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jenosdaemi · 3 years

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crazy | qian kun

Pairing: idol! Kun x reader Genre: angst, fluff, crack (if you squint?) Word Count: 8.1k Warnings: Language, self-esteem issues, self-pitying, Kun obsessed with popularity ranking, WayV expressing tough love, this story might be a sensitive issue for some because there are fans who believe that Kun is being mistreated by SME (ie not giving him enough chance to showcase his talents) so if you're one of those said fans, please skip this one as this might trigger you. Thank you, love.

Summary: Kun believed he did not need anyone apart from himself and pushed everyone who tries to help him during challenging times. Then you came, a stubborn stylist that fell in love with an idol.

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. It is not intended to offend or insult anyone. There will be inaccuracy in the timeline, just remember that this is fiction. Part of Shawn Mendes Playlist. Not proofread.

A/N: Okay. I tried reading this one just to see how bad my grammars and misspellings are and they’re the worst of the worst lol. I will have them proofread and edited once I get the time. Please try to understand whenever you encounter a series of annoying grammatical errors 😂

Taglist: @queenrachelpink @luvlyjaemin @busy-namjooning @chitaphrrrr @bebsky @sptegami @crvshcultur3 @renjuanaea @jenjnm @sunshinedhyuck @ne0yong @multihoe1 @jenyongcas @kuncitizen @flower-lise @chenlewifey @jj-ms @harrythefarmer @chichhihaa @nurenciye

Think I don't need a watch to tell the time Think I don't need the sun to help me shine Think I don't need a girl to be alright Guess I didn't know

The Year of 2015 when Kun left China to start his journey as an idol in Korea. To do music and to be known as a singer was something he always dreamed of. He knows he lacks many aspects- even in singing, the reason why he's so grateful that SM found something in him worth working on.

The joy and pride he felt when he was given an opportunity to sing a Chinese version of an NCT U song is something he would keep near to his heart forever. For a rookie like him, barely trained, to be trusted to represent a company is his proudest moment.

Kun is a very shy person and it's on the top of his list to improve. In 2016 he was featured and introduced in NCT Life with Winwin. Finally, he thought, he can practice the things he learned in training.

It was obvious that he put his best front and best attitude during the show. But it was a letdown that he did not receive the amount of recognition that Winwin got from the fans. He's happy for his friend of course but he cannot help to wonder what he did wrong and why he’s not making enough noise like his friend.

“That's alright gege. What matters is you did your best.” Winwin tried consoling him.

“I know that. I'm just wondering where I am lacking so I can work on it.” He said problematically.

“It’s our first reality show. Nobody does well on their first try.”

“You did well,” Kun said ruffling the younger’s hair.

“No, I did not either. I'm just cute.” Winwin grinned.

Kun spent most of his free time rewatching the show and judging the way he talked, moved and reacted. Taking mental notes of what looked awkward and timid. He should've talked a lot more, he should've loosened up a bit. He learned a lot by watching and comparing himself and he made sure that in the next reality show, he’ll do much much better.

All he could do is wait for the next opportunity given to him. He cannot demand an exposure yet. He’s still a trainee, a nobody.

In the meantime, he took training very seriously and was sacred. The members would have to remind him to rest because he hardly notices that he’s overworking himself. What can he do? It's his dream and he can feel that he can almost grab it.

“Kun, take a day off and treat yourself. Go to a sauna or have a massage. You’re exhausting yourself and it's not even necessary.” Ten scolded him. He’s at the practice room in the middle of the night dancing to old choreographies of senior idols.

He let go a deep sigh and sat down on the floor. “Why don't you go first? I can go home by myself.”

Ten raised his brow and crossed his arms in front of his chest. “I could but you look like you're going to pass out. Why are you doing this to yourself?”

He sat beside Kun, keeping a distance between them. “To be better. I can sing for sure, but I don't think I'm great at dancing yet.”

His friend shook his head in disbelief. “I was watching you earlier. You were good! I don't know what else you're looking for.”

“You don't understand. This is my dream.”

Ten scoffed. “And what's this for me? A part-time job? Aren't we all sharing the same dream? Being an idol has to be fun for you to make the most of it or else you feel like you're doing this for the sake of the job. I know you're very critical of everything and that's okay, but you need to balance your life. Go out and have a little bit of fun, you'd probably meet a girl or someone.” He teased Kun.

Kun gave Ten a ridiculous look. “I don't need a girl, Ten. I'm alright. I know what will make me happy and that's why I'm doing what I’m doing now.”

Ten only sighed and shrugged. “Whatever helps you sleep at night.” He tapped Kun’s shoulder and left.

Here comes 2018. The very first project of NCT 2018, Empathy. He's not officially debuted yet but was included in the title track ‘Black on Black.’

He’s finally putting his years of training and self-improvements to use. Kun was very excited to showcase his talent in singing and dancing. Even when he knows all too well that he’s never really given a center or a line in that one and only song, he remains absolutely optimistic.

The best and only the best. That's what he showed. He was once again given a chance to appear in variety shows. Although he wanted to draw attention to himself, he thought it's best to remain silent and let the debuted members get the limelight. He’s going to get his time one day.

Once again, he watched numerous shows they went to. Maybe he’s been too quiet. He could have given way to the other members yet still talked. Regrets, once again, towered over him. Another batch of ‘should haves’ lists and sleepless nights of reviewing the mistakes he's done.

2019 came and WayV debuted. He’s been given the task of a leader, a role that comes with so much responsibility. He’d be lying if he says he’s not being boastful of his given role. He talked proudly to his parents about it. To be chosen as a leader of a unit is definitely something to be proud of.

From teasers to mood samplers to origins, WayV is receiving a lot of attention and fans are overly excited to see them debut. Kun believed that this is the day he's waiting for, to be known, to be popular, to be seen.

Debut day came and it's only natural for them to track down their progress. A week after they debuted, they found themselves seated in the living room, browsing fan-made YouTube videos of their group. They stumbled upon a video of the popularity rank of NCT as a whole and decided to watch it.

He already had a bad feeling about it, but he didn't really want to shit on their trip so he kept quiet about it and watched it with the rest of WayV. His whole body went cold as if he was poured a bucket of iced water. He’s at the very bottom of the list. The least popular member of NCT is him. He could not move his body because of embarrassment.

Hendery looks at him with worry, “This cannot possibly be legit. We’re the ones that just debuted.” He was talking about Yangyang and Xiaojun, both nodding in agreement.

“We’re the ones supposed to be in the last.” Xiaojun added, but Kun remained speechless.

Ten put his hand on top of his hand and gave it a squeeze, “Don’t take it to heart. This is fan-made, I doubt its credibility.”

“No. It’s only fair. Technically, I only debuted with you three.” He looked at Hendery, Xiaojun and Yangyang with a forced smile painted on his face.

“But haven't you been introduced in 2016?” Yangyang asked, genuinely curious. Hendery smacked his head quite hard. His curiosity is not welcomed at the moment especially when Kun is probably thinking hard about what he’s been doing wrong.

Kun smiled at the younger boy and nodded, “Yes. But I’ve been gone for so long so they might not have remembered me. I’ll work hard for our group, I promise all of you that. Especially we have the best dancers, vocalists and rappers in WayV.” He winked.

And that’s what he did. He worked harder than ever. While doing everything to improve himself in every aspect, he also made sure that he’s not neglecting his role as a leader. He takes care of his members like how he would take care of his family. He’s the one who made their group a family and their dorm a home.

Aware of how compliments and appreciation affect someone’s will to do better, he made sure that no amount of good work is left unnoticed. Kun is great at complimenting the people around him but what he doesn't realize is where he lacks most: appreciating himself.

If he only stops for a second and looks back on how far he already went because of his hard work, then probably he’s not exhausting himself from dusk to dawn in a practice room and spending his nights watching how senior idols act in shows. Although WayV never failed to remind him that he’s not a loser like how he thinks he is, he still worked twice as much as everyone else’s. That’s how much he wanted to prove himself to the world and to himself.

Thought I didn’t need shoes on my feet Thought I didn’t need a bed to fall asleep Thought I didn’t need a long to be complete Guess I didn’t know That I just got this crazy feeling I’ve been making someone wait for me For me

What Kun didn’t know was that someone saw his hard work and how admirable he is. You saw how he struggled and how much he took care of his members. You’re a stylist for WayV and you have been working with them since their rookie days.

Being about the same age as them, you got along with the members and even considered them as your friends. Except for Kun. You’ve always known your feelings for him and you’re aware of how deeper you were falling for him every day.

Taking care of him as his stylist is one thing and taking care of him as yourself is another. You’ve seen how exhausted and consumed he was in his job, that's when you decided to do small things for him.

When they have scheduled something and they need your services, you will bring rice cakes for him and to the members. That one time that he came in with a sore throat, you remember asking almost everyone in that building if they happen to have ginger tea with them. During his birthday, which is also new year, you remembered sneaking out of your family party just so you can greet him and hand him your gift personally at their dorm.

And when you were close enough with the members and were given the privilege to come to visit them anytime you like, you always find yourself at their dorm early morning on weekends cooking breakfast for all of them with Kun in mind. You’d like for him to stay longer in bed and not worry about what to eat when their caretaker is on a day off.

Kun knows you like him, maybe more. He’s not that dense not to notice the things you've been doing for him, and his members certainly did not miss seeing them. He almost begged his members not to tease you about it, you see, WayV loves to make fun of these kinds of things and you look too pure to handle the severity of WayV’s love language, so he asked them to spare you from it.

In his mind, as long as he’s not showing you any signs of mutuality, you’d know that he has no intentions of getting into a relationship anytime soon. Everyone knows he’s just kind enough to not be bothered by your sweet gestures.

Some called you delusional for liking him and you tired yourself out explaining that you were not expecting him to like you back. You're simply doing these things to take care of him because you like doing them. People asked you so many times why you were so head over heels with Kun and you just look at them as if they're asking you something so ridiculous.

Because honestly, who’s not going to fall in love with that man? He’s smart, kind, polite, handsome, talented, dedicated and a gentleman. It’s almost impossible not to develop feelings for him. Especially after what he did for you.

It’s 8PM and you were seated, hugging your knees to your chest in the dark outside the studio, sobbing. You were working during the SMtown concert when your sister called you that your hamster just died.

Not that you were embarrassed to be seen crying. You remembered how your coworkers laughed at you when they found out how attached you were with your rodent. You just don't want to hear “That's just a rat” from them so you tried your best to hide from everyone.

The sound of the exit door opening made you hold your breath and it made you let out the loudest sob. You immediately slapped your hand over your mouth but it's too late. Kun heard you already.

He glanced to your side and saw you on the corner trying to make yourself invisible. Without questions, Kun took a handkerchief out from his pocket and handed it to you. “Are you okay?” He asked sweetly. Concern can be heard from his voice.

You nodded but the way he asked you made you feel sadder. “My… pet.” You sobbed.

He squatted in front of you so he's at eye level with you. “Passed away?” Again, you nodded. “I'm sorry for your loss. Can I know its name? How old is it?”

“Her name’s Bijou. She’s 18 months old but that's like 80 years old to… her kind.”

He went silent for a second. Did he find out that your pet was a rodent? Great, you’re a loser now.

“Bijou in… Hamtaro? Was your pet a hamster?” He asked. Surprisingly no judgment at all. Just a genuine question but you're too defensive to notice.

“What? Is it weird to have a pet hamster? It's a very common pet and just like any pet owner I would cry if my pet died!” You rambled chasing your breath after.

Instead of getting offended after being yelled at, it surprises you with what he did next. He caressed your back and lowered his head to catch your gaze. “Listen, cry when you're sad. It doesn't matter if people think it's weird or not. You understand?” Speechless, you only nodded for the third time tonight. He hummed then stood up. “And for the record, I think hamsters are very cute pets.” He said before walking back inside.

“Earth to Y/N!” Your co-worker, Soyou, called you. “Did you prepare WayV’s clothes already?” Snapping her fingers at you.

“I did! And I put cologne on one of them.” You grinned at her, wiggling your eyebrows. She only shook her head and laughed at you.

“You should have put colognes on all seven of them! Why do you just put them on Kun’s?” She asked, laughing. “Actually, you know what? Don't answer that. It's not like you're being discreet that you like him.”

“Exactly. Also because this is the expensive perfume that I bought with my hard-earned stylist money. I decide who gets to smell good.” You answered jokingly. “And his lunch for today is homemade wonton soup with stir-fried sweet and sour chicken.” You said while taking out two Tupperware from your lunch bag and a thermos.

“And what's that? Tea?” Soyou pointed at your large thermos.

“It's soup. To keep it hot. Nobody likes lukewarm soup.” You opened the lid and showed it to her. It is definitely still hot because it made her eyeglasses fog.

“Wow. You're more than a stylist. I hope somebody would like me this much.” Soyou said as she looked at the food you packed.

You smiled sadly at her and looked down at the lunch you prepared for Kun. “You know I'm not doing this just because I'm a thoughtful stylist.”

“You like him. We all know. Like I said, it's not like you're hiding it.” She rolled her eyes at you and chuckled, which made you laugh also.

“Not just that! He’s very attentive to others but neglectful when it comes to himself. I don't know if you see this, he puts in the most effort but he always receives the least recognition. He deserves more. He kind of made me want to take care of him.” Soyou is quietly shaking her head vigorously and coughing a few times to stop you from talking, but all efforts are left unnoticed by you.

“Good morning?” A voice behind you says that you found out to be Xiaojun. Standing at his back are the rest of the members. You have no idea how much they've heard, but you're certain that they heard something.

And Kun didn't like what he heard. He stared at you with so much disappointment. You sounded like you're pitying him and he hated it so much. He can very much feed himself let alone take care of himself and he doesn't need anybody to do something he’s capable of doing. If you're doing all of these just because you feel sorry for him for being the least popular, then it's probably best for you to find a different group to work with because he doesn't need your pity.

You wanted to greet him but Kun was clearly avoiding your eyes. Did they all hear you say that? Did you embarrass him in front of his members? Was he mad at you? All of your questions were confirmed when he seated himself in front of a different stylist. Leaving you standing alone beside his supposed chair.

“Gege, I don't think you're meant to be there.” Lucas said after realizing Kun stole his spot from him.

“Uh- Just find an available seat. Sorry.” Kun answered without looking away from the mirror in front of him.

You fiddle your fingers and look down at it. A gentle touch on your back made you glance up. It was Lucas. “I'm excited to work with you today!” He beamed with a big grin plastered on his face. “Oh, is this your lunch?” He gestured on the Tupperware you brought out.

“Yes.” You smiled. “But I don't think I could finish this alone, do you want to share it with me?” You're a big eater and you can definitely finish them by yourself, but you lost your appetite so it's better to let someone else eat it or else it's going to be a waste.

“Yeah! What the hell, I love wonton! Do I have to wait for lunch to eat this? Can I eat my half now?!” He yelled, which made you laugh. You opened them for him and let him dig in the food you prepared, “Eat as much as you can. Don't worry about me.”

Lucas is very easy to work with. He would just sit there and entrust his look at you. He never breaks out of a conversation and you actually enjoyed chatting with him.

Soon enough you finished working on his hair and you're already done dressing him. You're doing a few touches on his lips and you notice his face is scrunched up. “Is my hand smelly?” You joked, knowing too well that your hands smelled like vanilla. It's important for you to wear a scented lotion so it won't bother Kun once you get too close to his face, it's a good habit that you always do now.

“No.” He laughed. “But Y/N my clothes smelled too new. Like fresh from the store and just taken out of the package.” He joked but you know he’s telling the truth.

The ones they're wearing are sponsored by Celine and they can't wash because they have to be returned after the contract with them has expired. It was the reason why you always spray your cologne on Kun’s clothes so he won't have to smell them during the performance.

“Do you have perfume with you? We can spray it around the neck.” You suggested but he shook his head. “Okay, one second. I have a cologne here that you can use.” You said and looked for the cologne inside of your bag.

“Am I not going to smell like a girl?” He whined.

You chuckled. “No. It's a unisex cologne. You’ll only smell like baby powder, don't worry.” You winked at him. Lucas always wore a strong manly perfume so it's understandable that he's worried to smell like a woman.

Finally, you saw the bottle of cologne and were about to spray it on him when Kun harshly tugged Lucas out of the dressing room with him. “The show’s going to start soon.” He coldly said to Lucas, not giving you much attention. You were left there standing alone, with a spray bottle in your hand.

The show started half an hour later. You're all I think about when I'm awake Part of every night and every day And everything's a mess when you're away Now I know All of this is getting really old I'm having trouble sleeping on my own Feeling like a house but not a home I want you to know

The Resonance era came. Everyone's schedule was busy, even his. He was told that he’s going to have several recording schedules and a couple of music video rehearsals.

The NCT 2020 project is better than the last one. Everyone is included in NCT U, meaning no one was left behind. Kun was sorted with the vocalists of the group, hence the From Home unit. They were given the demo with the lyrics and made them listen to it. He was very excited especially when they were told that they will sing in their mother tongues.

A week later they were given the divided and distributed lyrics of the song. To his disappointment, he was literally just given two solo lines, three lines of lead and that's it. He tried shrugging it off and did his best to be grateful for it. It's still better than nothing. He thought.

Once again, he only showed his best and nothing else other than the best. NCT 2020 is the biggest project that the group has and if he wants to overturn his situation, he needs to give his best. Kun became so obsessed with popularity ranking that he’s starting to forget to have fun at work. He’s always comparing himself to the supposedly ‘popular’ members and tried acting like them.

You saw all of it. In a short span, you saw how Kun slowly started to lose himself as he tried becoming someone else he’s not. All he thinks about is the ranking that he fails to remember that he already has a solid fan base and loyal fans that will stick with him through thick and thin.

It's none of your business. That's what you continuously remind yourself of. It doesn't matter if you like him, it's his life and he has every right to live it the way he wants to live it. But the fact that nobody sees these unhealthy changes other than you, makes you feel more responsible for him.

Before the release of Resonance’s music video, the members were given early access to see them first. On a Saturday morning, Kun sat in his room and watched the music video alone on his bed. He started off excited but it died down as the video prolonged. He could barely find himself. It's almost like he wasn't even there. If he did not participate, nobody would ever notice that he wasn't there.

It was his last straw. His patience was emptied and he felt underappreciated. All he could think about are the injustice he’s getting both from the fandom and the agency. What he didn't notice is he’s not the only one that didn't get enough screen time in the music video. He’s not the only one that is almost always at the bottom of popularity rankings. He's not the only one that receives the least line distribution.

He was blinded by his dream that he lost the reason why he’s doing his best. For the fans. The fans that were there when he was nothing and now that he is a successful artist known worldwide.

It's Saturday and you always try to visit WayV during weekends. You bought groceries with you so you could cook them something for dinner. Carrying three grocery bags in one hand, you tried unlocking their door using the key they gave you. You opened the door and were welcomed by the silence of the dorm. Is nobody home?

You continued walking inside and went straight to the kitchen to put down the heavy bags you brought. From the kitchen, you saw a figure sitting on the floor in the living room area with his head resting on the couch. It's Kun. And drunk.

You quickly went to him and tried sitting him up, “Kun, are you okay?” He only shoved your hands away. “I can take care of myself.” He’s so drunk you can barely understand him. You held his arm again and tried helping him sit on the couch. “I know you do, but let me help you still. Okay?”

Kun did not just shove your hands away but also pushed you making you fall on your butt. You were so taken aback and looked at him surprised. He stood unsteadily and pointed at you. “I don't need you! Leave me alone! And don't you dare feel sorry for me ever again! Do you think I need your fucking pity? I was trying to be nice to you and tried showing you that I don't want anything to do with you but you're a fucking delusional! Just because of what? I showed you a bit of kindness when your freaking hamster died?! You have very low standards. I feel sorry for you! That's how it should be, not the other way around! You’ll throw yourself to anyone who shows you kindness how fucking sad is that? But that'll explain why you're so desperate for a dick-” A slap flew across his face the same time the door opened. Kun sobered up quickly.

The members stopped in their tracks after witnessing their leader getting slapped by you. Kun did not move an inch. The second he felt the stinging pain on his face was when he started replaying the words he said.

“What's happening?!” Ten asked aggressively. They didn't hear what their friend told you and there is no way in hell you’ll stay in that dorm with them if they'll blindly take Kun’s side.

You quickly grabbed your purse from the kitchen and left their dorm squeezing yourself through their bodies blocking the doorway, keeping your head low to hide the tears running down your face-- which you failed at miserably. Everyone, except Kun, follows your figure until you're out of their sight.

“What the fuck happened?” Ten asked again but this time to his friend. Ten got the gist of what's happening while eyeing the empty bottles of alcohol on the table. But it's still a mystery why someone like you- who's not capable of hurting someone, especially Kun- would do such a thing. “What? Is this about popularity ranking bullshit again?!”

“Ten.” Winwin grabbed Ten’s arm, stopping him from getting closer to Kun who's still not moving, yet audibly sniffing.

“Sure it's not a big deal for you, but it is to me! You don't understand shit because you're a crowd favourite! I’d be okay if I'm not at the bottom but I am. I've always been the last for how many years. I was the last when the group had 18 members, also the last when we had 21 and still the fucking last now we have 23. It feels like my efforts were constantly being overlooked. I am sick and tired of feeling like my best isn't enough to get what I deserve!”

“Kun you're the only one who thinks that way! We did our best to make you feel better, we helped you to get that obsession out of your system! You're forgetting why you joined this group in the first place! You came here because you wanted to sing, make music! Look what you're doing, you're constantly looking down on yourself. You're not being overlooked by everyone but one thing is for sure, you're the one who disregarded the support and love of the fans that believed in you and pushed the people who genuinely care for you. You should know that you're not a loser but you're definitely pathetically acting like one.” Ten walked out and slammed his bedroom door, leaving Kun seated on the couch with both of his hands on his face.

You’re all I think about when I'm awake Part of every night and everyday And everything’s a mess when you're away Now I know All of this is getting really old I'm having trouble sleeping on my own Feeling like a house but not a home I want you to know

WayV didn't have any schedule for three days. In those three days, Kun stayed in his room. He spent all his time reflecting on what he did and what Ten had said. Kun looked back on how consumed he was with jealousy and self-pity. Embarrassed to say that he's wrong and a coward to face people he hurt. Despite those, he did his best to fix himself and man up to apologize. He started with his members.

He would try to talk to them one by one but he remembered what he does best: taking care of them. Kun woke up earlier than usual, cleaned the dorm and cooked them breakfast. The members wake up just in time for breakfast, Kun quietly sets the table and they all without a word sit on their respective seats.

Kun watched his members eat breakfast in silence and decided that it's the best time to speak. “I'm sorry.” He said, fiddling with his fingers. “For being a pain and being self-centred. I did a lot of reflecting alone and realized my mistakes. I'm sorry.”

His members were just looking at him while he talked, chewing on their food. Ten shrugged and continued eating, “Took you long enough.” All of them also shrugged and went back to eating as if he didn't just pour his heart out on them, but that made Kun smile to himself. He’s forgiven.

The day they finally worked back on their schedule, Kun immediately looked for you the second he entered their dressing room. The space is not big and he could spot you instantly if you were there, but he stood there for a couple of minutes trying to comprehend that you weren't there. Kun approached your friend, Soyou, and asked her for your whereabouts.

It was obvious that she did not expect that Kun would look for you, her eyes shifted from one thing to another avoiding eye contact as much as possible, “She’s uh… She's off today, I guess? It's Sunday and she's always with her parents on Sundays.”

He knows for a fact that you're not always with your parents on Sundays because you have spent a good amount of your Sundays with them in their dorm before, but he shrugged. Maybe you really are with your parents.

Kun told you to leave him alone, so you did. You asked to get transferred to a different group. What he said was something you took into your heart. Call it pettiness, it didn't matter anymore how much you liked him, you were hurt and offended. You know you didn't deserve that so you got up and left.

You’d say it was easier working with Red Velvet if you weren't missing the very reason you decided to leave their group. The girls were just lovely and very sweet, most of them were soft-spoken with their own version of crazy sides. They were very sisterly and you were treated no different from them.

It's been a week since you left WayV. Yes, you were mad at Kun but you can't explain why you feel sad that you’re not seeing him and his members anymore.

Kun on the other hand is not doing any better, he's miserable. He’s used to sleepless nights, but not you being on his mind all the time. He starts his day thinking of you and ends it with you still in his mind. At first, he thought it's probably because of guilt, but he felt what feeling guilty was like before, and it's not it.

Every time he goes to their schedules, he would look for you. Resonance promotion is beating everyone's ass, but he's stressing out because he misses you too much. The sound of footsteps in the hallway always sounded like yours, he sees you in every crowd he went to, the sound of their dressing room opening constantly gives him mini heart attacks. As creepy as it may sound, he stole the clothes he wore at the music awards because they smelled like your perfume.

It only took him two weeks to realize that it's more than just owing you an apology. It's more than just wanting to make it up to you. It's clear to him that the crazy feeling he is feeling is just nothing, he reciprocated your feelings. He likes you just as much, if not more.

Kun still believes that you were on a vacation with your family and he genuinely wished you to have fun but wanted you to come back quickly. It was a mess without you near him, your presence alone puts everything in its rightful places. He knows you're all that he’s missing and he swore he will never waste a single second when you come back. He always thinks about how he would approach you when he meets you and how he would apologize and prepare himself for how you would react. He’s only getting a second chance once and he wanted to do it right.

Another week has passed and you're still out of sight. Kun sat in front of a mirror, a stylist he met for the first time fixed his hair. He didn't like how she did his hair, that's not how you do it, but he kept quiet. After his hair, he was told to change clothes and handed his attire. It became his habit to sniff the clothes he’s going to wear, it smelled nothing. His stylist fixed his lipstick and her hand did not smell like vanilla.

Your absence was slowly creating a hole in his heart. An empty void that no one can ever fill, just you. His days are dull and his nights are depressing. His weekends are tiring and his weekdays are drawn-out. He just wants to hold you close and never let you go.

That I just got this crazy feeling I've been making someone wait for me For me

A month. You're gone for a month and Kun is starting to ask more questions to your friend. Sure you’re on a vacation, but does the company even allow a month-long vacation during a heavy schedule of promotions?

“Just tell me where she is and I swear I'll leave you alone.” Kun almost begged Soyou. She would have told everything already if she didn't promise you not to tell him anything about the changes you made. This man is testing her loyalty with treats every day, now with a box of freshly baked macaroons. She's starting to hate you for making her go through this hardship.

Soyou rolled her eyes at him, “Now for the nth time Kun, I still don't know, okay? All I know is she's on a vacation with her parents. That's it!” She went past him getting a flatiron to style Yangyang’s hair.

“You're not telling me something. I can feel it” Kun insisted.

“Gege, she said she didn't know. Give her a break.” Yangyang interrupted. Kun told him to shut up and shoved the box of macaroons on his chest.

Soyou raised her eyebrows at Kun and pointed at Yangyang, “Listen to this baby right here. Give me a break. I don't know anything.”

“I'm not a baby. I'm twenty now.” Yangyang mumbled, munching on the treats.

Defeated, Kun gave Soyou a breather and did not ask any more questions. Kun slumped himself on his chair and took his phone out. His lock screen is WayV but when he opened it, his home screen was a picture of you and him on the first day of their first promotions. He changed it that one night he missed you the most. It was the only picture he could find of you and him, and he despises how he didn't put his arms around your shoulders or at least smile a little bit more back then. Nevertheless, you are still the most beautiful woman she's ever seen.

He stared at his home screen. You ought to come back. This is your job and you love doing this job. You have to come back, right?

A knock on their door echoed in their quiet dressing room, a man probably a few years younger than him, popped his head through the ajar door and scanned the room before setting his eyes on Kun. “Hey Kun, are you busy? The director wanted you to check the audio we're going to play for your performance later.”

“I think you should ask our manager Hyung for that.” Kun hesitatingly suggested, but it's true that it was the manager's job to keep everything checked out.

The boy scratched his nape, “I couldn't find your manager. I've been roaming around for 20 minutes and the director is losing his patience with me. Please?” Kun chuckled and got up from his seat to follow the boy.

Their performance is not going to happen in two hours. Kun is still wearing the clothes he wore from their dorm on the way here but his hair is already styled. He followed the boy to the audio room and did what he was told to do.

Kun walked back alone back to WayV’s room and walked past the MC’s busy dressing room. He took one quick glance at it and stopped in his tracks. He saw something awfully familiar in that room and he didn't know if he’s actually seen you or his mind is playing tricks on him again.

He took a few steps back to peek inside the room. And there you were. Busy putting makeup on Red Velvet’s Wendy who happened to be the host for today’s show. You’re not on vacation. You're here. Why would Soyou lie to him? Why would you ask Soyou to lie for you? He stood there for what seems like forever and watched you move.

He misses you. He wanted to greet you and ask how you have been, but the fact that you lied for being on vacation and now that you're clearly working for someone else made him rethink if it's a good idea to approach you.

“Kun! I've been looking everywhere for you!” Ten yelled as he ran towards him. Kun wanted to slap Ten’s mouth to shut him up but it's too late. You heard his name and are now looking at him.

Ten immediately caught up on the situation and was quick to remove himself from it “Actually… I'm good.” Then ran back to their dressing room.

Guess I need a watch to tell the time Guess I need the sun to help me shine And I really need you in my life Now I know

You played with your tall glass of chocolate milkshake, keeping your eyes on it, trying your best to avoid Kun’s stare who probably drank the whole teapot of green tea.

“You need to speak soon. I still have work to do.” You said coldly.

You’d be lying if you deny that you missed him. For all the years you stuck with WayV, you always found ways to check up on him, to visit him and talk to him. The past three weeks were as hard for you as it was for Kun.

Kun shifted in his seat and cleared his throat. He’s never felt this nervous since the day he has mistaken SM’s callback as a scam call. You finally looked up and caught his eyes. His eyes spoke a thousand words for him in a millisecond, but his lips were shut closed.

“Uhm… First, I-I'm sorry.” He lowered his head. “I am truly sorry for the words I have said. I won't even make excuses for it, I am wrong and you don't deserve them. Second… I never meant it when I said I don't need you because heaven knows how much of a mess I was without you.”

Your heart pounded so loud in your chest. What did he just say?

“I’m sorry I was so preoccupied with self-pity that I didn't realize this sooner. I like you and I need you. I overlooked your efforts to make me feel other than underappreciated. You were my number one fan, the person who truly believed in me when I didn't. Who takes care of me when I neglect myself. You were the one who became selfless when I was being selfish. If it wasn't too late- and god I hope it wasn't- I would like to take you out on a date please.”

You blinked at him. Unbelievingly comprehending what just happened. You probably look stupid now, but you couldn't care less. You came here expecting an apology from him and that's it. Never in a million years did you ever imagine him confessing to you.

“Y/N?” He called out to you.

“I-I don't know, Kun. What you said hurt me, you judged and accused me of something I am not.” You started. Kun stared at his fingers on his lap. It's understandable that you're turning him down and he couldn't blame you for it. “But I guess you can continue asking me out, maybe I could change my mind. No promises though.” You smiled at him.

He grinned back, showing his beautiful dimples. “That's good enough for me.”

Kun did not only show you how sorry he was, he also proved to you that he was serious about what he said. He pulled strings to know your schedule and would always find time to visit you.

It was his turn to bring you rice cakes at work and when Red Velvet won an award, he bought you a bouquet of flowers as if you're part of the group when you're only really responsible for their looks.

He would always wait for you to finish your work no matter how tired he was from practicing. He would just sit quietly in one corner and doze off. And when you wake him up, he would wake up with a smile on his face just happy to see you as soon as he opens his eyes.

For the first time, he visited you in your apartment and cooked you his specialty dish. He didn't let you raise one finger and just had you watch him cook. The two of you talked about yourselves and got to know each other pretty well. It was probably one of the most peaceful days Kun had in ages.

He persuaded and courted you for months. Kun slowly redeemed himself from the mistakes he's made, and you’re slowly forgiving him for hurting you. For the past weeks, Kun has been nothing but a sweetheart to you. He opened up to you about his past and his insecurities, his passion for music and the obsession he had with popularity ranking.

Kun was not afraid to show you his bare soul and you did the same. The feeling you had wanted to take care of him finally made sense. Looking at Kun now holds a different meaning. You're not just looking at the person you adored, but the person you love.

You smiled to yourself. It's time.

It's been three months since Kun apologized to you and is still trying to take you out on a date. Time flew, Kun didn't even notice that he’s been waiting for a date with you this long and he didn't mind one bit. The best ones always take their time.

Kun was busy promoting his new single with Xiaojun and he knows you were busy helping Red Velvet for their comeback. It's only been two days that he hasn't seen you, but it felt like an eternity.

He glanced at his phone to check if you sent him any text messages. None. He sighed and put his phone down. He's been texting you all day but you never replied, were you that busy? Did you forget your phone? He's worried, but he calmed himself down.

Kun and Xiaojun finished their schedule later than usual. It's almost 2AM when they get into the van that will drive them back home. Once again, he checked his phone but still nothing from you.

Xiaojun noticed him and chuckled to himself, “Lovesick?”

He smiled at the teasing. “No. I'm just worried. But I guess she was too busy. I'll try again tomorrow.”

About an hour later, they finally made it back to their dorm. Kun was practically dragging himself to the elevator and to their front door. He inserted the key and lazily opened the door with his body.

A loud pop of confetti was heard. Their ceiling was filled with helium balloons. There’s a 'CONGRATULATIONS KUN’ banner on the wall. Surprisingly, they’ve managed to turn their messy dorm look quite festive.

His members have party hats and red plastic cups. There is a feast on the table and the pets are locked in Ten’s room. Xiaojun came up a minute later wearing a knowing smile. He’s also in it.

“What's this for?” Kun asked with a smile on his face.

The members without a word gestured to his bedroom. He walked towards it, eyeing each of them cautiously. He could never trust these people with his life, they just played too many games and tricks on him he had enough trust issues for a lifetime.

He slowly turned the door open and he was welcomed with a fresh smell of numerous vanilla candles that are illuminating his whole room. There are rose petals on the bed and balloons all over the floor. There are cards of screenshots of appreciation and compliments from the fans that are hanging on the ceiling. Above his headboard is another banner, but this time it reads differently.

“Can you be my boyfriend?” Someone read it behind him. He turned around to see you standing with a plate of the same rice cakes you used to bring him. “Please?” You added with a grin plastered on your face.

Kun smiled and pulled you closer to his chest. You put down the plate of treats and snaked your arms around him. He gently pressed a kiss on your head, trying hard not to let his tears fall. He's overjoyed with what's happening that he lost his words.

You carefully pulled yourself away from him and looked him in the eyes. “You haven't answered my question yet. You're always making me wait Mr. Qian.”

He chuckled, “When did I ever make you wait? I was the one waiting for a date with you.”

“I’ve always liked you since 2016. I thought you already knew that?” You pouted.

Kun smiled and cupped your face, “And you won't need to wait for me anymore. I'd be crazy to make you wait longer than you should have. I love you Y/N.” He closed the gap of your lips and kissed you passionately, gaining groans and cheers from the members that are long forgotten.

“I would say get a room but we are in their room,” Hendery said before walking out and was quickly followed by the others.

That you give me this crazy feeling And you won't have to wait no more for me For me And I just got this crazy feeling I've been making someone wait for me

Okay. This is my second story and I still feel very nervous that I had to set this up on queue instead of manually publishing it lol.

If it's not too much to ask, I would love to know what you think of this one. Again, so very thankful to each and every one of you who read up to this point!

Next Story: Jaehyun | Memories

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ugh-yoongi · 3 years

Note

hi,,,^♡︎^

could u do,,, a scenario where hobi and the reader are both dancers and they’re choreographing as mentors or smith???

thank u sm💔

hello~ thank u so much for the request! sorry it took me a while, but i hope u enjoy it ♡

pairing: hoseok x reader

wc: 2.6k

warnings: kinda enemies 2 lovers vibes, swearing, jikook are rivals, i mention tiktok more in this fic than i have in my entire life, i didn't rly edit this so if there are mistakes no there aren't, fluff?? this is an easy read.

There’s a reason you don’t like working with solo idols.

There are a lot of reasons, actually, but the main one is currently sprawled on the floor, chest heaving as he scrolls through his phone. Shirt soaked through with sweat. Scowl on his face. Pointedly ignoring your demands for him to get up and go through the choreography one more time.

“I’m tired,” he huffs.

You roll your eyes. “I don’t care.”

Jeongguk looks like you’ve just slapped him. “You’re fired.”

Stalking over to him, you kick him in the shin. “Get up, Jeongguk. You specifically requested to work with me. Stop wasting my time.”

With a groan, he pushes himself into a sitting position solely so he can glare at you more effectively. “Yeah, because you-know-who hired you-also-know-who and I need to keep up. If I have to read one more fucking article about him being the better performer, I’m going to—”

“Park Jimin is also a brat,” you retort, grabbing the back of his shirt to haul him up. “You want to be a better person than him, right?” Jeongguk seems to mull this over. Pushes his tongue into the fat of his cheek and nods. “Great, then get your shit together and stop complaining.”

Jeongguk does not stop complaining, but at least he gets his shit together. The two of you occupy the practice room long into the night, going over the choreography time and time again. It’s nearing two-o’clock in the morning by the time you call it, sending him off with a thinly-veiled threat that you’ll see him in two days and he better stay on top of the routine.

What you get in return is a first-class view of Jeongguk’s back as he stomps out of the room, nothing but his middle finger and an irked do you think Park Jimin takes days off? tossed over his shoulder before he disappears.

There’s a reason you don’t go after him, and it’s this:

You get it.

The mutual beef he has with Park Jimin? The one that probably started off as this innocent thing not to be taken seriously before oops, it took on a life of its own and now it’s Very Serious? Yeah, that’s you and Jung Hoseok, too. Jimin and Jeongguk are the two hottest soloists in the industry, and you and Hoseok are the two hottest choreographers. Anyone who’s anyone works with Jimin and Jeongguk and Hoseok and you. So, Jimin and Hoseok? You and Jeongguk? Unheard of. Groundbreaking. A cultural reset. A trending topic for weeks.

You’ll deal with Jeongguk’s attitude if it means besting Hoseok once again.

On and on it’ll go, ad nauseum, until one of you finally calls it quits.

(Won’t be you, though. RIP to Hoseok’s career, but you’re built different.)

Still, you stare dumbfounded at the door, Jeongguk long gone, taking the last few strands of your sanity with him. “Fuck this,” you grumble as you begin to collect your things. “Girl groups only from now on.”

***

Running into Hoseok, purposely or accidentally, is not something that happens often.

However, when it does, it goes a lot like this:

“Fuck off, Hoseok.”

You spare a smile for the barista and grab your coffee. Jeongguk had texted you in a panic, said the café at the company was temporarily closed for cleaning, and since you’re much less famous and therefore able to go out in public, would you please grab him an iced americano on your way in? No mention of repayment, of course, because Jeongguk is a brat.

Hoseok chuckles from behind you, low and raspy in a way someone so insufferable has no right to sound. “Don’t be like that. All I did was ask how you are.”

You spin on your heel. Some petty, oft-used part of you hopes you’ll slip and spill Jeongguk’s coffee so you have nothing to give him, but you’ve been cursed with a dancer’s balance. “Right, and you don’t give a shit how I am, so you see my issue.”

He’s leaning against a table, a long-sleeved shirt and a loose pair of joggers dwarfing his lithe frame. That demonic Supreme headband is keeping his hair out of his face and you have to suppress a shudder. Hoseok may not be your favorite person, doesn’t even crack the top fifty, but you’ve got eyes. “Heard you’re working with Jeon Jeongguk.”

“Your point?” you prompt. A text comes through on your watch from the man in question: a ‘HELLO?? COFFEE????’ that you ignore.

You know Hoseok’s trying to get under your skin. He confirms as much when he says, “That’s a big get for you, huh? Taking a break from making the girl groups do half-assed hip thrusts so they don’t get banned from TV?”

Still, you can’t help but stoop. “You’re talking real big for a guy who got fired by the last girl group he worked with. If you can’t choreograph women just say that, Hoseok.”

Despite this rivalry being long-lasting and perpetual, Hoseok seems taken aback by your jab, like he didn’t expect you to be so blunt. His face falls for half a second, blink and you’ll miss it, and he resets it into something unaffected and cool. “I can choreograph women just fine,” he hisses. “Don’t forget—”

“The routine you did for that one group that became a TikTok trend.” You wave your hand in dismissal. “Yeah, yeah. You don’t forget who had to clean up your mess after you got fired. Took me weeks to sort out that mess.”

Hoseok doesn’t respond, just situates his drinks in the cardboard carrying tray and glares at you all the way to the door.

You wonder, briefly, if Jimin pays him back when Hoseok buys him coffee.

***

There’s a reason you don’t like working with solo idols.

“It’s not good enough.”

You take a deep breath. Try to remember all those calming mantras you used to do back when you still had time to attend your yoga classes. It doesn’t work. Weeks of pent-up frustration quickly heats to a rapid boil. Your body flushes hot, anger licking at your heels. It’s not Jeongguk’s fault, not really. It’s not even that the choreography truly isn’t good enough, it’s just—

“You saw his Studio Choom performance, right?”

Of course you had. Viral would be an understatement, and you knew as soon as you’d watched it what a headache it’d be for you. ‘Choreographer—JUNG HOSEOK’ had just been the shit icing on top of a shit cake. “Yep.”

“Then you understand why this routine isn’t good enough.” Jeongguk grimaces a little as he sees the expression on your face, immediately apologetic. “Sorry. It’s not you, I promise, it’s just—”

Jaw clenched, you restart the song. “Run it through again.”

“But—”

Truth be told, you’re kind of tired of everyone second-guessing your direction. Hoseok thinks he’s better than you, Jeongguk thinks he knows better than you. “The choreo is good. Better than good. If you want to change it, do it yourself. Otherwise, run it through again.”

A beat of silence. Jeongguk looks like he wants to challenge you, wants to find the bruise and press on it, but he doesn’t. Just pushes his sweaty hair off his forehead and gets into position.

***

“You look rough.”

You don’t bother looking up from your phone. You’d know that voice anywhere. “Ah. Well, I’m about to look a whole lot worse now that my sleep paralysis demon is here.”

Hoseok snorts, helping himself to the empty chair across from you. “Don’t be like that. I’m trying to be nice.”

You quirk an eyebrow. “You’re never nice. What do you want?”

“Nothing,” he answers, hands held up in defense. “I just saw you sitting here—”

“Looking rough,” you interject.

Hoseok nods. “Right, looking rough. And I thought to myself, ‘Wow, she looks like shit. I should see if she’s okay.’”

Irritation needles along your skin. “Well, good news: I’m fine, so you can fuck off.”

“You don’t look fine,” Hoseok says. He pops the lid off his coffee and dumps two sugars in. “Trouble in paradise with Jeongguk?”

Yes, you want to say. Nothing’s good enough and we spend all day talking in circles. I’m questioning my work and my worth and they’re not paying me enough for this bullshit. I haven’t slept properly in weeks. My entire body aches. “Jeongguk’s fine,” you say instead. “How’s Jimin?”

Hoseok studies you for a moment. Seems to see something floating just beneath the surface because he says, “Jimin’s fine,” and, somehow, you get it.

***

The next time you run into Hoseok, you don’t even have the energy to exchange barbed jabs.

You’re exhausted, to put it mildly. Beyond exhausted; something that’s bypassed your muscles and tendons and settled into your bones. Jeongguk hasn’t let up. Whatever Jimin does, he has to do ten times better, and the problem with that is it’s just not possible. Jeongguk is talented in the same ways Jimin is. They’re never going to outdo each other the way Jeongguk wants to.

No sense trying to explain that to Jeongguk, though. His skull is way too thick.

“I don’t have the energy to deal with you.”

Hoseok snorts. Sets a large coffee in front of you and doesn’t say a word about it. Just sets it down like he buys you coffee all the time and this is totally normal for the dynamic you have. “Good, because I don’t either.”

You hum. “Did you poison this?” you ask, peering into the cup. It’s exactly what you would’ve ordered for yourself.

“Only one way to find out.”

Traitor, your brain chastises as you laugh at Hoseok’s retort. “At this point, I think I’d walk willingly into death’s embrace.”

“That seems dramatic.”

You think about all the nights spent in the rehearsal space, Jeongguk red in the face as he watches some stupid TikTok video Jimin uploaded that he’s decided to take personal. You think about all the pitying looks your cat gives you when you don’t stumble into your apartment until 3AM. You think about all the coffees Jeongguk still hasn’t paid you back for. “Is it, though?”

Hoseok seems to be going through it, too. “Hm. Maybe not.”

“Working with Jimin is fucking awful,” Hoseok continues, his confession soft around the edges like his mouth is tired, too. “He keeps saying nothing’s good enough, that Jeongguk is doing this and Jeongguk is doing that. Like, wow, fuck me, I guess. Didn’t know I was hired solely to contribute to this weird vendetta you’ve got.”

“Jeongguk’s doing the same thing.”

“Really?” Hoseok asks, the surprise evident on his face.

You nod, taking a cautious sip from your coffee. Not that you care if it’s poisoned, but you’d like to avoid burning your tongue if you can. “Yeah. I’ve been spending sixteen hour days in the studio with him because he’s not satisfied with anything. Keeps watching all those fucking TikToks Jimin’s been posting.”

Head thunking onto the table, Hoseok lets out a strained groan. “He only started posting them because Jeongguk did first.”

“Don’t tell me that,” you nearly whine, “because now I’m gonna have to kill him, and I really don’t want to go to prison. I won’t survive in there.”

Hoseok picks up his head just enough to smile at you. “Yeah. You don’t really have a face for prison.”

“The fuck does that mean?”

“You know.” He gestures vaguely, cheeks reddening. “People in prison look like Post Malone.”

“So I should or I shouldn’t get the face tattoos?”

Hoseok clicks his tongue. “That’s a trap. You’d never catch me out here telling someone what to do with their body.”

The real trap, you think, is that fucking smile of his.

***

You don’t see Hoseok again until the end of season award shows.

You put on a pretty dress and have your hair and makeup done to perfection. You mingle and schmooze and make small talk with the people you’re seated next to. You watch Jimin perform with a polite smile. You watch Jeongguk perform with your heart in your throat. You watch both of them win and accept awards with what you’re sure is a pinched expression that belies your relief.

It’s over.

You never have to work with Jeongguk again.

“Back to girl groups?” Hoseok asks. The two of you have found yourselves alone in front of the hors d'oeuvre table, the draw of the bruschetta too strong to ignore.

You shrug. “I’m taking some time off to work on my failing mental health.”

“Good for you,” Hoseok says, smiling around a meatball on a toothpick. “Self-care and all that shit.”

“Mm, maybe, although I think it’s more like self-repair. What about you?”

The thing about Hoseok is that he always seems to catch you off guard. Always makes the move you least expect. It used to bother you, used to get under your skin something terrible, but now, when he says, “I’m working with Jeongguk for his next music video,” all you do is laugh.

“Good luck,” you say, reaching over and squeezing his bicep, and you’re surprised to find that you mean it.

***

Jeongguk’s video turned out brilliantly.

So brilliantly, in fact, that you and Hoseok have found yourselves here: as dance mentors on a competition show.

No one’s better than the two of you, the producers had said. The hottest in the industry. Please come work on the show. We’ll pay you well. The contract is three months. No overtime.

Three months of getting home on time? Three months of being able to turn down all those girl groups and their half-assed hip thrusts and those solo idols with weird grudges? Three months of having enough time to go back to your yoga classes? Three months of not having to see your cat’s judgmental glare? Yeah, you’d take that deal a million times over.

Now you’re sitting on an uncomfortable wooden stool with a clipboard in your lap, Hoseok diligently jotting down notes on your right. The studio lights are unbearably hot and have sweat pricking at your skin and you send up a silent prayer that the makeup artist used that good setting spray you like.

“What’d you think about the second girl?” he asks. He’d foregone the contacts today, a pair of thick-rimmed frames sliding down the perfect slope of his nose. When you don’t answer, his brows knit in confusion. He snaps his fingers. “Hello? You in there?”

“Sorry. What’d you say?”

But Hoseok’s a bastard. Puts on a shit-eating grin and double-checks to make sure the cameras aren’t rolling. “I asked what you’re doing after this.”

That doesn’t sound right, but it’s not like you’d been paying enough attention to refute it. “Oh. Nothing, I guess. I was probably gonna grab a takeaway on my way home and hang out with my cat.”

“Ugh,” he retorts with a fake gag. “What are you, sixty years old? Live a little. Come to dinner with me.”

Now it’s your turn to fake gag. “Why would I do that?”

“Because you like me now,” he answers confidently. “Because you can’t stop staring at me and all this unresolved sexual tension is going to make for an uncomfortable work environment if we don’t do something about it.”

Your jaw drops. “What the fuck, Hoseok!” you hiss. “There is no—”

“Come to dinner with me.”

And if you agree a little too easily, a little too quickly, who can really blame you?

#jewel answers #jewel writes #hobi x reader #hoseok x reader #hoseok fluff

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