “You can sit down, you know,” she laughed when she saw Dean still standing where he was, stiff as a stick.

“Yeah, yeah, sorry,” he sat on the edge of the bed and turned his body towards her. It was like he was back at 15 with the most popular girl in school, ready for his first time. Nervousness filled his entire being, along with excitement, and if he wasn't so experienced years later, his erection would have disappeared or he would have come prematurely in his pants.

Dean silently thanked all the girls he had in the past that strengthened his stamina.

“How do you want me to use it?”

Dean could see how nervous she was. It was the first time she was completely naked in front of him, and her body was shaking ever so slightly, shivers that covered her soft skin in goosebumps. But yet, through that nervousness, she was freaking sexy. Still kneeling, she was slowly stroking her intimacy with the toy, coating it with her wetness. And without asking, Dean knew she wouldn’t need any lube.

“Just… Like this, you can ride it…” The words got out of his mouth by automatism. Truth was, Dean was half there now, so excited and focused on her, a part of his mind was shut down. It was so hot, he couldn’t detach his eyes from her body, the way the toy rubbed through her lower lips, how her hips rocked back on it, and her face, so soft, so cute, so embarrassed… With eyes burning in a strong passion.

“Okay,” she whispered. Time seemed to slow down. Dean could feel his heart beating in his head and in his crotch, the intensity growing with each movement she made. Straightening up, she placed the dildo behind her, careful to align it with her entrance, and opened up her legs to let Dean continue watching.

And he could see it all.

It was better than everything he could ever imagine.

The toy was big, but she was probably very wet and very used to it, because it didn’t take long for her to lower down on it. Inch by inch, the dildo disappeared into her entrance until it was almost completely gone. Her body was bent back, her chest glistening with sweat and the cutest moan left her lips.

“Fuck,” Dean groaned. It was too much, so he rushed to open his pants, just enough to free his aching cock. The simple touch sent thousands of electrical shocks of pleasure through his body, but still, his eyes were fixed on her. “You’re so hot, I don’t think I’ll last long,” he held the base of his cock stronger to avoid his climax.

“I don’t think I’ll last long either,” she whimpered. She had started moving already, slowly, up and down on the toy. Since she was on the bed, the succion was useless and she had to hold it with one hand. Dean could see how wet she was on the dildo, and imagined how warm it had to be inside.

Another groan whistled through his teeth.

“Hmmm,” she moaned, picking up speed. “It feels so good… Dean… Look at me…”

He didn’t notice, but his gaze was so focused on the toy and her pussy, he didn’t even look at her face. Blinking hard, he looked up, and when he saw her face, twisted in pleasure, he couldn’t help it.

His hand started moving on his cock at the same rhythm as her.

“Can’t wait to be inside of you,” Dean muttered through his rashing breath. “Must feel so warm in there, and you’re so wet, fuck, sweetheart, you’re killing me.”

As an answer, she moaned and closed her eyes for a second. But quickly, she set her gaze on him again, even if it had to be the most embarrassing thing she ever did. She wanted to watch him watch her, watch him stroke his cock, watch him cum with her. “Soon… I promise, soon, you’ll have me, you’ll fuck me as much as you want, whenever you want… I'm ah... All yours, Dean..."

"Y/n." Dean could only say that. Again and again, moaning her name as she continued moving on the toy. "Y/n..."

"Dean, I’m gonna cum, oh my god, I’m…”

It was stronger than her. Never before did she come with only a dildo in her, it always took her hands or a vibrator on her clit to reach the end. But right now, in front of her boyfriend masturbating with her, it was too much. It felt so good.

In an explosion of pleasure, her orgasm ripped through her in a scream. She closed her eyes, her body shaking, her wetness flooding under her and on her bed. But she so didn’t care about this right now.

It took a few moments for her to regain her hearing back, and a few more moments to open her eyes. It was strong, and she suddenly felt so tired, like the world came crashing back on her. Feeling like she could sleep for a whole day without waking up.

Y/n landed her eyes on the man in front of her. Dean had his head bent back, eyes closed, mouth parted. Lower, his cock was still a bit hard, and his release was covering his hand.

“Oh,” she said sadly, realizing she didn’t see him cum. At least, they came together.

“Oh,” Dean repeated, finally opening his eyes to land them on her. “That was the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen and done,” he admitted, a silly smile filling up his face. So he was too, drunk on pleasure.

“Yeah,” she admitted, feeling her face flush with embarrassment. Wow. They did it. They actually did it. Her joy, thought, left her face quickly as she realized something. “Fuck.”

“What is it?” Dean immediately went on protective boyfriend mode when he heard the change in her voice.

“I think I…” Y/n’s voice was small, so small and shy as she lifted herself from the spot she was in, removing carefully the dildo from her, and looked at the mess she made. “It never happened before, but now my bed… I don’t think I can use it anymore… Oh no…”

“Sweetheart,” Dean rushed to her side, quickly putting himself back in his pants even if he was messy with his release as well. “It’s alright. There’s plenty of other room in the bunker, with other beds.”

“But,” she stammered, her gaze looking down at her hands. “What if I want to… Use your bed, with you?”

Y/n ended up looking up at him, their gaze meeting.

A soft kiss on her lips answered her question, and all of her insecurities washed away.

“My bed is yours, sweetheart. We can always use this room for your books, I’ll ask Sam to help building shelves and-”

Another kiss, this time, more powerful, interrupted his sentence. “God, I love you so much.”

Babum.

The words he never said back before.

Dean thought they would be hard to say. Impossible, even. But he surprised himself with how easy it actually was.

“I love you too, sweetheart.”

Forever taglist: @nitnat6245 @eevvvaa @wickedinspirations@fictional-affairs @awkward-and-indecisive @peachyaliien @katbratsupernaturalwhore

Supernatural Tag List: @peachyaliien @sexyvixen7 @stixnstripesworld @charred-angelwings @treat-winchesterswith-kindness @lyarr24 @fiftyshadesgrl @this-is-me19

Dean Winchester Tag List: @akshi8278 @kazsrm67 @wtrpxrks @deanwanddamons @thoughts-and-funnies @charred-angelwings @jensendreamland @deanswaywardgirl @happyt0exist @waynes-multiverse @djs8891 @mimaria420 @this-is-me1 @syrma-sensei

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errorid-mt7lt7k7unfr9ttfua5 · 5 months

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me when companies try to force you to use their proprietary software

anyway

Layperson resources:

firefox is an open source browser by Mozilla that makes privacy and software independence much easier. it is very easy to transfer all your chrome data to Firefox

ublock origin is The highest quality adblock atm. it is a free browser extension, and though last i checked it is available on Chrome google is trying very hard to crack down on its use

Thunderbird mail is an open source email client also by mozilla and shares many of the same advantages as firefox (it has some other cool features as well)

libreOffice is an open source office suite similar to microsoft office or Google Suite, simple enough

Risky:

VPNs (virtual private networks) essentially do a number of things, but most commonly they are used to prevent people from tracking your IP address. i would suggest doing more research. i use proton vpn, as it has a decent free version, and the paid version is powerful

note: some applications, websites, and other entities do not tolerate the use of VPNs. you may not be able to access certain secure sites while using a VPN, and logging into your personal account with some services while using a vpn *may* get you PERMANENTLY BLACKLISTED from the service on that account, ymmv

IF YOU HAVE A DECENT VPN, ANTIVIRUS, AND ADBLOCK, you can start learning about piracy, though i will not be providing any resources, as Loose Lips Sink Ships. if you want to be very safe, start with streaming sites and never download any files, though you Can learn how to discern between safe, unsafe, and risky content.

note: DO NOT SHARE LINKS TO OR NAMES OF PIRACY SITES IN PUBLIC PLACES, ESPECIALLY SOCAL MEDIA

the only time you should share these things are either in person or in (preferably peer-to-peer encrypted) PRIVATE messages

when pirated media becomes well-known and circulated on the wider, public internet, it gets taken down, because it is illegal to distribute pirated media and software

if you need an antivirus i like bitdefender. it has a free version, and is very good, though if youre using windows, windows defender is also very good and it comes with the OS

Advanced:

linux is great if you REALLY know what you're doing. you have to know a decent amount of computer science and be comfortable using the Terminal/Command Prompt to get/use linux. "Linux" refers to a large array of related open source Operating Systems. do research and pick one that suits your needs. im still experimenting with various dispos, but im leaning towards either Ubuntu Cinnamon or Debian.

#capitalism #open source #firefox #thunderbird #mozilla #ublock origin #libreoffice #vpn #antivirus #piracy #linux

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trans-axolotl · 1 year

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hi! What is peer respite?

hi anon! I love talking about peer respite :D

Peer respite is a community-based alternative to psych wards. They offer 24/7 short term crisis stabilization-usually for around a week to 2 weeks. Unlike psych wards, they are completely voluntary and all the staff are people with experience with mental health/extreme states/being in the mental health system. Staff are extensively trained in peer support and mental health first aid, and oftentimes staff members will have other degrees in mental health or healthcare related fields. Usually, peer respite is in a house and it is a homelike environment where you can leave at any time, can have visitors, can have your phone, and can bring comfort items and preferred activities. At peer respites, there are no restraints used, no strip searches, and no solitary confinement.

Each peer respite is a little different, but I can tell you about one that my friend works at who is a social worker with lived experience of psychosis! When people decide to come to the peer respite, they usually make a plan for how they want their stay there to look like. Peer support workers will lead optional life skills/coping skills groups throughout the week, as well as other group activities for anyone who wants to participate. There is self-advocacy education, crisis planning options, and art wellness activities. Everyone is assigned a personal support worker who they can go to any time they need a check in or one-on-one support. Staff and guests work together to cook meals, and the entire stay is free of cost.

Since peer respite is an alternative to the psychiatric systems, most peer respites do not provide traditional therapy or psychiatric medications. Most peer respites will work with you to set up outpatient therapy services if you're interested, and I know a lot of people who continue to see the outpatient providers that they already have throughout their stay at peer respite.

A lot of people who go to peer respite have really positive experiences, and there's been several studies done looking at the outcome of crisis stays at peer respite. A lot of people speak positively about the homelike environment, being able to get emotional and crisis support without the fear of institutionalization, and being able to have autonomy about what your days look like, what choices you make, and what healing looks like to you. Some people stay at peer respite and are still able to go to school or work for the week while knowing that they have a safer environment to go back to.

Peer respite is not a perfect solution for everyone's experience of crisis. If you need a longer term stay, are looking for immediate clinical therapy, are someone who is searching for immediate medication support, or who needs immediate physical medical care--peer respite might not be able to meet your needs. Each peer respite house is going to be different, have different staff and visitors, and different policies, and some people might just not feel comfortable in a particular peer respite house. It's shitty and I hope this changes, but some peer respite houses are inaccessible, will have policies around drug use that might prevent people from staying, or have policies that prevent people who are homeless from staying. So, peer respite definitely isn't a perfect solution or something that can meet everyone's crisis needs, but is a really cool option that I hope continues to become available in more states.

Here's a directory with links to peer respites in the US, and here's research done about peer respite!

#peer respite #antipsych #asks #mad pride #mad liberation #disability justice #alternatives to psych wards

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pasta-in-the-pudding · 9 months

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RAHHH UR INBOX IS OPEN AGAIN AND IM BACK!!!!!

(This has a slight tw for depression I think)

Jeff, ej and Toby with a (Gn) s/o going through a depressive episode where they’re like not eating that much, not really taking care of themselves, generally just feeling empty and wearing baggy clothes and stuff. Also listening to really sad music like “how to never stop being sad” (by dandelion hands) I love that song but it’s genuinely so miserable 😭😭

Thank u!!!!

YES I AM BACK THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE!!

TW: depressive themes are constant throughout this entry, Jeff's entry has knives in the photo

Thank you so much for requesting!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jeff

Jeff is a haver of many episodes

Manic, depressive, you name it

That being said, he absolutely will not tolerate you going down that rabbit hole

He absolutely forces you out of the episode, whether you like it or not

He doesn't care what you wear or listen to, so don't expect him to do much about that unless your music or clothes actively makes you feel worse

He won't force you to eat, per se, but he bribes you to eat if that makes sense

For example, he will steal your phone and won't return it until you've eaten something

And sometimes he'll full on dissapear

He will only return when you eat

Not taking care of yourself and your emotions are probably the only thing on that list that he will actually be nice about

If you arent bathing or washing yourself, he will randomly hug you from behind, slowly kissing your neck and leading you into the shower

If you are comfortable with it, he will stay and shower with you, helping you wash your hair, scrubbing your skin with your bubbly soaps, kissing you gently and telling you how good you're doing, and how strong you are

If you aren't comfortable with him showering with you, he will stand outside the door and listen until he hears the shower run

Then he walks off and gets your bed ready, getting your favorite drinks and tv show set up

And when you feel empty, he will understand

He will be there to hold you, stroking your hair and kissing your face

If you want to cry it out, cry it out

If you want to scream and yell, let it all out

There is very little he wont tolerate when it comes to you

Eyeless Jack

As the manors head doctor, and a demon with very good senses (and the ability to smell horemones), he almost instantly knows when something changes with you

He doesn't pressure you on it though, he will wait for you to talk to him when you're ready

I think the only time he would take matters into his own hands is if you were actively getting worse mentally, or threatning to hurt yourself

If he sees you arent eating, he will try to coax you out of that slump, informing you on just small little snacks you can eat

Or maybe he would offer to make you a smoothie full of nutrients, that way you dont have to actually eat anything if you just aren't up for it

He is the only person on this list who would really care about your change in clothes

He would inform you about how the way someone dresses reveals a lot about their mental health, and how you should dress for the headspace you want, because the first step to becoming happier is by making yourself feel happy about your body

If you stop taking care of yourself, he will be more than happy to accommodate that

He will buy you dry shampoo and baby wipes, that way at the very least, you wont feel disgusting

And if you dont feel grimey and gross, it gives you a better chance of feeling better mentally

When presented with the idea of you feeling empty inside, he wouldn't really know what to do

Despite him doing extensive research on psychology, he isn't really good with other's emotions

And so, he would just ask you what you want him to do

And whatever you say, im sure he would be happy to do

Ticci Toby

And his tend to get really really bad

Like Jeff, Toby also experiences depressive episodes

So when he sees you exhibiting those same behaviors he gets really nervous and worried

He tries his hardest to get you out of it as soon as possible so you don't have to experience that pain, but as we know, that rarely works

If he noticed you weren't eating, he wouldn't force you or make you eat, but he would always offer to share his food with you

Eventually, it would get to the point of him begging you just to eat something, If not for yourself, for him

He loves you so much and can't stomach the thought of losing you

He doesn't really notice if you start wearing baggier clothes, as he doesn't really pay attention to what people wear anyways

He'd probably just think that it's your new style

If you stop taking care of yourself, he would try to motivate you by making it fun!

Seeing who can brush their teeth the fastest and cleanest, who can get softer hair just by washing it, who can fake laugh without actually laughing longest, etc

If you aren't in the mood for that though, he'd understand and simply wait until you are comfortable enough

When it comes to you feeling empty, he would try to get you to laugh by telling you stories from his childhood

Like the time he chased his sister with a slug, or the time he accidentally shaved off his eyebrows

And when you do finally laugh, he will smile and kiss your face, telling you how gorgeous you are when you smile

#creepypasta #slender mansion #creepypasta x y/n #creepypasta x you #creepypasta x female reader #ticci toby #ticci toby x reader #toby erin rogers #ticci toby x you #jeff the killer #jeff the killer x male reader #jeff the killer x reader #jeff the killer headcanons #jeffery woods #eyeless jack x male reader #eyeless jack x you #eyeless jack x reader #eyeless jack creepypasta #eyeless jack

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five-thousand-loaves-of-bread · 1 year

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what is (chronic) autistic catatonia?

// why specify “autistic” catatonia? //

catatonia most common associate with schizophrenia, but increase realize also happen in things like bipolar & depression.

if look at some of typical catatonia diagnostic criteria in DSM 5 (but in easier words): catalepsy & waxy flexibility, grimacing (hold same stiff facial movement), mutism, echolalia, echopraxia (copy movement), exaggerated mannerisms, stereotypies/repetitive movements, etc… wait! some of these things happen in autism!!! (like 7 out of total 12 can be seen in autism)

this is why important to know how recognize catatonia in autism. because overlap.

catatonia in schizophrenia most common start fast and get worse fast. but chronic autistic catatonia typically slow onset and slow but visible deterioration. (always have exceptions though)

not know a lot about schizophrenia catatonia, so this post largely focus on autism. everything below, when say “catatonia” or “autistic catatonia,” mean chronic autistic catatonia with deterioration.

// before move on— //

sometimes professionals do connect autistic shutdown with/as catatonia or catatonia episode or catatonia-like episode to draw connection. this not talk about that. this about chronic ones with deterioration. personally for community identity purpose i don’t enjoy (already have term for shutdown). but personal opinion aside, again this about the temporary vs long term all the time. if experience temporary shutdown, remember to leave space for and not same as those of us deal with chronic autistic catatonia.

important to distinguish from autism because autism and catatonia share many symptoms. (for example, physical stimming or “stereotypies” is autism diagnostic criteria AND catatonia criteria). autistic catatonia should only be suspected IF have new symptoms OR change in type & pattern of old symptoms. cannot. stress. this. enough. again. it not about IF you have these symptoms it’s about WHEN and HOW and CHANGE. it's about NEW.

and. please do not diagnose self based on one tumblr post. yes even if i do extensive research and cite sources and have lived experience. many many many disorders look similar. am all here for educated self diagnosis because medical system inequitable BUT am also sick of every time write this a bunch people comment “oh never heard this this is so me.” one tumblr post not educated self dx. it not a cool new thing to add to carrd to hoard as much medical label as can, it miserable it makes my life hell it not a joke it not cool. not every autistic have chronic catatonia, not every shutdown means chronic catatonia, even if you autistic and see these signs, may be separate unrelated disorder altogether, like Infectious, metabolic, endocrinological, neurological, autoimmune diseases, all can see catatonia (Dhossche et al, 2006). some of you all will read this and truly think this is answer been looking for so long—great! still, please do more research.

// chronic autistic catatonia with deterioration and breakdown //

the key defining symptoms of chronic autistic catatonia is gradual lose functioning and difficulty with voluntary movements (shah, 2019, p21). “gradual lose functioning” will come with regression in independence & ADLs & quality of life. it usually gradual, chronic, and complex. but can vary in severity. some need prompts on some day & some situations, while others need prompt and even physical assistance for almost everything.

how common? have seen statistic estimate from 10% - 20% of autistic people adolescents & above experience chronic autistic catatonia.

typical onset for autistic catatonia is adolescence. some study samples is 15-19, some as early as 13. some professionals think this autistic catatonia may be a reason for many autism late regression (Ghaziuddin, 2021).

can happen regardless of gender, IQ (yes shitty), “autism severity/functioning labels” (is what most studies use, so i keep, but yes have issues, probably also mean happens regardless of autism level 1/2/3 and support needs before catatonia, but need more research to confirm since these thing don’t equal eachother).

// primary symptoms //

from book "Catatonia, Shutdown and Breakdown in Autism: A Psycho-Ecological Approach" by dr amitta shah, recommend read at least first two chapter and appendix.

1. Increased slowness

often first sign but not always

periods of inactivity or immobility between actions which appears as slowness, e.g walking, responses (verbal & body), self care, mealtime, etc

2. Movement difficulties (freezing and getting stuck)

difficult initiate/start movement

freeze or become "stuck" in middle of activity for few seconds to minutes

hesitate & "to and fro" movements

difficulty cross threshold/transitions like door way

difficulty stop action/movement once started

affect speech content, fluency, & volume

eat & drink difficult (like movement for fork & knife, chewing and swallowing, etc)

spend long time in one place

(new) ritualistic behaviors

3. Movement abnormalities

repetitive movements like in tourette's & parkinsons

e.g. sudden jerky movement, tremors, involuntary movements, blinking, grimacing, unusual & uncomfortable postures, locked in postures, increase in repetitive movements, etc.

4. Prompt dependence

may not be able to do some or any movement/activity, unable to move from one place to another, unable to change posture, etc without external/outside prompt

5. Passivity and apparent lack of motivation

look unmotivated & unwilling to do stuff, include activities used to like, probably because can't do voluntary action or have trouble with request and make decison.

6. Posturing

classic catatonia symptom of being stuck in one posture, sometimes for hours

7. Periods of shutdown

8. Catatonic excitement

episodic & short lasting

e.g. uncontrollable & frenzied movement and vocalizations, sensory/perceptual distortions, aggressive & destructive outbursts that not like self

9. Fluctuations of difficulty

e.g. some days better can do more need less prompt! other days worse. sometimes emergency can act as almost like a prompt! but fluctuate doesn't mean difficulty voluntary

// secondary difficulties //

Social withdrawal and communication problems

Decline in self-help skills

Incontinence

‘Challenging’ behavior

Mobility and muscle wastage

Physical problems

Breakdown

// autism breakdown //

can be in addition to autistic catatonia. can look like autism is getting worse, even though autism by itself not progressive disorder!

i also call this autism late regression. separate between autistic catatonia & this not very clear, not enough research.

1. exacerbation of autism

1a. increased social withdrawl, isolation, avoidance of social situations

1b. increased communication difficulties

1c. increased repetitive and ritualistic behavior

2. decrease in tolerance & resilience

easily disturbed, irratable, angry

3. increase in "challenging" behaviors

e.g. self injurious behaviors

4. decrease in concentration & focus

5. decrease in engagement & enjoyment

// treatment //

for catatonia (autistic or not), typical treatment is lorazepam and/or ECT.

specific to catatonia in autism, Dhossche et al. (2006) separate it to mild/moderate/severe and give recommend treatment according to that (do not come here and argue about severity labels, because fuck! mild depression and severe depression of course have different suggested treatments and severity important to know. Remember we talk about autistic catatonia).

note: this is one paper! not the only way! yes have problems like most psych/autism papers, just here to give example (of range of symptoms and treatment route!). NOT MEDICAL ADVICE. (not even endorsement)

mild: slight impairment in social & job things without limit efficiency as a whole (essentially still able to function for most part but difficult).

moderate: more obvious struggles in all areas, but ambulatory and don't need acute medical services for feeding or vitals

severe: typically medical emergency, acute stupor, immobility for most of day, bedridden, need other people help feed. also malignant catatonia which can be life-threatening (fever, altered consciousness, stupor, and autonomic instability as evidenced by lability of blood pressure, tachycardia, vasoconstriction, and diaphoresis, whatever any of that means)

the "shaw-wing approach": very brief summary, keep person active and do thing they enjoy, use verbal & gentle physical prompts, have structure & routine.

lorazopem challenge: take 2-4 mg of lorazopem to see changes in next 2-5 minutes. if no change, another 1 mg and reassess

lorazopem trial up to 24 mg. (note difference between challenge & trial)

bilateral ECT, last resort.

mild: "shaw-wing approach" -> 2 week lorazopem trial if no imporvement in 1 month -> if effective, do both, if not, just shaw-wing approach

moderate: depends on prefernece, either shaw-wing alone or shaw-wing and 2 week lorazopem trial -> if not effective, do 2 week lorazopem trial if havent already -> if not, bilateral ECT

severe: lorazepam challenge test -> if not effective, bilateral ECT; -> if lorazopem challange positive, 1 week lorazopem trial -> continue if successful, bilateral ECT if not.

can sound extreme, but rememeber for many severe catatonia (autistic or not), it is medical emergency. can be life-threatening. there's no/not a lot of time.

it possible to make partial recovery, as in get better but not to before catatonia. but overall, many permanently lose previous level of functioning.

references

Dhossche, D. M., Shah, A., & Wing, L. (2006). Blueprints for the assessment, treatment, and future study of Catatonia in autism spectrum disorders. International Review of Neurobiology, 267–284. https://doi.org/10.1016/s0074-7742(05)72016-x

Ghaziuddin, M. (2021). Catatonia: A common cause of late regression in autism. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 12. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyt.2021.674009

Ghaziuddin, M., Quinlan, P., & Ghaziuddin, N. (2005). Catatonia in autism: A distinct subtype? Journal of Intellectual Disability Research, 49(1), 102–105. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1365-2788.2005.00666.x

Shah, A. (2019). Catatonia, shutdown and breakdown in autism: A psycho-ecological approach. Jessica Kingsley Publishers.

#autistic catatonia #actuallyautistic #actually autistic #autism #autistic #long post #catatonia #loaf screm

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what-even-is-thiss · 4 months

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i've been reading some of your arguments for why you wouldn't be vegan and just wanted to point out that you have a lot of fallacy in your arguments. might want to do a look in there to make sure you are stating your morals/prose properly, and aren't using any arguments that can be easy to shutdown. appeal to tradition. appeal to futility and the argument that personal pleasure(taste etc) allows us to do what we want to others without consent to their bodies is a moral issue i don't think you align with but i could be mistaken. a lot of people who enjoy sex don't rape for example.

i also liked the taste of animal flesh and organs but realized my personal pleasure i got from consuming them pales when it is placed against the value of someone's life and what they have to endure for me to get that on my plate, it's easy to have a disconnect when you don't know. health, animals, earth all benefit from a plant based diet. a plant based diet can feed more people for cheaper, helping to end hunger.

you can say you cook "more vegetarian" but i implore you to continue your growth and align your actions with your morals and continue to strive for a plant based diet in the future. you don't seem like a cruel person but i could be wrong. i've been vegan for 15 years and i cook so many amazing meals and can tell you from experience you don't have to limit yourself to oatmeal. if you have time to watch/listen id implore you to check out gary yourofsky "the most important speech you will ever hear"

good luck to you on aligning your moral values with the actions you take daily/what you pay for.

Okay. Do you say these same things to vegans that wear cotton? That also kills a lot of animals. Like a lot of them. It hurts entire ecosystems.

There’s no way to buy stuff in our current economy that doesn’t hurt somebody or something. I know how to cook tasty and cheap and mostly healthy meals for myself and the easiest way to do that is with pre-cut veggies, eggs, and the occasional poultry.

Yeah I’m wasting plastic. Yeah I’m eating animals. Vegans eat almonds and quinoa. Those are bad farmed at an industrial scale.

Being an omnivore is natural and I don’t feel bad about it. If you look me in the eyes and ask me if I could kill a chicken the answer is yes. I’ve done extensive research on how to do it safely, actually. If the apocalypse comes I’m raising hens for meat.

Also comparing animal agriculture to rape? Couldn’t find literally anything else to compare it to? Really?

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rimouskis · 7 months

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could you explain more about what you view as the before era and what you view as the after? i need to learn my herstory

I think this requires a more detailed and educated/researched answer than I can give after an exhausting workday and an after-hours work event, but I'm going to do my best and also open up the floor in reblogs for people to chip in their thoughts

foremost: a DISCLAIMER that this post does not aim to shit on writers from the "before" era. there are many classic fics that I love and enjoy, even if I consider their characterizations to be "less accurate"* than the ones we have in the after era.

*aside to say: accuracy is based only off of literal media accounts we have of these men; we do not know them, we should not claim to know them, and they have had different comfort levels with the media knowing selective truths about their lives [sid out of choice, geno out of media xenophobia] than they did when these early fics were being written.

"before" fics (which I tend to refer to as "classic" fics, and had their heyday in 2012-2013 but continued up until 2016ish) tended to have more regimented roles for sid and geno. sid was usually the protagonist; geno was the love interest.

this came with a cascading set of characteristics assigned to each guy. sid was poor-little-meow-meow'd. geno was the pursuer in the relationship. sid usually bottomed. sid had the whole spacetoaster moment (he was the inspiration for the term, haha). there wasn't much a/b/o fic but sid was, like, the omega-fied one and geno was alpha-ized.

something I've been thinking about more recently is how 2012-2013 era sidgeno displayed signs of Migratory Slash Fandom. I don't think of MSF as an inherently negative/condemning thing, but I think it's a phenomenon that deserves to be mentioned/analyzed, yeah?

MSF thrives on big character differences.... like, grumpy/sunshine, sarcastic/broody, genius/empath. it's all about emphasizing disparate archetypes to create natural tension in a story. this works really well in most romance novels! I love it!

the issues arise when people try to make characters fit into these preset dynamics. and, frankly, when sidgeno first got big, we straight-up didn't know as much about sid and geno. I mean that. despite sid being EXTENSIVELY covered by media from age, like, 14, he was really tight-lipped compared to what we have now.

and geno was.... there. I don't mean that as a diss—he was INCREDIBLE, but the media totally passed him over again and again. or they helped contribute to stereotypes of him being a dumb oaf who didn't know english.

aside: ironically I think that helped in creating sidgeno and not, like.... sidflower or sidtanger. geno was so "DIFFERENT" from sid (aka: russian, characterized by media as not knowing how to speak [in comparison to sid's highly curated media soundbites]) that it meant he was the best candidate for A Ship with sid.

a lot of the really big writers who got into sidgeno were fandom veterans with lots of experience in other big fandoms. to me, that means MSF had a hand in all this. and we should be grateful, because it led to the BOOM of hockey fic, and of sidgeno fic specifically. modern hrpf wouldn't exist without it.

that being said, those template ship dynamics, plus the media's attitude then towards sid and geno in its coverage, led to those characterizations of whiny soft sensitive boy sid who needed to be rescued even though he was the best hockey player EVER, and geno as the lumbering tall strong alpha not-that-bright Love Interest Man.

this isn't to say every fic was this way, or that this is BAD. I, uh, love poor-little-meow-meow-ing sid and omegafying the hell out of him. what I'm saying is that it was a near-ubiquitous characterization across the board.

that all changed in 2016-2018. I personally wholly credit sevenfists, though I imagine it's more nuanced than that, but: my blog, I make the rules here. I don't know if sevenfists was psychic or just highly observant and absolutely excellent at reading people (and that's basically the same thing, right?), but characterization shifts began taking place in fic....

and the coolest thing happened, in that those characterizations were seemingly reinforced by more media coverage. the back to back cups brought with them TONS of interviews with and media about the team, and sid and geno in particular. the coolest part of it was that sid had loosened up a LOT and geno had gotten more comfortable (and had gotten a reporter firmly on his side).

the interviews about sid post 2016 were just SO different. so much information started coming out, and a LOT of it conflicted with Ye Olde Characterizations. as it turned out, sid was deeply one of the boys. he was funny. everyone liked him. he loved hosting. he was insanely comfortable around almost everyone, including strangers, because he's a little freak who's kind to everyone. he can make smalltalk like no one's business. he's kind of gross. he likes to giggle and be in on jokes and get into the thick of it. he isn't some blushing virgin bride sold off of mario's doorstep, yeah?

and geno, too, was finally getting the coverage he deserved. and his personality was both fortified by age and better shown to us through media. as it turns out, he isn't some happy go lucky oaf. he's mercurial and intensely aware of what others think of him (and he CARES). he's sensitive and thoughtful but also can lash out at random times. he has a wicked sense of humor that he uses as a defense mechanism and as a surefire way to get people to like him, which matters to him. and, as everyone says, he is SMART.

if you had to boil it down, I'd say that post-2016, it became clear that SID is the confident one and GENO is the insecure one. and fic caught onto that with a miraculously fast pace. also: they're more alike than they are different, but I still think romance inherently feeds off of difference and tension, so we still exaggerate things to make the stories ✨WORK✨.

I'm not going to give examples of pre- and post- era fics, because I don't want to point any fingers and say someone was doing characterization "wrong." that's not the takeaway I want anyone to have here.

fandom attitudes have changed. it's been 10 years since that first wave of fics, and while I don't think that's very long, it's a hell of a long time on the internet, and in a niche internet community. what was once the standard for fics (and what was well-read, and what people gravitated towards) was different. not worse—different.

I think it's fair to say the "after" era of fics is more "accurate" to what we know of sid and geno. it's also fair to say that this is only the case because we have a WEALTH of information, character-revealing interviews and videos and anecdotes, that Ye Old Authors could only dream of getting.

I really love the story of how everything has changed, and it's a fabulous microcosm of fandom evolution and how approaches to fanworks have changed and grown with fandom, and I think it's all so so cool.

#additions welcome!#I also feel like I've made this post before lol #gather round children it's time for granny rimouskis to spin the tale of the sidgeno evolution once more

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arowitharrows · 5 months

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God how I wish there'd been articles like this years ago when people were tripping over themselves to deny any and all struggles asexual people face. The amount of times people demanded "proof" when we talked about our experiences. Well, there's certainly more research being published nowadays, if that counts as "proof". I hope they read it.

Today “asexuality is widely accepted as a sexual orientation in the literature,” Hille says, but cultural awareness remains in its infancy, especially compared with other orientations under the LGBTQIA+ umbrella. Saying you don't experience sexual attraction is still like saying you don't eat, Hille explains, and “if you don't eat, there's something wrong with you, and you're hurting yourself.” Asexual people sometimes get this message not just from family and acquaintances but from their health-care providers. Shelby Wren, a health equity researcher at the University of Minnesota, published a study in 2020 in which 30 to 50 percent of respondents who had disclosed their asexuality in a medical setting said a therapist or doctor had attributed their asexuality to a health condition. The proposed diagnoses included anxiety, depression and, in one case, a personality disorder. “You don't know what's going to happen when you disclose your sexual orientation,” Wren says. “And for a lot of people, that stops them from talking about things that could be relevant to their health care.”

[...]

Refraining from disclosing one's asexuality to a mental health provider is often a “very rational decision,” Chasin says. “It's always much worse to be actively rejected and misunderstood.” For instance, asexual people are sometimes subjected to conversion therapy, a practice aimed at changing someone's sexuality or gender identity. It is banned for minors in 22 U.S. states because of its well-documented and extensive harms, including increased rates of suicide. A 2018 U.K. government survey of LGBTQIA+ people found that asexual respondents were the most likely to be offered conversion therapy and as likely as gay and lesbian people to receive it. A recent survey by the Trevor Project found that 4 percent of asexual youths in the U.S. were subjected to conversion therapy, on par with bisexual respondents. On the legislative level, bans on conversion therapy should explicitly reference asexuality, Benoit says. So, too, should professional associations of health-care practitioners, says Samantha Guz, a social work researcher at the University of Chicago. “Asexual people are made to be so invisible in our society that I don't think just having a broad call against conversion therapy is specific enough,” Guz says.

Even well-meaning doctors might unwittingly harm their patients. To a clinician, a patient who is worried that they should feel more sexual desire—and who does not know they are simply asexual—might initially look similar to patients who want sexual intimacy and could benefit from treatments aimed at increasing or restoring desire. Treatments for certain types of sexual dysfunction do help some people whose level of sexual desire leaves them distressed and unsatisfied, Brotto says. For some people, though, this distress may be coming not from an intrinsic desire to want sex but from external pressures such as partners or society as a whole. “I have worked with folks where it's taken us many, many months for the person to really understand how well asexuality fits with their identity,” as opposed to having an issue that is rooted in a health problem or a situational condition, Brotto says. Most doctors, though, don't know that such a distinction exists or is necessary, she adds.

#asexual #aromanticism is not discussed much here fair warning #can't wait until research catches up with that as well #cw conversion therapy #cw medical malpractice #cw aphobia #ref

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vivisection-and-vampyrism · 6 months

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Guide for humans keeping vampires as pets

(Content warning for pet whump and extremely dehumanizing language)

Disclaimer, this is a guide for people serious about taking good care of their pet vampires. If you're interested in learning how to hunt vampires, please consult another guide.

I decided to write this guide after seeing a lot of misinformation spreading around Tumblr. I'm planning on writing another guide on training, and this is an introduction to basic forms of care.

I'm happy to take questions if anything in this guide proves confusing, or if I don't talk about certain breeds you happen to be interested in. My ask box is always open.

On top of my personal experiences belonging to a wide variety of keepers, I've also done extensive research to keep up to date with the most modern standards of vampire-keeping. It sure has changed over the centuries.

Most bad owners simply don't understand the nuance of different vampire breeds and their varying needs, which can be very dangerous for both pets and keepers. Vampires are a dangerous exotic species that should only be owned by people who are trained and know what they're doing.

Now, to get into the specifics

Vampires come in a large variety of breeds. It's very important to understand exactly what variety you're planning on caring for. Draculas and Cullens have very different needs, not to mention older naturally occurring subspecies from Slavic Regions or Western Europe. Morph breeds are, as with most species, an issue unto themselves.

Please do thorough research on vampires breeds before committing to buying or adopting a pet. Some are far easier to provide for than others, and different breeds are suitable for different life styles. You can't keep a Dracula in an apartment and you can't expect Collinses to thrive without the company of other vampires.

Below you'll find the specifics on a wide array of subjects, including feeding, disease risk, and cohabitation.

Enclosures:

Vampires usually have similar requirements to humans in way of housing. That's one of the reason that they're easier to keep as pets than mermaids and other mythics.

Despite common belief, most vampires shouldn't be kept in graveyards or mausoleums. While feral vampires seek them out for shelter, it's generally considered unhealthy behavior. Some breeds of vampires seeks out their burial grounds to rest in, but it isn't natural for them to spend waking hours in their graves.

Draculas, as well as the rarer Carmillas, naturally desire upper class accommodations. Old castles are the best places to keep them, and it's important to give them full range of a castle or manor so they can feel in control of their living space. Opinions on home decor will vary, but cobwebs in the corners and aging tapestries on the walls generally do the trick. It's a good idea to raid an antique shop before adopting one. These living requirments are one of the reasons they're such expensive pets.

More modern vampires like Cullens (not to be confused with Collinses) and their cousin breeds will do much better in standard homes. As far as vampires go, they're quite versatile. They'll be happier in a proper house than in an apartment, but can do well in close quarters as long as you let them out at night to prowl the streets. Though do remember to have safety precautions in place because they can be dangerous and unpredictable, no matter how well trained.

Collinses requiremanor houses that are at least a century old. They enjoy home improvement, so giving them a large decrepit house and a reasonable budget for remodeling will keep them very content. They also desire isolated woods to walk in, and many crave bodies of water like an ocean or lake. They're a vain species, so they will like having paintings of themselves, and perhaps their relatives, hanging on the walls.

Feeding:

This is the elephant in the room. If the idea of your pet consuming blood makes you squeamish, please adopt anything other than a vampire. Some can drink animal blood, and others strictly require human. But blood itself is entirely unavoidable.

If you're a beginner, it's best to start out with a vampire who can drink animal blood. Collinses and Cullens are both common breeds and don't require human blood. But be aware they won't be as healthy on a solely animal diet. Most prefer warm mammalian blood, of course. Cows, goats, horses, etcetera are large enough to sustain their feeding habits.

For advanced keepers looking for more challenging breeds like Draculas, it's important to have access to a steady supply of human blood. Allowing your vampires to feed off you directly is a good way to promote trust and even affection. Though most humans are reasonably afraid of this. Pre-packaged human blood is readily available for purchase at specialty pet shops, though it can get pricey.

Disease Risk:

A lot of people believe that vampires are completely incapable of carrying diseases. This is a dangerous assumption for a variety of reasons. While vampires can't carry Rabies or Salmonella like most common pets, some breeds have a high risk of carrying Tuberculosis. Make sure to get your pets vaccinated, and if you're planning on catching wild vampires you should be vaccinated beforehand.

Most of vampires are, of course, capable of spreading the vampirism condition to humans. Some do this with a simple bite, and others with blood-to-blood contact. Many varieties of vampires cannot sexually reproduce, and instead rely on infecting humans. Please be aware of the risks involved, and have antidotes on hand in case of emergencies.

Enrichment:

Vampire ideas of proper entertainment are as varied as human ones. It's important to communicate with your vampires on what they desire to keep themselves occupied. Many will pick up on the hobbies of their owners, such as sewing or video games, and others will have very limited ideas of what they consider fun.

It's nearly impossible to predict what any specific vampire will enjoy until you talk to them or their previous owner. But certain breeds have been known to particularly enjoy various activities. This is by no means definitive, but it's a good place to start.

As stated above, Collinses often enjoy home improvement and antique restoration. Draculas crave knowledge, and will often devour books about history and foreign places. Cullens will use social media and chat rooms liberally if you allow it.

Most vampires enjoy brooding in dark areas. Prowling through city streets or spooky forests is good source of exercise. Visiting crypts and other homes for the dead can be good enrichment, but as stated above vampires shouldn't live in any long-term. Some will be more attracted to them than others.

Social Arrangements:

This is one aspect that varies drastically between breeds of vampires, and should greatly factor into whomever you end up taking into your home. Depriving social vampires of company or forcing company on solitary vampires is the single worst mistake you can make as a keeper.

Draculas have extremely sex based dynamics. Putting two males together will lead to fighting. Female Draculas are far more friendly towards each other. Most group dynamics involve one male Dracula and one to five female Draculas. However, Draculas can be very happy on their own. Revieving the sole attention of their owner can help greatly with their self esteem and anxiety. Keeping one Dracula is preferable unless you're a breeder.

Collinses require their families, which are usually very similar to human family units. Keeping a solitary Collins is extremely cruel. Only keep thdm if you have space for at least five, who should all be related by blood with the exception of mated pairs. Some Collinses have surviving human relatives from before they were turned, or seek out human mates. They will often turn these humans into vampires. Whether to encourage this is up to you as their owner.

Carmillas are the vampiric equivalent of calico cats, and cannot be male. Contrary to popular belief, they don't usually hate males unless they've been improperly socialized. Most are fine with solitary situations. But they prefer the company of female vampires. Remember that unwanted advances from male vampires often lead to violent reactions. Singular or paired Carmillas are best.

Cullens are extremely versatile. They do well in a wide array of social situations, and can be kept in solitary situations. Attention from humans can more than make up for the absence of other vampires, and many even prefer humans. Despite their reputation for being romance driven, they are often very friendly in a strictly platonic way. This is one reason they're such a popular breed.

Affection:

For the final section, I'd like to discuss why most people adopt pets in the first place. Unless you're a professional breeder, you're likely seeking affection and companionship from your pet vampire. The comfort of vampires depends on their early socialization.

You can often train vampires in affection, among othe things, something I'll go more in depth in my upcoming post on how to train pet vampires. This is easiest if you adopt a fledgling, since mature vampires tend to be set in their ways.

I will not be discussing sex here, as making advances towards someone you legally own is morally wrong and a vampire making advances towards their owners is a sign of a deficit of proper affection.

Vampires can show affection in most ways that humans would expect from each other. Cuddling, hugging, kissing, holding hands, and other things of that variety. And while some can be touched averse, many will eageely consent to being touched by their owners. It's a matter of trust. Treating a pet vampire kindly will encourage positive feelings towards you and in turn physical affection.

As always, my ask box is open. There are absolutely no wrong answers. I want keepers to be as well-informed as possible.

Sincerely yours, Hart

#Hart rambles #Whump #Vampire whump #Vampire whumpee #Pet whump #Pet whumpee #Pet whump guide #Whump suggestions

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hiwelcometothemonstersancturary · 1 month

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Catnap and or Dogday picking up/dropping off their adopted kid(s) at school. Oh god, imagine the entire school’s reaction first time seeing them. Just imagine the parent and teacher meetings lol

Oh my God, anon, this is SO cute! I imagine that by that point everyone and their mother knows about Dogday and Catnap, since they are always helping babysit the kids from around the community, but actually seeing them with THEIR kid migh surprise a lot of people!!! I think the kiddo is permanently protected from all bullies because no kid wants to dissapoint the cool uncles, but some parents are conflicted to say the least.

I like to think that everyone stared as Dogday and Catnap talked with their baby about what to do and expect during their first day at school with wide eyes. Catnap tells the kid to tell them and their teaches of any naughty students and to stand up for themself, while Dogday says that if they're having trouble paying attention to class, to try to occupy their hands, since it helps them! He gives the kiddo a pat in the head and the couple watches as the little human excitedly runs over to their group of friends.

Parent and teacher meetings would always be so funny oh my God. Dogday and Catnap didn't have normal childhoods and everything they know about how a normal school works is from Angel's experiences and Miss Delight's extensive research. Maybe the school the kid goes in is also where Delight teaches? Who knows! But it would be SO funny if it were. All teachers would love the kid because they behave well enough in class, but Dogday and Catnap might get into some beef with some parents because "what do you mean a kid should be treated like an actual person and not just a wild animal you have to control!!!!!". It's always an event whenever one of the kid's many uncles and aunts + grandparents come to pick them up. I think a trio of mothers started keeping tabs on how many family members this BABY has. Like "nonono it's not possible for a child to have so many people picking them up" and then another Mommy Long Legs appears to pick them up. "HOW MANY UNCLES DOES THE KID HAVE???"

#poppy playtime #save everyone au #poppy worldwide #catnap #dogday #daynap

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whumpinggrounds · 1 year

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Writing Wheelchair Users

Hello hello hello it’s another Disability Writing Guide from me! As always, this is a general guide gleaned from my personal experience of working with, taking classes on, researching, and having friends in disabled communities. This is writing advice, not a primer on disability justice (although I’m always happy to talk about disability justice).

Okay. Disclaimer over. Onto the writing advice.

Different Types of Wheelchairs

Before you write a character that uses a wheelchair, you need to know why they need the chair. Different disabilities mean different types of chairs. Some questions to get you thinking -

Manual chairs: Are they temporarily disabled, or is this long-term? Is the chair for indoor and outdoor use? What different types of terrain will the chair need to navigate? Is the person active and able to move themselves, or would someone else be pushing the chair? What kind of postural support does this person need? Can they transfer themselves in and out of the chair?

This guide is helpful for figuring out some of the options that are available and why a person might need them. Please do the research to ensure the type of chair you pick makes sense for the disability you’re writing about. Do not pick a chair based on aesthetics, or avoid a chair because some of the functions seem complicated.

Power wheelchairs: Many of the same questions apply about posture, indoor/outdoor use, and types of terrain. Ability to move oneself does not apply, nor does temporary disability or transferring ability.

How is the chair steered? If someone doesn’t have strong fingers, joysticks can be ultra sensitive. I’ve seen a chair that someone steered with her head, and have heard of chairs that are steered by tongues. Just because someone has very limited mobility doesn’t mean they can’t be independently mobile to some extent.

If the character does a lot of work with their hands, it may make sense for the chair to have a tray for them to work on. This is more common in power chairs than in manual chairs.

Not a question, but power wheelchairs generally have a top speed between 5-10 mph, with the average on the lower end of that scale. Sometimes they can be made to go faster, but that’s generally not useful for the person using the chair, and can damage the chair itself. Before you make your character’s wheelchair insanely powerful and fast, please think about if that makes sense for your setting, your character, and their disability. It’s fun, but it’s pretty unrealistic, and wheelchair users hear enough jokes about them “running people over.”

I know there are fancy wheelchairs out there that like, go up and down stairs. These are unreasonably expensive and never really work the way they say they do. If you want your character to be realistic, be extremely cautious about them having the latest and greatest mobility tech.

All wheelchairs are expensive. That being said, power wheelchairs are much more expensive. The more features it has, the newer it is, and the more customized to a person’s needs, the more expensive it will be.

Wheelchair Etiquette

I think I get a lot more disability stuff on my social media because I talk and think and read about it more, so I’m going to start with the very basics. I apologize if it’s repetitive or I’m being unnecessarily detailed!

Do not lean on a person’s chair. Do not have other characters lean on a character’s chair. If they are close friends, maybe, but generally speaking, a wheelchair should be treated as an extension of someone’s body - because it is. So no leaning, sitting on, or pushing it without being explicitly asked.

Also, of course, people who use wheelchairs have fun just like everyone else. Some people do let others ride on the backs of their chairs, or try stupid things just to see what happens. A character’s willingness to do this should be consistent with their personality, and the fact that their chair is likely a very expensive and medically necessary piece of mobility equipment.

Do not use a wheelchair outside its intended purpose. See the above points - it’s an extension of someone’s body, it’s expensive, and it represents someone’s mobility and independence. Shouldn’t be used for moving things or other people. Again, there can be exceptions to this.

Do not refer to someone by their mobility aid. Some people are fine being referred to as wheelchair users. Others prefer “person who uses a wheelchair.” Do not ever call someone “wheelchair guy,” “wheelchair woman,” or “wheelchair person.” A wheelchair is something you use. It is not what you are.

People customize their wheelchairs in a lot of ways. Obvious ways are stickers, colors, ribbons, etc, but customization can also be a tote bag with necessities hanging off the back, a particular cushion, or blanket.

Do not move someone else’s wheelchair without their permission. Firstly, no one should even touch a wheelchair without permission. Secondly, moving a wheelchair means its owner may not be able to find it or transfer into it when the time comes. Last, many people don’t like to be separated from their chair, or to have it leave their sight. It’s an extension of their body. They don’t want it disappearing somewhere they can’t follow.

Treat wheelchairs with care. This underlies everything I’ve written, but it’s worth saying explicitly. In my opinion, it would be unrealistic to have a wheelchair user and/or their friends be careless or reckless with their mobility equipment. Once again - it is expensive, it is their mobility, and it can take a long time to replace or fix.

This ties into the above point, but not all wheelchairs are created equal. They are not interchangeable. Their functions are usually tailored as much as possible to the person that uses them, and that makes a big difference in someone’s comfort, mobility, and independence.

Do not talk down to wheelchair users. This has several meanings. The first is to not be condescending, ever. The second is that some wheelchair users prefer that able-bodied people crouch or sit to speak to them, so they’re at a more equivalent level. Others find this condescending, so proceed with caution and when in doubt, ask. Do not bend over to speak to someone, or tower over them, forcing them to crane their neck. Both of these are always considered poor form.

Wheelchair users do not need, and often do not want, to share their diagnoses. If this character is a major part of your story, their diagnosis and its particulars will affect much of what they do, so please have a specific diagnosis in mind. If they’re a smaller character, or speaking to another character, they may not discuss the particulars of their life or diagnosis, and that’s okay. No one needs to explain their disability, visible or invisible.

Do not use the word cr*pple. Some wheelchair users may use it to describe themselves, especially to other disabled people. As an abled person myself, I would not presume to use that word and I would recommend others do not either.

People are not “wheelchair bound” or “confined to a wheelchair.” People tend to really appreciate the freedom and increased mobility that their wheelchair provides.

Other Considerations

People who don’t have mobility in their extremities often don’t have great circulation in their extremities, either. This means people can get cold much faster than able-bodied counterparts.

People with poor circulation develop extremely sensitive feet. Feet being bumped or even just brushed can be painful.

A character may use a wheelchair and be able to walk, or may use a wheelchair and cannot walk. Either way, they can and almost certainly do still wear shoes.

People with low mobility, or anyone sitting in a wheelchair for hours at a time, need to be shifted and moved, or their weight redistributed, so they don’t develop pressure sores over places where bone is close to the skin (hips, wrists, ankles if lying down). This is non-negotiable. Your wheelchair user character will not be able to stay in the same position for six hours and be okay, no matter how padded their chair might be.

Your wheelchair user’s feet should not really be touching the ground, unless they’re in a hospital chair and it is a short-term situation. All wheelchairs come with footrests, and feet are kept elevated on a footplate. It is hard to hold your feet up continuously while moving, and there’s no real reason to do it that way.

Ableism is real, and it permeates every public, private, and internal space in the real world. If a space has stairs and no ramp, your wheelchair user character can’t enter. If the sidewalk is broken or steep, a wheelchair user may struggle to navigate. If a venue is accessible but the bathroom isn’t, a disabled character may not feel comfortable being there for long stretches of time. If your characters are going to a bar, likely it’s too high for your wheelchair using character to order. If your character uses a powerchair and is going somewhere overnight, there’d better be a place to charge their chair. Even if you’re writing in a fantasy setting, think about what it would mean for your imagined world to actually be fully accessible. If the world you’re writing in isn’t fully accessible, think about what that means for your characters, what impact it has on them, and what they have to navigate to be out in the world.

Lastly, and very importantly, make your character’s disability consistent. If your character is entirely paralyzed below the waist, you’re going to have to think about how they use the bathroom. It may not come up explicitly in your story, but it will absolutely affect the way the character behaves, where they feel comfortable going, and who with. Do not give your character zero lower body mobility and then refuse to think about bathrooming and sexual function. It is really, really disappointing to see people write disabled characters and then avoid the aspects of disability that they may find distasteful, distressing, or too difficult to think about. Okay one more time:

Many wheelchair users have sex. All wheelchair users need to use the bathroom. You don’t have to write about it, but you should think about what it looks like for your character. You’re writing a full disabled person, not an otherwise abled person whose legs don’t work. You’re also not writing a person whose entire personality is their wheelchair and thus cannot be in any kind of sexual relationship. Figure it out.

More Mobility Aids

A person with partial ability to walk may have a wheelchair and a cane, or arm crutches for when they’re able to be more mobile.

A mobility scooter is a possible alternative to a wheelchair if your character has higher mobility and transfer ability but can’t travel long distances. This is a good choice for someone who can get in and out of a wheelchair with ease and has upper body mobility with limited lower body mobility, but can’t self-propel over long distances.

A Hoyer lift is a mechanical lift used to move people with low mobility in and out of their wheelchairs. It is often unrealistic to have a person transfer someone else alone. It is almost always a two person job, and that still puts a lot of strain on the caregiver’s body.

A transfer belt is a very low cost, specially designed belt that makes transferring safer. Its primary purpose is to give caregivers something to hold onto besides a person’s body, which is safer for both parties. A transfer belt is only used when the person being transferred can stand and take at least a few steps mostly on their own.

Service dogs can be trained to open doors, retrieve items, or assist with disabilities that may not relate to the inability to walk.

Hospital beds may be used for characters with limited mobility. The heads and feet of these beds can be lifted or lowered, along with the entire bed. This aids in transferring, as well as shifting weight and position so that bedsores do not develop.

Wheelchair accessible cars or vans are great tools for independence. They’re also incredibly expensive. A van that is equipped to transport wheelchairs will have ports to anchor the chair and straps. A more sophisticated van that would allow the wheelchair user themselves to drive is usually customized to the user’s ability and needs, and even more incredibly expensive.

Caregivers I am including as mobility aid(e)s. They are trained professionals, although family members and friends can also be caregivers. Often a caregiver will be a CNA (Certified Nurse Assistant) and will be trained to help with physical needs and ADLs (Activities of Daily Living). This ranges from transferring and bathing to feeding, brushing teeth, and massage. A CNA is not able to provide any care that breaks the skin (injections, IVs), treat injuries, or dispense any medication (this includes over the counter meds). A registered nurse would be needed to perform any of these things.

Media with Wheelchair Users

I will be honest, I have a lot of memoir recommendations, but movies and TV mostly escape me. I’ll do my best! As always, I am sticking to things I personally have read or watched.

Sitting Pretty by Rebekah Taussig is a memoir by a young wheelchair user. It discusses ableism, disability, and independence.

A Body, Undone by Christina Crosby is a memoir by a queer woman who acquired a disability partway through her life. It deals with her adaptation to her life and reflects on mobility, independence, and the body.

Being Heumann by Judith Heumann is a memoir by a prominent disabled woman and activist. She tells her life story and describes the crucial work she did in working for disability rights in America.

Care Work by Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Sanarasinha is a collection of essays by a multiply disabled, queer femme-aligned person of color. They include reflections on disability justice, disabled futures, and many aspects of disabled lives.

Demystifying Disability by Emily Landau is an all-purpose primer on many different types of disability and how to talk about them. It’s an intro to ideas surrounding disability.

Disability Visibility by Alice Wong is a collection of essays by many different disabled people about their lives and views on disability. It covers many different types of disability, and among the authors are some wheelchair users, including prominent late activist Harriet McBryde Johnson.

Spoiler alert: In the later seasons of Bones, though I don’t know exactly when, a main character acquires a disability that means he uses a wheelchair. He struggles with internalized ableism and difficult emotions surrounding disability in a limited but thoughtful portrayal.

Me Before You is bad disability representation. Both the book and the movie are bad representation. Happy to talk about this in DMs if you do not understand why. Do not use it as positive rep or research.

#disability writing guide #writing disabled characters #writing disability #disability #disability justice #writing advice #writing wheelchair users #how to write wheelchair users #wheelchair users

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