#stupid postal service

[nguyenfinity]

rinkys rinkyrs rinkys rinkys rinkys rinkys rinkys ribkys rinkys rinksyr yobkeh igrnsbje

jhdsgfjhdasfjdfDJHGFKDDF SPEEDRAN THIS BEFORE THE EVENT ANNOUNCEMENT DROPS AND I HAVE ROOM FOR NOTHING ELSE ON MY MIND

#enstars #rinne amagi #niki shiina #rinniki #the heads are so big in this style that cute sappy stuff is hard with proportions #if i tried drawing this in my actual style tho i'd combust before finishing it. too sappy #this is the year of the BEES #rinky nation we will WIN #year of the bees year of the bees year of the bees #2023 more like 202BEE #2020bee?? 202B33???? #okay you get the joke I just don't know how to word it. #20twentybee. yeah #20TWENTYBEE WOO #doodle req #bean tag #sana postal service #the file's named 'stupid and in love' btw. btw

[moldspace]

UGH i have minorly bad shipping news! apparently many (all?) the letter mail stickers i sent out earlier this week are considered parcels for some reason and have been sent back. i’ll be buying more postage and sending them back out, but if your package is delayed, this is probably why! biggest apologies, did not anticipate this would be a problem

#also probably going to have to ship the sticker sheets non-letter from here on out #assuming that the thing making them be parcels is the envelope size? im not sure? #stupid idiot still learning things about the postal service #😭

[naomiknight-17]

Oops, this thing I want to send with this Christmas card is a little too big for the envelope... well I'll just put it in this slightly larger envelope, I'm sure that's fine

*Postage suddenly skyrockets from $1.30 to $25+*

FfffFFFFFFFFFFFUCK

#oh well #i'll know better for next time #the postal service in canada is so fucking stupid i stg #mod post

[flustersluts]

you make me want to lick a stamp and stick it on your dick just for laughs

sorry I think you need first class for that x

#rhis is so stupid i spent so logn trying to come up with a pun response #this ask is so stupid too so at least im bot alone #there has to be a good postal service pun somewhere #like a swift delivery? maybe? #whatever im sleepy im all punned oit 🙄🙄 #flusterasks

[sanaimissyou]

sana.

what time is it for you. if its late please go to sleep with the fact that youve absolutely ruined me with this idea < in tears (joke (im still screaming inside

It’s 1:15 AM which is prime silly time 😎

#sana postal service #neptune tag #things that haunt me will haunt you too for I cannot keep my stupid mouth shut

[warcrimesimulator]

I want to play Morrowind but I need to catch up on commissions lol

#I want to make $450 in case that stupid package gets lost in the mail and I have to refund #I'm nervous because it isn't insured #and I don't trust the UK's postal service they've lost shit of mine before

[the-chickenshit-oddity]

today, someone spoke really harshly to me, and while i'll admit that the sign i oversaw was in plain view and quite clear, i apologised three times so at some point it's like, what more d'ya want from me? so now it's been 8 hours and i'm still upset and all i can think is that if my mom had kept her shit together until twenty-fifty or something, i would have probably spent my whole life only ever speaking to robots and stuff and that'd be way better. which, yeah, biology and shit but whatever.

#stupid #like #my bank's support system person type of thing? robot #local postal service's support person? robot #stuff is bought online and cancelling stuff just takes an email #so on and so on #people suck

[monotonesandwich]

the postal service is my bitch

#i just went to the post office and shipped a thing and they said i could ship it for free and i had to thank the lady three times and ask #how much it cost before i realised it was free and now i feel stupid #post office #postal service

[evelyynnnnnnnnnnnnn]

i wish someone would take me far from the cinics in this town :///////

#my stupid music posts hhhhhg #the postal service??? #i have dogshit taste frrr 🤗🤗 #im so tired fr 🥰

[krowbby]

Ankh-Morpork Dashboard Simulator

happy 40th anniversary everyone 🥳🥳

🌅peach-bi-street

who’s that watchman who’s kinda skrunkly

🐀↺riverrat Follow

helen. 

HELEN. ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT NOBBY NOBBS.

🌅↺peach-bi-street

oh yeah

#are you gonna look at me and tell me that im WRONG?

24 notes

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590 notes

🚹humantwitter Follow

4,981 notes

💌postal-service-top Follow

saw the postmaster today in his stupid gold suit. hes so hot

🌚↺lesbianbaker

i don’t get why people say this he’s the most average looking guy ever. his WIFE however

#you know that post that’s like ur at a lesbian bar and a hot older woman is smoking #and ur like. ‘can yuo put that out on me’ #yeah

120 notes

🥁evenmoremendeddrum Follow

do you guys think the patrician has a secret blog

🛤️↺makeyefret Follow

No, but I bet his secretary is on studyblr

🐶↺wufflesgirl Follow

are you kidding me the patrician is definitely on tumblr. brb committing treason so i can compliment his shoelaces

🥁↺evenmoremendeddrum Follow

peer-reviewed tags

#lord vetinari if ur reading this is legally a joke #wear an owl pin if ur one of us

🏚️↺ankhmorporkheritageposts Follow

Ankh-Morpork Heritage Post

1,074,228 notes

trainhoe-deactivated19890205

hot take but i kind of think the guild of assassins and thieves are problematic. like one of them you could ruin someone’s life and the other one you’re literally KILLING people. i know rich people are delusional but i can’t believe they literally think the best school for their kids is murder college.

🐲essential-dragons Follow

assassins got them

20,391 notes

#discworld #terry pratchett #i have no idea if this is funny but i've spent too long on it already so here #feel free to steal any ideas if you wanna make your own one LOL #havelock vetinari #nobby nobbs #moist von lipwig #adora belle dearheart

[ishibishie]

never mentioned this but i actually bought a cosplay (my first time doing so!) and was wondering if y’all would be up for some silly photos when it gets here? i know that (assuming) you followed this account for my art/steven rambling/i am inside your walls and you hoped following me would get me out of your walls so idk if that’s something anyone would be interested in lol

#not art #cirrus dot text #to break the bad news it's not a steven cosplay :( #but i'm still excited! #it'll be here in like 2 weeks-ish or whenever the postal service decides to manifest my package #you won't see my face but i have like 10 stupid photo ideas because i am just god's stupid idea of a person

[nguyenfinity]

hey if rinne can have his mum and niki can have his can himeru have kaname back

He nii-chan jacket too big for he gotdamn he,,,,,

#enstars #himeru #kaname tojou #himeru can have 1 nice thing from me. as a treat. #but also 'cause i felt bad for that other doodle req where he was suffering-- #'cause i meant to draw something nice for him afterwards but never got around to it so he can have this #anyways so himeru is so incredibly smart yet stupid. #i have said this on main. #YOU BETTER READ THIS PART #there's no way he doesn't know you start losing bone and muscle mass after being bedridden for an extensive period of time. #so there's already a gulf of physical difference between him and kaname (because he is. a very physically active idol) #what is he gonna do when kaname wakes up WHAT IS HE GONNA DO WHEN KANAME WAKES UP #kaname's most likely gonna be in a wheelchair when he does but. yeah my point still stands #'physically identical' my ass #doodle req #sana postal service

[salted-seaz]

ugh naruto is exactly my fav type of thing its so fun but they NEVER LET NARUTO GO FERAL AFTER LIKE THE SECOND SEASON AND I GET IT BUT P L E A S E so its taking me really fucking long to get through it

#I started it all the way back in middle school bc I knew I’d be cringe no matter what so I might as well have fun #and honestly? little to none of what I regret from middle school came from that attitude #Naruto #nu rants #rant #kinda it’s really not that serious I just wanna see the fun stupid edgy stuffffff ugh #delete later probably #also the ‘YOURE A GIRL?! 😱😱’ ‘‘‘‘twist’’’’ has always been annoying and dumb esp when there’s a roughly equal ratio among ninja #but it’s honestly hysterical to me at this point #it happened twice in the same episode with the same character surprised both time #the time period is baffling it’s so funny to me there are microphones and walkie talkies and modern hospitals but no postal service or cars #or phones or telegraphs #there’s also pasteurization and milk cartons #also Naruto has no explained parental figure(s) who would a) be old enough or have enough time to care for him (esp full time) b) have the #capability experience or desire to care for him or c) had any impact on him growing up #so a mí su pá es just his elementary/middle school teacher I can’t remember his name lol #But again he would be too young when naruto was a baby so we’re back at square one #anyways

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

A solo holiday present idea I have just had and think someone should invent:

A website that enables a Secret Santa-style service for one person. Depending on the holiday custom and your gift needs, you can input a wishlist (linked to all possible websites that you can buy gift wrapped shit from), your postal details, your gift wrapping of choice and a pot that you pay into. Then the website randomly selects which items to get you, purchases them, gift wraps them, and sends them to you, along with refunding any leftover change (or maybe you could tick a box to donate the leftovers to a charity of your choice).

That way, you can still get the element of surprise in what you get sent, but if you celebrate the holidays alone you still get the fun special self-love experience of opening gift wrapped stuff. Holidays alone can be incredibly depressing! But this could help you regain some of that magic.

Also! You know you're only getting stuff you actually want. If you aren't sure what you want and want a true surprise, you could pick a bunch of categories and let it pick for you; if you want some specific stuff, you could only select those, and pay in enough money to cover them. You could have a weighting system on your wishlist too, so you can prioritise some things. But crucially, it all arrives gift wrapped, so you don't know what it is until you open it.

Anyway I know nothing about web design or running a business but I think it would be good. Also it should have a stupid pun for a name.

#holidays

[kremlin]

"This event ends the moment you write us a check, and it better not bounce, or you're a dead motherfucker" -- Big Bill Hell

There was a time when you'd see little old ladies paying for the groceries with a hand-written personal check, holding up the line, causing an immediately-forgiven slight sense of annoyance with those behind her. Buddy. Those days are over. They've been over. What, did you think you were going to just pop a couple extra zeroes on the end of your paycheck there? Maybe scan your paycheck, open it in photoshop, make a template, print em out all nice? You think you're the first to think of that, dipshit?

It takes the law a long time to catch up with the state of the art. You're reading this on the internet, which means you never use checks. The law has caught up. Your ass will be going to prison immediately and you will see zero return.

You can't even kite checks anymore, and hell, nobody under 40 will even know what that means, due to the blazing fast, two day settlement on all ACH transactions. Let me paint you a picture.

You get paid on Friday, but it is Monday, and bills are due on Tuesday. And you're broke: $0 in the bank. Goose egg. Pop open your checkbook, go to a store, "buy" some things, write a check for the amount. The cashier takes it!

Now take those things you "bought", across town, to another store location, and return them for cold hard cash. Sweet. Bills paid. Friday rolls around, and you just make it to the bank to deposit your paycheck before it closes. After the weekend, the checks you wrote finally post, and they don't bounce! You've kited a check. You've surreptitiously taken a zero-interest loan. And we know your broke ass. The interest rate on that short-term payday loan should have been straight up usurious. We're talking 29%. That makes predatory fuckers like us horny for sex. We're so mad. Now you are going to Federal Prison. For a good minute. Fuckface.

COST: $0.10 (With banks offering free checking accounts + Bic pen)

"Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor sleet, if you fuck with the mail, we'll rip your nuts off" -- Ronald Mail (Inventor of Mail)

Many people have this misnomer that the most powerful people in politics are democratically elected. The president, of the United States, of America, is a stupid cartoon hotdog. All of them, I don't care. Way less clout than you'd think. Brilliantly, it is the people that the hotdog president appoints who are actually doing anything significant. The director of the CIA. The fucking chairman of the Federal Reserve. Probably the, like, most senior, uh, general of the military, and shit too. I don't know, we don't "do" army here at Bloomberg. You probably don't even know their names! I don't! These are the ones you should be seeing in your sleep.

There's another position like that. Appointed directly by the hotdog. The Postmaster General. That's a real title. He's the CEO of the mail, and buddy, what he may lack in political power relative to the director of the CEO, he makes up in raw sexual energy. Total Tom Selleck energy. Like an airline pilot. We're talking Donald Sutherland in Invasion of the Body Snatchers. I'm tentpoling in my black business slacks just writing this, and all my Bloomberg newsroom bros are peering over my shoulder and also tent-poling. We're not gay though, and especially me, I'm probably the least gay, but sometimes I just lay awake for hours at night what that mustache would feel like pressed against my lips, the unbelievable and utter, total sense of security I'd feel burying my head into his hard chest.

You get it. He's your dad. And if you fuck with the mail, you've fucked with the tools in your dad's garage. And dad's been drinking. You're in for it, bucko, you are in trouble. Do you think the United States Postal Service actually makes any money? Hell no. It costs like five bucks to mail a box basically anywhere I can think of and they give you the boxes for free. You can just walk in the post office and take them. I do that, and then just throw them away, I don't know why, some kind of compulsion. Being able to move shit around like this, quickly, cheaply -- Jesus H, I've got a huge amount of money in my bank account, probably tens of trillions of dollars (due to financial knowledge gained from reading Bloomberg articles) and I could probably mail every single person ever something and still come out in the black.

No way pal. They've thought of that already. The Postmaster General is going to know every time, and he's going to grab you by the shirt collar, wearing his cool as fuck hat, and you're going to get your pants pulled down, and your bare ass spanke...I need to go use the restroom real quick.

We rely on the mail system to get important shit done. It's not something to be taken lightly, and it isn't. Trust me. This is why, like almost every other person who receives mail in this year 2023, I just fucking put a wastebasket under my mail slot. I don't even shred that shit anymore. I just burn it. Takes less time.

COST: $0.63 (Postal stamp)

"Can call all you want, but there's no one home // And you're not gonna reach my telephone // Out in the club, and I'm sipping that bubb // And you're not gonna reach my telephone" -- Lady Gaga

I read something wild that the children of today do not know what a dial tone is, because of how fucked up and stupid they are. Isn't that super fucked up?

While it's not really our style, allow me to fill you in on some ancient, arcane knowledge about the telephone. You can turn it on, and then you can punch in numbers. Any numbers. Random ones, or maybe not random ones. If the ten numbers you punch in are the same as the numbers in someone else's telephone number, their phone will ring, and then you are talking to them. This is called "Phreaking".

Here's the kicker: You can tell that jackass anything you want. "Oh, Hi, Yes, I am Reginald Sumpter calling from Avalon Consulting LLC, we are just following up on the invoice we sent you. Please remit to ###### routing ###### account."

BOOM! Your name isn't Reginald whatever and that company doesn't exist, but you just received a deposit. It's fucking beautiful. What have you done wrong? It isn't your responsibility to handle who your business' clients/etc are, it's their's. If they want to just pay you money for no real reason, well, that's kind of on them, isn't it? I haven't stuck a pistol in your face and demanded everything in the register.

Well, it's too clever. It's too slick. This is the United States of America. It's one thing to commit a felony like armed robbery, it's another thing to piss off someone in charge of the accounting division who uses a special bathroom you need a key to get into.

You can do it on the computer too, I use a PC Computer at work and send email, so you can see how it'd work there. You can make a document that is indifferentiable from a real invoice and, straight up, 1/3 of the time they will pay that shit. Lmfao.

It's called wire fraud because, uhh, duhhhh, there's wires. What do you think that thing is strung between the telephone receiver and the dialer? And computers? Give me a break. There's so many wires with those.

COST: $0.25 (Coin for payphone)

"People calculate too much and think too little." -- Charlie Munger

It is insane how dumb the common man can be when it comes to our world of expertise. I hear this same sentiment, like, ALL THE TIME:

"Durr hurr I will buy an insurance policy for my car or house or whatever so that in case something happens to it I will get money". And then that same person proceeds to drive safely or not burn their house down. Dumbest crap imaginable.

Let me break it down for you. Insurance is a two player competitive game. There is a winner and there is a loser. Go take out an expensive insurance policy on your American sports car. Buy a neck brace, a football helmet, and pack that bitch with throw pillows. Then get in the left lane of a major highway at like noonish, let it rip and then SLAM on your brakes. Hit from behind! Your fault! Congratulations. You have won insurance. How this gets past people is beyond me.

You can only do this once or twice before the insurance companies catch on. Then they don't want to fuck with you. It is also..I don't know man...something feels off about taking a car or a house, which like, some guy had to build and just destroying it, but that is only a weird emotional thing, since you're making money, more than whatever the destroyed thing is worth, so in reality you've built that house plus some extra. You've contributed.

COST: $106.00 (Average monthly car insurance payment)

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[sanaimissyou]

Girlie I'm dead

Both of Rinne's FS stories are so funny and for what

#en/stars #the bees: we hate him [they don't] #fkdhfjdfkhd they're so stupid together #sana postal service