#tag ramble alert

[astralcat]

i don't care what anybody says kamille is the fourth asl sibling

#one piece #mobile suit gundam #kamille bidan #monkey d luffy #portgas d ace #sabo #asl one piece #asl brothers #asl trio #TAG RAMBLE ALERT #he met the brothers when he was 8 #this was before sabo “died” #it took a while for kamille to warm up to them #especially since ace thought he was a girl at first #they found him in a pile of trash in the grey terminal (he was hiding from marines) #kamille was easily more violent than all three bros combined #after sabo's “death” kamille still was hopeful that he was alive somewhere and planned for multiple years to set out to sea to look for him #finally when he was 14 he set out towards baltigo bc he had a dream sabo was there #he ends up meeting amnesiac sabo and becoming a double agent for the revs to gather marine intel #kamille desperately wanted sabo to get his memories back #anyways i should stop

[legobenkenobi]

the way Obi-Wan writes about Cody in his journal is so tender for a lot of reasons but one i’m thinking about a lot is how it’s probably one of the very, VERY few remaining pieces that preserves who Commander Cody ACTUALLY was, outside of the chip and being forced into Order 66.

Obi-Wan is memorializing Cody along with all the people who were important to him for Luke and anyone who comes after to see because he knows no one else will and also that no one else spent the war with Cody like he did and got to know him in that strange, intimate way of being on the front lines together.

he’s keeping Cody alive in those pages despite everything, despite not knowing the truth about the chips. ohhh im so ill

#codywan #cody tag #sw #tcw #obi wan kenobi #commander cody #ben rambles #UGH im so so so ill #BEYOND SICK EVEN!! #WOW… BEN POSTING ABOUT CODYWAN?!?!! IN NOVEMBER OF 2023?!!?!!?? #SOMEONE ALERT THE PRESS

[zeep-xanflorp]

so at this point everyone is accepting that rick and diane never had a healthy marriage right??

like i think what everyone assumed (including me) is that they retconned all the things about rick not believing in love in the first two seasons when they revealed rick's revenge quest in season 6. like i thought that because rick was doing all of that for diane and beth, that it was indicative of a healthy relationship. but i don't think that's the case anymore after looking into some old episodes. i truly believe it was the intentions of the writers to make him have a bad relationship w diane since the beginning.

so here's what i've been thinking right.

"listen morty, what people call love is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. it hits hard, morty, and then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. i did it. your parents are gonna do it. break the cycle, morty. rise above. focus on science." (rick potion #9, ep 106)

the situation he describes is so specific. he describes "failing marriages" and compared his marriage to that of beth and jerry's which is infamously codependent and toxic.

"i couldn't make [marriage] work and i can turn a black hole into a sun, so..." (the wedding squanchers, ep 210)

he talks about how little he trusts in marriage. because despite his intelligence, he couldn't be happy in his own.

so these are the two hints we get about rick's marriage before diane even actually shows onscreen. both of these quotes demonstrate rather clearly that their relationship was dysfunctional in some capacity. that it was "failing".

so if we're call caught up let's move onto the season 3 premiere.

"why don't i go grab beth and we can go out for ice cream?" (the rickshank redemption, 301)

that's all she has to say after rick says he's giving up on science - his passion. which is rather odd because it was clearly something he was working on for some time and he just says he's giving it all up immediately. which is odd, right? this well seeming remark could be far more insidious than it seems.

i'm not the only one to point this out but that's it. she dismisses his feelings. she invites him out to a place with their daughter (where, with her present, they would be incapable of having an adult conversation which would put more distance between them) and in this regard, beth acts as a physical barrier between them both.

i'm not saying that diane is in the wrong here. i'm not saying rick is perfect. but that's one instance of their relationship where something pretty major had just happened. and it's immediately brushed off.

(abcs of beth, 309)

there are plenty of hints that rick was indeed an absentee father, even when he was still living with his daughter. take the abcs of beth, where rick talks about all the toys that child beth had to play with. beth insists that she asked him to make those because she wanted to spend time with him. let me repeat, beth explains that she wanted to spend time with her father so bad that she asked him to make lethal weapons for her to play with. plus the whole froopyland thing - an environment designed to be safe so he wouldn't have to keep an eye on her. it's obvious she channeled her neglect in a destructive way - aka in a way that she got from her father. but i digress.

the point is, rick has always been absent from his family in some capacity. whether it was emotionally as we see with diane or physically as we see with beth.

there are also some hints at infidelity on rick's end. take mr nimbus, who is confirmed to have known diane.

then when diane and beth die, he absolutely crumbled. and this scene does break my heart watching it bc we know it's not just a part of a fake memory now. it was all real. the pain he experienced in that moment - the hope he had of living a normal life and making everything up to his family - just got ripped away from him.

so even though on the surface, rick appears to have a healthy relationship w diane when she shows up in the show, that doesn't mean that's all there is. it's very unlikely based on all of the information presented in the earlier seasons that these two were stable together and i think that the presentation of diane as a perfect loving caring wife is intentional. it either represents how rick remembers her - as someone kind - or is only a small part of the equation.

oh and let's not forget the ghost ai that rick made for his dead wife. he designed her to berate him, to wear him down. to never let him move on from what happened. like that's something super messed up wow. maybe

in conclusion, rick has never had a stable family or home life. that thing didn't appeal or satisfy him. it caused him to neglect his daughter and continues to impact the relationship he has with his adult family members. by no means is this an excuse and that's hardly my point. i feel it's important that we know the reality of ricks marriage to understand how that impacts him in the show we're watching.

ofc this is just my take on what little we have seen from the two of them. i rlly want to see more so i can maybe make a better assessment. but yeah. whatever went on there? not healthy. no way in hell.

#i know i'm leaving stuff out but i'm tired n this is a rambling rant #rick and morty #rick sanchez #r&m #rick n morty #rnm #rick c 137 #rick c137 #rick #rick and morty season 6 #old man alert #beth sanchez #beth smith #diane sanchez #rick and morty theory #meta #idfk how to tag this #game theory ????

[cloud-the-forgotten]

So I was looking at WiKirby and found this little guy

They're a Bounder and I love them :D

#they look like the autism creature <3 /pos #anyway- new blorbo alert! >:D #cloud does a ramble :3 #blorbo tag <3 #kirby #kirby series

[deepfriedpaddymayne]

I know I roast Augustin for this moment all the time but also the more I look at it the more I want to bang my head against the wall because like. my immediate reaction to this is "my man how touch starved do you have to be to enjoy yourself in this situation" but we KNOW he's not touch starved. we see him be very physically comfortable with his friends. which brings me to my other question which is HOW REPRESSED do you have to be to enjoy yourself in this situation

#sas rogue heroes #augustin jordan #paddy x augustin #ok so here's the thing #i don't think augustin sees himself as repressed #i think he IS comfortable with his sexuality and that he knows what he wants #however i also think he keeps a pretty tight grip on all of it #so like. of course physical desire is fine he's a grown man but only when he can rationalise it and control it. #i genuinely think that's why he lies about having a wife after i think he just gets kind of overwhelmed with huh. you know. in this scene #and just blurts out the first thing that comes to mind #also because the moment immediately after that gif you can see him setting his jaw like he's annoyed #and I SWEAR at least some of that annoyance is at himself #anyway i think paddy should keep making him insane. never forget what they took from us #whoops ramble in the tag alert #i am sorry i have thoughts and crunchy is away and i am giving myself a short writing break so i need to get them out SOMEWHERE #oscar rambles

[le-agent-egg]

uhh when you uhhhhh

#danganronpa #sayaka maizono #leon kuwata #makoto naegi #mukuro ikusaba #dr thh #trigger happy havoc #ship time uhhhh #naezono #naekusaba #naeleon #leosaya #ikuzono #thats everyone i think leon and mukuro are inlaws #zachs art tag #zambling (zach rambling) #yap alert ‼️

[bettyist]

@ the rape industry loving loser in my askbox u need to get a job and stop sending me asks like every hour

#ramble tag #BUM ALERT

[lilyliveredlittlerichboy]

james bond type movie where they find the villains lair and the villain has a really cute adorable cat on their lap and after invesitgating for a little while they find out that the villain isnt the human. but actually, the human has been doing everything while mind controlled by the cat. the cute little cat is the true villain. she loves killing and murder and figured out how to mindcontrol her human because she doesnt have opposable thumbs. the human is like in a trance whenever theyre around the cat where all coherend thought disappears and they can only do the cats bidding. they will sacrificce themselves to save the cat without a moments hesitation. is this anything

#i need a tag for my own rambles #cat #cats #spoiler alert im the human my cat is the cat #she is on my lap rn and i would absolutely kill for her and die for her and all coherent thought disappears whenever she is near me #au where my silly tiny cat who is called blueberry is a big bad bond villain

[littlefankingdom]

Me jamming to the opening music (SPECIALZ) while ignoring the trauma my children are going to face at Shibuya.

#jujutsu kaisen #my children are #yuji itadori #nobara kugisaki #megumi fushiguro #maki zenin #spoilers alert in the following tags #but I still refuse to accept that my girl is dead #She died off screen so it did not happened #She's alive and well just not here at the moment #my ramblings

[narwhalandchill]

No way they had to actually nerf aventurines story boss fight 😭😭

#SPACE CAPITALIST FOUL LEGACY FACES THE FATE OF THE ORIGINAL 😭😭 #listen im the first one to call out how the omgggggg its hsr childe O___o shit with aven is just. dumb (& if anything hes hsr komaeda lmao) #but this is just so fucking funny 💀💀 poetic irony #(yap alert) n yes yes sure ik they do share some memeworthy similarities in the narrative roles they serve and some surface level aspects #such as. to stay on topic. the powered up form featured in a now-nerfed story fight threatens big population in attempt to draw out someone #thing. but as characters they rly couldnt be further apart. motivations and skillsets and worldviews and personality its . nothing lol. #like. they rhyme at times but thats not the same as rly being alike much at all and im tired of seeing it #but anuway yeah its. its so funny the boss fights for both got the fateful nerf i cannot believe this 💀💀 #i kind of get why tho like. aventurine had hands. i did double sustain jic and was fine bc fx blocked the CC enough but ya #hsr #hsr spoilers #2.1 spoilers #rambles #name a more iconic duo than me and not fucking keeping it curt and on topic in the tags

[4kts]

BEGGING for a Gabriel bot that's like your Raphael one, it's too good, whatever you're putting into them, it's working😭

(I've held long conversations with legit every bot you've made. It's an addiction.)

You're in luck because someone in my g.forms requested a Gabriel bot ✧～(ゝᴗ ∂ )

I'm still working on it! But the prompt is kinda similar with Raphael's where he also kidnaps u lolololol

But... If you want, you can also request ANOTHER Gabriel bot ( • ̀ω•́ )✧

Aside from that, I'd like to say thank you so much for chatting with my bots 🙇‍♀️💕 it means a lot! And I mean, A LOT!!! 😭🙏

I remember bullying the shit out of the Raphael bot while i was still tweaking with it 😭 so im glad he's still good

And long conversations?! U gotta show me the best moments u shared with the bots 👀 im curious!!

#🫧.asks #at this point I'll just make a seraphim series where the three of them just kidnaps u cuz ur too good to be in hell/earth #Like... Ur too good to stay at those filhty and disgusting places!!!!! #Heaven is better... Right??? #They have good intentions in kidnapping u #So trust them! Theyre just trying to maintain ur purity and get rid of the corruption #Spoiler alert: theyre just making it worse—corrupting u and making u theirs <3 #Oh! If u want i can post some sneak peeks too! #Im also working on a michael bot #And uhm.... The first greeting for michael is very long qwq #Anywyas... Idk if anyone is reading the tags but if u are #Thank u for coming to my mini ramble lol #THANK YOU FOR CHATTING MY BOTS AGAIN!!! IM GLAD U ENJOY THEM 😭💕✨

[lactoseintolerentswag]

OC lore? 👀

AJSNSUBSJSN I'm assuming this ask is referring to my silly tags here?

Well!! I guess I could be a big boy and talk abt my guys 👉👈. Gonna warn off the bat though they're not rottmnt or tmnt related they're my home brew pals and I'll try to keep it short but.

Hard to when my timeline feels like this

So kudos if any of y'all stick around for the entire post.

World-Building Context:

Urban/modern fantasy genre dipping its toes in eco horror

So basically everyone and everything has this thing called aura (I KNOW BARE WITH ME). It's not visible to the naked eye but everyone's aura is different and specific to them like a fingerprint

When I mean Everything has aura I mean the animals, the plants, the rocks, buildings, etc. The Earth has a whole has its own aura

Spirits are born of Earth's excess aura. Spirits are nebulous empathic entities that communicate through emotion rather than words. They mostly take after animal-adjacent beings (like a giant bird with multiple eyes and a dog's snout) or sometimes mimic objects (like a tea kettle with legs). However, they never appear as human or humanoid

Spirits can bond to places, objects, and people!!! When a spirit bonds with a human it creates a familiar bond

Benefits to the bond: cool sick aura powers for the human that mimicks the ability of the familiar. In turn the familiar gets to feed on the bonded's emotions--lengthening their life span

The later of which is completely harmless to the bondee. A spirit and a person cannot bond unless they have a compatible aura, so to put it in perspective it's like finding someone who has a fingerprint that fills the gaps in your own

Effects of familiar bond: the bondee and familiar will begin to physically change to resemble one another. Not extremely. Someone could grow claws and their familiar's eyes would turn into their color. As stated before you get sick powers, which can be passed down generationally but will get diluted and or evolve into something else

Now spirits used to be widely respected and revered as our equals and sometimes even protectors. It was an honor to have a familiar bond or be passed down a spirit ability from a family member

Things took a turn when a movement that feared spirits as agents of the devil, and claimed people with spirit abilities were corrupted (proven by their changed physical traits), gained momentum in early modern Europe. Many were burned and or executed as witches

This fear permeated throughout the rest of western colonial times and resulted in laws that banned any bonding to spirits. These laws were maintained to present day, accompanied by several scientific discoveries made to deteer spirits (altering a stone's aura to make empathic sound waves unbearable to spirits)

Many present day cities have never even seen a spirit before as they are protected by obelisks made to keep spirits out. There are also many companies who profit off of spirit security through making mass produced charms and the equivalent of spirit bear spray

It's not common to be born with generationally passed spirit abilities but it's also not rare. Think about around the same percent of people born with green eyes are born with spirit abilities

Little Ridge is an old mining turned tourist town founded in the height of the gold rush in the Pacific Northwest in the U.S.

Little Ridge is an epicenter for inexplicable spirit activity. There have been more recorded spirits haunting the forest there than anywhere else. There are also naturally occurring stone obelisks that move on their own

What they're most famous for is the cave mine in which miners kept disappearing and returning with their skin peeled off. So Eventually the mine was closed despite having lucrative minerals. Mind you there is also a spring connected to this abandoned cave mine

In the 1970's New inexplicable happenings kicked off in Little Ridge. A disease was spreading around spirits. Corrupting their form and mind leading them into a state of frenzy. This disease followed similar symptoms to rabies. The infected spirits were labeled as "demons" and were actively sought after to be put down

Doctor Seong-gi Moon, was among the notable animaologists (a scientist who studies spirits) that was reached out to by U.S.'s defense branch to conduct research on the demon phenomenon in Little Ridge. Seong-gi accepted, was even given a grant from his university, and moved his family from South Korea to settle down in Little Ridge

For the first time a fence was constructed to keep spirits out of Little Ridge, and it was deemed safe to resume tourism

This story's present takes place in the years between 1995-2000

Main Cast:

Iris Moon (starts 12 ends 17, she/her): our main character!!! A gangly reckless girl who struggles against authority and has an obsessive fascination with spirits. Has a terrible case of tunnel vision and sticks her nose into other's people's business for the sake of her curiosity. Has a habit of taking care of people while maintaining an emotional distance through being a mouthy pain in the ass. She grew up moving around a lot, state to state, in and out of trailer parks and hotels. She's now living with her uncle in this small town.

Jung-ho (John) Moon (starts 27 ends 31, he/him): Iris's uncle. Taciturn and routine strict like his father (Seong-gi) but gentle like his mother. Despite his overall disdain for people stemming from his awkwardness he's really good with kids. Works as an automobile mechanic and. Other things. Grew up in Little Ridge, many of the town folk know him as John or Johnny. Wears glasses with one black lens. Owns a cat named Sticky with one eye. He is now tasked with raising his niece.

Daniel (Danny) Luna Rivera (starts 14 ends 18, he/him): Danny is in his loud and abrasive angsty teenager phase. A people pleaser at heart and currently victim to his asshole friends, at least they introduced him to alternative style. Starts out as a minor antagonist constantly keeping watch on Iris and his brother, the latter of which he cares about more than he will ever admit. Looks up to Jung-Ho, as that's the only adult who has never let him down. They're also working on a project to restore Danny a cool car. He has metal manipulation abilities and has a lot of piercings he will mold in case of emergency. Redemption arc sibling.

Miguel Luna Rivera (starts as 9 ends as 14, he/him. For now.) Miguel is a goddamn nerd and has a hard time connecting to people and spends a lot of time playing mediator. Has a lot of pent up anger, but is doing amazing in school. Very talented with math and technology (computers specifically) and spends a lot of time at his local radio shack. Looks up to both Jung-Ho and Iris. The later fills a void where the sister he accidentally killed at the age of 3 left. Isn't allowed anywhere without Danny around to babysit, but Iris is a horrible influence and teaches him to sneak. Corruption arc sibling.

It's difficult to explain my last girlie without loosely explaining what I would consider this story's first chapter. So

Chapter One-ish Outline:

> Iris is driven by CPS to go live with her Uncle John who she hasn't seen since she was like 4. She has an arm cast and a crummy attitude

>Jung-ho does his best to give her enough space while also keeping her entertained. Ends up getting a call and having to go to work

>Iris is brought along as Jung-ho fumbles with what to do, she's clearly bored and it's kind of dangerous for her so he gives her his watch telling her what time to come back and some money to go explore historical downtown

>Iris wanders around picking up some vague history here and there in the background. Everyone recognizes her as Johnny's niece. Up at the playground at the fence's edge. Curious she goes to inspect but is interrupted by Danny

>Danny gets into an argument with her about how she's being stupid and how unsafe it is for Her (someone without spirit abilities) to be this close to the fence. Miguel, who was playing. Ends up talking his brother into leaving her alone to go to the nearby convenience store

>Iris disregards what Danny said and cuts the fence with wire cutters since she can't climb with her broken arm. As for why a 12 year old girl has wire cutters? Something she picked up from living with her Mon

>Entertains herself in the woods and has 3 encounters. One where she passes one of the naturally occurring stone obelisks that had an eye carved into it, one where she runs into a spirit that has her standing still in fear. It's almost deer like, but its neck is too long and has too many horns. She leaves an apple from her bag and it leaves her alone. And finally she sees a figure stumbling around

>Upon closer inspection the figure is drenched in blood. All over her blank face and dripping down the only piece of clothing she seems to be wearing, a white gown. No shoes or socks. Iris calls out to see if the girl needs help, but isn't given a response. So, Iris wrangles her own jacket onto her, and wordlessly uses her free hand to guide them out of the woods

>In a nearby diner's bathroom Iris uses paper towels to the best of her abilities to clean this girl's face off. She lets her keep the jacket to cover up the mess on her front. The girl had no wounds of her own

>Iris orders them burgers at the diner and they sit at a booth to talk. Well Iris talks and the girl blankly stares at her. She only responds after Iris belatedly introduces herself, first and last name. The girl waits to eat until after taking her burger apart piece by piece to examine each ingredient, and shortly and quietly responds to Some of Iris's questions

>No she wasn't lost, no she wasn't in danger, and her name is Lucie which is scrawled in poor and shakey handwriting on Iris's cast after prompting

>Of Course with a broken fence predictably a demon is going to come through. One that is vaguely giant wolf shaped with no eyes and bleeding an impossible amount (it's more of a representation of blood as spirits nor demons have bodily fluids)

>It causes chaos and Danny jumps in to defend people, but really all he's doing is cornering a dangerous and hurt animalistic being, while Miguel runs off to go get Jung-ho. Iris steps in naively to keep him from killing it, snapping at him to take a look and see that it's badly wounded and probably scared

>Before it can snap its jaws at them both Lucie interferes by putting her hands on either side of its neck. For a moment everyone is stock still. And then the blood stops draining out of the demon, it starts to shrink, and reforms back into it's original state resembling a jackelope. The spirit runs off back into the woods in a spooked frenzy leaving everyone baffled. The only way to cure a demon is to shoot it dead.

>It's time for Jung-Ho and the police to enter the scene as he furiously and worriedly makes sure everyone is okay. Under his attention Iris missed the moment where Lucie slunk off. Taking her jacket along with her.

>Much later in the evening, back at Uncle John's house, Iris will be unpacking her things in her new room. Jung-ho quickly runs up the stairs to scold her some more as he and the search team found her jacket folded over the fence that had been cut open. Although Iris is a little distracted by the forget-me-nots stashed into the jacket's pockets to listen. And of course she's grounded

---

SO THERE!!!! This is a very tiny glimpse into my bbgirl wip project that has ruled my life since I was 12. It would be cool to post art of my dudes here when I get the courage. Also. Again. Kudos to everyone who made it here to the end of my rambling :>

#little ridge #new tag alert!!!@ #original characters #critter writing #critter talks #asks #if anyone has more questions abt these fellas feel free to ask I don't mind I'm just very awkward and shy #but oh man it was rlly nice to have an excuse to ramble here AJANSJSNSNS #long post #tw body horror #just in case??

[kingofdinosaurs]

sorry thinking about minazuki again.

me and the guy who lives in my brain and was probably born from my deep seated repressed understanding that my dad was abusing me and the survival instincts i had beaten out of me in order to become a better human weapon. there to protect me because i can't understand how to protect myself. who is also technically a potential harbinger of the doom of all mankind if he ever really got going but he would never do that to me specifically (FUCK THE REST OF YOU)

vs [deeper voice that's still clearly from the same vocal cords but with a completely different cadence and intonation] me and the mentally ill traumatized human i awakened within who i do my best to protect and care for with my limited understanding of how to do so. who can and has hurt me worse than anyone, to the point that my ingame title references that injury. but to hurt me is to hurt himself, and i would still do anything for him. so no matter what, i shoulder any burden i can manage for him. even to a fault. even to a breaking point.

we rely on each other. two halves of a whole. and yet we cannot admit that we share a deeper bond than many could imagine. it didn't even come to mind. someone else had to point it out. we meant the world to each other while never knowing how to articulate it.

and our persona who is a weird owl.

#this isn't a shipping post don't tag it as that ill bite you #sorry needed to get that out of the way. i could not articulate the relationship they have it's not a word that exists #but please allow me to live my life and keep it platonic on my posts. thanks. #persona #sorry this is me aimlessly rambling but i think a lot about post-arena stuff and about having to adjust when you're the remaining piece of #what was once two halves of a whole #i think tsukuyomi as sho knows him is to some extent minazuki in a new mode of being #but it's never going to be the same as it was before. and even with how his outlook shifted during the true ending #i think he'd still always be a little alert for that missing voice in his head

[zaimta]

i was recently informed that the spikey things laxus had on were headphones n that he always listens to old school rock n roll

laxus’ s/o tryna put him onto some new age rock n i feel like he has a love hate relationship with it, he would probably like sumn with good guitars so if he thinks the guitars on the song are ass he simply will not listen to it

he could probably vibe to pierce the veil’s “a match into the water”

but if you have any old school stuff that he hasn’t listened to he’ll be more than glad to take a listen!!

do NOT try to put him onto songs that were stolen he will only listen to the og’s or genuine covers

#laxus x reader #laxus dreyar x reader #laxus headcanons #laxus fluff #fairy tail headcanons #fairy tail fluff #not an official fic just a drabble thought #zai thinks ab: laxus #new tag alert #i’m most definitely gonna have random rambles n imma use that tag for that

[jvsons]

I love Jason's Arkham Knight suit design so much! Especially the helmet! Intimidating with an elegant lines but with a little cute detail (bat ears but it makes him look kinda cat-like)

YES!! His helmet design is actually so damn cool and I could fr stare at it all day. I love how involved it is, as we can see the screens lining his visor constantly working and circling around his face. THE BAT EARS TOO! They’re the most intimidating yet cute thing in the world and I just love it so much.

Even though his visor is awesome, I’m glad that the rest of his suit isn’t to go unnoticed either. Absolutely love how Rocksteady gave him a clean, well matching design; enough detail to look deep, but not so much that it’s an eyestrain. I find it cool to notice small things, like how he has blade-like extensions on his gloves for protection, and all of the different gadgets in his utility belt!

#jvsons #new tag alert #jvsons rambles about ak jason #jason todd #jason todd x reader #batman arkham games #arkham knight drabble #arkham knight x reader #batman arkham knight #arkham knight #arkhamverse #i could talk about this forever

[kitkatsudon]

So. Today has been a weird day.

Rambles below, because I’m in my feelings but that doesn’t necessarily have to be your problem.

The first thing I saw when I woke up today was that Ice Adolescence had been cancelled. The second thing piece of news I received, within a few minutes of this, was that my Grandma had passed away.

The second thing is more personal, and I haven’t come here to talk about that - I suppose more than anything it’s to give context on today’s slightly weird vibe, and why I’m feeling perhaps more nostalgic than I would be normally.

Perhaps as a distraction, I want to ramble about YOI.

Though now I’ve sat down to actually do this… where do I start?

Though my internet presence is very TKEM-focused nowadays, since its release, YOI has always been incredibly dear to me. It came out just as I had found out that my family were going to be moving across the country (and ok, in the UK that’s maybe less of a big deal than if I lived in a larger country, but I was 14, and 14 is a horrible age, so it was still a big deal to me). YOI came out in late 2016, we moved at the beginning of 2017, and I joined a much smaller school with… let’s say less choice for the people I could make friends with.

I was, technically, adopted by a friendship group, but it took a long time, some falling outs within the group, and me learning everything there ever was to know about BTS despite having no real passion for music-based fandoms for me to really feel included. The friendship group I’d left behind was much more diverse in terms of interests, and we thrived on mutual sharing and acceptance of each other’s interests. This new one was more kind of “conform or fuck you,” and I never quite managed to conform properly.

All that is to say… while I didn’t really have friends, in 2017, I had YOI and its fandom. While I was dealing with the huge changes in my life, I was comforted through it by, more than anything else, lurking around the YOI fandom. I had my first forays into posting things online using Google+, of all things (my parents didn’t let me have social media, but I could access this using my gmail), and they were drawings I had done of YOI characters, even a hand-drawn anecdote comic thing, and just… it was rudimentary, but you gotta start somewhere, right?

It became what I was known for, in my new school. It became part of me. That summer, my family went on holiday to Orlando FL to do the theme parks, and despite that having been something that I’d been begging to do for years, what I ended up being most excited about was the opportunity to go to Hot Topic and buy the YOI merch that they’d recently announced. I bought a T-shirt, a blanket, and a backpack, and although the backpack’s strap broke after a year of using it for school, I still have the T-shirt and the blanket, and they’re still special to me to this day. Back then, listening to the soundtrack on repeat, I’d decided that one day I was going to perform a dance routine to ‘In regards to love: Eros,’ and at the end of my first year of uni, that was something I was actually able to do. Was it good? Not really, I’m by no means a professional dancer, but I felt like I was paying homage to my inner… not quite child, more like my inner angsty teenager?

My whatsapp background is still YOI-themed. I still proudly display my Funko Pops and my posters in my bedroom at home. YOI is still my comfort show, and though I’m not usually one for rewatching shows, it’s still the show that I’ve rewatched the most. Even my username is a relic of my ties to the YOI fandom - though I wasn’t really using it much then, it’s something I thought up during the days when I was deepest in it, and I thought to myself “if I ever am brave enough to really start posting things online, this is the username I’ll use.” So even though the first thing I ever posted under the name KitKatsudon was the beginning of a BTS fanfiction on Quotev on all places that I was writing with a friend of mine at the time, it has its roots in YOI.

It’s sort of funny - once upon a time, I used to semi-joke that I couldn’t die before the YOI movie came out. Don’t get me wrong, my mental health was never bad enough that I had actually realistically considered not making it to Ice Ado’s release, but every time I said it, I did mean it. No matter how shitty I felt, I had to keep going, because I was going to have my bum in a seat when it eventually released in cinemas. I guess what this means now is that, unless Ice Ado is picked up by another studio, I’m just never going to die 🤷‍♀️ you’d better buckle the fuck up, mortals, because MAPPA has just granted me ultimate power.

What am I trying to say? I don’t really know. Maybe thank you, to the YOI team, for being such a positive force in my life. You gave me something comforting to hold onto while everything around me was changing, while I was starting my sexuality journey, while I didn’t have the close support of peers to help boost my mood. I don’t watch the show so often nowadays, but that’s because I save it for instances where I really need comforting. Maybe like today.

The story of Ice Adolescence may be over, at least for now, but I’ll always be grateful for what we did get.

#tw: mentions of death #nothing really major but better to be careful #kitkat’s thoughts tag #yuri on ice #it’s just rambles about what that show meant and still means to me #spoiler alert: it’s a lot #rip yoi #you deserved so much better #little kitkat who ended her GCSE English presentation thing on queerbaiting with a hopeful message about yoi paving the way for better #would be so disappointed in mappa right now